Recently I did the unthinkable â I put myself, my husband and my two sons on a technology detox! As I packed every device away, I literally had a lump in my throat and felt uneasy about what was to come. It had been building to this point for about two months â after our move to another country. If we felt lonely or had feelings come up that were uncomfortable to feel â like missing family and friends â we resorted to filling ourselves up with Internet, social media, TV, movies and gaming devices. I had found myself going to my iPhone several times in just an hour. The need to connect with people was strong.
I realised that when I was tired, stressed or lonely, I would go and turn the telly onâŠ.. ahh, reliefâŠ. I could lose myself in a program or movie. Even though I personally didnât watch much TV, I felt the most desperate when I made the choice to take away the remotes.
Before and After Our Technology Detox
After the initial shock for my sons aged 10 and 11 (which lasted all of 5 minutes), they understood that it was something for us all to experience â what life was like without the distractions of technology. Before the detox, even with time limits they would check out on gaming devices, lack focus, be disorganised and have a fogginess. Once they accepted the fact of the detox, they immediately looked around their rooms and found things they used to play with. They played marbles outside, kicked a soccer ball, played with lego, went to the park and did experiments.
The first morning after beginning our technology detox, I woke up with a smile on my face â I felt an instant freeing feeling. Everyone felt amazing and so did the house â sounds too good to be true? Well it truly was just like that: everyone still had issues with the decision, especially the boys, but it was like this weight had been lifted off us all. Usually I would wake up and reach for my phone beside me to check something, even if it was just the weather! One son would get up and turn on a TV program and the other would join him or play on his iPod. I realised we were all literally hooked into technology in different ways.
How do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?
We were able to see each other for who we truly are without all the distractions of TV, phones, gaming devices, etc, and hiding behind them.
The boys completed their homework with no pushing, were super organised in their rooms and ready for their day at school. What was very clear to see and feel also was that the fogginess that is usually there was completely gone â our eyes sparkled! We were all left to feel what our bodies wanted to do.
We cooked together and ate as a family, talked about our days and shared our feelings. We went to sleep earlier than usual as we were free to feel how tired we were instead of getting drawn into a TV program at night and going past that time when you really feel to put yourself to bed. During the day I noticed that without the distractions it was easier for me to have a rest and lie down whenever I felt tired.
Nothing was too much trouble or too hard to do. We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focussing on things that didnât have a heartbeat; our lack of connection to family and society became more apparent. Now if I feel to connect with someone I call them and say âhiâ.
Since finishing our technology detox, old habits of getting lost in some form of technology still creep in, but with this detox experience allowing us to feel the effect on our bodies of the overuse of technology, we can definitely see and feel the difference and arrest it a lot sooner.
Technology OVERLOAD â Bringing Back Connection
Technology overload and saturation is so prevalent in society, especially with children and teenagers. Our sons say that video console games are all the boys talk about at school and if you donât have the latest inappropriate violent game, youâre left out of the loop. Girls are excluded if theyâre not on social media taking photos of themselves. This is in grades 4 and 6!!
What are we saying to others when we are always looking at our phones or computer screens? It canât be that we are so important that we donât have time to talk to others. As a result of our technology detox, our family was able to share how it feels when each of us ignores ourselves and each other when we are checked out with technology. I looked around and observed technology overload almost everywhere â friends, family, work colleagues and people out at shopping centres â nobody truly being with each other as they are looking at their phones instead.
Since this experience I have no desire or need to connect to others from behind a screen â or to check my emails continually. All I can say is:
The feeling of freedom to feel and think of what is needed next is so clear since my technology detox.
Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves…
I feel itâs worth taking the time to consider and appreciate that we can still stay connected with ourselves and with each other whilst living in a world of technology.
By Aimee Edmonds, Vancouver
Further Reading:
Does Technology Simplify our Lives?
Whatâs right with this world?
Anti-Social Behaviour
As a whole the world has only really had social media like it is now for the past 10 years. This screen addiction in this form is still in its infancy but the results are already obvious when we look up from the screen and feel the affect it is having on ourselves and others.
Sometimes we don’t know how attached we are to something until we don’t have it.
Modern technology can become very addictive. I find it sad to see people taking the dog for a walk in the countryside but are plugged into earphones and oblivious of the birdsong.
Interesting word technology as it definitely has a purpose when used in a true energy and when we use it correctly so much can be done so simply in a short amount of time.
Technology is a tool that can be very useful but if we allow it to dominate us then it is very harmful.
What an inspiring thing this is. It would be so interesting to introduce it into any family home even for a day, to see how it impacted on the family unit. I dont watch TV or films anymore, and rarely use social media, but I am certainly very reliant on my phone to keep me up to the minute in touch with emails and messages. Very interesting as it wasn’t so long ago I found it hard to understand how anyone could get so hooked to their phone, but I have become hooked myself.
I love what you share re this detox and what it brought for all, what a lovely experiment; this detox would be a great idea for all families world wide to partake in, say ‘a world technology free day’.
Love it Aimee. The body does know what to do when we take away our distractions and I can feel that in myself too. Wallowing in my woes is a choice I can make and just not get anything done in a day but I can just snap out of that and when I let it completely go straight after that be busy with something purposeful and needed.
I know what you mean Lieke, going from feeling down and out to feeling connected and back on track as such. Sometimes it is as simple as asking ourselves ‘why?’ or stopping and feeling what we are getting out of it, then what ever we are using as a distraction is a nonevent.
This would be such a great thing to do once a year just to reset the barometer for ‘normal’. I often do it when I leave the country but rarely consider it at home and in my normal day to day.
Absolutely Lucy. Even leaving the phone at home for a day is like a reset! I find when I am really focused on a particular job I am doing or just being with someone, I don’t even consider reaching for my phone or flicking through social media. It’s all the dis-connect times that feed more dis-connecting with distractions… and we know exactly what to go to.
Technology can if used wisely be used for great good, yet too often technology is used to help distract us from a world we know deep down is not right.
It is interesting that with the constant drive for better internet connectivity around the world what is so often being lost is the human to human connection as well as the connection to your inner self. For me it is when I lose the connection to me that the downward spiral starts and I look for distraction on my phone or laptop rather than using them to facilitate whatever I need to do. I feel sad when I see people engrossed in their phones and not relating to the people around them but I know that I have often been one of those people and that I can now choose to reflect that there is another way to be.
I agree Helen, imagine if we put as much time and attention into reconnecting to ourselves and connecting more deeply with others than we do with getting better Internet. Itâs super interesting to see how I write and concerned people get when the power goes out or the Internet connection isnât working the best. It says a lot of where we place our values.
What a welcome turnaround of the world this would bring, ‘imagine if we put as much time and attention into reconnecting to ourselves and connecting more deeply with others than we do with getting better Internet’.
Thank you Aimee for your sharing, it reminded me of the time back in the 70 ies when my children were young we decided to not have TV in the home, like you we all related to each other so much more, the boys did their hobbies and went to bed early ready for the next school day, eight years on we decided to get a TV, and I will never forget the shock on my youngest sons face and body when he was exposed to what was on the TV. The bombardment with what the young are exposed to today, would have been absolutely shocking back then.
That says a lot Jill… and also maybe a shock of how much the TV got in the way of how you usually related to each other. What I find is that the TV is like a unwanted guest that we have allowed into our homes not realising fully of how it affects us and as you say, the bombardment of energy that comes through.
It is very clear from your experience Aimee that even when well disciplined, it is very very easy to get distracted with technology. The pull of distraction is very strong. A simple example is FaceBook. Who hasnât said that they go on there to just look at something and end up on there for way longer than originally intended? Technology although useful is a MASSIVE distraction we can all get affected by.
I totally get what your saying Joshua. I find myself scrolling through Facebook and instagram just to see what is going on before I go to bed but every time I feel worse from it, not more connected. There is no connection or clarity in distraction.
Yes, I have every intention of just being on for a specific reason and finding myself down a rabbit hole! I have a deeper commitment to addressing this after reading this blog though! Let’s see how I go.
I recently had a friend share that their child wanted a particular device and they could feel how it was hooking their child in and the further consequences that would happen as a result of that. It was inspiring to here that the parent held what they knew to be true and in this was able to support the child to crack what had a hold over them.
That’s amazing MW, it would be very powerful and supportive for that parent to share with other parents their experience. Parents need to be able to talk openly about how they feel when they see their children hooked by something. As parents many of us tend to keep it close to home, thinking that we are the only ones feeling this way, yet, that is so not true.
That is so true, we rely on on technology to much to communicate with people.
I forgot my phone the other day and I could feel the anxiety of not having it, thinking I was going to miss phone calls or text messages and when I picked it up in my break time, there was nothing I had missed. Just interesting to observe this within myself.
Interesting isn’t it, when we bring honesty to what we are feeling when we reach for or rely on technology of any kind. This week my husband forgot his phone and that was a concern for him with missing work calls but what was interesting is that it also brought stuff up for me. Like, what about if I have to ask him something, or want to talk or find out when he will be coming home etc. all valued questions but within that I could feel a reliance on needing to have that information instead of knowing I was more that okay without knowing.
Technology like money can be used for a real true purpose or can be used for evil and harm.
Absolutely Elizabeth, like these blogs do!
It is great to stop and consider what we go for and choose so many things in our lives. Something I am realising is that we enslave ourselves whenever we disconnect from our inner heart and look outside of us to fill the void.
What a brilliant experiment Aimee. This is an example of true science- making different choices and observing their effects on our bodies and relationships. It helped me feel just how much I have used my phone and computer to check out and not feel something that may be coming up for me to heal. We already have all the tools for true connection with ourselves (like the Gentle Breath Meditation) and others, so it’s great to see that by unplugging once in a while.
Thank you Michael. I agree, we can gauge anything by our bodies as they show us instantly what is true and what is not, even if we choose to not feel it. This week our internet was down for a whole 24 hours and it was interesting to see how each one of us was with it. One family member couldn’t even imagine what to do with themselves, which was awesome because it revealed what has been calling the shots, so to speak. Another member truly needed it to finish work but got creative in working out another way how they would complete. Another felt how tired they were and simply rested and another felt space return again and it was a great reminder to keep checking in when it comes to being on a device of any sort.
Having the space to check in and feel where you and your family were at with their use of devices during the internet outage just goes to show how much we are supported by God in many ways and offered these kinds of opportunities all the time, even though most of the time I feel that we may look at them as an annoyance or hindrance. Nothing happens by accident, does it?
Leaving all our ways of disconnecting from our-true-self behind in any way is always going to end up with us re-connecting to our inner-most-essence thus getting to bed early so we have a deep repose. It is super important to “stay connected with ourselves and with each othersâ so we can express the love we all are, otherwise we get easily distracted and lost from the truth of our divinety.
Wow – I can’t believe you packed away your phone for a few days – that is super impressive. I do agree that technology tends to dominate our lives and I often wonder what I would do with my time if I didn’t have a computer or phone, my sense is that home life and family life would have more importance to so perhaps an evening experiment is a good place to start đ
I know, for most of us it is unheard of! You really get to feel how something affects you when you don’t have it for a while, that’s for sure. It’s like when we let go of something out of our diet once we feel how it bloats us or makes us tired and lethargic etc. it’s connecting with how our body feels before, during and after using technology. And experimenting is an awesome place to start.
There are always markers that reflect to us whether or not we are using something to be more connected to ourselves and others or disconnected. It just takes honesty… not always easy I find but that is all dependent on how I have been with myself during the day. This week, instead of having a tug-of-war with internet usage, we turned off the supply each night as we went off to bed. The reality was that, anyone ‘needing’ it after then, was clearly using it not for connection.
That’s a great idea, the internet and all our devices can totally be used for connection, to connect with another person or seek support and it makes distance non-existant, but at the same time it can be used to foster a lack of connection, like distracting ourselves after the time our body naturally feels to begin winding down.
I saw someone giving a talk (it was on face book and yep I was on a device) on how endorphins and dopamine get released in our brains when we play games or get texts so they are doing the same thing as drugs or having a ciggie or a drink. Hence why they are so addictive, especially with kids. So doing a detox or cutting them out as much as possible is the best thing we can do for ourselves and our kids.
And you can feel the affects of that… it’s like coming out of a trance at times, like where did I go!?
It is beautiful to feel how your lives were instantly enriched with a connection to quality that was there all along, just overlooked, dismissed and not connected to. It is incredible how many of us do this, reach for something outside of ourselves to seek to fulfill or attempt to replace the connection and the honesty we are missing with ourselves and others.
Beautiful Carola, and how instant the outer distraction and seeking falls away once we have re-connected.
I really appreciate that you have clocked that the connections we are searching for are all there, simply buried under patterns of behaviour that have us searching outside of ourselves and our lives.
Amazing writing Aimee. A serious issue you just exposed very simple by committing to a detox. It is also to note how more supportive it is to do a detox with another. I suppose you are never alone because either way all will show through being absolutely honest how you are the next time you are around another.
Totally Rik, doing it with ourselves or another still creates a foundation to then express from and be able to connect from. Are we able to stand and really be with another in full or do we go into our head and start thinking about what we are going to do next or waiting until we can escape again into a phone, online shopping, book or TV?
I think many people should do an experiment with this, I know I get addicted to checking facebook and my emails constantly as there is an anxiety that kicks in when I don’t have access to this. For the past few days I have put myself on a Facebook ban and have not checked it. Its amazing the hooks that they send you to try and draw you back in. I can feel there is a wanting to look and see what is happening but I am much more productive when I don’t.
I know what you mean MW. There are also many hooks for children and teenagers to come back to their gaming on devices and their phones… messages pop up constantly telling them to hurry up because xyz is going to happen if they don’t. What I’ve been asking myself lately is “what else could I be doing with this time” or “what am I avoiding doing by checking this that or the other?”
” Our sons say that video console games are all the boys talk about at school and if you donât have the latest inappropriate violent game, youâre left out of the loop. ” Its quite humourous looking at this for its the parents that create the loop not the children , by buying the games and phones ,then the parents are the ones that complain about the kids. I see kids with games that cost hundred of euros , these games are bought for them by their parents as ” gifts ” .The more kids that are outside the loop the more of a possibility of deconstructing the loop.
I hear you John, from experience it’s also feeling how as parents we can sympathize with our children and believe we don’t want them to ‘miss’ out…. but what are they actually missing out on? Being checked out, feeling drained, not connecting to family and friends, just to name a few.
So many would feel a technology detox to be unthinkable, especially since so many are addicted to it and use it to distract and numb themselves with daily. Thank you Aimee as your article presents some awesome and important points for us all to deeply consider.
Are we addicted to technology, device, social media etc. or are we addicted to the relief, distraction and numbness they offer us? With a detox or just a going without something we can then feel more clearly what we are using them for and get support to bring some understanding to that and to heal.
Technology can be one of the greatest distractions and ways of disconnecting from our body if we allow it to be a check out and an escape from this world.
Certainly Joshua, it’s kind of like the chicken and the egg… could it be that we checkout first and then in that movement go for the device or food etc. that supports further checked outness or do we look for something to checkout with?
For some time now I have not watched the TV or any films and was feeling the benefit of that and then I noticed that the social media thing had crept in and was slowly becoming more important as I could feel the hooking effect of it. Needless to say I am now on a social media detox and looking for more loving ways of using that time.
Isn’t it amazing with how space seems to just open up when something we have been giving all our attention to is taken away or given-up? Then we are left to feel the ‘why’ we have been using it in the first place. I gave up certain foods this week I know cause me great digestive upset and it has been so interesting what my body has been trying to show me but I kept pushing it down by eating this or that… for example how tired I am.
I went out and left my phone at home last week – I had no idea how often I actually checked the time and googled, or checked my emails and texts until I didn’t have it to reach for.
Perhaps the world needs to have a technology detox to have “The feeling of freedom to feel”.
Our need for connection is strong as you have pointed out, it is what we all crave. Yet it is our sense of disconnection to ourselves that ultimately drives us to seek connection in the world surrounding us, or to seek to avoid feeling the sense of emptiness. When we develop a real and honest relationship with our selves we then can bring this realness to the lives we live and the relationships we share. We certainly can experience quality and true connections through our technology, but this quality is firstly determined and founded by the quality of connection we hold for ourselves. Our relationship with technology can be evolutionary if we are bringing awareness to and discerning the quality we are choosing to connect with when we engage technology.
Sometimes I too can find myself constantly checking my phone for new emails, or just for some way of finding out what is going on, what is the latest event, what there is next to do. And I have come to realise that this is a result of my movements, of how I have been with myself, of how much care and love I have been expressing.
This is a great reminder that technology should be used as a tool and not allow it to take control of our lives and keep us in separation from each other.
Using technology to check out is a self-harming choice that I’ve made too many times in my life. And what a waste of my precious time! I’m realizing that my spare time in Internet is the way to loose myself because when I do I’m not feeling my body at all, afterwards I feel not so good. I have a similar sensation when I over-eat for example. It’s like putting in my body a extra stimulation that doesn’t need. By knowing that my true nature is love it’s my responsibility to not accept less in my life. I feel inspired to explore more what guides my choices and allow myself to stop and feel when I need to.
I know what you mean Inma. Checking out on technology or watching a movie or overeating is all the same, disconnecting from ourselves. No wonder then we feel awful and lack focus.
Using technology in a purposeful way is a loving choice that makes me feel open and expanded. When I allow my senses to guide me to see what’s the next that needs to be made I know very well the moment when it’s enough and I need a little rest because I’m feeling my body. By honouring my rhythm I can organize my work time much better and make it based on love like every moment in my life.
Yesterday I started a mobile phone detox as I realized that I was addicted to it. I could check it several times in just half an hour! By making this decission I’m becoming aware what is underneath of my needing to check the phone. Sometimes there is a need of approval, others is a desperate need to connect with others and then I used to start conversations just by my comfort…what is inspiring me is that in this time without my phone I feel more space to choose again how I want to use my devices and for what. I know very well the moments where I’m scrolling down on Facebook just doing nothing else than having a gap between me and my connection with myself. These gaps in my technological spare time feels awful, there is no purpose and afterwards I use to feel the need to eat something to escape from this emptyness, which is like a journey to escape that never ends! Since I made this choice to see what happens without my mobile phone I’ve started to feel more appreciation to myself. I’m remembering these moments in my life where I was completely free and I simply lived in a very playful way. By turning off my phone I’ve ignited a new awareness that allows me to be more honest with myself in my relationship with technology. Thank you Aimee for sharing this experience with your family, it’s an inspiration.
I hear you Inma, I was just feeling the same today about what I use my phone for. At times I find it is no different to having a little treat in your handbag like chocolate, or a security blanket for a toddler, it is used to console or for some stimulation and excitement. But this just keeps adding to the seperation with what is really going on for us. The phone isn’t to blame it’s our need to use it that is important to look into. It’s great to expose this and feel the difference.
Aha! true. It’s not about condemning technology but expose why we use it and for what. Yesterday I turned off the phone but in the evening I needed to eat not because was hungry at all but because I was feeling something uncomfortable. So it’s the moment to observe closer what impulses my daily choices.
The more I connect to myself and others without a screen the difference is becoming more noticable. Videos of people or pictures of landscapes can be beautiful but receiving it from the source, not the screen is far grander.
I agree Leigh, I never thought I would say that TV and movies are so boring compared to the real thing. I mean, I loved nothing more than after a week of work on a Friday getting a movie and takeaway and sitting on the lounge with my family. It really does come down to experimenting and experiencing what life is like without those vices or material things that we take as normal or even a must in our lives, to fully appreciate how many other things our bodies would actually rather choose to do.
I can so relate to the constant distraction the technology in our households provide. It is all coming from a supposing lack of willingness to feel what is going on, and thus instead choose to check out and get engaged in activities are far from supporting us.
Yes Benkt, when we don’t want to feel something we can choose anything to help us with that… and not always what we would perceive as a vice to use. Getting overly involved in our children, work or with family or friend issues is something that tends to go under the radar as a distraction but is just as insidious as devices.
In the past I would have thought it was pretty cool to sit and watch movies. I never could do marathon movie or TV watching for hours and hours though, I always felt terrible after it. I’ve had a few international flights lately and I realised how much it doesn’t draw me in anymore, I have completely no interest, desire or need to use my time to sit and veg out. Instead what has felt very supportive is continue my usual routine of working on my laptop and also resting if needed. I then have no jet lag or exhaustion at my destination… maybe there is something to what we watch and do on a plane that contributes to jet lag?
I love your technology detox experiment â it shows how habitual we can become and allow something to run us rather than us running it and staying in command. The same could be said about food and many other things, big and small, that we can so easily allow to take over and fill the gaps that we don’t want to feel.
Very true Gabriele, habitual feels like comfort and doing things as we always have, even if it hasn’t ever been supportive for us at all. It’s giving ourselves a moment to feel our bodies without it, which is key to exposing what it was truly doing to us.
Technology is potentially a great tool but ‘perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊒ It is crazy how we turn to a device to give us connection rather than connect with the people around us. Having given my TV away I am now conscious that I can check out just as much surfing the internet so, for me, it is about addressing the underlying issue of why I still feel the need to check out because I will always find a way of doing so unless I take steps to build my connection with myself and stay steady when uncomfortable feelings come up that I would previously have tried to bury by checking out. This is a work in progress but it feels beautiful to be more open to seeing what is there to be seen without the need to distract myself.
I love what you’ve shared here Nikki, it’s a great reminder for all parents and caregivers to feel past the reactions or resistance of children to the truth of what they need and supports them most. Many many times the outburst or upset is purely from what they have let in to affect them and it’s nearly like coming off a drug or addiction. Then they get to feel themselves again.
I have noticed that children who are quite responsible and engaged in the home, can quickly have all that drop by the wayside when TV and screens creeps in. As adults we have a responsibility to guide children through this as the pull of TV and screens is quite hard to resist. I have found that kids love it when they are supported out of it, even though their initial reaction may not seem so thankful.
I remember many years ago when my children were young we decided to ditch the TV and its distractions and just live and share with each other, we had so much more interaction with each other,the kids played outside with each other and had various pets to care for, and that was only TV. Today is another matter the checked outness is huge with not just the young but with all ages, it is no wonder that the rates of Alzheimer are expected to increase in a huge way in coming years.
Jill, there is such a gap between living with purpose and attending to what is needed compared to living with little to no purpose by checking out and not dealing with temporal every day things. What is funny though is that many of us say with enthusiasm that living with abandonment, flying by the seat of our pants etc. is really living.
In some recent observations I have seen how the technology of today can encourage relationships to be not so supportive, and that it is possible for people to engage with activities they perhaps would not otherwise engage with, and to say online what they would dare not say to a person’s face or to do what they would not ever do in real life. But somehow online it seems ok, like we can get away with it. I feel that it is important to have times of no technology influencing us in our homes, times that support us and when we can re-connect to our physical bodies again and be present with each other.
“As a result of our technology detox, our family was able to share how it feels when each of us ignores ourselves and each other when we are checked out with technology. I looked around and observed technology overload almost everywhere â friends, family, work colleagues and people out at shopping centres â nobody truly being with each other as they are looking at their phones instead.” I am seeing this in my own life with certain people as I try to speak to them, these people are fixated with their phones and they just aren’t there, so they unintentionally ignore you when you try to have a simple conversation with them. It is truly disturbing, as these people are not even aware of it occurring. It seems normal to them. Our society really needs more blogs like that to expose the insidiousness of technology and put it into perspective. Is it a necessary evil?
“Technology overload and saturation is so prevalent in society, especially with children and teenagers. Our sons say that video console games are all the boys talk about at school and if you donât have the latest inappropriate violent game, youâre left out of the loop. Girls are excluded if theyâre not on social media taking photos of themselves. This is in grades 4 and 6!!” This is a powerful revelation. What an awesome idea to introduce to our society-to bring back some balance with technology, otherwise it feels like it has taken over our lives and is slowly destroying them, without us even realising it.
Technology, when used purposely, can support us to create a more even flow in life where there is simplicity and purpose which allows us to be more for the good of all.
I am amazed at how much we actually have become so pulled into technology that we no longer appreciate it and what it brings let alone ourselves! There are phones these days with more horse power so to speak than a desktop computer was just under a decade ago. That’s huge! Do we even understand and value the gift technology truly is or do we just take it as a given?
I feel most especially the younger generation now just take it as a given… well even expected. I can remember when the first mobile car phone came in and it was the size and weight of a brick and we were totally amazed and appreciated the fact that on long car trips we could call ahead for accommodation or call for directions etc. instead of having to drive until you could ask someone at a service station.
Congratulations on offering your sons such a gift of understanding and awareness. Technology should not be taken as a given.
Yes I agree Heather, the whole family is now much the wiser and their eyes are open wider to the true effects of technology overload.
I absolutely use technology for relief from how I’m feeling. It’s so strong sometimes that it feels a bit like a drug. It’s a wonder why we avoid simply being with ourselves so much, because as you’ve shared here Aimee, it’s actually so much more natural and ‘comforting’ in a way and also so much more supportive than being checked out in front of a screen.
I not so long ago put myself on a facebook detox. I had noticed the same thing as you describe, every time I was tired or had something come up I didnât want to feel, I was straight on facebook checking out of my body. It absolutely one vice I used to not connect with myself and others.
A huge part of technology are the images it gives to us, the internet is literally an array of imagery which we interact with. And so what is so beautiful about this blog, is that not only were you giving technology a rest, but releasing your bodies from the constant stimulation of imagery that we are fed, and so you made room for your eyes to see the truth and to not just rely on what is being fed to you from beyond the screen.
As this article is presenting it’s not about turning our back on something and pretending it doesn’t exist because we don’t like how it is but it’s about being more and more aware of the quality you are in when you are with that ‘something’. Technology is a great example, it has brought our worlds closer and yet you feel more apart then ever before, how can that be? We can only talk of quality as it’s not about doing more or less but about how we are. The more and more aware of this you become the more you see that it’s our quality that brings our relationships true. Remember the old saying, ‘quality not quantity’, to me this already confirms we know it but have walked away or toned down our awareness of this knowing.
This reminds me of an appointment I had with an Esoteric practitioner many years ago, where I was upset and distressed that I didn’t feel like I spent enough time with my children because of work, chores, study etc. and he said, do you ever feel like you don’t have enough time with someone who meets you in full…. I straight away thought of Serge Benhayon and how even though I only saw him physically 3 or 4 times a year and maybe spoke with him for 5mins at a time, I never felt like I needed or had to have more time together. So I totally get ‘quality over quantity’.
Awesome blog Aimee. To bring awareness to how we use technology is very much needed in a society where I feel is very much addicted to using technology as a distraction and often as a form of avoiding true connection. It is how we use technology that has an impact us and this affects how we are with ourselves and with each other.
It’s great to open up to these type of things and I say go for it. We often have time like this away from screens and keep things simple. We end up walking, playing cards, drawing, talking and pretty much anything you want to do. I know one thing is for sure our house reminds me of my childhood, building cubby houses out of furniture and the list goes on. There is a different quality to life when we do this, we have more time to see each other, more space and as they say fun for the whole family. There is more to life then how we see it and at times it’s great to peel it back to appreciate the simple things, i.e the person in front of you.
Beautiful Ray, and we all love connecting and listening to each other. I know when I just stop and hear about my boys day or throw a ball with them, they light up and start sharing things that they usually hold back on.
I have recently watched a neighbour limit the screen time for their children due the rapid levels of fluctuating behaviour escalating in their home. The noticeable difference in these children is tangible.
This is such an inspiring exercise Aimee. I just love the idea. recently a friend and I decided to put ourselves on a program for 7 days that meant we were not to be on our phones and checking social media an hour before bed. A time we often check out when we need to the least because we are already so tired and the stimulation from the screen and all the stuff coming with it is so not conducive to a good nights sleep.
We found that we loved it, that it was a relief to not feel like we needed to ‘check in’ with the world and what was going on – cause let’s get real…nothing of huge importance is really going on in the world of social media anyway.
So, whilst we slip up here and there, we have made it an ongoing thing…it’s so much better going to sleep without the busyness of all the ‘stuff’ that comes at your through the internet. I highly recommend it!
Love it Elodie! Doesnât it open up so much more space for connection and just feeling what you feel to do together. Imagine if people with insomnia or having other troubles sleeping, experiencing nightmares and waking up drained tried the program you put yourself on. Our bodies show us loud and clear what we take on and if what we put in to it is not conducive with the love that it is…. and most of us don’t even consider that when we check-out on social media or any other device before bed is like ingesting poison. I can feel that after watching TV and how much my mood than changes.
What is really important to me about this blog, is how it brings technology in to balance with normal life. Because we are after all in a technological age, and it is wise to adapt to this situation and to not fight it, but to learn how to be with it in harmony, utilising technology for the greater whole and not purely for self gain or entertainment. But maybe in order to live with technology in this way, it s important to know what it is like to live without it all together. That is, to have a clear known experience of life from all angles so that not one angle takes over and is the dominant force of life.
There is such an addictive nature to technology that yes, I can understand the trepidation of what would come pre-detox. But once the withdrawal symptoms have passed, it is the same in my household, where creativity comes back as does the joy of simply being oneself.
I have felt the pull to numb myself with TV watching often to avoid feeling what was truly going on for me as a young girl. It was often a crutch when I was feeling that there were parts of my life that I needed to look at that were not working or even to avoid responsibility for what was needed at the time.
“We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focusing on things that didnât have a heartbeat” this really stands out for me in exposing the current addiction to devices and the latest gizmo rather than connecting with living, breathing people and nature. Many years ago – before the invention of modern technology – I spent a week with 3 friends in a remote cottage where there was no electricity, no plumbing, so no central heating or water on tap. We spent our days trimming and cleaning the paraffin lamps, collecting water from the well, cutting firewood, stoking the fire and preparing fresh food – as there was no fridge. It was a magical time where we really came to feel and know each other more deeply.
When I look at the way that entertainment and communication technology is being used today I feel a great sadness, to watch so many bright young people seemingly draining their lives away while staring at a screen. This feeling often makes me react and I either become frustrated or angry, but really I am just sad about it, because it is not normal to be so zonked out on a screen, and it is not normal to feel so de-energised the way that screens can do that. Essentially though, as I have recently come to realise, is that each one of us has to want to be and to live in connection with our bodies, no one can force this upon us or make us want to have it, ultimately if we want to zone-out on a screen, then we have every right to do that. It’s just so special when someone comes along who loves you so dearly that they are willing to turn the screen off and give you the opportunity to be with yourself again, to feel the loveliness of who you are and maybe even to enjoy nature again.
I love your commitment to offer yourself and your family the opportunity to let go of what we can otherwise allow to consume or control us on a regular basis. Spending half my day on the computer for work or study, I can only wish I had that option for I can imagine the benefits would be remarkable like you have experienced. There is definitely an obsessive or distracting element that can creep in that is deeply detrimental to our connection with selves and others.
Hello Aimee and this is not an experiment in our house but more ‘normal’ for us. We have noticed huge changes in how we all interact without going to devices. They have their place within the home but first we are about the people and watch how we are all interacting and from there make a call on what happens next. I have noticed the conversations and depth of understanding in the house has changed, we feel closer. I love this idea you had back when you wrote this blog and when you make a change like this the change in how we are with each other is unmeasurable, thank you.
A technology detox sounds like a great experiment to do. We have become so reliant on technology in today’s world that we think we can’t do without it. Using technology in this way where it affects us when it is taken away is a sure sign that we are addicted without even noticing it. It has become so much our ‘normal’ way of being that we don’t even question this addiction.
There are a number of different games you list – the old school marbles for instance, that have long been consigned to ancient memory in favour of the instant entertainment offered by the phone, laptop etc. The develop different skills, different behaviours and connections between people.. and that feels like the biggest lack if we get too obsessed with all the technology that surrounds us these days.
There is so much that has been given way and that as a collective we don’t stop to question Simon… like what you have just shared. Now, amongst primary and high school children, talking is texting and playing with your friends is having headphones on and having a virtual play by competitively outsmarting or physically shooting each other in a game. This is not normal but has been made normal because we put a label on it, as advancement, and how it ‘just is’ in today’s world.
Technology is the modern day drug that is even more addictive because it is easy to think that it isn’t poisonous. I would say it is even more sinister because who is ever going to think that hours of unnecessary time online is going to causing all sorts of harmful actions, words and behaviours elsewhere in our lives?
Well said Vicky, and it comes under the guise of playing or connecting, so why would we ever consider that it would affect us detrimentally. We need to come back to what is true connection with ourselves and each other and then look out at the distractions and addictions from there. Then there may be more honesty. My son just shared that a new phone is coming out tomorrow, he called out what he felt… how they have changed things only to make money, but also how cool it is and that is what will get people to buy it. It is so true, we don’t often stop to feel what is going on behind many new technology advancements etc.
It is so easy to become hooked on technology and in that way it becomes like any other drug that we use to not feel what is going on for us. Sooner or later we need to stop running away from ourselves and face whatever hurts we carry. When we do that we can easily feel comfortable in our own skin and not need to use any form of distraction to avoid ourselves.
It’s sad to see the world so lost in technology and actually believing that we are using it to be more connected. The connection offered over social media, gaming or anywhere across devices and the Internet is 99% not a true and loving or inspiring connection. Instead it provides a false sense of connection that’s really controlling with the ability to stay in protection and comfort and not actually be intimate and open.
So true Danielle, and why would we question it when all we see is others choosing the same thing and all believing that it is a true way to connect. That is why it is so important to show another way… expose lovingly what gets in the way of us sharing ourselves openly with each other and getting the right support to heal this.
I don’t know if I am the worst one for being hooked into technology in my family but I would have to be up there. The hook is strong and kind of crept up on me. I love it when we go camping and there’s no chance of using any of it. I love feeling more connected to myself. When I am on the train, I love looking out of the window or looking around at the people and this doesn’t happen when I am on a device. The convenience of checking my emails has not improved my efficiency with replying to them. I don’t feel that I get more done since being able to do those tech things anywhere. I just feel what is lost are all those quiet, pensive moments that made me feel calm.
It’s definitely time to review what is necessary, what serves me and let go of the rest.
Kids these days are not being raised by parents, but by technology. The fact that most parents are not as up to speed with the social trends of the younger generations, especially when it comes to technology, coupled with hugely busy and stress-full lives, results in most leaving the technology to the kids instead of truly understanding what is going on for them. It is definitely not the technology, it is how we are raising our children and our connection with ourselves that are the issues here.
Well said Joshua, when we come from this understanding we can’t blame anything outside of ourselves for why we are in the mess or unloving place we have chosen to be in.
Technology is something that is such the focus of our lives these days, the way it is not being used, whether it is our phones, iPads, computers, the level of connection with each other has diminished. We feel so much more at home now in front of these devices, not as comfortable being able to be open to our fellow neighbours, colleagues or family. So i loved reading about your technology detox, very inspiring indeed.
So where and when are the â detox with Aimeeâ workshops starting? I reckon there would be millions of parents joining⊠It really is such an intense problem and it is wonderful to read about a breakthrough.
Interesting question Chris? Definitely needed as you say! We can start by openly sharing our own experiences with how we use or hide behind techonology with other parents, adults and children…. and lead by example. I’m sure you have also experienced this, when you start talking with another parent about children getting stuck on games etc. that everyone is feeling the same tension and angst in their own homes with this problem but not sure of what to do about it.
After the initial reaction to not having it with me forgetting to take my mobile phone with me in the morning feels great – not so much because of the phone calls but because of the mass of other uses with modern smart phones.
I’ve had this experience as well Michael and it is very revealing to find out how attached we’re to our smart phones and all the distractions or connection they offer us. I find when I don’t want to feel something or I’m not sure what is needed in a situation or really busy, instead of checking in with myself and feeling what is going on, I turn to my phone to look at something or check something.
Technology offers us a great many promises. With it we can feel connected with eachother because we can be engaged in this constant thread of communication with eachother. On the one hand this is lovely, and it can appear to be unifying. However, in my experience, the reality tends be quite different, with social media sites often being used for escapism, or abuse. Is it therefore vitally important that in addition to the online world, we are also building and developing our actual world and the relationships therein?
