Have you ever considered the responsibility we have in the lead up to our passing over, and when we pass over and die, or do we just consider it is something that will happen to us and we will be taken care of, or that we don’t have to think about just now? That we are on our way out, so what does it matter anyway?
Have you ever considered or thought about the level of detail in which you would like to be taken care of and pass over? For example, if you have been living a very healthy gluten free, sugar free and dairy free diet, do you want to be given chocolate biscuits, cake, pasta and coffee to eat and drink? Or do you want to set up a plan or a legal document stating exactly what kind of diet you will eat in the lead up to your passing over?
Do you want to die at home or in a hospital? Do you want a TV on or music from the radio, or would you like silence, no TV and/or music to be played that is clear of emotions?
Do you want people visiting you all day, or do you want your own time and space and set up a time for people to visit that best supports you, when you feel to?
How do you lie in bed – would you like to be put in a position that truly supports you and your body to heal, sleep and deeply rest?
What clothes do you want to wear – is there a particular feel you want on your skin, or a warm blanket to cover your bed? How do you want the lighting to be – would you like the main lights on or maybe a bedside light brought in? Are there particular books you would like to have there with you to read?
Many families choose to not tell people they are going to die. But do you want to be told, even though deep down we do all know that it is your time to pass over? So you can prepare in whatever way you need to, be it letting go of old hurts, things you have held onto, clearing stuff from your body for passing over into your next life. Or would you rather not be told?
Often it is common practice for a minister to visit people in hospital just before they pass over, but do you want this?
Do we ever stop to consider all of this?
Do we ever consider setting all of this in place in our prime years, so to speak, well before we come to the lead up to our passing over, or do we not consider or prepare for our death and leave it up to someone else?
Yes, there are many legal documents we can have in place, such as a will, life insurance and rights of attorney, but what about the finer details, the things that are very often overlooked in how you would like to prepare and pass over into your next cycle?
Is it something we don’t need to think about just now and we’ll get round to one of these days? But how do we know which one of these days we are going to pass over?
And what about family? If you have kids, if you and your partner die when they are young, have you thought about how you want them to live? Who is going to look after them, to truly support them to continue to grow up to be themselves? Is it going to be immediate family or is there someone else who you feel would support more with this?
What about money – where do you want your money to go – do you want it to be used to support one or two people or the whole of humanity?
And what about a funeral, do you really want one, and if so, how do you want it to be: a celebration of your life, a moving on to your next cycle? What songs do you want played, what do you want read? Or do you not want one, because you know you have already moved on?
All of these things we may take for granted or think we don’t have to think about that just now, but is that not just choosing a lack of responsibility?
Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life.
By Gyl Rae, 39, Teacher, Scotland
Joy of Ageing Esoterically – Taking Responsibility for My End of Life Decisions
Joy of Ageing Esoterically – Preparing for Dying
Nature teaches us that there is no ‘end’ and ‘beginning’ just a cycle of return.
Passing over is something that is looked forward to so when we return there is a deepening awareness of how we have lived this life especially when we have fully connected to our Souls.
I definitely feel that it’s a great thing to prepare for when I’m no longer here or incapable of making my own choices. I’ve got paperwork in place and video diaries already prepared to be viewed later on. I see it as an act of love because it takes out the guess work of making choices for me without me while possibly faced with feelings of grief and whatnot.
Leigh making a video is a great idea or if not a video then a voice recording of what you would want to happen. I spoke to a solicitor about the legal paperwork and I was told that if you are abroad and fall ill or incapable the legal document may not hold up because of the laws governing that country even if you carry the documents with you at all times. So this is something to be aware of.
Taking responsibility in our lives for what ever we do makes way for true evolution – evolution for ourselves and evolution for those who watch inspired around us.
I love the reminder that this blog brings as to what taking responsibility for ourselves in a practical way means and what it looks like, not just in terms of preparing for death but in living life too.
