Recently I have been told that a close family member’s death is imminent. Obviously I am absolutely devastated; sad doesn’t even touch the sides, and I cried lots when I heard the news. The first thing I did after this was contact my family and see how they were doing. I showered, got dressed, took things I would need and went to see my family.
On the way I stopped in my car and asked myself why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together, or even bring them to their knees? When for years, decades or lifetimes we can treat each other like rubbish? And I don’t just mean immediate families.
We have arguments at work, in our relationships, with friends, or even get annoyed or affected by someone in a supermarket or driving past in a car. Why do we let all these things bother us, not to mention the things we do to ourselves, all the meaningless issues we create, dilemmas, dramas, complications and woes; what will I wear today, what food should I eat, should I eat this or that, when really all we are doing is self-indulging. Do we ever stop to feel how this is affecting people?
The event of my family member’s imminent passing made me realise that I’m not going to do this anymore, it is simply not worth it, but rather I am, to my best intent, not going to react or need people to be a certain way, I am not going to spend hours in my head (and that’s a big one for me) debating over things such as food, or what I should or should not do or eat. I am going to allow people to be, I am going to allow myself to observe and learn. If people choose to argue, fight or create their own issues or woes, that is their choice.
But to the best of my intent, as I’m not perfect, I am not going to be a part of what I now realise is not what is truly important in life – I am not going to get involved anymore: I have done this for far too long a time and it’s exhausting and not a supportive or loving way to live, for anybody.
All this also got me thinking about love. Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past, all the issues, all the stuff we have held onto, sometimes for years, the hurt, the times when they may have not chosen to be loving to us, or anything we may have held against them?
Instead, a different mode kicks in and we simply love them for who they are, be it our sister, mum, dad, friend or complete stranger. In this we see all their true divine qualities, in my case an absolute heart of gold, deep care and love for people, a playfulness, a quick and wicked sense of humour, not to mention a no-nonsense person who is deeply tender, caring, sensitive, delicate, beautiful, fragile, precious and divine.
So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.
But is death really the end?
Yes I am deeply sad, and yes I am devastated, but this process has made me stop and realise, even though I know the truth of reincarnation and this is not the end for the essence of this person, I was still thinking in a way it was, instead of the truth I’ve now experienced that illness, disease and ultimately death and passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.
By Gyl Rae, 39, Teacher, Scotland
Further Reading:
The Missing Link to Understanding Reincarnation
Our choices do influence how we die
Our relationship with life and death
“be it our sister, mum, dad, friend or complete stranger.” No one is a ‘complete stranger’ as we are all One in love.
When we have completed with another and thus have said everything we need to share with them then their passing can be a joyous occasion, especially when they are of the understanding they will return more evolved because of how they were living with Truth and Love in their lives.
Maybe if we viewed life as being upside down and when we pass we are re-turning to our origins, then we would take more responsibility this incarnation?
Great, as me feelith the same, we will eventually be able to be in the joy-full-ness that we are returning with, being more and deeper levels of Love, and thus we have lost our attachment to our physicality.
The more we realise who we are and our full and real potential the less time we give to worrying about death and the more time we give to truly living.
I’m with my elderly parents looking after them a little and I’m so glad I’ve cleared a lot of my hurts around how I was parented so I now can enjoy being with these super lovely people.
There is so so much more to life than we realise, passing over is a massive opportunity for huge healing, the way we live up to our last breath will be the momentum we carry on over with.
Leonne before I even start to read this blog I have to say that I was stopped in my tracks by the absolutely stunning photo that you have taken. The beauty of it literally brought me to an abrupt halt.
Yes, it’s amazing and thanks for drawing attention to it. I feel the butterfly is poised to take off to the new adventure.
Life is going to be super painful if we don’t acknowledge the truth that we all will come back again and again.
Knowing we come back gives life as it is at the moment a magical divine twist.
What a great choice to make, ‘ I am, to my best intent, not going to react or need people to be a certain way,’ instead you chose to let people be, ‘ I am going to allow people to be, I am going to allow myself to observe and learn.’ That’s all we can truly do anyway, so makes sense to surrender to this way of being.
It is a continuous learning to deepen the love for self in order to not react to others in life however the more I deepen, the more I see, accept, observe, appreciate and embrace the constellations that occur to support and assist me to evolve.
Passing-over is definitely an opportunity to evolve and when we celebrate a persons life while they are in the stage of life where we understand that they are well into the pas-over stage of life. So getting together for a celebration we all get a chance to complete with them and share some loving-appreciative stories that generally end up with people crying tears of Joy. Then at the time of them passing there is no need for any other celebration or emotional upheavals as they have already gone and we have fully appreciated their life.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? ” Great question. Distractions become exposed for what they simply are….distractions would be one reason for sure.
We have become so dedicated to distracting ourselves from the truth of life that life has simply become one big distraction with no emphasis on the truth.
Reading about you, not feeling that you want to get involved in life’s woes anymore, because the value of life has become more clear, is something that I admire.
“If people choose to argue, fight or create their own issues or woes, that is their choice.” It is great to learn to let people make their own choices and not feel responsible for that because it is so easy to take things on when people are in their issues as if it is our fault they don’t come out of it. And then the next thing is to not judge them but just love them like you would anyone else. It feels really lovely in your body to do this.
Exactly, if people choose to argue and fight etcetera, that is their choice; it helps if we can just observe and give them space to be rather than have investments of how we want them to be.
When we return to feeling the space that we all fundamentally are, it’s much easier to allow others the space to be whoever it is that they are choosing to be in that moment, knowing that they too will return to be the space that we all are.
We know very little about death and dying apart from the physical aspects of the process and the recording of countless case studies. However that still leaves very large gaps in our understanding.
We can so often be clouded by the devastation and overwhelm of grief that comes with the passing of a loved one. When we are offered an insight into the sharing in this blog we are giving ourselves the understanding that life is part of a cycle and the rebirth is the opportunity to heal and return.
What a gift it is to being given the opportunity to do it all over again, and every time the same situation comes up we can look at it from a different angle and act accordingly by learning from a situation instead of cementing in the behaviour for lifetimes.
There is no ‘end’ but a completion and the opportunity to return afresh.
We can be so absorbed by life that we forget what life is actually about: first and foremost about evolving. Learning to be more love and experience where we are not there yet and change that. We are in our essence all love and all the same and we are here together to work and learn together.
Great point why do we wait to forgive, be understanding of how people are once they die, but we do not do this in life. This does not mean we need to tolerate abuse, it just means that we see each other for who we really are not the issues and protections but under these layers where our essence and truth resides. See this in others in life and there are no regrets with death.
What you are describing here Samantha is living without holding on to hurts. This gives us the opportunity to meet the other fresh and without whatever they have done or said in the past.
So much is on offer when someone around us is dying, be it family or friend or just someone we know. So much healing is their for all involved, we get to see what really matters in life and our hearts though very sad open up to see the loved one in their true light and the qualities of who they are as a human being, the dying process is a very sacred time, as one cycle ends and another cycle begins.
When someone close to us dies we are reminded that life is all about community, community comes together often when there is a death – sad we don’t live everyday in such a unified way.
People can evolve enormously in the last weeks, months or even years of their life but that doesn’t seem to be acknowledged very often from what I can see.
‘Meaningless issues’ are awesome words to bring together. What a waste of time to be careless in our thoughts and in our actions. How many lives spent on this earth do we need with all the war, corruption, illness and struggle, before the utmost in absolute responsibility is realised.
”passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.”
With that said, we can feel that the urgency to love is always there, that it has no end.. and that we can heal in any minute of our day. Thank you Gyl for making it so promptly known that we have our every day movement to change the All (our world, humanity).
Recently a close friend has been diagnosed with cancer. I will visit him soon for the first time in years and it will be great to connect with him.
“passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.” A beautiful relaisation that passing over is another phase of our evolutionary cycle and letting go of hurts and issues is a great way to prepare for the next round.
I love what you are presenting Gyl as it is often the case that we drop the drama and the dislikes with each other when we are met with a calamity or with an impending or sudden death. However, I wonder is this seeded in truth or in just being ‘nice’ or ‘good’ as this is what we should be behaving like in these times? Is evolution truly taking place in this change? Are we really open to resolving and healing what has kept us from connecting in love, or open to being honest about how our hurts have affected our behaviours so that we have missed out on many opportunities to evolve together and deepen our relationship and understanding to all that we are and are here to live together? I agree, there is much preciousness and sacredness for us yet to live together.
… ‘passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.’ True Gyl and we can let emotions run this process or choose to be with ourselves and feel what this process of dying is really about , to feel the blessing it can be for all when someone is completing their life on earth, their cycle.
I agree – we are missing out when emotions are running the process. In addition, denial and ignoring the most important issues can also make us miss out on understanding what is happening.
What you say here is so important to us all: ”passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.” It leaves you to feel what is and what is not, and to appreciate and move on.
When we celebrate life’s preciousness we truly live at last and connect to a truth that never dies. By valuing what we represent we get to see there’s an amazing grandness to you and me.
I have had some relatives and friends die without feeling any devastation at all. In fact two of them felt like blessings. Also I felt complete as I had not held back in expressing my love and appreciation to them in the preceding years. Death is an inevitable part of life and yes we might miss the person differing amounts or feel some sadness depending on our relationship with them and the circumstances of their passing but it can also be a joyous event.
Yes, once we understand that then a notice of another person’s death becomes a lot less shocking.
The teachings of incarnation and reincarnation are well known throughout the world in different countries and religions. The understanding of reincarnation and adoption of all that goes with it into my life has changed not only how I will die, but how I live now.
There is a far greater depth to the purpose of life when we understand that our Soul, that which gives life to our bodies never dies, and in fact is something we can have a relationship with now and in every part of our living day.
I am with you all the way Gyl with not holding back the love you feel big or small. Sometimes love is firm too. What have you got to loose to feel more good about yourself and all those that are deeply touched by your love. What are we waiting for? It is a whole lot of fun to love up a someone you do not know.
What if the sadness we feel is not about death but is actually regret at the way we have lived? It’s not just about intellectually understanding we come back and reincarnate, but choosing to live our life with connection and expressing every day. Life is too precious to live at half mast. Thank you Gyl for sharing this blog.
“I am not going to be a part of what I now realise is not what is truly important in life “- This feels like an awesome claim Gyl, and one that really inspires me to do the same. As you said, the alternative where we get involved and caught up in complication, drama, and creating issues out of thin air is extremely exhausting, and in the end harmful to all involved. You make an excellent point about how people let go of judgements and are able to see the true person underneath it all when they are dying, but not always when they are alive. It’s kind of strange when you consider that if we would focus on the divine qualities of people when they are alive we would have so much more time to enjoy their presence rather than only seeing the negative or what we think needs to be ‘fixed’ about that person.
Yes, it is important to appreciate, love, and express fully in every moment, we don’t know exactly what is ahead of us.
I have been around a lot of people passing and it has greatly enriched my life in so many ways. The process has expanded my level of appreciation, for others and life being lived as it is.
Yes, I have found that those who are dying can be very impressive giving me great lessons.
An imminent death is a massive wake up for everyone involved, it is a blessing if we allow ourselves to fully be present and allow the grace of the process to unfold as it does. It is an opportunity too to reflect on our life’s purpose and what is truly important to us. It is my experience to leave nothing undone or expressed supports greatly in the acceptance of someones passing, including our own.
A beautiful reminder to live each day as our last, to express fully and love and appreciate each moment and each other. Our relationships are precious.
Gyl, this is a great question; ‘On the way I stopped in my car and asked myself why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together’, I have been ill this week with the flu and have actually been catching up with people on the phone that I haven’t spoken to for ages, it has been really lovely re-connecting with people and also made me realise how easy it is to get caught up in the busyness of life and not really nurture and care for the relationships we have with our friends and family, it has been a lesson for me that my relationships are just as important as my work.
Death especially of a close family member always has a way of allowing you to see what is truly important in life and to let go of the what is not.
‘So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are’. A great question Gyl to stop and ponder if we are making life about love first and if we are not, then making different choices to stop allowing all the distractions that get in the way.
Some things have a way of giving us true perspective in life. And yet we forget. And later are faced with the same realisation again. For me the biggest development has been to keep returning to the truth with smaller ‘out’ periods in between. For what your words remind me Gyl is that when we live without connection to the bigger picture, then its like we are the walking dead.
Death and dying can be very sobering reality checks and make us question what we choose to waste our time with that in the end – does not count at all and is often exposed for the nonsense (to put it mildly) that it has always been.
Great to hear this Gyl, I too am learning to stay not getting involved, ‘I am not going to get involved anymore: I have done this for far too long a time and it’s exhausting and not a supportive or loving way to live, for anybody.’
“..not to mention the things we do to ourselves, all the meaningless issues we create, dilemmas, dramas, complications and woes;”
Its quite funny when we reflect on our life, the amount of time we waste.
I have lived most of my life unaware of how much I was holding onto past hurts and tensions. I had an incident recently where I was having a major reaction to everyone I lived with and went into getting hurt by a few things to the point where we didn’t speak to each other for a few days. The thoughts I had during this time were intense, even with thoughts of wanting to move out. I then shared how I was feeling and what was going on for me and this broke something, I asked for support and then everything opened up again and the love was there and the reaction no longer had a hold over me.
I was sitting next to someone who is in the process of dying last night and it feels so supportive to just appreciate her and myself, to be with her not offering any solution for what is going on but to feel what already is on offer when we connect to the divine beings we are.
When we are our true selves that is the solution. We are the solution to everything. It’s when we are not being our true selves that things get complicated and end up needing solutions. If we stayed true to who we all are then there would be no need for solutions.
The whole process of passing over needs to be reassessed and appreciated as a time to celebrate the life we have lived, not the regrets and things that we feel ashamed of but the things that confirm our qualities, as it is those that will pave forth the life that we come back upon our incarnation.
“On the way I stopped in my car and asked myself why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together….” A good question Gyl, and for some they only get together at the funeral – when their loved one isn’t even there any more. They could have connected all together to celebrate a life prior to someones passing.
Passing over is not just the end of one life but heralds the beginning of more to come; it is both an end and a beginning.
When someone we love is seriously ill or dying so much comes up for us, so it really is a time to let go of and heal all that remains unresolved between you both and appreciate all that you have learned and experienced together. And yes Gyl I totally agree, why wait for extreme situations to bring it all to our attention as this constant healing and appreciation should be a founding principle to our everyday in all of our relationships.
Death is an offering of a marker for us all involved to consider how we have lived our life thus far, how have we evolved, and if we have lived the love, the truth the Soulfulness of who we are. For death is not the end of us, it is only that our evolution is calling for the next phase and can no longer evolve through the physical body we are in, as such our Souls continue to move in to the next phase being called for our evolution. And so, we all have the opportunity to be blessed by the cycle of someone passing over, if we are willing to be open to embracing all that this cycle that we are part of has to offer, and honor the wisdom and truth that is presented for us.
Until we live all that we are we can not see all that we all are. When the divine flame is once again lit within we will see the same flame in another.
This is a huge lesson to learn about life,
“I am going to allow myself to observe and learn. If people choose to argue, fight or create their own issues or woes, that is their choice.”
Not getting involved is huge for me because as a child I would run around trying to fix the family and the squabbling that went on looking back it was a wasted effort and certainly wasn’t welcomed by my family but I couldn’t bare to feel the atmosphere that the arguing produce it fuelled the nervous tension already running in my body
No holding back in life allows us to truly evolve and yet living in protection is our greatest form of delay.
Great points Ariana & Michael. As we die or go to sleep at night there is the space to feel how we have been living. If that is less than what we know deep within is possible this is all being felt.
Reading this tonight I felt that we can sometimes spend so much time trying to get other people to fit with our requirements, so as to not highlight our past hurts, that only when the time we have with them becomes limited to we let go of this.
Reading this really makes me ask the question ‘why are we waiting for someone to get sick or something to happen to them before we can express in full?’ – feels like a crazy game we play to hold back. When really if we say what is there to be said all the time, then we would not have any regrets.
It is a very freeing moment supported by the body to let others deal with their stuff, to see everything that happens in front of your eyes, even with people whom you have allowed to control you for most of your life, to just be. This is another deepening moment of love we have said yes to to ourselves, and an equal moment of deepening our love with them and to the world.
Your commitment to changing things and building deeper relationships with your family is awesome Gyl, We can learn a lot at family events, certainly from experience they seem to be catalysts for things to come up but also massive opportunities to develop relationships with everyone.
I get to meet people who are dying regularly and what I find is that many have given up already, the spark has gone and a sadness remains and often a deep regret take hold. This is quite the opposite to those I meet who’s love and zest for life is still very evident even if they are completely bed bound.
The eyes say it all and it is beautiful to look into someones eyes who hold a deep knowing that indeed it is not the end rather a new beginning.
Imminent death can very quickly remind everyone of what is truly important in life. And at the end of the day it is whether we have lived to our fullest each and every day.
There is something about these moments where people open their hearts and re-connect to the fact that there is nothing more important than loving each other.
“Passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end”, wise words indeed Gyl. Such a sad reality that as a society we do not embrace this fact.
Thanks Gyl , the challenge as you show is to see people ” the precious , divine and delicate beings we all equally are ”
The evolution factor here is that we cannot see the truth we do not live . This is were Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon comes in , we can see the truth been lived therefore evolution is presented to us.
It is a sad fact Gyl that in many families it does take the loss of a person to bring them together. These days especially where we are usually all scattered all over the planet! To make the effort to keep in touch with or forgive someone who we may have fallen out with makes perfect sense and a healing is able to take place. To heal old wounds or not allow them in the first place.
Dying is another important point in our lives where we can address undealt with emotional issues so as not to passover with these issues.
Perhaps the saddest death in our society is the way we have stopped seeing people as sprits who reincarnate life after life to return to truth, to return to light. Knowing this brings so much understanding, beauty and appreciation to the true scale of life. To live without this deep knowing is a serious bereavement. Thank you Gyl for sharing your experience. Yes we will always grieve those that depart but perhaps our true sorrow is the lack of appreciation with which we have lived.
Death and dying can indeed illicit emotion, complication and drama. I love how you have negated this Gyl by highlighting that death and dying is about evolving, pure and simple.
And not about pushing ourselves to act in a certain way, something we should do for the person or should feel in ourselves. To allow ourselves to feel the enormity of what is on offer in the process of death and dying when we stay open to evolve.
I’ve had many arguments that 5, 10 minutes in you wouldn’t be able to tell WHAT we were arguing about in the first place. We let out a lot of our frustration with ourselves on other people, and as you’ve shared throughout our entire lives we may hold something against someone, that can very easily be let go of if we stop putting so much of our energy into shutting them out.
