I spent most of my life trying to make time and space for me, to be by myself. I would work really hard to create this space and time. I felt I was only truly happy and relaxed when I was on my own. I could breathe freely, and do what I liked, when I liked, with no one making demands on me, judging me or telling me what to do.
Why did I feel that I needed to be alone to be myself? Why was I like this?
When I was young, I got hurt. Nothing terrible happened, but I felt hurt that people did not truly see me and feel how lovely I was, and appreciate me – just for being me. From that time I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.
The irony was that despite this deep desire to be alone, I rarely was. I worked with people, I was nearly always in a relationship, and once I had children, I was never alone! This desire to be alone when I was always surrounded by people, created a great deal of tension in my body and in my life.
Nowadays, I rarely have a moment to myself, and yet I rarely feel the same tension. When I do, I know that something is not right with me.
So, what has changed?
I have let people in. Not through the front door, or into my bed (except my husband!), but into my heart and into my world.
I have allowed people to see all of me. Now I do not hide the parts I don’t like much and I do not pretend to be someone I am not.
I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else, with all their foibles, weaknesses, and great beauty. When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.
I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.
What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.
Having time and space alone can be lovely – an opportunity to deeply connect with myself. But if I ever feel like I need time and space to be by myself now, I ask myself: what is going on? Usually this happens because I have reacted to someone, felt hurt, taken something personally, and then gone into a ‘shut down’ state – wanting to withdraw from people, trying to protect myself from further hurt. I have learned that this does not work! It creates a wall between me and other people, and this wall does not protect me. All it does is stop me from seeing and feeling what is true, which is the great beauty that other people are, and that I am too.
We don’t always behave beautifully, but we are lovely, and if I remain aware of that I am not so hurt by another’s behaviour, even if it may be love-less. I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.
If I am just being myself there is a great space within me, and all the time in the world. And this spaciousness spreads and extends from within me and is all around me, and I live and breathe and move in this space.
This spaciousness that I am feeling has a quality of lightness and loveliness, of being able to breathe freely and move flowingly and feel connected with everyone and everything around me. I feel open within, and therefore open to everyone and everything else. It feels like there is no beginning and no end to me.
I then share this space with everyone else, joyfully feeling that they hold the same quality, which is love, within them.
I share it with my husband, my children, my family and friends and everyone I meet. I don’t feel that work is hard work, even though I work hard – for it is a chance to be with people, whom I love. I don’t feel I need time away from my family, for I love to be with them, and share my spacious space with them!
Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me.
I am forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Anne Malatt, woman, doctor, wife, mother, grandmother, Northern NSW, Australia
Accepting All of You
Inspired by Universal Medicine… Just Being Me
A Space Just For Me
This is so cool that the change came from you. What an awesome sharing that it is as simple as being open and starting with yourself that has the ability to let others in.
I have found that when I have invested in the world wanting a ‘return’, I come away from that feeling exhausted. When I come to the world full of the love I am, seeking nothing in return, my level of vitality is endless and so in both these instances the term ‘Space’ has a different meaning – I loved your comment Anne – ‘Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me’ – absolutely confirming of what is true
Spaciousness is a wonderful word… it is a wonderful feeling… a sense of lightness, and interconnectedness that is our true nature
It is a very precious thing to start to feel the loveliness that is innate within us all
I used to go quiet, like pulling myself right into a ‘shell’. I would stop talking and start walking and walking until I realised that no one was going to come looking for me so I had to walk all the back again. It was so hard once in this cone of silence to get out of it, to open my mouth and start to speaking again; no issues would have been solved and usually no one had any idea how I felt. I hadn’t felt like this for many years until a few weeks ago when I felt the pattern trying to make its way into my consciousness. It felt so horrible that I chose to pull quickly back out of the shell and back into my life and the wonderful people that I love sharing it with; no shells needed anymore.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” This is a beautiful realisation. Whether we cast a judgement as being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – in fact what we see in others is a reflection of how we are ourselves. There is in fact no good or bad, but bringing an understanding to all, a true gift that supports with accepting life. Then we can make changes, if we choose to.
“I now see the love-less behaviour as something that the person has done, and not who they are. And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves.” I love this blog Anne especially this last sentence, it is so easy at times to get caught up in reaction and loose sight of this fact, that in fact we are love first and foremost before all the layers of hurt and protection are placed over it.
Ann, this is lovely, ‘What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.’ I have found this too, i used to be very judgmental of people, and only really want to talk to and be friends with certain people that I considered were similar to me, I no longer feel this way and I see the loveliness in everyone and enjoy connecting and talking with lots of people that I meet, not having the judgment is very lovely and means there is no barrier between us.
