I recently realised that I, along with most other members of the teaching and auxiliary staff at school, usually refer to the principal in conversations as ‘the boss’. I have found this to be the common, everyday practice for members of staff, no matter what their position, across the wide variety of schools I have had the pleasure of working in during my teaching career.
I also started listening to how people employed in other occupations referred to the people appointed in supervisory positions above them and realised using the word ‘boss’ in conversation with others, both at work and socially, is quite commonplace. In fact it’s very much the norm.
My referring to the principal as ‘the boss’ is something I have done for years without ever stopping and contemplating what was really going on behind the use of such a simple and seemingly harmless word.
If you had ever asked me why I referred to the many principals I have worked with over the years as ‘the boss,’ I would have said I did it playfully and with a touch of affection, but today I realised this, in truth, is not what is going on at all. I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.
I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male.
This moment was a huge wake-up call.
This really made me stop and consider what was truly happening around my use of the word ‘boss,’ but only when ‘the boss’ was male. It felt like a blind acceptance on my part of the status quo society has held for aeons because, traditionally, most supervisors were male. There was quite an OUCH in that realisation, I can tell you.
I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years. The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make. I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.
Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.
I have kept this awareness at the forefront of my awareness at work and in any conversation I’ve had about school since I arrived at this realisation. Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation. They say old habits die hard and, at this stage, I would say it is a work in progress.
I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. Thanks to the realisation I had about my usage of the very small word ‘boss,’ I am now on the lookout to see if any other undertones of deference or giving away of my power are present in any other situations in my life, as I know doing this is not at all supportive to my personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Sure has been a great lesson to learn.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Love in Business – Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships
A woman’s worth at work
Words: The power and the glory, or a death sentence?
541 Comments
I love how honesty always supports us, to allow a greater truth for us to be pulled-up by, healing and clearing how and where we give our power away as such liberating us from engaging in the circulation of lies that hinder us all from honouring, living and expressing the power of who we truly are.
Appreciating that there can be no ‘boss’ without a whole team and that everyone plays a part in making the team successful supports a feeling of equality.
There needs to be a rock solid knowing that we are all equal before we go and talk about roles we have in our work or private life.
It is interesting the moments when we feel the ‘ouch’ of our blind beliefs and assumptions. All based on our past experiences and usually rejections and hurts rather than what is really there in front of us.
I used the word ‘boss’ this week when talking about the manager with some colleagues. I felt the undertone of ‘it is her responsibility’ and how it gave the conversation a direction that was not needed and harmful for everyone involved, including the manager. It is always my responsibility to not feed the conversation with pictures oremotions to get recognition but to hold everyone equal.
Equality in the work place and in life is an important way of being and feeling no matter what position we hold as it allows responsibility integrity and support for all and a true way of being.
People are given these positions of seeming power and authority, but so few are given any support or training to hold those positions and not abuse them or be overwhelmed by them.
There are too many situations in society where the position of ‘Boss’ or ‘Manager’ is abused and used to control or bully a person or group, but this is actually a role that requires an enormous amount of integrity and responsibility and can be a position through which we can bring a team together and create change.
Holding ourselves as less than the person who has placed themselves in the ‘top’ position is a sure way to let the division rule our lives and to see that person as different. Often when people are promoted within companies it is hard for the work colleagues to adjust because suddenly the ‘boss’ energy comes into play.
We often refer to ‘the boss’ with resentment and bucket loads of blame – which simply shows that we have chosen not to take responsibility and have allowed an energy of withdrawal and reaction to boss us around. Time to take back our job ~ as CEO of our hearts.
This is a beautiful dissection of how we use language and the energy that comes with it, it’s great when we notice our behaviours and how they arise and what in fact we’re actually doing with the words we use, and the more we become aware of it, the more we notice the triggers and ways we act and the more we can see and feel if those ways support us or not.
Titles and positions bring an air of separation when we are clouded by the beliefs that entrench the words leader and boss with power and control.
Words are riddled with meaning that are often untrue or not in their true expression. It is when we are willing to see through this that we can embrace that we are all equal in our work no matter how it is delivered to the world.
When we make someone “the boss” we can easily hand over accountability to them. We are all responsible and accountable for our actions irrespective of what role we play in life.
As we tend to spend so many hours at work its very important we feel comfortable there, if we don’t feel equal then we always feel less the which ultimately leads to harm.
Thank you for writing this blog as you have exposed something for me around this word as well – that’s the power of our expression.
Making ourselves less and giving our power away is very hurtful. It is saying we are not worth it and we are not equal when that is not the truth we feel and know in our hearts. This Truth has to be lived for it to be embodied.
