A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.
First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.
Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…
It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.
Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.
It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.
So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.
Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.
Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.
My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.
What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.
So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!
Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden
Quite simply when we don’t express what is needed to be expressed this stagnant energy is to rot in one way or another.
The heartfelt language of brotherhood is one that I am learning to express the more I let go of any reactions and need for another to ‘get’ something. For so long I used to beat myself up for not speaking up when often it would have actually been very imposing if I had because I was invested in the outcome I wanted. Being willing to feel when it is true to say something is allowing me to express more in love and equality, without perfection or judgement of myself when it does not flow.
If I am feeling out of sorts and not sure why, if I check in with myself I can usually trace it back to not expressing when I felt too. Holding back is not worth the aftermath!
What you have shared anonymous is so true, that by not expressing we are leaving an energy in our bodies which someone has already shared is a stagnation. What then happens to that stagnation? Have we ever gone so far as to consider this is the start of illness and disease in our bodies?
Quite simply if we hold something in that was needed to be said we are damaging our own health.
So very important we express how we truly feel, if anything we get taught in school it should be this.
When we express without any judgement there is a holding the other person cannot deny. Whether they respond or react is their choice.
I personally love when people allow themselves to express how things are for them, also if they are about me or what I do. I always feel respected, honored and give the chance to deepen the relationship and learn something about each of us.
Yes the best of partners is the one that is willing to be a bit uncomfortable with people, as in saying things that might not always be what people want to hear.
Expression is a big element of self-care and expressing the truth is in fact a love declaration, whether the other takes it or not.
Expressing what we feel is always important for us, and the receiving persons, ‘Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.’
Yes we are all reflections for each other and hence we need each other to grow and evolve, because someone else might have come further with an aspect of/in their lives and I can then learn from him/her.
When we are in a true relationship within we understand what, when and how to express with a Deep-Humble-Appreciate-Ness should be a paramount commitment for every time we express! To be Humble is; Being the base we use to overcome the spirit and become Soul-Full; So the spirit feels the truth of the soul.
It does take time to get used to speaking up and expressing what I feel and also take in what others feel without taking it as a personal issue.
Thank you Matts, you make many key points about the importance of expression, the fact that it’s not ours to hang onto, that we may be attached to certain relationships and not speak up, and that it’s such an important part of evolving each other. This line is beautiful about true expression, that it’s the “language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” It’s also those wonderful opportunities to confirm and appreciate each other sharing all that is true that we live from our essence (our soul).
Another thing as well in regards to attachment is that we can also be attached to a picture we have of ourselves, a picture that says that I am this or I am like that when that can be a great excuse to not say or BE what’s in store.
I am learning that it is so much about how we express, how we say what we feel, I used to hold back for fear of reprisal but also because I was so reactionary that I knew it would come out with emotion and anger etc. Now I am holding others in more understanding (and myself) and through this I am more able to express what is needed in the moment. I love receiving the wisdom of others observation and so I do not hold back for sharing what I observe as much as I once did.
I can so relate to what you write. It look me some time to express without reaction or judgement of wanting people to do what I want. Now that I have more understanding the tone is different and the words come out different too.
If we learnt to speak about what we feel, the quality and type of energy we sense, perhaps we would not end up with the ‘how we feel’ emotional outbursts that come as a result?
More and more I am seeing that honest conversations are deeply needed, and as a result they cut the energy at play. When we feel something true in our bodies, then it is our responsibility to not hold this back – because it is for the other person to hear and appreciate. If we take the self out of these situations, then we can see the importance of honest conversations.
I love what you present here that our expression is not for us but for others so when we hold back we are harming others who are not then offered the learning that we are there to deliver.
When we express how we feel we open up a highway within ourselves to keep expressing more and more.
How true Elizabeth when we open up the flow of expression we are on the highways of exploring more and more about ourselves and others.
And the highway of True Expression is paved with Gold and a Glorious-Humble -Appreciative-Ness is the destination! To be Humble is: Being the base we use to overcome the spirit and become Soul-Full; So the spirit feels the truth of the soul.
Recently I came home from a long day and someone in my household shared that they had eaten the dinner I had cooked for myself and left in the fridge. My normal way of responding would be to say ‘oh, that’s cool’ but then hold a level of resentment. Yet this time I didn’t hold how I was feeling back, I just said “I’m really annoyed by that” and once I had expressed this there wasn’t any resentment in my body- it was a real eye opener for me.
When we express from individuality then there is alway an element of investment or seeking recognition in it. When we hold back from expressing truth, it hurts our body and it doesn’t just stop there because if it hurts us, then it will also hurts others.
Each situation is felt and the timing of our response then becomes crucial as discernment plays a part in when and what to share.
Staying silent or letting out vitriol – it’s all a distraction away from expressing straight from our heart. If we don’t do this we’re lost from the start.
When we hold back what needs to be expressed we invite complication, stress and mistrust into our relationships. We owe it to ourselves and each other to express what we feel.
Hear, hear Leonne. Our world does not encourage people to express how we truly feel but this is what we need the most. To express without holding back will actually create less tension and conflict. Often we fear rocking the boat but it is our holding back of our expression that really causes the damage and harm.
Yes, it is our responsibility to express what is true and what is not true, making sure we are expressing with love, and that there is no reaction, expectation or blame in what we are sharing.
The holding back of a feeling that one has to share with another, is an ill that continues to fester inside. When it is shred with understanding and love then all learn in the long run.
For too long I’ve used the label of ‘expression’ to vent anger, frustration and sadness. The key here it seems is to make sure that when I do share it comes with truth, love and connection. Then what I say will have real power. Anything else will just continue the cycle of abuse I was upset about to start with. Thanks Matts for this reflection.
My record of being completely honest and expressing what is truly going on at the risk of causing trouble or upsetting people is pretty abysmal. But the thing is, (and I’m getting better at it) in reality I feel people love straight up people, we may ruffle a few feathers from time to time but I am finding more and more that expressing what needs to be expressed helps everyone.
When we are holding ourself in a Loving way then every-way we express is felt and sometimes that expression is non-verbal.
When we express what we feel it supports others, even if what you express brings up reaction for others it can still be a support. We have a responsibility to express without judgment.
Absolutely Leonne, when we express without judgement then we are expressing from love and this brings healing to us all.
I know I can get a huge reflection and be inspired by someone just by seeing how they are and how they move.
I agree Matts and it doesn’t have to be a big or overly significant movement. Someone that I worked with would always turn the pages of a folder with an incredible amount of care and delicacy and that memory and inspiration will stay in my body forever.
There is so much to learn from what you have offered in this Matts. So many of us are afraid to speak up simply what we feel for fear of rejection, or reaction…it is ingrained in society to be this way…a peacekeeper so to speak. But what peace are we truly keeping, for as you say, when we hold back what is there to be shared or expressed, something feels left in the body that is not ours.
We all know there’s a way to deliver what we feel free from reaction, judgement or frustration, with a willingness to know truth. When this happens with another we are humbled and feel real. It’s not always easy or comfortable and we may choose to get angry and blame the other who delivers it. But doing that we just condemn ourselves to go round and round in the washing machine of life, when we have the chance to be clean and bright. Thank you Matts.
This is a lesson I keep being presented with. What occurs is I share what I feel, but when others disagree, I disregard what I read and carry on as normal. You could say I was unaffected but actually the energy I noticed is still going on and effecting me. So what I see now is that I sense something going on, it’s crucial I honour this as something important to me, even if others don’t agree. Thank you Matts for this note.
Simply knowing that how our own expression is so vital for our well-being is something that really should be taught from kindergarten onwards.
Hopefully we will have that as our truth soon. That wellbeing is tightly connected with how we are with ourselves and what is within us.
Yes and that it is honoured and valued in equalness by all.
Imagine being born with a deep level of awareness, which means our understanding of how we were in our previous life and how we were living with True Expression! So Re-incarnation and understanding our True responsibility will deepen our Humble-Appreciative-Ness and thus we will be totally responsible to stay connected to our last breath and this will deepen our expression from one life to the next.
I love that you share this as a language not for the ears to hear but the heart to feel – and when we express truth – it is certainly felt by the heart. It is so much bigger than us. I recently had an experience where I did not hold back with someone I like – and the truth was needed to be shared. And instantly I was able to let go of all the doubt and speculative feelings and just share how I felt from my heart and it was so simple. And as you say – sometimes people don’t always want to hear the truth, but it is not for us to hold onto.
And we will eventually realize that we are vessels that light passes through. That feeling of saying something can simply be truth wanting to be expressed through us. We shouldn’t really be allowed to say yes or no but we are. That is the love we have been given by the source that sources us.
When we hold back everyone is affected, so at-least when we bring honesty to all we express the openness that can be shared to make the truer expression open up meaning-full dialogue.
It is interesting isn’t that we would choose to develop a false relationship over a truthful one, in order to play it safe. I too have experienced this, but ultimately as you have shared Matts, it is far more honouring for both parties when we express the whole truth with each other, for the gold that is offered by way of this quality of connection is evolution.
The vast majority of us are in false relationships. We’re in them with our kids, we’re in them with our partners, we’re in them with our siblings, we’re in them with our mates and we’re in them with our work colleagues because basically unless we’re in the activity of God, supporting others to also be in the activity of God then the relationship is a false one.
This article really clearly exposes how we as a humanity have allowed the many “alterations” to truth that we now find ourselves having to live with. It will take a very loving dedication to again make real the absoluteness of truth that we all know innately within, that we so want our world to live by again. How much that happens, is up to us.
Thank you Matt’s, if we all be truly honest the “silent asking” is there often and it is only our construed way of living that we have allowed to be normal that stops us from offering exactly what another is actually asking for. We have put our own protection of self above that of the true care we hold within of others. Until we allow ourselves to feel this we will continue to question expressing what we have already felt to say.
Every time I have held back saying something that I felt needed to be expressed even though it may result in either an emotional reaction or defensiveness/conflict, it has felt like I was carrying around a giant weight inside my body, dragging me down. So it makes a lot of sense Matts, when you spoke of how spacious you feel when you don’t hold back expressing what is there for the other person to hear, and it is truly irresponsible to either think that ‘they are not ready to hear it’ if you are holding back in order to be liked or not rustle any feathers.
If I express the truth and a friend does not like it or want to be my friend – then they were not a true friend in the first place. However, true Truth never has an ounce of emotion and is always an expression of Love. One of the problems is that we often judge and react and think we are expressing truth but it is not true if we have reacted even if it might be right!
I have come to learn the greatest source of truth is deep within our innermost. Not listening to it and overriding it is never wise.
As a girl I learned that I should be nice with the people I love but, what kind of love hides, compromises and holds back the truth that is felt within? In what moment did I leave my fresh, natural and unique expression behind? And why? The truth is the acceptance that I thought I would receive never came in the way that I expected and when it came, it never fulfilled me. What I’m realizing for some time to now is that I’m not here to be accepted or loved by others, I’m here to be me and to hold myself in love and be stable in my truth, which sometimes can be not liked or accepted by others and it’s ok too.
Thank you Matt for your sharing. Recently I’ve realized that sometimes I hold back about how I really feel in order to protect myself from being rejected. But what stays with me me when I do it is nothing else than resentment and sadness within. I agree with you that this is not an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people as well as with the relationship with myself. When I see me in this pattern I realize how false it is and that it has nothing to do with who I am in truth. This blog invites me to step out from the always known and false niceness and to start to express from the real me in every situation that I’m in. Sometimes I feel extremely vulnerable expressing in this way, but it brings me so much joy as I feel that I’m offering something valuable by simply being me.
And if people only knew what effect it does have upon us when we clamp down on our expression. Physically, energetically, it is so deep and far-reaching that it behoves us to be bringing this awareness to children at a very early age… When we express ourselves, we can start to stay in touch with ourselves.
True Chris, I used to say that I only felt that I knew who I was in when I truly expressed. So when I held back I had a lot of thoughts of who I truly was but when I didn’t I could easily feel who I was. The thing is to let through what is there to be let through. Sometimes things might feel awkward or out of place to say but it’s so freeing and clearing for everyone when we let through heavenly words and tunes. Note to myself there also.
There’s so much of life that is full of words said in anger and judgement. Like a tiresome radio station it seems we’ve chosen to tune them out. Yet then we miss out on what life’s about. If we truly wish to make life about communicating and connect then let’s make every word, letter and syllable loving. Thank you Matts.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this blog – I will read it again! I have not kept my communication and expression simple – I have held back for many years what I feel in my body causing complication, misunderstanding, reaction and hurt. This has also led to lower back pain. As Matts has beautifully expressed “It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.” And “When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.” An important thing I have noted also, it is not so much using your voice but it is how you move around and be with people that is a significantly large part of the expression. I’m learning how my movement can grace my understanding for myself before I react.
Beautiful Matts, your words remind me how traditionally we seek relationships that are calm, comfortable and easy every day. Yet what I observe is the truly great connections that I enjoy can be problematic and have lots of tension, because we both show each other some parts of our lives that aren’t quite right. Far from being a disfunctional side effect it’s this exposing that is the main purpose of us hanging out. So yes, let’s keep sharing what we feel and supporting each other to learn and heal.
We can restore harmony and balance in the world , it just needs for everyone to take responsibility for the truth of their expression. And this of course will be a normal leap for humanity
We can restore harmony and balance in the world , it just needs for everyone to take responsibility for the truth of their expression.
SO important – that to express something is not for us to hold onto. Sure I have been caught in the past of not wanting to communicate the truth because of the fear of not being liked, but this is bringing self into it and not speaking the truth that is there to be shared.
If we hold back the truth with those we love or get on with well, are we really being ourselves with them and loving them?
This is a great reminder to say what is there to be said, no more, no less .
It is interesting to clock how you are with some people and how you are with others. What changes? What stays the same?
It is so worth expressing what is there and part of this is giving ourselves full permission to feel something. Given the green light to simply feel means there is far less head chatter questioning, doubt, justification and all the other emotional type reactions that come in to dispel feeling. I’m discovering more and more that feeling is simply feeling and when we allow it then the words that follow come from the heart not the head.
Is it not amazing how we honour non expression of truth on the illusion of self protection. The irony is that the opposite is the result , we give our power away to non expression and therefore make it more difficult each time to express the truth that is required to maintain harmony as that is the reason for having been given truth to express. Thank you for sharing Matts.
Whilst it may sound simple the enormity of expressing how we feel from our heart and not our head is forever a key foundational approach we should take to all our relationships including with ourselves
There are times when the biggest healing can take place for others when we speak our truth and do not hold back in fear of saying the wrong thing. Just maybe the way it is said is part of what needs to be delivered for that person.
Measuring our responses according to the expected (or feared) return is not serving us nor the other but it can take time to develop or re-develop this ability – it is love and truth in expression and withholding and withdrawing hurts us and the other.
You raise many great points here. In a similar way why are we more open and friendly with one person than another. You can often feel people turning it on and off, but love does not have an on and off switch.
Without decency and respect the worlds foundational values disintegrate. And you would have to have both your eyes and ears closed to the world around you to not know that the world today is falling apart through our lack of decency and respect not only for ourselves, but all others equally. What’s more, when we erode our values on any level of our expression and hold back on stating the obvious truth there will always be a correspondingly ripple effect on the all too. So in order to address the macro issues we must first address the micro everyday issues with whomever it is not matter who they are – which is exactly what you were doing in this example Matts. I say your expression was spot on.
I never used to think about what happens to the words that I really needed to express and didn’t. It wasn’t until I began to realise that if everything is energy, which it undeniably is, then it follows that words are energy too. So if we hold onto words that we really want to say we are holding these packets of energy in our body, which seems to be what you experienced when you say “it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine”. That is the perfect description of what happens and this energy sits within us until at some point the words are expressed, often in not a very controlled or loving way. It is so much more healing for all if we share exactly how we feel; the truth may make someone uncomfortable but at least the words that are meant for them do not stay stuck where they don’t belong.
A timely blog post Matts. I can completely relate to feeling like I have a weight or something stuck inside me when I don’t express what I feel for fear of the other person’s reactions. It feels great to go for it despite what might come back at you, but it also really takes a bit of practice to not be affected if they do. It’s so interesting how we measure how much of ourselves we are willing to be depending on how another is, and we live like that, like it’s the only way…thankfully it’s not, and there is another way if we choose it.
I am realising more and more that a relationship established in truth is far more enriching than one that is established on lies, or the fear of expressing the truth we feel and see. When we express in truth we honour the quality of the love we all are in essence, as such we confirm that this is our true way of being, which then offers the opportunity for us to address the behaviours that take over when we forget who we are.
I just had an experience like this, except that I was on the receiving end of hearing my partners feelings about something I have done. I didn’t hear it in the greatest way, reacting instead of feeling what was said. I can see there is another crucial part to what you describe Matts, the responsibility we have to stay open and to listen, to be present, caring and remain in the room. Otherwise we sponsor the idea that expressing = doom and gloom.
Part of the job role of being a human being is expressing the truth – after all, if we don’t nothing changes.
When I hold back what there is to say and I override the feeling out of fear of reactions or waiting for the right moment or maybe I am in reaction, my body start to feel heavy, I start to eat to not feel what my body is communicating, blame others, a whole range of behaviour that causes stagnation and tiredness. The moment I make the choice to express what I feel, my body starts to feel lighter and life starts to flow again, it is that simple.
It’s interesting how we might not say something or measure what we say because we like someone. One would think it would be the other way around. We like someone, and because we do we would want to do everything so that the relationship we had was open and honest, even if it is a neighbour. We are otherwise in lock down, protection mode, which does not protect anyone from anything. All we are doing is avoiding what is there, which sits as an uncomfortable tension in both our bodies.
That’s a great point Jennifer, in fact it is a great sample of love when we express to others everything that doesn’t feel right. This is and investment in transparency and true relationships which allows everyone to evolve.
No coincidence that I found your blog this morning Matts as i had a situation at work where someone did something that was not OK and I found myself in exactly your situation. I didn’t want to confront them but without seeing this as a disastrous lack of communication on my part I recognised that how to handle this needed to be sensitively. The most important thing is not to be in reaction with it, so giving a bit of time for me and then expressing would be most important. But as Matts shared this can not be done with any expectation of a certain outcome.
Ah yes fear of expressing due to the anticipation of what the reaction will be… Could it be that this is so endemic in our society, in our race, that we choose to stay as a species contracted and not allowing ourselves to evolve to our next and inevitable destination
Expressing our truth is taking self responsibility.
When we are holding back what needs to be expressed we are not only harming ourselves we are harming others too. We are getting caught in the self and forgetting to see the bigger picture. Truth has to be expressed and not held back.
I’ve always found expression hard, and would often prefer a mute and silent way of living… however recently I’ve started to wonder if my expression is actually important for the world, and this story proves that our expression not only counts but is important for another person to deepen their understanding of life. Definitely something worth developing…
What I’ve seen the last few days is how when I express the tightness I have felt in my body is easing up. I feel more clear and more alive and I realise that not saying what I feel and not expressing is hurting our body more than we realise.
I have my ‘L’ plates with this one.
I have not been the best in expressing how I feel and instead buried it over the years. And when I expressed it was laced with years of buried hurts and anger so the person coped it. – irresponsible on my part.
In the last couple of years, my expression has been evolving with no perfection but I know for one thing when it is done in reaction I now also cop it, my body feels it too.
So expressing openly and honestly has many layers and I’ve taken that responsibility to address it. And everyday I am realising more and more that expressing is not just in words, but in everything we do.
True Shushila – I have felt that sometimes I don’t express because I feel that I’m reactive when I’m actually not, and that is a trick to make us not express. When we are reactive that is quite obvious and cannot really be denied but when we think we are reactive I would say we are usually not. There might even be something huge there to express but our mind tricks us so we don’t get to say what we want to say.
Loved what you have shared Matts, I have pretty much played the nice, get it right, game most of my life not realising how ugly and dishonest it was. Your words speak much to me today thank you. “What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” so beautiful.
Wanting to be nice is really a big one for us to turn around. I mean who doesn’t want to be nice at gatherings and meetings just to make things smooth when in fact it can be what cements everything into the mess we know we want to change and are suffering from?
I love your blog Matts. The revelation that it is not about you is a massive one. When we make it about us we stop moments of evolution that are on offer.
The funny, or graceful, thing is that this process is eternal. So the level of my commitment has to always go up if not I will feel it. I do feel that what is important is to get comfortable with the tension we feel and sometimes avoid in our lives. Quite often we settle for what is not confronting but usually that is the best of things to dive into. Not in a self sacrificing way but there is a particular feeling to certain “could be” situations that are there to keep us in the evolving flow. I’m certainly learning this, not to avoid the uncomfortable situations that in the end will evolve me and make me feel freer and freer.
We forget that when we are impulsed to share something it is because it is actually being called for. If we listen and reply from the heart how can we go wrong? But this fear of getting it ‘wrong’ in some way can block us from our true expression. Letting go of this can take a while but every true expression is a step on the path.
I agree, lets try to get it wrong every now and then rather than trying getting it right. Maybe that will change things around.
It’s a great point that you raise here Matts, an honestly so… that we be more invested in being approved of and accepted by another, than being truthful. And what then, the actual quality of such relationships?
We live in a world where so much of the way we relate to each other is driven by personal need – and so miss out on the grandness of connection that is actually possible.
I agree we do cling on to needs which are connected to hurts we carry and we curse those that expose our hurts even though the hurts are what stops us from living a life filled with all the love we want to have. So the ones that are triggering us the most are really those we should cherish the most, not throw stones at.
I spent my life avoiding expressing what I feel, it was the worst thing I could have done for myself. Today each moment or situation where I express my feelings on a situation the deeper the love i build for myself. It has a far bigger effect than just for me as it inspires others to also speak their truth, something very few have felt we can do.
And that is the trick we all fall for, the fear of what will happen when we express.
A beautiful reminder that we are all equal and if we express our truth it is an equal truth for all.
The more we learn to trust ourselves and not remain silent when we really ought to speak the more we are giving another person the opportunity to learn, grow and therefore evolve. Humanity’s purpose is to evolve and not remain stuck in the comfort of not challenging each other when things are not right.
Elizabeth you are so spot on. Right now I’m in a situation where I’ve been given the opportunity to express more of what I know is true and it’s exactly as you say. It’s for everyone involved to grow and get out of old patterns that is keeping them from being their full selves. So true evolution you could say is being accessed through feeling more and more.
‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ Very true Matts, when we know we should express it is an opportunity and to hold back truth offers nothing , in fact more than nothing in it’s lack and repression of activity.
Yesterday I was with a group of people, and kept having things come to me to say. But I held them back and waited till someone else spoke up ‘just to be sure’. I started to see just how much self-doubt was affecting me. What if I am ‘wrong’ or ‘say a bad thing’? But as the day developed I could simply see how much holding back these feelings was hurting me, perpetuating a state of ‘I might be wrong’ and holding back everyone else who I was working with. So to read your words this morning Matts is a great and simple reminder – don’t hold back. Don’t second guess, it’s not our job to do that, all we are here to do is share how we feel, not get a ‘good score’ like we are at school.
So true Joseph – we could see ourselves as co workers of a greater plan and we all have a role to play.
And Joseph how dreadful it feels in our bodies when we hold back, and to the contrary how amazing it feels when we do express. It’s like our body expands and gets bigger.
I know what it feels like to hold back my expression Matts; however, as you so correctly point out, it is a matter of responsibility. Over time, and with practice, I am deepening my level of responsibility and expressing more of what I feel and know to be true. I must say an awesome process of learning and self discovery.
Yes we need to not hold back. That is why the world is as it is because we want to please others. It’s good to spice it up with speaking the truth. And I love doing that. I’m not perfect in this regard and I’m always learning. Just writing this comment gave me lots of insights of how important it is to not plateau and think that I’ve done my bit so now I can rest. No, the truth will always invite you to express more when you say yes, it never rests.
I can feel how I can do the same- measure what I expressed based on who I am with. Sometimes if I don’t like a pattern I see in someone I will hold them out and not give them much and then with other people I will be much more open.
Another big point, how much of ourselves are we willing to expressing when we are just with ourselves? We can measure how much of ourselves we are willing to be, food is the one big thing I use to measure myself when I feel I’m getting too glorious. Crazy I know but true.
Ever since I first read this blog nearly two years ago it has been a marker for me if I find myself holding back my expression from someone in any way. It is a constant reminder that by holding back I am not only harming myself but there is a probability that I am holding back something from the other person that they are needing to hear, but of course once they hear it, it is up to them as to what they do next. Responsibility with no expectations!
Hi Ingrid – as I wrote in the reply below I feel that where we need to start is with ourselves. How willing are we to be truthful to what we feel? If we are open and honour what we feel then it’s a piece of ease to express that to another, it just spills over, truth that is. So it all starts with ourselves.
Giving ourselves permission to express is like taking a spoon full of medicine.
And taking a double dose here is allowed.
Super common Matts, if not very very ‘normal’, in the sense that the majority of the world operates like this. Thank you for bringing it to our attention, because it’s not always obvious just how much we live in measured relationships.
Yeah if I don’t say what I feel, even to myself – it goes round and round in my head or stays in my body. I’ve noticed that when I take responsibility for not speaking up, saying what needed to be said or reacting then it goes away.
I know I’ve felt that as well. It’s like we are taps for something else to pour through. Like when you open an tap to fill up a glass of water. What if the tap went like, “hmm, I’m not sure if I’m willing to open up right now, let me think about it”. Wouldn’t be very popular.
Recently I am becoming aware not necessarily at the time but afterwards in how I hold back from expressing especially within my family. I am afraid of them getting hurt and reacting to me but I can also see that I too am afraid of getting hurt hence the reason I choose to stay in my comfort and not rock the boat. In the past on occasions I have spoken up but most of the time it was done in reaction. I am coming to realise more and more the importance of building a foundation of love for myself and making this a priority as when I feel the love within and know who I am, it is impossible to react and I speak with love.
I can’t imagine there would be many people on our planet who have not experienced holding back to ‘save’ a relationship. I sure have. So fearful that I might say something that will upset them, I hold it in, and later that turns to resentment. I’m less attached to what might happen these days and do my best to express how I feel no matter what the reaction might be. I find a lot of people actually respond well to it and it gives them space to do the same.
I have the same experience. Also what to remember is that this process never ends. When we have opened up to express more then the next package will come around the corner, the next opportunity to express even more and after that the next and so on.
This is a very interesting subject, when to express or not and what to say/ Refraining from expressing in reaction is a big one and then after that somehow having our body and mind together in what we express, so we come from the heart, the deepest part of us we can, to speak the truth with love. I sometimes have to consciously connect to myself at a deeper level before I can respond to something.
“Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?” – this is a great question. My experience is that when we hold back our expression f someone is in a position of power, if we favour them, if we have a sort of hidden agenda… we are promoting abuse.
I am coming to realise that when I do express with love and not judgement others often very much appreciate it, some don’t but it does allow the relationships to go to a much deeper truth.
Matts this is a great sharing, we so often measure how much we are prepared to express to another because we have already measured what their reaction is going to be, we hold back from expressing in full.
