Ever since I was a little girl I always felt I wanted to have a brother. I often asked my Mum why we didn’t have one and wondered what it would be like.
As my sister and I were growing up I hoped that Mum would have another child and it would be a boy so that I could have both a brother and sister to hang out with.
I loved being with my sister. We would keep each other company and we got on most of the time. We had similar interests and would play with all the children in the neighborhood for hours.
Over the years my relationship with my sister developed and you could say we were like two peas in a pod. I just came to accept that I had one sister with whom I shared most of my time. We did everything together including travelling, hanging out and living with each other once we moved out of the family home.
It wasn’t until my sister met my brother-in-law that things started to change.
You could say that the carpet was pulled from under me and I was in shock that the person I loved so much in this world was now sharing her time with someone else. I went into big time reaction and experienced a sense of grief because I thought that I was losing my sister’s love.
I knew that this reaction was not okay but couldn’t seem to stop myself from slipping into a pattern of anger, frustration and resentment towards this person and how I believed he was negatively affecting my relationship with my sister.
After a year I knew that this couldn’t go on as my sister began withdrawing from me because I was building a wall of hurt that would not let her or anyone else in.
With bucket loads of crying – and noting that by building this wall of hurt I was not only getting in the way of my sister’s new relationship but also my own – I decided enough was enough and knew the change had to start now, otherwise I would continue to harm the relationship I treasured so much.
It was only with the support of the teachings of Serge Benhayon and learning about the choices I was making, did I make a decision to heal old patterns and let more love in: it was then that things started to change and slowly the cycle of judgment started to shift.
Three years later, and with a lot of understanding and letting go of false beliefs, I realised that the day my sister and brother-in-law got engaged I was actually being sent a gift. A gift I was longing for all my life and one I was persistent in asking my Mum for as a little girl.
The brother that I thought was missing in my family and I was longing to welcome in, had arrived. Someone I could hang out with, share my crazy and silly sense of humour with, hug with great love and accept with all my heart.
So nearly four years later and with the celebration of my brother-in-law’s birthday (the other day), I found it fitting to buy him a card that read “A brother like you doesn’t come along every day.” At this point I knew I had accepted with open arms that he is no longer my brother-in-law but my brother.
I now see a fun, light hearted, playful, and sensitive man who I love dearly; someone who was waiting patiently that whole time for me to let him in.
With deepest gratitude and appreciation for Serge Benhayon as it is through him that I am coming to know my true self every day and feel truly inspired to be that graceful reflection.
His inspiring work has allowed me to break down the pictures I had of who and how I should love and brought a stop to a way of living that was harming the relationships that I loved and valued.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Relationship games – fear of losing love
My Sister and I
A Lesson in Surrender – Be Like a Feather
521 Comments
A beautiful realisation of being open to Brotherhood.
I have what society would call an ex sister-in-law, but to me she is my sister and I love her dearly. Every year we all get together as sisters for a few days we have fun and share the happenings in our lives. She has now re married and I have gained another brother. My daughter’s best friends treat me as a mother and they are my daughters; I recently went to one of her friend’s graduation as I am very much a part of her family. To me family is not defined by blood but by how we treat one another which is with deep respect and love, this is what make a family to me.
Absolutely letting people in, True-Intimacy deepens our relationships left right and center.
What if our life was full of situations that allowed us to see the silver lining in every situation and thus eliminating every reaction, by opening the door to healing our ideals and beliefs about what we want things to be, now that would be Gold!
Developing relationships with another can be so important and when we appreciate the Love that can be shared then the heavens open up and we all feel the blessing.
Understanding, and letting go of our beliefs, is so important as you showed in this blog, we are then able to gain more awareness and move on.
What a great example of how destructive those pictures we carry can be, not only to ourselves, but to those close to us. They are so destructive, as they serve to block the view of life which could be possible if we were only able to let go of the expectations that come with them, and allow ourselves to surrender to what comes next; in your case, the brother you had always wanted.
