Only quite recently have I become aware that I used my mind to protect myself from letting people into my life.
I’ve been a master at saying things that I thought sounded great and really sophisticated, but they were not coming from a heartful place, rather they were designed to keep people away. In other words, I didn’t really want to connect with people and show who I truly was on the inside. It was quite ‘effective’ and very few, if any, dared to question me; which sounds quite horrible when I say it like that, but that’s how it was. It feels quite ‘yuk’ and it also leaves you in a state where you are quite lonely.
However, this is slowly changing and it feels as if I’m shifting something big here. It feels as if I’m on the cusp of a new era for me in how I relate to others.
I’m willing to let go of the protection I have had around people and I’m willing for others to enjoy me for who I truly am, in all the imperfections that I have – however, not making them the focus, because I am pretty awesome when I allow myself and others to feel it.
So you could say that I’m slowly shifting myself from being mind driven to becoming more impulsed by my heart, and the (not so funny thing actually) is that having been mind driven for a long time takes a toll on your body and can leave it quite empty and vacated.
It’s as if you leave for holidays and you forget that your flowers need watering and you come home and they are all not looking so great. Sorry for the dramatic picture, but that’s how it is in a way. The mind doesn’t nurture the body but the heart definitely does. So the heart incorporates the whole body, while the mind is pretty much just interested in itself. Like having a staff meeting, but the boss has not invited the rest of the staff. No real joy and harmony happening there, is it?
So the heart, the precious heart, incorporates in all its humility, the whole body, which we could say is a whole body intelligence, whilst the mind brings with it a mind that is full of itself, or it could be translated to being mind-full. So mindfulness is not the big saviour everyone tends to think it is: heart-fullness, on the other hand, is. It could be likened to having presents on your birthday – one gives you everything you’ve ever dreamed of and beyond, and the other brings you an empty box, or at best, presents from your last birthday.
Said with a newly found appreciation for how important it is to have a love filled relationship with my body, which as a result, brings true intelligence. For what intelligence is intelligent, if it leaves the body in a mess?
By Matts Josefsson, Student of Behavioural Science, Stockholm, Sweden
Further Reading:
Vulnerability: opening the way for healthier relationships
Learning to Find Me and Live My Life
The Body’s Intelligence
687 Comments
We can be pretty good at fooling ourselves and others that ‘we’re connecting’ when actually we’re connecting with another’s emotions, and feeding that, instead of connecting on a much deeper level, from who we really are. Connecting with others means connecting with ourselves, first, and it doesn’t have to include an exchange of words.
When we are open and true with ourselves connected to our inner-heart then this is from where we meet another.
Observing people in meetings it is interesting to see when someone speaks from their mind (usually needing recognition) and when someone speaks from their heart. Speaking from our hearts helps to melt all defences and we are reminded that in truth we are all the same.
The more truly settled I am in and with myself the more I feel like I’m truly open with others; an openness and love that is expressed from the whole way that I am, from my whole body and not just in the words that are shared…
“is that having been mind driven for a long time takes a toll on your body and can leave it quite empty and vacated.” I think this is why we choose to live in the mind so much as we dont want to feel how empty and vacated the body feels. Oh the irony.
‘How important it is to have a love filled relationship with my body’, so not to ignore or diminish the body but love it so deeply that nothing can knock us off track. The importance of this is far beyond what we consider, for with a love filled body we are very powerful indeed.
There is no true intelligence in the mind if it leaves the body out, but the mind in connection with the inner heart is what is called whole body intelligence, the whole being operating as one unit, instead of parts.
So many of us are guilty of using our minds to keep people out, we think it is helping but its quite the opposite – as soon as we go into our mind we are never not getting the true picture of whats going on.
I too have used my mind to keep others at bay and never really getting to know the true me but now enjoying embracing living in a heart-full way and sharing this with others.
I can feel this in myself and have seen it in other people too. Sounding like you know what you are talking about and you are on top of everything is a great way to keep people at bay. It says, ‘I am fine and I don’t want to let you any deeper into my heart’.
The mind will always be cold and calculating if not first impulsed by the inner heart.
The mind will always be cold and calculating if it is not first impulsed by the inner heart.
Letting the mind and past hurtful experiences run our body keeps us closed off to the innate offerings of evolution. We all have a potential that is simply waiting to be accessed, lived and constantly expanded. Only through our heart can our potential become our guide in life.
People use all sorts of things to protect themselves… Their eyes, the words, the energy… And actually it does take so much energy to protect ourselves in all of these ways
Yes it tenses the body, closes ones awareness and sets one on a course of a multitude of health issues, let alone the reality of harming another by offering a wary body instead of an open welcoming understanding presence.
Its crazy all the millions of ways we can protect ourselves from real love, who would have thought the very thing we say we all want is the very thing we often push away.
‘…having been mind driven for a long time takes a toll on your body and can leave it quite empty and vacated.’ I have felt the same, Matts. Having used my mind to escape the intensity of life I realise its only created an intensity in my body, that has left it feeling depleted, stressed with an activated, buzzed nervous system. Staying connected to the body is a whole other ball game to living life.
Being present and in our body is far more intelligent and so much better for our health and wellbeing. I have heard this so much in working with people who have experienced trauma. When you leave your body in a trauma and are not encouraged to feel safe in your body afterwards there is a much greater propensity to PTSD.
Fear of showing imperfections and making mistakes is often the thing that is holding us back from opening up to people and letting ourselves be truly seen. Yet it is so lovely to let this go and there is a beauty in just being transparent and being with others all the time when you do great things or make mistakes. it is really about the quality of how we live all the time that will determine how we feel each day.
