Before learning how to celebrate me, the way I had learnt to celebrate birthdays was by getting wasted.
My 30th birthday celebration – joints, coffee, drinking and getting wasted
From early in the morning, joints are passed around. Then copious amounts of coffee, then more joints. This continues for most of the day, with a bit of drama and a bit of ‘trying to be nice’ to each other.
By the late afternoon we are drinking as well. There are children everywhere, as well as bottles and ashtrays. Before dinner is anywhere near ready I find myself at the bathroom sink splashing water across my face.
I look into the mirror. I see a white face, but that is all I allow myself to see. I don’t want to look too closely as I don’t like to truly see my reflection when I am wasted.
I have the shakes, the sweats, and feel like I may be sick. I try to breathe through it and slowly find my way back downstairs to the couch. I have a little rest until I am ready to continue on to have another drink, to help prepare the food, and to smoke another joint.
By the end of the night the house looks like a dump and everyone is wrecked. This is what getting wasted looks like…
It feels like a lifetime away yet it was only a few years ago. And this is what I ‘used’ to call a ‘successful’ party.
My 34th birthday celebration – No joints, No alcohol, No getting wasted, No drama
This year, I decided to celebrate me instead and thought about what I would like to do for me.
What I really wanted was to go out to the local Thai restaurant. So I sent a text, letting friends know that I was going and that if they felt like joining me, they could. I had no expectation of anyone to come; I just knew that I was going.
I will set the scene at the restaurant for you. The table was decorated and candles lit. A few friends arrived bringing gifts – beautiful candles, a plant and a bouquet of greens from one friend’s garden. There were 4 kids at one end of the table, then 9 adults.
It was wonderful.
There was…
- No alcohol
- No joints or drugs
- No loudness
- No one needing to be the centre of attention, and
- No drama.
There was no one getting wasted, just …
- Delicious food
- Honest, open discussions, and
- People sharing and connecting.
I went to the bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror. For the first time I was happy looking at me; I could admire my own beauty.
This was the best birthday I had ever had. I felt at ease and so joyful. We didn’t have a late night; there was no need to. I didn’t have a hangover the next day and it was awesome.
Celebrating Me
I can see now that the party I had when I was 30 was about my trying to please others. It was ‘normal’ – socially acceptable in the way parties are these days.
But this year it was really just about celebrating me. I had no expectation and no need for it to be anything and because of that, I was shown something beautiful – me.
I can celebrate where I’ve come to and the fact that I no longer want or need drugs or alcohol to get wasted and feel like I’ve partied or ‘had a good time’.
Since then, I’ve also learnt that celebrating me doesn’t mean I have to have lots of friends or wait until I go out for a special birthday dinner.
Celebrating me can be done in the most simple of ways. I can celebrate me every day, for the small things.
I have been inspired to celebrate me and to make these awesome changes in my life thanks to presentations by Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon and the support of Esoteric practitioners at Universal Medicine Clinic.
By Anonymous
920 Comments
Today is my birthday, I am going to work and it feels very normal to do so and I look forward to it. I love what I do and what I bring to my work. Just because it’s my birthday doesn’t mean the world stops and and my birthday doesn’t have to revolve around me because I enjoy being me with others, I enjoy the relationships I have in my life and those are worth celebrating. Not just today but everyday.
WOW Love this! What a difference. I also really loved the idea that it didn’t matter who attended, there were no pictures or attachments you just went with the flow and impulse of what you wanted to do.
Who needs parties and drunken fuelled nights when you are in love with yourself? When we connect to the love inside ourselves we don’t need any substance to interfere with the natural divinity that is there within all of us.
Some of the worst times in my life have been at parties fuelled by alcohol and drugs, its so super crazy that at the time you do it for a number of reasons but all are lies and basically drag you further away from your light.
Things could not be more different now as I love just being me, no substance will ever be better then the feeling of us just in our essence.
Young and old people everyday put themselves in danger due to the drink and drugs they consume its crazy how in the western world it is considered less normal not to drink.
When we party hard it is all the ‘I’ so maybe we should call it parti or part-i as it separates us from our True essences. A true celebration is all about coming together and sharing a delicious conversation over a meal so we feel whole and not in parts.
When I was at university I disliked the social gatherings around alcohol and drugs and always much preferred conversation over tea or dinner. The trouble was I didn’t know many people who felt the same way so I was a tad isolated. It took a while to find others of like mind who did not feel uncomfortable with my preference.