We don’t stop when we die, it’s as simple as that. The fact that so many of us think that we do is testament to just how enmeshed in our own lies we are. We all know that we are the everlasting consciousness of God but right now we’re totally committed to pretending that we don’t know what happens to us when we die, either that or we are convinced that there’s nothing after death or alternatively we believe in some religious story about Heaven and Hell, either way we’ve made the whole rotting lot up.
With dying, including having a will, I have very much had the attitude of ‘I don’t care’ or ‘it doesn’t matter’ in the past. However, my learning now is the complete opposite and it does REALLY matter! It is a responsibility we all have not only in deeply caring for ourselves but also in deeply caring for our loved ones making it so much easier for them so they are not left with everything in a complete mess trying to sort things out. This website is very much worth checking out https://www.leavinggracefully.co.uk it has all the information we could possibly think of (and information that we probably never thought of!) that we need in order to have this care for ourselves and for our loved ones. Awesome blog and yes we don’t talk about dying? WHY!!! It happens to all of us so pretty important to talk about ✨
Life’s responsibility energetically is to deepen our understanding of who we actually are then passing-over, death and or dying are seen as a process of our ‘evolution’ and us returning to our Soul-full home in heaven. And as you have shared Gyl, temporal requirements take on a different view when we are living with the true understanding of who we are.
Surrounding to the bigger picture and what needs to be done and what needs to be taken care of is vital at times like theses.
The level of detail we need to take care of to be truly responsible need not be onerous, but certainly the degree to which we are prepared to go is a reflection of how much care we have taken of the detail as we have lived our lives. So many of us leave detritus, confusion, carelessness behind not bothering to think about what has to happen or who many have to clean up after us.
Of course the passing of a loved one can feel absolutely devastating yet when we allow ourselves to feel the truth we know there is no end only another beginning.
Devastation is at best a reaction as passing-over is a returning to our soul-full origins and is a celebration that has temporally been turned upside down to make it all about this life and emotional reactions.
It would be awesome if we allowed ourselves to feel this truth more ✨
and in some ways it’s not even a beginning, it’s a continuation, a continuing on, one continuous thread, no beginning, no end and can never be broken.
When we use our eyes we see the person dying and when we feel the truth we understand the greater aspects of life and passing over so that there’s an understanding we will return and continue on the cycle of returning to our origin.
I can’t but help love the fact that life is but a cycle, we are born, we die, we are born we die.
Why should anyone fear getting old when we know it is just preparation for our next journey different scenery but with the same essence.
It is irresponsible to leave the decisions about passing over to others who may well feel it as a burden especially if there has been no discussion and they are not clear about any wishes. I have had various discussions but am yet to put anything in writing so reading this is a timely reminder thank you.
It is our responsibility to express what we want in our final years and after death and not the decision of others. Leaving decisions to be made by others is a lack of responsibility on our part of not wanting to deal with that which is being asked of us.
We do not know when we will pass over, so how important to get everything in place, organised, and clear for people, I love the detail you bring in with your suggestions.
Before my mother passed away, we talked about it. Not because I had connected to the wisdom of what is covered in this blog. But because both of us knew that she was ready and wanted to pass over and both of us knew there were some logistics that needed clarifying and taking care of. It was just a start, but it meant we could talk about things and plan together.
Reading the wise tips and insights offered in this blog, it is even clearer to me how we can be much more responsible for ourselves and also offer greater support to each other in preparation for this part of our life which, like it or not, every single one of us will sooner or later be facing.
“Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life.” A great point Gyl. Death is part of life and an inevitable part of life. An interesting radio prog is currently on BBC Radio 4 talking about death.
Not many of us consider the quality in which we want to pass over. In fact dying itself is often ignored and only faced when there really is no choice and then I wonder how many of us surrender instantly to the process once it begins? It feels like such a self loving and sensible thing to do to consider the details of passing over. It supports to know of reincarnation and that the manner of our passing is the manner in which we come back in again. It takes that capping finality out about it and invites us to consider the bigger picture and what we are all a part of and why we are offered this cycle of life and death. Knowing that death is an offered point of evolution takes the fear out of it too.
