Parenting today is a completely different ball game to parenting 20 years ago. Today we have the advance of the technological era in the mix: Snap chatting, Instagram, Musical.ly, Facebook and many more social media influences in our children’s lives that are literally there and accessible 24/7, with messages popping up every few minutes tempting them to engage.
I am a mother and teacher. In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.
Yes, children need to move with the times and keep up with their education, be computer savvy, know how to update, research and produce assessments, however, this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child. I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.
I remember in university how one educator shared the idea of the ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest. This point stayed with me and I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.
So from this presented point, I have since designed my living areas to not face the TV, but to face each other. The point of my sharing this with you is that back then it was a shock to me that I had chosen to be part of inviting this uninvited guest into my home each day, just through the way I set the furniture around, setting people up to face the TV and not each other… so you can imagine the shock when I became aware of just how disconnected our young are through the way they are engaging in technology and social media. It is filtering into every facet of their lives and is sold to them as the ‘way of connecting’.
Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?
As a parent and teacher, I see and feel…
- Children (as young as 8 through to teens) learning that connecting with people is through typing on a phone or on social media. No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.
- Children relying on their phones like they are a safety blanket. It is disturbing to speak to children and hear how anxious they feel without their phone or how it feels like a family member has left them when they don’t have it.
- Children being ‘acceptably’ bullied by other children and even accessed inappropriately by unknown people through social media sites… and the children, or their parents, not doing anything about it because the children want to be part of that communication and don’t want to lose what they think is connection.
- Children being sold the belief that they will be out of the social circles at school or in their friendship groups if they haven’t kept up with the chats that have gone on during the evenings.
- Children spending more time on devices rather than just being allowed to be children or being lovingly interacted with. Children being given phones, iPads, Xboxes etc. to play on in their bedrooms, in their lounge rooms, in the car, when mum or dad need quiet or space or are busy. Is it any wonder that when they become pre-teen or teens that their devices and social media become their world and their attitude towards the adults around them is then a reflection of the previous years of lack of true connection?
- Children without their natural confidence and truly joyful smiles and laughs on their faces.
In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.
We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.
Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.
It is with deep thanks and appreciation to Serge Benhayon, the presentations of Universal Medicine and my being willing and open, that I have over the years implemented self-care tools that today allow me to stand in and live, without perfection, the wisdom within. Meaning, I know I have all the answers inside of me; I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.
Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:
- To confirm the gem and grandness of children to them, highlighting who they truly are instead of it being about what they do.
- To express fully to children, like yesterday sharing with a gorgeous relative of mine how magical it was to watch her dance and play in the shallow waves at the beach as if no one was looking and to appreciate the playfulness that is there.
- To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel that this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body, allowing them to know without doubt when they are, or are not met, with that level of connection. From here they are supported to bring that connection to others.
- To have open and honest chats that explore things, like how certain food makes us feel, certain environments etc., or when we notice if someone in our family is acting different and then to be a supportive enquirer.
- To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.
- To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.
- To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times.
- To allow kids to practise having responsibility, physically, through household chores, but also with taking responsibility for their actions or way of communicating… and that means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over.
- To support children to see and feel that sometimes, if someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity.
- To treat kids as equal, wise, gorgeous, precious and divine beings, knowing that even though our activities or responsibilities may differ, we all bring our own unique flavors and qualities.
- To live and reflect a living way that is true love and true religion in itself, with children being brought up knowing that they are equal Sons of God who can equally keep their light shining bright.
All children grow up. They become our next teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers, social workers and so on… and it is well worth supporting them to be able to truly and comfortably relate to, and care about people, for our future generations are one day going to look up to them for guidance. And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them.
So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?
Technology: Are you Connected?
Pornography: Time to Say ENOUGH!
378 Comments
No matter how much things are changing, there are somethings that remain the same – children need boundaries and consequences, and they need to have the trust in the adults around them to open up and talk about things. Children need to be talked to and education about the world to name just a few principles – and now more than ever these principles are the key to ensuring that the escalating issues of cyber abuse and lack of communication skills don’t continue to rise.