‘I like myself, and that has made it much more possible to like other people.’ This has been paramount to my development also. The difference in me is enormous since actually starting to like myself. This idea that I ‘hate people’, which of course was never true, but often felt like I just wanted to be away from everyone. These days, people don’t annoy me anywhere near as much as before….(occasionally yes), and I’m so much more open to being me and therefore letting others be themselves.
I went away with my family for a month not long ago and when we got back to work and our lives of school days etc I really missed being with them, it was lovely to feel how much I enjoyed just being with them, hanging out with them with no time out required for any of us. Funny enough it is like you share when things get on top of me that I want to get some space so it is just awesome to have a marker in my body that knows how much I love them and love being with them that puts to bed any thoughts that counter this.
” everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” this is gorgeous Anne and really a attribute that we all should learn whist growing up, to know and live this sets a life full of joy.
Wow Anne, this is very gorgeous to read, ‘When I allow them to see all of me, I can see all of them… and we are all mainly wonderful.’ it is great to have this reminder, this makes me feel that if I am always aware of this fact, that we are all wonderful – including myself, then I will not go into judgment and thus seperation with others as I sometimes do, instead knowing that we are all by nature and in truth loving, wonderful human beings.
It is interesting to observe our behvaiours and to be aware of how we feel when we are alone or with people. I have found being around people can be challenging at times when we are already feeling shut off and in protection. Often being around people can bring up stuff for us look at. For example, people can do or say things that triggers an old hurt that we haven’t healed, or there can be jealousy or comparison present, etc. Being alone we don’t have these dynamics or reflections, but having these reflections and challenges is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Lately I am learning many new words and have just learnt another one here … foibles. The only thing is as soon as I have learnt them I forget them!!! It is great what you have shared here Anne and lovely to know how so much has changed for you. Putting up energetic barriers towards others never works it just keeps the hurts etc in and does not aid true healing. Also from experience the whole ‘time out’ or ‘wanting time for me’ thing is a complete illusion and many times when I have wanted ‘time for me’ have then got completely distracted with things like social media so in truth I do not have that quality time with me I wanted … BUT also as you share here the quality with which we are with ourselves can stay consistent throughout whether we are with people or on our own .. this I have experienced and its a beautiful thing.
How can love be anything else than all inclusive everything else has to be loveless and once a true understanding of love has been reached then it freely flows to everyone just like the sun cannot stop shining its radiant light we also cannot stop the love from radiating out it is just withheld because of our hurt and rejection that have disconnected us from truly shining all we are.
When we are living in disregard then the cycle of exhaustion can govern our world and to really be with others feels impossible beyond the practical demands. Observing this cycle and choosing to see that it is in how we are with ourselves is the first step in exposing the emptiness we are surviving on. By being honest and taking responsibility for what is happening is all that is needed to change the self perpetuating cycle of disregard. Your blog is exposing Anne of the roles in particular that women take on in order to be seen only to build resentment as time goes on. It is so easy to turn the cycle of disregard into a cycle of self loving once we claim how gorgeous we really are.
When I now reflect back to the way I use to live, I always could not wait to have time out and space for myself, now I can see how I was shutting everyone one out, I was truly living in an illusion as I was create a false sense of space. Now I am always with people and amongst people, the only time I am alone and even then I am not alone is when I go to bed.
I totally relate to what you have written about needing to separate to create perceived space in the past and not needing to now having found the space within.
Wanting to have ‘time out’ from people, from life, from anything is a definite warning sign that things need to shift in the way we are with them – so we don’t need an escape, but rather can hold the spaciousness continually.
When these signs come up, they are an opportunity to look at why and how we have been living to come to a point in our life where we would want ‘time out’ from people. It is not natural for us to be alone and isolate ourselves. When we choose to recoil into isolation from people it is a sign that we are simply deeply hurt.
A beautiful blog to come back to Anne as it is such a lovely reminder to accept and appreciate ones self and thus all equally so.
Recently when feeling a (what felt like) a very large, overwhelming hurt my previous go-to behaviour was to cut myself away from people. But as I have been letting people into my life, seeing more of that beauty within myself and them I am finding that antisocial behaviour simply isn’t me anymore! which is amazing to feel how uncomfortable staying away from people is in my body. And unloving behaviours that used to have me want to avoid people say at work no longer have me running for the hills, with more understanding there is more of a willingness to be with that person regardless of what they are choosing to express. This is far from perfect but I’ve never stopped to appreciate how much I have changed over the last few years.
