For most of my life I have been an emotional wreck, tossed around on a roller-coaster of highs and lows – one moment in the height of ecstasy, the next deep in the dark dungeon of despair – and it was within one of these lows that I found myself in April 2014. Benson, my ex’s dog whom I saw daily, often staying with me, suddenly collapsed and died.
The Passing of Benson and Realising the Mortality of Henry
I sobbed all the way home from the vets and the next week I had to take days off work; I couldn’t hold back my tears. I started getting angry with myself. I had throbbing headaches, my sinuses were screaming at me and my contact lenses were so cloudy with tears I couldn’t see properly.
I looked at my dog Henry and the realisation dawned that I could not possibly continue like this. If I were THIS badly affected over Benson’s death, how on earth would I cope with Henry’s?
At this point I turned to Universal Medicine practitioners for support and guidance because I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.
I had read the majority of books by Serge Benhayon and welcomed his frankness about life: there is a hard-hitting truth in all that he writes, and it really does make sense! It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.
Henry was my loyal and willing companion, the only being at the time whom I felt to have shown me unconditional love. It’s true to say that in him I had invested my love, my hopes and dreams, and so later that April I felt my future shattered when Henry’s mortality was suddenly realised!
We went to the vet because of a limp, the vet surmising that Henry had cancer in his shoulder that was impeding his movement: I was offered the choice of amputation or euthanasia. Stricken with fear I immediately reacted with amputation – I could not lose him!
And so we were dispatched to a larger practice with an MRI scanner for an accurate diagnosis by an orthopedic surgeon the following morning. She commented later that Henry’s eyes never left me, admiring the bond between us. I had never noticed, just taken us for granted!
That evening Henry’s own vet gently advised that given Henry’s age, his previous surgery and general arthritic condition, Henry’s movement on three legs would be very restricted. There was no doubt that he would survive the operation; in all other manners Henry was incredibly fit and healthy, but now we were looking at life quality.
The flat-coated retriever is known for its exuberance for life, its mischief, and for its love of everyone. Indeed, sharing your life with one is generally accepted as a 24/7 intense relationship!
Assistance is always forthcoming whether searching through cupboards, tying shoelaces or gardening. Gone would be Henry’s reversing skills as he cleverly extricated himself from tight situations; launching onto the sofa, sending cushions flying, charging up and down the stairs, leaping onto my bed and making a nest in my duvet and diving into his basket to retrieve one of his teddy bears.
Letting Go of Attachment and Need
That night I sobbed, and between sobs I realised that I was in a victim vortex that was spinning out of control. I desperately tried to regain some level of composure, to breathe gently, but initially my emotions fought back. As my body began to relax as I surrendered to its shudders I heard the words, palliative care, palliative care. I never listened; they were meaningless words, and cold comfort back then.
Now I understand and I appreciate and recognise the solace that was being offered to me that long and difficult night as the orthopaedic surgeon’s words of palliative care and a regime of pain therapy rang little bells of celebration in my head when I returned to discuss Henry’s diagnosis.
As I settled into a life of administering Henry’s drug therapy, I saw and continued to see and work with esoteric practitioners about my own state of being. In the beginning it was a wrench leaving him for a day as I travelled down to Oxford to see my practitioner, because I wanted to share every day with him. Every moment with Henry was so precious to me at the time, like a clinging child not wanting to leave its mother.
Through the sessions with my practitioner I realised that there was no me in our relationship; that I had delegated my life to Henry and so over time and by my own observations I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness.
I had invested so much in this that I was emotionally attached, dependent on Henry utterly. And so, with my esoteric practitioner’s support I was able to work on letting go of this attachment, this need, and to focus on re-building me.
I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. With this, I began to notice that the more loving choices I made for myself and the more I focussed on my relationship with myself, the more Henry relaxed into his relationship with me and our new life.
Learning to change my life in this way was not always easy, however the commitment was all mine – and learning that the way in which I did things would make a huge difference to the outcome was a massive responsibility.
There was no quick-fix and it was sometimes challenging, but I began seeing some rewards, often just tiny ones, and with the support of Serge Benhayon and my esoteric practitioner I was able to enjoy the remainder of my life together with Henry.
Learning to be Utterly Truthful with Myself
I started not looking around for Henry when I realised that he had been silent for what I felt was too long. I would trust that he was sleeping peacefully.