Before Passing-Over we can have a remembrance celebration of anyone’s life, while they are still with us and this is setting an absolutely True foundation for them to come back to in there next incarnation. As we re-learn to appreciate a person and what they bring in each incarnation as a celebration of life and not being focused on dying and the death process then this is creating the space for them to pass-over in the most Loving way possible for everyone involved. So it is much simpler to have tears of Joy and share Lovingly with all who attend so it is a True celebration of someone’s life.
And then we have the religious institutions that would have us believe in the death of a person so we do not get to celebrate their passing as we get caught in the emotional turmoil with the great feeling of loss of a so called loved one.
A beautiful idea Greg. Often people at funerals say they haven’t seen someone for x years. How much more enjoyable for those nearing their end to celebrate their life – so they can enjoy the moment too.
I love this idea too. What a gorgeous one! As you say Sue, it offers a lovely point of joyful completion for the person passing over not just for those who love them!
All of the practical aspects of being looked after when we are incapacitated in some way and become dependent on others for our care and the matters that need to be addressed ready for our passing are things we put off far too easily….they need to be part of our regular check ins with ourselves and any information passed on to the relevant parties. Yesterday I was talking to a woman that I have power of attorney over and we decided to meet on regular intervals with the other person elected as power of attorney to keep up to date with each other. All three of us can in this way deepen our relationship and understanding of each other There is no urgency in this situation but by meeting in this way we feel we will be much more prepared were any such urgency arise.
It is a new kind of standard, the one that includes death and dying as part of our preparations for life.
Inspiration to take care of the details, moment to moment – not just when something happens to us and we’re forced to, or leaving it until ‘another day’. We know how amazing it feels to take deep care of ourselves, and we can choose to bring this level of care and attention into all that we do.
The level of detail you are describing here about dying and death is something to take with us not only when we talk about our passing over but it feels to me we can bring more detail to every day life also as a preparation for the last period of our life on earth.
Reading this makes me realise how important it is to write a will and to honour myself until I pass over.
That is true and evolution : when we discuss that we are going to pass over and share what we truly want and how we want to prepare ourselves and our surrounding, than this opens up the conversation and evolution for all involved. Now that is remarkable and so needed. For we deserve the most loving passing over, so does our surrounding. So lets’ plan it!
Gyl I’ve been working with my wife on our wills and looking at how we take care of all our affairs since reading this blog and it turns a subject that is often not spoken about into something that feels deeply loving and supportive.
Gyl, I love that you bring this to our awareness in such a beautiful way. When we start to see death as the new beginning it actually is we start to feel divine love thats is constantly on offer with each passing.
It is true that one day you might be fit and vital and the next can be completely different. I hear of many who die in sudden circumstances such as those we see all over the news these days or even those from suicides (which most do not expect) or a sudden injury or accident. One of the ways most do not prepare well for such events is by taking the present for granted and hence not only not getting things in order should something happen such as insurances etc, but equally if not more importantly is the holding back of love that is there to express which most regret not expressing in full
Yes Joshua, while it is essential to get our finances and paperwork in order very often there is a holding back of the love for another however it is never to late to share and express how we truly feel about one another no matter what cycle we are in, in life.
Reading this makes dying so much more everyday and normal as it is about preparing for how we want the everyday things to be when we die.
I have to say – reading the level of detail you can go to when you are dying really makes me question the level of detail I live now on a day-to-day basis, I get the sense that so many more details could be taken care of on a much deeper level.
Speaking to someone the other day who’s close relative is in a hospice made me realise just how much a taboo subject death and dying is.
Having worked with dying people and their families I noticed that those with no belief generally take it harder then someone who believes in something more.
Personally knowing that we come back again and again helps me to see the beauty of the bigger picture and God’s immutable love.