Yes attachment is a killer, attachment to an outcome…
This reveals how much we feel and do know and not willing to step out of our own comfort zone.
Reading your blog again Matts is a great reminder to express how we feel no matter where or who we are expressing to. I tend to hold back expressing truth in the past in case people don’t like what I have to say but this doesn’t support anyone but creates a lot of tension in my body. To express truth no matter what leaves us feeling expansive, light and empowered. No matter what we receive back, expressing truth is always so worth it, when we stay connected and without judgment or a need to be heard. It supports us to evolve by Just simply expressing truth freely.
Yes, our calculations of what we say and who we express to is deeply harmful because it withholds truth.
And it also keeps the separation up that says we are different. I feel that when we truly say what we feel it brings people closer to each other.
“Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?” what a great question and for me it also brings up the question of do I hold back expressing to people the truth if I want something from them? What I’ve come to learn again recently, I say that because its not the first time, is that if I hold back it creates the opportunity for disharmony later on, things can be misunderstood and truth goes out the window. When I claim back and express my truth there is a lot more certainty for everyone invovled.
A great reminder whether there is a need there or not. If so we can bend the situation to fit our need but we will pay for it later on.
A great scenario to share Matts, and yes, ‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ How frequently we can still sneakily judge ourselves and what we express, I now make my focus more about expressing with love.
To be clear and spacious in our body means not holding on to anything and expressing is a vital part of this. I agree Matts, it is really not our call if there is something needed to be expressed as it is just as much about each other and getting out of the way to allow what is called for to come through. Living this consistently means living not in self and needing people to like us and holding back our expression with them. Serge Benhayon has been an exemplary role model in this way.
when we start to feel the energetic consequences of our expression or our lack of expression, we cannot help but see the awesome responsibility that we have, and also the liberating results of embracing this awareness.
Life is continuously asking us to become more and to evolve. Adhering to this pull to expand can only be done through giving expression to the growing awareness that we are part of a grander whole, the universe, the divine and that we are the vehicles to give expression to that love that is so abundantly available for all. Therefore we are asked to express and say or write that what is needed to be expressed and will be for all a continuous learning as most of us have walked away from this way of living long time ago and have forgotten how to be in that space of love.
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” This is to be appreciated, when we feel strongly to express, its not just for us to receive but for a deepening of our reflection for another to feel and possibly evolve.
To come to the knowing that when we hold back from expressing to another, just in case we upset them, we are actually not only hurting ourselves, but them as well, was a big wake up call for me, especially as I regularly held back from expressing the truth for that very reason. Nowadays I feel the responsibility that I have to express the truth, no matter what the reaction or response, and even though at times my voice and my body may be a little shaky when I do so, once I have finished I can feel in my body, and theirs, that it was the most caring thing I could have done for both of us.
I’ve had that as well Ingrid, the body shaking. Could be us being weary of stepping into our role and sort of leaving the body half vacated but it can also be that the body is recalibrating itself to enhouse more of ourselves as we claim our truth.
So many deeply insightful and honest awarenesses in this blog Matts. Your level of self-honesty has ripple effects across the universe – what we feel to say is not ours – this is a jewel to be held close and remembered always.
The responsibility that goes with expressing what we feel can often leave us isolated from situation as we raise the questions or comments that no one wants to hear. With responsibility comes the importance of speaking truth that is not from reaction but one that calls on another with deep respect to ponder on life from a different angle. There is so much to learn from the receiver and the giver.
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” Most beautifully said Matts, the language of the heart that unites us all and lets us wake up from the slumber we have been in allowing us to see that there is so much more to life than what we are currently living.
It’s interesting that you feel when you don’t express there is something left in your body that does not belong to you, and when you do express it leaves and the body feels spacious and alive. I also appreciated the connection you made to true expression and brotherhood, this really makes sense, as expression is key to how we evolve together.
“It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.” So true Matts. When we hold back from expressing what we feel we are avoiding the truth of what we feel and we miss out on feeling the truth of our own expression.
And we miss out on love – if I wouldn’t measure what I say and how to be then I would naturally just be love, and that can sometimes freak me out even though that is what I truly want. It’s a work in progress.
Thanks Matts for sharing this little incidence, that held such a great message. These little things in life can reflect to us where we stand – for me it is a question of self-worth, do I matter enough to make my point, take up the space and communicate what does not feel right to me?
There is an interesting point made in this article that we express more freely with those that we might not be as invested in, people that are not our friends or family. Its always harder to say the truth to those that you hope will like you back, it takes commitment and bravery, if you are able, then you offer evolution in that relationship
Sometimes I have the idea that I turn further away from someone when I express what I truly feel but it’s not true. We actually become closer. What I come further away from is the fake agreement we have on how truthful we can be with each other.
I love what you’ve shared Matts, I am quite familiar with what you describe regarding holding back, and feeling what is unexpressed stuck in your body… and then the freedom and expansiveness in the body when you express in full. I have a feeling of l’m ‘all done’ when l’ve expressed something fully, and if there isn’t that feeling, then I have not. Doing this is most definitely good medicine!
Expression is gold and what we bring with each expression within our everyday is pretty much the quality that we live. I have noticed over the years that expressing being polite or not commenting at all left me feeling frustrated and annoyed that the opportunity has past when I felt to speak up. When we express the truth it can often make others feel uncomfortable or on the spot and that is often the key that makes me wonder why we often hold back. Could it be that the truth can rattle our comfortable way of being? Where the responsibility always remained safe and when we speak up or another shares the truth the responsibility asks us to go beyond our own comforts to see and feel the greater picture that may not always be perfect.
Matts it is so true but so ridiculous that we hold back expressing truth with those we prefer, favour or like. The people we could be most open with we often hold back from. What a great opportunity to change that, to change the way we express and make it about truth regardless of the perceived outcome.
I know it’s easy to hide in our “herd”.
Matts – as you say – true expression is not for the ears to hear but the heart to feel – that is just gorgeous and reminds me the importance of not holding back. We’ve made being nice the norm, and it is our responsibility to break this trend and start to be honest, We’re so scared of this, but the power behind this is huge.
Beautifully expressed Matts, you make some really great points here that are worth pondering as I know in the past I have also held back the truth when I need the relationship to be a certain way or want to be liked. This line of yours sums up perfectly how I can approach this next time around ‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
Yes Matts, that language of the heart may not be so well received by the ears at first, but it is the healing balm that can sink deep into another and bring a relationship from the comfort you mention to a truer connection. So I agree it is the way to go for me from now on – and it does not need to be around an issue alone. It can be a beautiful moment of appreciation, still perhaps not deeply received at first, but may sit with someone for a while and be a seed that sprouts into a wonderful flower when the conditions are right for that person.
Beautifully said Simon
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
This is a great question for us all to ponder.
I know that I still Often do this and the point that you also make as to why/ that we make it about ourselves. Yes, we hold into something that is not ours and halts evolution for both parties.
Powerfull blog Matts – it shows us the truth about expression – like you said – it is not for us to hold back as it is given to us to share and say.. That is so beautiful. And to also feel how much we have made life (expression) about comfort and hiding the truth. Abracadrabra – it is in our hands.
To me it feels like a very loving gesture to say how you feel. I would appreciate if someone felt something and shared it with me. Not expressing makes the space you’re in all sticky and messy but speaking up clears the air. I think we all have experienced how it feels when something isn’t said at a staff meeting (for example) or somewhere else.
I often have a picture thinking that once I express it will be received well and everything will be rosy because I did my part. This has not been the case. Often when I communicate how I’m feeling or simply what I feel to say, it is not received well. There can be reaction, I have been screamed at and had doors slammed in my face. This has been enough to make me want to retreat back into my non-expressing hole yet I can’t. I work on making sure that what I express is not loaded with my own needs, judgments or even a lack of love. Of course often the communication is received well and we both evolve but I no longer have an attachment to this. I am dropping the picture more and more of how I think others should respond. My part is to express, their part is their part and how they receive it is always their choice.
I love what you share Matts. When we hold back expression we make it all about ourselves. Who knows what will unfold and holding back controls what is there to unfold.
Loving someone takes dedication and a continual choice to be loving with them, but the first choice must be to love ourself! In that choice we are giving ourselves the opportunity to truly care for us in the same way we treat those who are most precious to us.
I can relate to this, of holding back what we feel in case it is not accepted, however when we do this we are playing games with each other and it breaks trust. The more we are willing and able to express what we feel, even if it is not favoured it helps to build trust and deepen our relationships.
One of the most destructive things we can do to our own bodies is to swallow our expression… Literally to not express chokes us inside… It doesn’t give us licence to go on random rants, but we need to start, simply start expressing ourselves and to build upon the body of expression.
Super duper important subject, and super well exercise! Thank you, Matts. There is no need to hold back in , and if we look from a logic point of view, it does not make sense to hold back the truth from those you love, as we will have to put them less and offer them less truth. So this whole ‘not wanting to loose’ thing which actually harms people under the thought and illusion of comfort.
Merely expressing something does not make it true, but it does create a situation that allows us the opportunity to get to truth. And in that regard it is far better to say something than nothing at all out of fear that it might not be the truth. For sure as hens eggs, if you keep expressing, you will eventually arise at the truth of all things in time. Say nothing, express nothing, and you will remain in the embodiment of your ways.
It’s very true that when we choose not to express that which is bubbling furiously inside us that wants to be expressed, it remains stuck in our bodies and we can still feel it there, uncomfortable and unresolved. When we do finally express, the relief in the body is palpable – a sure sign that it’s better out than in, every time.
Hi Matts – I loved your honesty. I felt quite exposed when I read about your realisation that you knew the person and liked them – many times I have been tripped up because I fear the loss of a loved one or the rejection that may come after my expression. What you have expressed here is common to many and has brought ‘expression’ out into the open to be pondered on. Thanks so much for sharing.
“It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto”.
Thank you Matts for highlighting this for us all to ponder, I love what you have shared. We do indeed have a responsibility to express fully, with love, thus leaving another free to feel and respond (or not).
When we express what we feel, we offer others the reflection to do the same.
Holding back what needs to be expressed in my experience has caused nothing but dis-ease and many issues in my body and in relationships with others and the world, however the world doesn’t support us in understanding how damaging ignoring our feelings truly is. Universal Medicine has shown that it is actually safe to express how we feel and that holding back is not healthy. The more we express who we truly are and experience the lightness and ease that comes with that the more we feel how not expressing all that we are truly feels and what it requires and the force involved and the exhaustion it leads to hold ourselves back. It is really making me question lately – is holding back truly successful or worth it in the end? Is holding myself back for the sake of individually really worth it? When we express our truth we and others grow equally so.
True – we are funnels of light (or truth) that needs to be expressed otherwise the body gets confused which is what we call illness and disease.
Love this Leigh “When we express our truth we and others grow equally so”. Note to self Do not hold back.
We know the feeling… Tightness in the throat, pain in the chest, a feeling of general restriction… A heart attack? Well it may be simply be that we have not expressed ourselves… And the ohis reconnection with expression can be extraordinarily healing.
Can only agree Chris – One of the big markers for me telling me that there is more to express is when I don’t feel super joyfull, spacious, and alive.
I love what you have shared here Matts ” It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” I have just come to realise that it is truly not mine to hold onto and when the ownership is removed I can feel the ease in which we can express a truth for another to choose to feel or not.
Just reading that nb feels freeing. I makes me realise how much we are carrying around, old baggage of how to be, how not to be, what to say or not to say. Perhaps this is what Shakespeare touched upon with his famous “To be or not to be”. To be faithful to truth or not.
Matts, I read this blog a few times previously and every time I seem to find another gem. What stood out for me this time is the firm understanding that I’m just the point of light that is in a certain place at a certain time because my body is required for service to humanity via expression to another. Me debating with myself if I say something or not is ridiculous when I consider my purpose in such a situation as I’m merely there to support another with their development through the exchange that we have. Of course there is a way to loving express what’s there to be said, but if I hesitate and hold back I am only hurting and hindering us all.
Such a great point here… often we do personalise what we feel as an impulse to say…”It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” Rather than feeling the purpose of it. That it may actually be what some one else is asking for and needs to hear. This turns our assumptions of life on its – Thank you.
When I read your comment I realise that the ‘magic solution’ we sometimes want when we feel down in life can simply be to start expressing how we truly feel. And saying that I also feel it’s important to mention that expression is not just the verbal kind but it can also be the allowing of one self to have a loving, supportive place to stay, supplying oneself having proper clothing, taking a warm bath or shower when feeling a bit cold.
It is very common measuring what and how I express to different people, be that expression verbal, body language, or through actions. Acknowledging this and observing it in oneself is a great start to breaking down the barriers that prevent treating each other with true equality. Matts your blog is showing that it is actually possible to take the first steps back to that way of relating to each other.
Great that you brought up body language as well because the way that I walk will also be a reflection of how I am in life, with myself and others and it’s possible to also start there in walking and moving in a way that will enable me to have a more supporting flow of energy moving through my body.
‘Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?’ – I could feel the truth of this in my body Matts and how often I hold back because of the fear of loosing the person from my life. Time for practicing getting myself out of the way and allowing the truth to come through me. Thank you Matts
A language not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel; this is very beautiful Matts and a timely reminder to not hold back but to express what the heart/body is feeling.
Just realised that saying no can be so awesomely freeing as that also is part of us expressing what is true, that we don’t have to say yes to everything by default.
‘Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.’ I have experienced this too and just goes to show how our investment in being liked, not wanting to rock the boat or other personal agendas can stand in the way of Truth and True Love. Taking these impediments away there is a possibility for greater connection.
What a great moment to catch yourself in holding back something that needed to be said … Am sure there are many of us who have all experienced moments like this, but eventually we just have to crack on and say whatever needs to be said, because the tension is worse than any outcome of speaking up
Agree with that Johanne and that is my experience also, truth is there to be spoken and shared not held back. And the truth is not even mine to keep, it’s for others to hear, so we are really holding people back from growing when we decide to say just as much as we feel comfortable with.
Matts, it’s great what you were able to share from one little incident and it shows how every moment is an opportunity to learn and let go of old patterns and by not holding back we can support others to also take more responsibility.
I know it’s actually a great way to commit to life, because it makes you alert and attentive to what other people might need in any moment. Just like a nurse in a ward.
I’ve got so much out of reading this again, it has really brought home to me the importance of getting myself out of the way when it comes to expressing truth. I decided to put myself on a little program this week where every time I have that pang of holding back, that I would actually do the opposite. What it is exposing is how many stories and pictures are associated with expressing that are so not real!
Thanks Aimee – and I feel that it won’t take long before stating the truth will be just as normal as waking up in the morning.
To express how we really feel from our hearts I feel will always serve another – to express from a much different place ‘our heads’ letting that imposing nature of this leading to a more reactive response, does not serve at all. As Helen shared the more we keep ourselves out of the way that initial heart felt clear communication can be felt by others.
I really enjoyed re-reading your blog Matts – it feels like there are little gems everywhere for me. I appreciate the reminder that what is there to be truthfully expressed needs to come out, not only when it feels safe to do so, but whenever it is there because it is for the benefit of the person or people concerned. We may not know the depth of what is being offered to another person in that moment and nor do we need to. The more we can keep ourselves out of the way, the clearer the communication can be heard and felt by others.
Helen this is so true. When we make the choice to express what’s there, it has a profound effect, even if we cannot actually see the effect. The more aware I become, I am very aware that when I have shared truthfully it has meant that my choices thereafter are different, as other options open up (including approaching things differently), that I was blind to before.
“Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.” There has been so many times in the past when I have held back from expressing, later to find out that was worst for them, if I had spoken up it would have been more supportive for them. Holding back our expression, holds another back from evolving.
The thing that holds me back the most from expressing fully what I think or how I feel is how the other person is going to react. As you say Matts… in your case she did not take it so well. But over the course of my life, I have also learnt that by not saying what needs to be said, it allows the status quo to continue and that is far more damaging in the long run.
That brings up the question of what do I choose to side with, the charade of life or actually bringing truth to it, and helping everyone else. Sometimes it seems easy to please other people but in the long run it gives a bad taste in our mouth. When I’m looking after myself and honouring what rhythm my body wants to be lived with then I find that being truthful and expressing myself is quite easy, it’s when I don’t have that I get all these silly doubts. Thanks for sharing Simon.
Still a work in progress for me is bringing truth with love, even though I have heard it presented for many years as a student of Universal Medicine. But what remains clear for me is that in the cases I have offered this to someone, it has never brought a reaction in that moment, but actual appreciation for speaking up. In some situations, if I am wanted to speak with a little reaction, I choose not to and own I am in reaction. Then I can let go and the words come much more freely, perhaps not straight away, but no less powerfully.
Totally Simon, holding back expressing builds a foundation of doubt and more the same.
Simon, I have also held back my expression in anticipation of a reaction. And yet the reaction, once it happens, is usually not as bad as the feeling of incompletion in the body from not having expressed what I was impulsed to say. It takes quite an effort to hold it in and can make you quite tired and it certainly is no good for the body.
That makes it so clear that we are all on a path of learning and not one of perfection. That line by itself is a great learning for myself, that I do not have to be perfect.
Having been the receiver from many honest people, in them not holding back in their expression I can truly say that it has really helped me to choose to make big changes in my life. I do appreciate the fullness of what is shared but just need now to live it. Awesome sharing Matts.
My experience is that we do actually live a lot of what we are striving for already, we just have to appreciate where we have come in our life and learn how to celebrate it on a daily basis.
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
I don’t know how many times this has ticked over in my head too, like theres a real fear of being rejected or not liked or the times when we water down the truth in the hope others will get it, well have to say it’s not truth anymore it cant be done, we water down to suit ourselves I’ve been finding out just how crushing it can be but absolutely possible to turn it all around as Matts said speaking from the heart
we are so used to mentally manipulating our expression, feeling what will be accepted and what will not, thinking and constructing, that the idea of not doing all of this can seem very foreign… What is truly amazing is returning to a natural flow of expression that is not constructed, but comes from the deep and true intelligence of our heart
It’s such a double thing isn’t it. We all want to express all that we feel and all the love we hold within yet we as you say go up in our heads to measure how much of that love we are willing to express. I guess it’s when we surrender to that love that we can with ease share it with everyone around us without thinking twice about it.
Yes very true Matts. Yesterday I had an experience that really confirmed what you are expressing here, it is about surrendering and being the ‘vessel’ to deliver what is needed to whomever needs it. It is when we go think about it, that it starts to get complicated: ‘shall I do this or not?’; ‘what would people think of me?’; ‘I will look ridiculous’ etc. Yet when surrendering to the impulses that are there it is very easy…and it brings a lovely expanded feeling in my body too.
Yes, you know how bugged you can get when things like the computer are lagging – that is us when we don’t express, it’s like a program running taking up all this attention and energy from what we are currently doing, and trust me I know from first hand experience.
Well said Chris – we say what we think will be accepted, and not what we truly feel. That waters it down so much and distracts from what is really going on… game playing rather than just being honest.
One thing I am getting more and more aware of is that expression is not just expression as in speaking or perhaps body gestures, but so so much more. That expression is everything is slowly awakening me into knowing that choices of work is expression. How I relate to my work is an expression. How open and honest I can be with myself and others is an expression. Where I choose to live, and so on. This empowers me into making changes that I thought before was out of my control, or I wasn’t really honouring the fact that I myself had the power within me to make the changes I felt were needed in my life. Awesome, love the discussion here.
In reading your blog again Matts highlights the importance of not holding back expressing how we feel but to deliver the truth regardless. That feeling of holding something in your body as you’ve shared when truth is not expressed is a familiar feeling for me too because in the past I have held back from expressing truth due to fear. The way to clear our body of this is to express in full. To truly express is healing and evolving for everyone.
I agree Chan – the best and most prosperous relationship is the one with truth.
And sometimes when we don’t know what to express but we feel there is something there to be said it’s great to say just that, that I feel there is something to be said and that alone often brings whatever is there to be said to the surface. Truth seems to work faster that our thinking mind can grasp and maybe this is a problem when we focus on the mind to be the leading focus rather than what we feel.
I agree with all you have expressed Matts. I have spent my entire life holding back what needed to be said out of fear of upsetting another or have them turn against me. However, I have found that this is not conducive to harmony as it only breeds resentment and bitterness – emotions that get to work in us brewing and stewing as we hold onto our 1000 small annoyances until one day, it is all too much to contain and we boil over into a furious rage. This can be taken out on others or ourselves, either way, it is not so pretty and we end up causing far more harm than if we had just expressed what was bothering us originally.
Then there is the other extreme that is expressing everything and anything that bothers us without reflecting on it ourselves first, so that what we express to another is done as a form of relief for things we don’t want to feel. This type of expression is more of a dump and is very imposing and equally as harming as not saying anything in the first place! The key for me has been to pause the moment I feel a reaction to someone or something, feel all there is to feel, and then, if appropriate, speak to the other person without judgment or condemnation…that’s the tricky bit because we are so used to blaming others for what we do not want to feel ourselves. But I have found that truth expressed with love is the perfect package and the more it is delivered, the more willing it is to be received no matter how squirmy it may at first feel. For in the end, it is about evolution and not comfort and deep down we all want this even though we may fight it.
I love what you have shared here Liane – revealing more of the responsibility we have for our expression, thank you.
‘Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.’ A beautiful reminder that life is not designed for me to be comfortable but to expand and step out of my comfort zone and express my feelings and to not hold back. When I hold back I judge the other person for not being all that they are but I am also adding to this because I judge them to be not worth my expression. Ouch!
Yes Annelies, then eventually we might get comfortable enough to express truth whenever it’s called for and expressing becomes the new comfort.
Great blog Matts. Like you, I still sometimes play the game of favouritism which is also a game of inequality. I too let some people get away with more than others, I have different standards and expectations for different people or I simply just want to keep the peace and not rock the boat in the relationship. There are so many more reasons we do this but in the end it is not healthy for anyone as it is ‘a matter of responsibility’ to be honest and treat everyone with the respect and equalness that they innately are.
I don’t understand Matts. Why would your neighbour sneak in and put a load of washing on when you weren’t looking? Why would they not have just asked you if they can use the machine? Clearly they were maximising on the favouritism they felt you have for them! In considering this, would you really have said no if they had asked?? Often it is the disrespect that we feel that we react to when an instance like this happens, then we go to the favouritism to see how we deal with that reaction.… There are so many variables to consider in all our interactions with others we can see how sometimes the mind literally just boggles.
Hi Suse – I feel things like this happens because there is a calling for deeper connection with people. A lot of things happens on the surface but underneath we all want to feel that innate connection we might miss. Our laundry room interaction allowed for this to happen so her mischievous way paid off : )
I loved reading your blog Matts, you have expressed so beautifully our responsibility to express and how it is beyond the self but for the all.
When we express from simply delivering truth, it feels amazing, healing, expansive and evolving for ourselves and others.
‘We basically communicate with a measured level of comfort’, I just had a conversation with a friend about this last night. She mentioned how she controlled a situation by measuring what she expressed as to not rock the boat and keep it ‘nice’. It was a realization to me that I do exactly the same and had never look at it as control.
Well said Kim. What a revelation – being ‘nice’ is a form of control. That doesn’t mean we all go out and be horrible to each other, it simply means that if we don’t rock the boat, the boat will never move in a different direction. It seems we seek to control because we cannot bear our comfort being upset. The irony here being, that in order to not rock the boat, we have to call upon an enormous amount of resistance to block what is wanting to flow, and while things may well appear calm on the surface, below there is a tsunami brewing… Comfort is the enemy of evolution, if the boat does not move then neither do we.
‘I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it’. What an incredible realization to live by. We are all the vessels of Gods voice, if we don’t allow true expression than others can’t receive what is for them. Allowing expression is allowing the voice of God.
A huge thank you Matts for your blog as it was very relevant to me. I realised as I was reading that I do measure what I say depending on the level of closeness I feel with the other person and therefore my investment in the outcome. But you are right – when we take ourselves out of the equation it’s so much easier to understand that the opportunity has arisen so that all can evolve.
I have been coming back to this blog a number of times. My lack of expression throughout my life is made clearer every time. And yet I have markers, times when I remember expressing in full and how complete I felt. Although it is difficult to break years of habits that required of me to be nice, polite, accommodating, co-operative I now see this way of being as a mask that hid my true face. I am playing a role in the theatre of life instead of playing me. My commitment to feeling and expressing means that I do not need to reach for the mask so often.
There are hundreds of ways in which I can speak up when I feel something is not going “right”. The first instance to me is my body. When I feel that I hesitate, shiver, hold a tension or feel my fist rolling in – these are all sings for me being in reaction. That is the moment to hold on for a second. Feel what’s truly bothering me, breath – and express with an observing quality for me and them. That opens a space for a possibility to truly talk and not just ping-pong words creating results that end up being a compromise.
Matt this is a great reminder “It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” That sais so much about brotherhood and the expansion of expressing our feelings as they arise … no holding back. We are reflections for each other and the message we deliver maybe the key they were looking for or needed to hear in that moment.
Agree Susan – the next step I feel is starting to express the love that is already residing inside our bodies. For me there hasn’t been a specific feeling just a livingness that is pouring over. When I started to really look after myself it was like I started to build a reservoir of something that really nurtured my body. I kept going and eventually I seemed to ‘spill over’. So there is definitely something that is already within, the key is to learn and know how to let it out in a way that actually lets ‘that’ out and not something that can look familiar. Serge Benhayon is so good at presenting the possible traps we so easily can fall for when letting this light that resides within out.
Matts reading your article has turned on a light bulb for me regarding a situation that has been bothering me. I realise rather than risk upsetting people I like I will make up excuses, and even make myself wrong rather than saying what was there to be expressed. I love how you have given the big picture view – it’s not about me, it’s about giving another the opportunity to grow – brotherhood.
I loved this line so much I wanted to write it out myself:
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood …”
So very beautiful this entire blog was to read.I assume that English is not a first language for you Matts, but you sure do have a magic way with the language of the heart, thank you.
Thanks Helen – expressing from the heart is something I sometimes forget but it’s always there as a choice and it feels awesome to come back to. Great medicine as well I’d say.
I love this line too. This is an awesome example of the difference when we express from our mind going into thinking about what we should express compared to expressing from our body. When it comes from the mind it’s controlling, stagnant and not evolving whereas expressing from our body, our heart it is evolving without us even trying, it’s just natural.
Awesome sharing Matts! “It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.” that’s the best proof for there is energy impulsing us constantly – and free will is the instance that decides which way to take. And if there is a loving expression – no matter if it is shaking the one in front or not – it is always worth it not letting energy of the unexpressed let be stuck in the body and being a deal for it for the rest of the day. The true art of expression is based on how we express in a sense of not being in reaction but speaking up from an observing point of view. Them and us equally so.
Interesting Christina, that there is an energy impulsing us to express. Makes me think about what happens when we choose to not express. I think most can relate to when we feel like crying but hold it back and that lump we can feel in our throat. Great example that some things are there to be let out not held in.
Thank you Matts for a really great blog, I feel inspired to express more and not hold back what is there to express. I liked the thought , it is not for me, it is not for me to hold in my body.
