My partner has always been extremely loving and affectionate. He has always shared the most gorgeous phrases when he sees me. I used to ask him how he was when we got home from work and he would say, “Better now”, while giving me a big hug and kiss.
He would often look into my eyes or just look my way and say, “Simone, you are gorgeous.” Or “I really love how you are holding yourself.” Come to think of it, he has never really been much of an “I love you” saying kind of man! He would bring me things that were interesting and beautiful – gifts from nature that he knew I would enjoy, rather than try to win me over with expensive gifts or jewellery.
But the other day he said something that took me by surprise. I can imagine that many people may find this strange, but for me, it was most exquisite way he has ever said those three little words “I love you.”
It was the end of a long day and I looked over at the lovely man beside me and felt the most intense appreciation for having chosen to spend my life with him. He was just so gorgeous! And I was enjoying being with him more today than ever.
The words “I love you” literally burst out of my mouth! He looked back deeply into my eyes and said, “I love me too.”
I actually love how it took me by surprise. I can see how easy it would be to put this down as someone being arrogant or ‘up themselves’. But when he expressed his love for himself, I felt the depth of regard that he holds himself with. I felt how much he honours his each and every moment and how much he cares for himself. From the depths of the love that he has for himself, I was also able to feel that by caring and loving himself so deeply, he was equally loving me in that same way.
The love that he was sharing asked nothing of me. It didn’t need me to be anything. It was not conditional because it had nothing to do with me.
It was the love inside of him, and lucky me, I get to share and feel this love with him every day. He has chosen to love himself this much, and I have chosen to spend my life with this man. Feeling the quality of his voice as he shared this with me brought tears to my eyes.
I can understand how some people may be offended or upset if their partner responded this way. No doubt, in the past, I would have felt this way too. But now I appreciate that someone loving themselves first and then sharing their love is so much more powerful, solid, energising and more real than anyone loving me without loving themselves first.
In appreciation of the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Through these teachings, my partner and I have learned how to truly love ourselves and each other. From this foundation of love, we now understand what it really means to be in a true relationship. And by deepening the quality of our relationship, we are able to share this in our relationships with everyone.
Published with permission from my partner for life – the sweet, tender and ever-loving Joost Blom.
By Simone Lewis, BSc BTeach
Further Reading:
When you say ‘I love you’, does it come with love?
What is true love?
The Act of Love
801 Comments
It feels to me that when we drop the ‘I’ in ‘I love you’ and make it ‘love you’ that it seems to make it almost impossible to truly mean it.
When we truly feel love we know it is the same love that we feel in another – hence a beautiful reminder that we are all made of the same stuff!
When we confirm something amazing and lovely in someone else we are confirming our own essence for inside we are all to deeply beautiful and amazing.
I often think of this blog, its great in that it shows us that it is ok to love and adore ourselves, something that is natural and innate in us but has been pummelled out of us since young.
Most of us have parents that only did what they thought was best for us and showed us what they considered love to be. We, then, in turn have also done what we have considered as the best for our kids and have also shown them what we consider love to be. But what if by demonstrating a very distorted form of love we have actually set our kids up for a version of love that completely lacks love? The ‘I love you and you love me and we don’t love others’ version of love completely stunts true love. True love being the living activity of the universe. Love is fundamental not directional.
Love you both Simone, and it is amazing to see the Love yourself first being put into real words and shared in this way.
To love someone as much as they love themselves – now that sounds amazing. Certainly dating websites would have a lot to learn to support such a way of life.
They say words are cheap…. but isn’t it amazing how deeply our words can touch someone, and how just 3 words can completely deepen and widen someone’s understanding of life.
Words can be throw away lines that mean nothing, or they can come from a communication and connection to the all that is Divine within us. These words can indeed, and ‘ can completely deepen and widen someone’s understanding of life.’ Beautifully expressed.
Being able to love ourselves first is only the beginning, as the ripple effect of that love cannot but flow far and wide, touching all those who come in contact with us, and then naturally flowing on out to others. Just imagine what a love-filled planet we would live on if each and every one of us was able to truly say “I love me” and then to live that love in every moment.
Only when we deeply care and love ourselves can we bring and share this love with another, ‘I felt how much he honours his each and every moment and how much he cares for himself. From the depths of the love that he has for himself, I was also able to feel that by caring and loving himself so deeply, he was equally loving me in that same way.’
I agree with you Lorraine that when we love ourselves we naturally love others too, for me it’s another universal law and this is how the world will change not through fighting and abuse but through people loving themselves in this state there can be no abuse towards others only love as it hurts to be abusive to others when we are in love with ourselves.
