Recently I attended my Nonna’s (grandmother’s) funeral. Nonna was such a constant person in my life. We shared a close and playful relationship. I saw her nearly every weekend and it was wonderful to spend so much time with her. Nonna had always been a fit, active and strong woman, but from the age of 88 I could sense that she was slowing down.
Nonna died one week before she reached 90 years, after falling and breaking her hip. I got to see her while she was in hospital and express how I felt about her. This was not something new for me as every time I was with Nonna I would express my love for her: Nonna knew without a doubt that I loved her and that she was a very special person to me.
When Nonna died I thought I would feel overwhelmingly sad. I had never experienced the death of someone so close to me and I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person. I felt much love for the woman I had spent so much time with and a true acceptance of the choices my Nonna had made in her life and that this life for her had ended.
I felt a deep appreciation for the relationship we had, and that I had always expressed my love for her. There was much sadness around me, which is understandable, and much talk about how the funeral would be difficult and very sad. I did begin to wonder how I would feel at the funeral; would this be the time that I would be sad, would I be overcome with emotion?
Coming from an Italian background, I had attended many Italian funerals and these experiences had shown me that extreme emotion was involved: there might be wailing, there would definitely be a lot of tears and people wearing black clothing. It was like swimming in a sea of heavy emotion. In the past I had reacted to this intensity by feeling overwhelmed.
As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.
I also realised that in the lead up to the funeral I could choose to live in a way that supported me to deeply care for and nurture myself.
Living this way was not new to me as for a few years I have been developing a deeply caring relationship with myself. As a result, I was open to listening to my body and how I was feeling and then open to making more loving choices to support me to continue to feel well and vital. During the week before the funeral I chose to deepen this loving way more consistently.
I brought my presence to every moment, which simply means when I was doing something my mind and body were together.
- Each time I made my bed, I brought all my attention to the task at hand. I did not allow wandering thoughts as I lovingly smoothed out the sheets and doona and tenderly placed the pillows. I focused on the way my body felt as I moved with this presence.
During the week I did not override my body and what it was feeling, I listened and made loving choices in response to it.
- If I was tired I would lie down and have a rest; I chose not to push through and ‘just get on with things’
- I ensured I went to bed early every night so I would feel rejuvenated in the morning
- If I had an emotional conversation with a family member I would sit afterwards and ask myself tenderly “how am I feeling”. I would take the time to support me by simply reflecting or having an honest discussion with my husband or a close friend. I did not override how I felt, I simply honoured what was there and gave myself space to be with it.
I felt how simple it was to live this way and how every moment was building on the next, nothing felt separate or disconnected. Every moment that I chose to be loving supported me to keep making more loving choices for myself. I was in constant appreciation of the choices I was making.
All week I took deeply loving care of myself, not just for myself, but for others. I ate foods that were supportive, spoke gently to myself and my family and walked every day. My daily walks were such an amazing support…the fresh air, feeling the sunshine on my skin and watching the birds dance through the sky brought a feeling of harmony to my body that was very soothing. There was no perfection, only a loving dedication and commitment.
On the day of attending the funeral I felt tender and very present because of the loving care I had chosen over the last week. There was a strength that came from honouring what I was feeling within with a steadiness and a surety that I had not felt on such a deep level.
When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.
As I stood at the altar and expressed the love I felt for Nonna and shared stories of our connection, I felt my expression come from a place deep within and I felt truly connected to all. People dried their eyes and laughed at the cheeky stories I told of Nonna, remembering the woman she truly was. It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.
Afterwards, family and friends expressed such loving appreciation for my expression… one person genuinely thanked me for the eulogy and said it had made her day because it supported her to stop feeling overwhelming sadness and focus on the loving connection that she also had with my Nonna.
As I drove home that evening with my husband I reflected on the funeral and the connection we felt with everyone. It had been such a beautiful day. There was such openness, love and acceptance from all who were present.
Attending my Nonna’s funeral was different to any funeral I had ever attended. My deeply caring and loving choices leading up to the funeral allowed me to stay open and present all day and to express without reservation. I felt much love for all, and the connection I felt with people had made the funeral a truly special day.
I am deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon’s love for humanity and the presentations of Universal Medicine that have supported me to re-connect to the love within me and re-develop my innate awareness. Without this re-connection I would not be living the joy-full, loving life I live today.