There is nothing like the death of someone close to make us realise what is actually important in life. We focus on so much trivia that the truth gets buried. When it comes to life and death we begin to see clearly.
I had found out more about my father at his funeral then I had known in the 50 years I had lived. Holding back who we are for whatever reason, does normally put your cards you have played close to your chest, on the table in the end. Why wait?
Beautiful, how you have exposed our ways with death and how we can choose to not make it about evolution when we stay in the sadness. It is a sad moment that someone will pass on but at the same time, we allways learn something from it for us all to evolve.
It is true there is so much unnecessary hate, discontent and lack of responsibility within our behaviour, when it comes to relationships, with ourselves and with others. Then when a death is imminent somehow those things we hold against another seem trivial – so if we can drop them so quickly under these circumstance how come we find it difficult to when there is no threat of death.
A beautiful, open and personal blog Gyl; thank you for sharing your experiences and your wisdom. The passing of a close family member certainly does bring up much to ponder on.
When the death of a loved one is eminent a great opportunity is offered to all involved to evolve, as past hurts are brought up to be healed and the pettiness let go of, true love is able to be felt and shared, bringing family closer together with a deeper understanding what in life is truly important.
Yes Gyl, this reminds me of a scenario from films where our hero gets to see their life zoomed out and with a bigger perspective. It’s like they are stunned by what is really going on underneath all the day to day dramas. When you consider the possibility of re-incarnation too, the story and scale of our lives is so much grander than it seems to just me and you. How ironic that we only seem to access the truth about life when we are about to depart. There seems to be in this a key – to keep close at hand the simple knowing that death is a fact. This feels like it allows us to open our heart and relish each moment we get to share – instead of being shut down and scared.
I love the way the imminence of death is a great reality check. It makes you realise what is important in life and what is indulgent or frivolous. I also love the way people realise the pointlessness of hanging onto hurts, which wastes precious time to be loving with one another.
Death is never the end, we get this reflection from nature when a plant dies, it regenerates and comes back again. There is a cycle to life, and death is part of that cycle just as birth is. When we truly understand re-incarnation we will be filled with joy when our loved ones pass over.
The whole process of death and dying can be and often is a wonderful opportunity to evolve and grow for all those involved. The only thing that prevents that from occurring is when we try and make death out to be the enemy. Death is not the enemy; it is a natural part of life and once understood is a great healer.
Death brings up a lot. It can show where a relationship is as well as the potential. What I see here is an opportunity to have full relationships and leave nothing unsaid. In this instance, every stage is complete. Whilst I know this is sometimes easier said than done, I find even when I complete what is there to be shared with a loved one instead of holding back, it allows me to have a deeper and more honest relationship. Every movement can contribute to a fuller or lesser expression.
Gyl, this is a great question, ‘Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.’ Reading this I can feel what a waste of time this is, that if we accept and love people, including ourselves for who we are and who others are then life will be more loving, more connected and more joyful.
this blog really brings it down to the truth of death, it is an opportunity to evolve just like every other part of life. We are all going around in circles making choices and taking or leaving these moments of evolution which are not rare.
Beautifully written Gyl. Being able to see death as part of the greater processes of evolution itself and that we never truly leave each other but simply move on is very powerful and supportive because it opens up the possibility that there is more to life than what earth has to offer and that perhaps we are from a greater place all together.
If we are willing to see the bigger picture and view life as an ‘Earth School’ to be attended to return to the love that we truly are – death and dying would be understood as a simple cycle of life, that we keep returning to, for as long as it takes for us to know our divine essence and live it in full.
Absolutely Stephanie. There is so much more to death and dying than most of us care to know or be aware of. How different our approach would be if we understood in full that the cycle of life and death is exactly that, and that we do just keep coming back until we eventually come to know that we are truly Divine and as you say, ‘live all that we are, in full’.
This blog reminds me of the saying ‘ live every day as if it was your last one (in this life)’ and that there is definitely some truth in this.
So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? – amazing question. Perhaps, when we are close to death we know that we have nothing else to “lose” so these things become unimportant. However, they are not important either way and we really do not need them, so what do we get out of them?
It is the age old question – “is death really the end”, we all hope and pray it is not, but we don’t know so then we need to “enjoy” every part of life to the fullest and get every scrap out of it, just in case death is the end. But what if that approach is completely missing the purpose of life, which is to develop and evolve, rather than enjoy, party and be comfortable?
The leveler for all is the threat of death as no one can escape it. However, how our world will change when it is accepted and acknowledged that there is an even greater leveler, if chosen, as it surpasses death – and that is Love.
I love what you have shared in your blog Gyl, such a beautiful lesson and learning for us all. I particularly love the phrase, ‘to the best of my intent’;
“But to the best of my intent, as I’m not perfect, I am not going to be a part of what I now realise is not what is truly important in life – I am not going to get involved anymore”
Yes it’s funny that it takes a death for people to get together. It’s not really funny but it shows that we have quite a bit of resistance in really connecting with other people. And to be honest I think we actually like these get-togethers. If we could only muster this get together without someone having to die first then we have made great progress.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” great question why would we hold on to all that makes us ill in the first place. Over the years I have taken more responsibility for my health and well-being and the impact my held hurts are having on not only my life but others. I am able to appreciate more and more the messages my body offers in supporting me to let go of ideals and beliefs I have ingrained in my life as a result of my held hurts.
Lots of people ‘clock’ (become aware) of this at a funeral or around the dying stage, and go ‘we need to come together more’…but where we come undone, is not actually taking the steps to live it and also to support ourselves to live it as well after the event. I know that because I have done it as well. It does take a loving discipline and commitment to make those changes to let go in life and not only in death. To commit to making that phone call, making the time to see that person and when we do, to really appreciate you and them in those moments.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” – I assume death helps us to overcome our protections and stubbornness of holding on to our hurts hence opening up again to meet the other person instead of holding them responsible for one´s unresolved issues.
Just yesterday I heard someone suggesting to use death as a marker to get a different perspective to reflect back on our lives, the way we live, what we really want, the choices we make etc. The finality of life presented by death, at least for the life lived at that time, can help to see clearer what is of true value and what is not and so can the death of a close one. It reminds us of what counts and it would be wise to take into our lives the values we are reminded of and make it our every way. Probably that would make us not regret anything when eventually meeting death.
When we live our life to the fullest we can celebrate death and the new beginning it brings.
We only fear death when we regret the choices we have made, live a life full of love there can only be celebration as we know with out doubt we will be coming back.
“Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.” A really beautiful way to look at our lives and reflect and see the bigger picture of our lives and passing over and the opportunities we have to evolve for the next one.
Indeed if we can let go of hurts, judgments and issues when someone dies, why don’t we make a point of doing it when they are alive? The fact that we can do so after they have passed away means it is possible. We are reminded again and again what a waste of time and energy it is to hold on to issues when we could instead be making the most of loving, appreciating and cherishing one another every day.
The more we talk about dying the more it becomes an integral, natural and acceptable part of life… no longer scary or to be avoided for as long as possible, but to be understood and, in context with a bigger picture, embraced as part of our cycles.
Living the truth as a Son of God brings the reality and truth about death, which is us passing over and reincarnation, and living to that level of responsibility knowing we are coming back to what we’ve lived before.
When we do let go of our pictures and expectations we consciously or sub-consciously hold others too, and just accept them for who they are, it is like a huge burden of imposition is lifted, and the other can feel this too, allowing them the freedom to be themselves, and allows the space for greater connection, trust and intimacy and understanding. And we don’t have to wait for terminal stages of our lives to do this, we can choose it now.
It is so beautiful to read your story and see that everything around the ending of a live is about evolution, it gives us the opportunity to let go.
All it takes is one person in a social group to re-evaluate the truth of death and dying for everyone to have the opportunity to re-configure the extraordinarily old and antiquated paradigms that dominate society.
There is the saying that goes something like “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone”. For me this highlights a life lived without appreciation. When we appreciate others and what is around us, then when death comes there is not the regret that so many seem to be faced with in such circumstances. What is the regret? Not having appreciated the living.
Thanks to Serge and his presentations around reincarnation and others sharing their experiences of being around those that are in the passing over phase of their lives, I can see clearly the importance of this time and how very beautiful it can be. Also how we need to be discussing all about it to our families like it is a natural and necessary part of life and not to be hushed up or ignored, so that we can make sure our wishes are honoured, and it also gives us the opportunity to responsibily plan our own passing, in a way that prepares us for the next chapter.
I’ve often wondered why hospice and palliative care is more sensitive, tender, compassionate than general hospital care. Why treat people differently when they’re ill or close to dying, People are deserving of true care, compassion and love whether healthy, ill or dying.
Why wait until someone dies to speak about their worth, when we can express this to them when alive and not simply through words but actions.
‘passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.’ This has been my experience Gyl. Death often opens up new possibilities and relationships to form, as you say it is not an ending but beginning. A close friend’s death brought me closer to her daughter who now has two young children. The relationship deepened, I regard her as my daughter and her children my granddaughters.
Accepting death as part of life means we do stay open to all the opportunities and intimacy on offer when we support one another through the process, both those passing and those affected by this.
“Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past” is a great question to ask and also beautifully answered by you Gyl, but what I would like to look even beyond and ask ourselves why we tend to have all the issues with people in normal life, why do we not see them to be those loving and divine beings we come back to when someones life is ending? Could it be that in not confirming each other for the beauty and divinity they bring to life is holding us in a certain place in which our true origin has no place and in which we allow ourselves to live a enormous lie instead?
Someone’s passing over, someone’s death is an opportuity for us all to evolve. I so love what you share here and agree to your bold suggestion – why wait till we get to that experience to use every relationship in our lives as an opportunity to evolve?
The reason we fear and dread death so much is in truth because we regret that we have not fully lived.
This is beautifully expressed Gyl, what death allows in those moments is for us to be open and feel the truth of life, and as you ask why do we keep all that wisdom buried under issues that are not even real! We definitely go round and round in circles chasing our tail rather than going round and round evolving. But what is presented in these times is a great knowing of the truth of life and and order to life, that is so precious.
The absoluteness of death reflects alot to us as you have shared.. how much time do we spend wanting people or the world to be or feel a certain way?
It seems to me the finality of death is what makes people realise they might not feel as angry as they thought they did about a particular issue, that the hurt that underlies that pain might be something they choose to let go of at the end of this life. It sometimes takes the shock of someone dying to bring this realisation to the fore, cutting the pain and hurt cycle and offering a moment of choice, to choose the same or something different.
We have chosen to not accept the healing that death offers, for the one who is going and the ones who are, for now, left behind; if we did accept death as a needed and important part of living in a physical body, we would no longer be manipulated by either the fear and dread or the glamourising that death and dying can so easily invoke.
If the process of passing over was given the honour that is its due, then the profound healing that is on offer for all involved, patient, carers, family and friends, could be fully realised. physical death is inevitable, but it allows us the opportunity to connect ever more deeply to the eternal life that we truly are from.
Yes, what if we lived that every day was our final day on earth, how would we treat our family, and friends, how would we treat ourselves. We would see that the external trappings do not matter, only the importance of the connection and love we have chosen to live, or otherwise.
If we see and accept that death is not the end but part of the cycle of life and evolution then I have no doubt all of us would have a very different relationship with it. Great to start talking about this.
It is interesting how the reactions we allow ourselves to indulge in can disappear when a calamity, death or tragedy occurs. How quickly we can drop everything and come together for a greater purpose when given the challenge shows that we do know where our hearts lie – we just don’t choose to live that integrity in our day-to-day living.
I remember grieving and being emotionally devastated at my fathers passing over 50 years ago and I can now feel after my mothers passing 18 months ago the joy that can be felt when there is an understanding that this is only her spirit leaving the body. (http://www.unimedliving.com/the-way-of-the-livingness/who-we-truly-are/the-battle-for-the-body-part-1-spirit-versus-soul.html ). In this I had no emotions only love in knowing my mother this life was okay no matter what happened.
Often I hear about people passing over very peacefully and how graceful this final part of death can be. There is something rather beautiful about it once fear and anxiety is let go of and acceptance remains.
The effect of arguments, lack of kindness, and lovelessness towards others is immense. We don’t want to see the impact that happens to others through our own inability to be kind, respectful, decent and loving. But the impact is there and we can feel and see it even if we don’t admit it. Each day that goes by that we don’t commit in ourselves to be the loving beings we are, both for ourselves and for others is a day lost.
Sometimes it takes a death to appreciate a life, so your question is possibly quite relevant to us all, “On the way I stopped in my car and asked myself why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together, or even bring them to their knees? ” I was asking myself this question and I feel that if there is any judgement or hurt this can get in the way of appreciating the person and who they really are. It is a great lesson for us all and one I am really beginning to feel that why wait until someone has passed over before I appreciate what someone brings.
If death is not the end, we can put off or delay the responsibility of living who we truly are in the here and now. However, so beautifully life always provides us another stop moment to wake up and live it now.
Death and the threat of death really puts things in perspective. I am left considering how there is still more I can connect to when it comes to letting things go, letting people be who they are without expectation. I love how you bring this to us in your writing Gyl.
All of us know what to do (or know what are our preferred or mastered ways) to try to ‘help’ others to feel what we feel, or see. The problem is that ‘our way’ has elements of imposition on others. Why do we discount the effect of our simple presence to helps others to shift from where they are to a higher vibration?
Focusing on the what is not delays and keeps us further away from truth. Seeing another for who they truly are is a moment of evolution.
Learning to express all we feel honestly and without attachment is an amazing freeing experience and way to live and is something that is a journey back to ourselves and who we are in full with no holding back. Living life in this fullness of love and the understanding of our purpose here on earth and the oneness we all come from is a beautiful reawakening to how we are all living and what is truly needed . With understanding the whole concept of death and dying and how we relate with each other and sharing our wishes and concerns, love and requests it becomes a truer life and way of living that is on offer for us all.
Such a natural part of our cycle yet we hardly talk about it and generally make it something that we fear. Having blogs and conversations like this is re-claiming our process of life and being in the Universe. Learning to be responsible and understanding that it is a continual process has been life changing for me.
It is easy to live life on automatic pilot but everything matters and everything counts.
Could part of the reason we ‘save’ our family time and conversations for events like birthdays, Christmas, weddings or funerals be because it then provides a conversation topic to discuss rather than having to really connect with everyone?
We will keep going round and round in circles till we get it right.
Apart from here I have not heard any discussions on this topic that actually touch on the essence shared here by Gyl and all other comments. It would be such a good thing to have discussions like this for everyone so that healing can start way before people pass over, with the understanding that the healing is also part of the evolution, as well as the reincarnation.
Great question Gyl – “So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” Why indeed? What, or better who does it serve to hold onto all that is not true when it brings nothing but misery, disharmony and a lovelessness in behaviour? It feels so much better when we express, clear up, say all for the sole purpose of healing; and then we don’t have to carry it over to the next round here on earth …
It just feels lighter in the body doesn’t it, so really it should be a no-brainer!
When we put death into the concept of one life – that we die and reincarnate and relive our choices over and over until we make the choices that allow us all to leave as one humanity, it puts individual deaths into a different perspective. When we realise that we have all had thousands of parents, children, friends, mostly different every lifetime, it broadens our perspective. That does not lessen the sadness but gives us another dimension to experience.
Thank you Gyl. Your sharing is spot on as we so often get caught up in the judgements and irritations of life to the extent that we miss so much that is lovingly offered to us. To hold a grudge against someone till their dying day surely is such a waste, what it does to us as well as the other person or people involved is huge, after all we are all energy and connected by energy so on some level we all feel it. As you say it is about evolution as humanity.
I have a funeral of a relative coming up and I feel very normal about it. Lots of ‘sorry’ messages getting banded around, however I stand firm in my knowing that death is not something that should be apologised for or grieved upon, but a celebration of what one had achieved in the knowing that that will support them in their passing and reincarnation.
There is something about death and dying that puts the whole of life into perspective.
This is a great call to cherish all our relationships in full and in every moment (including the one we have with ourselves) and not wait for the ‘final call’ or ‘last minute’ opportunity.
Not least the relationship with ourselves, great point Matilda. So much focus can be placed on our relationships with others that I could be easy to not bring our awareness to our self-relationship at such an important time in our lives.
If we really understood that death is a beginning and the start of a new life and we come back to do life again in a new body I wonder if we would hang on to our emotions quite as much. I know with this understanding and with the recent death of one of my siblings I was able to appreciate what he brought into my life without any of the usual emotional turmoil that is attached to passing over. We need to celebrate death as much as we celebrate the joy of birth.
Often the thought of death, or a friend or someone close to us is dying, brings a re-assessment of the way we are living, what we value and hold precious. But it is a great reminder to be living this great appreciation for ourselves and others every single day.
This is beautiful Gyl, showing us how our issues in life are nothing more that created ways: hurts and protection.
Thank you Gyl – this is opening up a conversation that has the potential to free us all from the fears and taboos surrounding death and dying, and instead honour the healing process inherent in it for all.
Just the title of this blog offers a healing, as a society we are to caught up as death meaning the end when in fact like you say Gyl it can be a huge healing experience that brings on huge evolution, not only for all those around us but our next life too.
Death can bring love to light and from reading this blog I’m choosing to be super aware to bring love to life first in all the fullness I am and share this with people everyday. My sense is there will be much less space for unloving choices – the point is I choose every moment which way it goes.
The awareness that we do treat people differently – across the board (so to speak) is a fact worth deep consideration and re-chosing lovingly for all our sakes. Let’s not save it up to death to bring this truth to light.
Yes. I love the inspiration here to see all our relationships (including the one with ourselves) as equally precious and important.
It’s absolutely true that imminent death is often a huge wake up call and people start being honest with each other and expressing their love ‘before it’s too late’ People can find that they have brothers or sisters that they had no previous knowledge of and all sorts of ‘skeletons’ start tumbling out of the closets. Why not start disclosing these secrets earlier? Why not take the risk and begin to open up to our families and all our relationships? It is usually the fear of disclosure that keeps a tight hold on us. In this it is not just the love for others we are withholding but the love for ourselves also.
It’s interesting that the very point of us living and reincarnating is entirely about evolving back to where we once were and yet this is the very point that on the whole is missing from societies understanding of death and dying as a part of this cycle.
