I had been a member of a few online dating sites for a few years, searching for Mr Right. I chatted to a number of men, but they weren’t Mr Right for me. I wanted a long-term relationship and was happy to be single if it wasn’t right.
I was single for a very long time.
Years ago I dated a lovely guy for a while: we’re still friends but overall I felt overwhelmed by the volume and type of responses on dating sites. It seems that many men say they are searching for love and intimacy but get that confused with ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am.’ I had settled for casual sex in the past, thinking it was better than nothing, but there lies the problem.
If we as women settle for less, then that is what men will actually think we want. So ladies, let’s set the standard we want for ourselves.
I hid my profile and only chatted to people I felt to. It solved my inbox problem and unless I went fishing, nothing happened. And nothing happened for years! I would get a few bites now and then, and sometimes the initial signs were good, only to find we weren’t compatible. You see, I don’t drink alcohol and I didn’t want to sleep with a stranger or send nude photos. While this was the game many a man wanted, I wasn’t going to change to fit in.
I felt like giving up on the whole online dating game and for a while I did. Long gone were the days where I would drink to not feel and to fit in, even though I hated the taste of alcohol and how it made me feel – and I was so over giving my body away just for a guy to like me. I have changed my ways and wasn’t going to settle like I did in the past.
On Dec 2016, I was scrolling through profiles wondering, “Why am I doing this again?,” but found a profile that caught my attention. I messaged this man and we started chatting.
I didn’t think he was Mr Right, but he seemed like a lovely person so I thought maybe a friend at least. We chatted for a few weeks and eventually met. After 3 dates, I was still not sure about him, and to be honest, was not sure he was interested in me because I was different: I am healthy, I go to bed early, I am a solo parent and I don’t go out partying. Surely this is too boring for a man. But it turns out, this was not a problem for my Mr Right.
A few things that I have learnt about relationships:
- First and foremost, if we have a good solid relationship with ourselves, we can have this with another, and not lose who we are. Instead we can see how we can complement and inspire each other, and grow.
- I don’t have to rush anything – we don’t have to move in and live together for it to be a ‘good relationship.’ Although it is now a year later and the timing feels right.
- It’s good not to be too hooked on your picture of Mr Right, because the reality could well be better than the picture. When we let go of expectations and open up we can be pleasantly surprised.
I have loved every moment of getting to know each other and as our relationship unfolds, I have opened up to the love we share. The more our relationship deepens, the more I see all my other relationships changing, family, friends and work colleagues and most of all, the relationship that I have with me.
And now I know from experience that internet dating does work! I found my Mr Right online and I absolutely adore him and our relationship.
Published with permission of my Mr Right
By Rosie Bason, Northern NSW
Further Reading:
Fairy-Tales – why a romantic relationship is so hard to find
Internet Dating – A Life Changing Experience
How to be safe dating online
579 Comments
Being in a relationship brings out the best of us and when we are looking for a True relationship the right person will be there when we are open and transparent in everything we do.
“I have loved every moment of getting to know each other and as our relationship unfolds, I have opened up to the love we share.” The more we open up to love the more we are offered.
How we develop our self in relationship with our essences / inner-most / Soul serves everyone we meet so dating on the net delivers so much more than a personal chat.
“The more our relationship deepens, the more I see all my other relationships changing, family, friends and work colleagues and most of all, the relationship that I have with me.” In discovering the beautiful woman you are an equally beautiful reflection is shown to you in your ‘Mr Right’.
Lifting ourselves out of the mundane way of living opens us to the glorious ways of universal intelligence and thus provides us by the Love that we innately are the naturalness to magnetically pull in what will serve humanity and in your case Rosie, the magnificence mister right.
“If we as women settle for less, then that is what men will actually think we want. So ladies, let’s set the standard we want for ourselves.” Excellent advise. This is the kind of thing that should be brought up and taught in schools.
Its crazy how many relationships these days are not even built on common respect! I love it when you do see a couple who are reflecting to everyone not only respect but true love and true purpose.
This a lovely sharing Rosie, very inspiring, and yes to us setting standards we will not drop from, ‘If we as women settle for less, then that is what men will actually think we want. So ladies, let’s set the standard we want for ourselves.’
This is fundamental in any relationship, ‘ if we have a good solid relationship with ourselves, we can have this with another, and not lose who we are.’
To say ‘yes’ to Mr Right is a commitment not only to him or her but a commitment to self. Mr Right is also the perfect complement to support us to evolve although at times we may fight and challenge this truth.
From my experience of dating apps with friends and family members who have used them is that there seems to be an initial process of liking someone for their looks and then reading their profile afterwards. Gone are the days where you meet someone via a friend or a family member, hit it off and arrange another date.
I’ve started getting interested in online dating and what I enjoy about this blog is that you know yourself to the extent that your not willing to change to please another. I know this works as well because when I do change to please another I feel all gnarly and resentful and thats not a loving relationship.
Rosie, this is beautiful and inspiring, thank you for sharing. I love that you didn’t change yourself to make a man like you – that you stayed yourself and this was your standard.
I like the idea that we can complement each other in relationships, supporting each other to grow and deepen, then we avoid stagnating or agreeing to an arrangement where we do not challenge each other.
Having that solid relationship with ourselves is important. Because in all relationships stuff can come up. Stuff being our hurts, judgements, expectations etc. Me staying connected with me means I don’t get swept up into all those issues that get reawakened from the past or other stuff that gets in between me and another.
Love your story Rosie! Goes to show that when you put love first, physical difference and distinctions are not so important or the focus any more.
When we find a True relationship we will always endeavour to stay connected as we explore our natural-ways so we can both evolve.
“If we as women settle for less, then that is what men will actually think we want.” This truth of this line was a standout for me today. If we do this ( which we all do in our own ways ) then that is the standard that we set for ourselves or for others. If we raise the standard, then we raise it for all.
It is so true and has been my experience also that the standards we hold true for ourselves in how we honor our truth and the truth in our bodies become the foundations that all our relationships are developed with. When honoring love is at the heart of all our relationships we then establish standards that deeply honor who we are and our opportunity to evolve.
More and more it is becoming apparent to myself that the more I love me, unconditionally, the more I can offer true love to another.