Parenting today is a completely different ball game to parenting 20 years ago. Today we have the advance of the technological era in the mix: Snap chatting, Instagram, Musical.ly, Facebook and many more social media influences in our children’s lives that are literally there and accessible 24/7, with messages popping up every few minutes tempting them to engage.
I am a mother and teacher. In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.
Yes, children need to move with the times and keep up with their education, be computer savvy, know how to update, research and produce assessments, however, this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child. I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.
I remember in university how one educator shared the idea of the ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest. This point stayed with me and I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.
So from this presented point, I have since designed my living areas to not face the TV, but to face each other. The point of my sharing this with you is that back then it was a shock to me that I had chosen to be part of inviting this uninvited guest into my home each day, just through the way I set the furniture around, setting people up to face the TV and not each other… so you can imagine the shock when I became aware of just how disconnected our young are through the way they are engaging in technology and social media. It is filtering into every facet of their lives and is sold to them as the ‘way of connecting’.
Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?
As a parent and teacher, I see and feel…
- Children (as young as 8 through to teens) learning that connecting with people is through typing on a phone or on social media. No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.
- Children relying on their phones like they are a safety blanket. It is disturbing to speak to children and hear how anxious they feel without their phone or how it feels like a family member has left them when they don’t have it.
- Children being ‘acceptably’ bullied by other children and even accessed inappropriately by unknown people through social media sites… and the children, or their parents, not doing anything about it because the children want to be part of that communication and don’t want to lose what they think is connection.
- Children being sold the belief that they will be out of the social circles at school or in their friendship groups if they haven’t kept up with the chats that have gone on during the evenings.
- Children spending more time on devices rather than just being allowed to be children or being lovingly interacted with. Children being given phones, iPads, Xboxes etc. to play on in their bedrooms, in their lounge rooms, in the car, when mum or dad need quiet or space or are busy. Is it any wonder that when they become pre-teen or teens that their devices and social media become their world and their attitude towards the adults around them is then a reflection of the previous years of lack of true connection?
- Children without their natural confidence and truly joyful smiles and laughs on their faces.
In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.
We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.
Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.
It is with deep thanks and appreciation to Serge Benhayon, the presentations of Universal Medicine and my being willing and open, that I have over the years implemented self-care tools that today allow me to stand in and live, without perfection, the wisdom within. Meaning, I know I have all the answers inside of me; I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.
Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:
- To confirm the gem and grandness of children to them, highlighting who they truly are instead of it being about what they do.
- To express fully to children, like yesterday sharing with a gorgeous relative of mine how magical it was to watch her dance and play in the shallow waves at the beach as if no one was looking and to appreciate the playfulness that is there.
- To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel that this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body, allowing them to know without doubt when they are, or are not met, with that level of connection. From here they are supported to bring that connection to others.
- To have open and honest chats that explore things, like how certain food makes us feel, certain environments etc., or when we notice if someone in our family is acting different and then to be a supportive enquirer.
- To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.
- To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.
- To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times.
- To allow kids to practise having responsibility, physically, through household chores, but also with taking responsibility for their actions or way of communicating… and that means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over.
- To support children to see and feel that sometimes, if someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity.
- To treat kids as equal, wise, gorgeous, precious and divine beings, knowing that even though our activities or responsibilities may differ, we all bring our own unique flavors and qualities.
- To live and reflect a living way that is true love and true religion in itself, with children being brought up knowing that they are equal Sons of God who can equally keep their light shining bright.
All children grow up. They become our next teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers, social workers and so on… and it is well worth supporting them to be able to truly and comfortably relate to, and care about people, for our future generations are one day going to look up to them for guidance. And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them.
So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?
Technology: Are you Connected?
Pornography: Time to Say ENOUGH!
378 Comments
Thank you for your great sharing Johanna. I feel the truth of what you share here. We are indeed creating through our children the world we will return to.
‘I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.’ The set-up of the computer, tablets and games is now a thousand-fold more intrusive than the TV used to be. For now, they are in our lives big time and being aware of the impact is great support to lessen the intensity.
The Internet itself is not bad, but it is how we have allowed it to be used that is causing the issues.
Great expansion on this point Gill. Very true.
Yes I agree, Johanna. The internet can be a great resource for all of us, so long as we do not use it to fill the void of not having true connection in our lives.
Technology is the new shiny toy that just keeps getting better by the day for what it can do for us We now have IOT the Internet of things. Now even old dumb things can be connected to the internet! There are driverless electric cars. There is a robot that can jump and do flips like an acrobat without falling over. When we replace ourselves, what will we have left to do? May we have to start talking to each other face to face again?
And the thing is, the inexorable progress of Artificial Intelligence, the so called next step, means that our communication and connection will be essential for us to retain our true nature.
Children now often have access through their phones to some absolutely horrendous material, we as adults have not created a safe space for them on line and as a result we will see mental health statistics rise amongst many children.
