Recently I took a group of children for some ball games at a school holiday activity club. The activity was informal and all about play. In this session it was brilliant to observe the children at play and to see how their attitude towards playing was influenced by my own approach to teaching and also shaped by their own interests, not any impressed-upon beliefs.
The session wasn’t really about learning the skill, it was about having fun, being inclusive and getting lots of exercise. I took quite a laidback approach to the session, but also was watching intently to see who was getting to play and who might be missing out.
I had recently had a conversation about competition with a colleague at work: I believe competition is overemphasised and doesn’t actually reflect our societies – or indeed need to be fostered, as the age-old argument states. My feeling is that life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition: we will be much more successful by being open and considerate of others rather than overcoming them. I believe this will give us a more rewarding life than being ultra-competitive. There are of course contradictions to this but they are most often in the world of big business and high-end sport where corruption and underhand tactics are rife, and I for one don’t want to teach any child to become good at that.
Back to the ball game: my approach to teaching children’s games has changed over the years and I prefer to be softly spoken as much as possible, so my approach to this session was to be a facilitator and try and keep the game going while ensuring everyone got a turn… not winding up the children into a frenzy with loud shouting, or keeping score. This allowed for a very relaxed atmosphere; I saw how this allowed the children to just be themselves, to act naturally, not play to a coach’s tune or feel they needed to prove themselves and seek recognition.
We ended up playing for nearly three hours with children coming and going from the game, and by the end of the time all the children had taken on the approach of supporting one another to be involved. In fact during the session I can’t remember one child complaining about another or saying “it’s not fair,” or asking for there to be a scoring system. All the children were just content to have a hit of the ball and attempt to play some good shots, of which they sometimes offered encouragement if another did particularly well. No one got irritated or impatient if a younger child didn’t manage something so well.
What also struck me on reflection afterwards was how relaxed the children were – there was none of the tension I have seen so often in children when they are trying to execute a skill under pressure.
I put a lot of this down to the environment; that it was not about needing to score points and be better than another. So while there were two teams and they were trying to beat the other team on a point, ultimately none of the children cared at all about this; it was irrelevant during the session and not even a consideration at the end.
I have been involved in children’s games and sports for 15 years now and during that time I have listened to and been party myself in the past to the belief that we need to make games competitive. “It gives the less academic children an opportunity to shine” is another argument. But this session reinforced my now ‘contrary feelings’ that activity is much more rewarding when cooperation, fun and health are to the forefront of what we offer.
I see competition now as much more corrosive than I did before. I see how it crushes certain children and makes others angst-ridden, short-tempered, argumentative and not fun to be around. This is not at all preparing them for life but making them less sure of themselves in certain situations or needy for recognition to fuel their actions. Children become more brittle through competition, not less!
If we have less academic children then is there not opportunity to take this cooperation into the classroom too, where more able children can support less able children in their learning, rather than separating individuals into their little compartments of success and leaving them to struggle alone with their challenges.
I see now many adults who are unsure of themselves in social situations and how we can link this to the overemphasis on winning, being the best, achieving, when exercise and learning should be about playing together, having fun, making friends, laughing and socialising.
Whatever a teacher or coach experienced themselves at school or in sports, does not need to be what we offer children today. To make our games evolving and move beyond what we have done before, a different approach is needed: that games are about fun, learning and inclusive of everyone. Cooperation, togetherness, harmony – children going home with smiles on their faces and contentment in how they feel. Competition, Cooperation – the difference really is astounding.
By Stephen Gammack, Exercise and wellbeing specialist, Bsc Hons Exe Sci, Dip Sport Therapy
Further Reading:
My Reflection on Competition and Sport
Ball games for kids: Co-operative learning or a not-so-healthy competitive race?
Competition or connection: What are students really learning?
481 Comments
It’s refreshing to hear how you allows these children robustness be themselves and play on their own Terms without competition. This is a great reflection to them.
“Whatever a teacher or coach experienced themselves at school or in sports, does not need to be what we offer children today.” This ultimately says that we can let go of our past hurts and then don’t have to have other people go through the same thing as we went through.
Sport, in the sense of throwing a ball or something like that, can be so much fun if we do it without the competition. I would never like the competition brought in because it did not give me space to learn and enjoy as it all had to be quick and good.
Great observations Stephen, something we could as adults remember more of. Making the playing about having fun and not getting caught up in rules and what they should or should not be doing.
If we allow children to be themselves they naturally know how to play and have fun, for enjoying life is about being present in and with each moment.
Very true, we just need to leave them alone and naturally they will know what to do and how to be with each other.
I agree that we generally perform better in a true sense when relaxed, playful and not under pressure.
