My Sister and I: My Distant Relationship with my Sister
From the beginning of our lives it has felt as though my sister and I were destined to have a distant relationship. Sharing experiences with friends of their relationships with their siblings, I began to wonder whether there was a possibility that my relationship with my sister may ever change. In the past I have always felt that our relationship was something that was fixed and beyond change.
I was quite aware when growing up that although we were sisters, my sister and I were not obviously alike – not ‘two peas in a pod’. There was an age difference of nine years – my sister was born before World War 2 and I was born afterwards. She looked like my mother with chestnut brown hair and I looked like my father with ash blond hair.
My Sister and I – Growing Up
The recognition that outwardly we were different felt very important in a family where ‘what you looked like’ was more important than how you felt. On reflection I can see how there was not any talk of love or of how we would relate to the world outside of the family. The family felt like a closed unit with no room for change or expansion: everything was to be kept inside the family and guarded from outsiders and intrusion.
These differences were further emphasised when I was told by my mother that if we were not related my sister and I would not have a friendship. At that time I accepted this as a fact of life, although there was a sadness about my distant relationship with my sister as I was gradually becoming aware of how some friends related to their siblings – it felt as though they had a warmth of expression and a camaraderie between them. When others spoke of their siblings there was a closeness that seemed to elude my sister and I.
Blaming my Sister for our not so close Relationship
About eighteen months ago my sister and I attended the funeral of our uncle. Up until this point I had always been blaming my sister for this lack of a true close relationship between us: I suddenly (or so it seemed) found out that this was not the case. We were sitting around a table eating lunch with relatives and my sister was having a lovely conversation with a cousin. I interrupted their conversation and used manipulation to turn it around to a subject that was solely shared by me and my cousin, in order to exclude my sister. While I was sitting there it was as though I was an onlooker and could see what I was doing for what it truly was. I realised that I was part of the reason that I did not have a wonderful, warm and close relationship with my sister.
I saw that my manipulation was fuelled by jealousy. . . a feeling that had been there throughout our lives. As a young child I had felt the close relationship between my mother and sister, which although part of me wanted to enjoin, there was a part of me that felt uncomfortable, as this closeness seemed to exclude my father. It was all very confusing; it felt uncomfortable and disturbing, but at the time I was unwilling to see what was happening. I chose to not look at it and pretended it was not happening to me – I became lost in my own little world.
Exploring Our Relationship with the help of a Universal Medicine Practitioner
A process of unfoldment began after our uncle’s funeral when I was having a conversation with a Universal Medicine practitioner, Sara Williams. I explained that I would like to look at the relationship with my sister and to start the process of building a more loving connection with her. It was suggested that I could choose to make changes, and that would be helpful in how I related to the world in general, and there was a possibility that this might bring about changes in how my sister and I related. With the help of Sara I was able to feel the fact that this interaction with my sister at the funeral was indicative of how I was relating to people generally and was not specific to my relationship with my sister.
Following this realisation, I made more opportunities to have contact with my sister but our relationship continued on a similar footing as before, based on duty and a desire to not lose touch. Meanwhile I started to go deeper within myself and developed a more loving quality that I was now choosing to bring to myself.
Last Christmas I decided to make her a patchwork cushion. While I was making the cushion it felt beautiful as I placed the pieces together and considered the colours and what felt right for her. I was aware of how lovingly this process evolved – I wrapped it up and handed it over. It felt as though I was handing over a part of me as I knew that it was full of warmth, love and tenderness. When my sister thanked me for the cushion after Christmas I could feel her warmth and enthusiasm, and that she had felt the love. It somehow had started a process of healing our relationship that is still evolving.
Building a New Relationship with my Sister
My sister has recently been seriously ill, resulting in an admission into the Accident and Emergency department at our local hospital. This feels like another one of those times to take a look more deeply at our relationship and to see how this reflects on our ideals and beliefs. Up until this point I have seen her as a ‘sister’: someone who came as part of the package when I joined my family, and a fixed point that could not be changed. I have never considered her outside of this role, or that she was another woman finding her way through life – that before being sisters we were both women. Her illness has felt like an opportunity to see my sister as I have never seen her before.
I visited my lovely sister at the hospital recently – it feels like sometimes life makes us stop and re-evaluate what it is all about. I stood and brushed her hair tenderly and lovingly and it was so beautiful to do something so simple and yet it felt like a deep connection to who we really were: two sisters who had not made the time to deeply connect and express their deep love for one another. It felt like I touched that place where our souls met.