I had to read this blog again, to remind me of that sentence of how the TV is such a relief. If there is something challenging I’m feeling… I can just switch on the TV and it all fades into the background, no need to look at / deal with the issue. Such a check out, and yet its the primary form of ‘entertainment’ in the modern age (albeit with social media making a good challenge for pole position these days).
So true Simon, and it is something we have asked for by the masses to not feel our hurts and issues. There will always be some form of entertainment, magazines, stimulation etc. while we are looking for relief and an opportunity to check out, until we see it for what it is and no longer chose it.
This is such a great blog to revisit Aimee, there is always more for me to reflect upon and notice how I am using technology in my everyday life. Recently I am noticing how often I am checking emails or working on the computer right up until I go to sleep, and I notice how this can affect the quality of my sleep and I am waking up tired. I am going to experiment for a week or 2 without doing computer work just before bed and see how differently I feel the following day – I will let you know how I go.
Great experiment Anna, there is such much wisdom we can share with each other when we are honest and experiment for ourselves with what is truly working for us and what is working against us. Look forward to hearing how it went.
For many of us doing a detox like this is unthinkable yet it reveals how dependant we have become on technology to the point where for many we would not even know ourselves and what we do without it. I reckon the key to having a healthy relationship with technology is to live in such a way where we know who we are first and it is seen as a tool and not the be all and end all of life
I made this connection this week how our devices are not unlike a child’s ‘security blanket’ or toy…something that many must have to be able to function, go to sleep, feel safe in some cases, be intimate and have alone time with themselves in this world. Not everyone uses technology like this…but this needing to occupy or keep ourselves stimulated is huge and not going away any time soon. From my own experience whenever I go for technology and it is definitely not needed for work or paying the bills etc. it comes down to not being connected to myself and craving that connection again but looking for it on the outside.
Aimee, I love the title ‘Technology Detox’ – and it is so true, it seems to be something unfathomable these days! I can share from my observations how important this is – I have certainly been witness to the changes that happen in kids when they are doing a lot of screen time versus not doing screen time. When kids ‘do screen time’, often it feels like they loose themselves a little – their eyes change, the way they speak changes and when you ask them to stop the screen time they can get grumpy or even aggressive and very disrespectful. Contrast with this a technology detox when screen time is banned for even a few days to a week, and you have a different child – one who looks you in the eyes, has a spark and a vitality and a willingness to be a part of things. I know that there is often more involved in the picture that just screen time alone, but the difference can be phenomenal to observe. I certainly know which kid I would rather hang out with!
Thank you Aimee – You have me rethinking the way I use technology. Lately I have noticed that I feel drained when I spend time flicking through emails and social media on my phone and I wonder how my energy levels might change if I stopped checking out in this way. I am also becoming more aware of the impact my technology check outs are having on my relationships. It is absurd to seek connection through a device when we are missing out on the people we share our lives with.
It is absurd Leonne, I watched a revealing video this week where devices were removed from each picture of families and friends together… it was awful seeing and feeling the emptiness and disconnection between them and how absorbed their whole bodies were looking at something without a face. The thing is we have been led to believe that devices don’t hurt us like people can, but this is a big lie, because the more we turn to devices to not connect, the more we cement our hurts, not deal with them and push ourselves away in the process.
Technology detox sounds awesome and I can see the benefits that come from this. In children I can particularly see the changes when you take away the ‘screen time’ – first there is a grumpiness that comes in and you get the complaints and the dragging of the feet (this is boring, there is nothing to do), the lethargy kicks in and the glazed eyes. But once this phase is passed, it is like life is returned to the young ones – they rediscover how to go out and play and use their imagination and how to interact with people. Their eyes have sparkles again and they actually look you in the eye and connect again. The changes are enormous and wonderful to see.
Technology is quite a unique distraction, as we can literally carry it in our pocket 24/7, all days of the year, without having to go and buy something or be at home to use it. Due to it’s accessibility it’s vital that we can gauge when we are using it for proper use – to communicate, connect and so forth – and when we are using it as a checkout. If we’re not aware of when we use it as a distraction then as you’ve shared Aimee it can become a huge and dominating part of everyday life.
I don’t have it with TV, my addiction is with my I-phone. I have this habit of looking at it every time I have a moment. Even when there is no sound going off, I am checking. With travelling, I also have this habit to grab my phone and check things. Why can’t I just sit with myself, I am wondering. Really something to ponder on…
It is so true what you say Aimee and we use many devices in the illusion of connection when really we are disconnecting and checking out.
Such a powerful experiment Aimee, I can feel that fog myself when I have been in front of a screen too long. I always feel better on days where my work takes me out and about to meet people and I definitely use computers as a distraction to fill up an emptiness. The less I do this the better I feel and the more I have to bring to my conversations with people.
Spot on Stephen, this is fantastic – the connection with people (and this includes self) is far more important that screen time!
Such a vital topic that should be more broadly discussed because we’ve essentially set humanity on one of the biggest social experiments ever. In ten years’ time we’ll begin to reap the so-called rewards of our relationship with technology – those unintended consequences from the impact of technology on the connection with ourselves and others and the reasons why we ‘use’. Technology detoxes will no doubt soon be top of the self-help leaderboards.
The word detox literally means to rid something of poison. So, this blog raises the question, from what poison do we feel free when we remove excessive entrainment technology from our homes? And why do we allow that poison in the first place to be there?
I recently removed the TV from my living room wall and put it away, I hadn’t turned it on for ages and now the room feels so different without it. I feel less imposed upon, freer, and the room is more spacious and peaceful. I am amazed at the difference. Lovely to read of your experience and how your family is reconnecting deeply as a result.
Aimee, I congratulate you and your family for taking the plunge into technology blackout for a week. Every time I hear of families doing this there seems to be only positive outcomes, through connection to siblings and Parents, or Parents spending more quality time fully focussed on their children and time for each other. I know it is harder for this generation to spend time together than it was when rearing my own children but it is worth the effort to build those lasting strong connections with family and not feel isolated from each other with or because of technology.
Brilliant blog Aimee and you have nailed it with this sentence: “Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊔
Inspired to look at life and situations in another way by attending the latest UK Unimed Retreat, Serge Benhayon really brought into focus what it means to truly appreciate the amazing transformations we see all around us, and how TV and entertainment has absolutely nothing on being in life, saying yes to what is needed and building true connections with others. Technology has its place, but when it starts to interfere with what really matters, then it is a sure sign we are using it to not be fully in life and need a place to escape and relieve what we react to around us. Which we definitely do not find healing in.
Last night after dinner my daughter and I were wrapped in a blanket in the hammock looking out at the stars and the beautiful full moon and we had a gorgeous time laughing and talking together. Some people may feel we are weird because we don’t have a tv, but there is no movie or tv show that entertains us like these precious moments we experience together.
Technology serves a purpose and it is a great source in which we can work and connect to many. When it becomes a matter of urgency throughout the day the shift becomes more of an addiction that stops the rest of our daily routines to support ourselves.
Making the choice to scroll on your phone while eating your lunch rather than appreciate the yummy food that was prepared and enjoy all the flavours.
To sit with family and friends and check your emails rather than stopping to share your day and appreciate another’s
These and many more examples show the disconnection that may occur when we choose to make life screen time not connection time.
After a while of not watching TV, life becomes too interesting to give it up for some “chill time”. What happens to our relationships, our commitments and responsibilities when we watch tv, do they go on hold? Living with attention to our life and the quality of what is happening is far more refreshing and rewarding than any TV show or movie!
We say we love our TV, we love all the devices we can have access to, we love our movies and often say ‘I can just sit down and loose myself for hours’… but what are we loosing when we say this? What are we saying to ourselves and others before we think of checking out and loosing ourselves? I can see that for me the dialogue has been ‘I don’t want to deal with this right now’ or ‘I’m tired and I don’t want to stop and completely care and nurture myself by looking at how I have been living, eating, communicating, working etc.’. Imagine if we were totally honest like this now… then would we not be more aware of how we feel when we get up from that TV or computer screen? With more honesty we would then not bury and push down more in our body by defending and making excuses for our choices.
Aimee, I love this article, it reminds me of when we were kids and there was no extra technology other than a TV which was only watched in the evenings. It has become much easier to check out, sometimes without realising it.
Just reading the title of this blog made me feel uneasy and I wanted to skim read as there was a part of me that didn’t want to feel or want to go there which is a good sign that we need a technology detox in our house.
And the looking at the iphone too much… I would hate to think how many times I look at mine. It just goes to show that we now have a new addiction that is totally socially acceptable yet I am sure it has many many side effects that we will start to see in society sooner or later.
That’s the beauty and power of sharing with each other, most the time it is not a surprise at all because we are fully aware but stuck in a cycle of abuse or disregard… and it’s another opportunity to be honest with ourselves. Constantly looking at my iPhone is no different to me grabbing for a snack here and a 1000 thoughts there… its all a way of not being with myself and feeling what is there. And I totally agree the effects on our bodies, society and our relationships are massive and we don’t really need to wait to feel this truth.
We are most definitely overloaded with technology, but few will see it as this, as there will always be a drive for external evolution until the inner journey is re-awakened.
Technology certainly has a valuable place in our society however it’s easy to cross over the line in terms of appropriate use and checking out behaviour. In my work role I am talking to more and more adults who are hooked into the gaming or social networking culture and I notice this amongst family and friends also. This often seems to be a substitute for real connection with another person and family life is often the most affected area. How sad that we seem to be slipping further and further down this slope. Aimee, from reading your blog I can definitely see the advantages of having regular technology detoxes.
Aimee this is a great blog, to actually observe how technology effects us, and gaining an insight into how it either supports us or how we use it as a means of escape.
Yes Susan, it can be a huge distraction and a place to hide. Instead of saying no to it I’m starting to say yes to responsibility and what is more important.
Great to come back and read this Aimee. I haven’t watched TV for about a year but notice that I do feel very different when I get over absorbed in the computer and phone. A great reminder to be aware of how we are using technology and if we are using it to support or avoid and distract.
Me too Angela, my whole mood and demeanor changes when I have used technology irresponsibly… as a companion instead of as a tool that is needed.
What I see happening today is many children being allowed to stay up late playing games on their computers, and then in the mornings to play on their tablets. By the time they get to school they are exhausted, and in some cases, have already started drinking high energy drinks in the mornings just to get them through the day. This is with children as young as 10 and 11 years of age and when I see this it makes me wonder what kind of a future is being created by the gaming industry and if they will ever be held fully accountable.
This has a massive impact on their relationships, learning and growing. My teenage son tells me stories of friends playing till 2am in the morning then going to school all day. Of course they are unable to focus and not caring for themselves. It feels like a giving up, and not wanting to feel. There is so much talk of teenagers not needing to learn at school because they are going to become full-time pro gamers and that’s all they need.
The gaming industry have a responsibility yes, but so do we… they are just answering a call for greater ways to check out and not deal with life. How are we contributing?
Yes society is saturated with technology⊠of course⊠but it is a tip of an ever increasing iceberg that humanity has foundered on, and will grow until collectively we feel the emptiness of what we have created.
Yes great point Chris. Of course there will be more technology, ways of escaping, being created by emptiness to fill an emptiness until we step out of the collective consciousness of burying our hurts and dealing with them. That is where once the light has been turned on we have a responsibility to reflect what is true, another option to choose from.
An experience never to be forgotten Aimee – a new marker in your body never to be forgotten. I have observed people constantly on their phones, hand held games, iPads and all while in the company of family or friends out in a cafe sharing a cuppa. An addiction that begs the question – Why? Sadly many feel alone in the world even when out amongst people and so technology has become a way to avoid or a distraction from this emptiness. Whilst the use of food and other substances can be clearly seen, technology can be overlooked because it gives people something seemingly constructive to do, something to keep the kids quiet or out of mum and dads hair. You have raised a great point for discussion but more importantly for experimentation – Thanks for sharing.
Great comment Christine. It can also be a buffer between two people, instead of stopping and being open with each other. Also I feel how being distracted by anything can be a way to not stop long enough to feel our hurts and protections. Especially I see with children, as technology never rejects them, it’s there and ready 24/7.
It is really interesting how Aimee has used the word ‘detox’ in relation to having a break from a technology overload, because we usually associate detoxes with eliminating poisons from our bodies. So Aimee raises an extremely important question about what exactly are we allowing and doing to our bodies with excessive technology/home entertainment devices?
I can feel from what you have shared Shami that when we go to technology to check out, to take the edge off, to numb ourselves, to forget about the world or what needs doing… then we open ourselves up to all the poison just like if we injected drugs into our veins or drank alcohol. This will unsettle many but really bottom line if we go into it in this way we are making a conscious choice to play ball with what we absorb which leads to needing to ‘detox’ or clear the poison from our bodies.
This makes me consider another point, how comfortable would it be if we saw energetically the poison being absorbed into our bodies in cafe’s, restaurants, work places etc. when we hook in to technology to check out? Seeing the dis-ease and poison of porn after watching it? Would we then be up in arms or look at this more honestly, similar to opening the doors on some of the legalized drug cafe’s out there?
Technology can be used to reflect truth, love and brotherhood to humanity and can be healing, as can medicines when used to support the body to heal.
I know I am sometimes quite dependant on my Iphone, which is most of the time within arms reach to check all the latest news… but I started to feel what an enormous distraction it is, and felt to sometimes just leave it downstairs or somewhere out of arms reach. Which feels like a freedom that has come over me, I don’t need to check everything out. As there is me that needs watching, not others.
‘What are we saying to others when we are always looking at our phones or computer screens?’ This is a great question Aimee. How many times can you look around at lunch time and people all sitting at the same table all have their head in their phones and are not at all focusing or engaging at all on the connection and conversation with each other. Surely this is not healthy for our society.
I totally agree Suse, it confirms to others not to come out from behind the screens and connect and relate with each other. We have a rule in our family that whenever we are at the table together whether it’s at home or in a restaurant, phones remain in pockets or bags. Or else we are all sitting there in our own little worlds not being with each other.
And we claim to be free. Yet we are slaves to technology. Why though? Yes we are craving connection to ourselves and others and we are also desperately looking for distraction, recognition, approval and answers. Answers to our own issues and answers about life.
And yet here we have the greater ‘knowledge’ device known to the world… our own bodies.
Technology is not the enemy. We are. The moment we use technology with the intention of simply expressing the love that we are… it will become a tool of brotherhood.
I’ve seen and been apart of how technology can be used as a tool for brotherhood Kathryn, and I’ve also used and use it to distract myself from what I need to do. I find it comes back to when there is a step up needed in responsibility or commitment in my life that I choose to turn to technology to resist it. Being honest why I am using it is the key.
A lot of parents use TV as a baby sitter. They park their kids in front of TV to keep them occupied and out of their hair not taking responsibility for the harm that TV can cause. Kids become zombie like and rely on outside entertainment, no longer relying on their inner world of connection to play and connect to their multidimensionality. So love how you took responsibility and stopped them from losing themselves in the screen.
I see it as an epidemic Mary-Louise, of how to keep a child occupied in an accepted way. Now instead of bringing some toys for a young toddler or baby to play with while shopping or going out for dinner, the iPad or iPhone is set up right in front of the child so even when they are eating they are distracted by watching something. They don’t actually have a chance to sit with themselves without being constantly bombarded by noise and motion. This then becomes addictive and then the parent feels confirmed by the child wanting more…. this is no different to eating sugar everyday because it’s addictive.
Do we ever check-in and feel into what is the energy that comes with these programs we are sitting our precious, delicate, super sensitive children in front of?
For me it is not the TV, as I don’t have a TV, but it is my I-phone and laptop that take a prominent place in my life. It has become so normal to just watch my I-phone, check it, grab it with every noise it makes and to let it have control over my day. I am very much aware of it, yet it is very much part of my life now. For me it is a learning to be with this and establish a healthy relationship with these devices.
For many years I would watch TV or a show from my computer every night before I went to sleep. I felt like I needed to escape and treat myself to a show after a âhardâ day at work. This was my âdownâ time. I stopped this a couple of years ago and for over a year and half have not watched TV or any shows at all. I no longer needed to treat my self as my days were fulfilling enough. The difference in my quality of sleep has been phenomenal, before I would go to sleep checked out and wake up tired. Now I go to sleep connected to me and wake up hours earlier then I used to, feel deeply rested and ready for the day ahead.
Great topic of discussion that affects all of us in so many ways. Just recently a little boy in my room at work told me,
“my mum says I watch too much tv”, he is almost 3 years old, and I said, “you can watch too much canât you and when you do you kind of feel a bit like a zombie or you donât want to do too much after that cos you feel a bit lazy”, and he said, âyeahâ.
I think we have all experienced that zombie like feeling in front of a TV, unfortunately it is just seen as normal in today’s society, however one day I am sure they will look back and say how harmful and ludicrous it was to get caught up and absorbed in the drama and emotions of others.
Yes I agree Samantha, and the beautiful thing is that many have already seen through the distractions of TV and other technology and sharing this livingness with everyone.
Awesome blog highlighting detrimental effects of the extent to which technology has become a part of our communication and living. I have not lived in a house with a television for three years and have not missed it in any way, I also feel far clearer and connected to my life when I do not use my phone to check social media or access the internet as habit but only when there is a true purpose to do so.
I moved about a year ago and still haven’t had the TV connected, as I have never really been that interested in sitting in front of the TV for hours. I have a young child and she watches the occasional movie but we enjoy playing cards or games and having walks together. I feel this time we spend together is very precious and a beautiful time to connect with each other and experience all the simple pleasures in life free of technology.
Good call Anna what a blessing for your daughter to not have to check out in front of TV for hours and to be able to use that otherwise wasted time on being with each other. You need to share this with other mums.
Yes I agree Mary-Louise, we need to open up and share and show how we can make different choices, then is becomes the norm in society. As we all have the same capabilities and can connect to the same understanding of what is healing and what is harming for our children.
I am sure one day it will be known the deeply harmful effects that checking out for hours in front of a TV screen can have on us. Not being present for so long and being stimulated from the outside must surely be one of the reasons our dementia rates are hitting the roof.
Amazing blog – even the title says so much.
This line is so apt this week in the lead up to Christmas and the many children I’ve heard say what new game they want. Also for me personally around this interesting time of year.
‘whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊒
I know I’m choosing to watch TV rather than connect with myself and others to avoid exposing feelings and emotions I assume are there but rather not acknowledge or address. But the fogginess you mentioned also dulls my connection with me. It’s not a good trade at all and affects my connection with others so we all lose big time.
We do all lose out big time Karin when we are in that limbo period of checking out, as it then can affect the choices we make after, of what we eat, how we express and how we move through our day.
I just googled mobile addiction and there were many website dealing with this subject. Technology is becoming an accepted drug.
If the intention behind making smart phones was to connect people and truly support this, and they were used as a tool and not made to be something so much more interesting and better than ourselves, then I wonder if there would be the addictions that there are now?
Drug addiction is being replaced by mobile phone addiction, some may see this as a lesser of two evils. I do not as it is destroying kids lives no different to drugs just in a slightly different way.
I have not been watching TV these past few months, it has naturally dropped away amidst all the other things I have been doing – and also because I have honoured that my body is asking for earlier nights and more space.
And it is amazing how I don’t really miss it at all.
The other night I did decide to watch an episode of something, and I simply observed the hook of the drama and the urge to watch another episode.
TV really has been something that draws people in and takes them away from reality, and as I felt this, I really appreciated feeling the difference and knowing what TV does rather than thinking it has no effect on me whatsoever.
I love your honesty Hannah, that is what allows us to come out of the fog of whatever we have subscribed to, to not feel our hurts or be responsible in life, and see it for what it is and the real effects it is having on our bodies, relationships and life. Very inspiring.
I’ve realised recently and really appreciate that with taking out the TV watching as a comfort in my life that I am now able to complete so much more work that would of been left on the shelf for another day. More importantly it opens up for more conversations and sharing and, much needed quality sleep (earlier to bed) without the interference of the over stimulating hooking in of the impress of TV or other such devices. A great detox.
True freedom is knowing what energy we are choosing that we are then making decisions from.
That is the big question , are we using technology to support us, or does it suck us in and take us over like the lawnmower man. The change that comes over my daughter after playing some of these games or watching children’s programs is very noticeable. You almost have to prize the iPad or whatever out of her hands. It really does my head in sometimes when every member of our house hold is glued to a Skype meeting, computer or other device.
I agree Kevin to much technology can really bring separation within homes and families. And we need to be all careful how we use technology and what we accept and what not.
I know what you mean Kevin, to me it feels like a staleness and stagnation in the home when we are all dis-connected on devices of some sort. Technology highlights it and makes it so obvious when there is that disconnection with ourselves or with each other. The thing is are we also feeling the other less in your face ways that we can disconnect and be in our own little world when with others?
I loved re-reading this blog, I know I need to put myself on a technology detox. It is incredible just how much time and energy is put into looking at or wasting time on devices. It is different when there is a purpose for being not them, but particularly by phone, there is not. I am feeling very inspired, looking to apply a lot of what you have shared into my daily rhythm.
Hi Raegan, I know what you mean, and this is becoming more and more obvious in my life too. I find I go to my phone when there is something I just do not want to attend to or complete, it can be something I don’t quite understand or I have brought in some kind of complication. I’m working on seeing it for what it is, which is no different to overeating, and not reaching for that relief but instead feeling what is there to feel. It’s been interesting!
Raegan I agree it is quite alarming the amount of time we spend on technology. At a womenâs group recently women shared that the minute they woke up they were on their phone, either on face book, checking their emails or texting. They could not even go to the toilet without their phones,âŠ..this is a problem.
When I think back, how much time I was sitting in front of the TV in the past, unbelievable. So much time, just sitting there and doing nothing, absorbing fantasy stories, which had nothing to do with my real life. Today I know, all the time I was watching television, I was checking out, I didn’t want to feel myself and all my emotions in my body. Thanks to Universal Medicine, I know now, that it doesn’t make sense to override anything in my body and to feel ME, is the key to live soulfully.
Yes Alexander, it is quite shocking after becoming aware of how much what we do affects others, and how much time we can waste on things that keep us further away from family, friends and society. For me I see it now as being in a slumber, and just delaying what needed to be addressed in my life.
I am well aware of how computers and other similar devices can be used as a form of escape and have us disconnecting from ourselves. I have often been frustrated at not being able to accomplish what I have set out to do on my laptop, however appreciating what a huge support it can be and how it is able to connect us to each other over vast distances, how projects can be worked from almost anywhere is amazing. Being true to our own connection with ourselves is vital but as you say there is no reason why we can’t work with the technology of this new era and continue to appreciate what it offers.
‘What was very clear to see and feel also was that the fogginess that is usually there was completely gone.’
This sentence says it all. When I watch TV I am usually wanting to not see something clearly so I let in the energy that that programme comes with. This may sound far fetched but it’s true – it’s something I was very aware of as a child. Saturdays I was glued in front the ‘box.’ I knew I’d feel sick and rubbish at the end of the day but I also knew I didn’t want to feel how lonely I was even when surrounded by my family who I felt were caught up in their own worries and issues too much to see me. Sunday was spent feeling depressed and all because I’d lost connection with me through the fog that I’d let in.
Though I didn’t know it at the time, now I can really relate it to feeling like being stoned or drunk. And I do have to be honest and see how I still play this game of invite the fog in through TV so I don’t feel what I would rather not. But the pay off is so not worth feeling foggy and not myself. And it certainly doesn’t address the underlying issue of me not wanting to see what issue I’ve created and be responsible for it.
It’s wonderful to read how, as a family, you all supported each other to become present together.
A great lesson. The fact that a detox is required to break the technology gadget habit shows that we know that it is an addiction. We use technology to get things done faster but then use so many different appliances, just because they are there, that we end up having no time to communicate to people.
Yes Mary, this is a big one in the world today getting the next gadget or appliance “just because they are there”. Are we truly purchasing different forms of technology because they are needed to be of service or to give us a little thrill and opportunity to withdraw more?
I have recently moved and not had the tv on at all since I did and it has felt very liberating. Not feeling like I’ve been checking out or numbing each evening in front of the tv. So not only has the detox felt great, it has really been a cleanse. So reading your blog has inspired me to go further and look at other technology devices that I have very embedded in my daily life at the moment, iPhone, iPad, computer. Some are needed, but there are times when I am still going on these devices way too much. So looking forward to making so other changes in those spaces.
Awesome Reagan that you gave yourself the opportunity to be without TV to feel how you were with it. Like everything we sometimes don’t know how attached or needy we are with something if we don’t have time without it. I recently left my cell phone at home, at first I was like ‘oh no’ I won’t be contactable for my children but once I let the schools know, I learnt so much about how I am truly using it. I felt free to choose what I would do in my lunch break because I wasn’t thinking I should check emails etc., and I realised how much I glance at it. I just focused on what I needed to do more.
I love this Aimee. It seems to me that this issue is just getting worse amongst the teenagers in my life. It is really not about the technology though, this is just a modern day way to check out and disconnect from others,
Great call Heidi, it is not really about the technology which I can often get caught on, but its why its being used. Before laptops, iPhones and IPads I used music, TV and food to disconnect from others.
Great points Heidi and Aimee, its not technology that is the issue but how we can distract and numb ourselves with anything we do in life – mine used to be exercise, drama and food.
I haven’t watched TV for over 7 months and this weekend I watched TV again with my cousins. It was quite an experience to feel what the impact of TV is. It disconnects, it is very emotional, loud and disturbing, and at some point I just could not watch it any longer. And like you share, we just keep watching, even though we are tired.
I know what you mean Mariette, and I also see until we have time being at home and not having TV on and the constant noise of technology, its like it is not there. Its like if you lived near a train track, eventually you don’t hear it in the same way, it blends in as you are used to it but if someone came to visit, the trains would have an impact on all their senses as it is not their every day experience. This is how I feel now when I am away from home staying with others that have the TV on continually; it feels like a constant bombardment of noise and action.
Technology is on the one side great to have like computers, internet and mobile phones. Communication between people is so much easier today. For example project work where several people are involved how great to simply write an email to 5 people at once or set up a group whats app. It is almost like if we are not careful how we use technology and when, than it can become like a constant drive or addiction, a way to keep myself busy and avoiding times of rest and stillness.
I’ve been working with kids who are getting back to basic community. It’s amazing to watch the sparkle return to their eyes and the deepening of relationships that happen.
It is so gorgeous to watch this Jaime. Last night the boys had friends over and after dinner we all sat around talking about our days and what happens at school and what we enjoy and don’t…. it was so natural and such a joy to see these young men open up and share. What was interesting to see was just how much there was to say. It got me pondering on where would this expression go, if they/we turned to video games and TV etc. instead?
I used to watch a lot of TV and would say that I was addicted, because when I was off work I would sit and watch everything and anything all day long, and only get up when it was time to cook the night time meal – then I would watch it from he kitchen.
I don’t watch it very much these days, as I did a detox of my own, but even the little bit I do watch I can feel how it is pulling me to sit and veg out. So I know that if I let myself I could easily get too involved with it again and get sucked back into my old habit of numbing myself.
This is such a beautiful blog, and such an important topic, I know I am still quite technology dependent sometimes even obsessive when I don’t want to feel what is going on. I can feel what a freedom it can give to just stop and take time do something else then using a computer or a phone to look for connection, while there are so many people out there waiting to be connected to, I felt this lately when I decided in a weekend, which is usually filled with doing stuff on the computer, to go out and walk around a city and enjoy true connection with people. It is freeing me from the need for technology getting to know the world outside my room and connect.
Great point Benkt, everyone is wanting to connect or be connected with, its such a natural part of us. There are so many things we can use as a distraction to not feel what is going on for ourselves and/or around us and technology being so prevalent everywhere is such an easy one to choose to checkout from life and our everyday with. I also am seeing how much I use my phone or my computer to take the edge off what I am feeling or as a little treat, no different to having a sweet. Yesterday, I accidentally (or quite deliberately really) left my phone at home so I was acutely aware of how I felt without it. I rang the schools to give them my direct work line so I knew if I was needed that was covered but what was really interesting was how I stayed with what I was doing with much more of a commitment then when I have my phone there to check on in my breaks.
I am 37 and have never owned a TV some people have felt this very strange but I knew quite early on that watching television made me feel like I was wasting time. I also felt the after effects of movies and did not want to feel like this so I hardy ever watch a film. I am not against television or films I just know mentally, physically and emotionally I am better of then filling my brain and body with unneeded unnecessary stuff!
I can observe in relationship with others that at times we use the computer not to connect with another, keeping ourselves busy and yes of course there is always plenty of thing to do on the computer.
Today I suggested not to use the computer or phones for half a day from midday onwards. It was agreed upon and i look forwards it!
If I went for a week without technology I would need another week off to deal with an overflowing inbox! It has become such a part of my life I actually couldn’t imagine life without it. Without my phone for example, there goes the maps to get from A to B when I don’t know where I am going, contact details of people and places, my diary, my tickets if I am traveling, and even a torch if I am in the dark – and that is just the start. Now imagine carrying all that around when I can just have 1 phone for so much. Technology is an incredible tool that we now have at our fingertips 24/7 but if we don’t learn how to use it wisely, it uses us.
Well said Vicky, “Technology is an incredible tool that we now have at our fingertips 24/7 but if we donât learn how to use it wisely, it uses us.” There is so many useful tools, and I personally find having a cell phone so hugely supportive not only for all the things you’ve listed Vicky (love maps!) but also in being responsible and an honouring of me, so that if I need help from anyone or anything I have access to that or if my children do they can get me. What I have been finding though, with some of the not so urgent things like emails or social media, I’ve been giving them more attention than is really needed.
Aimee this is such a great blog what an amazing transformation for the whole family, I totally agree with you when we are not distracted by the likes of Tv and emails constantly the ability to connect and just be with people is awesome, we are reclaiming a purpose, our purpose which is as you say so freeing.
Aimee what an amazing experience you and your children had whilst going on a technology detox.
It great to acknowledge that technology itself is not the problem but how we choose to use it is- as a distraction, to checkout, to avoid feeling our inner hurts and body, to avoid or as an alternative to intimacy etc.
So true Loretta, it is how we choose to use anything, to either support us to be who we are or taking us further away from ourselves. I find food and technology the biggest draw cards of distraction at times. I was talking with a lady today, who has never had a computer at home and has been without a cell phone for years, and she was realising how much of a wonderful tool technology can be when it is used in a true and honest way. It made me appreciate all the amazing things we can be apart of, that use the medium of technology.
Aimee I love the concept you implemented of a technology detox, I canât imagine that was an easy idea to sell to your family but clearly the benefits were worth it. It is extraordinary how so much of our lives can be controlled by technology and more so how lost we can be with it, so it is an idea that I feel nearly everyone should try to reap the benefit of having a marker of life without it. From then knowing the difference in yourself without it, being able to arrest excessive use, escaping, avoiding life or when you lose yourself sooner is absolutely paramount.
I made a lifetime career out of watching TV, being on the computer and reaching for the phone in any instant, all of which were about not feeling what was there. Limiting all of these devices has made such a difference, being more of who I am, allowing the magic of God to support me to go deeper and be all of who I am, an ongoing practice which has already changed my life in ways I never knew were possible.
I read your blog for the first time when it was first published Aimee, but didn’t leave a comment â not that I didn’t have anything to say, but that there were parts of it that were too exposing for me at the time. I can very much relate to technology filling up the emptiness inside of us â I have used TV for that ever since I can remember. For me it has been a way to destress from the world around me, however that’s not what happens. TV does not destress or relax anyone, it numbs us and provides us with a false feeling of having connected with others â and sadly, there are many who use TV as a substitute for real relationships. For me, if I am honest, it is no different to the several glasses of wine I used to have when I got home from work which took the edge of the intensity of the day. I haven’t drunk alcohol for many years now, but my addiction has merely shifted so now my drug of choice is TV. It’s self-medicating in a socially acceptable way. But in reality all that is being exposed here is that I struggle to be by myself. TV is an entertaining distraction from the uneasiness I feel when I am alone. I recognised this a long time ago and even got rid of my TV, but with the advent of online TV the habit has crept back in. I completely recognise that when I am feeling full of myself, I have no need or desire to watch anything, thus showing it is not the TV that’s the problem per se, it’s actually about making a commitment to consistently build a more loving relationship with myself that will bring about changes in behaviour. I feel a technology detox is part of this relationship building Aimee and I feel one coming on in our house too!
Wow Lucy this is gold and a blog in its own right! There is so much here that you have exposed… taking the edge off of life and numbing just like any other substance is huge, because most the time technology runs under the radar as a possible addiction or a ‘drug of choice’. It’s often seen just as entertainment and is as you say, “Itâs self-medicating in a socially acceptable way.” I’ve said this many times and is so common to hear, ‘I’m just going to chill and watch TV or a movie’… but at no time would I feel what my body really needed, which would be most the time going to bed and resting deeply. I’ve used TV more to ‘chill-out’ from the incessant thoughts and mental activity… which in itself simply shows that it is used to numb and perceived to be having time out from thinking and feeling.
Amiee, reading where you shared ‘I had found myself going to my iPhone several times in just an hour. The need to connect with people was strong.’ I will do this several times an hour as well as first thing in the morning and last thing at night being on my iPad! This is great because even though I was aware of this reading your blog has made me consciously see how I need to change this habit.
What a great plan Aimee a family technology detox. I love the way you said, that we spend far too much time “focussing on things that didnât have a heartbeat”. I have a detox day coming up, spending the day with my partner, no phones, emails, computers, just us two, being together. It’ll be interesting the observations this throws up, and that in itself says a lot; that we can avoid connection and intimacy on a daily basis and turn to technology as one of the ways to not feel that this in fact is what we are doing.
This is the second time that I have read your blog Aimee and I have just been on a TV binge. Checking out from myself completely and full escape from the world. It has left me feeling very lazy and unmotivated. The energy that comes through most TV programs I have found to be very toxic and hooking. TV is quite the health Hazzard!!
I have often found that the TV can take a higher priority within a relationship and can become the centre of attention. When I used to visit my parents, quite often I felt as though I was in the way, because they were so engrossed in their TV shows. Then as I grew older I found that I had become addicted to watching the television also, but when people came to visit I would always turn the TV off.
I have found this also Julie, visiting family or friends that have the TV on constantly, feels very distracting to me and I don’t feel that we are even hearing what each other are saying or registering what is really going on. I’m realising that with using any form of entertainment requires a big dose of honesty – do I just want to zone out now? Am I tired? Am I bored? Do I not want to connect with the person in front of me or myself?
I really feel that TV watching can be an addiction just like any other. It takes precedence over everything as you say, and like an addict of any drug, there can be lying and manipulation to get what you want and secretive, isolating and self-destructive behaviours associated with it. The phenomenon of binge-watching (watching back to back episodes of TV series for hours and hours) is well-known and yet not something that is taken terribly seriously.
Wow, it’s amazing how even the thought of having a technology detox has got me all twitchy! I know it has to be done but there’s a part of me that is terrified at the thought. Makes me even more sure that it’s the right thing to do đ I’ll let you know how it goes. Thank you for the inspiration and the nudge Aimee.
Totally Lucy, shows an addiction just like coming off sugar or smoking no different. How did the detox go?
When on TV or on a computer, we can easily get sucked in if we use them to check out from our daily life. It is important to stay focussed with the purpose we are connected to these devices, I try to take breaks and go for a walk during the sessions.
