Recently I took a group of children for some ball games at a school holiday activity club. The activity was informal and all about play. In this session it was brilliant to observe the children at play and to see how their attitude towards playing was influenced by my own approach to teaching and also shaped by their own interests, not any impressed-upon beliefs.
The session wasn’t really about learning the skill, it was about having fun, being inclusive and getting lots of exercise. I took quite a laidback approach to the session, but also was watching intently to see who was getting to play and who might be missing out.
I had recently had a conversation about competition with a colleague at work: I believe competition is overemphasised and doesn’t actually reflect our societies – or indeed need to be fostered, as the age-old argument states. My feeling is that life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition: we will be much more successful by being open and considerate of others rather than overcoming them. I believe this will give us a more rewarding life than being ultra-competitive. There are of course contradictions to this but they are most often in the world of big business and high-end sport where corruption and underhand tactics are rife, and I for one don’t want to teach any child to become good at that.
Back to the ball game: my approach to teaching children’s games has changed over the years and I prefer to be softly spoken as much as possible, so my approach to this session was to be a facilitator and try and keep the game going while ensuring everyone got a turn… not winding up the children into a frenzy with loud shouting, or keeping score. This allowed for a very relaxed atmosphere; I saw how this allowed the children to just be themselves, to act naturally, not play to a coach’s tune or feel they needed to prove themselves and seek recognition.
We ended up playing for nearly three hours with children coming and going from the game, and by the end of the time all the children had taken on the approach of supporting one another to be involved. In fact during the session I can’t remember one child complaining about another or saying “it’s not fair,” or asking for there to be a scoring system. All the children were just content to have a hit of the ball and attempt to play some good shots, of which they sometimes offered encouragement if another did particularly well. No one got irritated or impatient if a younger child didn’t manage something so well.
What also struck me on reflection afterwards was how relaxed the children were – there was none of the tension I have seen so often in children when they are trying to execute a skill under pressure.
I put a lot of this down to the environment; that it was not about needing to score points and be better than another. So while there were two teams and they were trying to beat the other team on a point, ultimately none of the children cared at all about this; it was irrelevant during the session and not even a consideration at the end.
I have been involved in children’s games and sports for 15 years now and during that time I have listened to and been party myself in the past to the belief that we need to make games competitive. “It gives the less academic children an opportunity to shine” is another argument. But this session reinforced my now ‘contrary feelings’ that activity is much more rewarding when cooperation, fun and health are to the forefront of what we offer.
I see competition now as much more corrosive than I did before. I see how it crushes certain children and makes others angst-ridden, short-tempered, argumentative and not fun to be around. This is not at all preparing them for life but making them less sure of themselves in certain situations or needy for recognition to fuel their actions. Children become more brittle through competition, not less!
If we have less academic children then is there not opportunity to take this cooperation into the classroom too, where more able children can support less able children in their learning, rather than separating individuals into their little compartments of success and leaving them to struggle alone with their challenges.
I see now many adults who are unsure of themselves in social situations and how we can link this to the overemphasis on winning, being the best, achieving, when exercise and learning should be about playing together, having fun, making friends, laughing and socialising.
Whatever a teacher or coach experienced themselves at school or in sports, does not need to be what we offer children today. To make our games evolving and move beyond what we have done before, a different approach is needed: that games are about fun, learning and inclusive of everyone. Cooperation, togetherness, harmony – children going home with smiles on their faces and contentment in how they feel. Competition, Cooperation – the difference really is astounding.
By Stephen
Further Reading:
My Reflection on Competition and Sport
Ball games for kids: Co-operative learning or a not-so-healthy competitive race?
Competition or connection: What are students really learning?
470 Comments
Stephen what you are sharing here is amazing – that children can just have fun and enjoy themselves, without the need to be competitive.