It feels so amazing to have started to build this beautiful relationship with my sister now – she is 77 and I am 68 – and I feel truly blessed to have been given this opportunity to spend time with her. In the past, keeping in contact has always felt like a matter of duty, whereas now I look forward to our next visit and I can see and feel that she is also finding a new depth and warmth in our relationship.
My Sister and I (Oct 2014)
We are starting to speak with honesty about how we feel now and how we have felt in the past. The other day my sister was able to tell me that she had been so jealous of me in the past and this felt so amazing that she was able to say this to me in a way that held no fear of judgement – just a beautiful moment of one-ness. Reaching this point in our relationship has opened up so many opportunities in my life – I am now able to take responsibility for my part and allow others their dignity.
I know that this openness and love that my sister and I are finding would not be possible without having found the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Susan Lee, Suffolk, England
682 Comments
I have come to the understanding that my relationship with my family is no different to the relationship I have with anyone else. I now treat everyone in a open and honest way and the richness in my life has increased beyond anything I could have imagined. I can have a true and meaning full relationship with a passing stranger. I may never meet them again but it doesn’t matter because I know that in that short space of time they were met with the love I hold myself with, therefore they were met with the same love and that is the truest and best gift we can give each other.
I often view my own family as an individual learning package for where I need to expand and grow. The love I have for them is unquestioned but within the constellation there are perfect opportunities, if I am open to them, that allow me to go specifically to places within my learning that I may not get so clearly elsewhere. This supports with the wider backdrop of everything I then take out into the wider family of humanity.
This is such a lovely sweet blog Susan. We are never too old to begin the healing process and never too old to be self reflective and honest about our behaviours and choices. When we do this the opportunities for love expanding are endless.
A beautiful meeting of sisterhood that flows into every other relationship.
Family life one day will be inclusive of us all and we will do away with any separation and as you have shared Susan this is possible when we open ourselves to looking forward to every interaction as a chance to deepen our Love.
” It felt like I touched that place where our souls met.” This is very profound and at the same time, very possible to be experienced with everyone when we are genuinely open to the encounter. When we reach this point, separation can’t but disappear.
Yes, Amparo – simply reading your words melts any need to be anything other than at one with everyone – we can then return to our innate way of being-ness and live in harmony and grace.
I like this Elizabeth, what a great reminder of our responsibility in everything, ‘ if we have a relationship which is less than harmonious, even with just one other person it is important to observe what is being reflected to us and if necessary own and heal our part to allow space for healing.’
This is a beautifully honest and revealing sharing, I love how you had so much more awareness of what game you were playing, ‘ I interrupted their conversation and used manipulation to turn it around to a subject that was solely shared by me and my cousin, in order to exclude my sister. While I was sitting there it was as though I was an onlooker and could see what I was doing for what it truly was. I realised that I was part of the reason that I did not have a wonderful, warm and close relationship with my sister.’
When we allow honesty we open the gateway to a deeper connection to our soul.
It is interesting how when we label other women as ‘sister’, ‘mother’, ‘daughter’ etc that we can lose sight of the fact that we are all women first and when we let go of our designated roles we can unite in true sisterhood and deepen our relationship with each other and everyone else.
Yes, I agree Helen – it feels like it is a game that we have been playing for a very long time and a ploy to block any true connection with our family worldwide.
Honesty can really help turn around a relationship, it’s amazing how if we open ourselves up and bare our soul so to speak it can be a great catalyst for change.
It feels as though we are not only allowing the space to another when we ‘bare our soul’ – we are making way for expansion within our own inner heart – and can then step out into the world meeting everyone as an equal.
It is very clear to see the warmth that you knew was possible to have with your sister, that it did not have to be distant, that it could be close. And this has seen you through to today, where you have made tremendous changes which are very beautiful and inspiring, making way for anyone else who would rather warmth and closeness with the people in their family.
It feels to me that as we change we have a responsibility to re-examine all our relationships so that we can deepen them.
So absolutely gorgeous Susan that you was able to rebuild that relationship with your sister, when two hearts truly meet the whole world receives a healing.
And that is only the beginning – the healing is forever evolving while we are willing to take responsibility and understand our part in the greater all that is our Universe.
We can find it so easy to justify shutting people out and going into right and wrong, however, when we make it about love and registering our thoughts and movements based on love- it opens up a different register- a different way of being where there is no right or wrong.
Justification keeps us trapped in an isolated space where we judge others whilst stubbornly refusing to look at our part in any interaction. When we are willing to honestly examine our own behaviour, as Susan has, we are offered the opportunity to re-imprint all our relationships.
This is a great example of how our pictures can get in the way of us having a truly loving relationship. A relationship doesn’t stand a chance if we get in the way and let our pictures rule us – think about how much we are prepared to miss out on. It’s just not worth it.
