Recently I took a group of children for some ball games at a school holiday activity club. The activity was informal and all about play. In this session it was brilliant to observe the children at play and to see how their attitude towards playing was influenced by my own approach to teaching and also shaped by their own interests, not any impressed-upon beliefs.
The session wasn’t really about learning the skill, it was about having fun, being inclusive and getting lots of exercise. I took quite a laidback approach to the session, but also was watching intently to see who was getting to play and who might be missing out.
I had recently had a conversation about competition with a colleague at work: I believe competition is overemphasised and doesn’t actually reflect our societies – or indeed need to be fostered, as the age-old argument states. My feeling is that life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition: we will be much more successful by being open and considerate of others rather than overcoming them. I believe this will give us a more rewarding life than being ultra-competitive. There are of course contradictions to this but they are most often in the world of big business and high-end sport where corruption and underhand tactics are rife, and I for one don’t want to teach any child to become good at that.
Back to the ball game: my approach to teaching children’s games has changed over the years and I prefer to be softly spoken as much as possible, so my approach to this session was to be a facilitator and try and keep the game going while ensuring everyone got a turn… not winding up the children into a frenzy with loud shouting, or keeping score. This allowed for a very relaxed atmosphere; I saw how this allowed the children to just be themselves, to act naturally, not play to a coach’s tune or feel they needed to prove themselves and seek recognition.
We ended up playing for nearly three hours with children coming and going from the game, and by the end of the time all the children had taken on the approach of supporting one another to be involved. In fact during the session I can’t remember one child complaining about another or saying “it’s not fair,” or asking for there to be a scoring system. All the children were just content to have a hit of the ball and attempt to play some good shots, of which they sometimes offered encouragement if another did particularly well. No one got irritated or impatient if a younger child didn’t manage something so well.
What also struck me on reflection afterwards was how relaxed the children were – there was none of the tension I have seen so often in children when they are trying to execute a skill under pressure.
I put a lot of this down to the environment; that it was not about needing to score points and be better than another. So while there were two teams and they were trying to beat the other team on a point, ultimately none of the children cared at all about this; it was irrelevant during the session and not even a consideration at the end.
I have been involved in children’s games and sports for 15 years now and during that time I have listened to and been party myself in the past to the belief that we need to make games competitive. “It gives the less academic children an opportunity to shine” is another argument. But this session reinforced my now ‘contrary feelings’ that activity is much more rewarding when cooperation, fun and health are to the forefront of what we offer.
I see competition now as much more corrosive than I did before. I see how it crushes certain children and makes others angst-ridden, short-tempered, argumentative and not fun to be around. This is not at all preparing them for life but making them less sure of themselves in certain situations or needy for recognition to fuel their actions. Children become more brittle through competition, not less!
If we have less academic children then is there not opportunity to take this cooperation into the classroom too, where more able children can support less able children in their learning, rather than separating individuals into their little compartments of success and leaving them to struggle alone with their challenges.
I see now many adults who are unsure of themselves in social situations and how we can link this to the overemphasis on winning, being the best, achieving, when exercise and learning should be about playing together, having fun, making friends, laughing and socialising.
Whatever a teacher or coach experienced themselves at school or in sports, does not need to be what we offer children today. To make our games evolving and move beyond what we have done before, a different approach is needed: that games are about fun, learning and inclusive of everyone. Cooperation, togetherness, harmony – children going home with smiles on their faces and contentment in how they feel. Competition, Cooperation – the difference really is astounding.
By Stephen
Further Reading:
My Reflection on Competition and Sport
Ball games for kids: Co-operative learning or a not-so-healthy competitive race?
Competition or connection: What are students really learning?
470 Comments
I am struck by so many things in this blog that means we can learn cooperation rather than competition and the effect that has on the body. I love that the kids were keen to play for 3 hours – that is unheard of in so many spaces I am in. I wonder, if what you brought to the session when you didn’t speak loudly or ra ra them, was an opportunity to have a go and feel the fun in connection and of teamwork so they could remain in their bodies which meant they didn’t get exhausted by the activity.
I would say yes Lucy, and because they weren’t ra ra’ed they didn’t ‘need’ or were looking for the next thing to give them a rise or excitement. Many of us think that’s what kids want or kids need to keep them interested but it most definitely is not. Could that be why many kids crave screen time and sugary foods and drinks? Because they have not been met in equalness and have been supported through activities to stay elevated during their day.
‘Whatever a teacher or coach experienced themselves at school or in sports, does not need to be what we offer children today.’ It’s so simple really, isn’t it? It only takes a momentary glimpse into what we truly felt as children attending school or playing competitive sports to call in to question whether there isn’t a better way. Allowing our children to connect rather than compete has the potential to change the world.
