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Family, Relationships 523 Comments on My Brother – Not an In-LAW

My Brother – Not an In-LAW

By Anonymous · On July 8, 2016 ·Photography by Emilia Pettinato

Ever since I was a little girl I always felt I wanted to have a brother. I often asked my Mum why we didn’t have one and wondered what it would be like.

As my sister and I were growing up I hoped that Mum would have another child and it would be a boy so that I could have both a brother and sister to hang out with.

I loved being with my sister. We would keep each other company and we got on most of the time. We had similar interests and would play with all the children in the neighborhood for hours.

Over the years my relationship with my sister developed and you could say we were like two peas in a pod. I just came to accept that I had one sister with whom I shared most of my time. We did everything together including travelling, hanging out and living with each other once we moved out of the family home.

It wasn’t until my sister met my brother-in-law that things started to change.

You could say that the carpet was pulled from under me and I was in shock that the person I loved so much in this world was now sharing her time with someone else. I went into big time reaction and experienced a sense of grief because I thought that I was losing my sister’s love.

I knew that this reaction was not okay but couldn’t seem to stop myself from slipping into a pattern of anger, frustration and resentment towards this person and how I believed he was negatively affecting my relationship with my sister.

After a year I knew that this couldn’t go on as my sister began withdrawing from me because I was building a wall of hurt that would not let her or anyone else in.

With bucket loads of crying – and noting that by building this wall of hurt I was not only getting in the way of my sister’s new relationship but also my own – I decided enough was enough and knew the change had to start now, otherwise I would continue to harm the relationship I treasured so much.

It was only with the support of the teachings of Serge Benhayon and learning about the choices I was making, did I make a decision to heal old patterns and let more love in: it was then that things started to change and slowly the cycle of judgment started to shift.

Three years later, and with a lot of understanding and letting go of false beliefs, I realised that the day my sister and brother-in-law got engaged I was actually being sent a gift. A gift I was longing for all my life and one I was persistent in asking my Mum for as a little girl.

The brother that I thought was missing in my family and I was longing to welcome in, had arrived. Someone I could hang out with, share my crazy and silly sense of humour with, hug with great love and accept with all my heart.

So nearly four years later and with the celebration of my brother-in-law’s birthday (the other day), I found it fitting to buy him a card that read “A brother like you doesn’t come along every day.” At this point I knew I had accepted with open arms that he is no longer my brother-in-law but my brother.

I now see a fun, light hearted, playful, and sensitive man who I love dearly; someone who was waiting patiently that whole time for me to let him in.

With deepest gratitude and appreciation for Serge Benhayon as it is through him that I am coming to know my true self every day and feel truly inspired to be that graceful reflection.

His inspiring work has allowed me to break down the pictures I had of who and how I should love and brought a stop to a way of living that was harming the relationships that I loved and valued.

Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine

By Anonymous

Further Reading:
Relationship games – fear of losing love
My Sister and I
A Lesson in Surrender – Be Like a Feather

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Anonymous

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523 Comments

  • Mary Adler says: May 23, 2020 at 1:42 pm

    A beautiful realisation of being open to Brotherhood.

    Reply
  • Mary says: February 2, 2020 at 3:38 pm

    I have what society would call an ex sister-in-law, but to me she is my sister and I love her dearly. Every year we all get together as sisters for a few days we have fun and share the happenings in our lives. She has now re married and I have gained another brother. My daughter’s best friends treat me as a mother and they are my daughters; I recently went to one of her friend’s graduation as I am very much a part of her family. To me family is not defined by blood but by how we treat one another which is with deep respect and love, this is what make a family to me.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: October 22, 2019 at 4:57 am

    Absolutely letting people in, True-Intimacy deepens our relationships left right and center.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: October 22, 2019 at 4:52 am

    What if our life was full of situations that allowed us to see the silver lining in every situation and thus eliminating every reaction, by opening the door to healing our ideals and beliefs about what we want things to be, now that would be Gold!

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: June 3, 2019 at 7:48 pm

    Developing relationships with another can be so important and when we appreciate the Love that can be shared then the heavens open up and we all feel the blessing.

    Reply
  • Lorraine Wellman says: January 17, 2019 at 7:00 am

    Understanding, and letting go of our beliefs, is so important as you showed in this blog, we are then able to gain more awareness and move on.

    Reply
  • Ingrid Ward says: January 10, 2019 at 3:31 pm

    What a great example of how destructive those pictures we carry can be, not only to ourselves, but to those close to us. They are so destructive, as they serve to block the view of life which could be possible if we were only able to let go of the expectations that come with them, and allow ourselves to surrender to what comes next; in your case, the brother you had always wanted.

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: December 3, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    Anonymous, ‘The brother that I thought was missing in my family and I was longing to welcome in, had arrived. Someone I could hang out with, share my crazy and silly sense of humour with, hug with great love and accept with all my heart.’ This is really beautiful that you treat him as your brother and are open and loving with him. It shows me that we do not need to treat our in-laws differently to our blood relations – they are still family and we can have a relationship that is equally as close and loving with them.

