Recently I attended my Nonna’s (grandmother’s) funeral. Nonna was such a constant person in my life. We shared a close and playful relationship. I saw her nearly every weekend and it was wonderful to spend so much time with her. Nonna had always been a fit, active and strong woman, but from the age of 88 I could sense that she was slowing down.
Nonna died one week before she reached 90 years, after falling and breaking her hip. I got to see her while she was in hospital and express how I felt about her. This was not something new for me as every time I was with Nonna I would express my love for her: Nonna knew without a doubt that I loved her and that she was a very special person to me.
When Nonna died I thought I would feel overwhelmingly sad. I had never experienced the death of someone so close to me and I had this belief that the amount of sadness I felt would equate to how much I loved the person. I felt much love for the woman I had spent so much time with and a true acceptance of the choices my Nonna had made in her life and that this life for her had ended.
I felt a deep appreciation for the relationship we had, and that I had always expressed my love for her. There was much sadness around me, which is understandable, and much talk about how the funeral would be difficult and very sad. I did begin to wonder how I would feel at the funeral; would this be the time that I would be sad, would I be overcome with emotion?
Coming from an Italian background, I had attended many Italian funerals and these experiences had shown me that extreme emotion was involved: there might be wailing, there would definitely be a lot of tears and people wearing black clothing. It was like swimming in a sea of heavy emotion. In the past I had reacted to this intensity by feeling overwhelmed.
As I pondered on how attending Nonna’s funeral might be, I realised that the only thing I could do on the day was to accept what I and everyone around me was feeling.
I also realised that in the lead up to the funeral I could choose to live in a way that supported me to deeply care for and nurture myself.
Living this way was not new to me as for a few years I have been developing a deeply caring relationship with myself. As a result, I was open to listening to my body and how I was feeling and then open to making more loving choices to support me to continue to feel well and vital. During the week before the funeral I chose to deepen this loving way more consistently.
I brought my presence to every moment, which simply means when I was doing something my mind and body were together.
- Each time I made my bed, I brought all my attention to the task at hand. I did not allow wandering thoughts as I lovingly smoothed out the sheets and doona and tenderly placed the pillows. I focused on the way my body felt as I moved with this presence.
During the week I did not override my body and what it was feeling, I listened and made loving choices in response to it.
- If I was tired I would lie down and have a rest; I chose not to push through and ‘just get on with things’
- I ensured I went to bed early every night so I would feel rejuvenated in the morning
- If I had an emotional conversation with a family member I would sit afterwards and ask myself tenderly “how am I feeling”. I would take the time to support me by simply reflecting or having an honest discussion with my husband or a close friend. I did not override how I felt, I simply honoured what was there and gave myself space to be with it.
I felt how simple it was to live this way and how every moment was building on the next, nothing felt separate or disconnected. Every moment that I chose to be loving supported me to keep making more loving choices for myself. I was in constant appreciation of the choices I was making.
All week I took deeply loving care of myself, not just for myself, but for others. I ate foods that were supportive, spoke gently to myself and my family and walked every day. My daily walks were such an amazing support…the fresh air, feeling the sunshine on my skin and watching the birds dance through the sky brought a feeling of harmony to my body that was very soothing. There was no perfection, only a loving dedication and commitment.
On the day of attending the funeral I felt tender and very present because of the loving care I had chosen over the last week. There was a strength that came from honouring what I was feeling within with a steadiness and a surety that I had not felt on such a deep level.
When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.
As I stood at the altar and expressed the love I felt for Nonna and shared stories of our connection, I felt my expression come from a place deep within and I felt truly connected to all. People dried their eyes and laughed at the cheeky stories I told of Nonna, remembering the woman she truly was. It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.
Afterwards, family and friends expressed such loving appreciation for my expression… one person genuinely thanked me for the eulogy and said it had made her day because it supported her to stop feeling overwhelming sadness and focus on the loving connection that she also had with my Nonna.
As I drove home that evening with my husband I reflected on the funeral and the connection we felt with everyone. It had been such a beautiful day. There was such openness, love and acceptance from all who were present.
Attending my Nonna’s funeral was different to any funeral I had ever attended. My deeply caring and loving choices leading up to the funeral allowed me to stay open and present all day and to express without reservation. I felt much love for all, and the connection I felt with people had made the funeral a truly special day.
I am deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon’s love for humanity and the presentations of Universal Medicine that have supported me to re-connect to the love within me and re-develop my innate awareness. Without this re-connection I would not be living the joy-full, loving life I live today.
By Bianca, Melbourne, Australia
594 Comments
That we can re-imprint a ritual embedded for generations is indicative of the depth of connection that is now possible.
It is actually possible, as Bianca writes, to re-imprint funerals and this does have far-reaching effects… and of course this is most definitely needed, to bring a whole different reflection to this ritual which, for most, can be devastating, but, if one brings a deeper wisdom, can be a point of deep reflection and connection for all.