I am realising what a greater responsibility I have in expressing and when I don’t express I can certainly feel it in my body.
I agree Jill – and the more love I give myself and my body the easier it gets to express what is there to be expressed because the body is asking for it. It’s as simple as going to the bathroom when the body calls for it.
That’s for sure Matt, can’t ignore a bathroom call but we dismiss the other messages we get from the body. Your blog has bought up a greater awareness of the responsibilities of paying attention to these feelings we clearly receive.
Yes and I feel we need to be humble with ourselves when it comes to expression. It feels like a lot of us finds expression something sensitive to approach. We feel a bit exposed and sometimes a bit vulnerable.
A great word you have introduced here Jill. So often we play it safe because it allows us to stay small, but what of our responsibility to call things out when we see them and feel them?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
I can totally relate to all of these questions Matts, and I use these too often and as you say, make it about me. I am realising that by making it about me we both loose as I have that holding back in my body and the other person doesn’t get to hear what is there to be said.
I know Julie – I have experience that the more love and care I have brought into my life the less is the need to please everyone in a way that lessens me. And by doing so both parties win out. Thanks Julie!
Great topic you have written about Matts, expressing from inner truth is one of the most self honoring actions you can do and it is such a huge relief on the body. By not expressing what we really feel is a form of us rejecting ourselves.
It’s true Joe – it’s like rejecting everything the universe is providing for us. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we are actually part of a greater constellation that has a very precise order and that we are also called to do what is needed for that constellation to not only keep its precision but to continuously grow and expand to a greater version of itself.
Matt to keep in our choices that we are part of a greater constellation and we are part of the bigger picture of the evolutionary journey of humanity makes talking to your neighbour essential as everything is energy and even a simple conversation about washing is not to be dismissed.
Hi Monica – I keep coming back to those needs we still might carry and how those can stop us from truly expressing what we feel because we are afraid of others not loving us anymore. I do find it more loving though to actually be truthful and put the relationship ‘on the line’ so to speak and speak up. It’s not really putting anything ‘on the line’ but from my own experience it can feel like that. The reward afterwards is definitely worth it, I have to say, and very much appreciated.
If we truly trust and appreciate ourselves it should not be more difficult to express in full with loved ones or people we care for. Is their opinion of us more important than our own? In truth I have often held back from expressing fully in the fear of hurting or losing someone. The fear was reflecting my lack of self worth. As you so pertinently say Matts, by withholding we prevent not only ourselves but others from evolving.
That is so so true Patricia and I have experienced it first hand – where I feel to say something but there’s a hesitancy of what’s going to happen, will the person reject what I’m about to say or withdraw? That should not matter, what should matter is my impulse (or feeling) to express, because that is what’s being asked for. And when I do express we both have a chance to evolve, expand, arise out of whatever issue we might be stuck in. Our bodies should be used for this, expressing and helping ourselves and others expand our ability to express. Our bodies are not made to hold back, when we do we get all the issues and problems that we then complain about. So the best medicine would be to express truth.
What a totally awesome blog Matts. I feel everything you articulate and to have it explained so tenderly that it is not for us to hold the expression back, it is for humanity really highlights how I hold on to pockets of self so strongly – to move away from the comforts of rejection and a myriad of other reactions and hurts. To feel held in your wisdom that once we start it feels expansive gives me permission to give it more of a go. Thank you Matts.
Yes Gina – let’s knock on those pockets and let them sing us a tune, it sure will be heavenly I’m sure.
I loved re-visiting your blog today Matts and it was the perfect time to do so. I had an occasion over the weekend to share something I felt absolutely needed to be said, and even though I am finding it easier to do so, it’s still a work in progress and I still find myself getting a little nervous beforehand – it’s the old pattern of not wanting to upset anyone. But I expressed how I felt, which didn’t go down too well at the time, but today this person actually thanked me for sharing what I did: they claimed it with such honesty and as a result I could feel our relationship expand. As you say “expressing how we feel is a matter of responsibility”.
Great to hear Ingrid! We got to start somewhere, and as you say it’s a work in progress. Maybe we got to start seeing ourselves as ‘agents of light’ that has a really important message to bring to humanity, maybe that will ease the tension whether to say some things or not.
So true we can measure how we express to one compared to another. It highlights how we can hold an ideal about expressing equally to all, in contrast to a livingness from which our expression naturally flows. In the first case it seems we develop trust in relationship with one and so trust them, but only conditional to having ‘tested the water’ with them, so to speak. So when not tried and tested with another, we do not automatically trust. Yet when we trust in our own essence and our connection to God, then we have no issue with who it is we share truth with, as we know it is not our truth and have no investment as to how it is received.
True Simon, great to watch where we still have needs coming in clouding our flow expressing truthfully.
Every time we hold back , it burrows away inside us, creating dis-harmony and dis-connection, every time we express from the heart, it helps restore balance and harmony to the world and to us.
I agree Chris and learning this day by day now. If I hold back something I’ve felt to express it’s there in my awareness until I let it out.
Well said Chris, the more we express, the more we restore and the less dis-harmony we allow in.
Well said Chris, expression is everything and when done from truth fells expansive
We fear losing people if we are open and express how we’re truly feeling but ironically in that process we don’t seem to mind abandoning ourselves and so the cycle continues until we learn to fill ourselves up with ourself and stop looking to the outside to validate who we are.
What I love about Matts’ blog is that he makes ‘language of Brotherhood’ so everyday and ordinary and not something else that we ‘need to achieve’. It’s more about connecting to ourselves and everything else just naturally flows. There is no secret formula or ‘trick’ and as you say Giselle it is purely us expressing ourselves from our innermost as we go about our daily life. This way each moment of our life can be one of those magical moments that make our lives extraordinary in the most ordinary of ways and instantly make our body feel light and joy-full.
True expression being the language of brotherhood is a wonderful way to look at it, I feel this really sums it up and helps me to go forward being able to express more. My main fear is upsetting people, but if it is true as you say it is not ours to hang on to and may be needed to help evolve others.
‘True expression being the language of brotherhood’, I love this to Kevin. I have the same fear about upsetting people and love how Matts has opened it up to being part of what another needs for there evolution. Realising that we are messengers of truth when we express from love, and how one receives it is their choice to ours to control.
I can so relate to that feeling of awkwardness, or even a bit of embarassment after expressing what I thought to be my true feeling and realising who I was actually expressing myself to. Holding myself back from those who I favour – possible; but what I feel has happened a lot of the time for me was that the way I expressed myself was actually laced with anger or some other emotional charges even though what I was trying to communicate was very honest and true – therefore not loving nor true in its truest sense. I fall for this a lot actually, and I am constantly being reminded that there is a way to express with love.
The ‘language of Brotherhood’ now there’s true communicating, whether it be found in the laundry, down the street, on the bus, inside the home, anywhere, this is the language each and everyone of us has the potential to speak. Thank you Matts my heart hears you loud and clear.
Matts what a great blog highlighting the importance of speaking the truth and not playing games with the ‘ trickster’. There is no greater way than to build honesty in our relationships with others when we speak from the truth that brings others including ourselves to a deeper understanding.
Your sentence is very true and makes it real. – ‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’
I Agree Heidi – Sometimes it seems we’ve got too much room to choose what to say or not to say when the body in the end will show us if we’ve been truthful or not.
Matts this blog is very confirming for me ‘Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.’
I know that sometimes I will hold back if I feel that there may be ‘risk’ in expressing, meaning that I could be rejected. But at the end of the day… the relationship is not truly be honoured if we are not expressing and neither am I. 🙂
Hi Kathryn – I feel that we sometimes avoid ‘sticking our neck out’ because we then have a chance to show people who we really are. And also a chance showing ourselves who we really are. Scary at times? You bet! Worth it? No doubt! The fear we feel is just an illusion for us not claiming ourselves. And it could be as I’ve felt also other people’s fear I feel when I am to express something because it will expose everyone else that is not being truthful, and that might be one or two…
Thanks for your comment Kathryn!
I loved reading your comment Kathryn. It is a joy that is deeply felt when we allow ourselves the freedom to be all that we are and express that each and every moment. It is an amazingly strong feeling when we let ourselves feel the imposition of holding ourselves back from letting others know what we are feeling and that this connection that we have to the divine – for that is what is flowing through us – is not for our keeping and withholding. It is a blessing for us to share with the whole of humanity.
Expression is very different in its approach when it is not about you but what another needs to hear for their own evolution.. and can be very depersonalised when you are just the postman lovingly delivering them a package that on some level they have asked for.
As a man I often hold back saying what needs to be said to another as I’m afraid of being rejected and not liked, I therefore go into pleasing and accommodating behaviours and roles, but is that really helping others? It feels that its actually very selfish for us all hold back from expressing.
Reading your blog for a second time Matts, I really understood what you shared about, when something is there to be shared with another it’s not yours to hold onto, and it’s something that actually needs to be heard to help them see a pattern that’s old and keeps them from evolving. This is true brotherhood and the way we all evolve, but all expressing what is needed to be said in any given moment, and not being afraid of the reaction from another, and not needing the other to receive what we deliver in any way.
I so agree Emma, it will take time and practice to change the habits of a lifetime – and maybe more. We seem to be so entrenched by the ideals and beliefs that have become so familiar. As we open to love and understanding we begin to observe ourselves and see how destructive these patterns have become., As we become more vulnerable and allow ourselves to engage with the world we are then able to deepen our communication both to ourselves and to one another.
I find that when I express how I feel it opens me up to another and allows them in…..and yes, sometimes they may not like what they hear but if we speak truth, more often than not they come back to the table (so to speak) once they’ve had an opportunity to digest what’s been offered. And expressing at the time how we feel prevents resentment building up. I know what it’s like when someone is obviously feeling some level of discomfort or reluctance for whatever reason to say what’s going on for them – and the instant divide this creates.
I know Deborah – isn’t it funny how we can hide away in our bodies by not expressing even though we suffer from when we do that – expressing how we feel feels like a more universal way of communicating – and you know what, recently I’ve felt that since we are all part of a universe then the particles that make up our body must have some form of reference of how it would like to be used, and if we do not treat our bodies with respect, as in expressing what we feel then we feel the effect of that.
Lately I have been realising how favouring someone is not a loving gesture. it has been profound for me to feel this and what I have noticed is that when I favour someone I’m not actually open to receiving them in that moment in full.
Great blog Matts, it’s so true what you share. Mostly people don’t want to be challenged and take it as an attack. It is taking practice to learn how to communicate and express what is needed, at the right time and how to receive the inevitable reaction. I feel it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating and actually welcome the expression of others if its purpose is to increase awareness and to evolve.
It sure is a practice and when we feel deeper we know what is needed to be said so that what is said is welcomed by the ones receiving it, therefore leaving little room for reaction. We actually love hearing the truth, we just got it claim it and not allow thoughts to come in to cloud it.
I know very well how it feels not expressing what is already formed as words on my tongue. It’s almost out but I hold it back because of the fear not to be liked anymore. But the distance which is created by those unspoken things is more painful than a possible rejection. Once said it can be cleared- never outspoken it can be a lifelong hindrance for a possibly close relationship.
Thank you Matts this is a great blog, a great reminder that the impulse to express can simply be honoured without using the mind to weigh the costs and benefits, for the expression is not as you say, ours to hold onto. It is also a great reminder that the body is the true indicator of the healing or harm that may result from expressing or holding back, the mind can only guess but the body knows.
Thank you Matts, what a prevalent question.
I really liked how you wrote about us all re-developing a way of communicating, expressing and living that is communal, that is for the true good of all- and to speak our truth no matter what- to correct what is not true. Deeply inspired I am. It was a great moment of reflection- do we change our expression of truth around others? And therefore do we change who we are around others?
What you have written here Matts is so true and wise;
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working”
How awesome it would be to come together as one; lets keep working on it to make it happen!!
I agree Shirl – it was such a joy to read Matts words this morning – and to engage with that language of brotherhood that allows us to feel deeply within that we are one. To feel that depth of connection is like a true coming home – a return to what we have always felt was true and glorious.
I have realised that choosing the comfortable option when expressing isn’t really that comfortable – on the contrary. The feeling that remains in my body from not sharing the truth feels is very unpleasant, painful and very uncomfortable. A powerful marker that I have made the situation about me and not about truth. I now recognise how harming it is for not only myself but also for another when I do hold back what is needed to be shared and as you have beautifully said – ‘if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.’ This is a powerful blog and was truly beautiful to read again – thank you Matts.
Absolutely love this, Matts. Reflecting on it, for me expression is all about truth. It’s a choice to either express truth or keep it in my body – which always feels hideous. The relief once I’ve expressed – regardless of the reaction from another – is just truly liberating and I feel clear and unburdened. So for me, Truth is ‘a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel’. Because deep down as you say, the heart knows truth, even if the mind is playing other games with us to keep us from it. We can only be responsible for truth, never for another’s reaction to it.
A great point Matts, that if we all expressed in a way that was not only for the “ears to hear” but also the “heart to feel”, what a difference it would make in the world? We would honour each others sensitivity all the time and realise how deeply connected we all truly are – both from the intention behind the words and even deeper from the energy where that intention is coming from.
I love the feeling of honouring ‘each others sensitivity all the time’ as this allows us to not only feel and connect to our own sensitivity but to also become aware of how stupendously sensitive the whole universe is and how it also responds. The more we respond to life in a way that honours each little detail of each passing moment the more we can explore and expand not only our universe but the greater universe that responds on a greater and grander scale.
Wow Matts, seriously, you have given me a whole new perspective on the responsibility of expression. I’ve been making it all about me, me, me and trying not to upset another coming from me not feeling I can trust my reaction to another’s possible reaction when it’s actually about what we need to be sharing as a support for each of us to evolve and move on. I feel this will help me feel less scared about saying what’s given to me to express (lovingly) given this new understanding that it may be what another needs to hear, without judging it or editing it I’ve never understood it so clearly until now. Thank you Matts!
Yes I agree Deborah, Matts has a beautiful way of putting it using this everyday situation as an example of our responsibility and how often we hold back and censor what is there to be said – because we favour one person over another. A great blog, I find to keep reading, as a reminder that expression is not about me.
That’s great what you say, Deborah – and I know that now that I have the awareness I am often catching myself doing the same – that is becoming ‘involved’ by ‘making it all about me’. It is so beautiful once I have the awareness to be able to observe and to see the full impact of the game of avoidance that I play with life, and how I am able to change this in an instant. It feels so much more empowering to be able to humbly express these words and to realise that I am just a very small, but important part of a much bigger and grander scheme.
‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ I love your article Matts. It deepens my awareness of the importance of always expressing the truth the way I feel it.
Thanks Matts for your sharing. Your situation and not holding back what needed to be said is an inspiration to me. I realised that I have often held back what ought to be said because of who it was I needed to express to. I can see that it is not being truly honest if I do not express what needs to be said just to protect the other person, also the relationship itself suffers by withholding what needs to be said and therefore resentment could build up between us and affect the friendship.
Thanks Matts, a great article, much of what you wrote stopped me to feel deeply where I still hold back from expressing that which is given to me to express. The responsibility we have to speak is so evident in the following sentence. “Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.” If we express that which comes to us and speak without judgement of ourselves or the other then true healing can occur.
Matts your comment about whatever is unexpressed is left in the body jumped out at me. You are right, what is felt to be expressed is not ours, and then when it is not expressed, it stagnates and is poison in our body. This is also all being communicated by our heart if we are truly listening.
So true Vicky, thank you for sharing how debilitating it can be to hold on to expression. Truly expressing that which is felt is a healing all round but equally a stagnation for all if unexpressed.
‘when it is not expressed, it stagnates and is poison in our body’. That makes a lot of sense, thank you for pointing that out Vicky.
How poignantly and clearly you point out the harm that we are inflicting on our body when we hold back and do not express what is not ours. As you so powerfully say Vicky it does stagnate and poison our body and undermines our self esteem. As we feel ourselves becoming less, this then can turn into a very abusive and self defeating cycle where no one wins as we inflict a greater harm on society as a whole. Not claiming ourselves fully can seem like a small omission when we only see the world from our own perspective – but the impact is far greater than we are choosing to see.
Yes Vicky this is so true. The stagnation feels horrible and in the end simply signals the need to fully express.
This is such an honest and inspiring blog Matts. “It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” This is so true, and we do then make it about ourselves not wanting to disturb the ‘uncomfortable’ comfort. When I /we do express honestly and fully we usually don’t get the response we fear either, it can be the most refreshing expansion when we are willing to be honest and open with each other in any situation and it evolves the relationship to a truer more fulfilling one. I am also learning not to have an expectation or attachment to what comes back.
That is my experience also Victoria that when I just express what is there to be expressed it seems to be received very well.
What an awesome blog, thank you Matts. I can so relate to what you’ve shared. I too would have had the same thought if I was in your shoes when your neighbor read the note. I can say that I definitely hold back on expressing the truth when I feel I may be rejected. I have done this most of my life, in fear of being disliked I hold back expressing. When I feel to express the truth yet choose not to, it stays with me, in my body and it feels heavy, dense and yucky. Sometime when I can no longer bear that feeling, I pluck up the courage to express it and from that I can then feel the expansion and lightness again in my body. It is incredible to expose how much I hold onto by simply not expressing the truth, it affects me and the other person too. When we lovingly express from our heart with no vested interest it is such a healing experience for all. I am learning to express truth and to be more aware. Learning to catch myself holding back, to pause, give myself a moment and allow myself to choose not to stay silent but to express what I feel. Your blog is an awesome reminder for me to express to everyone equally on the same level.
Thanks Chan – it makes what is there to be said no one’s property, which could make it easier for us to express something we feel. Usually we think that what goes on within me is mine and originates from me but that might not always be the case. What arises for me to say might have another final destination, meaning what I feel to say is for someone else to hear. In a way it also proves that we are not as individual as we think but part of a bigger collective.
Beautifully said Matts and it is so true. When we choose to express from a perspective of being attached to what we express and making it about ourselves then it is so easy to hold back. But understanding if we choose to express truth is never about ourselves but about everyone, the ‘bigger collective’ it then feels completely different, it feels deeply loving, honest and evolving in every way.
That sure is ‘one big fat sign’ Willem. I think we all have made choices to not express or act on what we felt is true to us. The beautiful thing is that we always have new opportunities to start again, from wherever we stand.
Awesome comments, beautifully said. I too have so much to learn and to practice expressing truth. I often beat myself up for not expressing and feeling I have missed a great opportunity but like you said Matts, it comes around again and again for us to correct that or until we learn to choose what is true once again.
That’s very powerful, what you are sharing Matts. I realize again, how much I was holding back in the past and how much I sometimes pleased other people. Thanks for your reminder how important it is, to express always the truth, i.e. everything what I or we have felt in my body.
I know Alexander – it feels very humbling and honest to share what one feels. It leaves the bode at rest.
I can relate so much to this blog and the comments are very helpful. I am finding that the more I express at home and practice with people who are open to hearing what I have to say, even the slightest thing left unsaid feels awful to carry around. Then there became a point where I was no longer willing to accept how someone was essentially abusing me by the way they spoke to me and now this is starting to go with me during my day at work.
Great to hear Julie – I think people doesn’t talk abusive to be mean, they just don’t know any other way. That’s why it’s so helpful and healing for many to hear someone be open and honest with how they feel.
Matts, communicating with people is a situation that presents with all of us time and time again. How we handle these situations and how we choose to express this or not leaves all sorts of outcomes. Some comfortable and others not. Some received with understanding and others with hostility…..You have provided a very vital clue when you said “language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel ” How you say things is important as apposed to what you say. The intent behind the words.
I agree, sometimes you don’t even have to say anything because you can already feel what is being communicated with the other person.
So beautiful to read your comment, Concetta. I so agree that intention is so important – I know I often feel the words that I used were OK but that there was a hidden agenda that comes out in the tone of my voice or the value I can put on a particular word.
‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working’ – the truth of what you say here can really be felt in the heart, Matts. When we are truly connected to our inner heart we just know and express from there – it is only when we disconnect from the divine essence of our truth that we begin to doubt and begin to use the mind as a substitute for truly feeling. When we connect to our heart and express we allow the other person access to our divine connection and in that we unite and become as one.
Expressing in the way Matts is talking about is sometimes like diving into an opaque pool of unknown substance, knowing you have to do it but having no idea what the experience will be. It can be surprising sometimes to find that not only are you alive after diving in, but that it actually feels good …
Wow Matts how judgement gets in the way. I was particularly touched by the end of your sharing. It seems your note and expression was not amazingly received by the person. This in itself was a perfect reflection to me, of how we are here to say what needs to be said regardless of others reactions.
I agree Joseph, the wonderful woman got it even though she didn’t applaud me. I think she felt that I didn’t judge her and I wasn’t angry with her either, I was just honest and her response can very much reflect the feeling of ‘being caught’, and that is totally understandable. Important though as you say to not go into doubt whether it was the right thing or not to say just because the message wasn’t welcomed with open arms. Takes a bit of self love there to stand up for and behind what we express.
Reading both your comments Joseph and Matts, exposes how much I was and may still be in fear of other people’s reactions when I express truth. I would feel totally responsible for stirring them up and for the hurt they are experiencing. I get totally drained and avoid situations like this because I tend to absorb issues or emotions that are not mine. I also go into sympathy and I would most likely apologies for causing them to react. It’s crazy but it has worked so well in keeping me silent and I realized that it is such an unloving way to be. It doesn’t serve me or the other person because this just covers things up and essentially not allowing myself or the other person the opportunity to deal with stuff that is holding us back. I love this part: ‘Takes a bit of self-love there to stand up for and behind what we express.’. So true!
Wow this blog allows all to really feel the power of expressing what is there and not holding back… Thank you for this amazingly clear expression and all the comments.. I’ve just started to notice & feel the damage to myself and humanity that happens when I hold back!.. Quite often I can feel a clear impulse to say how I feel but hold back for fear of creating waves in the relationship, other times it’s like a stunned feeling then the reaction comes and the mind kicks in and at that point truth is lost… Thank you again Matts for lighting ‘The Way’…
When we can feel there’s something needed to be expressed then that is a pretty good place to start, even though some might find it a bit challenging to actually deliver it. At least we can feel it. The worst thing is when we cannot even feel there’s something needed to be expressed and we think that everything is ok when it’s not. Being honest is a great way to give that expression a gentle kick in the bum to get over the threshold and out into the open air.
Yes, Matts – for so long I chose to not feel what was wrong which in itself is a paradox as we do feel it and then just push it down to be dealt with later. Life’s natural laws are always at work and things will always come back to re-visit us. This is not a perversity of life but the most wonderful opportunity to change the way we have been living. Being truly honest is exposing but also deeply healing as it allows us the opportunity to embrace life fully and not just exist in a way that is so limiting and ‘soul destroying’.
Great blog Matt, it is so important that we connect to what we really feel in situations and express from the heart, thank you for speaking up about it with your own experience.
I agree Lisa, I’ve read your comment before and it was just now that I felt what you are actually saying, funny because that is what you are saying. Feeling is paramount but I find it easy to slip into autopilot and just view the world with my eyes and not from how things actually feel. Lazy you could say and I agree but I’m on it and having fun makes it seem much more relevant so that’s the medicine I will prescribe to myself. Will get back on how things proceed… Thanks again for the inspiration Lisa!
Yes it’s really to spot those little programs still running in our minds saying that you shouldn’t say this or that. A little nag is all it takes to doubt and the opportunity might be gone.
I feel its so important to express how we feel and not hold back with everyone equally no matter whether we like them or not. I’m not saying I have mastered this by any means but it definitely something to work towards.
My feeling is that when we express something to someone we actually like them even if we might think we don’t… does that make sense? Because when we express we’ve felt that something needs to be restored to some form of equilibrium or perhaps even harmony.
So lovely to come back to your blog Matts, and to the reminder as to the utmost importance of expression. I particularly related to what you shared as to how it feels in your body when you hold back from saying something: “when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine.” For me, if feels like an unwanted weight, a frustration and a missed opportunity, whereas when I do say what needs to be said, the feeling is so very different: one of lightness and space in my body, and the realisation, that in the end, once I get out of my own way, it is actually very simple to do.
I know Ingrid, it feels important to keep the flow happening and the portal open and not get stuck into evaluating whether it needs to pass or not. If what’s being delivered through is of bad quality then we need to check what supplier we have for the goods coming through…
This is great point as it is the quality of how we express that can be expansive and offer something … or not. Otherwise expression without awareness of the quality can be a dumping and very harmful. Checking the supplier is key… I love that.
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” love this sentence Matts, there are so many things in this life that are not working and yet we accept it even though we know deep down that they are not right. The mind will say, ‘don’t make waves, keep the status quo’ but the heart knows how harming this is, the held back words are stuck in the body with nowhere to go. I have found that when people point something out to me and I don’t like it I have a choice to listen to what the person has to say or reject it, but if it is left unsaid then there is no possibility for change.
Expressing in this way is work in progress for me Matts too, however I know what it feels like to get home and realise that I have been walking around all day with a label in my clothes hanging out. Why didn’t anyone say, they must have seen, don’t they care? I wouldn’t take it as criticism.
Just wondering what it would look like if all the things we didn’t express got marked on our outfit as a little label…
Beautiful Matts!I like how you bring it back to the other person:It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
You realized what a great impact your expressing has and that everyone is blessed to hear what you see and feel, no matter, if it is convenient or not.
That is a very lovely reminder Steffi – Thank you…
Thank you Steffi for reminding me of those words – it reminds me to not hold back. So often in the past I have chosen to not express because it ‘didn’t feel the right time’ – and now I am living with the impact of holding back both on myself and the other person. Speaking our truth can so often open up a dialogue that releases all the tension that we hold within when we do not express who we truly are.
Beautifully said Steffi! And this is backing what Matt shared – that the moment we make it about self we no longer express what truly needs to be said on a level of overview for the all. The awareness of the impact is immensely changing the way we express – when we are aware.
I love what you shared here Matt “holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine” i can relate to this. It reflects to me that our body is a vehicle of expression and that when we don’t express, our body is in a state of discomfort even, because when it is built to express we just need to do so.
Just like standing at the traffic lights – when the light goes green it’s time to go. Stand still and you’ll get lots of signals telling you it’s time to move on.
Great example Matts, it is so true, there are plenty of signals, honks and horns from the body if we don’t heed its impulses.
Matt, I love how you have exposed that speaking our truth is as equally about us as the other person that we are expressing to and that they may be missing out on a valuable learning by our holding back. This is a bit of a wow moment and shows an aspect of brotherhood that I had not considered.
I had a similar learning recently. I arrived where I was to stay for a few nights with quite a bit of luggage to unload and there was a car blocking the access preventing me being able to drive the car up to the door to unload. I felt an instant irritation but as soon as I realized who it was in the other car and it was a friend of mine I let go of the irritation and just parked around the corner and walked to the door content to wait until they had finished loading their car and moved on. This was a great lesson in treating everyone equally and that it makes no difference who the car belonged it is just another person.