Anonymous, ‘The brother that I thought was missing in my family and I was longing to welcome in, had arrived. Someone I could hang out with, share my crazy and silly sense of humour with, hug with great love and accept with all my heart.’ This is really beautiful that you treat him as your brother and are open and loving with him. It shows me that we do not need to treat our in-laws differently to our blood relations – they are still family and we can have a relationship that is equally as close and loving with them.
I struggle to use the words “in-laws” when I am referring to certain members of our family as to me it almost sets them apart when in fact, I love all the members of my family equally so. I know that many find this hard to understand as the beliefs around what a family is are deeply ingrained and very rarely challenged, but not to do so is, as far as I am concerned, causing us to miss out on the beauty, of what I have come to know, is true family.
A beautiful reflection of opening up to Brotherhood.
Anonymous, how life changing for everyone involved that you let your brother in- law in and accepted and loved him for who he is. The ripples effects of this are huge and it is very inspiring to read about letting love in and not holding people at a distance.
This is beautiful anonymous; ‘I had accepted with open arms that he is no longer my brother-in-law but my brother.’ I can feel that often we treat our in-laws with less openness and love than we do our blood-related family. It is beautiful to see our in-laws as equally worthy of our love and to know that they too can be our brothers sisters, mothers and fathers.
Breaking down pictures we may have, is so very important if we are to open up and allow others in, so often it is the pictures we have created that hold us back from our very own evolution.
I love what you are sharing anonymous, that it is a choice to let people in and to love and be loved.
Anonymous, reading this makes me realise that so often we are not as open hearted with our in-laws as we are with our own family. It feels great to see everyone as family and not just those blood related to us and then we have all the brothers, sisters and family that we could want.
A powerful message, gorgeous, for our brother does not come with a box, for it is in every way possible to have a brother in ways like this. It is all about connection, the rest eventually doesn’t count.
Its interesting to read in the blog how we use relationships as safe havens where we can feel secure but the feeling I get is when we do that we limit ourselves. What your story shows is how if we open up then more relationships happen and our community, our love, and the number of our brothers we are connected with grows.
Yes when we open our hearts we open our eyes as well to see the gifts that are right in front of us.
It is crazy how we can wish for something and then reject it when it does not come packaged as we expect! Awesome that you were able to let go of the pictures of how a relationship should be and embrace the love you were being offered.
Such a gorgeous sharing, so beautiful to read this again, no greater joy than opening the heart up, to let love out, and to let love in, for and from others.
Letting people in is living with our true family as the word family has nothing to do with our family of origin but is inclusive of everyone.
This is a great example of what’s possible if we live life embracing change rather than resisting it – life can engineer the most incredible opportunities.
A beautiful learning of the potential of brotherhood with all.
Things can change so very much depending on our relationship with them. By letting go of ideals and beliefs it allows us the space for a relationship to unfold in a way that supports us all. It reminds us that relationships are about everyone and not just one sided
A very beautiful and practical example of how healing and dealing with our hurts can completely transform our relationships and our lives.
Any investment in the way love should be is crippling what evolution is on offer should you commit to your truth.
Thank you for sharing this amazing insight as to how unresolved hurts keep us from fully exploring and embracing all that life and our relationship with life and each other have to offer. We can only evolve when we are open to love in all situations.
Anonymous, a great sharing and one which exposes the weakness of close relationships and attachments to people we consider to be ‘special.’ Special relationships exclude anyone outside the circle and is harmful. We’re all equal, and precious human beings, no one better or less than another.
Serge Benhayon has helped so many of us to bring understanding to our lives and from there to make new and loving choices, ‘His inspiring work has allowed me to break down the pictures I had of who and how I should love and brought a stop to a way of living that was harming the relationships that I loved and valued.’
I reckon a lot of us get those feelings of ‘this can’t go on’ but where do we go with those feelings? For me also it was initially Serge Benhayon who supported me to start addressing my hurts and being responsible for the quality I bring to relationships. Now many many more people who are to the best of their ability doing the same inspire and support me and vice versa.
