Recently I attended my Nonna’s (grandmother’s) funeral. Nonna was such a constant person in my life. We shared a close and playful relationship. I saw her nearly every weekend and it was wonderful to spend so much time with her. Nonna had always been a fit, active and strong woman, but from the age of 88 I could sense that she was slowing down.
Nonna died one week before she reached 90 years, after falling and breaking her hip. I got to see her while she was in hospital and express how I felt about her. This was not something new for me as every time I was with Nonna I would express my love for her: Nonna knew without a doubt that I loved her and that she was a very special person to me.
When Nonna died I thought I would feel overwhelmingly sad. I had never experienced the death of someone so close to me and I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person. I felt much love for the woman I had spent so much time with and a true acceptance of the choices my Nonna had made in her life and that this life for her had ended.
I felt a deep appreciation for the relationship we had, and that I had always expressed my love for her. There was much sadness around me, which is understandable, and much talk about how the funeral would be difficult and very sad. I did begin to wonder how I would feel at the funeral; would this be the time that I would be sad, would I be overcome with emotion?
Coming from an Italian background, I had attended many Italian funerals and these experiences had shown me that extreme emotion was involved: there might be wailing, there would definitely be a lot of tears and people wearing black clothing. It was like swimming in a sea of heavy emotion. In the past I had reacted to this intensity by feeling overwhelmed.
As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.
I also realised that in the lead up to the funeral I could choose to live in a way that supported me to deeply care for and nurture myself.
Living this way was not new to me as for a few years I have been developing a deeply caring relationship with myself. As a result, I was open to listening to my body and how I was feeling and then open to making more loving choices to support me to continue to feel well and vital. During the week before the funeral I chose to deepen this loving way more consistently.
I brought my presence to every moment, which simply means when I was doing something my mind and body were together.
- Each time I made my bed, I brought all my attention to the task at hand. I did not allow wandering thoughts as I lovingly smoothed out the sheets and doona and tenderly placed the pillows. I focused on the way my body felt as I moved with this presence.
During the week I did not override my body and what it was feeling, I listened and made loving choices in response to it.
- If I was tired I would lie down and have a rest; I chose not to push through and ‘just get on with things’
- I ensured I went to bed early every night so I would feel rejuvenated in the morning
- If I had an emotional conversation with a family member I would sit afterwards and ask myself tenderly “how am I feeling”. I would take the time to support me by simply reflecting or having an honest discussion with my husband or a close friend. I did not override how I felt, I simply honoured what was there and gave myself space to be with it.
I felt how simple it was to live this way and how every moment was building on the next, nothing felt separate or disconnected. Every moment that I chose to be loving supported me to keep making more loving choices for myself. I was in constant appreciation of the choices I was making.
All week I took deeply loving care of myself, not just for myself, but for others. I ate foods that were supportive, spoke gently to myself and my family and walked every day. My daily walks were such an amazing support…the fresh air, feeling the sunshine on my skin and watching the birds dance through the sky brought a feeling of harmony to my body that was very soothing. There was no perfection, only a loving dedication and commitment.
On the day of attending the funeral I felt tender and very present because of the loving care I had chosen over the last week. There was a strength that came from honouring what I was feeling within with a steadiness and a surety that I had not felt on such a deep level.
When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.
As I stood at the altar and expressed the love I felt for Nonna and shared stories of our connection, I felt my expression come from a place deep within and I felt truly connected to all. People dried their eyes and laughed at the cheeky stories I told of Nonna, remembering the woman she truly was. It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.
Afterwards, family and friends expressed such loving appreciation for my expression… one person genuinely thanked me for the eulogy and said it had made her day because it supported her to stop feeling overwhelming sadness and focus on the loving connection that she also had with my Nonna.
As I drove home that evening with my husband I reflected on the funeral and the connection we felt with everyone. It had been such a beautiful day. There was such openness, love and acceptance from all who were present.
Attending my Nonna’s funeral was different to any funeral I had ever attended. My deeply caring and loving choices leading up to the funeral allowed me to stay open and present all day and to express without reservation. I felt much love for all, and the connection I felt with people had made the funeral a truly special day.
I am deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon’s love for humanity and the presentations of Universal Medicine that have supported me to re-connect to the love within me and re-develop my innate awareness. Without this re-connection I would not be living the joy-full, loving life I live today.
By Bianca, Melbourne, Australia
When we express our love for someone who is close to us then we do not lose that connection to them even when their physical presence is no longer with us; the love and connection you have becomes part of who you are that you share with others.
