Have you ever considered the responsibility we have in the lead up to our passing over, and when we pass over and die, or do we just consider it is something that will happen to us and we will be taken care of, or that we don’t have to think about just now? That we are on our way out, so what does it matter anyway?
Have you ever considered or thought about the level of detail in which you would like to be taken care of and pass over? For example, if you have been living a very healthy gluten free, sugar free and dairy free diet, do you want to be given chocolate biscuits, cake, pasta and coffee to eat and drink? Or do you want to set up a plan or a legal document stating exactly what kind of diet you will eat in the lead up to your passing over?
Do you want to die at home or in a hospital? Do you want a TV on or music from the radio, or would you like silence, no TV and/or music to be played that is clear of emotions?
Do you want people visiting you all day, or do you want your own time and space and set up a time for people to visit that best supports you, when you feel to?
How do you lie in bed – would you like to be put in a position that truly supports you and your body to heal, sleep and deeply rest?
What clothes do you want to wear – is there a particular feel you want on your skin, or a warm blanket to cover your bed? How do you want the lighting to be – would you like the main lights on or maybe a bedside light brought in? Are there particular books you would like to have there with you to read?
Many families choose to not tell people they are going to die. But do you want to be told, even though deep down we do all know that it is your time to pass over? So you can prepare in whatever way you need to, be it letting go of old hurts, things you have held onto, clearing stuff from your body for passing over into your next life. Or would you rather not be told?
Often it is common practice for a minister to visit people in hospital just before they pass over, but do you want this?
Do we ever stop to consider all of this?
Do we ever consider setting all of this in place in our prime years, so to speak, well before we come to the lead up to our passing over, or do we not consider or prepare for our death and leave it up to someone else?
Yes, there are many legal documents we can have in place, such as a will, life insurance and rights of attorney, but what about the finer details, the things that are very often overlooked in how you would like to prepare and pass over into your next cycle?
Is it something we don’t need to think about just now and we’ll get round to one of these days? But how do we know which one of these days we are going to pass over?
And what about family? If you have kids, if you and your partner die when they are young, have you thought about how you want them to live? Who is going to look after them, to truly support them to continue to grow up to be themselves? Is it going to be immediate family or is there someone else who you feel would support more with this?
What about money – where do you want your money to go – do you want it to be used to support one or two people or the whole of humanity?
And what about a funeral, do you really want one, and if so, how do you want it to be: a celebration of your life, a moving on to your next cycle? What songs do you want played, what do you want read? Or do you not want one, because you know you have already moved on?
All of these things we may take for granted or think we don’t have to think about that just now, but is that not just choosing a lack of responsibility?
Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life.
By Gyl Rae, 39, Teacher, Scotland
Related Links:
Joy of Ageing Esoterically – Taking Responsibility for My End of Life Decisions
Joy of Ageing Esoterically – Preparing for Dying
582 Comments
You make some great points and ask some great questions here Gyl, it was only just recently that I have started taking all this seriously and got wills done etc. for it is totally irresponsible not to have all in order because we never know when it will be our time especially if we have children.
I can see how few people in their 30s and 40s make preparations for incapacity and death and how normal it is to do so when we are in our 50s, 60s and older as by then we know quite a few people of our own ages who have passed away or are incapacitated or had early onset dementia in their 40s.
When we become aware that our passing over may be imminent it offers an opportunity to prepare yourself and others for what is a natural cycle for each of us, however long this particular cycle.
It is so important to consider exactly how we wish to be taken care of as we pass over or after we die. Otherwise, we also leave behind grief and a lot of unanswered questions because we have avoided planning for the event. If we made planning for passing over a normal thing, then it leaves behind a responsibility to the rest of the family.
I plan to die at my desk at work living and loving to the full up to my last breath and then I will be back again soon to do it all again!!!
Every thing is important, and this life gives us the opportunity to state what our wishes are in every detail in regards to passing over. Being clear with our wants and needs, means that we take responsibility for how our last days will be lived, lessening the burden of family having to make possible painful decisions at such an emotional time, and us feeling powerless by the decisions family and medical staff have to make on our behalf by us not stating our wishes.
