What is it about food that keeps us coming back, already full, feeling content and satisfied and yet, in creeps that little voice saying, “You need to eat, you are hungry.” Why is it that we cannot avoid, ignore, stop, slow down or simply satisfy that little voice that keeps telling us we are hungry and still feel the need to eat, no matter how uncomfortable, full, heavy, tired or lethargic that last unnecessary mouthful may make us feel?
Don’t get me wrong… I am not saying we do not need to eat. I am simply suggesting that possibly we eat more than what we actually need, and that there could be an underlying reason why we eat as much as often as we do.
Perhaps there are issues, feelings, emotions that we feel, observe or see around and within us that we simply do not want to feel. Or could it be that we feel so amazing that we cannot handle just how awesome we are, so we instead opt to take the edge off, dulling ourselves just enough that we no longer feel that which we are possibly trying to avoid?
Food for me has been used in many ways: yes the obvious, we need to eat to survive, but I know for absolute certainty that I eat much more than I actually need. More often than not, it is at times where I am avoiding wanting to feel something that is going on around me – a situation, confrontation or emotion that I just do not want to deal with – so a snack is a great way to take my mind off it. Or that life is going so incredibly well, I am feeling so amazing, that rather than allow myself to truly appreciate and observe this, I dive into some roasted almonds, make some nut butter or decide to do some baking so I can lick the bowl. Better yet, cook a whole heap of food so it keeps me so busy that I totally forget what I am trying to avoid or ignore in the first place.
Again, don’t get me wrong, cooking is a lot of fun; I love it and I love to cook and share meals with others, but it can be something I choose to use as a distraction, rather than something that is done to support, nurture and nourish me.
Whatever the reason, you name it – food has it covered: it is so often our go to, all rounder, good-for-every-occasion best friend and companion. Not to mention conversation piece.
So why is food such a touchy subject? Why is it that everyone at one time or another uses food as a go to, a comforting agent? Yet to truly admit we have addictions with and towards food (well, there is your touchy subject!) is something we avoid looking at. I know I have in the past!
To really go there and look at the how, why and what we eat can be very exposing and bring up a lot, especially when we need to eat to survive. So how crazy is it to question our eating patterns, really? Though I’m beginning to ask, how crazy is it to not question them?
So, I am doing just that. I am questioning the ‘how,’ ‘why,’ ‘what’ and ‘when’ of eating. Yes, it is uncomfortable, and at times I really would rather not go there. Since really getting to the nitty gritty of it, boy oh boy, have those old eating habits wanted to march back in. As soon as I even attempt to avoid something or not appreciate anything, in comes the voice, a Jiminy Cricket you could say, chanting, “Go on, eat it!”
So the challenge begins when my body feels amazing, light, vital – and in comes the avoidance, the tension of, “Oh no! Life! I have to deal with all of this,” or “I cannot be this amazing,” – and the little voice says “Quick! Grab some food or better yet, even though you already cannot breathe after a huge meal, go back and have a second serve.”
It’s crazy that, even though we can be so uncomfortable that our body is screaming, “No more, you need to fast for a week after that outburst,” the tension is so great we often override it and lash out time and time again, each time saying, “Never again.”
Food and alcohol, – are they really any different, or is it that we see food as a necessity and therefore dare not question it? Could the drive behind how, why, and what we eat actually be coming from a thought, a mindset that is not actually our own?
Do we avoid ourselves so much that filling ourselves up with food is a better option than allowing ourselves to truly feel just how amazing we are? I am understanding that it does not matter what anyone else thinks of us; it is what and how we feel about ourselves that matters most.
To love, appreciate and accept ourselves in full, not needing food to fill the gap of why we do not choose to fill for ourselves first with our own love and appreciation.
By Nicole Serafin, Age 45yrs, Tintenbar, NSW
Further Reading:
Food Choices – From Eating for Taste to Eating to Nourish
Self-Care and My Inbuilt Automatic Feedback Loop
Zombie Way of Life
657 Comments
Nicole, this really makes sense and it sure feels more true and nurturing to fill ourselves with love and acceptance rather than with food; ‘To love, appreciate and accept ourselves in full, not needing food to fill the gap of why we do not choose to fill for ourselves first with our own love and appreciation.’