Yes, Julie, pictures have ruled our lives for far too long – and they take us away from our true essence and the truth of who we are within corrupting our innate connection. As we build a relationship of integrity and love with ourselves we have a foundational resource to deepen and unfold, and ultimately take out into the world to share with the rest of humanity.
As we learn to re-imprint our old behaviours with self care and love, we allow space for a deepening of honesty which opens the door on accepting responsibility. As we open our eyes to see the truth of what is truly taking place we are then in a position to honour our relationships with due care and tenderness.
That is so true Elizabeth – and I am realising the way each relationship that we have offers opportunities to reveal the way we are able to bring a greater sense of ourselves to the world. Yesterday I was confronted by someone and when I searched for my original intention behind a seemingly ‘kind’ offer I began to see that there was a sense of guilt deeply hidden away. A forever learning Student of The Way of the Livingness.
Susan I love your honesty here, it just shows we can spend our lives under the illusion of blame but not until we look at our own part do we truly heal and see the opportunity that is often in our closest relationships.
This is a really healing blog it seems to me that we can heal any relationship if we are willing to look at our investments and what we are holding onto that stagnates any relationship which puts the brakes on it going deeper.
Why is it that we invest so much in the past when our innate path is to live the future now? I know there are times when I can still feel the propensity to want to stay in the misery of comfort that has been a familiar choice for aeons, and yet when I let go of the investment life becomes truly amazing and expansive and I feel at one with all of humanity.
There is no doubt of the insidious nature of jealousy, how it endeavours to own us and our lives so that our appreciation of who we are and inspiration to explore, heal and grow that is offered through our relationships are dismissed and overlooked. And you have shared how far more enriching, empowering, liberating and loving our relationships are when we bring truth, honesty and our willingness to be open to each other.
Jealous is indeed insidious and poisonous and can wreak havoc in our body if we give it free reign. Maybe the reason that we are prone to hide our feelings of jealousy is that once we face them, our feelings of disunity and extreme discomfort, it is an ongoing relationship of gradually letting go and refining and redefining our relationship with ourselves so that one day no trace of jealousy lingers, without us being willing to address it.
The Universal Medicine Therapies offer an understanding of life that removes what at times are ridiculous separations between people who deeply love one another. The wisdom and support of these therapies is an enormous benefit.
Realising that the mis-understandings are nothing more than a huge trick opens up the space for us to heal and evolve . The therapies open a gateway for us to let go and deepen our love and connection with everyone.
A responsible sharing Susan – thank you. Universal Medicine’s support over the years you could say has re-parented me in showing me how to self-care, self-love and most importantly appreciate who I am. Without appreciation I had no foundation of love in my body. When there is no love you look for recognition, and then you compare, and thus become jealous. I have found appreciation is key in developing loving relationships.
It feels like a very beautiful start once we become aware of jealousy and the part it plays in how we relate to others – not the usual way that we tend to feel about jealousy. My experience has been that there is always another level of unfoldment that can take place – a deeper understanding of how jealousy plays out in any of our relationships from time to time.
What a gorgeous story and to think that all along you were both holding onto jealousy towards each other – how many sisters will admit to that.
What I love about this is that it shows that things can change, that no matter what has been there in the past, we can always change this and therefore, each meeting with a person is an opportunity for a fresh start.
There are always opportunities – moments where we can feel an opening – those aha moments that allow us to go deeper and truly express from our inner heart.
Whenever there is a rift in a relationship it’s vital to remember that responsibility for making the relationship work goes both ways. It’s never just from the other person. A great reminder for me today. Thank you Susan.
As we learn to embrace and accept ourselves and our responsibilities we are opening up to the possibility that we are all the same – so it’s amazing how we have created all these ways to separate and feel alone and then manage to blame others for our own part in any disharmony.
A beautiful example of the fact that it is never too late to heal a relationship. I see so many people stuck in the past, holding on to old hurts and in the process not allowing themselves the joy of what could possibly be possible, a joy which I can see you are now able to celebrate with your sister.
It is a real blessing when we are ready to feel relationships are a never ending opportunity for change – offered by the impulses that we receive within when we are connected to a continuum that is taking us out of the past and into the future. In this way relationships are no different to everything that surrounds us – always expanding and deepening.
Beautiful to feel how the lovingly made cushion has contributed to the evolution of your relationship and how genuine love and care shine through whatever we are doing.
Yes, Helen – gestures do not need to be grand as when they come from the heart the simplicity and love can be felt and appreciated.
