A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.
First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.
Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…
It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.
Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.
It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.
So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.
Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.
Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.
My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.
What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.
So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!
Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden
Quite simply when we don’t express what is needed to be expressed this stagnant energy is to rot in one way or another.
The heartfelt language of brotherhood is one that I am learning to express the more I let go of any reactions and need for another to ‘get’ something. For so long I used to beat myself up for not speaking up when often it would have actually been very imposing if I had because I was invested in the outcome I wanted. Being willing to feel when it is true to say something is allowing me to express more in love and equality, without perfection or judgement of myself when it does not flow.
If I am feeling out of sorts and not sure why, if I check in with myself I can usually trace it back to not expressing when I felt too. Holding back is not worth the aftermath!
What you have shared anonymous is so true, that by not expressing we are leaving an energy in our bodies which someone has already shared is a stagnation. What then happens to that stagnation? Have we ever gone so far as to consider this is the start of illness and disease in our bodies?
Quite simply if we hold something in that was needed to be said we are damaging our own health.
So very important we express how we truly feel, if anything we get taught in school it should be this.
When we express without any judgement there is a holding the other person cannot deny. Whether they respond or react is their choice.
I personally love when people allow themselves to express how things are for them, also if they are about me or what I do. I always feel respected, honored and give the chance to deepen the relationship and learn something about each of us.
Yes the best of partners is the one that is willing to be a bit uncomfortable with people, as in saying things that might not always be what people want to hear.
Expression is a big element of self-care and expressing the truth is in fact a love declaration, whether the other takes it or not.
Expressing what we feel is always important for us, and the receiving persons, ‘Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.’
Yes we are all reflections for each other and hence we need each other to grow and evolve, because someone else might have come further with an aspect of/in their lives and I can then learn from him/her.
When we are in a true relationship within we understand what, when and how to express with a Deep-Humble-Appreciate-Ness should be a paramount commitment for every time we express! To be Humble is; Being the base we use to overcome the spirit and become Soul-Full; So the spirit feels the truth of the soul.
It does take time to get used to speaking up and expressing what I feel and also take in what others feel without taking it as a personal issue.
Thank you Matts, you make many key points about the importance of expression, the fact that it’s not ours to hang onto, that we may be attached to certain relationships and not speak up, and that it’s such an important part of evolving each other. This line is beautiful about true expression, that it’s the “language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” It’s also those wonderful opportunities to confirm and appreciate each other sharing all that is true that we live from our essence (our soul).
Another thing as well in regards to attachment is that we can also be attached to a picture we have of ourselves, a picture that says that I am this or I am like that when that can be a great excuse to not say or BE what’s in store.
I am learning that it is so much about how we express, how we say what we feel, I used to hold back for fear of reprisal but also because I was so reactionary that I knew it would come out with emotion and anger etc. Now I am holding others in more understanding (and myself) and through this I am more able to express what is needed in the moment. I love receiving the wisdom of others observation and so I do not hold back for sharing what I observe as much as I once did.
I can so relate to what you write. It look me some time to express without reaction or judgement of wanting people to do what I want. Now that I have more understanding the tone is different and the words come out different too.
If we learnt to speak about what we feel, the quality and type of energy we sense, perhaps we would not end up with the ‘how we feel’ emotional outbursts that come as a result?
More and more I am seeing that honest conversations are deeply needed, and as a result they cut the energy at play. When we feel something true in our bodies, then it is our responsibility to not hold this back – because it is for the other person to hear and appreciate. If we take the self out of these situations, then we can see the importance of honest conversations.
I love what you present here that our expression is not for us but for others so when we hold back we are harming others who are not then offered the learning that we are there to deliver.
When we express how we feel we open up a highway within ourselves to keep expressing more and more.
How true Elizabeth when we open up the flow of expression we are on the highways of exploring more and more about ourselves and others.
And the highway of True Expression is paved with Gold and a Glorious-Humble -Appreciative-Ness is the destination! To be Humble is: Being the base we use to overcome the spirit and become Soul-Full; So the spirit feels the truth of the soul.