I went to a sports day yesterday where there were football and netball teams from different schools in the area playing against one another, a day that was, you could say purposely set up for competition before playing any sport. And as I sit here pondering on the words competition and cooperation and what this blog is offering, I think about the day and what it could offer. What if every child from a different school got together and made it about fun and cooperation getting to know other children and not compete against them to win? How would the day have been? How would every child feel and not what I saw yesterday – happy when they were winning and miserable when they lost? The question is are we as adults ready for a day like this where there is a togetherness, bonding and play instead of winning and the seeking for our children/school to do well?
I must say, I have never had such an experience as the game described by Stephen when growing up. It is so simple and effective.
I agree ‘we will be much more successful by being open and considerate of others rather than overcoming them’ we need to make it about connection and cooperation. Even services who’s aim is to support young people compete over who is better than another. Its crazy. What are we teaching young people about relationships when we do this? What are we teaching anyone about anything when we do this?!! Competition is so not the way forward. Cooperation and Connection is ✨
What you write here about cooperation, fun, health, inclusiveness and harmony is beautiful and to me truly is evolving for everyone. It’s a great foundation for life, for us all.
‘…life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition.’ I absolutely agree with you Stephen, there are so many brilliant points you’ve raised here and what you’ve shared explains so much about why our society is the way it is on so many levels. It is natural for us to cooperate but when competitiveness comes in it is a sign we have stepped away from our natural essence which results in disharmony, conflict, and abuse. We have to harden our body in order to compete and this is going against our natural make-up.
One of the other obvious lies that are around today. That competition evolves humanity, people. It is better said that humanity is not evolving through competition.
If we play ball with competition, we sell ourselves into a game that will own us for life and leave us far short of the true beauty and exquisite harmony we each in essence are.
So true Liane and when we look around, we can already see the damage of competitiveness and how this game has impacted our society on a global scale. We are collectively celebrating and rewarding competitiveness instead of cooperation, unity and living from our essence.
I agree that we will be much more truly ‘successful’ by being open and considerate of others rather than trying to overcoming/beat them. Success in terms of being true to who we are in essence and not in just material or recognition stakes…
I love this suggestion…”If we have less academic children then is there not opportunity to take this cooperation into the classroom too, where more able children can support less able children in their learning, rather than separating individuals into their little compartments of success and leaving them to struggle alone with their challenges.” And we all have strengths and understanding in different areas, and so we all have something to learn and teach one another.
My daughter has recently been buddied up with a classmate so she can help him with some of the schoolwork he is struggling with and that she is strong in. Her teacher saw this as a great way to not only support the other student in his work but also to support my daughter socially. It was a win/win all around and how it should be in the classroom of life. We are not designed to be good at everything (and how boring it would be if we were!) We are designed to work together. It takes a true teacher to help foster this quality in their students and it takes a true student to be willing to go there. This is how we resurrect out true normal.
If competition was replaced by co-operation it would revolutionise our whole world. A true game changer.
Yes, as a starter we would be far less exhausted.
From what I am observing, the more competitive a person is, the more insecure they are yet they will argue that sport builds confidence but what is the true meaning of confidence I ask? True confidence doesn’t come and go eg. we can feel confident after winning but what happens there after? Could winning be a false, temporary moment or moments of what we perceive as confidence? What if we can feel confident in every moment without any excitement or heightened elevation? What if true confidence is simply being present with ourselves?
Re-reading this shows just how much we do not work with inclusiveness, equality and collaboration in our workplaces and rather more individuality, competition and self-drive. May be every office and workplace should have a toy ball for meetings to be based on enjoying a new way of working together.
Observation and reading is key in feeling the group and knowing what is needed at any one time. No wonder the children went home with smiles on their faces and contentment in how they feel.
I used to think that children love to play games that are competitive but I now understand how harmful this game can be for us all. When you look at the many children’s games offered to them, nearly all of them are about competition and numbing their senses. How is this nurturing and growing our children if they are constantly shown that this is how life should be, about competition and winning?
Reading and connection is TRUE EDUCATION. Anything else is offering an assortment of tick boxes to please yet no learning and appreciation of one another has taken place.
Competition does breed anxiety. It also breeds superiority and a lack of considering everyone all together. There is an us and them which is very divisive. I love how you share, Steven how the three hours went… everyone relaxed enjoying the exercise and each other. That’s how it should be.
I love what you present here Stephen and I used to love playing games where the outcome didn’t really matter, there was a great freedom to explore within them.
I remember giving up on playing netball at primary school because my teacher insisted I keep shooting goals in my break times as I was ‘good at it’ and she wanted me to be better, I wasn’t allowed to play. I feel now I was good at it because there was a wonder in throwing and having it fall through the hoop like magic. When I was expected to keep improving I got to the point that it felt more like torture than fun and the joy went out of it, I could no longer play, no longer get the ball through the hoop because I was ‘trying’. That was so crushing and I lost all appetite for that kind of sport.
