On Saturday I had a lovely catch-up breakfast with a friend where I met her two-and-a-half-year-old daughter. We greeted each other at the café with a simple hug and took our time to find the right table where we would all be comfortable. As adults we found a corner with cushions that supported us best and the little girl asked her mother, ever so gently, if she could have the high chair once another child was finished using it.
The natural love of a child is breathtaking…
As we sat and ate I was in awe of how delicate, tender and simply adorable this little girl opposite me was! She joined in with our giggles, appeared to listen and observe us in our conversation. With support she made her own choices in deciding what food and drink to order, and stopped eating when she knew she had eaten enough. She even used napkins to clean her table down when she was finished.
She was making each and every choice just like any adult could do and I actually felt like I had a little adult sitting with us, although I noticed something different to what I have seen in many adults; her beautiful blue eyes were opened – seemingly as wide and as bright as possible – and her playfulness of giggles and smiles had no limit and no reservation. She looked fully into our eyes when we spoke to her – she was just being herself.
When it was time to leave and in her mother’s arms, we both reached out to touch hands – this little girl wrapping her tiny hand around my finger as her mother and I walked to our cars. She asked for a cuddle from me and then snuggled in to my arms and chest with as much warmth as she could.
My friend and I spoke about the imposition that we can easily place on our children to be affectionate with an adult, just because they are family or because it is expected of them; forgetting the fact that everyone has a right to choose what feels right for them, including our children.
On this day I was feeling particularly gentle and tender within my own body – a feeling I often describe as stillness – with no rush or race, and I was amazed at the exquisite feeling of stillness I felt equally in her.
It was like I had known her forever, although we had only just met. In the past I have experienced that sense of ‘clucky-ness’ when holding another’s child, or I needed them to cuddle me to fill that old belief I held as a woman – that this should come naturally as I often proclaimed that I wanted one of these (a child) of my own! I can see clearly how this would impact any child in our presence as we are imposing the emotional needs of ourselves onto them.
But there was simply none of this: it didn’t matter that she wasn’t my child as the experience of simply holding her with pure equality and grace was nothing short of a miracle. It was an amazing reminder of the pure and loving reflection that our children bring to our lives, and of the natural love of a child that we so easily resonate with. They know how to make choices, to be open and aware, to feel what is right for them, and they naturally know how to be their lovely selves, loving unconditionally when others allow them to just be.
By Cherise Holt, 30, Nurse, Brisbane
391 Comments
I love to observe children as they can teach us so much because they are so open to people as long as we don’t impose upon them. It is very noticeable when we impose because you can not only see them back away physically but energetically. They are as sensitive as sea anomies that you can find in the rock pools at the seaside, approach them roughly and they disappear within themselves and don’t come out until they feel safe.
Young children often show us the truth.
“They know how to make choices, to be open and aware, to feel what is right for them, and they naturally know how to be their lovely selves, loving unconditionally when others allow them to just be” and that’s it isn’t it Cherise ‘when others allow them to just be’. But how often do we allow children to ‘just be’? Hardly at all, if ever. We are imposing on them pretty much all of the time, impositions of time, what to do, when to do, how to behave, how not to behave, in fact we are constantly moulding them into a very bastardised version of their original uncorrupted selves. If however we just stood back (acknowledging that we do also need to guide them and yes they do need to do certain things) then who they turned out to be and subsequently the world that they then became part of would be radically different.
Lovely to feel your appreciation for your friend’s daughter just being herself and how when we don’t impose on children they can express themselves freely and provide an amazing reflection for adults who have so often lost their way with this.
A great example of how much kids can teach / inspire us if we are open to seeing the gold that is on offer.
That is so gorgeous to read. Kids bring us such joy and wisdom that can be easily overlooked. My 2yr old is constantly offering me a level of playfulness and love that can only go deeper.
We can get a pure reflection of love, of God with everyone we meet and children often don’t have that many layers to protect their soul. What I read in your blog is also how this little girl is supported to stay like that and be completely her beautiful self.
