A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.
First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.
Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…
Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?
And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.
Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…
It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.
And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.
Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.
It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.
So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.
Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.
Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.
My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.
What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.
So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!
Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden
873 Comments
I can so relate to what you say Ariana – and I feel inspired by your zest for life!
wow Matts this is amazing thanks for expressing. Life is always teaching us and in every situation there is so much to learn. Even the fact that someone used your machine is a reflection and an offering in itself. I too have learnt that all I need to do is check where my expression is coming from and so long as it is from love, to not interfere with it but to let it out in full. This is quite a learning for me as like you I have to deal with all that pleasing, and then noticing if one person matters more to me than another and if so wondering why that would be the case and so on and so forth as much that is not of true love or expression is revealed. However, I am finding that the consequences of not expressing in full are much worse than the fears or stuff that comes up around expressing so I am more and more doing it anyway and then dealing with what comes up 😉
I totally agree with you Nicola, being open to what will happen when we express what we feel to express is all we have to do. The rest is the magic that follows.
Me too Nicola. I am feeling the consequences of not expressing in full and as I express more, I am seeing how much more there is to express. This is a great process as I feel like at least I have begun and now I will continue. A wise man once said”expression is every thing” SB.
I agree Nicola – I too am finding that the discomfort of not expressing in the moment is nothing compared to the pain of holding on. It feels so amazing when I allow myself to step out of the comfort and to act on my impulse to express, whatever the outcome.
I am glad I read this blog and reminded me of the importance of not holding back expression – important for others as much as myself. I have found sometimes not holding back becomes rather emotional and reactive expression, almost like wallowing in the issue or problem. Thanks to Universal Medicine workshops and very practical information on offer, I have become more clear about how expression can come spontaneously from a place of harmony in my body and then be of true benefit, as opposed to reaction.
Good point Simon, expressing in itself doesn’t make the expression serving, it’s the quality in which we express that is the key thing here.
Matts this is awesome as I had never considered my lack of expression in this way (that something that doesn’t belong to us gets left in our body), but it makes complete sense as it’s what I have felt some many times. For me it even comes up if I see someone I know then hold back from saying hi or acknowledging them (whether or not they have seen me) and it has always felt strange in my body. Definitely brings a new level of awareness and a knowing that it is about more than me, but perhaps what someone else needs. Thanks for this Matts
It sure makes a lot of sense Jade.
Hi Jade – it feels so true and I know that I do the same thing myself – recognise someone and then hold back because I have a feeling of being closed off from the world. I don’t see this moment as a blessing and an opportunity to reconnect to myself and to the world. I need to build these moments that are offered all the time – little communications that my body is giving me to support my letting go of my self.
I have been pondering on the words ‘magic of God’ and I am wondering if I am reinterpreting these words and making them seem something out there and unobtainable when they are truly something simple, beautiful and godly and there for us all to see and become inspired. It is the ordinariness of the ‘magic of God’ that makes it so powerful and extraordinary. Expression is about communicating in an ordinary way that is clear and open to all and that in itself becomes extraordinarily beautiful and all encompassing.
So simple, we just need to give ourselves the time to really take in what is there all of the time.
Re-reading this blog, the comments and your responses to those, I could feel that it is just pure gold. Constantly a work in progress, I am beginning to really enjoy the process as I allow myself to express what is there to be expressed and finding (more and more) that what is impulsed for me to express is often a very lovely confirmation for someone!
Aahh it is, Pernilla… it’s such a beautiful process and a mind twister. A few days ago I felt to express something that totally made no sense to my mind yet when I said it the one receiving it totally got it. At that point I realised that my part in that was purely to express what I was impulsed to express and not trying to figure out why it needed to be said or if I should say it or not. It was like I was the one passing on a message that wasn’t for me to investigate. Like the postman doesn’t read everyone’s mail, he just delivers it (it could be a woman too for those inclined to complain about the gender stereotyping here :-))
It was great to read your blog again Matts as each time I come back to it I can find a new depth of understanding, and I can give myself another opportunity to explore how I express. All my life I have held back on expression and I still find it challenging to get out all the words that my heart wants to say, and yet it feels as though they get stuck somewhere inside where I have hidden them for so long. Just expressing that feels like a healing.
I can relate to that Susan, I’ve had a few weeks now where I’ve found it somewhat easier to express love to others. I’ve felt a connection and an ease being with people and just expressing that feels like a huge relief for my whole being and an expansion at the same time, like I grow and get bigger and more spacious.
That was amazing and perfect timing for me to read your blog, as I am looking at the when I hold back expression and saying what is needed to be said. Particularly to speak up in the moment, rather than feel after an event, I should have said something to somebody, then I have the discomfort of that in my body.
Thank you Matts for bringing up the subject of expression.
That’s an important thing you address Thomas, what do we do with the unexpressed stuff that we didn’t express? Where does it go and is there a way to address it afterwards? I don’t have an exact answer to that so I’m glad if people wants to contribute. My feeling is to not wallow in regret that we didn’t express but perhaps to keep on expressing when the next moment arises to do so. Perhaps writing would be good also, to put it down in words what we didn’t verbally. Awesome you brought this up Thomas, I hope I’ll see more comments about this.
Your last comment feels like an opening for another blog, Matts!
Matts, great ‘spin’ on an everyday situation. As was offered to me recently ‘don’t hold back, lack of comes from this’. Great that you trusted and expressed what you felt in the note.
Hi Francene, yes it was one of those moments where you couldn’t but express. If I hadn’t it would have felt really really awkward. Not towards anyone but within my body.
Correcting myself here, it would perhaps not have felt awkward to my fellow friend in the laundry room but it would have felt non respectful towards her to not say it.
This is such an insightful blog Matts, For me not expressing in full is a hard old habit to break but I agree with you, what is not expressed stays in the body and can be very harmful. It’s crazy though not to express in full as it always feels much better afterwards and more often than not the person accepts it better than I thought they would.
I know Kevin, it’s that trickster playing with us, we don’t like the trickster do we…? Expressing love has been a great one for me lately, breaks down everything and is so felt and well received by everyone. My body and I feels so much more at ease.
“holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive”.
Such a gentle beautiful reminder Matts to fully express, thank you.
I feel my expression has improved over time, however I can still feeling the pain and hurt of holding back my expression.
There is a sadness in that also I feel, to not allow ourselves the grace and space to actually just be ourselves. It seems like the ultimate prison. The way out is very simple though. Just expressing how much I enjoy my new work colleagues is heavenly and feels so freeing and awesome. I have made the choice to express love when I feel it and it’s been great and very life-including.
Yes I agree Matts holding back from fully expressing is like the ultimate prison.