Competition adds up to us being in comparison and it’s twin sister judgement and these factor make others feel lesser than and as you have shared Stephen, so much open-ness and harmony allows us all to evolve when we are co-operating in all we do
Greg I have watched how competition and its twin sister judgement eats away at people’s self confidence. I work in sales and the market is extremely tough, but the parent company anticipates receiving a healthy profit this year and an even higher profit margin in 2022. This has put enormous strain on the sales team and even though the company talks about everyone being part of a ‘team’ and working as a collective,management are just mouthing words. Competition against each other is constantly encouraged, so there is no harmony and there is certainly no team, it’s all an illusion. A member of the sales team recently stepped down from front line sales to take a customer care role because the pressure to make sales at any cost was too much for them, they could not take the strain of the competition any longer. What is competition doing to our well-being when people fear for their job security if they do not bring in the sales expected of them and are compared month on month to their fellow ‘team’ members? And what behaviours are we encouraging when No one likes to be at the bottom of the sales league table? What are all these corporations doing with their money? We can see from the poverty levels in society that the rich are not giving to the poor, because the rich are getting richer and the poor poorer, so what is the real impact on people and our society when we herald competition…
“harmony – children going home with smiles on their faces and contentment in how they feel” This should be how it is for every child in the class as they learn to study and play together.
Over emphasising winning has helped generations of children to grow up lost to who they truly are.
When we are given space to express, we are actually able to express and execute tasks in a way which comes natural and free-flowing. The quality of these tasks then varies greatly because they come from a place which no mind/ force can create.
Life is so much simpler when we learn to get on so introducing this at a young age will be world changing.
Competition is corrosive it also sets up to fail for when one wins over another – no-one truly wins.
“The session wasn’t really about learning the skill, it was about having fun, being inclusive and getting lots of exercise.” How refreshing. So many games for children are about winning and being competitive. No fun there, especially if you lose….
Teach any child and encourage Competition and the child will be left to feel alone, teach a child and encourage Cooperation and the child will grow up knowing we are all the same.
I totally agree with what you have expressed Anonymous, having watched my child go through the education system, I have seen first hand that competition is encouraged. For example at infant school comparison was used between children regarding their reading and writing skills. Johnny got gold stars because he was great at reading and Alice didn’t get a gold star. She didn’t get any stars because she couldn’t read very well. This way of teaching is rife which as you say can make a child feel alone. This can set a child up to believe they are not clever, it can trigger self worth issues based on looking outside of themselves to what others are doing. And we now know that when you start to look outside of yourself to others and the outside world then you leave behind the true you. Which is why the education system is set up the way it is, to get the child to look outside for the answers and not within for the answers.
How come we put so much emphasis on our children getting university degrees so they can get ‘good’ jobs and have a ‘secure’ income for life. We don’t look at how they got the university degrees or what they put themselves through to get that piece of paper. We just champion the piece of paper. If this model is working, why is it that we have high rates of young people suiciding? Are we prepared to ask the question: is the education system which is based on competition and comparison truly working?
Having fun and being playful is so innate for children. When allowed to be just that, without any imposition, children naturally, (for the most part) get on well and are very harmonious together. Add in a ‘bit’ of competition and watch all of that go out the door.
There are many adults unsure of themselves in social situations and why is this? its because they did not learn to keep who they where and instead sold out to an competitive image of who they should be.
Yes LE – we have so many ‘shoulds’ from our mind in life rather than feeling from our body what is appropriate for any given situation.
How can any of us be confident when we’re as real as a hologram? Most of us are pictures layered upon pictures layered upon pictures and so we’re bound to feel flakey when we’re with others. In contrast when we’re deeply connected to the truth of who we are we’re rock solid, an immovable and yet ever responsive being whose roots go down deep into the belly of life.
LE, I have observed this too that we feel we need a glass of alcohol to give us the confidence ( dutch courage) to be in social conditions.
I agree, all schools and activities would benefit the children by adding ‘cooperation, fun, health, inclusiveness and harmony’ to all they bring as was done in this example.
Allowing the children to just be themselves, to not to seek recognition, seems a great way to support the children during these activities, ‘I saw how this allowed the children to just be themselves, to act naturally, not play to a coach’s tune or feel they needed to prove themselves and seek recognition.’