I began to see my car as mine rather than Henry’s. I started returning home to me rather than to Henry, and I started to make evening plans so that Henry became more my companion rather than my constant and only companion.
I began to realise that there would be a life post-Henry for me.
To begin with it was very hard as I realised how much I needed him to protect me from those things that I didn’t want to do. Staying in with Henry gave me excuses to not venture out as a single person into a seemingly brand new and rather frightening world!
My hardest challenge though, was to learn to be utterly truthful with myself.
In the past I would con myself that things weren’t that bad! Now, I had to be very alert and acknowledge when Henry showed any sign of pain rather than pretend he was okay, because I was still frightened of losing him.
On the surface it seemed so easy to just register that he was in pain and liaise with the vets, but fear would often strike me and my insides would start to writhe with my own anxiety.
And so it was my sense of duty that ruled, forcing me to make the call: but as our routine became easier and as I worked on continuing to make more loving choices for myself, I relaxed, feeling freer to make the call out of love, rather than fear of loss.
And for those remaining months we shared a deeper quality of life.
Henry climbed up the stairs and manoeuvred his forelegs onto my bed so that I could gather his back legs and lift him up and then he would rearrange his blanket where he slept. We had the same arrangement with the car and sofa, but he always managed to climb the stairs on his own.
I admired his resilience and determination, and watching Henry over those last few months I realised that the bond that the surgeon had originally witnessed was one borne of a true love and not the emotional one that had kept us enslaved.
Looking back, Henry had always trusted me. He seemed to know when I was making him feel more comfortable, or even making him better.
A Truer Connection – Love Born of Mutual Trust
That dreadful day when I realised that Henry was in so much pain with his shoulder that he could not climb down the stairs, he waited until I returned with his harness. He worked with me, so together we managed to climb down. From then on he would always wait for me to walk down with him, sometimes wanting me to slip my fingers through his collar first.
We both knew that we could do these things together, and without realising at the time that we now shared a love born of mutual trust. We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.
Looking back over our last few months when I watched Henry sleeping, when I told him I loved him as I stroked his chest, or even when his excitement grew as his suppertime neared, I felt that lovely warm, comforting glow from my inner heart and not that rush of wringing emotion lower down.
We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.
We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.
We shared a relaxing few weeks together that December: I read, corresponded with Serge Benhayon and my friends or listened to my audios from the Esoteric Medicine series with Henry either lying on the sofa beside me, or sprawled out on his sheepskin rug in front of our open fire. I began to feel a slightly better level of being as the days passed, but then one day I realised that Henry wasn’t quite himself.
His painkillers had increased until his cheeky smile and general zest for life faded: his heart, the biggest most generous and courageous heart I have ever known, grew too tired of life.
A few days later Henry passed over on 6 January 2015, having developed what was suspected to have been another tumor.
A few nights before I lovingly said goodbye to my best friend, after we had enjoyed a wonderfully, peaceful day together during which I held my loving connection to my being and was relaxing in bed, I realised how peacefully Henry was lying across my body, totally relaxed and at one with me; sharing our joy, love, trust and truth. I felt that he too was connected to his own inner-self and I smiled, knowing that he was preparing his body for death; a body that had given its all, but which was now ready to surrender.
With the continued love and support from the many beauty-full people whom I have met over the last few years through Universal Medicine and the unbelievable joy at my first workshops when I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!
By Maggie, Chorley, England
Further Reading:
True Relationships – Being Love First, not Demanding it from Others
Love and Relationship Audio
National dog day – August 26 2105
450 Comments
“It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.” This has been my experience that Serge Benhayon has never pandered to any situation I have been in and one situation was particularly difficult and I was used to getting a certain response from people, sympathy, empathy but with Serge I got the energetic facts about the situation and a loving firmness of what was true; he was loving, truly loving and it was the first time in my life and it was like being released from emotional hooking, it really was a revelation and was so simple and matter of a fact, it cleared the trauma where I had been in therapy for years over the incident.
Serge’s qualities are amazing; and so very refreshing to hear.
I see emotions and our ideals and beliefs as velcro strips that constantly seem to snare us no matter how nuch we think we are doing the right thing; they are just there ready for the slightest opening from us.
Serge teases open the velcro that enshrines us so we have a glimpse of how life can be and offers us the tools by which we can free ourselves.