The tenderness in this blog is a reflection of the tender way that you cared for yourself in the days leading up to the funeral which meant that all those choices were with you and supported you to deliver a heartfelt eulogy and supported others to connect with your grandmother and their love for her and not get lost in the heaviness of the emotions swirling around. Thank you for sharing this feels like a true celebration of life and relationships.
Thank you for sharing that there is another way to be around death and dying and this can be to celebrate the person rather than grieve – but as you have shared here – this celebration starts with an everyday appreciation rather than a missing or regret of the person. So for me this says be your full self with everyone, everyday, and we don’t need to grieve or miss others because we bring all of us all of the time and each moment with others is full and complete.
Bianca, you can clearly feel the love and honouring of yourself in your writing and how your loving preparation enabled the connection and healing you held for all at your Nona’s funeral. Being of Italian decent I can appreciate the emotionalism that is often expressed at these funerals. It is powerful when we hold such a loving reflection and instead of being swamped by emotions we can feel the joy and truth of a loved ones passing. Truly inspiring, and a beautiful confirmation of how we can live everyday.
‘It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.’ Your loving preparation the days before the funeral gave everyone a healing and the opportunity to celebrate the life of your Nonna instead. This is deeply to appreciate, it is a new imprint of how a funeral can be, to allow the feelings of sadness but not get overwhelmed because life and the connection is there to be truly celebrated when someone has passed over.
What a beautiful example of how when we are super loving with ourselves that whatever we do next comes with all that love and care, as with you Bianca: “When I walked into the church I was not alone. Every loving choice I had made that week was with me, which allowed me to be open and loving with all, even though I could feel the heavy sadness and grief that was present.” This is not only the most supportive ‘prescription’ for preparing for a funeral but also for anything and everything that we do, in fact, for life. Taking care of us in a loving and respectful way not only has amazing consequences for us, but for all those around us.
Funerals can be fun, funerals can be a celebration, I love the lightness and love you brought to this situation – a blessing for all.
” It felt like my expression washed away the heaviness and brought clarity and space to all.” This is beautiful to re-read Bianca. ‘Expression is everything’ – as a very wise man has presented to us.
The connections we share with eachother are what counts. This is what this blog tells me, that our physical bodies may come and go, but ultimately it is the shared experiences of loving intent that we have with each other that makes life all that it is and all that it will ever be.
Wow – I LOVE this blog Bianca, I think you have pretty much described the key to being able to handle anything in life: make this moment count and take all the care that is needed for it, and that sets up the future to be that same quality you are claiming now.
Coming back to this blog reminds me of the grace to support myself in the way you describe all the time. There is such an acceptance and surrender in this, which is inspirational.
Thank you Bianca, very inspiring reading about the practical ways you brought love into your everyday choices, and how this supported you to deal with your Nonna’s funeral. Someone recently shared with me that in our experience of death we can either be attached to the loss or stay connected to the love that was shared with the person. Your blog expressed this difference clearly.
Recently I went to a funeral of a work colleague and feeling the sadness others were in, I reminded myself how much she had laughed about life, and by not going into any form of sympathy it was easy to appreciate that she had reached another cycle of life which is something to be celebrated, and not to be sad about.
Bianca the way you describe the extra care in how you lived up until the funeral is beautiful, it shows the fact we know how to take care of ourselves. What comes to mind as well is how I know this and yet I don’t make every day of equal importance, for if I treated every day with the love and care to the detail I know I can choose, then life could be quite different.
The quality of our relationships is so important to us all, even though many do not acknowledge this at the time, ‘I felt a deep appreciation for the relationship we had, and that I had always expressed my love for her.’ And this starts with our quality of relationship we have with self as you share in this blog Bianca.
It’s beautiful to have a sense of what it takes to still ‘grieve’ the loss of a close loved one, but not be overwhelmed by emotion, nor to incite and endorse others emotions but also to not dismiss your own or theirs in any way also. Having attended a couple of very heavy and emotional funerals in my life, this is a breath of fresh air. The idea of celebrating a life is far more appealing, and pertinent as I see it, than being weighed down with sadness for the loss.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how very powerful we are and how deeply we can support ourselves with every choice we make.
It may seem like a Dichotomy… Attending a funeral of someone you loved and not experiencing emotion… This comes back to one of the more dysfunctional paradigms in our society, the lack of understanding about the difference between emotion and feelings. It is this misunderstanding that contributes so enormously to the overloaded health systems in our modern societies.
I feel that as you shared and expressed your love with your grandmother during her life you were not overwhelmed by the regrets of all you might have said. This foundation of expressing love supported you in expressing the love you, and others, felt about her at the funeral.
It was stunning to read of how when you walked into the church you were not alone for all the loving choices you had made that week were with you…. Reading how you were with yourself and others from there in shows the absolute power of those choices.
Our choices are incredibly powerful, they have the power to literally sculpt our lives.
I like this notion of simply accepting what you are feeling when you are feeling it. There is a fear in me sometimes to allow such emotions to happen because I do not want to indulge in them. But I realise that suppressing them is just as bad. So I like this word acceptance, it seems to allow for the space we all need to feel and to heal.
