Have you ever considered the responsibility we have in the lead up to our passing over, and when we pass over and die, or do we just consider it is something that will happen to us and we will be taken care of, or that we don’t have to think about just now? That we are on our way out, so what does it matter anyway?
Have you ever considered or thought about the level of detail in which you would like to be taken care of and pass over? For example, if you have been living a very healthy gluten free, sugar free and dairy free diet, do you want to be given chocolate biscuits, cake, pasta and coffee to eat and drink? Or do you want to set up a plan or a legal document stating exactly what kind of diet you will eat in the lead up to your passing over?
Do you want to die at home or in a hospital? Do you want a TV on or music from the radio, or would you like silence, no TV and/or music to be played that is clear of emotions?
Do you want people visiting you all day, or do you want your own time and space and set up a time for people to visit that best supports you, when you feel to?
How do you lie in bed – would you like to be put in a position that truly supports you and your body to heal, sleep and deeply rest?
What clothes do you want to wear – is there a particular feel you want on your skin, or a warm blanket to cover your bed? How do you want the lighting to be – would you like the main lights on or maybe a bedside light brought in? Are there particular books you would like to have there with you to read?
Many families choose to not tell people they are going to die. But do you want to be told, even though deep down we do all know that it is your time to pass over? So you can prepare in whatever way you need to, be it letting go of old hurts, things you have held onto, clearing stuff from your body for passing over into your next life. Or would you rather not be told?
Often it is common practice for a minister to visit people in hospital just before they pass over, but do you want this?
Do we ever stop to consider all of this?
Do we ever consider setting all of this in place in our prime years, so to speak, well before we come to the lead up to our passing over, or do we not consider or prepare for our death and leave it up to someone else?
Yes, there are many legal documents we can have in place, such as a will, life insurance and rights of attorney, but what about the finer details, the things that are very often overlooked in how you would like to prepare and pass over into your next cycle?
Is it something we don’t need to think about just now and we’ll get round to one of these days? But how do we know which one of these days we are going to pass over?
And what about family? If you have kids, if you and your partner die when they are young, have you thought about how you want them to live? Who is going to look after them, to truly support them to continue to grow up to be themselves? Is it going to be immediate family or is there someone else who you feel would support more with this?
What about money – where do you want your money to go – do you want it to be used to support one or two people or the whole of humanity?
And what about a funeral, do you really want one, and if so, how do you want it to be: a celebration of your life, a moving on to your next cycle? What songs do you want played, what do you want read? Or do you not want one, because you know you have already moved on?
All of these things we may take for granted or think we don’t have to think about that just now, but is that not just choosing a lack of responsibility?
Could it be that if we talked about death from an early age, made it part of our life conversations and the truth of why it is, an evolution, this would change everything: our relationship with death, dying, passing over, people, our purpose and life.
By Gyl Rae, 39, Teacher, Scotland
Related Links:
Joy of Ageing Esoterically – Taking Responsibility for My End of Life Decisions
Joy of Ageing Esoterically – Preparing for Dying
583 Comments
A lot of people do not want to talk about dying in case they cause it to happen!! I have never been able to figure that one out given we are all going to die sometime! If we were to be more open about death and dying we would discover that it is a much more loving process than what our mind tries to tell us it is.
Making decisions about our passing and relaying this information to our families and loved ones, feels so important. “Do we ever stop to consider all of this?” I have no desire – because I have chosen to live in a certain Way this life – to have it all up-turned in my final days because I neglected to make my wishes known.
The quality of energy with which we pass over will determine the one and same quality of energy we then incarnate with. That is – how we ‘die’ directly influences how we are born. When we bring the understanding that life is an unending cycle of expression, then we naturally pay more attention to every step along the way.
It is so important to consider not only the quality in which we live but the quality in which we die.
Having honest conversations about what you would like in the lead up of your sudden passing prepares not only those around you but yourself for the inevitable, and thus makes it so much easier for everyone including yourself when it actually happens.
We absolutely need to be talking about this Gyl. Death is something that is a part of our lives, from the day we are born death is our reality. If we embraced the beauty of what passing over offers us all, we would be preparing for this cycle by focusing on the way we live now, focusing on completion, and being clear about how we want to be supported so when this cycle approaches we are free and ready to surrender without distractions, to the greater and deeper union to our Soul, and with God, that is offered.
Thank you Gyl, you have covered some great details here in terms of practical preparations. It’s definitely a responsible option to have this all taken care of well before the dying process, and it’s a self loving thing to do also.
What your words here Gyl make me realise is that we don’t stop, reflect and consider how we live everyday. We rush headlong into repeating the same patterns again and again, and then get surprised when our difficulties remain. We actually do have a choice to take a step back, to observe how life flows and to make changes that support us to grow. When we live ignoring this possibility, then it makes sense we avoid thinking about what will happen when we die too -for we are not even considering changing how we live.
