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Friendships, Relationships 693 Comments on How I Used my Mind to Protect Myself from Others

How I Used my Mind to Protect Myself from Others

By Matts Josefsson · On May 19, 2017 ·Photography by Leonne Sharkey

Only quite recently have I become aware that I used my mind to protect myself from letting people into my life.

I’ve been a master at saying things that I thought sounded great and really sophisticated, but they were not coming from a heartful place, rather they were designed to keep people away. In other words, I didn’t really want to connect with people and show who I truly was on the inside. It was quite ‘effective’ and very few, if any, dared to question me; which sounds quite horrible when I say it like that, but that’s how it was. It feels quite ‘yuk’ and it also leaves you in a state where you are quite lonely.

However, this is slowly changing and it feels as if I’m shifting something big here. It feels as if I’m on the cusp of a new era for me in how I relate to others.

I’m willing to let go of the protection I have had around people and I’m willing for others to enjoy me for who I truly am, in all the imperfections that I have – however, not making them the focus, because I am pretty awesome when I allow myself and others to feel it.

So you could say that I’m slowly shifting myself from being mind driven to becoming more impulsed by my heart, and the (not so funny thing actually) is that having been mind driven for a long time takes a toll on your body and can leave it quite empty and vacated.

It’s as if you leave for holidays and you forget that your flowers need watering and you come home and they are all not looking so great. Sorry for the dramatic picture, but that’s how it is in a way. The mind doesn’t nurture the body but the heart definitely does. So the heart incorporates the whole body, while the mind is pretty much just interested in itself. Like having a staff meeting, but the boss has not invited the rest of the staff. No real joy and harmony happening there, is it?

So the heart, the precious heart, incorporates in all its humility, the whole body, which we could say is a whole body intelligence, whilst the mind brings with it a mind that is full of itself, or it could be translated to being mind-full. So mindfulness is not the big saviour everyone tends to think it is: heart-fullness, on the other hand, is. It could be likened to having presents on your birthday – one gives you everything you’ve ever dreamed of and beyond, and the other brings you an empty box, or at best, presents from your last birthday.

Said with a newly found appreciation for how important it is to have a love filled relationship with my body, which as a result, brings true intelligence. For what intelligence is intelligent, if it leaves the body in a mess?

By Matts Josefsson, Student of Behavioural Science, Stockholm, Sweden

Further Reading:
Vulnerability: opening the way for healthier relationships
Learning to Find Me and Live My Life
The Body’s Intelligence

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Matts Josefsson

An awesomely loveable man who I’m getting to appreciate more and more, born and raised in the middle of beautiful Sweden. Going on 40 yet it feels like I'm ageless within. Love how the sciences and truths about life can be felt within and I enjoy big time connecting with people, which is pure magic. Exercising my awesome sound system, driving my car, watching a well made movie are also things I enjoy.

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693 Comments

  • Mary Adler says: January 30, 2020 at 4:03 pm

    Feeling the flow of love in and out from our body is the In-breath and Out-breath of God.

    Reply
  • Mary says: January 29, 2020 at 5:39 pm

    I am coming to the understanding that we are vessels and that there are only two energies to align to. God and the universe – co creation or Astral – creation.
    If this is true and I have been on a long journey of discovering this myself to be true then what energy are we aligning to? From the state of humanity I would say Astral – creation as we have collectively made a society that is abusive, hard, selfish, brutal, the list is long and all very unpleasant. But where has aligning to this energy got us as a collective? Add to the list we are now extremely sick so much so if it wasn’t for the amazing healthcare system we have put in place a huge majority of the population would be dead. To me our healthcare system is propping our society up.
    What if we were instead taught how to align to God and the universe not by going to church and being submissive but by reconnecting to what we innately knew as children, by staying in touch with our sensitivity and gentleness. When we reconnect back to this energy it is then impossible to harm another. Isn’t this what we are all deep down craving?

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: December 20, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    Inner-heart-full-ness, Essence / Soul takes our lived wisdom to a deep level of understanding and brings a purpose to all we do in the most Loving way possible, and thus we feel the innate nature of who we are.

    Reply
  • annoymous says: November 12, 2019 at 8:24 am

    As with anything when the mind is in control we miss out on the magic and wonder of life.