But our qualities are just as amazing as Serge’s, it is down to us whether we choose to become ensnared by the velcro again!
And your understanding in the end of what is love and what is attachment, and how you were able to truly connect with Henry is just awesome. Thank you for letting us have part of this – you have given Henry a beautiful way to be remembered, and he in turn ( as yourself of course) offers such healing through you telling how it all unfolded for the both of you, thank you.
Your sharing is such an inspiration for many others I feel, as there are heaps of people that will have loved a pet and had to let go of them when the time came. As this often can be quite traumatic for people, your insights and journey can offer such healing – a true inspiration – and we all can benefit from your truthful and very honest expression of all that you felt and the learning you gained.
What a blessing really Maggie that you had an opportunity and the support to really appreciate your dog and deepen your relationship with him before he passed away.
I agree with you whole-heartedly thank you Andrew. Henry offered me more than I could possibly imagine back then. I had always considered him special; but he was my gift to me to bring love back to me; and this he did in such a very tender and beautiful way. Our last few weeks together were just so intimate; so very beautiful and wholesome.
Wow Maggie you have captured the essence of true love in your blog.
Thank you Andrew <3
Yours is a delicate and beautiful story Maggie, thank you for taking the time to write and share it. Any true bond with another that gifts us with the space you mentioned is a truly loving and compassionate one, due to the understanding we hold of each other. There is a great big difference between this and the emotional love we can become entangled with that leaves us feeling no space and only a neediness or emptiness at the end of the day.
Very true Cherise; and thank you <3
Isn’t it astonishing that we miss so much in life when we get caught up in the busy-ness and emotional dramas – and how awesome when someone can give us a pointer to something different like the vet did for you Maggie – ““She commented later that Henry’s eyes never left me, admiring the bond between us. I had never noticed, just taken us for granted!” We can take that impulse and reconnect and start to become more present in our daily lives to these for sure abundant moments ….
It is so good to know and hear about it time and again that underneath all our ‘stuff’ is still that pure essence and the possibility to connect to that is always there for us.
A beautiful and loving sharing Maggie, and how good is it that you were able to work towards this new way of being with your self and Henry, thank you for letting us be part of your honest and loving expression.
This shows how we forget ourselves when we start to attach love to a certain person (or dog), we don’t notice the true beauty of ourselves and the other, as there is this constant fear of losing it what we think we don’t have when we are on our own. But what a false idea is that, it is so much more beautiful to be loving with ourselves, and relate to others from that.
How beautiful Maggie that as you deepened your love for yourself it reflected in the deepening love between you and your beloved Henry.
Wow I am deeply touched by the story of love, trust and companionship between you and Henry and the level of honouring and appreciation with which you shared about your relationship brought tears to my eyes. This is a gorgeous reflection of the quality of relationships we can all have in our lives, with faithful friends such as Henry, or with people. Thank you.
Thank-you for expressing your love for Henry so openly Maggie, and as for Henry’s love for you , the photo says it all.
Gosh Maggie, to read about how you and Henry healed one another, the space you opened up for each other and the love that came pouring through is beautiful to read and to know that through your gradual disentanglement Henry was able to leave the door wide open to your life beyond each other.
“I started not looking around for Henry when I realised that he had been silent for what I felt was too long. I would trust that he was sleeping peacefully.
I began to see my car as mine rather than Henry’s. I started returning home to me rather than to Henry, and I started to make evening plans so that Henry became more my companion rather than my constant and only companion.”
Beautiful details Maggie, that brilliantly describes the miracle of self love.
“Learning to change my life in this way was not always easy, however the commitment was all mine”
When we begin to feel the ripple effects of our commitment, our sense of purpose gets charged up and with this our potential is released.
“She commented later that Henry’s eyes never left me, admiring the bond between us. I had never noticed, just taken us for granted!” There is so much we miss when we do not care for ourselves, without the anchor of self love we become swept into the business and function of life, blind to the galactic love that surrounds us.
I feel it’s one of the greatest stops in life when you loose someone you know and love – what it brings is more love out that should have been there in the first place.
A gorgeous story of letting go of relying on another to bring you the love you were unwilling to give yourself and in doing so freeing yourself from the entanglement of attachment to leave the beauty of the connection your shared. A pleasure to read.