Yes Shirl, when we don’t express it becomes like a furball that should be tossed out of the system – That would be awesome if we had that function. We don’t however, we have a choice to listen to our bodies and that is what’s differentiates us from the Animal Kingdom. And really shouldn’t it be us human beings that is here to inspire the animals and not the other way around…
It is beautiful to see and feel how so many have been inspired by your blog and how beautifully the comments expand the initial impulse of the blog itself. It offers us a real insight into how the whole universe continues to expand and allows us to feel that we are part of that expanding universe. My expression has begun to shift after so many years of holding back and allowing the body to hold all these unspoken words. Sometimes it can still be hard to allow myself to let go – but with the love and support of Serge Benhayon and his family I am beginning to feel the change as my body opens up to love – and expression!
This reminds me that the body is always ready to express in full, it’s us within the body that can hesitate in expressing. Then we end up with a body that feels like it’s not up for it when in fact it is.
Thanks Matts,
This really exposes the evil of comfort in families and amongst friends, where we hold back the truth to ‘keep the peace’; and in doing so, hold each other back from greater levels of love and evolution.
Our expression, and not just the words we communicate are everything… how often do we allow less than love by being silent, or in the way we walk or move around another?… Communicating on some level that their loveless behaviour is ‘ok’, instead of exposing that which is not loving through the way we hold ourselves and express.
Brilliant sharing Matts.
Totally with you here Kylie. No need to slouch around others keeping ourselves small just to please, so called, another. Really they’re asking for it because if someone doesn’t want to be exposed it’s not really the true version of them saying that.
Everything and every moment sure carries the opportunity for us to be more and more aware of what life is all about. I’m learning to see and appreciate this more and more and Universal Medicine offers awesome tools here.
Such a great blog Matts. I am learning to express more as well and your line: “It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it”, really supported me to feel how it is not about me too but about everyone when I express something I deeply feel to express. It is a learning process but the feeling in my body when I express is priceless.
Wisdom and laundry. Superb.
So many comments have revolved around expression and communication, as naturally they must with this subject that you have described so beautifully.
What struck me with your blog is the fact that wisdom is there for us to connect to in every moment. There is nothing too mundane in this life to be empty of the opportunity to learn, gain understanding, develop ourselves, or expand.
Laundry, taking out the garbage, a moments connection walking down the street…..through studying with Universal Medicine, and in doing so becoming a student of myself, I have experienced a shift of orientation to life.
Everything is an opportunity.
Love your work Matts. More please.
The analogy here is quite funny actually. Express and you will feel like you’ve had an internal wash. Don’t express and the dirt will eventually start to pile up and smell.
The honesty and integrity expressed here is so light and playful – yet really brings home a powerful point – we can’t hold back what we feel just to keep things safe and comfortable for others – to truly care for others is to bring them the truth they are ready for because deep down they are asking for it.
Hi Gemma, I was just thinking where does this resistance come from us not expressing naturally what we feel. It feels like we’ve forgotten where we truly come from and we feel a bit lost and off track. I find it really refreshing saying what I feel to say and that gives me the feeling of having more space to be me. When I hold back claiming what I feel is right and true for me it feels like the world is caving in on me.
Yes Andrew, I admire and keep being inspired by those that keep on expressing their truth and staying away from being affected by those that oppose that expression. I include myself here to a certain degree and I know there is always a grander expression awaiting round the corner.
A very beautiful expression Matts of what is required to form true Brotherhood and how we delay the process by withholding what we feel to be true in our hearts for fear of upsetting the status quo.
Lately I have become aware how much I have not been expressing my love to all those around me. Since I am opening up more and more, my relationships have changed so much and not just with so called ‘loved ones’. For me everybody is becoming a ‘loved one’ and this just feels amazing. I never knew I could be intimate with so many people, I actually feel like I am dating the whole world.
Very inspiring and a great help Mariette. When I read your comment I came to think about the term ‘love hurts’ which seems a bit ironical. To me it seems more likely that the hurt come from us not expressing love. So when we practice what you share here it could be the one and only remedy for all those feeling that they have been hurt by love in one way or another. Love cannot hurt, it seems a bit ridiculous but it makes perfect sense that it hurts not expressing it.
What a wonderful insight and so true, love cannot hurt. I got hurt a lot in the past but I can see now that all those relationships and dates were not based on love. I had no idea what love was and always came with a need. When this need did not get met, so when the other could not give me what I wanted, the hurt kicks in. The beauty is, that hurt was already there and has nothing to do with ‘the other’. Its the most profound and deepest hurt that gets triggered, and this is the hurt of not being with ourselves. Its the hurt of missing ourselves. At the moment I am learning about what love is and I have to say, it feels wonderful. I am very much a student but for sure a student with tremendous amounts of love.
I feel so inspired by the comments made by you and Matts. It all makes sense as to why love could possible hurt when we know that ‘God is love’. I too can feel the hurt of holding back on expressing the love that is held within. It is not for me but for me to share with all those I meet. I am finding that as I open more to love, the more I am expressing love in my interactions. Love does not always need to be direct – it can be the little things that I do as I go about my day to day life that support me and my environment and make life flow. It can be as simple as letting a car into the flow of traffic. It can also be a deep expression of my tenderness to another person in my life and meeting them in our shared tenderness.
Hi Susan, More and more do I realise that love equals stillness. When there is no stillness I cannot feel what love really means. It’s like the true meaning of love is not contained in the word alone but it’s an energetic state of being.
Basically what you’re saying is that love is found in a surrendering to a quality that is ever present around us. That’s why we need stillness. Without stillness the flow of love cannot be felt. The esoteric connective tissue therapy presented by Universal Medicine does this. It presents for the body a quality that allows stillness to be felt. It helps us connect us to our true essence and it’s awesome. It serves as a great reminder that we are more than just physical beings. We are indeed beings of light as well
Absolutely Matts, I came to this understanding just today, in that what has truly hurt me over all the years is keeping my lips sealed and not expressing what I feel. It feels like a pattern of lifetimes. Of course one would get sick living in this way, if what is there to be expressed is kept in certainly that is a poison in the body, as it’s meant to be OUT. I’ve heard this many times, before, but becoming aware and seeing it in action and the harm that is caused is enough for me to say ENOUGH.
That is so true Shevon – I am feeling more and more how holding back ‘is a poison in the body’ – and this analogy shows me clearly that there is choice and responsibility in continuing to run my body in this way. I would not allow such a build up of any other kind of poison in my body and yet I continue to hold back for fear of rejection. If I claim my truth I can connect to the wisdom that my body offers me day by day as a constant and ever loving blessing. Expressing is a blessing for everyone to feel, share and appreciate.
You know Shevon recently I’ve been thinking about the body and how it seems to be connected and interrelating with the universe in the sense that it corresponds to a call that is in sync with the universe. If we then live in this perfect body of light there must be a way to live that ignites this connection and also a way that disconnects us to this.
Matts, you are so much on spot. Making expressing truth about yourself and how people are going to react to that, is deeply unempowering. To connect with the other person empowers me to express what is there to evolve both of us.