There are very strong beliefs around sport and physical activity for kids that promotes competition. I hear all the reasons and justifications for why it is good to compete, yet wanting to win, being devasted by losing, taking sides all sound like things that lead to the downfall of our relationships. We are already struggling to make our relationships last let alone be loving, so do we need to add these competitive beliefs to the mix?
Great point Fiona and if we are teaching children to be competitive then this is setting them up to numb their sensitivity, harden their body and play a game that no one wins.
Wherever we lose our sense of togetherness we lose our sense of true purpose, and how we are a responsible part of a whole. How valuable it is to learn to play together, honor and support each other to be part of the fun and games as these are true life skills that our children deserve to learn, that confirm who they naturally are.
If we observe what happens to our body when we are put into a competitive situation compared to when we are in an cooperative situation. Our body will tell us loud and clear what feels true and what doesn’t. I know for myself when I am being competitive, it feels awful in my body. I can feel tensed, hard, anxious, heavy, racy and separate from people, whereas when I am in full cooperation with everyone, there is a warmth, lightness, joy and harmony in my body. The contrast is huge, it makes me wonder why our world is currently predominately run on competitiveness when it makes us feel so awful and even ill?
Life, play and physical activity without competition… something I see as our future and look forward to immensely.
I love your conclusion, that “competition makes children more brittle and not less”. Competition and keeping a score are used as incentives but what does it mean? Does it mean that we don’t enjoy what we are doing unless we can win at something, triumph over or outdo another? If that is all that keeps us going, would we be better off giving this whole competition thing the flick?
I agree, Stephen, competition is sold to us as being a ‘good thing’ and the way we developed (natural selection) as human beings, but the truth is very far from that. It is interesting that you link poor social skills with competition and I feel you may be right – as soon as we introduce any element of approval, being right, being best, then anxiety creeps in and destroys potential. I feel that all children whatever their ability can shine and it takes a teacher with your approach to generate that feeling of equality in all of them.
When we are not driven by what society applauds and values, we know the feeling of being caring and considerate of others is what brings joy and harmony. We have to harden up to want to beat another person and the moment of elation wears off pretty quick leaving us feeling empty and isolated. Whereas a moment of connection, opens our heart and expands the possibilities of what we feel.
Very wise words Stephen.
Great you live this by offering it to our children, our future generation.
If we keep saying Yes to the Children going for competition we add also to the wars in the world. IT is all about feeling the disharmony in our body by the disturbing choices for our body then naturally this has an effect on all aspects of life.
What an amazing new imprint you are approaching through having no investment of modelling and inciting children. They are truly blessed, as they will never forget, the spaciousness in their body, compared to the tightness &compression, when you are competing with one another.
Wow, reading this “It gives the less academic children an opportunity to shine” makes my stomach turn around. What a great judgement we as kids are already exposed to. What if shining means, embracing yourself without measure of being better or less good than another?!
I love this blog and the simple truth of what you are sharing. ‘Children become more brittle through competition, not less!’ Clearly your experience speaks volumes and I also love this sharing ‘If we have less academic children then is there not opportunity to take this cooperation into the classroom too, where more able children can support less able children in their learning, rather than separating individuals into their little compartments of success and leaving them to struggle alone with their challenges?’ This makes total sense to me.
Thank you for sharing Stephen – it sounds like you had a very expansive experience with the kids, allowing them to feel that competition and comparison did not need to come into sport. This is so unusual and yet huge as it allows children to feel how playing together can be about supporting each other and not beating each other. No one has to walk away less.
I love how you claim it can all change Stephen, and teachers don’t have to teach what they experienced years ago. They can feel the imposition of what sport did to them, and can change it to bring fun and enjoyment to exercise, re-configuring games for themselves as well as the children.
Yes. I love this too, Gill. What may have been our experience does not need to be perpetuated if we feel the ill and devastation of it. In fact it is our responsibility to break the cycles of repetition and show an alternative approach.
What an insightful read on how we can be given the gift of breaking the cycle of our history with school and sports.
What a wonderful foundation children would be able to develop in their lives if the focus at school, and in life in general, was on cooperation not competition. Learning to work in harmony with those around them and supporting others when they need it would engender a very different generation of children as they grow into adulthood and venture out into this currently extremely competitive world.
True education is about connection of both the student and teacher as equals so that the gold is offered by both to learn and grow. Far from the model we are currently experiencing in our worlds educational systems.
Imagine if, not just for children in school, we held cooperation greater than competition in all aspects of life… we would live in a world that would be fundamentally different.
“it was about having fun,”
Truly as a child thats what all learning should be about, learning being all that you are and thats fun.