There have been various short or prolonged periods in my life where I have felt down, lost and not feeling I was getting what I wanted out of life. At these times I would turn to any distraction I could. The main ones I used were alcohol, drugs and gambling. These distractions involved a stimulation of some kind where I would get caught up in what I was doing so I could forget, however temporarily, what was going on for me at the time.
When I started to develop a deeper connection with myself I found the alcohol and drugs were relatively easy to say no to. The gambling problem however, posed something more insidious.
It was blatantly clear that I would get caught up in it and lose all sense of reality and then feel really crap afterwards. I would then say “Never again” and pick myself back up but, when a period of ‘struggle’ came, I would turn back to gambling. I would justify it, and allow it to control me. I was too ashamed to admit what was happening to myself, let alone anyone else.
It’s crazy looking back at how I would justify to myself that it was ok, even though EVERYTHING in my body and ALL around me was giving me signs that I would over-ride. I was always being asked why I was there, as I did not fit in with the usual casino crowd.
It wasn’t really about the money either, even though big sums were involved. It didn’t really matter whether I won or lost – it was like I was trying to punish myself to distract me from the pain I was feeling. Crazy!! – think about it: I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!
I had a huge arrogance and wanted to think that I could get away with it, that I could ‘beat the system’ – a metaphor for ‘I could beat life’. Even when I would walk out from the casino with 10s of thousands of pounds or dollars in cash, NOTHING that I bought with the money actually helped me in any way. It came laced with an energy that was effectively saying “I own what you do with me.”
It has been through the on-going inspiration and teachings presented and lived by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners that I have been able to turn my life around. I have never been told “Don’t do this or that” – rather, I’ve been helped to come to an understanding about what was actually going on for me. I have never felt any judgment. To say that is huge, especially given that I would be my worst imaginable judge, jury and executioner! There has been no perfection sought or asked for either, so no pressure.
By steadily building a strong foundation of love in my body, and making that my focus, the extremes of my emotions have gotten less extreme: I now catch myself long before I fall into the deep pit of depression.
Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.
Learning to fully and clearly express myself has been a vital ingredient in claiming who I am. Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy. Whereas now, whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside.
By being open with myself and others, I have been able to deal with the pain and hurt that I had been carrying: along with making loving changes in my life, this has brought an end to my destructive episode with gambling.
I now see life as a constant refinement and unfolding of love – allowing more love to be, and discarding what is not love in my life. Whilst I may dip into, get caught in ‘my stuff’ and feel down, now these downs cannot hold me and do not take over my life as they used to.
So a HUGE thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, who have inspired me to be more of the love that I naturally am.
By James Nicholson BNat, Frome, UK
833 Comments
The internet has provided a breeding ground for gambling – this like so many other things advertised and sold on the net. There is a huge call for far more regulation.
The title of this blog brings a clear understanding how we can often get caught up in the problem, addiction or behaviours but not stop to question the lead up that chips away slowly over time that is masked from a disconnect of ourselves and those we are in relationship with be that in the home, work or social circles.
It sure does, so often we can just attribute or blame the end result/action and not care to look at what led to that moment. True healing can only start to take place when we look at the root issue(s) and address that rather than simply just the outplay of events.
I have found addictions are far more common then I used to think, and some do not even show their real face as they are simply blending in with real life. How about the addiction to drama and emotions, or the addiction to control or to having certain foods or ways of being that we prefer. I am now seeing addictions in my way of life that show themselves by how much I still need it and use it to not feel something.
Mmmm that is a great point – it can be very easy to get comfortable with the way we do or like things and then we can eaily get attached to them being this way and before too long it turns into a need. I find that often I only see this once they are taken away such as with a relationship with another, or even a food how I then want it back to not feel what I am going through rather than bringing my all and allowing what is there to be without needing it in any way.
“I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!” This is a common factor in several addictions and in fact it makes sense as this is a pain we feel we have at least some control over and in a way can handle better then the deeper pain we are trying to mask with it.