When we label other people first & foremost as sisters, brothers, in-laws, etc. it can easily close the door on truly relating to and meeting them for who they are and what they bring.
Yes, and it also can bring expectations that can be felt as a burden on the relationship, whereas if we felt into the true purpose of these relationships it would be a support, offering us the opportunity to re-imprint any previous difficulties we may have experienced in previous lives.
‘Meanwhile I started to go deeper within myself and developed a more loving quality that I was now choosing to bring to myself.’ Susan this is something to deeply appreciate, your willingness to go deeper within yourself opened you up to have a more loving relationship with, in this case, your sister. So by allowing to feel the quality of love that is in you and in us all, your sister could connect to this loving place in herself.
By simply letting go of pride and arrogance we allow a space for greater harmony and love. It feels very healing when we pop the bubble of pride and allow ourselves to become more at one with our own inner essence and with every other person we meet.
Others are such a great mirror for us in seeing how we have been with ourselves, and showing us where we need to bring more love to ourselves. I find that if I go into the doing and make the doing more important than focussing on my movements and moving in a way that confirms me with each step, I’ve rushed myself and taken myself away from this loveliness. Then I find this is reflected in my interactions with others which is a great stop point.
Realising and reflecting on the offerings of others allows us greater insight into our inner self and I find I often require these promptings as a stop moment to re-assess the picture. It feels so abusive to casually blame others for our own unloving behaviours without feeling able to allow the space to heal and begin anew. It feels awesome when I realise that with God there is always a new beginning if we so choose – who could resist such love.
I agree Doug – and I am very aware that there is no time like the present to take action as there has already been too much delay. At the same time I am also very appreciative that I have begun to make these choices whatever my age and to begin to break the cycle that has dominated my lives for far too long – certainly a moment of celebration and confirmation.
Thanks Susan for your blog. What has struck me is how the reflection we have with members of our family is and can be a reflection back to us of how we are with ourselves. If I stay on the surface or out of duty, because this is family, that in turn is reflected back to me of how I am with myself in everyday life and relationship. Our so called hurts are powerful things, that can rule one’s whole life, yet seeing through them all is the way forward to a deeper relationship with ourselves firstly and then all others be it family, friends and the whole of humanity.
Susan it’s very touching to read your story again, thank you. It’s reminded me of the blocks in my own relationships, the confusion that can be there, the walls that come up with hurts, and the skewed ways we can view how things are without seeing our own part in the situation. An enormous thankyou for such a heartfelt sharing.
It’s amazing to feel that once we begin to remove the first block we realise that nothing has to remain fixed – it feels so very empowering to begin to understand how we personally have responsibility in relationships and how they evolve. At times I can still feel the discomfort of allowing myself to re-act or make judgements, particularly when I am tired, Accepting that I am imperfect I no longer have the same need to be hard on myself – just allow myself time and space and become willing to make amends along the way and not allow another ‘block’ to form.
When you allow another in full and bring all of you to them, you naturally feel this love with others at that moment because of the oneness that is felt. It is only the pictures, ideals or beliefs that we have placed on any relationships that stop us from having that same full on love with everyone all of the time.
There are definitely times when certain relationships can feel very exclusive and it is interesting to see what comes thereafter, such as jealousy or discomfort. And I love the way that all of this can be undone simply by addressing how we are with everyone, by opening up our hearts to let every one in, all of that which was before can just melt away.
I love the simplicity of what you say Shami – and we can allow the web of lies and deceit that we weave around relationships to have a stranglehold to the point where we see change as an impossibility. All that we need to do is open ‘up our hearts to let every one in’ and then ‘all of that which was before can just melt away’.
It just goes to show it is never too late to heal a relationship with another, with the greatest blessing being you can now begin to live the potential of that relationship.
Living the ‘potential of that relationship’ or any relationship will allow us to connect to the pulse of the Universe and how everything in life is forever expanding when we allow the space for that support. It feels like we have squeezed out the potential for so long that we have lost sight of it. How amazing and beautiful it will be when we are living that potential in each moment of our lives.
All our relationships are one relationship and any one relationship deepens, all relationships deepen. And if there is any relationship that is calling to deepen, it is wise to do so.
Thank you Adele – what you express here so succinctly offers an opportunity for us all to expand and deepen each one of our relationships equally and with the same quality of intimacy.
Yes… all our relationships offer us constant opportunities to deepen our expression of love in them. If we’re holding back in one relationship, then we stunt the growth of all our other relationships. Expressing love and what we really feel in our relationships isn’t something that we can switch on and off: it is a lived practice, something we get to work on all of the time if we choose to. Being honest and expressing in one relationship makes it easier to do it in others.
