I’ve been doing quite a bit of pondering on food and my relationship with it lately, as I have just committed to applying an autoimmune diet protocol for myself. I have taken some time to get to this point in my relationship with food, and, I must say – I have been very much inspired through my new relationship with my partner.
Having known for some time of the steps I could take to reduce inflammation within my body, and support it to truly heal… ‘life’ had gotten in the way… or had it? This got me questioning – is it possible that we are actually constantly tempted by the outside world to choose from its wide array of options, anything, so long as it does not lead us back to US?
This morning I clocked the similarity between my relationship with sex and food!… And indeed, any outside stimulation! Recently I said a big fat no to sex.
Whhhaaat??… You may ask… And why? Especially considering how touted, hyped up and glamourised sex is in our society. I had come to the end of a cycle where sex was no longer enough for me in relationships… No matter how good it was, nor how many orgasms I had with a man… still, I could no longer deny that something usually felt missing afterwards.
Having let go of this as not being ‘it’ (No matter how much society tells us it is!), I went through a period of grief… I was letting go of something – something that felt to have been my Band-Aid for a long time in this life and I had to feel what was underneath it: a deep loneliness.
In feeling this I was able to develop compassion for myself through an understanding that all I had ever been seeking (through whatever varying external stimulation) was the connection I felt missing inside of myself, and, I deepened and developed my ability to hold myself tenderly…
Through the sobbing and wondering if I would ever be with a man again, I held myself and began to truly Support myself, I began to Truly have my own back.
I began to Truly, make Love with myself; to hold myself in Love consistently so.
How this played out in scenarios out in the world included beginning to say ‘no’ to any outside advances that did not feel equal to the beholding, loving energy that I was now committed to consistently hold myself in. This period of time was very much a solidifying, re-bonding and re-parenting phase for me.
So, I said no to Sex. I renounced ‘sex’ as a substitute for True Love And True Connection!
With the support of some amazing practitioners and a couple of great friends, I began to claim what I truly wanted out of life and, what I truly wanted out of a relationship ~ I even wrote a list (but this may be for another blog!). And, I said a Big Fat Yes to Love!
Somewhere deep inside me, I knew that I was Divine; A Child of God! As such, and confirmed through my own self-nurturing, I re-connected to a knowing that God does not want us to suffer nor endure anything less-than-this confirming quality that I now held myself in. Did I have doubts? Yes, for sure, these thoughts popped in. And tried to take root in my being!
I knew innately of my worth and Divinity but, based on what I had thus far experienced (and, for the most part witnessed within my own life) I was not entirely convinced that God had an intimate, Loving relationship of the Level I was asking for in store for me! I had to surrender, to God’s plan instead of mine… And, if that meant in this lifetime I would remain single and simply raise my children and work… so-be-it. I was no longer willing to compromise on the energy of what I would accept or not accept!
And, by no compromise, I do not mean it in any kind of self-entitled way but simply, as mentioned above, that I would not compromise on the Quality of my relationship. If it wasn’t based on True Love – I wasn’t doing it. Period.
Immediately after I claimed this for myself I became aware of the fact that I had already met a man within my community who lived this same quality that I was asking for in a relationship. So, to this, I simply said yes.
I now live my every day in a relationship, with a Beautiful, True Man that consistently and completely holds me; one that supports me to remain within my own beholding quality of the True Love and Light that I am of! And I re-discovered, through my commitment to Self, that it was never-ever God who had withheld anything from me, let alone a fulfilling relationship. This had always been there, on offer… Simply waiting for me to step up and claim it.
So, how does this relate to food you may ask?
Well, just as it was never about the physical act of whether I was having sex or not, but always about the quality of energy which I chose to align to, my inner knowing says this can be applied to any and all aspects of our lives, food included.
So, in applying the same principle of choosing which energetic quality I want to remain connected with, I am embarking on a new level of renouncing and deepening with food also. Saying ‘No’ to any food that does not completely honour and support my body to remain in complete, Loving union with my Soul.
Do I have doubts?… Sure I do – I have doubts as to whether this body can be Truly vital, vibrant and full of energy in this lifetime…
But, what I do know is that it was never God who withheld a vibrant, joyful body from me. This has without a doubt been the cumulative result of the choices I have made in separation from this essence.
And, I know my way back is through my choices, one-by-one, each step with God by my side. And never ever making a choice or accepting something that that does not honour this connection.
By Pernilla Horne, Melbourne, Student
Further Reading:
Love is so Much More than I Thought it Was
Sex & Making Love
Sex and Intimacy – a Journey of Understanding
502 Comments
I feel we are constantly stimulated to look outside of ourselves because as you say Pernilla there is such an array of options that we almost get mesmerized by the constant array of distractions. For many of us we do not stop to question what is happening because if we look around everyone is behaving the same way. I have discovered for myself through the workshops and teachings of Universal Medicine that there is a being within the human- being and if I connect to my being then everything and anything is possible it’s like have an anchor in my body that makes it harder for me to look outside of myself but instead keeps me firmly within my body.