A pain we can handle and so are in seeming control of – it is absurd when we put it this way especially when looking at it from a rational perspective yet is something most of us get caught into at times. And for me I have found the underlying pain never goes away and so keeps resurfacing for me to look at only this time it also has the others layers I have added on that now need to be addressed as well.
So we are all hooked on something to not feel the pain, the emptiness and the tensions in life. I can fully understand that people use gambling to avoid all of this, as some people do the same with food, sailing, running, watching movies or TV. These “medications” are the same on an energetic level, only gambling is judged by society as bad where the other solutions to deal with the world are deemed acceptable, even normal.
It is interesting how we can group destructive behaviours as being ok and normal and guage them by this rather than seeing anything less than love as not being normal. Otherwise we set our standards lower than the love we know and so will never feel truly content within our bodies the the cycle of wanting something to distract ourselves with will inevitably continue.
Thank you James for explaining how gambling was the result of your desperate need to numb the feelings that were coming up for you and how when you started to live a more self loving life you no longer had any need to gamble. This clearly demonstrates that the only effective way to address issues like gambling is to expose the root causes and address these and then the need to distract oneself with a behaviour such as gambling evaporates.
It sure does Helen, simply by changing the way we are living, each movement we make means the thoughts are either there or they are not. I know with some thoughts they can seem very intense at times, yet when I then say go for a walk and bring focus to the way I am moving the thoughts no longer seem to have any hold over me. It is amazing the power of movement.
There are so many consciousness that can hold us trapped from being who we truly are and open to our own life unfoldment and evolution. Very often it is only once free of something that we realise the hold it had over us.
Very true Shirley-Ann, when we are under the umbrella of something all we see is that then we step away from it completely we get to see it in its entirety. It is also only then that we start to see the effect it had not only on ourselves but also all those around us.
‘I’ve been helped to come to an understanding about what was actually going on for me.’ Understanding is such a powerful thing. It seems to me that when we have insight and understanding, we are liberated from the patterns that may have been playing out in our lives and to some extent ‘controlling’ what we do. With understanding we cease perceiving ourselves as a victim and embrace our power to make a different choice.
Understanding is indeed very powerful Richard. I know for me simply another having understanding for me and whatever choices I may have made or be making helps me come out of it as I do not feel judged in any way and so I can then bring the understanding to myself. We can be so quick to judge another when it is one of the worst things we can do for them.
What constantly inspires me and is taught by Serge Benhayon is to not hate people but understand the energy and don’t have any judgement. How he is with people inspires me deeply. He is super loving and this holding supports people to let go of the self judgement and return to a greater version of themselves.
I could not agree more – and we afterall are our worse judges and so to be given the space by another to feel the love that we are and what we did whilst it can seem horrendous is not who we are and so we just need to let go of it and choose the love that we are and everything else will be taken care of by the loving steps we take forward. No need to look back and regret as all that does is keep us trapped in the energy of our ill choices.
“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.”
I can relate to this James – when out of sync with my inner connection, my rhythm goes awry and this is the time when distractions can be reached for to numb this disharmony if being unaware.
It is my rhythm which supports me the most. The moment I stop doing things which support me or override what I feel then I start to feel the tension and get tired if not exhausted which usually leads me to poor food choices and then to sugar and then anything seems possible. Yet then when I connect back with myself the thoughts go and it is like what just happened as it makes no sense to the love that I am.
What an amazing insight into what can drive gambling for a person. Interesting that gambling is way more addictive than alcohol and drugs. I observed something ‘normal’ in society the other day but realised that it had the same energy of gambling. We love anything free that’s unexpected, any rewards or treats. I also see that although we would logically deny it, we love the ups and downs that don’t exist when you are just connected within yourself and to a greater purpose in life.
We sure do anything that we can get with the least amount of work or effort seems very tantalising and wow do we ‘love’ it! Just walking up the high street where I live every shop is pretty much a gambling type place or a food shop. If there was not the demand for these places they would not be there.
So much of our behaviour like gambling, watching pornography over eating, drinking and excessive ways of being are not the problem but the result of us having lost our way in life and being so hurt through this, that we will find any number of ways to cope and find our way through.