I watched a child recently, who is gorgeous and sweet, completely change when becoming competitive in a game. Our compulsion to win at all costs brings out the monster in us… from being prepared to cheat, change the rules as we go along, become argumentative and tantrum if we don’t get our way. I think we have seen this within ourselves at some point in our lives, until we learnt otherwise.
‘My feeling is that life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition…There are of course contradictions to this, but they are most often in the world of big business and high-end sport where corruption and underhand tactics are rife…’ If we lived in cooperation and collaboration in life in general, then business and all other aspects of society would change as a reflection of this.
Excellent blog Stephen, “I see now many adults who are unsure of themselves in social situations and how we can link this to the overemphasis on winning, being the best, achieving” so sad that as young children we are often made to compete against our fellow brothers, this directly effects relationships we are made to love and support one another not to be better than another.
It’s refreshing to hear how you allows these children robustness be themselves and play on their own Terms without competition. This is a great reflection to them.
“Whatever a teacher or coach experienced themselves at school or in sports, does not need to be what we offer children today.” This ultimately says that we can let go of our past hurts and then don’t have to have other people go through the same thing as we went through.
Sport, in the sense of throwing a ball or something like that, can be so much fun if we do it without the competition. I would never like the competition brought in because it did not give me space to learn and enjoy as it all had to be quick and good.
Great observations Stephen, something we could as adults remember more of. Making the playing about having fun and not getting caught up in rules and what they should or should not be doing.
If we allow children to be themselves they naturally know how to play and have fun, for enjoying life is about being present in and with each moment.
Very true, we just need to leave them alone and naturally they will know what to do and how to be with each other.
I went to a sports day yesterday where there were football and netball teams from different schools in the area playing against one another, a day that was, you could say purposely set up for competition before playing any sport. And as I sit here pondering on the words competition and cooperation and what this blog is offering, I think about the day and what it could offer. What if every child from a different school got together and made it about fun and cooperation getting to know other children and not compete against them to win? How would the day have been? How would every child feel and not what I saw yesterday – happy when they were winning and miserable when they lost? The question is are we as adults ready for a day like this where there is a togetherness, bonding and play instead of winning and the seeking for our children/school to do well?
I must say, I have never had such an experience as the game described by Stephen when growing up. It is so simple and effective.
I agree ‘we will be much more successful by being open and considerate of others rather than overcoming them’ we need to make it about connection and cooperation. Even services who’s aim is to support young people compete over who is better than another. Its crazy. What are we teaching young people about relationships when we do this? What are we teaching anyone about anything when we do this?!! Competition is so not the way forward. Cooperation and Connection is ✨
‘…life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition.’ I absolutely agree with you Stephen, there are so many brilliant points you’ve raised here and what you’ve shared explains so much about why our society is the way it is on so many levels. It is natural for us to cooperate but when competitiveness comes in it is a sign we have stepped away from our natural essence which results in disharmony, conflict, and abuse. We have to harden our body in order to compete and this is going against our natural make-up.
One of the other obvious lies that are around today. That competition evolves humanity, people. It is better said that humanity is not evolving through competition.
If we play ball with competition, we sell ourselves into a game that will own us for life and leave us far short of the true beauty and exquisite harmony we each in essence are.
So true Liane and when we look around, we can already see the damage of competitiveness and how this game has impacted our society on a global scale. We are collectively celebrating and rewarding competitiveness instead of cooperation, unity and living from our essence.
I love this suggestion…”If we have less academic children then is there not opportunity to take this cooperation into the classroom too, where more able children can support less able children in their learning, rather than separating individuals into their little compartments of success and leaving them to struggle alone with their challenges.” And we all have strengths and understanding in different areas, and so we all have something to learn and teach one another.
My daughter has recently been buddied up with a classmate so she can help him with some of the schoolwork he is struggling with and that she is strong in. Her teacher saw this as a great way to not only support the other student in his work but also to support my daughter socially. It was a win/win all around and how it should be in the classroom of life. We are not designed to be good at everything (and how boring it would be if we were!) We are designed to work together. It takes a true teacher to help foster this quality in their students and it takes a true student to be willing to go there. This is how we resurrect out true normal.