Thank you Bianca, I have just re read your article, and deeply appreciate what you have shared in the way of deepening the self care . Then to read…”Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all”… This is priceless, as it shows how the body truly ‘feeds you back’ the quality of love that you have honoured it with. What great support the body can provide back.
Bianca, very inspiring to read, how much you nurtured yourself before the actual funeral took place. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Bianca, i have just reread your blog as i am about to experience something similar and appreciate the level of responsibility, care and love that you chose.
Bianca you brought your livingness with you to the funeral and in doing so stood as a true reflection to all present, there was no being swept away on a tide of emotion which is so easy to do in these situations.
Each person there not only dried their eyes from the grief but also opened their hearts to your expression, your love and your consistent livingness.
On re-reading this blog I am reminded of how powerful expression is and that expression is more than what we say verbally but how we move our body and interact with others. Expression is all about choices to either we say yes and express from our essence, who we truly are, or we say yes and express from a need to fit in and be accepted. What this blog demonstrates is that in the lead up to the funeral and on the day I consistently chose to say yes to expressing from the love I am – my essence and the ease in which one can do this when they get themselves out of the way and make it about love, true expression and being open with people.
Thank you Bianca and lovely reminder that even in grief there is joy.
Bianca, this is a testament that love can be lived in motion and expression practically every day.
I just love the simplicity in how you shared “As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.” That’s exactly the only thing we have to do each and every day in everything we do.
I agree Tamara, accepting what we are feeling and how others are feeling is a great support every day. It helps us let go of the ideals and beliefs that we have around how life should look and be and empowers us to know that we have a choice in every moment as to how we will be.
I could feel so much joy expressed all through your blog Bianca – how amazing and inspiring is this!
As I was scanning through the index of blogs looking for a subject matter that would appeal to me it surprised me when I chose Death & Dying and then I clocked the familiar, somewhat negative, ideals and beliefs automatically coming up in my mind – eg ‘bit of a morbid subject’. What a treasure I would have missed out on had I not made the choice to proceed regardless of my initial reaction. Absolute gold! Thank you Bianca.
What an inspiration and healing opportunity you offered all those who were in attendance of your Nona’s funeral. This just proves the more we take care of and support ourselves the more this offers all those around us.
Re-reading your beautiful blog today Bianca, what stood out for me was: “I brought my presence to every moment, which simply means when I was doing something my mind and body were together.” – This is something I can remind myself of every day as it applies to all we do in life.
It is so important to feel the sadness of lost ones, and to be able to connect to the memories of great moments. Just by feeling and allowing creates a space for healing and accepting that one day we will all leave the body we are in and return to the divine soul. As we create this space the joyful memories flood back and by sharing them allows the acceptance and letting go of any hurts and feeling of lost.
Bianca this brings memories of my father’s passing at the age of 89. I’d been feeling the signs of his imminent passing for a while, and noted how our conversations became deeper, he was coming to terms with difficult aspects of his life. He managed to farewell us all the day before he died. It gave us opportunity to express our feelings deeply. Details of how he wanted the funeral to be were known so plans went smoothly. To my surprise it was a beautiful loved filled occasion and I was not sad at all. A wise esoteric practitioner had said to me that I would feel the essence of the person far more strongly after they passed over, and this is absolutely true. The glory of that person shines on, and the little foibles, difficulties and quirks that could raise a reaction from me in life paled in comparison.
This observation, that every choice we make is with us is so poignant. Our choices do walk with us. The more we choose love, the more we let love be our way, the more it walks with us, filling our steps and our life. People feel this no matter what the circumstances are, so even in a funeral the love and joy of one person can be experienced.
This is not just a way to prepared for the big events like funerals, but even the seeming mundanity of everyday life.
The greatest asset we have is our own love.
“The greatest asset we have is our own love.” Love this Rachel!
Yes we do carry with us all the loving choices of how we live our life and people do feel it in so many ways, a great healing for all.
I can relate very much to reacting to the intensity by feeling overwhelmed when I have attended a funeral in the past. It is a horrible feeling but Bianca has clearly shown us that it doesn’t have to be this way; that by living in a way that truly supports me and being consistent with this not only supports me but others too.
I agree Caroline, Bianca has shown us there is another way. As you shared funerals can be very intense and overwhelming but when Bianca shared the realisation that allowed her to let go of the ‘….belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person’ I felt this truly transform the concept of grief for me as it allows the space to truly celebrate the love you shared with the person and to let them go in the acceptance and appreciation of all that they brought to your life.