Wow, it would be easy to get lost in the sadness of how we give our power away to others, be they people or pets and miss the amazing choice to begin to love oneself as Maggie did here. Instead it feels important to appreciate that at any point in our lives we can return to loving ourselves and feeling complete in our lives.
I feel Simon, that generally there’s something in the human psyche that something has to go really wrong, or the same scenario repeated over and over again, before we wake up.
Before we start questioning WHY our life is like THIS; what is all this drudgery all about?
… and then we are faced with the choice: to go back into comforting denial (buy a new TV, a car, a new pair of shoes, a handbag, or even ipad or iphone; or wake up to some unknown, scary new beginning!
Even though we do know somewhere that we live on after the physical passing, when we come to face to face with the realization of mortality we get shaken up. We start picturing what it would be like not to have the tangible sense of connection with that person and relationship of physicality – and you show us beautifully how that could be the time when we can learn to be honest about our neediness and emotional attachment that we have mistakenly believed to be love, and start living what true love is about.
‘Knowing that he was preparing his body for death’ it’s amazing that the end of life we know what is going to happen. A friend of mine who passed away a number of years ago had been very unwell and in bed for some time but had a moment of being more present and called a number of us around his bedside to be with him one evening before passing over the next day.
I know that it is common for people and pets to grow so close that it becomes a blurry emotional line of what is love and what is attachment but how you slowly and lovingly allowed yourself to unfold this was truly beautiful to read, thank you for sharing your story and sharing the memory of Henry with us all.
Dogs offer such an amazing reflection for us. What a healing for you, Maggie.
And what an inspiration they are too – if we can love everyone the way a dog loves you.
“I turned to Universal Medicine practitioners for support and guidance because I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.” – it takes self-love and self-care to seek help from Universal Medicine practitioners as they don’t pander, but offer the truth, even when this might be received as very exposing or at first as nonsense. The willingness to open up and slowly let go of the (energetic) guards that we’ve chosen to live with is worth doing as it supports us to deal with life in a much more loving way. Even in circumstances of death and loss.
“I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself.” Maggie, to see this is so freeing. When we look outside ourselves for love we are never truly fulfilled because the emptiness is there within us and it does not go away until we build a loving foundation within our own body. Wanting love from another places a demand on them which is not going to draw love to us. In effect we are looking for attachment not love.
How lovely Maggie that you were able to share “a truer connection” with Henry. It’s only by “[giving] each other more space and “respecting [each other’s] choices” that we can connect at a deeper level. Otherwise we live a co-dependant existence which is stifling.
The love, trust and warmth shared between you and your dog can be felt deeply when reading this blog. Thank you Maggie it is beautiful 🙂
What your sharing is very important because we often love our pets more than we love ourselves or others – your story helps us to see how emotional love and attachment doesn’t help us or our pets
When there is no attachment or need we can enjoy each other so much more, there is much more space and freedom in such a relationship. The freedom we know that comes from a true relationship is freeing ourselves from attachment. How do we free ourselves from attachment? And that is to choose love over needs, starting with love and care for ourselves, this is a continued process of deepening.
It is very freeing and important to let others pass away and and the growth and love we build and evolve with in our lives is so important to our evolution and purpose . The role of pets espcially dogs in our lives is so deep and important and this touches me very much and all you have come to in your relationship with yourself and Henry is a real reflection and joy to read.
My family and I are a week out from getting a new puppy. The whole experience has been completely different to why we have bought a dog in the past, and it has been very revealing and exposing. We’ve discussed how a dog is not there to fill us up or to give us anything or to be our pet that we can mould into what we want it to be, to pride ourselves on or to be dependent on. All things we have imposed on our pets in the past. I know there will be more revelations once he comes home and opportunities for growth, as in with any relationship.
How beautiful for your new puppy to be welcomed into a home of self-love where he will have the space and feel his freedom to just be himself. A glorious opportunity for you all. <3
My dogs growing up were my sounding board, they didn’t judge, speak back, interrupt or treat me like there was any thing wrong with me, there was no awkwardness, just constant loyalty and affection. I can see now how I would end up dismissing the dog just like I dismissed and left myself when I was feeling hurt, lacking in self-worth or being hard on myself. We can learn so much from dogs of how we are with ourselves, to not leave ourselves for anything, to rest when needed and to be ready for action when called upon.
