A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.
First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.
Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…
It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.
Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.
It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.
So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.
Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.
Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.
My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.
What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.
So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!
Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden
873 Comments
Gorgeous Matts, your article makes me aware ‘that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.’
And how inspiring it is that ‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.’
Hello Matts,
Thank you for introducing me to this article. Well, your article is an inspiration for me to express myself more. I know how it feels to have something pressing inside your body all the time. For me, I am a person who is afraid to express myself. Hope one day I can find courage and freedom like you.
Thanks Mats, Kanitta
Hi Kanitta, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and reply the article! It seems to me you already have the courage to express which your comment so eloquently shows, and that is a great lesson for us all, so thank you once again! Matts
Hey Matts, thanks for sharing this – I particularly felt inspired by how you simply described the possibility of something coming up for us to express for another. It completely takes myself out of the equation and is an awesome feeling to know the possibility that what I have to offer can be there to benefit others – if I so choose to allow it out for them.
Someone mentioned recently that, that is what true friendship is all about. Telling the truth so that another can benefit from it.
So so true. I recently had a friend who was really honest with me about something I had said to someone. I wanted to keep my version of hurts intact and so didn’t want to hear what she was saying. But, I could feel the integrity of what she was saying, how non-judgmental she was of me and the other person and how important it was I should hear what she she was saying. The result was that I could see a pattern that I had been in the whole of my life. What she said wasn’t that big a deal on one level but actually it was, because her comment helped me break a pattern that I can now be a different, more harmonious way with others. So thank you Matts for reminding me to express the truth so everyone can benefit, whatever our relationship is to them – friend, stranger, boss, partner or parent; and however challenging that may be to us at the time.
And a thanks to that dear friend of yours.
I often find that I think of this blog now when I am feeling something and hesitate expressing. What a blessing you have given the world Matts by sharing your experience. Thank you. 🙂
Hi Shevon – I’ve had this experience recently when I really felt to express to someone how much I enjoyed her and her presence. I was a bit nervous at first, but I also felt that me not sharing it would be more uncomfortable than me actually expressing it, so I did, and it was great. Not perfect perhaps but a great sharing and a great learning, and after all, who am I to stop another from hearing they are magnificent…
Beautiful Matt.
Rowena and everyone, this is a gem here in what Rowena has written about expressing for all. What if our communication was based on expressing for all? I can feel a whole new world opening up with this – where communication becomes a purpose and not just something to do to fill in time or to distract us from what is happening in and around us.
Good Point here. It seems like we have an innate want to converse in an honest and true manner yet we are a bit unsure how to begin so we keep on the old way. That’s why it’s so rewarding and fun to begin to say to others what we truly feel. It opens up a whole new world like you say Shevon. Nowadays I’m open to this world and it’s like an exciting treasure hunt, you never know what you gonna find, yet you know it’ll be amazing.
So beautifully expressed Matts – you have exposed such a common trait, that we measure our expression depending on who we are talking to, rather than making our expression about what is calling out to be said and all based on how it might affect us individually rather than what is necessary for All. How amazing to feel the difference in communication, “What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood”. Its those moments, when we communicate purely in an honest and heart felt manner that we truly communicate with one another and when this happens, both parties truly benefit.
Agree Rowena, and the exciting part, if I may say so, is that sometimes we don’t really know what will be said, we just feel like something needs to be expressed and what can come out is beautifully designed to break any falseness that may be. I’ll say that is an artform, in my opinion mastered by Serge Benhayon, and one that I’m keen to learn more about. Keeps the headache away…
So true Rowena, ‘Its those moments, when we communicate purely in an honest and heart felt manner that we truly communicate with one another and when this happens, both parties truly benefit.’
What a revelation “Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?”
Yes, great to remember that just because we happen to favor some people doesn’t mean they should be deprived from the truth, they deserve it too.
Great blog Matts I’m glad you didn’t hold back on witting it.
Yes Kevin, I’m getting to the point where it’s more uncomfortable to hold things back than to actually express them which is a huge relief for the body…
Hi Matts, what an inspiring blog , what you say here is so something I had never realised but upon reading this it feels SO TRUE: “what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.” I will have a go at expressing in thus way as I often hold back like you say, depending on who I am talking to, especially at work. I feel the key is to develop a loving way of expressing truth to accept the person but not their behaviour if that is not OK. I find that difficult.