I was clearing out a draw yesterday and for a moment I thought I will just leave some things in a box and deal with it another day, and then I stopped and thought of then that would be leaving it for someone else to sort if anything happened to me. I wasn’t being morbid or fearful, just appreciating that I am responsible for what I leave behind, whether it’s walking into another room or going into another life and it changed everything. Now I have an organized drawer that will feel lovely if anyone other than myself needed to open it.
I was just thinking about this a few moments before reading this article and so reading it is timely. I have made loose plans around this and haven’t updated it for a while. This article has supported more for me to see and detail a plan forward. Like anything you don’t want to leave it to the last minute or not do anything at all and to be honest it’s already a little voice inside me asking for this to be sorted out. Because we have so much care, you care about how things will be for others while at the same time it puts to bed that little voice that keeps talking away for you now.
I am learning the greater responsibility needed in our lives more and more as our care and appreciation increases so does our awareness and love. The honouring of the whole process of death dying and passing over comes with such a beautiful expansion and purpose with the level of care and attention to details never seen before to support us shown here so clearly not seen in the world before.
I love this level of responsibility. It speaks of total care for oneself and those around us in a considerate and loving way.
It supports us to understand that death is not just about the passing away of the physical body. All life is about cycles and we constantly transition in and out of them. Death and life are one and the same: it’s about how we prepare for and respond to the beginning and ending of cycles. Communication is key in life as it is in death. The questions you ask Gyl is fundamental to this: how we communicate to ourselves and each other about death. Are we talking about what is happening in our lives as it happens or do we bury our heads in the sand. To embrace life is to acknowledge and accept its constant ebb and flow and see this as natural. Whatever the situation, resistance, is a marker we’re afraid to move on to the next.
Too be honest I never thought about all this, and have had the documents sitting on my desk for a while now and haven’t done anything with them. But a friend of mine dying recently brought it all home to me how irresponsible I am being thinking that all I have to do is tell the family what I want to happen and that’s enough. My friend died and left no instructions on what they wanted to happen after their death and listening to their partner and the responsibility that has been placed on them, I felt my irresponsibility. So the paperwork is now on my list of things to do.
Gyl the more I read about passing over the more I am reminded to do something about this, to take care and to put in place something that will support me and my family. Its the responsible thing yet its something I’ve certainly avoided doing hoping that in some way matters will be taken care of themselves by others, but what a burden to leave for others.
We prepare extremely well for a holiday, researching hotels, the most convenient flight times, costs, weather, what to take, how we will get to the airport. We discuss with family where to go and what our preferences are so why don’t we do this when we prepare to die? I love what you share Gyl as bringing death into our everyday conversation normalises some thing that is inevitable for everyone, so why not accept and embrace what is coming rather than bury our heads in the sand?
Making preparations too for the end part of our lives is just belongs to our responsibility to life. As our life is just a continuation of cycles of life and death, every aspect of it is evenly important. Why then would we ignore that one part we do not like from the temporal life of view. Is there an investment to renounce?
I have had the opportunity lately to observe the stark contrast in the way people prepare for or avoid the preparations for their passing or potential illness in the future. One takes the initiate and responsibility for planning these things. The other takes more of a head in the sand approach, and appears to be unaware of the mess and confusion this will create for the people they love in the future. I would not say these people are innately selfish, as I do not believe anyone truly is that way. But what I have observed is a level of dishonesty with self, and unwillingness to let go of coping mechanisms or deal with things that may have hurt them in the past.
Could it be we are living in this bubble that keeps us from examining our true responsibility in life. So even when we look at a lot of detail the true understanding of our passing-over is kept from us because the truth of our existence and who we truly are would dissolve any fears we have around death.
Gyl, this article is so helpful, i had not considered these things and reading this i can feel how important they are, there are many details to take care of, rather than relying on others to take care of them, it is our responsibility and it feels important to have a choice in all of these things. Thank you for highlighting this.
These are great points to consider Gyl, how much do we want to avoid the topic of death and dying yet it is imminent in each of our lives and a natural process we go through. Our choice is how we prepare for this, the detail and care taken before hand, as you have shared.
I totally agree with the last paragraph in that by having these conversations I have felt it to be a great responsibility on my part to ensure everything is in place. I may only be 28 but I have a will and with the support of The Joy of Aging Esoterically website have started to look at advanced care directives. Because should something happen I have prepared in advance. The saying ‘it’s better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it’ comes to mind.
Sure Leigh, you could better have thought about it than totally ignored, as ignoring taking responsibility for parts of your life is in truth irresponsible. Not wanting to take responsibility for your whole life, but only for the parts you like is only partial responsibility and to me factually does not exist.
There is so much more to passing over than finances and legal documents – what a huge opportunity we have to outline how we would like to be cared for and how we would like to not drop the quality of how we have been living.