Death, dying / died, passing over / passed-over, mortality, expiring, ending, perishing, terminating, deceased, departed, demise, loss and any of the many other words that have an association with the spirit leaving this body is not sharing the truth in my view on it, for they bring in complications and confusion. To me it is simple, the spirit passes from this body to the plane of life that is unseen at this point of time, so passing-over gives us the only description that comes close to explaining the process of what happens to the physical body at the point of extraction of the spirit. Dying implies a permanent or finite process and never allows us to take responsibility for what is happening when we pass-over or for that matter take responsibility for what in life. I have absolutely no fear of extraction for me or my partner or myself and am actually going to be in a state of joy when it happens, as it will be the start of another cycle this is so simple. When I look at all the confusion that can arise from the reinterpretations by using a myriad of words I can feel how this makes the simple, complex.
When I first read this blog I said to myself ,”I am not going to react anymore. I know what is truly important etc.”……… then life happened and reacted more times than I can count to more situations than I can even remember. Ouch. The fact is we all know what is true but most of us struggle to live it. Your blog reminds me that letting go of the petty and small stuff that keeps us all stuck is a choice and a process and I need to hold myself and everyone else in love (and not judgement) as I make my way back to a way that truly honours the divine beings we all are.
In the face of death, we often come to see that a large part of our life has been wasted, that a huge amount of time has been spent pursuing meaningless distractions which promise but do not fulfill. This is the regret that many feel when their time comes and so many people give up, chase a rainbow or commit suicide because they know there is something more to life but it seems to just be out of reach, like the pot of gold. We will never find it until we discover the gold within and stop looking for something outside to give us this richness.
Moments like these cut away what is not true and uncovers what is true. If we were to live and love with this commitment to every moment it would be a very different world. This exposes the responsibility we all carry in what is happening in the world and the choices we make.
The fact that we can let go of any discord, anger, dislike etc. when it comes to losing somebody or a catastrophe strikes is proof that we have always the ability to do this. It is a choice and nothing more, but we too often let the outer circumstances determine where we are going instead of always living from our heart.
There is so much we can learn from each other’s perspectives on life and this article is no exception. Today I was drawn to the words ‘I am going to allow people to be, I am going to allow myself to observe and learn. If people choose to argue, fight or create their own issues or woes, that is their choice.’ This is essential for all our relationships, allowing people the space to sort their own lives out whilst we are living true to ourselves. We can certainly express how we feel to others but it has to be with no agenda of expecting them to change because if we do that we are judging and not treating them as absolute equals. We are all learning in our own way and in our own time, we have to accept, allow and appreciate, AAA, triple A.
It is so true, we abuse each other and then when someone is seriously ill or dying we start to treat them differently. It makes no sense to have so much disrespect for each other and then suddenly seem concerned when there is the possibility that the person may pass away – why is it even possible for us to be so harsh with each other in the first place and think it is normal and ok.
Sadly in our society it is quite common that it is not until someone is dying that we are able to express our love and appreciation of them – because of hanging on to old hurts or a pattern of holding ourselves back, we may miss out on the joy of a loving connection of an entire lifetime.
Agree Eva, and this is what hurts us the most, when we hold back. Why do we wait until someone is passing over to express our feelings as in truth we are all terminal and will be leaving this earth at some point.
I have learned that there is no perfection and in doing so I have let go of the striving to obtain the unobtainable. As a result life has taken on a very different meaning to me and now all those “meaningless issues” that I often create have no place to park themselves. It is these issues that often drive huge wedges between friends and family which no one will back down on, but as you say, how can we let all this dissension go so easily when someone is dying and not before; what a huge waste of precious time and energy!
“Death and Dying – It’s not only about People, it’s about People Evolving” – death is about evolving, and evolving is about returning to where we’re all from – heaven, and the divine being inside the flesh of the human casing that is a body.
“why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together” I agree its like we know what is needed, we could choose to live in a much deeper quality and way yet its not something we choose unless we are forced into that, one example is people and families coming together with integrity and love instead of comparison and fighting. It shows whats possible and perhaps because there is purpose at that moment it works, so if we bring purpose to life maybe that will start to change how we are in families and groups.
The quality of our every moment matters as this is what we live from moment to moment and from one life to the other. So in truth there is only one life, we do not leave anything behind.
That should be everyones aim to look past all the stuff that a person is not, to the true person inside without any sort of judgement. I know a few people who have mastered this and it is such an amazing thing to observe and be inspired by. Hopefully that is where our evolution is taking us.
This is so true, how it all drops away when death is imminent. That means what we are holding onto is just by a choice and could easily be dropped, death or no death. It is our choice to hold stuff against others that ultimately effects our quality and in turn our quality of life.
How did we get so attached to this mortal body and how do we know that there is more to life than what we see? My feeling is when it understood that we have more to life than what we see then we look for different answers, which is us seeking the understanding of where we go after passing. This gives rise to heaven and hell and we have fallen for the false ideas that are prevalent about death, which leads to emotional attachments that keep us from reconnecting to our soul so we can evolve.
‘So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.’ This is a great question and one which highlights why there can be so much sadness when someone dies, it is not always the loss of a loved one which make us sad but the loss of the opportunity to correct any moments of life with them which were not from love.
Death and dying is a very isolating experience for most because we have our own fears, beliefs, and religions that get in the way of something that is a natural process. We bring in emotion and grief and personalise it so that we are not really doing it together, nor are we able to see what is on offer through this process.
Gyl, I feel your deep love of humanity here and a willingness to let go of the pettiness of selfish existence in order to live as a member of humanity rather than an individual pursing their own agenda. We all long for this deep down, and being close to death gives us a renewed sense of the purpose of living with loving commitment.
I know it was not the end for this person (I prefer that to calling them a being) there was an incredible stillness and beauty in the room and still is when I think about it.
We have institutionalised death and dying, leaving such events to a few people only to deal with, even though every one of us has to go through it.
We can really miss the point sometimes that we are relating with our own and others fronts, roles and protection when all the time underneath there is our divine essence waiting to connect.
“But is death really the end?” great question and one that I was always told was the end by people yet something about that didn’t feel quite right, as I trusted myself more and explored re-incarnation it makes much more sense. It also deepens the purpose of life if its about evolution ongoing rather than a one off shot.
All my hurts come from investing in people or needing people to be a certain way.
Yes in truth we create our own hurts by our investments in creation.
When you experience someone close to you passes over it outs everything, brings life into perspective, sometimes we forget about his and get caught up in trying to internalise external struggles or other peoples stuff, which we are not meant to. But also it gives you far more understanding to talk about things such as death, dying and passing over and how that feels, what people go through, and why they might behave the way they do. I often find peoples comments can lack understanding, care, warmth, and compassion if they have personally not experienced this, many peoples comments can feel quite cold, harsh and knowledge based, not all, but many.
A great opportunity to reflect on death and dying, and the many ways we as a society have learnt to manage such a process creating something that is way off from the truth, instead of making it more about the expression of love and celebration of who we are.
Thank you Gyl for your sharing on Death and Dying and what it means to face the death of someone in our family who we know and love. There is an important point here that shows us that love is always there and we need to express this love and not leave it until this person is about to pass over to show this love!
“Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past, all the issues, all the stuff we have held onto, sometimes for years, the hurt, the times when they may have not chosen to be loving to us, or anything we may have held against them?” this is a great question as it then shows to me if its possible to do this when someone is close to death then why don’t we make this part of everyday life for what gold are we missing out from with our relationships with people when we hold so many so far from us?
A real marker in the death and dying process of life from a knowing of and how it can be very different if we start as a community to changing how we are with a loving deep care and support for each other in the dying process not from ones emotions but from a true love and caring for each other . The truth would then be know of the love we deserve to be honoured with and then the whole topic of death and dying would be open acknowledged and all the fear would be taken away.
Family grudges are the norm in my family with sisters not speaking to sisters just how it is, but I know for a fact should a death occur that hurt amongst them would be put to one side. So we know the way to reconnect after an issue has occurred – put aside or even better resolve our hurts (this is something we can do for ourselves) and life changes immediately.
Yes, does that mean we are sometimes only ready to connect when events of short duration happen that are very important like a death? Perhaps the desire to connect is still there but cannot be acted upon in ordinary life as it would be more difficult to withdraw again.
i love how we can choose to truly see people, it allows us to let our guard down totally when we know someone is dying-this is fascinating and deserves to be studied as we need to be able to truly see people every day of their lives.
Absolutely Gyl, why is it that we wait till something ends or is taken away to stop and see it’s true beauty? Why do we focus on the smallest thing that is irritating or frustrating to us and stop seeing the bigger picture? I’m feeling this happens because we still see these things that come up as obstacles and annoyances instead of a gift sent to us from above. When we start to see life this way our appreciation for ourselves and others goes sky high.
What a great way to look life and death seeing everything as moments to evolve and move on to a greater and deeper connection with our divine essence and purpose. To simply love others for who they are and see their divine qualities is an amazing way to live that could be everyday and not just at the time of illness and death. Just imagine the quality of our relationships and the honouring of ourselves and each other that would be felt and real appreciation would be there for us all to feel.
“Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past, all the issues, all the stuff we have held onto, sometimes for years, the hurt, the times when they may have not chosen to be loving to us, or anything we may have held against them?” Yes, and it is ultimately the way we love to live with everyone. I know it is not always easy but that we can do it when someone is about to die shows we can do it at any moment. It is really the question of how we truly would like life to be and not settling for anything less.
My reactions to life are self indulgent but do I really stop to feel the harm I am creating? Recently I felt just how yucky being annoyed and impatient whilst stuck in traffic was. I started to observe how other drivers are and realised if I could feel them then my reactions they would feel and I had a responsibility here . It was amazing, I could feel the moods of others in how they drove or just in them sitting in stand still traffic. I felt what a huge difference it makes when I am open and at ease, perhaps affecting the difference between people arriving at home cheerful or bad tempered – both affecting their household and the knock on effects. Always worth feeling into how I am is affecting others and addressing any moods.
its true when we know someone is dying or about to be dead we do tend to let go of our stuff and simply let them be. We seem to let go of a layer of distance somehow, and just make it all so simple with that person. I am so glad that it proves in the end we all know that people do matter, and that we are far more than what we do. This life isn’t it, yet most of us live every day as though this life is all there is….
Also why does it take an illness or accident to see that others around us need extra care and support, particularly elderly (although in truth I guess this can be with anyone at certain points within the life). This was recently highlighted to me last week. It doesn’t matter how busy our lives are we should always be able to make time for another. After all it is about how we are, what we express and how we connect to others that counts not what we ‘do’ And what I found is by doing this, making time for others it actually gives us more space, gives us a moment to stop and let go of any stress or anxiety ????
It proves doesn’t it that we are not bad after all. If we choose then we can let go of all the held images we have of people and see them for who they really are. And we can discover that they might have been that way just because I chose to see them that way. If we see people as gorgeous then they have the space to be that at least with you and that is gold.
so true Matt, and that space may be all they need to start to turn their lives around- just one person who love them unconditionally because they choose to see exactly who they are, nothing more and nothing less.
It’s obvious that we all deeply love each other when there is world wide crisis or catastrophic events at play. We come together in aid and support, countries, villages, towns and cities. These events show us that we are all in the same fish bowl and that everything that happens is affecting everyone else – so the divide and separation can dissolve.
Every person deserves to have their obituary read to them before they die.
I went to a very interesting talk on making a will yesterday. Apart from learning about some of the legalities, what came up was how important the relationships with the people around you are. If you want you wishes carried out and want to make life as simple as possible for those you leave when you pass, make sure you have invested in the relationships you have with them so the Will will be no surprise.
“Passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve” – I agree, as living is an opportunity to evolve…always. And passing over is just one part of living. Our human body does go down but our spirit & soul will go on and so – there is no end. To use every opportunity to evolve make so much sense. And so I agree again, it makes no sense to argue, fight, judge and so on against each other. There will be no end for us all together – so we better make it more fun and joy again, to be together.
Purpose in life is brought alive when understanding and appreciating the process of death – and that it is a cycle that cannot be segmented into parts (beginning and end) but is a continuous, in an ongoing cycle.
It is funny that when someone is passing we can so easily make the choice to let go of the past but whilst they are alive we can hold on to a grudge against that person for years. It just goes to show that we tell ourselves that what someone has done is unforgivable and yet in truth it isn’t – we actually do have a choice in any moment.
When it comes to death and dying, families realise that this is the time that counts and will be remembered. Families in my experience often get together but some families are really rent asunder.
Our family was rent asunder through death. This made the whole experience all the more devastating as it felt like the death of a family also. We have never truly recovered from it. It was so painful for everyone that even their names was never mentioned for years after.
There must be another more healing way to experience death in life.
If we understood death for what it is and that we come back to do it all again, we would be able to not let death shake and disturb us so much, not be manipulated by the fear and dread it invokes. And that, I feel, would be a great start for a different experience of death and dying.
To see passing over as an opportunity to evolve is a game changer in the whole experience of death and of life. responding to Henrietta’s comment above, if I were to die tomorrow, would I be stressing and worrying over the things that I am… perhaps they would fizzle and dissolve into nothing? Ultimately our expression of love is the only thing that counts.
It is so huge what you share Gyl. If we approach the phase of passing over (which we all go through!) as an opportunity to deeply heal and gain awareness and understanding rather than a fearful cloudedness or battle to be fought, then it can be equally a time of great joy, connection and learning, for everyone involved.
Having arguments with people is never productive because we are not listening and therefore not learning anything, we are simply expressing our own opinions and blocking out anyone else’s. When we truly listen and invite understanding then we can learn a lot – everyone has a different expression, a different view of the whole and that helps us to learn all aspects, to see the whole as a spherical whole, not just a linear right-wrong perspective.
Funny how death and dying can bring us to a point of accountability as well as a point of forgiveness especially of others and grudges that we might have held against another. We often ask how you would live, what you would do, if you knew you were to die tomorrow, and in this most people say they would not waste time with arguments, they would tell their loved ones how much the meant to them, how much they loved them, they would say things more honestly and openly that they might not normally say to their loved ones etc etc. But why do we wait for death to do this? Why not live every day like this. Death and dying does humble us incredibly, and it is our opportunity to re-assess how we are living on a daily basis, how we are with ourselves and with our loved ones. What a gift and blessing we have in our lives every single day. The real question is, do we embrace it?
Death and dying and grieving has two aspects to it: the human aspect and the Soul/spirit aspect. We may understand that though the person my have physically died, there is an aspect of them that lives on, this is the Soul/spirit part. And so this can help us understand the bigger picture of death and dying. However, there is still the human part of things where no matter what we know about life after death, there is part of us that naturally may need to grieve a loved one dying. Hence sadness or grief is normal in essence after we lose a close and loved one. But in addition to this, the sadness we feel is also an opportunity for us to embrace a part of ourselves that we have neglected to ‘love up’ – a part of ourselves that we have allowed to be love by another and is revealed in their parting. So though there is a sadness, there is also a gift and a beauty in the grief and grieving to be embraced: the gift of re-discovering a deeper part of ourselves!
Gyl your loving compassion and deep understanding of this situation will have been deeply healing for all involved. when we see the bigger picture it gives us a chance- a light- a way out of what can seem like endless despair.
Not needing someone to be a certain way and letting go of expectations has a huge affect on our relationships. We are left to just be who we are and then we have the potential to go much deeper in our relationships.
How much time have I wasted in my head, and this is just not about death because it is so simple to allow my thoughts to take over the way I live my day, when in reality the truth is I am an open vessel that can only choose to reconnect back to divine energy or stay connected to those controlling thoughts. Reconnecting is so simple and such a loving choice to feel in my body, so thank you Gyl for a great blog that is so revealing on many levels and reminds me to reconnect to God.
Death does brings us to a point of understanding that we do not have any control over life and connects us to our more natural way of being, a way of being in which we are in surrendering to where we come from and belong to. We then connect to a way of life we tend to avoid as much as possible in our daily lives to the expense of not only ourselves but to everybody we are with.
Relationships in life are there to show us we really do not have issues and it is never worth it to be disharmonious with anyone, as that only exposes the disharmony we have with ourselves.
I am working with residential aged care and it is very illuminating how relatives deal with the near death of their parents or those close to them – there is often a surprising pragmatism and an understanding that things need to be dealt with. Lots of emotions come in as well but there is also a readiness to embrace the facts and that readiness is often stronger than I would have realised in the past.
‘Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.’ And to know it is a choice we make, we are choosing to have the focus on what we are not and we could simply change this focus on what lives inside us all.
As death is an opportunity to evolve so is any time there is a challenge in life – we do not have to wait for a death or a disaster to occur. We can choose the true divine qualities in the challenge rather than by being distracted by the apparent difficulties.
Yes it is interesting how we hold onto hurts that we never want to look at or talk about with the other person by burying them deep within. Only to have a relationship that is half full and then with the potential of losing this relationship we start to let things go and not judge the person by the hurts. Its crazy and to be able to be honest and share how we are feeling with each other is super important.
Understanding death is just an end of one cycle and so the beginning of a new cycle, ‘Knowing that death is not the end but part of an ongoing cycle we are all part of takes the scary out of the equation.’
“I am going to allow people to be, I am going to allow myself to observe and learn. ” If we all did this Gyl life would be very different, we would not walk around with the hurts and issues that cause friction and separation. It is always a big wake up call when someone dies but as you say why wait why not approach everything in life being open to love rather than holding onto our old hurts of the past. The more I observe and not react, the more open I am to lovingly let people in
It is ridiculous really that we can let ‘our stuff’ get in the way of simply loving another, regardless of what has happened in a relationship, whether it’s with a partner, brother or sister, daughter or son, mother or father, friend or work colleague. Life happens, people can die suddenly and we can potentially be left with enormous feelings of regret that we did not express how we felt about that person when they were alive. This is a great reminder Gyl that we should get ourselves and ‘our stuff’ out of the way and make our lives about love and the way we communicate with each other while we are alive.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.”
Thank you for the inspiration today to see myself and others for who they are and not for what they are not being.
If we took the approach of imagining someone might die or was going to die that day, we would never react to anything, it would be impossible to take things personally and we would have so much appreciation for the fact that they were here with you, alive and well, I love that you are bringing attention to this subject.
If we can look beyond our current understanding of death as an end of some sort, we can open up to a rich relationship with life, each other, responsibility and making sense of the world. Thank you, Gyl, for starting this conversation.
Understanding death as part of life – our natural cycle – helps to release us from the bonds of fear and reprisal that many religions put upon us, in claiming ‘ownership’ over our death. Thank you Serge Benhayon for inspiring our return, reconnection to and re-claiming of the Ancient Wisdom, The Way of the Livingness and so to, the way we pass over.
It shows how life seems to get the better of us and almost stop us from enjoying life while we are living it and celebrating that with others. But is it really life that does this, or is it our choices to not embrace it in the first place?