Thank you for the sharing Aimee. It reminds me of when I started having esoteric sessions just over a year ago. I was going through a particularly stressful time and so the practitioner suggested that I tried cutting out TV watching for a couple of weeks just to see how it felt, like an experment. So that’s what I did. Before then I probably watched from 1-3 hours a day depending on how I felt. But a typical day back then didn’t feel compete to me unless I had watched at least an hour. If I was tired, which back then I was most of the time, I’d happiliy plonk myself in front of the telly and get engrosed in whatever series I was into. It didn’t take long for me to realise that I felt much better without so much TV in my life. I really was addicted to it. When I was a kid I remember that tv watching was what me and brother did all evening, from getting home from school to going to bed. Major checking out!! I do still watch tv from time to time, but I usually can’t take more than 30 mins and I’m very selective of what I watch. The thought of watching 3 hours straight would be impossible now.
Watching hours of TV used to be such a normal thing to do, now I can’t think of anything worse then wasting 3 hours in front of a TV zoning out, getting stimulated and drawn into a story. That’s the beauty of having time away from something.
There was a time when a child was being punished they were sent to their rooms…now days they are stripped of there phone and electronic devices and made to go outside into the fresh air.
Inspiring reading. Checking out with TV and social media is both insidious and incarcerating. Taking a technology detox is a really great way of breaking free of that fog … I love that you expressed that you were fine with everything but the TV remotes. We all have our favourite comfort zones and its empowering to see what they are!
I love that I’m learning about technology overload on my computer!!!
Brilliant Aimee. I have just done a similar thing with my daughter and myself. I noticed that she was using screen time as a massive distraction away from what she was feeling. It was an addiction, along with stimulating foods and even being with other kids and no matter how much or how little I gave her, she would want more.
So I said âweâre having a breakâ, and l let the flood of feelings ensue. Almost instantly, I noticed the kind of changes you saw: she took more responsibility for her things and contributing to the household, pulled out toys that she had forgotten about and spent time on activities without nagging for the next thing. Basically, I got my daughter back! She is expressing how she feels more and much more settled in herself.
And for me, I donât watch TV or movies; I use my laptop to work but am pretty clear about that. It was my smartphone that was intruding: I decided that it was not important to check my phone all the time to remove the icons! It was interrupting my day and taking way too much time, delaying what I needed to be getting on with. Now I just check it for messages a few times a day and it feels liberating.
I am the one who loves living without technology and all the benefits you have listed that happen when we put all those distractions away and I am the one who falls into using them faster than anyone. It’s that silly. I love what I get done and the way I have more time when I discard technology. I will be the one who decides how the technology will be used not the pull of the devices making the decision. I feel a detox coming on.
When I read the line about the relief of sitting in front of the TV when you’re exhausted, I was able to connect to that immediately. How many times do I override my exhaustion with further stimulation whether it be through TV, my phone, ipad or another big one – food. It’s unbelievable the things I choose to simply avoid feeling where my body is at. These days I’m practicing catching myself out, and giving myself an option to either choose distraction or choose to acknowledge my tiredness and from there I give myself an opportunity to make a more loving choice
Ah yes Monica, I love the feeling of being on my computer or technology for a purpose and even if there is still more to do, honouring when enough is enough and going on to something else. It feels so simple when I use technology like this… but when I put technology in the drivers seat I feel controlled by it and then overwhelm comes in.
I have often found how much I use technology when I am tired, stressed and needing a distraction from what is truly going on. The reality is the stimulation away from what I was feeling bolsters me against the truth and this is where it becomes harmful. As I step away from what I feel I start to lose my connection with me and then seemingly ‘connect’ with others through social media, phones and computers. What a false this is. The connection we have with ourselves is the vital ingredient here and one that we all need to nourish and nurture.
Lee this is beautiful and a comment that would have been great to read last night – “The connection we have with ourselves is the vital ingredient here and one that we all need to nourish and nurture.” I felt shattered last night taking on and reacting to abuse around me and felt to connect with someone, instead that connection was with social media. It was very clear and interesting because I have not really been on social media for weeks but it was something I was drawn to when feeling hurt, tired or overwhelmed. Using social media in this case can give a falseness of being comforted by something outside of ourselves.
I know exactly what you mean Aimee and it’s a pale and lifeless imitation for picking up the phone and speaking to someone if we feel we need to connect with another. But as Lee says, “The connection we have with ourselves is the vital ingredient here and one that we all need to nourish and nurture.” and this will then become so precious to us that to throw it away over watching TV etc. will become inconceivable.
Speaking from experience of allowing my two daughters to play computer games and form friendships with people who are also pretending to be someone or something else, in fact does them no favours whatsoever and from what I understand now, it only assists in keeping them locked away from people and real life situations. It is one thing to deal with situations within a computer game, within the safety of your own home, but a totally different thing to dealing with real life and people face to face.
Absolutely Julie, my sons are shocked when they ask if they can open a social media account to contact their friends and I say just go and call them. It is so very rare now for children and teenagers to call each other and speak. Texting is now referred to as talking. I also can over use texting in some situations. Really how much is said or not said in texts that is not actually needed?
I find texting so limiting – sure its useful for basic information, but conversation … erghh!
Often my reply to texts that I receive is “call me”.
I love that Helen – yes I find texting limiting to what I want to say as well. There is so much more to say. Giving myself permission to say all that needs to be said and to not hide behind texting.
Aimee I love how you shared that you spent so much time on something “that didn’t have a heart beat”. This is so common in todays world. The urge to check out with items that stop real connections is so prevalent. Your blog is a great reminder of the absolute joy and simplicity of connecting with another.
‘….itâs like a drip we continually carry with us…’ Soon true. Smartphone=numbing.
Even the leader journalist of our local newspaper wrote an editorial about the technological shields that we all hide behind⊠We are aware of this, but we really do need to take this into account more and more, as technology becomes more and more pervasive⊠Luckily our iPhones canât mate yet ??
Yes Chris, deep down we all know why and what we are using technology for. With more people being honest and openly speaking up, this gives others an opportunity to also question their motives.
I was thinking the same thing Chris. There is great awareness and concern within society that we are using technology to separate ourselves from each other. How amazing would it be if we collectively started using technology as the amazing support it can be instead of letting it rule our lives. It’s like the body isn’t it â when we let our heads (technology) call the shots we get into all sorts of trouble but when we let our hearts lead the way our heads become filled with true purpose.
Bravo Aimee, you got your family back. The distractions of technology are no substitute for the true connection we are all craving. It sounds like there was an addiction to have to go through withdrawals, but once you got through that and participated in life you enjoyed it more. I was interested to read you all had clearer thoughts and the spark back in your eyes.
Thank you Bernard. Yes technology or anything really is no substitute for true connection. There is a plethora of distractions to entice us to travel away from true connection but if we are honest the pull back to connecting with others is something we all want. Yes this part about clearer thoughts and seeing a spark back in our eyes is such a great foundation now, and stands out huge when that changes.
What I realized the other day – how easily I can use technology (social media, computer,…) to not spend time with other people – like “I don’t have time for you, because I still have to do some computer work.” Sure – computer work is important, but the balance must be right between spending time with people and spending time in front of the computer.
I agree Alexander. We need to use computers these days, but it seems it has become a substitute for really connecting with people. It’s a ‘safe’ place to hide behind a screen, where we are in control.
Re-reading your post Aimee your pondering here: “….but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves” – i find is applicable to every aspect of life and not just technology focused – essentially ‘it’ applies for anything that we have a relationship with, be that an activity, gadget, person, or even dating and love.
Absolutely Zofia this can apply to anywhere in our lives. It has been a humbling experience for me when I check in with myself to feel wether I’m using something or someone to fill me up or give something to me.
Hi Sue, I once watched a group of tourists at the beach at Southport get out of their car looking into their telephone screens taking pictures without once looking around them to see what it looked like through their eyes as if their telephone was an external extension of their brain. As if the scene around them had no more value than the two dimensional view on their screen. We will reach the point one day where our screen is our reality.
This is a great article, Aimee, and lovely to read again. Having come from a generation when in my early childhood there was no TV, let alone all the other technology, I find it amazing if I stop and acknowledge the vast changes how easily and seemlessly it seems that society has slipped into accepting the changes. However, I can also see and from the experience of my own absorption of the changes how easily the technology takes us away from ourselves. I feel it is very brave to have taken on the challenge and apparently with so little stress. Very inspiring.
Also it poses the question that if the technology takes us away from ourselves is this really evolution that is so loudly claimed by technology’s creators and consumers?
Personally I find technology super useful. I don’t think technology takes me away from myself – that is always down to me. Technology does indeed offer the perfect excuse / escape but I am entirely the master of how I use it.
The greatest trap is in the fact that access to everything is in the palm of our hands 24/7. This is something I see my teenage children struggling with frequently. I am a firm believer that this is the surest way for us to find our inner-strength though – a bit like living next door to a pastry shop!
In a world where TV screens get larger and computer screens are small enough to fit on our wrists our obsession with computers to save ourselves time is has become a way of life for many.
âTechnology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselvesâ.
Part of parenting is to say no. And sometimes, often really, I have to even parent myself and say no. When either myself or my child is stuck in the holds of technology, it physically feels like pulling a leg out of quik sand. But when free, it feels amazing, light, fresh and it’s like I can feel again.
Great analogy Suzanne, “When either myself or my child is stuck in the holds of technology, it physically feels like pulling a leg out of quick sand.” That’s how it feels for myself and I can see for my children when we allow ourselves to sink down more and more into technology. Having the authority in ourselves to say no I find is important.
Comment Technology is an interesting subject – the older generation perhaps not so drawn in and find it challenging, the next generation technology savvy but have lived life prior to technology and know another way for many have not relied heavily on it as a child and the younger generations have lived enmeshed in every conceivable technology at their disposal 24/7. Life for them is often not about the simple pleasures in life but more about the latest App and device and instant feedback from peers via social media. Understanding this is important. As you have shared, Technology can be amazing and progressive and support our lives, relationships and connect us with the world and it can also be used to dull us, distract and numb us and present the cold terrain of wandering in cyberspace as activity that takes us away from what we are feeling and our True connections with each other. It all comes down to our intent and why we are using the Technology and what it therefore brings.
Thanks Deborah, this has helped me to stop and understand more how this has been a part of many of the younger generation “…the younger generations have lived enmeshed in every conceivable technology at their disposal 24/7.” Its just like brushing their teeth, putting their shoes on and using technology. Generations before now have another way to access i.e. life before so much technology, when we are over using it to not feel… yet our younger generation have not unless we reflect that to them or support them with considering another way.
Deborah great insight into the generations that have been exposed to the development of technology in our world. Learning to use it as an extension of our connection to self instead of using it to fill the emptiness of not having that connection with ourself will drastically change how we use technology.
Thank you Aimee for this great blog. I am observing the same thing in my family as you with two teenage girls and a boy who’s eight. We are connecting more to ourselves and each other when we make clearer choices as to why and when we are on our computers, smartphones, games, tv etc. It is work in progress in our family and when we allow it we easily loose ourselves in old patterns. I value the awareness that me and my children at times have and are developing, the awareness that anything that keeps us away from feeling who we are and connecting to ourselves and others is affecting the quality of our lives in a negative way.
Beautiful Katinka the awareness your family is developing around why and when you use technology. It’s so empowering when we actually feel it for ourselves. The honesty and wisdom that comes out of children is amazing!
The popularity of social media has been a catalyst in the growing use of mobile devices and computers. Social media is an amazing tool, but many of us use it as a substitute to feeling true relationships with depth and instead we accumulate ‘friends’ and ‘followers’ and ‘likes’ to stop ourselves from feeling the isolation that is fostered by over-use of technology. It is a vicious cycle that separates us further.
Hear hear Jinya! I was just talking with a friend yesterday about how grateful I am for a platform like Skype that my family and I can keep in touch with family and friends in Australia and how technology can either support connection or separate us further as you’ve so powerfully shared. For me it all comes down to the intention behind why we are using it in the first place.
Aimee what was the outcome and how did all feel after having a technology detox. I agree we do not need to live on Computers, iPhones etc, I am sure we can all give it up even for a day.
Those who rely on the technology for their work,can they stop using it after leaving work until the following morning, or do many have withdrawal symptoms.
Hi Mike, what has followed from the technology detox is that it is very obvious and clear now when we are choosing technology over life. What I mean by that is where we grab for technology for no real purpose other than to stop feeling something or to override tiredness. The beauty of doing this detox is its very difficult to make excuses now, like I’m just jumping on this site to look at this and then an hour later realising of gone from this to that without even connecting to how I feel in my body. What I’m working on at the moment is turning my computer off earlier in the evening and winding down before bed.
‘ The feeling of freedom to feel and think of what is needed next is so clear since my technology detox’. For me this really sums up the effect that our impulse to reach for technology has. It stops us from feeling what is needed next, the connection to ourselves is very much cut off.
Aimee, I love when you say ” Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊔ It is usually taken that new technology is an advancement in our societies, but perhaps the reality is that it could be, but actually it, along with our choices in the way to use it, have actually been a retardation. It appears that we use it to stay in touch with more people, communicate with more, reach people we couldn’t previously….which is all true, but when we look deeper these communications are often more shallow and less truly expressive than ever before. Definitely something to observe and ponder on, thank you.
I am just pondering on all the reasons why we use technology.
To entertain. To communicate. To numb ourselves.
We all crave connection so desperately yet rather than turn to each other we stare at a screen.
In the end its not what we do but the quality we are in when we do it.
Aimee your decision to disconnect from technology and connect to life is like a breath of fresh air. Thank you for sharing your experience.
There are definitely supportive reasons- technology can increase productivity, allow connection across continents without delay and be accessible globally.
There are equally a multitude of uses that serve to distract and numb, reward and entertain.
How is it that as Humanity we manage to turn anything into a comfort and a way to avoid connection with ourselves and others? It is not dissimilar to food to me. This can nourish us, support us and allow us the fuel to live or we can become obsessed with food, abuse it, use it to abuse us, numb us, check out, reward us and for the comfort it provides.
Both scenarios we are avoiding something we do not want to be aware of feeling.
Yes using technology to numb ourselves is more than common. I find even in my awareness how easy it is to go from one thing to another when I am on the computer- before I know it an hour may have gone by! thank you for raising awareness of this Aimee -it is so easy to normalise what we do every day.
Aimee what a fantastic idea to get the whole family on board of a technology detox. As you clearly share that it is in our everyday and when we allow it to take over our state of being it becomes harmfulness. It is so subtle as well. I know when I have gone on holidays in the past and knowing that I can’t get access to emails etc is an instant relief. Which clearly shows the way in which I have been engaging with technology. Great one to consider and put into practice or at least ponder on how I am using it.
It’s really interesting to observe how watching TV has affected my body and mind. I used to watch it constantly to escape and numb what I didn’t want to feel. I realised that watching so much TV wasn’t good for me and I began a relationship of a push-pull away from and to TV, as I weaned myself from this addiction. After many, many months of not watching it I ended up watching a half hour program. Instantly my mind was filled from the program and I went to bed thinking about it’s content, which meant I felt less connected to me and my body. The following day I was aware that my presence with what I was doing in each moment was dulled and numbed. It’s incredible to feel that this is what was happening daily when I was watching TV daily, but I just wasn’t aware of it.
I can relate to my mind and body being filled with what I have been watching on TV the night before… Having just spend 2 weeks away with no TV and little time on devices the difference was quite amazing. Both my husband and I were getting up early energized and certainly not foggy. Thank you for the reminder to not get pulled back in!
I can so relate Rachel to all you have said and that is why I hardly if at all watch TV or movies anymore. I couldn’t discount how much I changed and how my body felt after getting consumed into TV or movies, that it actually became a really easy choice. I would become irritable or emotional, feel foggy in the head and almost feel that I was off in ‘fairy’ land like a different reality. Its like eating chocolate and each time you get an upset stomach and eventually saying no I know full well my stomach is going to ache afterwards so I’m not eating it anymore.
Yes technology itself is not the problem per say but how we use it and our relationship with it. The points you have made here are very relevant to our lives and most worthy of reflection – how we use technology to numb and dull ourselves and as a replacement for ‘connection’. Technology certainly has a place in our lives if used to support expression and being open with people… what often happens however is that we don’t communicate in full via technology and use it as distraction instead of connection.
I agree Sarah – The more we learn how to express in full through technology instead of using it to check out, I feel that we will then see technology used to its full potential.
I still can feel the horrible effects too much engagement in technology has on me. I’ve found that if I waste time on my computer, then everything becomes foggy and reality doesn’t have a sharpness to it anymore, it becomes dull.
I can relate Harrison, it really acts just the same as taking a drug or drinking alcohol. I feel impaired when I check out on technology. So very different to when I use technology in a committed and purposeful way.
I agree Harrison when I watch too much TV my eyes change and I feel a lack of motivation in doing what needs to be done in my life. It’s easier to just turn on the TV and watch someone live their life on TV than to live my own life.
Yes this is so common Sue but as so many have realised it is not how we would naturally choose to be with each other if we looked at why we are putting up this screen in-between people. Especially sad is seeing children with their parents trying to talk with them across a table and the parent on the phone oblivious that they are talking. Not having a go in these circumstances I’ve also done this and just recently my boys called me out on it again. I feel its important also to look at why we feel we think we need to do it ‘all’ at once or have everything done. What are we showing children when we do this? Many children now say I’m talking to my friend but they are actually texting… even the meaning of words have changed.
Just revisiting your blog Aimee and loved it just as much 2nd time through⊠l’d love to know how you’re going now and whether the family has resumed it’s technological addiction, or whether something of your experiment has carried forward. A great reminder in this that connection needs to be something real and tangible⊠and the possibility that our fascination with it reflects an underlying craving for a deeper connection, never truly satisfying that deeper need.
Hi Jenny, thanks for asking as it helps me to take a moment to appreciate where we are at as a family with technology. There is definitely a lasting impact from us doing the technology detox, there has been moments when it has got intense on the addicted side again, however, each one of us has more of a responsibility to being aware of this. So when it happens the boys will actually say that they feel yuk or wish they didn’t waste that time and actually connected with their Dad or I or a friend or each other. Its like a spot light is now on why we are using it making it really obvious when it happens. I very rarely if at all watch TV anymore, not from a place of willpower or that’s the right thing to do but a knowing in me that it changes how I feel and there is so much more needed than me sitting watching TV. I also don’t feel like I’m left out and not keeping up with social media. We talk a lot more and there is nothing we allow to distract us through dinner!
Well said Aimee: “Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselvesâŠâthis is is something we need to talk in schools about, to our children and teenager!
Yes I agree, it would be great to ask children and teenagers ‘Why do you use technology?’ and ‘Do you feel the same after you use it?’ and ‘What happens if you don’t get it?’. Teachers see first hand the destructive impact violent computer games have on children they teach. I feel many many behavioural, learning and social issues come back to the lack of human contact with themselves and others due to technology overload.
” I realised we were all literally hooked into technology in different ways.” This is so true Aimee our society is deeply hooked into technology. As i child there was watching TV and radio. Today we have more options Computer, Mobile phones, play station…and it is almost as there is little time in the day were we are technology free. Something to become much more honest and aware of..and what effect this has on our body & health.
Aimee a really great blog to read, you have definitely made me stop and consider how I use my iPhone, does it support my communication or am I at its beck and call, something to seriously consider, thank you.
That’s great Sally, it shows the power in sharing our experiences with the world and inspiring another.
I was without internet for many days this week while travelling over to Australia and it was interesting and a powerful indicator for me to see how far I have come since this technology detox. Instead of feeling like I was missing out on keeping up with Facebook or emails etc. I felt how much the internet was needed for a purpose to follow up on work and reply to emails that supports myself and someone else getting on with what work needs completing.
I loved this line “We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focusing on things that didnât have a heartbeat”
How sad and real is that in the world today. How empty and exposing is it of society that we rely on things without a heart beat to entertain and distract us.
When we are all looking for love, and seeking it from something that cannot love us back.
Yes Gail your point is very true, bottom line is we are all looking to be loved and to love. Technology it would seem has become the substitute but used in this way is just a distraction. If we want real connection with another then it is easier and more instant when in person, as Aimee’s family experiment showed.
Absolutely gail, I heard a lady say to a friend recently “Here I am, something real” as her friend was looking at her phone. The person on the phone misses out but also everyone around them misses out on connecting with them for who they are instead of through a built up technology screen. It’s crazy that using something ‘without a heartbeat’ to protect ourselves from being hurt actually hurts us far greater. I wonder if we will see an increase in heart conditions in the future due to this way of living?
So True. We seek True love and we use everything at our disposal to not live a True life and therefore to never recognise it or say yes when it comes our way. We equally fill our life with all that is false and will not support the Love we are to be expressed and lived,
Wow Gail – that really is sad that this is a reality for so many of us. Looking for Love in all the wrong places.
Thank you Aimee. I too have used ‘technology’ to distract myself from myself only to wake tired and to feel like I am walking around in a dense fog and then feel exhausted at the end of the day to begin the new cycle of watching TV to detach from my exhaustion. The television is rarely switched on these day and when it is I realise why: to distract myself from myself.
While the irony of replying to this wonderful blog online does not escape me, there are lots to consider here about how we use technology and TV to avoid what is going on. I like the point you make about how much time can be frittered away ‘on the box’ of ‘online’.
I love this blog Aimee, it’s brilliant. My internet and TV have been dow for 3 days and it has made me realise how I had recently been using my devices and screens to avoid dealing with several challenging issues within my family and my life. My ‘enforced’ technology detox has opened up the space for re-connecting more deeply with myself, my feelings and the people concerned and situations concerned and the space to address resolving the issues. Thank God for the Telstra district cable blow out!
Technology is not just used to connect with people, it is also necessary in nearly every application in our daily lives nowadays. From iPhones that tell us how far we have walked and allow us to listen to music, to computers, and even the digital toaster, technology has been painted as the way our quality of living will improve, when underneath all of this, the true quality of our health, well being and our interactions is actually getting worse not better.
Yes Joshua, a good point, especially coming from someone who would have grown up with this level of technology available and commonplace. It is definitely ‘sold’ to us as advancement, but as you say, the true quality of our health and wellbeing is dropping markedly. I am sure we will reach a point where society calls a stop to this current progression (and obsession) with technology, particularly the computer gaming aspect. It’s affect on the younger generations cannot be denied, as any parent will attest.
This is true Joshua, we cannot get away from technology anymore, it is part of everyday society now, and if used wisely can be supportive.
“We were able to see each other for who we truly are without all the distractions of TV, phones, gaming devices, etc, and hiding behind them”.
This is very inspiring Aimee.
I love how you took the lead and gently guided your family into the experiment; which obviously worked out really well for you all. Great parenting!
Thank you for exposing the “dangers” of overusing devices.
Recently my computer froze and nothing I knew to do would revive it, so off to the mac doctor it went. I realised then how much of my life is online. My working calendar, my meetings schedule all my documents, clients emails and on and on it goes. After I got over the initial shock of not having my laptop for a day, I loved it; I felt a sense of relief and new freedom of sorts. It was then I realised I was allowing my laptop to have too much of a say. I am now even more aware of how crucial it is to stay fully present with whatever I am working on and not allow myself to be affected, distracted or pulled away from myself or the task at hand. I am also learning when it is time to shut it down.
The benefits of using technology are many, they can be great tools to support connection, like right now I am reading your blog. If we loose ourselves in the process though what true value are they serving? What a great experiment Aimee to highlight the importance of the way we use technology. It is not technology that is the issue here but our relationship with it.
Whilst I am not âaddictedâ to using technology as I am a âdigital immigrantâ â so âtheyâ tell me! I am finding just trying to get my âoldâ head around all the Social Media Forums is way too time consuming for me to include them into my daily rhythms â I have too much living to do to be wasting it on screen time for hours. However, as a recently retired school teacher, and a grandmother, I have certainly noted the disconnection that is clearly visible in both young and older children. The disconnection is twofold â one with themselves and one with being able to relate to and communicate with their peers/parents/colleagues, actually, with society in general. Aimeeâs message is certainly a relevant one to note and take heed of: âit is the ill way we use technology that affects us all, especially when it is used to checkout and not feel, just like food and other entertainment..
And yes, what will be the side effects of that in years to come â maybe technology intolerance?
I had recently been to Silvercity, New Mexico in the US for a college graduation ceremony. The old part of this quaint old town in the high plains of the Rocky Mountains… on the pavement in front of shops there are blue circles about 12 inches or 300mm with white words on them; ART, FOOD, BEER, MUSIC and a few others. I asked at one of the restaurants what was the thing with the circles, the reply was, its for people with phones so they would know where they were.
I really had to laugh when I read your comment Steve Matson, but in truth there actually is something very wrong when people are so busy on their phones that they don’t even look up when they are walking on the streets nowadays …
Oh my – how telling is this with regards to the total state of being ‘checked out’ when constantly being fixed on one’s phone … truly sad really…
Wow Steve that is interesting…..signs on the pavement for people looking down on their phones instead of looking up and engaging in the world.
Wow – this is an amazing blog Aimee. The choice of your title âDoing the Unthinkable”
highlights well the extent to which many of us are indeed hooked with technology. I love how you expose/reveal so much whilst at the same time offer support to work through what can be revealed to us when we are ready to look at (with honesty) what is going on with our use of technology. Developing/nurturing our connection with ourselves and bringing back/deepening connection in our relationships with others (our dear ones and all) certainly feels the key to re-imprint an abusive/unhealthy relationship with technology and use it to support our lives rather than use technology to give us what we do not give to ourselves. After reading your blog, I felt to experiment with a mini technology detox yesterday with not taking my i-phone with me (usually always in my pocket or very nearby) for about 2 hours going on an outing. The level of freedom I felt in my body was quite extraordinary, revealing and certainly laying a new foundation.
Today i worked half a day and before i entered my work place i choose to leave my mobile phone in the car, so i don’t get tempted to look in between my sessions on the phone. Great decision and it supported me to stay more present during work.
I have been wondering today what it means to be an effective parent. With so many distractions in this modern era it can be really hard to keep a family in line and steady because, as I have observed, each technological distraction has an energetic quality that it brings in to the home. So, is parenting about providing a space where there are no impositions from certain forces such as computer games etc, or is it about providing a space where a child can learn to discern the energy in all things? So exposure to what is modern life is good by this account, and healthy, but I reckon it is the effectiveness of the parent to guide and role model along the way which really makes the difference. Like you, Aimmee with your children, because you have felt and discerned an energetic quality you are now the one making certain choices and everyone is learning by your example.
I agree Shami. It’s not about banning technology or laying down ultimatums; it’s about raising awareness about the effects of technology if we use it blindly to distract ourselves from life. These days I’m much more aware of the moments when I have the choice to stay present and just be, or grab my phone and look at something.
Aimee I noticed how my reflex was to jump to answer the phone. Sometimes I’ve been in the middle of cooking dinner, my hands covered in food, and I’ve still tried to answer the phone and multitask. It doesn’t work. I now practice letting the phone ring when I’m busy and calling people back. I also leave my phone at home sometimes, which is something I would never have done in the past. It feels great to be in charge again, rather than feeling the technology was in control of me.
Yesterday evening i went with my partner for a beautiful walk. We connected lovingly and respectful and hold that connection during our entire walk. When we came home i intended not to go again on my computer or mobile. But than just quickly checked something and remembered to do this and that. Even i intended to rest i felt drawn into the doing something (so did my partner) on the computer. But than i spoke out to my partner that this is a trick to distract us and keep our selves busy and harm us to not prepare in the rhythm that feels supportive before bed time. So we both stopped and had a early night.
As a child i have been addicted to watch TV. And as a adult it was still normal whenever i was at home in the day or the evening to watch TV or DVD. This has slowing decreased within the last 12 years. I had times when i didn’t had a TV. But still watching DVD and movies was important for me. But i realized that watching it in the evening had an ill effect on my sleep so changed it to watching it in the day or early evening. Slowing i realized that i tend to check out already during watching TV and often ate a lot of food while watching TV. So i didn’t feel very well after watching a film. So i watched less and less TV. And today i don’t watch TV anymore, which i would have never thought is possible. After reading this blog i need to be honest about my ways how i use my laptop and mobile so that i use it in a way to support my life and rhythm lovingly.
I can feel how important the discussion is Aimee you have started with your blog! We need to become aware how we misuse technology to check out and not to take the responsibility to look more honest and closer how we live on a daily basis. Our daily choices we are making and the way we are in relationships with other people.
I remember I was 14 when the morning TV shows first started and I thought it was the best thing ever, but now looking at it I can see that I was getting my TV fix before going to school, as soon as I got in from school, right up till bed time.
I saw the TV as a way to relax but now I know I was numbing myself from everything that I had felt during the day – it took the edge off of life. This continued for the rest of my life (now 54 years) until very recently when I went on a TV detox and now if I sit to watch the TV I can’t see what the attraction was and I can feel this dulling effect.
I rarely watch TV (I don’t have one and rely on my computer if there is a program I would like to watch) when I do, it is invariably because I’ve been pushing to get things done and I have exhausted myself and the TV gives me some ‘time out’ and is a distraction from what I do not want to feel in my body.
What a great experiment and a great result!
I wil try it myself!
Awesome… look forward to hearing how it goes!
Now that tubes in London have wifi in the stations, there are a lot more people who pull out their mobile devices during their commutes. The voice over the tannoy does ask commuters to not use them near the edge of the platform because people have obviously been injured by speeding trains, unaware of where they stand. In essence this is what is happening to many of us, whether we are in a train station or not. We may be driving or walking down the street. The number of people you see with their focus elsewhere and not where they are is enormous. I have done this too. Besides the obvious dangers, which I am sure has seen hospitalisations boom, there is the accumulative affect of living like this everyday, when every spare moment is stolen by our need for connection and distraction on social media, a game or some other technology based focus. The true devastating affects of such a constant use of mental energy will not be obvious to humanity for some time, but just like the truth about cigarettes came out, so will the truth about our desperate need for connection, but seeking it in the wrong places.
Great comment Jinya, when I was reading it I pictured our mobile devices as remote controls governing how much we pay attention or not… my question is though, when do we stop to check who or what is in control of the remote control?
We can feel and imagine what the affects of all this constant mental energy may be to our bodies and our society but do we need to wait for it to be proven in years to come, when if we stopped and had a break from it, we could quite simply have all the answers now!
Yes Jinya, I have noticed the increase in people walking along the streets with their heads down looking at their phones, not looking where they are going. When driving I have noticed how dangerously people step out into the road, again because they are distracted by their phones, not to mention drivers who are driving with one hand because their phone is in the other one. Its a real concern.
I agree Jinya, it has a devastating effect! If we are all needing to check in on Facebook or search for connection every spare moment we have, when do we get to know ourselves better? When do we sit in stillness and go “I feel great being me?”
I didn’t consider the increase in hospitalisation boom Jinya…. Yes of course texting whilst driving is an obvious but all the times we try to continue our daily tasks whilst focused on our phone screen. So we see the physical damage there but the psychological damage is yet to be revealed as you say.
I have been slow to see the merits of technology, concerning how we express to others, work and learn and yet I am also aware that if we do not ensure we are clear about its purpose it can become evasive. It is possible to have it support life, it just takes honesty about how and why we are using it.
Yes Samantha, like any thing we are doing or eating etc. it takes honesty to ask ourselves why and then we truly know if it is supporting or we are using it for some other reason.
Amiee, a week before you posted this blog we in our household also had decided to have a detox from the box. I have myself been tethered to the box from the time it was only in black and white. I remember staying up late on July 21 1969 to watch live, the first man to walk on the moon and on 9/11 watching live as the second plane crashed into the twin towers and both collapse. The word technology was first used over 400 years ago. What is presented is the same, just faster to the point of overload. The big box in our living room has still not been watched since May… and has not been missed.
I went with out my phone for quite a while, and having it back has been really interesting. Its amazing how our phones can become an extra limb, and how we use them to ease tension in any situations, rather than connect with others.
Well observed Rebecca, i agree using our mobile to “ease tension” and instead to reconnect we distract ourselves bringing another activity in checking our calls or emails.
Wow Aimee, its huge what you described here. I have issues at times getting my children off their screens after seeing how it can change them, and also with myself, I can feel how sometimes I need to take a break, not even necessarily because I am using it in the wrong way, but simply because I need to have some time just with me – my body, nature, conversation with another etc. You have offered much for consideration.
Aimee, this could be the start of a ‘parenting’ book for the children and parents alike. There is something to be said for what your family did for a short period, as you explained it revealed just how intrusive technology can be and the pitfalls of it. The pit falls largely being the impact it has on relationships (with self and others) and consequently our health. As you arrive at in this blog, your family has felt what is like to live a different way so you now have a gauge to detect when the balance is tilting towards technology dominating again and reassess behaviours. How freeing to not live at the mercy of technology as so many today do.
It’s super interesting how much the world now relies on technology to function… Can you imagine a global blackout – no electricity to run machinery, computers, house phones, the phone signals wouldn’t work, no light, no resources to do anything. I’ve recently been doing some work experience in a hospital and the amount of machines they rely on to keep people alive is incredible.. There can be needles and tubes going in everywhere across the body that each link up to a certain machine, and without one of these working the patient would crash and burn. Although taking a technology detox works wonders, there is absolutely no way to do this on a large scale… The world is at a point where it can’t turn back and run smoothly still.
So true Susie. It would be like removing all medicine and health care from humanity temporarily. We would see where we are at, but at the same time we would have a lot of casualties. Technology is still relatively in its infancy. The light bulb was only invented about 100 years ago. I am sure there will be many inventions in the years to come that would be astounding, but with it will come the choice to use it responsibly or not. The question that humanity needs to ask is – are we inventing stuff to serve humanity or to make money?
I don’t have a TV and don’t miss it one bit. Today when I got home from work there was a little note from the TV licensing people. They wanted to check that I didn’t have a TV and that they are going to stop by and check again. This seems a ridiculous waste of time and money to me. Is it so unusual that I should choose NOT to have a TV and the point is that why would they not trust that I am telling the truth? Unfortunately, maybe it is the way of the world to deceive each other, leading to lack of trust all round. All in the name of collecting revenue.
It exposes sandrahenden just how abnormal it is in society to not have a TV…. a bit like saying you don’t drink alcohol.
Sandrahenden, I stopped having a television around 6 years ago when I wrote to TV licensing to confirm that I do not watch television and therefore did not need a license. I confirmed that I would not be going back to watching TV but should I change my mind I would write and let them know. Despite this they continue to check up on me which I find the most bizarre approach. I wonder when it will become abnormal to have a TV?
What a bold move Aimee and what a blessing for your family to go on a technology detox. At present we are hosting a student from Dubai who is here to improve his English. He told us on the first night that he doesn’t need to use a computer, that too much TV or IT is not good. We have enjoyed conversations at the dinner table, and as you found, the house feels harmonious and spacious.
Your blog really inspired me to look at how I am using technology. I no longer now automatically reach for the laptop when i come home from work. Almost all my computer work is done in the early morning which now frees me up to spend time with my family later, take more care over preparing dinner and go for a gentle walk. No more cramming everything in and there is now a sense of space around me as I enjoy my evenings and wind down time.
What you have put in place for yourself jane176 feels beautiful and honouring of yourself and your family. Just this week I noticed I was getting into a pattern of coming home from work and going right what is the next job I need to do and getting straight on the computer, then running late with everything else and not preparing myself for bed or sitting and talking with my family. I am now doing some of my computer work in my lunch hour at work and getting up that bit earlier to do more in the mornings before work, in order to wind down and prepare for my evenings… I already feel a huge difference.
This is inspiring Jane176 to read the changes you made after reading Aimees blog. I also feel to do my computer work in the morning, check it at lunch again to keep my evening time laptop and email free, to give me and my partner space to stop and connect.
Interestingly I came across this blog directly after eating in front of my computer. Not to say technology is bad, like most things it can be used as a form of distraction or as a supportive tool. Children seem to be spending alot of time with technology – I am not sure what the impacts of this will be apart from the fact there will be alot more tech geniuses in years to come. I do get concerned about the content we allow on these platforms, there is so much violence, pornography harassment and other forms of cyber abuse on the internet that we are exposing our children (and ourselves) to everyday.