I agree Rachel however justified we may find ourselves with excuses there really is never any excuse to partake in such abusive behaviour. What it does show though is how lost and hurt in general we are as all of the behaviours you mentioned are very common place and for most seen as normal and acceptable behaviours when they are far from normal when we use love as our marker and guage.
I totally agree Sarah, the more we let go of and heal past hurts the more we will simply be the love that we are and not seek to distract ourselves let alone destroy ourselves. Gambling carries with it a very strong revengeful energy and in my experience nothing of true good has ever come from it.
“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.”
You could take out the word ‘gambling’ here and insert any word – food, drugs, alcohol, violence, sport, working. But interestingly if you continue with gambling, so much money, and energy is poured into stopping people from gambling (or from the companies trying to make them gamble more!), but it is not really going to work. It is the end result as you say, and if we only address the end result, any change is rarely going to be long lasting, or involve a lot of force from an individual to not do it.
I would say that the world would be better off focussed on healing the past hurts that they are carrying around, and then there would be far less need to suppress and numb through a variety of activities.
When judgement is absent we are supported to know who we really are. From here it is simple to let go of what we are not.
I agree Leone, the moment we judge another we are effectively pushing them down further into whatever they are in, hold them in the love that they are and they get the space to arise back.
Often we hold family members in judgment for their choices and in a way assist them to stay in the groove they have carved out for themselves. It’s like someone being overweight and their partner calling them a fat pig as an encouragement to lose weight – it just doesn’t happen.
I agree Julie, holding anyone in judgement rather than helping them actually keeps them entrapped in whatever they are in. The moment we see them as that we are giving more energy to it. Whereas when we see them as the love they are we are giving energy to that and thus allowing them the space to also see they are love and what they are choosing is not them.
We all have, and have had, our go tos that we know will numb us. Recognising and releasing these old paradigms is the task before us all.
It sure is and for me the best way is not trying to say no to these old paradigms but rather yes to the love that is on offer. Otherwise it comes from a will power of not doing something in contrast to a truly loving embrace and acceptance of ourselves.
Thank you James for this simple, empowering reminder – changing the focus to saying YES to the love that Is on offer rather than choosing to remain in the tunnel vision of what is wrong with us – leading us straight back into getting lost in all the old distractions again.
Thank you Stephanie, it is a great reminder and one I need reminding of myself when I let things get to me and suddenly all these crazy thoughts can come rushing in and they always focus on the negative aspects and things from the past rather than the love that I am. It can be like an on off switch at times with the difference being very extreme.
You have described beautifully how developing presence in our bodies allows us to deal with and be with many negative feelings and emotions that we seek to medicate with behaviours such as gambling.
Presence brings such a clarity and sense of knowingness with it so much so that we can read life and what is happening so do not need to go straight to the reaction and then the medication to stop feeling the hurt and so the ill behaviours are no longer needed.
Awesome reminder that everything is about energy, so we can never gain from something that was ill-seeded in the first place. An honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay at least has an integrity about it.
It sure does Shirley-Ann, and it feels so amazing when you buy something you have worked hard for rather than just being given something. Growing up I never really appreciated what my parents gave me whereas when I 1st started earning money I cherished what I could buy with it.
Thanks for this insight in the gambling world James. So every one has their addictions so they think they can cope with life, gambling not being worse, than alcohol or, like in my case, being creative and constantly thinking about what to do next, dreaming about the future.
It is true we all have ways that we can check out with life. The hard thing I have learnt is that whilst we can seeming think these tendencies only affect ourselves they have a direct effect on those around us especially our partners and families as we then bring that energy and behaviour into the relationship which is not acceptable in any way. After all the moment we treat someone, including ourselves, as less than the love they are it is abuse – which shows that as a society we have a long way to go to come back to our natural way of being.
Gambling is not so isolated and odd as we think. Consider the way we make choices every day, or scroll through Facebook – is that not similar to a slot machine? Pretty much our whole life is seeking stimulation when we ignore the truth and reality of what our body needs. Thank you James for reminding me the simplicity of looking after me and honouring what I feel.