Yes – to be or not to be that is the question. For our love is always available to lfie..
Yes, they can be amazing teachers if we are open to what they are reflecting.
Children can reflect much to us, we simply let ourselves observe, ‘It was an amazing reminder of the pure and loving reflection that our children bring to our lives, and of the natural love of a child that we so easily resonate with. They know how to make choices, to be open and aware, to feel what is right for them, and they naturally know how to be their lovely selves, loving unconditionally when others allow them to just be.’
Gill I agree it is a beautiful reminder when we observe small children of the joy that is innately within us.
When we Love and share equally the decency and respect that we all can live by life becomes so simple.
When we honour young children for the wise but little beings they are, we allow them the space to be, and to grow into, all that is naturally within their essence. But for some reason, we as a society seem to have got it all wrong by taking on the belief that children are clean slates waiting for us to write the story of their lives for them, a story we often write from our unquestioned beliefs, our hurts and our own unfulfilled desires. Allow a child to be all that they are, to honour their honest expression and to support them in this very challenging world is what our role is, a role that is of the utmost importance if we are to change this world in any way.
Supporting the wisdom of children without imposing our beliefs and pictures of how they should be is crucial if we are to become a more loving and equal society.
It’s beautiful reading about the equality offered to this young child, and that she was held with regard and respect to her feelings and what she felt to choose and do.
Everyone of us… Each and every one of us has this awareness within, that it is possible to reconnect to that inmate joy
It is deeply beautiful to feel the timelessness, the agelessness our connection to love offers us all to be at one with, and with each other regardless of our age. The wisdom of love is something we are all born knowing, and the eyes and beingness of a child remind us of that quality, which has never truly left us.
Beautiful what you share here Carola, we are not far from the wisdom that is within us all and it is beautiful to be reminded by the eyes and the beingness of a child.
Letting ourselves be is where it starts.. trusting that by being ourselves with whatever we feel is enough. Knowing that we have this naturalness to us, that we know since we were a child. No matter how far we have stepped away from it or maybe at times don’t even recognize. To stand in the knowing and re-connect back, letting all our imperfections and perfections be.
I was recently enjoying the afternoon with a friend and her newborn baby. I was fascinated by him and the brightness in his eyes and the way he looked at and responded to people, when his face would light up, everyone just melted. He was so gorgeous, you couldn’t take your eyes off him. There is something here that we stop showing to others as we grow and then we stop seeing this in each other.
MW I agree with you babies and young children have a natural charm that we are all drawn to, because it rekindles in us that sense of unemotional love that we are all born with and all come from that then gets buried under all the conditions and controls that we get crushed by as we grow up.
How can what you shared in your blog be gone when our children go to school? It is quite challenging and sometimes almost impossible to keep this level of delicateness and being yourself and yet it is all there and we all melt when we experience it. Something is not working in our world today.
Sitting in a cafe, you could say there is not too much different about a child like this. It’s not something they say or an action they do, but more like a natural tenderness – a door to their heart they have opened up and not vociferously shut. As adults we have so much to learn from kids like this – thank you Cherise.
Your appreciation for the reflection offered by your friend’s daughter in the choices she is making is so touching and allowed you the opportunity to connect at a deeper level and take that with you into the rest of your day.
It is beautiful how reflection of others can support us in our lives.
A beautiful sharing on the uniqueness and naturalness of children and a real reflection for us all in their stillness and affection and the wonder studying everything in their eyes “They know how to make choices, to be open and aware, to feel what is right for them, and they naturally know how to be their lovely selves, loving unconditionally when others allow them to just be.”
Just enjoyed reading this article. Children offer us the reflection of where we are: when we are in our love, our stillness they just want to be with us, it seems we attract them, at least the majority of them.
For a child life is so simple and easy to feel. How crazy we spend our life complicating – all in the name of ‘getting somewhere’. The truth is we had all the wonder and awe of the universe right at day one. Now we can choose to return to this tender and delicate place. University courses ought to be about connecting back to this preciousness not intellectual theory. Thank you Cherise.
