Before learning how to celebrate me, the way I had learnt to celebrate birthdays was by getting wasted.
My 30th birthday celebration – joints, coffee, drinking and getting wasted
From early in the morning, joints are passed around. Then copious amounts of coffee, then more joints. This continues for most of the day, with a bit of drama and a bit of ‘trying to be nice’ to each other.
By the late afternoon we are drinking as well. There are children everywhere, as well as bottles and ashtrays. Before dinner is anywhere near ready I find myself at the bathroom sink splashing water across my face.
I look into the mirror. I see a white face, but that is all I allow myself to see. I don’t want to look too closely as I don’t like to truly see my reflection when I am wasted.
I have the shakes, the sweats, and feel like I may be sick. I try to breathe through it and slowly find my way back downstairs to the couch. I have a little rest until I am ready to continue on to have another drink, to help prepare the food, and to smoke another joint.
By the end of the night the house looks like a dump and everyone is wrecked. This is what getting wasted looks like…
It feels like a lifetime away yet it was only a few years ago. And this is what I ‘used’ to call a ‘successful’ party.
My 34th birthday celebration – No joints, No alcohol, No getting wasted, No drama
This year, I decided to celebrate me instead and thought about what I would like to do for me.
What I really wanted was to go out to the local Thai restaurant. So I sent a text, letting friends know that I was going and that if they felt like joining me, they could. I had no expectation of anyone to come; I just knew that I was going.
I will set the scene at the restaurant for you. The table was decorated and candles lit. A few friends arrived bringing gifts – beautiful candles, a plant and a bouquet of greens from one friend’s garden. There were 4 kids at one end of the table, then 9 adults.
It was wonderful.
There was…
- No alcohol
- No joints or drugs
- No loudness
- No one needing to be the centre of attention, and
- No drama.
There was no one getting wasted, just …
- Delicious food
- Honest, open discussions, and
- People sharing and connecting.
I went to the bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror. For the first time I was happy looking at me; I could admire my own beauty.
This was the best birthday I had ever had. I felt at ease and so joyful. We didn’t have a late night; there was no need to. I didn’t have a hangover the next day and it was awesome.
Celebrating Me
I can see now that the party I had when I was 30 was about my trying to please others. It was ‘normal’ – socially acceptable in the way parties are these days.
But this year it was really just about celebrating me. I had no expectation and no need for it to be anything and because of that, I was shown something beautiful – me.
I can celebrate where I’ve come to and the fact that I no longer want or need drugs or alcohol to get wasted and feel like I’ve partied or ‘had a good time’.
Since then, I’ve also learnt that celebrating me doesn’t mean I have to have lots of friends or wait until I go out for a special birthday dinner.
Celebrating me can be done in the most simple of ways. I can celebrate me every day, for the small things.
I have been inspired to celebrate me and to make these awesome changes in my life thanks to presentations by Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon and the support of Esoteric practitioners at Universal Medicine Clinic.
By Anonymous
884 Comments
How fantastic that you were able to do what felt true for you from the fact that you had no expectations or needs from anyone outside of you… that you didn’t need to conform to the so called normal way of ‘celebrating’ a birthday.
A beautiful sharing Anonymous, so gorgeous to celebrate you, how far you have come and the self loving choices you have made, and most of all to celebrate you for being you, I am reminded by your sharing to celebrate and appreciate even the small changes that I am making in my life, not just the so called big ones.
What is more important than connection and true joy?
Definitely nothing, since you meet your truth and feel the love you are worth and so are others.
This is a beautiful sharing, thank you. It is so important to understand that the life we have created is far from what we really enjoy and thus we need to allow ourselves to start to bring ourselves back to what we deep down feel so that we can step by step return to the true joy in life of connection and inner contentment and vitality.
Moment by moment, celebrating and appreciating who we truly are and the divine qualities we bring to the world, is the best antidote to any form of self abusive behaviours.
I always had an issue with celebrating my birthday growing up and as an adult. I was uncomfortable with being celebrated for one day and then everything went back to, a so called normal. Now I see how any day and at any time we can celebrate and appreciate ourselves and when it is our birthday it’s deepening what we already do throughout the year.
Thanks for sharing this Aimee because it lets me see how when we don’t usually celebrate or appreciate ourselves, it can feel quite foreign when we do. It makes me want to do it more often!
I used to dislike my birthday and wanted to avoid it each year because of not feeling worthy of being celebrated. While there is still work to be done in fully letting go of this old pattern now I too enjoy having people come together and share dinner on my birthday and deeply appreciate the quality of people that I have in my life.
You are not alone Jude, so many of us suffer from lack of self worth. It is great when we start to love and appreciate ourselves and not be stuck in it anymore.
I love this anonymous, it sounds like how my birthdays have been and how they are now. I had my first party last year since my 21st (which was your first description), it was the first time I said yes to celebrating me and honouring that I was worth celebrating.
It is great when you can really see the changes you have made and celebrate this and on one level know that this is just the beginning in so many ways because well for me, its like I had gone so far away from me and who I truly am that it takes a while to let go of all that and let the real woman within shine out.
Celebrating ourselves for the small things is so confirming and supports us to move forward with our lives in appreciation of all that we have been offered which leaves no space or need for the emptiness of ‘getting wasted’ to forget about the lack of love we are demonstrating towards ourselves and others.
When we celebrate and confirm ourselves, there is no need or seeking confirmation from another which is a powerful feeling to feel. I used to always want someone else to tell me, to boost me up but its great to just know it from the inside out and now if someone does give me a compliment, I can feel like, yeah, I know it and it doesn’t come as a surprise.