Deepening every relationship does happen when we align to our Essences, Inner-most-hearts / Souls and those relationships that are part of co-creation or from heaven, it feels like the whole universe has been part of our evolution.
A great reminder for me about bringing it back to quality and what is the quality I set and am in with all of my relationships including the one with myself and what quality do I nurture myself in.
“Simply waiting for me to step up and claim it” The Love we all seek is always there within us in our inner-heart just waiting for us to know and appreciate that this is who we are.
As we deepen one area of life we will simultaneously see a way to also deepen in every aspect and this is shared in this amazing blog thank you Pernilla.
Great blog for me to read right now particularly this ‘I had to surrender, to God’s plan instead of mine…’ always been a little bit (and sometimes a big bit! ?) of a wrestle with me and this one … time to let go ✨
When we eat for vitality our whole outlook on life changes, so good when we honour what our bodies want.
I can feel just how true this is ❤️
Its interesting how sex and love are often put in the same box as each other, that sex is a necessary part of a healthy relationship. Sex has the feeling of being left empty, used as a distraction to satiate, with whole industries being created around it. Love, care and the honoring of ourselves on the other hand has a depth and care when experienced that sex will no longer be enough.
Chris there is something in what you are saying that resonates with me. To honour the feeling that sex is not enough that we can and do use our bodies as a way of relieving tension is actually an assault to our delicateness and tender nature. As you say when we start to care for ourselves by connecting to the richness that resides in all of us then sex becomes meaningless because it is exposed as just function.
Commitment to self is a great place to start, deeply honouring and loving ourselves.
When we truly know God we cannot blame him or fall victim of him and in life. To know God is to know ourselves in essence with God.
We can keep saying yes to sex, but as women we know deep inside that there is something missing from this…and so it is not about withholding or being celibate forever, but it is about allowing the true intimacy to unfold from the sex and transforming it to love making and of course this is a process that takes time. Sex to me has for a long time been an empty act, but as I learn to embrace love making with all its facets and deepen the quality of relationship I have first with myself, then the physical act of connecting with my partner is one that brings in tenderness, deep care, respect, deep honouring to begin with. And so much more to discover and enjoy…
Awesome sharing Pernilla – I love how you have said no to sex and foods that don’t support you but that you have said a resounding yes to love and a relationship with a man and with food that is there to support your union with you and ultimately the most intimate part of yourself – your connection with God.
Henrietta I am just beginning to appreciate that having a relationship with God is the most important aspect of life as we are all held in the body of him. We have all forgotten that our relationship to and with God is paramount. We have instead allowed ourselves to be led astray by the religious teachings that have encouraged us to be lazy and indifferent, which has allowed a certain energy to lead us by the nose away from the one being that truly loves us. Instead we have allowed this energy to fashion God into some sort of monster who is vengeful, angry, a cruel despot unless we renounce our sins. And one of the ways to get on his so called ‘good’ side is to renounce our worldly goods and give them to the ‘church’ so that we can get a place in heaven rather than hell. If we stop and feel into this it is so ridiculous a scenario but many of us have all fallen for the proffered bait hook line and sinker
To be able to navigate my way through all of life temptations, that constantly distract us from the way back to ourselves, has only been made possible through my relationship with myself, my respect and understanding of my body and the realisation that I am the master of my choices and know what does and does not serve.
If we can’t make love with ourselves and adore ourselves them how can we expect to make love with or truly cherish and adore another. It makes sense when we look at it this way. The beauty is the more we cherish ourselves the more we then cherish everybody else.
Well said James, and often loving ourselves is the hardest part or appears to be the hardest thing to do at times – but if we can drop the expectations and the demands then how beautiful does our relationship with ourselves become – and this is part of the loving ourselves, which then follows with the adoration…and so much more!
Yes, it starts with loving and cherishing ourselves, and having this as our foundation for all relationships.
Food can be such a killer on the quality of our being which will then affect everything else that we do…
What a huge shift in how you are living – taking the things that can be comfort or release in our lives and bringing truth to it.
True and Love placed next to each other seem to give meaning to words which have otherwise lost their full intent, because really Love Just Is, and it actually needs no other word to help to define it.
Such a profound shift in what love is- starting with holding yourself in it. I love that there can be a respectful and equal relationship with intimacy that can redefine the mechanical and physical act we’ve made it into
‘Starting with holding yourself in it’ is a great 1st step and one that we can so easily forget about and miss out on, yet it is a vital step we need to take otherwise our focus becomes the other and we can easily lose track of ourselves.
I was talking with a friend this morning about the difference between function and flow and that there is always so much depth and learning when we let ourselves be open to flow rather than limited to function.
