I recently realised that I, along with most other members of the teaching and auxiliary staff at school, usually refer to the principal in conversations as ‘the boss’. I have found this to be the common, everyday practice for members of staff, no matter what their position, across the wide variety of schools I have had the pleasure of working in during my teaching career.
I also started listening to how people employed in other occupations referred to the people appointed in supervisory positions above them and realised using the word ‘boss’ in conversation with others, both at work and socially, is quite commonplace. In fact it’s very much the norm.
My referring to the principal as ‘the boss’ is something I have done for years without ever stopping and contemplating what was really going on behind the use of such a simple and seemingly harmless word.
If you had ever asked me why I referred to the many principals I have worked with over the years as ‘the boss,’ I would have said I did it playfully and with a touch of affection, but today I realised this, in truth, is not what is going on at all. I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.
I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male.
This moment was a huge wake-up call.
This really made me stop and consider what was truly happening around my use of the word ‘boss,’ but only when ‘the boss’ was male. It felt like a blind acceptance on my part of the status quo society has held for aeons because, traditionally, most supervisors were male. There was quite an OUCH in that realisation, I can tell you.
I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years. The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make. I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.
Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.
I have kept this awareness at the forefront of my awareness at work and in any conversation I’ve had about school since I arrived at this realisation. Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation. They say old habits die hard and, at this stage, I would say it is a work in progress.
I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. Thanks to the realisation I had about my usage of the very small word ‘boss,’ I am now on the lookout to see if any other undertones of deference or giving away of my power are present in any other situations in my life, as I know doing this is not at all supportive to my personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Sure has been a great lesson to learn.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Love in Business – Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships
A woman’s worth at work
Words: The power and the glory, or a death sentence?
520 Comments
It’s is quite a while since I wrote this blog and I have just come back to read /re-read people’s comments.
What I have realised in the interim is just how top down and imposing the education system actually was and still is.
I can see how that I just followed suit when I started working in my first school (back in the 1970’s) and adopted the culture of calling the principal ‘the boss’ when referring to him in conversation, just as all the other staff did.
In those times the principal was always male and was addressed as Mr………. and one’s gender decided which staffroom you went to at break time. Smoking was allowed, so the men’s staffroom was always an absolute haze of smoke if you ever had cause to visit. Everyone had to knock on the door and wait for permission to enter if that was not one’s allocated staffroom.
Staffrooms are now unisex and no one needs permission to enter. Times changed and females were appointed as administrators. What has not changed are the top down dictates that the principals have to demand of their staff so, no matter how much equality the principal endeavours to enjoy with their staff, they have a sword hanging over their heads to ensure the dictates of the central organisational department instigated by the government are complied with. The principals are supervised and have their ‘bosses’ as well. No wonder the word’ boss’ still permeates school campuses in this country.
Using the term ‘the boss’ implies that they are bossy and that their word is law, when for a business to run efficiently and harmoniously the CEO has to listen to everyone for the benefit of all.
Energetic principle should be an elective at schools so we can all start to learn how to use words in True energy, and that could branch out into night class for older students? Super important and empowering is understanding the science of energy!
Agreed Gill. This happens all the time in the UK and it is an expression that is very reductionist and dismissive. I also get a sense sometimes that those men who use it, use it when they are feeling a little insecure and so use it as a tool to bolster how they are feeling. The question then becomes how are these men not feeling cared for and included in turn and that when we do not have a society based on meeting the individual for who they are, nurturing care and equality for all (including men who are rejected very young for their sensitivity) what do we create and sustain on a societal level?
‘I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years.’ When we relate to the world as everything is energy the fact of this example is no small thing, as the energetic impact on the body, on relationships and society is actually rather profound. It may appear on the surface to be a subtle thing but when felt into what deference and disempowerment do is huge.
Makes me wonder which words in everyday conversation do I use that aren’t truly what I would use. Just as swear words come with an energy behind them all other words do too.