    Reply
    • Mary says: November 5, 2021 at 4:45 pm

      Anonymous I agree with you and as Matts writes in his blog
      ” that having been mind driven for a long time takes a toll on your body and can leave it quite empty and vacated.”
      Is this why we look to others to love us in the emotional sense rather than filling ourselves up with the love that is naturally within us and doesn’t have an ounce of emotional love in it? Is it possible that we have been educated to believe that emotional love is the answer when in fact it is the complete opposite of who we truly are which is why we are empty and vacated.

      Reply
  • Mary says: October 21, 2019 at 5:02 pm

    This is again the support that is there with Universal Medicine which is another way to look and live in life
    ‘I’m willing to let go of the protection I have had around people and I’m willing for others to enjoy me for who I truly am, in all the imperfections that I have – however, not making them the focus, because I am pretty awesome when I allow myself and others to feel it.’
    When we let go of the protection that we build as armour plating magical things occur such as feeling the delicacy of how we truly are when we allow ourselves to feel the beauty in each other.

    Reply
    • Matts Josefsson says: October 21, 2019 at 9:58 pm

      Indeed Mary and letting the love we have in our hearts out is the greatest form of “protection” if we can use that word for it.

      Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: October 1, 2019 at 6:08 am

    “Letting people” in is simple when we understand that by being open in this way we are being Truly intimate (not sexual) with them and we can not have intimacy without true appreciation, and being appreciative is the most Loving way comes with confirmation of ours and everyone/things divinity in essence.

    Reply
  • Lucy says: July 20, 2019 at 4:40 am

    There are so many analogies here about compartmentalising without considering the impact on the whole and it is clear that if we do not consider ourselves part of a greater whole and that what we contribute to that whole matters, we will not consider any of these analogies as odd – just normal and better than what we had before.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: July 11, 2019 at 4:18 am

    Thank you Matts, when we understand how we can appreciate our body we have let it go and are finding our foundation in reconnecting to our impulses from our heart.

    Reply
  • Annoymous says: May 1, 2019 at 6:24 am

    What a powerful realisation Matt’s in this I can see how it is really so simple to be love, show love and express love – it is our natural way. Anything that takes us away from this is totally unneeded complication.

    Reply
    • Greg Barnes says: October 1, 2019 at 6:10 am

      And also comes with the comparison that so complicates our lives.

      Reply
  • Rebecca says: February 10, 2019 at 3:50 pm

    Beautiful Matts; ‘I’m willing to let go of the protection I have had around people and I’m willing for others to enjoy me for who I truly am, in all the imperfections that I have.’

    Reply
  • Lorraine Wellman says: February 1, 2019 at 12:44 am

    What a lovely choice and commitment to make for yourself, I have likewise made the choice to be present and in my body, ‘shifting myself from being mind driven to becoming more impulsed by my heart’.

    Reply
  • LE says: January 29, 2019 at 8:33 am

    “Let it go, let it be” lyrics from one of my Michael Benhayon songs – words with much wisdom.

    When we let go and not control with our head, life becomes magical in every single way.

    Reply
  • Rachel Murtagh says: January 26, 2019 at 4:33 pm

    Being mind-driven is something, I think, (pun intended) we can all relate too. Knowing that we can source life from a different place (the heart and being impulsed from there) is like switching on a different source inside us. From the outside it might look similar, but feels a whole different ball game inside.

    Reply
    • Michelle Mcwaters says: February 13, 2019 at 7:42 pm

      Since being aware of what you are sharing Rachel I have observed people more and more who come from their mind, or who are invested in the intellect how very much they can feel disconnected from their bodies. They literally look and feel like heads on a withdrawn physicality. The feeling of someone who is very present in their bodies is totally different; there is a presence there that is warm, vital and inviting, not withered and ailing.

      Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: January 14, 2019 at 8:36 pm

    The Deep-Humble-Appreciative-Ness that can only come from a reconnected body is a part of our whole body intelligence. And with appreciation being such a gracious part of who we are in our most divine aspect as we feel the upmost for all of those whom we come in connection with.

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: December 11, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    Thanks for sharing Matts, being mind driven feels complicated and leaves our body tense and exhausted. From my experience when I live from my body and am not stuck in my head then life feels simple and joyful.