The equality and grace of the deep love we hold for ourselves, that is our foundation from where we share that love with all others, equally so.
Yes, it all starts with loving ourselves first, ‘now I appreciate that someone loving themselves first and then sharing their love is so much more powerful, solid, energising and more real than anyone loving me without loving themselves first’.
Love can only deepen when we don’t keep it for ourselves.
That is beautiful Annelies, and a reminder that love is not actually for us – ever.
“by caring and loving himself so deeply, he was equally loving me in that same way.” This is the power of self-love that can be felt and shared by all.
When we fall in love with ourselves this will inevitably expand to include all others
As Chris James sings “Love is a beholding light” and if we first do not hold ourselves in love then never can we hold another.
Thank you Simone, an enriching blog sharing that those little three words can be very powerful when you live them.
The perfunctory “I love you too” so often comes without any true love but rather the emptiness of obligation. “I love me too” is beautifully playful and the i love you didn’t need to be said because it was communicated in many other ways.
It’s interesting how we have this expectation around I love you – how if it is not instantly and equally returned, then its a real problem. So many movie scripts have been set up on the whole ‘is the love reciprocated’ – but here is a gorgeous example of Simone deeply appreciating her husband, and him totally confirming what she feels and appreciating himself too. That’s pretty beautiful. And a total accepting of the moment.
The problem comes when we need to hear those words from someone because we don’t love ourselves. What comes from this will never be love.
What I also feel how this love is encompassing not only for you but for all.
So gorgeous Simone, thank you for sharing this beautiful experience with us. There is so much joy to be had in truly loving ourselves and sharing our love with others. A divine gift for all.
How precious that moment in time was; a moment especially for your partner, with you confirming your love for him and then him confirming his love for himself. There was no need for him to respond, as most would do in that situation with “I love you too”, often being forced out and not expressed naturally. His honesty was so refreshing and definitely setting the bar high for all future “I love you” moments.
Very beautiful Simone. Specially for a man to say this is unique in this world, breaking the mold.
We have a good radar for what feels true and what feels fake yet often we don’t trust this enough and express from our all knowing.
In a society where it is way more common to talk ourselves down and avert attention away from ourselves when someone appreciates us it is absolutely beautiful to feel what you have shared here Simone. It is gorgeous how someone can just totally love themselves and share this with someone else without being selfish or up-themselves.
If you put this part at the beginning of your blog ‘The words “I love you” literally burst out of my mouth! He looked back deeply into my eyes and said, “I love me too.” then I probably would have laughed and thought it funny but what you have expressed before clearly shows the intimacy and depth of love within your relationship with yourselves and each other. It feels really lovely and incredibly sweet and makes me want to be in a relationship to!
Very true- that someone loving themselves first and then bringing this to you- brings true love to the relationship- without this it creates a need based relationship- which is diminishing for both people.
Building a true foundation of love is the appreciation of the manifestation of love you know and accept that is within you.
When we love ourselves and each other equally our love deepens and grows.
When I read your comment Mary I had the image of tree roots going in each and every direction, that to me is what true love does, it spreads out every which way and all ways simultaneously. The love that we have come to mistakenly call love does not act like love, because it’s stunted and reserved for a select few. In fact there is nothing whatsoever about our commonly mistaken notion of love that resembles true love at all.
This is a beautiful sharing Simone, it is so important that we love ourselves, only then can we love another.
And what if this was the norm in society? Perhaps a utopian claim to make but it is very real and possible especially if we keep our heart open to the possibility.
When we feel someones true love for themselves it is simply irresistible, there is an ease and confidence and self assurance that just confirms us.
The biggest, true attraction, is when someone loves themselves. It gives me the space to join and it does not demand anything from me.
‘The love that he was sharing asked nothing of me. It didn’t need me to be anything.’ This is what true and unconditional love looks like.
We certainly have the idea of love so back to front with the looking outside of ourselves for love, expecting someone to love us first before we can love ourselves. How absolutely beautiful Simone to hear those words “I love me too” and the gorgeous reflection of the depth of love your partner has for himself that he shares with you equally. Truly a match made in heaven.
And the fact that we have the “idea of love so back to front” is so impacting on the way we live. For if we are forever looking outside of ourselves for the love we feel we are missing in our lives, we are overlooking the true source of that love, and that is within us. Loving ourselves ought to be the most natural thing to do, but sadly our society does not support or honour this, as all the beliefs we are fed from young say that we are to love others first. No wonder the world is in such a love-less mess.