So true Mary, another setting but similar content. Somehow it seems easier to not show ‘strangers’ the same patience and understanding we have with those we say we ‘love’ or favour. Great example Mary.
Thank you so much Mary for your comment – it has brought to my attention that I sometimes re-act in this way, and I can feel the discomfort, ouch! It feels so healing as we learn to listen to our body and to be able to see the truth and accept it unreservedly rather than fighting what we feel and using the critical blame game. We are so blessed to have these blessings from God in every moment of the day so that we have the opportunity to change and make different choices. God is magnanimous in his love.
Hi Matts, it was quite relevant for me today to choose to read your blog and especially the few words that sang to me this morning were “….that it is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel…” in regards to expressing. I am finding these words reverberating in my ears and felt in my body for me to be in a deeper awareness of at this time. Thank you for your beautifully expressive article, I really did enjoy reading it.
Thanks Roberta, and I love to see all the comments that’s been made. It’s like the blog was just a starter then it’s growing and growing with all of us commenting and reflecting from our own experiences. Really beautiful.
It is indeed developing a true sense of communicating for both the one who expresses as the one receiving. We have and still do express via the head and listen with our ears. It takes some practice to express from the heart and receive the expression from the heart as well. But it is so worth it as you show with your laundry experience.
This article is so real it gives me chills. It made me stop and realise how real I am , and how have I been expressing myself to others. I can feel that I have held back actually pretty much almost all of the time of what I really felt to say. Like you share Matts, all just for self, not communicating and being aware that this communication is for everyone not just for me. Boem – so true and I love how you express this so honestly and straight forward. Cool.
I can feel the truth of what you say Danna as I have done precisely this – held back ‘pretty much almost all of the time of what I really felt to say’. When all is for self I have no perspective on life and the effect my expression has on those around me – once I let go of self I connect to humanity naturally and openly and by expressing in this way I become part of the all. In this way we have a sense of equality and unity and life flows with the natural rhythm that is part of us all. We become ‘One Unified’ as expressed in the song by Michael Benhayon in his album ‘Our Everlasting Love’.
I agree Matts. Sometimes it’s better to get yourself, your thoughts and feelings out in the open. It feels so freeing to do that and to just get our feelings out there, feels so much better afterwards rather than holding them in. I mean… What’s the worst that could happen. ???
Great question – What’s the worst thing that could happen? I’d say we get to show people our true selves which can feel very very raw and naked, no fences or protections, but it’s very very freeing. I’m not there yet but I’m making pretty good progresses. I’m the one that hated to blush, now realising that it’s just me in the process of being more of myself and the body adjusting. The blushing is me standing on the threshold with the choice to say yes or no. No makes it worse, yes eradicates the blushing because I’m not using the body to hold back the light that is within me ready to shine out.
Matts a great article that brings up much reflection for me. I know from experience that I need to be honest about my motivation for bringing something up with another or equally why am I not bringing something up with another ? Is there emotion in my body ? Do I have an agenda ? Is it something that I have been dwelling on ? All these things alert me to the fact that what is going on isn’t clean and I am making it about me. If however I feel an impulse from my body, if there is no real thinking involved, if there is no emotion in my body then I know that what I am about to share is for the good of us both and that when I do there will be a shared feeling of expansion.
Not always that easy to achieve that but of course something to strive for. When we are in that state where we just don’t seem to be able to rid ourselves from an emotional attachment, as in a grudge towards someone, it can be very helpful to say for example that we feel angry with them or that we have thoughts that we cannot seem to get rid of. It’s very empowering to do this because we then know that we are not this emotional character but much much more. Emotions are so deceptive and takes us away from who we truly are.
As you say Matts it’s not so easy to achieve a total sense of clarity when your body has been affected by an emotion. Until we have let go of reaction it feels challenging to have that clarity. Emotion is very powerful and can so easily divert us from feeling our truth. If I feel it’s imperative for me to say something, I quite often know that I have an agenda – and that I need to allow myself to re-connect before I can feel what might be the appropriate action.
Loved re-reading this Matts, it is so relevant as being liked and holding back expression is huge for me and I have noticed for many many others! The need to be liked is very manipulative and not very open or loving! When we express with an understanding that everyone is a son of god and life is about truth and about not right or wrong, then the loving expression of that can only ever be of service.
And also when you say “When we express with an understanding that everyone is a son of god and life is about truth and about not right or wrong…” it’s easier to connect to the importance of expressing and by that helping people to connect to the knowing that life is about returning to something we separated from.
No one wishes to be unaware or ‘unawakened’ to the importance of expressing but like you say we’ve been pretty moulded from young to not express. So if no one wishes this there has to be some form of ideal hanging out there that we need to pinpoint and say this we don’t want. And by expressing from what we feel we stay away from feeding thoughts from and to this ideal and slowly it’ll fade away. But again, as you say, it’s us that has to make the choice to not express from it, because when we do we only make the ideal grow bigger and more deceitful.
Matts this question is so apt and I have found myself here many a times: “Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?”. What I got from this was how measured we like to be with people in how far we are prepared to be love or loving with them, …and yet when we don’t speak up, we are only limiting the mass of available love, and another’s ability to feel and experience this, which surely is everyone’s right? So in essence by choosing how much, we become a controller of love, and not its true custodian as we might like to think. Hmm.
There’s more than one gentle wake up calling in what you write Zofia. We hold back love and we also hesitate stepping into it when we hold back expressing what is there to be expressed. We should be inspired by the mail man/woman who just deliver the mail without questioning whether the recipient should get their mail or not. It’s already been sent and our job is to deliver it.
This analogy of holding back the mail that’s already been sent it so clear – I know I would not hold back on delivering a piece of mail so why would I hold back on delivering the truth. Your comment really clarifies our responsibility to deliver all mail and to not be selective and manipulative. We often don’t like to face the discomfort and consequences of delivering the mail, and with this there creeps in an arrogance that we know better.
Even though I agree both with myself and you Susan we cannot deny the fact that most of us have difficulties in being really truthful both with ourselves and with others. And I’d like to ask why? Have we been suppressing our innermost truth for such a long time that it’s now vibrating on a cellular level? Because somehow that resistance has to come from somewhere. I do however experience that when I make the choice to be truthful then it seems easier to be truthful, as if I am helped in some way. And the same goes the other way, if I resist expressing what I feel is true then life seems pretty uphill. I’m not claiming to be an expert but there seems to be more at play than just saying yes or no. Like if there was some hidden force not wanting us to be truthful.
I can so relate to what you say Ariana – and I feel inspired by your zest for life!
wow Matts this is amazing thanks for expressing. Life is always teaching us and in every situation there is so much to learn. Even the fact that someone used your machine is a reflection and an offering in itself. I too have learnt that all I need to do is check where my expression is coming from and so long as it is from love, to not interfere with it but to let it out in full. This is quite a learning for me as like you I have to deal with all that pleasing, and then noticing if one person matters more to me than another and if so wondering why that would be the case and so on and so forth as much that is not of true love or expression is revealed. However, I am finding that the consequences of not expressing in full are much worse than the fears or stuff that comes up around expressing so I am more and more doing it anyway and then dealing with what comes up 😉
I totally agree with you Nicola, being open to what will happen when we express what we feel to express is all we have to do. The rest is the magic that follows.
Me too Nicola. I am feeling the consequences of not expressing in full and as I express more, I am seeing how much more there is to express. This is a great process as I feel like at least I have begun and now I will continue. A wise man once said”expression is every thing” SB.
I agree Nicola – I too am finding that the discomfort of not expressing in the moment is nothing compared to the pain of holding on. It feels so amazing when I allow myself to step out of the comfort and to act on my impulse to express, whatever the outcome.
I am glad I read this blog and reminded me of the importance of not holding back expression – important for others as much as myself. I have found sometimes not holding back becomes rather emotional and reactive expression, almost like wallowing in the issue or problem. Thanks to Universal Medicine workshops and very practical information on offer, I have become more clear about how expression can come spontaneously from a place of harmony in my body and then be of true benefit, as opposed to reaction.
Good point Simon, expressing in itself doesn’t make the expression serving, it’s the quality in which we express that is the key thing here.
Matts this is awesome as I had never considered my lack of expression in this way (that something that doesn’t belong to us gets left in our body), but it makes complete sense as it’s what I have felt some many times. For me it even comes up if I see someone I know then hold back from saying hi or acknowledging them (whether or not they have seen me) and it has always felt strange in my body. Definitely brings a new level of awareness and a knowing that it is about more than me, but perhaps what someone else needs. Thanks for this Matts
It sure makes a lot of sense Jade.
Hi Jade – it feels so true and I know that I do the same thing myself – recognise someone and then hold back because I have a feeling of being closed off from the world. I don’t see this moment as a blessing and an opportunity to reconnect to myself and to the world. I need to build these moments that are offered all the time – little communications that my body is giving me to support my letting go of my self.
I have been pondering on the words ‘magic of God’ and I am wondering if I am reinterpreting these words and making them seem something out there and unobtainable when they are truly something simple, beautiful and godly and there for us all to see and become inspired. It is the ordinariness of the ‘magic of God’ that makes it so powerful and extraordinary. Expression is about communicating in an ordinary way that is clear and open to all and that in itself becomes extraordinarily beautiful and all encompassing.
So simple, we just need to give ourselves the time to really take in what is there all of the time.
Re-reading this blog, the comments and your responses to those, I could feel that it is just pure gold. Constantly a work in progress, I am beginning to really enjoy the process as I allow myself to express what is there to be expressed and finding (more and more) that what is impulsed for me to express is often a very lovely confirmation for someone!
Aahh it is, Pernilla… it’s such a beautiful process and a mind twister. A few days ago I felt to express something that totally made no sense to my mind yet when I said it the one receiving it totally got it. At that point I realised that my part in that was purely to express what I was impulsed to express and not trying to figure out why it needed to be said or if I should say it or not. It was like I was the one passing on a message that wasn’t for me to investigate. Like the postman doesn’t read everyone’s mail, he just delivers it (it could be a woman too for those inclined to complain about the gender stereotyping here :-))
It was great to read your blog again Matts as each time I come back to it I can find a new depth of understanding, and I can give myself another opportunity to explore how I express. All my life I have held back on expression and I still find it challenging to get out all the words that my heart wants to say, and yet it feels as though they get stuck somewhere inside where I have hidden them for so long. Just expressing that feels like a healing.
I can relate to that Susan, I’ve had a few weeks now where I’ve found it somewhat easier to express love to others. I’ve felt a connection and an ease being with people and just expressing that feels like a huge relief for my whole being and an expansion at the same time, like I grow and get bigger and more spacious.
That was amazing and perfect timing for me to read your blog, as I am looking at the when I hold back expression and saying what is needed to be said. Particularly to speak up in the moment, rather than feel after an event, I should have said something to somebody, then I have the discomfort of that in my body.
Thank you Matts for bringing up the subject of expression.
That’s an important thing you address Thomas, what do we do with the unexpressed stuff that we didn’t express? Where does it go and is there a way to address it afterwards? I don’t have an exact answer to that so I’m glad if people wants to contribute. My feeling is to not wallow in regret that we didn’t express but perhaps to keep on expressing when the next moment arises to do so. Perhaps writing would be good also, to put it down in words what we didn’t verbally. Awesome you brought this up Thomas, I hope I’ll see more comments about this.
Your last comment feels like an opening for another blog, Matts!
Matts, great ‘spin’ on an everyday situation. As was offered to me recently ‘don’t hold back, lack of comes from this’. Great that you trusted and expressed what you felt in the note.
Hi Francene, yes it was one of those moments where you couldn’t but express. If I hadn’t it would have felt really really awkward. Not towards anyone but within my body.
Correcting myself here, it would perhaps not have felt awkward to my fellow friend in the laundry room but it would have felt non respectful towards her to not say it.
This is such an insightful blog Matts, For me not expressing in full is a hard old habit to break but I agree with you, what is not expressed stays in the body and can be very harmful. It’s crazy though not to express in full as it always feels much better afterwards and more often than not the person accepts it better than I thought they would.
I know Kevin, it’s that trickster playing with us, we don’t like the trickster do we…? Expressing love has been a great one for me lately, breaks down everything and is so felt and well received by everyone. My body and I feels so much more at ease.
“holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive”.
Such a gentle beautiful reminder Matts to fully express, thank you.
I feel my expression has improved over time, however I can still feeling the pain and hurt of holding back my expression.
There is a sadness in that also I feel, to not allow ourselves the grace and space to actually just be ourselves. It seems like the ultimate prison. The way out is very simple though. Just expressing how much I enjoy my new work colleagues is heavenly and feels so freeing and awesome. I have made the choice to express love when I feel it and it’s been great and very life-including.
Yes I agree Matts holding back from fully expressing is like the ultimate prison.
Yes Shirl, when we don’t express it becomes like a furball that should be tossed out of the system – That would be awesome if we had that function. We don’t however, we have a choice to listen to our bodies and that is what’s differentiates us from the Animal Kingdom. And really shouldn’t it be us human beings that is here to inspire the animals and not the other way around…
It is beautiful to see and feel how so many have been inspired by your blog and how beautifully the comments expand the initial impulse of the blog itself. It offers us a real insight into how the whole universe continues to expand and allows us to feel that we are part of that expanding universe. My expression has begun to shift after so many years of holding back and allowing the body to hold all these unspoken words. Sometimes it can still be hard to allow myself to let go – but with the love and support of Serge Benhayon and his family I am beginning to feel the change as my body opens up to love – and expression!
This reminds me that the body is always ready to express in full, it’s us within the body that can hesitate in expressing. Then we end up with a body that feels like it’s not up for it when in fact it is.
Thanks Matts,
This really exposes the evil of comfort in families and amongst friends, where we hold back the truth to ‘keep the peace’; and in doing so, hold each other back from greater levels of love and evolution.
Our expression, and not just the words we communicate are everything… how often do we allow less than love by being silent, or in the way we walk or move around another?… Communicating on some level that their loveless behaviour is ‘ok’, instead of exposing that which is not loving through the way we hold ourselves and express.
Brilliant sharing Matts.
Totally with you here Kylie. No need to slouch around others keeping ourselves small just to please, so called, another. Really they’re asking for it because if someone doesn’t want to be exposed it’s not really the true version of them saying that.
Hi Monica, allowing that intimacy as well as daring to show off that beauty we are feels like big ones here.
Everything and every moment sure carries the opportunity for us to be more and more aware of what life is all about. I’m learning to see and appreciate this more and more and Universal Medicine offers awesome tools here.
Such a great blog Matts. I am learning to express more as well and your line: “It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it”, really supported me to feel how it is not about me too but about everyone when I express something I deeply feel to express. It is a learning process but the feeling in my body when I express is priceless.
Wisdom and laundry. Superb.
So many comments have revolved around expression and communication, as naturally they must with this subject that you have described so beautifully.
What struck me with your blog is the fact that wisdom is there for us to connect to in every moment. There is nothing too mundane in this life to be empty of the opportunity to learn, gain understanding, develop ourselves, or expand.
Laundry, taking out the garbage, a moments connection walking down the street…..through studying with Universal Medicine, and in doing so becoming a student of myself, I have experienced a shift of orientation to life.
Everything is an opportunity.
Love your work Matts. More please.
The analogy here is quite funny actually. Express and you will feel like you’ve had an internal wash. Don’t express and the dirt will eventually start to pile up and smell.
The honesty and integrity expressed here is so light and playful – yet really brings home a powerful point – we can’t hold back what we feel just to keep things safe and comfortable for others – to truly care for others is to bring them the truth they are ready for because deep down they are asking for it.
Hi Gemma, I was just thinking where does this resistance come from us not expressing naturally what we feel. It feels like we’ve forgotten where we truly come from and we feel a bit lost and off track. I find it really refreshing saying what I feel to say and that gives me the feeling of having more space to be me. When I hold back claiming what I feel is right and true for me it feels like the world is caving in on me.
Yes Andrew, I admire and keep being inspired by those that keep on expressing their truth and staying away from being affected by those that oppose that expression. I include myself here to a certain degree and I know there is always a grander expression awaiting round the corner.
A very beautiful expression Matts of what is required to form true Brotherhood and how we delay the process by withholding what we feel to be true in our hearts for fear of upsetting the status quo.
Lately I have become aware how much I have not been expressing my love to all those around me. Since I am opening up more and more, my relationships have changed so much and not just with so called ‘loved ones’. For me everybody is becoming a ‘loved one’ and this just feels amazing. I never knew I could be intimate with so many people, I actually feel like I am dating the whole world.
Very inspiring and a great help Mariette. When I read your comment I came to think about the term ‘love hurts’ which seems a bit ironical. To me it seems more likely that the hurt come from us not expressing love. So when we practice what you share here it could be the one and only remedy for all those feeling that they have been hurt by love in one way or another. Love cannot hurt, it seems a bit ridiculous but it makes perfect sense that it hurts not expressing it.
What a wonderful insight and so true, love cannot hurt. I got hurt a lot in the past but I can see now that all those relationships and dates were not based on love. I had no idea what love was and always came with a need. When this need did not get met, so when the other could not give me what I wanted, the hurt kicks in. The beauty is, that hurt was already there and has nothing to do with ‘the other’. Its the most profound and deepest hurt that gets triggered, and this is the hurt of not being with ourselves. Its the hurt of missing ourselves. At the moment I am learning about what love is and I have to say, it feels wonderful. I am very much a student but for sure a student with tremendous amounts of love.
I feel so inspired by the comments made by you and Matts. It all makes sense as to why love could possible hurt when we know that ‘God is love’. I too can feel the hurt of holding back on expressing the love that is held within. It is not for me but for me to share with all those I meet. I am finding that as I open more to love, the more I am expressing love in my interactions. Love does not always need to be direct – it can be the little things that I do as I go about my day to day life that support me and my environment and make life flow. It can be as simple as letting a car into the flow of traffic. It can also be a deep expression of my tenderness to another person in my life and meeting them in our shared tenderness.
Hi Susan, More and more do I realise that love equals stillness. When there is no stillness I cannot feel what love really means. It’s like the true meaning of love is not contained in the word alone but it’s an energetic state of being.
Basically what you’re saying is that love is found in a surrendering to a quality that is ever present around us. That’s why we need stillness. Without stillness the flow of love cannot be felt. The esoteric connective tissue therapy presented by Universal Medicine does this. It presents for the body a quality that allows stillness to be felt. It helps us connect us to our true essence and it’s awesome. It serves as a great reminder that we are more than just physical beings. We are indeed beings of light as well
Absolutely Matts, I came to this understanding just today, in that what has truly hurt me over all the years is keeping my lips sealed and not expressing what I feel. It feels like a pattern of lifetimes. Of course one would get sick living in this way, if what is there to be expressed is kept in certainly that is a poison in the body, as it’s meant to be OUT. I’ve heard this many times, before, but becoming aware and seeing it in action and the harm that is caused is enough for me to say ENOUGH.
That is so true Shevon – I am feeling more and more how holding back ‘is a poison in the body’ – and this analogy shows me clearly that there is choice and responsibility in continuing to run my body in this way. I would not allow such a build up of any other kind of poison in my body and yet I continue to hold back for fear of rejection. If I claim my truth I can connect to the wisdom that my body offers me day by day as a constant and ever loving blessing. Expressing is a blessing for everyone to feel, share and appreciate.
You know Shevon recently I’ve been thinking about the body and how it seems to be connected and interrelating with the universe in the sense that it corresponds to a call that is in sync with the universe. If we then live in this perfect body of light there must be a way to live that ignites this connection and also a way that disconnects us to this.
Matts, you are so much on spot. Making expressing truth about yourself and how people are going to react to that, is deeply unempowering. To connect with the other person empowers me to express what is there to evolve both of us.
‘Hi Felix. I agree, connecting with others is so important. It makes it easier to share how we feel because it includes the other one in what is being expressed, taking them into consideration.’
Thank you Matts. I have realised that I spend a lot of time waiting for the right time – which never happens and I can feel the mountain of disservice as a result.
I know Jen, the ‘right’ time is a tricky one isn’t it? Still we at times wait for it. Better to get on the bus the first time and enjoy the ride with everyone else instead of standing in the cold hoping for a better one.
What a great way to look at it Matts, I will try this next time. There is a feeling of openness to express as it comes and in observing myself it seems like it’s so unfamiliar that waiting in the cold is more comfortable. It definitely does not make sense when put like that.
Gorgeous image Matts. One that will stay with me when I next keep my lips sealed…waiting for that next bus.
I know Jen and all that happens is a mountain of resentment builds up within – definitely a disservice
” I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” Love this sentence so true and so empowering to not hold back anymore anything. Beautiful sharing, thank you Matts!
I have a confession Rachel and that is that I’m far from perfect. I love the words actually and they are a great help for me as well. When we express it seems like we move from one platform to the next where the new one offers new possibilities of expressing truth in a deeper sense. And the platform seems to grow as we grow our expression. The platform can also get smaller when we hold back expressing or perhaps we have to jump back to an old used one.
Absolutely gorgeous Matts. Total pearl!
I so enjoyed reading your blog Matts – it all made such sense. I do feel that I know when I am holding back I am not holding back on just me, and that is why it is always so uncomfortable, and I am sure that the other person is aware of this holding back too. No wonder we often find communication so difficult. We can only truly meet another when we honour our impulse and allow them to share in that experience of connection. The last sentence encapsulates it all ‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.’
Hi Susan, yesterday I really felt like sharing with someone at work what a great job I felt they were doing. I kept stalling saying it and reasons were me thinking that it wasn’t perhaps the most important thing to do. But the pull to say it didn’t go away so in the end I shared it with a text message. The next day she really thanked me for it and it made me think that the reason for me sharing things that I feel doesn’t have to do with me but because someone could be lifted up by hearing it. It’s like you being on call duty and when someone needs to hear something that I have the capability to share I get the call. Key is to learn the phone tune and then to pick up the phone.
A very timely read for me this morning Matts, the ability and the importance of sharing what is there to be said, out of love and support for all.
And a true blessing for everyone getting what you share Joel!
Matts I loved the line ‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ I have learnt this many a time as when I have often held back something that is there to be said it has often turned out to be a disservice to the person that I held it back from. This has supported me to realise exactly what you expressed and now I know that what is there to be said is not for me or about me so who am I to hold that back.
It’s like we having the perfect present for the other in our pocket and all we have to do is hand it over. Simple isn’t it? Yet not always that simple, but it’s a learning process and loving people seems to be a great practice in getting that present to the one asking for it.
Thank you, Matt, for your amazing insight. I realise now how I have many times expressed from reaction while thinking I was being true to my feelings and wondered why it didn’t feel clear.
Thank you Fumiyo, it’s a big one isn’t it, knowing the source you’re expressing from. One makes you feel great, one makes you feel not so great. One drains you and one lifts you up. I feel that doing the Gentle Breath Meditation has helped me a lot in knowing and feeling the difference. To be found here: http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/free
I feel this too Fumiyo – re-action rather than action. In doing this I can end up fooling myself and even more I sometimes convince myself – my mind is so headstrong when I hand over my power to my intellect and close down the connection to my heart. I then end up being surprised that life does not turn out so well and get into the blame cycle. The more I let go of re-action, the clearer are my decisions and the more beautiful life becomes.
I agree Susan, when we get into reaction to another but also when we cannot seem to hold our own energies intact but take things on from others it really makes our thinking clouded and it feels like it’s not just us thinking anymore. It’s something else that has gotten into our ‘thinking space’.
Hi Matts. A beautiful blog that allows me to be much clearer on expression and my responsibility to express what is there to be expressed. It is not about me. I have always expressed from behind my protective shields. I have very much controlled what I have expressed to have control of the response. This has served no one and is not true expression. What you and others have written Matts has made it very clear to me that there is a different way of expressing, where expression is everything and I have a responsibility in that. It is not about me. Thank you every one who has contributed.
Hi Brian, I feel there is a dichotomy here where I agree that making everything about me isn’t working but at the same time it’s all about me, listening to my innate feeling of what is true to me. I feel that the more I listen to what feels true to me and make that into my reality the more truthful I get not only with me but with everyone else. It’s like that built connection with myself spills over for everyone else to enjoy.
Thank you for your beautifully expressed blog. I am finding exactly the same issue in my life at the moment. I am prepared to speak up at certain times but at other times there is a measuredness and am ruled by not wanting to rock the boat too much. I find when I do express the truth clearly, I then back off for awhile so people don’t feel its too much. A friend recently pointed out that the discomfort we feel before we express is not from worrying about the reaction but simply the tension of holding back the truth. As you have found, the expression comes to us not for us but for another and needs to be expressed. I have experienced that the tension is the holding back, as when I do express truth it feels amazing no matter what the reaction and it sets me free from all the things that keep me silent.
Hi Fiona, I’m picturing a ship that is in need for a captain to take charge, to set sails and navigate it with confident hands in to still waters. Without the captain the ship will be left in the open sea with no clear direction. Every ship needs a captain. Otherwise the ship has no purpose. Just like us, if we do not express what we feel to express the body is left feeling purposeless. Maybe not the best of stories but not that bad either…
This is such an awesome blog Matts – serving as a reminder to many of us who get stuck in those very old patterns of holding back expressing in our fullness. I’ve been there so often and always had a feeling of ‘why didn’t I speak up’? when the impulse to do so was so strong. Whatever the situation I’d then go into regurgitating the whole event umpteen times in my mind – so very exhausting. You beautifully expressed “as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold onto, but for someone else who has asked for it.” Thank you Matts for speaking out to us all so clearly.
They definitely deserve you Marion! In your fullness and nothing less!
I have reread this very inspiring blog and comments. In the comments where you say “making mistakes is lots more fun than holding back in the strive to get it right when there is no ‘ right’, just a process of learning and unfolding”. I agree every step is a learning and unfolding.
Thanks again Matts.
And in that process we can learn to love making ‘mistakes’, love blushing (my favourite) and let others know that we don’t have to be perfect.
I really enjoyed this one Matts. It is clear that there is only 2 choices – to express or not express. But if we are truly honest about it there is only 1 choice “To Express”.
Hi Mick, I guess we can express in so many different manners but what is important is the quality in which we express and what place within ourselves we come from when we express. In the best of worlds there would be just one way to express, from our inner most, but we seem to be a bit away from that so we have to learn as we go what feels best for us. What I find great is that I can feel if I hold back what that does to my body and likewise how amazing it feels when I let out what I feel to express. And it doesn’t have to be earth rumbling exercises. Today when I was waiting for the bus I felt to share a few words with someone and it felt like I grew a little, expanded my sphere that I live in, basically it felt great and normal at the same time.
Beautiful Matts, thank you. I can whole heartedly feel all you have shared. Expressing from feeling makes all the difference to all that is spoken. The language that is for the heart to feel – now that can be anyones language!
Yes Giselle, and I’ve come to re-evaluate blushing. Now I feel it’s a lovely calling to let that inner most light shine through even more instead of shunning away. Choosing to be seen feels like an important choice here.
Absolutely Matts, in that moment the connection to what may have until then been something kept safely ‘under wraps’, in the second that has been exposed – the light shone – the confirmation from my body is instant by way of blush, it truly is a gorgeous inbuilt response to exactly that – being seen.