    Reply
    • Mary says: July 31, 2020 at 2:27 pm

      The mind is cold and heartless I know from experience it doesn’t care for the body at all, the lies, deceit and sheer willfulness all come from the mind. I know this to be true because the inner heart only knows how to be love and how to express in a way that is non harming.

      Reply
  • Sandra Vicary says: December 3, 2018 at 6:58 am

    “The mind doesn’t nurture the body but the heart definitely does.” I love this. So simple, but so true. But staying in connection with our hearts we allow ourselves to feel what the body needs to support it to be vital and vibrant. Living from the mind simply keeps the body going and pushes it often beyond its natural rhythms, which in turn can lead to all sorts of unnecessary and avoidable health problems.

    Reply
    • Michelle McWaters says: February 13, 2019 at 7:46 pm

      I was observing a woman jogging yesterday – the pain she felt was so clear from the expression on her face and yet you could also palpably feel and see the mind driven push of her run. She clearly believed that pushing her body past its limits would bring her benefit. When we fail to honour what the body is sharing we are only setting ourselves up for its breakdown later down the track.

      Reply
  • Rebecca says: November 23, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    Matts, I am really realising the importance of having a relationship with my body – taking care of my body and staying present in my body, this feels key.

    Reply
    • Alexis Stewart says: March 14, 2019 at 4:59 pm

      One day we will shift from being lost in the fog of our minds to residing in the clarity of the body. The more that I choose to connect to my body the simpler life becomes. Not in a mundane way but in a rich and rewarding way. I am getting to truly understand that by handing life over to my body, I am actually handing things over to the intelligence of the universe. I am experiencing very practical examples of how when I am seemingly bound by the small and limited confines of my mind that if I surrender to my body then it seems that it will often lead me straight to what’s needed.

      Reply
      • Mary says: July 31, 2020 at 2:34 pm

        I feel you are spot on here Alexis Stewart
        ‘we think we are bound by the small and limited confines of our minds’
        When actually if we can let go of all that we have been taught and instead as you say surrender to our hearts, we are given the access to the entire universe which has always been our birth right.

        Reply
  • Shami says: November 13, 2018 at 8:11 am

    Isn’t it amazing how much promoting there is for the mind to be the ruler of our hearts, when the mind can be a dark and desolate place, whereas the heart never ceases to love.

    Reply
    • Lucy says: July 20, 2019 at 4:43 am

      Yes, very interesting and yet the mind is rarely open to the possibility that it might have got it wrong because then it would have to admit it is not it. Sadly it often takes a blunt reminder of our intransigence to bring it to an awareness that the body is what we need to nurture and that it never lies to us.

      Reply
  • Vicky Cooke says: October 27, 2018 at 6:58 am

    Mmmm this is a big one isn’t it. I am sure a lot of people can relate to this … I certainly can! ‘I didn’t really want to connect with people and show who I truly was on the inside.’ I am starting to do this more and more (let people see the true me and let people in) but can still feel I need to let go even more of the energetic barriers I have put up to keep people out fall away. What I am feeling as well is am I prepared to be truly deeply loved as there has been part of me within where I have not fully accepted this.

    Reply
    • Greg Barnes says: October 1, 2019 at 6:18 am

      Appreciation of our own divine connection and the ensuing ever-expanding realisations with everything/one is in essence from God, develops a Truly-intimate relationship (letting people in) that opens our acceptance channels in the most Loving ways.

      Reply
    • Mary says: July 31, 2020 at 2:42 pm

      I can relate to all that you have shared Vicky, I can still feel that there is a part of me that I have not fully accepted, can I be this grand and can I be this powerful. There is a part of me resisting this because it knows once I fully embrace all that I am, it no longer has control over me and this energy is all about control and it want to be in full control of me. We battle ourselves and our divineness, how crazy is that?

      Reply
  • Bryony says: October 16, 2018 at 4:03 am

    We can be extremely good at coming up with all the ‘right’ words to make it sound like we’re being open, friendly, nice and polite, when in fact we’re hiding behind these words and using them as a wall of protection. Understanding who we truly are and having the courage to just be ourselves can only come with a lived consistent connection to our body and what we can feel. To be ourselves means to know and love ourselves.