Your blog Aimee is incredibly revealing in terms of how hooked we are as a society into technology, it is almost like a life support system. Technology can also be used to assist us in deepening our connection with others or it can be used as a means to check out.
I absolutely love this idea Aimee, and what a turnaround for the family, bringing in some true connections and bringing in opportunities for some real relationship building, is what its all about.
We don’t realize the full impact technology is having on us until we read a blog like this and it makes us stop. It highlights what naturally happens when we do switch off our computers, TV, ipod, wii etc. ”We were all left to feel what our bodies wanted to do” – we have lost this. I find myself checking my phone regularly feeling the need to connect. I have become aware of this for some time and now I am inspired to do something about it! There is much to ponder on here. Thank you Aimee for sharing a most interesting article.
This blog is so revealing. I loved reading your description of the house on the first morning of the detox. I can feel how still and clear it was despite the fact that everyone was adjusting to a new way of being with each other. It feels like a sense of simplicity and ease was present. I am really inspired by this.
It was such a palpable difference Leonne… it shows just how quickly a space, relationships, our bodies and how we feel, can change when we call out what is not working or loving in our lives.
Thank you Aimee for exposing this lifestyle that’s becoming the norm. It is a filler and a numbing device that we are getting lost in instead of being in the world, or even being in the room that your in or sometimes the people you are with.
It feels so strange when I see people in the same room all on different devices and not really being with each other. Even though the space may be full of people it feels empty. How did humanity get to this point of preferring disconnection over sharing time with each other?
Technology is literally a channel of information into our lives. It is the true quality of that information that is always there when we choose to use the technology so having a Technology detox and feeling where everyone is at is potentially a very healing thing to do. Especially so now we have so much technology… we can get FB on our watches, phones and TVs – its like you cannot get away from the Internet now!
So true Joshua, what technology in truth is there to do is always available to us… its whether we choose it with a purpose of why it is needed or choose it as a form of distraction.
This is the question I ask myself now… ‘What is the purpose of me looking at this or being on this?’
âWhat is the purpose of me looking at this or being on this?â Technology is a tool that we can utilise to support us in what we need to do or a use as a distraction so the responsibility rests with us in how we use it and your question gets to the heart of this Aimee. Thanks for sharing.
Amazing how it was all right there for this family, relationships, responsibility, organisation. . . Without the numbing, distracting influence of the TV they were left free to feel and connect to their true selves as well as each other.
‘How do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?â I absolutely agree, it is easy to say and think one could go without something but really doing it shows us how much we get used to something and how easily it can develop into a stupor in the sense of not allowing us to be aware and open anymore.
Inspirational indeed Aimee. I have teenagers around the house regularly and very rarely do they not have some sort of screen in front of them, be it a phone, ipad, computer etc etc. it dampens social skills .
It does Heidi and stunts freely expressing to one another. I watched a young lady at gym today lifting weights with one hand while texting with the other…. and I wondered when do some people have any time to themselves at all? I love leaving my phone in the car so there are no distractions while I connect with my body through exercise, but this was not always the case and I too would like something there just incase I didn’t want to feel something.
I love to be reminded of the clarity we used to have when we were not under pressure with all this technology and its immediacy, and when we could do things at the human pace and with consideration, rather than just a ‘oh that will do’. And feeling like a weight had been lifted off â yes it’s great to be able to live from your pace rather then having that feeling of being pushed from behind all the time.
I love where you wrote about the wasted time being caught up with things without a heart beat!
Technology tends to take up so much time these days, definitely taking us away from the warmth of real life connections. I have been caught up in this way too. The antidote, walk down the street or pick up the phone and actually talk with someone.
The day i read this blog i was more aware when i went to work on my computer and at times i did not, which was awesome! This subject is so important to talk about and share with other people!
So cool Janinaelisa, I am constantly inspired by reading many peoples everyday livingness and then feeling it for myself.
I agree Janinaelisa it is so important to share these insights with others because unless we do the world just seems to steam ahead without any deeper awareness of what we are developing and creating.
I am not against technology at all. It so useful and has real potential to make great changes in our struggles world. Its the way we use it and the lack of responsibility we have towards ourselves and others that I feel exposes itself.
Wow. The implications of your experiment are huge. The self-inflicted mind control and zombification we willingly do to ourselves through technology is abruptly highlighted in the before and after description of your detox. The sheer courage to walk away from technology for the period of time you did and as a family too, shows the degree to which its domination is so prevalent in our lives. What struck a real chord with me was the fact that once your mind’s no longer distracted by the lure of your device of choice, you’re able to feel what’s going on in your body and work with that, freed up to feel how tired you are and what your body wants to do. But at the root of all this is the undeniable fact that technology is but one means through which we choose to numb and dull the emptiness we feel, to avoid feeling it. That emptiness, to me, is the bigger malaise.
I agree Gill. It is our relationship with technology that is the issue. Technology is incredible and in many ways it opens up great opportunities as you describe and can be used for a greater good so to speak. I do get the feeling however sometimes that some technology was only invented to distract or numb us from real life and disconnect us from each other. So I reckon if we changed our relationship with technology then perhaps it would become much simpler and many forms of it would no longer be around?
A great description here of what a detox perhaps is really about – there are so many things and habits that we do so often we consider them normal but perhaps do not consider what we would feel like if we did not have them. A detox in its true form gives us that opportunity to feel what it would be like without the habit and an opportunity to establish or connect to our true essence or normal.
A great blog Aimee. I have heard of others that have done a similar detox that you have done and the difference has been similar to your family in that the communication between each has been much improved. I imagine there would be many changes for all if we tried the same thing . I don’t have family living at home anymore so I only have myself to interact with, but just turning off the TV is such a relief sometimes.
Social media is deceiving, where people have their accounts that say they have so many ‘friends’ e.g. 300 and it makes them feel popular and they are doing ok because of that number, however a majority of those ‘friends’ are often people they don’t even know, friends of friends of friends who liked their page…its like living in illusion.
A technology detox – i love it!! What really stood out for me is that we actually very rarely give ourselves the space to really be in stillness, just be with ourselves. I know for me, my phone is never far from my hand and in fact if it isn’t near me or god forbid i leave it at home by accident, you would think my hand had just been chopped off. So doing a self imposed technology detox, sounds like a great idea. TV would be a big one to add into that also! I am feeling very inspired by your sharing, i will report back.
How rare is it for a family to all sit down at a table, share a meal together and converse? In how many homes do people eat their meals in front of the TV or snack at the computer? Bravo for calling a holt to the tecno addiction and refocusing on those with a heart beat. It would be great if this caught on and more people experienced the benefits of detox.
Thank you Barbara. It is quite shocking and sad to hear of how many families, partners or friends don’t sit down to talk and share a meal together but instead be distracted with a TV or computer. This is not being critical as I too have done this many times with my family.
I heard of a young lady recently while visiting a friends place for dinner she was really upset and uncomfortable because the family sat around the dinner table and talked… she later explained that she had never experienced that with her family because dinner has always been in front of the TV and that she is not sure if she could do it again. What do we show another or even ourselves when we put technology as more important than connection?
Thank you Aimee really important subject you write about in the blog. I observed myself letting myself being dominated from reading always my emails on my laptop, i phone or i pad. That i don’t listen to how i feel and when it is appropriate to be on the computer and when there is a time, when i just sit in the garden to listen to the birds and look in the sky.
Our Technology is amazing! But we need to use it in way to support us and not to separate us from others or check out and escape from live.
My experience with TV in the last weeks is, that it is difficult for me to watch TV without getting affected by the energy coming towards me, so I decided not to watch TV any more. What I continue to practice in general is “observe and not absorb”.
Aimee I love the awareness and responsibility you offer your family. It is so very simple and valuable to âswitch offâ. Your children will greatly appreciate understanding this particularly as they get older. An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure when it comes to mental health.
Yesterday I was sitting in a cafe and having a rest pause on a trek across London in the summer heat. I noticed how 90% of the people there were on their laptops or phones, hardly anyone interacting with each other. Only about ten years ago I’m sure it would have been a very different scene. So the question is – has all this technology allowed us to evolve as human beings?
I feel there are definitely positives with technology advances, with connecting people from all over the world but I can see how much it is also used as an excuse to not connect as well. Something that can be used as a wall between people and families. Great question Jinya
Good question Jinya, for me it comes down to responsibility and choice. I feel it is simply a matter of how we choose to use it. With integrity or not, for true good, or not, for loving purpose or for distraction, checking out, abuse etc. so for me, I feel we can evolve alongside the technology we have built, it simply comes down to choice.
Came across your blog again today and had to laugh because I went on a TV detox for three weeks and it’s now been four months. I started the detox after having a treatment with an Esoteric Practitioner and having discussed how I use the TV to numb myself from how I feel after a days work and that maybe I should try going for a walk after work instead – which I did and still do.
One thing I did notice, when I sat down to catch up on my favourite show after the three weeks was up, I found that I wasn’t interested and couldn’t see what the attraction was in the first place, so haven’t bothered since.
Hi Julie, I will share the consequence of my TV detox. I stopped watching it completely for a month or two which turned into 6 months. One day I had an urge to watch a DVD while I ironed, so I went to the TV, hit the “on” button…..and …..nothing. At all! Yes it was plugged in, I even changed power points. Big fat nothing.
Perhaps it decided to give up, or is just having a major sulk…regardless my TV detox continues to this day…the TV still sits in the corner, and I have no urge to fix it.
Really, as I am writing this, I realise it needs to go out in a rubbish collection. The space it occupies will be perfect for some orchids.
This is powerful what you and Julie have shared Rachel… it shows how we are able to feel the space that opens up for other things when we don’t have something or choose to have a break from something. As Julie shared, I’ve also had those moments when I ask myself what did I see in a TV show or a particular movie that I could not live without in the past?! It makes me wonder now what other things that I invest in that aren’t really what I would choose if I had some time without them.
WOW Aimee – this is so very inspiring. I have to admit as I was reading I was like ‘Oh dear, I don’t think I could do this!;, but it’s clear to feel that without the distractions of technology there is far more room for connection with others and with ourselves.
Lately my TV watching has just dwindled to virtually nil. I can see how it was being used as an escape even when I was just ‘catching the news’. Having not watched any for about 3 months, I can really feel the agenda behind the TV stations, trying to capture the audience, selling advertisements and the captivating TV voice-overs, there is a hook at every turn.
Aimee you make a great point, and how courageous you were to go on a family detox! Like Jenny McGee I can relate to switching on the TV when I come home from work, and know that it is not the most supportive thing I can do for myself, especially if there’s some agitation from work in my body. What happens is in that situation is that the agitation resurfaces when I lay in bed – it didn’t go anywhere just because I decided to ‘switch off’ from me.
I agree Anne, knowing how attached to technology my own children can be, Aimeeâs choice was very courageous and inspiring. Its like removing anything that we have been or are using to numb, escape, dull or bury all that we do not want to feel and deal with in life, and everything then comes up to the surface which can be a bit yucky to feel particularly if we have been burying it for so long.
It is so true Aimee, that we can fill our lives with technology in order to avoid feeling of loneliness. I can definitely relate to returning home after work and turning the TV straight on to fill the void. I also notice that when I take the time just to regroup, feel the things that I may have overridden in the day then a level of agitation leaves my body and I can prepare for dinner, sleep and the next day in a much more connected way.
Thank you for sharing Aimee. I have noticed with my own children that most of their communication with their friends is thru the facebook etc and they rarely actually call for a conversation.
It’s actually looked down upon, as something so ancient and not advanced by many, to talk on the phone. What I really noticed recently is how stunted I hear children talking together on the phone compared to the excited and flowing conversations while playing computer games.
It’s great to re-read your article Aimee, I do not watch T.V anymore and it feels great not having this in my life and I don’t have much patience with social media but I do check my i-phone a lot. I have noticed that i can check my phone almost every 10 minutes to see if there are any new emails or text message – that is a lot of times in a day, if there is a moment in my day where i have seconds or minutes to spare then it is always my phone I go to rather than take a moment to be with myself, look out at nature or connect with someone – great to have this awareness.
Technology is a very tricky thing. You may be physically sharing a space with other people but if you are using a devise, you are not there. The problem is bigger than that. Through any devise comes to you an energy that alters you if you do not choose to stay with you as you use it. It is also true that nowadays people may use technology as a way to escape what they feel at home.
Great article really. So true the way we have become slaves to technology, and I have been feeling the same for some time. The more anxious, needy or empty I feel is directly related to the number of times I check my phone. As you say: “the need to connect to people is strong”. But if I am disconnected to myself, what am I bringing to the conversation?
And also, we cannot let technology pollute our relationships so much, invade our space so there is no space for conversation, true connection, feeling, sharing…the old way, sitting down and having a cup of tea. I also want to do a detox of technology in my next holiday, and resist the urge to look at emails, the withdrawal symptoms of this addiction that will certainly come up. And I enjoy what you so beautifully express in your blog, feeling what the body needs to do. And enjoying connection with me and others, the old way.
Technology is everywhere. It is not easy to escape that at some part of our day we interact with it. And with this it has become quite a normality for us to use technology to âcheck outâ and escape as we would through alcohol or food. It is so common today to see children engrossed in screens even when they are together rather than being, truly being with each other. I love this blog Aimee as it highlights the importance of honoring our connection to ourselves first, and the deeper and richer quality of living that this bring into our lives as we share ourselves with others.
Well that has made me consider why I am still on my phone reading blogs!! Worth every moment and I have to say I would LOVE a technology detox. Thank you for the inspiration
Reading this helped me to feel how much I’m still linked into my technology 24/7. I’ve been aware of this for some time and am aware of the red flags that suggest I’m checking out into my devices. Reading this blog and feeling your family sharing and being together on the technology detox reminded me of how it really can be when we don’t let technogy rule our world or sway our choices.
Great blog, it is so easy to check out with technology. I find at home now a days, I use my time organising and cleaning around my home. This realy supports me, everything feels clearer and organised. I am able to catch myself if I start wasting time on technology like my iPad, that something is wrong and need to look at. It also really supports my relationship with my husband, we get to spend valuable time.
Recently I have been noticing the connection I have between sugary foods and technology overload. The sugar creates a kind of restlessness in my body and the technology provides a stimulation or an outlet for this agitation that I feel, which all leads to a kind of exhaustion and general discomfort.
Yes is very confronting, I can see my own family caught in exactly what you describe.
Yes , how often do we use technology to give us what we won’t give ourselves? Excellent point to ponder.
Thank you Aimee
This is a very interesting reflection to do and a good idea to apply. Our society is really intoxicated with technology, specially children. And not stopping this inertia allows the increase of disconnection in people, with ourselves and others, the disconection with nature, with our creativity, with our own depth,.. What a great loss! It’s worth making a stop and returning to the simplicity and grandness of feeling, and to stay open to real ways of expression and communication. I’m going to do it. Thank you Aimee for your inspiration.
How great it was to read this blog whilst I’m in the middle of my own TV detox. I have always found that I’ve used TV as a friend, something to fill my time when I am lonely or bored and as a tool to numb and not feel where I am at. I decided to take a week away from TV to see what lies under the need to check out in this way. So far in my detox, I have had numerous amazing conversations with friends that I wouldn’t normally be inclined to have in case they took me away from my favourite shows, I have cooked a lovely meal from scratch with my partner which we never normally do and I have gone to bed feeling more relaxed and ready for sleep than when I have binged on TV right up to and past the time my body naturally feels ready to rest. By and large, I really haven’t missed TV at all and when I introduce it back in again I will do so sparingly and cautiously. Like you shared Aimee, if you don’t know what it feels like to not have something in your life, you don’t know what you’re missing. Now I do and what I’m missing is a more solid connection with me and that’s something I wish to keep.
I mostly like the part where you said that you now have time to make a meal from scratch with your partner.
I liked this part too Matts, you can feel the joy of this for Megan and her partner. The so called ‘smaller’ things that we can often take for granted but when felt they are so big in making connection with each other.
That’s an awesome experiment Aimee and a great thing to do. I notice how easily i can distract myself with technology and literally waste the day whereas when i just do what i need to do without resorting to tv then i feel so much better and more complete at the end of the day as usually i then have not left things until later to do!
Hey Aimee,
It was so lovely to get a snapshot of your life overseas. I can so relate to what you’re talking about. I notice that I too can check out on news apps, weather apps, emails etc and fill any little moment with technology. Your experience is so inspiring and really profound. I’ll definitely be taking a leaf out of your book and will be going on a detox myself. It’s fascinating to consider how recent the technology boom has been in comparison to humanities long history.
It’ll be very interesting to see where it develops from here.
It is true what you are saying Aimee, I am traveling and having no internet access on my phone just made me realise how much I usually look at my phone instead of ask people when I do not know the way or something. Without the internet on my phone I had to ask people and it is just lovely to connect and get to know people that I do not know yet. I would probably have just looked it up on my phone if I would have had internet.
It is amazing the difference when the TV is not turned on during an evening. The whole atmosphere is much calmer, at ease and relaxing. Definitely more supportive in the preparation of going to sleep.
So true Joanne, I don’t have a TV anymore and my home feels definitely more relaxing and calm. Once I got over the “what am I going to do to distract myself” phase, which I realised had become a bit of a habit sometimes, I felt liberated from the hooking effect that TV can have. Now I don’t missed my TV at all.
Yes it is Johanne! And I find it is so easy to feel when to go to bed, but when the TV is on I find we override feeling tired and stay up later.
Thank you Aimee,
This was beautiful to read and feel. I can totally relate to too much technology and using it as a way to avoid how tired or lonely I am. But gee it’s nice to give myself some time away from the devices and TV to really enjoy myself. I have found or rediscovered so many of my other talents and activities I used to enjoy so much and now I have the time for them again, Feeling more myself and using my phone to connect rather than to avoid being lonely. Quite a difference!
So lovely to hear your experience and how it brought your family together with an openness to each other.
Thank you Rebekah. When we are using technology or anything for that matter in the way that is truly needed, everything feels like it falls into place… like you say there is ample time to do everything that needs to be done without being consumed by one thing.
Lovely blog Aimee. we all know the feeling of being connected to each other and having an open, freeing feeling when being in a family. But this can not be the experience for so many people and things like technology get in the way. It’s really amazing to hear how your family ‘sparkled’ when on the detox and there was a clear feeling in the house.
I agree Harrison, how by simply removing tv, video games etc.. Naturally brought the family closer together and more connected. It is crazy to think we can grow up living in a house with others yet feel lonely and disconnected.
Absolutely Harrison, there is nothing like connecting with another. Its been very interesting, how naturally, our overuse or reliance on technology has stopped. I use technology so differently now, with focusing on what is there to be done, not just checking out for ages looking at things I have no need to search for.
Just last week I realised how much I was checking Facebook on my phone. My mobile started playing up and would keep shutting down, when I got it checked it was because of FB talking up so much room that there was no space for anything else…. that was enough of a sign for me to delete it off my phone!
I used to waste a lot of time shopping on the internet. These days I focus on what needs to be done. At times I will drift but then I begin to feel a little uncomfortable knowing that I am making things more complicated than what they have to be. Presence is key.
Hi Caroline, I also see now how much time I have wasted over my life on checking out with technology or anything really… but at the same time believing I was super busy. Kind of like when you have a baby and you wonder what you used to do with all you’re free time before that.
That is the question isn’t it whether we are using technology to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves or to completely check out and not face or feel what is truly going on in this mixed up crazy motion filled world.
Yes to that, Sue, for years I refused to have a TV in my house, but when one was given to us our little family lost a lot of connection with each other and it became an escape from dealing with the issues in our relationships, We chose it as a tool for us not to address what was going on. Lethargy and boredom ensued, and life became grey instead of full of colour and vitality. Years later I started listening to the radio thinking this was a way of connecting with what was going on in the world. It is true it does give me very good information, but it is very easy to get hooked into listening as a habit. Recently I did a “radio detox” and I am much more present in everything I do, not half my mind somewhere else, and finding that so much more fulfilling I now very rarely turn it on.
A brilliant blog, Amiee. I have noticed for quite a while the difference in my body when I work on my computer or other device, as opposed to when I use it to escape. There have been times on the train during my commute to work when I will look up from my phone or iPad and suddenly realise that I have to get off at the next stop. After that happening a couple of times, I decided to a) take the games off of my devices and b) spend some time on the train just being with other people on the train. I don’t have to talk to anyone (that tends to freak people out on London tubes) but just look down the car and take in the view of all of the people, each with their lives. Staring at a tiny screen all the time and we miss all of that.
I’ve noticed in not watching TV that I need less sleep, my body is enjoying deeper, more restful sleep and I can’t help but feel that the winding down is more profound when TV is not part of the evening. I can’t remember ever regretting switching off the TV, I can certainly remember many times I wish I had.
Technology is useful and in some ways it has made connections with others even easier, but it is all in the intention of how it is used. It can be a great tool of bringing humanity together but I agree that so often it is used as something to hide behind or separate people from each other.
â…time…wasted… things that didnât have a heart rateâ Irony; I have an app that uses your face, with the camera to read your heart rate… it may not have one but it can read you.
It is amazing the amount of time that becomes available without TV and electronic devices that connect us to the outside world when they are not used for checking out… It has also highlighted the amount of time I have used them for the other.
“They played marbles outside, kicked a soccer ball, played with lego, went to the park and did experiments.” I love this line, reminds me of a much simpler time. Technology needs a rewind – how much further can we really go before we lose all connection with self and others. Thank you Aimee for being prepared to go there.
Yes I love it too Caroline. The domino affect from doing this detox twice now, is that the boys very rarely spend much time on computer games now and on how they have felt the difference are even talking about selling what they have.
I am acutely aware of the new generations to enter life where it is common for people to carry smart phones, which are in effect mini computers. Sixty years ago, we may not have been able to see our relatives on a screen to talk to them, but when we wanted to connect with a friend, we made a date and went around for a cup of tea. These days, we are more likely to send an email, a text or message their social media account. We have come to accept a more superficial version of connection, which is not true connection. Now more than ever we need to instil in the young the importance of connection and our physical presence int the world.
“We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focusing on things that didnât have a heartbeat.”
In a world where most are craving love and connection it is crazy that we become obsessed with screens in lieu of the people who are close to us. I love your experiment and totally get how freeing it must be.
As disturbing the thought of a technology detox is at the first moment and raising the question of what will I do all the time I otherwise use to spent on the computer it also brings me back to my childhood when there was only one TV with 3 channels and one phone for the whole family available. Not only did we survive, life worked as well as today, and gosh, did we enjoy simply playing and exploring the neighbourhood, being out for adventure in nature and coming up with all kinds of activities. Why not rediscover the same freedom as an adult again – with ourselves and others?
I will go for that experiment Alex, to remove the distractions from living our true lives and connect with people instead of wandering on the internet, social media platforms or getting distracted by playing internet games of any kind. We human beings are designed to interact and work with each other, so why are we avoiding this?
I agree Alex, I felt exactly the same when I read Aimee’s amazing blog. The difference between spending a day outside in nature compared to being focused in front of a piece of technology is incomparable. One keeps you open and connected to self and others and the other funnels you into a way of being that makes your sole focus on an object and not yourself and those around you.
I had a little laugh with your comment Alex – “…Not only did we survive, life worked as well as today…” Yes we did survive and as my children and their friends experience when there is no technology times, that there is so much more real fun to explore with each other. Just this week, I watched them all playing and connecting, playing hide-n-seek, watering plants or just sitting talking with each other… a joy to watch and feel.
And to answer your question Alex – for me when I became an Adult I saw that ‘freedom’ that we have as children as not being serious or adult enough. This belief has changed incredibly over the years and I love nothing more now than feeling what I would like to do from moment to moment. This all stops though when I get stuck focusing on one thing and becoming rigid with it. Time to go for a walk and explore my neighborhood!
Yesterday I was talking with a colleague about how animals doesn’t seem to have this thing of thinking of something else when they’re doing something. The are fully present with what they are currently doing. Imagine a bird having thoughts of what to eat for dinner and suddenly flying into a tree. You don’t really see that.
I really enjoyed reading your comment Aimee. “What I would like to do moment to moment” This is something that we didn’t learn at school, nobody taught us to feel our beautiful presence and enjoy to be open to our senses. Since some years I’m exploring this and feels so freeing. It’s very new but old as I already did when I was a very little girl. I didn’t need anything to have fun, to be confident and share all my joy with all around đ
I felt the same when reading Aimee’s blog Alex, that a technology detox is almost unthinkable but then as you say we had minimal technology before and life was certainly no worse so why not explore what life would be like with less dependence on it now?
It was the same for my brother and myself. Our childhood was about playing outside in nature’s garden whatever the weather and created our own games to play. Great fun. We always presented a healthy glow about us too. Not like so often seen amongst children (and adults alike) – a very pale complexion and a lethargy, and words of being bored when away from their technology. Since embracing much less TV/technology as you share Alex the freedom is wonderful.
I also love what you have shared here about your observations of technology and the impact it can have on all of us, it can be friend or foe depending on the intent behind why we use it. I observe daily kids checked out on some form of technology â earphones, phones, iPads, tablets and this is in class when they are meant to be focussing on something else â it really is scary the frequency of this and also as we tidy up, just before the bell goes I would go as far to say that half the class instantly get out their phones. I even see kids put music in to walk the few minutes between classes. Or kids absolutely distraught as they have forgotten their phone, been banned from the internet or other similar scenarios, this is not all, but a huge percentage. Which makes me ask, with this huge amount of checking out, no blame here as I have been part of it, and can still do at times, what is the longterm health affects? If we are choosing to check out and not want to connect, be here, feel etc for whatever reason this is going to have huge consequences on humanity â I feel many realise. Makes me stop and question not only my own health and well being, also that of others but also the responsibility I have in staying present with myself and the reflection my choices and way of living can bring.
I absolutely agree Aimee and can feel the joy in this. I for one use my phone at time to check out , be it to not feel, distract ( which is the big one ) look for connection or even love ( phones don’t do either đ ) and when I do I now know, feel and realise this is actually a call for me to go deeper: to go to a deeper love or connection with myself. I don’t often use them around other people. But a distraction from feeling or deepening my relationship with myself a definite yes. So I have come to often leave my phone switched off as I don’t really need it, sometimes I leave it in the car whilst at work especially if I have been prone to checking out on it, or leaving it in my bag over night so I can’t reach from bed to check my emails in the morning – instead I check in with me.
Your blog Aimee is really highlighting how we are allowing technology to impact our lives on so many levels. I unplugged the television in March after returning from a Universal Medicine retreat in Vietnam after realising that watching it was not supporting me in any way. As I live alone I wondered how I was going to fill the time before bed but three months later I’m wondering how I ever had time to sit and watch whatever nonsense was on. And there’s now space to call a friend!
So this morning I forgot my phone to work. Well, what can I say, quite an experience. When I noticed I felt a bit lost, almost like I lost my leg or something, then I did not know the time which felt strange and then I actually felt a spaciousness. The whole morning there was no focus on my phone and I could feel the difference. In my lunch break I went home to get it…so much for my morning detox but hey, it’s a step! I should forget my phone more often…
Yes the technology is very distracting and absorbing of our focus. I am concerned with children growing up with these devices. They haven’t had the grace of time and space to not be imposed by these gadgets like us adults have had as children.
I do agree with you Aimee, that technology like any object can be used as a tool to help or hinder, depending on the persons intent and awareness.
Thank you Aimee for your insightful blog – it highlights how far we have all moved away from connecting to ourselves and our own innate knowingness. Throughout my life I have moved from one distraction to another and by the time that computers came on the scene I was beginning to question the way that I could so easily find myself drawn into the screen. It feels as though my mind can lose all sense of connection to me, my body and anything around me. Maybe like you I need to try and detox and to feel how beautiful life can be without the distraction. What I am also feeling is that it is more about connecting to me than avoiding distractions – as the distractions will always be there.
Good point Susan, the distractions will Always be there in all shapes and colours, thus it is important to listen to our bodies which comes from the connection we have with the body.
Elizabeth. I could not agree more, mobile phones are the scourge of the modern day. That is why we seem to have lost the art of communication,on a face to face basis.
It is great to come back to your blog again Aimee. Since reading it last time I have been more aware of when my body clearly tells me ‘that is enough now’ when I am on my laptop. I can feel the old energy of indulgence when on the computer has lost its stranglehold and that feels lovely.
It is true Aimee being de-hooked from technology is very freeing, I used to use TV to wind down from but since I have stopped watching it I can see it wasn’t a way to wind down at all, but a total distraction and very hooking, I would watch programmes that I didn’t really want to watch and end up staying up much later than intended and then wonder why I was tired the next day. Taking a walk in the evening is so much more joyful than a TV programme and is great for a good nights sleep.
It’s a really good observation that we can feel out of sorts some mornings and connecting it to us consuming all sorts of things (not food) before hopping in to bed is awesome because we can try to make some changes and see if there’s a difference.
I did this too Alison – I stayed up much later than intended and I couldn’t feel if my body is actually tired or not. And as you say, going for a walk in the evening makes such a big difference compared to watching TV.
I often find it quite amusing sitting at lunchtime with colleagues where everyone is sitting there looking at their mobile phones. It is definitely time to introduce the idea of a technology detox.
Not just at lunchtime – often whilst they are actually talking to each other. I recently read an article about a restaurant that couldn’t understand why they were making less money than five years ago. Bookings were up, service was good, food was ace…what was the problem??? So they got a company in to analyse what was going on. The company requested to look at the footage from one of the security cameras in the dining hall. They had it all back logged on a main server. And the company found that now, clients were taking on average 20 minutes to order their food after they had been given their menus, as opposed to less than seven minutes, five years ago. Why? Because thy were all on their phones or doing emails, rather than being present with their friends and the menus. Thus, over the evening, the restaurant was doing less covers and thus was making less money!!
After reading your blog Aimee I decided to not watch TV – several days later with a few little withdrawal moments I realised I was filling that watching time into gently walking, finishing off some of my daytime jobs- playing with the grandchildren etc. Most of all sleeping a more healing sleep – WOW!
Standing in the changing booth trying out new clothes and answering the phone when it rang made me think about your blog Aimee.
Today I forgot my phone at home and guess what? I survived đ
This blog is huge and a massive reflection for me. There is a gulf of difference between the way I interact with technology. Sometimes, there is true purpose and commitment – technology is awesome and there is much great work that can be done through it and, the way our society operates, there is much work that has to be done through it. Easy. No problem. BUT. There is a whole different way that I can interact with technology. As many have shared here. A void filler, distraction, pursuit of recognition etc…etc…A detox sounds like a great way to reset that barometer.
I’ve been observing more how ( starting as young as 2 years old) this trend is effecting our younger generation – big time. Adults are doing the same thing too and have done for some years (myself included) – still a form of checking out. To bring awareness to this like you have Aimee is fantastic. Watching the children in my family playing outside is such a joy – Observing them on their computers is a whole different ball game.
Aimee I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I have noticed that I check my phone much more often if I’m not feeling completely myself. It’s like I think my phone can help me to feel better, which of course it can’t, it’s just to distract me from feeling what is going on.
Since reading your blog Aimee, I have been noticing how often I check my phone or emails etc. It has been interesting to notice how I often I use my devices to check out, or distract myself from what I am feeling. Thank you for your honesty in this blog , it has supported me to feel how I mis-use technology at times instead of connecting more with myself and others.
Though the new generation of young people is equipped with a much greater ability to technical devices, like their eye-finger coordination is so much faster, so they seem not to get so easily tired like for example I do in my forties – there is a potential risk to get a overload of agitation which brings a certain constant level of nervousness and stress in the body. As already mentioned this causes certain health problems which extends we do not know we yet. This constant drive to be connected or informed is already diagnosed as ‘the manager illness’.
We won’t be able to avoid that the world gets more and more into the cyber world, but it is necessary to stay or get aware of the consequences if this style of life turns into an excessive way and disconnects firstly oneself from oneself and then from others. And yes it is an addiction which needs to be addressed seriously.
Awesome experiment Aimee, it’s so easy to trick ourselves into thinking we have important things to do / work etc on our devices when honestly we are just using it to check out or not have to interact with the world in front of us… It’s a great control to keep the world at arms length. So no different to drugs and alcohol binges really, only it’s seemingly more respectable. So perhaps there is a different way we can be with technology, but first step is to become aware of exactly how we are using it.
I have stopped watching TV two months ago now as an experiment… and have not missed it at all. I have always loved my technology gadgets or should I say toys… things to fill my empty moments with and in the past I must have had lots of empty moments because I have had over time lots of toys. Universal Medicine has shown me the baggage of things I have acquired over time and am currently de-cluttering my life. Technology is now just a tool to be used when needed rather then needed because it is a tool and I may need it.
I can relate to not missing TV Steve Matson. I stopped watching TV for quite some months now, because I simply do not have the time to watch. But I can honestly say that I do not miss watching series or other programs. I can occasionally watch a movie, but that is rarely, But this morning on my way to work I thought I forgot my cell phone and have to admit, there was a slight panic. So there is definitely something to look at for me.
I have become more aware how often I grab my phone while walking or being on public transport. It’s like I don’t want to have a moment doing nothing or even connect with somebody else. So now I have decided when on the train or bus, to just sit with myself and to just be. The wonderful thing is that I actually have time to truly connect with people. I have had some wonderful chats with people sitting next to me. So goodbye phone and hello world while travelling.
That’s great Mariette. In my experience this travelling chats are use to be an opportunity to open up, to trust and to bring out all of me to the world. This moments when I’m allowing myself just to be me with others feels very natural and playful indeed, no wifi is required to have a true connection.
So often when I am ‘using’ my phone or iPad ” ‘they’ give me what I will not give myself “, which is a sort of ‘head connection’ yet, a dis- connection from my heart, separating me from others around and avoiding expressing what I am truly feeling. A regular technology detox, a great idea Aimee.
Interesting thing what happens when things get more still and we don’t have that distraction any more.
I’m almost blushing reading your blog Aimee, reaching for the phone the first thing I do sounds oh too familiar. I can really feel that the devices are controlling me and not me using them when I feel to so from now on I will attempt to make a change and thank you for the inspiration.
I just saw a story on a school where the children were getting outside during class time every day to walk or run a mile. It is such a simple intervention that can take us away from technology and give such great benefits to health. In watching this story it struck me that there was no mention of the teachers doing the same, but adults need to break from sitting and technology as much as children do. The benefits of moving and walking are unending and it makes no sense that we avoid exercising and allow ourselves to get lost in computer work or what’s on the telly.
So true Stephen. Not only does it take a toll on your posture, but I also feel it in my eyes. When I spend a few minutes looking away from the screen I literally feel my eyes breathing out a sigh of relief.
Great point Stephen. We all need to be looking after ourselves equally. I see this separation between kids and adults (parents and teachers) so often. Kids being encouraged to eat better, do less technology, take more exercise, commit to stuff etc…. the list is endless. As a parent myself who has stumbled through all kinds of mistakes I can honestly say that they very best way to encourage kids to do anything is to do it yourself first. And this includes, as you say Stephen, simple self-care.
What a fantastic blog Aimee – one I feel to share with all my family. Since turning off my TV this has brought so much space for me to complete those little jobs that I make excuses to leave until another day. To limit the use of all those technical devices does as you share allow more time to connect to others. Bringing back conversations and sharing.
I have found that when you get out of the habit of watching tv, it is something I really do not miss at all, (for in the past I had my ‘favourite’ tv programmes, that I would follow) and I agree Marion I too find I have so much more space for myself.
I have been without a TV for over three months now and I don’t miss it at all. My phone though is another story, my phone detox is really showing me how attached I am to it and how it has become so normal to just grab it out of my bag and check for mails/text. So that is a work in progress ( :
I’ve never been one to spend too much time at the computer as that fogginess you talked about can be very full on and I find if I spend too much time at the computer I can get a bit edgy as well. Luckily for me you can’t build or renovate a house using a computer.
Thank you Aimee, taking responsibility and building a healthy relationship with technology is important nowadays it is also a great opportunity for us to develop a deeper level of presence with ourselves so it can truly support us instead of hindering our development and relationships with others.