Cooperation not competition. This understanding has the power to change so much in the world for the better. Imagine the world of work with this as a fundamental value.
It is inspiring to consider what our world, work, relationships… actually everything, will look like when we collaborate and cooperate with one another. I am going to take this to work today…
I’ve heard it say, being competitive is healthy. How can it be healthy if both sides are trying to beat the other and using all of their energy and focus to do that, this would be a huge drain on the kidneys. And then neither wins because whether you win or loose, you’re both going to get drained from the investment to win and then the winner will feel the emptiness when the excitement wears off and the looser will feel totally flat because they lost. Doesn’t make sense at all.
There is such a difference when we work with each other rather than trying to compete. In essence I work in sales and so often people try to peg us against each other but forget that we so often achieve far more when we work with and support each other. Everyone also feels the difference and no one then loses.
Inequality in all its forms poisons us. Whether it is elevating some or excluding others, anything that plays ball with our need to feel wanted and special is part of a loose loose game for humanity. No matter how big or small, it effects us all. Thank you Stephen.
‘life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition’ When I hear people speak about their jobs one of the things they love or miss in a job is the team work, the sense of working together for a common goal.
Playing in harmony together is so appealing, allowing the fun to just be there, ‘I saw how this allowed the children to just be themselves, to act naturally, not play to a coach’s tune or feel they needed to prove themselves and seek recognition.’
Its interesting how the word ‘game’ has become a synonym for the word ‘competition’ (just think Olympic Games). Yet if I just stand back a half inch, isn’t the word game all about fun? How did we change it so completely, and what are we offering the world these days with our ultra competitive sports rather than games by which we explore, learn and get an opportunity to work together?
Yes, good point. In order to ‘play’ these sports at ultra competitive levels they need to harden their bodies which means they lack the delicacy of feeling the finer details and fun that comes from connection without competition. I know this is certainly true from my body’s experience with sport and has taken years to undo.
A point of inspiration for the beginning of the new year and new terms of school all over the world. One step at a time, one teacher at a time, inspired and supported by the insight in articles such as these, there is a real opportunity to inspire collaboration rather than perpetuate competition.
There is nothing lovelier than seeing children play in harmony together… this is our natural way. Yet, all the conditioning and having to get ahead by way of competition disables the harmony that is instinctive.
What you present here Stephen is a very different definition of true success, being about collaboration and the ability to listen/learn in life and with others rather than competing and coming out ‘on top’. What does coming out ‘on top’ really do for humanity, when another 7.5 billion people might still be lost in some way, unsure about life or looking for answers?
I would love to see this approach to teaching in all school and educational facilities. I observe that argumentative behaviour too when watching or partaking in a game with young children I know. It creates aggressive behaviour! When we take away the competition as you share we add harmony to the mix. I love the idea of those who are more experienced or proficient in some activity being encouraged to help those who are not there yet. What a beautiful way to change the world! Thank you for a wonderful blog Stephen.
With more coaches and teachers like yourself who teach by example and Truth from the heart rather than by only the syllabus of what has to be taught, children will be able to connect more to what they innately know, Truth. This is a milestone in education.
There is always an element of stress and tension around competition as it is not natural to us. I remember feeling sick with nerves before competing in my younger years.
Competition pits us against each other, which is not our nature. What you are offering Stephen feels very unifying and a lot more fun.
There is such simplicity and clarity in accepting the truth that competition ‘pits us against each other’ and from this honesty it is clear to see how this does not build unified, respectful, equal, collaborative communities… common sense and a deep call in us all to work together will prevail
I was playing scrabble with my 7year-old niece and observing her manner when she was playing with the tiles on her own making up words, compared to playing with me and my sister in a game. The two were vastly different… when playing with us, frustration crept in as we kept a tally of the points. When she played on her own for fun, she was relaxed and enjoyed her game. Competition really does add a tension and inner agitation.
Cooperation, togetherness and harmony and fun – what a antidote to those age old ingrained patterns of having to be the best at something.
Competition is born from a lack of equality. For how can we pitch ourselves against another when we know we are of the same substance – love.
What a beautiful sharing and understanding of the true needs of children with the fun laughter and joy of cooperation and togetherness as apposed to the separation and stress of competition. Amazing to feel.
I remember as a child playing competitive team sports mainly enjoying the sense of belonging and less interested in the winning and losing aspect and yet we can get caught up on focusing on feeling the recognition of being a winner.