Hi Rachel, I’ve experienced that in former workplaces when someone would have a behaviour that I had a hard time coping with, instead of just letting it be and perhaps keep on being reactive towards them, I asked myself why I got affected. I also then expressed to them how I felt in an honest way about their behaviour, which changed everything and I no longer reacted to them. I got to see the person behind the behaviour. It also felt as if they experienced it as freeing to hear someone say it out loud without judging them for it. So expressing like this is so rewarding bringing us back to a more truthful way with each other, and allowing us to enjoy each other, however we may be.
In truth what hurts us more is not choosing to be open to truth, and so letting ourselves listen rather than closing off from truth would actually be doing us a big favour.
I love this Matts. You really have expressed so clearly the importance of expressing and the number and quality of the comments reflect this. One point that stands out is “holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine.”
Hi Jonathan, and it really highlights the workings that is alive between people and for us to recognise what is needed from our end.
I can relate with this too Jonathan.
Thank you Matts for your amazing blog. So simple and profound. From such a young age we are trained to be polite to say the right thing and to not rock the boat. I have acutely felt the damage of this over the last couple of years and have been unravelling and really feeling into the words I choose to express and what I hold back on. I love what you share in terms of holding back with people we favour most. We have a strong need to be liked and accepted and as you say we have more to lose. I have been experimenting with this. It is definitely a work in progress. I have definitely bumbled my way through a few times,but what I have experienced is very lovely. This honesty has definitely deepened my relationships and offers a reflection for others to be equally honest with me. There are so many points of evolution offered to us when we choose to not hold back.
Thanks for your sharing Anne-Marie, your comment is full as it is and needs nothing else but to be enjoyed, love it!
I so agree Anne-Marie re: the bumbling, but certainly more real and honest relationships are being developed as a result of not holding back what I feel. 1st step I find is actually being honest with myself first re: what I am feeling. Giving myself permission in this area seems to make expressing with another easier.
I agree Anne-Marie, and especially holding back with people we favour. As you say, ‘We have a strong need to be liked and accepted’ and so feel we have more to lose if we fully express with them, rather than bringing it back to expressing to help us all evolve.
I love the details you’ve shared Matts. I feel truly liberated when I’ve fully expressed what I feel to at the moment, & when I haven’t, something dosen’t feel right in my body. You’ve so beautifully reminded on that. Also it’s actually irresponsible to live the latter! Wow! That brings in a whole new way of living. Thank you for sharing.
And your comment brings a smile on my face so keep on expressing Pinky, and thank you!
How topsy turvy is a world that takes the honest communication of a child and advocates burying words that are not even ours in the first place…..and then tells us its unkind to express what is, in essence, the truth and just what that person does need to hear (and has called for)!
Thank you Matts, and others, for exposing this and bringing the responsibility of facing this life long patterning to the fore in such a clear and loving way.
Reflecting on the wonderful exponents we have of this including Serge Benhayon and Chris James, I realise that it is the love from which they express for me makes their (called for by me) comments so acceptable, however challenging. So, a huge part of my responsibility is not to be shilly shallying with my stuff about what and how to say, but to check where I am coming from when I speak.
Matts thank you I hold back so often expressing what is true or felt or there to be said in the fear of what the other might think or what if they walk away, be it friends, family or work colleagues. A lovely reminder that doing so is very selfish as it doesn’t help anyone including me!
Absolutely David, I am with you, and Matts on that, and it feels awful in our body, that feeling of tension, contraction and feeling small, and then spending most of the time in our head debating and questioning whether we should share or not, or the scenarios that might play out from that … phewww tiring and time consuming, when we could just simply express how we feel – I wonder how many people are walking around holding back how they really feel or what they want to express? maybe that’s why so many people are tired or have feeling of tension or anxiousness in their bodies.
Well said, Gyl. It does really feel awful to be contracted in the body. All that holding back does not have any rewards after.
True David, it’s just getting over that threshold we might feel and then it gets easier even though the asking for a grander expression will always be there.
You have so aptly described what I have often felt, holding back expressing from fear of losing people. There is however no truth in that. Beautiful blog thanks Matts.
Hi Michelle, yes people are really yearning for us to express truth and perhaps we should make it a human right!
And also Michelle, what is the quality of relationship we have if we are not willing to be truthful with them? I know it’s not always easy but I feel it’s better to be as truthful as we can and if the boat is rocked then that might be just what is needed and asked for.
Really awesome blog! I know that I hate conflict or standing up for my self when something doesn’t feel right. But when I do, its the more amazing feeling, to know I stuck with my expression. Thank you
And you know what Rebecca, what I’ve experienced is that that feeling of not wanting to say something that might cause some disturbance is also related to other people’s resistance of hearing the truth that we can deliver. Because when we do express people can be reminded, or exposed might be the right word, of what is not true and working whole-fully in the first place. So they get to see what they might change or work on to live a more truth-full life. And the more solid we are in bringing the truth forth the easier it is for others to accept it.