Yes, Bryony – and I am finding that although my sister has now passed over I can still continue to re-imprint this relationship knowing that the whole world is my family.There is never an end simply a cyclical and evolving relationship that we have with the Universe on our path of return.
Love how you’re taking the depth of relationship that you started building with your sister to all other relationships – expanding the possibilities for growth and connection as an offering to all others in your life.
I wonder how many people we wrongly blame for our not so great relationship with them, what if we are the key to making that relationship magnificent again?
There is never someone else to blame, the key is always to look within and feel whether we are living who we truly are and expressing from that place.
As we begin to realise how destructive and abusive it is to blame others for our dis-comfort and unwillingness to accept responsibility, we can become more aware of the freedom honesty allows.
The pictures and or ways that we can get caught in identifying with our roles or places in our families, can rob us of the simplest joys there are in life and that is to honestly share and connect from the essence of who we are. Letting go of these pictures releases us from this cycle and we can surrender to the simplicity of true connection from one heart to another.
You share a deeply profound message for us all Susan, that only through our connection to love and our expression of it with each other, do we realise the oneness our Soul, is who we all are in essence.
The love that 2 women can have when jealousy and comparison are dropped is touching and exquisite.
Susan this is my favourite line: “Reaching this point in our relationship has opened up so many opportunities in my life – I am now able to take responsibility for my part and allow others their dignity.” We think if we have one or two relationships in our lives that are not so good they are isolated, but truthfully they effect our whole lives, and every part of our life we raise the quality it offers us new opportunities in other parts of our lives.
Your realisation that before being sisters you were both women gives space to develop a relationship that is no longer based on a identification with family and all that belongs to that but to let go of these images and start to see each other for the beautiful women you both are.
I’m really getting to feel how we can keep each other stuck for a very long time in a way of being with others that is totally un-evolving and basically abusive, because anything that does not confirm another as divine, is confirming them as lesser, and we can even call this, family love.
Meeting your sister as another woman and not just part of the close family package opens up an awareness of a natural connection rather than focusing on the differences.
As I read this blog I could feel how misunderstandings and misinterpretations can affect sibling relationships and the battle continues on for so many wasted years.
I too used to blame others for disharmonious relationships and it is only in the past 3 years and without perfection I am recognising but also taking the responsibility in the part I played in these games. I’ve observed when I’ve admitted my part in this, it kind of diffuses the situation but also gives the other person permission to ponder on the whole thing – an inspirational blog.
I can very much relate to not feeling a deep closeness with a sibling, and how there were factors going on in the family environment that impacted upon us both, and in different ways… The thing is, there may be a natural ‘closeness’, and there may well not – the key from my experience is to absolutely keep one’s heart open to the other, and yet not expect nor forcefully attempt to create a picture that we think means ‘this is family’.
Our penchant for focussing so intensely upon blood ties in our society doesn’t feel to have truly supported an inclusive and open way forward for us all. I know of very few who’ve actually let go of expectations of their family – actually to their own detriment, with the emotional issues and ups and downs that then so often ensue when we refuse to allow another to simply be that: another human being, and not someone who ‘owes’ us by virtue of blood ties and/or the family of our upbringing.
Letting go of expectations upon any family relationship has been something I’ve also learnt a lot from in this life. Essentially, this has meant to not hold anyone to a particular ‘role’ – an idealised version of how ‘I’ think he or she should be in our relationship. If I place no energetic demands or needs upon another, the tension drops away, as does the illusion that the person is only one’s mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, grandparent… We allow the other to be who they are, unimposed upon, thereby also freeing ourselves from ties and expectations that would keep us also held down and back from a true an honest way of expressing with each other.
Any image or picture resulting in an expectation about relationships will effectively block the true quality of what could be shared between two people. In other words, we can be so busy in our heads concocting the perfect relationship based on what we think it should be, but, that distracts us away from the beauty and simplicity that is already there.
That’s so true Rachel – I had a picture that all my friends would ‘be like me’ – and then I met someone where there was a true friendship – and she didn’t fit the picture. For years I would ponder on this from time to time – and now I am realising that what she was offering was an opportunity to deepen my concept of friendship as we learnt together to truly express our feelings and be open and honest with one another. This friendship has offered me a way to be the real me – whilst also being able to feel that there are parts of me that are not truly me but an identity that I have taken on as I tried to conform – and contract who I truly was in the first place. It’s amazing how my friendships have all expanded from this beautiful reflection that I have been receiving all these years.
A living witness to the truth that with expression from the heart it is never to late to build a bridge of communication with someone.