    Reply
    • Mary says: July 31, 2020 at 2:51 pm

      And being ourselves means to know and love ourselves, this is the foundation to then love all others equally so because we know the evil that comes though us and is not us but we have allowed an energy to come through our bodies which acts out the evil. It is our responsibility to close the door where evil dwells.

      Reply
  • Sam says: October 13, 2018 at 11:22 pm

    Our bodies are always asking us to be more, our cells deep down know we are all one, it is the brain run by the sprit that keeps us in behaviours that are always separate to the whole.

    Reply
  • Caroline Francis says: October 10, 2018 at 7:27 pm

    And the beautiful thing about letting people into our life is that we open ourselves up to meeting new people perhaps people we wouldn’t have normally socialised with and we learn to develop relationships that once were uncomfortable and thought impossible. In letting go of the protection we begin to make life about people first.

    Reply
  • Annelies van Haastrecht says: October 7, 2018 at 12:12 am

    ‘So mindfulness is not the big saviour everyone tends to think it is: heart-fullness, on the other hand, is.’ I don’t know mindfulness very well, the only thing I observe is that it seems to be a hype and the answer on all our woes but we have to care for our entire body and let our inner heart lead the way as there is where our true intelligence is based.

    Reply
    • Matts Josefsson says: October 7, 2018 at 5:11 pm

      Yes you can be a mindful drug addict but it doesn’t help the body to be the temple of love we need to feel the harmony we all are looking for.

      Reply
  • Lieke Campbell says: September 29, 2018 at 1:19 am

    Recently I realised that even though I thought I was more in my body and heart than in my mind the opposite was true. The mind is very good at getting the attention on everything and anything other than our body and heart even if the thoughts ‘sound good’ and loving it can still be coming from and ideal or belief of what is good and what is not good. The other this I found is that it is a constant deepening in being more and more present with our heart and body. There is no end in this.

    Reply
    • Matts Josefsson says: October 7, 2018 at 5:08 pm

      I agree, what was once a pretty decent level of being aware and connected with our body becomes yesterdays news when we deepen even more. Like you say, there is no end to it, only a forever deepening.

      Reply
      • Mary says: November 5, 2021 at 4:53 pm

        This is a great sharing Matts because it feels to me that what you are sharing is that just like there is no end to the universe there is no end to us that we can deepen into the universe as it holds us all in immeasurable love.

        Reply
    • Lorraine Wellman says: February 1, 2019 at 12:37 am

      I too had an example recently where I thought I was more in my body, only to be shown I had abandoned my body and escaped into my head, ‘I realised that even though I thought I was more in my body and heart than in my mind the opposite was true.’

      Reply
  • Tricia Nicholson says: September 28, 2018 at 4:56 am

    True intelligence and a love filled way of living and being in and from our body and with others from there is beautiful and a real offering of the different choices we can make and the choosing of love innately that we all are.

    Reply
  • Nattalija says: September 24, 2018 at 11:39 am

    This sounds all to familiar – using the mind and being fooled by thoughts that when we stop to read them truly from the body are not ours.

    Reply
  • Sam says: September 23, 2018 at 4:34 am

    Its so funny how we can calculate with our minds what we should say and sum up how we can get someone on side when in reality when this happens, everyone loses out.

    Reply
    • Matts Josefsson says: October 7, 2018 at 5:15 pm

      Yes and the beautiful thing is that even before we open our mouth everyone has already felt how we are and what intent we come with so we cannot really lie, only get confused when someone says something that doesn’t correspond with what we feel they are really saying.

      Reply
      • Mary says: November 5, 2021 at 5:01 pm

        Matts what you are sharing is so true when we listen with our bodies we cannot be lied to because our bodies can feel the change in vibration that a lie produces. When we tune into our bodies life because so much clearer and very simple.

        Reply
  • Carola Woods says: September 21, 2018 at 5:45 am

    There is nothing more real and true than when we share from our hearts, from the truth of our bodies and our lived wisdom. And when we are ourselves in this way I find the joy supersedes anything that changing who I am to fit in or to be accepted offers.

    Reply
    • Matts Josefsson says: October 7, 2018 at 5:17 pm

      Totally agree with you Carola.