For a long time I wanted to have a dog, but this was mostly because I needed something that I was not giving to myself. Especially when I knew that I was not going to become a mother, this need for a dog came up again. I wanted to be loved, but I know now that I cannot expect this from anybody. Loving myself is my job, and no one elses.
It is indeed, our responsibility; and no one else’s to love one’s self.
Meeting that responsibility involves awareness, understanding and our courage to make that choice. Hence all these beautiful blogs that we write and make comments on; so that we can share our experiences for the benefit of all of Humanity.
Lovely Maggie – to develop awareness, understanding and courage takes quite a bit and it is so liberating when we connect to ourselves more and more so that we can take the responsibility to choose this way of being in all areas of our lives.
A very honest sharing – thank you Maggie
When we let go of need and attachment there is room for true love and honest relationship to develop.
That’s really something Maggie to emerge from a “24/7 intense relationship” as you describe it with Henry. And to now feel the understanding and surrender that you also showed at Henry’s passing.
As you say about reading truth in Serge’s books, “It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.” I find this true too Maggie, that when I encounter truth such as in Serge’s books or presentations, my whole body knows it to be true by the response and confirmation I feel within me.
Absolutely; I just love how my body KNOWS and feels the truth of Serge’s words.
I have read many so called inspirational books in the past, but they left me feeling, ‘huh; so what did I achieve from reading that?!’ Just like the breadcrumb-trail in Hansel and Gretle.
That maybe sounds weird but I experienced this “I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness” with my partner. I ‘used’ him to have a sense in life, to come home to, to spent the weekend with and so on. I was not with me – but with him. So that did put a lot of pressure on my partner and our relationship of course. He should be perfect or at least as I wish him to be so I could be happy. Did not work and that is a blessing. To look outside of me for an fulfillment does not make any sense and will not work. What is fulfilling me is inside and from here the connection to all.
The Ageless Wisdom that is presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine brings the true healing that humanity needs as it teaches that to heal the craving for love we all desire comes not from attachment and investment in people and things but connecting to the love that is within us all. This article is a beautiful sharing of this realisation.
Thank you Jonathan.
I just love your expression, “that to heal the craving for love we all desire comes not from attachment and investment in people and things but connecting to the love that is within us all”
Yes: the pot of gold that awaits us all when we choose our many colourful journeys to return home.
You share an interesting topic and one we don’t usually discuss . . . that there is reliance on our pets to fill an emotional void.
Absolutely Rachel; Henry was ALWAYS there for me! It was such a relief when we were able to free ourselves from such a burdensome dependency.
How often do we rely on our pets, especially cats and dogs to give us something we can’t give to ourselves, love. I know I did along with my horses, expecting them to be a certain way and pouring all my ‘love’ onto them. It took Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to see how harming this was, for both the animals and myself, I could really see that the animals were a substitute for the love I could not give to myself and to everyone around me and how stifling this was. I had back then, more love for my animals than I did for humanity.
This is a great example of how attached we can get to people and pets. The emotional attachment can be so strong. I know that when I have been in situations where I get very emotionally attached I totally lose myself and I am not myself at all. I am still learning to stay with myself and be true to myself at all times so as to not lose myself but simply enjoy the company of others and love them for who they are.
Maggie – this is so gorgeous to read, ‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.’ I can feel how relevant this is for all relationships, for myself to not be so emotionally attached to my family and how freeing and loving this can be for everyone.
Animals can be a great reflection for us, they are loving, loyal and full of joy, and know how to rest well
In the honouring of life and its cycles, rather than hanging onto to the length of life as being better, an ideal of a successful one, we can live each moment in true quality where the time becomes irrelevant in truth.
Strong bonds and emotional attachments whether with animals or people can be an all consuming distraction that takes us away from connecting with ourselves and other people. True best friendships always begin wth ourselves and in true equality all friends are loved equally.
It is true that we must build the love within us, for to rely on another to bring this to us creates need and dependence and is without balance nor truth.
This blog is apt for us to consider all relationships and their balance. Do we bring us in full to them or do we bring less and demand of another to complete us?