So true Chris – we so often underestimate our own power to change lifelong patterns within and to put a stop to these cycles of misunderstanding of our true intent. There are always opportunities to change as long as we remember that we only have the power to change ourselves – and that the rest is up to the other person.
We really do have some funny ways that we can be with others, and at times, I have caught myself basically feeling like I am someone else when I am interacting with another, and I have stopped and thought to myself, who are you, as i can feel that I am definitely not being me with the person or situation. Great to catch yourself at those times and bring a shift to the energy you are under.
What you say here Julie has brought up a big ouch moment for me as I realise that there are times when I know that I have gone outside of myself to project something that is not me! It feels that in those moments I have lost connection to who I am, to reality and to the universe, and that I am floating with no anchor to hold me present. When I subscribe to seeking outside of myself I am lost in a sea of illusion and delusion.
It’s interesting what you say Susan – and from my observations ‘family’ can be pretty much closed to what is taking place inside it as well. When we close down our feelings it affects every relationship that we have. And, yes, I agree there is a freedom in new encounters as they do not have all the history and dead weight that comes with unexpressed feelings that have been secreted away for aeons.
Yes, Kristy it is amazing to feel what unfolds as we slowly become more open and honest about the intentions of what we say and do, and how our own state of being can affect how we respond to a situation. Only the other day I found myself going into reaction and fuelling the frustration of another person rather than offering a deeper understanding of what was taking place, as I allowed a personal agenda to drive me and divert me from feeling into what would truly serve and be more loving of the Universe. There are always new and amazing ways we can choose to expand both our understanding and to express our love and truth more widely.
I like the way you highlight that our family members are first women and men finding their way in life just like us. This viewpoint helps to remove the expectations we place on each other to be a certain way.
Yes, Debra – it’s interesting how we have allowed ourselves to engage with the misinterpretation of family and also how we perceive that ‘family must come first’ when the truth is that everyone is our family and of equal importance, as we return to live once again in brotherhood, harmony and true love.
I love the honesty you went to in observing what you were doing when your sister was having a conversation with your cousin. It is very eye opening to step back from a situation and observe what is playing out between people and also observing ourselves in this too and why we are doing what we are doing.
And what it has shown me Elizabeth is that the changes we can make are ongoing – and they affect each relationship we have. I am experiencing a deep shift in the way I feel about my relationships within my family and know this will affect every other interaction I may have with anyone. Evolution is just amazing and ongoing – and it offers everyone expansion that is tangible.
This is a beautiful blog and shows us that it is never too late to build new and supportive relationships with our family.
It astounds me sometimes as I realise and feel an extreme discomfort as I become aware of how these family dynamics can still persist through the generations in spite of the changes I have made. I became aware the other day how I made a seemingly innocent comment to my son – and then felt the dis-ease in my body as it became very clear that I was in fact manipulating the situation to gain control. My new found awareness then allowed my son and I to discuss this behaviour and bring it out into the open rather than leaving it hidden in the shadows where things can fester.
I , in many ways am able to relate to your relationship with your Sister! I am fortunate that we now have a really lovely connection. There was never bad blood between us but rather just a feeling of distance. It is lovely to heal a relationship with another.
That ‘feeling of distance’ when there is no ‘bad blood’ was for me quite deceptive until I became really honest and was more in touch with what I was feeling. For so long I had blocked what was truly happening and this became the norm. I had subscribed to the artificial way of being ‘nice’ and ‘polite’ and it was only when I could no longer hold back on fully expressing all that I felt inside that I was able to change the dynamics and begin to share a more open and warmer relationship with myself and my sister. When I was truly connected the fear left my body and my words found a natural flow.
That’s so true Monica – we do create a space when we can step back and allow our truth to emerge. In the space there is an opportunity to expand and explore different ways to embrace our lives fully and not see any situation as a fixed point. I can see how my own discomfort with my own behaviour has shut me off from deepening relationships – and I am finding that there are always situations coming up that require me to feel more deeply and ponder on my true intention. To truly live life we are forever evolving and no perfection is required.
It’s amazing how something as uncomfortable as realising and accepting our part in life and awkward situations we come to feel a sense of release and expansion in our body. While we hold onto old resentments and patterns we contract our body and limit any sense of well being, and yet until the moment when we are willing to let go we feel blocked from changing. As we allow ourselves to unfold we are forever deepening our relationship with ourselves and others. Appreciating how far I have already come is a wonderful place to begin the return back to who we innately are in our essence.
Thankyou for sharing with honesty how you felt and how you began to realise the extent of your manipulation in your relationship. ” I realised that I was part of the reason that I did not have a wonderful, warm and close relationship with my sister.” Much for me to ponder on with my siblings here.