By Bianca, Melbourne, Australia
594 Comments
This is beautiful Bianca, how by connecting and being with yourself in everything you were doing you were able to bring all that with you to your Nonna’s funeral
To express from your heart about your Nonna’s life you have presented a new way for those who attended to be able to accept her passing over and not let the sadness overwhelm them.
Thanks Bianca for a truly beautiful blog of your experience. I like how much presence and tenderness you gave to truly support yourself prior to your Nonna’s funeral. It felt so truly loving your connection with her and all others that were at the funeral – so blessed to be in your presence.
What an amazing experience full of love you share here, I have experienced a lot of funerals full of emotions and being ‘taken’ by that. That changed when I started bringing in the awareness of how my body felt, like you expressed above bringing presence to every moment. What also has been very supportive for me when attending funerals is breathing my own breath, by breathing gently through my nose.
There were two lines that really stood out to me in this blog Bianca, the first:
‘I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person’.
This resonated, because recently someone fairly close to me, yet someone with whom I’ve always had a fairly strained relationship with, was diagnosed quite ill (possibly terminally)… and because I must have had that same belief (to some degree) I have been quite surprised at all the tears that have flowed from me.
The second was this Beauty:
‘I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.’ Such grace and acceptance! A lesson worthy of consideration!
In everything in between these two golden lines, I could simply feel your beauty radiating.
“In everything in between these two golden lines, I could simply feel your beauty radiating” Pernilla, I could feel that too, which makes it very clear to me that once energy has been set in motion, it doesn’t stop simply because the date has changed. Which really brings it home to me just how responsible we need to be when creating anything because out it goes and on it goes for everyone to feel and experience.
What a beautiful experience that must have been for you, to be so connected to your and your Nonna’s love, at the funeral. I love how you could reach into the hearts of all the other people with your clear and truthful expression.
In love we are all connected, and they could feel that.
What a beautiful farewell gift you gave your grandmother. Reminding yourself and others of her love and love of life that you had shared, a loving memory that will always be with you.
I agree that is a beauitful farewell gift for Biancas grandmother, in memory of the love that was shared.
So beautiful and heartfelt !
It really helped me see and feel that a funeral which most people dread can actually be an opportunity to give everyone present a blessing of love.
Great sharing on how you prepared for the funeral so that you were fully present and open to all on the day without being caught in a sea on deep emotion.
What a gift to give to your family, relatives and friends to show them another way of ‘being’ at a funeral. You gave them connection and truth rather than the usual emotion and overwhelm. And so a sad occasion became a celebration of your Noona.
A truly beautiful and inspiring sharing. Reading this I can feel the depth of the love that you brought to the funeral and shared in your eulogy. You demonstrate so clearly the significance and importance of how taking loving self-care of oneself establishes the foundation of the love and inspiration we can bring to others, and therefore how each of us can do this in everything we do. Thank you Bianca
Love how you have summed this up Jonathan – it helps to deepen it within us, and not pass over it saying ‘yeah yeah, I know that’. Beautiful.
So beautiful Bianca, an inspiring sharing of you taking care of you and how this supported you greatly.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.”
When I read this the love for yourself and others was truly felt. Thank you.
I agree with you Beverley, what a wonderful expression from Bianca regarding not being alone when she walked into the church, but all the loving choices she had made during the previous week were with her. Wonderful that she prepared herself during the preceding week by constantly being with herself in everything that she did, what a great sharing of the love she had built in preparing herself. And that great love would have been felt by all who were present at her Nona’s funeral.
What an inspiring article! Thank you Bianca. You have reminded me very simply and with crystal clarity about the power of simply accepting where I am at and to deeply honour it with presence and self nurture. I find that I am constantly living with a tension because I don’t want to be where I am at as I always want to be more. As you say the momentum built lives with you through any sticky situation serving all you come into contact with allowing you to naturally be that more! This is a blog I will keep coming back to. Thank you.
I can relate to what you share Michelle, “I find that I am constantly living with a tension because I don’t want to be where I am at as I always want to be more.” I agree that through Bianca’s article we have been reminded of the power of accepting where we are at and to honour it with presence and self nurture. So much grace for self and for others results from that starting point.
A great reminder to let go of always wanting to be more, and to simply accept where we are at and honour that with our presence and love.
Hi Bianca, its inspiring to read that your Nonna’s funeral was a such a beautiful experience for you. I loved the line where you say ‘When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me.’ I expect to feel others are with me, but sometimes forget to be with myself. A lovely reminder.