‘Hi Felix. I agree, connecting with others is so important. It makes it easier to share how we feel because it includes the other one in what is being expressed, taking them into consideration.’
Thank you Matts. I have realised that I spend a lot of time waiting for the right time – which never happens and I can feel the mountain of disservice as a result.
I know Jen, the ‘right’ time is a tricky one isn’t it? Still we at times wait for it. Better to get on the bus the first time and enjoy the ride with everyone else instead of standing in the cold hoping for a better one.
What a great way to look at it Matts, I will try this next time. There is a feeling of openness to express as it comes and in observing myself it seems like it’s so unfamiliar that waiting in the cold is more comfortable. It definitely does not make sense when put like that.
Gorgeous image Matts. One that will stay with me when I next keep my lips sealed…waiting for that next bus.
I know Jen and all that happens is a mountain of resentment builds up within – definitely a disservice
” I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.” Love this sentence so true and so empowering to not hold back anymore anything. Beautiful sharing, thank you Matts!
I have a confession Rachel and that is that I’m far from perfect. I love the words actually and they are a great help for me as well. When we express it seems like we move from one platform to the next where the new one offers new possibilities of expressing truth in a deeper sense. And the platform seems to grow as we grow our expression. The platform can also get smaller when we hold back expressing or perhaps we have to jump back to an old used one.
Absolutely gorgeous Matts. Total pearl!
I so enjoyed reading your blog Matts – it all made such sense. I do feel that I know when I am holding back I am not holding back on just me, and that is why it is always so uncomfortable, and I am sure that the other person is aware of this holding back too. No wonder we often find communication so difficult. We can only truly meet another when we honour our impulse and allow them to share in that experience of connection. The last sentence encapsulates it all ‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.’
Hi Susan, yesterday I really felt like sharing with someone at work what a great job I felt they were doing. I kept stalling saying it and reasons were me thinking that it wasn’t perhaps the most important thing to do. But the pull to say it didn’t go away so in the end I shared it with a text message. The next day she really thanked me for it and it made me think that the reason for me sharing things that I feel doesn’t have to do with me but because someone could be lifted up by hearing it. It’s like you being on call duty and when someone needs to hear something that I have the capability to share I get the call. Key is to learn the phone tune and then to pick up the phone.
A very timely read for me this morning Matts, the ability and the importance of sharing what is there to be said, out of love and support for all.
And a true blessing for everyone getting what you share Joel!
Matts I loved the line ‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ I have learnt this many a time as when I have often held back something that is there to be said it has often turned out to be a disservice to the person that I held it back from. This has supported me to realise exactly what you expressed and now I know that what is there to be said is not for me or about me so who am I to hold that back.
It’s like we having the perfect present for the other in our pocket and all we have to do is hand it over. Simple isn’t it? Yet not always that simple, but it’s a learning process and loving people seems to be a great practice in getting that present to the one asking for it.
Thank you, Matt, for your amazing insight. I realise now how I have many times expressed from reaction while thinking I was being true to my feelings and wondered why it didn’t feel clear.
Thank you Fumiyo, it’s a big one isn’t it, knowing the source you’re expressing from. One makes you feel great, one makes you feel not so great. One drains you and one lifts you up. I feel that doing the Gentle Breath Meditation has helped me a lot in knowing and feeling the difference. To be found here: http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/free
I feel this too Fumiyo – re-action rather than action. In doing this I can end up fooling myself and even more I sometimes convince myself – my mind is so headstrong when I hand over my power to my intellect and close down the connection to my heart. I then end up being surprised that life does not turn out so well and get into the blame cycle. The more I let go of re-action, the clearer are my decisions and the more beautiful life becomes.
I agree Susan, when we get into reaction to another but also when we cannot seem to hold our own energies intact but take things on from others it really makes our thinking clouded and it feels like it’s not just us thinking anymore. It’s something else that has gotten into our ‘thinking space’.
Hi Matts. A beautiful blog that allows me to be much clearer on expression and my responsibility to express what is there to be expressed. It is not about me. I have always expressed from behind my protective shields. I have very much controlled what I have expressed to have control of the response. This has served no one and is not true expression. What you and others have written Matts has made it very clear to me that there is a different way of expressing, where expression is everything and I have a responsibility in that. It is not about me. Thank you every one who has contributed.
Hi Brian, I feel there is a dichotomy here where I agree that making everything about me isn’t working but at the same time it’s all about me, listening to my innate feeling of what is true to me. I feel that the more I listen to what feels true to me and make that into my reality the more truthful I get not only with me but with everyone else. It’s like that built connection with myself spills over for everyone else to enjoy.
Thank you for your beautifully expressed blog. I am finding exactly the same issue in my life at the moment. I am prepared to speak up at certain times but at other times there is a measuredness and am ruled by not wanting to rock the boat too much. I find when I do express the truth clearly, I then back off for awhile so people don’t feel its too much. A friend recently pointed out that the discomfort we feel before we express is not from worrying about the reaction but simply the tension of holding back the truth. As you have found, the expression comes to us not for us but for another and needs to be expressed. I have experienced that the tension is the holding back, as when I do express truth it feels amazing no matter what the reaction and it sets me free from all the things that keep me silent.
Hi Fiona, I’m picturing a ship that is in need for a captain to take charge, to set sails and navigate it with confident hands in to still waters. Without the captain the ship will be left in the open sea with no clear direction. Every ship needs a captain. Otherwise the ship has no purpose. Just like us, if we do not express what we feel to express the body is left feeling purposeless. Maybe not the best of stories but not that bad either…
This is such an awesome blog Matts – serving as a reminder to many of us who get stuck in those very old patterns of holding back expressing in our fullness. I’ve been there so often and always had a feeling of ‘why didn’t I speak up’? when the impulse to do so was so strong. Whatever the situation I’d then go into regurgitating the whole event umpteen times in my mind – so very exhausting. You beautifully expressed “as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold onto, but for someone else who has asked for it.” Thank you Matts for speaking out to us all so clearly.
They definitely deserve you Marion! In your fullness and nothing less!
I have reread this very inspiring blog and comments. In the comments where you say “making mistakes is lots more fun than holding back in the strive to get it right when there is no ‘ right’, just a process of learning and unfolding”. I agree every step is a learning and unfolding.
Thanks again Matts.
And in that process we can learn to love making ‘mistakes’, love blushing (my favourite) and let others know that we don’t have to be perfect.
I really enjoyed this one Matts. It is clear that there is only 2 choices – to express or not express. But if we are truly honest about it there is only 1 choice “To Express”.
Hi Mick, I guess we can express in so many different manners but what is important is the quality in which we express and what place within ourselves we come from when we express. In the best of worlds there would be just one way to express, from our inner most, but we seem to be a bit away from that so we have to learn as we go what feels best for us. What I find great is that I can feel if I hold back what that does to my body and likewise how amazing it feels when I let out what I feel to express. And it doesn’t have to be earth rumbling exercises. Today when I was waiting for the bus I felt to share a few words with someone and it felt like I grew a little, expanded my sphere that I live in, basically it felt great and normal at the same time.