I must admit I have not heard the word ‘boss’ used in my working career as a teacher, this is new to me. At the end of the day we are all responsible for our actions, and equal human beings whatever our position.
I feel this a more cultural thing pertinent to Australia, however this makes me wonder how, under the umbrella of each culture, what we collectively choose that diminishes our own personal responsibility and empowerment.
It’s cool when we learn to observe something in life then unpack it and it’s true intentions. The same method can be applied for so many more aspects of life.
What I found most striking is that you only did it when your boss was male. It really is a peeling back of layers of behaviour that have become so familiar.
How we view the word boss will determine how we act towards that person. Many years ago I accepted a promotion and the women I had been working with and were friendly with all turned against me. At the time I took it personally but now realise that it wasn’t personal but a reaction.
In how many situations in life, have they stayed the same just because no-one spoke up? Our silence affects every relationship we have!
How many times do we develop sloped shoulders for not accepting our responsibility by merely referring it to the boss?
In French we have a feminine word for Boss “La patrone” which gives consciouness a chance to apply it to serve the purpose
“Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make.” To deeply know this, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Sarah Flenley I agree with you that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine through the teachings and workshops has supported everyone to take self responsibility over their lives and not give their power away as we may have done as children to our parents and older siblings. What I have also learnt is not to allow abuse in my life. If there is abuse, call it out so that it cannot take root in any relationship. When we become aware of abuse we can then see it everywhere in our daily interactions. It’s staggering how we seem numb to the abuse that goes on in every aspect of life and worse we accept abuse as part of life.
Thank you for bringing this up. It feels to me now that in a way by calling my supervisor boss I have been dodging responsibility and possible blame.
It is indeed fascinating and profound when we look deeper at our use of words and the affect they have on us.
Indeed. If we observe closely the words we choose can expose consciousnesses we have aligned to, but we have to be open to them otherwise we are owned and can’t see them.
I have pretty much always been the boss for most of my working life which in my experience means I am the servant of everyone else – things are not always what they seem to be!
Nicola, I love the perspective you share here. So often people become bosses for self serving reasons – an increase in salary, more recognition, a leg up, ambition. How many of us truly become bosses because we know that we are here to serve the people who work for us – to support them to bring out the best in them and to support the team to operate productively without losing quality of life?
Accepting our role in life as being the Big “B” or boss in charge of our own lot no matter what directives we get, as we choose the “E” energy we are in first and fore-most.
This is a great article and makes me realise that using the word ‘boss’ can disempower people. Supervisor feels really supportive and it feels like everyone is equal and there to help each other.
Yes I agree, it is much more empowering and respectful on both sides, even manager is one I find works well.
“The Boss” is a human being. Well put.
I can see what you are sharing here is a really good reason to separate from each other and live to a level of responsibility that we are comfortable with. There is less pressure to take responsibility when we have a Boss – we can blame, moan and abdicate responsibility. When we just take that word out and use Supervisor or Manager there is a difference in pictures, much less domineering and much more supportive.
Its funny how we can use words to lessen people and put each other into boxes. This is a huge watch out, especially in business.
We are the boss of our own life. If we choose to ignore energy it’s like running a business and never looking at the profit sheet.
The word ‘boss’ for me encapsulates a game I have played at various instances throughout my life, where I have decided to figuratively say someone else is the ‘boss’ in the situation. Whether they actually hold such a corporate position or not has been irrelevant.
What has been actually playing out is my choice to pull back my power and expression as if in a sulk. Choosing to nurse the hurt of feeling a rebuttal of my input and washing my hands clean by saying “he/she is the boss and what they say goes, so it is their responsibility”. I have therefore held myself as a powerless victim in the situation whilst every part of me has been screaming out that I ought to be taking more responsibility, even if it is simply by continuing to hold everyone in understanding and love, and being ready to express with no judgment or expectation when any opening does present itself.
It is the way we use words that really set the tone. Boss is no different and shows how we can actually stunt each other rather than embracing that we are all equal.