Often we spend a lifetime not being ourselves and get so used to this it is not until we see another, particularly a small child, being themselves that we get a reminder of how far we have drifted from our true selves.
For most of my life I fervently held the belief that childhood was a very separate thing to adulthood and that part of growing up meant leaving our childhood qualities behind. Therefore children never reminded me of how far I had drifted from my true self because I always saw them as a very separate aspect of life. It’s only now that I have returned to my true self that I know that the way that we live and feel as kids is actually our natural living way as adults. How gorgeous, truly how absolutely gorgeous that how we feel as kids is not restricted or limited to childhood.
Children do know how to feel, they feel so much… They know tenderness and delicacy as an innate quality within themselves. The thing is we have to know ourselves to such an extent that we can actually nurture this within them. And when we allow ourselves to do this we can feel and connect in the way that we are truly meant to.
Well said Kristy. Many times children will behave the way their parent expects them to. If the parent treats a child as ‘less’ they will act out this ‘less’. When a child is given space to be who they are they show how capable and wise they can be.
So beautifully shared Cherise. Children are very rarely appreciated for their delicacy and wisdom as most adults have forgotten their own ability to be this way. When we connect to who we are we are able to confirm the truth for others as you did so lovingly for the young girl you mention in your story.
Discovering the child within such a beautiful experience… Something that reconnects to a part of ourselves that brings joy fun and even play… Lightness of being that is who we are
Love is universal and knows no boundaries, and when shared as such it matters not if a child is ‘yours’ or from another, as the love shared in that moment is absolute, representing and confirming the light of who we are in essence. Children have an effortless way of expressing this that so often melts me.
Beautiful, when we let children be, there is no difference between us and them. There is a joy of being equal and a sharing what we all are, precious, graceful and pure love.
Yes, beautiful and transparent reflections we find in children. Great reminders of what we were and always are within us.
We can learn much from children when they are allowed to be in their heart. They truly inspire me when I observe them naturally be themselves. I felt tonight in my body how my movements were of a young tender boy. Something I dearly miss and cherish as adult as I return to this loveable infectious behaviour.
The openess and honesty of children is a beautiful reminder of our innate wisdom that we can come back too.
Thank you for sharing Cherise , children when treated as children and not as a possession , can be great fun and joy to be with , but its important not to forget we all have this possibility even as adults.
Lovely to read this account of your meeting with a two-year-old Cherise. It just goes to show that if we are left alone as children to be ourselves without having to please anyone, we will naturally be loving.
No matter their age, when we are around people who are simply being themselves they can feel both ageless and wise at the same time.
Yes, it is like there is no age, but even more wisdom and love.
I can relate to the ‘clunckiness’ Cherise. I have never felt a naturalness with children when growing up and therefor put myself into the box of ‘not being good with children’. I can see how this now is debilitating myself to be myself with children, I can see I was not like other people with children but it does not mean I was wrong, I just had to let myself open up and be sweet and tender and thus I can be open with children too. It is very dangerous when we put ourselves in a box if we are not aware of it and start to make the box our reality.
Meeting a beautiful child who is tenderly and lovingly just being themselves can stop you in your tracks. It is a preciousness in life that is simply exquisite.
What a beautiful little bundle of love to be reflecting to you what it is to truly be a child; a child that has been allowed and supported to be all that she is. You would think that should be normal in our society but unfortunately it is not as most young children begin to be moulded into what others have come to believe they should be from a very early age, burying the divine little beings that they naturally are beneath many layers of family and societal expectations.
‘The natural love of a child is breathtaking…” – this is true Cherise. Children offer us a very beautiful reminder of who we still are in essence. The love that a child feels is expressed in full without question, without hesitation and without measure. Imagine how much more we would naturally be ourselves, if we were confirmed of the love we innately are from the day we are born.
What you shared here is so beautiful. I often see children being with the parents and simply told to be quiet or ignored, it’s as if they are little so they don’t know anything.
What you have shared demonstrates that if you give them the space, love and understanding that they are just as wise and loving as us.