This is awesome Matts, thank you for sharing. I feel myself holding back what I feel to say sometimes because I think “I can’t say that”!! It’s too direct, blunt, firm, will upset someone, etc. As you have clearly expressed, it’s not mine to hold on to, they have asked for it.
Hi Brooke, yes sometimes you wonder where that little voice comes from, telling us to hold back expressing what we feel. It certainly doesn’t come from the one asking for it nor from my true self so it might be that we allow in some interference that makes us not follow these true-felt feelings. If we were to apply Vicky’s advise one comment up we would be doing quite well I think.
Expressing what we feel is simply a matter of love – to accept it or not.
Short and to the point, I like that, thank you vicky.
So true Matts – truth is truth – it doesn’t change depending on who we are expressing it to. And if it does change is it because we are attached to an outcome, or we are trying to manipulate the situation, or it isn’t truth at all. Lots to ponder on what you have presented!
Agree with you there Alison, however the expression can take on many forms as long as it’s from the one (true) source. I picture myself a flower plant where the one seed has given birth to many different expressions of itself.
Awesome sharing Matts, and so timely for me to be reading it right now :), thank you.
My absolute pleasure Jane!
So true Matts, it is strange how we have concocted this method of communication that actually confines our full expression and how we have made this our normal way to be with each other.
Sure it is time for a change I say. The intimacy that is offered when we do this is very refreshing and perhaps a bit unusual to feel, but it’s so worth it. And our body keeps asking for us to communicate like this. I keep learning, thanks Marcia for your time.
Hi Matts I am learning that if I have no attachment to someone getting what I say, then the words just flow and I don’t feel the need to explain or prove to someone what I have said. When this happens the other person (usually) gets what I say and I wonder why I have made such a fuss in my head in holding back from wanting to say anything. I loved reading your blog again, such a great reminder that what we have to say is not always for us, so by holding back we are also holding back the other person.
I agree Alison, it’s a huge blessing for both parts when we openly share what is there to be shared. It’s like we welcome each other into this warm and cosy space.
I agree Matts, expressing how we feel is indeed a matter of responsibility.
And when we keep it up I feel that it’s actually a fun and freeing practice – great as well for everyone else to see that sharing what we feel is a very healthy and rewarding exercise.
Yes I agree Toni that’s a really great and fresh approach Matts is sharing in making expression about what is needed. I can relate the holding back to avoid another’s discomfort but realise it’s the same discomfort I feel if I’m being corrected. The discomfort is a good thing for me as I am asked to be more responsible and to consider the whole with everyone in it – not just me, myself and I.
What wisdom you share here Matts and an angle that is not normally looked at when we talk about communication. The thought that what you have to say might not be for you, is such a revelation. We hold back so much because we think we might hurt someones feelings, but what you are raising here is that people might actually be needing to hear that because it is causing them a greater hurt to actually hold onto what they are doing/saying/acting out. This is worth great consideration by all of us.
Hi Sarah, I’m taking it even further saying that my feeling to express something is actually another’s silent calling for help. The verbal part we communicate is just a fraction of the whole communication going on. It’s awesomely fascinating.
Utterly fascinating. We lose so much when we constrict communication down to the audible that comes out of our mouth into another’s ears, and visual through gestures, facial expressions, and writing.
We are missing a whole rich and nuanced world of expression.
It is like we are staring at the ground, and thinking that is all there is, when all around us is beautiful scenery, with butterflies and birdsong.
It is fascinating yet a bit exposing if we want to bring it back into what it means for us. I feel we hide quite a bit if not a lot in this limited way of communicating. I know I do. I know there is more that I can express but at times I get lazy thinking I’ll get away with it or that it’s ok to not express, when it’s not really. I know this. I feel there is a great freedom in expressing and then it’s up to moi to choose it.
For anyone lucky enough coming across this blog and comments let me elaborate on the part where I say ‘…it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ I could just as easily say that it’s not for me to judge or question whether I should express my beauty, because it’s not for me to hold on to. I was just reminded of this by an older woman in the supermarket who made me realise that I’m not fully appreciating how beautiful and glorious I actually am. This expands expression to be so much more than what we normally consider expression to be. As Serge Benhayon has shared that ‘Expression is Everything’ and also that ‘Everything is Expression’. So true.
Exactly, I shared before that it feels like if we didn’t hold back and tried to be nice and pleasing so much we would be experiencing a much deeper form of connection with others. What I feel is that if we would drop this game we would feel the pulse of stillness and it seems that this is so confronting for most people so we have our little things we do to control the level of stillness we will allow with others. And in a sense we actually measure how much of the true self we are willing to bring to the one/ones we’re interacting with. So perhaps when we get this impulse you’re describing it’s natures way of showing us how we can get back to stillness, how we can get back to a more natural way of being with others. When I write it like that it really feels as if we put a lot of effort into hindering something that really cannot be hindered, just delayed. It’s like hindering a flower becoming what it’s already destined to become.
There have been many times where I know I have done this. Sometimes I’ll catch myself before it’s to late and say things. Other times though, it’ll be a passing by moment where I didn’t express and then it’s a ‘damn. Next time’ thought to myself. It’s interesting to ponder on what you shared about how your expression is not only for you, but for everyone. This makes sense too, seeming if it was just for us we would say it in our heads and not out loud or to another for other people to hear.
Exactly, great point. If it were not for us to express then we wouldn’t feel that urge to express. Now I understand there are different ways here. I’m not saying that we should express everything we feel because sometime we feel angry and expressing that anger could be quite devastating. We could however say, and express that I feel angry without having the anger being directed outwards in some form of outlash. This is a point I haven’t yet discussed that we can express in different ways and one is from a reflective, observing, responding point and one is from the reaction of what is being felt. I guess this could be the intro to the difference between feeling things and being emotional.
Beautiful Matts, what I express or feel to express is not for me, so not for me to hold back either. Then we come back to serving others and ourselves equally, getting ourselves out of the way and just delivering what needs to be delivered.
Right on Katinka!
Hi Matts, Great insights and the fact we express differently to people depending on who they are shows an inequality as you say a holding back. This line made me really sit up and take notice ‘ It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ This was a real stop moment. Thanks
Thanks Judy, and to deliver it with love is the key. (As Rachael R reminded us of further up.)
What you say Matts makes me realise how a lot of what we call friendships can be nothing more than an arrangement to agree with each other and to avoid feeling uncomfortable. But as you say so beautifully, we are given words and feelings to share, with everyone equally. Though difficult at the time some of the most profound moments in my life have been when people have asked me to take responsibility. We are all definitely and absolutely worth truth, in every way.
We are definitely worth truth Joseph, I’ve experienced this myself where I want to keep the friendship but at the same time I feel like expressing something that I might dread will change things, and when I do express it’s such a freedom and it feels like the whole world is smiling with me. So friendship in truth, seems to be more about expressing what we feel rather than tip toeing and padding something that seemingly doesn’t want to be disturbed. I feel we’re on to something here Joseph, I like it!
Super true Joseph. I can definitely feel within relationships that there is a unspoken law to ‘keep the piece’ and don’t deliver news that’s hard to swallow.
Beautifully expressed Joseph and so true. We are all worth knowing and feeling the truth and unless we truly express how will we deepen our relationships?
Matts I have just read another blog about consistency and after going thru the comments i wanted to appreciate your consistency in your expression to respond to commenters. Very inspiring.
Hi Sharon, I do my best. Not necessarily because I feel I have to but it’s nice to feel into the comments and then share my response. Sometimes the comments are whole and complete in themselves and don’t really need anything else whereas some give room for further expansion. At first I felt at times that I had to give a response but then when I sat down and felt into what to write there wasn’t anything that came up so that’s a great learning as well that sometimes there is actually nothing to say. Not to lobby about silence but there is a beautiful space I’ve felt recently where when we allow silence between us there is this delicate conversation going on, one that can only be felt. I really love feeling that! Thanks again for your response Sharon.
Well said Matts. Expression is a matter of responsibility. This has really inspired me to really express some things that I’ve been holding onto, but as you say, they aren’t really mine to hold on to because the other person needs to hear it. And if I’m honest the reason I don’t express it is because I’m afraid of upsetting that person and potentially not being liked as much. I feel that like you I’m working on it but it will eventually be something that is no questions asked, it would hurt too much to hold something back if it meant that I’m stopping someone else from evolving as well. Thank you so much for bringing this through and sharing it with us.
Matts – that not holding back and sharing your amazing story with us helped me to confirm myself. You wrote: “Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.” It just needs this for me to read – wunderbar!!!
Wunderbar indeed Ester, Thanks for your beautiful expression.
Matts, I felt to read your blog again today. It feels very relevant today as I have to have a difficult conversation with someone today and I feel to speak the truth. “…….a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel”- I will try and hold this beautiful statement you have written as the centre of my conversation!
Hi Anne, often being just honest is very powerful because we break through that thinking that we have to be in a certain way and even that we have to express in a specific or truthful way. Just saying you know what I really feel I want to share how I really feel with you… Or if there is nervousness saying that I feel really nervous because what I would like to say to you is very important for me… Anything that breaks the thinking that we have to express in a certain manner is great. Hope you do well Anne! With love from Matts
Matts, what you share here about, if there is nervousness, saying that I feel really nervous because what I would like to say to you is very important for me, is a really great reminder for me at the moment as I can tend to want what I have to say to be done in a certain way and this puts pressure on myself and can take the joy out of expressing. Thank-you.
Matts your blog highlighted so many great points for me personally in regards to expression. This is so true for me.
” It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto. ” I sometimes struggle to express things to my friends and family as I fear the judgement that may come my way, but in truth I now know that I am holding back something that they may not be aware of . This brilliant article has really helped me immensely. Thank you Matts.
Awesome Kelly, yes the doubt is not even real even though at times it feels more than real, it can lay there hindering two people from actually coming closer together. The honest expression is what binds us together and I find that very powerful. Thanks again!
Matt, what you describe is an everyday, unsolvable dilemma. Whichever way you go, there will be difficulties.
I found only one way out of this and, if you haven’t done this before, it makes no sense.
What I found works is to connect to my heart and to feel what is there to do. Surprisingly often it turns out that there is nothing to do – whatever has already happened is enough. At other times my initial impulse was exactly right and at other times again I had the right impulse but needed to express in a different way.
This makes life much more fun.
True Christoph, making mistakes is lots more fun than holding back in the strive to get everything ‘right’ when there is no ‘right’, just a process of learning and unfolding.
Hi Matts thanks for this insightful story , why do we question to hold back expression to all equally so is a great revelation on what’s in between me and brotherhood.
The way you turn it around, Matts, from expressing from ME to expressing for THEM, is a real turn over! So much is talked about in therapy and in today’s world about being free to express ourselves, as “our right”, but that is all ME not US. A relationship is US, and the moment we don’t say something because we are afraid to offend or disturb someone we “love”, we are choosing to opt out of the deepening of it. It is not love to only express to those we do not like or find difficult, and to give a friend or partner the opportunity to understand something about themselves in the way you describe, is the most loving way of being with them.
Hi Joan Calder. There seems to be different meanings in our thinking of what love is. For some it’s the act of giving flowers or doing something the other one appreciates but I’ve come to know a way of being or a being-ness where I feel I can feel a very still pulse and I would call it a presence and for me that is love, an energy. And for me even the word God comes up in reference to this feeling. It feels like a connection to something grander, and that I am also part of that grander.
Matts, I found a lot in your blog that have caused me to stop and reflect on my own communication with others. Your comment ‘It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.’ has caused me to especially question my current way of communicating with others. Thank you.
Yes Helen, not only does it make me consider that perhaps I need to communicate what is felt more but where is my message coming from my head and its rules and limitations or what is felt in my heart.
‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ This is an awesome sharing Matts on the language of Brotherhood. As I grow to appreciate the science of evolution and apply this in my life, I am increasingly aware that holding back a truth that is felt and not sharing it with the other is a disservice to all concerned, myself included – and sets back our evolution.
Hi Matts,
I have just re-read your blog and it is a very timely reminder for me about expressing my feelings and not holding back for fear of rejection. The comment that stood out for me this morning was –
” Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.”
Why is it we find it so difficult to express truth to our loved ones? Is it because we feel there is more at stake here, and they may not love us anymore. But by not speaking our truth we are not being honest and that is not helping them either, if it is true for us then it goes that it must be true for them also, even if they find what we say difficult to swallow.
I have just expressed my true feelings to someone who I have allowed to take advantage of me in the past, and although I found it challenging I know that if I don’t, it will lead to feelings of resentment if I let it, and this person will continue to believe that this kind of behaviour is acceptable. So why hold back expressing truth when everyone gets a healing, and we can begin to build true, loving relationships with everyone.
Thank-you again for your blog.
Hi Sandra – What I’ve felt lately is that all there is between people is love, and all the problems we have with people is us avoiding that love.
Beautifully simple Matts, my heart feels this is true too.
The wisdom in this blog is exactly what I needed to read right now. That our expression is the language of brotherhood, that if we do not express then we hold it in our bodies, that it is not for us but for someone else and that it is not for the ears to hear but for our heart to feel. Actually there was wisdom in every paragraph Matts. Thank you so much for sharing as I needed to hear this at this time in my life.
Hi Karen and thanks for your lovely response. Doesn’t this also show that the bodies we have is just for loan and it’s up to us to make use of it in the best of ways. Perhaps this is why we can feel so uncomfortable at times when we don’t express what the body has said yes to express. I get the feeling our bodies just want us to express the love that we are.
Yes, very clearly written Matts, And I can feel how much of my expression I am actually holding back. And it’s a great inspiration to read that it is not only holding me back but also the people I am around. It is always about the whole picture and if we hold a piece back it will be never complete for everyone to see.
I agree Benkt, but even though we are just a tiny little dot amongst every other dot in the world that little dot that we are still affects everyone else. So you’re definitely right that our expression and contribution to the whole picture is paramount.
Hi Annelies, I felt that if we hold the other person lovingly as in letting them in and not hold them as any different from myself then what I say is said in so much love and care for the other person that it feels for them as if it’s them saying it to themselves.
Thank you Matts, I just re read your blog and some of the comments. What you say here is beautiful, this is the oneness we all know it there, universal love.
You make a very good point, Matts, and a very valid one. I have a tendency to not speak out with friends or family for fear that they will no longer approve of me. It is far easier to speak how I really feel to people I don’t know. On the odd occasion when I have said what is going on for me, it is met with puzzlement or denial and, on occasion, with love. So, I guess this is something that is an ongoing learning for me. Thanks, Matts.
‘if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true’. This is something I will keep reminding myself. It is never about me, it is always for all to evolve.
‘Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour’. WOW! Hit the nail on the head there. I can absolutely relate to curbing my expression depending on who it is I’m talking to. The reactions vary so much, it feels like a constant game of russian roulette with who I share my honest thoughts with for fear of upsetting people. I can be brave and rock the boat a little, but it’s never done with uber confidence, because I hate to upset people, to have them dislike me is like sticking a knife through my heart. I work on this daily however, because I also know that when I hold back my truth, I’m harming them just as much as I’m harming me. So getting over the initial fear of what my comment might or might not trigger is the first step. All I can really do is be sure that when I express it is not coming from judgment or arrogance, which can be hard at times, but if I am feeling only love and respect for the person in front of me, then it’s impossible to truly harm them.
Hello Elodie – and you really ‘hit the nail on the head’ when you come to the conclusion that when we focus on love then reaction is very rare.
I loved reading your blog Matts and how you explained that when we hold back from something that is there to be said and in our body, we are holding back someone else’s evolution. When we think of it this way, it is selfish to hold back. Your blog has inspired me even more to work with my expression and not to hold back – work in progress for me.
Hi Donna, it’s also a very loving action to express to another since it’s a profound healing we ignite in our own body.
Your blog has highlighted the importance of expression, equally so for the person doing the expression as also for the person recieving. True expression is for our evolution and growth
Hi Joe, I just got the feeling that the reason we feel this impulse to express is because our body and the particles our body is made up of, is part of a universe that is continually expanding and evolving and hence, if we express what we truly feel we will be in rhythm with the universe and expanding accordingly, and if we resist we will feel the stuckness of working against that natural rhythm. I guess illness and disease in our bodies could easily be explained by us not expressing and adhering to what our body is impulsing us to express. So being connected to our body and listening to it makes much sense.
Matts, The biggest learning for me last year was when I realised that ’When we hold back from expressing truth, we hold every one back’.
That’s a big one Kehinde and one that needs to be slowly digested I feel.
This is not something I feel I get yet, but am open to understanding this more. In reading this blog and pondering on your comment Kehinde, it’s a reminder that there is so much more to life than meets the eye and if we are open to understanding more, we will see and understand more about how life actually works.
So true Shevon Simon. I find your phrase ‘ there is so much more to life than meets the eye’ has caused me to ponder on what is meant by this term. It feels like it is suggesting that there is more than we see on the outside when we only use our eyes to look out from where we are standing in life – that as well as what we see there is what we feel and often innately know which is informed by an inner sense.
I still struggle with sharing the truth of how I feel at times being afraid of the reaction I may receive. When I do hold back I feel how I am disregarding myself by not being honest about who I am and how a situation made me feel. I am also disregarding the other person by not giving them the opportunity to find a way of living with others that is more loving and honouring. As you say, Matts, by expressing our truth we allow others to see a disregarding pattern they have been stuck in, allowing them to grow, change and evolve as well.
Hi Gretel, I think we all struggle from time to time but it’s not necessarily because we’re going backwards but as we keep evolving our expression there is always new grounds to explore and some might feel a bit uncomfortable in that which is totally fine but it doesn’t mean we’re not advancing. It’s easy to be hard on ourselves but it’s not really necessary. I think it’s important to appreciate how willing we actually are to explore our expression and to feel more into what is true to us.
“Holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine.” I certainly know how this feels in my body and is a reminder that the feeling to express something from what we feel is there to be honoured, not so that we may feel better, but rather the possibility that the other is, in fact, asking for us to share something with them that is for them. Hence it feels ‘stuck’ in our body when not released because it was not ours to hold on to.
You make a good point here Matts, that if we judge and hold back what we feel to say, then we could be stopping that person from evolving.
I am learning more and more to say what I feel these days and it is an ongoing process. I am finding that when I speak up I feel freer within my body and the more I do it the easier it gets and it’s actually quite enjoyable.
Awesome Matts. I too have only just started to express the same to all. In the past I have been measured in how much I express with some, to others. I agree with you that there feels like something is left in the body when not expressed and feels such a freedom when it is.
I know Heidi, this should be researched. Why is it that it feels so freeing and refreshing to express what we feel? I think a lot of us can feel it but I doubt that it’s being researched by the main stream science.
Very inspiring MattS and a great reminder that’ expression is everything’. I have noticed that not only is it the quality in which you express important , but also the intent behind what you are saying.
I loved how you shared that if you hold back what you feel to say to another you may be stopping them from learning something important and therefore evolve. – a great reminder!
True Loretta, the quality in which we express is actually set by the quality of the intent. And in response to your last paragraph it feels like a situation where the teacher doesn’t respond to the student’s question, as in us not responding when another has called for support by needing us to express.
Thank you Matts. When I read, “Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it,”
I could feel the allowing of the gentle nudges so I don’t stay stuck.
That is awesome to hear and great for everyone to hear that we can allow that and don’t ‘bite back’.
Today I’m due back at work. The coming weeks in a new and expanded work environment will be exciting and stressful in equal measures. I came back to your blog Matt to remind me of the importance of expressing. Your comment “‘I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it” makes so much sense. This will ease the discomfort I may feel when the need to express arises. Thank you,
‘I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it’ – this a beautiful truth Matts. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. It is so true that when we hold back we are left with a feeling that is unsettling. I am still developing the confidence in expressing what I feel, with everyone equally, everywhere. I have my comfort zones where I feel I share comfortably, but now I can recognise that even this presents a holding back. And what I have realised is that the fear of saying what I feel, feels far worse in my body when I hold back, than does trusting and overcoming the fear and expressing what I am feeling. But as I said this is a work in progress however one that I am committed to continue & develop. This feels like what true love in relationships is, as when we do hold back we are also holding back from letting that person in to feel the love that is there to be shared.
Hi Carola, it feels that we sometimes hesitate in showing others the absolute delicateness that we carry within us and the reason to this I cannot say at this point in time. Perhaps if we treasure it and honour it we will be more confident in showing it to others. Perhaps we can’t really fathom that we come from that delicateness and find it hard being that in a world that at times feels a bit harsh, rough and tough. But maybe this is what the world needs and is asking for, for someone to show that it’s safe to be delicate, precious and loving. Feels like a great recipe.
Matts I love what you have written about unsaid communications- that they feel like there is something left in the body that is not ours. That is so powerful as it is clear that we have a responsibility to our fellow travellers (all of mankind) to be honest and speak the truth so they can continue to evolve otherwise we are both held back. A beautiful revelation-thank you!
And you bring in evolution here as well Anne which I love – it seems that mankind is somewhat struggling knowing what evolution actually means but if we listen to what our body is telling us we have the path of evolution right there.
It’s so true Matts … expression is so important. When I hold it back I can feel the choking in my body and a holding onto something that doesn’t belong there. I love how you have extended this to the responsibility that we have to others.
Hi Marika – this makes me feel that the body should be seen as our guiding light when it comes to us evolving. The body is already connected to the truth of itself and all we have to do is listen and abide. When we do that we will also be evolving. That tension we sometimes feel seems like the body’s humble voice telling us how it wants to be used, for example expressing what we feel impulsed to express.
Yes, over the last 10 years I have really expanded my appreciation and understanding of the wisdom in the body…it is always communicating to me and if I listen, such a wonderful guide. And expression comes in so many wonderful ways, not just talking…the way I dress, walk, cook, exercise…everything I am choosing is an expression. And so each moment I have a choice to make that expression from a foundation of love or not, knowing that whatever I choose, others feel before it comes back to me full circle. We sure do have a responsibility with our expression.
I found this very helpful in understanding expression from the body’s point of view, and how important what we have to say is, and the getting the self out of the way so that its about brotherhood. You’ve helped me to examine more deeply why I also hold back at times what I feel to say, and the personal issues I may have that still get in the way. I feel very supported by what you have shared, thanks Matts.
Thanks Melinda – my understanding is that part from the physicality we are all connected energetically, so when we feel to express something we have already communicated with each other energetically about what is to be shared verbally; so when we choose to not do that for some reason our whole body gets out of balance. So the body seems to tell us that it’s better to let it out than to hold it in, and I must say that the body is quite patient with us not using it all out…
And adding to that – could this be one of the reasons why we have so much illness and disease right now… We’re basically not using our bodies as they were meant to be used.
Matts, as usual your writing is true and super exposing. I noticed myself that sometimes I am measuring my expression especially with influential people or people I like and wanting them to like me back. It is so twisted, not true. I agree with you at so many points and at this one “… it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.”
Great blog Matts – I know all too well those moments of holding back to create a feeling of nice and politeness rather than actually speak the truth, these days luckily they are becoming few and far between but I remember the time many years ago when I could barely even say no to another person. Crazy when I reflect now how uncomfortable I felt all of the time. Thanks for this moment of reflection.
Thanks to you Shannon, it seems like this is a never ending process but one that gets easier the more we open up and explore and perhaps most important how much we are willing to explore. I get the feeling that it’s also a process of letting go the want for things to be in a certain way and just be childishly curious of what’s to come.
So true Matts, thanks for sharing. If we don’t speak up and instead hold back, the same patterns keep repeating themselves and we are all worse off for it. I know as well when I hold back from expressing it keeps running through my mind again and again and seems to build up momentum until it either comes out as an explosion or I bury it waaaay down so I think it doesn’t exist anymore! I too am learning to keep expressing as I feel things and am also starting to feel how it is not about me at all but a learning for everyone.
Great notice there Melissa – I’m learning that it’s not just about expressing when the impulse is there as in opening a tap, but to always keep the tap open just in case something needs to be let out.
And if we apply this in our everyday lives we can all help each other become more honest and truthful in our relationships, whether it is a partner, family or friends.
oops, a double up… guess it needed to be said twice!
Hi Matts, this blog is truly gorgeous. I can relate to it and I really like the part where you talk about that our expression is not owned by us and how it is important to not hold back because it could be just what someone else really needed to hear.
And if we apply this in our everyday lives we can all help each other become more honest and truthful in our relationships, whether it is a partner, family or friends.
True Matts, and then we make expression all about being in service to everyone we express to.
Matts your comments resonate with me. I have forever been quiet, not wanting to upset others and often maintaining the status quo despite seeing an obvious need for change. Universal medicine and the many blogs I have read showed me the importance of expressing. I for one will come back to your blog to re-imprint the need to express. Thank you.
I don’t think we’ve been forever quiet – once upon a time we were these sparkling bundles of joy that had no boundaries in our expression and everything was heavenly-like, day in and day out… But then along the line something happened and we went on to be these clams (some of us…) and suffering that limited way of being. Luckily we can now catch ourselves knowing that that is not the true version of us but that there is this joyful bundle just waiting to be unleashed into the world and we will then have the freedom we innately know we are from.
In those moments when a truth has been lovingly revealed, but has been a challenge to hear because of self-resistance and discomfort, I have kept with it. It has been so worth it because I can feel the support from others to let go of behaviours and patterns that have kept me stuck and not able to move forward. Feeling uncomfortable means I am onto something.
That’s a great ingredient in the recipe of truth Rachel – getting comfortable in feeling uncomfortable…
Thank you Matts for your expression on the fact that we are living together to help us all to evolve and to not keep ourselves trapped in the falseness of being polite and measured.
I love the quote you gave us that there is “a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working”. Really beautiful Matts.
Thanks Nico for the reminder – great to appreciate the fact that we all have our part to play.
Matts I love what you’ve shared here. Thank you for so clearly and simply expressing this for I’d not considered when I feel to say something, it’s simply not mine to hold onto. How damaging it can then be when I do because that unexpressed feeling is just left inside. No wonder a situation can feel unresolved. There is so much you reveal here. I love this paragraph ‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.’ Awesome, thank you.
Hi Candida, what you share about things feeling unresolved when we do not express them feels similar to a computer having a program running using necessary energy that could be used for better things. The more of these programs running the slower the computer gets and stops it from going full throttle where needed.
I felt all that you have said here as it was of great importance for me to read your blog. Expression is my biggest holding back and there were so many wonderful points here that helped me to understand me better. When I read what you said “It made me realize that when I feel like expressing something it is not for me to judge or assess whether I should express because it is not for me to hold onto”. There is no service in holding back. Thank you Matts.
Hello Lynda – I feel the expression is multifaceted, it’s both for others to experience but also for myself, in that there’s an inner beauty I carry within me that I can allow and accept and for me that feels like an expression I build with myself and of course others will also be enjoying the quality of that if I allow it out.