Beautiful Matts, thank you. I can whole heartedly feel all you have shared. Expressing from feeling makes all the difference to all that is spoken. The language that is for the heart to feel – now that can be anyones language!
Yes Giselle, and I’ve come to re-evaluate blushing. Now I feel it’s a lovely calling to let that inner most light shine through even more instead of shunning away. Choosing to be seen feels like an important choice here.
Absolutely Matts, in that moment the connection to what may have until then been something kept safely ‘under wraps’, in the second that has been exposed – the light shone – the confirmation from my body is instant by way of blush, it truly is a gorgeous inbuilt response to exactly that – being seen.
This is awesome Matts, thank you for sharing. I feel myself holding back what I feel to say sometimes because I think “I can’t say that”!! It’s too direct, blunt, firm, will upset someone, etc. As you have clearly expressed, it’s not mine to hold on to, they have asked for it.
Hi Brooke, yes sometimes you wonder where that little voice comes from, telling us to hold back expressing what we feel. It certainly doesn’t come from the one asking for it nor from my true self so it might be that we allow in some interference that makes us not follow these true-felt feelings. If we were to apply Vicky’s advise one comment up we would be doing quite well I think.
Expressing what we feel is simply a matter of love – to accept it or not.
Short and to the point, I like that, thank you vicky.
So true Matts – truth is truth – it doesn’t change depending on who we are expressing it to. And if it does change is it because we are attached to an outcome, or we are trying to manipulate the situation, or it isn’t truth at all. Lots to ponder on what you have presented!
Agree with you there Alison, however the expression can take on many forms as long as it’s from the one (true) source. I picture myself a flower plant where the one seed has given birth to many different expressions of itself.
Awesome sharing Matts, and so timely for me to be reading it right now :), thank you.
My absolute pleasure Jane!
So true Matts, it is strange how we have concocted this method of communication that actually confines our full expression and how we have made this our normal way to be with each other.
Sure it is time for a change I say. The intimacy that is offered when we do this is very refreshing and perhaps a bit unusual to feel, but it’s so worth it. And our body keeps asking for us to communicate like this. I keep learning, thanks Marcia for your time.
Hi Matts I am learning that if I have no attachment to someone getting what I say, then the words just flow and I don’t feel the need to explain or prove to someone what I have said. When this happens the other person (usually) gets what I say and I wonder why I have made such a fuss in my head in holding back from wanting to say anything. I loved reading your blog again, such a great reminder that what we have to say is not always for us, so by holding back we are also holding back the other person.
I agree Alison, it’s a huge blessing for both parts when we openly share what is there to be shared. It’s like we welcome each other into this warm and cosy space.
I agree Matts, expressing how we feel is indeed a matter of responsibility.
And when we keep it up I feel that it’s actually a fun and freeing practice – great as well for everyone else to see that sharing what we feel is a very healthy and rewarding exercise.
What wisdom you share here Matts and an angle that is not normally looked at when we talk about communication. The thought that what you have to say might not be for you, is such a revelation. We hold back so much because we think we might hurt someones feelings, but what you are raising here is that people might actually be needing to hear that because it is causing them a greater hurt to actually hold onto what they are doing/saying/acting out. This is worth great consideration by all of us.
Hi Sarah, I’m taking it even further saying that my feeling to express something is actually another’s silent calling for help. The verbal part we communicate is just a fraction of the whole communication going on. It’s awesomely fascinating.
Utterly fascinating. We lose so much when we constrict communication down to the audible that comes out of our mouth into another’s ears, and visual through gestures, facial expressions, and writing.
We are missing a whole rich and nuanced world of expression.
It is like we are staring at the ground, and thinking that is all there is, when all around us is beautiful scenery, with butterflies and birdsong.
It is fascinating yet a bit exposing if we want to bring it back into what it means for us. I feel we hide quite a bit if not a lot in this limited way of communicating. I know I do. I know there is more that I can express but at times I get lazy thinking I’ll get away with it or that it’s ok to not express, when it’s not really. I know this. I feel there is a great freedom in expressing and then it’s up to moi to choose it.
For anyone lucky enough coming across this blog and comments let me elaborate on the part where I say ‘…it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ I could just as easily say that it’s not for me to judge or question whether I should express my beauty, because it’s not for me to hold on to. I was just reminded of this by an older woman in the supermarket who made me realise that I’m not fully appreciating how beautiful and glorious I actually am. This expands expression to be so much more than what we normally consider expression to be. As Serge Benhayon has shared that ‘Expression is Everything’ and also that ‘Everything is Expression’. So true.
Exactly, I shared before that it feels like if we didn’t hold back and tried to be nice and pleasing so much we would be experiencing a much deeper form of connection with others. What I feel is that if we would drop this game we would feel the pulse of stillness and it seems that this is so confronting for most people so we have our little things we do to control the level of stillness we will allow with others. And in a sense we actually measure how much of the true self we are willing to bring to the one/ones we’re interacting with. So perhaps when we get this impulse you’re describing it’s natures way of showing us how we can get back to stillness, how we can get back to a more natural way of being with others. When I write it like that it really feels as if we put a lot of effort into hindering something that really cannot be hindered, just delayed. It’s like hindering a flower becoming what it’s already destined to become.
There have been many times where I know I have done this. Sometimes I’ll catch myself before it’s to late and say things. Other times though, it’ll be a passing by moment where I didn’t express and then it’s a ‘damn. Next time’ thought to myself. It’s interesting to ponder on what you shared about how your expression is not only for you, but for everyone. This makes sense too, seeming if it was just for us we would say it in our heads and not out loud or to another for other people to hear.
Exactly, great point. If it were not for us to express then we wouldn’t feel that urge to express. Now I understand there are different ways here. I’m not saying that we should express everything we feel because sometime we feel angry and expressing that anger could be quite devastating. We could however say, and express that I feel angry without having the anger being directed outwards in some form of outlash. This is a point I haven’t yet discussed that we can express in different ways and one is from a reflective, observing, responding point and one is from the reaction of what is being felt. I guess this could be the intro to the difference between feeling things and being emotional.
Beautiful Matts, what I express or feel to express is not for me, so not for me to hold back either. Then we come back to serving others and ourselves equally, getting ourselves out of the way and just delivering what needs to be delivered.
Right on Katinka!
Hi Matts, Great insights and the fact we express differently to people depending on who they are shows an inequality as you say a holding back. This line made me really sit up and take notice ‘ It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ This was a real stop moment. Thanks
Thanks Judy, and to deliver it with love is the key. (As Rachael R reminded us of further up.)