Some years back we came across a stray and took her in and she turned out to be the best dog ever, and she lived with us for some twenty years and whilst I could see that she was getting old and that I would have to make the decision to take her to the vet the thought of making the decision was for me harder than the reality of taking her in. I looked at her one day lying on her bed and just knew it was time, she was fairly bright within herself but I could sense that her arthritis was in more parts of her body and her legs were becoming weaker. I can understand how people get very emotionally attached to their pets and in some cases the grief is the same as if it were from the loss of a family relative, but for me with this dog we had come to a certain place in our relationship where I just let her be and she responded to this.
The more deeply we love ourselves, the more accepting and understanding we are of all others. To stand in our Love enables another to stand in theirs without needing to be anything nor to bring anything to us
It is wise to consider our needs and attachments, be they to human, pets, objects or places.
All is a great distraction from our inner quality and living the truth we know, unreservedly and open.
The connection we have with our pets is so exposing of all our relationships be it neediness or unconditional love.
I came to the realisation how much of a bond I had with my dog Roxy when I thought someone had stolen her, it totally freaked me out. This person though she was lost while waiting patiently by my van and decided to take her home and put it on face book that she had found a dog . Facebook was the last place I was looking for my dog, I was trying local vets and the Police. When I stopped drinking alcohol, I started to lose touch with all my so called friends and Rox was a constant companion through that transition, so I really do know about dog love.
Unconditional love is wonderful to behold and gorgeous to share Kevin.
Such a beautiful example of how all relationships can offer so much development and unfolding if we choose it. There are moments in our lives when we know we are not coping or not as resourceful as we need to be for the next phase. Taking responsibility to “fill up our tool kits” and get to know ourselves a little more allows the healing to begin.
What an absolutely beautiful story of love, trust and true connection. My eyes welled Maggie as I read about your life and your mutual love with Henry.
I so much enjoyed and appreciated reading about your shift from emotional love and dependency to mutual love, trust and connection.
Thank you Maggie for sharing so openly about your beautiful and true connection with your dog Henry, the relationship you had with your dog feels deeply healing for you both.
Very powerful sharing and honest in how invested we can become in another and become distracted from taking responsibility for what is going on within us. Henry was a teacher and offered much in order for you to re-connect to what was always there within you to support the choices you needed to make. We can all get caught up in expecting another to fill the void and to avoid what is true. Thank you for being so honest and opening up the discussion around what being in true relationship is.
A beautiful example, born out of your relationship with your dog, of truth that any need we have is about our own emptiness. Developing our relationship with ourselves, frees us immensely and allows the other human/animal to be who they are!
Maggie I am deeply touched by this beautiful story of how a relationship built on neediness deepened to one of a true and spacious love, and that you now ‘know that deep within is all the love in the world’.
Learning to let go of attachments and needs is not always easy as you’ve shared Maggie and I can relate to this too. Your blog inspires us to know that it is also possible to live a life free of emotional ups and downs regardless of what is going on in our life. We can choose to connect to love and I have found, to healing our sense of emptiness is so simple, by learning to nurture, love and care for ourselves first we begin to feel a fullness of who we are again, and our ability to live without attachments and neediness is then possible.
I felt daunted by what seemed the huge challenge of loving myself, making loving choices for me rather than putting Henry first after his diagnosis and getting myself quite upset as I couldn’t see a way out, though what I was being advised to do seemed unattainable at the time.
I remember Shirley-Ann gently advising me how this takes years of practise and that I was already in crisis. These gentle, loving words removed so much weight from me: I was being accepted as I was: frightened, vulnerable and tortured by my own emotions, but she gave me the space I needed back then to start relinquishing my dependency on Henry by making very small self-loving steps for me. Over the months they developed steadily until I was able to recognise my responsibility for me. Our last few weeks together were amazing <3
I love the reflection that Henry gave to you Maggie, as confirmation when you begun to take back what you had given away… yourself! Dogs don’t want to be our emotional prop up and can be free to be themselves when we are not depending on them to fill a need in us. This article would be a great feature in a pet lovers magazine as it’s very thought provoking and looks at the responsibility that pet owners hold.
This is a very beautiful story of healing, Love and trust. I’ve never been that close with an animal before so I cannot relate to the emotional need in that respect – but I certainly been invested in emotional need with other people and feared the end of the relationship like death! In fact, we can have emotional need and investment to anything that we use to fill ourselves up, to fill the emptiness we feel within from not being full of the love we are.