Family is not just those from the same bloodline but those whom we let in, connect with and treasure for who they are.
Beautiful and expanding Gabriele – just like all the particles in the Universe this is how we are meant to be with others.
It’s a common issue when family members take partners, the new person can be seen as a threat and not a gift. Your blog shows we can be possessive of the love/person that is already there, instead of expanding into more of love by including the new person.
In reading this what I was struck by was the openness of your brother in law, to be tested and put through those patterns that come from our protection and to not hold onto it; but when you were ready to still be there with openness is very awesome.
Anonymous, thank you for sharing your experience with your brother in law, who you now consider your brother, I have found what you are sharing really supportive for me and my relationships, what I now feel is that I do not treat my in laws any differently to my own family, that I can love and be open with them in the same way, this has changed things and allowed for a deeper and more loving connection between us, thank you fur your inspiration.
You just don’t know what an amazing part of your life someone could be until you fully let them in.
It is only by healing ourselves do our relationships truly change. To Understand that it is our responsibility to heal the disharmony within ourselves changes everything and we put an end to blame. Instead our relationships blossom.
Its wonderful to feel our family expand… until it embraces all of humanity.
When we address and heal our old patterns of behaviours and let go of the hurt that feeds them, it allows much more space for joy and love to come into our lives.
Yes and then there is no going back to the way things used to be as energetically we have let go of that pattern that can find no place to dwell within.
Anonymous, this is so lovely to read; ‘I knew I had accepted with open arms that he is no longer my brother-in-law but my brother.’ This makes me realise that I can keep people out that are not immediate family, rather than embrace everyone in my life as my brothers and sisters and enjoy these close relationships with them.
True family is not just a blood line – isn’t it time we question this belief that only keeps us separated and walled off, security driven and insular?
This is a great story that shows the pain we can inflict on ourselves and others when we won’t let go of the way we think we want things. In contrast when we open up to the love on offer, life is very different and so much richer. More and more I see we always have a choice and that can either lead us down the road of love and union or separation and hurts.
“I now see a fun, light hearted, playful, and sensitive man who I love dearly; someone who was waiting patiently that whole time for me to let him in.” This is beautiful – and inspiring – thankyou. When we open our hearts anything is possible.
I love how Serge Benhayon exposes the illusions we have, we seem to pick up all kinds of beliefs and pictures of how our lives should look, yet it’s only when we rid ourselves of them will we find true joy.
One of the most beautiful things about love is the absence of exclusiveness that it has
When we open our hearts to all it takes the pressure off our most intimate relationships and allows everyone to evolve and not be trapped in damaging behaviours that lead to jealousy and comparison.
It’s crazy how we can get so caught up in wanting something e.g. a brother that we do not see the gift we are offered because of the blinkers we have on about how ‘it’ will look. Thank you for sharing how you made the choice to work on your issues and then found the freedom from your ideals and beliefs to truly embrace your brother.
A gorgeous inspiring story Anonymous. Thank you for sharing your experience of getting yourself out of your own way and letting love in. A beautiful blessing for you both.
So many miracles are happening around the world as people are inspired by the Benhayon family and the presentations of Universal Medicine to let down their guards of protection, get honest about their lives, and lovingly explore why they have these walls ups and then go about their lives to let them down, slowly but surely. Your blog here is a beautiful example of this.
Yes Sara Flenley this blog is inspiring in the way it breaks down so many pictures we can have about in-laws being the outlaws and that they can’t possibly get along. Rather than stripping this back and recognising that a relationship with another and its potential can only strive when we allow love to be a core ingredient.
Such a gorgeous blog to read Anonymous, I love the way you learnt to accept, understand and appreciate true love and relationship. I very much resonated with what you express here, the gratitude and the graceful reflection.
“With deepest gratitude and appreciation for Serge Benhayon as it is through him that I am coming to know my true self every day and feel truly inspired to be that graceful reflection.”