Matts; I have just re-read your wonderful blog and was reminded how reading it the first time inspired me to express at work in order to clear a very awkward situation. A colleague had said something to me that was very hurtful and as I was rather shocked, I couldn’t find the words to respond. I could instantly feel the hurt in my body, and of course it didn’t go away. And I could feel a wall growing between us – built by me. Two days later I was feeling even more uncomfortable and knew that it was time to say something, but I really like this person and the old pattern of “I don’t want to upset him” kept popping in to keep me away from expressing what I needed to say. Then I remembered this blog and asked myself “is this just for me to express, or is it also about him hearing how I felt”. At that stage my body felt horrible and I knew that if I held back my expression it would feel even worse, so I made the choice to break the very old pattern of not speaking up in this type of situation and shared how I felt with him. He was horrified at the impact his words had had on me and was so very grateful that I shared this with him. Immediately I could feel the wall come down and the feeling in my body was one of relief, as all the tension I had been carrying was released. I have had several other instances since and each time I remember your very wise blog, and my experience, and my expression is no longer held back .
That is such a wonderful example Ingrid – it made me realise that one of the reasons we do this is, or one of the effects is that we stay away from feeling the love that would otherwise be there. Perhaps we do this more than we are consciously aware of… Subtly building walls that keeps the love away. Now in your case it seemed very obvious the wall that was built but in some cases in might be not so obvious and perhaps that’s where the ‘comfortable relationship’ is built where we try to plaster and shape to make the relationship look good even though there might be things we avoid talking about. And perhaps feeling that hurt you experienced is another reason for us being hesitant sharing it with another because it feels very exposed and we feel vulnerable. It was great to hear that you shared with him how you felt and I know how great it feels in the body afterwards when we do that.
I can really relate to what’s been presented here. I fully agree with “I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to but for someone else who asked for it”. Also I know the feeling of “holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine”. When we attend healing courses and work with others, we are always instructed to let the person (who is on the table) know what we feel because it does not belong to the practitioner but to the patient. I feel that the same applies here, it is the neighbour who ignored the timetable and Matts was inconvenienced by this action, so it is a lesson for the neighbour to learn, not Matts. Thank you Matts for writing this.
Thank you for sharing this Matts. I know I have often calibrated what I felt to say depending on who I am speaking with for fear of losing a friendship. I realize that this holding back has also stopped me expressing love and celebration of another for fear of rejection.
I feel that’s a good realisation Mary because it shows that we have different levels of friendship. One is the one where we don’t want things to change too much which means we try to avoid conflict as much as we can. The other one is more connected to us feeling that there is a deeper truth both within ourselves and with other people, and in my experience it gets harder to keep the first mentioned friendship going once we’ve felt the latter.
On rereading your blog Mats I am reminded of how our investments into relationships and the need to be accepted and belong gets in the way of us being just us, and expressing accordingly. When we do not allow ourselves to be just as we are and where we are, then all of our expression (not just what we say or do but everything in life) gets distorted.
That is very true Carolien and we could also question what kind of relationship we are actually investing in when we are not true in them! The meeting of another’s need is so far away from the true friendship we all want and really just a co-dependence going nowhere but sustaining the other persons unwillingness or inability to move forward in life. I work in the psychiatric field and know that to truly be there for someone you have to be very steady and clear to be able to inspire them out of the condition they are at times seemingly trapped in. Trying to belong and meeting their needs at that point would be very contra productive indeed.
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” So beautifully written Matts, thank you. I am allowing myself to express more now and have discovered that it is so much easier and similar (of course) than holding back. No emotions involved which is far more loving.
Hi Kirsten – isn’t it great when we allow ourselves and our bodies to be used to help others by expressing and not holding back something because it might seem a bit more comfortable. I love what you say about it being more similar to express than holding back and it shows that we have an important part to play here both for ourselves but also for others.
This is a very insightful blog Matts, I am learning more and more to express and not hold back, as long as the expression is loaded with nothing but love we can’t go wrong.
You make it sound so easy Kevin – and you’re so right! You’re a great inspiration indeed!
Great topic you have written about Matts, the art of expressing in full in a loving way is something that Im still working on
Me too Joe, and it sure is an art…
When I read this blog I received the message that expression does not actually belong to us – what we feel is simply there to be expressed. When we hold ourselves back we hold others back too. I have often tricked myself into thinking that I am being ‘nice’ or a ‘good friend’ when I let things slide but in the end I find that sweeping things under the carpet eats away at any chance for true connection. Thank you for this blog Matts, I loved reading it and it is a great reminder to express what I feel, especially to those close to me.
It’s so easy isn’t it… on the paper… yet I find it sometimes a struggle to keep the flow happening. What I’ve noticed though is that how easy I can express is very much due to how I feel. So if I’m in a good flow it’s easy peazy but if I struggle with certain things like food choices, sleep and I’m in a generally poor rhythm then it’s not so easy. So that leads me to the conclusion that everything has to be taken into account when it comes to expression. And perhaps the expression we consider expression ie the verbal one is just the end result of how I live in all aspects of my life. Makes it kind of easier if we struggle with expression… perhaps it’s just about changing something we hadn’t yet considered as adjusting my sleep pattern, or stop eating that thing that affects my breathing… (self confession). Thanks Leonne for your much welcomed input.
I think we all do that, thinking we’ll get away with it. We’ve been playing the game for such a long time that it might be difficult to fathom that there is another way to be with each other. I think we all deep down want this and would love to embrace it, it’s just about getting that comfy autopilot out of the way.
Matts, I loved re-reading your blog and get more out of it each time I do. Once we understand that what comes up for us to express is often not only important for us to say, but something the other person is just waiting to hear. Even if it is hard in that moment for them to feel it. It is like a beautifully wrapped, precious gift, and we are not to stockpile gifts, but to give them. You said this so perfectly in your article – “It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.”
‘We are not to stockpile gifts’ – love it Deborah – a good reminder…
Crazy as it is, I’ve felt and still have that tendency to hold back and not say how Im feeling in case it puts the other off side, get rejected or think that I’m hurting their feelings…. When the truth of it is you both miss out on something special, Now that I would call real pain and hurt.
Jaime, so well said. I too still sometimes feel myself hold back on expressing my feelings. I have come a long , long way, but it is an unfolding – and one that I am totally committed to.
Hi Jamie – the process of unfolding our expression feels like the process of a butterfly. The end result is predestined, we just have to learn how to keep the unfoldment flowing.
Matts this article really hit home for me at the moment. I do tend to hold back expressing how I feel to people who are closest to me because I don’t want to rock the boat so to speak. But in saying this I am hurting myself and those around me too. Thank you for the perfect timed reminder.
Hi Kelly – when I read your comment I got reminded of a comment by Rachael R almost at the top of the comment section where she says that “honesty is always the best policy – the key thing is to deliver that honesty with love.” I feel there are lots of elements here involved in expression and it feels like it’s easier to express if we are in a good rhythm with ourselves, and it also feels related to how much we are willing to let people in. When we don’t express it feels like we’re holding people at a distance and on the other hand when we do express it feels like we’re saying I’m ready to let you in. Like we’re dropping the guard. So perhaps the boat-rocking isn’t such a bad thing after all – maybe an introduction to a more honest and true form of connection and relationship.
It never has occurred to me that what wants to be expressed by me is not mine but belongs to the person it needs to be expressed to. I will ponder on this one and give it a go. I can feel a hesitation as that argument could be used as an excuse to simply express what ever comes up in me because it anyway is not for me to keep it. I get the point about holding back etc nevertheless I feel the responsibility that comes with every expression – a responsibility to neither harm me nor the other and consider both of us equally.
I agree Alex, we have to discern if what we have to say to someone is not coming from a reaction. I feel I have a responsibility to deal with this reaction myself and feel whether it needs a follow up with the other person. I can use this as an excuse though to not express what I truly feel and this stays in my body as a holding back, the comfort to not rock the boat so to speak. I am learning through experimenting with my expression with the knowlegde that expression is everything.
That is very true Alex and a great input into this topic, because sometimes we just say something because we “feel” like it without discerning whether it comes from a reaction or not, and we could defend us saying that because it ‘needed to be said’. Quite a fine balance there in a sense but at the same time we have to know that it’s a process of learning. I feel that it’s more fruitful to say something and perhaps get it wrong, which I do, than to keep it in and calculate if I should say it or not. Sometimes I feel like saying something but I’m not sure what it is I want to say and when that happens I can say to the other person that I feel like saying something and usually what is there to be said unfolds there and then. That for me shows that expression is something that goes beyond myself and I do agree that the letting go of the control of wanting things to be in a certain way can be quite scary at times but the reward is quite worth it. It seems we’ve got a lot more to discover here Alex and I would love to hear more about how you go. Thanks again Alex!
“Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive”.
Thank you Matts for this inspirational blog and your reminder of the importance of expressing. It is quite amazing to feel the heaviness of not expressing compared with the joy and freedom of expressing all that is there in our bodies.
Hi Shirl – and I find it amazing in a sense that we sometimes get used to not having that joy so when we do not express it’s just business as usual, but as you share, when we do express we feel that lightness we undoubtedly know is more true to us and that is a life saver, that our bodies show us how it needs to be lived with gives us the joy we want.
So great to re-read this blog again especially at this time for me. I have had a similar situation arise in my life recently where I felt there was something that needed to be said to question the actions of others. I could feel the hesitation you speak off Matts in my body before I expressed it and it felt awful, like a dammed up river that was threatening to burst its banks. I’ve noticed also that when I don’t express my lower back hurts. Once I had expressed what was there to be said, it felt so much better in my body. This feeling of expansion from not holding back is greater than the fear of rejection or not being liked or even being attacked for expressing. I am slowly realising this as in the past the fear used to feel stronger but slowly that balance is shifting.
Hi Andrew – I love your comments, they are very down to earth and easy to relate to. What I felt from what you share is that we could be seen as the gate keepers of light through our bodies and if we say yes and express what we feel to express we get that spacious feeling and if we do not then the body will show us what happens when we do not express what we’ve felt was there to express. It also shows that we are part of something bigger since we can get that feeling of expressing something to others that seemingly is not for me but for the support of someone else’s growth. I love the balance you talk about as well Andrew, that slowly it feels more comfortable and safe to express than to hold things back.
I love this Matts. We all have a responsibility to express what is there to be expressed otherwise we hold the world to ransom. And yet we have come so accustomed to not express what we feel and see and these unexpressed expressions then stay with us and fill us up and too often grow bigger and pile up until we ‘explode’ or get really worn down by it. They keep us busy and discontent, we make them bigger than they are by talking about it to everybody except to the person that needs to hear it. I have also observed that even when I say something but say it later as in that actual moment it is already not what this person needs to hear anymore, at least not in that form.
Great points here – and yes the expression gets diluted when we do not express it when it was intended to. And the repercussions of not doing that you express perfectly in the beginning of your comment. Thank you Esther – we all need this conversation of what happens when we do not express what is there to be expressed. This is a science I love exploring more and more. It unfolds as you go…
What a beautiful example Matts, a simple situation that offered you an opportunity to look deeper into what the real you felt in your heart. When we come to expression from our inner knowing, no-one can be hurt. I love how you have described the feeling of spaciousness when you allow your true expression. Listening is also our responsibility in our path of expression, and I have found when I allow myself to feel deeper into what has been said to me that I may not like, I come to a deeper appreciation and understanding of my self.
That is a great realisation Bernadette – that when there’s some form of disagreement or reaction to someone or something it’s actually a moment to learn and grow from, not being critical or placing the blame on the other which can be quite easy. I haven’t actually connected that process with coming ‘to a deeper appreciation and understanding of myself’ before, so thank you for that Bernadette.
Great blog Matts, I like your comment “the ease that the body is left with when we express is just awesome”
I too have felt this and is our body’s way of saying see, it’s ok, expression is the name of the game; i.e., bigger than us.
I so agree Shelly, and it seems that we’re also part of that bigger, so we express and we become part of that which we feel is us in truth.
I like what you present here Matts, especially the part on how we like to play the “nice”-game with friends and I love your question: Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?” We have unspoken contracts with each other, by agreeing to cushion others if they treat us the same way, we call this friendship. But as you are sharing here, true friendship really should be about supporting each other to not hold back our truth and express it.
Hi Judith, you bring in another aspect of what friendship is truly about here. That it’s not just about keeping the status quo which can be quite comfy but it doesn’t really ask of us to grow and become “bigger” as Shelly said in the comment below. So true friendship should also include us being vigilant in sharing something we’ve felt to express without having to think if it’s right or wrong.
Thank you Matts for an inspiring blog. It has helped me with my expression, something I am working on at the moment. I love it when you say –
“It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto. ”
I totally agree with that one, not expressing ourselves hurts and doesn’t serve anyone, least of all ourselves. I have come to the point in my life where I ask myself “what is the point of holding back anymore, who cares what people think, it’s time to start expressing”….. still work in progress, but it’s a good starting point, thank you.
I know that one Sandra, the fear of “popping the bubble” we’re in can be a bit scary. Sometimes I’ve been hard on myself because I know I have so much more to express but it doesn’t help me “get out there” with my expression. Being honest has been a great help for me, to say how I feel. Even if I feel nervous to say something I can say that I’m nervous, then it usually unfolds into something. Another point I have noticed is that when I focus on what other people think I have the focus somewhere else than with me,so sometimes I verbally say to myself that here I am doing this thing… Sound silly perhaps but it puts the focus on me doing what I do instead of me putting focus on what other people might think of me.
I totally agree. We all know the language whether we choose to feel it or not. And we are only one moment away from choosing to connect to it any time.
And also that the reason for us feeling a bit awkward and not at ease when we are conversing with another could be just that, that we are not communicating what is there to be communicated but instead keeping it a bit safe trying to do our best. It’s getting used to jumping in not knowing what’s to come, and we know after doing that that it’s so worth it.
I chose your blog tonight to read because expression is something that I have struggled with doing, so much so that I have virtually shut down saying WHAT I HAVE REALLY WANT TO SAY for most of my life. I am only now beginning to feel the true harm that this has done to my body and also to my self confidence. Thank you.
Hi Leigh, thanks for stopping by – When I read your comment I remembered how much of the “What will people think” mentality there was in my family whilst growing up. And it’s still with me today. So many times I catch myself not expressing in the way I feel to because I make up stories in my head of what others might think. And mostly it’s me thinking that others will not like what I have to express or they might react so I hold back. But my experience from expressing is that people actually enjoy that. So I think of it being an old program still active and running giving me all these negative thoughts and catching it is a great step because then I have a choice to not give it so much attention but I can listen to what feels right instead.
Reading this again I have felt a whole new realisation of the importance of expressing. The sentence “as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.” particularly struck me this time. thank you Matts.
I agree Jonathan, it’s a great reminder and also quite amazing how easy we can forget that it’s not about me but for someone asking for it. Perhaps in time we will respond to that silent language in the same way and with the same promptness as we do with the language we can hear.
Wow, Matts so beautifully in-sight-full. I loved your words “what I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel”. We do all know that language we just haven’t connected to or practiced it for quite awhile. I like many are making it a study as it truly is the language of Love, and the way back to brotherhood.
I agree, we do all know the language and I feel that the ‘uncomfortable silence’ we’ve probably all felt at times is the threshold to that landscape. We feel uncomfortable because the land is not so frequently visited and we don’t know how to navigate but once there we don’t have to worry about that, everything just happens as it should and it’s a mighty freeing experience. A communication that doesn’t need thinking at all. And we actually communicate without talking, imagine that.
Thank you for sharing this Matts.
For me at first it was quite a shock to realise that the closer a person was to me, the more I calibrated my expression. I discovered that my excuse to hold back was to not make others feel uncomfortable, but in fact I just wanted not to be uncomfortable myself and protect myself from feeling hurt or rejected. I am feeling more and more that everything that inspires a reaction in you is just a mirror that makes you see things that want to be looked at inside yourself. Not always easy to digest but truly healing.
Thank you Matts, this is such an important topic. Too few people make the correlation between not expressing and exhaustion, depression and anxiety. I too love how you shared your body “feels more spacious and alive” when you do express. And as many have shared the impact of not expressing can have very real negative impacts. One of the great shames of our society is we do not encourage expression, in fact we actively dis-courage it; so many sayings “shh don’t make waves”, “don’t say that, it’s rude”, “your not nice”, and my personal favorite (not) your “too sensitive” and if it could get any worse “too precious”. This is indeed a responsibility for us all, to express ourselves in full and encourage others to do so also. Holding back how we feel not only impacts on us but as you have shared on others also, we do not get to grow and develop if this is not something we actively take responsibility for and worse we actually get sick from not. I recently heard a young girl express that “her parents should listen because she knows a lot” I agree and wonder what will happen if her parents don’t listen. Well, I don’t really wonder I know she most likely will end up shutdown like so many of us until she actively makes the choice to heal and express again. I also once heard a parent say, after attending a parenting workshop that encouraged parents to listen to their children say “it’s amazing what you hear when you do listen”, very amazing.
I get the feeling you really love to express Caroline and it’s very joyful reading your comment. What became clear to me then was how important it is to give everyone that space where they can develop and nurture their own unique expression. Someone mentioned to me a while back that my expression was needed and I’m starting to understand what those words really mean. That my expression is not mine to keep but for others to grow from, as I grow from other expressing in their unique way.
“it’s amazing what you hear when you do listen”. The art of true listening has come to my attention lately, to do just that, to give it some attention which I have and realised how many times I do not truly listen especially if I’m doing something when the other is talking. So I have made it a point to stop whatever I’m doing, thus I am less distracted, which allows myself more space to be fully present, to be still when I am listening which feels not only honouring of myself but for the other too. I am beginning to understand and get a feel for the importance of the ‘art of listening’, to support my expression; what to express, how to express it, and also to feel the importance of silence and how in the silence a lot can be said and felt, and sometimes no words or few words is all that is needed, which feels linked to how much stillnes I am expressing at that moment. I am learning and playing with this… Lovely to read your comment Caroline, thank you.
Well said Caroline! I relate to this a lot. It makes a lot of sense that there is a correlation between not expressing and exhaustion, depression and anxiety. Somedays I don’t express myself and I feel like I have developed depression in one day! But seriously… I then realise soon after that I just wasn’t expressing something and I usually write it down in my journal. Then I start to feel like I am fresh again and I know I will always have another opportunity to express what I held back the first time.
A great reminder Harrison, thanks. Writing in my journal is something I find really helpful. It brings a presence and a feeling of intimacy with myself which is lovely to feel.
Matts this is such a powerful way to view expression. I know I have spent most of my life measuring when I think it’s OK to say something and when it’s not, or to whom. Your statement “It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it” made me stop and I could feel the truth of this and how we are actually affecting others if we hold back. Slowly I am getting used to expressing what I feel and the body certainly does feel different, much freer and lighter.
Agree Michelle, and the words from Leigh in the comment above makes so much sense that it’s not just “‘Hey look at me I’m amazing’ but instead it’s ‘WE are amazing’ ” For me that is a huge relief – because I suspect that I have been confused at times when I feel something and assume that it has to do with me when it might just be another asking for support.
What you shared about expressing for the other person has stuck with me. Expressing who we are doesn’t just mean ‘Hey look at me I’m amazing’ but instead it’s ‘WE are amazing’ and if I don’t express what I feel, that doesn’t allow the other person to know that how they are may not be as amazing as they truly are or confirming them that they are as equally amazing. I have yet to put this into any form of consistent practice but it is something worth experimenting with. That my feelings are not just to be listened to to keep me from the negative feelings and emotions but to also shake others out of those darker places.
Yes and it puts a lesser stress on ourselves as well to have all the answers and likewise it can help us to put things in perspective when we feel things, that it’s not just for me that I’m feeling but for those around me as well. Now that is a work in progress for everyone I would imagine. Thanks Leigh
Great blog Matts. Very practical and it is all in the small things. I have always felt to address things that weren’t right, but the way I expressed was mostly with judgment towards the other. Now I am learning step by step, with ups and downs to express my truth without the judgements.
Sounds like a sound way forward – accepting that there will be ups and downs but still remaining in your seat. (Cannot help picturing a roller coaster Eleonora, hence the wording…)
So beautifully said Matt and I can definitely relate to holding back in my expression through a fear of losing that person in your life. It always feels horrible in my body too.
I so agree with you on that Phil – I’m learning to ease up and not be so serious all of the time and wow what that contributes to my expression! It’s like the ease comes first then the natural expression just flows and flows…
I have learnt now, from reading this, not to just say what I think, but to do it with love and hopefully even more humour
I do agree Sue, this I have to remind myself of everyday. It’s easy to be swept away with the tempo in life and then I’m almost run by that tempo rather than going about in a rhythm my body feels most comfortable with. So doing just what you say, to say things from a loving space and with a loving intent does bring everything back to a moment of stop and it slows things down in a very effective and humbling way. I’ve experienced when I do that I feel more spacious, the room feels like it’s just had a spring clean and the clarity is hard to miss.
Was great to reread this blog Matts, just reading your title says it all really; it is a matter of responsibility expressing how we feel and not to hold back when sometimes that feels the easier option because we favor some one or we don’t want to be rejected etc. This line I love and was a lovely timely reminder of that responsibility: ‘Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true’. Awesome.
This brings such a beautiful picture. That as we each express what we feel, we are helping one another to engage more deeply with what is already felt within. If one of us is stuck in a pattern the expression can be a catalyst for him/her to get unstuck, and if no one is stuck the expression will take what is felt to a deeper place. In this way we are always assisting one another in our evolving.
“A language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel ” – what a great capture of true expression. I realise I often erroneously think I am finding it difficult to truly communicate, but in reality in those moments I am not engaging in a language from the heart, but a strategy to control. So it is no wonder I feel uncomfortable and no wonder it does not work.
Your article brings home that true expression includes a high dose of understanding and appreciation – qualities that I could do with developing more in my life, so that I can consistently rely on them in my expression towards myself and everyone. I know that when I am in a flow of appreciating and understanding what I communicate is far more loving , it is easier to express, it is certainly easier to hear and others respond more favourably as well.
And also why not approach interactions as little magic moments where we open up for the possibility to experience something new.
‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood ‘ – beautifully expressed Matts. The language of the future being expressed forth from the body rather than the head, and its truth being felt first. The future is now, welcoming the true evolution of language and communication.
Absolutely Stephen and Matts I agree, plus there is so much joy and space to be felt in our bodies when we express what is there to be shared, way much better than carrying it around inside of you.
Yes Gyl the spaciousness felt in our bodies when we express is indeed super supportive. Matts, I love this realisation…’It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.’…a great and timely reminder for me to pay attention to when this is happening, thank you
So true Gyl, spaciousness and openness compared to the constriction and contraction of holding back.
I agree Gyl, and the more we listen and feel the more there is to express and share. It’s like life gives us the opportunity and situations to express once we’re open to express more.
What I have also found by not expressing is that when I come to want to say something I never easily find the words I want to express with. This alone is a good reasons to practice expression.
Good point Stephen, it’s like the more we express the easier it gets and likewise the other way around.
Hi Ariana, your comment is a beautiful example of how expression can support others to evolve and unfold their way in life. A timely reminder for me and I’m sure others can say the same. Very wise Ariana, thanks.
“It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto……I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.” I find this very inspiring, Matts.
This line stood out for me too Jonathan. The responsibility that we each hold deeply felt.
i always thought i was taking care of people by not speaking. i would say its ok that they did that. with more honesty and support from Universal Medicine i realized i was doing it so they would like me, and i did not believe my wellbeing mattered. Universal Medicine helped me understand that how could i possibly know what another person needs. i am expressing myself more and trusting myself more.
What a wonderful realisation Ken. I experience that I feel more free within myself when I express what I feel and most often it works in a very relation building manner with the people around me.
Thank you for expressing this Karin. I too have been in many meetings feeling the pressure to ‘get my tuppenceworth in’ , particularly as a consultant who was being paid to have the answers. Now experiencing working in groups where each values themselves and others, rather than being in competition, feels very different. It feels as though our contributions come from inside us, instead of being motivated by an outside nagging voice driving us to strive to be heard.
Hello Matts, I love the way you say that if we hold back our expression we may keep people from evolving. I find it is very true as we are all unique and if we don’t express our unique-ness we prevent people from feeling and expressing theirs. Beautifully honest and tender blog. Thank you.
This is very true Maryline. I have experienced this many times, when I have been struggling with or simply ignoring an issue in my life, and a friend says something very simple, and likely something that I have heard before so nothing earth shattering in its information, but in each situation just the presence of the friend and what they chose to communicate prompted me, into a profound change of attitude and approach. We are all unique and what we bring may be exactly what is needed for another.
I also agree with you Maryline and Golnaz. The presence of a friend and the strength of their communication in a given moment has promoted a profound change in my attitude and approach to situations and to life. I have been grateful for their expression and in their not holding back. Likewise I know I can offer the same level of support to others especially when I drop the “niceness” and come from truth, which is powerful and clear. It offers the other person a point of reflection and choice.
Hi Maryline, I find that it brings another aspect, dimension and importance in why we communicate with each other. We know the way we usually communicate which is very needed in everyday life, but underneath that there seems to be taking place another form of communication that goes deeper and works in a slightly different manner. And I agree with you that we seem to have a unique purpose in expressing from our uniqueness and it seems that others might need that from time to time. And I think it’s because they trust us and are open to hear it from us, hence the importance of being open to support whoever is asking.
At different times I choose to go to different practitioners that offer the same ‘techniques’ because I can feel the flavour they offer is just what will help unlock the issue. Reading your comments I realised this same dynamic – that different people offer different flavours that can support unlocking something – is there all the time. We each have a flavour and what we provide might be exactly what is required to support the other person.
And for me that is a huge relief knowing that I don’t need to have all the answers, that we all have our unique flavour to bring to the world.
What stuck with me about this blog was when holding back to avoid rejection I asked myself: If I don’t want this person to reject me for saying how I feel – what is it that I need from them? because if I need something from another then am I not enough just as I am? And like you shared, the truth can possibly open up something that another may not have been wanting to go to or feel themselves. Whatever then they choose to do with that new awareness is up to them, but holding back to not shake myself out of my own issues around sharing how I feel and claiming how I feel, doesn’t help another either.
Hi Leigh, when I was reading your comment I was pondering on the reason why we have such difficulties in truly expressing what we feel to express in each and every moment. To me it feels like there are things to express all of the time, and not just in words. Just allowing myself to feel great when I walk down the street is a powerful expression to share with others. For me developing a loving and caring relationship with myself has been a great thing when it comes to expression because the more comfortable I feel within myself the easier it has been to express what I feel with others.
I was out shopping with a friend today. she had found a fun pair of slippers and went to pay for them. The assistant seemed sad and bored, in complete contrast to the joy that was in us. We were the only customers in the shop so I took the time to say goodbye, gain eye contact and let her have the chance to feel some of my joyfulness. Her whole face changed as a beautiful smile broke out.
As you write Matts it’s great just to take that few minutes to share ourselves with the world.
Thank you Matts for the reminder that expression isn’t just about what comes out of our mouth. It’s got me considering – if there is a pressure placed on myself to ‘express truth’ or ‘express how I feel’ solely based on my voice then without taking into account all the other ways I express it’s like being put in the spotlight for that split moment when I am speaking. Whereas if I were to practice expressing truth with all expressions then there is less need to have the act of speaking to deliver everything. If I walk around angry or tense then how can I go from that to the next instance speaking truth, with the momentum of anger or tension behind me?