This article is not only an absolute blessing, it is also a reminder as to how living life can be and will be again.
That such love can flow, and is natural, is a testament to our true nature… this love is within us all … ( just like our beautiful voices …) … ☺
A beautiful sharing Cherise, thank you, I love these words ” They know how to make choices, to be open and aware, to feel what is right for them, and they naturally know how to be their lovely selves, loving unconditionally when others allow them to just be.” we all knew this as children but lost it along the way of growing up, now we are blessed with the knowing that this has not been lost but is there for us to claim and live with the joy of who we are.
A beautiful loving blog Cherise, thank you. There is no doubt that the natural love of a child is breathtaking, as I am sure she felt your natural love. What a blessing for you both.
Everything about this sharing is beautiful to read and feel, but what stands out for me is that our children, like us, deserve to be given the freedom to offer and accept affection if they feel to, not because they have been told to by another.
What you’ve shared here highlights how awfully we can behave toward the children in our lives – and also how beautifully we can accept the doors to an open relationship when we are so invited…
Thing is, we know as adults how awful it can be to have someone impose their needs upon us, and yet how often is the beauty of a child sought after, needed, coveted, hugged when they don’t want it, and in the worst instance, bled dry by our own lack of fulfilment and wholeness in relationship with ourselves…
Everyone longs for the space to simply be themselves. To celebrate such moments shared with each other – in loving respect and equal embrace – is absolutely golden… Thank-you Cherise.
You have said so much here Cherise, about the way we can all hold each other – in the preciousness of all that we are, without want or need, the meeting of equals. Deeply beautiful to touch upon this blog today, thank-you.
That Stillness that you describe Cherise, is so delicate and tender, and I would call it sacred. When I am in that place, life is so different from when I am rushing through life, constantly pushed by my mind, from one point to the other without a real focus or attention to any detail, which to me, makes actually the flavour of our lives. Living from that stillness is living the divine on earth, the connection I then can observe in me with all that is around, makes life a joy and a great learning too. But in a way I do know and the actual learning is to rekindle that inner connection with that what I already know, and when coming form that stillness within this connection is easily found.
It is so healing when we connect with the natural love of young children by allowing them to just be thus we have their amazing reflection and are more easily able to connect to that within ourselves. Truly a beautiful gift so freely shared.
A beautiful and tender reminder that we all equally are the natural love of a child as a Son of God.
What a beautiful reminder to us all that within each and every one of us is the little girl and the little boy who is totally open to the world and that we have a choice to bring that openness and sweetness into our adult world.
It is so beautiful to meet a child who is held in all that they are. You then get to experience a child who is very content and is not demanding or needing of attention but can sit at the table as an equal.
Children beautifully remind us of the naturally exquisite tender beings we are. A very lovely blog Chrerise.
“the natural love of a child is breath taking…” , so true, I was just imagining what would the world look like if we all maintained that natural love and openness, just being ourselves completely, through into adulthood? What an amazing world that would be.
When we allow children to be completely themselves they can teach us how beautiful it is to meet one another in that openness, respect and appreciation that they show to have with all in life.
If there is one thing I have seen is that when we give our power away to something being anything but what we are equally then this isn’t true. Even in the appreciation of children, if we don’t see we are that as well then we are playing ball with a world that doesn’t truly support the child in the first place. There is appreciation and then there is true appreciation, both have the same word in them but one has more then just an action to it. It is a living thing, a living action where you see the world as one. So in this case anything you appreciate you would see also that you are what you are seeing otherwise you couldn’t see it like you do. It doesn’t matter to what depth you see it as there is always another level to see as long as the quality holds equally.
I love the title of this blog: ‘The Natural Love of a child’ There is no trying, just naturally loving and powerfully reflecting a truer way of being.
The reflection children offer us is a blessing. I have been appreciating this more and more. When I look into a baby or a young child’s eyes, the love and clarity they reflect blows me away.