Simplicity, and keeping things simple can offer or bring so much support in such times of the passing of a loved one, as you have tenderly described Bianca. Just listening to ones body and what it needs is super self supportive and loving to help stay with oneself and not get lost in the emotions or heaviness that is often present at these times. I love this line: ‘ When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present’. It only ever takes one person to provide clarity and space to allow others to feel the love and grace that is present for all when we lose a loved one. Beautiuful and inspirational.
Hi Bianca, your Grandmother sounded like a truly wonderful person and so do you, your commitment to yourself in the lead up to the funeral was inspiring and your support for others very loving.
This is gorgeous, I had a very similar experience when my Nana passed away and instead of making this a sad and grieving experience, it was actually so beautiful to express my love and care to Nana and all family members that were also feeling very sensitive. It’s a beautiful time to be with each other, care for ourselves and each other and express the love we feel for another person that has been a light in our life.
‘It’s a beautiful time to be with each other, care for ourselves and each other and express the love we feel for another person that has been a light in our life.’ That pretty much sums it all up Ariel, a great way to look at how we can be when we lose someone close to us in life.
Bianca that was so beautiful to read, I loved how you talked about bringing all of your loving choices with you and how this changed how you held everyone and yourself. Your story shares how important our choices are if we are to bring all of us to every situation.
This is such a beautiful blog Bianca – with such grace expressed. I loved that you told cheeky stories about your Nonna which led to the family to celebrate their loving connection and appreciation for all they shared with her.
Your words: ‘As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling ‘ are very healing for all. Again you have brought in your power of grace which leaves everyone to simply feel and be. Beautiful!
Such a beautiful blog, Bianca, thank you for sharing your journey with us, very inspiring to read how you changed the ‘funeral energy’ with you loving choices. I too was struck by that line Lyndy picked out about acceptance. Truly a key that unlocks many doors, to simply accept the feelings of ourselves and others.
Such an inspiring blog Bianca, especially on the subject of funeral. Truly how we are feeling within us when allowed to be expressed dissolves the mould of how things should or have to be, how so much more space and freedom then!
Beautifully said Adele
Yes so true Adele, when we do truly express from our inner feelings, it does dissolve all those tightly held beliefs and habits that we hold about how we should live life. We can bring so much light and space and freedom just from stopping a moment to truly feel what is truly required and then supporting ourselves to deliver it.
Hear Hear, Rowena.
Amazing Bianca. I can feel your dedication and commitment to being you. It is truly inspiring. Thank you
Thank you, Bianca. This is awesome. “I felt how simple it was to live this way and how every moment was building on the next, nothing felt separate or disconnected” – I love this. Such a great reminder.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how you so lovingly prepared for your beloved Nonna’s funeral. You certainly demonstrated how you were able to change the whole atmosphere of what was a sad occasion into one of such loving memories for everyone present. Your attention to preparing yourself, with such loving attention to being present and building your awareness during the week of preparation was the key to how you were able to be on the actual day. And the beauty of that is of course, that that higher level of presence and awareness for you is there for all time now for you to further build on. You are a truly amazing woman.
Thank you Beverley. I too love that the beauty of this day and the love, presence and awareness I felt is forever there for me to build on.
Bianca, this is gorgeous and very inspiring. Every word you’ve expressed here is full of love… the love you felt for your Nonna, the love for your family and others attending Nonna’s funeral and this love was held by, above all, the love you hold yourself in. It almost feels like the passing of your Nonna has brought the new birth of the true you. As I read your words I could feel this love wash over me, holding me in its exquisitely gentle embrace. All who come in contact with you are truly blessed. I too have experienced how supportive it is to live in the presence and awareness of my body, and your words have inspired me further to deepen this awareness and connection. Thank you.
What a beautiful sharing and how suitable this blog is on a site called Everyday Livingness. I can feel how deeply you honoured your family, grandmother and of course yourself through your everyday livingness.
Bianca this is a very lovely and inspiring blog, showing how making loving choices for ourselves and staying present with what we are doing every day builds such support for us in the big life events. On the day of the funeral you focused on the love you felt for your Nonna, as well as the joy she brought, while honouring the sadness at losing her, and this enabled others to feel their love too.
Bianca what a beautiful blog. I love how you deeply nurtured yourself leading up to the funeral and were thus able to bring the joy of the deeply loving connection with your Nonna to everyone present, thus inspiring them to also feel their love for her and celebrate what they shared.