Thank you Leigh for exploring the different ways that we express. When I stop and consider I can see that I am expressing in every little moment of the day – in the way that I type the keys or in the way that I breath. Each moment is a moment to explore and change my expression to one that will support me and the way that I express. What I am expressing with my voice is the end product of all these other little moments.
Thank you for sharing. It is great how these moments are available at all times, when doing the laundry, to driving the car. They are moments popping up that can support us all to understand ourselves better and to live with more truth. I loved the quote “What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel,”. What the heart feels, is an awesome place to base any interaction or decision.
A good question are we the same with everyone or do we treat others differently? Or behave differently with different people? I feel consistency is the key here as well as valuing yourself and others and seeing all as equal.
Vicky, I agree only when we bring consistency into our lives that it will support our true expression and allow others to express openly too.
Hi Sue, sometimes it can be tricky with the self being in the way since we have the self with us even if we like it or not. These days I feel that the self I call self is actually starting to enjoy expressing itself so it’s not that big of a problem. It feels almost like a rocking board that has shifted it’s weight to the side where it feels more comfortable to say things as they come, rather than holding it back. And feeling and connecting to my body has made a huge difference as well.
Thank you Matts I enjoyed reading your blog. These days I am feeling more and more how holding back is not only hurting me but everyone. When I get myself out of the way, I feel brave enough to speak up and my body feels the benefit of not holding on to something that was there to be said for everyone.
Matts. A wonderful blog. At times it is good to sit back and reflect, before we do something, that we may regret later.
Hi Mike, it’s a really good start indeed. For me having a connection with my body has been crucial. When I get too racy then it feels like I have no connection to what I feel and it creates a lot of stress. Nowadays I love having time in the mornings and evenings where I just lie in bed and feel how my body feels. Sounds simple, but that time I have with myself gives me the space to come back to what I feel as stillness and the body seems to love it and then I love it because I feel great in my body. Win-Win situation. And in my everyday life it seems to create a readiness to deal with whatever comes my way which is great to feel and experience.
What a great sharing thank you Matts of a much needed subject. The follow on comments raise lovely new perspectives… like when Laura says, “the person receiving it may not get it there and then or it might take a while for them to process, but even if they didn’t like what you said they may go away and at a later date go ‘oh yeah I really needed to hear that. So it’s important not to be attached to what happens after you express.” It is so important not to have any expectations from what you express.
Agree Lorraine, my experience is that once I start to express there is a whole line of others that would love to hear me claim my truth, and for them to be inspired by that. Not said as a self boasting thing – but in appreciation that what I’ve got to share is worth sharing.
Beautifully expressed Matts. So true. So often we focus on the one in many that might react because of something they are going through and start analysing ourself and the situation, while as you say we all appreciate and so welcome it when someone stands up and communicates their truth, what their heart wants to express. Thank you for claiming it and expressing it.
Hi Lorraine, what I’ve also discovered on this path of unfolding expression is that there is always more responsibility to embrace when it comes to expressing. Is what I am about to express, for my own self-relief, which might be needed at some point, but the bigger picture is to express in a way that has considered the other person or persons so that others are given the best opportunity to grow in a way that best supports them. I’ve noticed this when I am in a group and can get a bit eager to say something. When that happens it feels like I’m more concerned in getting my point through rather than feeling what we need as a group.
This is such a huge topic and almost a bit of an elephant in the room. Not expressing when there is something that needs to be said is a big one for me. I am still learning that truth is often not comfortable and requires there to be no self in what is said, just a commitment to being honest and direct.
I love your comment Stephen. It makes me picture an actual elephant… and to be honest I would rather have it roaming outside freely than making a big mess inside. Good analogy for expression I think.
A number of years ago I saw a video at a training session. We were given a particular focus, to count the number of people contributing to the discussion. At the end, slight surprise when we all gave a variety of numbers, but complete shock when we were told there was an elephant in the clip, no-one had seen it. It was replayed and sure enough there was.
So thanks for the reminder of that video and how when I am focusing in one area I can miss the obvious.
As someone who has found expressing and responding in the moment so difficult, I do appreciate your article Matts. I would hold my reply inside, sometimes for days where it would fester and grow, having a negative impact on my body. It still feels as if I am jumping off a cliff when I make an immediate response to something or someone. What I have learned though, is to trust my inner most feelings, speak with honesty, love and not hold back.
I really related to the bit in this blog about when you feel something is there to be expressed it is about getting self preservation out of the way, and not judging whether it is safe or comfortable or appropriate to express it. I can feel for me just how strong this judgement or censorship can be. Another classic censor is ‘Am I right or correct in what I am about to express? What if I get it wrong?’ I am slowly realising that by considering how I am living in every moment of the day, creates a stronger more consistent connection with my inner heart; my intuition and this provides me with more confidence to express and communicate what I am feeling, knowing that it may not be perfect but at least it has an honesty that will not harm another.
I too have sussed that it is to do with how I am living – if my day has been lived in truth and love then what comes through my mouth is likely to carry that truth and love, and if I have abandoned that during my day what comes out of my mouth is likely to be of that quality. And while I am so inconsistent in the way I am living, I won’t always know which one will pop out, but I soon will find out!
I tend to feel it and often get some feedback too – it is all a learning. It’s easy to be hard on yourself, or think you’ve got something wrong, but I am slowly learning that it is better to express and then to reflect, expand and learn, than it is to stay quiet and allow thoughts that hold me back to take root and keep me from expressing – and like everything else, the more consistent I am the easier it becomes.
What a beautiful process from such a simple observation. There is also something beautiful in receiving truth as well, even though it can feel confronting you can feel the love behind it, for me it feels like I am being held and guided. Hearing truth expressed is indeed “a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel”, so beautifully expressed Matts.
Hi Matts, I relate to what you have expressed in this blog and feel personally that it is easier to express truth when I begin to address for myself what is not true and loving, which in turn makes it easier to suggest to another a possible other avenue to do things, may it be daily tasks..etc.
I agree Rhiannon. It’s so much more pleasant to hear something that comes from love rather than from someone that wants one to change.
It’s amazing how we change our delivery of the truth depending on who is at the receiving end. Surely the truth is the truth no matter who its for, at what time, where…? We learn to do this for a plethora of reasons some ‘nice’ some ‘not so’, yet undoubtedly no one wins when the truth is held back or distorted for whatever reason. There is always an outcome to be played out, even if it’s at our own expense.
I have started to notice that if I hold back expressing my feelings, my body starts to feel heavy and hard and if I continue not to express my emotions eventually turn into anger or rage. I have been really noticing how this is a very subtle thing that creeps up and eventually explodes. So I am learning that expression is very important. Expressing truth and not holding back.
Yes like putting a lid on a volcano… doesn’t work! It has to be let out, or it will let itself out I suspect.
I have noticed this too Amita. If something goes unsaid the feelings just build and build and when unexpressed just get buried. This has led to much depression for me in the past and I’m sure others have experienced this too. Yes it is a ticking time bomb! I am learning how to lovingly express what I feel and enjoying the freedom this gives me in my body. It is so worth it, and is not as scary as it may seem!
Thank you Matts for such an important sharing. I am realising more and more the importance for myself and with others, of fully expressing from my heart and not holding it back, and the expansiveness feeling after in my body instead of the tightness.
Hi Tricia, yes it’s quite a relief for the body. Makes me suspect that there is always things to express that could expand us with others and with that bring more love to be felt, not to mention intimacy.
I know that fear of not wanting to “upset” someone by speaking how I feel about a situation. The problem then is for me I “hold on” to it. The inner conflict seems to grow and I continue to obsess about what I really wanted to say. I know this negative thinking has affected my health over time. How wonderful to have found the Universal Medicine presentations and workshops. They continue to offer me encouragement and support to find the courage to speak how I feel from my heart.
Hi Wendy, I know that myself, holding onto something and over time it just grows into this ugly ball of I don’t know… maybe our version of a hairball that has to be spat out eventually. I feel that the possible ‘upset’ we might cause in someone is more so our thinking of what might happen and in that we might lessen our expression and it’s then easier for others to rebel or react to what we say. If I respond directly and in the moment as needed, what I express feels much more pure and honest and rarely does someone find it offensive, since I come from honesty and not wanting to change or convert anyone. And I totally agree on the immense love, care and support that Universal Medicine offers with it’s courses, workshops and presentations.
Also Wendy, how from an early age we are told to not make too much noise, even as babies we are hushed when we cry for whatever reason. My thinking is that that has to leave a mark in us and follow with us as we grow up, almost like it’s in our cells determining how we should be. Even if that might be true, the greater truth is that we can change all of that by making choices to express once again and the cells will celebrate. Maybe that is what’s happening when it feels so good to express…
Yes true Matts, it does feel like many things, such as being told to not make too much noise, or to not be silly, especially when we are young, can configure in our body in a way that encourages us to carry on holding back. And when we make the choice to express it, it feels like our whole configuration starts to change.
Yes Golnaz, like getting back on the right track after derailing somewhere along the line.
Yes Matts, I notice that so often the first words to someone who is in pain and crying are ‘Shh don’t cry’ – it’s like an automatic reaction. On reflection, I suspect the training for ‘putting on the brave face’ starts when we are very young and stays with us for a long time.
With the support of the Universal Medicine team and students I have begun to recognise the effect of some of that ‘brave face’ behaviour. I am beginning to listen once again when my body is in pain and attempting to get a message through to me and in fact encourage it to speak up as it did when I was a child.
Yes Kathie, We seem to get moulded slowly but surely when we grow up. It happens very subtly and it seems hard to avoid it. It’s just when when we get older that the effects of it kicks in, when we are tight in our bodies and our shoulders might ache. Not expressing takes a huge toll on the body and this is something that is so important to consider. On the other hand when we do express it’s like fireworks for the body, it expands and get spacious, alive and it’s so much easier to breathe. This is a science that I haven’t come across yet (apart from Universal Medicine). Universal Medicine presents it but apart from them I haven’t heard anyone explain why it is so important for our health and wellbeing to express.
Thanks Matts, I find that if I felt to say something and didn’t, then it goes around in my head distracting me with ‘should have’….. And ‘what if’….. I also notice that when the message is expressed the person receiving it may not get it there and then or it might take a while for them to process, but even if they didn’t like what you said they may go away and at a later date go ‘oh yeah I really needed to hear that.’ So it’s important not to be attached to what happens after you express.
Oh so true Laura, I find it so beautiful when I have expressed something I’ve felt with no need for any feedback, good nor bad, the reward was in expressing it.
I have had this so often, Laura… missing the moment. Or when I have expressed something it has come loaded with judgement so that there is no truth to the words spoken and no one gets served by them. It’s an ongoing practise to speak when needed without judgment holding the other person in care and love. From that point it is easy to let go of the other person “getting it” and they may get it at a later date when they are ready to hear what was expressed, or they may not. It is freeing to just have a go and let go of any outcome and just say what is needed.
I agree Rachel, I find that I’ve become more aware of the fact that when I feel like saying something it’s much better to say it straight away, if that is what is called for, than to wait and accumulate courage. Usually when I wait, I try to work out in my head what to say and when I eventually feel I have the strength to express, it might come out in a lesser version than if I would have said it straight away, like a bad director’s cut… I’m working on getting the best version out straight away nowadays.
Yes Matts I have experienced it so often. I have wanted to say something and instead of going for it waited to get clearer or more confident. Then the communication has lost that vital feel that I originally felt and often the moment is passed anyway. There is a true freedom with saying what is said in the moment with love and no expectation and be prepared to walk away and allow it to unfold however it does. A lot of the time that is not the case for me but I am building my ability to do that. I love it when it does happen because I find that I am there unscripted and open to discovery – and often the conversation unfolds to areas that has me simply go wow!
Hi Matts, thankyou for writing this article. I especially like how you have raised the point about the responsibility we have for speaking what we feel is there to be said.
Yes I feel it brings in purpose and it might help some that get nervous about ‘speaking up’.
This article is one for me to revisit from time to time, as it is something that needs a bit of attention for me. Thank you Matts!
Beautifully expressed Matts, I can feel how your description of the choice you made has brought a new awareness of what a true expression is and who it is for, to benefit the whole of humanity. It is very obvious from your example how something unexpressed at the time builds up into unwanted and negative emotions held in the body, whereas speaking the truth when you feel, it is loving for the other person as well as yourself. How else are we to change the patterns? The cycle you broke out of in that moment was reflected by the clothes going round and round in the washing machine! A great reminder and lesson for me, thank you.
Hi Joan, when I read your words it became clear to me that what we hold back when we do not express is love. What I also felt was that when we do express we automatically get to feel intimacy with the one we’re expressing with. Sounds like there’s a great form of intellegence behind all of this and I feel inspired to find out more about this.
It is so true about the increase of intimacy when we truly express to one another even when it is something that is perceived as contentious and possibly confronting. I recall recently someone communicating something to me that was a bit like the situation in the laundrette, and instead of just dumping the communication on me they took care with their communication to ensure that there was an understanding – I felt the care in their choice to communicate and their care with the communication, and although I struggled with the issue for a bit, felt completely loved, not judged and in a greater intimacy with that person. We offer a precious gift to one another when we communicate like this.
A close and dear friend spoke what she felt to me just the other day. She initially held back from what she felt perhaps from the fear of getting wrong or not trusting what she was feeling. But when she did the truth of the matter couldn’t be denied and I was so appreciative for the greater awareness that she brought. It is up to me how I deal with the information and I am so grateful she had the courage to tell me. When we hold back from saying what is needed we deny the other person a moment of greater awareness.
Definitely Rachel, ‘When we hold back from saying what is needed we deny the other person a moment of greater awareness.’ I have experienced this from both sides of the fence. With that understanding, how can we hold back? It is getting ourselves out of the way to serve humanity.
I totally agree Toni, the more I react to situations I know I have just made it about myself again. The good thing about this is that I am more aware that I have gone into reaction and can therefore get out of it much quicker and use it as a marker to recognise why I react in the first place.
I agree, Tim, oh how the world opens up when we don’t make it about ourselves, and the more we recognise our reactions the quicker we can come out of them until we find we are reacting less and less.
I agree, Sandra, imagine all of humanity being raised with this knowledge. That would be really amazing.
And isn’t that beautiful Tim that we can actually feel that is not natural!
Well said Tim! I find sometimes when I’m in reaction, I can get stuck in a bit of cycle if/when I’m not aware and/or not wanting to take responsibility for my reaction (sometimes this is stubbornness, sometimes avoidance!), because I look for any other drama or blame to keep feeding the reaction. As you say, when we are aware of the reaction, it’s much easier to begin to address why we reacted in the first place!
Thank you Tim for that timely reminder – that is, that when I re-act I have made it about me. I will go forward with that today and feel more deeply into my re-actions. We have become so use to re-acting and going into protection that we have given away our power to an outside force that is not supporting us – and never will. When we let go of re-action we begin to feel the support of truly connecting to the whole and letting go of the ideal of perfection – even writing that allows more space in my body for love!
For me when I react I know that I’ve lost touch with myself and basically I can’t feel a connection with my body. Just doing the practical thing of lying down in my bed, feeling my body, how my feet feels, how my back feels against the bed etc, keeps me in touch with myself and I seem to be able to have a much more observing approach to life instead of getting caught up in things.
Yes Tim. I do have the same experience of reacting, but as I do so I’m now able to observe myself doing it. A few days ago a colleague of mine made an unwarranted remark to me. I felt hurt and walked away. Sometimes later a general email clarified the situation which had prompted the comment. This time she deftly manipulated her previous answer so as not to loose face in front of our colleagues. I was able to feel her embarrassment and I let go of retaliating.
Reactions are interesting and very damaging. I was not even aware that I was reacting to life but slowly am seeing that reactions can come about in behaviours like withdrawing, going into fight or defence mode, wanting to blame others, over-eating. Anything we do to avoid feeling what we’re feeling. The thing is whatever we are feeling may not be ‘bad’ but in the honesty of feeling what we are feeling it may mean that we are seeing something freshly that previously we hadn’t wanted to see or that we are required to take action that takes us out of our comfort zone – like in Matt’s example above.
Thank you for a great blog Matts. I have spent most of my life finding it hard to express what I feel, and know the consequences of holding back very well. As I learn to allow truth-full expression the difference I feel in my body is amazing. I love your words “When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.” This says it all. It’s true that the reality of expressing is much less scary than the thought of expressing. Getting stuck in the head with all the ‘what if’ scenarios just creates tension and misery. And yes, if we hold back the world misses out. What a shame! I love your story, thank you.
Hi Rebecca, the words “Just do it” is not that bad of an idea at times when we struggle whether we should say things or not, and it might help bring a shift if we have an old way of not saying things when we feel to.
I love this blog Matts. “What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” Awesome, thank you for sharing.
Hi Beverly and all – the words might seem a bit fancy, to me as well but they have some substance to them. I really feel that we communicate with each other even though no words are being spoken. It’s like you can feel what the other person is saying by their sheer presence and energy. Most of us have surely heard of how what we say verbally is only a small percentage of the communication being received. Lots has to do with body language, tone of voice, eye contact and so on and even beyond this I feel that we communicate on an even deeper level, and maybe that is the heart sharing with another, by feeling. Kids are great at this and there is not much you can hide from a child which I find awesome.
I agree Matts. We feel so much more than words as these are actually a very small part of our expression and interactions that we communicate with others. You are so right, kids really do see it and tell it how it is. Awesome indeed.
Yes it’s like they live in a world that is so much more spacious than ours, with much more room to express in and from. So when they express they can look at you from all different angles and therefore know so much more about you and what to say, which we know can be so profound.
Spot on Matts, there is so much more than words at play with expression… and yes it does feel that we communicate at an even deeper level, a clairsentient level maybe? Yes, children are naturally awesome at this.
Definitely Matts communication is not limited to just words. It is the energy we are. Words are useful tools but also as you say the body, the voice, the eyes and the way we move is also communication and expression.
Made me think about the possibility that the words we use when we speak are actually just a small percentage of what we actually communicate and sometimes not even that… Maybe what we say is not what we actually communicate with our energy, even thought we might think or want it to be so. The man from the show “The Dog Whisperer”, Cesar Milan, knows this inside and out that it’s all about energy and how you are energetically, and that that is what matters so much more than the words we use. It’s the energy we are in when we use words that will determine what those words will actually communicate. So I can basically say I love you and actually communicate the opposite (maybe that’s why some give up on love…) as well as I can say I love you with my whole being without uttering one single word.
I must say that I really enjoyed reading my comment here again. Maybe that’s another aspect of why it’s so important to express, because I leave golden grains for myself to re-discover as I walk on my path in life.
Before there are words, there is the energy that has called them to be. We ignore the fact that everything is energy so that we can hide our irresponsibility behind the words we speak and pretend that no one is none the wiser. Just as you cannot hide anything from a small child, you also cannot hide anything from an adult unless they choose to close their eyes. Our hearts communicate constantly whether we pay attention or not. Whether we choose to notice or not, we cannot escape the fact that we are so divinely designed to communicate and connect with each other – I love that about us.
Great blog Matts and a timely reminder that by not expressing what we truly feel we are not just holding back ourselves but we are also retarding the evolution of others—now that is what you call responsibility
Absolutely Tim. What you say here is so true!
Sure is Tim, and joyfully so. There is no grander relief than to express what is there to be expressed, as long as it is a true response and not in reaction. The body says thank you, is there more, because I’m ready!
Definitely Tim, that is responsibility.
Yes exactly Tim I love this. We have a responsibility to all to express exactly what needs to be expressed at every moment. It is not for us to decide what to or not to express as it is needed for all to evolve.
Really great blog Matts in describing the hard feelings of holding back that you sometimes think you have to break through. I loved your profound comment at the end around ‘a sound not for the ears to hear’. That is awesome. This blog has really inspired me to share a story of my own as I feel it totally uncovers that a layer of myself I use to beat myself down with… and not expressing my full because I don’t want to get rejected, is clear to see and feel but never dealt with because of course, fear of rejection.
Hi Phil, that resistance that can be felt is in my experience just the quality of energy we feel that is asking for a change. So by us being true in what we feel and expressing that, we can help and assist those that have asked for that change. The unpleasant feelings we might come across is just a trick to make us doubt in whether we should say it or not. So better to get it out there and perhaps learn if it didn’t feel right rather than holding back. And I guess that is the beautiful way of learning and unfolding our way to express in a truer and clearer way. Thanks again Phil.
Reading your words have been a wonderful teaching for me.
Thank you Matts
Awesome Wendy, thanks!
Matts, I found your blog very inspirational and it makes me think about how I measure what I say to whom! It’s so embedded to not speak out in case I rattle someone. I realised very recently that I made a conscious decision as a child to be nice to everyone because I worked out that this would lessen the chances of them being angry or horrible to me. If I was nice and they liked me then it would be easier to be around them. I have crafted a whole way of interacting with others based on this falsehood as a way of handling life. I understand that this does not bring an ounce of truth to anyone in my interactions! I am learning to handle when people aren’t nice to me… but appreciating the rawness of the honest expression in the moment and although it can touch a sensitive nerve I have come to realise that the sky doesn’t fall in or that I am not struck down. I have begun to appreciate that actually there may be a very valid point in what is being said.
Hi Susan, yesterday I felt so clearly that when I am caring with myself I automatically feel everyone else as being equal to that, which was so lovely to feel. Made me realize that all the separation we might feel with others is because there is still a connection to be made with oneself. Made me quite humble actually…
Great article Matts. This really made me realise how often I adjust what I say depending on who I am speaking to. This gets in the way of expressing truth.
True Mary, and in the long run it becomes very exhausting swinging back and forth with how to be, what to say or not to say. It sort of de-waters ourselves giving us no true joy or vitality whereas expressing what we feel seems like the opposite giving us lots of energy and most important an energy that feels awesome and truly nourishing for our body.
Well said Mary. I too adjust and measure what I say by calibrating to what I think people want to hear which is often falls short of what they actually need to hear.
Gorgeous Matts, your article makes me aware ‘that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.’
And how inspiring it is that ‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.’
Hello Matts,
Thank you for introducing me to this article. Well, your article is an inspiration for me to express myself more. I know how it feels to have something pressing inside your body all the time. For me, I am a person who is afraid to express myself. Hope one day I can find courage and freedom like you.
Thanks Mats, Kanitta
Hi Kanitta, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and reply the article! It seems to me you already have the courage to express which your comment so eloquently shows, and that is a great lesson for us all, so thank you once again! Matts
Hey Matts, thanks for sharing this – I particularly felt inspired by how you simply described the possibility of something coming up for us to express for another. It completely takes myself out of the equation and is an awesome feeling to know the possibility that what I have to offer can be there to benefit others – if I so choose to allow it out for them.
Someone mentioned recently that, that is what true friendship is all about. Telling the truth so that another can benefit from it.
So so true. I recently had a friend who was really honest with me about something I had said to someone. I wanted to keep my version of hurts intact and so didn’t want to hear what she was saying. But, I could feel the integrity of what she was saying, how non-judgmental she was of me and the other person and how important it was I should hear what she she was saying. The result was that I could see a pattern that I had been in the whole of my life. What she said wasn’t that big a deal on one level but actually it was, because her comment helped me break a pattern that I can now be a different, more harmonious way with others. So thank you Matts for reminding me to express the truth so everyone can benefit, whatever our relationship is to them – friend, stranger, boss, partner or parent; and however challenging that may be to us at the time.
And a thanks to that dear friend of yours.
I often find that I think of this blog now when I am feeling something and hesitate expressing. What a blessing you have given the world Matts by sharing your experience. Thank you. 🙂
Hi Shevon – I’ve had this experience recently when I really felt to express to someone how much I enjoyed her and her presence. I was a bit nervous at first, but I also felt that me not sharing it would be more uncomfortable than me actually expressing it, so I did, and it was great. Not perfect perhaps but a great sharing and a great learning, and after all, who am I to stop another from hearing they are magnificent…
Beautiful Matt.
Rowena and everyone, this is a gem here in what Rowena has written about expressing for all. What if our communication was based on expressing for all? I can feel a whole new world opening up with this – where communication becomes a purpose and not just something to do to fill in time or to distract us from what is happening in and around us.
Good Point here. It seems like we have an innate want to converse in an honest and true manner yet we are a bit unsure how to begin so we keep on the old way. That’s why it’s so rewarding and fun to begin to say to others what we truly feel. It opens up a whole new world like you say Shevon. Nowadays I’m open to this world and it’s like an exciting treasure hunt, you never know what you gonna find, yet you know it’ll be amazing.
So beautifully expressed Matts – you have exposed such a common trait, that we measure our expression depending on who we are talking to, rather than making our expression about what is calling out to be said and all based on how it might affect us individually rather than what is necessary for All. How amazing to feel the difference in communication, “What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood”. Its those moments, when we communicate purely in an honest and heart felt manner that we truly communicate with one another and when this happens, both parties truly benefit.
Agree Rowena, and the exciting part, if I may say so, is that sometimes we don’t really know what will be said, we just feel like something needs to be expressed and what can come out is beautifully designed to break any falseness that may be. I’ll say that is an artform, in my opinion mastered by Serge Benhayon, and one that I’m keen to learn more about. Keeps the headache away…
So true Rowena, ‘Its those moments, when we communicate purely in an honest and heart felt manner that we truly communicate with one another and when this happens, both parties truly benefit.’
What a revelation “Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?”
Yes, great to remember that just because we happen to favor some people doesn’t mean they should be deprived from the truth, they deserve it too.
Great blog Matts I’m glad you didn’t hold back on witting it.
Yes Kevin, I’m getting to the point where it’s more uncomfortable to hold things back than to actually express them which is a huge relief for the body…
Hi Matts, what an inspiring blog , what you say here is so something I had never realised but upon reading this it feels SO TRUE: “what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.” I will have a go at expressing in thus way as I often hold back like you say, depending on who I am talking to, especially at work. I feel the key is to develop a loving way of expressing truth to accept the person but not their behaviour if that is not OK. I find that difficult.
Hi Rachel, I’ve experienced that in former workplaces when someone would have a behaviour that I had a hard time coping with, instead of just letting it be and perhaps keep on being reactive towards them, I asked myself why I got affected. I also then expressed to them how I felt in an honest way about their behaviour, which changed everything and I no longer reacted to them. I got to see the person behind the behaviour. It also felt as if they experienced it as freeing to hear someone say it out loud without judging them for it. So expressing like this is so rewarding bringing us back to a more truthful way with each other, and allowing us to enjoy each other, however we may be.
In truth what hurts us more is not choosing to be open to truth, and so letting ourselves listen rather than closing off from truth would actually be doing us a big favour.
I love this Matts. You really have expressed so clearly the importance of expressing and the number and quality of the comments reflect this. One point that stands out is “holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine.”
Hi Jonathan, and it really highlights the workings that is alive between people and for us to recognise what is needed from our end.
I can relate with this too Jonathan.