‘They know how to make choices, to be open and aware, to feel what is right for them, and they naturally know how to be their lovely selves, loving unconditionally when others allow them to just be.’ I’ve observed the same in children, it is a beautiful quality. Unfortunately, many by the time become adults have discarded this to fit in with others.
It is is a blessing for me to read this article as it reminds me that we all have this capability to open up ourselves unconditionally to whoever we meet and that in these connection we can start to heal all the hurts that we have suffered form not allowing ourselves to be, feel and express the love that we all naturally are.
It’s funny when I read things like this, it’s like we are always trying to be someone else or in the regret of not being like them. It seems like at the drop of a hat we see something and want it. So when we see children, we want to be like them or see them as something we are not in a way. It’s great to truly appreciate things including children and in that the appreciation needs to hold that it comes from how you are. In other words for you to be able to see and appreciate anything it means you are that first. So in this example the reason you see children this way and can appreciate it is because that is how you are, you have that within you first. The next time you look at a child playing be aware that you know that play because it’s in you, it’s you. It’s not that you own it but you know it, you know the quality you see.
I would agree with you Cherise that there is nothing lovelier than to have a little being give you a spontaneous cuddle, so exquisite and touching. She must have felt your own beautiful energy and connection to her self!
Yes I love this about children too- the openess that they have with people. There is such beauty in this, that they haven’t measured or don’t hold back on their love.
The pure innocence of children is a reflection of what we as adults have walked away from, what an amazing opportuntiy to start to reconnect to that delicateness and playfulness within ourselves.
Children are so totally awesome. When we connect to them and allow them the space to be who they are they are simply bundles of love and wisdom that can’t help but express all that love and appreciation inside them. I love being around children for this reason.. I find them totally inspirational.
the wonderful thing is that we have within us, innately, the ability to know and feel exactly what is right for us at any given moment… it Is understanding this, and then learning to trust this, that is the unfolding path of re-connection
A child who is raised with the freedom to be themselves and to retain the precious honesty and wisdom that they innately are is always a delight and a joy to be with. Sadly most children are not raised in this way but are expected to fit into a picture that adults have about what a child should be; to me they should simply be allowed, and supported, to be their naturally gorgeous selves.
Children are deeply sensitive and their tenderness allows them to feel and observe everything happening around them, to have them in our lives is simply to have a reflection looking back at us – to remind us that we are this same sensitivity and tenderness too.
This is a beautiful sharing on how naturally tender, sensitive and joyful children are, and this is also a reflection of who we naturally are. How lovely that this young girl was honoured with her feelings, and so inspiring for us how life is when we live in honour of ourselves.
Children are so sensitive to the energy they feel around them and coming through another, without awareness of this fact we are unable to read their body language and signals and definitely not able to support them to continue to live and grow in this sensitivity throughout life. The fact remains that the sensitivity they naturally are is equal to that within ourselves, and the question also remains, have we been raised to know and nurture our own sensitivities too.
Re children – “They know how to make choices, to be open and aware, to feel what is right for them, and they naturally know how to be their lovely selves, loving unconditionally when others allow them to just be.” How sad it is then that we as society start to impose on this loveliness from a young age. It would seem to me with early day care now more available that this shining gets buried at a younger age than it used to.
It is interesting how children are natural observers which so often is lost in adults who rather than observe Find themselves drawn in and affected. Children are a great reminder to observe and not absorb.
The wonder that children carry is super precious, they have such a natural ability to be observers of life and with the right support from the adults in their lives, they are able to continue this natural way throughout their years. Observation and understanding in life is paramount to a healthy way of living that honours ones feelings and doesn’t take on anything (that is not one’s to take on) from the outside world.
Children are our greatest teachers, they remind and inspire us of the power to simply be ourselves – innocent, open, filled with wonder and so tender and precious.
It is interesting to note how we can observe the capacity of children to love yet the same quality in there within us.
There is one thing all young children are amazing at and that is being themselves, but for some reason many adults seem to want to mould them and shape them into someone who they are not, getting them to fit into an image of what they think a child should be. I love being around a young child, such as this little girl, and seeing like you did the “little adult” that is looking back at me, trusting they will be encouraged to stay connected to who they are, bringing that childhood gorgeousness with them as they grow into adulthood.