Absolutely love your blog, Matts. You highlight the many different gifts expression can bring. I too am working on my expression and allowing for the uncomfortable-ness to just be as I do so, in myself and others. It isn’t always easy but I too feel that “…the more solid we are in bringing the truth forth the easier it is for others to accept it.” And the easier it becomes for me to express it. That solid-ness I have at times felt in every cell of my being when I have been able to express from my inner-most, and the light, almost playful sense of joy that comes with that expressing is worth all the moments of uncomfortableness that will eventually fade away as I embrace expressing from who I truly am more and more.
So true Brigitte – it brings to me the picture of us shedding skin. The more we express from what we feel is true the more of the old layers we shed and we get freer and freer as we keep on expressing. And I also feel that the uncomfortable feeling gets lighter and lighter the more we allow ourselves to really enjoy expressing.
I love your comment here Matts and you bring up a really great point – that we can hold back because we don’t want to feel the uncomfortableness in others. I know that this has been the case for me. I’m also afraid of what is going to come back at me in terms of anger, denial or someone reacting and telling me I am wrong, which often brings up doubt for me in what I am feeling. Something I need to work on, is being able to hold myself steady when I express, which means holding myself steady at all other times throughout my day so that when it comes time to express, I am still with me.
Thanks Matts. In the past I was so busy measuring what was the right thing to say that I completely dishonoured what my body was feeling – “when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine.” I really appreciate you reminding us how important it is not to live in a body that is full of unspoken truths.
Hi Janet, yes the body is there to bring truths through and when we hold back what is there to be brought the energy stagnates and brings what we experience as physical tensions and complications. So the best way to stay healthy would be to keep on expressing what we feel is there to be expressed and also be aware of what more there is to express.
Wow – Janet I love what you have written here ‘not to live in a body that is full of unspoken truths’. When put like this I can feel how this keeps everyone stuck, as Golnaz shared, but more so the one holding back on expressing and how poisonous this is left inside the body. Yuk! When I first read the comment, for a millisecond, I wasn’t going to share this! Then I laughed as it exposed how quickly the pattern of discounting is there! Thank you Matts for the article and all comments shared thereafter.
Yes Janet, full of other people’s “bits and pieces”. When it is expressed in this way (thank you Matts) the issue of holding back becomes quite silly really.
Why would we to hold other peoples’ stuff in us?
It works that way doesn’t it Rachel and all. If we hold back expressing what we actually feel is there to express then we will be filled with the energy we’ve already seen and felt is not true. If we do however we will be graced with an energy that works so much better in our bodies. I get the image of us walking a path with our torch, we see a wounded man on our path, do we stop and help out or do we just walk around and carry on.
Thank you Matt, expression is something I am currently working on, so it was great to read your blog. Not holding back and expressing truthfully with everyone.
Yes it’s about embracing oneself and when we do that we embrace others as well and then expression is an easy and flowing thing, and I’m a forever student of this. The intimacy that can be felt with another when we express what we feel might be one of the reasons why people in general hold back expressing because we might not be familiar with that level of love-filled connection… but that is not an excuse to try it out, it’s worth feeling a bit un-comfortable when what we get in return is such a reward.
Matts this is so awesome. Having held back speaking the truth my whole life I can say with complete certainty – it does not work. After all – like you say this is about all of us, not just me or you! And I’m finding as I learn to speak the truth my natural power and authority is returning. I also really love what you wrote about being for the heart to hear rather than the ears, really beautifully put 🙂
I loved what you have shared Meg about expressing your truth, and how as we do this our natural power and authority returns. I am very aware of this, you can feel a marked difference not only in the words we write or express but a feeling in our bodies that is so clear. Also what you have shared and Matts, about how it is for the “heart to hear rather than the ears”, I know when someone expresses the truth from their heart be it in written or spoken word ever cell in my body absolutely responds, knows and feels the difference.
Hi Meg, yes it’s a puzzle one could say when we get to consider that we are not really here to choose what to express but we are here to express what is needed… brings individuality into a predicament doesn’t it? As a one humanity we are here to return to what we all want which is true brotherhood and for that to be a reality expressing what is needed is a huge thing of importance. It can be hard in the beginning and even along the way but if we get comfortable in being un-comfortable at times we might explore a grander freedom than if we hold back calculating what to say to make others feel comfortable. My experience is that when we really express what we know to be true there is a huge holding power in that which makes it truly comfortable for everyone because they feel the truth of it – and the true truth is what we all want in the end hence the welcoming when we bring it.