I was discussing with a fellow parent last night about how parenting teenagers requires a very different kind of focus, and how important it is to keep the flow of conversation open and transparent. I have a very mature 11year old who having started secondary school feels very like a teenager. What I value in our relationship is our equality and how i talk to him to about how i’ve messed up or how vulnerable i might be feeling and i see that this allows him to feel that he can share safely without judgment or criticism.
Beautiful Lucinda. I recently took my daughter’s phone off her for good. She is only 8 nearly 9 so it’s no big deal but she was cross and saying everyone else has phones, but I shared that I felt I had made a mistake giving her it, that I knew a lot more about the harm it does to the brain etc and I wouldn’t give her drugs just because everyone else was and she has been really good about it.
There is nothing like a deep and rich conversation or interaction with people/others, where you are truly sharing in an open and engaging way about everyday events and life, be it about issues, or just enjoying the moment with everyone. You just can’t get that from a computer screen or tv. You may get the feel good, satisfy my pictures or ideals kind of buzz but that is short lived and you’re left with the emptiness you started with before that.
This is such an important topic, and I agree that the use of digital technologies needs to be reviewed with the younger generations, but also for ourselves.
This is a great point Janet for what we need to understand is that we as adults created the world our children are living in. Are we willing to change our own habits and needs for the benefit of our children?
As you say Johanna, ‘all children grow up’. And someday we will come back to be guided by them, so it would be a good exercise revising these questions… How are we guiding them today? What role models we are for them today? We are constantly spreading in their lives with the reflection of our life, with what we promote, with what we allow, … Everything we consume leaves an imprint that will reside forever in them. Are we aware enough of that? Are we promoting what supports or alienates them? We as adults have much to say, and I know it’s not easy, as the external stimulation is huge. But just taking care of ourselves, putting some limits to the exposure to technology, offering to them a reflection of love and respect, would be a great marker for them to feel, know and come back to themselves.
Social media is totally changing the landscape of our lives, and is there for having a major impact on our children and how they grow up – we can’t leave it to our schools to education and raise our children. The internet does offer us a lot of opportunities, if we can emphasise the importance of truly communicating
Absolute we cannot expect our schools to educate our children about good social media habits. The buck well and truly stops with us adults collectively. Even if you don’t have your own kids how you are out in the world influences our young. Do we sit on public transport connected to purpose open to the world around us or are we checked out and taken into the latest scroll that took our fancy. I often wonder what sense of the world our toddlers are making. I don’t think it takes a genius to work out the impact is mostly negative.
The games young children play have a lot of emphasis on having phone on them, it is as though they see us adults with ours every day and so think it is an essential part of life. I agree we all need to be technologically aware, but I also can see that we need to understand how we are with technology and how honest we are with the habits we have around it. It serves a purpose, but do we use it to check out, to make false relationships and numb ourselves, well then there is another issue.
To me it feels like this is just a continuation of living life through distraction. First we had one television and then we had one for the children or for each of the children, then we had a computer and then one for each person in the home and the same with mobile phones etc. now we have all the technology at our fingertips no matter whether we are at home or away from home. Is it all an avoidance to not communicate or truly express with each other? It makes me wonder how advanced humanity truly is when we give our lives and our children’s over to relying on technology to fulfil us and how does this truly serve humanity. I appreciate your points of what true parenting and teaching can be Johanna and feel how vital they are for us to relate and support our children in these ways. “To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body.”
Everything in the macro situation is a reflection of what is in the micro situation. Children are much more in their fullness when parents are also living that, and therefore parents are respected and children are equally respected in opening up conversations such as the above. This is the foundation towards any true change.
I recently watched a clip from a comedian about iPads being these amazing things to shut children up – while in a way funny, more so for me it was a painfully true account of how much we are currently giving over the raising of our children to technology
Anything we watch on a screen can be such a distraction when we allow ourselves to get caught in the virtual reality at the expense of the reality of our daily practical lives and responsibilities.
I really love your blog- every teacher should read this- this is true education!…. Children need true role models. Lets start being one.
This article is a road map for any parent. Connection, being aware of our children and innately aware of their being-ness, and when they loose connection with themselves in the harrows of every day life is the only thing we need to focus on as parents. Keeping in our mind that the only thing that matters is that our children grow up in todays world knowing who they are.
The technological age is something so different in our lives to before and parenting with this is very important for children to know real connection and love . This is our responsibility as adults to show this and live it for ourselves also.
Social media and use of technology reduces quality of connection… it does not enhance it. The amount, of hours that we as adults spend on our devices is something like 10 hours a day and for children approx. 6 hours… that’s a whole lot of communication time lost interacting with others.
I agree with the teacher who said that the TV was an uninvited guest into the home, and unfortunately that guest can be demanding with how much attention it gets. It doesn’t bear to dwell on how many hours are spent wasted and numbing ourselves per week, and we talk about the effects of class A drugs, surely the TV should be at the top of this list.