I was very touched reading this beautiful piece of writing. I loved how Bianca expressed her love for her Nonna all through her life and not just before her death. This I find inspirational. Expressing my love and appreciation especially for loved ones consistently has not come easy to me but I know it is one of the most natural things to do. Reading blogs like this deepens the confirmation within me and therefore inspires me to express in this way more in my life.
I read this blog a while ago and it was great to come back to and read especially how you were able to support everyone around you by not being emotional. What stuck me the most was the line, “I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person.” I realise that I hold that belief too, that somehow the sadder I am means the more I loved the person who has passed on. I realise how false this is and that the connection we have with the person is the thing that remains. This is something to celebrate rather than grieve over, which you so beautifully shared with your Nonna, your friends and family.
There is no connection with the ash of my fathers dead body, anymore. What I feel is that grief and sadness is feeding a wrong purpose. I have felt a release in me when he could let go and ending the fight against the natural rhythm of nature. This allows me to hold him in my heart deeply with the love I have in me. Letting him go this way feels true and graceful to me.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me…” It’s wonderful to read a sentence like this, for it’s practical and makes sense to anyone reading it. If we create a rhythm of support for ourselves, it’s completely understandable we’ll feel this when pressure starts to build or we’re faced with a moment in time of significance.
Bianca, what an amazing service of love you offered to yourself, to Nonna, and to all the people present at the funeral. It was truly lovely and touching to read how, “It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.” You blessed everyone there with your love and your presence and all responded to you in love, by return. What huge changes we can all make when we commit to love in the way you have described here. Thank you for the inspiration of this expression.
What an amazing and unusual choice of stay connected and not let yourself be taken by the emotional turmoil that causes death. Without any doubt your solid foundation allowed you to go there.
Very powerful Bianca. In choosing to connect to your love, to your essence love through your rhythm in the week prior to the funeral the love you built and deepened was naturally there the day the funeral came. And with this you responded with the quality of love that you developed through your Livingness and with this presented another way. That love is a choice that can be celebrated and shared always, even in death. Truly Inspiring. What a blessing for everyone present, and all that have to opportunity to meet you.
I could be with my father as he died and I could hold him and felt the struggle and fight he had chosen to not letting go. This felt so unnatural to me, holding onto a body that was old and sick. As the moment came when he died, I could feel a release that he could let go finally. To me it makes no sense holding onto a body that is ready to die. I believe in reincarnation.
Thanks Monika for sharing your experience. I too feel that reincarnation is true and because of this can see how death in one life could be considered a new beginning.
I must admit I have tended to avoid funerals, as the emotion is so intense and this is not how I feel about death. It is lovely to read that just one person bringing the love and joy they feel can make such a huge difference and show others that the amount you loved someone who passes over doesn’t need to equate to the level of sadness you feel or express.
What a beautiful testament to the power and loving impact that taking responsibility for, and in everything we do, has for ourselves and everyone else.
Here here, testament it is, to the power and loving impact of taking self responsibility – well said.
Thank you Bianca such as beautiful sharing of your Nonna’s Funeral. I have attended quite a few funerals over the years, all of them different, individual to the persons life. Much sharing and joy also amongst the sadness, but also celebration for what that person brought to the lives of each person.
Bianca what a really beautiful sharing. Your experience is something that I can completley relate to with attending the funerals of my mother and sister in the last 18 months. It’s so true what you have shared about focussing on the connection we had with the person and celebrating this supports the lifting of the sadness of loss and regret.
This is one of many blogs where people glowingly write about seemingly obvious and overly simple things like “when I am tired I have a rest and don’t push through”.
However, this is an incredibly difficult thing to do – everything in our life tells us to do the opposite but it transforms us when we do it. Taking care of ourselves is worth more than a million dollars for ourselves, our quality of life, everything, yet few of us go there.
Great blog. We need to stop looking at death as being the end of life, but rather part of life.
To be able to truly celebrate people in our lives whilst they are here, expressing how we truly feel, will lead to a reconfiguring of our relationship with death. This will have a profound effect upon society.
Wow Bianca it is so evident that the loving choices you made leading up to your nonna’s funeral so helped support you to be the loving support you were to all that day. It feels by bringing that level of quality and dedication to our daily choices and living we are able to be more present in each moment and honour what is needed for ourselves and others. What a beautiful marker of how our choices really do create the life we live. I am sure this was felt by everyone that day, as it was so clearly felt by me in reading your words.
It’s a bit hard to put into words how beautiful and inspiring your blog is. Because for me it offers far more than about attending a funeral. What you share here is a loving example of how we could be in so many areas of our lives. This is such a strong example though because it goes against the way people normally view an deal with death. As the lady at the funeral confirmed, what a blessing you were and what a great gift you gave yourself and all of those around you by taking such great care of yourself.