I am also finding that speaking the truth just feels right. It trully is that simple to listen with your heart.
Thank you Matts for sharing how you made a choice to express, lovingly but firmly what you were feeling, rather than holding back and going into the comfort of seeing the situation as being quite cool.
Hi Elizabeth, for me it was a matter of my own well being since it felt so uncomfortable in my body to not say what I felt to say. And when I did I got back to feeling spacious and alive again instead of this straight-jacket type of feeling of not expressing my truth. It’s worth being a student of expressing truth, it’s so rewarding.
I find that my body feels very heavy and I have a lot of negative thoughts if I don’t express what I am feeling. The longer I delay the worse things get and it really creates a rift in relationships. I find reading this blog and all of the comments very helpful when I am dilly dallying with being honest as a reminder of the great responsibility factor.
It’s very apt for me to be reading this now as I’ve been holding back in certain situations for way too long because I don’t want people to react to what I might say. I’m beginning to feel how damaging this is for all concerned. How can we move forward and make things work if we hold ourselves back from the truth? Thank you for all the comments here and the inspiration they bring to not hold back anymore : )
Thank you Matts for sharing your experience – I too have changed or dulled my words and expression in fear of the minor possibility of someone not liking me. It is crazy that when something needs to be said we can filter it so it comes across all nice and sweet but then nothing changes and everyone goes on living the same way, even if they have been disrespectful, rude and/or abusive. Before meeting Serge Benhayon I was the quiet, polite and well spoken boy, albeit I did have a wild side as I had to release all the pent up energy somehow! What I have learnt over the years from Universal Medicine presentations is that it is important to express what you feel to and not hold back, no matter what (just a note that this doesn’t mean telling your life story to everyone, or making sure everyone is living the way you perceive they should be – as thats control and judgement!) being fully open to say what is needed to be said at the time. Its soo freeing, I now walk away from conversations and leave them there instead of thinking over and over again I should have said this or that – which I used to and that was exhausting!
Hi James, that feels like the ultimate way if we could express everything a situation calls for. If we do it lovingly we’re home free!
Matts, Thank you for a brilliantly clear experience on the issue of communication and its true power. I am deeply inspired. I will be reading it again to be sure I thoroughly get how important it is to speak from my heart.
Hi Jo, also what I felt reading your words is how rewarding it is when we stay present with ourselves and our bodies and the natural confidence that brings, and then it’s so much easier to say what we really feel like saying.
Hi again Jo – I felt that this blog could easily been called Expressing How We Feel – A Matter of Wellbeing, since the body is so supportively saying that expressing is its thing and holding back is not.
I Love this blog as it’s so simple and relatable. As I apply it to every situation in my life I see and feel Truth.
And the perk is that there is no end to it so the joy of expressing is endless… awesome!
This is so beautifully written and shared Matts. I completely relate to that feeling, where something is left in your body when you have not shared it – it wasn’t ever ours to keep hold of, and so truly how selfish to do anything but share. It is still a work in progress but I am finding that my thoughts of how another may react never come close to the reality. When delivered from truth and in love there is no where for them to go.
Hi Jenny, yes it’s great to catch that little trickster saying “don’t say it” and whatever else it might come up with. Especially when both persons are saying yes with all they’ve got… apart from that little trickster that is.
I love it that you are calling what stops us from expressing a ‘little trickster”, because that is exactly what is happening. It’s a trick that we choose to go along with.
This trickster guy is indeed a slippery one… it seems to work under stealth mode using us as a facade to do it’s dirty business.
Perhaps it’s time to show it that life isn’t that scary, that it’s ok to join in and even feel a bit uncomfortable from time to time.
And when the truth is delivered with love, it is very rare for the other to react
Hi Golnaz, isn’t that a great learning for all and a freeing thing! Knowing that my expression doesn’t belong to me but for others to enjoy. Sure at times it can be hard or exposing to hear something truthful about something that is not, but everyone always comes out better in the end. Funny isn’t it that we think and make what we express something that we consider ourselves having the last say about, which we have, but the consequences we might not like when we hold back expressing something that’s been there to express. And what you share as well how absolutely freeing and expansive and wonderful and liberating it is to express when something is there to be expressed instead of holding it back which is actually quite cruel, which your sharing so clearly displays. Thanks again!
Thank you Matts for your honest blog. I have sat comfortable and quiet for most of my life not wanting to say what I have felt, in the belief that I may hurt someone or they may react to what I say. I have learnt over the years that this lack of expression is not only hurting me, it can cause confusion with others as there are things that are left unsaid that can be felt by the other person. It is an on going process for me to learn to speak from my heart and not from the hurts that I have held from me not expressing what need to be said.