…”passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.” Yes Gyl, so true and I have felt this truth at the passing of my grandfather too as there was a very clear and distinct moment when I felt him leave, even though I was on another continent, and I knew deep within that this was not an end. And that inner knowing allowed me to let him go in that moment and grieving was turned into serenity and stillness acceptance and letting go.
“Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past, all the issues, all the stuff we have held onto, sometimes for years, the hurt, the times when they may have not chosen to be loving to us, or anything we may have held against them?” – Such an important question and one to deeply ponder. Only our ego can do this as the heart just wants to be connected in love. Communication and sharing goes a long way and it really is not a privilege for the deathbed…
Bringing an openness, honesty and willingness to connect into all our interactions with each other, and as you say not waiting for disclosures when someone is dying, will change the way we communicate and relate to one another completely.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” This is such a great question Gyl and asking it brings to the fore that fact that eventually we are all going to leave this life, so in what state do we want to leave; all bitter and twisted from hanging on to issues of all descriptions, and alienated from others, or knowing that there is nothing that we are leaving behind that is not love? It is after all a choice to hang on to anger or other emotions against other people, but it is also a choice to heal what is waiting to be healed and live a life that is harmonious and full of opportunities to evolve.
It is the missed opportunities of a lifecycle to be love in every moment and every relationship that we miss when it ends.
Death and dying is not the sad and sorry story we think it is. It is indeed a very evolving period if we would only allow it to be
It is a travesty that we can spend so much time every day avoiding what is right there in front of us and then die wishing we had of done it differently.
Why would I ever debate or judge another to then forgive them on their death bed as I understand life, that judgement will effect me even after their passing so that to me is I have wasted energy on something that never serves me or anyone else. As I am learning to express more in my relationships I am starting to get a handle on ‘expression is everything’ by Serge Benhayon. Expressing the truth is definitely a healing for all those who are either ready or open to understanding the truth. Great blog Gyl, every time I read I become open to a new level of healing.
To see death as part of a cycle and to realise it is about (or can be) evolution changes many of the perceptions we have about death being an end. When faced with death we can become self focused and make it about us – either our own death or how much we will miss another. But if we widen our perspective and tap into the much grander picture of life, death is part of a cycle that for now is never ending.
I recently had some news about a distant relation that had died suddenly and very unexpectedly. What has surprised me about her passing is although it was a massive shock, I have been able to stand back and observe the bigger picture of why she died so suddenly, and it has truly supported me to stay steady and not go into any emotional drama and reaction that I would have done previously. Having an understanding that there is so much more at play than what we ‘see’ enables us to embrace a death and to celebrate the life that has been and the life that is to come next time round.
Birth and death are just different ends of the spectrum, both and every moment in-between are alive with opportunities for us to evolve…..we are constantly being given situations and circumstances to open us to a deeper understanding and love of ourselves and others.
Wow thank you Gyl for sharing, your sharing touches everyone who has every experienced the loss of a loved one. You are so spot on when you say Death is never the end just a new beginning. When we fear death it is usually because we have regrets for how we have lived.
‘Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past, all the issues, all the stuff we have held onto, sometimes for years…’ ‘Death’ also teaches us how easily we can let things go that were never needed to begin with.
Death also shows us that we do know how to live, and we do know how we want to be in relationship with others – and yet we delay and carry on with nonsense ‘because we have time’ – until we no longer have time.
I like the part where you realise that you need to allow yourself to let others be, and in that we have to allow ourselves to be, to not beat ourselves up over what we do or don’t do. But rather to harness and love deeply every part of ourselves so that then we can be that love with others, with no need or expectation but rather to live love in all ways, unprotected.
The cycle of life is a natural movement in the universe. Birth and death are part of this. It’s something we innately know yet somehow we get attached to life. By accepting and honouring life’s cycles and flowing with them rather than against them we are more likely to be able to let go and move on with more ease. Yes this is about people, but deeper and wider than that it is about evolution.
Inspiring message Gyl, to live everyday like it was our last day and be more loving, more understanding and in connection to God. Thank you.
Gyl your sharing here that “even though I know the truth of reincarnation and this is not the end for this being, I was still thinking in a way it was” makes me stop and want to explore this further for myself, there are parts that feel it is an end and then there is a new start when in fact it is just one cycle of evolution, there is indeed much for me to consider and ponder on here.
we are always being given opportunities to let go of the judgements that we hold for ourselves and others, and to see people as the divine qualities they are. These opportunities are all around us. Thank you Gyl, it gave me shivers reading this.
A beautiful refection Gyl for living the love we are innately so with ourselves and every one with not a precious moment to lose and hence letting go and opening up to the all that is there for us all in the magic of God.
What a beautiful message Gyl. Death reminds us all to let go of the what is not, otherwise we miss out on what is true and the love that can be experienced and shared with others.
We can learn so much from each other, we have much to appreciate and we don’t need to wait till a person dies before celebrating their lives. There is a beautiful being inside everyone and it is up to us to allow ourselves to feel that, regardless of how they may behave.
This is a big topic Gyl, and yet you have made it exceedingly simple… Why do we not love more (to our true capacity) in our everyday lives? Is the world not filled with enough pain, hardship, abuse and suffering?
As it stands, it is often ‘events’ that do wake us up to the reality of what we’ve been living, what we’ve been accepting as ‘ok’ or ‘normal’ in our interactions… and when we are so awoken, we must treasure every skerrick of awareness that comes to us. Keep our blazing hearts open and afire and be willing to recognise just what that asks of us – to go yet deeper, to love and hold others in love more, and heal that which has held us back.
Love is who we are, if it weren’t for the issues that we superimpose over the top then we would be living this fact.
Often we focus so much on ourselves in others passing – when it is their death, and we can support them lovingly to pass and release and heal as much as possible in the process.
When I realised how much I can be put myself into emotional situations as you have described Gyl, then I still have a way to go before I can consider that I am free from the devastation I see all around me.
Appreciation of our self is key in building a strong foundation of love in our body and leaves no room for criticism or self negation. When we appreciate our self we can appreciate each other and see their strengths first before we see what else needs developing in them. We even see their weaknesses in a different light, we actually see them as something that they are developing not as a problem they have. Imagine if we were with each other all the time like this not just when they are dying
My twin brother passed some 14 years ago, and boy was I devastated and crushed, it felt like my world stopped. His passing brought so much stuff up for me and over the years so much healing. So yes, the truth is when one member of the family passes over it is an opportunity for everyone to evolve…. for everyone to stop, reflect or stock-take, to let go and heal what is there to be healed and to feel just how very fragile and tender we all are and how we are all deeply connected.
I have always said that people should have the opportunity to read their obituary before they die. In other words, why wait until someone is gone before you celebrate their magnificence and reflect on what they mean to you.
Such an important lesson for us here Gyl, that being, to stop and consider the impact an event, a situation or our behaviour has on other people. You have presented us with a beautiful example where you stopped to consider the impact the death of a family member had on others. Your consideration allowed you to respond with love, understanding and what is needed.
This is an important question, Gyl – “why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together, or even bring them to their knees?” I have recently experienced a more serious illness for the first time in my life, and it stopped me in my tracks to look at the way I was living that I never would have done otherwise. Such was my arrogance in thinking I could get away with disregarding my body without any consequences, and so the illness was and still is a great blessing, teaching me to be in a more honest and loving relationship with myself and others.
There is so much we can learn from death, just as there is so much that we can learn from life. And how can we really embrace death completely (our own death or that of another) unless we have first embraced life completely?
Very true Henrietta. We are more likely to be afraid of death if we are afraid of life. Embrace life and we have more of a chance of being able to embrace death.
But is death really the end? A great question to ask Gyl, as even before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I always knew we did not just live one life, and I have had quite a few conversations in the past about it just not making sense that we live one life and that is that. I also never really had any fear of dying because to me, it didn’t feel final at all. Knowing that reincarnation is a fact, really makes sense as to why we would choose to be fully responsible as best as we can in each life as they roll on into the next one and give us the opportunity to live a truer life more from the love that we are, our true essence and power each time, until we don’t need to come back anymore. That feels like evolution to me.
Gyl what I felt reading your post today is that if I am not open, willing to share how I feel and let myself be seen in full with another then I will be full of regret when they pass over. The more I am open, share and hold others equally then I will feel far more complete in each moment. It’s a new area that I am experimenting about and is not about saying how much I love the other person but about living in a way that is open and loving with all.
When we understand this Gyl, there will not be the devastation; we will understand more our purpose in life – we are here to learn that we are first love and anything that deviates from this truth causes us the so called pain and illness we become emotional about.
Gyl this does make me consider that we have every day an opportunity to bring back more love into relationships and not wait until the end to let go of hurts. This is a pretty amazing message to everyone – and for me this makes me realize how deeply I hold others but don’t always share this and that can hurt.
‘why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together, or even bring them to their knees?’ – This is a great question Gyl. As you’ve shared many people are very humbled when a family member passes, and actually take a stop moment in their life to appreciate that person, support others, come together etc., but imagine what it would be like if we were to create these moments at other times too, and not just when something temporally very drastic and sad brought people together.
Why does it take for a death or serious illness for us to stop, take stock, reflect and change the way we live? As you say these things are never the ‘end’ anyway as life is a continuous cycle that we have the opportunity to learn from, truly evolve from and expand to being all that we truly are.
I know that when I see someone for their behaviour, something they’ve done or not done, that there is a hurt for me that I need to feel, and that it is providing me with an opportunity for healing.
So true Sandra, I feel my weaknesses can be turned into my greatest strengths if I can see where the opening is, so that area can then be seen for what it is, which gives me an opportunity to heal that area of my life.
Yeah! Lets wipe the slate clean every day, every moment when necessary and build a foundation of harmony with each other.
‘ passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.’ Well said Gyl, all part of the cycle of evolution.
Yes. There is no end of taking responsibility. Never.
So it sounds like it would be a good to learn to enjoy it?!
It’s interesting as many blogs, for example one on relationships has over 1250 comments – yet a blog such as this has 350 comments – which confirms to me, as much as we might like to say we have no issues with talking about death, dying or passing over, that this is not true – we still have issues around this area, that many people may not feel comfortable with, that it’s a taboo subject, or it brings up and asks us ( passing over that is and what is required of us to live in this life) a level of responsibility we are not willing to live yet.
There is so much joy to be had in life, in the simplest of things, often we forget about this and deliberately focus on negative things.
Our lives and the lives of those around us are so precious and as there is no written guarantee how long we will live this time around why can’t we learn to not hold onto issues between us? It is obvious that we can choose to let issues that come between family or friends go when their life is coming to a far quicker end than expected, but when there is nothing to impulse us we don’t, we just keep on hanging on, sometimes until it is too late. Hanging on to these issues that separate us hurts more than most of us realise, but letting them go allows the healing that is possible; it all comes down to a choice, to evolve or not.
This is beautiful to read Gyl and be reminded to celebrate and appreciate the uniques qualities of everyone in our lives – not just when they are close to passing over. There is so much about death and dying that many in society fear, conversations like these are a great way to open up and bring awareness to this often ‘taboo’ subject and the evolution it can offer us all.
What if deep down we do know that we will reincarnate? And so a part of us will choose to procrastinate and delay letting go of these unloving behaviours. I more I connect to my true essence in there is a sense of ‘no time to delay – let’s go!’ and a sense that there is no need to delay because everything we need to let go is already here.
However allowing myself to feel that all this love and support has been here all along and I simply haven’t chosen to accept it is a bitter pill to swallow that dissolves the pride of the part of us that has chosen to be irresponsible and express lovelessly.
I feel every time death, dying, passing-over and or talking about reincarnation comes up people take on their ideals and beliefs that they have held, which is the irresponsibility of not wanting to be open to knowing the truth. I feel the truth is, that when I pass-over I will be back with a more loving attitude because of the work I am putting into being of service this life and being loving to the best of my ability. Thank you Gyl for opening the discussion.
I love the photo of the butterful accompanying this blog highlighting how we have the opportunity to continually evolve in life and death just like the butterfly transforms from one form to another through its life.
Why do we, at times, wait until death is here for us to appreciate each other? Great question Gyl. I would say that a life time of lovelessness leads to complacency, which has at its roots a lack of appreciation. And so, there is no one to blame but instead a call for everyone to look at the systems we have created which have no honouring of the loving people that we are, so that our children and all future generations need not grow up in environments that are harsh and loveless. Starting with life at home, between family members, we can make everyday about love.
Loving in the moment in the fullness of who we are means that the ‘questioning’ of differences or arguments and their separating way will never arise. Thank you Gyl.
This last line is very powerful, Gyl – “…and never is it the end”. Once we let go of our human fears about loss and missing the physical presence of someone, it is easy to feel that our connections and learning together continues ad infinitum, as we all keep returning to deepen our understanding of our true nature and purpose.
Death brings up so many emotions for many of us depending on our religious beliefs, culture, and nationality.
For me as a child being brought up catholic I feared death because I thought if you were not a”good” person in your life you would go to hell and that was “the end”- It was a horrible thought. But deep inside of me it didn’t make sense.
With the understanding of reincarnation, and the purpose of life being evolution, this brings so much more purpose to our everyday living and what we are here “to do/be”.
I used to think that Death was the end, that ‘its over’ – partly because of the fear of going to hell, as I was bought up to believe in the catholic religion – yet at the same time, always felt there had to be more. Through the understanding of reincarnation and evolution I really see what you share how passing over is about evolution for everyone. And with that we get to bring that evolution to our everyday well before we pass over, a level of truth in the way we live that is uncommon, yet the true ‘normal’.
I also was observing an elderly friend of mine passing over. This was impulsing the same questions like you are mentioning. When we have to let go all our stuff approaching death, why can we not do it whilst we are living and as you said, the tenderness which people show before passing over, why are we not able to appreciate this in another during life.
It is an interesting point you are raising here, why it has to be the news of somebody dying or something dramatic before we are willing to let all our grudges go and just be with them and support them. A choice we have in every moment that is not dependant on the situation!
Could it be possible that any emotional response to any situation is just another way to drain us of energy so a funeral is not so different to a wedding.
This is a timely reminder to address the issues between myself and my family — and extended family, in other words all those around me –now, in the present, whenever anything arises. It is not seeking for them, (the issues) but as you say, letting go of all the old involvements and learning to observe and have a good sense of humour and dealing with whatever comes up. So much of the grief around “losing someone” is because of the regrets about not having attempted to address the issues in the past.
It is a crazy situation when we allow a reaction from an undealt with hurt we may carry predominate feeling love between us. That which we are and are from is pushed aside to indulge in the energy of our choice to be hurt by separating from it previously by doing the same thing again – crazy.
“Instead, a different mode kicks in and we simply love them for who they are, be it our sister, mum, dad, friend or complete stranger” – yes Gyl, very true, because when we judge, we cannot then love; and when we understand, we can and do love.
There was a time in my life that it wasn’t even in my awareness that our purpose here is to evolve. This awareness changes everything, including our approach to death.
Well said Vicky,it truly is a ‘game changer’!
I love the message of unconditional love here. Why would we not treat our loved ones in this way during life and not wait until they are on their death bed.
Great point, why do we often let our hurts go about what we think has hurt us from another, when they die….it would make sense to do this when we are alive, to talk it through and resolve it….let it go , heal, move on…some times we can not resolve it through talking, but we can resolve it for ourselves, by letting go of what we perceive are our hurts, any time of our lives.
The knowing that we can let go and heal these hurts without actually needing another is very empowering as then we can just hold the other in the love that they are in their essence too and no grudges need to be fostered.
Living from an open heart, expressing love, truth and appreciation for the all allows us to meet death with an understanding, acceptance and deep joy of it being an imminent event and part of our own evolution.
Beautifully said, Francisco. To live life from these simple principles leaves no room for attachment but just a deep connection to all that is, as it continues to unfold and evolve for all of us.
Your reflections expressed here Gyl, are a testament to the truth that we all absolutely know life is about love and the protection we wear all our lives to avoid the vulnerability it takes to both let our love out and equally let it in. Very powerful to feel that sitting right with us, inside us is all we need to be the love we are….Crazy that we hold back on this because of the hurts we give so much importance to.
I am learning that the hurt in many, if not all, occasions is because I didn’t express how I felt at the time.
I get this too Gyl, as when not expressed at the time, the mind plays tricks and makes things into something it never was…
“Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not?” agree Gyl, when there is the focus on our inner qualities over external pictured ways of ideals, there is nothing to not love, to not hold dear and to cherish for always.
Its great to come back to this blog “Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past,”. This has always made me wonder, we forgive and forget immediately in this situation, so why don’t we do it all the time why do we as a society hold grudges and not talk to people.
Good question Amita and I would say it’s because we’re making most of life up and so when death comes along it cuts through the absolutely endless amount of mistruths that we have fabricated in order to avoid actually fessing up to the fact that we’ve been living a lie of gigantian proportions.
I’m yet to experience a very close someone passing over, although I’ve been to many funerals and they have indeed been sad, largely due to the energy that the space is filled up in by those attending. I’ve also heard of and seen relationships fall apart after a death amongst friends and family, as all those undealt with hurts tend to blow up in the anger of the death of the person. It’s interesting to observe the many ways we all react and what we choose to hold onto.
Death is part of our cycle and that cycle is life. We are born, we grow, we live , we age, we die. The cycle does not end when we die, it keeps going and is simply one part of a cycle that will continue for many more lifetimes.
I had no idea how pertinent this blog would be when I first read it but it has stayed with me and confirmed the loving way I approach people is an absolute must in order to lay a foundation for this when things like that happen. We never know when it is time for someone to go home and therefore to live each day as love means the heart is free to let them go when their time is right and not need to wait till everything is resolved.
The really important things in life are love, connections and relationships.
My lessons in life have come thick and fast with my father passing over when I was 9 and at the time he was sitting next to me. Yes, I also felt sad and devastated. Fast forward 54 years to 14 months ago I was also siting next to my mother as she was passing-away and not a tear was shed and I felt the joy of her going to her next phase of life.
Imagine living your life with those close to you, always holding back just what you felt, imagine having a mother or father where there was always something left unsaid. And then consider how it would feel when they passed over and left this life. It seems to me it would indeed be terribly sad. But not for the reason that they are gone but that the truth care and innermost feeling that was there to be shared was neglected and never aired. For as you show Gyl the fact is we are not really gone but always returning to have another chance to make life about evolving.
Simple wisdom that makes perfect sense Elizabeth.