Refusing to have an awareness of the bigger picture must indeed imbue someone with a sense of despair and hardening. Without the purpose that is there when connected to it, it does make the whole process feel like there is little point. The giving up certainly doesn’t support with feeling open to what is next, or to take responsibility for one’s choices.
I love the attention to detail presented in this article. If we had as much discussion about our passing over as we do about an imminent birth of a baby, life would be so different as our relationship with dying would not be so depressing.
You make some great points and ask some great questions here Gyl, it was only just recently that I have started taking all this seriously and got wills done etc. for it is totally irresponsible not to have all in order because we never know when it will be our time especially if we have children.
I can see how few people in their 30s and 40s make preparations for incapacity and death and how normal it is to do so when we are in our 50s, 60s and older as by then we know quite a few people of our own ages who have passed away or are incapacitated or had early onset dementia in their 40s.
When we become aware that our passing over may be imminent it offers an opportunity to prepare yourself and others for what is a natural cycle for each of us, however long this particular cycle.
It is so important to consider exactly how we wish to be taken care of as we pass over or after we die. Otherwise, we also leave behind grief and a lot of unanswered questions because we have avoided planning for the event. If we made planning for passing over a normal thing, then it leaves behind a responsibility to the rest of the family.
So many of us don’t and can’t plan for our own or our families deaths because to do so means admitting and discussing the fact that we’re going to die and although it’s inevitable we still can’t bring ourselves to admit it.
I plan to die at my desk at work living and loving to the full up to my last breath and then I will be back again soon to do it all again!!!
Every thing is important, and this life gives us the opportunity to state what our wishes are in every detail in regards to passing over. Being clear with our wants and needs, means that we take responsibility for how our last days will be lived, lessening the burden of family having to make possible painful decisions at such an emotional time, and us feeling powerless by the decisions family and medical staff have to make on our behalf by us not stating our wishes.
Perhaps it is very important to take care in all our affairs when we are passing over, just as in all aspects of our lives.
These are great questions, and they have a massive impact on others if we are not prepared to look at them prior to when we need to. Could it be that taking responsibility for our death and dying process is an equally big part of our responsibility to life and others?
I am struck by your question how do you want your family to live when you die? More than just about passing on possessions or money, do we consider how to support them or what do we role model to them by the quality in which we pass over.
Taking responsibility for how we die is another important opportunity to take responsibility for how we have lived.
Reading all the ways Gyl described that we may want to set ourselves up in the most supportive way during our dying phase made me wonder why not do these things for ourselves now? If these techniques of self-care can help us reconnect with our souls and bring more love into our lives, then certainly we could implement them immediately. This blog really inspired me to make some decisions around preparations for death that I had been avoiding.
I have recently observed a new grandchild in the family and it has opened an awareness that we can be so focused on how we are caring for a new born yet do we take the same level of care in how we pass on?
Rather than looking to pass over without dealing with our unresolved issues in life, we can pick up the responsibility of our own lives at any moment, for if we do not do it who will?
Yes, we all need to have conversation about death and passing over and make it part of the natural cycle of life.
We cherish and celebrate the cycle of birth – why not bring the same joy to death and passing so that we can forever remind one another that life is given to be celebrated, enjoy and live to the fullest.
Our relationship with death needs to completely change as we currently see it in such a dismal light and often a taboo to bring up in discussion or a shame. Yet in truth it is a cycle in our lives that will come to us all, one we cannot escape, where great true and loving support is needed and the quality of support we receive is only determined by what it is we ask for. For the quality in which we pass over is very deeply sacred and honouring this in every way is deeply honouring our selves to the last breath, which is what we all deserve.
I love this Gyl, you have made it so real. Some of the world has made it the normal to see death as a doom and gloom thing, when it truth it is but one part of a never ending cycle of evolution.
To have all the details sorted before we pass over makes dealing with everything so much simpler for others who are left to complete things.
Death is a very natural part of life, especially if you follow the opinion of about half the world that further lives are to follow.