Thanks Sarah, it is great to acknowledge the ripple effect of our choices, it is such a confirmation that we are all connected.
Hello Bianca and thank you for this article. I was constantly at a loss with the funeral situations. I would wear dark sunglasses and look sad when most of the time I didn’t feel that sad. I wouldn’t listen to what people spoke about and I just couldn’t wait for them to end because I felt lost. Most of the time it didn’t seemed to be about the person that was dead, it was more about those that were ‘left’ behind. I started not going to funeral’s at all and tagged them as simply not my thing. This may seem a bit harsh but I just couldn’t understand it. When I started to listen to Serge Benhayon and how he spoke about life and feelings things made more sense. People all had there way of dealing with death but I also had mine. Mine wasn’t right nor was their’s wrong I just had to be myself and do what I feel to do. I love how you have described your experience Bianca and that in fact it wasn’t just about the ‘day’ but about every day and the commitment you make to yourself. What you said makes a lot of sense and it was almost like everyone at your Nonna’s funeral was waiting for someone to be like you were. Thanks again.
There’s a lot of expectation on all of us to feel a particular way in certain situations, e.g. sad at funerals or jubilant as new mothers and then when we don’t, in come feelings like guilt, confusion, lack of self worth, self doubt etc. It’s so much healthier to not have expectations about how we’re going to feel and to simply connect to whatever it is that we are feeling and to just allow that feeling to be, regardless of whether or not society expects it or not. Allow, surrender, accept.
I remember when my Gran died, who I felt close to, I had expected to feel sad, but really ultimately I appreciated how we connected with each other and how we understood and allowed each other to be ourselves, this was precious to share. I hold this feeling with me and I did not even feel really sad when she died or after the funeral. I had a celebration of our connection in life. It was a great moment for me to appreciate that if we are open to connection with people it won’t feel undone or unfinished when they die.
Bianca this is so delicately written in honour of yourself and also love for your Nonna. What struck me was the reference someone made to how you expressed so that people could have understanding in their time of grief when your words inspired them “…to stop feeling overwhelming sadness and focus on the loving connection she had…”. In re-connecting all those people back to love away from sadness, you brought much needed healing, leaving behind a different way for them to attend any further funerals – celebrating the life and also too the onward journey of a soul in its joyous evolution.
Bianca such a lovely sharing of the Love you had with your Nona and the honouring of her life when she passed. When I have attended a funeral I try to leave the emotion behind and focus on the Love and joy that the person brought into my and others lives. We still need to grieve the loss of this person but not through the emotional way that we have done in the past.
It was amazing to feel your deep level of self-care and love that you lived up to funeral, and how that greatly supported you and all of the people there.
Thank you for reflecting to us all Bianca, how this is practically possible.
Bianca, Funerals can be very difficult occasions along with the emotional overwhelm. The way you chose to prepare for this day was truly remarkable to read and a great inspiration for all.
Bianca you have just shared your preparation for an event that is usually very challenging and your deep self Love and preperation in the ensuing weeks was tenderly felt. It confirms the power of living lovingly which then becomes our lived experience in our life to be felt by all.
“When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.”
This sounds completely preposterous, except that it is true.
Thank you Bianca,
It shows me here that we can sometimes indulge in emotion.
You explained the typical Italian funeral as swimming in a sea of heavy – and for me I always saw a funeral as somewhere you could be deeply miserable – no one was allowed to be positive because that was selfish.
But as you brought more love and openness to the occasion, it is amazing how you were able to be a support for others to not stay in the heaviness. A whole new way to do funerals perhaps.
How we live in every moment, leads to how we will feel in the next moment. The deep self-nurturing that you demonstrated in the lead up to the funeral deeply supported you to just be you at the funeral without taking on board the heavy emotions that were present at the funeral. I’m feeling that if we were to stay so committed in the way that we tend to and look after ourselves all of the time, we are then equipped to handle anything.
Yes Donna, I too can feel how consistency supports us to handle anything that comes our way. The simplicity of a life lived with consistency can be our new normal when we choose to commit to deeply loving and nurturing relationship with ourselves and then with all others.
BIanca it feels like you brought a living quality to your Nonnas funeral and that that quality could be felt by all. That living quality was natured in your body through your loving choices and that same loving quality can be felt through your words. Thank you.
I love this line, “Every loving choice I had made that week was with me” as I know it is true, I have felt this too. thank you.