I am revisiting this article because I found myself feeling a bit challenged by the idea of a tech de-tox and wanted to explore why. I waver between surrendering to the march of technology to wanting to be free of it (honestly…wanting my children to be free of it) – neither of these extremes are sustainable or responsible. Understanding and living with technology as a tool for us, I realise that this cannot happen unless I have a respectful, ongoing, caring relationship with myself. Without it I can be pulled into either of the above extremes: giving up or rejecting. Thank you Aimee for sharing your story and for providing me with this opportunity to look carefully.
What I find is that when I am on the computer for a specific reason I have to stay focussed, because if I get side tracked by looking at ads and Facebook, I no longer feel focussed and then my commitment to my tasks during the day get pushed to one side and replaced with more distractions, if I am not careful and catch it.
I am on a TV detox even though I originally signed up for 3 weeks, it’s now been 7 weeks and I am finding that my relationship with the TV has changed – the pull to sit and watch has lessened drastically.
Hurray for your experiment and then with your whole family! Really, this technology ‘thing’ is all around us. It slipped into our lives as if it were to stay e.g.the way we relate to it. I just love your experiment. It is something we could / should all do, even if it just once, to feel the impact, the addiction, the habit to use all the devices. And then become honest: why do we use it for? And how does it affect the connection with ourselves and others?
A very interesting experiment Aimee. I recently caught a bus which was crammed full of school children, and almost all of them had some kind of hand-held portable electronic device. This was quite a shock to me as I have not had children, and when I was a child myself in the fifties and sixties, all of these things had yet to arrive. So what exactly is our fascination with these devices? When you examine what all that advanced and miniaturised technology is achieving, it is quite prosaic.
It enables someone to avoid talking to their immediate neighbour, in order for them to talk to someone a few rows of seats away! So is it just ‘novelty’ value? If so, by definition, that will soon wear off as it becomes less ‘new’. Your point about your sons becoming more organised without the distraction of technology is interesting. It shows that normal healthy life is put on hold, while these devices are indulged. So it seems that the outcome of the technology detox was to appreciate just how much the true richness of life has to offer, over the ephemeral attraction of the technological novelty.
Aimee what a great science experiment you have done – something we all known but like a drug I know I would turn to technology and then suddenly the hours have past and time has gone. No wonder as a society we complain we are time poor because in truth what is the quality of our activity or being in that time? When I have times of not watching TV, being focused on what is needing my attention I end up with lots of time and no need for TV. Perhaps the issue which your technology detox has shown is the way we spend our time is just as important as how much time appear to have.
Ok I have to admit, I am sometimes on a computer nearly all day. I love technology in all its forms but, just like anything I have had to develop a very loving relationship with it. No different to food or anything really.
I love this article Aimee. I have noticed on the days when I don’t want to feel the messages that my body is giving me I will check my phone a lot. I can feel I use it to distract myself and check out from what I am feeling in my body. I am appreciating that I am willing to see this and I am willing to look at what is going on underneath this “technology addiction”.
It’d be impossible to imagine about a couple of decades ago, that we’d need technology detox! What you’ve described here is a reality of life. It has become so easy to distract and disconnect from people around you and living in virtual world, I’m included as well. I loved the way you expressed and presented something to the reader: whether we are using technology to support or distract/check out.
Thank you for sharing!
What a great blog Aimee. technology was the next step up from the industrial revolution but instead of freeing us, it has enslaved us. We need to switch off and fully enjoy the real High definition, surround sound, 4D experience that they keep trying to copy but still canât beat real life.
I love that definition Steve! I also love when I choose to close the computer and look around me at real life, and talk with people without sound problems and interference, able to feel and take in everything about them, and see Nature for real. Then it is my truly lived experience. But there is something about making a relationship with my actual computer; it is real and tangible under my fingers, it brings me messages and information. I feel learning to treat myself with respect in the handling and use of it I will treat it with respect, and it may not play me up quite so often!
Ill go the ultra High non defined 5D experience please! I hazard a guess that with that level of love consistently in my body, no tech detox would be needed and a great blessing and healing would be brought to social media and either tech past times.
Great article Aimee – I could definitely relate to your suggestion that ‘…perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it (technology) to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊒. My flatmate and I were recently discussing the bizarre addiction to tv shows that we have both had in the past – I don’t have a tv and rarely watch shows or movies now as taking the time to catch up with my flatmates or taking some for myself to wind-down at the end of the day is really important to me. We both agreed how strange and sad it is to seek connection, entertainment and relief from your day by sitting by yourself in front of a screen, watching other peoples’ lives – watching a fabricated reality.
Addiction to tv shows like any other addiction is not to feel the emptiness inside and sadly leaves us disconnected to ourselves but also disconnected to everyone else. Before we can connect to people, a reconnection with ourselves and our bodies is paramount, and we do this through lovingly taking care of ourselves and meeting our own needs which reduces and cuts out eventually our choice of addiction, whether it be tv, food, porn, alcohol and the list goes on.
Hats off to you Aimee, I too feel a lump in my throat and come out in cold sweats when I consider a technology detox. Which invariably sucks given that I know my truth is to frolic in the outdoors. This is a super inspiring blog and a great stepping stone back to true connection.
Aimee what a great subject to shed light on. What you have expressed I can fully relate to. I have notice the same patterns of disconnection in my family and myself. What you wrote about wanting to connect with people had never occurred to me but reading this was like a light bulb moment. I can feel a tech break coming on.
Just to consider a technology detox brings up a lot in me! This is great to consider and explore as an individual and as a family. The idea of bringing awareness and respect to our technology use is inspiring. Thank you.
Yes I agree just the idea of a tech detox stirred something up n my body. I can get locked in to technology and instead of using it as a simple means of communication from the heart it becomes a means of fulfilment, comfort or stimulation. So it was great to observe these ways of giving power away and the slightly irksome feeling at the thought of a tech detox! In observing this it has brought to my attention being more caring and discerning and placing some pauses in my day to just be with me.
That’s such a great point Jane “my intention, and how I am when using it”.
This is an area that I’m currently staying as aware of as possible. I find if I don’t then techno hick-ups arise and it all goes around longer and gets more complicated. Simple is very supportive with using technology. If it’s not simple I’m not supporting myself with my interactions and use.
yes for me the key sentence here is: “… how I am when I am using it.” It’s a great marker to set and observe myself how (and where) I truly am when using technology.
I am noticing how technology is a great indicator for me of where my focus has been previous to that. As when I am drawn to ads and other sites, itâs a great reminder to stop and get back on track and back to me and reflect on what other areas of my life, have I been distracted in?
Great subject Aimee and it is amazing how all these devices have crept into our lives and it is so easy to let them take over. Just love how expansive your family felt with the detox and feel inspired to look at technology in a different way ie how it can best support me and not to allow it to pull me away from myself and my inner knowing of what I need to do to support myself in each day.
I unplug everyday, when ever I need to: I place so much more importance on my quick nap or need for solace, than the next business call, or to fiddle on facebook. I feel it’s healthy to leave the phone at home occasionally too – so as not to have that full reliance on it, like another limb.
I love your comment Oliver, it is a lovely reminder and at the same time feels very loving to: ‘ place so much more importance on my quick nap or need for solace, than the next business call, or to fiddle on facebook’.
Great blog Aimee. I live with a room mate and most evenings we sit and eat together. The tv has been on 4 or 5 times in a year for less than an hour and we both enjoy connecting several times per day. I deleted fb from my phone and check it on my computer once or twice a week. We’re limiting our tech time to bare essentials – because as you said “We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focussing on things that didnât have a heartbeat”. There’s too much love to enjoy to check-out in front of a screen. Such a wonderful blog for all those so called ‘normal’ households with 3 tv’s, 4 ipads and several phones going flat-out (not to mention the hundreds of millions of ‘gamers’ out there).
I love this blog too Oliver as it points out that the way we engage with technology is the key and if it does not contain that “heartbeat” i.e. true connection with others we are really distracted and disconnected.
I have realized how much technology is part of my life, thank you Aimee for bringing this up. If I would leave all devices out of my daily life I would have lots of time left for myself, to meet with people or to do things for my home. It is interesting how I always check for emails or SMS or whats up mail. It is crazy how much space this takes in one day.
I want to take this now with me into my next day, and putting myself on a program to use technology more wisely.
I agree Monika- to use technology more wisely and with full presence will go a long way to ensure it is not used as a ‘checking out’ tool.
I keep being drawn back to this blog as I see the importance of it. Everyone needs to at least try this detox to see how the withdrawal effects them. Then stand back and be honest about it. For a start how much of our precious lives are wasted doing utterly checked out, mindless, staring at a screen of some description?
Well said, Kevin. Bringing awareness to the way we interact with our technology. Are we in charge or is it?
That’s exactly it – who is in charge. Well said Matilda.
So true Kevin ‘For a start how much of our precious lives are wasted doing utterly checked out, mindless, staring at a screen of some description?’, it’s lovely to be reminded of how precious life is and it does feel like such a waste constantly checking my phone for emails, when most of them are junk mail anyway.
The first thing that struck me after reading this great blog Aimee is that I have often felt disturbed by how much people tend to live with their faces stuck in their phones and not truly connecting to people right around them, yet now I feel I have fallen into a similar trap, using technology like computers and the internet as a tool to check out and not feel what is there to be felt and learned from during times of tension in my day. You’ve inspired me to look deeper into this and do a little technology detox myself. I know I have certainly wasted valuable time in my life looking up trivial things under the excuse of “well, at least I’m learning something and building knowledge.” But what good is that “knowledge” when it is not directly benefiting others?
Wow an awesome blog Aimee, I felt myself cringe whilst reading this knowing that I check my phone too much and my emails more than is needed. You raise a great point in this line and something for me to look more closely at -‘Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊒
Technology is a wonderful tool, and if not used responsibly we can use it to escape and distract ourselves – missing out on true connection with ourselves and others.
learning to not let the technology and games control our lives and keep us more disconnected will be the challenge for us all in our world that is now dominated by these devices. It’s a great blog Aimee that shows us that we can have a lot of real fun and connection when we leave the technology behind . It is definitely a topic that requires much conversation and study now and in the future.
Iâve never been into technology; in fact Iâve actively resisted it up to quite recently. For a few reason Iâve decided to participate more and understand social media as this is where and how many people and every younger person are communicating. Also using these devices is how we are going (everything is done on line), and keeping myself in the dark ages isnât going to serve me into my future. Just last week my hard drive stopped and I was without the computer for 2 days. Yes even I felt the effects of the device detox. I realized how much it had become what I centered my time around. All be-it participating in practical, essential tasks and projects. But there was an automatic default setting lurking that I have a device to constantly check and look at. So each time I do this I need to consciously check with me first and make sure Iâm the default setting with the heart-beat, and the devices are tools that serve and support me.
Hi Aimee, thank you for sharing your detox. I love this part it is brilliant âtime âŠ.wasted focussing on things that didnât have a heartbeatâ. Iâve never thought of it in this light and now will never forget. Thank you.
This is great Aimee, and what a wonderful opportunity for the whole family. I particularly loved reading how your boys went outside to play, played marbles and generally just had fun being kids! It’s very empowering to remove all the technology and really feel how it is we spend so much time distracting ourselves, buried in our phone or computers, yet not truly connecting with people. Wonderfully inspirational.
Isn’t it great for the boys of Aimee to experience the freedom without the technology, even if it is just for a short time, it will make a difference, having the space for other things and for self. We have allowed technology to take over our lives, this should not be the case and rather using it more wisely.
Aimee when I walk past parents in the park with their kids I see that many of them are on their phones and interacting with their kids half heartedly. Add to this how many really young kids are given their parents phones to occupy them at dinner, whist shopping or anytime human interaction gets too much. Where are we headed when babies and toddlers are introduced to screens so early on and are interacted with by a parent who is behind a screen ?
We live in a technology driven world where we think that our lives will collapse in a crumpled heap without them, so it is really inspiring that you have managed to get through a technology detox and feel its benefits. I am sure there are many mothers that would love to do what you have done Aimee.
Yes I am sure many mothers (and fathers too I’d say) would love to do just that Alison. Aimee, how awesome would it be if your blog went mainstream so that many people can benefit from your sharing.
Since reading your blog the first time I have become more aware of just how addicted to my mobile phone I am, I notice when I’m out and about or even at home that any spare moment I’m checking for messages, this can be every 20 minutes. It feels addictive and like a distraction rather than simply using my phone in a practical way.
I’m definitely showing my age here but I remember the days of black and white Tv and no video , Video for those too young to know what that is, is how we used to watch movies before the invention of the DVD or movie downloads or streaming. I remember having a great time without devices like i-pads computers, smart phones etc. A lot of these things have made our life a lot easier and brought the world closer with skype, video conferences and email but at what expence? I think device addiction is quite a serious problem though we tend to joke about it like many other addictions. It’s the total abandonment of reality and checked outness that some acheive is the dangerous thing. A fantasy world where there is no real responsibility or accountability.
I love this point, Kevin. Those things we joke about, to avoid being responsible and/or honest, that actually need some careful attention, observation and discussion.
There is a fine line between using technology as a tool and using it to run our lives. Many people lives appear to revolve around all the gadgets of technology. Technology can keep everyone separate as you have proven Aimee by going on a technology detox and how much time there was for you and your family to communicate and spend sharing together. To listen to the laughter and see children just playing together without the need for technology stimulation is beautiful to witness.
Put simply, technology enables us… the ideal is that it enables to do more and to communicate more. However, it also enables us to check out more, and distract ourselves. The difference is what choices we are making that then feeds through to the technology. The detox is a great experiment as it allows you to reconnect back to yourselves, and see those choices more clearly.
‘How do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?â I like this question and having some time without something that I normally have and am used to, not only gives me an understanding whether I am depending on something or whether I use it wisely in my daily life but has me appreciate this something â be it a person or a thing or whatever this something may be â much more.
It’s a brave new world you are suggesting Aimee, back to a time when people talked to people directly and not through IM. I certainly relate to using technology as an activity to feed perpetual motion, it’s addictive and the ‘come down’ can be rough but worth it.
Aimee, this is an amazing blog and a must read for everyone! We have so allowed technology to dominate our lives and use them as distraction tactics from feeling our days and our relationships with each other. I know and understand that fog you describe. I have stopped watching TV for many, many months now and to feel the space in the evening as a result is great.
This is so true – at dinner celebrations everybody is on their mobile phones – and you see friends walking in the street not talking with anybody who is with them, but talking on their phones. It is bizarre behaviour but who am I to judge – I have spent hours at my computer doing emails and missing valuable communications with my family and friends. Your point about the fogginess is an important one to consider – I do a lot of work on Social Media and your words remind me to be very discerning of the energetic impact on my body.
Such a great experiment, Amiee. It has brought up various things for me, including my attachment to my work laptop, which goes everywhere with me. What if it didn’t? Something to explore.
Great blog Aimee, and well done for de-toxing your home and family from technology. I was brought up in a household where everyone was glued to the tv, or listened to the radio, or both at the same time! I was well aware how checked out everyone was and as a child I missed the connection I could have had with my family. I have been free of a tv for a while now and agree with you, having no tv allows me to feel what is needed in the moment by not being tied to programme times, not to mention having the space to connect to friends in person. TV and computer games are like a drug, once I let go of mine it was actually a relief.
Since reading this blog, I have been more aware of my relationship with my Iphone and my computer. I have to say, it has been quite exposing. It is very easy to use these devices to distract myself and they become a ‘filler’ in these moments that I can also just be with myself, connect and feel if there is something to feel, which is the case quite often. Especially my Iphone is a huge distraction. Beautiful to observe, learn from it and make other choices.
You’ve inspired me Aimee to give a technology detox a go, particularly so my son can feel what life can be like without all the devices. The way you describe the renewed connection in your family but also the organisation and focus in your boys is very inspiring. I agree it is so important to keep checking that the technology is supporting us and not taking over.
Aimee, what you have written makes a lot of sense. Technology is a valuable aspect of our lives these days but we can so easily get consumed by it. It is such a trap to just switch on or connect to some gadget or another and ‘chill out’ without realising that we are soon ‘addicted’ to this behaviour and are losing the opportunity to connect with each other meaningfully. Thank you for reminding me to consider how often and why I am using technology in my own life.
I appreciate your point Helen that if we just ‘switch on or connect to some gadget” without really understanding the intention and if it truly supports us and the purpose we bring to life, then we get lost in technology. This is a great little moment to offer myself, a pause before I go to the gadget, just the same as a pause before I open the fridge!
I love the picture that goes with this blog. We have got to be careful not to make technology itself the culprit. It is our own choices and lack of responsibility that we have to look to ultimately…and what is the reason behind those choices. As Aimee says, technology is a form of distraction..you could say another form of drug, as it serves to numb the body, affect the brain and our behaviour, in much the same way as many people use alcohol or food to numb or comfort themselves…we can ask, “is the way we use technology truly supporting or nurturing me and my relationships, or is it not?” Then we can make a choice in how and when we use technology with more responsibility and awareness.
Absolutely Marianna, the question you posed can be asked in all situations – is the way I am using this, or choosing to eat this or shopping etc etc “….supporting and nurturing me and my relationships, or is it not?”
Exactly Aimee – it applies to absolutely everything we do in any given moment.
So true Marianna are we using technology in such a way to enrich our connections or at best get a virtual connection which is empty and contains the quality of raciness, excitement and anxiousness.
So true Aimee when you state ânobody is truly being with each other as they are looking at their phones instead.â
I was at a café recently and there was a table of 3 young women sitting eating and having coffee. I observed the WHOLE time they were at the table they were all on there phones, facebooking, texting etc. and NOT once did communicate with each other. I was blown out.
And in Cornwall on the beach and walking over the rocks and looking in the rock pools yesterday we recalled the joy of playing in them, searching out the life that was there, when we were young (50 years ago) or with our children (20 years ago) and how technology can so easily steal that simple love of being on a beach without any distractions. How about a balance – keep the technology but don’t forget what nature can give us as well.
Good call Michael – a health balance of both, and you have the best of both worlds
Awesome and inspiring blog Aimee. I am moving house soon and the new house has no sky dish which means I have to have one installed. I had been feeling not to even bother getting a dish as I mainly only watch dvd’s and I very rarely watch TV these days so reading this blog has taken me closer to not having the dish installed.
I know I have been astonished by how lost I feel when in the past I have mislaid my mobile phone.
It is not until we lose these things or take them away that we truly begin to acknowledge the heavy dependence of this symbiotic relationship.
What an amazing, inspiring and confronting blog, Aimee!
I am a little nervous about trying this experiment at home, but love the feeling you describe of a home life without technology, and how much more connection you had with your selves and with each other – a connection we all crave.
But if I was not at my computer right now, I would not have been able to read this amazing blog and share it with my friends!
What a great realisation Aimee, and also commitment to truly connecting back to each other and humanity. I am sure that this is a very serious issue within our technology-advancing world. Learning to stay connected with youself while on these devices should be a topic in every primary school. This is a huge topic that we all have a responsibility of addressing in our communities everywhere.
Excellent suggestion, Simone, that “Learning to stay connected with yourself while on these devices should be a topic in every primary school.” I’ve noticed that a lot of the ‘you and computer’ education is directed at teenagers. But we are not keeping up with the times! Very young children are on computers increasingly, with even 2 – 4 year olds being given ipads, iphones and other computer devices as ‘electronic baby-sitters’ instead of the old TV. I watch the little ones in shops, salons, airports, waiting rooms and people’s homes glued to their screens, chubby fingers flying over the keys, while oblivious to everything and everyone in their surroundings. It looks as if we are growing living robotsâŠâŠ definitely time for a big review of where we are headed with this issue!
I love this Aimee. It is quite scary how much of our life we spend in front of a screen unaware of the lack of true connection it can offer. It is the perfect time waster! I have recently removed any technology from the bedroom and it has made a huge difference to the quality of my sleep. Like you I would check my iPhone pretty much as soon as I woke, the perfect distraction instead of checking in with me to feel how my quality of sleep was, any dreams I may have had and how my body is feeling. Of course technology can be used responsibility and it is very needed but currently it is having a much more negative affect on our state of being. I wonder if your local paper in Vancouver would be up for publishing this? đ
There’s no doubt about it, our technological devices can be a great way to avoid people, not a lot different from the newspaper at the breakfast table or on the bus except for the fact that children too are now able to adopt this formerly exclusively adult trait. I’ve never seen so many people so busy not looking at each other, let alone talking or listening to each other.
I agree Victoria. Just the other day I was in the lift with 4 people and 3 of us where checking our phones and the 4th person said, hey I feel like the odd one out here, like I should pull my phone out too. We all laughed and I said how true, we could all talk to each other instead. But that in itself is an interesting conversation, because like the bus or train, the lift is usually a cone of silence and avoidance, perhaps just as unnatural as being lost in one’s phone
I agree Victoria…I’ve noticed when I have been at a restaurant a lot of people are not communicating with each other … cause they are on their phones. No true connection.
Yes so true, and so prevalent in social settings like cafes etc, where even couples sit to share food etc and are busy on their phones instead of being interactive with each other.
A great extrapolation of technology and where we might be headed appeared in a recent movie in which a guy falls in love with his operating system. Sound crazy? It was a really well-executed production and pretty believable in terms of the attachments we have with our devices, particularly the portable ones like our phones, some of which are already capable of talking to us, at least in a rudimentary sense. How we reliant on them are we?
What a brilliant experiment Aimee â I’m terrified thinking about it! Well, partly. I would happily drop my devices, but for work and study a large portion of what I do involves a computer and that involves a large part of every day, seven days a week most weeks. But if I could figure out how and when, I’d love to try what you and your family did.
Aimee what a fantastic experience to share and huge step and such a big transition time for the family. We have also done a “digi detox” and I have noticed a whole generation of people loosing some basic interpersonal skills they have gained some new online ones but people are not going to disappear so we need to be able to keep connection to each other face to face.
We go down to Cornwall as much as possible and there is no mobile / cell phone signal where we stay. It’s lovely and the iPhone gets relegated to being an alarm clock. It was quite challenging though when the landline didn’t work either so we lost all means of communication – surprisingly we survived.
How brave of you Aimee. It takes a lot to step outside one’s comfort zone but when done with love and true intent, as you demonstrate, the benefits are always so rewarding. It is taking that first step that I find so difficult but I have also experienced that when I have the feeling from my heart that it is the Truth everything flows effortlessly.
Technology can be amazing and supportive when used appropriately but I feel our constant need to go to it is highlighting to us as a whole humanity what we are really missing – true connection with each other. We have fallen under the belief that we are more connected than ever before but in reality, are we actually further away from each other than ever before?
I absolutely love this Aimee. We usually go on technology detoxes, but away from the house, were we go camping and no one is allowed to bring any technology or I call ahead if we are staying in a cabin or hotel to remove the TV. But to do this at home would be great. I know my kids would be fine (after the initial trauma) but how would I go is something to ponder on. I rarely use technology for entertainment but I bury myself in work and I am sure this would be exposing.
Aimee I love this blog, not only for the great inspiration you and your family are for giving the amnesty a-go but also because it confirms everything I have been quietly feeling recently. Iin particular I love this: ‘The feeling of freedom to feel and think of what is needed next is so clear since my technology detox.’ Just this morning I’d put myself on an amnesty of not checking my computer at certain times of the day. This blog has encouraged me (and I’m sure many others) to keep going. Thank you!
Since the increase in technology there has been a rapid decrease in community. People are seeking connection online and yet is it truly sustaining them. With rising levels of anxiety, depression amongst other things, is the human contact, family time and true community what we are lacking?
Great questions Rebecca and one that I feel the answer is a big YES. Recently I have learned just how healing it can be to go and be with family and friends and people when you are feeling off as opposed to hiding out alone – of which I have been doing since I was a child. The building of true connections and understanding of myself and others is for me the most rewarding and healing experience in this world.
I already started sweating and trembling just reading the title of this blog and my hands are shaking as I type thisâŠ. ok now I have got that out of the way I will count to three and then start readingâŠ1âŠ2âŠ2.5âŠ.2.75âŠ..3 ⊠ha ha just joking but there is a bit of truth there as at times I feel somewhere between a slave to and an addict of my email although I love it when I canât access it during travel etc but donât love the backlog I then have to deal with. I too as I am sure everyone has, have noticed how so many of us donât speak to each other anymore. How you can have a roomful of people all communicating via the mobile or other device and nobody actually speaking to each other. A real estate agent told me the other day that nobody even wanted to speak to him anymore people always said send an email and how much he missed the human contact.
haha Nicola, deep breath and continue on! I love your honesty, it is so true that when our vices or something we are using, not quite in the loving way we know we are capable of, gets exposed it feels awful. That’s exactly how I felt when putting the TV remotes away! Now I haven’t watched TV for months and don’t miss it. I had enough of feeling ‘doughy’ after sitting or lying there for hours watching a movie, it felt like being in a different reality!
Like everything, misusing technology leads you down a slippery slope. It’s very easy to misuse, by that I mean used to escape, disconnect, and avoid people, life and situations. We can use food, or books, or hobbies or entertainment in exactly the same way and eventually need a detox in order to cut the energy of the way the things have been used, and a new, true way adopted. Aimee has done it, that’s proof enough for me, thank you Aimee and family đ
A world tech detox day would be amazing. Would the world grind to a halt? Probably, but at least we would see where we are at. Technology is not to blame. It is after all just a tool and like all tools its use depends on the user. It is up to us to use it to distract and numb ourselves or use it to serve a greater purpose – to express truth and love through connection.
Beautiful comment Jinya Mizuno and very true it us who use the technology. When it is used to express love and truth and to serve a greater purpose – that puts it into a whole new light and an extremely powerful and world moving one at that.
Aimee, are we losing our way as a society because of technology? Do we still know the ease and enjoyment of face to face communication? With the perception you have shared with your family’s technology detox perhaps society can appreciate that technology is fabulous but not there to draw us in and away from ourselves.
Love what you have presented here Aimee,
Every day on my way to work I pass a bus stop where teens are waiting for the school bus. Nobody talks to each other, they are either on their phones texting (quite possibly to the friend standing next to them!) or have their earphones in listening to music, they all are disengaged from the world and each other, staring blankly. This has made me feel quite sad as there seems to be none of the fun and playfulness as we had when I was a kid waiting for the school bus.Technology, supposedly designed to connect us seems to me to have a much more isolating effect.
I find that having no electronic devices in my bedroom when I go to sleep is very much more restful.
Very insightful blog Aimee and thank you for taking the challenge and sharing! Technology is great and supports us many ways even in maintaining connections with those afar but I do feel a disconnection and sadness when I look around the staff room at work and everyone is staring at their phone. It seems in these moments the phone is used as a way of coping and finding a distraction away from the day so far. Any opportunity for true connection with each other is lost. When conversation does happen people are still usually looking at their phones!
What I have found is how technology is such a huge part of us these days that we can do it unconsciously.
I got into the habit of using skype to call someone whilst at the same time, checking my emails. Crazy.
Not only is this blog a good reflection to stop technology all together, but it also asks me to look at how I am when I do use a phone or computer. Am I using it for true communication, or am I doing 10 things at once and therefore causing my own media overload.
This is a great point Hannah, for the truth is, it goes further and deeper than what it appears. Frequently many apps are open at a time, flicking between mail, text, phone, game, news, etc. The multi-tasking phenomenon has just evolved to new super speed levels. This is a great opportunity to evaluate what and how we are choosing to live.
Indeed Hannah, we are all looking for connection, but what is the quality of our communication when we are multi-tasking between devices.
I agree Hannah and Jenny McGee- by multi-tasking in this way we are never truly present to one or the other.
The technology is a big hook and in some ways a lie. It makes us belief we are connected with the world when in truth we are checked out. Your sharing about the detox reveals the lie in it if we use it as such. Thank you, Aimee.
Kerstin, I agree technology is a form of checking out, it is so easy to hide behind technology and not have any face to face interactions with people.
Wow Aimee, what a great decision, experience and article about it – thank you! The overusing of screens and technology is the same like overeating or other distractions, used to not feel. I love it, when you write: “We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focussing on things that didnât have a heartbeat”, because it exposes the factor of hiding behind technology to avoid real and true contact while trying to communicate through technology. Very inspiring experiment you did!
More than once I have had to take evasive action when someone engrossed in a hand held device walked out in front of me without looking as I turn into a street. The TV is a bad one it can change my daughter from angel to demon in a matter of minutes, the cartoons these days are seriously evil.
Great blog Aimee. It does highlight how attached we are to our gadgets. I remember introducing a no TV day to my family years ago. They decided it should be a Sunday. I remember really enjoying Sundays without the TV because we did spend more quality time together and the house just felt more peaceful. My children have all grown up now and 2 have left home. Interestingly, one of them does not own a TV and at home we can go for weeks without putting the TV on. It does make a huge difference to how we interact with each other in the house. There are definitely more conversions and more sharing of ourselves.
I feel this too Aimee. I am the worst when I come to giving up technology yet I am the one who loves not having it. We have had many times without it and enjoyed the feeling that the house has without it. It would be great if I could be master of technology rather than technology mastering me. I will be making that leap today.
This blog and experiment here definitely leaves a lot to ponder on for everyone. Technology is all around us where ever we go now. We all have choices in how we use it in everyday life … harming or healing?
I love what you are sharing here, Aimee, that we have been using technology as a way to disconnect from ourselves and from others, rather than as a support in our lives. I work as a teacher and have often baulked at the electronic whiteboard becoming the focus of attention in the classroom, rather than the focus being on the quality of the interaction between the teacher and the children, and the quality of the connection among the children themselves.
I discuss this with my students and we have extended periods in the day where the electronic board is OFF for extended periods of time, and the focus is on US. So much more sane!
What an awesome experiment. Technology can be an addiction. It can take over our lives if we let it….dis-connection from ourselves. What you said here is definitely a question we need to ask ourselves before we use any form of technology. “Are we using technology to support our lives or are we trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves?” It’s awesome what you guys have done together. thank you for sharing.
Aimee you have written what I have suspected for many years. I’ve seen it in children especially- they use gaming to switch off from the lack of connection, care and attention they are receiving in their life. There are studies I’ve seen which show this does affect their social skills and makes them less able to relate to another. They are not learning negotiation skills that come from expressing themselves and learning to appreciate other’s viewpoints from the responses.
I do wonder how society will look if this continues and the children grow up used to not being in connection with themselves or others. I have heard many parents lament their children bury their heads in a game but at the same time I notice them glad of the reprieve this gives them to not have to deal with difficult issues. I notice the same habit in myself – it seems easier to switch on the TV than deal with feeling something I think I cannot deal with, when in actual fact I’ve not given myself the chance to deal with it.
Switching off myself to switch on technology is like living in limbo or sleep walking. What a great blog highlighting how it is I use technology. It can be an amazing tool I use to connect with others and serves a useful purpose.
So true Aimee and it so needs saying… on big fat megaphone in all streets in every city, town and village. I walked past a hairdressers yesterday in a busy London street. There were no clients in there. Just three employees staring at their phones. I felt sad to see that there was no interaction between them and then felt that if I wanted to get my haircut, such a place wouldn’t be very welcoming. We have so many different ways to communicate nowadays, but there is very little connection.
Isn’t that crazy Jinia and all – phones were invented to connect and now we use them to disconnect. Seams to me that: ‘in which Intention’ I am using technology (or other things) is fundamental.
I am still finding your blog a powerful influence in my life, Aimee, It has helped me to be more aware of how I use technology, especially the computer. I am well aware of the effect of excessive and unconscious use of it on my body and mind, and how I can choose to be disconnected to myself and others by the way I use it. As always it is the “how”, not necessarily the “how long?”, because the “how” will lead to knowing in myself “how long” I can be on it.
Wow. Yes, really the question is, where do I use technology, which impulse is behind my use. I guess we can use nearly everything to check out or to fill our emptiness, not just technology. But it is a strong offering coming through mobiles, computer and so on – it feels like we are with someone. The true craving behind using technology too much is the craving for real and true contact I guess. And isn’t it crazy that we often prevent exactly this contact we are looking for, by using technology? Your experiment is worth to experience – thank you much for sharing.
‘We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focussing on things that didnât have a heartbeat; our lack of connection to family and society became more apparent.’ What a great idea and thank you Aimee for sharing how the whole family could feel the difference and actively participated in the detox. So inspiring and prompts me to feel into how I interact with all the various forms of technology and whether they are being used to support me or to numb out with.
Yes – I love that expression, Helen: “Things that don’t have a heartbeat.” What a gorgeous way to express the essential difference between machines and natural beings.
Coleen I share the delight in Helen’s expression! Wasting time on things that don’t have a heartbeat’ does seem a pointless exercise, unless of course technology is used to support and communicate with others in a meaningful way…
This is a great blog Aimee – lots of insights leading to new choices. I love how your children have responded to this detox and it has affected their morning routines and getting to school without the previous hassle. This itself is huge.
It highlights that all these technological gadgets are actually creating more and more exhaustion, numbness and a general checking out from life with no real communication between people.
“We were able to see each other for who we truly are without all the distractions of TV, phones, gaming devices, etc, and hiding behind them”.
Being in my 60s I have had an excuse to not be tech savvy … but now with the necessity to be on line I’ve embraced it and have found an hour go by just by getting distracted and clicking ‘5 fruits you should never eat’ which leads to a gazillion other sites. I’m learning how hollow and frustrated I feel when I let myself get drawn in. Now I am using this amazing tool for what it is but with awareness just like I do in my life and be just as discerning.
Yes Merrilee, I can find myself sitting down to do a task, and before I know it I’ve been drawn in by something else and end up spending far more time on the computer than I had originally planned to. I sometimes don’t end up doing the thing I first planned to do. One thing I do now is not touch my computer or my phone after 7pm. I agree that its so important to be aware of this amazing tool and how powerful it is, but also how we have to stay in charge and not let technology rule us.
Great blog Aimee, these words are needed everywhere. I’ve recently begun a course on exhaustion with the College of Universal Medicine, and what I’ve been noticing is how physically depleting it is to be hooked into technology, constantly checking emails, responding to texts, working on the computer and of course, social media. Since I have stepped back from technology I have much greater sense of calm in my body and I feel more able to make better decisions for myself and my wellbeing because I now have the space to feel what’s going on in my life. I hadn’t realised just how clogged up my space was with technology, there was literally no room for me.
Great experiment Aimee, it seems the point for me is of course remaining connected while being able to also use technology. What you have done is place a pause in life and brought your family to the experience of a deeper sense of connection. How enormous this was for you all is there to appreciate in what you have written. It is of course an ongoing exploration for everyone who has an understanding of the importance of connection and how easy it is to disconnect in life – how to find that balance?
I agree, Simon: we can use technology wisely provided we remain connected within ourselves and then use technology in support of that connection.
This is great Aimee. Technology has become so embedded in society that it is the norm now to be walking around completely engrossed in your device as the world goes on around you. I have recently started taking public transport to work most days and I am astounded…almost every single person on the tram has their head down and thumbs scrolling – and sometimes I am right there with them! It’s a total checkout and avoidance of connecting. Quite sad really. I’m sure there are physical implications too, with people holding their heads down like that for long periods of time…doesn’t feel good. So I’m super inspired by your article Aimee, thank you!
I was shocked to find out that people are having TVs installed in their bathrooms.
Natalie they are also installing TV’s outside in the pergola’s now too. Even when walking you see people with headphones on or tapping on their phones while walking. In this generation they seem to have to be constantly stimulated. What is truly going on within themselves that they don’t want to be with themselves I wonder?
HI Natalie and Jody thanks for your information – I was not aware of this either and I have to say that I am also a bit shocked. If this generation will have kids – how will they grow up???? And what would be their next level of stimulation????
This technology has become part of our body, we almost feel a limb is missing if we don’t have it. I once lost all my emails because of a virus, I first panicked but after that first shock I was relieved! It was a burden lifted.
