I recently realised that I, along with most other members of the teaching and auxiliary staff at school, usually refer to the principal in conversations as ‘the boss’. I have found this to be the common, everyday practice for members of staff, no matter what their position, across the wide variety of schools I have had the pleasure of working in during my teaching career.
I also started listening to how people employed in other occupations referred to the people appointed in supervisory positions above them and realised using the word ‘boss’ in conversation with others, both at work and socially, is quite commonplace. In fact it’s very much the norm.
My referring to the principal as ‘the boss’ is something I have done for years without ever stopping and contemplating what was really going on behind the use of such a simple and seemingly harmless word.
If you had ever asked me why I referred to the many principals I have worked with over the years as ‘the boss,’ I would have said I did it playfully and with a touch of affection, but today I realised this, in truth, is not what is going on at all. I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.
I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male.
This moment was a huge wake-up call.
This really made me stop and consider what was truly happening around my use of the word ‘boss,’ but only when ‘the boss’ was male. It felt like a blind acceptance on my part of the status quo society has held for aeons because, traditionally, most supervisors were male. There was quite an OUCH in that realisation, I can tell you.
I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years. The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make. I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.
Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.
I have kept this awareness at the forefront of my awareness at work and in any conversation I’ve had about school since I arrived at this realisation. Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation. They say old habits die hard and, at this stage, I would say it is a work in progress.
I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. Thanks to the realisation I had about my usage of the very small word ‘boss,’ I am now on the lookout to see if any other undertones of deference or giving away of my power are present in any other situations in my life, as I know doing this is not at all supportive to my personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Sure has been a great lesson to learn.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Love in Business – Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships
A woman’s worth at work
Words: The power and the glory, or a death sentence?
245 Comments
I tend to feel uncomfortable when my colleagues refer to me as ‘the boss’ even though it is said by people who I get on well with and with a bit tongue in cheek. It feels like it creates a division, which to me. is not there. I feel like we are all equally in this together.
The boss is someone who has responsibility and takes initiative in the group. Should this not be everyone rather than just the one at ‘the top’?
I have a tendency to call everyone ‘lovely’ like ‘hi lovely’ or ‘thanks lovely’ and am becoming aware of this more and more and what I can feel is that in calling people ‘lovely’ it is not honouring them by saying their name. Great to observe and maybe a habit I need to start breaking!
Energy is boss not you
We like to think we’re the top boss but if we reviewed our performance in life any impartial set of eyes would conclude our decisions are somewhat barmy. It just reveals we are not ‘in charge’ the way we like to think but it’s energy that governs us. It’s just a matter of which kind you let through – divine or dictator.
Being a female boss this doesn’t seem to bother me as I embrace my employees as equals. But I know what you mean by how people change and treat people differently if it is a male/female boss. Even the level of work that people are prepared to do with the two is fascinating. For me now if I have a female or male boss they are the same, they usually just connect with you in a different way.
Perhaps every word is dependant on how we use it – I really like the term “the boss” when playfully used to describe our own authority, it seems to me it’s a word about power – either giving your power away or claiming it with everything you’ve got.
The fuzziness that has crept into our language over the meanings of words is damaging us all. I can’t wait until we get back to have truth in words where each word has one meaning that we all agree is its true meaning. If you think about it, how can you ever have truth when each word has dozens of different meanings?
Well said Doug. And, I’m pretty sure when we return to the truth of words there will be far fewer of them than we have now – we invent new words all the time, yet, in the end we need far fewer words when we choose truth.
Yes, it is interesting to observe how and where we position ourselves in relation to others, to stay less and not step into our power.
In a way we are all the boss, I remember a 4 year old once saying “you are not the boss of me!” And she was quite right, I had been tasked with seeing her back to her family tent at a camp, but she didn’t really know me and she had her own authority and capability to do this and she knew it. I learned a lot from her uninhibited wisdom in that moment.
There are so many insidious ways in which we can avoid accepting our equalness at work or in projects, I am starting to see that actually the equalness IS a given, and it is for us each to explore “how might I be holding back what I am here to bring if I am not recognising myself as an equal?” This is huge.
The oldest form of government is the Icelandic Althing. The foundation is that no one is more important than the whole and no one is the leader, that was made up of elders. There was no boss for it would place someone with more importance than another!
Do we use the phrase ‘The Boss’ as a way to avoid our responsibility’s? It’s a bit like the bible or anything written we give authority to, giving away our power to words?