‘But is death really the end?’ – A question that a lot of people seem to struggle with or completely dismiss – I have come to understand that death is not the end, but really a beginning of something new, or rather a continuation of a cycle.
It shouldn’t take a sickness or death to bring true love, understanding, joy, openess respect and compassion to a relationship. This should, at very least, be the foundation and from there on only unfolding into all that it can be. This is with any relationship. We have a lot to learn about relationships, including the relationship with ourselves and true evolution.
It’s funny how we can let go of our annoyances and upsets with others when they are dying, but hold strong to them while they are alive.
It’s so true Gyl – fixating on little problems, issues or slip ups is exhausting… It’s like a double-slap for ourselves; one for making the slip up, and another afterwards that lasts much longer when we then reduce ourselves, self loathe or become very critical because of this. Thing is, that in order to learn and evolve we need lessons and experiences to learn from!
Again I have to point out this line: “So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” As I realized that I am afraid of dying all of my life but found, when I am nearly dying, when I was in situations where I really thought ‘this may is the end’ – I am not afraid. I am calm. That is how it is. So when I can be that calm with dying when I nearly die – why not when I am very vital and alive? Is it not a waste of time to spent my living days with anxiety? For me it seems like an activity I do to avoid something else. If I would not have any fear of dying or also no fear of the death of others – I would be more free, less open to blackmail. My authority and integrity would be stronger. Hmmm…interesting.
Gyl I had another conversation last night about a taboo topic, after the conversation everyone felt so much more at ease in themselves and there was a clear and strong purpose. It shows that its often the conversation we avoid, like death, dying and what its all about that could bring us a level of settlement in ourselves greater than anything else.
This blog highlights how we measure our relationships and how much we love others by our need to protect ourselves from further hurts. So what happens that we can let these hurts go and let another in when we are in fear of losing them?
The only way to truly evolve is through our movements. We can kid ourselves that we are evolving but if our movements are not changing then our so called evolution will only be wishful thinking. To add ‘ movements’ encompasses physical movement, posture, thoughts and speech.
Agreed, my head can tell me I am slowing down but if I keep racing from place to place physically then nothing has really change and a small scratch below the surface of my head reveals a mess of anxiety that I wont be able to keep up!!! The body is the most loving marker of truth.
Perhaps the pressure we put on ourselves and each other – which starts pretty young , plays out with the end result of ‘not being able to let go’. We haven’t the bodily experience of being who we truly are so in the end it can be awkward.
From what I have seen, unless a person has dementia or similar, once you get nearer to dying, your awareness seem to be increasing quite strongly. That seems worth researching.
There have been many times in my life when I have thought that I would change my way of thinking but it has never lasted. Through universal Medicine I have learnt that the only true way to change the way that we think is to change the way that we move.
It’s really beautiful to come back to love, being love and seeing the love in others, not all the hurts we have created along the way together with all the justifications for those hurts the behaviours that follow. Why wait until momentous times to bring to us the perspective of what matters most in life and death – love. I know from reading this I am inspired to live from love, no day is mundane or ordinary.
The fact that we don’t talk about death creates a lot of tension and leaves many things left unsaid. That’s why I think death can cause so many arguments and big rifts in families.
Your appreciation of this person is beautiful Gyl and all the little things that got in the way have been exposed for what they are – issues that do not really exist. If we connect and know the essence of another then we know that they have within them all that is required to live the fullness of who they are and a life of love, responsibility and integrity. They are a reflection of who we truly are and so who are we to get caught up in perceived ‘short comings’. Acceptance, appreciation and love is true and what we all ask to be held in, in life and in death.
Death is an incredible reminder that once we take away all the stories, drama’s and issues, love is what truly matters. Death has a way of bringing us back to this truth.
Anytime is a great time to reflect on our relationship with people and in this case especially those close to us. I often look around me and check in to see if I am taking everything in that is there in full. Often there is a sadness of this not being the case and in the past I have given myself a hard time about it. Now I just look at it as a choice or a point to bring in more appreciation and spend a quality of time with whoever is there in front of me. At times I find myself in the running of the world and not just in the moment I am. It’s great to check in and make sure you are supporting yourself and those around you with a quality of connection. This blog is another point and has supported me to check in more deeply still, thank you.
Imagine a giant present delivered to your door wrapped in red paper. What if you just took it at face value and thought this big red box was all you got? Perhaps you’d be puzzled and consider how to rearrange the furniture to find room for it or think about shipping it out to the shed. This is how I feel we view life and death, mistaking the surface wrapping for what it is, when all the time underneath is a host of gifts just waiting for us to realise. There really is no need as you say Gyl for us to stay focussed on the outer appearances of this world.
Sometimes it is only when we are about to lose something or someone that we realise how much we value it or them. The saying ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’ rings true here. This highlights the importance of taking time to appreciate what we have while we have it.
This I found a very good question: “So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? ”
Yes, we do not talk badly about someone who will die soon or who has died. We choose to put down the arguments against someone when they will die. We become clear with them. Why not do so during their lifetime? We want to clear the air when it comes to ‘the end’ – but what if there is in fact no ‘end’. Life will go on in another way and our responsibility of how our relationships are designed is in our hands forever. To wait for the ‘so-called end’ and bring in some harmony makes no sense.
It is amazing how death or even a serious illness can really bring perspective and purpose back to life for everyone effected by it.
This is a beautiful and responsible question to ask – about how our internal struggles are affecting the relationships we have throughout our lives. So, the first relationship is with ourselves, and the quality of this will determine the quality of all others thereafter.
When we truly hold reincarnation as the immutable truth it is, then the game of life is to see how much evolution we can pack in, in one lifetime, in the knowing that we will return to the same spot when we are born again, with the opportunity to go even deeper. Its awesome really and to see Death as the end simply prevents us from making the most of this divine opportunity to maximise every life time we live and build a continuum of loving lifetimes that deeply serve the whole of humanity.
Yes, it seems a particularly excellent investment with a long-lasting payoff.
I have been very surprised at how much of a relationship I have been able to have with my mother and father even after their deaths. Sounds wacko – but truly my connection with them is still evolving and I am still able to heal and resolve any issues or hurts that may have existed between them. It’s extremely beautiful and they are, in a way, as present in my life as they have always been.
I can relate to what you say about how family ‘disasters’ can often bring them closer together. My parents divorce certainly brought me closer to my brother and sister. But I would say that was less about the “disaster” of it and much more about the fact that a whopping big lie was no longer being lived and a greater transparency came to the family unit (although there were still and are still plenty of other facades still playing out). And then when both my parents passed a similar step happened – but again I would say that it was more about the structures and edifices of ‘family’ being broken actually freed us all as individuals to connect and love each other deeper.
I wonder if in all cases it is a question of us being connected to our heart and responding to the situation and, as Gyl did, become aware when we are doing something different. In a crisis, families naturally come together and any expression of love gets particularly valued.
“On the way I stopped in my car and asked myself why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together, or even bring them to their knees? When for years, decades or lifetimes we can treat each other like rubbish? And I don’t just mean immediate families” – agree Gyll, imminent death or hearing news of terminal illness is a sobering moment to take stock – of the ridiculousness of the absence of love, and the grief this causes.
Brilliant blog Gyl on a topic that needs to pulled out of the ‘scary’ basket and placed right where it belongs, in our everyday living. Death is inevitable, but most for a whole variety of reasons are too scared to even discuss it, especially with children. When I was growing up it was a topic that was spoken about out of the hearing of children, but children are very aware and they instinctively know when something is being held back from them; I did. So let’s all of us continue this conversation, sharing our fears, acknowledging that we don’t actually know what happens when we die, let’s prepare for our passing while we can and not leave it to others to second guess what we would have wanted; let’s keep talking about death and dying, a part of our lives that will come whether we talk about it – or not.
Death seems to have that impact on us, the finality as it seems. It is a finality in this life as we will not see that person in this form again but the deeper connection always is with us. But this deeper connection, where we love may not be fully lived, as our hurts, issues and all that stuff seems to get in the way of our love. It’s not until it is taken away from us so to speak, we feel the pain, the shock of the potential loss of that other. But what if a part of our grief and pain of loss is the love we did not live in full? That was my experience with those i have loved deeply and passed in the past. Yet one of my family members passed a few years ago, when he was alive towards the end of his life, i met him completely, i loved him with all of me, i showed him, i told him. When he passed, i was left feeling the depth of our connection. Yes the sadness was there, but so was the connection. Live it now and it will always be with us.
What if we saw each other as deeply divine first, wouldn’t all those things that aren’t truly that person become small and insignificant or perhaps even redundant in the grand scheme of things?
Everything in nature works in cycles so why wouldn’t human life and death be the same? Why would we exist outside the universal laws of nature? Perhaps if we embraced re-incarnation as the simple truth we would live quite differently because we would know that everything that happens and everything we do is an opportunity for evolution. Great blog Gyl Rae, it really gets you pondering the bigger picture.
Thank you Gyl for a clear reminder that it is a choice when we allow anything to get in the way of love be it petty misunderstandings or gaping differences in life choices.
I know I can appreciate people for who they really are now; I can not wait for us all to agree… or wait until the very ‘end’ to re-consider all that I tend to hold in the way of our natural ability and desire to connect with each other.
You raise some really great points Gyl, why is it that we wait until something happens, some illness or disease before families sometimes come together, why do we wait for that calamity or accident? My sense is we love to live in comfort, sometimes that comfort can be filled with drama and emotion, that feels more comfortable than bringing love or a resolution to conflict. Is it that we prefer the drama, i would say that can definitely be a yes for many.
I so agree Raegan “why do we wait for that calamity or accident?” before we make contact with friends and family; why do we hold back from healing a relationship issue, often until it is too late? I have heard of so many people who have been in this situation, who beat themselves up in a huge way for not having healed what was needing to be healed, and then suddenly when the other person dies they have lost the opportunity to do so. A great lesson in not holding back in expressing what is there to be said, as life has a way of showing us that we cannot take anything for granted, especially how long we are going to live.
‘Why do we let all these things bother us, not to mention the things we do to ourselves, all the meaningless issues we create, dilemmas, dramas, complications and woes; what will I wear today, what food should I eat, should I eat this or that, when really all we are doing is self-indulging. Do we ever stop to feel how this is affecting people? ‘ Reading this today has hit home – I am asking myself why do I not catch it more quickly when I slip into this kind of behaviour?
It is a very enriching experience to hold someone and be held in love during the process of passing over, it is transforming for both and everyone involved. Love is eternal without any boundaries to time, life or death and thus transcends the fears and beliefs around death and dying as well as the ‘grieving’ process of the ‘mourner’ or actually it might not need to be such a sad thing.
So true and when we have some roadblocks, we can also dismantle them and let the love flow freely again.
Your last sentence Gyl is very loving and powerful :’ … passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.” When we truly know this and embrace this knowing and feel it to be true for us, these often difficult times can be viewed and handled in a much more empowering way.
And such a pertinent question you raise here too: “Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past, all the issues, all the stuff we have held onto, sometimes for years, the hurt, the times when they may have not chosen to be loving to us, or anything we may have held against them?” Why indeed? Is it because none of that matters anymore as we realise the deep love we feel for each other? And soon it may be ‘gone’? I feel very fortunate that for myself I have been able to let go of all that I was running on a very close family member (still alive and fit). thanks to the work with Serge Benhayon. I seemed to wake up one morning with the very clear realisation ‘well, what was that all about’ – it was just gone. And because of that, the relationship was rekindled and is now steadily building, as I can feel and see this person in their true essence, even though behavoiur etc has not really changed.
First thing that I connected with Gyl was – “I am not going to spend hours in my head (and that’s a big one for me) debating over things such as food, or what I should or should not do or eat. I am going to allow people to be, I am going to allow myself to observe and learn” – Yes how liberating is this when we have reached this point! And how truly astonishing, like you say too, is it that a major event in our lives have to happen for realisations like this to come to the forefront …
Why wait?
Great question, ironically the self that created this lack of depth in our relationships then gets indulged through the regret we feel for not having gone there. Get self out the way.
“On the way I stopped in my car and asked myself why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together, or even bring them to their knees? When for years, decades or lifetimes we can treat each other like rubbish? And I don’t just mean immediate families.”
Firstly thank-you for this blog Gyl, it’s been a pertinent read, the togetherness and connection offered by this occurrence can often be filled with regret, for everyone gets to feel and reflect on their momentum up until this point.
Imagine if we lived each moment as if we were going to die tomorrow.
There are many things that I haven’t managed to do in my life but one thing that I have always done well is to tell people how much I adore them. If any of my family or friends were to pass over now then it would be with the full knowledge that I really do love them very much indeed and they would know why, because I will have told them what it is about them that I love.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” So surely this should be our mantra, to support us to really heal all our hurts and discard everything that does not truly support us to express all the love that resides within us. Why drag the pain and bitterness across the boundary from ‘life’ into ‘death’? The reality is, it’s all one expression, just lived in different realms. I mean how do we deal with feeling bitter and hurt when we don’t have a body to bury it in anymore? We don’t stop feeling these things just because we die, so far better to deal with it while alive so that it can leave our bodies that carry it over into a realm where these emotions can cause us much more havoc and grief.
When we stay attached to old hurts we have from people and keep them responsible we will never evolve as in this we judge people and make our lives dependent of them. We have to return to our inner core and there we will find a strength and steadiness that is naturally in us, in which we do not need the other person to settle anything that has happened in the past, and in this strength we are able to hold not only ourselves, but everybody we are with in equal love.
If you consider that dying is a time of great discarding and death simply a stage towards coming back, then I have heard someone say that he really looks forward to that time. That sounds extreme but it actually makes quite a lot of sense given those assumptions.
‘Why do we let all these things bother us, not to mention the things we do to ourselves, all the meaningless issues we create, dilemmas, dramas, complications and woes; what will I wear today, what food should I eat, should I eat this or that, when really all we are doing is self-indulging.’
I got to feel yesterday how simple life is when we take a self-orientation out of the equation. This is not to say there is no place for self-love – far from it, self-love is the foundation from which we develop our love of humanity. But once we have that platform, the next step is to embrace a service-orientation. And there is no self-indulgence in service if we embrace it to our full potential.
I suppose death as well as other extreme situations put an end to our casual or lax relationship with time and brings to the forth what counts most, it´s like a distillery that segregates the impurities from the essence. We don´t need to wait for such challenging extremes, we just need to make it about people instead of self and our essence is activated.
Whether we feel reincarnation happens or not, surely what we all want is to experience joy vitality and brilliant health, to help others, to see true growth in this world, so that the next generation of people may build on this too? So why then do we live with such reckless abandon? Why is it we burn our bridges, sometimes quite literally? To me this reveals there is a part of us that fights being Loved. a part that sees the truth but wants to remain aloof, to see us all as individuals and split apart. This willful part of us has been hiding from so much including the truth about life and death. True evolution comes when we see this character’s there and no longer think that it is us. Thank you Gyl for opening this topic up.
To see death as an evolving process is in itself revelatory and quite contrary to the belief we currently hold.
It does seem to take something big to shake us out of our very separative ways. Sometimes that is death; sometimes it is war or a natural disaster. When these things happen it is like we get a priority adjustment. We remember that we are all one and here to support each other. We realise how petty some of our current priorities are in comparison to these big events. Death certainly offers this opportunity to reprioritise and evolve.
Thank you so much for your reflections on what happens when someone close to us is about to pass over. It is so true that at the last moment we have the potential to drop all the hurts and resentments from the past and just appreciate the person for who they are. This shows me that we always have this choice available to us, not just when we are about to ‘lose them’ in our lives.
Could it be that a lot of the despair and emotions that comes up when people die, as well as at their funerals, is due to the regret of having missed out on truly connecting while the person was still alive?
Someone’s death can bring up a lot for us, things we didn’t say or do because we always thought there was time, this is a great reminder to never hold back on our expression and to always act in the moment, never putting things off until another day, if the opportunity is presented it is presented for a reason.
Gyl you’ve made me realise that until I have experienced the loss of a close and dear family member that I may not know exactly what it is I am holding onto around death and dying…and what I may be holding on to that stands in the way of my relationships with them also.
I have just spent time with family due to the death of someone close. We all agreed that it is crazy that it takes the death of someone to get everyone together. Why do we need to wait for a big event such as a wedding or a funeral to actually connect with loved ones? It’s possible to get so caught up in our own lives that we forget to connect or make contact. Time to create time to do so…
I have and am noticing a lot of people can be quite cold, matter of fact and hard when talking about someone passing over or death – through experience, even though I know it’s not the end, there is compassion, care, deep understanding, for this is a person one has been close to after all, and in fact it can be a very tough time. These feelings along with devastation and sadness are normal, and are important to acknowledge and not shut out or pretend they are not there.
“I now realise is not what is truly important in life” and that is loving people, no mattter what and that is including myself.
Very well said Mary.
Thank you Gyl, and it certainly is stunning to watch someone pass over with beholding dignity, evolution and Love.
“Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.” Could this be true evolution being the love and oneness of us all ever expanding and evolving ! What a great blog and reflection.
I have always maintained that obituaries are best presented whilst the person is still alive.
We spend so much time in the “tomorrows” and “I wish” or just plain checked out and not living with purpose and engagement, and it is moments like death or a death of someone close to us that remind us that life is bigger, and we are indeed grander.
‘… illness, disease and ultimately death and passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end’ Our whole attitude to life changes when we understand that evolution is about returning to where we came from, and how every choice in this lifetime affects all our future lives. It is pretty mind blowing when we are brought up in a culture that believes in only one life, to realise that we have had thousands of lifetimes and that all our illnesses are the direct result of our own choices.
Yes I agree Carmel, it is minding blowing and a huge wake up call to have the realisation that we do not actually get a ‘get out of jail’ card so to speak and that ultimately we are responsible for everything we choose, and that those choices do not end with our death.
If death, passing over were seen as evolution, and a way to heal to be more of the love we were not in our lived years [and what made us sad, lonely, depressed, bitter, empty given this] to come back and experience a more love-full life next time round, next life…..this natural part of life would only be one of glory.
You write with a beautiful absoluteness that “I am not going to be a part of what I now realise is not what is truly important in life” – isn’t it astonishing that it takes a crisis or shock of some kind to awaken us to the futility of some of our ways and meanderings? Can we then possibly look at these events differently? Appreciate them for the blessings they bring and the learning that is available, whilst dealing with what is needed and allow ourselves to feel and not cover up what is there, the grief in this instance.