When we start from the place that we are equal in essence it becomes clearer that despite our different roles in life we each have equal responsibility to live with energetic integrity.
The way and intention of using words does make a big difference, bringing it back to having love as our foundation for everything.
We can label and bring conditions in the way we use words. Great to bring awareness to this Anon.
Words always have power, and are innately revealing as to the state of energetic play that is around us
Chris James I agree with you. We use words as weapons as we know exactly which words to use to bring someone down or to confirm them. We are masters using the energy of words as a form of black magic or white magic.
If you listen to Serge Benhayon or read any of his books the energy being used is White Magic as they heal our bodies and confirm who we are in truth.
The assumption and belief (widely accepted and well-entrenched) that people in positions of authority are male is so damaging for us all. As a generalisation, it leaves men isolated and out in the cold and women apologetic and subservient.
I like Rumpole of the Bailey who used to refer to his wife as “she who must be obeyed” – I have not yet managed to get my husband to adopt that terminology.
Shall we call ourselves the work and the boss or the powerhouses we all are?
It’s interesting, I have noticed how the word boss can affect people and have them wanting to live up to an image of what they think boss means. I have observed it usually seems to puff up the chest – whether it be a man or a woman and instil a slight separatist stance… a superior stance and I have noticed how that person then goes hard and tries harder to be seen as the one in authority. I’m not saying this happens all the time but when the actual “boss” is away and other people are called the boss temporarily I have seen this happen very often. Also the stand-in bosses (myself included) can say something to negate their position or down play it which is like down playing the very responsibility that they have been awarded.
Yes, overplaying and downplaying is common as it is not a natural configuration. It is often better for someone to be in charge but separating them as ‘the boss’ is not needed and often not beneficial.
I love how honesty always supports us, to allow a greater truth for us to be pulled-up by, healing and clearing how and where we give our power away as such liberating us from engaging in the circulation of lies that hinder us all from honouring, living and expressing the power of who we truly are.
Appreciating that there can be no ‘boss’ without a whole team and that everyone plays a part in making the team successful supports a feeling of equality.
There needs to be a rock solid knowing that we are all equal before we go and talk about roles we have in our work or private life.
It is interesting the moments when we feel the ‘ouch’ of our blind beliefs and assumptions. All based on our past experiences and usually rejections and hurts rather than what is really there in front of us.
I used the word ‘boss’ this week when talking about the manager with some colleagues. I felt the undertone of ‘it is her responsibility’ and how it gave the conversation a direction that was not needed and harmful for everyone involved, including the manager. It is always my responsibility to not feed the conversation with pictures oremotions to get recognition but to hold everyone equal.
Equality in the work place and in life is an important way of being and feeling no matter what position we hold as it allows responsibility integrity and support for all and a true way of being.
People are given these positions of seeming power and authority, but so few are given any support or training to hold those positions and not abuse them or be overwhelmed by them.
There are too many situations in society where the position of ‘Boss’ or ‘Manager’ is abused and used to control or bully a person or group, but this is actually a role that requires an enormous amount of integrity and responsibility and can be a position through which we can bring a team together and create change.
Titles and positions bring an air of separation when we are clouded by the beliefs that entrench the words leader and boss with power and control.
Words are riddled with meaning that are often untrue or not in their true expression. It is when we are willing to see through this that we can embrace that we are all equal in our work no matter how it is delivered to the world.
Holding ourselves as less than the person who has placed themselves in the ‘top’ position is a sure way to let the division rule our lives and to see that person as different. Often when people are promoted within companies it is hard for the work colleagues to adjust because suddenly the ‘boss’ energy comes into play.
There is a dehumanising of another person too when we refer to them as ‘the boss’ – like saying they are a different species whether revered, scorned or resented.
We often refer to ‘the boss’ with resentment and bucket loads of blame – which simply shows that we have chosen not to take responsibility and have allowed an energy of withdrawal and reaction to boss us around. Time to take back our job ~ as CEO of our hearts.