Making time and space for me now means to hold that feeling, to be aware of the loveliness that lives within me, and to always live in that. And then I have all the time and space in the world… just being me. This is such a beautiful place to find yourself Anne, enjoying your own company through your body and feeling how joyful it is to be you in all that you do. I too have found this when I don’t feel this, I know I have momentarily left myself and the joy that is naturally me.
The concept of trying to find space or time is interesting – it’s like assuming that we don’t have it or are not a part of it already.
I too used to have this need to be alone because I was so much missing a true connection to myself and therefore absorbing all that was around me and getting overwhelmed. Now that I have learnt to connect to myself, I have discovered that I can remain with myself in any situation and still be connected to others. Therefore there is much less need to attempt to control the outside in an attempt to provide what I am not living and giving to myself.
“What I have learnt is that everyone I meet is reflecting something to me, so everyone becomes a gift, and every meeting is a great opportunity to learn more about myself and other people.” So true Anne. We can learn from everyone and everything in life – using them as opportunities to deepen our connection with our essence, with our fellow humans – and to evolve
On reading your blog this morning Anne I was struck by what you have expressed here;
“And I know that because we are love; if our behaviour is loveless, in that moment we are not truly being ourselves”.
This is so true; our responsibility is certainly to live the love that we are.
i find I am always with myself when I am with my body.
When I am present with myself in the moment I never feel crowded by those around me or the demands that come my way but if I am caught in complications and separated from my body I can easily become overwhelmed and exhausted which means that I want to escape from others. This awareness has brought the responsibility for my life and the quality of my Livingness back to the choices I make.
It’s a very valuable awareness when we clock that to be with ourselves we don’t need to meditate for 10 hours and be alone on a silent retreat with no stimulation at all apart from the stream of thoughts that we are never really free from… It’s now a simple choice to connect to a quality of stillness within and that that can be done anywhere, anytime with anyone. Perfect!
Since I open and express myself more I realise how much I love people and how every interaction can be appreciated because we are all alike and like you say Anne we can learn so much from each other.
In a conversation with some friends only recently, we talked about ‘needing space’, work is so hectic, constantly dealing with people, exhausted and just want to ‘have space’ on the weekend and preferably have a ‘break’ from people. It was not like that for me, but i remember when i twas like that, my whole life was about planning the next moment to have ‘space and time alone’ – when will i get that moment. But now, i do not even ‘think’ about it., ‘my space’. My relationship with myself has completely changed as all that Anne described resonates. It was not space from others that i needed, it was to stop the way i interacted that i wanted a break from. I exhausted myself by giving, putting others first, and people became a demand on me…all because i was not connected to me and considered and valued myself. Now that i do, i can let me out and let people in, where connection happens and this actually deepens my relationship with me and others and actually it is energising rather than exhausting.
I just love your descriptions of what letting a person in really means for you Anne…. The transparency of oneself, warts and all, invites many others to come take a look, and in this be inspired by a person’s realness, lightness about life, their honesty and truth of the world…and who’d not want to come up close, be with, and spend time with this including ourselves – of ourselves, for the sense it makes!
Letting people in simply changes our lives, when we let in other people we understand them and ourselves better.
“I am much more accepting of myself, and so I am much more accepting of everyone else” so true Anne. When we drop the self judgement and appreciate the beauty of who we are then this is also how we meet others.
Great what you share, I am too finding that the more I open up to others the more I can feel the space within myself and therefore I no longer crave for that space alone. If at any point i feel I need to be alone, thats when I take moment to feel what have I let in to make me feel this way.
It’s amazing how when we open up to others then we don’t crave space away from them, when I was constantly putting on a front around others I needed time on my own to regroup ready to put my mask back on. It has been such a relief to start being more authentic and I too have found myself more accepting of others and the reflections that they offer me.
The more we create space within ourselves the more time and space we have to give others.
It’s amazing how being more accepting of oneself and allowing others in can transform how we feel about being around others. It’s really interesting to read that in you wanting to be alone now is a sign that something is off kilter. When I stop and think about it how we are designed to live, (Which is in groups and wider societies), avoiding being part of this has to say something about the way we are with ourselves and with each other to want to escape that?
I can relate with this, but it never was the answer as I found like you, ‘I found it hard to be myself around people, even though I loved them, as I was always trying to please everybody (which is exhausting) and so, I was always looking for ways to be alone.’ What you share in this blog is what I too am embracing.
I like this feeling of just being me, with every fault and imperfection out there to be seen. This makes life so much sweeter and more enjoyable with other people, because there is no game being played about who i would like you to see, it just is me.