Great point Joseph, it is so easy to look for stimulation from things from outside of ourselves yet I find the only thing that brings true rest or stillness to my body is when I surrender to the love within. Anything and everything outside of me can fluctuate or go at any moment yet the love within can forever deepen and no one can ever take it away.
You say gambling was not the problem but the end result. That is a great observation because we so often look at the behaviour or symptom and completely miss that it is what is causing that, that is the issue – need to look a bit deeper!
It is the same with arguments – we often get stuck in right and wrong and the story but it is almost never about the story but something that happened earlier that let an energy in and the story is a consequence of that. If we fixate on the story we miss the truth and there is no resolution.
I totally agree Nicola, so often we can get caught in the events but miss the actual reason for it. When we bring it back to love it can them seem silly to, in this instance, be having the argument in the 1st place!
“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” – Most addictions stem from us not wanting to feel something that is happening or something that we are feeling. Hence it is simple – if we address this and give the feelings an opportunity to be expressed, then the addictions are most likely to fade away.
Gambling like any other addiction is a symptom of an underlying unhappiness, an underlying agitation or restlessness. Your blog James, allows us to learn and understand how this can affect us and where this comes from, and can essentially be applied to any form of addiction such as craving for chocolate, extreme sports, or even continuous studies etc. Thank you for your sharing – for when it comes from a person who has lived the experience and then has changed the way they are by addressing the root cause, then the sharing carries much power with it.
Thank you Henrietta, I now for myself whenever I am feeling not myself, unhappy, sad, reactionary etc.. it is when I have gone to and go to things to suppress what I am feeling whether it be food, arguments, tv, gambling, alcohol – they are all medications to not feel what I am feeling. However, when I stop and go ok what is really going on why am I wanting this then the urge to have it goes and hey presto I’m back. Often though it is not the argument in my head which wins but rather choosing to walk and move with the love that I am which puts an end to the thoughts.
James, I love how you share so clearly that the form of distraction we choose is not the problem, but that we must dig deeper and uncover the root cause before true healing can occur.
Thank you Elizabeth, so often we can just focus on the distraction as being the problem, change or say no to that habit or behaviour only to effectively keep doing it just with a different looking outcome, yet the quality remains the same. The more I see that whatever is before it is there for me to learn, the more I appreciate the gifts I have and what is on offer rather than getting frustrated by things and going back into old unloving patterns.
Absolutely Elizabeth, and I am seeing this more and more in the teenagers and young people I see in my clinic. There are many forms of addiction either it is gambling, gaming, drugs, alcohol, a relationship, sports…but they’ll have a similar root cause.
It is like everyone has their chosen vice or go to essentially to distract us from and stop us from being the fullness of the love that we are. We are all deeply sensitive and sometimes without support we can find it hard to cope with what we see and so turns to things to suppress our feelings, but I have found no matter what I have done I can never stop feeling and so the only answer is to fully allow myself to observe what is going on so I do not go into the reaction and then seek something to take the pain away. As with true observation comes understanding and so their is no pain to seek to dissolve.
All the mechanisms that we may create to avoid feeling what we feel are fruitless, since we are and always will be feeling.
Very true and no amount of anything other than connecting to what we are feeling and the love that we are will ever leave our body feeling truly content and I have tried pretty much everything!
” Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. ” This is so important to remember , that the end result is never the issue , this is only the outcome of the issue.
It is very important to remember as otherwise we try to fix the end result and never actually get to what the underlying cause was in the 1st place.
What I truly appreciate what Universal Medicine has provided me is to truely heal many non-supportive acts and behaviours. I will not ever go back to the many unloving choices. Life has become more simple being responsible about saying yes to supporting not only me but all around me.