Yes this is a great reminder that we are the ones that authorises our life, we don’t have to have anyone dominate or have the upper hand so to speak. All we need to do is connect within, feel and know who we are, stay steady in this and then know that this is our truth. That no one can every change that unless we allow them to do so.
Using the word boss to me comes with a derogation of responsibility. They can have the title boss but all the responsibility is now theirs.
‘ I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.’
This isn’t something that is fully embraced in life. I know it to be true but still I am tempted to say it’s because of this that I’m feeling that. Recently I had some unpleasantries to deal with and it took me a while to look at what was going on that I was feeling. I could see it was a lot of choices that I had been making that were way older than the person who was acting as focaliser to it all. It was an opportunity for me to heal old hurts and make loving choices.
A true leader is one who recognises the equalness of all people and hold all within that.
It’s not so much the word “boss” that people have an issue with, it’s more so the load that the word comes with, or the energy it’s said in that typically is one of superiority. And so when the superiority energy is got rid of then the word/any word is enjoyed or appreciated for the clearer less junked-up meaning it carries.
Anonymous, I love this; ‘Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.’ This is such a great way of looking at supervisory roles – that they are a support and that everyone can work together.
Today I used this word as a joke I thought. A colleague picked the phone up and I wanted to talk to the person who happens to manage the department. I know both of them well and usually only ever call them by name. But today I jokingly said “is your boss in?” The moment passed, but the ‘joking’ did not take away the edge off the horribleness of calling someone ‘your boss’ rather than using his name. In one fell swoop I had confirmed the curse of people seeing roles more important than the actual person, plus I had reduced my colleagues to what they do and could sense the loss of the usual playful interaction and my appreciation of the care they bring to what they do. Not one to repeat.
The choice to defer to another because of their position was something I did a lot; I was always placing people on pedestals and so choosing to feel lesser than them. And using the word boss can be one way of deferring, with images of being bossed by someone, someone being bossy, easily coming to mind. But to come to know that ‘the boss’, as another human being, is my equal, has released the feeling of being bossed and opened up a new way of relating to those in positions ahead of mine.
Since first reading this blog a couple of months ago I’ve come to realise just how engrained things can become as it is taking concentration not to refer to my line manager as ‘my boss’.
Being more aware of how we speak and the words we use can have a big impact on others, because behind the intention always runs an energy, which can either support people or impose on them. So great that this ‘boss’ trend has been recognised because it will change the relationship in the future.
The irony is that we can hold ourselves as less in the presence of our boss, yet what the boss really wants is for us to do our best, which means being in our fullness and not holding back.
Buying into these false ideas of hierarchy is very stressful – you’re constantly at the whim of someone else and wishing they would approve of you, when the truth is this can only ever come from you. Time to give yourself that promotion your heart has longed for.
We often have someone as a point of contact to refer to with work, but in truth, we are the boss of everything we do.
It is good to question ourselves what we do by calling someone being the boss and approaching that person as such. Do we then give that person power over us, that he or she has a ‘higher’ responsibility than we have, do we make him or her the cause of all of our issues at work, that he or she is responsible to come with all of the solutions, and so on?
Could it be that calling someone the boss is because of an age old experience of people acting as superior and in that using the energy of bullying to wield their power over the people and that in that line the word boss could be derived form the word bully?
It’s always about the energy that the words are said in, I have a learner who affectionally calls me boss and to me there is nothing sinister in this – he is a big guy and I’m a physically small lady when something is said in total respect we feel it, likewise we also know deep down when something has been said to subtly undermine.
The lie is in placing another to be unequal to all.
Indeed Ariana, there is an inequality in the word boss when it is expressed to appoint someone into a certain position. And this inequality is in that we cannot be not equal and therewith not in line with our nature. Therefore someone being ‘the boss’ is something we erroneously have created in our wayward journey away from who we truly are.
Anonymous thank you, your blog has inspired me to take a look and see if I change how I am in any way or treat anyone person different than another, when I am around them or how I refer to them.
We complain about dictatorships but it’s us who let ourselves be bossed about instead of being on the front foot of life. We don’t need to be recepients of what the world sends our way – we can be the ones initiating change every day.
Joseph a beautiful reminder of how to live in life, one where we don’t set back and cruise expecting everything to be the way we want, but one where we are deeply inspired to be all that we are and in that deal with whatever is coming up to be dealt with so we don’t get bossed around, we are ‘ahead’ so to speak.
‘The Boss’ is the one who knows all are equal, but equally knows themselves to be the leading impulse in this particular area or subject.
So true Michael Brown – there is no feeling of superiority or oneupmanship when the boss holds each and everyone in equalness for their areas of strength and support for the whole.