Hi Alison – The awesome thing is that we don’t have to be perfect to start expressing and that we’re allowed to make mistakes, which we probably will, but that’s all part of the process. I know what you’re saying about holding back expressing what we feel to express. Over time it builds up, and eventually it has to come out in any way possible.
My experience is that when we’ve let things build up (unexpressed things) and hold back something that is knocking on the door to be expressed, so to speak, it might come out a bit awkward at first and it’s almost as if it needs to be released to then have a more pure expression coming through. Almost as if there’s been a queue-up from things wanting to be expressed and now the pipes need to have a healthy flush through. And the body afterwards feels so much more in line and willing to be there for us in any way it can, so expressing what we feel could be the greatest form of working out.
Absolutely true Matts.
Yes Matts I have done that, I used to have a long queue of unsaid things and when I would eventually say something it would not always make sense or it would come out as harsh and unloving because I had missed the moment to say something, and then allowed it to build up inside me.
Awesome wisdom Matts thank you.
Hi Alison. It’s a great realisation you’ve come to and one that I’m exploring myself. It’s true what you say that we may cause confusion in others when we don’t express what we feel. The reason might be that they have felt that we can help them to express something they have difficulties with and when we don’t help out they get a bit let down of perhaps confused. Hence the importance of letting out an expression and not holding it back.
Yes the delay is a killer isn’t it. A killer for our wellbeing. It’s funny, expression seems to be something that we cannot own, it’s there to be shared with everyone else. Is this perhaps the proof that we are actually unified as people and not separate as it sometimes seems we are. We share something we cannot run away from.
And what I also feel when I read your beautifull words Monica is that when we allow ourselves to express we are also letting others see our own cuteness, it’s like that innermost well is dripping over for everyone to see and enjoy.
Wow I love the power in what you have written Matts. When I am not caught in the little stories in my head it is so obvious and so clear. When there is something to be said positive or not, expressing it is the most beautiful thing. Holding it back is holding back love. I have had the personal experience of finding out a long time later that people close to me had not said anything about the unloving way I had been behaving although they had observed it. They had considered it a caring gesture to not upset me, but it was interesting that I would have much rather they had said what they had to say even if it upset me. This was a great learning.
You could have written this for me Golnaz…I had the same experience recently and it really opened my eyes how much we are all not expressing and holding back what we are truly feeling. I find it more upsetting when truth is with-held than if someone expressed a bit clumsy…it is often what is not said that causes the most damage.
Perhaps we’ve become a bit lazy and gotten used to it being ok to not express what we feel to express, when expressing is the most healthy way to be with ourselves and others. I feel that the more open and aware I get of what is there to be said the more on top of things I feel. Or perhaps the more on top of living I get is the more correct way of putting it.
Hi Shevon, I’ve now come to the point where I realise that this space can actually be called for if I make the choice, and if I do I will actually embrace the other person to join me if they feel to. If not they can enjoy me as I am and the training for me now is to hold this space knowing that I don’t have to lessen myself or my expression to suit others. For me it has come down to my own wellbeing where if I hold back expressing what I’ve felt to express it feels very unpleasant in so many ways, like I’ve given up on myself, but if I do express I feel spacious, alive and ready for more…
I have been feeling this silent conversation too of late. Beyond words there is a deep conversation going on like a river flowing if I decide to listen. I am noticing that misunderstanding happens when I block that flow and don’t want to hear the silent conversation.
Beautiful sharing Shevon and so true, when we choose not to communicate how we feel this then allows for a multitude of other stuff to come in.
This is so beautiful and so spot on Shevon. I too can relate to this.
That’s very beautifully said Shevon. I think we all miss this but are sometimes unsure how to ease the tension we feel. When I allow stillness then it’s easy to share what I feel and lately I feel that doing the Gentle Breath Meditation has been super supportive for me.
Hi Shevon I really appreciate your “blocking the flow” reference. I can fell the back up of complication that comes in when what is there to be said isn’t said.
Hi Shevon, that feels so true for me too and your words express that so beautifully – this silence feels as though it allows true communication from the heart and that is so deep and true.
Shevon, it’s so true when we choose not to communicate what we are feeling, then the body buries this in many forms, such as resentment, frustration and it then can come out as rage when less expected.
This is such an important article. Too many of us hold back what we are feeling. Each time I read a comment on this blog, I am reminded that what we each feel to express is important. We might not understand it but just to share can help ourselves and whoever we are communicating with to grow in understanding. This can’t happen if we hold it back.
