For as long as I can remember, I have always watched a lot of TV. It was something I could do with my dad, usually watching sport, and because Dad wasn’t able to give us much attention – simply because he didn’t know how to at the time, – it was one of the few activities we were able to do together.
So began my life of watching TV – a lot of sport, movies, sitcoms – anything! It worked beautifully with my pattern of checking out from the world … and as I got older, TV, along with alcohol and various other drugs were used. Looking back I can feel how TV watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by.
This pattern of numbing myself and numbing my awareness lasted a long time. I was 40 years old before I finally gave up drugs; I gave up alcohol about 5 years after that, but TV endured until just recently. Although I have felt the effects of scanning through the channels, looking for anything to watch, hours spent watching sport and re-runs of comedies from 20 years ago, it took a weekend of way too much TV to make the firm decision to give it away and find out what I might achieve without it.
When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.
I called these effects the T.V.‘D’s; I wrote them on a ‘post it’ note, which eventually got stuck to the TV.
The T.V.‘D’s are as follows:
Drains my energy – we function on energy, and time spent in front of the TV is stimulating to the mind, which then makes getting to sleep difficult. The consequence of this for me was that I was still tired when I got out of bed the next morning. If I stayed up late, it was usually because I was watching TV, so that also meant I would be tired the next day.
De-motivates me – this one is self-explanatory: when watching TV, not much else gets done. I would do a bit of work, tell myself I’m tired and need a break, sit/lay down and watch TV, then whatever I had planned to do after that was ‘forgotten’ and left for another day. On occasions I would have a trip planned for work but get caught up watching TV, resulting in me cancelling the trip. This was followed with lies and untruths about why my trip was cancelled and my services were to be delayed. This procrastination sometimes caused a whole series of events where I put myself under pressure and stress, which then increased my level of anxiety.
Dulls awareness & understanding – while watching TV, it was easy to override the awareness of how tired I really was. Usually I start to get physically tired around 7.30 pm, but if I was watching TV I couldn’t feel that and therefore I would stay up way past my bedtime, a very naughty boy! It is also a very effective way to numb something I don’t want to feel. Eating while watching TV was the most effective form of numbing and distracting myself since I no longer used alcohol and drugs.
Develops anti-social behaviors – on far too many occasions I made the decision to watch TV rather than going out into the world to interact with others. Go to a party or watch a good movie on TV I might have already seen? – TV wins. An opportunity to learn more about love at a presentation by Serge Benhayon or AFL grand final day… tough decision – but TV and the live telecast of the footy wins. Go out tonight, tired from watching TV, so ‘too tired to go out’. You get the picture.
Disastrous for eyes – this one just occurred to me now. When I would watch hours of TV and then go to bed, I could feel the effect on my eyes – they hurt. From what I can tell, all of this TV has diminished my eyesight as I can feel the difference when I watch less or no TV.
It is clear that becoming aware of the T.V.‘D’s a year or so before giving up TV shows the difficulty I have had in deepening the love for myself – that is true. I also know that if I had made myself give up TV before now, then that would have been for some reason other than it being a truth for me. Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.
Since giving up TV I have found I have so much more time to devote to reading and writing. I am getting things done before I need to, getting to bed earlier, getting up earlier and my eyes feel better. I have also noticed how other distractions put their hand up to replace TV… so far I have been able to not take up any new ‘pastimes’. As with other things I have let go of in the past, I know it takes a little time for those thoughts of ‘maybe just one episode of Seinfeld’ or ‘just a half hour, then turn it off’, to diminish, so choices must be made and resolve must be consistent.
Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.
In appreciation of Serge Benhayon, for showing there is another way, not only by what he presents, but also how he lives.
By Mark Payne, NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Addictions
Coming to the Truth about how I was Living…
Biting my Nails – Old Habits die gently
1,144 Comments
This is great Mark, and can I add one more “D”, which is drowning my-self in the emotions that were on offer while in front of the screen.
There is a huge difference about giving up things because we should or because someone has told us we should or giving up something because it is abusive to our bodies, when we bring more self love into our lives this abusive behaviour just drops away, with no will power or trying needed.
What may appear to be a relaxing moment is actually a dumbing down of senses and a drain on one’s lifeforce.
The TV robs us of our pull to be with people. Even when we are in a relationship, we are disconnected from that person while watching the box, and then we wonder why there is no true intimacy in our relationships – especially when the programs are placed as being more important.
Life becomes duller with the more external stimulation we seek, yet it is like a drug and makes us want to seek it more.
Love this sharing Mark as it highlights the self-empowerment that is on offer through the The Way of The Livingness. For as you have shown, and I have also experienced, that the more we are willing to be honest with how our bodies are feeling at any given time, we develop greater awareness to the effects that our choices are really having on our lives. As such we then can choose to adjust how we are living and as a result live so much more of who we really are, rather than being stuck in a loveless pattern of who we are not, being frustrated and feeling anxious by not living what we deep down know what our true potential is.
There are so many ways to avoid feeling full of ourselves. I found my self avoiding completing something this morning, deciding to tidy my room rather than enjoy the beautiful sense of completion – once I realised what I was doing I simply got on and completed it – Now I’m not dragging that around with me all day!
I have experienced every time an addiction presents itself it is an opportunity to say yes to more awareness. That grace period is to be more tender and honour my truth so I can live with more love in my life.
After a very recent series binge I have realised so much about TV that I hadn’t previously because often I can take it or leave it but once in a while certain shows grab me because of a need in me. Looking back over my life I realise I have lived my life according to certain programmes that I used to fill a deep grief I felt growing up from my lack of connection with others. I saw TV characters and used them as people and relationship substitutes. And I can admit the craziness that goes with this – the fantasies of being part of the detective unit, the hero, the one who gets the previously unemotionally available man (that one’s a biggie).
It’s like I used TV to always compare my life and, in my 20s considered my life as what would someone outside of me shooting a film consider it to look like – there was very little about how I felt inside. I was craving what I had seen on a show that I felt was missing in my life, so purpose, adventure, love, success, recognition etc. And my life felt so distant and plain that it was no wonder I went for TV programmes that are designed to hook you in with excitement, intrigue etc. But I can’t blame them for me abandoning my life and not appreciating me. This latest binge has shocked me or rather exposed where those holes are that until now I have avoided healing. What’s beautiful is that I can see where they began and bring me back to me.
I had not clocked how when I used to watch TV it increased my anxiety which in those days I was not ready to acknowledge either so a life built on lies was exacerbated by all the time lost to the numbing effects of watching TV. Life is so much richer without it.
The negative effects TV watching was having on you are probably shared with many if they choose to be aware of this fact, and yes, ‘When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.’
As part of my job I visit people’s homes, the TV is almost always on and it can be very distracting. There’s a hooking feeling that I sense when it is on. And also an anaesthetic-like affect that numbs the person. When indoors all day due to illness being sat in front of the TV can cocoon a person away from the world. My life has become much richer since ditching the TV.
Watching TV can become an addiction and we can ask ourselves what is it that we are trying to avoid or distract ourselves from? Nothing on TV matches up to being aware of the amazing being we are when we tune in to who we truly are.
Yes, I love what you say here. I know for me I used TV to hide a lot of painful feelings of grief and loss growing up. Certain shows (and I’m sure there’s a show for everyone who seeks to medicate on TV) pretend to cater for this gap but I can feel the ones I go for come with a deeper yearning attached; there is no healing available with them only more of the same, more addiction waiting for the next series which is what the business is about. I can see why actors are followed with such interest because people want that fix, the allure of more of what will address their pain – or that was so for me. What’s great is seeing what is at play and there is no healing, only further loss when I watch TV.