What you write here Bianca is absolutely stunning. It has allowed me to reflect on the passing of my Nana (1 year ago) and how the experience really was for me. On the day I resorted to dairy, gluten and sugar while the rest of my family drank alcohol in the hope to sooth the hurt of loss. I didn’t feel the sense of honouring you so lovingly present here, and was not clear enough to speak up and share about my gorgeous and very special relationship with my Nana. I can feel the potential of how it could have been and more importantly, how I can be with myself in every moment. Thank you for this opportunity.
Wow Bianca this is so beautiful, and all you share is tangible, I can feel the space you created for yourself and that it was full of your warmth and presence and all your choices were with you. This is a game changer and inspires my choice of quality for right now. Whole different slant in paying it forward…awesome.
I agree Kate and I love your reference to taking a new look at ‘paying it forward’. I hadn’t heard this phrase for a while but it’s a great way to look at what happens when we take the time to stay present and honouring with ourselves and then the ripple effects are felt by all.
Very powerful blog Bianca – the difference that it makes in our everyday connections to be first self-loving / self-honouring is enormous. The way the simple art of conscious presence establishes a foundation within that holds us in a loving state and allows us to go forth into the world without reservation of being hurt. or overwhelmed by circumstance. Beautiful account of what is possible.
I so agree Melinda. And what I feel is so powerful about this (beginning to self-love / self-care) is that it can support all of our relationships and also any event or circumstance in our lives.
So true Melinda and Angela, and I love the way Bianca expressed exactly this in such a potentially difficult situation as a funeral: “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all”.
Wow Bianca I am blown away by your description of how honouring all your daily choices allowed you to be really present and honour yours and everyone’s connection and love for your Nonna. Such a practical living example of how it is the quality of our everyday livingness that supports intimacy with ourselves and other people. Big thank you
Well said Jenny! “It is the quality of our everyday livingness that supports intimacy with ourselves and others”. I am learning more and more that every moment is connected & equal to the next, no moment more special than another because it is all one.
Hi Jenny – it certainly is a practical, small every day thing we can do that makes a big difference.
This teaches me that I can’t have the impatience of seeing big changes straight away – it will only be offered through a consistent way of living.
‘it is the quality of our everyday livingness that supports intimacy with ourselves and other people’ – Very well said Jenny, and it is amazing to hear Bianca’s account of just how amazing relationships can be when we approach them this way.
I am only just clocking how the choice I make for each and every moment impacts on the next. To consciously do things gently, in appreciation of myself, leaves that appreciation and gentleness deepening in my body so that the next expression comes from a more evolved platform. To consistently make every moment one of those choices is taking a lot of practice, but the times where I manage it leave me feeling expanded and able to observe life without getting absorbed in it – much more steady, whole and dare I say it – joyful.
Thank you for sharing Michelle. Your closing comment “dare I say it – joyful’ reminded me of something I have been really feeling lately- Why do we feel embarrassed about saying we are joyful? Is it because we look around at the way people can be living joy-less-ly and then make the fact that we feel joy-full something that is weird or wrong. Do we then go into hiding or dulling our joy so we don’t cause a reaction in people. I know I have certainly chosen to not be in the full joy of how I am feeling because I am sad that others are not feeling this way too. In this choice I dismiss the fact that everyone’s natural state is to feel joy and that we all have the free will to make choices in life that effect the way we feel. I am learning to accept myself and others more and not dull myself down when I fell full of joy 🙂
Thank you for sharing Bianca – So beautiful how you gently prepared yourself lovingly so before during and after the funeral. What a reflection for all around to feel.
Yes I agree it is great how you prepared yourself, before, during and after. Great for us to feel.
That Bianca’s self care and deep connection was shared with, and felt by so many, is absolutely beautiful and so inspiring. Peoples lives can’t help but be affected when we live and express the love that we truly are.
Thank you Bianca for sharing this inspiring story, I love this ‘My deeply caring and loving choices leading up to the funeral allowed me to stay open and present all day and to express without reservation’.
You have nailed it, Jane! The way we live every day is how we need to face everything life presents to us. This blog, the comments and your words Jane are an inspiration for myself, that is soon attending a funeral of someone that has chosen the E-ticket ride option to jump to the head of the queue on the reincarnation ride. Not only will there be the emotions, sadness and grief… but the questions of why, how and looking to justify and blame someone or thing. I will bring my light and livingness.
What Bianca describes here shows how true dedication and commitment are deeply loving, bringing a magic all of their own, and that they are not the bind, or burden that they are sometimes wrongly assumed to be.