Hi Shevon, yes it’s like we are here for others to enjoy what we have to bring… COULD IT BE THAT SIMPLE?
Hi Matts, Loved reading your blog, it was perfect timing! Clearly written and easy to grasp how important it is to express what is there to express because it is not ours in the first place – it belongs to the person who asked for it (the silent communication between two hearts). What a dis-service it is to humanity when we hold back… as you beautifully expressed: “It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.”
Brilliant blog!
Love reading your words, what I’ve discovered lately is that when we allow silence with another/others there is actually a communication going on that can be felt. Quite a revelation for me and a lovely experience. First it can be uncomfortable because you just want to say something but after a short while there is just this amazing feeling of spaciousness and a subtle conversation that can be sensed. I’ve experienced it a few times lately and would love to keep exploring this, and love to share it as well. Love to hear about if you feel to give it a go!
Hello Matts!
A lovely inspiration thank you, for I could relate to reading this, you write so good. Hugs Sofie
Thank you so much Sofie! Love every word you write!
This is great, Matts. You have really exposed how we can so easily adjust what needs saying to fit particular circumstances and especially rework it depending on whom we are talking to – which is very dis-honest, as you have so clearly explained. A lovely inspiration, thank you!
Hi Gabriele, and thanks. I’ve realised as I’ve mentioned that it actually comes down to wellbeing to express what we feel which gives expression a new level of meaning and importance. Could it be that we are not just bodies, that there is a being within the body that has a life too that very much so influences the quality of the visual one… and… could it be that this being is part of evolution as well and not just the physical one getting to be more fit…
Hi Gabriele and everyone – I felt to correct what I wrote from “Could it be that…” it didn’t feel right with what I felt to express and it felt as if I wasn’t fully claiming what I felt to say but hiding behind that statement that came out as a question or a pondering for others. Easier in a way, or maybe more comfortable, but I didn’t get to say what I really wanted to say which is that the being I’m referring to is actually my own. A very delicate one that needs to be looked after in a very delicate way. And I also realized that this looking after business was something that I had to re-connect to or re-learn and wasn’t something that came naturally anymore. Perhaps it was when I was younger but if so it has faded away over the years growing up. Now I’m getting to know this being again by being in way that brings it alive again and truly it feels as if this being in none other than who I truly am… It’s me in all its remarkable ways…
So well put Gabriele – chameleon speak, a language without foundation that adjusts to circumstances and leaves everyone feeling empty, like something’s missing.
Thank you Matts for sharing your blog ,Alan isn’t it called being nice and the poison that is delivered into that emptiness in such a way we question what we feel through the smoke and mirrors of niceness.
I agree Paul, niceness is such a tricky one. When to be nice and when not to be nice, I think a lot of us even have difficulties knowing if niceness is something that’s even good or bad. If we consider being truthful or not then it’s easier to view niceness in a different light. What is better – to be nice or to be truthful? We all know the answer to that one but how to adjust into being more truthful is what can be hard sometimes because of old ideals that kicks in on how we think we should be or have to be.
I feel that when we are being ‘nice’, others know the truth even when we are not ready to see it for ourselves. From a very young age I cultivated the trick of ‘niceness’ – and it only worked when people were complicit with the lack of truth that I was displaying. Although I took on the cloak of ‘niceness’ when someone was ‘nice’ in return I was always very, very uncomfortable. At the time I could not understand this reaction but I can now see that this was a reflection for me and at that time I chose to ignore it. As I allow myself to be more the ‘real me’ I no longer need the cloak of niceness to get me through the world. I can shine forth as I am – although when I am feeling insecure I can still slip on the cloak again.
Aah the word “nice,” was very much inbuilt into my vocabulary from a very young age. I used it to basically sit on the fence with a lot of people and not offend or complicate things. But in truth I was complicating things by being nice! Speaking with honesty and truth allows for deeper connections not only with ourselves but with everyone around us.
Matts, this is a most inspiring article. Thank you for sharing your insights and understandings, most timely for me as I too am in the process of not staying in comfort and expressing more of what my body is feeling in the moment.
I love your last two paragraphs especially – “What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.”
“So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!” – I am with you on this too!
Wonder-full Stephanie, let’s have some fun with expressing. 🙂
Just beautiful Matts, thank you so much for this as I now have a deeper understanding what it means to hold back expression. With my current circumstance I am experiencing what you have written above and felt every word of it.
“Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.”
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.”
Tears in my eyes Matts, very powerful. Much appreciation, Kim.