“I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.” This is such a powerful line within itself, so often we don’t accept or feel where we or others are at. Then this causes all the tension and overwhelm. When really by accepting how we or others feel, life is so much simpler and often, really not as bad as we have made it out to be in our heads. There is a freedom, a space and almost a relief, as in I don’t have to try and fight this anymore, in accepting how we are feeling. So much simpler and such a loving thing to do for all.
Hear, hear Gyl… acceptance simplifies life and allows harmony and joy to be felt.
So many of us spend lifetimes trying to run away from how we feel, which sets up such tension in our bodies. If we stayed, surrendered and even embraced how we felt then life would be a very different kettle of fish.
This is a beautiful blog, thank you for sharing. I can only imagine what being at a funeral is like, as I have not attended one. But what I feel from your words is absolute love and appreciation, of yourself, your nonna, Serge Benhayon and people. It has allowed me to feel how much I really do love people, and care. What it also so simply shares and proves is that how we are with ourself in every single little moment has an effect on the next moment, the rest of the day, the week and so on. And more so than that, it has an effect on people. I can just feel the truth that by being super loving with ourself this builds and deepens the steadiness, consistency and love we have for ourself but can also feel and hold for all.
Beautifully said Bianca. The tender love you shared with your grandmother and with yourself is very profoundly felt in this article. It inspires me to express my love for others in life so that is the memory I hold when they are no longer with us.
Yes I agree Mary, then there can be no ‘if only I had said’.
Expressing in full with no holding back feels key in accepting the death of someone we love. I am finding the more loving I am with myself the more I am open to expressing how I feel with people and this is a very beautiful way to be.
I couldn’t even consider going back to not expressing how I feel about people, it would feel like I was being choked.
Beautiful to read and feel the love and responsibility for your loving choices and the time taken to express all the love you felt for your grandmother and with everyone at the funeral. The honouring you live feels so lovely and warming and I know the way to be . Thank you for sharing this it is inspirational for everyone.
Bianca, I really loved you celebrated your nonna’s life and the love you had for her by living each day in as much presence and making loving choices for yourself.
It seems like death is really no different to any other part of our lives in that we take responsibility up until to our last breath. Then it doesn’t matter where we are in our life, the focus can still be on the quality of love lived day by day.
What a beautiful testament of how committing to living in connection to yourself, with love, develops a steadiness and an awareness that allows you to be present and connected with everything and everyone. And with this we are able to express and bring our absolute truth and love whenever needed. A truly inspiring blog Bianca – thank you.
Thank you Bianca and Carola. I agree when we choose a loving rhythm it is with us all the time!
Thank you Bianca for sharing how the deep connection with ourselves will also exist with all we are connected to. Love never ceases so our connection with loved ones always remains. Your Nonna’s funeral was a beautiful reminder of the love we have for each other and not to be taken for granted but to be expressed to all on a daily basis. I have always felt that what hurts the most at funerals is the recollection of all the lost opportunity’s of not being love with the departed.
Well said Andrew, I agree remembering all the times we have not been our natural loving selves with the person who has died makes us very sad. It is never too late though, we can start right now to express from love with all the people we adore. What I am finding is the more I am committed to being love with myself the easier it is to be love with others.
thank you for sharing this Bianca, it highlights that if we choose love and connection within ourselves this is what will be our expression outward. I can feel the care and dedication to yourself and how this build a foundation on which you could not only withstand, but break the heavy blanket of emotions that are so easy to be caught in. Self care and connection are such a strong support in dealing with the inevitabilities of life.
Well said Carolien. Self care and connection build a foundation that support you in life no matter what is going on in the outer. I have found that the more I choose to live with connection and be deeply caring and loving of myself it feels like I am held in this warmth and home like knowing that is very reassuring.
Hi there Bianca,
You state ‘ I had this belief about the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person’
This is such a common misconception and I often have looked at people and thought ‘wow’ they are not even crying at someone’s funeral. And they are meant to be close to the person.
It was so revealing to read your blog and really feel how much this is simply just a common misconception. It seems we lace people and funerals with having to show how much we care by crying. This is utterly absurd really because we can celebrate who the person is and what they had achieved in life and be in total joy, and the times shared with them.
Thank you for your lovely exposure of emotions at funerals and how sometimes they are really just not needed.
When we can look at life this way, we can really appreciate the beauty and the joy shared with that person. Perhaps this would be more indicative of the relationship we truly had, and a great way of moving forward.
What a different way to be in a situation that can easily let emotions run free.
The way you held yourself, listened to your body and were able to support others is a true difference to how funerals are ‘supposed’ to be.
Wow – this is so inspiring!