I know this is slightly off topic, but an article in the news today announced that online watching of child sexual abuse has gone up by 258% in a year. What are we setting ourselves up for, by continuing to ignore the negative impact of the internet and social media?
That is a pretty shocking state that is an alarming indicator of the degradation of basic respect and decency that the internet is exacerbating. We need to pay attention.
Johanna what I have noticed recently is just how much teenagers are speaking up about the pressures they are facing by trying to fit in with their social groups in and out of school. I see this as a step in the right direction. That we as a society are at last starting to have these conversations as they are long over due and frankly much needed, if we are to arrest the appalling suicide figures amongst teenagers.
In many ways the television set was the precursor to the untold number of screens that now abound. Television set the tone for turning away from each other and looking at an inanimate object that dominates most living rooms – to the detriment of the connection to another human being.
Well said Gabriele. The same fallacy of ‘bringing people together from all over the world through the transmission of TV signals is still running full speed ahead today with the massive use of smartphones all over the world, even in third world countries that don’t even have clean drinking water or other basic human support systems. This shows how much we have turned to look outside of ourselves for connection rather than feeling the connection that is waiting inside all along. As adults and the role models for kids, we need to look at our own behaviours and addictive use of various electronic devices and social media first in order to show our children how we can live in a different way without relying so heavily on them and only after we have built that connection to ourself first.
I read an article recently which showed survey graphs of young people’s interactions with friends, dating, sense of loneliness and quality of sleep over the past 30 years. There is a dramatic downturn at the point of 2007, which is when the iPhone was introduced. We are yet to see the full implications of this significant contributing factor to the state of mental well-being in young people.
Parenting today requires a lot of navigation of social media and other screen-based entertainment. Gone are the days where innocent play with the simplest of games and objects forms the centrepiece of childhood. Some great insight here Johanna for us all to be aware of, regardless of whether we have children currently or not.
‘ I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.’I agree and ask myself why shouldn’t we be more alarmed? So often I hear people discount the obvious social insecurity being displayed with our young. I was very shy growing up when outside the family home and would describe myself now as vulnerable to influence by what didn’t have my best interests at heart. I am so glad I didn’t have social media in my day.
Social media doesn’t have its users best interests at heart and we ignore this at our peril. It is there to sell, sell products, fashions, ideas, glamour, illusion etc. It has no true care. Yes, it is made up of people using it but what comes through them is often ugly – whether it’s someone’s insecurities, wanting recognition and attention or direct cyber abuse. There is a lot of deception and deceit, wolves in sheep’s clothing. All so much to be navigated by young people and children. No wonder playfulness, trust and connection is being lost.
When I look back at my childhood I can really see how watching horror movies, music videos and TV programmes influenced me and left an impression that I had to work hard to drop.
Nowadays we have this much imposed on us plus all the social media, it really is just too much for a growing being, we are always best nurtured in a environment away from imposing influential media.
‘In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.’ As technology invents more ways to impress with bigger, better, brighter screens with the artificial, false light and all the bells and whistles that go with them, we as a humanity start to feel less. But we are simply handing ourselves over to a virtual world of illusion, and forgetting to appreciate the brightest light of all that is alive in us all – our divine inner essence that truly connects us, to each other and God.
Yes, we are so being sucked into the bells, whistles, bright lights as a distraction from appreciating the divinity of nature and each other. If we can start to see the game and call it out we can bring more awareness and where there is awareness there is freedom to choose once again.
Very interesting to ponder how dining tables and chairs are placed for people to interact and yet we do insert the television in between us probably to allow us to check out and be entertained rather than building intimacy.
Before our children become teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers , social workers their greatest learning is to see the importance of nurturing, honouring & expressing their energetic awareness and in this build an inner confidence, a solid sense of themselves that cannot be rocked by anything life throws at them.