Nicole, this is a great thing to do; ‘ I am questioning the ‘how,’ ‘why,’ ‘what’ and ‘when’ of eating.’ I really overate yesterday and I noticed that the more I overeat the more I want to continue to overeat and then I ate foods that were not at all supportive for my body and as a result I felt bloated and lethargic. So there is definitely something going on because my body does not need all of this food. Great to look at the why with all of this.
Food is NEVER the issue. Yes it is a reality but it is a million miles after a choice we have already made prior that builds up a momentum that guarantees the quality of vibration in our food that we then choose.
I keep getting the message that it’s my relationship with what I feel is what needs to be looked at rather than the food itself. An outplay that reflects what’s happening within me.
My husband used to say he knew something was wrong if I would cook all day. It is true that I used it as a distraction and comfort, rather than being okay with what was coming up to look at.
I can eat more than I need to at times and when I do it, I can not feel as much, I dull myself a bit…what is foods purpose…first and foremost nourishment. Honesty about how it feels in the body tells us what we need to know about how much and what to eat…no diet plan needed. My food continues to change and modify as I change and grow. No rules here but learning to be responsive.
Through attending presentations by Universal Medicine has supported me in having more awareness of old patterns around food – to numb out to not feel old hurts or accepting the truth of the amazing Universal beings we all are.
I was talking to someone today about how we both used to secret eat in our cars and hide the evidence. It goes to show how we can totally destroy our bodies but not want to come clean about it so we don’t have to take responsibility for the state of our bodies.
I know what you mean hm. Or perhaps we’re the ones who sneak down in the middle of the night to raid the fridge. Hilarious! An example of games we play at our own expense. In this way we deny the existence of our true and divine self, the forever present observer to whom there are no secrets.
We become what we eat, and the way that we eat. We now have a multimillion dollar industry around food and diet that does not truly serve anyone, when we can be super practical, use common sense and listen to what our body’s needs truly are, but, and more importantly we can ask why do we still consume the poisons the we call ‘food’ that we know pollutes our system? Where is the Love in that?
Personally, I always feel more vital on a smaller portion of food. It was no different than when I was a child as I never wanted to eat much but was criticised from extended members of my family for eating like a bird. It’s easy to see why we have this unhealthy relationship with food when people eat more than their body needs.
When we appreciate ourselves and appreciate the food we are blessed with it is hard to then abuse it. And, what we often lack in our society is appreciation and a willingness to listen to our body’s wisdom.
“Oh no! Life! I have to deal with all of this,” – I can very much relate to this sentence when the overwhelm sets in and I just want to distract myself with food instead of choosing to commit to what is being offered to me. I know I am more than equipped to deal with it so why choose food or in truth allow the energy to come that forces me go for food over love and acceptance of what is going on within myself?
I’m more clearly seeing the game that is played between me and food. The grander I feel inside the more I want to eat to dull – until such point where I make the grandness everything – and then the food has no place.
Interesting to observe the times when I don’t feel the urge to snack between meals is when I’m most connected with my body, my day is full and purposeful. Gaps in my day create openings when my energy can dip and I reach out for a food fix. Being on the front foot means we anticipate and plan for this so we don’t fall for the same temptations over and over again.
Gaps, yes not being in purpose. We can purposely rest, eat and sleep. But if we chose not to do life purposely all sort of energetic choices come. Purpose for me is about responsibility to the all, not the individual. So rest, sleep, eat for humanity, a work in progress, and to ponder the effects of making it about ourselves.
Nicole, reading this makes me realise how important it is that we appreciate ourselves and also that we are willing to deal with what comes up. Often I can feel that if there is an issue – something that is upsetting – that going for food seems like the easy option, whereas in fact sitting with the upset is much more effective and we can then deal with what has happened rather than try and ignore it and numb it.
Finding that just about all that is available to eat becomes a distraction so we become shopping-oholics and that we are addicted to shopping for our favourites sweets and salted saviours to the point of distraction and then we can not even sit down to eat but eat on the run as we leave the shopping malls!