What you say Matts makes me realise how a lot of what we call friendships can be nothing more than an arrangement to agree with each other and to avoid feeling uncomfortable. But as you say so beautifully, we are given words and feelings to share, with everyone equally. Though difficult at the time some of the most profound moments in my life have been when people have asked me to take responsibility. We are all definitely and absolutely worth truth, in every way.
We are definitely worth truth Joseph, I’ve experienced this myself where I want to keep the friendship but at the same time I feel like expressing something that I might dread will change things, and when I do express it’s such a freedom and it feels like the whole world is smiling with me. So friendship in truth, seems to be more about expressing what we feel rather than tip toeing and padding something that seemingly doesn’t want to be disturbed. I feel we’re on to something here Joseph, I like it!
Super true Joseph. I can definitely feel within relationships that there is a unspoken law to ‘keep the piece’ and don’t deliver news that’s hard to swallow.
Beautifully expressed Joseph and so true. We are all worth knowing and feeling the truth and unless we truly express how will we deepen our relationships?
Matts I have just read another blog about consistency and after going thru the comments i wanted to appreciate your consistency in your expression to respond to commenters. Very inspiring.
Hi Sharon, I do my best. Not necessarily because I feel I have to but it’s nice to feel into the comments and then share my response. Sometimes the comments are whole and complete in themselves and don’t really need anything else whereas some give room for further expansion. At first I felt at times that I had to give a response but then when I sat down and felt into what to write there wasn’t anything that came up so that’s a great learning as well that sometimes there is actually nothing to say. Not to lobby about silence but there is a beautiful space I’ve felt recently where when we allow silence between us there is this delicate conversation going on, one that can only be felt. I really love feeling that! Thanks again for your response Sharon.
Well said Matts. Expression is a matter of responsibility. This has really inspired me to really express some things that I’ve been holding onto, but as you say, they aren’t really mine to hold on to because the other person needs to hear it. And if I’m honest the reason I don’t express it is because I’m afraid of upsetting that person and potentially not being liked as much. I feel that like you I’m working on it but it will eventually be something that is no questions asked, it would hurt too much to hold something back if it meant that I’m stopping someone else from evolving as well. Thank you so much for bringing this through and sharing it with us.
Matts – that not holding back and sharing your amazing story with us helped me to confirm myself. You wrote: “Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.” It just needs this for me to read – wunderbar!!!
Wunderbar indeed Ester, Thanks for your beautiful expression.
Matts, I felt to read your blog again today. It feels very relevant today as I have to have a difficult conversation with someone today and I feel to speak the truth. “…….a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel”- I will try and hold this beautiful statement you have written as the centre of my conversation!
Hi Anne, often being just honest is very powerful because we break through that thinking that we have to be in a certain way and even that we have to express in a specific or truthful way. Just saying you know what I really feel I want to share how I really feel with you… Or if there is nervousness saying that I feel really nervous because what I would like to say to you is very important for me… Anything that breaks the thinking that we have to express in a certain manner is great. Hope you do well Anne! With love from Matts
Matts, what you share here about, if there is nervousness, saying that I feel really nervous because what I would like to say to you is very important for me, is a really great reminder for me at the moment as I can tend to want what I have to say to be done in a certain way and this puts pressure on myself and can take the joy out of expressing. Thank-you.
Matts your blog highlighted so many great points for me personally in regards to expression. This is so true for me.
” It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto. ” I sometimes struggle to express things to my friends and family as I fear the judgement that may come my way, but in truth I now know that I am holding back something that they may not be aware of . This brilliant article has really helped me immensely. Thank you Matts.
Awesome Kelly, yes the doubt is not even real even though at times it feels more than real, it can lay there hindering two people from actually coming closer together. The honest expression is what binds us together and I find that very powerful. Thanks again!
Matt, what you describe is an everyday, unsolvable dilemma. Whichever way you go, there will be difficulties.
I found only one way out of this and, if you haven’t done this before, it makes no sense.
What I found works is to connect to my heart and to feel what is there to do. Surprisingly often it turns out that there is nothing to do – whatever has already happened is enough. At other times my initial impulse was exactly right and at other times again I had the right impulse but needed to express in a different way.
This makes life much more fun.
True Christoph, making mistakes is lots more fun than holding back in the strive to get everything ‘right’ when there is no ‘right’, just a process of learning and unfolding.
Hi Matts thanks for this insightful story , why do we question to hold back expression to all equally so is a great revelation on what’s in between me and brotherhood.
The way you turn it around, Matts, from expressing from ME to expressing for THEM, is a real turn over! So much is talked about in therapy and in today’s world about being free to express ourselves, as “our right”, but that is all ME not US. A relationship is US, and the moment we don’t say something because we are afraid to offend or disturb someone we “love”, we are choosing to opt out of the deepening of it. It is not love to only express to those we do not like or find difficult, and to give a friend or partner the opportunity to understand something about themselves in the way you describe, is the most loving way of being with them.
Hi Joan Calder. There seems to be different meanings in our thinking of what love is. For some it’s the act of giving flowers or doing something the other one appreciates but I’ve come to know a way of being or a being-ness where I feel I can feel a very still pulse and I would call it a presence and for me that is love, an energy. And for me even the word God comes up in reference to this feeling. It feels like a connection to something grander, and that I am also part of that grander.
Matts, I found a lot in your blog that have caused me to stop and reflect on my own communication with others. Your comment ‘It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.’ has caused me to especially question my current way of communicating with others. Thank you.
Yes Helen, not only does it make me consider that perhaps I need to communicate what is felt more but where is my message coming from my head and its rules and limitations or what is felt in my heart.
‘It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.’ This is an awesome sharing Matts on the language of Brotherhood. As I grow to appreciate the science of evolution and apply this in my life, I am increasingly aware that holding back a truth that is felt and not sharing it with the other is a disservice to all concerned, myself included – and sets back our evolution.
Hi Matts,
I have just re-read your blog and it is a very timely reminder for me about expressing my feelings and not holding back for fear of rejection. The comment that stood out for me this morning was –
” Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.”
Why is it we find it so difficult to express truth to our loved ones? Is it because we feel there is more at stake here, and they may not love us anymore. But by not speaking our truth we are not being honest and that is not helping them either, if it is true for us then it goes that it must be true for them also, even if they find what we say difficult to swallow.
I have just expressed my true feelings to someone who I have allowed to take advantage of me in the past, and although I found it challenging I know that if I don’t, it will lead to feelings of resentment if I let it, and this person will continue to believe that this kind of behaviour is acceptable. So why hold back expressing truth when everyone gets a healing, and we can begin to build true, loving relationships with everyone.
Thank-you again for your blog.
Hi Sandra – What I’ve felt lately is that all there is between people is love, and all the problems we have with people is us avoiding that love.
Beautifully simple Matts, my heart feels this is true too.
The wisdom in this blog is exactly what I needed to read right now. That our expression is the language of brotherhood, that if we do not express then we hold it in our bodies, that it is not for us but for someone else and that it is not for the ears to hear but for our heart to feel. Actually there was wisdom in every paragraph Matts. Thank you so much for sharing as I needed to hear this at this time in my life.