Thank you Helen for your beautiful comment and for allowing me to appreciate the connection that I made with my sister and how true it felt when I sensed what would support her. As you say when we know someone ‘so well’ there is always a potential for hurtful comments and this has allowed me to feel how often I have been confused by the knowing of this and the knowing of how I also love this person dearly – and yet still want to act on that ‘potential’ to hurt. Certainly something to ponder on deeply and to allow even more hurts to surface and be healed as there is always potential to deepen our understanding of ourselves and of others.
Your comment has inspired in me a great feeling of warmth Richard and I don’t always recognize the very power of words and how they affect everyone, as with one warm connection we can begin to change the world. For so long I haven’t been willing to see that ‘changing the world’ is very, very simple when we claim our power and begin to make new choices. Today I will be more aware of how I express and accept the responsibility there is in every little detail of our livingness.
Re-reading your heart warming blog this morning I was struck by how your growing openness is reflected in the gift of the patchwork cushion, your sister felt the love that had gone into making it and the fact that in order to make it you had connected with what felt true for her. I have often felt conflicted about my relationship with my sister, to others we have always appeared close but because we know each other so well there has always been the potential for hurtful comments when we feel threatened so for me choosing to release past hurts has been crucial in letting go of the layers of protection that I have built up which have prevented us from connecting on a deeper level. Thank you for inspiring me to express my appreciation to her.
To be able to see our children, our relations, in fact everyone as someone in their own right, not simply someone in a role, is essential, as Susan writes, to develop a true and clear relationship with them
It felt confirming to read your words this morning Chris as it highlights how simply we can change the dynamics in a relationship once we get ourselves our of the way and connect to the essence of one another, which is for me undoubtedly all the same essence as we come from the same source. When I get the individual out of the way life becomes simple.
What strikes me when looking at the two pictures is, how much we identify ourselves by our looks when we are young, but then when we grow old these outer characteristics are not so present anymore and sometimes fade completely, like the color and texture of our hair. It shows how much we rely on something that is just the exterior and lasts only for a certain time. Then on the other hand our essence, our inner sparkle, keeps being there and no one can take that away from us.
Yes, Esther it’s beautiful to feel that inner sparkle that does not fade with time. It’s quite usual to hear older people say that they still feel young on the inside and get a surprise when they look in the mirror – our inner sparkle is forever confirming who we are.
Beautiful Sue. Age difference between siblings, or anyone, is irrelevant when we meet each other as equals.
Yes, it sometimes feels like age is used as a barrier to separate us from one another and exploring our different experiences. Once I accepted that wisdom was possible at any age it allowed me to feel that I could learn so much by connecting with everyone and that we are all inherently equal and divine. The wisdom of the young is something so beautiful to appreciate and it has supported me to not give up on life just because I am getting older.
Re-reading your blog Susan has reminded me that when we connect with another purely from our essence with nothing in the way, we get to see the other in equal gorgeousness and love. Then those supposed mountains don’t actually exist, and we are free to enjoy each other from that transparency and openness.
Very inspiring. It clearly shows that when we stop blaming others for things, and take responsibility for our contribution to life, we can move mountains that seemed…well…like mountains, that is, immovable!.
When in fact they are only little mole hills that we blow up to become immovable. It’s amazing how cunning the mind can be when we allow it to rule our heart and take us on a trip of make believe. Reality is that we can choose to change or we can choose to be stuck in our own misery – and once we own this we can begin to become more responsible and begin the way back to self love.
In reality there is always the opportunity ‘just waiting to be addressed with love’ and once we open our mind to the reality that life was not meant to be lived with each of us as separate and living in our own world, we are unlocking the key to why humanity at times seemed to be set on a path to self destruct. When we allow ourselves to share our innermost feelings with another we are offering the opportunity to expand and share our love with the world – and isn’t that what we all truly want?
I love how life allowed you to stop and re-evaluate your relationship with you sister when she was in hospital and from there find a way to deeply connect, rebuild and express from that connection. It is never too later to mend what in truth is never broken, just waiting to be addressed with love.
I have come to see clearly that when a problem arises with another person there is a tendency to immediately think that it’s their fault, and so the very destructive blame game begins. It has also become very obvious that this problem is usually not the first point to address, as it often, as you came to see Susan, comes from an issue that we are holding onto that is simply being reflected back to us; a most precious opportunity to heal, not only the issue within us, but from there the issue in the relationship.