A gorgeous turnaround Anon showing that change is possible. Every movement we make towards the unfolding of the beauty and love within makes a huge difference in our lives, how we relate to others and the lives of others. It is incredibly inspiring and something to deeply appreciate.
Your new way of celebrating birthdays may just catch on and offer a gift to others.
Keep on celebrating and don’t turn back I say.
‘I can celebrate me every day, for the small things.’ This is beautiful and I can feel the joy behind your words. We don’t need to wait for a big occasion to appreciate who we are, but in the everyday. Keeping in touch with appreciating ourselves is a great stabiliser for when life gets challenging… it acts as a ballast in rough weather.
Getting wasted does not have to be any special day it seems to happen regularly when we are young and I had a deep understanding it had to stop before I turned 40 and so it did. Now at 65 I feel so much vitality and alive. But it is not just the stopping that has made the difference it is how I understand that after stopping all the abusive drugs that I replaced them with other behaviours that were more kosher but I was still addicted to the empty behaviours that were causing the drug addiction in the first place. It was a different addiction but the same underlying pattern that fostered the drug use. Thank God for Serge Benhayon for cracking wide open the underlying behaviours so any one can see what was causing the addictions and thus allowing us to say no to any type of addictive behaviour at there root cause.
We can always appreciate ourselves, any day or time we can celebrate and appreciate ourselves for who we are and what we bring, and this is very supportive for us.
Gorgeous! It is never worth judging anyone even those who like you had been are very very self-disregarding and “wasted”. These people are the more sensitive in our society and change can happen very rapidly when the love and space is offered for them to just be themselves
Anonymous, this blog is a powerful confirmation of the choices and changes you have made to your life and the huge turnaround from being wasted to living in connection with your body and essence. In appreciation and celebration of YOU – I love the raw honesty you bring to your writing that everyone can benefit from.
I stopped drinking and smoking some time ago and I love celebrating and having parties….more than I used to, and I have always liked a party, sober is much more fun, way more cool and I still crack up, dance around and have a great time with people. We do need ask ourselves why it is that we need to be wasted to have fun…is there any fun had when we are wasted? And I know some will say I do not do it very often, I only do it little bit…etc, but from my experience even one drink is enough to take the shine off…..it is not the edge we take off, we lose our shine…who wants to lose their shine…..makes no sense…we have hang ups and habits, sort out any hang ups and habits and no need to drink through a party…but instead be completely present, sober and be with every moment, so you do not miss a thing!
Interesting how we can miss so much when we are sober. Having never been a drinker we can miss so much as well when we choose to judge and critique the behaviours of others.
With downers and stimulants there is always a temptation to have more except that the body is indicating the harm it is under. An indulgence is then to ignore the body and accept the consequences because we can’t do that regularly without suffering substantial damage.
Hence a ‘celebration’ is really a way to do more of what harms us without overdoing it. Finely calibrated abuse.
Love the simplicity of this – no drama, no need to be the centre of attention, just a simple enjoyment of feeling and being you. Appreciating who we are and what we bring, and committing to build a relationship with our body where we learn to trust what we innately know and feel – these are huge but simple, moment to moment choices that can have a profound effect on how we feel about ourselves, and how we interact with others and commit to life.
I am so so glad I am out of this game, the one that says you should get wasted to have a good time, I haven’t drunk for 15 years and I have never ever felt better.
‘Celebrating me can be done in the most simple of ways. I can celebrate me every day, for the small things.’ Why only bring such an appreciating and celebration on the day of our birth when we are worth this and more every moment of every day.
And to add to my last comment, it does not stop with getting wasted – it can also be negative self-thoughts, over-eating, being nice and doing things for others without consideration of ourselves. There are so many ways of making ourselves small and we do this instead of truly appreciating ourselves on our birthday celebration.
We have allowed life to become totally upside down when we call getting wasted – so much so that we feel sick on the day and definitely the next day – a celebration.
I booked a dental appointment on my birthday and the receptionist asked in a tone of disbelief why I wanted the appointment on my birthday. It’s a day off work and why not? Afterall it’s a gift to myself for keeping my health in check.
Yes, poor dentists receiving so much feedback about the pain they cause and not the benefit they bring.
Yep that was how my parties looked like as well: not forgetting the anxiousness about how many would turn up and the absolute downer I had the next day.
How much do we actually avoid celebrating ourselves during the day ? Celebrating meaning: taking moments where you appreciate your expression, no matter how small it is. Whilst doing that you just don´t want to disconnect from that anymore. NO party can ever equal this kind of fulfillment.