Yes I think we can withdraw or hold back being true to who we are as a form of protection when anticipating being rejected or judged but the more we can let go of any judgement we hold against ourselves the more true grace we give to ourselves rather than needing it from another first and with that we can connect with more love inside of us to then share with everyone else just through our way of being.
There can be no intelligence at all if the body is left in a mess. Care and love bring back to the body order and harmony and soon greater awareness and appreciation follows.
Developing a loving relationship with ourselves that emanates from our heart we open up our connection to others.
The mind always seeks, the hearts simply knows.
Beautifully encapsulating how the mind looks outward for confirmation but the heart is settled in its inner knowing.
I would even say, the present you get at a birthday party that is beautifully wrapped in paper, looks amazing, keeps you excited and busy to find out what is in there to then realise when you open it, that there is nothing in it.
The mind always seeks self-gratification and with every effort and lie will drive the body to get it, yet the heart simply pulses to reflect the truth of all that is already there to live. When we are in connection to our inner-heart, we are in connection to love, and life from this point is lived with greater ease and honouring.
“The mind doesn’t nurture the body but the heart definitely does”. This has been such a huge understanding for me and one that has changed my life in many ways. I have come to see so clearly that my mind is a trickster and what it was continuing to tell me was definitely never in my best interests. In stark contrast my heart and my body work together in the most loving way and every message is I receive from them is honouring the beautiful being that I am.
Yes I recognize this Matts, great and honest writing.. I discovered also that I thought I was living from my heart a lot but actually do live inside my mind more that I thought I did. And that leaves you lonely in the end, no matter how many people you see or meet.
It is the arrogance we carry as a spirit that just care for its manifestation with no interest in the damage it brings to the body.
Indeed true intelligence is to live from our heart full in the body, a whole way to re discover.
I can see how much I’ve used my own mind as a protection, an escape and a buffer. This understanding makes it easier for me to understand others who use their knowledge based intellect to shut out the rest of the world.
You nailed it in the last line Matts. It completely explodes the belief that the mind is more intelligent then the body.
‘So mindfulness is not the big saviour everyone tends to think it is: heart-fullness, on the other hand, is.’ Say no more, it is all in your words here Matts. A beautiful blog that allows the reader to really feel your journey and lightness with what you have come to.
” Said with a newly found appreciation for how important it is to have a love filled relationship with my body, ”
This is so beautiful and of course this is the whole body which includes the mind .
The mind is not just occasionally wrong, but left to its own devices it’s always off track. It uses its well worn rhetoric like a veteran politician to justify and explain life away – but it’s all a big cover up. As you show Matts when we connect to our whole body we’re finally free to truly be.
Yes, I can feel the relationship between being able to observe from the body and not justify, yet the mind would make it a political exercise and negotiate, or debate its way through a situation.
Being in the mind, thinking from the mind, acting from the mind without it being impulsed by the heart leaves my body cold. Scary to observe, but a great sign that I have to get back to my body.
Funny isn’t it that we can “leave” the body so to speak, which we can. I think we’re the only species that does this. Maybe for the reason that if we were to not do that we would have to be responsible for all the choices we make as in what we do to ourselves, the stuff we eat and so forth. So basically what we’ve done with our so called intelligence is to run away from being responsible…
And thanks for the comment by the way Willem.
This is awesome to hear Matts, ‘I’m willing to let go of the protection I have had around people and I’m willing for others to enjoy me for who I truly am’. Letting go of our protection is an essential part of our returning to who we truly are.
There are many systems around today that do not have a loving care for the human body as a part their make up and their flow. Instead many of the systems for living that we have, seem to place an expectation on the human frame to adapt, even to the most unnatural or harsh conditions. Surely this is a sign of the mind ruling without seeking guidance from the body first?
Beautifully said Shami. Mankind has created unloving and nonsensical systems and environments where pollution, corruption and hostility are the order of the day. If we begin to make connection and living from the heart our first priority then we will have a much more supportive and equitable world.
“in all the imperfections that I have – however, not making them the focus, because I am pretty awesome when I allow myself and others to feel it.” Not making them the focus is the key isn’t it….not living in denial that they are not there, or living up to some false layers of perfection, but yep they are there, part of me, but not a big part me of me. My awesomeness is bigger than them x
I feel this is a very honest statement
“I didn’t really want to connect with people and show who I truly was on the inside. It was quite ‘effective’ and very few, if any, dared to question me; which sounds quite horrible when I say it like that, but that’s how it was. It feels quite ‘yuk’ and it also leaves you in a state where you are quite lonely.”
I feel there are many people in this world who are very lonely but cannot admit this either to themselves or others. For example I know couples who have lived together for years but they feel extremely lonely within their relationship. I now have the understanding that if we do not have a relationship with ourselves we are coming from emptiness and therefore in that emptiness we cannot in truth have a relationship with another.
The moment you deny yourself, you put yourself in a self created prison. How can anyone ever reach you, when you closed the door to yourself first?!
You got a point there Stefanie, the love we have for ourselves is what we then can share with others.
Isn’t it interesting that we can think we are connected with others from our heads and yet that would be empty vessels trying to connect. Without the heart and the whole body there is no full connection possible. Not with ourselves and not with another.
Feeling a connection from the body is quite a different experience and of course comes from the level of connection we have with ourselves and in my experience the more committed we are in life, doing the everyday things that need to be done, is key in how much connected we are with ourselves and our bodies.