Parenting is a very different ball game these days, but I imagine each generation says that too! Not being a technology native can be a challenge to know what you are inviting into your home through devices such as ipods, games and computers. In having the responsibility of parenting, I feel we need to be aware of what is possible to access with these games and the internet.
Very very true.
With the way things are going concerning screen time, we are looking at there being one big health crisis, and it is not just the postural ergonomic issues that will be more pronounced in the next decades, it is the mental health adults brought up on screens as companions, how can you function when you become reliant on this sort of stimulation / numbing to get through the day.
My daughter is 8 and already there are some in her class who have screen mobile phones and naturally enough she wants one too but we are not feeling it is a good idea at the moment because of all the reasons you mention in this blog. We want to encourage her to engage with real life with real meaningful communication and there is definitely a concern of being exposed to abuse and other influences over social media. The time will come for her to experience all of that but for me I want to delay that time for as long as I can!
It’s important what we all have to say. I would of loved to grow up to be free to express about everything I feel. Now, in my adult years I’m dealing with my hurt from not been able to openly freely express. It’s our God-given-right to express, especially in harmony – this is how we give back to all.
Observing the tantrums that can occur when a ‘screen’ is turned off I realise how grateful I am that my children were not born into this tech age. However we have to learn to deal with this issue – it’s not going away. Limiting screen time or even not having any until a certain age makes sense to me. And as for having TV s in a child’s bedroom – no wonder so many children can’t get up in the mornings…..!
Johanna, your list you shared here about ‘Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me…’ is incredible. It reminds to be aware of how I am parenting and I find your list super supportive.
Very true Richard, they can do so much hard if not used consciously. I have been sucked into my phone way too many times without realising till I thankfully found myself called back by dropping the phone or banging into something. It can be a go-to stimulation when we don’t want to feel the emptiness of what we have been doing – it really is turning into a major mental health problem.
Well said, we need connection to be a primary focus for parenting our children. Without connection anything goes
Many parents load games onto their children’s devices and then use the devices like childcare.
It feels important to talk to children about the games they want to load, why they want to play them, what they know about them etc.
As a parent i feel there can be a big disassociation from this process and what i have recently begun to do is sit down with them when they are playing, not only to observe the game, how it works, scores, plays so we can connect around it but also to observe the changes in my kids body language and movements.
For example with my youngest son i have noticed that he often holds his breath as he is playing games, this is something we can then talk about and he can observe & acknowledge for himself. Supporting children to be aware of how technology alters our state of being is a crucial step understanding the self empowerment of energetic responsibility, as taught by Serge Benhayon.
Your line of appreciating what they bring, instead of what they do, can be applied to everyone we meet.
Yes, I agree Steve. As I was reading this part I realise how much I focus on what people do instead of who they are. Ouch! Something for me to be aware of, letting go of this will be a huge support for myself, my family and people around.
It is utterly disturbing the way kids are responding to having their devices taken away from them for even a short time. I’m 36, and it doesn’t feel all that long ago when we didn’t even have phones. In the last 20 years I simply can’t get my head around how so much has changed. No longer is climbing a tree and playing make believe the thing to do. It blows my mind, and is seriously frightening.
There is nothing quite like the connection with people. It is fundamental to our evolution as we always reflect back to each other something to learn or observe. It far outweighs what is offered by technology, and it is so important for us to honour each other and not give our power away to technology.
We are all role models for children all of the time, therefore I need to be more responsible with technology and ask myself if I am using technology to check out or as a tool to connect?
How kids are raised today with all the technology that abounds is completely different to how kids were raised 20-40 years ago. I recall getting my first mobile phone at 28 years of age! My son got his first mobile phone at 8 (a basic plastic phone to use for emergencies – but still!)…These days kids are born knowing how to handle technology too, which is very interesting to observe…but all this has happened at the risk of losing the true connection that we all crave. Technology is not here to replace connection, however, if this is what we do with it (which appears to be the case predominantly), then we are living in a lifeless society which has lost its way. To realise this is the first step in making a change.