    Reply
    • Ingrid Ward says: January 10, 2019 at 3:43 pm

      I struggle to use the words “in-laws” when I am referring to certain members of our family as to me it almost sets them apart when in fact, I love all the members of my family equally so. I know that many find this hard to understand as the beliefs around what a family is are deeply ingrained and very rarely challenged, but not to do so is, as far as I am concerned, causing us to miss out on the beauty, of what I have come to know, is true family.

      Reply
  • Mary Adler says: September 19, 2018 at 2:42 pm

    A beautiful reflection of opening up to Brotherhood.

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: September 7, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    Anonymous, how life changing for everyone involved that you let your brother in- law in and accepted and loved him for who he is. The ripples effects of this are huge and it is very inspiring to read about letting love in and not holding people at a distance.

    Reply
  • Rebecca says: September 7, 2018 at 1:53 pm

    This is beautiful anonymous; ‘I had accepted with open arms that he is no longer my brother-in-law but my brother.’ I can feel that often we treat our in-laws with less openness and love than we do our blood-related family. It is beautiful to see our in-laws as equally worthy of our love and to know that they too can be our brothers sisters, mothers and fathers.

    Reply
  • Sam says: September 2, 2018 at 1:26 pm

    Breaking down pictures we may have, is so very important if we are to open up and allow others in, so often it is the pictures we have created that hold us back from our very own evolution.

    Reply
  • Rebecca Wingrave says: August 14, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    I love what you are sharing anonymous, that it is a choice to let people in and to love and be loved.

    Reply
  • Rebecca Wingrave says: August 14, 2018 at 2:24 pm

    Anonymous, reading this makes me realise that so often we are not as open hearted with our in-laws as we are with our own family. It feels great to see everyone as family and not just those blood related to us and then we have all the brothers, sisters and family that we could want.

    Reply
  • Danna Elmalah says: July 30, 2018 at 4:48 am

    A powerful message, gorgeous, for our brother does not come with a box, for it is in every way possible to have a brother in ways like this. It is all about connection, the rest eventually doesn’t count.

    Reply
  • Simon Williams says: July 15, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    Its interesting to read in the blog how we use relationships as safe havens where we can feel secure but the feeling I get is when we do that we limit ourselves. What your story shows is how if we open up then more relationships happen and our community, our love, and the number of our brothers we are connected with grows.

    Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: July 12, 2018 at 2:58 pm

    Yes when we open our hearts we open our eyes as well to see the gifts that are right in front of us.

    Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: July 12, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    It is crazy how we can wish for something and then reject it when it does not come packaged as we expect! Awesome that you were able to let go of the pictures of how a relationship should be and embrace the love you were being offered.

    Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: June 24, 2018 at 6:49 am

    Such a gorgeous sharing, so beautiful to read this again, no greater joy than opening the heart up, to let love out, and to let love in, for and from others.

    Reply
  • Annelies van Haastrecht says: June 21, 2018 at 12:40 am

    Letting people in is living with our true family as the word family has nothing to do with our family of origin but is inclusive of everyone.

    Reply
  • Meg says: May 18, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    This is a great example of what’s possible if we live life embracing change rather than resisting it – life can engineer the most incredible opportunities.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: March 26, 2018 at 2:37 pm

    A beautiful learning of the potential of brotherhood with all.

    Reply
  • HM says: March 20, 2018 at 3:47 pm

    Things can change so very much depending on our relationship with them. By letting go of ideals and beliefs it allows us the space for a relationship to unfold in a way that supports us all. It reminds us that relationships are about everyone and not just one sided

    Reply
  • Joshua Campbell says: March 3, 2018 at 7:13 pm

    A very beautiful and practical example of how healing and dealing with our hurts can completely transform our relationships and our lives.

    Reply
  • Rik Connors says: February 18, 2018 at 6:49 pm

    Any investment in the way love should be is crippling what evolution is on offer should you commit to your truth.

    Reply
  • Carola Woods says: February 14, 2018 at 5:39 am

    Thank you for sharing this amazing insight as to how unresolved hurts keep us from fully exploring and embracing all that life and our relationship with life and each other have to offer. We can only evolve when we are open to love in all situations.

    Reply
  • kehinde james says: January 30, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    Anonymous, a great sharing and one which exposes the weakness of close relationships and attachments to people we consider to be ‘special.’ Special relationships exclude anyone outside the circle and is harmful. We’re all equal, and precious human beings, no one better or less than another.

    Reply
  • LorraineJ says: January 28, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    Serge Benhayon has helped so many of us to bring understanding to our lives and from there to make new and loving choices, ‘His inspiring work has allowed me to break down the pictures I had of who and how I should love and brought a stop to a way of living that was harming the relationships that I loved and valued.’

    Reply
  • Leigh Matson says: January 24, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    I reckon a lot of us get those feelings of ‘this can’t go on’ but where do we go with those feelings? For me also it was initially Serge Benhayon who supported me to start addressing my hurts and being responsible for the quality I bring to relationships. Now many many more people who are to the best of their ability doing the same inspire and support me and vice versa.

    Reply
  • Gabriele Conrad says: January 14, 2018 at 7:19 am

    Family is not just those from the same bloodline but those whom we let in, connect with and treasure for who they are.

    Reply
    • Simon Williams says: July 15, 2018 at 2:11 pm

      Beautiful and expanding Gabriele – just like all the particles in the Universe this is how we are meant to be with others.

      Reply
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