We really are crazy (we as human beings) when a ‘good night’ has your body and home wrecked well before the end of the day. When I read blogs like this it confirms to me that the intelligent species we have the potential to be is currently not intelligent at all when we will not see the harm we are doing to ourselves.
Now I have taken away the more obvious addictions, coffee, cigarettes etc., I’m starting to get more honest about all the other addictions in my life, addictions that are perfectly legal and which if you’d asked me a few years ago I probably would never have described them as addictions.
That´s a great point- addiction of being emotional, insecure, doubtful, playing small, being arrogant, indulging into thoughts/ food- the list is endless, is as harmful as being addicted to go out and get wasted. The soul and the body suffers energetically the same from these addictions, that´s why it is so important to put some light into the dark in that corner.
I remember years ago how I used to celebrate birthdays and it was almost as if I used to try and kill myself in the process and in fact if I did now what I used to back then I’m sure it would kill me. It is such a strange tradition that we seem to think it is a good idea to get messed up like that in the name of celebration as if we look at it more closely it really is more like a punishment.
What a gorgeous turnaround and how beautiful to feel you celebrating you no matter what, no matter who is or isn’t there and doing it in every day, in the simple day to day of life.
What a change from pleasing others and get wasted to celebrating you and sharing the joy of living a life of being connected with yourself, appreciating and confirming it in the small things of everyday.
Appreciating ourselves in our everyday movements is a lovely way to confirm the love that we are, as we are in constant relationship with all things and people around us.
Appreciation itself is a movement and such a beautiful one at that.
How fantastic that you were able to do what felt true for you from the fact that you had no expectations or needs from anyone outside of you… that you didn’t need to conform to the so called normal way of ‘celebrating’ a birthday.
A beautiful sharing Anonymous, so gorgeous to celebrate you, how far you have come and the self loving choices you have made, and most of all to celebrate you for being you, I am reminded by your sharing to celebrate and appreciate even the small changes that I am making in my life, not just the so called big ones.
What is more important than connection and true joy?
Definitely nothing, since you meet your truth and feel the love you are worth and so are others.
This is a beautiful sharing, thank you. It is so important to understand that the life we have created is far from what we really enjoy and thus we need to allow ourselves to start to bring ourselves back to what we deep down feel so that we can step by step return to the true joy in life of connection and inner contentment and vitality.
Moment by moment, celebrating and appreciating who we truly are and the divine qualities we bring to the world, is the best antidote to any form of self abusive behaviours.
I always had an issue with celebrating my birthday growing up and as an adult. I was uncomfortable with being celebrated for one day and then everything went back to, a so called normal. Now I see how any day and at any time we can celebrate and appreciate ourselves and when it is our birthday it’s deepening what we already do throughout the year.
Thanks for sharing this Aimee because it lets me see how when we don’t usually celebrate or appreciate ourselves, it can feel quite foreign when we do. It makes me want to do it more often!
I used to dislike my birthday and wanted to avoid it each year because of not feeling worthy of being celebrated. While there is still work to be done in fully letting go of this old pattern now I too enjoy having people come together and share dinner on my birthday and deeply appreciate the quality of people that I have in my life.
You are not alone Jude, so many of us suffer from lack of self worth. It is great when we start to love and appreciate ourselves and not be stuck in it anymore.
I love this anonymous, it sounds like how my birthdays have been and how they are now. I had my first party last year since my 21st (which was your first description), it was the first time I said yes to celebrating me and honouring that I was worth celebrating.
It is great when you can really see the changes you have made and celebrate this and on one level know that this is just the beginning in so many ways because well for me, its like I had gone so far away from me and who I truly am that it takes a while to let go of all that and let the real woman within shine out.
Celebrating ourselves for the small things is so confirming and supports us to move forward with our lives in appreciation of all that we have been offered which leaves no space or need for the emptiness of ‘getting wasted’ to forget about the lack of love we are demonstrating towards ourselves and others.
When we celebrate and confirm ourselves, there is no need or seeking confirmation from another which is a powerful feeling to feel. I used to always want someone else to tell me, to boost me up but its great to just know it from the inside out and now if someone does give me a compliment, I can feel like, yeah, I know it and it doesn’t come as a surprise.
It is very true that each time we move in presence we confirm and celebrate who we are in essence for we celebrate the connection to the soul within the body.