Death has a way of bringing us to a point of humbleness, where the arrogance drops away and we are left with our core, exposed and vulnerable. And in this exposure, though we feel raw, there is an ease in connecting with another. It is like we finally allow our sensitivity and feelings to be open and free. It can be us living on a death bed, or it can be a close relative or friend who is dying or who has died, but none the less, it has the power to shake us up and bring us back to our most natural and tender way of being. Sadly we do have a tendency to wait for such an incident to happen before we actually drop our guard and let people into our hearts. but what if we allowed ourselves to be aware of of the guard we tend to carry on a daily basis, and practiced dropping this and being humble and vulnerable without waiting for a death or an accident to do it for us? What if we actually allowed ourselves to live openly and freely, knowing that at any moment life can change…
You are absolutely right Gyl Rae, we don’t have to wait till someone is on their death bed to let go of perceived hurts or injustices. Indeed if we loved them like we say we do we would let go of them immediately and see the soul for who they truly are and be blown away with the quality of their essence.
Life offers us such opportunity and space for evolution, when I remind myself of this it brings in that different perspective and I appreciate the enormous love that God is.
What you are pointing out here is huge Gyl – the utter self indulgence and drama, hurts etc. we often live in, as opposed to meeting and connecting with others from a place of love and understanding, is harmful to everyone involved, ourselves included.
Well said Gyl. The continual cycle of death and birth being accepted as part of our evolution returning back to the fullness and truth that we all are, will certainly offer the opportunity for change in our everyday way of living of our life.
“……I know the truth of reincarnation and this is not the end for this person, I was still thinking in a way it was, instead of the truth I’ve now experienced that illness, disease and ultimately death and passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end”.
We know what is important in life and yet not choosing this all of the time, is truly a waste of time. When someone is dying, we have the opportunity to reflect on the relationship we have and have had and nothing is in the way anymore but in truth there is never anything in the way. So what gets in the way is us, like you say Gyl, all our issues, hurts, self-indulgences to not be all that we are and be with each other. I fully agree it is time to let love in and out now.
When we experience the passing of someone and see how the whole congregation of people at a funeral respond with shock, the fragility and tenderness of people with each other is extraordinary, leaving one to ask this very question you pose …”why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together…”
The healing from this experience is that it makes you cherish relationships with friends and family to a greater degree.
Our ability to let go of past hurts when someone is ill, near death, or just in trouble, shows us we can let go any time we choose to.
I agree Heather, the choice is in our hands completely.
Yes so true, so how come we choose to hold onto these ill things for dear life, even after death at times??
Very well said Heather. So it’s a choice we make to hold onto hurts. There’s no one else to blame.
Gyl it’s wonderful that you have reached such a point with the passing of your relative. Death brings up much for all of us, when it close to home especially. Working in palliative care, one thing I have seen a lot is people’s unwillingness to let go and if death is near it’s even less likely that this will occur, unless this has begun to occur in life. This includes families. I have so many unanswered questions, why are we devastated when we hear the news of a loved one’s passing? What is it about our relationships, including the relationship we have with ourself that we think that grieving is a natural part of being human. I see clients grieve the loss of their body, their inability to physically do what they could once do very easily. I see clients resistant to allowing people into their homes and lives to assist them and care for them as their health declines. We think it is all a great loss, but fail to see the beauty that lays within each moment. The loving, consistent and dedicated care of a family. How carers and health professionals are available and present and calm despite what is presented. We do come together during these times and that is natural because we ultimately do care for each other. Sometimes though for whatever reason we simply can’t see it.
I absolutely love this title because it continues the cycle of life through Death, Dying and evolving – an honouring of the cycle we are all a part of.
Oh that is lovely Christine- I hadn’t really noticed the title in this fullness …
‘Do we ever stop to feel how this is affecting people? ‘ – This applies to so much Gyl. As a society we are so used to living in our own bubbles, and not looking to the side to see how our behaviours and choices are actually impacting other people. But regardless of how much we ignore it, they do impact others! And our time spent trying to avoid this will always be time wasted…
The hurts and disagreements we hold onto in our lives disappear when we are faced with the death of someone close or our own. If we can let go when death comes knocking, why not in life? This is a question definitely worth asking ourselves Gyl.
These are significant events that often show us the ‘what we do not live’ in our relationships every day. As you have said, Gyl, why does it take a death in a family for people to pull together? And now I consider whether one of the reasons we create a lot of drama in life is so that we have an excuse to stick together, when all along all we need to do is open up and choose to connect with each other honestly and with care.
Life to me is always been about death and the lessons I can learn to evolve and this is mainly because my father died while sitting next to me when I was 9 years old. This was devastating at the time but it brought me to a point where I realised there is more to life. As I become more responsible in my life I am actually really looking forward to passing-over.
Gyl, I realised from what you’ve shared here how healing it is at this particular time of our life (death and passing over). ‘Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past, all the issues, all the stuff we have held onto, sometimes for years, the hurt, the times when they may have not chosen to be loving to us, or anything we may have held against them?’ It is great to let go of our hurts and issues with our loved ones, but why wait until they are close to death? We could be choosing to let go of our hurts and issues at any time. Also, could our feelings of sadness during this time be a reminder of us choosing hurts instead of love?
Thought provoking post Gyl, a beautiful understanding in letting go to accept how things are: “So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” – absolutely.
I have witnessed someone die, after a battle with cancer. They were extremely weak and not at all lucid, yet minutes before they died, they sat up in bed, completely unaided, looked into my face with clear blue eyes, showing all the love that they are, unreservedly. It was the most beautiful moment. They lay back down and the struggle to let go of life began, which I found very hard to witness. They were atheist and believed that death was the end, hence their unwillingness to let go. Had they been able to connect with the truth that their death was preparing them for their transition into their next life, things could have been so different.
I have personally experienced that the immense pain we can feel when someone close to us dies comes from feeling the truth in the relationship that we had with that person – in my case, that we had actually never truly connected with each other, in this life. Allowing myself to be open to feeling this was intensely painful. However, afterwards there was no more grief as I had dealt with the hurt I had carried around for years.
we need to engage more in conversations regarding death and dying – it is still a taboo subject, as if we might hasten our own demise, which we do anyway through our lifestyle choices. The awareness of reincarnation as a fact and not simply a religious belief changes the way many people live their lives, because they know they will be coming back into the same mess they left.
I love what you share, Gyl! We think it is okay to judge another for all that they are not, instead of just loving them for all that they are. Judgment feels awful in our own body and awful for the person being judged – why would we choose this over love?
It is a very true scenario for many I’m sure, we go along in life with the blinkers on about the quality of our relationships. Then when it is coming to a final phase we might choose to become responsible for what we have been hanging onto about another and clear this realising it isn’t important in the grand scheme of life and death – evolution does enter as we let go and allow our hearts to open once again.
“……. illness, disease and ultimately death and passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.” What an inspirational way to look at the end of life and to see it as an opportunity to evolve rather than the end. How amazing would it be if we could all see life and death in this way, and could grow up knowing this before we encounter someone close to us dying. To know that death is not the end, but that we will come back would potentially make us really consider the life that we are living, and perhaps take more responsibility for how we live it and communicate with others.
This is a great reflection how every event in our life is an opportunity to observe our responses and reactions, deepen our understanding and evolve. The period in which we ourselves are facing imminent passing over, and when we are dealing with the death of someone in our life or we know the days are numbered, are no exception. In fact as this blog shows it can offer profound insights about living as well as dying.
The way you have shared this Gyl is very beautiful to read, it is clearly so genuine and tangible how you feel. And isn’t that a great reflection of the point you make? Why on earth do we waste our days performing and pretending to be ‘ok’ when things actually hurt? The way you put it is perfect, it is like life is a game we think we have to win, but in fact it is this whole idea that stops us from letting Love and people in.
It’s totally ridiculous when we look at what we react to.
So true, so ridiculous as it only hurts us and everyone else too …
The picture for this blog is brilliantly chosen. It does exactly reflect what I feel the process of dying is about. We enjoy our life and the riches that come with it in full and then, with no attachment move on. Very beautiful.
It’s amazing how big events in life really put the rest of life into perspective, and show us exactly what is important. Our bodies are not immortal and it’s such a shame to waste a single second of this life and every inch of evolution it offers us.
It’s true Gyl, when something major like an imminent death in the family occurs everyone puts their issues to the side in order to focus on being together as a family, supporting each other and talking about what’s going on… But why do we allow these issues to stop us doing this in the first place?
I would have to disagree with that Susie, often it can bring up issues and abuse between people or in families. And many people don’t want to open up or talk, they find it hard to express how they feel or just don’t want to go there. This is something to learn too, to observe people and hold them in love no matter how they are with you, whether they want to talk or not, or what choices they make. It doesn’t mean you have to spend time with them, but energetically support them all the way.
A beautiful call to choose this moment to be open, tender, loving and free of history with ourselves and everyone.
“Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.” This is what we have been robbed of, when we let our emotions and hurts stand in the way of truth of every single one of us.
If we are to connect to ourselves and to all others and deeply hold another in the grace of all that they are, our lives will be enriched with the joy of true expression and appreciation of all that life offers us in every moment. The alternative is to disconnect, stay isolated and see ourselves as the whole rather than a spark within a grand fiery universe.
This is so very worthwhile considering Gyl… “Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.” What makes us focus so much on the negative until the very end when someone is dying when we could focus on the positive throughout our lives – value, appreciate and enjoy every day with every one!
To observe life allows us to see that we are each equal in light and universality… to appreciate free-will and to see God in all.
This is a great question Gyl… “Why is it when someone is close to death that we tend let go of all the past… a different mode kicks in and we simply love them for who they are?” It is like everything the person is right here, right now in front of us is all that counts – why don’t we see each person this way every day? what makes imminent death change our perceptions when that person had all those qualities in everyday life yet we chose to not see them, value or appreciate them very often.
The heading for your blog says it all Gyl and offers an opportunity for us to change how we see death and dying if we knew it was about evolution and evolving as human beings together, we would not see death as final or the end but a new beginning of a life we are going to be coming back to
We live in such crazy momentums, little do we know what the person next to us is going through when mostly it is our concerns that are top priority. It really makes me think about the sensitivity or lack of when we approach one another and what we are really expressing and achieving when we come together.
Perspective gives us a new angle on understanding. It gives us the space to reconsider how we view a situation. I feel Gyl has found a new perspective on living – brought on from a life changing event – which has changed how she sees the world. And the fact that she’s sharing this with us all so that we, too, can get a new perspective is really special.
Gyl I have no doubt that I would be deeply upset by a close relative and family member passing over even though I know about Reincarnation, so it goes to show that until I start to live with the fact that their is no end simply evolution and bring this into my day to day then the concept of death may still grab hold of me.
Amazing and quite sad how we live this way, protected and guarded until we have a significant change in our lives that makes us feel vulnerable enough to open up. But perhaps, as Gyl points out, if it is something that fundamentally stops you and makes you reconsider how you are around people, it is worthwhile…the silver lining.
Yes, death gives us this opportunity – to stop and consider how we have been living and relating. Do we want to find ourselves in a situation where we have not connected with loved ones or said what we want to say? If not then we have the power to change it.
It is amazing how it often takes the imminent passing of a loved one to snap us out of the distraction of all the issues we allow ourselves to become embroiled in during our daily lives. I can feel how I have often used these distractions to avoid taking responsibility for bringing my full self to whatever situation I am in thus diminishing it not just myself but also everyone else. When we accept the depth of our power and live accordingly there can be no regrets and wasted time. Thanks for the inspiration to explore this Gyl.
Gyl, this is a great question, ‘So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not?’ I observe how we so often do this, we see and talk about the bad in others and ourselves rather than seeing and focussing on our qualities and others qualities, so we hold back our love and appreciation and instead keep ourselves at a distance from others, not fully loving them or ourselves because of the things we do not like.
“why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together…” It seems that we live so much off track (in our woes and emotional turmoil) that a stop like this enables us to take stock and feel what is really important in life and what our choices have been.
Could it be the devastation felt when a loved one dies is the pain of our own lovelessness and having missed the opportunity of living from Love and sharing all of ourselves, in full, with them – appreciating, accepting and aware of the truth of their inner essence, when they were alive?
Often the grief we experience is from our holding back, this is what hurts us the most I agree Stephanie. It is natural to miss another, yet we each have our souls journey, that is a natural part of the cycle of life.
I agree we spend too much time obsessed with our self, life is not meant to be about self , it is about the all.
That’s it – about the all with the love that we all are
What is being so delicately expressed here by you Gyl, is how love is an enduring and eternal quality that never leaves us, and in fact the fact that we can feel it so acutely during times of passingover, is testament to this, to the fact that it is always there and we just choose not to express it or feel it as we go about our daily lives, however, this does not ever diminish the quality of love, it simply takes it out of focus.
I feel that is key Shirley-Ann, often the sadness and grief around a loss can be because we have not expressed our love fully, all that we have felt and been touched by. Leaving nothing unsaid allows us to let go freely and it also allows the other not to be burdened by our undealt with emotions.
It’s interesting because I have pondering on this recently especially in my relationships with those whom are close to me. Why is it that I create petty arguments with those I love and yet if something happened to them I would be devastated? As I think about about the bigger picture it puts things into perspective. It’s not that I’m saying to pander or tolerate others but to deeply love and care for myself so that I live the love I am with everyone and everything.
You say “obviously you are devastated” to hear that a close family member’s death is imminent. It is not obvious that we need to be devastated as it can also be a joyful experience depending on the circumstances. My mother died in November and really it was more devastating that she had lived on in the extremely dementia riddled and painful state that she had for the last years of her life. On the other side a friend of mine died a fully aware and very graceful death of cancer a few years earlier and that was the most joyful, healing and inspiring death I have ever witnessed.
I feel it’s natural to be devastated and feel sadness when someone you care about deeply has passed over, just the same way one would be devastated if a partner made the choice to end a relationship. It’s natural to have these feelings. sometimes I feel people can override these and pretend it doesn’t bother or affect them.
Gyl, I so appreciated reading your blog. In my present life I have 3 close to me who are preparing to pass on, dissolve the flesh while the spirit may continue to seek further learning in yet another life. It’s interesting the differences in the preparation, as it seems to me, as one is joyful, and surrendering to the process, another sees this as the end, that’s it, no reincarnation, and yet another is fighting tooth and nail not to surrender to the Loving opportunity of evolution. Once some time ago, I too was ‘devastated’ at a close relative ‘dying’, but have since understood a little more clearly the truth of being ‘devastated’ and finding an experience as e.g. ‘devastating’. I have found my understanding of the difference to be heart-fully supportive allowing Serge Benhayon’s presentations of the truth of the meaning of a word to show me there is possibly another way to a different understanding.
I agree Roberta, it is not actually “natural” or needed to be devastated but it is certainly a very common experience of many people to feel devastated and if that is the case it is good to acknowledge that and work through the grieving process. There is no right or wrong here and we all have different responses and people die in different situations. However, it is liberating to be aware that there is a different way, understanding and approach possible. As an example I experienced pure joy during the experience of the last months and passing of my friend Judith McIntyre as Simon shares so beautifully in this blog: http://universalmedicinefacts.com/the-blessing-of-judith-mcintyres-life-and-death
There is always a sadness that comes when a loved-one passes over as even though we know that it is not the end for that being, as they will soon be born again in a new body with a new opportunity to learn, it is the end of the person we knew them to be in this life.
Life every moment is to remind us to truly be who we are, if we forget or resist, we will be given all different opportunities to return to being and living what is truth. Our love is simply grand and brotherhood is our natural way.
I love your point about the dramas we can create for ourselves and how they can affect those around us. Why do we allow and even create all these ‘issues’ for ourselves and argue over things that are, in the whole scheme of things so meaningless when all they do is take us away from ourselves. In that moment we are choosing what we are not versus what we are. It feels like the answer to this is more self-love and self-appreciation and with this we will have more love to share with everyone else as our focus becomes more consistently the ‘what is’, the truth. We can sit in a dark room and complain about all the things we can’t do, as we can’t see, or we can choose to turn the light on.
I agree, Shirley-Ann, by holding someone in our love, unreservedly so, resets any clock that may have existed. When we can hold this consistently, there is no room or opportunity for upsets or grudges to be held, or if they are, it’s for the other person to deal with as it’s been their choice to take them on.
I would like to comment on how truly exquisite the photograph for this blog is. It compliments everything that is being shared so beautifully, with such grace, inviting us to look beyond what is in front of our nose, to feel the big picture and focus on what is true.
Simply loving people for who they are. I love this. As I hear yet another person leaving the team since I joined I am now becoming more open with people each day. I’ve seen many of my colleagues leave recently due to staff cuts. It’s been sad especially a whole team going.
What I’m learning is it’s ok to be instantly open hearted with people, it doesn’t have to take a time to develop the trust to do this because then we miss out and that person’s left already. And I can apply this to me also. I can be trusting of myself, open and honest with me also.
Interesting how you say we remember a person’s good qualities when they are close to death. I had a relative with whom I argued all of my life, but when death was imminent, we became more close than ever before. You are right, we do waste time on issues that we ourselves have created that are nothing to do with being loving.
‘Instead, a different mode kicks in and we simply love them for who they are, be it our sister, mum, dad, friend or complete stranger… .’ When an imminent end approaches we look and appreciate what we will miss and in doing so often realise what we could have chosen so much more in the sharing of love in life.
Yes I have experienced this, and we then have the opportunity to take those observations into our lives and share more of ourselves more of the time. This is when we can put aside regrets and guilt on the basis that we are always learning.
Great sharing Gyl on a subject that is not focused on as often as it ought to be, after all it is a natural event that leads to our evolution as you say! There is no need for us to fear death but its important for us to acknowledge the fact that we will miss the person when they Pass over.
If we lived every moment knowing it is an opportunity to evolve, we would leave nothing unsaid, we would address issues as they arise and not create arguments, separation or discord and therefore we would have no regrets at our death and we would value the dying process as a wonderful opportunity to prepare for our next life. If we see death as the end people often give up well before that as they can’t see the point of living and they deaden themselves while alive. We give purpose to living once we see, as you did Gyl, that passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.
Gyl this really makes me consider how we deal with death. Wow we really are missing out if we wait for a tragedy to get together as families then we are not valuing our families all the time. Which brings to my attention that it is possible to bring a quality to our relationships all of the time so we don’t feel we are dumping on them when things get touch or a tragedy happens.
This is a beautiful awareness to come to Gyl. At any moment we can give up the game that keeps us playing small and separate to each other. And while it has been part of our human nature to not appreciate something until we have ‘lost’ it, it is not part of our true expression to withdraw from those we love and behave in this way. I love how you say that illness and death is an opportunity for everyone to evolve and never is it the end. Nothing is truly lost if we reconnect back to the great love that we are. A love that can never stop loving even when the body ceases to be.