Perhaps it is very important to take care in all our affairs when we are passing over, just as in all aspects of our lives.
These are great questions, and they have a massive impact on others if we are not prepared to look at them prior to when we need to. Could it be that taking responsibility for our death and dying process is an equally big part of our responsibility to life and others?
The details referred to here in that dying process are so often overlooked, and when we consider that we take care of that detail in the birthing process it seems odd we wouldn’t also do it for dying … but it exposes our disconnection as a society from dying, from reincarnation and the bigger wider cycle we’re all a part of. So thank you Gyl for the questions you’ve asked … it asks all of us to be truly responsible for every single part of our lives, including our deaths, for death and life are all part of a grand cycle we cannot escape; a cycle that offers us the opportunity to evolve to be more of us in the grandness we all are.
I am struck by your question how do you want your family to live when you die? More than just about passing on possessions or money, do we consider how to support them or what do we role model to them by the quality in which we pass over.
Taking responsibility for how we die is another important opportunity to take responsibility for how we have lived.
Reading all the ways Gyl described that we may want to set ourselves up in the most supportive way during our dying phase made me wonder why not do these things for ourselves now? If these techniques of self-care can help us reconnect with our souls and bring more love into our lives, then certainly we could implement them immediately. This blog really inspired me to make some decisions around preparations for death that I had been avoiding.
I have recently observed a new grandchild in the family and it has opened an awareness that we can be so focused on how we are caring for a new born yet do we take the same level of care in how we pass on?
In a society where few think beyond self, people are impressed if someone has paid for their own funeral costs, but how many approaching the end of their lives stop and consider how anyone is going to be able to simply be able to sort out their estate after their death?
Rather than looking to pass over without dealing with our unresolved issues in life, we can pick up the responsibility of our own lives at any moment, for if we do not do it who will?
Yes, we all need to have conversation about death and passing over and make it part of the natural cycle of life.
We cherish and celebrate the cycle of birth – why not bring the same joy to death and passing so that we can forever remind one another that life is given to be celebrated, enjoy and live to the fullest.
Our relationship with death needs to completely change as we currently see it in such a dismal light and often a taboo to bring up in discussion or a shame. Yet in truth it is a cycle in our lives that will come to us all, one we cannot escape, where great true and loving support is needed and the quality of support we receive is only determined by what it is we ask for. For the quality in which we pass over is very deeply sacred and honouring this in every way is deeply honouring our selves to the last breath, which is what we all deserve.
I love this Gyl, you have made it so real. Some of the world has made it the normal to see death as a doom and gloom thing, when it truth it is but one part of a never ending cycle of evolution.
To have all the details sorted before we pass over makes dealing with everything so much simpler for others who are left to complete things.
Death is a very natural part of life, especially if you follow the opinion of about half the world that further lives are to follow.
The one thing you can be certain about in life is that we will all die – however death is not the end but a new beginning.
Yes, having that understanding transforms our outlook on life – every year then is important, even the last ones as they directly lead into the next life.
If we made death and dying part of our everyday conversation, there would be far less avoidance generally of these types of preparations. I think the reason we avoid making these decisions and even thinking about them is because we don’t want to face the responsibility of really feeling how our lives are going to change, and the important decisions of how we want our assets to be used after we die. Making these decisions asks us to look deeply at our values and relationships, which can be quite an uncomfortable process as it requires a deeper level of honesty and responsibility for the way we’ve been living and the things we’ve been investing in.
Death and Dying makes it about responsibility and the level of depth (imprint) we have chosen to leave behind personally and in all our relationships with people and our environment. Hence, it is a great awareness to start planning things around our death and passing over, so there are no surprises left. And so to take care and responsibility for our own life till the very end.
We can carry so much stuff around death and dying which we don’t acknowledge – being aware of this and starting to clock how we are truly feeling is first step to true healing as dealing with our death issues ultimately helps us in life.