Thank you so much Kim!
Yes Kim, both those lines you have commented on spoke deeply to me too. If we express without judgement of ourselves or others, the truth is there to be felt, or NOT depending on our readiness and our self awareness. It does not matter, it is just there to express. A brilliant reminder of the power we have to support one another.
Hi Joel, I agree, there is so much there to be shared if we listen to the subtle language that is ever present between ourselves and others, and the ease that the body is left with when we express is just awesome.
Wow Matts this is amazing. Those words on responsibility “Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel…” WE ARE ACTUALLY STOPPING ANOTHER FROM EVOLVING, FROM GROWING. Too many times I have been stuck in needing to be right getting in the way of expressing what I feel. I’d never really accepted that by doubting I am making it about me. I feel myself opening to a deeper level of awareness after reading your post. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Shevon and thanks for taking the time to read the article. It’s amazing how it all works isn’t it! It’s like the seed to express is planted or called for by someone else that has already felt that I’m able to assist them, and by feeling the impulse to express I have actually already said yes to express it. Ultimate way of working together I would say!
I’ve realised I’ve been holding back from someone I work with as I have felt that things may become more difficult at work if I express the truth. I have a 121 tomorrow, and as per my previous comment I will do my best to deliver the truth with nothing but love… Thanks for the inspiration Matts!
Thanks Matts, I have also been feeling this quite acutely, there is so much I have to share with others that could support them and others with me, but we spend too much time trying to make each other comfortable rather than committing to life being about true evolution.
Absolutely Joel, honesty is always the best policy – the key thing is to deliver that honesty with love.
Rachael that is so true – delivering honesty with love otherwise what I am realising is that the honesty is futile without it.
Thank you Rachael – your quote of “honesty is always the best policy – the key thing is to deliver that honesty with love” is so true
Pure perfection Rachel. Honesty is best served with a whole lot of love . Thank you.
Thank you Joel, what you wrote strikes a note with me. Made me sit up and really feel it. There is a huge difference between committing to supporting one another in true evolution and keeping one another back through comfort.
Hi Joel, reading the blog again and your response brings me the feeling that it’s not only others we keep the truth from but to ourselves also when we do not share what we feel.
I was just thinking the same Matts, keeping the truth from ourselves too, in an effort for things to remain comfortable,the same, nice, polite but at the same time leaving us feeling the lack. Amazing how things expand when what is needed to be said, is said. A big ‘phew’ from all concerned even if it might rock the boat a bit.
Well said Jeanette, there is nothing like a ‘big phew’ when people share the truth as sometimes a rocky boat needs to actually come to shore or even capsize if needed.
Spot on Joel, I totally agree what you say here,we spend too much time trying to make each other comfortable rather than committing to life being about true evolution. Trying to be nice or dancing around something that just needs to be said, is something I still do from time to time. It’s great when you catch yourself at it and can then gently bring yourself back to what’s true.
Julie you have summed it up beautifully. We spend too much time making each other comfortable. I do this all the time at work and sometimes with my family.
Well said Joel.
That is true for many of us Joel and the more honest we are about any investment we might have about making other people comfortable before we deliver honesty, is for me the start to breaking the nice pattern. It seems we’ve become almost scared to simply speak the truth because we have also become very good at reacting to the truth. But perhaps there is a cycle to break here in its own right, and it is for us to really look at why we have allowed ourselves to be reactive and cautions rather than open and accepting. Every single person can be a reflection – that is how we learn and grow and evolve. The question is, do we let our comforts be more than the truth?
True Joel and whatever we do or don’t say in the end there are always going to be people who like or don’t like it. Most simple and loving to just to be true and let the rest take care of itself!
Matts, I felt when so much while reading your blog. I loved the bit about how we make it about ourselves instead of what is needed, a point I look forward to expanding in. Every time I find myself reacting to something outside of myself I am finding I have once again made it about me rather than what the situation is actually asking of me to bring to it, just as you brought your honesty in your expression to your neighbour. Thanks for the inspiration Matts.
Hi Toni, thanks for the reply. What I feel reading your words is the willingness to be intimate with others, and how that in itself opens up to hearing the subtle language we communicate without always knowing it consciously. It’s amazing how a whole new world can open up once we are willing to feel, and I can definitely feel you when typing these words. Thanks again Toni.
I am so inspired by your conversation here, Toni and Matts. How true, that we make it about ourselves instead of what is needed! Being willing to feel, willing to see what is there, to be intimate with others and bringing that with care and sensitivity.
This is an interesting link being intimate with others and how this relates to offering truth and honesty when called for. It means breaking down the false ideal of intimacy of getting something for oneself.