Recently I came home from a long day and someone in my household shared that they had eaten the dinner I had cooked for myself and left in the fridge. My normal way of responding would be to say ‘oh, that’s cool’ but then hold a level of resentment. Yet this time I didn’t hold how I was feeling back, I just said “I’m really annoyed by that” and once I had expressed this there wasn’t any resentment in my body- it was a real eye opener for me.
When we express from individuality then there is alway an element of investment or seeking recognition in it. When we hold back from expressing truth, it hurts our body and it doesn’t just stop there because if it hurts us, then it will also hurts others.
Each situation is felt and the timing of our response then becomes crucial as discernment plays a part in when and what to share.
Staying silent or letting out vitriol – it’s all a distraction away from expressing straight from our heart. If we don’t do this we’re lost from the start.
When we hold back what needs to be expressed we invite complication, stress and mistrust into our relationships. We owe it to ourselves and each other to express what we feel.
Hear, hear Leonne. Our world does not encourage people to express how we truly feel but this is what we need the most. To express without holding back will actually create less tension and conflict. Often we fear rocking the boat but it is our holding back of our expression that really causes the damage and harm.
Yes, it is our responsibility to express what is true and what is not true, making sure we are expressing with love, and that there is no reaction, expectation or blame in what we are sharing.
The holding back of a feeling that one has to share with another, is an ill that continues to fester inside. When it is shred with understanding and love then all learn in the long run.
For too long I’ve used the label of ‘expression’ to vent anger, frustration and sadness. The key here it seems is to make sure that when I do share it comes with truth, love and connection. Then what I say will have real power. Anything else will just continue the cycle of abuse I was upset about to start with. Thanks Matts for this reflection.
My record of being completely honest and expressing what is truly going on at the risk of causing trouble or upsetting people is pretty abysmal. But the thing is, (and I’m getting better at it) in reality I feel people love straight up people, we may ruffle a few feathers from time to time but I am finding more and more that expressing what needs to be expressed helps everyone.
When we are holding ourself in a Loving way then every-way we express is felt and sometimes that expression is non-verbal.
When we express what we feel it supports others, even if what you express brings up reaction for others it can still be a support. We have a responsibility to express without judgment.
Absolutely Leonne, when we express without judgement then we are expressing from love and this brings healing to us all.
I know I can get a huge reflection and be inspired by someone just by seeing how they are and how they move.
I agree Matts and it doesn’t have to be a big or overly significant movement. Someone that I worked with would always turn the pages of a folder with an incredible amount of care and delicacy and that memory and inspiration will stay in my body forever.
There is so much to learn from what you have offered in this Matts. So many of us are afraid to speak up simply what we feel for fear of rejection, or reaction…it is ingrained in society to be this way…a peacekeeper so to speak. But what peace are we truly keeping, for as you say, when we hold back what is there to be shared or expressed, something feels left in the body that is not ours.
We all know there’s a way to deliver what we feel free from reaction, judgement or frustration, with a willingness to know truth. When this happens with another we are humbled and feel real. It’s not always easy or comfortable and we may choose to get angry and blame the other who delivers it. But doing that we just condemn ourselves to go round and round in the washing machine of life, when we have the chance to be clean and bright. Thank you Matts.
This is a lesson I keep being presented with. What occurs is I share what I feel, but when others disagree, I disregard what I read and carry on as normal. You could say I was unaffected but actually the energy I noticed is still going on and effecting me. So what I see now is that I sense something going on, it’s crucial I honour this as something important to me, even if others don’t agree. Thank you Matts for this note.
If we come from love in our communication it is always the best we can bring to the other and ourselves.
It always includes everybody and that can mean that some messages are difficult to hear but need to be spoken. Just to take care we do not come from reaction as that brings harm. This can be a huge practice for many as we are so much used to getting reaction instead of approaching life with an open heart and understanding.