Thank you Bianca for sharing so beautifully your preparation for the funeral. What you have delivered is a powerful testament to the significance of being present in every moment and what that means “doing something my mind and body were together”. And by doing that what it brings, “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present”.
I have always enjoyed funerals, even through the emotion people were without their ‘I’m ok masks’ that they normally wear to show the world. I remember preferring them to weddings any day! Quite astute for a 13 year old that I could feel that there was a great opportunity when someone dies for us to be ourselves to feel our feelings and to be open and appreciative of everyone who has gathered. I too really loved my Nana and never miss her as she is so within my heart!
Deeply beautiful Bianca.
I have resisted funerals for a long time because the intense emotions present were hard to handle. But when feeling the deceased, most of the time they are joyous, so that felt conflicting. When my grandmother passed away at 100, I went to her funeral smiling and joyful–and that choice changed my feelings of funerals too, because I let go of the belief that confined me.
This is beautiful Adele, what a blessing that you honoured your feelings and attended your grandmother’s funeral full of joy…a great reflection for everyone in attendance.
That is inspiring that letting go of one belief completely changed how you were able to be with yourself at funerals, Adele: awesome.
Supporting yourself not only for yourself but so you are able to be open and with clarity with others on that difficult day.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how tender and precious you were with yourself when your grandmother passed away, many will be inspired by the loving choices you made during this time.
So simply put, Bianca. If we lovingly face and deal with our fears and hurts we are free to approach life openly and freshly. We are told that death is a tragedy and disaster but as for Bianca, and after my father’s death, what was felt was the physical absence but the ongoing-ness of relationship, and in that the foundation of celebration. Universal Medicine has supported me every step of the way.
Love it Matilda, thank you for your expression. I agree the ongoingness of the relationship and the connection you shared is always there. Universal Medicine has supported me so much too. I deeply appreciate the support that is offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to return to our essence and innate wisdom.
I have noted and felt that, too, Matilda. There is an ache in the loss of the physical presence, most definitely, and yet a knowingness of continuing on. I expressed it once as, “Yesterday, today, tomorrow, I know we’ll meet again.” I still feel that to be true.
When someone dies, it’s a though they have just gone next door.
What ever we were to each other, you still are.
Talk to them in an easy way as you always did. Laugh as you always did, and jokes you enjoyed together.
Always think of those who have passed on. Never forget them, even though they are out of sight.
All will be well with them, nothing is lost
Thanks Mike. I have definitely felt that the connection is never lost when we share a loving relationship with someone.
Thank you, Bianca, for sharing this beautiful story about you Nonna’s funeral.
How you took care of yourself and everything in the days leading up to the funeral is very inspiring
It is a great example of how to truly honour and support yourself in challenging situations.
You truly honoured yourself and your Nonna Bianca, very inspiring blog, thank you for this sharing.
A very beautiful sharing thank you Bianca. The celebration of your relationship with your nonna feels truly joyful.
So often the things that we do that support us go out of the window during challenging times, or a ‘crisis’, which is crazy, because that is when we need them most. What Bianca has shown here is that the way better choice at these times, is to deepen, not abandon our commitment to self loving choices.
Well said Catherine….the choice to deepen our commitment to self-loving choices during challenging times is definitely the way to go. I also find stopping and reflecting what I need in that moment before I go into auto pilot is a very supportive tool to use.
Thank you Bianca. What stood out the most for me was how you shared that you accepted how others around you were feeling and what they were choosing. This is always such a good reminder to accept and not try and control what is happening outside of us.
Great point Vicky. When we feel our own way, no matter what others are doing or feeling, we remain with our own way. Bianca so beautifully demonstrated this and the impact it had on others. A beautiful reflection Vicky and Bianca.
It is truly a blessing to ourselves and those around us when we are able to see the bigger picture. Staying centred and open allows us to stay strong and and have the awareness to not be pulled and swayed by others emotions. Thank you Bianca, I can see you are an inspiration for your family.
It’s amazing how you could realise that approaching the funeral in a different way allowed you to have a completely different experience
What a beautifully tender celebration of your Nonna, Bianca and a beautiful reflection of your own loving choices to care and support yourself no matter what. This just proves that if we are solid in our love and support for ourselves it is reflected back ten fold.
I love reading how you took care of yourself knowing this would be a really loving thing to do for a time that may have otherwise have felt overwhelming. I feel how you prepared for your grandmother’s funeral is something I am inspired to bring to my everyday livingness. Each day we can bring this opportunity for connection with others. It’s so lovely to read how your connectedness resonated around all who attended. the depth of what they experienced I feel shouldn’t be underestimated.