Death is not the end but the beginning of another cycle within a bigger cycle – within a yet bigger cycle. It definitely helps to put physical life into its greater context and when we do, as you have found, it makes our pettiness and judgements and reservations look very ridiculous indeed.
Gorgeous blog Gyl. Makes me appreciate every moment of every day, in the knowing that when I come to pass too I want to know that I have lived my life to the fullest it can be, not holding back opportunities to grow and deepen and to share my love with others.
But is death really the end? This is a great question Gyl, and my body tells me, our one life is not the end, as to me, that does not make sense. What would be the point of living for one life and then that’s it. Even before I met Serge Benhayon and went to his presentations I believed in reincarnation because it just made sense and felt right to me. And knowing that each life contributes to the next life and so you live each life learning and re-imprinting as you go, totally fits with the cycles of nature and the universe.
Great blog Gyl, I really loved your concluding sentence “…that illness, disease and ultimately death and passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.”
It is sad that it sometimes takes a death to bring friends and family together, and also more sad when it reveals underlying desire for money or property that can superseed the love of a relation. If we took more time in life to talk about death, perhaps it wouldnt be this way?
I love the photo connected to this article it really captures the truth of life the constant metamorphosis as symbolised by the butterfly with the ‘death’ of the caterpillar reconfiguration of cells becoming a butterfly it’s amazing as are we.
Why is it that once someone dies we let ourself focus on their positive contributions, yet in life we tend to focus on our expectations, differences, judgments and the bits we don’t like? This question is indeed worth asking. It prompts us to reassess how we relate to one another and the appreciation we hold each another in.
‘On the way I stopped in my car and asked myself why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together’ – The sad reality is that we often choose to hang on to hurts, blame or judgments over issues that we have experienced with each other during our lives (often childhood), and I have repeatedly seen that out of pride, no one wants to take the first step back towards each other, and only when it is too late do they let go of the misery that keeps them disconnected.
Reading this it’s clear how much we choose to hold onto, exhausting ourselves for the sake of judgement and hurt. It really does not make any sense at all, your change of perspective Gyl is very refreshing and truly loving.
This is a stunning blog, it makes me consider my day of reaction and it stops me in my tracks. What if we just focused on what is important, not on the rubbish, not on the what is not, this concept in itself makes me feel free and light and after the heavy day I have had, ironically this blog on death has actually made me feel light, that is unique in itself.
Thank you Sarah. Life would be very very different, so would our interactions and relationships with ourselves and everyone. Much more joyful and truthful but not in a way to have a go at others as so often I have seen people do, but in a way where we hold each other in absolute love and not need people to be a certain way for us, to accept them as they are, and see them for themselves, not the choices they make – and also to not judge them in the sense of being arrogant and thinking we are better or that they will never change.
Its an amazing time when we have put things into perspective and will plant seeds as to how we will go forth, no longer with the smallness, no longer with the dramas or issues, this is such a beneficial practice for our lives.
Much like how we sleep is everything about how we have chosen our day to be.
Death often brings up regret both in the person who is dying and those who are close.It is a great question that you are asking Gyl . . . why do we wait until an imminent death to deal with the little annoyances and hurts we hold on to? In the face of death they seem so petty. If we looked at all we were holding onto at the end of each and everyday and let it go we would never have the avalanche of regrets store up that crush us at these very vulnerable and sensitive times.
Great realisation Gyl, and I often wonder the same thing…whilst participating in holding that grudge…or allowing myself to get frustrated over what ultimately doesn’t matter at all. This is a timely read…as it was just today that I was questioning that very thing of ‘why do I let stuff affect me, when in the end it doesn’t matter’. It feels like way too simple a choice, to just let it all go…so I may just give it some practice.
It could be said that to truly live, death must be a part of life.
I have experienced the passing over of someone as an opportunity to go beyond the temporal trappings to much deeper reflections on life, love, relationship and purpose – the things that really matter at the end of the day, therefore providing each of us with an opportunity for growth and expansion.
This blog offers us a huge sea change from our current thinking about death and with it there only comes an end… an end, yes but of a cycle and not long after, a new beginning. To consider death as an evolving time is liberating and very freeing.
To see death, or passing over, as a step towards and with evolution is completely different to how I grew up thinking about death. Yet its exactly what we as a society need to look at it like in order to then also make our lives about true evolution.
I love the way that a death brings people together. However it also exposes all the issues that have not been dealt with. It usually means a big exposure of all the years of neglect, non-communication and lack of truth. In this way death is the biggest gift as it gives everyone concerned a chance to face all the areas of neglect and an opportunity to evolve.
Great expression Gyl, it would be absolutely wonderful in life if we didn’t hold on to hurts and grudges with people, only to realise in death, theirs or ours, that it was a complete waste of energy and the love we have, is the only important thing.
It’s really simple – it’s about seeing everyone as equal and loving them no matter what. It doesn’t mean you have to spend time with them or even speak to them, but hold them in the knowing and understanding they are love. We can complicate things way too much.
That’s it, clear short and precisely so, thanks for that Gyl.
Gyl, since reading this article yesterday I have been pondering on how I am in my relationships with people, it is great to have this wake up call and to feel that I can simply love people for who they are, as they are, rather than focussing on all they are not, thank you.
It is so true Gyl we do know what true love is and yet at times we choose to hold onto our hurts and keep ourselves separate from others depending on what we measure is a safe.
Due to my profession I was accompanying an elderly woman for 4 years who now is in train to pass over. I was realizing that I was sad, even if she was not a close family member. There was a difference in my feelings when I accompanied a close family member through the process of passing over some years ago. From this observation I realized, I had not held this elederly women in equal care and love like I have done with my mother. This caused so much pain in my chest and thus I felt sad about this fact. A huge learning for me to understand that we are all one and everybody deserves the same love. When we measure love it hurts.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” A great question. Could it be that at that moment love for that person outweighs all judgment and hurt? If so, then this demonstrates the power of Love.
I love that last line – death is an opportunity for everyone to evolve… the person dying, and those around them. It strips our petty problems out of the way and we find that deep down we do love, and so it presents the opportunity again to love in life. Simple as that.
This blog shares a common occurrence for many going through this experience and the same questions have come up for me. Why do we hold back in life? Why is it that after a serious or tragic event we re-connect to our open loving and accepting heart? I remember attending a funeral of a person I hardly knew but because I felt fond regard and love for their mother I attended. The essence of the person was shared in the eulogy and what I felt exposed that I had stood in judgement of this person without ever having truly met them. What this exposed within me has never been forgotten and will always be valued as a loving and evolving gift.
Thank you Gyl for sharing your experience with death and dying. Sadly not many people are speaking about this topic so openly. My feeling is if more people would do this – death and dying would be more normal and we would take our responsibility with more implicitness.
Interesting subject to ponder on Gyl, why are we not living as connected as we tend to be as in this case when somebody close to us dies. We are then faced with the relativity of all the issues we used to bring into our lives and that they actually do not belong to who we truly are and we realise that we are so much more.
To me, regret feels only possible when one has not lived the love they are with all they come into contact with. This all comes up around death because of the idea that we no longer have the chance to express it to that person. But what if expressing it to all other people is just as healing.
We are love in expression, therefore if we are not expressing love then we are not being who we truly are.
Absolutely beautiful Gyl. I feel different in my body after reading this. A few days ago a man went on a rampage in the city I live in and murdered people in the street using his car as a weapon. Afterwards I was assisting a traumatised young man (who had watched this incident) to get home as public transport was affected. I was lost in peak hour traffic but I noticed that the roads were a truly caring and loving place to be, people in their cars supported me every step of the way and there was no mad rush to get home, it was truly amazing and I knew it was because the city was in shock after what had just occurred. It is worth asking why it takes something so horrific to remind us of who we truly are.
I am deeply inspired by the way you have chosen to give back to humanity in the midst of such a personal and challenging time. You are an absolute inspiration Gyl. Much love to you and your family.
Thank you Leonne
Why does humanity wait for disaster; for death?
When we do, we get to feel how instantly we can support and hold one another.
If this connection is so instantly accessible, simply a choice away,
From who do we need permission to drop the guards and let the love flow in and out, with the same remarkable ease of our breath?
What a blessing and a reality check death brings us to, and how the passing of another brings a true reflection about life and the way we live in it… It changes everything doesn’t it and puts things in to perspective.
And so how awesome is it then when we start to live from that knowing and transport that into the present, I mean not wait but get on with it – and then we also see how things move into a much clearer perspective too, allowing for healing before it’s too late…
Life is about healing ourselves back to love.
This is pure gold, Gyl, thank you …. ‘Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.’ It’s a completely crazy way to live, we’re settling for a way of being that’s not true, a fraction of how life could be. I know I am guilty of falling into this trap, despite knowing it isn’t who I am. If we can let go of our hurts and grudges that we’ve held onto for years, affecting not only our relationship with our loved one, but every other relationship that we have, why on earth do we hold onto them in the first place. As you share, why do we not hold ourselves and everyone else with the love that we and they are and focus on what is true.
‘why is it that it takes death or a serious accident, illness or disease to bring people and or families together, or even bring them to their knees? ‘ …. great question. It’s a long standing, not so funny, joke in our family, that’s spread all over the world, that the only time we come together is at a funeral or a wedding. Why is it that it’s acceptable to be so dis-connected for years on end, with very little interest in how we all are, particularly in this time of instant connectivity with various forms of social media.
So many relationship problems are caused by the fact that we spend our lives in reaction to everything people are not by essence, instead of seeing and loving them for the gorgeous beings they are. The world would be a vastly different place if people lived knowing the truth of the latter and allowing people the space, with understanding, to let go of what stands in the way of them expressing who they truly were.
Isn’t it rediculous that it takes illness or disease to wake us up to the truth of the way we have been living.
I guess within all the hurts and issues that arise between people there is always the opportunity to return to the simple saying: “treat others as you wish to be treated yourself” regardless of how they behave.
It also helps to understand that we are not our behaviour. And if we are not that, then we can connect to our true being instead and kick behaviour into touch 🙂
This is a really beautiful sharing Gyl. We all get to experience the ending of a loved one’s life cycle at some point. What you offer here is a wake up call to take stock of our relationships and assess the quality we bring to them – not righteously expecting others to be how we want them to be. Observant love and understanding is a lesson for me to practise here.
Very much so Bernadette and I have the experience in the last couple of years of starting this with a close family member, that the more I healed my hurts within, the less I actually could hold anything against the other person, it was so awesome to feel this and as a result the connection is building again and deepening, so good!
There have been a few deaths in my close proximity over the last few years and what I observed is that we grieve for unfulfilled potential, we know that we didn’t bring as much love as we could have possibly could. And I have to say for me it was not a clear case of accepting and appreciating those who were passing just as who they were, I could feel manipulativeness in how my attitude changed towards them and I could feel it was coming from a rather selfish place. There’s lot for me to learn and appreciate in every relationship at every phase.
It is quite incredible that we seem to need crisis points in life to bring us to our senses, quite literally so.
It makes one wonder doesn’t it? How has it come to this point that we need crisis to actually stop and reflect…
Most of us are so unprepared for death and ill prepared for the emotional roller coaster and reality check we will be presented with. We live like there is no death, denying the natural cycle. we literally live like there is no tomorrow.
It is only after the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that a clarity has been presented and the true evolutionary responsibility been revealed.
About 30 years ago I did some sort of awareness group about dying and there was an exercise in it when we were told we only had an hour to live or something like that and what did we still need to say to people that we hadn’t said. I discovered that what I had been holding back was love. In every case I wanted to tell people how much I loved and appreciated them. I don’t hold back in that way these days and find it an absolute joy to share my love and appreciation with people. I find the more I share it and express it the more it grows so there is actually no limit.
Beautifully shared Gyl, thank you!
There is a very human reality that we experience which involves the sadness, the grieving, the letting go – so to speak – of a loved one who dies. And then there is the understanding that this person who dies is also just starting another cycle. But none the less both processes have to be honoured.
I love what you have shared too about how we can get so caught up in unnecessary details and bogged down with how a person may not be perfect, and that death brings this to a stop and allows us to realise what a waste of time it all is. Really if we are all love, which we are and come from, then death is the final reminder for us all to choose that and to live that on a daily basis and not have to wait for some calamity to bring us back to love.
It is a good question – why would events dictate how I behave? I have to respond to events, clearly, but beyond that why should my demeanour and how I treat others, including my family members, change?
What an awesome realisation to come to Gyl. The question over why do we not simply see each other and ourselves as the love that we are 1st and foremost is worth pondering on. After all if we actually saw everyone as love then we would treat each other so differently and would also see when they are not being love it is not them and so we would not react as much. Lots to ponder on!
“I’ve now experienced that illness, disease and ultimately death and passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end.” This is a beautiful way to look at death and dying and so opposite to how we generally currently view it. It’s an amazing stock take where we can re-evaluate what is important.
‘Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not?’ For some weird reason we like to stay stuck in negative thinking in the false belief that it stops us from being hurt any more, but what we don’t realise is that our negative thinking is hurting us way more than anything another person can do to us.
So true and by making a choice to let go and connect and share and express in the love that we are, seeing the other(s) as the love they are is just such a beautifully healing experience as there are no expectations on how things were meant to be or are.
What a great question – “So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” and I am inspired by what you have shared and will let go of a few things as well. Thank you.
This is such a great point you share Gyl, for too often we see and witness that between us that we choose to indulge in our separated selves first and through comparison, competition, blame, our hurts and focusing on our weaknesses we build walls that keep us apart, rather than choosing to embrace, understand and appreciate the love we are in essence, the equalness we all are within, and the strengths we see and feel form another so that we can grow together and support each other to strengthen that which needs developing. Love is the quality through which we are inspired and moved to evolve. For love is eternal as are we, a oneness that we can forever be moved by in life, death and beyond.
I have experienced this in my family too. When someone passes over it snaps people out of the issues they have been in with each other and as you say it is a shame that we wait until the end of life to do this. I sat with a group of children yesterday and they were sharing what they loved about each other and what they brought to the group. It was very beautiful to see kids express in this way- the more we encourage love and appreciation to be expressed- the more we focus on love the more we are able to come back to this in times of challenges and have more understanding for each other.
Death can bring out the worst and the best in people, bringing to the surface all the unresolved hurts and anger especially in families. I am witness to this at the moment, with grief being the underlying issue and instead of allowing and feeling their own grief they have lashed out with blame. It’s anti evolutionary and there is no love but very revealing of the truth that lies beneath the surface when we do not express and allow behaviours to continue unchecked.
Why does it often take a death for us to truly embrace our lives, the beauty we live with everyday, the intimate relationships we share with our friends and families, the joy of being alive. Every breath, every moment is a treasure and there is so much to appreciate. Beautiful reminder Gyl.
Going on your experience Gyl death and dying obviously presents an opportunity for not only the dying person to evolve but for the people around them to evolve as well.
It is true that we often do not awake to what is truly significant in our lives until we are faced with another’s or our own eventual passing. Why do we wait though, as it is inevitable will all arrive at this point sooner or later? It brings home how fruitless it is to waste our energy worrying about unnecessary things or reacting to others or life in general. Living with the awareness that the quality we live in and the choices we make is the quality we leave in, and will return to calls us to a deeper loving responsibility in all we choose. We are in fact living one continuous life.
One of the things I love about the dying process is that underneath the sadness, hurt and devastation it brings up, it does eventually, after a level of acceptance has been reached, come to a point of appreciation of the person and who they are and what they meant to us in their life and beyond. Why does it take death to make us appreciate another when we could be doing it every single day? Does this not reveal we some of the regret and hurt may stem from in this process – a realisation of the fact that we missed out on living our fullness with them and making the most of every moment.
Thank you Gyl, this blog really made me ponder. We can waste time chewing over the past or we can live the present.
Great question you ask Gyl and well worth pondering on. We have an idea of death that it is separate as we think we will be separated from another. But perhaps it is life that we live in separation and death comes along and unifies?
A great call Gyl. I too have noticed the tendency for people including myself to jump to greater level of appreciation of people when they are about to leave. Dying is a key one, but I have also noticed when people relocate to another area or even just move away for long periods. The fact that we do deepen our appreciation at these points shows clearly that we are able to go to that level. It would be useful to reflect on the causes of the discrepancy because we are all truly missing out.
I have experienced exactly what you share here Gyl and what saddens me is that I didn’t truly learn from the experience I didn’t just open my heart and love without protection and holding onto hurts. Devastating to live this way which is just so everyday normal that it’s easy to skip back into old patterns of holding onto hurts.
Thanks for this beautiful sharing Gyl. Its times like this that highlight the extent to which we hold onto things from the past about people rather than seeing and accepting them for the divine beings they truly are.
Thank you Gyl, what you’ve shared with us is very inspiring and so, so true how we tend to hold onto our hurts towards people in our lives but are more willing to let them go when we know they are very ill or close to passing over? It doesn’t make any sense, yet I can relate to feeling this way. I too am learning to not be attached to people having to be a certain way but to hold them in love no matter what their choices have been. Expressing and choosing love to each other is what will support us to evolve and bring back harmony to our lives.
It can be all to easy to get caught up in life – in the little and big frustrations, sadness and exictment, all the distractiosn and hurts and worry – whatever it is, in the end it takes away time and space from our lives that could otherwise be filled with connecting to a friend or family member, or even a stranger – appreciating something about yourself or someone else, looking after ourselves and taking the time ot think of our impact on others – actions that confrim us, grow us and untimatly feed back to us rather than draining us.
It is interesting how much we can hold on and refuse to change our ways, but then when we have to move on because of death or an accident we are super relieved to be able to let go.
That “illness, disease and ultimately death and passing over is actually an opportunity to evolve for everyone involved, and never is it the end” makes death a very natural and indeed precious part of life.
We tend to hold onto so much in life that it takes a big event to shake it all loose so we can see the most important things again, people. Death is an interesting and sensitive one which I understand but as the blog is saying why do we or are we different when something is coming to an end. When we are faced with a death or major illness or accident from my experience we tend to reassess a lot of things and depending on how we see the severity we may change everything. As is being offered here why wait and why do we wait. I know I am a part of the leave it until tomorrow crew and the pretend I don’t care crew when all along it’s not truly how I feel. A great blog and another reminder for us to let go and not hold onto what we perceive as something else. Treat every moment as a precious gift for us to embrace everything that it brings.
You make a great point. We keep holding on to pictures about people but when something dramatic happens such as someone dying then we drop all of that to make way for the love that we ACTUALLY feel with that person. It proves that we know love, innately so, we just choose to hang on to the other stuff. Great you bring this into light so that we can get on with living and connecting with people rather than keeping them at arms length.