There are so many subtle undertones we allow in society that are not at all supportive to our personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Unfortunately we have allowed this dis-respect to be the norm. Only by being aware and exposing it can we take this sneaky harm away.
Its incredible how subtlely and insidiously we can give our power away without even realising it.
I think it’s great to realise how we can use others as an excuse for not stepping up in our responsibility, when really it’s not determined by others but by ourselves…
Wow this just goes to show how ingrained our upbringing has on us and that everything that we choose can either be something from this dogmatic heavy belief or from a place that is genuinely felt in our bodies and we honour that. We are all equally responsible for the current way we are choosing to live. A great example of calling out what doesn’t feel true and without trying to prove anything it comes back to the way we are with ourselves first and this connection.
I remember realising that in truth i do not work for anyone single person as ‘my boss’ but rather a far greater plan which serves all equally. There need be no bosses only those in leadership and equally required are many other roles which we all fill when the impulse to do so is there.
The word boss is all about recognition and power and control over others. A boss likes to covet and hold on to the skills that got them where they are rather than share them with those that work for them. When you call it how it is, who wants a boss? Surely we would all prefer a leader who inspires us to step up and be more, who see us as equal to them and does everything they can to raise our skills to be equal to theirs.
The word ‘Boss’ comes with a connotation that this person is better or more important than the rest of us. To call the same person by their name would change the whole feel of a work place and invite equality within it. It’s strange how we create separation simply by using a certain word.
We can so easily and quickly misuse words, putting them in the wrong context or simply by misunderstanding their true meaning which can lead to untold complications and unessecary disputes. We would do well to learn the true meanings of the words we use before we use them.
No one is the boss of us but us … true but as is highlighted here we don’t always live this and often there is an insidious way we defer to others. Giving our power away out of convenience, or even as a way to not take responsibility for our part and the knowing that in fact no one can be the boss of us unless we choose to let them.
If you ignored your ‘boss’ at work, you wouldn’t last long in your job. So why do we think we can disregard our heart and have things tick along?
Anonymous, this is great; ‘I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life’. This feels very self empowering and feels like our true way of being with ourselves and each other.
I agree Rebecca, we can get very disempowered by the set up of relationships that expect us to play lesser or greater rather than who we are.
Thank you for sharing your awareness on the use of words and how easily we can use them without feeling the real impact they have on us and on others. Words are so powerful in both bringing harmony and causing disharmony, even when they are seemingly everyday words.
Who can be the boss when we are all leaders?
Referring to someone as ‘the boss’ reduces them to a functional level and does not address all they actually are.
its actually also very derogatory to refer to someone as the ‘boss’ – as well as being derogatory to us in saying we are less than another too.
Absolutely. It certainly reduces them to a particular function only but also keeps the relationship capped as not much love, understanding or allowing is going to get past the wall this generates.
As I ponder the words ‘I am the boss of me’ – which I fully understand and appreciate – I am aware of a sense of ‘just being’ me as well. What I feel is that in this feeling of beingness, there is no me bossing me, just a being that is simply being and who acts as impulsed to act from within.
‘The boss’ implies that this person is the one with the responsibility and decisions to make but we are all responsible for ourselves. If we defer to the boss, we are not taking responsibility for ourselves in the relationship, and we put ourselves down. Whether at work or home, some people may have great ideas, great leadership qualities, but we are all equal.
What came through so strongly for me was that I am always the one making the choices of what is going to accompany me during a day… if that is deference to a boss, or being held and supported by a supervisor. Entirely my choice and its good to get clear about who is driving the ship.
Sometimes the ‘boss’ position can be coveted and seen as a great thing especially when we want recognition and power over people. There is also the added pressure on the ‘boss’ to have all the answers and to take on the burdens of that position, which long term can lead to ill health. We would be better served if we allowed everyone to have an equal contribution to how things are run and to take the lead from time to time.
Superb example of how easily we dismiss the real dynamics at play behind the words we use. When we actually stop to examine our dialogue, so much can be revealed to us about our beliefs, ideals and patterns of behaviour that we can with this clarity, choose to lovingly address.
“Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing” It is so often the case that when we look at the little details of something we gain an understanding of the whole.
The term boss can also be used to hand over power and responsibility to another. It can be a cop out.
When “the boss” is the quality of love, the orders are clear and direction known for those who want to follow that very specific quality of the person; their love.
In this is true leadership which inspires the same lived quality.