The one thing you can be certain about in life is that we will all die – however death is not the end but a new beginning.
Yes, having that understanding transforms our outlook on life – every year then is important, even the last ones as they directly lead into the next life.
If we made death and dying part of our everyday conversation, there would be far less avoidance generally of these types of preparations. I think the reason we avoid making these decisions and even thinking about them is because we don’t want to face the responsibility of really feeling how our lives are going to change, and the important decisions of how we want our assets to be used after we die. Making these decisions asks us to look deeply at our values and relationships, which can be quite an uncomfortable process as it requires a deeper level of honesty and responsibility for the way we’ve been living and the things we’ve been investing in.
Death and Dying makes it about responsibility and the level of depth (imprint) we have chosen to leave behind personally and in all our relationships with people and our environment. Hence, it is a great awareness to start planning things around our death and passing over, so there are no surprises left. And so to take care and responsibility for our own life till the very end.
We can carry so much stuff around death and dying which we don’t acknowledge – being aware of this and starting to clock how we are truly feeling is first step to true healing as dealing with our death issues ultimately helps us in life.
It feels beautiful to prepare everything for myself in this loving way.
I will keep your blog as a reminder to sit down with it.
I always find it is very important to do things when you feel the impulse to do it and not think ‘oh well, I still got lots of time to do it, I will do it later’, because in my experience often there is not a later moment and then you end up not being prepared even though you thought of it.
I can feel how deeply loving it is for each of us to consider all the questions you suggest. It supports the completion of a life-circle and lets us take responsibility and not hide what is part of every life.
There is so much to consider before we pass over that it’s surprising that we do not put more effort into sorting out our affairs in advance. My father was brilliant and left me clear instructions of who to contact and what a huge help it was also.
Thank you for addressing so many areas where we may forget to make our wishes known that are not on conventional lists of how to record what you would like to happen. I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of decisions but can feel how I allowed myself to feel there were so many decisions to make I did not know where to start but you have presented it simply as feeling into what would support in these situations which makes it much easier to relate to.
Just as I have committed to taking loving daily care of myself I can feel that I need to take the steps to make my wishes known so that if I ever become incapacitated those doing the caring will know my preferences. I was discussing this topic a few days ago and made a commitment to myself to set aside the time to make sure this gets done asap.
Having a guide book on all the things to be considered in the lead up to death is very useful. It is an area of life that simply cannot be ignored, and nor should it be.
Yes, the dying period brings much of our lives into sharp focus as time is running out.
We spend time on every detail of tropical cruises and far off holidays but ignore the fact that we will one day die. Forgetting this fact shows how we currently prefer to pretend we live just once and never come back. Thank you Gyl for highlighting this much neglected topic.
I know for myself when I am sick or in pain I like to support myself in a certain way, like having the room quiet, sitting or lying in the house where ever the sun is shining in, having water and herbal teas, no sudden noises or banging doors etc. so why wouldn’t I write down and discuss what I would like when my passing is imminent? I have thought before, well my husband and sons know so that will do, but what if anything happened to them at the same time. There is a beauty and honouring in having these conversations and putting our choices into place.
Gyl, I very much appreciate the summary that has been provided for preparing for death. The quality in preparation for death is utmost important to me. If I compromise with sleep, food, carers, etc. I feel it. As Gyl presents it’s not the end but preparing you for the next cycle as do each moments show you in life.
Yesterday I had an Esoteric back massage and I could feel a release from my mid back where I had been holding so much regret. I felt a huge weight be lifted of me as I let go of this regret that I had been holding onto for a very long time.
Reflecting on this I felt how important it is we open up the conversation around regret when dying, as it is so important we let go of regret before we pass. We need to turn the tides – Death needs to be a time of appreciation not regret.
It is good to feel the responsibility to prepare our death. Just writing this already gives space in my body.
It’s great to start talking about these things with family and friends. Then I know that my wishes will be taken into consideration after my passing. My mum died at 90 nearly ten years ago now and we had discussed what she would like after her passing. This made my life, as sole executor, infinitely easier too.
” Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life. ”
This would be great to talk and chat about the evolution involved in going from one stage to another and the true understanding and purpose of death.
Thank you Gyl, by shedding your light on dying, death and passing over. It is not a sacred, neither should it be used that way.. As it is a beautiful thing once we accept and allow ourselves to let go where we need to let go of. Meaning our ideals, beliefs around dying, death and passing over or even the emotions or people we can have ourselves attached to.
To understand more of the whole picture around this subject and start giving it space to talk about it with people and open up the conversation with your communities and wider.. There is no need to keep it a secret or hidden away, we all will pass over one day, and it can be any day.
I agree we need to look at everything before we pass over, bringing an order and simplicity to those that may have to look after us or our affairs afterwards, ‘ but what about the finer details, the things that are very often overlooked in how you would like to prepare and pass over into your next cycle?’
Another part to look at in detail before we die is what we will be leaving behind. Are my affairs in order, is there not too much ‘stuff’ that others then need to get rid of, is everything complete. I am learning now, only pretty much half way through my life to always complete things, to not gather material things that I do not need, to regularly clean up and declutter, to not carry things with me through life that are no longer needed or part of my evolution. Not only does this prepare me for a simple pass over but it is making my everyday life of a much higher quality.
I love the details Gyl, I have been looking at the legalities and medical part of it but I have not actually written down any of the finer details. To be honest my thought was ‘but my friends know exactly what is ok and what not’ but that is laying my responsibility with others.
This is absolutely brilliant and a well needed reminder for me to get my affairs in order. I don’t feel it is true for others to take care of my responsibilities in life so why would I think it was ok to burden others with my responsibilities when I die? Especially poignant for me as I know reincarnation is fact and my choices will follow me to my next life.
Death highlights the sense of completion, to have things in order with no loose ends and to live like this everyday. If I were to die tomorrow what is left undone? What have I not communicated that would make it easier on those left behind? From practicalities like lists of bank accounts, passwords for accessing information on the laptop, insurances and pensions to what will happen to my body and who needs to know. And what do I leave undone when I go to bed or leave the house for work ? Are things in order? have I done the washing up and swept the floor? What am I coming back to and how does it feel ?
Dying is a topic that most will shy away from because of the emotion and grief it brings up, but to be able to have open conversations like this at any age not only brings a deeper understanding for all but also takes the fear out of the equation and brings it back to responsibility and honesty for all. Thank you Gyl.
“Have you ever considered the responsibility we have in the lead up to our passing over, and when we pass over and die, or do we just consider it is something that will happen to us and we will be taken care of, or that we don’t have to think about just now?” – interesting questions Gyl, and i guess with the same thought about death/passing, we could also ask about living and life as in the responsibility we’re currently taking determining the responsibility we’ll be taking as passover occurs. The quality of present living, is the quality of future passing [over].
It makes sense to have all of the above communicated from early on, we do not know exactly what is ahead of us.
So true, it isn’t morbid at all and I believe brings a much deeper level of responsibility to our lives leaving fewer ‘unknowns’ for our family to guess.
I know I have read this before and I know I have said I will do something about it but I still haven’t and I realise just how irresponsible it is because I will be very ratty if I am unable to communicate but what I want to happen doesn’t happen!!! I won’t have anyone to be ratty with but myself but I suspect I will find a way to ensure everyone knows about it, therefore rather than hang my head in shame before I have even behaved badly I will make a list and get something written down!
I am in my late thirties and I have not stopped to consider this but it made me reflect on not just, what do I want in my dying days, but what do I want today and how can I invite that in now. What choices can I make each day to ensure that my life is full of the love that I so deeply cherish and want.
I’ve recently had this conversation with my elderly parents and their responses was open and understanding. A process that we all need to go through but whether we are willing to appreciate it is what often leaves us avoiding an important aspect of our life cycle.