Yes, I agree and there are still times when I notice this tendency to not take responsibility can creep into how I feel. As with everything that we are learning to re-imprint with a more loving and expansive way this takes practice and time as we let go of numerous patterns that have held us locked in way that separates us rather than allowing us to build intimacy. It feels truly wonderful when we allow others into our life and begin to have a relationship that expands with true intimacy. As we allow ourselves to be honest we can let go of the issues that you refer to and block any opportunity to live as a one humanity. One day we will return to true unity and brotherhood and let go of the need to have ‘issues’ as we heal from our hurts.
When I stop and realise how much has changed in my relationship with my sister it confirms to me that anything is possible. We should never give up on relationships – as I change and unfold it also opens doors – doors that have felt to be closed for ever. The more we can be love the more opportunity there is to expand our experience.
What a beautiful sharing Susan, and inspired me to ponder on my relationship with my own sister.
It’s crazy how we fight how much we love each other, no matter what’s happened between us, there is always the possibility for the grandness of love.
I agree Meg ‘there is always the possibility for the grandness of love’ and we should never give up on ourselves or on the world. As I begin to become more intimate with myself I can see that for so long I hid this love away and now it feels so much more freeing and empowering to share what I have with others, as I realise that what we are all seeking is love.
The words from the song, only love can confirm us, were truly confirmed last night with a member of my family, as I held myself in my own love and saw them as an equal for the first time. The relationship totally changed and we were two equally amazing people sharing together. It was the most beautiful moment of allowance and acceptance.
Susan I was really touched by your blog when re-reading it again. Your frank honesty is inspiring and there is a beauty in knowing that our relationships can be re-ignited and or healed at any time in our lives. Thank you for your sharing.
This is gorgeous to read Susan and be reminded of the power of love to truly heal any relationship as you have done with your sister. Deepening the relationship with myself has been key to dropping judgments I had around some family members and now when I am with them I can be more understanding and appreciate all the qualities they bring.
Thanks Susan for the great example of how its never to late to re imprint a relationship and another point which I found interesting is that how we are with family members is how we are with everybody
I love this explanation of how we can accept our family members as part of the package we get when we are born, without being encouraged to see eachother for the people that we are, the women and men that we are. This is a poignant point that Susan Lee makes, because today it is possible to see a lot of unsettled relationships within families that can last for life times.
Susan the relationship you describe here with your sister, is so beautiful, and there is much to celebrate and appreciate, how you have let go of everything that is not part of love and held your own love to build and grow this relationship. This is what true relationships are all about. Thank-you for sharing, this very beautiful story.
Thank you Susan. You share so many gorgeous insights here and remind me that it is never too late to connect to another if we are willing to take responsibility for our part in the current state of the relationship.
I was brought to tears by your beautiful and honest tale of sisters, thank you so much for sharing it. I truly hope to meet you one day Susan Lee as your photo just shines out who you are, as does you very sweet story.
My sister recently had her 80th birthday and it was a joy to deepen and express my tender feelings. As I gently embraced her I could feel such a warmth of love that felt exquisite. I feel such deep appreciation for all the support I have received in continuing to express and expand and evolve my relationships – thank you Serge Benhayon for offering such an awesome reflection to the world.
Susan I love your sharing and the inspiring and lovely way your relationship has blossomed with your sister. I too have had a fairly distant relationship with one of my family but over the past 10 years I have made a much greater effort to connect on a deeper level and show my appreciation and love that I have for her. This has resulted in a lovely close supportive relationship that I would not have had but for my connection to Serge Benhayons teachings and amazing example!
This blog shows that it’s never too late to take responsibility for our part in a relationship and that by moving away from blame or jealousy to a place of awareness, understanding and acceptance we begin to reflect a different self to the other party which can sometimes be enough to catalyse both simple and profound changes.
I have found it hard to accept that it can take a lifetime or a serious illness to bridge the distance between siblings but it is often true, that it takes something to bring humbleness in order to open up to each other.
Dear Susan
Thank you for sharing your experience with your sister; I don’t think you are alone in the sorts of jealousies, emotional games and sense of distance that can play out in sibling relationships! I can certainly relate to the gap in years and in personality with my siblings and similar outplays of distance.
It is so beautiful when we can see our own part in this and begin to bring real understanding and tenderness into the relationship rather than protection and reaction. I am inspired by the level of honesty that is beginning to open up between you.
I felt deeply touched by this blog today. The simple honesty and expression of love and the sharing of your process. It shows up the profound obstacle that jealousy puts in our way when it comes to true relationships and also shows that it is never too late to transform family or any other relationship. Thank you Susan.
What a very beautiful story of transformation, self awareness, self responsibility and love Susan, thank you. What a divine blessing for both of you.