Hi Aimee, ah…how refreshing a “Technology Detox”. Honestly what a brilliant idea, with grand benefits. It is funny to think how many “Buts…” may come up to challenge this decision. LOVED THIS: “How do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?”
The impact of technology is huge in our society, I experience this a lot myself. I often go to my computer or look on my phone to see if I have an email, is there something interesting to read? This all lead by what Internet throws at me and not what I choose to do, and use it in a way that supports me in a way that helps me with my daily tasks, thats what technology should be used for, not to give us something we don’t give our self as you said.
Aimee what a great experiment for you and your family to see how much you used technology as an escape. This sounds like something that everyone would benefit from time to time. After reading this, I may well do a mini-detox on certain days. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Not having been born into a technological age, but seeing it gradually happen in my lifetime, I have escaped the need to always be on the phone, internet or playing games on electronic gadgets. But I see it all around me in family and especially the young ones. Aimee I feel what you have tried is a great idea and something that should happen a couple of times a year at least so the appreciation of one on one contact or family sharing is kept alive in todays world.
Screens are everywhere and are used for absolutely everything nowadays…to escape them is difficult. For a long time we had none in our house, and you know what?… it was heavenly. However in this day and age we cannot cut ourselves off from what is happening all around us, to do so is to bury our heads in the sand and pretend something is not happening. There is a fine balance and when we listen to our bodies this balance can be easily felt. To feel this and the different effects from indulgent use to supportive use are staggering and are great markers for us all in how to live in our technology focused world.
This is truly unthinkable for my family, Aimee. Our two computers with three screens are not just bits of plastic and metal, they are friends, companions. My son spends all his waking time on computer, it is his life. I use it as escape to check out after day of hard work, to switch off reality. My daughter is constantly on her phone. Sometime I find it annoying when we are going for a walk or spending time together she is not present to conversation, can’t hear me, checking her texts etc. I feel frustrated and powerless at those times.
The idea of technology detox sounds great. Even though I can be without my devices for a long time it is practicing using them only when I need to with awareness and conscious presence to my feelings.
Aimee I absolutely love this article and your experiment because it doesn’t demonise technology but it does bring awareness to the ways in which we are using and abusing it. Awesome.
Aaah, great point Rebecca. We’d be sticking our heads in the sand if we thought we could live without technology anymore; we have created a system, a life, or a society that relies desperately on the use of technology, but that doesn’t have to a bad thing, or ‘demonised’ as you put it. There is value to the internet, to the connections and support it provides, when it’s used responsibly, with presence, or a knowingness of what and why you are using it. Aimee has very calmly and clearly exposed the real consequences when a family slips away from each other, but also shows the way back is possible and really quite easy.
Great point Rebecca. Yes it is up to us to use technology responsibly and appropriately. To not put the blame onto it for running the show. We turn it on, enter the info and engage with it, yet want to make it as the monster for interfering and running our lives. We can bring all of ourselves to this medium of connection and communication or we can allow it to bring us abuse. The choice is ours.
What a wonderful detox experiment to go through and amazing that it brought you all closer as a family. Itâs a really important topic you have raised Aimee for us all to ponder on, thank you.
A great question to ask “How do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?” I feel this applies to how we use technology and for me many other habits that we fall in to when we are trying to not feel how we truly feel. Great to stop and consider how we might feel if we looked at breaking some habits around, moods, food, sleep and yes technology. Thank you for sharing.
Since reading this article, I have been observing my relationship with technology in our home. And I have found that there has been some tendency to go to a device to check my emails, to go on a social media site, or to watch tv, either when I feel like connecting with people, say, perhaps if there has been a challenging day, or if I feel tired and I use the stimulation from interacting with the screen to keep me distracted and to keep going when I really just need to stop for a few minutes and rest.
Technology is one of many things that require attention and a possible detox. We can become addicted to many things that just keep us separate from our connection and eventual misery that comes from not living with this connection. Truth is only found in soulful connection and not any book, hobby, exercise, food or movie..
So true Matthew… Hear hear… The key is to “trust our soulful connection” which will always tell us the truth. There are many distractions out there to keep us from feeling our truth that lives within us all. I know from experience.
Great point of focus in your blog Aimee, as we see the effects of our technology world daily. I recently left my mobile phone at home and it was very interesting for me to feel how dependent on it I realized I was as everyone in the staffroom were on their phones during their lunch break and I sat there looking at them all and could actually feel how awful it felt for us all to be in a room together, but with no real interaction at all. Even when I started a conversation, the response was given while still looking at the mobile phone, so I sat there in silence and feeling my body and I could feel how I actually initially felt uncomfortable sitting there not doing anything. But after a little while, it was quite enjoyable sitting there, just feeling me sitting on the couch. It was a great awareness of how my connection to me time, definitely needed more attention.
Thank you Aimee this is a very important blog for humanity to consider. When technology is so accepted as normal in the world–even babies are given technology devices to use. I can certainly relate to a lot of what you have shared and I know the lack of connection to myself as well as my yearning of intimacy with others which I had not taken the responsibility to develop in the past, has initiated a strong dependence on technology. Ultimately, technology could not substitute the true intimacy that the heart knows. Therefore, it is very true that re-building a connection with myself first, lays the foundation of how my devices are used and for what purpose they are used. And when this connection with myself is lived, I do an experiment in observing how it may or may not change the behavior of my son. We are still in this as a play in progress daily.
Yes, a TV detox is a great idea…I have noticed that I feel so much better and more clear when I don’t watch TV, and instead use the time to connect with people. I don’t watch much TV, but over time it has become much easier to not watch it as the quality of content is so bad and the quality of communication so awful. I can see how if someone was to be a regular consumer of TV that their norm of communication would acclimatise to the low grade quality that is seen and heard on TV.
I love the beautiful unfolding that took place in your family, the connections, the time to relax, the earlier times to sleep and so on. I can absolutely feel how all of that would have changed how the family and the space in the house felt. From disconnection to complete connection and unity with each other.
And I know you are not saying that technology is bad, but it is more HOW we are choosing to use it, are we relying on it to deliver something to us, to check out with or fill an emptiness or are we actually able to be in connection with ourself as we type and use it for the jobs we need to get done.
Thank you Aimee
An amazing sharing that is going straight to Facebook!
This is a cracker of a blog Aimee Thank you!
I love this question . . . ‘How do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?
This question totally stops any defence as it just says ‘well if you haven’t tried it- then how do you know? And the fact is that this question can also be applied to other parts of our life like eliminating certain foods and feeling how that is on our body, choosing to not exercise in a strenuous way and feeling how that is on the body, choosing to have some time with people or time on our own and seeing if that supports us- All part of the experiment of Life!
I agree Johanna, I love this line too: ‘How do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?’ This completely applies to ALL aspects of our lives – one cannot truly comment on whether they can cope or not cope with something and or the effects it has on their bodies and lives until they have gone without it for a period of time. I used to have one week off per year where I would go on a overseas holiday and I would not take my laptop nor turn on my phone. It was always the most rejuvenating and deeply restful time. I have not done that in four years and your blog has reminded me that I am past due.
What a great initiative Aimee.
I agree that technology can be used to support our lives or as a check out.
I had an experience recently where I thought I had lost my Iphone…the panic and anxiousness that came up in my body at the thought of this really made me see how much I rely on my phone. Without my laptop & phone I would feel very lost as my whole life is reliant around these devices to communicate with the world. I must admit, to go even just a day without my phone would feel very strange.
But I can most certainly see how technology can be used to hide and checkout. I have used TV in this way. But there is no technology that can replace the most gorgeous hearty feeling when connecting with another. We are most certainly designed to be with each other rather than hidden away in our castles sending facebook messages.
Thanks for sharing Aimee, well called out.
This has been a subject that I have been letting cause frustration with me also.
I have recently said no devices except for homework during the week, only
on the weekend.
Total check out, frustration, disconnection and overstimulation is very apparent
when connected with the devices and not people.
I might go on the look out for a sign for our front door… when entering please turn
your phone volume off unless you are expecting an urgent call đ
I too recently realised when having my daughters sleep over birthday party that
any further parties will be ones that kids can’t bring their devices to.
How do some parents manage with children that are forgetful, that’s not something that I’d like being left behind accidentally, hats and lunchboxes maybe but not phones and tablets.
Before your blog I had never heard of a technology detox – what a great idea! Personally I don’t watch any TV and rarely catch a movie but the point you make about checking emails and my iPhone frequently is something I will observe now – as you have brought to my attention that it is about connection – the quality of connection and why we are seeking connection Thank-you for sharing your experience
It’s so easy to see how technology can start to dictate and run our lives. When my mobile tings a notification, oh how tempting it is to stop what I’m doing to take a look or maybe respond. Add in the email notifications and the face book alerts and it’s a constant bombardment calling you away from what you’re doing. I don’t have email notifications anymore and often have my phone on silent…which some may find frustrating… but it’s interesting our expectation now, of instant responses.
Everyone needs to read this article. We certainly need a fresh approach to dealing with technology overload.
Wouldn’t it be great if all families had to experience this? I grew up before all these technologies were introduced, so I can remember and enjoyed playing outside in nature. Technology is now an addiction for many, as you say a way to escape and not connect with our selves and other people. This is inspiring Aimee.
Yes, Lorraine, I read an article in the Guardian recently stating survey results that only 10% of children regularly play outside in natural areas, and 40% of children in the UK never play outside at all. The article was about how in the Oxford Children’s dictionary words such as âaâ for acorn, âbâ for buttercup and âcâ for conker have been replaced by attachment, blog and chatroom. It is definitely time to rethink how we all use technology.
It surely is an enormous addiction, Lorraine. I feel that the addiction to anything that has a screen needs to be deeply looked into and acknowledged as a real addiction. My mother used to watch every possible news on TV every day. She could not go without and got slightly distressed when she missed one and wanted to hang up the phone when news were on. It took me a while to notice that I also was watching news more than once a day for quite some time. Connecting more with myself and with people now I don’t need that anymore.
Yes Lorraine, I too grew up without mobile phones and play stations iPods and iPads etc. Mostly we played sport, or were riding our bikes or playing cards or board games, or playing with leggo, matchbox cars and smurfs figurines etc etc. We always came up with something to play with, we were never bored, sluggish or tired, always had a good night sleep and woke early. Oh how times have changed for children today.
So true Elizabeth. I also grew up playing outdoors. This gave us a magical relationship with play and with nature something children are now missing out on. I wonder what the impact of this will be in later years.
Great blog…. and a great experiment to share with us, thank you so much. I am shocked that children at school use technology against each other like that. We could take the time to consider how our use of technology is affecting our lives.
I agree with you Lisa, that would be great to initiate a better awareness for the use of technology and how it is affecting our lives.
Im with you Aimee I think society is in technology overload, and I really like the steps you have taken in your technology detox
Oh hello, I just saw that my wife posted on this thread only yesterday. This reminds me – I should email her to say hi.
What a courageous decision to make. Although the truth is it is not technology that is the evil but the way we use it, and your detox exposed the truth of this. We use technology to make up for the lack of connection within ourselves, and so we use it to fill the void left behind. I find at work how email has become the prevalent method of communication, and people have lost the ability to simply pick up the phone – now considered to be horse and cart technology. People do not understand why you did not see the email calling a staff meeting from 1 hour ago, assuming that all must work glued to their computer screens as they do, and when I miss such meetings I laugh, saying – all you had to do was ring me. Such is modern life that people cannot comprehend the power of a phone call, let alone the power of real life conversation.
I agree Ariana TV can be a real conversation killer. People will just watch the TV and have nothing to say to who ever is in the room with them. We do not have a TV in our lounge. The lounge is for use of the family and friends so that we can all converse with each other. Lets bring back talking to each other more, than watch the goggle box or playing on the computer.
Aimee, you have really exposed something here. And I can really relate to it. I was never enormously drawn to technology, but eventually bought a mobile phone, mainly used it for emergency times, to have on me when driving alone etc. We had a desk top computer, but it was mainly used as a word processor. Then I eventually bought a laptop computer, and learned more about the internet, but still did not really like it, especially social media.
But then I started doing some voluntary work on my computer, more technology to overcome and understand, more use of internet, more contact on mobile phone. Now I am starting to feel that pull of the technology. I find myself leaving the computer on for much of the day, checking emails, etc. feeling I need to be on top of things and in touch. I am coming to realise that I need to maybe set times that I will work on the computer, and TURN IT OFF when I have done that. It can feel that it does to some extent become an addiction, increases the need to be connecting, doing all the time. More quiet time with me to come. Still lots of things to be done, but not just on the computer. More time for exercise too. Amazing how one just feels one must check things first, then something crops up, and the free time has gone.
Would the world fall apart without all these devices? Maybe it would, I do feel that a techno detox is a very sound idea for all to try, just to gauge how deeply they are hooked in. If you have seen the episode of Modern family the Tv comedy where they try a similar detox which sends the family into techno, cold turkey, madness which about sums up the state of the developed world.
Wow yes there certainly are two different ways we can use technology Aimee good call! “we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves” Basically we can chose it to numb us, stimulate us, and take us further from our truth or we can use in way that supports us and our daily development.
Dear Aimee thank You for this great inside and sharing your lived experience with us. I noticed recently that I am to dependend on my phone, yeah checking my e-mails or scrolling down Facebook. It feels like a lack of connection. Yesterday I had a little break through, something within me told me to stop this and then suddenly I started to notice the people around me. At my work I got a beautiful connection with my clients and when I got on the bus I checked my next bus connection, I was offered a seat by a gentle man and took the offer and put my phone away. That resulted in a lovely little conversation during the bus ride. Even though once the offer for inviting me for a coffee was mentioned I could stay with me and stay connected and in a loving and honest way just say, that I do not drink coffee anymore đ and shift the conversation. After the bus ride we wished each other a lovely day and went our way. I am really glad, that I actively put away my phone :-). Thank You Aimee with love Nadine
A great article Aimee. I can see how even though I may spend a lot of time sitting at the computer and working, there is still a large portion of that time that I am ignoring what my body is saying – ‘get up and have a stretch’, ‘get a drink of water’ etc. The way I use it as a distraction is quite incredible. I love your experiment and the results that it has shown, not only you but your whole family. The fact you have shared this is awesome as we all receive the wisdom of your experience, which is much needed by the way for those of us who consume social media and working with technology everyday.
I so know what you mean Jen, I too work in front of a computer everyday. It can be so easy to ignore what is going on in the body when I’m on the computer. A great reminder…
AWESOME, Aimee! I can just see “monthly technology detox day” for the whole of societyâŠ. lol. I knew a teenager (modern and techy) who was having a big birthday party at her home. From her own initiative, she stood at the front door welcoming every guest as they arrived, and confiscating every mobile device from them before allowing them past the front hall. Lots of objecting and whingeingâŠ. but she stood strong and had her ‘technology-free’ birthday party. Everyone had a great time talking with each other for real. Later when she told me about why she did this, she expressed that it was awful to be in a room full of friends who have driven across the city to come together but then sit there thumbing their phones and ipads instead. She even confirmed the reality of the ‘urban joke’ of a young couple out on a date communicating through Facebook on their phones while sitting next to each other at the dinner table! Sure we now live in a technology-driven world and have to use it, complete with the consequences of more ill health and disconnection. Thus the old parental cry of: “go outside and play, get some sunshine”, is even more relevant now for kids and adults alike!
That sounds like a really good idea Dianne, although technology is meant to bring people closer, it can often feel more isolating when everyone uses it to avoid connecting face-to-face
I imagine that is why we have the term ‘virtual reality’ whilst technology offers more avenues and speed of connection the quality is not always the same. Having said that we also seem to have lost the ability to be present and truly meet others face to face; so it begs the question what is the quality of the connection we have with ourselves?
I agree Jessica, people do use it to avoid face to face contact. Look at how we use texting / messaging these days. And, so much of our expression gets lost in an abbreviated text. We are missing out on each other by using texting as our constant default.
So true Michelle – technology has in many ways brought us ‘closer’ but at the same time we are missing out on each other because we are often compressing or minimizing our full expression.
I love that idea…leaving phones at the door so people can truly connect. Awesome, must try that at my next social gathering.
This should be a rule at Dinner as well…
This is a rule at our dinner table, Simon – NO phones, iPads or iPods are allowed at the dinner table and no one is allowed to leave the dinner table if the phone rings. Also, No television is allowed on – I hear you all saying yes of course – but when you live with a 15 year old all of these things are tried again and again.
Wow Dianne, I love your friend’s intitative to stand at the front door and welcome her guests and confiscate thier pads and telephones is just awesome and what a completely different night she would have experienced as well as her guests coming back to what true communication is all about – connection with each other.
True Dianne, it is the adults, as much as the children who are cutting ourselves off from each other with an over dependence on technology devices to keep us pepped up.
What a great idea and it would be amazing if technology free events became the norm to allow people to rediscover the joy of interacting with each other without a screen.
Oooh, I’m going to try that – ‘devices at the door’ policy.
Great article with great insights into a technology world that has crept up on us all. I now travel to work on the train and observe that 80% if not more of my fellow travellers are transfixed by their tiny screens, or plugged into music. My guess is that most then spend their day at work looking at a slightly larger screen. It’s bizarre, no doubt. I think its great that you were able to claim yourselves back for each other and get to enjoy the experience of yourself in relation to your family unit. Thanks Aimee.
I notice this too Jennifer, sometimes I feel like I am in a movie, it feels like we are all zombies on our mobile phones with no-one communicating with each other, bus queues are full of people looking at their phones, the same on the bus, I even notice in my local park parents are often on their i-phones with their children asking them to play with them, it feels like we are on them constantly. Before I got my smart phone I was really aware of the addictive nature of them and their over use, but since having one I also find myself constantly checking it.
I very rarely watch television now because I no longer feel to and I have such a full day anyway. Sometimes when I do watch a movie it is starting to feel like such a waste of time and so, I have just decided now while I am writing this comment that I simply don’t need to waste my time anymore. Follow what I feel.
Interestingly I have been doing some research and there is an author of a book called ‘Extreme Mean’ which looks at cyber trolling. In it she shares that the computer and other devices are perfect psychopathic tools, they can be used like the minds of psychopaths. From that I felt no one says you need to be very present when using your devices as you can easily use it as a destructive force. We don’t show kids to really respect devices, we tend to let them use it when it is convenient for us as parents to occupy them, I never let my daughter play games on the computer, she gets to make stuff as games, but anything with levels or competition I know how addictive they are. Along with a detox I need to respect and treat my use of a computer and phone with purpose as anything else is not loving.
It’s true Vanessa, there seems to be very little information; preparation on how to be responsible with technology, maybe in the future there will be a version of a speed/device awareness workshop – where people are asked to stop and look at their responsibility to others, the impact of their actions and the destructive nature of current cyber behaviours.
This is great Aimee, over the years I have reduced the amount of technology in my life but I am aware how I still use technology to distract especially when I am tired. Tomorrow I am going to have an ’email’ detox and only log on at designated slots. It will be interesting to see the impact on productivity.
Fiona, I too find myself getting caught in technology mostly my iPad, when I am tired. I like the idea of detox from email. I am going to give that a go too.
Wow Aimee, I love your blog. You have exposed so much here of how technology can be used to check out, to not be in touch with how we feel or to disconnect with each other. I too have used television and movies to escape, used to sit down to watch a movies after my children were in bed to wind down. This meant I was going to bed late, waking up feeling awful but I would continue with it again and again. When I started to make loving choices to change my diet I found I no longer felt the need to watch movies at night and I went to bed at the same time as my children. Something I was addicted to naturally just faded away. Now when I watch a movie I am not hooked, I can finish watching without the heaviness or draining effects that I used to feel.
Well said Chan, we can be so easily addicted to movies and television to checking out from life. There is a difference how I watch a movie now, very rarely I watch a movie, but if so I can enjoy it and not use it to numb myself from life.
How often do you see groups of people in cafes and at bus stops, looking at their phones and not each other. People interrupt conversations with the person they are with to answer the phone, attend to an email. Is it really so urgent that we must ignore the person we are with? Or is it that we have lost the true meaning of what urgency is?
Technology is a super great tool. How amazing that we can meet globally online and work in groups across continents.
But like all tools, technology is a “bad’ master. When we let it run the show it can take over every moment of our lives.
Your detox is such a cool way to explore life…yes human life, talking sharing, cooking, walking together, then going back to the tech and having it in its correct place….not the controller.
Yes well said Rachel, when did it become okay to interrupt a conversation with someone you are standing in front for another phone call or email? Why is it that every phone call or email is urgent? What do these take priority over all else – you know we have lost the plot when you visit a public restroom and you hear people on their mobile phones in the cubicle beside you.
Great blog Aimee and such an important subject. As people disappear further and further into their screens and the distance between people widening, it is so important to raise our awareness of this. Technology has so many advantages and is something I know I wouldn’t want to live without. But your blog has raised questions for me in terms of how I am using technology. Am I checking out, distracting myself, craving connection etc or am I using it in a focused and purposeful way. I can certainly feel the difference between the two in my body. One being a feeling of being drained and foggy and the other the feeling of a job well done which leaves the space and freedom to move on with ease.
Well said Anne-Marie…I totally agree.
For me it was the TV which got too much attention and I could easily check out for several hours, if not the whole day when I wasn’t working. What I found over time was that the quality of the shows I was watching deteriorated and I would end up watching anything; from home shopping to angling shows.
Aimee, I love this – in a society where we constantly seek to fill the ‘void’, and in particular with and by the ever growing range of technolgy, what a relief for an overloaded nervous system to have a true break and to be allowed to feel the difference.
Thank you Aimee for offering such valid points to consider. Its true technology has made its way in to most of our lives at such a rapid rate. I know for myself I rarely go anywhere without my phone, and if on the odd occasion it has been left behind by mistake I definitely notice its absence. I find it highly beneficial to be without electronic devices from time to time on a regular basis, to detach from the hold I can take up for it, so as I can completely get back in touch with my true hum again without the distraction of a screen to lure me away.
What a great blog Aimee. I am taking a 2 week holiday very soon and was toying with whether I needed to take my laptop. Part of it was for access to emails for some work that needs to be done and for some commitments I have. But I have been feeling lately how i use that as a distraction and way to disconnect. I’ll disconnect from my family as “I have work to do”. I have decided to leave my laptop at home and access emails through internet cafes etc. It brings up so much for me to be away from my computer. What will I do? Especially in those moments of pause where I just reach for the computer? Your blog has cemented in for me how necessary this is for me to have a break.
I love this Aimee, it is super inspiring and has me shut down my computer now for the day.
I just love your blog Aimee – a great exercise to do with the family (and friends) I’d say. And it is absolutely vital to check how we use technology in our lives and discern the energy behind each time we feel we need or want to use it. Thank you for your sharing.
What a brilliant experiment Aimee! Just reading about it let me feel how often I use technology, but how often I will respond to a notification when it’s not in my own time or look at my emails to distract me from something else â possibly we could call it procrastination, but really it is to avoid something. I loved reading about how your communication with each other changed and how the boys fell into a natural self caring rhythm in their day.
Same here Rosanna, I also respond to calls/notifications etc. when it is not in my own time and then I leave myself. It is still a challenge for me to really stay with my stillness and from there have a relationship with my laptop and my Iphone. Work in progress here!
This is a very powerful article Aimee, most of all because you have actually ‘lived’ every word of it.
Our use of technology can actually be something that enhances our relationships and communications with others, and forms an intrinsic part also, of our relationship with ourselves â and yet, how disastrous things are becoming, when the interpersonal connections right there in front of us suffer, and when we find ourselves beholden to technology, needing the constant stimulation or ‘fill’…
I don’t share this lightly, as I can well feel â especially from reading your blog â how I can use it to ‘fill up’, distract and/or stimulate myself at times, impinging upon the beautiful quality of inner-connection, steadiness and stillness I do know well these days (developed from the amazing inspiration of Esoteric Yoga & Universal Medicine therapies). Though I am aware of a balance, there is most clearly a deeper level to honour here.
This article deserves media coverage far and wide. Aimee, I have to ask if you’ve considered writing for other media publications (as in print media) on just this subject? Would love to see more of your wisdom and practical approach out there dear lady! As well as the Everyday Livingness blog shared far and wide. (I will duly share on social media, but not ‘rushing’ with the tech-stuff tonight!)
I love what you have written here, Victoria, and can feel the clear choice to stay connected and in my stillness or abandon that to seek stimulation through tv, social media etc. To use technology with awareness and presence is possible. It can be very helpful and is of course necessary nowadays, but this blog calls us to account for the ways in which we interact with it.
I agree Victoria, this blog deserved media coverage far and wide. How much would households benefit worldwide and the knock on effect it would have. That craving for connection actually be given the space and choice to really connect would have a profound effect on any family or household as it clearly has for yours Aimee.
Wow Aimee. This article is so simple, yet so so so powerful. I am inspired. We so often talk about going on a food detox like that is the only thing making us unhealthy. Food is only part of the story. What about what we see, hear, touch and feel? Or how we do these things? It is funny how as a society we do not consider all the other aspects of life that impact and affect our health as much as we do food. Thank you for bringing our attention to this one, albeit probably one of the most important ones in our current technological age.
This is great Aimee, the boys hit the nail on the head in reference to gaming and technology in schools it’s out of control across the globe and action is needed by companies to reform games and not make them a blood bath of violence, that is desensitising all that play them
I agree Jamie, my 4 year old was so sensitive and did not like guns or anything violent, but I have noticed recently that because he has been exposed to these violent games at pre-school by his friends, this has almost become normal for him and when he sees something scary he now feels ok with it and is interested in seeing and playing it, which feels so far away from the natural sweet tender boy that he is and that all his little friends are.
Good call Jamie, I agree, there needs to be some responsibility from those who create these programs and games that contribute to the apparent breakdown of societies will to connect to each other.
Well said Jaime! I agree as do I am sure the majority of adults… it begs the question to how we have allowed our children to become so saturated with this “blood bath” violence through computer games? Perhaps an overwhelm, or a giving up energy against the big companies that produce them? This cannot continue… to so numb and desensitise a whole generation is unacceptable.
I have spent my time in the past as a slave to one or two role playing games and in the past it had become additive. With todays technology you are no longer tied to a room at home to a box. One needs to only look around any where with people glued to their hand held devices. People are willingly becoming the people in George Orwellâs 1984. Its time to unplug, re-join and re-engage in the flesh with the world again.
Aimee I just love this blog… technology has become so readily available, and so the-norm that it is entirely acceptable to be constantly checking (and checking out) on the multiple devices most of us own these days. To really admit it’s (ab)use as a means to avoid both connection with ourselves and relating to others in a way that is real and true, is big. What a delightfully playful way you went about it with your family though… it is no wonder the result was so great! Very inspiring thank you… I plan to suggest something similar with my family sometime.
Awesome Aimee! I absolutely agree that – âitâs worth taking the time to consider and appreciate that we can still stay connected with ourselves and with each other whilst living in a world of technology.â Technology has a valuable place and is a valuable tool in our society. It however if given the power, through our lack of awareness, it also has the ability to become a tool for escape, distraction and disconnection to our love. And so, consequently, de-valuing and becoming a detriment to the quality of how are living. You have brilliantly highlighted how important it is to be aware of the quality we bring to everything we do â thank you, for this is a great reminder that has inspired me to deepen my awareness with this.
Aimee what a magic comment on having a family technology detox.
There are times when we need to pull back from lots of things we do, and take stock of where we are going. Do we need to do this or need to do that. Time out is a great healer.
Absolutely agree Mike, time out is a great healer. It’s great to take stock, take a stop moment and to evaluate your relationships with people, things, situations, food, life… well, everything. This is the only way to actually feel if the foundation of our relationships are based on truth or not.
I love reading and feeling the joy in the examples of where children are playing without technology, it is like their world just got more multi dimensional and colourful, which of course it will have, it takes strong parenting to enforce technology free living but when do we ever truly miss out by doing so. None of my memories of childhood involved computers and that is something I am deeply appreciative of. As an adult I still have plenty to consider in this respect, thank you Aimee.
Great comment Stephen. I didn’t have access to a television until I was 7, I became hooked after that but I am no longer addicted to it. I have 2 children aged 11 and 8. We have set rules with my children from an early age that television is only limited, computer games are not acceptable and they don’t own any technology devices except a digital camera. We also explained why we have set these very strict rules and explained that at a later age we would buy them what they need for supporting their school work but that would be the only reason why they would have one. When they visit friends we allow them to do what theirs friends are doing but we ask them how they feel after checking out with their friends when they have been playing computer games. Our rules are strict but they seem to be cool with it and are able to invent their own games and play with each other. It is very beautiful to watch.
Like when you give a child a big box and they can play with it for hours on end. One time my nephew loved the box more than the birthday present inside .. very cute. Face-to-face connection and interaction with others is really important.
This is such a great blog and experiment and shows up the frightening way the world and we all are with technology taking over from true communication and connection. This is only adding to the isolation and loneliness of everyone and the lack of social interactions from very young and thus not developing and expressing this way. It is the downfall of family life true values and feeling and trusting ourselves and being with ourselves and each other. Sharing this is beautiful to make one stop and see what is really going on instead of being hooked into what is the latest and next thing out there. I know I need space to feel around me connection to people is vital and loving to my wellbeing and learning to love and trust myself and too much technology takes this away and I am lesser as a result. In moderation with true connection is the only real true way forward.
This is a really great idea for a detox Aimee, I loved reading about your experiment.
I agree Lorraine. I feel inspired to give this a go.
Sometimes it is only by removing something that we can truly feel the impact it is having on our life. I feel inspired to feel from a distance how technology is impacting on my day to day living. How does it effect my mood, energy etc; definitely an experiment worth exploring.
Great blog, Aimee. If everybody from very young on would go on a detox like that at least once a year we would not forget how it feels to connect with a real person, communicate face to face, play, be creative, all without technology.
I wonder sometimes where the world’s social skills will be in years to come. I still rather pick up the phone or invite someone over for a cuppa or a meal than texting or emailing or ‘facebooking’ my housemate in a room down the corridor.
This is a great blog and I feel most of us would benefit from doing a ‘technology detox’.
I have always put my gadgets to bed, so to speak. That means the TV and computers have cloths that go over them when not in use. It brings a closure and there is not a need to go back and visit for anything. Whatever it is can wait is what I always say.
The mobile phone can at times be tricky and what I have noticed is if I have choose to check emails just before bed, there is a possibility that it hooks me out and I will not get my usual quality of deep rest and sleep. For me personally living without gadgets really works and using the computer only for what is needed if it has meaning and purpose is the only way. I have never ‘surfed’ the internet, played games or watched a movie on line.
I do watch a movie on our big fat TV but its not often and that suits me. In the past, I noticed I would stick the telly on and watch anything just to check out, distract myself and pass the time.
I love you putting your tech to bed. I have gone through phases of not shutting down my computers…hmm yes, computers…and I go to bed myself still in a buzz of activity.
There is something about including the electronic devices in the evening ritual that appeals Bina.
Great idea. That hasn’t even occurred to me. I turn my mobile off at night but usually leave the computer just in sleep so it is quicker in the morning. I will play with including it in my evening ritual and shut it down when I feel I am done for the day. It can happen that I just want to check my emails again and before I know it am reading around in Facebook.
I love that too, putting your technology to bed Bina! It really is saying, time to stop!
I agree Rachel, Bina’s ritual of putting a cloth over your TV and computer is a great symbolic close that puts technology right back in it place.
I find TV hard to resist so I prefer not to have one in the house. I love the notion of putting the technology to bed every night with a cloth. It is a powerful gesture. Thank you Bina.
A super important experiment you just carried out Aimee. I can certainly relate to this. Iâve freed myself from my attachment to TV, but have created a dependence on mobile devices, phone and laptop and can at times feel âlostâ without them. Itâs true what you say, I know there are some people I rarely speak to directly, we mainly communicate electronically. The phone is beside me when I wake in the mornings. Letâs remember to connect with self first, before reaching out to check emails and messages.
My work laptop crashed today and when I realised I may need to part with it to get it repaired I had a moment of fear about how I was going to manage with out it; but I had a stronger feeling of loss as if I was going to be parting with a special friend for a while. It is crazy that I have built up an attachment to a piece of equipment ‘without a heartbeat’ and it will be interesting to see how it feels when it goes to be repaired.
I can relate to this Fiona. My whole life is on my laptop and my phone. I go through these feelings too if I have to go without them.
I love the idea of a technology detox!!! It is a great inspiration for many people to reduce the normal use of technology. How often did I use the current technology to numb myself- now it hurts in my body, if I take myself away from being with me. Because it is so common to everyone to distract yourself in this way , it is superimportant to have a very sensitive awareness, why we are choosing to use the technology and why. Thank you for your inspiring blog!
A great article Aimee. It is very easy to get sucked in to being controlled by technology rather than just using it as a useful tool.
Aimee I love your before and after experiment. What you’ve shared that you felt an instant freeing feeling and that you all felt amazing including the house shows the effect on the energy we are surrounded by nowadays. I can relate to the way I use my devices now and then. How awful it feels when I (mis)use it in this distracting way you describe. I never watch television but my iPhone and laptop can hook me in when I am not present, especially when I am tired. And how awesome it feels when I am the one that is in charge and use the devices to support myself.
Great blog, perfect timing, I have just decided to change my relationship with my Iphone. I have reached a point where the first thing I do in the morning is check my Iphone. It has become a big distraction and a way for me to avoid being with myself. Now I have made the choice to turn my Iphone off in the evening and also for the first hours in the morning. It gives me the space to truly connect with myself and then from there, with that connection, I can use my Iphone. This will be my 10 day program.
I’m inspired by your ten day programme Mariette. I have also reached the point of checking for my phone or ipad as soon as I wake up. It has now reached the point where this feels very unloving and adds a raciness and overstimulation to the start of my day. I have overridden this feeling and I am now feeling the commitment to change this pattern. Your comment and this blog are very timely.
Great topic to bring up Aimee, I wonder what % of the worlds population world go into complete meltdown if there was a world wide virus that took out all internet and and related devices.
A great reminder Aimee of how easy it is to allow the very technology that is so supportive for us, to become an avenue for us to check out. Great to read how the communication and sharing within the family improved during the detox period.
Hi Aimee – I found your blog so very much an eye-opener and the comments in response quite amazing to me. It’s not that I am blind to technology taking over from personal interaction, being almost from the dinosaur era (I have a flip phone and still have not learned many of its’ secrets) but I can only imagine what it must be like now in a household raising children in this technology era.
Unlike some of the comments, I do not actually have a relationship with my computer, I probably regard it as something that I just have to accept in my life and endeavour not to be in resistance nor go into overwhelm. It seems to me that life has become much more complex and the digital games etc have interfered with the simple harmony of personal interaction in many facets of life, and I feel to offer my appreciation for alerting my awareness to the depth of the complexities that young parents are having to address – making loving choices while living here at this time.
Loved your blog Aimee. Great exposure as to the harm of excess use of modern technology.
Are we using technology or is technology using us? I sat behind a young guy on an airplane recently who was playing a game on some device. He was shooting sheep and they were exploding, with blood splattering everywhere. Is this entertainment? Who seriously creates these games and then who allows them to be published and sold.
Thanks Aimee, that was so beautiful to read. I’m going to try this myself and see if it makes a difference. It reminds me of how things used to be before I had all of this complication with technology. You said it so accurately though, it’s when we use it to check out and not be engaged with life that it is damaging. I can so relate to the fogginess that comes with being around televisions, computer and phone screens all day long, it is AWFUL! I’m going to give this a go.
Thank you for highlighting this Aimee. It’s true we hear a lot about becoming more ‘connected’ with technology and yet the very opposite seems to occur. Its brilliant how you say “how do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?”. My experience is that one addictive past time can easily replace another, until you honestly identified the origin of the addiction. Now when I am connected to me, I am able to use technology rather than it using it me. But to start this process it was essential to stop and take a moment to see what was really happening.