Well said Catherine.
Absolutely Catherine…there was not one speck of feeling burdened in my choice to bring loving presence and consistency in fact it was one of the most beautiful, joy-full and confirming weeks of my life thus far. I now know without a doubt that true dedication and commitment is the most natural and loving way to live and I will have this truth forever more in my body.
” When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present. ” What a gift that was not just for your self but all who were in attendance at your Nonna’s Funeral. Bianca thank you your sharing is certainly something very loving for us all.
I agree Kirsten such a beautyfull quote. It shows the power of our daily choices which can lovingly support us and in doing so everybody around us equally.
I agree also Janina and Kirsten – I can feel the truth of Love in the quote from Bianca’s article. What a blessing indeed it was for others present to feel the depth of that true love in Bianca’s Eulogy for her Nonna.
Thank you Kirsten. Walking in the church that day and feeling the level of love and support that was in my body was such a beautiful healing. During the funeral I got to feel tangibly the connection between all people and that the choices we make for ourself effects all others. In the past I would have thought this level of responsibility was a burden but in the lead up to the funeral and on the day I felt without a doubt that this level of responsibility is an absolute joy!
Oh Bianca, I can so relate to what you say here –embracing responsibility is an absolute joy. That word ‘responsibility’ has been so perverted from its real meaning to signify a burden, a load, and an onerous duty. it is another word we can claim back from the depths of the shadows.
Hear hear Lyndy “That word ‘responsibility’ has been so perverted from its real meaning to signify a burden, a load, and an onerous duty. It is another word we can claim back from the depths of the shadows.” ~ absolutely!!!
Thank you Bianca for putting responsibility in a new or different daylight of it being an absolute joy to feel that every choice we make and have made effects ourselves and others. Everybody felt the loving choices you made for yourself when you walked into the church and in offering that as a reflection others can make the same choices. Just like the angle you choose to present about Nonna, being one of love and appreciating your connection gave everybody the opportunity to connect to that for themselves.
Yes so true Monika, Bianca has brought a new light to bear on funerals and our attitude to death. She has shown us that it is a time to celebrate the person not mourn them, that it is important to focus on life and love through a loving daily rituals that honour us. The way people responded to Bianca shows us that inspiration arises not only from the words we speak, but how we live each day.
” In the past I would have thought this level of responsibility was a burden but in the lead up to the funeral and on the day I felt without a doubt that this level of responsibility is an absolute joy!” Totally agree Bianca we have been brought up with the belief that responsibility is a burden and one we have to carry, but as you have so lovingly shared this in “truth” not be the case. Imagine the world if, when one looked up the meaning of Responsibility in the dictionary it read:
“the quality or state of being responsible eg a) joyful b) joyous”
What a different world it would be.
I love your blog and what you say in this comment Bianca, that you thought that this deeper level of responsibility would be a burden. I believed that too but I agree how full of joy it actually is because of the natural connection we become aware of.
Bianca, I was drawn to re-visit your blog this morning and can feel the power and the strength of this love you had for your Nonna filtering out for all as your expression is appreciated. I felt the propensity for healing as others/we read your article – so very beautiful – thank you.
Bianca, this is a beautiful way to celebrate the life of someone you have shared so much of your life with and felt such deep love for. How lovely that you were able to express at Nonna’s service with such love and tenderness for all to really feel the truth of your words to dispel the heaviness that people were feeling.
An inspiration Bianca – thank you.
And so great that Bianca had an opportunity and a platform to share this here, so that we can all see that it is possible to not be completely overwhelmed by sadness and grief.
Bianca has sure shared there is a possible way not to be overwhelmed by sadness and grief.
Yes Shevon I agree – normally I do not like funerals because of all the overwhelm but Biancas way of being on a funeral showed me a possible way to not be completely overwhelmed and hard by all the sadness and grief.
Yes an Inspiration for all and to celebrate death in such a way is to allow the person who has passed to be free to go and they are not being held back by our emotional need of what that relationship gave us. Celebrating that person’s life and what they shared with you is very special.
What a beatifull blog, How you prepared yourself for the funeral is very inspiring, not getting lost in the sadness but celebrating you and your grandmother.
Yes I agree Benkt, funerals are there to celebrate the relationship with the person. The sadness feels very selfish and is of no true support to anyone.
There would, for most people, be a certain amount of sadness in losing the physical presence of someone dearly loved in one’s life and there would naturally be an adjustment to be made.