Maggie what an incredibly beautiful love story, it expanded my heart and filled me with the love of God. Thank you.
There is a deep, consistent and constant love that comes from a dog that is sorely missed when they pass. Ours has been a companion and member of the family for as long as I can remember, and it was very upsetting when she became ill and even more so to make the decision to put her down. They teach us so much – always pleased to see us, and never judging us – dogs are awesome!
I absolutely love dogs and their ability to relate with people (for most at least) and they can support us to come back to a commitment and engagement to and with life that we had previously given up on. Your story Maggie is a beautiful one and an example true love versus emotional attachment.
Right after I made the decision to put my dog down he suddenly seemed to liven up and be much more joyful. What I learned from that situation is how much I had depended on him and how much investment I had had. In my decision to let him go he was free again and joyful to move on. If we can be with ourselves and from there have a relationship with our dogs that does not need to substitute for what we are missing within the relationship becomes more honest, more relaxed and even more joyful.
There is much we put on our pets, especially the need for love and absolute acceptance that we do not give ourselves, that we do not realise is burdening them immensely. Our dogs are often very willing to serve us, no matter how we are with them but it is imperative that we learn to have a relationship with ourselves so that we do not project our needs on our dearly beloved pets.
Wow Maggie, I can feel the absolute love that you held for Henry and what is so gorgeous is that when we have love that is no longer emotional but is a true bond based on our own love for ourselves first rather than based on a neediness, then that love becomes for everyone and is not exclusive.
Maggie, it is truly wonderful how you learned to let go the neediness that you had for Henry, such a deeper relationship you shared with him once you learned to love yourself first, rather than depend so heavily on your beautiful dog for the love that you were originally unable to give to yourself. We can develop such an incredible relationship with each other when it is based on a true love for ourselves first of all. An incredible learning for you to carry into the rest of your life.
’Henry climbed up the stairs and manoeuvred his forelegs onto my bed so that I could gather his back legs and lift him up and then he would rearrange his blanket where he slept. We had the same arrangement with the car and sofa, but he always managed to climb the stairs on his own.’ What strikes me is the significant level of co-creation the two of you developed.
Thank you Eva; I had not recognised our co-creation, but yes I agree! I have always appreciated the synergy of teamwork, but when it was under my nose; I didn’t; so a heart-felt thank you to you. <3
’I had read the majority of books by Serge Benhayon and welcomed his frankness about life: there is a hard-hitting truth in all that he writes, and it really does make sense! It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.’ – How true, Serge Benhayon simply presents, ’hard hitting truth’ is very well said, whether we choose to adhere to that truth or not is up to us.
“Such a beautiful sharing, Maggie, very moving. I read your article yesterday, and for me it brought up quite a deal of sadness, so I was not ready then to post a comment. That photograph of your beautiful dog is so beautiful, the trust in your dog’s eyes is gorgeously melting. What a wonderful journey you have been through during the last period of Henry’s life, a journey from emotional love with all its dependence issues, to true love, which begins with loving yourself and then being that love with the other. I love how you expressed it, “I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. Such a beautiful journey for you both in the long run, thank you for sharing.
‘We both knew that we could do these things together, and without realising at the time that we now shared a love born of mutual trust. We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.’ – An amazing sharing Maggie, it is indeed a huge liberation to not be dictated by emotions.
I can very much relate to the taking over that emotional attachment can have. It really is like being sucked into a vortex, and there are times you really do need to sit and wait it out before you can get the clarity you need to make a choice to not get sucked in again. It’s a work in progress, building trust within ourselves, learning to love and appreciate ourselves one step at at a time.
Maggie, thank you for your absolute openness about attachment and how it runs us. You’ve shared something most of us can relate too, whether it be through a partner, a pet or even an activity. When we choose to invest in something outside of ourselves the consequences can be dire. You’ve proven there is another way and that by acknowledging and building trust and appreciation of ourselves, we can bring the same to others and hence diminish the emptiness we feel.
I released a lot of sadness when reading about the bond and the unconditional love. I’m still learning to surrender to the unconditional love and the true existence of it. The innocence, honesty and depth of your sharing made me feel, surrender to the fact. Thank you deeply dear Maggie and Henry.
“We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.” I love this, we can travel together but everyone has their own journey in life.
Maggie your blog should actually go onto a parenting magazine as it is a great learning of how we suffocate others by needing them and how we set each other free by just being the love we are.