I noticed how children find it hard to be really present at a wedding ceremony and how most of the wedding officers suggest to bring an iPad or mobile phone to keep them distracted and satisfied. Whereas when there is a ceremony where true love is celebrated from connection with each other the kids just surrender to it and melt in it.
Technology is not the evil end all and be all, but it is the way we have used it that brings the so called evil into our lives. Like money itself is not evil, but the way we use it and what we use it for which can be deeply harming and separative or deeply healing and re-uniting. Johanna I love what you have presented here especially with how people crave the connection with another, and yet are totally losing it by seeking the connection through false means rather than with each other.
We are living in a crisis which is destined to escalate if, as you say Johanna, we do not address the unacceptable obsession with social media that is becoming our norm. Through a lack of self worth we become lemmings to the majority and lose any sense of attending to our natural yearning to truly connect to one another.
You have highlighted a very real and serious issue for our current time Johanna, and not one for which there will be an easy recovery as I see it. Your outline is an amazing starting point however for each of us as individuals to start doing our part, taking responsibility for restoring true connection, relationships and communication with all those around us.
Parenting really has changed in the last 20 years with the new way of the world with the technological age and social media forming such a prevalent presence in our lives today . What we are seeing is an unknown growth and exposure to everything and a loss of innocence for our children and way of living and our responsibility with this is enormous and very important for the future of mankind. Connection, communication and listening to our children and the young at large to allow them to feel this and a real reflection of truth is vital and very much up to us to be the support and steadiness needed for all to see.
Many kids can feel the desolation of the online world but they choose it because there is often not enough connection around them, so what else is there for them to go too. We all deeply crave to be connected too, to engage with others and have a depth of quality in our relationships. Its time we put this first over the race that we often run in our lives.
The disconnection we live in is apparent in so many of the lifestyle choices which have become accepted as normal in society – we only have look back a generation or two to be able to see a clearer and more united way of living.
Joanna, I love how you have talked about TV screens as being the uninvited guest in the house – it so feels like this with many screens in fact! I wonder if there is a thing such as ‘screen jealousy’ when you want to connect with another and they are all the time on the screen and uninterested in any conversation and in fact appear to ‘love’ their phone or TV more than you! A sad fact to realise in lots of families where interactions are diminished amongst people but instead are traded for interactions with technology!
We can have both – we can have computer savvy kids who are connected and open with others. They don’t need to spend much time on gadgets and screens to be technology savvy – a little goes a long way. Nourishment in life comes from connection – both with ourselves and others. That is what is important and when that is a base, others things come easily.
You’ve raised a great point Johanna – what kind of doctors, teachers, carpenters, writers, receptionists and workers are we raising? And this comes down to every moment we spend with children, because how we behave, move and are ourselves role models to them what’s possible.
Technology has a life of its own, science fiction has long used machines in the future that become self-aware and build their selves better and fast than we can. Arthur C. Clarke wrote 100 + Sci-fi books that include 2001, he was an inventor and assisted in the development of radar. Many things he wrote about are today normal household products. The problem with tech is it makes us dumb! If we don’t know, we can instantly Google it! Before the internet which just 20 years ago, when we had a question we were told to look it up is something called an encyclopedia, a book thing that allowed you to discover other interesting things in the quest to your original question. These tombs of information were found at home, or you had to go to a place that is now getting as hard to find as a public telephone, a library!
My daughter hasn’t got to the point of using social media, but I am, if I’m honest dreading it because even the little time she is allowed on an iPad does change the way she behaves, and not for the better, so yep I am not looking forward to the time when we have to take the devices of her because she maybe on them too much.
“To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times” – How very true Johanna, and in such situations the deep love of a parent is the steady rock of confirmation on which to come back to.
One can read about a lot of children who are completely immersed in computer games and are more and more losing contact with reality. Surprisingly, many parents are in a position to simply stop this for the younger children by removing their access to such devices – but then they would have to deal with those children…