I love that Rik and it is so awesome when things we used to do and were considered ‘normal’ like drinking alcohol, coffee, sugar, soft drinks, all things most people use to get through the day are now seen for what they are and how far from supporting us to get through the day they feed the merry-go-round keeping us trapped on it forever wanting more. Step off the merry-go-round and life is filled with such an abundance of love there is no need or desire to look elsewhere, but step back on and suddenly you can quickly get swept back up again. The key I have found is when I step off it how much am I truly appreciating the love that is abundant? For if I don’t soon I am back on! And if I do then wow the love just deepens.
It is interesting that our minds can be deluded that we will be the one to beat the system or the house and yet our intelligence on another level knows that it is not possible.
I agree it makes no sense – especially when it is all the same energy. It is like going into the lions den knowing we are not going to come away from it in a good state yet thinking we can get away with it or someone come out victorious but at what expense will our body have suffered? That is often something we do not want to truly consider let alone look at.
I was listening to the news the other day where they were talking about gambling in sport and how huge and addictive this is to many. I suppose not only can we be stimulated emotionally by ‘our team’ or favourite athletes winning, but we can also have the added hook of betting they win so being doubly invested.
I agree it is like we want that extra bit of excitement and by betting your team gets you more involved with it – so you really feel it whether they win or lose as it directly affects you.
Beware the lure of the false riches for they will lead you to a place where your true and kingly self gets buried. Heaven is not nor has ever been found in the spoils of creation, it is an eternally burning flame of love that lives deep within our heart, the place where our true wealth is found.
Liane very powerfully said and right to the core of it. The only true wealth to found ‘lives deep within’ nothing outside of ourselves can or will ever compare to this.
In uncovering who we truly are we shed the layers that we are not and this may be tough and or painful, at times it also frees us from the many coats and or layers we pop on to protect and or hide our natural glow. Once we shed these layers it’s amazing how our whole outlook on life, love and relationships changes too.
I agree Kelly, the change of the way we view things and life completely alters the moment we choose to take responsibility for our lives and live the truth and love we know. The moment we react or a hurt comes in suddenly we get tunnel vision and it is blown completely out of proportion.
Such a beautifully honest and inspiring blog. I can particularly relate to ‘I had a huge arrogance and wanted to think that I could get away with it, that I could ‘beat the system’ – a metaphor for ‘I could beat life’’ in my area of ‘coping’ with life – food. I remember having thoughts that were elitist and that I didn’t have to be in the same cess pit as everyone else. I tried to kid myself that what hurt didn’t hurt and I was immune from consequences and suffering. This arrogance has run deep and admitting it has been tricky for me to accept but this is opening the doors to the grander part of me that the arrogance refuses to acknowledge because it feels it cannot own it, which it can’t.
That is a great revelation Karin. The arrogance we run with at times is completely contra to the love that we are. I have found this arrogance to be deeply separative and leads to massive judgemental thoughts towards others and myself. Even the notion that someone can be or is better than another is steeped in arrogance as we are all love, just not always choosing to be and live that love.
I completely agree the moment we judge someone or hold as them as anything less then the love that they are then we are effectively condemning them. However, we all need to take responsibility for our choices as our actions often have much further reaching consequences then we can ever really imagine, no self destructive action is ever truly innocent.
What I get from this is the importance of not holding people in right and wrong but just bringing understanding as to what led to their actions, in doing this you don’t hold people to what they have done and thus support them to stay in those patterns but through love and understanding you allow the space for them to make true changes.
That is a great point as the moment we hold someone to something they have done we essentially are condemning them and holding them in that energy which was never them in the 1st place. By bringing understanding we allow them space to feel the truth and love of who they are and then they can choose the love again. Otherwise we just confirm them in the destructive and unloving choices they made and so just make it worse for them.
‘I now see life as a constant refinement and unfolding of love – allowing more love to be, and discarding what is not love in my life’. Very wise James, I am in this process too, especially the discarding of what is not true or no longer serves me, which creates the space for more love to flow in all areas of my life.
I have found that the only thing holding me back is hanging onto the past and trying to recreate it rather than allowing for what is now possible to come forth. Otherwise we just stay in the same constant turmoil with no true settlement as nothing changes.