This little word intimacy is actually quite a big thing! I had it come up for me today, feeling how if I allowed myself to be more intimate with others this would allow more openness and deeper and more accepting and loving relationships to develop. A beautiful comment Matts, and no coincidence that I came across it today. Thankyou for your inspiration.
We definitely can feel more when we allow ourselves to be intimate with others and I find that my natural sensitivity is re-awakened when I am. Often we can hold back as we might be afraid of what might come at us or what will happen next if we just let go. Being intimate means we have to let go of control.
Hi Mary, this shows how important it is to stay present with ourselves and our bodies, and when we do there is less room for reacting. It’s hard to not mention Chris James when it comes to this since he’s such an inspiration when it comes to self expression and the wellbeing it brings to stay present and feel.
Just got reminded how important it is to feel. When I feel I get connected to a deeper “version” of myself that feels truer and more real and honest. It’s like it’s always there, awaiting, I only have to make the effort to go there. Another thought that comes to mind is that what if this deeper version, if I may call it that, is forgotten about, seemingly… Then it would make great sense to try to make what we’ve got better and better, even though it doesn’t seem to work very well. I feel this is a topic worth exploring more, which I will and get back with how it goes…
What you write here Matts opens up the possibility that there is much more to us than meets the eye. I feel that with your whole blog this is what you are sharing with us and in this simple everyday story you’re showing us the magic of life and how there are countless opportunities for growing and learning at much deeper levels, when we are open and accepting of what we feel.
Thanks Matts. Reminds me to keep on connecting to deeper versions of me, as I can cruise on a version that feels pretty good already.
I totally agree Toni, the more I react to situations I know I have just made it about myself again. The good thing about this is that I am more aware that I have gone into reaction and can therefore get out of it much quicker and use it as a marker to recognise why I react in the first place.
I agree, Tim, oh how the world opens up when we don’t make it about ourselves, and the more we recognise our reactions the quicker we can come out of them until we find we are reacting less and less.
I agree, Sandra, imagine all of humanity being raised with this knowledge. That would be really amazing.
A good reminder that reacting is always about me and therefore doesn’t serve the world. Thanks Sandra.
And isn’t that beautiful Tim that we can actually feel that is not natural!
Well said Tim! I find sometimes when I’m in reaction, I can get stuck in a bit of cycle if/when I’m not aware and/or not wanting to take responsibility for my reaction (sometimes this is stubbornness, sometimes avoidance!), because I look for any other drama or blame to keep feeding the reaction. As you say, when we are aware of the reaction, it’s much easier to begin to address why we reacted in the first place!
Thank you Tim for that timely reminder – that is, that when I re-act I have made it about me. I will go forward with that today and feel more deeply into my re-actions. We have become so use to re-acting and going into protection that we have given away our power to an outside force that is not supporting us – and never will. When we let go of re-action we begin to feel the support of truly connecting to the whole and letting go of the ideal of perfection – even writing that allows more space in my body for love!
For me when I react I know that I’ve lost touch with myself and basically I can’t feel a connection with my body. Just doing the practical thing of lying down in my bed, feeling my body, how my feet feels, how my back feels against the bed etc, keeps me in touch with myself and I seem to be able to have a much more observing approach to life instead of getting caught up in things.
Yes Tim. I do have the same experience of reacting, but as I do so I’m now able to observe myself doing it. A few days ago a colleague of mine made an unwarranted remark to me. I felt hurt and walked away. Sometimes later a general email clarified the situation which had prompted the comment. This time she deftly manipulated her previous answer so as not to loose face in front of our colleagues. I was able to feel her embarrassment and I let go of retaliating.
Reactions are interesting and very damaging. I was not even aware that I was reacting to life but slowly am seeing that reactions can come about in behaviours like withdrawing, going into fight or defence mode, wanting to blame others, over-eating. Anything we do to avoid feeling what we’re feeling. The thing is whatever we are feeling may not be ‘bad’ but in the honesty of feeling what we are feeling it may mean that we are seeing something freshly that previously we hadn’t wanted to see or that we are required to take action that takes us out of our comfort zone – like in Matt’s example above.
Yes I agree Toni that’s a really great and fresh approach Matts is sharing in making expression about what is needed. I can relate the holding back to avoid another’s discomfort but realise it’s the same discomfort I feel if I’m being corrected. The discomfort is a good thing for me as I am asked to be more responsible and to consider the whole with everyone in it – not just me, myself and I.
Hi Monica, allowing that intimacy as well as daring to show off that beauty we are feels like big ones here.