Great words here about not needing to overcome another person through competition, and that cooperation could actually be the way forward. It sounds simple, but the reality is much more grand because through cooperation there is the potential for harmony.
“We will be much more successful by being open and considerate of others rather than overcoming them.”
If this pearl of wisdom was lived by humanity, the world would be a much different place. And it is not a pipe dream, it starts with each and everyone of us, dropping competition and comparison from our own lives, and being open and considerate of others.
Competition is a spoil sport and artificial rah rah that divides rather than unites humanity. After all, for every winner there is a loser if not several and this adversity is not part of our true nature.
It is amazing how our innate ability to co-operate with each other has been taken over by the need for recognition in competition, this fosters separation and individuality which are at the heart of the problems of humanities woes.
We’ve got vacation care coming up soon – do you want to come and play ball? 🙂
. ‘I see competition now as much more corrosive than I did before. I see how it crushes certain children and makes others angst-ridden, short-tempered, argumentative and not fun to be around.’ I am in full agreement Stephen, and I am sure that every child having experienced your beautiful and true way of going about it, would feel the same. Competition sets one child against another – the idea of ‘friendly rivals’ is false, though some people do seem at some level to be able to transcend rivalry – but there need not be the rivals in the first place. In competition, even as the winner, there is always the fear of being toppled next time around.
I was just realising that the huge tension created by competitive sport plus the adrenalin released in the body all serves to make a person feel as if they are really having a life! But also it is serving to numb the deep emotional pain being carried and the age-old restlessness of not living in one’s essence.
“life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition” – Very true Stephen. What are we fostering through such intense competition within schools and in sport? For kids to grow up and engage in competition in business, relationships, life, between countries, finance, in politics and so forth; further separation from true worldwide cooperation.
Change the world this would… collaboration, working together with a view of the bigger picture and what benefits all and kissing competition and the narrow view of personal gain and getting ahead.
The divisiveness of competition cannot be understated and since it is embedded in our beliefs and education systems, we override our natural pull to collaborate from an early age. I love the ease with which the children you talk about let that go… this in itself is inspiring.
Would it not make sense to confirm and celebrate a person (adult or child) in their qualities rather than pit them one against another – brother against brother – to create division and dis-unity and dis-harmony? Where have we come to as a human race to be celebrating sports and the vanquishing of another brother? There is lots to ponder on here as we may not see a link down the track with domestic violence or fighting in the streets as a result of the tension from such divisions in sports. Hence why Stephen so beautifully brings it together with how we can draw inspiration from children and the way they relate and how they are there to have fun but not at the expense of another, and never without fully enjoying and valuing themselves and the quality they bring to the group.
Children are great teachers in showing us how to have fun and to be ourselves. Sometimes hanging out with kids can be very refreshing and exposing to how serious and conditioned we can end up being in life and so spending time with kids helps us break out of this!
I find it more fun when we all enjoy playing together naturally and all enjoying it together than when we are trying to compete and bring each other down.
Encouraging competition does nothing but separate. Encouraging unity and cooperation contributes to the brotherhood that we know is possible on earth.
I absolutely love your approach Stephen and it makes complete sense. I used to believe in competition being necessary but I’ve changed my views on that and now see that cooperation is a far more valuable quality to participate in life with.
Cooperation. Competition. What a difference those central 5 letters make! I love what you share here Stephen, I totally agree, life is much more about cooperation – how amazing for children to have this confirmed as much as possible in every situation – INCLUDING the sports field.
Well picked here Rosanna – two words that are the polar opposites yet written in a way that can easily be confused – and so many people also loop them together in the sense of teams cooperating together to compete against other teams, which only further increases the whole fighting attitude and one being better than another. How much more beautiful to be confirmed in one’s qualities rather than being pitted against another brother!
It’s a shame that we cannot take the model of cooperation not competition out to the corporate world. where it is all about competition and profit no matter what the end result.
Thank you Stephen, this is a great line “life is much more about cooperation than it ever is about competition: we will be much more successful by being open and considerate of others rather than overcoming them.” We don’t often think of competition about overcoming another, more that we wish to be the best, but it’s all so futile when we are equal. We would do better to honour children and adults for who they are, and to foster the connection to our essence where true equality is very deeply felt as a natural part of us.
I love how you talk about co-operation, it is something that is of huge value to me in the way I run my business and family. When I set up my business it did not come from a completive approach, it came from looking at a town and seeing what was needed and what would serve everyone in that town. It was easy because I loved what I did and not because I was the best but because I worked really well in a team and enjoyed how social my job was. This idea that it is a dog eat dog world is nonsense that is fed to us, we work best in groups and it is so important to foster co-operation.