I have noticed cake being sold wherever I am, in towns, cities, airports, cafes, restaurants, roadside lay-bys, libraries, workplaces, market stalls, pubs, bakeries, farm shops, charity venues and so on. The huge demand is there because they sell’ like hot cakes,’ it exposes the need for comfort in the world today.
I’ve observed in myself, the moment I said no to cake, another more ‘healthy’ snack popped in to replace it. It is less about the food but the energy that feeds the urge to eat for comfort or to numb ourselves.
Food can be a great joy and also a great duller, it’s about how we are with ourselves and with it. It’s not about not eating but actually feeling when to eat, what to eat and being super honest with ourselves about what is going on and how in many cases we are not in fact hungry when we eat … and that’s a good place to start feel if we’re actually hungry before we eat.
I would agree with this and am finding that it is becoming very clear when I am eating to stop feeling and eating because I am upset; ‘Perhaps there are issues, feelings, emotions that we feel, observe or see around and within us that we simply do not want to feel.’ I am also aware that eating when upset never helps and actually only makes the issues seem worse and harder to deal with.
Our body knows what we need foodwise, type of food, the amounts, the timing of eating, the nutritional value, though it’s our overriding mind seeking to satiate our need, grievance, upset or issue that lead us to bludgeon ourselves with food as you share Nicole.
What my body needs to nourish it and what I may want to eat can be very different things. Making the space to feel the former is a practice I’m working on as overeating or eating what I don’t need feels horrible and uncomfortable in my body, directly after and like a hangover the next day, yuk! I’m then duller and distracted by that and simply less able to be me. I’m beginning to see how my past relationship with food are go to’s, addictions I’ve used to avoid life and be all I can. The word irresponsible comes to me!
‘ I am simply suggesting that possibly we eat more than what we actually need.’ I so do this! If I ate only when I am hungry I would eat far less food …. er maybe I should try this!
I have noticed babies only eat when they are hungry, and when they’ve had enough they know when to stop but as we grow older our eating habits start to change. So, when and why do we learn to override what our body tells us and opt for overeating instead of listening to our body?
If we do bludgeon ourselves with food the worst thing we can do is beat ourselves up, when we further critique and judge ourselves we are only adding to the cycle of abuse.
We as a society have certainly lost touch with what the purpose of food is, which is first and foremost to nourish our bodies. We began our relationship with food in this way as babies eating simply what is required to support us to grow. If we are honest, now we see food as a drug, an entertainment and we are addicted and obsessed with foods and flavours that we think are satisfying our hunger but in truth if we are open to exploring, we are self-medicating our discontentment in our lives. When I could feel my addiction to sugar I decided to give it up, and it was then that it became very evident how much of a drug it and food can be. Understanding how I am with myself, the degree of love I honor for myself with has been what has transformed my relationship with food to now be far more honouring, not by means of any perfection but so much more nourishing. I honestly now do not feel I am missing out on anything as how I am feeling in my body and within is worth so much more than dishonouring this feeling for anything.
Until we get to a point where we want to nurture truly our bodies and this includes our being, heal what we have brought in and take responsibility for what we reflect do we start to see true shifts with our relationship with food.
I have proven many times that the little voice comes whether I am hungry, or my stomach is full of food. It’s nothing to do with hunger. It’s that we don’t stop to ask our body what it is really feeling. Under the superficial response of wanting to eat will be another feeling, perhaps one we don’t want to feel. But what happens when I do stop is that the feelings and my body open up with being listened to and the need for food is no longer there.
I can relate to this Fiona. Often if we don’t act immediately to the urge to eat that screams ‘hungry’ and wait, something else happens. We’re given space and the imagined hunger dissolves.
This blog made me think of all the times where we celebrate an occasion with food and end up eating far more than we usually do. And you likening food to alcohol is apt, as once upon a time alcohol played a big part for me in any sort of celebration and like alcohol if I over indulge in food it makes me feel really bad.
“To Nourish or Bludgeon – How do we Use Food?” – the more at ease and in-love with myself I am the more i nourish my body with foods that support it. Those times I eat to numb myself from feeling what i do and can feel, shows me how for a moment I’ve lost my connection to my own ease. In honesty, we come to know ourselves better.