When we make someone “the boss” we can easily hand over accountability to them. We are all responsible and accountable for our actions irrespective of what role we play in life.
Gosh this is an important point Elizabeth; highlighting the responsibility we all have, whatever our job title. Actually this works at home too, with family, friends and all the people we interact with everyday.
As we tend to spend so many hours at work its very important we feel comfortable there, if we don’t feel equal then we always feel less the which ultimately leads to harm.
Thank you for writing this blog as you have exposed something for me around this word as well – that’s the power of our expression.
Making ourselves less and giving our power away is very hurtful. It is saying we are not worth it and we are not equal when that is not the truth we feel and know in our hearts. This Truth has to be lived for it to be embodied.
Yes this is a great reminder that we are the ones that authorises our life, we don’t have to have anyone dominate or have the upper hand so to speak. All we need to do is connect within, feel and know who we are, stay steady in this and then know that this is our truth. That no one can every change that unless we allow them to do so.
‘ I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.’
This isn’t something that is fully embraced in life. I know it to be true but still I am tempted to say it’s because of this that I’m feeling that. Recently I had some unpleasantries to deal with and it took me a while to look at what was going on that I was feeling. I could see it was a lot of choices that I had been making that were way older than the person who was acting as focaliser to it all. It was an opportunity for me to heal old hurts and make loving choices.
It’s not so much the word “boss” that people have an issue with, it’s more so the load that the word comes with, or the energy it’s said in that typically is one of superiority. And so when the superiority energy is got rid of then the word/any word is enjoyed or appreciated for the clearer less junked-up meaning it carries.
Anonymous, I love this; ‘Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.’ This is such a great way of looking at supervisory roles – that they are a support and that everyone can work together.
Today I used this word as a joke I thought. A colleague picked the phone up and I wanted to talk to the person who happens to manage the department. I know both of them well and usually only ever call them by name. But today I jokingly said “is your boss in?” The moment passed, but the ‘joking’ did not take away the edge off the horribleness of calling someone ‘your boss’ rather than using his name. In one fell swoop I had confirmed the curse of people seeing roles more important than the actual person, plus I had reduced my colleagues to what they do and could sense the loss of the usual playful interaction and my appreciation of the care they bring to what they do. Not one to repeat.
The choice to defer to another because of their position was something I did a lot; I was always placing people on pedestals and so choosing to feel lesser than them. And using the word boss can be one way of deferring, with images of being bossed by someone, someone being bossy, easily coming to mind. But to come to know that ‘the boss’, as another human being, is my equal, has released the feeling of being bossed and opened up a new way of relating to those in positions ahead of mine.
Since first reading this blog a couple of months ago I’ve come to realise just how engrained things can become as it is taking concentration not to refer to my line manager as ‘my boss’.
The irony is that we can hold ourselves as less in the presence of our boss, yet what the boss really wants is for us to do our best, which means being in our fullness and not holding back.
Buying into these false ideas of hierarchy is very stressful – you’re constantly at the whim of someone else and wishing they would approve of you, when the truth is this can only ever come from you. Time to give yourself that promotion your heart has longed for.
Indeed Ariana, there is an inequality in the word boss when it is expressed to appoint someone into a certain position. And this inequality is in that we cannot be not equal and therewith not in line with our nature. Therefore someone being ‘the boss’ is something we erroneously have created in our wayward journey away from who we truly are.
It is good to question ourselves what we do by calling someone being the boss and approaching that person as such. Do we then give that person power over us, that he or she has a ‘higher’ responsibility than we have, do we make him or her the cause of all of our issues at work, that he or she is responsible to come with all of the solutions, and so on?
Could it be that calling someone the boss is because of an age old experience of people acting as superior and in that using the energy of bullying to wield their power over the people and that in that line the word boss could be derived form the word bully?
It’s always about the energy that the words are said in, I have a learner who affectionally calls me boss and to me there is nothing sinister in this – he is a big guy and I’m a physically small lady when something is said in total respect we feel it, likewise we also know deep down when something has been said to subtly undermine.