      Reply
    • Lucy says: July 20, 2019 at 4:45 am

      Yes and others don’t hear it or feel it in the same way. There is an ease and a settlement that knows a truth has been spoken, it may be your truth rather than my truth at that time, but there is a knowing that it is the truth from your body and your lived experience.

      Reply
    • Mary says: November 5, 2021 at 5:10 pm

      Carola Woods I love what you have shared because I went swimming recently and discovered as I swam that there was a joy within me that I hadn’t felt before and as you say this feeling of joy supersedes anything that changing who I am to fit in or to be accepted offers. The feeling is so exquisite but it’s not mine to hold on to but to be shared with whomever I meet or have a conversation with so that everyone gets to feel what it is like to live with joy in our hearts.

      Reply
  • Michelle Mcwaters says: September 18, 2018 at 2:45 pm

    Using mind driven intelligence at the expense of the body is a very effective way of protecting our hurts, as in the arrogance it generates it tells others that we are superior and that there is nothing you can have over us. The investment we have in being perceived as intelligent keeps us from feeling the innate love and wisdom we all naturally hold and can all naturally express.

    Reply
  • Sam says: September 16, 2018 at 4:31 am

    Its so crazy the amount of stories we tell ourselves that give us the perfect excuse not to connect, unfortunately the whole world is suffering because there is too much story telling and not enough feeling.

    Reply
  • Willem Plandsoen says: September 4, 2018 at 12:28 am

    Quite astounding to admit that if we, and that includes me as well, talk from our head, we actually keep people away.

    Reply
  • Stephanie Stevenson says: August 26, 2018 at 6:06 am

    Great to re-visit this blog Matts – letting go of protecting the heart in order to let love out and share who we are with the world and then allowing others in is key in our return to the truth of who we are – LOVE .
    “So you could say that I’m slowly shifting myself from being mind driven to becoming more impulsed by my heart, and the (not so funny thing actually) is that having been mind driven for a long time takes a toll on your body and can leave it quite empty and vacated”.

    Reply
  • Elaine Arthey says: August 22, 2018 at 1:56 pm

    Beautiful to come back to this blog, thank you Matts. There is a real call here to come back to a heart centred way of living where we listen to the body, love and appreciate ourselves and let go the dictates of the mind.

    Reply
  • Inma Lorente says: August 19, 2018 at 1:48 pm

    Matts your sharing is like a loving invitation to feel my body again. It brings me to understand that the first step to open up my heart to others is doing it to myself first. The best gift that I can ever receive now. Thank you

    Reply
  • Natalie Hawthorne says: August 18, 2018 at 11:38 pm

    I love this Matts how when we surrender to our imperfections and accept them we can then allow others in to Love and Appreciate all of who we are too. As opposed to trying put on the best part of who we are.

    Reply
  • Bryony says: July 27, 2018 at 5:21 pm

    We can be pretty good at fooling ourselves and others that ‘we’re connecting’ when actually we’re connecting with another’s emotions, and feeding that, instead of connecting on a much deeper level, from who we really are. Connecting with others means connecting with ourselves, first, and it doesn’t have to include an exchange of words.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: July 27, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    When we are open and true with ourselves connected to our inner-heart then this is from where we meet another.

    Reply
  • Sam says: July 26, 2018 at 5:15 am

    Observing people in meetings it is interesting to see when someone speaks from their mind (usually needing recognition) and when someone speaks from their heart. Speaking from our hearts helps to melt all defences and we are reminded that in truth we are all the same.

    Reply
  • Sarah Flenley says: July 11, 2018 at 5:56 am

    “is that having been mind driven for a long time takes a toll on your body and can leave it quite empty and vacated.” I think this is why we choose to live in the mind so much as we dont want to feel how empty and vacated the body feels. Oh the irony.

    Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: July 3, 2018 at 5:56 am

    There is no true intelligence in the mind if it leaves the body out, but the mind in connection with the inner heart is what is called whole body intelligence, the whole being operating as one unit, instead of parts.

    Reply
    • Nattalija says: August 26, 2018 at 9:51 am

      The power of the mind with the heart is the true support that we can offer one another. Using our skills and qualities to the fullest when we are impulsed with love.

      Reply
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