Thank you Matts for your amazing blog. So simple and profound. From such a young age we are trained to be polite to say the right thing and to not rock the boat. I have acutely felt the damage of this over the last couple of years and have been unravelling and really feeling into the words I choose to express and what I hold back on. I love what you share in terms of holding back with people we favour most. We have a strong need to be liked and accepted and as you say we have more to lose. I have been experimenting with this. It is definitely a work in progress. I have definitely bumbled my way through a few times,but what I have experienced is very lovely. This honesty has definitely deepened my relationships and offers a reflection for others to be equally honest with me. There are so many points of evolution offered to us when we choose to not hold back.
Thanks for your sharing Anne-Marie, your comment is full as it is and needs nothing else but to be enjoyed, love it!
I so agree Anne-Marie re: the bumbling, but certainly more real and honest relationships are being developed as a result of not holding back what I feel. 1st step I find is actually being honest with myself first re: what I am feeling. Giving myself permission in this area seems to make expressing with another easier.
I agree Anne-Marie, and especially holding back with people we favour. As you say, ‘We have a strong need to be liked and accepted’ and so feel we have more to lose if we fully express with them, rather than bringing it back to expressing to help us all evolve.
I love the details you’ve shared Matts. I feel truly liberated when I’ve fully expressed what I feel to at the moment, & when I haven’t, something dosen’t feel right in my body. You’ve so beautifully reminded on that. Also it’s actually irresponsible to live the latter! Wow! That brings in a whole new way of living. Thank you for sharing.
And your comment brings a smile on my face so keep on expressing Pinky, and thank you!
How topsy turvy is a world that takes the honest communication of a child and advocates burying words that are not even ours in the first place…..and then tells us its unkind to express what is, in essence, the truth and just what that person does need to hear (and has called for)!
Thank you Matts, and others, for exposing this and bringing the responsibility of facing this life long patterning to the fore in such a clear and loving way.
Reflecting on the wonderful exponents we have of this including Serge Benhayon and Chris James, I realise that it is the love from which they express for me makes their (called for by me) comments so acceptable, however challenging. So, a huge part of my responsibility is not to be shilly shallying with my stuff about what and how to say, but to check where I am coming from when I speak.
Matts thank you I hold back so often expressing what is true or felt or there to be said in the fear of what the other might think or what if they walk away, be it friends, family or work colleagues. A lovely reminder that doing so is very selfish as it doesn’t help anyone including me!
Absolutely David, I am with you, and Matts on that, and it feels awful in our body, that feeling of tension, contraction and feeling small, and then spending most of the time in our head debating and questioning whether we should share or not, or the scenarios that might play out from that … phewww tiring and time consuming, when we could just simply express how we feel – I wonder how many people are walking around holding back how they really feel or what they want to express? maybe that’s why so many people are tired or have feeling of tension or anxiousness in their bodies.
Well said, Gyl. It does really feel awful to be contracted in the body. All that holding back does not have any rewards after.
True David, it’s just getting over that threshold we might feel and then it gets easier even though the asking for a grander expression will always be there.
You have so aptly described what I have often felt, holding back expressing from fear of losing people. There is however no truth in that. Beautiful blog thanks Matts.
Hi Michelle, yes people are really yearning for us to express truth and perhaps we should make it a human right!
And also Michelle, what is the quality of relationship we have if we are not willing to be truthful with them? I know it’s not always easy but I feel it’s better to be as truthful as we can and if the boat is rocked then that might be just what is needed and asked for.
Really awesome blog! I know that I hate conflict or standing up for my self when something doesn’t feel right. But when I do, its the more amazing feeling, to know I stuck with my expression. Thank you
And you know what Rebecca, what I’ve experienced is that that feeling of not wanting to say something that might cause some disturbance is also related to other people’s resistance of hearing the truth that we can deliver. Because when we do express people can be reminded, or exposed might be the right word, of what is not true and working whole-fully in the first place. So they get to see what they might change or work on to live a more truth-full life. And the more solid we are in bringing the truth forth the easier it is for others to accept it.
Absolutely love your blog, Matts. You highlight the many different gifts expression can bring. I too am working on my expression and allowing for the uncomfortable-ness to just be as I do so, in myself and others. It isn’t always easy but I too feel that “…the more solid we are in bringing the truth forth the easier it is for others to accept it.” And the easier it becomes for me to express it. That solid-ness I have at times felt in every cell of my being when I have been able to express from my inner-most, and the light, almost playful sense of joy that comes with that expressing is worth all the moments of uncomfortableness that will eventually fade away as I embrace expressing from who I truly am more and more.
So true Brigitte – it brings to me the picture of us shedding skin. The more we express from what we feel is true the more of the old layers we shed and we get freer and freer as we keep on expressing. And I also feel that the uncomfortable feeling gets lighter and lighter the more we allow ourselves to really enjoy expressing.
I love your comment here Matts and you bring up a really great point – that we can hold back because we don’t want to feel the uncomfortableness in others. I know that this has been the case for me. I’m also afraid of what is going to come back at me in terms of anger, denial or someone reacting and telling me I am wrong, which often brings up doubt for me in what I am feeling. Something I need to work on, is being able to hold myself steady when I express, which means holding myself steady at all other times throughout my day so that when it comes time to express, I am still with me.
Thanks Matts. In the past I was so busy measuring what was the right thing to say that I completely dishonoured what my body was feeling – “when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine.” I really appreciate you reminding us how important it is not to live in a body that is full of unspoken truths.
Hi Janet, yes the body is there to bring truths through and when we hold back what is there to be brought the energy stagnates and brings what we experience as physical tensions and complications. So the best way to stay healthy would be to keep on expressing what we feel is there to be expressed and also be aware of what more there is to express.
Wow – Janet I love what you have written here ‘not to live in a body that is full of unspoken truths’. When put like this I can feel how this keeps everyone stuck, as Golnaz shared, but more so the one holding back on expressing and how poisonous this is left inside the body. Yuk! When I first read the comment, for a millisecond, I wasn’t going to share this! Then I laughed as it exposed how quickly the pattern of discounting is there! Thank you Matts for the article and all comments shared thereafter.
Yes Janet, full of other people’s “bits and pieces”. When it is expressed in this way (thank you Matts) the issue of holding back becomes quite silly really.
Why would we to hold other peoples’ stuff in us?
It works that way doesn’t it Rachel and all. If we hold back expressing what we actually feel is there to express then we will be filled with the energy we’ve already seen and felt is not true. If we do however we will be graced with an energy that works so much better in our bodies. I get the image of us walking a path with our torch, we see a wounded man on our path, do we stop and help out or do we just walk around and carry on.
Hi Mary, this shows how important it is to stay present with ourselves and our bodies, and when we do there is less room for reacting. It’s hard to not mention Chris James when it comes to this since he’s such an inspiration when it comes to self expression and the wellbeing it brings to stay present and feel.
Just got reminded how important it is to feel. When I feel I get connected to a deeper “version” of myself that feels truer and more real and honest. It’s like it’s always there, awaiting, I only have to make the effort to go there. Another thought that comes to mind is that what if this deeper version, if I may call it that, is forgotten about, seemingly… Then it would make great sense to try to make what we’ve got better and better, even though it doesn’t seem to work very well. I feel this is a topic worth exploring more, which I will and get back with how it goes…
What you write here Matts opens up the possibility that there is much more to us than meets the eye. I feel that with your whole blog this is what you are sharing with us and in this simple everyday story you’re showing us the magic of life and how there are countless opportunities for growing and learning at much deeper levels, when we are open and accepting of what we feel.
Thank you Matt, expression is something I am currently working on, so it was great to read your blog. Not holding back and expressing truthfully with everyone.
Yes it’s about embracing oneself and when we do that we embrace others as well and then expression is an easy and flowing thing, and I’m a forever student of this. The intimacy that can be felt with another when we express what we feel might be one of the reasons why people in general hold back expressing because we might not be familiar with that level of love-filled connection… but that is not an excuse to try it out, it’s worth feeling a bit un-comfortable when what we get in return is such a reward.
Matts this is so awesome. Having held back speaking the truth my whole life I can say with complete certainty – it does not work. After all – like you say this is about all of us, not just me or you! And I’m finding as I learn to speak the truth my natural power and authority is returning. I also really love what you wrote about being for the heart to hear rather than the ears, really beautifully put 🙂
I loved what you have shared Meg about expressing your truth, and how as we do this our natural power and authority returns. I am very aware of this, you can feel a marked difference not only in the words we write or express but a feeling in our bodies that is so clear. Also what you have shared and Matts, about how it is for the “heart to hear rather than the ears”, I know when someone expresses the truth from their heart be it in written or spoken word ever cell in my body absolutely responds, knows and feels the difference.
Hi Meg, yes it’s a puzzle one could say when we get to consider that we are not really here to choose what to express but we are here to express what is needed… brings individuality into a predicament doesn’t it? As a one humanity we are here to return to what we all want which is true brotherhood and for that to be a reality expressing what is needed is a huge thing of importance. It can be hard in the beginning and even along the way but if we get comfortable in being un-comfortable at times we might explore a grander freedom than if we hold back calculating what to say to make others feel comfortable. My experience is that when we really express what we know to be true there is a huge holding power in that which makes it truly comfortable for everyone because they feel the truth of it – and the true truth is what we all want in the end hence the welcoming when we bring it.
I am also finding that speaking the truth just feels right. It trully is that simple to listen with your heart.
Thank you Matts for sharing how you made a choice to express, lovingly but firmly what you were feeling, rather than holding back and going into the comfort of seeing the situation as being quite cool.
Hi Elizabeth, for me it was a matter of my own well being since it felt so uncomfortable in my body to not say what I felt to say. And when I did I got back to feeling spacious and alive again instead of this straight-jacket type of feeling of not expressing my truth. It’s worth being a student of expressing truth, it’s so rewarding.
I find that my body feels very heavy and I have a lot of negative thoughts if I don’t express what I am feeling. The longer I delay the worse things get and it really creates a rift in relationships. I find reading this blog and all of the comments very helpful when I am dilly dallying with being honest as a reminder of the great responsibility factor.
It’s very apt for me to be reading this now as I’ve been holding back in certain situations for way too long because I don’t want people to react to what I might say. I’m beginning to feel how damaging this is for all concerned. How can we move forward and make things work if we hold ourselves back from the truth? Thank you for all the comments here and the inspiration they bring to not hold back anymore : )
Thank you Matts for sharing your experience – I too have changed or dulled my words and expression in fear of the minor possibility of someone not liking me. It is crazy that when something needs to be said we can filter it so it comes across all nice and sweet but then nothing changes and everyone goes on living the same way, even if they have been disrespectful, rude and/or abusive. Before meeting Serge Benhayon I was the quiet, polite and well spoken boy, albeit I did have a wild side as I had to release all the pent up energy somehow! What I have learnt over the years from Universal Medicine presentations is that it is important to express what you feel to and not hold back, no matter what (just a note that this doesn’t mean telling your life story to everyone, or making sure everyone is living the way you perceive they should be – as thats control and judgement!) being fully open to say what is needed to be said at the time. Its soo freeing, I now walk away from conversations and leave them there instead of thinking over and over again I should have said this or that – which I used to and that was exhausting!
Hi James, that feels like the ultimate way if we could express everything a situation calls for. If we do it lovingly we’re home free!
Matts, Thank you for a brilliantly clear experience on the issue of communication and its true power. I am deeply inspired. I will be reading it again to be sure I thoroughly get how important it is to speak from my heart.
Hi Jo, also what I felt reading your words is how rewarding it is when we stay present with ourselves and our bodies and the natural confidence that brings, and then it’s so much easier to say what we really feel like saying.
Hi again Jo – I felt that this blog could easily been called Expressing How We Feel – A Matter of Wellbeing, since the body is so supportively saying that expressing is its thing and holding back is not.
I Love this blog as it’s so simple and relatable. As I apply it to every situation in my life I see and feel Truth.
And the perk is that there is no end to it so the joy of expressing is endless… awesome!
This is so beautifully written and shared Matts. I completely relate to that feeling, where something is left in your body when you have not shared it – it wasn’t ever ours to keep hold of, and so truly how selfish to do anything but share. It is still a work in progress but I am finding that my thoughts of how another may react never come close to the reality. When delivered from truth and in love there is no where for them to go.
Hi Jenny, yes it’s great to catch that little trickster saying “don’t say it” and whatever else it might come up with. Especially when both persons are saying yes with all they’ve got… apart from that little trickster that is.
I love it that you are calling what stops us from expressing a ‘little trickster”, because that is exactly what is happening. It’s a trick that we choose to go along with.
This trickster guy is indeed a slippery one… it seems to work under stealth mode using us as a facade to do it’s dirty business.
Perhaps it’s time to show it that life isn’t that scary, that it’s ok to join in and even feel a bit uncomfortable from time to time.
And when the truth is delivered with love, it is very rare for the other to react
Hi Golnaz, isn’t that a great learning for all and a freeing thing! Knowing that my expression doesn’t belong to me but for others to enjoy. Sure at times it can be hard or exposing to hear something truthful about something that is not, but everyone always comes out better in the end. Funny isn’t it that we think and make what we express something that we consider ourselves having the last say about, which we have, but the consequences we might not like when we hold back expressing something that’s been there to express. And what you share as well how absolutely freeing and expansive and wonderful and liberating it is to express when something is there to be expressed instead of holding it back which is actually quite cruel, which your sharing so clearly displays. Thanks again!
Thank you Matts for your honest blog. I have sat comfortable and quiet for most of my life not wanting to say what I have felt, in the belief that I may hurt someone or they may react to what I say. I have learnt over the years that this lack of expression is not only hurting me, it can cause confusion with others as there are things that are left unsaid that can be felt by the other person. It is an on going process for me to learn to speak from my heart and not from the hurts that I have held from me not expressing what need to be said.
Hi Alison – The awesome thing is that we don’t have to be perfect to start expressing and that we’re allowed to make mistakes, which we probably will, but that’s all part of the process. I know what you’re saying about holding back expressing what we feel to express. Over time it builds up, and eventually it has to come out in any way possible.
My experience is that when we’ve let things build up (unexpressed things) and hold back something that is knocking on the door to be expressed, so to speak, it might come out a bit awkward at first and it’s almost as if it needs to be released to then have a more pure expression coming through. Almost as if there’s been a queue-up from things wanting to be expressed and now the pipes need to have a healthy flush through. And the body afterwards feels so much more in line and willing to be there for us in any way it can, so expressing what we feel could be the greatest form of working out.
Absolutely true Matts.
Yes Matts I have done that, I used to have a long queue of unsaid things and when I would eventually say something it would not always make sense or it would come out as harsh and unloving because I had missed the moment to say something, and then allowed it to build up inside me.
Awesome wisdom Matts thank you.
Hi Alison. It’s a great realisation you’ve come to and one that I’m exploring myself. It’s true what you say that we may cause confusion in others when we don’t express what we feel. The reason might be that they have felt that we can help them to express something they have difficulties with and when we don’t help out they get a bit let down of perhaps confused. Hence the importance of letting out an expression and not holding it back.
Yes the delay is a killer isn’t it. A killer for our wellbeing. It’s funny, expression seems to be something that we cannot own, it’s there to be shared with everyone else. Is this perhaps the proof that we are actually unified as people and not separate as it sometimes seems we are. We share something we cannot run away from.
And what I also feel when I read your beautifull words Monica is that when we allow ourselves to express we are also letting others see our own cuteness, it’s like that innermost well is dripping over for everyone to see and enjoy.
Wow I love the power in what you have written Matts. When I am not caught in the little stories in my head it is so obvious and so clear. When there is something to be said positive or not, expressing it is the most beautiful thing. Holding it back is holding back love. I have had the personal experience of finding out a long time later that people close to me had not said anything about the unloving way I had been behaving although they had observed it. They had considered it a caring gesture to not upset me, but it was interesting that I would have much rather they had said what they had to say even if it upset me. This was a great learning.
You could have written this for me Golnaz…I had the same experience recently and it really opened my eyes how much we are all not expressing and holding back what we are truly feeling. I find it more upsetting when truth is with-held than if someone expressed a bit clumsy…it is often what is not said that causes the most damage.
Perhaps we’ve become a bit lazy and gotten used to it being ok to not express what we feel to express, when expressing is the most healthy way to be with ourselves and others. I feel that the more open and aware I get of what is there to be said the more on top of things I feel. Or perhaps the more on top of living I get is the more correct way of putting it.
Hi Shevon, I’ve now come to the point where I realise that this space can actually be called for if I make the choice, and if I do I will actually embrace the other person to join me if they feel to. If not they can enjoy me as I am and the training for me now is to hold this space knowing that I don’t have to lessen myself or my expression to suit others. For me it has come down to my own wellbeing where if I hold back expressing what I’ve felt to express it feels very unpleasant in so many ways, like I’ve given up on myself, but if I do express I feel spacious, alive and ready for more…
I have been feeling this silent conversation too of late. Beyond words there is a deep conversation going on like a river flowing if I decide to listen. I am noticing that misunderstanding happens when I block that flow and don’t want to hear the silent conversation.
Beautiful sharing Shevon and so true, when we choose not to communicate how we feel this then allows for a multitude of other stuff to come in.
This is so beautiful and so spot on Shevon. I too can relate to this.
That’s very beautifully said Shevon. I think we all miss this but are sometimes unsure how to ease the tension we feel. When I allow stillness then it’s easy to share what I feel and lately I feel that doing the Gentle Breath Meditation has been super supportive for me.
Hi Shevon I really appreciate your “blocking the flow” reference. I can fell the back up of complication that comes in when what is there to be said isn’t said.
Hi Shevon, that feels so true for me too and your words express that so beautifully – this silence feels as though it allows true communication from the heart and that is so deep and true.
Shevon, it’s so true when we choose not to communicate what we are feeling, then the body buries this in many forms, such as resentment, frustration and it then can come out as rage when less expected.
This is such an important article. Too many of us hold back what we are feeling. Each time I read a comment on this blog, I am reminded that what we each feel to express is important. We might not understand it but just to share can help ourselves and whoever we are communicating with to grow in understanding. This can’t happen if we hold it back.
Hi Shevon, yes it’s like we are here for others to enjoy what we have to bring… COULD IT BE THAT SIMPLE?
Hi Matts, Loved reading your blog, it was perfect timing! Clearly written and easy to grasp how important it is to express what is there to express because it is not ours in the first place – it belongs to the person who asked for it (the silent communication between two hearts). What a dis-service it is to humanity when we hold back… as you beautifully expressed: “It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.”
Brilliant blog!
Love reading your words, what I’ve discovered lately is that when we allow silence with another/others there is actually a communication going on that can be felt. Quite a revelation for me and a lovely experience. First it can be uncomfortable because you just want to say something but after a short while there is just this amazing feeling of spaciousness and a subtle conversation that can be sensed. I’ve experienced it a few times lately and would love to keep exploring this, and love to share it as well. Love to hear about if you feel to give it a go!
Hello Matts!
A lovely inspiration thank you, for I could relate to reading this, you write so good. Hugs Sofie
Thank you so much Sofie! Love every word you write!
Hi Toni, thanks for the reply. What I feel reading your words is the willingness to be intimate with others, and how that in itself opens up to hearing the subtle language we communicate without always knowing it consciously. It’s amazing how a whole new world can open up once we are willing to feel, and I can definitely feel you when typing these words. Thanks again Toni.
I am so inspired by your conversation here, Toni and Matts. How true, that we make it about ourselves instead of what is needed! Being willing to feel, willing to see what is there, to be intimate with others and bringing that with care and sensitivity.
This is an interesting link being intimate with others and how this relates to offering truth and honesty when called for. It means breaking down the false ideal of intimacy of getting something for oneself.
This little word intimacy is actually quite a big thing! I had it come up for me today, feeling how if I allowed myself to be more intimate with others this would allow more openness and deeper and more accepting and loving relationships to develop. A beautiful comment Matts, and no coincidence that I came across it today. Thankyou for your inspiration.
We definitely can feel more when we allow ourselves to be intimate with others and I find that my natural sensitivity is re-awakened when I am. Often we can hold back as we might be afraid of what might come at us or what will happen next if we just let go. Being intimate means we have to let go of control.
This is great, Matts. You have really exposed how we can so easily adjust what needs saying to fit particular circumstances and especially rework it depending on whom we are talking to – which is very dis-honest, as you have so clearly explained. A lovely inspiration, thank you!
Hi Gabriele, and thanks. I’ve realised as I’ve mentioned that it actually comes down to wellbeing to express what we feel which gives expression a new level of meaning and importance. Could it be that we are not just bodies, that there is a being within the body that has a life too that very much so influences the quality of the visual one… and… could it be that this being is part of evolution as well and not just the physical one getting to be more fit…
Hi Gabriele and everyone – I felt to correct what I wrote from “Could it be that…” it didn’t feel right with what I felt to express and it felt as if I wasn’t fully claiming what I felt to say but hiding behind that statement that came out as a question or a pondering for others. Easier in a way, or maybe more comfortable, but I didn’t get to say what I really wanted to say which is that the being I’m referring to is actually my own. A very delicate one that needs to be looked after in a very delicate way. And I also realized that this looking after business was something that I had to re-connect to or re-learn and wasn’t something that came naturally anymore. Perhaps it was when I was younger but if so it has faded away over the years growing up. Now I’m getting to know this being again by being in way that brings it alive again and truly it feels as if this being in none other than who I truly am… It’s me in all its remarkable ways…
So well put Gabriele – chameleon speak, a language without foundation that adjusts to circumstances and leaves everyone feeling empty, like something’s missing.
Thank you Matts for sharing your blog ,Alan isn’t it called being nice and the poison that is delivered into that emptiness in such a way we question what we feel through the smoke and mirrors of niceness.
I agree Paul, niceness is such a tricky one. When to be nice and when not to be nice, I think a lot of us even have difficulties knowing if niceness is something that’s even good or bad. If we consider being truthful or not then it’s easier to view niceness in a different light. What is better – to be nice or to be truthful? We all know the answer to that one but how to adjust into being more truthful is what can be hard sometimes because of old ideals that kicks in on how we think we should be or have to be.
I feel that when we are being ‘nice’, others know the truth even when we are not ready to see it for ourselves. From a very young age I cultivated the trick of ‘niceness’ – and it only worked when people were complicit with the lack of truth that I was displaying. Although I took on the cloak of ‘niceness’ when someone was ‘nice’ in return I was always very, very uncomfortable. At the time I could not understand this reaction but I can now see that this was a reflection for me and at that time I chose to ignore it. As I allow myself to be more the ‘real me’ I no longer need the cloak of niceness to get me through the world. I can shine forth as I am – although when I am feeling insecure I can still slip on the cloak again.
Aah the word “nice,” was very much inbuilt into my vocabulary from a very young age. I used it to basically sit on the fence with a lot of people and not offend or complicate things. But in truth I was complicating things by being nice! Speaking with honesty and truth allows for deeper connections not only with ourselves but with everyone around us.
Matts, this is a most inspiring article. Thank you for sharing your insights and understandings, most timely for me as I too am in the process of not staying in comfort and expressing more of what my body is feeling in the moment.
I love your last two paragraphs especially – “What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.”
“So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!” – I am with you on this too!
Wonder-full Stephanie, let’s have some fun with expressing. 🙂
Just beautiful Matts, thank you so much for this as I now have a deeper understanding what it means to hold back expression. With my current circumstance I am experiencing what you have written above and felt every word of it.
“Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.”
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.”
Tears in my eyes Matts, very powerful. Much appreciation, Kim.
Thank you so much Kim!
Yes Kim, both those lines you have commented on spoke deeply to me too. If we express without judgement of ourselves or others, the truth is there to be felt, or NOT depending on our readiness and our self awareness. It does not matter, it is just there to express. A brilliant reminder of the power we have to support one another.
Hi Joel, I agree, there is so much there to be shared if we listen to the subtle language that is ever present between ourselves and others, and the ease that the body is left with when we express is just awesome.
Wow Matts this is amazing. Those words on responsibility “Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel…” WE ARE ACTUALLY STOPPING ANOTHER FROM EVOLVING, FROM GROWING. Too many times I have been stuck in needing to be right getting in the way of expressing what I feel. I’d never really accepted that by doubting I am making it about me. I feel myself opening to a deeper level of awareness after reading your post. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Shevon and thanks for taking the time to read the article. It’s amazing how it all works isn’t it! It’s like the seed to express is planted or called for by someone else that has already felt that I’m able to assist them, and by feeling the impulse to express I have actually already said yes to express it. Ultimate way of working together I would say!
I’ve realised I’ve been holding back from someone I work with as I have felt that things may become more difficult at work if I express the truth. I have a 121 tomorrow, and as per my previous comment I will do my best to deliver the truth with nothing but love… Thanks for the inspiration Matts!
Thanks Matts, I have also been feeling this quite acutely, there is so much I have to share with others that could support them and others with me, but we spend too much time trying to make each other comfortable rather than committing to life being about true evolution.
Absolutely Joel, honesty is always the best policy – the key thing is to deliver that honesty with love.
Rachael that is so true – delivering honesty with love otherwise what I am realising is that the honesty is futile without it.
Thank you Rachael – your quote of “honesty is always the best policy – the key thing is to deliver that honesty with love” is so true
Pure perfection Rachel. Honesty is best served with a whole lot of love . Thank you.
Thank you Joel, what you wrote strikes a note with me. Made me sit up and really feel it. There is a huge difference between committing to supporting one another in true evolution and keeping one another back through comfort.
Hi Joel, reading the blog again and your response brings me the feeling that it’s not only others we keep the truth from but to ourselves also when we do not share what we feel.
I was just thinking the same Matts, keeping the truth from ourselves too, in an effort for things to remain comfortable,the same, nice, polite but at the same time leaving us feeling the lack. Amazing how things expand when what is needed to be said, is said. A big ‘phew’ from all concerned even if it might rock the boat a bit.
Well said Jeanette, there is nothing like a ‘big phew’ when people share the truth as sometimes a rocky boat needs to actually come to shore or even capsize if needed.
Spot on Joel, I totally agree what you say here,we spend too much time trying to make each other comfortable rather than committing to life being about true evolution. Trying to be nice or dancing around something that just needs to be said, is something I still do from time to time. It’s great when you catch yourself at it and can then gently bring yourself back to what’s true.
Julie you have summed it up beautifully. We spend too much time making each other comfortable. I do this all the time at work and sometimes with my family.
Well said Joel.
That is true for many of us Joel and the more honest we are about any investment we might have about making other people comfortable before we deliver honesty, is for me the start to breaking the nice pattern. It seems we’ve become almost scared to simply speak the truth because we have also become very good at reacting to the truth. But perhaps there is a cycle to break here in its own right, and it is for us to really look at why we have allowed ourselves to be reactive and cautions rather than open and accepting. Every single person can be a reflection – that is how we learn and grow and evolve. The question is, do we let our comforts be more than the truth?
True Joel and whatever we do or don’t say in the end there are always going to be people who like or don’t like it. Most simple and loving to just to be true and let the rest take care of itself!