It feels beautiful to prepare everything for myself in this loving way.
I will keep your blog as a reminder to sit down with it.
I always find it is very important to do things when you feel the impulse to do it and not think ‘oh well, I still got lots of time to do it, I will do it later’, because in my experience often there is not a later moment and then you end up not being prepared even though you thought of it.
I can feel how deeply loving it is for each of us to consider all the questions you suggest. It supports the completion of a life-circle and lets us take responsibility and not hide what is part of every life.
There is so much to consider before we pass over that it’s surprising that we do not put more effort into sorting out our affairs in advance. My father was brilliant and left me clear instructions of who to contact and what a huge help it was also.
Thank you for addressing so many areas where we may forget to make our wishes known that are not on conventional lists of how to record what you would like to happen. I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of decisions but can feel how I allowed myself to feel there were so many decisions to make I did not know where to start but you have presented it simply as feeling into what would support in these situations which makes it much easier to relate to.
Just as I have committed to taking loving daily care of myself I can feel that I need to take the steps to make my wishes known so that if I ever become incapacitated those doing the caring will know my preferences. I was discussing this topic a few days ago and made a commitment to myself to set aside the time to make sure this gets done asap.
Having a guide book on all the things to be considered in the lead up to death is very useful. It is an area of life that simply cannot be ignored, and nor should it be.
Yes, the dying period brings much of our lives into sharp focus as time is running out.
We spend time on every detail of tropical cruises and far off holidays but ignore the fact that we will one day die. Forgetting this fact shows how we currently prefer to pretend we live just once and never come back. Thank you Gyl for highlighting this much neglected topic.
I know for myself when I am sick or in pain I like to support myself in a certain way, like having the room quiet, sitting or lying in the house where ever the sun is shining in, having water and herbal teas, no sudden noises or banging doors etc. so why wouldn’t I write down and discuss what I would like when my passing is imminent? I have thought before, well my husband and sons know so that will do, but what if anything happened to them at the same time. There is a beauty and honouring in having these conversations and putting our choices into place.
Gyl, I very much appreciate the summary that has been provided for preparing for death. The quality in preparation for death is utmost important to me. If I compromise with sleep, food, carers, etc. I feel it. As Gyl presents it’s not the end but preparing you for the next cycle as do each moments show you in life.
Yesterday I had an Esoteric back massage and I could feel a release from my mid back where I had been holding so much regret. I felt a huge weight be lifted of me as I let go of this regret that I had been holding onto for a very long time.
Reflecting on this I felt how important it is we open up the conversation around regret when dying, as it is so important we let go of regret before we pass. We need to turn the tides – Death needs to be a time of appreciation not regret.
It is good to feel the responsibility to prepare our death. Just writing this already gives space in my body.
‘Have you ever considered the responsibility we have in the lead up to our passing over, and when we pass over and die,” I consider the responsibility in how I live, for I get the sense that how `I live each moment will be how I die.
It’s great to start talking about these things with family and friends. Then I know that my wishes will be taken into consideration after my passing. My mum died at 90 nearly ten years ago now and we had discussed what she would like after her passing. This made my life, as sole executor, infinitely easier too.
” Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life. ”
This would be great to talk and chat about the evolution involved in going from one stage to another and the true understanding and purpose of death.
Thank you Gyl, by shedding your light on dying, death and passing over. It is not a sacred, neither should it be used that way.. As it is a beautiful thing once we accept and allow ourselves to let go where we need to let go of. Meaning our ideals, beliefs around dying, death and passing over or even the emotions or people we can have ourselves attached to.
To understand more of the whole picture around this subject and start giving it space to talk about it with people and open up the conversation with your communities and wider.. There is no need to keep it a secret or hidden away, we all will pass over one day, and it can be any day.
I agree we need to look at everything before we pass over, bringing an order and simplicity to those that may have to look after us or our affairs afterwards, ‘ but what about the finer details, the things that are very often overlooked in how you would like to prepare and pass over into your next cycle?’