When we truly surrender to flow we are surrendering to the flow of The Universe. Function when it comes without the backing of flow is just a clunky adjunct that hinders flow.
Such a brilliant read, thank you Pernilla. It really highlights how the relationship with ourselves sets the quality of what we will or won’t accept. I especially felt the power in your line about the beholding love you held yourself in and that any relationship from then on must at least hold you on that same level of love. We really set the standards for our own lives.
Interesting how we use food and sex in the same way and we can use these things to deeply nourish and support us or we can use them to numb or distract ourselves. So its not that food or sex are bad but how we are with them that counts.
Simply eating for vitality, not for comfort, what a life of difference that makes. We do often feel tired and wonder why but do not look at our diets, and how we are feeling in our bodies concerning the food we eat.
Nothing comes more effortlessly than our natural way of being, if we just stop fighting it.
In the joy of embracing Love – anything that is not love just drops away.
Without trying and doing, being with Love, brings a way of being that deepens and we let go of what hinders us. This is what I have noticed also, Love is a hugely powerful choice, power with no force. True sustainable change occurs.
Turns out it is always about our relationship with ourself and connection to our Souls and God that is the most important thing we can invest our efforts into.
The love of self is a path of unfolding that we can each bravely walk, discarding our past self-criticism and opening to the divine being within.
So much can be felt in self-love that it changes the way we treat ourselves thereafter.
“If it wasn’t based on True Love – I wasn’t doing it”. Is quite a defining moment, when we are crystal clear, and when we make self-loving choices as in this example, the thing that we are claiming seems to flow effortlessly.
Our deepening relationship with our essences is such a joy as we redevelop that connection to that Love that resides with-in as a normal way of living, which is with the natural Loving self.
‘And, I said a Big Fat Yes to Love!’ I am constantly inspired by the examples set by those who are saying yes to all that comes to them from love.
Me too Michael it is deeply inspiring when someone says yes to love and then makes it their priority in life whatever it may look like.
When we begin to deeply honor ourselves with honoring the love we are within, it is amazing to feel how this then begins to flow through every aspect of our lives, uncovering all areas of abuse subtle and the not so subtle, so that we are addressing why we are allowing such dishonouring so we then can heal and clear these openings of abuse. The more we are willing to be honest about and address what is not truly honouring of the love we are then the more we live the truth of our Soulful way of being.
When we say a big fat yes to love, everything changes in our lives because we open ourselves to receive and allow more love to flow both ways, in and out! And our bodies so appreciate the love, joy and harmony and constantly feeds back to us, our next steps.
‘ I deepened and developed my ability to hold myself tenderly…’, this is a gift we give to ourselves, in that when we truly cherish all that we are, and then express from that place, everyone gets a blessing…
I love the way we can simply say yes to a quality that we feel to be true in life and let this be our internal compass.
I love this, instead of focussing on what we’re saying No to, make it about saying yes to the quality we’re choosing in life and is a movement towards rather than away from a deepening of love and soul connection.
Same here it is that compass that I rely on to determine how I live my life, from the inside out.
To ask ourselves “what am I truly seeking here?” is a great question. when we seek stimulation ..why? Are we not enough ? And if we felt we were just for one moment how then would we treat ourselves, our bodies?
To have a developing relationship with myself that says I am enough just the way I am, makes me so much more likely and able to make strong choices and to explore honestly when things go awry.
“But, what I do know is that it was never God who withheld a vibrant, joyful body from me. This has without a doubt been the cumulative result of the choices I have made in separation from this essence” – when we understand this, we get to understand God through the understanding of ourselves and our bodies. Our bodies hold the key to life and to God.
“And, I know my way back is through my choices, one-by-one, each step with God by my side.” Once realised, it is deeply humbling to know that we have all the support we need to do whatever has to be done. What we have to do then is learn to accept it!
‘And I re-discovered, through my commitment to Self, that it was never-ever God who had withheld anything from me, let alone a fulfilling relationship. This had always been there, on offer… Simply waiting for me to step up and claim it’. I can feel how true this is for myself having never claimed what I wanted!
The inspiration to be who we truly are is so beautiful and every day are we stepping into it more? This brings so much joy.
The beautiful gift we give ourselves is to, ‘deepen and develop our ability to hold ourselves tenderly…’. When we hold ourselves consistently in and with love, our world changes.
“Saying ‘No’ to any food that does not completely honour and support my body to remain in complete, Loving union with my Soul.” The word ‘completely’ is key here as we often like foods because of their taste or how they make us feel more active etc. but ignore what it is doing to the whole of our body. Nothing can be good for us when it is not good for us as a whole.
Being willing to come into a respectful, honest and honouring relationship with our bodies opens up a whole new world of discovery, insight and wisdom. Our bodies are constantly sign posting us about food, posture, work, exercise, rest and all we have to do is listen.