Hi Karen and thanks for your lovely response. Doesn’t this also show that the bodies we have is just for loan and it’s up to us to make use of it in the best of ways. Perhaps this is why we can feel so uncomfortable at times when we don’t express what the body has said yes to express. I get the feeling our bodies just want us to express the love that we are.
Yes, very clearly written Matts, And I can feel how much of my expression I am actually holding back. And it’s a great inspiration to read that it is not only holding me back but also the people I am around. It is always about the whole picture and if we hold a piece back it will be never complete for everyone to see.
I agree Benkt, but even though we are just a tiny little dot amongst every other dot in the world that little dot that we are still affects everyone else. So you’re definitely right that our expression and contribution to the whole picture is paramount.
Hi Annelies, I felt that if we hold the other person lovingly as in letting them in and not hold them as any different from myself then what I say is said in so much love and care for the other person that it feels for them as if it’s them saying it to themselves.
Thank you Matts, I just re read your blog and some of the comments. What you say here is beautiful, this is the oneness we all know it there, universal love.
You make a very good point, Matts, and a very valid one. I have a tendency to not speak out with friends or family for fear that they will no longer approve of me. It is far easier to speak how I really feel to people I don’t know. On the odd occasion when I have said what is going on for me, it is met with puzzlement or denial and, on occasion, with love. So, I guess this is something that is an ongoing learning for me. Thanks, Matts.
‘if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true’. This is something I will keep reminding myself. It is never about me, it is always for all to evolve.
‘Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour’. WOW! Hit the nail on the head there. I can absolutely relate to curbing my expression depending on who it is I’m talking to. The reactions vary so much, it feels like a constant game of russian roulette with who I share my honest thoughts with for fear of upsetting people. I can be brave and rock the boat a little, but it’s never done with uber confidence, because I hate to upset people, to have them dislike me is like sticking a knife through my heart. I work on this daily however, because I also know that when I hold back my truth, I’m harming them just as much as I’m harming me. So getting over the initial fear of what my comment might or might not trigger is the first step. All I can really do is be sure that when I express it is not coming from judgment or arrogance, which can be hard at times, but if I am feeling only love and respect for the person in front of me, then it’s impossible to truly harm them.
Hello Elodie – and you really ‘hit the nail on the head’ when you come to the conclusion that when we focus on love then reaction is very rare.
I loved reading your blog Matts and how you explained that when we hold back from something that is there to be said and in our body, we are holding back someone else’s evolution. When we think of it this way, it is selfish to hold back. Your blog has inspired me even more to work with my expression and not to hold back – work in progress for me.
Hi Donna, it’s also a very loving action to express to another since it’s a profound healing we ignite in our own body.
Your blog has highlighted the importance of expression, equally so for the person doing the expression as also for the person recieving. True expression is for our evolution and growth
Hi Joe, I just got the feeling that the reason we feel this impulse to express is because our body and the particles our body is made up of, is part of a universe that is continually expanding and evolving and hence, if we express what we truly feel we will be in rhythm with the universe and expanding accordingly, and if we resist we will feel the stuckness of working against that natural rhythm. I guess illness and disease in our bodies could easily be explained by us not expressing and adhering to what our body is impulsing us to express. So being connected to our body and listening to it makes much sense.
Matts, The biggest learning for me last year was when I realised that ’When we hold back from expressing truth, we hold every one back’.
That’s a big one Kehinde and one that needs to be slowly digested I feel.
This is not something I feel I get yet, but am open to understanding this more. In reading this blog and pondering on your comment Kehinde, it’s a reminder that there is so much more to life than meets the eye and if we are open to understanding more, we will see and understand more about how life actually works.
So true Shevon Simon. I find your phrase ‘ there is so much more to life than meets the eye’ has caused me to ponder on what is meant by this term. It feels like it is suggesting that there is more than we see on the outside when we only use our eyes to look out from where we are standing in life – that as well as what we see there is what we feel and often innately know which is informed by an inner sense.
I still struggle with sharing the truth of how I feel at times being afraid of the reaction I may receive. When I do hold back I feel how I am disregarding myself by not being honest about who I am and how a situation made me feel. I am also disregarding the other person by not giving them the opportunity to find a way of living with others that is more loving and honouring. As you say, Matts, by expressing our truth we allow others to see a disregarding pattern they have been stuck in, allowing them to grow, change and evolve as well.
Hi Gretel, I think we all struggle from time to time but it’s not necessarily because we’re going backwards but as we keep evolving our expression there is always new grounds to explore and some might feel a bit uncomfortable in that which is totally fine but it doesn’t mean we’re not advancing. It’s easy to be hard on ourselves but it’s not really necessary. I think it’s important to appreciate how willing we actually are to explore our expression and to feel more into what is true to us.
“Holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine.” I certainly know how this feels in my body and is a reminder that the feeling to express something from what we feel is there to be honoured, not so that we may feel better, but rather the possibility that the other is, in fact, asking for us to share something with them that is for them. Hence it feels ‘stuck’ in our body when not released because it was not ours to hold on to.
You make a good point here Matts, that if we judge and hold back what we feel to say, then we could be stopping that person from evolving.
I am learning more and more to say what I feel these days and it is an ongoing process. I am finding that when I speak up I feel freer within my body and the more I do it the easier it gets and it’s actually quite enjoyable.
Awesome Matts. I too have only just started to express the same to all. In the past I have been measured in how much I express with some, to others. I agree with you that there feels like something is left in the body when not expressed and feels such a freedom when it is.
I know Heidi, this should be researched. Why is it that it feels so freeing and refreshing to express what we feel? I think a lot of us can feel it but I doubt that it’s being researched by the main stream science.
Very inspiring MattS and a great reminder that’ expression is everything’. I have noticed that not only is it the quality in which you express important , but also the intent behind what you are saying.
I loved how you shared that if you hold back what you feel to say to another you may be stopping them from learning something important and therefore evolve. – a great reminder!
True Loretta, the quality in which we express is actually set by the quality of the intent. And in response to your last paragraph it feels like a situation where the teacher doesn’t respond to the student’s question, as in us not responding when another has called for support by needing us to express.
Thank you Matts. When I read, “Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it,”
I could feel the allowing of the gentle nudges so I don’t stay stuck.
That is awesome to hear and great for everyone to hear that we can allow that and don’t ‘bite back’.