Thank you Gyl for this very open and personal sharing of your realisations and journey around death. You bring much wisdom to the table for reflection and pondering- thank you for these great questions.
Yes me too Gyl, thank you – there is so much to reflect upon and observe in my daily life now too, and your questions are key.
‘a different mode kicks in and we simply love them for who they are, be it our sister, mum, dad, friend or complete stranger.’ How true Gyl – it is a paradox, yet quite common, that only at the end of someones lives do we let go of the stuff we may have held towards that person, and only then are we able to love them for who they truly are. This seems to especially play out within families.
You have brought up so much Gyl, this is a really deep blog! I know for a fact that If there is someone I was holding things against and letting little things get in the way of fully loving and accepting that person – and they were to suddenly not be there any more, I would drop to the floor in devastation. Such is the way we have allowed our relationships to be where being right or defended is the preferred option than a union and constant love. For such times are filled with self-grief, knowing that we didn’t choose different when we still had the opportunity. Death or serious events really puts things into perspective and makes us ponder on the deeper questions which I wonder If we did every day than how would life be?
Why’ does it take death or dying or an accident for us to truly stop and evaluate our lives. Death is a process and part of our healing, it is not the end but because we see death as something finite, our awareness at this time becomes heightened as to how much we have been living away from our true essence and the divinity we know ourselves to be.
Death certainly puts things in perspective, and allows us to see petty grievances for what they – reactions, pure and simple. In the grand scheme of things we are all equally beautiful, we are in essence love, and death is our return to the essence we come from and are made of. On this earthly plane of life it is too easy to get caught up in petty stuff, and death comes as the great reminder that we are much grander than we think we are.
It is so very simple. I love how Gyl clearly shows us the ridiculousness of how we live, holding onto hurts. Yet they are all forgotten when death is imminent. I for one have learnt a lot from what is shared here and will take it into my life as a new foundation. Accept, appreciate, understand and love. Anything else is simply a detour in life.
The pictures we have about death are that it’s final and that it’s the end instead of seeing it as a new beginning. When we change how we view a situation we change how we react to it.
And to add Joe. When we know ourselves from our essence, we can actually feel we are eternal – therefore death is not an end but a continuation of a cycle just as birth is.
Joe that’s so true, and the fact that death is a part of the process of evolution is something that I completely missed pondering, knowing or considering about growing up. I feel far more at ease in my body the more I make this a true reality every day.
Great points Gyl, why do we wait until someone is ill or dying before we see them for who they are and drop any grievances towards them? Most importantly, do we do this for ourselves, and chances are if we do this with others, we are the same way with ourselves. So is this an invitation to see who we truly are and not wait for a crisis before we stop and feel this.
Thank you Gyl. These are great questions that you are asking. When someone passes over we get reminded of what is important in life. This is why it is so important to not be shelter from death, it is going to happen to us all and the more we are involved in the lives of those who are passing over the greater the opportunity we have to let go ourselves of petty things and understand life at a deeper level.
I have had someone I know suddenly pass over a couple of days ago. It was the first time I can remember someone dying hitting me hard. It is a feeling of missing someone and maybe not saying everything you wish you had said. Gives you a real appreciation for leaving no stone unturned when you have the opportunity.
But none the less it also gave me an appreciation of have much I meant in that person’s life also.
You have learnt a lot in a short time Gyl, thanks for sharing this, it is a conversation that needs to be had in every home even before the prospect of dying is imminent.
If that was occuring in every home, oh what beautiful healing everyone would be able to experience and the energy in most families would shift dramaticall y – and that in everyone’s lifetime, just awesome.
I love the way you share how you see through all the stuff that holds us back from having a loving relationship right here and now rather than waiting for the imminent death of someone close to us. Powerful blog Gyl, thank you.
Some very good points you make here Gyl, all those meaningless things we obsess over get seen for what they are in times of death, dying or serious, life changing situations. So why not see them for what they are without needing such a life changing or ceasing event?
We hold on to the image of this human body and the identity we have forged for ourselves while in it and we put much stock in the images of other bodies we have loved and known. By allowing ourselves to feel our bodies from a vibrational point of view and the bodies of others in the same way we are acknowledging that there is more to life than meets the eye and we are preparing ourselves for the time when we will be bodiless and feeling may well count for a lot more than we generally credit in this life.
Death and dying is an important and unavoidable part of our cycles and rhythms in the universe and is part of our evolution . Seen as this makes all the difference and the coming together and realising the deep love we have for each other is all part of this. A beautiful sharing Gyl of all that is offered to us and the realisations that to not hold on to things is so liberating and freeing allowing us the simplicity to move on in greater expanding love for all.
Beautiful expression Tricia and I fully second all you said, Gyl’s blog is truly empowering all of us to step up and get on with letting go of all that we are not and embrace the all that we are.
Amazing to read this just now as I have just spent the last 30 minutes mulling over something that someone said that I found hurtful and yet on reading these comments I have been able to simply choose to not let it be a problem. So unbelievably simple.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not? Rather than the precious, divine and delicate beings we all equally are.” This is such a great point Gyl. Having pictures of how people ‘should be’ with us destroys any chance of seeing them as they (and we) truly are – as sons of God, but with weaknesses and frailties just like ourselves. Then when faced with an imminent passing we can see how much time we have wasted in judging rather than understanding and loving.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? ” Superb question Gyl. This is such a valuable awareness and one that if we truly take on board, will transform the quality of our lives and hence the nature and quality of our deaths too. Awesome reminder not to carry a whole lot of un-necessary baggage all the way to death’s door. If we ditch it along the way, we can arrive at this inevitable destination with a light and graceful heart, rich in appreciation for the life lived and all we leave behind, coupled with a joyful anticipation of what lies ahead.
We are so ill prepared for death because we forget to truly live. Death looms its inevitable presence and what we lament is the regret of not expressing the love we are made to express. It is not death we fear but the moment of reckoning – of how truthfully we have lived our lives, or not.
A great point. We do forget how to live therefore death seems like a bit of a shock or like we have been robbed. But what happens when we live each moment in our fullness appreciating ourselves and life, then wouldn’t every moment be complete in itself and death would come with more of an acceptance regardless of years lived? Everyone has a unique expression to bring and it’s natural to kiss that gorgeousness being around us, but it’s never the end.
It is so easy to get caught up in life’s complications, difficulties and dilemmas and forget about the connections with each other.
Yep, something we can always remind ourselves again – connection is where it’s truly at
Gyl I love your new resolution – to let go of all that’s in the way of appreciating the people around us, whether they are family or people we pass in the streets. That’s quite a lot of baggage we can let go of, in one fell swoop.
I’m experiencing the exact same thing Gyl, the news of imminent death brings a big stop to all the messing around and a huge appreciation to the preciousness of each moment, to what is really important and making time for family. It is a shame that it takes a big shock to let go of what doesn’t matter and i feel like it is a reason we don’t talk about death naturally, so we can keep indulging in all the dramas and pettiness.
Beautifully expressed Gyl and deeply inspiring. The passing over of anyone is always a point of evolution for them and for all those around them, but as you so pertinantly ask, why wait until such a time?
Death really highlights our attachment to life and to people and this attachment seems to stop us from truly understanding the cycle of life we live which carries on after death.
It is indeed interesting how someone’s imminent death is what it takes for us to consider to let go of the reactions we have been holding on to, after all it is a choice for us to hold on, even though at times it feels very hard to drop something but first there has to be a willingness.
For a while now and in my own life and family I’ve grown to understand the importance of nurturing relationships while people are still alive. I’ve observed how beliefs about certain people gather and build momentum resulting in fixed mental pictures that lead to separation not connection. Communicating openly and honestly with family, and about what is going on in the here, can be resisted but in truth opens a door for relationships to evolve. Ultimately the only way to inspire others is to be a living expression of brotherhood.
Beautifully shared Gyl – this makes me appreciate how we can look at death – how we can see it as part of a life cycle and an opportunity to let go well before this happens. Sometimes it feels like we can wait till someone dies to say how we feel or felt, but why? Is this not just building up a tension in our bodies for no reason? Death is something that can be talked about around the dinner table rather than some big ugly emotional topic we want to deal with only when it happens.
Absolutely Gyl love what you have introduced here that passing over is an opportunity to evolve not just for the person who is passing over but for all connected to them. It is crazy that we waste so much time in our heads agonising over incidentals and nowhere near enough appreciating ourselves and others for what we actually bring to the world. A loved one’s passing over is a gift to bring things into perspective and then we have a choice how we move forward with this new insight.
It is amazing how an illness or someone dying can stop us in our tracks and make us contemplate life and see the menial way we have been living. This sounds like it was very healing for you as it helped you to reflect on your life but also see how ill beliefs about dying and that we only have this life were still in your consciousness. I am sure this would have been the same for me too.
These are great questions, Gyl, for us all to consider here-and-now rather than when someone is passing over. Could it be that we only choose to see the essence in another when there is no more chance that they will hurt us? This certainly exposes a lot about how much protection we live in.
That is a great point Janet: “Could it be that we only choose to see the essence in another when there is no more chance that they will hurt us?”. I noticed this kind of behaviour in many other places in life too, for instance when leaving a job, suddenly being much more committed and enjoying as we feel it is ‘manageable’ for just the last couple of days to be more open and ourselves. So what is it that we feel we can be ourselves for a short moment but not every day constantly so?
Yes indeed, Lieke, it is an interesting self-enquiry with regards to our work relationships as well as personal ones, in terms of how much we have been willing to truly let people in.
This is such a great discussion Janet and Lieke. It is as if we only feel safe to let down our guard and be open at the last minute, whether it is in relation to someone dying, a job ending or a friend moving away. These moments offer us so much in terms of a reflection of what we have been choosing until that point but also an opportunity to build on continuing to let people in.
Key word here – ” … how much we have been willing to truly let people in.” That is something we can ponder and reflect upon in our daily lives as well as in past relationships with people …
Lieke; I feel you have unearthed the real reason we hold onto our hurts: “there is no more chance that they will hurt us” if that is the case then have we really let go? Or are we harboring an emotion that will reoccur in another relationship? This can get messy and confusing to say the least. It is far better to take responsibility for clearing and healing your hurts, then we can love people in the moment and really enjoy them.
I agree Janet
We can also feel and see the vulnerability in the other and as the layers drop away we meet in that essential part of our being.
Death as you have shown Gyl has the power to shake us up. it awaken, bring us to our senses and helps us appreciate what is truly important in life. The question you pose is apt: If we can be all these things when faced with death, why not in life? My observation has been that many of us ‘awakened’ by death real or imminent, lose momentum over time when awakened senses and absolute knowing of what is true are dulled by everyday and we revert to ‘how we were before’ It takes understanding, commitment and support to live life as an awakened one.
The truth is that everyday, we do not choose to concentrate in what really evolve us and to make it a number one permanent priority. We get caught in life and try to create meaning out of nothing… until life wakens us up and invite us once again to let go, surrender to both ourselves and our unfoldment.
Very beautiful Gyl. Yes, why do we focus on all the stuff that is really very unimportant? When someone is on their death bed we can let all of this go – so why not in everyday life?
Yep why not in every day life indeed… Most of the times all our unresolved issues and hurts are in the way – not expressed or cleared up. And when held in tightly like that and we then find the person we never expressed anything to is passing over, there is that rush to express the love we tightly held in just because we didn’t deal with our issues in the first place …
Beautiful powerfull blog, the truth about passing over is simply evolving to whatever is next. Meaning in this case dying, but it is as you said not the end but a new beginning. Thank you Gyl for sharing from your humble side even though you have feelings about it you share what is true for you and that is beautiful.
Is it possible that the reason death can be painful is that it puts in front of us everything that the relationship hasn’t been? This has certainly been the case with me and that took a great deal of accepting.
So true Otto and we use emotions to stop us feeling the fact that we may not have been as loving or caring towards the person during their life .
I agree Otto, it is a hard pill to swallow when you know that you could have been more loving and understanding with a relative, and having them pass over enables us to see how entrenched we have been with our own pictures and expectations.
Very true Julie, it’s truly a wake-up call for us to ponder upon our own conduct and it also offers us this reflection then, albeit in a for most us at times sad time …
How often do we move away from friends over a lifetime? Time, space and distance have been helped with the Internet to stay in contact, but we are not devastated by the losing them in our life when it does happen. So, should we be treating death the same, because our memories never forget?
Gyl, this is such a great article, ‘So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life? Why do we spend our lives not loving people or ourselves, instead seeing ourselves and other people for everything they are not?’ This really makes me realise how I do hold things against others; expecting them to be a certain way rather than simply loving and accepting them as they are, this is a real wake up call and I can feel what a waste of time and energy it is that we often judge and keep people at a distance because they are not exactly how we want them to be, thank you.
Really great questions Gyl. Why do we let everything in the way of loving the people we are living with – that means everyone also the people we might just meet once on the street? I feel inspired to make love more of my focus instead of the problems and issues I can get otherwise engulfed in!
Yes Gyl it is sad that it takes imminent death for us to let go the things that get in the way of deeply loving, supportive and committed relationships. Learning to let things go and not take personally life’s challenges is part of the art of healing… which allows us to evolve. Thanks for such an open sharing of what is happening in your life… these are wise words indeed.
Very true Jenny. I feel that stepping back, not taking everything that happens literally or seriously can help. Many things we got heated about, in retrospect seem like specs in the universal Sky. If we were only able to see them as such in the moment.
Beautifully said Jenny. When death is on the doorstep it quickly reminds us all of what is and is not important and how precious every relationship is.
A beautiful invitation for evolution to see ourselves and everyone else for the Divine being of who we are and not all the complications of who we are not.
If we choose to see the divinity in each moment and with each person it would dictate our responsibility within these moments and leave no room for the complications to play out.
To see the divinity, we have to feel the divinity, and that comes with a deep connection with our bodies and an open heart. Life is simple when we are in the flow and there is no space for complications, just more love!
I love your expression Sandra – “To see the divinity, we have to feel the divinity, and that comes with a deep connection with our bodies and an open heart.” This is key, when we can step into this more and more the ripple effect will just be awesome. Like I have had heard it said many times now “Just be the love that you are’.
Gorgeous comment Mary. This is what I am realising will absolutely support us in every way, is to accept that we are all completely divine regardless of our choices and letting go of judgement and embrace live in a loving way.
Exactly Mary it’s just complication we create in focusing in what we are not.
Beautifully said Mary – equality knocks out comparison and judgement and allows for acceptance to flow through. Knowing we are all equally as divine as each other is a huge healing.
Death like nothing else has a way of shaking and waking us up, for the death of a loved one always brings the silent message that death comes to us all and that the quality in which we die is our responsibility and is the quality in which we will return. Truth can either set us free or freak us out, either way, wherever we find ourselves in life and in death is because of the choices we have made.
Very true – it is just as birth is, something we will all experience.
That is a good point. Death of another makes us take stock as we may be next and it will definitely be our turn at some stage and we may not like the result of the stocktake or it may confirm how well we are doing.
The ‘choices we have made’, yes, but it is never too late to change those choices to more loving ones and appreciating what we have, when we have it, and not take for granted anything or anyone, and make life all about love… for ourselves and each other.
So very true and said Jacqueline – “.. . that the quality in which we die is our responsibility and is the quality in which we will return.” When we truly understand that with all our being, than this process can be very different to how it currently seems to be viewed at and handled.
The subject of death can be scary for most people and tends to be avoided, but it is good to remember that we face and experience death throughout our lives…. this can be felt when people divorce or have been in a relationship for a long time, it can feel like a small death for certainly it is the end and death of that relationship. There is the death and the end of the house when we move and the end/death of a job. But there is always a ‘new’ job, new house and new relationship. Life itself teaches us that with every little death in whatever shape or form that may come in, there is always a new beginning- thus death is never the end but in fact a new beginning.
Death is the end of a cycle and always followed by a new beginning. And like you say it applies to everything, the end of the day, month, year… there is always space to let go and move on.
Knowing that death is not the end but part of an ongoing cycle we are all part of takes the scary out of the equation. Death is always a reminder to us, we’ll, definitely to me, to never let things go unsaid, unappreciated or unexpressed to those we are with and love.
Yes me too, expression is everything and when delivered in the love that we are much healing can occur, no matter in what situation.
Great point Jacqueline, the end of something is always the beginning of something else – it’s a forever cycle.
I love your analogy that in each moment of death there is a new beginning. We can see things as failures or learnings and the more open we are to learning the more we will see that everything that is before us and has happened to us has been to bring us closer to the love that we are.
So true jacqmcfadden04, I was reminded of the cycles of life whilst driving to work recently. The branches of the trees may look bare, but the tree is alive and once spring arrives, the new leaves reflect to us another new beginning, and so life goes on, for nature and for all of us.
Yes Jacqmcfadden, I have also realized that life is made up of little deaths and I have been allowing this to support me letting go of the bigger ones as it is a constant reminder that life keeps going and unfolding to us the next step of evolution in a great cycle we are all part of.
Sometimes when I consider how life on Earth is, it feels like the Dark Ages. Here we all are running around frantically, consuming, avoiding, fighting, pushing, pulling and desperately avoiding something that doesn’t even exist, death. How on Earth did we allow ourselves to get so far from truth?
Well said jacqmfadden04 – from releasing the old, we are already preparing for a new beginning.
“Life itself teaches us that with every little death in whatever shape or form that may come in, there is always a new beginning- thus death is never the end but in fact a new beginning”.
“So if we can let go of this in death, why can’t we let go of it in life?” Gyl you share something with me here that stops me, it makes me look at how the little things that I do that I would not if my time were finite (which it is in this life) and most importantly all the areas that I’m not deeply loving with others, myself and all those I meet or pass by. As you share in death or when someone is passing over we let go of so much – its time to make that part of our daily lives. My daily life.
It’s a great question and because we can do it around death we know it is possible. What is it about human beings that we realise or appreciate everything and everyone we’ve got when we are about to lose them? Appreciating the detail in life is absolutely something that I can apply to my life.
This stood out for me too. It is very interesting to consider that we have actually been making choices to avoid fully letting the other in and hence keep the hurts alive and running. I wonder if the reason we avoid dealing with our hurts in life and instead wait till the death of another to appreciate and see them and their qualities is because it is safe to feel this when another person dies as they can’t challenge us to make it our everyday with them as theybe dead! If we let go during our lives and embrace our relationships in this way, I think we would see there is a far far greater responsibility for life and the quality of how we live it.