As Benkt says, it is about ‘not getting lost’ in that sadness, and celebrating the life you shared with that person. One’s true presence, as Bianca so beautifully writes about, is the magic ingredient. You may feel that there is some sadness in you or in others but you can also bring your full presence and love.
Very inspiring Blog thank you Bianca for sharing how you were able through a loving commitment to yourself to be able to be love at a funeral! Awesome!
It is amazing how much and how quickly our choices affect ourselves and those around us. Over time there is a big cumulative effect, which is absolutely wonderful. I agree with you Janina.
I agree Christoph and Janina. Our choices quickly affect those around us and it is beautiful to see how being our loving selves supports, not only us but all those around us too.
What a beautiful sharing, and such a perfect timing. We have just last week lost a member of our staff colleague who had been working at our hotel for 45 yrs, well before we came on board. She loved her job and was cheerful everday she came in, she never said no to anything. We have been remembering her for a joyous moments and the love she shared with us all.
This feels like a much more joyful and loving way to be at the time of someone passing over. There is much to celebrate in the life of a person. It is so much easier to feel this when you know without a doubt that this is not the end but a new phase in their life. By appreciating their life and qualities, it can inspire us to bring more of that into our lives and share that with others.
Bianca, I loved reading your blog and how the choices you made leading up to the funeral supported you on the day. How inspiring that through this connection to yourself in your eulogy speech you equally supported everyone there. Thank you for sharing and writing about the power that comes from choosing love and self-connection.
I so agree Rachel – “by choosing love and self-connection” – that is they key to all our interactions and being in every moment. A great reminder, thank you.
Indeed, it is inspiring how you supported yourself in the lead up and because of the support you gave yourself, you supported everyone at the funeral and wiped away the heavy sadness.
Dear Bianca,
In your writting I can feel how your dedication to choosing loving supportive choices for your self totally supported you as you lived the days leading to and of your Nonna’s funeral. To simply honor what you felt and express this as it arose is so beautiful. Thank you deeply for sharing this with is all.
What a beautiful choice you made for your self, Bianca. And for your Nonna. The memories of her that you shared with other people at her funeral were so uplifting. What a lovely memory you have given them.
Yes I felt it too Leigh and am deeply touched and grateful.
Funerals are always difficult occasions and it is normal for us to feel sad and grief for the loss of a loved one, and it’s very easy to be overcome by these emotions too. I like how you realised that you needed to allow yourself to feel what was needed for you to support yourself in the lead up to the funeral, and how you were able to express your love for your Grandmother, which allowed people to connect to her and her life and not just how sad they felt at their loss of this important woman in their lives.
well said, Rachel. Knowing that there is a way to feel grief and sadness that may arise when a loved one dies, but not feel overwhelmed or lost in those emotions – and to, at the same moment, feel the joy and love that you shared with the person who has passed on – is beautiful.
Beautifully expressed Rachel, sadness at the loss of a loved one is natural, but whats amazing about what is shared in this blog is the possibility of not letting grief overcome you but to instead connect to the joy of the person you loved and the life you shared together.
Funerals are indeed strange things, because there also many ideals of how should behave. People enter the door, and think they should act ‘heavy’ because that is the way you should support people. They go into a role. Bianca shows us that you can also be joyful and loving at a funeral. For most people quite a change.
What if at the end of life is about celebrating the person and what was brought trough the person, the connections to the people and the magical moments everyone has experienced by being around this person.
I find this ironic in many ways Rachel as for most people they perceive the emotion felt around a funeral as being the love that they feel and having someone so loved no longer in their lives. This is not true love. As Bianca’s experience has been a great example of, true love has not an ounce of need or emotion in it whatsoever.
I agree Rachel – sometimes the sadness of losing someone can come laced with many unresolved feelings and overlook the celebration of the true connection we have had with our loved. Holding a solid foundation and connection to ourselves nurtures the true and loving relationship and precious gift our loved one has brought during their physical existence – thanks Bianca for sharing.
I have attended many funerals over the years where I have felt many of these unresolved feelings of family members and have often felt uncomfortable at these gatherings. What has been shared in this blog is the possibility of another way where the dignity, respect of a dearly passed on member is celebrated and those attending can choose appreciation over emotion to commemorate the day.
Life is one massive interrelated event, there is no such thing as an ‘isolated event’, no such thing at all. And in much the same way there is no such thing as a person living in isolation, sure they might be living in geographical isolation from others but they are still an integrated part of the whole.