Funerals hold so much in terms of not just the passing of someone loved but invite us to reflect on how we are living our lives and how we would like to be remembered and what we leave behind in terms of inspiration or not. How you were I feel was profoundly felt by all who attended. So beautiful.
Thank you Karin. I agree this way of living is for our everyday not just an occasion. I am allowing myself to unfold this way of life without perfection and reminding myself that this quality already lives inside me and is the most natural way for us all to live.
How beautiful “to express without reservation” Bianca. You have a true appreciation of yourself and of the life you shared with your Nonna which you were able to share we all those assembled at the funeral.
I could really feel in this blog Bianca that by supporting yourself in the way that you did, you were able to truly honour all of your feelings around your Nonna’s passing. It wasn’t like you were trying not to feel things, but that you gave yourself all the space you needed so that you could feel what was there to be felt – and the ‘outcome’ of that for you and for everyone is that you could speak openly and lovingly about the depth of your relationship with your Nonna. Truly beautiful.
Wow! That’s really beautfiful Bianca. I’m so inspired by how you chose to deal with such a significant loss. It really brought light to the fact that we don’t have to fall in a heap when unexpected things happen. By supporting ourselves in the way you have, we can heal ourselves and those around us in a much gentler way.
A funeral is something I try to avoid attending because of its heavy emotional energy, and the hypocrisy and belief system surrounding the ceremony that are difficult to deal with. Thank you Bianca for presenting there is a more loving approach to this.
How wonderful for your Nonna Bianca, to leave this life feeling and knowing your love for her.
Your loving connection to yourself is an example I would wish for all humanity.
Thank you Wendy… I feel it is very beautiful that my Nonna felt and knew my love for her. Knowing that I had expressed lovingly and not left anything unsaid was such a big support for me in accepting her passing. I feel very blessed to have had this relationship in my life.
When I attend the funeral of a young person today the wisdom of your words “I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling,” will be with me.
Thank you Bianca.
Bianca I could feel the deep love you had for your Nonna and that love was reflected in the way you care -fully prepared for her funeral so you could be fully present. This is a learning for me in that this is the way to be in our daily lives -being present in every moment.
How beautiful, to feel how a choice of conscious presence can bring such light and clarity. This is the so inspiring. Thank you Bianca.
This was so beautiful to read and feel, the gentle, tender love you were with yourself during this time. I could really feel this throughout the blog and to honour yourself as you did, with such simple things like taking yourself to bed when you felt to, allowed yourself to feel whatever needed to be felt. Was truly lovely and very inspiring.
Thanks Bianca this is a great example of how we can be in such heavily emotional situations as funerals. You allowed yourself the space to feel what you felt, and then supported others around you with your joyful recollections. This is a great example for many others.
Hi JohN O Connell here from Ireland
Thank you Bianca ,
reading your blog just shows what we you have to share with the world and not just at funerals ,
Its about 3 years ago I was at my mothers funeral and it was really so funny , and a contradiction to how it “should be ”
just about everyone was saying to me how great I look , what was I doing , how are you so slim. There was family friend at the funeral who did not recognise me.
But the great grace at the funeral for me was now that I was re-connected with me through the support of universal medicine , I knew my mother was not truly dead but on the evolution of life ,
Hi John, thanks for your comment. I agree there is so much we have to offer the world when we simply allow ourselves to be re-connected to our essence and take very loving care of ourselves. Choosing to be more loving and deeply caring with ourselves naturally leads to being this way with others too.
I love the way you so lovingly prepared yourself for your Nan’s funeral Bianca, and how that led to you being able to be totally present throughout, and choose to respond and express lovingly without emotion. Many people control of indulge in their emotions at times like these and that prevents the true feelings of sadness, appreciation, and affirmation being felt and shared.
Great blogs on what the effect of loving choices are. I will take this with me during the coming days and truly take notice of my body and mind being together harmoniously in the act I am doing in that moment. Often I go into thought, it is such a habit. Through your blog you gave me a gentle and affectual reminder that it’s very worthwhile committing to a week of loving choices. My choice is move gracefully and eat consciously. Let’s see what that brings.
This attention to detail is often what is missing, the dedication to such precision in our choices can make all the difference between something feeling good, and something feeling truly loving and supportive.
Bianca thank you very much for this inspirational blog. You show how simple it is to be more connected not only with oneself but with everybody else. And when we are connected we can support each other much more than when we are in reaction or emotional turmoil, like you say : “It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.” Awesome.