Wow, this is a great testimonial of how we invest in others to presumably get what we are not giving ourselves: true love. What you describe Maggie could be the relationship of many mothers with their children I know and your sharing shows clearly that there is no difference in whom or what we invest, it is never true.
When we let go of our attachment to anything, whether that be our dogs or our children there is a greater freedom to make decisions that are going to truly benefit all concerned. I know this from my own experience only having recently let go of my attachment to my daughters.
What a beautiful testament to true friendship, Maggie. I especially love this line: “as I worked on continuing to make more loving choices for myself, I relaxed, feeling freer to make the call out of love, rather than fear of loss.” I am always astounded by how what can seem to us like a normal foundation for life choices can shift so completely by maintaining a connection with ourselves.
Love your blog Maggie and your commitment to honesty
Thank you Mary-Louise. I have many layers of dishonesty to peel away: I have lived with them all my life – my ideals and beliefs; and some are so very engrained in my life that I am not yet aware of them. All I absolutely KNOW Mary-Louise is that any dishonesty in my life is a cheat; and that I am devaluing myself – and so I will plod on; and you know: it’s amazing how they gently reveal themselves every now and then. It’s quite beautiful really! <3
A great blog. Thank you Maggie. I can so easily feel your transition from an emotional and needy love to a true love and how this enabled you to get back in to life again bringing all of you just as Henry had brought all of him.
Dogs are a beautiful reflection in life. They love unconditionally and live only but in the moment – a true reflection for us all if ever there were one.
Dogs like humans are just the same when taking on others emotions, creating poison in the body that eventually needs to come out. Dogs we had growing up were used to ‘give’ us something or fill us up. They were always as loyal as ever and loved us unconditionally, yet we didn’t have that for ourselves. They ended up being treated for asthma, epilepsy and skin conditions…many were put down which was heart wrenching showing how attached we were to what they gave us.
Your blog Maggie shows how freeing it is for all involved when we start to be honest and look at the health of our relationships. The healing in the end for yourself and for Henry goes far beyond the physical…. an imprint left for all relationships thereafter.
Such a moving account of the unconditional love and connection dogs hold for their human ‘partners’. They are a joy and a blessing – they have so much to teach us about loyalty and service. Their role in our world is not to be underestimated.
“We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. ” Giving each other space in a relationship is so important. We tend to clamp onto that which we cherish yet I found that with doing that we crush it. Taking that space with the other is a little scary at first but it is a beautiful thing to do. It lets each other be all of ourself and it is a very beautiful way to move together like that.
What a beautiful blog to read thank you Maggie and loved the following sentence ” We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.” What a great gift to have given and received from each other.
Henry sounds adorable..
When I read that you started coming home and could feel you, rather than always worrying about Henry brought a smile to my face. It is easy to develop true relationships when we love ourselves!
A beautiful story about evolution, and how we can let go of need to see a greater love exists, one without need.
When we rely on another to fill ourselves up with love, not only is it impossible as we are the only ones that can fill ourselves with love, it is hugely imposing. That kind of pressure that is impossible to ever meet is a predetermined course of action set to fail. How beautiful when we set ourselves and others free.
What a beautiful story of a relationship. You could tell the same story and not know this was written about a dog. What you have described plays out in many relationships. So much love is there waiting for us once we release ourselves and our partner from the entanglement of attachment, need and emotion.
What a beautiful blessing Henry was in your life Maggie. Your relationship with him allowed you to see and heal so much within yourself that may not have been possible through a relationship with another person.
I learnt from having dogs that they are so much more at ease when we, their humans, are not putting our emotions onto them. They can just be themselves, dogs, and not be smashed by our need for them to fill an emptiness we feel within ourselves.
I really love your honesty in the blog too Maggie. you were honest about the challenges and the feeling that your emotions had a strong hold on you, but oh how worth it to make loving, supportive changes.
The changes that your were able to make in your relationship with Henry from emotional, needy love to true love are huge. I can imagine that at times that looked nearly impossible. This seems to be one of the reasons why so many relationships break down – people realise their emptiness and neediness, blame the other person and jump ship. whereas you took responsiblility for your choices and began to build true love.
A very intimate story you have discussed Maggie. This discussion will support many people in the same position as you once were.
Thank you LUke.