The Soul, not ‘the screen’, is the true parent. Too often we hand our children over to technology without first laying a solid foundation of love, care, connection and truth which serves to guide them as they navigate their way through life.
I agree that these days the computer games console or the tablet or smart phone has become the ‘disruptive guest’ into homes the same as TV was and still is. However what this blog illustrates is that this guest is not exactly uninvited as we do have a choice to allow these things to dominate our homes or not.
I manage large groups of people and often staff are sick or not able to get to work and replacing someone last minute becomes imperative that I solve the issue and that requires phone use and computer use. When I call my daughter to account about spending too much time on her phone, I feel this smugness that comes as a “like you can talk, you are in your phone all the time”
I am trying to educate her that, yes, I am on my phone a bit but it carries a necessary purpose but to her,she argues that her conversations are equally important and purposeful.
It is a whole new social world they are living in; the same things go on as when I was young but they are on different platforms. It is very interesting to observe all of this. My daughter in not allowed on certain platforms, such as Musically, Facebook or Snap chat due to a feeling my husband and I have about them. I am not claiming to have the answers but I am trying to figure out my own boundaries with my phone use, in order to become more of a positive role model for my daughter.
How often, is it said that one of the most expensive items we will ever have is children and doesn’t even come with instructions? What if your list Johanna, on the parenting and teaching from our inner-wisdom, was issued with every new child in their care an well-being?
Every thing is always a reflection of our connection to the all or our disconnection, where have we have reinterpreted or separated in order to reinforce our individualism.
Most of us get messed up because we have not been truly met by our parents or adults in general, so in these times when parents find it so much easier to allow their kids so much screen time, we are looking at having some pretty messed adults in the future unless we have a massive turn around and return to truly connecting with our kids instead of fobbing them off with the telly or iPad.
It is so great to be discussing our concerns about the impact of the digital age, as there are measures we can take now to encourage the younger generations look up from their iPhones and connect to themselves, each other and the beauty of life around them. In an experiment I read about where young people were taken on a residential trip steeped in nature and without technology, they protested for the first day and then thoroughly enjoyed themselves.
‘Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?’ – it’s the chicken and the egg question, it’s both, one feeds the other. Now more than ever, it’s up to each and every one of us to live and reflect the power and beauty in true connection with each other.
The grandness of what is offered here is enormous and something much needed to be brought to our attention and to see the bigger picture and our responsibility wth it. A brilliant sharing bringing so much wisdom and insight to our children our lives and our future in the world today and where this is all heading if we do not recognise what is happening and offer true connection with our children and each other.
So this is an invitation (aka urgent call) for us all to take responsibility for the way we behave online, setting standards that are inspiring for our young people as they navigate their way through the ever changing pressures of online life.
I feel how much children want to be listened to and how much we miss out on this communication in the fast paced distracted world we are currently living. Learning alongside children is very humbling when I can be honest about those moments I do not give them my full care and attention.
To me, this is one of the most pressing challenges we face as parents, teachers and anybody for that matter. As long as we continue thinking that we can just give our children a video screen to act as a surrogate parent so we can have our ‘free space’ we are destined to create multiple generations of kids that become adults who have no idea how to connect truly to themselves and everyone else. This will inevitably lead to many different mental illnesses due to the lack of connection and self-care skills that should have been fostered early in their lives.
This is so much about connection and founding that as a known in our children before they make their own choices because then they will set a standard that will support themselves and others for future generations. Hopefully one I can come back into!!
“this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child.” This sort of gets lost in the needs and do’s of parenting and growing up yet when I read it I could feel the joy of pockets of my own childhood and how good those times felt in my body. Thank you for this reminder and I thank my upbringing and the reflections I had around me for those pockets that have held me so strongly as an adult now.
Johanna what you wrote regarding the statement about the breakdown in homes due to the television being introduced was a very accurate prediction. I was not born in a time that didn’t involve a television being part of the main family area. But the prediction from this man made me wonder if families used to interact more in the evening before televisions were introduced because I know it is now very common for family’s to sit together in zombie state in front of the television of an evening rather than interact and connect…. so I can only imagine how much more disconnection will occur in the technology age children start having kids.
I don’t feel the internet is a safe environment for children, I was listening to a mother describing to me the rules she had set down for her son to go onto a site where there are lots of children playing a particular game. He wasn’t allowed to put his real name or age or where he lived etc. They put these rules in place because of the fear of internet grooming where someone can say they are 8 years old and it may not be the case in reality. ‘Social grooming’ I’m told takes place on these sites.They didn’t really want him to play this particular game but relented under pressure because all his school friends were playing it and he didn’t want to be left out. Surely there needs to be much more policing of these systems, so that if a child wants to go onto these sites to play they can without fear, but it seems to me that currently we lack the will power to clean them up.
Good call Johanna, it is our responsibility as adults to reflect to our children a true way of being, one that is based on connection to self for everything in life flows with the natural rhythms of the universe when we live life form our bodies and not our brains.