I could feel that what supported you to not get swept up in emotion was your deep appreciation of the love you had for your Nona and that you had always expressed that love. There was nothing to regret, no lack of love in the relationship to mourn. How beautiful it was to hear about the way you were at the funeral and how this had such an impact on other people attending. Could this be the future of funerals? I certainly hope so.
What you have described so well here Bianca is what I would describe as a way of living that is very self supportive. We all have many moments in life which are difficult or challenging or emotional, and it seems what you are illustrating here is that it is so important to have this basis of self support and taking care of ourselves to allow us to handle all those difficult situations we encounter every day.
Beautifull to read how we can prepare ourselves to bring ourselves to a place where there is so much emotion. There are so many beliefs and heavy ideas about dying which bring many intense emotions with it. It is beautifull to read that we can bring it to another experience for all of us if one chooses to bring truly herself into that moment.
Thankyou Bianca for such a beautiful story of love and death . To stay with each and every moment in such a loving and caring way and to take all of that presence to the funeral is such a healing for everyone at the funeral – this is a very inspiring story of how we can truly serve all, when sadness and grief and distress are prevalent.
I appreciate the way you write about making a decision to commit to being very present the week before the funeral and caring for yourself. Is is supportive to share this and it also is a valuable example that doing so really does support us in times of potential stress and also in our every day. As this process is about learning, when we choose to be more present and loving with ourselves this can be used as a marker to support us in caring for ourselves in the future, Thank you for sharing.
That’s awesome sharing Bianca,
Thank you, I will be attending my Mums funeral later in the year and your blog held so much for me as support.
I look forward to holding more of me at future funerals for myself and others.
I will definately take on board the way in which you prepared for your Grandmothers funeral, your article is much appreciated
The words said from someone in deep connection with self and with the depth of a strong foundation of love towards another are like beams of healing light to all who listen are in the presence of . Awesome Bianca your part in this and sharing this with us all.
Bianca your preciousness and tenderness can be deeply felt in this sharing, and I am inspired by your commitment to honouring them with so much dedication. How beautiful that this commitment to you allowed you to celebrate the life of your Nonna and supported others to do the same. I’ve never quite understood why funerals are not more of a celebration of the person and the life they lived, inviting us all to celebrate life.
Thank you Bianca for your deeply inspiring blog which I read just days before my father died. I also chose to care for myself lovingly whilst preparing all the many details of the funeral and this allowed me to be fully present when taking part in a wonderful celebration of my father’s life. I felt an amazing calmness and gratitude as I spoke about my father’s legacy and shared with people afterwards that I had enjoyed the occasion. I am also conscious of feeling more deeply connected to those around me as I have opened up my heart in appreciation of my relationship with my father and all it has offered me.
A beautiful sharing, thank you Helen. Your family and friends would have been deeply touched by your presence and the deep connection you were offering. Very inspiring!
Beautiful Helen. Very inspiring that Helen enjoyed the occasion of her father’s funeral. I certainly have not found funerals enjoyable. I would get drawn into sympathizing and that wasn’t supporting anyone. Today my choices are more loving, building a foundation so that if a funeral came my way, I would be much more steadfast within myself and therefore in a much better position to deal with the emotions that arise at funerals.
This is great because it shows us that although there is a deep sadness at the loss of someone so close, it does not have to be overwhelming, all encompassing and so heavily morbid as we so often see and believe it to be. There is a light heartedness and joy when we can connect to that person and the joy they brought in their life. People are amazing and that is to be celebrated throughout life and in death too.
Bianca, I felt to re-read your beautiful blog today. It is incredibly inspiring, wonderful how you really prepared yourself and your body for what could have been a very emotional day for you. With the result, not asked for, that people spoke of their deep appreciation for how you expressed all you felt about your Nonna.
And the other important fact is, you have built your body into such a body of love now, you will never lose this, but go on gracefully building it even further.
I could appreciate this too Beverley – I could feel so much from Bianca’s description about how she prepared herself in the lead up to the funeral, and the commitment to presence she had. This building of presence, and therefore immense allowing of love is a foundation now for her. Wow, what a marker! Appreciating how you were at the funeral, and the inspiration you were to those around you is so beautiful to feel – and inspirational to me too. Thank you Bianca for this sharing, it really made me stop and feel today.
Although it can be a sad and emotional time, when a loved one departs this life, the physical presence may not be there, yet they will always be in our hearts and minds, and never forgotten.
Great to hear how what potentially could have been a traumatic time actually turned out to be a loving experience all down to how you looked after and prepared yourself for what was to come. By doing this you where then able to not only support yourself but other who where also there.