How healing it is to recognize and acknowledge the hurts that have been dominating our lives, and then to be able to release and let go, and to re-connect with life.
Very freeing and more room to love even more!
The reaction towards a new partner coming into your sisters life was very much what society would say is the norm. We are taught from little to direct our love to special people and exclude those who are not in this inner circle. We are made to believe that we are only worthy based on who loves us, so we cling to holding onto anyone who feeds us a little love. This is such a lie, which we actually know when we are little. The more I open up, receive and love people and celebrate that they are loved by others, the more true love I feel. The anxiety of trying to hold onto or own that other persons love dissolves completely when you are not run by the beliefs we are fed about love being in a limited supply.
Beautifully shared, thank you Anon, when we let go of our ideals and beliefs about what we think family means we can open up our hearts to the true understanding that the whole human race, bar none, is our one family.
Thank you for sharing, how you where able to build true relationship but looking at ones own obstacles that came in the way, and how beautiful that the gift you received of a brother you was waiting for for along time.
Great example of what opportunities can be missed if old patterns keep being lived and not healed.
When we put these labels on people from titles of connections it totally interfere with the potential of what these relationships can be.
When we appreciate all that we are and each and every occurrence in life, the people we meet and never-ending reflections provided, life becomes expansive rather than insular and allows depth, understanding and the greatness of us, out.
A great testimony to the limitlessness of love. All we have to do is stay open to it – there literally are no borders.
True family is those with whom there is a connection of true love.
What I am beginning to learn is that we may say that we have a good relationship with someone and perhaps a not so good one with someone else but this is not necessarily true. There is no separation when it comes to relationships because every relationship reflects something about us and that part is something we share with all even if the relationship we have with others is one we could say as being good or solid.
Great to reveal how when we hold onto ideals and beliefs around family relationships we build a wall up, instead of keeping an open heart and letting everybody in.
Our pictures of how things should be in relationship can destroy the expansions that take place along the way (offering us even more love) as we are blind to what is offered to us if we try to stubbornly cling onto the old or what is comfortable.
Thanks Anonymous for sharing your experiences of the battle lines that are often drawn between in-laws and the trust aspect of not allowing a new family member in. These are the beliefs that often cripple families and stop communities from grown to their full potential. It is rare to find a family that supports all equally including the ex- partners and this blog has been great to show how this can be when we stop to ponder on our hurts and heal rather than projecting these on others.
Awesome reflection! And just how much simpler and more joyful is your life now that you’ve let go of the illusion of the hurt? Not only have you let your sister back in, but you’ve gained a brother. That’s super cool!!
When we come back to love we can see how harming our hurts are to our relationships. So many relationships are destroyed by jealousy comparison and our own needs. It was great you were able to see your brother-in-law as a brother and see your hurts as being the one thing that was getting in the way of true family.
True Family is being there no matter what, it is holding the other tenderly in love accepting all of them. True family holds no allegiance or bound by blood. We are all one family yet many have forgotton hence the current world problems.
Absolutely – there are no conditions on Love…none.
Love is and beholds all and never will there be a distinction based on blood family, ideals or divisions. Love has no boundaries.
Just gorgeous, it made my heart melt. When we are closed to love who knows what’s standing in front of us.
This is a beautiful sharing and one that can offer so many a healing when looking at relationships. What i can see is that we can never own anyone, we can never have anyone all to ourselves, and everyone is there for everyone else. So in this case, how cool that you were open to seeing your brother in law as not a threat, but as a gift. The fact is we can be the same and all of who we are all of the time and do not need to save it for those closest to us, and this a very cool lesson in that.
It is beautiful to read how you came to behold your brother in law as your brother and that you did this through dealing with your own hurts.
Yes. A testimony not only to love but also to the impact of taking responsibility for the baggage we carry around.
Letting go of old hurts creates space in our bodies to know true love and break down the pictures that have been preventing from opening our hearts to others and to appreciate the reflection of love they offer us. Thank you.