I can so relate to your experience Aimee, as I feel I too have allowed technology to take over my life. I love how through your detox you all as a family were able to feel that true connection again. It does feel that we can use and abuse the technology we do have and forget to connect to those around us and even ourselves. This is a beautiful reminder to all that while technology has a place it does not replace those who are living and breathing beside us and that includes us too.
Already not switching on your phone or computer as the first thing in the morning makes such a difference during the whole day.
Hello Aimee, my children spend time with technology at home whether that be iPads, computers and or TV. I will agree that there is a reaction to technology being taken away but only if there has been a period of me ‘not caring’ what they do. There is also a realisation that I ‘own’ part of that reaction. In other words I have noticed that if I have been really settled and with the children throughout the day or days, then a ‘no’ to anything technology wise brings no reaction they just move on. To me the reaction comes not only from technology being taken away but possibly from how we have been with them prior to this, our presence. I just don’t let the children stay on technology for hours unsupervised and there is a responsibility that comes with it, whether that being asking to be on it or how much time they are on it, the style of things they are playing or watching, this is all taken into account. It is possible when technology is used as a ‘baby sitter’ or similar then we run into problems or reactions. Thanks Aimee.
i am amazed at how the effects of the technology detox actually mirror the effects of a detox of food and drink. To me this is proof that we really do ‘consume’ technology. When I engage with junky, disturbing or nasty media or use any technology to check out it is just like eating junk food. What a revelation.
I agree, the impact on my body feels just the same, it’s just different packaging.
I love the technology free experience that you have shared in this blog Aimee, and this sentence was gold; âWe really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focusing on things that didnât have a heartbeatâ, it made me smile as it is so true. I will remember these words next time I have the âwhy donât you take a break from technologyâ conversation with my grandchildren!
I can relate to how easy it is to get too hooked into using the tv, gaming consoles and the computer to relax after a days work and it’s as if we were saying don’t bother me because I’ve had a bad day or I am exhausted, without actually saying the words. Just recently we put ourselves on a tv detox for three weeks because we could feel that the way we were using the tv was not healthy and it has proven beneficial, as I am not interested in going back to my old ways – I’ve replaced the two hours of watching the tv at night with a walk with the family instead – lots more fun.
“Iâve replaced the two hours of watching the tv at night with a walk with the family instead â lots more fun”. I love this Julie. Sometimes I get stuck behind my computer screen trying to think of something to write. At these times, if I go out for a walk or connect face to face with another human being and have a little fun, it flows much more naturally afterwards.
Great blog Aime and a great detox. “We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focussing on things that didnât have a heartbeat”, what a profound insight from which inspires me to take another look at what things I still use to distract myself.
Same here Jonathan as it may be easy to say and claim we are busy in our day yet I am starting to see more and more how that busy can come from self chosen distractions. I love how it reminds me to make life about connection and people first.
I know David! It is amazing how much extra time I have in my day when I don’t use technology or many other things as distractions. Really brings home how much I and many hold back from doing what needs to be done.
This is such a great blog Aimee – thank you. I realised how much time I choose to be on my laptop and although much of this time the work I am doing is necessary, there are also times where I am using it as a distraction. This is something I am definitely going to bring more awareness to.
Great sharing Aimee. I love how you say to look into if technology is distracting or supporting us and to be very very honest with it as in one moment it is support and then it easily turns into distraction if we loose the purpose of why we are using it. It’s a very hooking energy and we have to learn how to use and not abuse it.
well said, rachel, it can be a powerful tool if not abused or used for distraction, but it a very fine line between the two.
Yes indeed – to check the purpose of, why are we using something is so important. Otherwise we just check out and indulge. A big benefit of technology is to connect with other people, if I can’t meet them personally and via the web and of course without the web we are all connected – that is awesome.
“Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselvesâŠ
I feel itâs worth taking the time to consider and appreciate that we can still stay connected with ourselves and with each other whilst living in a world of technology.”
I felt your strength Aimee, as you came to the decision to put your technology detox into action with your family. It takes a lot to choose love before a total addiction to technology that is so prevalent in our society, yet if you hadn’t, I don’t feel you and your family would have come to the two points you mention above. It is so important that we don’t withdraw from the world but are able to live with what it offers in a healthy way, and the way you brought this about revealed the attachments to it that had stopped true communication and showed it is possible.
Aimee what you have shared here is so revealing. I don’t think that we are a high tech house -watch minimal TV, no games or X box etc but we all have phones and computers and I can see that we do spend a lot of time on them! I think the phone checking is the worst-its like we need to check it so frequently and yet prior to iPhones we only used them to take calls and maybe send a text. I think its compulsive behaviour filling an emptiness and ignoring the messages from our body. Its absurd to go out to a cafĂ© and to see people together all looking at their iPhones instead of having a conversation. A technology detox is a great idea!
Amazing how powerful taking technology away for a little bit has been for you and your family and how it opened up an opportunity to deepen your connection with each other. I find this deeply inspiring. Thank you
âHow do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the differenceâ can be applied to relationships, food and anything that you have decided at some point that you could not function without it. I was recently in a town that had 12in blue circles painted on the side walk/ pavement with the words painted in white ART, Beer, Food ect. in the the doorways of shops. We were told by shop keepers this was for phone users.
I really like your blog Aimee – I can relate to the free feeling you describe when I put down the technology, and the grogginess which is here in my head when I overuse it. Thank you
Thanks Jessica, yes its really quite clear when we listen to our bodies… especially when there is such an obvious change đ
Aimee this is brilliant! This should be part of all families maybe even as a reoccurring ritual! There is such a huge trend of getting lost and distracted in technology and many young people are aware of it but have become addicted to being engulfed in their screens. It is a big part of our separation and disconnection from each other while it has the pretence to bring connection as there are so many ‘friends’ and contacts and communications through technology. But in reality those contacts are often empty and disconnected.
I love how you state “How do you know what you are like with something if you donât have the time without it to feel and see the difference?” Not being with technology for a while will show for us all in which ways we use it and what it is we are avoiding when overusing it.
I really enjoyed this blog Aimee, the points you raise re screen time are so valid. Being older I spent most of my life without constant access to the Internet and remember being horrified when first introduced to it by someone who told me they spent several hours engaged with it every day. That was unimaginable to me then, the year was 1993. Now I find that I am that person myself and that modern life does include a lot of screen time, not always wanted but often required, apparently. I am concerned at the level of stimulation that is constantly being offered to our brains and I notice that people are continuously engaged with some kind of device, no-one sits for long without reaching to check their phone â it’s an addiction. How important is this constant communication and is what is being communicated really of value? Or is it just a habit, a way to keep on the move so we don’t have to feel what is really going on in our bodies?
This is a great subject Aimee and one very relevant in our household at present. Thank you for sharing your family’s experience of a technology detox.
Gorgeous Aimee – I love your idea of going on a ‘technology detox’. I have witnessed exactly what you were talking about how young boys are pressured and expected to always have the newest video game (which are often super, super inappropriate), and girls to be very active on social media. I used to have the phone app Instagram, and when I deleted it about 20 girls asked me simultaneously why I had deleted it – like it was a crime! It’s fascinating how much technology runs society.
This is great Aimee. I have often wondered what it would be like to have a break from technology, even for a few days. I can’t actually remember the last time I did that. I don’t watch TV, but I am certainly hooked to my computer and my i phone. Several years ago I lived on Lord Howe Island for a while where there was no mobile phone coverage and very little internet. It felt lovely, like what it was like when I was a child. If you wanted to see someone, you went around to their house and knocked on the door. We made arrangements for catching up and people honoured the date because there was no texting last minute to cancel or run late. Thanks for your great blog Aimee and a reminder of how much we are influenced by technology in our daily life and to bring more awareness to this.
A fantatic subject and blog Aimee as we all get swept away and even lost in technology and social media… but in the process if we stop feeling and connecting with ourselves, then how do we know what we truly need next, as you pointed out with your detox; ‘ We were all left to feel what our bodies wanted to do’.
Thank you for sharing this it’s such an important and relevant topic for us all. To be honest I feel such an attachment to the Internet in particular. You have inspired me to challenge this ingrained behaviour with my own detox.
Thanks for sharing Aimee, I loved reading about the outcome of your technology detox – quite amazing and inspiring. While I can’t really do a proper technology detox with the work that I do, from your article I feel like I can still take steps to take a look at when I am using technology for work or for connecting with others, and when I am using it to disconnect with myself and others.
How often do we brush someone off because we have important things to do on the computer such as paying the bills, checking the weather or reading the latest news.
I would say A lot! for a lot of people
I can really get a sense of what you mean by the connection in your house grew when the distraction of technology was gone for a short period. Not to say getting rid of the technology was the answer but it did allow a clear line to what it help each member of the family achieve, that being filling in for the lack of connection with others. It has really left me sitting in my chair thinking about how much I let this effect myself and how much I see it in the world. The use of technology is a wonderful thing however never should it be at the expense of our everyday connection to ourselves and others.
I agree Luke, Its like by stopping the technology for a while they were able to clearly see when they chose to use it to ‘disconnect’ from their family situation. I really get a sense of this ‘fogginess’ that Aimee talks about and can feel like that a lot after coming off my social media and back into life. And It makes me wonder how much are we missing out on if we are always running to things to escape life with every time we feel a tension or situation come up. When in my experience I’m beginning to see the value addressing a situation as it comes up as its an opportunity for a greater re-connection with that person.
There is a definite purpose in technology and the ease at which we can communicate with each other is literally there at our fingertips. The choice is when the connection has purpose and is needed or whether we use it to check out, entertain or compare with another. The responsibility lies in knowing the truth and the difference we can make is the game changer.
Aimee this is inspired.
IT is such a good example because it is so heralded in today’s world and slides into everyone’s life with ease and before you know it it has taken over.
We have a choice – to create a stop and when we do it’s astonishing to behold the true impact.
As you have shown from here we can build a balance that supports us to be connected with ourselves and each other.
Hi Aimee, your last point is so important, technology is a big part of my life but I could spend less time on it if I only use it for the focused intent of working and connecting truly with people. There are a lot of times where this isn’t the case and it becomes a distraction that I go to for relief. Your blog raises a big issue in society that is definitely impacting hugely on the quality of the lives we are able to achieve.
Buses, trains, cafes area of cities, all advertising free wi-fi, the tag line for one company is ‘stay connected’, but to what and at what expense to ourselves and others? Great questions Aimee, thank you
I grew up where the only everyday technology was TV and a line phone so I am not as hooked into technology as many. The demands to have instant communication in life means we are constantly on the go and don’t make time for ourselves and each other. Aimee I love how you have recognised how technology was filling a gap or an emptiness in your family life and decided to do something about it. It is so easy to recognise this and just accept it as one of those things without making moves to change it.
Your comment got me thinking about how many of the older generation are quite anti new technology, perhaps not just an unwillingness for change but also they recognise the lack of quality in life that is now prevalent?
I have had the experience on the underground where almost everyone is on their phones or with their head in a book – but if I am not doing the same there is an air of awkwardness that at times I will get the thought of maybe it would be less tense if I looked at my phone as well or just put my headphones on. But doing that doesn’t solve the issue or the tension, it just numbs me to it. When I do look around there is a feeling of uncertainty and looking others in the eyes in that environment feels very awkward and nerve wracking – why? Like you shared Aimee having all this screen time isn’t working to relieve whatever it is people are seeking to remedy. It’s also got me wondering if that tension is because that connecting via Facebook or with our face in a book isn’t working and what we want is actually sitting across the cabin from us (in the example of the underground) so what’s holding us back from what’s right in our faces?
I can so relate Leigh! There is a tension that builds in my body in situations like you have shared… and as you said, we can choose to go with it and numb the tension or feel it and ask the sometimes ‘hard’ questions. I love your question – so, what is holding us back from our innate knowingness to connect to others? Could it be, that there are very few people reflecting another way? Smiling or having eye contact opposed to completely ignoring?
I had a forced technology detox just of my phone when it broke and I loved it, completely changed the way I interacted with it, i.e. it came on my terms not as some automatic reaction to beeps. I turned off all notifications off all gadgets. When I am on the bus I am on the bus not working or writing or doing something so so so important it can’t wait, which is where I was at, now I will still work if its needed. I like the idea of a family detox I will suggest it! Thanks for the inspiration.
‘We really noticed how much time we had previously wasted focussing on things that didnât have a heartbeat.’
I love this sentence – it sums up our society at the moment. And that we focus so heavily on WIFI to connect, but what about the person sitting next to us?
The other week I was looking at a new watch – where it tells you on your phone if you have a message or an email.
I was very excited about the hype – but I took a step back and felt how invasive it would be to never be free of technology. It just didn’t feel healthy to literally be tied to our phones.
What a brilliant experience a technology detox is and something I am inspired to do!
This is a very valuable sharing Aimee, as there are many of us who can relate to what you have shared and what we are increasingly observing around us with others. We are using technology similar to that of a drug – it is simply another addiction where we can check out, numb and use as a distraction to not be with ourselves or the magic around us. In affect we end up missing ourselves at the expense of outside stimulation and entertainment. Thank you for sharing your technology detox, im sure this will be relevant for many in the future.
So true Marcia. It’s like the addiction to technology has been allowed to seep into society – much like sugar, before it has been more widely researched to be a drug – because it is not questioned. These comments are definitely starting to ask some awesome questions!
Beautiful sharing. Thank you Aimee. There is no doubt about it, technological gadgets are now becoming so much more complex and commonplace and an android or iphone a must have – and our relationship with that is the first and most important. Many young people are increasingly inaccessible because the mobile or gaming device comes first. It’s also true that we can lose sight of what is happening to us if we don’t stop our behaviours and give ourselves another chance. A technology detox now and again? I totally support that.
The incessant need to check our phones is akin to soothing ourselves with cigarettes, eating or drinking. The constant looking for something – someone to connect with. I see many people at bus stops staring down in to phones, earphones are a constant. I mused the other day as I walked side by side a person that it would be great to say hello to a complete stranger but you can’t these days because the earphones are always in.
I know exactly what you mean Lee, plugged in and logged out of any real immediate physical human contact. Connecting to something or someone who is somewhere different whilst those actually present are bypassed, you see it all the time in restaurants.
I get that Lee and was thinking the same. It is just like food, a sort of soothing technique to fill ourselves up with something…anything as a very effective distraction.
Yes, great example Lee… its also like a safety blanket as such… something that is a constant and in a sad way something that can be relied upon. What I’ve observed though, is so many are desperate to not be rejected or hurt by another that it is perceived safer to use a screen as a buffer then to truly open up and be ok to connect.
Aimee, this is a bit of an eye-opener — how much we use our gadgets because of a longing to connect with people. At the same time I’ve often seen people say at a restaurant or cafe sitting down together and everyone engrossed in their phones and not connecting with each other! So it’s like we take these tools of communication that can make life easier in terms of communicating and therefore connecting, but then abuse them. We can use them to distract us from what we really are longing for but don’t want to take responsibility as to why we’re avoiding connecting with people in the first place. And it’s not of course about blaming the gadget… we need to look within and see what’s being switched on and off in there.
What a great and worthwhile experiment â your technology detox clearly shows that we long for connection with ourselves and with others but find it much easier in this day and age to hide behind a screen and navigate our lives from underneath this apparent security blanket. But as you demonstrate, it only leads to fogginess and a lack of focus.
Thanks Gabriele. With technology being so accessible and acceptable to use anywhere, it is very rarely questioned “why are you using it?”… this blog and comments is bringing, something that many very rarely consider, out in the open and making it more normal to talk about.
This is so inspiring, thank you Aimee, you have given me and my family a new way to look at how we are with technology, but not only that, you have given us the option to stop, regather ourselves and start again with a new and perhaps more honest approach to technology as a family.
Thanks for sharing this experience with us Aimee – it has really highlighted how much we use technology to mask our feelings of disconnection and sadness.
Such a great topic Aimee. It is all so true what you write. I know I am so much happier in myself when I do not watch TV. It leaves me free to be me without imposition or other people’s dramas. And smart phones give everyone a reason to ignore each other and not connect. I see this everywhere in London where I live. A detox from technology sounds like an excellent idea! What a great experiment for your whole family.
Aimee,
Thank you for sharing this experience. I know exactly what you mean about using technology as a distraction, or to fill an emptiness, or to just escape what it is that we are feeling. I have had all of these feelings and I have even made moves to eliminate technology from its place of control that I have given it in my life. This is proving to be a little bit of a challenge, but one that I am more keen to meet head on since reading your blog.
Wow – this is such an important topic and I love the fresh approach you’ve given it. I think we’re probably all guilty of turning to technology for connection rather than ourselves and people around us at times. And it definitely feels like the addiction of technology has gotten out of hand, which is why for sure this blog needs to go viral!
Tha abundance of technology is everywhere. At lunchtimes it’s rare to see someone not scrolling on their phone or messaging someone. We are so wrapped up in connecting with people online that we forget about connecting with the people in front of us. Such a great blog Aimee
I agree Anna – its all to common and the connection we seek online will not fulfil our want to connect to people, all the while preventing us from doing that very thing – for while we are looking down our phones we aren’t looking up at life and the people in it.
Aimee it bought a smile to my face reading your post as I can relate so well to what you shared. It’s certainly an addiction in that I constantly would check my emails. What’s so important that I have to respond within 2min and what’s the real quality of my response. I notice I spend all day on emails yet I did an experiment whereby I avoided checking emails constantly and did this a couple of times a day – the result was it was much simpler I enjoyed time with family instead of being on my phone. Certainly time to bring this back and whilst technology is essential for work and communicating I am starting to look at it as it’s the way I am with it that counts. In the same way we can constantly snack and overeat we can certainly do that with technology.
I might try a little detox of my own with my phone. I know there have been times when I have left my phone accidentally at home and it has left me feeling uneasy for a while. I know I have become very attached to my phone, but remember clearly the time before there were mobile phones. It really is not necessary to be checking my emails every spare minute I have.
David, thanks for highlighting how this comes back to what we choose to ‘consume’. We know food goes into our body and has an affect on us, but do we also recognise that what we ‘consume’ through technology is also going into our body?
Great blog Aimee, it is amazing in this day and age how so many people are sucked up and into technology, a world full of lawnmower men, if you are old enough to remember that movie. Years ago when I bought my first computer I got a game called Duke Nuke em, you ran around shooting and blowing up aliens, all blood and guts, well I got sucked into this game badly and played it from 10pm till 10am straight. I realised what had happened and have never played a game since. Others aren’t so lucky and are still playing that very game.
This is a good point Kevin. I work in a school and I hear many children say they spent their weekend playing on their computer games. I know many students come into school tired from being up late at night playing them. Parents may feel at least the children are safe and at home, but the cost as Aimee’s post has outlined is great and we miss out on human interaction.
I loved reading this article Aimee, I can really relate to it. I notice this too and also find myself on my phone if I have a spare minute, rather than enjoying time just being or connecting with someone in a shop or when I’m out and about, ‘I looked around and observed technology overload almost everywhere â friends, family, work colleagues and people out at shopping centres â nobody truly being with each other as they are looking at their phones instead.’
I love your blog – a technology detox is something I have often wanted to try and to do – because technology and checking out with it can become an addiction. I recently have had my use of technology cut right back and it was great – every time I would usually reach for my phone I would instead have to make conversation, deal with an awkward moment or just take 5 to be with me. Now I really have to watch myself, as the pull to go back into old habits it strong – like you say its like we want the phone to give us something we aren’t giving ourselves.
Great call Rebecca, we are dealing with an addiction just like with sugar or cigarettes, it tries to get us all the time.
I really feel to give a go and to limit the times I spend on my computer for Facebook and emails.
What an inspirational post Aimee and I am sure many many families would find this kind of detox challenging! When I look around and see so many very young children using a device I wonder what the impact is on them and their relationships as they grow up knowing no other way and connection with people fades away. Saying that though there are some amazing benefits in technology and I am learning to use it as support in the world we live in.
I wonder what the long term consequences are of living in this fog, especially in regards to physical and mental health.
On the other hand it is perfectly possible not to be in a fog even with technology. Will many people manage this, though? Especially as many things like computer games are designed to put you into this fog.
Yes great point Christoph, if we are present with what we are doing using many forms of technology, there is no need to be in a fog… but as you say, computer games and other gaming devices are designed to draw you in and create that foggy feeling so you are enticed to play more and more.
Thank you Aimee for this wonderfully inspiring blog, to which I can very well relate.
The first thing is to stop and truly feel what is going on in our lives and to realize how easy it is to disconnect from ourselves and override what we feel would truly support us, when we want to submerse ourselves in modern technology. Modern technology is a blessing if used with awareness. It simply is for us to learn how to make loving and supportive choices for ourselves and from there let technology support us.
I agree Michael – modern technology CAN be a blessing and a very supportive way of communicating, but instead of using it for this, society have used it to check out and distract AWAY from true connection. Totally the opposite!
Yes this is happening everywhere, using technology, food, drugs, alcohol, sugar, caffeine etc not to feel and check out with. Really anything can be used to escape from the tension we are feeling in our bodies. Imagine how different it would be, if these questions were being asked in the newspapers, on social media or in the news – ‘What is that tension?’, ‘How does it feel when your ignored or you ignore yourself?’ or ‘Do you see anyone reflecting connection around you?’ instead of the usual comments especially around young people being rude and not making eye contact or communicating.
I am so grateful and appreciate that there is indeed many people reflecting connection to themselves and others through attending Universal Medicine.
Brilliant, Aimee. âPerhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselvesâŠâ â great point. The advancing technologies and material comfort are great, but it is questionable whether we humans are mature enough in our own evolution to utilize them in a way that is truly beneficial and supportive to all concerned. Even though I can see how I was just using different activities to fill my emptiness even before the Internet and mobile phone came into my life, the fogginess you talk of is something very strongly felt with computers, and now I have this very strong impulse to just get up and leave from my computer!
Good point, Fumiyo, are we mature enough and present with ourselves to use technology in order to support and enhance our connections, or do we use it as an easy option to distract and disconnect us from what we don’t want to feel?
So true Janet and so much to ponder on. Technology can definitely be a great way to support our connections in life and also a distraction if we don’t want to look at something that is there for us to move forward with and evolve.
The huge amount of online pornography that is available on a phone to children and adults of all ages is an indicator that we are not mature enough to handle the responsibility of such technology. The horrible stuff is there because there is a demand. Perhaps the technology is showing us our propensity for seeking stimulation and numbness. I know that my relationship with my smart phone is not based purely on communication, but a tool for distraction.
Wow Aimee, technology detox, nothing like to withdraw from something to see any unhealthy reliance, or the extent of how something controls and distracts us! So true what you say about our modern age with technology and how we all are these days, preoccupied with devices or gadgets, where everything is wanted instantly. My job of recruiting is exactly like this where many candidates (even some clients) use every which way to reach you, in the old days (ha ha) it was just the good old telephone (landline), or in person.
Technology is a part of our life. There is joy in being in connection, or connected with people, and in many cases instantly that we could even say shows a natural desire towards telepathic communication (!). However your final words here nail the truth behind technology’s popular distraction: “…..but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊔, in other words – CONNECTION.
interesting point Zofia, technology can be a great support but is no substitute for connecting with the love in our hearts or sharing the light of our souls. Might sound corny – but true.
Aimee what a great blog and so well timed. Technology serves its part in keeping us connected with work, projects and socially connecting with our friends and family, but when it overrides our ability to stop and connect to the basic principles of living and being, alarm bells start ringing. Your blog has highlighted a growing trend in many households around the world. IT connection is LIFE disconnection.
I love this Aimee. What a beautiful marker you now have in your family, to then feel the true place of technology in your lives.
Technology can put us under the pressure of a ‘double reality’ – our commitment to our real physical world; people, our home, our work and life in general; and then we have an online world – with emails, projects, games, movies, shopping – all manner of other things to attend to or distract us.
It can be difficult to keep the balance and remain fully connected in both. However, your detox is a great support to see how technology can be truly used to support our connection with ourselves and others; or to diminish it.
I agree, Kylie, getting the balance right is key. Technology can be used in a really supportive way so, as others are saying, it is how we use it that matters. Being really honest with ourselves in the moment is therefore super important, as it is so easy to get hooked into the virtual world if we are not present with ourselves.
Well said Janet – I feel this too – to be discerning in the use of technology and to be fully present when using it, be if for work or otherwise.
Aimee I love your blog and could not agree more with what you presented. I see the overuse of technology all around me, at work, at home, in public places. As you say it might be “to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊔ Being of a certain age however I have the opposite problem. Technology makes me feel uncomfortable because it takes me so long to understand how to perform even simple tasks. My phone can be on silent for days before I realise since I have little use for it. People try to contact me and I am unaware of it. Whichever way we use technology there is something to learn about ourselves.
I love what you have shared here Patricia, bringing another aspect about technology for many… being open to it or ignoring how technology can support. Thank you
Aimee I feel super inspired by what you have shared as I can so relate to being hooked on devices. I am going to propose a technology detox for my family as I feel the benefit of just being aware of how much it creates disconnection between people.
Enjoy feeling the difference, Sharon.
This is great Aimee! Very inspirational. I certainly know now that living in a house without a TV is very supportive for me. So often it could be used as a distraction and focal point so as not to engage with other people in the house. I still have more to learn with my relationship with technology, so my phone is the next one I am going to look at. Thank you as you have inspired me to really look at this and see how I could be doing things differently.
Awesome Amelia…I love how this has really opened up discussions and an opportunity to consider how we are using technology. I can relate to using my phone as a means to not be truly open and intimate with others around me… I’ve intentionally picked up my phone while out just to avoid situations. But now, when I know there is something I feel unsure or wobbly about, I make sure I leave my phone at home!
Love it Aimee, I forgot my phone the other day and actually enjoyed being with myself for the whole day and not having a need to check to see if anyone wanted me for anything. When I arrived home my daughter was most concerned about me and worried as she did not know where I was. I thought this was funny as it is often the other way around!
It is great that you have given your family a chance to feel the difference from being dependent on electronic devices to not. The world is electronic, there is no getting away from that, but knowing that connecting with people and understanding that even when not directly communicating you still can feel the other person and its important to be open and honest. Also to learn how to use these devices in conjunction with your daily responsibilities is a good thing that you have shown your family, so they understand a balance.
You made a great point that we can’t know how we will feel and be, until we try life without the misuse of technology. I can really relate to the seeing of the foggy eyes and the absent mindedness. I have found that it’s irrelevant to get into the “how long have you been on the computer” discussions, as the eyes are proof enough for me that something is not right. Using technology to fill up any emptiness goes against all our human nature – to really connect with one another. What you have described in your blog sounded like a bad relationship – well done for ending it and starting afresh with far greater insight.
Awesome Fiona, yes the foggy, red and sunken eyes says it all! It’s so important for us to be honest with all our ‘ill’ relationships with anything really! Wether it be food, technology, reading, exercise, movies, cleaning etc etc. It’s creating a stop moment to truly appreciate the impact of doing something in a particular way versus doing something with more of an awareness of why, how it feels and if it is truly needed.
Thank you Aimee for the courage in showing that we all can survive without the constant need for gadgetry connection. We have all lost the ability to discern what is truly supporting us to what is dictating our every moment. Technology can be a wonderful servant but a very controlling master if we succumb to its dark side of distraction and disconnection with real life.
Aimee a brilliant look at technology disconnecting us instead of connecting us . It is a sad truth these days to see so many people walking around in a fog of technology. This blog just shows that it is possible to live a life connected to ourselves in a technology savvy world. Thank you.
A great way to word it Kelly – ‘so many people walking around in a fog of technology’. It is exactly that; a fog that stops us being aware of what’s happening around us (when used as a distraction).
I agree Kelly, this is a brilliant blog looking at how technology disconnects us and very exposing reading the comments here too. I can clearly see now that I sometimes pay more attention to a text or an email than my children, which greatly saddens me. My 3 year old this week asked me somewhat annoyed to put my iphone away and although it’s necessary to attend to certain things, when that happens is key and not always necessary at that moment. As a role model to him, I don’t want him growing up thinking my phone is more important than him, as an earlier comment commented, that’s why children start using ipads/computers as their go to, to fill them up because theyâre not getting the love and intimacy when theyâre with adults. When we moved country and my youngest was born, we got rid of our TV and we agreed our phones were put aside at meal times as I noticed they were getting answered mid meal. I also severely compartmentalised the use of my phone, computers etc but I can see now how they’ve crept back in so it’s time for a review. Thank you for the inspiration and the awareness to check in with myself as to why I want to check my phone. Is it because Iâm feeling something I donât want to feel and therefore looking for a distraction? This is a great experiment and one to share as it has exposed areas to me where I can put my phone down and connect even more with those around me.
This is an awesome sharing Aimee and an inspiration to many other families. I see first hand many kids who are staying up all hours playing video games or watching youtube- they are totally exhausted and in this, more emotional and less able to cope with life. They describe it that it’s like an addiction and they can’t cope if they can’t get access to it.
I also hear other kids talk about observing parents and family members who are addicted to technology, in this the kids say they feel invisible as everyone is more interested in looking at the screen, and they feel like no-one is really there for them so they decide to join in on this too. I love the awareness you brought to the impact this is having on your family and your willingness to take a stand and offer something different.
This is so sad Kristy that the children you are around feel this way but then we need to ask why are the parents checking out? Sounds like everybody’s unhappy. Kids want connection, I know I did, but now find myself as a parent checking out on my phone at times. Thanks for sharing this its so important to hear.
This is very sad to hear Kristy.
It is great to hear the ‘real’ impact on children, their lives and relationships from someone who sees it every day. Thanks for sharing this Kristy.
This says so much Kristy. There were things I remember joining in with too, with my family growing up â just to have time together, even though I knew that that time was not about relating with true quality and ease, for there were other addictive behaviours going on (such as drinking alcohol).
We do crave connection, and it is a sad state of affairs when we accept less than the real deal, effectively giving up and enjoining ‘what everyone else is doing’. And it is so very understandable, if that is the only model you see about you. Aimee and the families sharing here about how they have brought responsible awareness to their use of technology, are so needed in our societies â just to offer that point of difference, that just perhaps ‘not everyone’ is doing what my family and so many others may be. It can be another way, and what if, that ‘way’ truly offers the connections we have so craved.
That is really interesting Kristy. What you have shared should be shared more publicly. Yes, our kids use technology and have many pressure from peers to be a part of that world. But as the adults we are role modelling. When my son was very little I would often use my phone while we shared meals. I realised how horrible this must feel for a 2 year old but also that I was saying that was ok to do that. I didn’t want him growing up using a phone at meal times. If we are checking out as much as the kids are, we say thats ok. I need to look at this in my own life as I often use the computer in this way. I tell myself it’s different as I’m working, but it’s the way I do it and it’s the connection I’m denying and why I’m choosing to deny that connection that needs to be looked at. I still have to do the work I need to do, but it’s how I do that I need to look at.
Thank you Kristy … unfortunately what you have shared is the norm for many many families. A young girl shared with me recently that the only time she actually gets to spend time with her Dad is when she plays Xbox with him. This is not to judge the Dad, but highlights that this is a huge subject that affects so many adults and children and the lack of connection to themselves and each other.
Bringing awareness to this, I feel will help support more and more to stop and consider why and what they are trying to avoid by using technology in this way.
Kristy I always love your observations especially as you are seeing what one generation is teaching the next. Children are learning this from the adults they are seeing around them – family, friends, neighbors, strangers, on the tv, online etc. Technology is far more dangerous than it appears. The drug like affect starts to impact on every part of life if we are not careful and aware of our relationship with it.
Hi Kristy
Yes I know that children are up all night on technology and parents are just allowing it which is creating great difficulty in classrooms and within relationships. Not to even mention the content of their screen time. These addictions are world wide and seemly socially acceptable. Where to from here I wonder?
Good question Kathryn, I feel the advancement and increased dependency on technology has an adverse effect on peoples ability to interact witheach other which in turn has a detrimental effect on health.
Bravo Aimee! I know the resistance that can come in when we take away screens and devices. Recently I cut out televisions and screens with my daughter during the week and limited use on the weekends. This came about as I too noticed that she would lose herself in these things and ‘forget’ to take care of her day to day tasks. Room would not be cleaned, homework undone and many others areas forgotten. She protested very loudly at first but has now been able to see and feel how much she takes responsibility for herself and her life and how much fun it is as she spends more time with the whole family. Now it is our normal and she can see that the world didn’t end and that in fact she is enjoying herself and engaging with others far more than she ever used to.
Great Penny, we did this with our daughter too. It’s good to hear that there are others doing something similar.
Thanks Penny… I love how your daughter, by not having the distraction of screens, was able to see the many many ‘normal’ joys of life. Whenever my sons disconnect from technology they realise how much they enjoy getting outside in nature, gardening, cooking or being creative.
All these are such beautiful and valuable sharings …
This is awesome Penny. I have found a similar experience with my children – initially there is a resistance and then an almost sigh of relief for them when they get to feel how lovely it is to have the space to connect and play without the distraction of screens.
Penny, Bianca Aimee, I can see how introducing technology free days or periods for children helps them re-connect with themselves and family, enjoy the experience of doing other things, play games or be in nature. This is a very loving thing to do and Iâm sure your children, despite initial resistance, when they feel the difference for themselves will appreciate the wisdom of your ways.
For me, what came up was worried about “fitting in” with the other kids and “being cool”…not wanting our son to “miss out”..but what he was really missing out on was the level of love, care and responsibility that comes with saying no to the ipad and TV…finding enjoyment in outdoor activities and connecting with others…taking responsibility for this as a parent was actually a great feeling too.
I bet you are going to inspire everyone to go on a technology detox Aimee!! We’ve all been saying it for years, but as I sit on the train to work each morning, I look around and everyone is staring down at their phone, reading the paper on their ipad, or doing work on their laptop. It’s insane how much the use of technology just does not let up. Sometimes I find myself watching a show on my ipad while working on my laptop and then checking my phone intermittently. WHAT? why so much stuff. I accidently left my phone at home the other day, and whilst I kept reaching for it out of habit, it was such a nice feeling not being pulled to check instagram or whatever else. It does feel completely freeing not being a slave to your phone. I’m going to consider how I can cut back on my techno distractions.
I totally relate Elodie, I can sometimes find myself watching a movie, checking my emails on my computer and Facebook on my phone. It’s almost like we have become immune to distraction, and need multiple distraction to gain the same effect.
This ability to multi-task is often prided upon. But you are right Rebecca, it is just a way to mask the level of distraction that is going on.
And it is amazing to see to what level this distraction can be driven, isn’t it?
Dearest Aimee, this blog is absolute GOLD! I can relate to much of what you have expressed, especially relying on technology as a distraction and a way to feel connected instead of stopping and seeing this need as a sign that I have been living in a way that has disconnected me. These moments are an opportunity for me to stop and re-connect – how beautiful that we are given these feelings throughout our day. Thank you for the inspiration of your lived experience ~ I feel my own technology detox coming on.
Awesome, sounds good. Everyone could do with a technology detox : ) loved how your boys connected more with each other and found different games to play as well as how you felt more connected as a family.
Aimee what you have shared is Gold. As a society we have gone over the top with technology. Most us have several gadgets each that we can use to distract ourselves from what we do not want to face, truncated comments have replaced our deeper communications, and we do not spend much time feeling what our bodies say let alone honouring what we feel such as resting when we feel tired. It is inspiring how your family used the detox to break the hold technology had on them. Thank you for sharing the understanding you have gained through your experience.
Thanks Aimee, I need a technology detox for sure! I recently banned my daughter from all screens for a week and the result was beautiful. Well, not the initial reaction, that was rather full on, but once she got over the reaction she enjoyed playing games and hanging out and was really creative and so much nicer to be around. We had full conversations rather than half answers over the top of a screen. We all noticed the difference, but like you say, its hard when everyone else at school expects you to know all the latest this and that online. I guess with anything, we need to find a balance and not to use the screens as a way of not feeling and not interacting otherwise we are all missing out on each other.
