A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.
First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.
Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…
It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.
Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.
It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.
So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.
Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.
Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.
My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.
What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.
So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!
Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden
870 Comments
If we learnt to speak about what we feel, the quality and type of energy we sense, perhaps we would not end up with the ‘how we feel’ emotional outbursts that come as a result?
More and more I am seeing that honest conversations are deeply needed, and as a result they cut the energy at play. When we feel something true in our bodies, then it is our responsibility to not hold this back – because it is for the other person to hear and appreciate. If we take the self out of these situations, then we can see the importance of honest conversations.
I love what you present here that our expression is not for us but for others so when we hold back we are harming others who are not then offered the learning that we are there to deliver.
When we express how we feel we open up a highway within ourselves to keep expressing more and more.
Recently I came home from a long day and someone in my household shared that they had eaten the dinner I had cooked for myself and left in the fridge. My normal way of responding would be to say ‘oh, that’s cool’ but then hold a level of resentment. Yet this time I didn’t hold how I was feeling back, I just said “I’m really annoyed by that” and once I had expressed this there wasn’t any resentment in my body- it was a real eye opener for me.
When we express from individuality then there is alway an element of investment or seeking recognition in it. When we hold back from expressing truth, it hurts our body and it doesn’t just stop there because if it hurts us, then it will also hurts others.
Staying silent or letting out vitriol – it’s all a distraction away from expressing straight from our heart. If we don’t do this we’re lost from the start.
When we hold back what needs to be expressed we invite complication, stress and mistrust into our relationships. We owe it to ourselves and each other to express what we feel.
Hear, hear Leonne. Our world does not encourage people to express how we truly feel but this is what we need the most. To express without holding back will actually create less tension and conflict. Often we fear rocking the boat but it is our holding back of our expression that really causes the damage and harm.
The holding back of a feeling that one has to share with another, is an ill that continues to fester inside. When it is shred with understanding and love then all learn in the long run.
For too long I’ve used the label of ‘expression’ to vent anger, frustration and sadness. The key here it seems is to make sure that when I do share it comes with truth, love and connection. Then what I say will have real power. Anything else will just continue the cycle of abuse I was upset about to start with. Thanks Matts for this reflection.
My record of being completely honest and expressing what is truly going on at the risk of causing trouble or upsetting people is pretty abysmal. But the thing is, (and I’m getting better at it) in reality I feel people love straight up people, we may ruffle a few feathers from time to time but I am finding more and more that expressing what needs to be expressed helps everyone.
When we express what we feel it supports others, even if what you express brings up reaction for others it can still be a support. We have a responsibility to express without judgment.
Absolutely Leonne, when we express without judgement then we are expressing from love and this brings healing to us all.
There is so much to learn from what you have offered in this Matts. So many of us are afraid to speak up simply what we feel for fear of rejection, or reaction…it is ingrained in society to be this way…a peacekeeper so to speak. But what peace are we truly keeping, for as you say, when we hold back what is there to be shared or expressed, something feels left in the body that is not ours.
We all know there’s a way to deliver what we feel free from reaction, judgement or frustration, with a willingness to know truth. When this happens with another we are humbled and feel real. It’s not always easy or comfortable and we may choose to get angry and blame the other who delivers it. But doing that we just condemn ourselves to go round and round in the washing machine of life, when we have the chance to be clean and bright. Thank you Matts.
This is a lesson I keep being presented with. What occurs is I share what I feel, but when others disagree, I disregard what I read and carry on as normal. You could say I was unaffected but actually the energy I noticed is still going on and effecting me. So what I see now is that I sense something going on, it’s crucial I honour this as something important to me, even if others don’t agree. Thank you Matts for this note.
If we come from love in our communication it is always the best we can bring to the other and ourselves.
It always includes everybody and that can mean that some messages are difficult to hear but need to be spoken. Just to take care we do not come from reaction as that brings harm. This can be a huge practice for many as we are so much used to getting reaction instead of approaching life with an open heart and understanding.
Simply knowing that how our own expression is so vital for our well-being is something that really should be taught from kindergarten onwards.
Hopefully we will have that as our truth soon. That wellbeing is tightly connected with how we are with ourselves and what is within us.
Yes and that it is honoured and valued in equalness by all.
I love that you share this as a language not for the ears to hear but the heart to feel – and when we express truth – it is certainly felt by the heart. It is so much bigger than us. I recently had an experience where I did not hold back with someone I like – and the truth was needed to be shared. And instantly I was able to let go of all the doubt and speculative feelings and just share how I felt from my heart and it was so simple. And as you say – sometimes people don’t always want to hear the truth, but it is not for us to hold onto.
And we will eventually realize that we are vessels that light passes through. That feeling of saying something can simply be truth wanting to be expressed through us. We shouldn’t really be allowed to say yes or no but we are. That is the love we have been given by the source that sources us.
When we hold back everyone is affected, so at-least when we bring honesty to all we express the openness that can be shared to make the truer expression open up meaning-full dialogue.
It is interesting isn’t that we would choose to develop a false relationship over a truthful one, in order to play it safe. I too have experienced this, but ultimately as you have shared Matts, it is far more honouring for both parties when we express the whole truth with each other, for the gold that is offered by way of this quality of connection is evolution.
This article really clearly exposes how we as a humanity have allowed the many “alterations” to truth that we now find ourselves having to live with. It will take a very loving dedication to again make real the absoluteness of truth that we all know innately within, that we so want our world to live by again. How much that happens, is up to us.
Thank you Matt’s, if we all be truly honest the “silent asking” is there often and it is only our construed way of living that we have allowed to be normal that stops us from offering exactly what another is actually asking for. We have put our own protection of self above that of the true care we hold within of others. Until we allow ourselves to feel this we will continue to question expressing what we have already felt to say.