How do we use life? We bludgeon our awareness everyday then turn around and glibly say we feel battered at life’s hand – but it was us who called the beating in, on purpose that’s what we need to understand.
My first response to ‘bludgeon’ myself with food is when I am feeling tension about an issue and want to numb or medicate the feeling. But lately I’ve observed in myself, a desire to dull or bring myself down with food when I am actually feeling great. It doesn’t make sense but it is something to keep en eye on.
I can relate to what you share Rachel both sides of the coin, but especially to feel our greatness and deliberately cut it down to size by eating foods that dampen the beauty we feel inside. Being aware of this is supports us to accept and deepen rather than push it away.
When we ask ourselves why we continue to eat foods which leave us feeling dull, or in my case nauseous we get closer to unraveling why it is that we keep repeating the same patterns of indulgence and regret.
Appreciation of ourselves is key here when it comes to accepting ourselves with warts and all. Often we put too much emphasis on what we think society wants from us but at the same time forgetting that everyone else is doing the same thing.
To be able to draw the line and say – I am never living like that again – I am worthy of truth, love and joy and I will no longer pollute my body in that way – that is a great place to come to, exposing yes, but liberating of the shackles that have held us.
Yes our physical bodies require food but how much and when, is a little skewed to what we actually give it. About five years ago I had to have a procedure done where I was going under general anesthesia and had to fast for a day. Because I couldn’t actually have food, it exposed how many times a day I thought about food, how many times I went to the cupboard or the fridge to just grab a handful of this or that, and how I used food as a reward. I was also able to feel how much space I had to feel what needed to be done or what I felt to do and how focused I was when I wasn’t distracting myself with food. Everything was so simple and flowed and I wasn’t drained or tired and I also moved a lot more gently.
It’s true it is how we feel about ourselves that matters. We can be told how beautiful, kind generous, sweet, strong etc we are but if we don’t feel it we cannot be it, as in expressing it. So how vital it is then to get in touch with our essence, that part of us that is true and is love, is in harmony and is still and joyful. This is what gives us true confidence and allows us a life…as in ‘get a life’. This is what supports us to feel full without the need to overeat or eat things that don’t support us.
Great to read this again and consider the many underlying reasons why I reach for and eat food when I don’t need any. A lot to examine on not feeling uncomfortable about feeling amazing, and feeling discomfort from what I am aware of going on around me.
Melinda, looks at the what led us to the food has been key for me to help heal the root cause of my cravings and is a constant part of my life.
Simply expressed David yet important looking ” at the what led us to the food has been key for me to help heal the root cause of my cravings and is a constant part of my life’. The constancy you speak of is key as we will face the same situations over and over again. Consistency, saying No to numbing and asking deeper questions of ourselves is foundational for true healing to occur.
We cringe at how we can bludgeon with a hammer and harm another yet play less to the harm that is caused on our body and all our senses when we choose food that is not as instant in its attack yet sooner or later comes to the surface.
I cringed when I saw the word ‘bludgeon’ and the word food in the same sentence. I know that has how I have eaten in the past always, I still can have this behaviour come up at times but really feel the impact of this on my body and the bloating and heaviness when we bludgeon ourselves on food.
Anna food is something that takes up so much conversation and discussion in society, I was at an airport recently and could see how easy it is to get any type of food. In fact there is more food in the airport than the cafes in our town at the moment. An amazing difference from 20 years ago.. what did we used to do?
David, I saw the same in a recent stop at an airport. I’m also aware of how we are bludgeoned with food: it is sold in every possible media, radio, TV ( if you watch it) newspapers, magazines, stores, on-line, websites, the underground-everywhere flooded with adverts for food. Is it any wonder people are so food obsessed.
We are sold this picture that we need to eat to survive and whilst true does the food industry and how we use food in anyway represent that? Nope, for most not even a smidgen. When it comes to survival we use food for almost anything but that. Sure we need to eat but when is that truly the reason why we are eating what we are eating? We have corrupted our relationship with food to the extent that we have confused the true need of our body’s nutrition with emotional cravings within us.