Rosie, I agree. My ten year old son has been banned from using his iPad during the week with spectacular results, he is simply more himself, more engaged with life and people around him. But he loves using his iPad so we allow it on the weekends where we witness a gradual decline, the sparkle goes. Finding a happy and supportive balance can be difficult.
So true Rosie, yes we are in a world these days where technology is part of our everyday life and we can’t avoid that. But it is important for us to see when we use it to hide behind. It can be so easy to disengage from real live people and hide behind a screen, where we can connect with people on a certain level but not fully connect with them wholly. Social media is a great example of this, we can easily be friends with lots of people, but we don’t have to let them in! I did on line dating a few ago and found it amazing how incredibly different someone could be on an email conversation compared to how they were when I met them in person. We can use technology but not to over use it.
That is so it Donna – on social media we can connect with people but we don’t have to let them in!
Thank you for your sharing Rosie, I find it fascinating and empowering (having a young child) to hear all those stories of parents experimenting with technology detox with their children in order to bring back quality and more balance into their lives/relationships. As we ourselves as parents develop a healthy relationship with technology, it makes it easier to support our children to develop such a healthy relationship too. And the more of us live that, the easier it will too become. Feels like we ‘re back to self-responsibility and opening more this conversation !
This is lovely Aimee.
Parents often ask their children to turn off the mobile phone or iPad and minimise screen-time, however as adults we too are hooked by technology and using it as a means of distraction. Your article highlights the true connection we are missing out on when we use technology to check out.
I am inspired now to observe myself more and turn off the computer or put down my phone if I am using it to disconnect. I have often felt lost without my phone, but I am really lost when I need to look at it all the time to fill an emptiness that I haven’t filled with connection to my innermost.
I know when my children are seeking to use the iPad because they are bored or given up that this is simply a form of escape, a way to check out so they do not have to look at their choices. Its awesome that they begin to see this pattern now and know that ONLY THEY can turn this around.
That is beautiful Lucinda and a credit to you as a parent that you are able to support them in seeing this and making a different choice, one of self empowerment.
Wow – what an amazing way to parent, by encouraging the taking responsibility for our choices and how we feel from day 1.
I went to a comedy night the other night and one of the comedians was talking of exactly this, how he doesn’t know how people can parent without an iPad (or calpol!) because the ipad just ‘shuts them up’ and the calpol makes them drowsy. While how he was saying it was funny, reflecting on it with this blog and what you have written and through experience with my nephews I know the importance of actually taking the time out to connect with children and young people. It’s massively important but we are loosing this because everyone is on devices.
This feels really true Lucinda, ‘It’s awesome that they begin to see this pattern now and know that ONLY THEY can turn this around.’ I can feel with my son that it is important for him to feel how he is with Ipads and screens and feel when it is time to turn it off, it feels great when he does this, when he says ‘that’s enough’ and wants to play with his toys, rather than me trying to pull the Ipad off him and him left wanting more.
Thank you Lucinda for sharing that. By being connected to ourselves with our children and others, it is their choice to see and let go of the pattern of wanting to stay in comfort, escape or not.
It is definitely worth someone studying the impact of devices on children and social skills like connecting to each other, I have recently been teaching in primary schools and when asking children to talk to each other in pairs their skills are very poor, often not turning to look at the other person, no eye contact, general disinterest in what the other person has to say. I can’t help but correlate this behaviour to the lack of good role models as many of the adults in children’s lifes are hooked up to iPhones, iPads, computers and tvs. I am sure it is having an impact.
I am with you on this 100% Vanessa about a study or survey of school aged children with using technology, how they – feel about, are affected, pressured to use it, see Adults around them using it etc etc. I feel the results would be so alarming and shocking that the gaming industry making billions off children, would not want this to be exposed. It reminds me of the tobacco industry when it first was revealed that smoking was harmful for the smoker and everyone who breathes secondhand smoke as well. Mmm I’m going to look into this more.
the problem goes deeper than that…in that adults often don’t communicate in a way that is supportive or loving, even before turning to devices for distraction. There have already been plenty of studies done on the effects of TV and gaming on children, in fact children (and adults), are used as subjects for marketing companies who are researching how to push a product….they get a bunch of kids in a room and video them watching different versions of adds or shows they have created, then they analysis the eye movements of the children to see which add or show produces the most response, ie excitement or attention…the more the eye movements track the screen, the more products the company will sell. You could say it’s all a set up.
This makes complete sense Vanessa and is of course a very valid reason why children can struggle to communicate, share and listen. Adults who role model constant fixation on devices can’t be good. We all knew growing up that too much TV was bad for us, but now we get “the screen” for many more hours a day. Studies to need to be made, but I expect the industry and many, many customers wouldn’t want to change as the way it is set up brings comfort, relief and distraction to the intensity of life.
It chills me to hear this, the impact of technology is slowly taking its hold, how far will we let it roll under the banner of advancement. Everywhere kids are surrounded by siblings, friends, family workmates, all hooked into their devices. As with anything in excess, take it away (as Aimee and her family have done,) and the space that is left will speak loud and clear about what we are really avoiding.
Agree Annie. This blog has also opened my eyes even more. I already knew we had a technology plague, however I didn’t take in to the full extent. Today at work I observed. Team members using their phones as the first port of call. Its a barrier or a shield that we can use to deflect any moments of feeling uncomfortable. In our day and age it seems weird to just sit in the lunch room without a mobile phone.
Yes spot on Luke, phones are often used by many, including myself, as a way to not feel uncomfortable or awkward or not to be rejected at any cost. It feels awful when sitting with someone talking and they pick up their phone and start looking at it.
Absolutely Luke, we use our phones as a protection from any awkward situations, or whenever we don’t feel comfortable – it’s such an easy way out – pick up your phone and look at it. It reminds me of how kids have a safety blanket or blankey!!
Wow Aimee – what a great blog and giving us all much to consider and to be inspired by! One of the stand-out lines for me was “Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊔ How very true! Looking at it in this way requires a deep level of honesty, and I know for me, while I can sometimes think I can fool other people and justify my reasons for being caught up in technology (which often contains some truth, but not always the full truth), I can never truly fool myself. When I am using technology in a way that supports me and where I am not wanting to ‘escape’ or avoid connection with myself, my body feels totally different than when I am using it ‘to’ avoid something I don’t want to feel… the key for me is in being aware of this, and when I recognise this, firstly, just to be honest and then to be prepared to feel a little deeper about what else may be going on that had me wanting to not be with myself in the first place!
Wow Aimee, reading this I realised how attached to my phone I am! I wouldn’t know where to start with going on a technology detox. I can see what you mean about using technology as a distraction and a deterrent from your feelings. So many times I have sat myself in front of a movie rather then feel that I miss someone or that I’m sad. Great blog Aimee, thank you for writing it.
Thanks Emily. I’ve noticed with myself and others, how much phones are used to be a buffer, almost like a protector, that keeps people at bay – got to make a phone call, check the weather, book this or that… especially when there is an opportunity to be intimate with another. Nothing is more precious than when with another person, not allowing any distractions and honouring the time together.
I know – I am so attached to my phone too, and if my battery dies I actually wonder how people used to live without mobile phones – they have almost everything you need… GPS, maps, numbers, emails, camera, notebook, music, calendar…. But somehow people used to survive!
I know what you mean Meg! I actually have an awesome portable battery device, the size of a lipstick, that I can charge my phone in my handbag. There is the over using of our phones when it is just not needed but I felt there was also a responsibility in being reachable especially for children or work etc.
Haha yes great question – how did people survive without a mobile phone? We did survive as there was nothing to compare it to. Thinking about it now, in a way I remember just knowing when to use a public phone to call home and check in and there was a lot more time just to be with yourself and less of an urgency. And we also used paper maps… thank goodness there is now GPS, I could never read them!
I’ve thought this too Meg! How simple. I have a work phone – which is a snazzy piece of technology. The reason behind this though is so we are always ‘on call’
Since all having mobiles – every single one of my team members will email early in the mornings and late at night – that’s a whole load of extra hours that the company is getting out of us.
It seems so important to separate the time we spend on devices and the time we have with ourselves.
Hi Aimee, I really appreciate your sharing of this experience. I could feel the slight squirm for myself when you spoke about the idea of detoxing technology. I haven’t watched or owned a TV for a very long time, but I can easily use social media in a very similar energy, to that of checking out in my day or seeking connection. Amazing to see when our number one connection is within ourselves. I love the link you have shared to True Intimacy too. Thank you.
Me too Cherise. I don’t tend to watch TV, and for a little while I thought I had freed myself from technological distractions… Boy was I wrong! Social media can become addictive, and I can very easily spend hours scrolling through the different sites looking at videos, reading statuses and messaging people.
I have been aware that if I haven’t scrolled through all the new posts on social media sites that I feel I’m not “up to date” with my day. It’s as if I’ve left emails unchecked. There is nothing wrong with that, but there is in the way i approach it. Why am I doing this and why do I feel this need? Does it really serve me?
Great point Susie, social media can be a real trap. Sometimes I can see myself clicking on a link to watch something and I am not even really interested in seeing it. It is an automated response. One, thankfully I am being more aware of and thus choosing to exit social media instead of losing myself further into it.
I know what you mean Sally, clicking on a link to watch something and then saying to myself ‘what am I doing?!’ I’m not even interested in it and there is no purpose at all for looking at it… same with checking comments on statuses that I don’t need to know about – at this stage I know I have well and truly checked out and I immediately turn it off.
I can fully attest to that too Sally – I have experienced the same and am much more onto it these days, much quicker in recognising the distraction and the hook, and taking appropriate action.
I know what that feels like being sucked into a social media and computer vortex. It’s easy to become distracted. I have stopped watching TV, but I can still feel a pull to want to watch it especially to distract myself when I feel off. The difference not watching it though is great. I can feel how much clearer I am without it.
Absolutely Jane – the focus required when using technology should come with warning signs …’do not operate when checked out, needy, tired, etc…….’ or ‘warning, potentially hazardous device’.
The same can also apply with emails interrupting the flow of other work or going to the email Inbox ‘to check’ when it was honestly to look for distraction and stimulation. More often these days I close my emails while doing other tasks.
Yes it can be quite easy to go – I don’t watch TV anymore or Iview etc… I’m ok with technology- but there are still very sneaky ways that technology can take hold of you. I agree that it is so important to always look at/question our relationship with something because it can allow you the space to know what is true and what is not. But when we get caught up in it, it is not always easy. Detoxes are great for that – thanks for sharing yours Aimee.
Thank you Cherise. There is so much being exposed here, which is great! I can see that checking my computer when its not needed or taking one last look at social media before doing something, is really no different to me eating a chocolate bar or something else sweet… it gives the same result, a moment of satisfaction, followed by the same feeling of disconnection. Yet “…when our number one connection is within ourselves” there is nothing that can pull us out.
Absolutely – social media is 100% addictive, it’s easy to waste many hours doing nothing and seeking that connection with others, rather than first seeking it with ourselves.
Thank you Aimee, I love how you describe the difference it made to how you and your family members were interacting with each other when technology was taken out of the picture for a while. For me I feel it is a blog worth re-visiting every so often, just to check in with where I’m at with connecting to myself and others truly, rather than keeping constantly distracted with all these modern toys. I don’t feel that computers and phones are bad -I love my phone and my computer – it’s just how I choose to be with them. Do I choose to check out, or stay connected with myself and what I feel? Can I focus on other things and be truly present with what I’m doing? Truly worth pondering on from time to time.
Great point Esther. It really is about how we choose to be with our devices and why as they can be very supportive just as much as they can be harmful.
Penny. Agree whole heartedly that devices can be very supportive, but also harmful in so many ways.
Agree with you both (Esther and Penny).
It is only about how we use it.
I can go around watching youtube videos hours on end or do something productive.
Its about the quality we use technology.
Yes, I agree Luke. I am finding I am less and less addicted and drawn to scroll the feeds, usually catching myself and thinking ‘seriously, what is this bringing me or anyone’, haha, and then i can easily disengage with this enveloping ‘cyber world’ feel, and instead be more present and productive, and cut this distraction.
I agree Arianne! and I find it makes me very weary when I do that!
Beautifully said Monica. Aimees technology detox is a call to all of us to reflect on our relationship with phones, laptops, tablets. We could ask ‘Who is in the control, ourselves or an energy that drives us further into activity and away ourselves.’ You put it well: “do we use our phones and laptops to serve us, or do we serve them.”
Seeing our use of technology as a relationship puts its use into much more perspective. We can begin to ask ourselves the questions…Is our relationship with technology healthy? Is there a need being filled? Do we change ourselves? Do we take on what is not ours? . . . and the list goes on.
Yes agreed Esther, its not that computers and phones are bad or food or other entertainment for that matter….its more bringing a real honesty to ourselves in relation to these things and why and how we use them. I love your practical questions – definitely worth pondering on.
Hi Esther I like what you share here and I agree that it is the way how I use all this technical toys. It is very easy to check out so here is the clue to be with myself or present as much as I can even if I am on my computer . . .
Thank you Aimee for taking the time to share about your family’s digital detox. I got the extent of the distraction when you mentioned ‘focussing on things that didn’t have a heartbeat’ and I can feel how this extends out into our communities, like schools, neighbourhoods and workplaces. Even going for a walk in the mornings, people don’t respond to a ‘hello’ because they can’t hear with their earphones plugged in! There are many things that can distract us from feeling what is going on for us and developing relationships with each other, however technology is a massive one and the generational impacts of it are yet to be fully known.
I can relate to what you wrote Bernadette about going for a walk and people being on their phones or listening to music. Like we lost the true sense of being with ourselves and others without extra input like music, television or the computer. For me a new trend is young people not phoning with each other but instead playing all kind of ‘games’ with each other on their phone with assignments about what to do.
This has not been my experience during my morning walks but one of initially saying “hello” or “good morning” or simply a smile, to today having a friendship with the many beautiful people I have connected with on these walks. Of course these people weren’t absorbed on any device but simply appreciating what was around them, nature, other people or simply themselves. There is a time for technology and a time to put it aside. When I recently started taking my phone to capture the brilliance of nature I experienced with each walk, I found it disturbed the natural flow and communication I felt naturally with nature and each person. I didn’t feel I could connect in the same way. There was something quite interfering about having the phone with me. And the photos could never quite capture the connection I felt in the live relationship with each moment.
Wow what an amazing experiment Aimee! It’s so true, we do spend too much time focussed on something without a heart beat. I just have to think about the days when I have lost internet connection to realise that there is at times a very un-healthy dependancy on technology, as I keep re-visiting my computer every half hour to see if its working, feeling at a bit of a loss as to what to do next! While technology is important in our lives, maintaining healthy relationships is vital to our true wellbeing, nothing can replace loving human contact. A very brave and inspired decision to detox the family and one I am sure you will continue to appreciate for a long time to come.
Super important Rowena and very true: ‘ While technology is important in our lives, maintaining healthy relationships is vital to our true wellbeing, nothing can replace loving human contact’.
I agree with you Jacqueline and Rowena – so well expressed and to the point as you say “Nothing can really replace loving human contact”.
Love what you have shared here Rowena and I know and have felt that loss as to what to do next. Iâm sure if everyone filled out a survey on how and why we use technology it would be very revealing to why relationships, illness and disease is like it is today. Technology will keep advancing and new devices will keep coming out, but it is how we feel about ourselves first that influences why we use it.
I had a similar, smaller detox in the family years ago when the TV broke (it was before home computers became a must have) Hubby was working away, daughter revising for exams and I refused to get it fixed until she had sat for them. After the initial moaning and groaning our experience was similar to that of Aimee’s family. Six months later I got it fixed – no one noticed at first, and when they did we were all much more selective with what was watched.
Hello Aimee and a great subject to look at as I sit on my computer typing. It is true what you say, “Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊔ Thanks Aimee.
I can only say the same Raymond – it is to be discerned how and when we use technology, and to have that awareness all of the time. Great blog and insights Aimee.
It is not the technology itself that is the problem, it’s how we choose to use it. If we use it to escape, as a form of distraction, to fill time, as a crutch, then we’re hiding from ourselves. If used discerningly and to support us, we can be fully present with ourselves as we use it.
Great summing up Kehinde of how technology can be used to support true purpose.
Every year technology has become more and more part of my life. I love it and love all the work it supports. Yet at the same time I am seeing people destroying themselves with it, no different to the effects of alcohol and drugs but possibly more insidious because it is not a substance as such. Responsible technology use is super important for us all – young and old.
From the above comments I am inspired to take this angle on computer use when teaching ICT to children. We talk much about e-safety and staying safe on the web, but we haven’t yet talked about using our devices for distracting and numbing, as opposed to using this equipment to support us in daily life. Thanks for these super supportive comments!
I agree, Vicky. I resisted technology, computers, the internet, especially social media for a long time. I slowly make friends with it and find it very helpful and supportive as long as I am not getting lost in browsing and entertaining myself, using it to distract and numb myself. I keep hearing people saying that they have no time to meet, catch up, share in person but they sit a lot of time a day on the computer on social media or streaming some entertainment. It is effecting social connections and I am concerned that for many of the next generation connecting deeply with others might be unknown or very difficult.
I felt myself sit up and be more present just reading your comment – thank you! (said my spine đ
Yes Kehinde, it is about becoming aware of why we do things. Technology is not the bad guy, we just need to use it responsibly. I have decided to make some changes to how I use technology since reading this blog and the comments.
The use of technology can be an absolute support in my day or a drain and complete distraction. And this support or drain is available at the end of my fingertips everyday, and thus my choices are very important.
Beautiful Aimee. I recently had a similar experience, a laptop only detox, but it made me feel how my laptop and the work I did with it made me feel very anxious. Without it I took more time to connect with myself and do what I felt to do in the morning instead of going on my computer and let it ‘tell’ me what to do. I noticed I used my Iphone in a much more practical way, I did the things on it that were really needed which felt great. I now have a new laptop and I enjoy working with it – now knowing how to use it in a way with myself and not using it to give me something to do. Like you said: “Technology is all around us and we use it every day, but perhaps we need to consider whether we are using it to support our lives or whether we are trying to get technology to give to us what we will not give to ourselves⊔
That is something that recently stood out for me also Lieke, when I didn’t have internet access for several days. It really exposed how I come to use my laptop – how I’m feeling before sitting down, what I’m already sensing will be there and will I be able to deal with what is there. Its really helped me with feeling what is the purpose of what I am using it for. Enjoy your new laptop.
Great discussion. I don’t think many of us stop to check how we feel when we open up our laptop or go to use a device. I can feel in me that there can be an anxiousness that there will be too much to do and that I will have to speed up to get it all done. I like the idea of stopping to feel and ensure I am solid before I start working on my laptop.
Great point you make Lieke, we tend to let us be guided by the information we receive from our laptop or smartphone, like they are using us instead that these devices are just tools to support us in our work and everyday life. We have to become aware that we are so much more than our electronic devices and that these are just tools to serve us in our great work we have to do here on earth.
Nico this is a far healthier way of looking at our laptop and use of technology, using it as a way to serve a purpose and not as a distraction as I often allow. I know when I connect to the purpose of why I use it the time I need to be on it is much less than I normally spend.
Laptops and computers can be a drain and a distraction depending on how they are used, but imagine the power we hold in our fingertips if we use this form of technology wisely to spread truth and share what we know with the world. Together we can reach millions by the touch of a button, and that is awesome.
Yes Nico and I can even be guided by what is happening when I am on my laptop! If not truly present, I can respond to an email as it arrives even whilst in the middle of doing something else on my computer. So for me I feel what is also happening with technology is that it magnifies the disconnection we already have with myself first then this naturally affects all relationships.
Interesting Bernadette and true, and don’t you find it great that the laptop ‘speaks’ about this (lack of presence) too, through the wifi going off, a skype call cutting out, ‘connection lost’ or ‘connection restored’ with a wireless mouse or keyboard… All great indications that confirm when we’re out, or ‘back on’ again, restored.
That the relationship and connection we have with technology is a mirror for the relationship and connection we have with ourselves. How awesome.
That’s a striking point that you make Nico. I feel that for many ‘technology’ has become the God they worship and the power in our day is given over to technology.
When I got a new phone recently the words ‘life Companion ‘ come up when I turn my phone on ! Life companion, no its a phone !
Great awareness Lieke and Nico, I will sit behind my computer differently today. I especially value what you say Nico “we tend to let us be guided by the information we receive from our laptop or smartphone.” I feel best when I have a natural flow in letting the things that need to be done come to me during the day, I wonder how often I loose this natural flow because of emails that are coming in and I then tell myself I have to take action on them. Sometimes that may be true but definitely not always and I need to take care not to be rushed into anything but to honour my own rhythm in everything.
I have also witnessed that technology is the first thing I will pick up when I either want something solved quickly or I am not willing to look at what is going on. This leads me to as you say Nico – be ‘guided’ by the information received rather than feeling into it and making my own choices based on those feelings. I end up using a lesser form of intelligence rather than the wisdom that is already there to feel. I agree 100% that it is our choice to become aware of this and see technology as a tool and not an answer.
Thank you Aimee and Lieke, I did a TV detox late last year which was brilliant in letting me breathe again … instead of trying to fit in preparing the meal, emailing, working on online projects and ‘relaxation’ with TV in the evenings, I dropped all the TV time and my whole evening opened up … felt like there was space to do everything and still go to bed before 9pm for a great sleep.
The amount of TV I now watch has considerably reduced and there is better discernment about choosing programs. I am also not disturbed if I miss a program, it matters not. The whole TV thing is back in its place, ie, being a tool or servant, rather than the master.
Great comment Marian, I can feel when TV is a void filler. It is as clear as day and night. The more I know myself he more the obvious it becomes! I therefore choose the program within me before I touch the TV – Void Filler or Stay with Me!
Well said Leike, technology is a fact of life today and it can be enormously useful, however it can be misused to fill a hole of something we feel we’re missing. I like what you say that it’s all about the way we use it, and I love what Nico says about these are just tools, rather than a lifeline!
I get what you are saying about technology being ‘misused to fill a hole of something we feel we are missing’. I feel many do this. What if we were willing to see the hole instead of always trying fill it up? Maybe then it could start to be truly healed!
Great conversation!
For me it really comes down to two questions:
1. Is our life run by what is on the outside or lived from within?
2. And are we allowing an outside device, or in fact anything outside of us to dictate our life?
Spot on Judith and important we bring any life choice back to these two questions – truth or not truth.
These are very good questions to which I am sure many would reply yes to both. We are forgetting to truly connect with ourselves and becoming more and more lost in devices. The other day I was looking after my nephews and in the morning we were all sitting together but had our heads down in devices, not connecting with each other at all; we had to stop and have time out. I would love love love to have a digital detox for a month but instead I feel I just need to use my time on devices wisely instead.
I would say a YES to both of those questions Judith.. It’s interesting how man created technology and devices to SUPPORT them in their professions, growth, evolution etc., but what happened is that instead of us making use of them, they began to use and control us… Our choice to check out so much has resulted in a global technology addiction where we can’t function without it.
I know this one very well Lieke to feel that my computer tells me what to do. The last two days I started going for a beautiful walk during sunrise in the morning and then went to check my computer. It is so important that we listen and nourish our connection to our bodies.
good point Lieke. I have noticed I can feel anxious when I am working on my laptop. I tend to get drawn in, and end up spending more time on it than I had planned. As a result of reading your comment and the blog, I am going to rethink how I use it and maybe start to give myself time limits.
Wow Aimee this blog reveals a real danger for the whole of humanity. We use all this technology and connect to one another less and less. The way the world is currently with rising illness and disease not to mention dementia rates, makes me wonder with all the checking out potential of technology what the dementia rates will be in another 50 years? Great blog Aimee.
Great point Judy, its the ill way we use technology that affects us all, especially when it is used to checkout and not feel, just like food and other entertainment. And yes, what will be the side effects of that in years to come – maybe technology intolerance?
And often we use technology like TV, computer and eat at the same time or listen to music. So double and triple checking out…This has a huge effect on our body, on our well being and the quality we will live when we get older.
Yes Janinaelisa, and so will we have to feel the consequences later on. As Aimee has described from her detox of technology, she was relieving herself with television… I mean that is serious. This could become (or maybe is already) a silent drug, we are yet not even aware of taking. This we should stop, before we are not even having the clarity anymore to feel what is going on. Let’s call a stop and; say this instant technology use is NOT OK. We are getting anti-social in truth.
Danna I completely agree how technology and the way it is used is allowing, encouraging people to become anti-social. There is quite a concern that parents aren’t interacting with their children enough to give them the interaction required for language development and the social cues for communication as they spend so much time looking at tablets/ mobile phones.
I put my hand up for this one janinaelisa! I don’t watch tv but I have observed myself working on the computer and then having a conversation at the same time, all the while really only being half present. It doesn’t feel great for me and I know it definitely doesn’t feel good for the other person, and as well as not feeling great, it also doesn’t feel productive…
I agree Angela Perin, i also don’t watch TV anymore but at time let myself go and work on the internet and eat at the same time. Which is like watching TV and eating. Which doesn’t feel right at all and bring a lot of nervous energy into my body. Which than brings me into function mode.
Yes Angela I too can put my hand up for this. I have also caught myself in a conversation with someone while on the computer and it really doesn’t feel supportive for either party involved. True connection with others is felt when we are present within ourselves and then with the other person too.
After having conversations with someone on the phone who is also on the computer I can attest to feeling how not present that person is and will say to them that I feel they’re not fully present. It’s felt disrespectful so now I am much more aware of how present I am when talking with people and whether I’m getting distracted.
It’s great to clock those moments Angela when we’re half in/half out of whatever we’re doing so in reality not only are we not truly connecting to another but we’re not with ourselves either.
I can relate to those ‘half present’ conversations while a human being is standing to the side and my almost full attention is on a screen, doesn’t quite make sense does it?
Classic Aimee, but can so see this being an issue in years to come, more so than it is now.
Technology is already a huge addiction for many, many people. From adults on their phones all the time to children checked out in front of the TV or with video games. Technology has a seductive quality to it, promises that for a short time you can be swept up in the colours and images and not feel what your body is telling you about your own choices and relationships within life.
So True Kathryn. Anything that we feel addicted to usually has a certain seductive quality to it. A way of inviting us in again and again to escape from what we may be avoiding.
Ha! we can laugh about the concept of Technology intolerance, but it’s not that crazy an idea. Repeat an act that does not serve us, such as insisting on not connecting with ourselves and others enough times, and our bodies eventually need to scream a lttle louder to get our attention.
It’s a strange form of disconnection as often we are disconnecting to connect with people as often technology is used for social media. The quality of the connection that is offered through social media differs vastly from actually taking a walk with someone or having a face to face conversation. The connection social media offers is spreading beyond the bounds of social media. It’s like we’ve been tricked and hooked into social media in the guise that it is connection with people.
“Itâs a strange form of disconnection as often we are disconnecting to connect with people”
I fully agree Nikki and therein lies the illusion – that we are closer than ever before, where in fact, research is demonstrating that we are lonelier and more miserable than ever before.
Yes all the evidence is around us in how we are interacting and how miserable everyone looks, and grey like life is being sucked out of them. We are in a massive illusion thinking we are connecting when we clearly are disconnected.
I agree vanessamchardy. People, especially in the city, really look miserable. Just stand at the side of a building and watch people walk past on the footpath, it is very sobering to see people’s faces, so tense and agitated looking.
‘We are in a massive illusion thinking we are connecting when we clearly are disconnected.’ Yes, well said Vanessa. It’s interesting how when people are feeling disconnected we turn to one of the very main things for it, computers and the internet.
What you say about the research findings doesn’t surprise me Michelle. So much social media operates on a superficial level leaving us missing our natural impulse to connect openly and honestly with others.
This is interesting Karin. Is it the social media OR is it the superficial way we use and approach it? Looking for an escape or connection as opposed to feeling connected, honest and sharing our expression?
I love what you have shared here Michelle “disconnection… we are disconnecting to connect with people’. A contradiction is itself but a strong reminder that we as a community are craving connection of some sort even though it may not be the true way.
For me social media is a way of connecting to people that I can’t connect to physically, it is not a replacement to connecting to people, it just adds another dimension and widens the scope of my connection. It doesn’t stop me connecting to people in person and as long I keep a balance of the two then I don’t use it as an avoidance to truly connecting to people on a personal level. It really depends on how you use it and as soon as I start to feel myself getting hooked in for too long I stop. In other words used wisely it can be a benefit but unfortunately many people get lost in it and it becomes a habitual form of checking out.
I agree Sandra, I used to have a vague rule that I used Facebook to connect with people who lived far away from me. While I don’t stick to this now, I never connect with close friends through social media but more see it as a way to connect more widely with people around the world and get a sense of what is going on. It can be a dangerous thing though as it is easy to get sucked in to wasting large parts of my day on social media, when instead the opportunity is always there to connect with the real world in person.
So true Stephen. The media often portrays technology as a way of connecting with people but often the opposite takes place. As a society we have become entrenched in the behaviours of checking what is on these sites but not truly checking into the honest and open connections we can make with people.
Sandra I love the point that you are so clearly making. It is not the technology per se in itself that is harming or not, but our own intent and how we use the technology that will determine if it is a harming relationship or a supportive one. And what a great way proposed by Aimee, a technology detox to separate ourself from any addiction and dependency, and honestly look at our relationship with and our use of technology.`
Yeah this is great Golnaz,
We always have the choice in how we use technology. The responsibility always lies with us and blaming something outside that for being wrong is never the answer. If anything the way that we are suing technology as a society is actually just reflecting to us how we have lost the connection with ourselves and others, and therefore can so easily be influenced by a external factor.
Yes Golnaz and Simon – it is not technology per se- but our relationship with it. Do we use it to support ourselves or to bring us something (ie connection/intimacy) that we are not prepared to bring ourselves. I know for me it is a combination of the both and when I do the latter – it feels awful in my body.
This is a great point Golnaz. It is way that it is use, and not to blame the technology but our choices with it.
Totally agree Golnaz. It’s not what we do, it’s how and why we do it. And it’s the same with everything, food, exercise etc.
I have the same feeling like you Sandra – it is so important to discern, when does it make sense to use social media as an additional support and when doesn’t it make sense, instead getting in touch with a person on a personal level, e.g. to meet another person or have a phone call.
I agree Nikki that our current major tools of connection are mostly being used in a way tgat creates disconnection. Observing teenagers I can see how they think they are connecting and expressing themselves on social media. Yet the language they use is stunted, highly abbreviated and doesn’t sound anything like how they talk in everyday life. This seems to be considered cool but is strongly capping their ability to express themselves fully. With Facebook open all the time and message alerts coming in at any time I can feel how this keeps us fractured and not fully present with what we are doing
Fiona you raise a great point here about how social media becomes a version of expressing that is often full of highly abbreviated and very short stunted messages. Expression has been reduced to a form of short hand via social media and this then transfers to real life conversations where so much is not actually being said. As I learn more about expression, I am realising how important it is to express everything and that even leaving out a word or two actually has an impact on myself and others.
‘ I am realising how important it is to express everything and that even leaving out a word or two actually has an impact on myself and others.’ The same for me Vicky. Most of my emails are longer these days with fully constructed sentences, rather than quick notes… and it feels so much more true.
I’m a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to texting and social media, and it’s never felt right to me to abbreviate the language with things like ‘ru’ and ‘str8’. It feels lazy, and not giving the person I am texting my full attention. Some people think text language is cool, I think some of it has even made its way into the dictionary, but I am more than happy to be not cool.
This is so interesting. For me the classic miss out word in texting or writing or even speaking is I in ‘I Love YOu’ rather then just ‘LOVE You.’
The ‘I ‘ when it is dropped off the start then feels like the ‘LOVe you’ is not as full and committed unless of course you are suggesting to the other person to love themselves?
See what I mean? Ha. Expression is everything.
Yes Kathryn and Vicky, abbreviated messages carry none of the commitment and fullness of expression. Why would we want to water down âI love youâ? We donât have to shout it from the rooftops but we could say it with conviction so that the truth of those words is deeply felt.
What you say Nikki is spot on. One of the greatest joys in life is connecting with others and having a great conversation. We crave it so much that people spend much of their time on line these days but without that real sense of connection. As people have shared on here, even when we are speaking with someone, we can be thinking of other things or doing something else at the same time which really doesn’t foster the feelings of a loving and caring connection – with oneself or another! I have been guilty of this too and am I really feeling how horrible it feels to do anything with my mind elsewhere to what I am doing.
I agree Judy – it reminds me of the film ‘surrogates’ in which people lie in capsules and live their lives through robots, never really living, just getting sensory stimulation. Could that be where our future is headed? Possibly, but if we take heed of what Aimee is saying, then making time to truly connect with our selves and others is the key to making sure technology doesn’t take over – for it is true connection we crave.
Great point Judy. With more and more devices and technologies with the potential to encourage a rise in checking out and escapism what will the future hold in terms of our connections to each other and other effects like dementia?
Exactly Judy, with the technological possibilities to connect to others, we are steadily loosing a feeling for what connection really is and in fact are less connected than ever before. Great experiment Aimee.
WOW Judy what you ask here is a very relevant and interesting question. I am not sure if there are already people “checking out” if technology has an indirekt effect of e.g. dementia – if not – it would be very interesting to do so for I am sure that the dementia rate will rise in the next coming years . . . and then we all have to deal with that.
Its quite a thought to consider the effect of our use of technology on our future health, not only in terms of how our mind operates but also in our body, for every child that only plays on computer games there is the risk of early onset osteoporosis from the lack of bone loading in the formative years, this is another ticking time bomb among the many we seem to be setting ourselves up for.
This is true Stephen. We don’t know the harm that technology is doing to us in the long term because it is still relatively new and the excitement for it is very possibly clouding our discernment.
This is another way of looking at this conundrum that I had not even considered before. A very salient point Stephen.
I have never heard of bone loading before, as others have shared this is another thing to consider alongside the fact that many games played are now to do with killing people.
Great point Stephen, there really isn’t the long term research on the effects of technology on our health, aside from the very obvious ones like obesity due to so many adults and also children living more sedentary lives, there are the many other issues we just don’t know yet, what it does to peoples eyes, anxiety levels, depression and probably so many more. We just don’t know.
Yes, Judy, I sense that the dementia rates will be sky-rocketing. People are so checking out with their technology, it is quite alarming.
I agree Judy. This is true. The potential of checking out with social media or the Internet in general is huge.
Isn’t it ironical to consider that the very technology we often herald as the means for us ‘to’ connect is the very thing (when used in the way most of us do) that has us ‘dis’ connecting. And in truth, it’s not the technology per se that is responsible, but the way we use it and the reason behind us using it in the first instance.
Judy a friend was telling me recently about a documentary that she saw about people in their twenties going to their doctors as they were concerned that they had dementia. I feel that we may well discover that technology potentially plays a part in some people’s dementia as it is for many a way of not being present with themselves and dementia is exactly that, not being with your self.
Very true Judy what you say about the dementia rates probably going through the roof in 50 years (or sooner) if we keep up our technology addiction. This is very serious and worth paying attention to.
You have touched on something here Judy, as has Aimee in this great article. I see parents handing children tablets and phones to play games on while I am working on mum or dad’s teeth. The children are “quiet”, or are they? I would say they are zoned out completely. They are not engaged in anything except for moving those little pixelated things around a screen.
Another thing I have observed is that in the waiting room people used to sit around looking bored, having read all of the 10 years old magazines. Sometimes they would talk to each other. Now everyone is head down over a smart phone, emailing or online shopping or whatever. Same at the bus stop, at the café.
So how will this impact on dementia rates in the future and the age at which dementia first starts. Time will answer these questions.
Judy I have heard they already have camps in Japan for children addicted to Computer games, so the future is already here in terms of disconnection and having to rehabilitate antisocial behaviours,so I can’t imaging what it will be like in 50 years.