Today I’m due back at work. The coming weeks in a new and expanded work environment will be exciting and stressful in equal measures. I came back to your blog Matt to remind me of the importance of expressing. Your comment “‘I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it” makes so much sense. This will ease the discomfort I may feel when the need to express arises. Thank you,
‘I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it’ – this a beautiful truth Matts. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. It is so true that when we hold back we are left with a feeling that is unsettling. I am still developing the confidence in expressing what I feel, with everyone equally, everywhere. I have my comfort zones where I feel I share comfortably, but now I can recognise that even this presents a holding back. And what I have realised is that the fear of saying what I feel, feels far worse in my body when I hold back, than does trusting and overcoming the fear and expressing what I am feeling. But as I said this is a work in progress however one that I am committed to continue & develop. This feels like what true love in relationships is, as when we do hold back we are also holding back from letting that person in to feel the love that is there to be shared.
Hi Carola, it feels that we sometimes hesitate in showing others the absolute delicateness that we carry within us and the reason to this I cannot say at this point in time. Perhaps if we treasure it and honour it we will be more confident in showing it to others. Perhaps we can’t really fathom that we come from that delicateness and find it hard being that in a world that at times feels a bit harsh, rough and tough. But maybe this is what the world needs and is asking for, for someone to show that it’s safe to be delicate, precious and loving. Feels like a great recipe.
Matts I love what you have written about unsaid communications- that they feel like there is something left in the body that is not ours. That is so powerful as it is clear that we have a responsibility to our fellow travellers (all of mankind) to be honest and speak the truth so they can continue to evolve otherwise we are both held back. A beautiful revelation-thank you!
And you bring in evolution here as well Anne which I love – it seems that mankind is somewhat struggling knowing what evolution actually means but if we listen to what our body is telling us we have the path of evolution right there.
It’s so true Matts … expression is so important. When I hold it back I can feel the choking in my body and a holding onto something that doesn’t belong there. I love how you have extended this to the responsibility that we have to others.
Hi Marika – this makes me feel that the body should be seen as our guiding light when it comes to us evolving. The body is already connected to the truth of itself and all we have to do is listen and abide. When we do that we will also be evolving. That tension we sometimes feel seems like the body’s humble voice telling us how it wants to be used, for example expressing what we feel impulsed to express.
Yes, over the last 10 years I have really expanded my appreciation and understanding of the wisdom in the body…it is always communicating to me and if I listen, such a wonderful guide. And expression comes in so many wonderful ways, not just talking…the way I dress, walk, cook, exercise…everything I am choosing is an expression. And so each moment I have a choice to make that expression from a foundation of love or not, knowing that whatever I choose, others feel before it comes back to me full circle. We sure do have a responsibility with our expression.
I found this very helpful in understanding expression from the body’s point of view, and how important what we have to say is, and the getting the self out of the way so that its about brotherhood. You’ve helped me to examine more deeply why I also hold back at times what I feel to say, and the personal issues I may have that still get in the way. I feel very supported by what you have shared, thanks Matts.
Thanks Melinda – my understanding is that part from the physicality we are all connected energetically, so when we feel to express something we have already communicated with each other energetically about what is to be shared verbally; so when we choose to not do that for some reason our whole body gets out of balance. So the body seems to tell us that it’s better to let it out than to hold it in, and I must say that the body is quite patient with us not using it all out…
And adding to that – could this be one of the reasons why we have so much illness and disease right now… We’re basically not using our bodies as they were meant to be used.
Matts, as usual your writing is true and super exposing. I noticed myself that sometimes I am measuring my expression especially with influential people or people I like and wanting them to like me back. It is so twisted, not true. I agree with you at so many points and at this one “… it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.”
Great blog Matts – I know all too well those moments of holding back to create a feeling of nice and politeness rather than actually speak the truth, these days luckily they are becoming few and far between but I remember the time many years ago when I could barely even say no to another person. Crazy when I reflect now how uncomfortable I felt all of the time. Thanks for this moment of reflection.
Thanks to you Shannon, it seems like this is a never ending process but one that gets easier the more we open up and explore and perhaps most important how much we are willing to explore. I get the feeling that it’s also a process of letting go the want for things to be in a certain way and just be childishly curious of what’s to come.
So true Matts, thanks for sharing. If we don’t speak up and instead hold back, the same patterns keep repeating themselves and we are all worse off for it. I know as well when I hold back from expressing it keeps running through my mind again and again and seems to build up momentum until it either comes out as an explosion or I bury it waaaay down so I think it doesn’t exist anymore! I too am learning to keep expressing as I feel things and am also starting to feel how it is not about me at all but a learning for everyone.
Great notice there Melissa – I’m learning that it’s not just about expressing when the impulse is there as in opening a tap, but to always keep the tap open just in case something needs to be let out.
And if we apply this in our everyday lives we can all help each other become more honest and truthful in our relationships, whether it is a partner, family or friends.
oops, a double up… guess it needed to be said twice!
Hi Matts, this blog is truly gorgeous. I can relate to it and I really like the part where you talk about that our expression is not owned by us and how it is important to not hold back because it could be just what someone else really needed to hear.
And if we apply this in our everyday lives we can all help each other become more honest and truthful in our relationships, whether it is a partner, family or friends.
True Matts, and then we make expression all about being in service to everyone we express to.
Matts your comments resonate with me. I have forever been quiet, not wanting to upset others and often maintaining the status quo despite seeing an obvious need for change. Universal medicine and the many blogs I have read showed me the importance of expressing. I for one will come back to your blog to re-imprint the need to express. Thank you.
I don’t think we’ve been forever quiet – once upon a time we were these sparkling bundles of joy that had no boundaries in our expression and everything was heavenly-like, day in and day out… But then along the line something happened and we went on to be these clams (some of us…) and suffering that limited way of being. Luckily we can now catch ourselves knowing that that is not the true version of us but that there is this joyful bundle just waiting to be unleashed into the world and we will then have the freedom we innately know we are from.
In those moments when a truth has been lovingly revealed, but has been a challenge to hear because of self-resistance and discomfort, I have kept with it. It has been so worth it because I can feel the support from others to let go of behaviours and patterns that have kept me stuck and not able to move forward. Feeling uncomfortable means I am onto something.
That’s a great ingredient in the recipe of truth Rachel – getting comfortable in feeling uncomfortable…
Thank you Matts for your expression on the fact that we are living together to help us all to evolve and to not keep ourselves trapped in the falseness of being polite and measured.
I love the quote you gave us that there is “a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working”. Really beautiful Matts.
Thanks Nico for the reminder – great to appreciate the fact that we all have our part to play.
Matts I love what you’ve shared here. Thank you for so clearly and simply expressing this for I’d not considered when I feel to say something, it’s simply not mine to hold onto. How damaging it can then be when I do because that unexpressed feeling is just left inside. No wonder a situation can feel unresolved. There is so much you reveal here. I love this paragraph ‘What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.’ Awesome, thank you.
Hi Candida, what you share about things feeling unresolved when we do not express them feels similar to a computer having a program running using necessary energy that could be used for better things. The more of these programs running the slower the computer gets and stops it from going full throttle where needed.