What a difference recognizing that losing a loved one from our lives need not be overwhelmingly sad. We miss their physical presence and the joy in seeing them and spending time together, but we know we all need to move on from this Earth plane, and just by being love and sharing that love makes a huge difference to all.
‘But we know we all need to move on from this Earth plane’ and we also know that we’ll all be back.
Self care is a pivotal part of our everyday. When we build a foundation that is consistent over time we are then able to bring the level of steadiness and support required to be there for family and friends when attending or being part of the funeral ceremony.
Beautifully expressed Bianca, the way you prepared yourself in such a loving and honouring way before the funeral was very inspiring to read. When we take this level of care and dedication in life it supports us to deal with anything in life without getting caught up in others emotions or reactions – this steadiness is then deeply felt by others and supports them to make more true choices.
I recently heard someone referring to dying as the death cycle. This to me makes it sound so much more part of life. From my experiences so far with those who are in this cycle, I am learning that this is a very magical and equally valuable part of life that is often not seen for all that it offers. This is not just in relation to the person that is going through this cycle, but to all those they are connected to as the learning and wisdom that can be shared is profound and life-changing – regardless of our age or phase of life.
That’s true, if you think about death as a cycle rather than a sudden end, it’s a simple, natural part of life and it’s a great part of life that we can all learn a lot from.
Reading this it is easy to feel the close relationship the author had with her grandmother and what stood out was how they had developed a relationship where they appreciated each other and expressed how they felt about each other – there is often regret when someone passes because we hold back on expressing to the people in our lives how much they enrich our lives and when they are gone it seems easier to then see how precious they are to us.
A real testament to the true benefits to be derived from a commitment and dedication to making self-loving choices as consistently as possible and to the true expression that is available to us when we continue to do this over time.
Thank you Bianca for sharing such a beautiful story of how deepening your loving connection consistently with yourself leading up to the funeral, and how the effects of your tender loving care were brought through to those attending the funeral. A beautiful reflection for all lifting them out of their emotional heaviness.
Thank you Bianca for this beauty and deeply inspiring blog. I could feel the love you live and shared with your Nonna and people around you. How you chose to live and be with yourself the week before your Nonna’s funeral was hugely supportive not only for you but for everyone at the funeral. If we were all to choose to live deeply connected to ourselves and others in this way, to be love no matter what may be coming up for us and be willing to choose it consistently, the effects will be evolutionary and deeply healing. You have shared with us how powerful this way of living is and this inspires us to choose it every day too.
Bianca, really enjoyed reading this blog and the opportunity we have to approach this passing over stage of peoples lives, embracing this inevitable part of life and celebrating the person for whom they truly were.
Having recently been to a funeral I was able to stand strong in love and not waver in the heavy emotions that were all around me. I felt joy for the lady who passed on as she was ready to go. When we know reincarnation is true and we will be back to re-learn anything we didn’t in this life it is easier to let go off any attachment and instead celebrate the life lived.
Bianca thanks so much for showing another way to be part of a farewell ceremony for a loved one. Many times funeral are sad and grieving events that are layered with an emotional blanket of grief for all those attending. Thank you so much for showing there is another way.
Serge Benhayon’s Love for humanity literally holds the whole of humanity with no borders and no boundaries and is there to support all of us into the transition out of the small self into the arms of our souls and that everlasting connection with the divine.
Bianca with so many of us fearful about death and passing over my experiences of funerals has been one of great sadness. Yet what was lovely in your sharing is this part “As I drove home that evening with my husband I reflected on the funeral and the connection we felt with everyone. It had been such a beautiful day. There was such openness, love and acceptance from all who were present.” It shows that the way we are and our approach to a funeral can be one of celebration and appreciation. After all its another moment in our cycle of evolution. Thank you for sharing and showing the difference we make my choosing to be loving with ourselves no matter what is going on.
So beautiful to read Bianca, the amazing loving experience you had at the funeral if your Nonna, it was so inspiring, the power of consistently living self love and care through the week , the beautiful reflection you gave to all who attended.
How awesome to offer this reflection to others inspiring them to focus on the loving connection they had with your Nonna rather then focusing on the overwhelming sadness and despair that can often come at funerals.
I agree Elizabeth. Bianca’s deep love, care and appreciation of herself can be felt in her words as you read her blog. Its very beautiful.
A beautiful blog that has been exquisitely expressed Bianca. I just loved how you shared how important caring for ourselves no matter what is happening around us in life is not only vital for our own well being but also has a significant ripple effect on others.
The last funeral of a dear family member was that of my dad’s. It was more a funeral the way it should be, with the invitation of as many friends as possible, because they should support me.
My mum just passed away and her funeral is up within a couple of days. After her passing over, which was a very beautiful experience, I have designed the funeral the way it felt to me and my sister, not what it is supposed to be. My mother is gone, and so are all of her friends and relatives, so the funeral is more about celebrating the connection of people, specially my sister and me, and our families.
When people pass over as you say Willem, its an opportunity for us to appreciate and celebrate the connection of the relationships and all that this connection offered and continues to offer.