Death in an inevitable part of life and we choose to ignore it as there is stigma, feeling of loss or void is associated. However, by accepting that it is reality and how would we like to make it part of our life brings in the responsibility and sense of reality. It often brings in discomfort due to our emotional attachments and reflects lack of commitment of life. An amazing blog that is asking us to consider responsibility and commitment to life! Thank you for sharing!
If we don’t have anything sorted for ourselves after we die we are leaving a lot of questions unanswered and potentially a lot of work and possibly difficulties and conflict for those we leave behind.
So true Elaine. And these details, right up until our death, reflect our commitment or lack of commitment to life.
Yes Elaine, it is not only upsetting for those we leave behind but also distressing for those who are not sure of what we would have wanted or if we put anything into place with money, funeral or cremation arrangements or caring for children.
These are the conversations we are so often keeping aside when it comes to life and death. It is not shared often or if so with such a somber approach. There is so much to share here about the responsibility in not only living but the process of dying and how this impacts on us all.
If we spend our life avoiding responsibility it’s no wonder we do the same when it comes to passing over. Irresponsibility is a pattern that needs to be broken.
Yes and yet how many would even consider that not preparing for our passing over is irresponsible?
The care and attention we would like to receive in passing over shared here is so beautiful to consider and the attention to detail for ourselves and others is so often not thought like this about and is amazing to feel and be prepared for.A very beautiful sharing to consider.
It’s actually amazing to be surrounded by people who are talking about this! I am 22 and considering all of these details at the moment which is almost unheard of!
So important to consider that our lives ripple out, without us actually being alive…any choices we make concerning life or death impact on the world.
Do I have my affairs in order? Am I taking responsibility to do so? A timely and gentle reminder so that the answer to both questions is yes. Thank you Gyl.
It is so important to take responsibility for our death just as much as life, I was listening to a radio program yesterday where a funeral director was saying he is seeing a lot more people wanting to celebrate the life of a person rather then to morn, he talked about the different fancy dress themes he has witnessed. I liked the one where he talked about Darth veda leading the hurst. He said when people have time to plan death many are choosing a more lighthearted affair.
I have been volunteering for a community based program that encourages everyone to take responsibility and to begin planning for their eventual death as well as the possibility of a serious and life threatening illness or disease. Out talking to people in the community one day I was absolutely surprised as to the number, including some with children who had no will, and no provisions for their children. There were a few that were organised and then there were those who almost ran away from us with the mention of death. It definitely became very obvious that this is one very important conversation we need to keep going; after all we are all going to pass from this life at some stage, so let’s take responsibility and not leave a mess for our families to clean up.
‘Is it something we don’t need to think about just now and we’ll get round to one of these days?’ This is exactly what I thought about death, that it didn’t matter and would literally want to run the other way or think it not important if a conversation was started. Now I know just how irresponsible it is although I still haven’t sorted out all my paperwork yet but is something I am planning to do very soon.
Thank you Gyl , its great to have this list of things to have in place which I will work on now so as to make my dying as loving as possible for me and my family and have my choices, decisions and wishes confirmed.
Prior to reading this I was looking up some coffins and to my surprise all my mother’s (since deceased) beliefs of how it’s morbid to look at coffins and to talk about death came flooding in, and yet when I question how do I feel about it all, I can say that it makes sense to prepare and not leave it to everyone else. Could it be that we try to ignore the death conversations because of these old beliefs passed down through the generations, and the fear of bringing death to the house by talking about it.
Would we leave our wealth to a loveless institution or an institution that harbours pedophiles and if we did would that be responsible? Could it also be possible that if we leave our wealth to alcohol and drug dependent children who only waste and squander this inheritance, that we would be held responsible? And if we did do any of this, then the logical question is, would we be at all responsible and what would be the out play of our decisions in our next life? Is it be possible that the riches we have worked so hard for in this life could receive the same blessing in our next life, because of what we have done in this life? So could it be that unlike the pharaohs who thought that they needed to have their riches buried with them for the after-life, the wealth of our next life has more to do with how responsibly we are in leaving our wealth this life? ‘Where do you want your money to go’? Could this be how we could accumulate good karma by supporting the unifying of ‘humanity’?
Such an important part of our lives and the claim who we are and what we want. This level of responsibility is something that for a long time as been ignored and people are expected to make arrangements with no true idea of what is really wanted from the person. This is something that is deeply ignored and it isn’t setting us up for the next life with the way we want to be taking our next steps.
What if we could talk as normally about death as about what we are getting up to on the weekend?
I was blown away at how considerate my Mum was when she passed… turns out she had been picking away at all those cupboards in the house for a year or two before, her filing was immaculate, and she walked us through her arrangements for when she passed. It was beautiful to feel the support from her even after she had passed. Incredible.