I felt all that you have said here as it was of great importance for me to read your blog. Expression is my biggest holding back and there were so many wonderful points here that helped me to understand me better. When I read what you said “It made me realize that when I feel like expressing something it is not for me to judge or assess whether I should express because it is not for me to hold onto”. There is no service in holding back. Thank you Matts.
Hello Lynda – I feel the expression is multifaceted, it’s both for others to experience but also for myself, in that there’s an inner beauty I carry within me that I can allow and accept and for me that feels like an expression I build with myself and of course others will also be enjoying the quality of that if I allow it out.
Matts; I have just re-read your wonderful blog and was reminded how reading it the first time inspired me to express at work in order to clear a very awkward situation. A colleague had said something to me that was very hurtful and as I was rather shocked, I couldn’t find the words to respond. I could instantly feel the hurt in my body, and of course it didn’t go away. And I could feel a wall growing between us – built by me. Two days later I was feeling even more uncomfortable and knew that it was time to say something, but I really like this person and the old pattern of “I don’t want to upset him” kept popping in to keep me away from expressing what I needed to say. Then I remembered this blog and asked myself “is this just for me to express, or is it also about him hearing how I felt”. At that stage my body felt horrible and I knew that if I held back my expression it would feel even worse, so I made the choice to break the very old pattern of not speaking up in this type of situation and shared how I felt with him. He was horrified at the impact his words had had on me and was so very grateful that I shared this with him. Immediately I could feel the wall come down and the feeling in my body was one of relief, as all the tension I had been carrying was released. I have had several other instances since and each time I remember your very wise blog, and my experience, and my expression is no longer held back .
That is such a wonderful example Ingrid – it made me realise that one of the reasons we do this is, or one of the effects is that we stay away from feeling the love that would otherwise be there. Perhaps we do this more than we are consciously aware of… Subtly building walls that keeps the love away. Now in your case it seemed very obvious the wall that was built but in some cases in might be not so obvious and perhaps that’s where the ‘comfortable relationship’ is built where we try to plaster and shape to make the relationship look good even though there might be things we avoid talking about. And perhaps feeling that hurt you experienced is another reason for us being hesitant sharing it with another because it feels very exposed and we feel vulnerable. It was great to hear that you shared with him how you felt and I know how great it feels in the body afterwards when we do that.
I can really relate to what’s been presented here. I fully agree with “I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to but for someone else who asked for it”. Also I know the feeling of “holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine”. When we attend healing courses and work with others, we are always instructed to let the person (who is on the table) know what we feel because it does not belong to the practitioner but to the patient. I feel that the same applies here, it is the neighbour who ignored the timetable and Matts was inconvenienced by this action, so it is a lesson for the neighbour to learn, not Matts. Thank you Matts for writing this.
Thank you for sharing this Matts. I know I have often calibrated what I felt to say depending on who I am speaking with for fear of losing a friendship. I realize that this holding back has also stopped me expressing love and celebration of another for fear of rejection.
I feel that’s a good realisation Mary because it shows that we have different levels of friendship. One is the one where we don’t want things to change too much which means we try to avoid conflict as much as we can. The other one is more connected to us feeling that there is a deeper truth both within ourselves and with other people, and in my experience it gets harder to keep the first mentioned friendship going once we’ve felt the latter.
On rereading your blog Mats I am reminded of how our investments into relationships and the need to be accepted and belong gets in the way of us being just us, and expressing accordingly. When we do not allow ourselves to be just as we are and where we are, then all of our expression (not just what we say or do but everything in life) gets distorted.
That is very true Carolien and we could also question what kind of relationship we are actually investing in when we are not true in them! The meeting of another’s need is so far away from the true friendship we all want and really just a co-dependence going nowhere but sustaining the other persons unwillingness or inability to move forward in life. I work in the psychiatric field and know that to truly be there for someone you have to be very steady and clear to be able to inspire them out of the condition they are at times seemingly trapped in. Trying to belong and meeting their needs at that point would be very contra productive indeed.
“What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.” So beautifully written Matts, thank you. I am allowing myself to express more now and have discovered that it is so much easier and similar (of course) than holding back. No emotions involved which is far more loving.
Hi Kirsten – isn’t it great when we allow ourselves and our bodies to be used to help others by expressing and not holding back something because it might seem a bit more comfortable. I love what you say about it being more similar to express than holding back and it shows that we have an important part to play here both for ourselves but also for others.
This is a very insightful blog Matts, I am learning more and more to express and not hold back, as long as the expression is loaded with nothing but love we can’t go wrong.
You make it sound so easy Kevin – and you’re so right! You’re a great inspiration indeed!
Great topic you have written about Matts, the art of expressing in full in a loving way is something that Im still working on
Me too Joe, and it sure is an art…
When I read this blog I received the message that expression does not actually belong to us – what we feel is simply there to be expressed. When we hold ourselves back we hold others back too. I have often tricked myself into thinking that I am being ‘nice’ or a ‘good friend’ when I let things slide but in the end I find that sweeping things under the carpet eats away at any chance for true connection. Thank you for this blog Matts, I loved reading it and it is a great reminder to express what I feel, especially to those close to me.
It’s so easy isn’t it… on the paper… yet I find it sometimes a struggle to keep the flow happening. What I’ve noticed though is that how easy I can express is very much due to how I feel. So if I’m in a good flow it’s easy peazy but if I struggle with certain things like food choices, sleep and I’m in a generally poor rhythm then it’s not so easy. So that leads me to the conclusion that everything has to be taken into account when it comes to expression. And perhaps the expression we consider expression ie the verbal one is just the end result of how I live in all aspects of my life. Makes it kind of easier if we struggle with expression… perhaps it’s just about changing something we hadn’t yet considered as adjusting my sleep pattern, or stop eating that thing that affects my breathing… (self confession). Thanks Leonne for your much welcomed input.
I think we all do that, thinking we’ll get away with it. We’ve been playing the game for such a long time that it might be difficult to fathom that there is another way to be with each other. I think we all deep down want this and would love to embrace it, it’s just about getting that comfy autopilot out of the way.
Matts, I loved re-reading your blog and get more out of it each time I do. Once we understand that what comes up for us to express is often not only important for us to say, but something the other person is just waiting to hear. Even if it is hard in that moment for them to feel it. It is like a beautifully wrapped, precious gift, and we are not to stockpile gifts, but to give them. You said this so perfectly in your article – “It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.”
‘We are not to stockpile gifts’ – love it Deborah – a good reminder…
Crazy as it is, I’ve felt and still have that tendency to hold back and not say how Im feeling in case it puts the other off side, get rejected or think that I’m hurting their feelings…. When the truth of it is you both miss out on something special, Now that I would call real pain and hurt.
Jaime, so well said. I too still sometimes feel myself hold back on expressing my feelings. I have come a long , long way, but it is an unfolding – and one that I am totally committed to.
Hi Jamie – the process of unfolding our expression feels like the process of a butterfly. The end result is predestined, we just have to learn how to keep the unfoldment flowing.