What a gorgeous reminder through the beautiful reflection of a child not yet tainted by life…. of who we innately are and how we can choose to be in the world with ourselves and others.
A great reminder Cherise, we don’t own our children. We have a responsibility to love and connect to all children as we are all the same children and Sons of God.
One of my favourite blogs I can’t help coming back to over and over as it reflects the timelessness that was shared with the connection to this little girl. It is quite powerful how much affection we allow for each other through the simple choice to meet each other. I still get so much out of reading how this little girl was able to connect so naturally, wide eyed, simply by being herself. The affection that I have felt come through eyes that are truly met and meeting, is as powerful as the most open and embracing hug.
I found the most grace in meetings with people, be it kids or adults, when I am without a need to be different – neither me or them.
Children are truly an example of the simplicity many of us are craving in the lives we live today. Spending time with them and knowing how comfortable they are in their own skin at such a young age is a great marker for us to bring things back to basics. Whilst driving to work the other day I drove past a school zoned area and watched a little boy skipping up to the school gate. It made me to stop in my tracks and question – Do I embrace that level of joy each day being with me? A great way to start the day and pivotal reminder that each day is a choice.
To bring the utter tenderness and non judgement way of living is there in the eyes of our young children. As adults we are very quick to bring in pictures and images of how we or others should be. This gorgeous blog is a reminder of how it can be so easy if we choose it to be.
Thank you Cherise, reading this made me stop and appreciate how beautiful it is to be around children and enjoy their natural stillness, joy, and playfulness. This line really summed it all up for me ‘It was an amazing reminder of the pure and loving reflection that our children bring to our lives, and of the natural love of a child that we so easily resonate with.’ Beautifully said and very true.
This is a beautiful honouring of children. Adults so often impose on children in ways we would never tolerate ourselves. I remember as a child running away from a certain guest only to be told I had to greet him and hug him. I can’t imagine another adult demanding the same of me now, yet this is quite acceptable behaviour towards children.
Children bring to us one of the greatest gifts of all, the reminder of who we are and of the preciousness and delicateness that is natural to us; not to mention the playfulness and lightness too! There’s nothing so serious in this world that we can’t stop for a laugh or a giggle, a hug or a smile and children bring this amount of light to the world from birth.
The openess of a child is stunning as it reminds us of what we used to be like and it is a reflection of love and how relationships can be- how people naturally are with each other. As we grow we take on life and things that happen to us and we start to shut down this natural expression. The joy of a baby or young child reminds us of this. They hold a wisdom that we have sometimes forgotten.
Little ones are so honest in their bodies, in their play, in their choices and if we too are open with them they will express what they need. What a beautiful reflection this little one has brought to you. Beautiful Cherise.
I love the point you make about a child’s right to choose if they want to be affectionate or not. As you say, children are mini-adults – just adults in tiny, growing bodies – and they’re also incredibly aware and sensitive. Way more so than grown-up adults, if we’re entirely honest. So we should honour their awareness and grace them with the freedom to feel what’s right for them.
Cherise I love how you share here, that when allowed to be that children naturally know what to do and how to do it, like they are wise beyond their years, which they are. We can all learn so much from what you have shared, in that it is only by imposing our needs or wants upon children that then pushes them to leave their natural grace.
We all have a natural innate innocence… It is there within all of us, just waiting for us to let go of those heavy shields and masks that we protect ourselves with, and that age us so prematurely, and to feel, once we do start to go that return to what we delightfully and truly are.
We have to bring the awareness of parenting with true wisdom, not by reaction or anticipation or expectation, and then our children will have reflections of truth and be inspired to be this themselves.
Great re-read of this blog Cherise – how valuable is it to be reminded that family goes far beyond ‘blood lines’, and that you are able and open to feel this beautiful connection with anyone, it doesn’t have to be ‘family’. It frees up the burden some women and some men could have about having ‘their own children’ – your family can be everyone if you allow it so.