There have been various short or prolonged periods in my life where I have felt down, lost and not feeling I was getting what I wanted out of life. At these times I would turn to any distraction I could. The main ones I used were alcohol, drugs and gambling. These distractions involved a stimulation of some kind where I would get caught up in what I was doing so I could forget, however temporarily, what was going on for me at the time.
When I started to develop a deeper connection with myself I found the alcohol and drugs were relatively easy to say no to. The gambling problem however, posed something more insidious.
It was blatantly clear that I would get caught up in it and lose all sense of reality and then feel really crap afterwards. I would then say “Never again” and pick myself back up but, when a period of ‘struggle’ came, I would turn back to gambling. I would justify it, and allow it to control me. I was too ashamed to admit what was happening to myself, let alone anyone else.
It’s crazy looking back at how I would justify to myself that it was ok, even though EVERYTHING in my body and ALL around me was giving me signs that I would over-ride. I was always being asked why I was there, as I did not fit in with the usual casino crowd.
It wasn’t really about the money either, even though big sums were involved. It didn’t really matter whether I won or lost – it was like I was trying to punish myself to distract me from the pain I was feeling. Crazy!! – think about it: I was creating more pain to not feel the pain!
I had a huge arrogance and wanted to think that I could get away with it, that I could ‘beat the system’ – a metaphor for ‘I could beat life’. Even when I would walk out from the casino with 10s of thousands of pounds or dollars in cash, NOTHING that I bought with the money actually helped me in any way. It came laced with an energy that was effectively saying “I own what you do with me.”
It has been through the on-going inspiration and teachings presented and lived by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners that I have been able to turn my life around. I have never been told “Don’t do this or that” – rather, I’ve been helped to come to an understanding about what was actually going on for me. I have never felt any judgment. To say that is huge, especially given that I would be my worst imaginable judge, jury and executioner! There has been no perfection sought or asked for either, so no pressure.
By steadily building a strong foundation of love in my body, and making that my focus, the extremes of my emotions have gotten less extreme: I now catch myself long before I fall into the deep pit of depression.
Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.
Learning to fully and clearly express myself has been a vital ingredient in claiming who I am. Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy. Whereas now, whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside.
By being open with myself and others, I have been able to deal with the pain and hurt that I had been carrying: along with making loving changes in my life, this has brought an end to my destructive episode with gambling.
I now see life as a constant refinement and unfolding of love – allowing more love to be, and discarding what is not love in my life. Whilst I may dip into, get caught in ‘my stuff’ and feel down, now these downs cannot hold me and do not take over my life as they used to.
So a HUGE thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, who have inspired me to be more of the love that I naturally am.
By James Nicholson BNat, Frome, UK
912 Comments
Gambling is an addiction that we can all become wrapped up in, whether it be our health, work, a loving relationship, and a whole host of other things in life. At times I feel we really do need to step back, and take stock of our situations, or we could be gambling away everything in life that is so dear to us all – Love for one another.
Powerfully said Mike – indeed there are moments everyday when we can take stock and see the way we are living – it is so easy to get caught up in life and situations and as you say “gamble away everything in life that is so dear to us all – Love for one another.”
A very honest blog James. It shows how we are all gambling with our health and our relationships when we try to bury and hide our pain with a different pain, so that this burying becomes an addiction in itself.
The burying does become the addiction, well said Mary, as soon as the pain starts to surface immediately we know how to stop it and suppress it. However, when we build a foundation of love when it rises up we have love to turn to to support us to look at and address it rather than see it as an unbearable force that will overwhelm us if we choose to see it.
What a simple formula for anyone going through similar drug, alcohol or any addiction for that matter, James. By not demonizing ourselves for our addiction, or even identifying with it as is done so much in organizations like AA, we can get to the underlying reason as you have shown here. I love how you exposed how we can hide pain with more pain, and how ridiculous this cycle is.
Thank you Michael, I agree with you how it is a ridiculous cycle which is all too easy to find ourselves caught up in. Organisations like the AA whilst appearing outwardly to be helping people are actually further condemning them by getting them to fully identify with the behaviour.
I love how you have further explained it Monica – nothing we do to distract us is ever enough, at least for me it is and was never enough – with my actions and behaviours getting more and more extreme.
A great sharing James. Thank you for your honesty and in your offering is a great support for anyone breaking the pattern of addiction and a great reminder of the power of living love.
Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly James. What you have written is inspiring and as many have commented, you could replace the word ‘gambling’ with any other harmful behavior or addiction. As you say, its not the gambling, which is a symptom, but the root cause that needs to be healed.
Thank you Debra – yes I agree the word here ‘gambling’ can be replaced by any other addictive behaviour. For me looking at it in this light was extremely revelatory because it takes all the pressure off trying to stop my gambling addiction and instead focus on building a more deeply loving rhythm with myself, then the pull for gambling did not exist, so there was no need to focus on stopping it.
Debra when reading James’s blog I realised that my particular addiction is reading. I have always retreated from the world by reaching for a book. It is a harmful behaviour in the sense that I disconnect from others. I read to escape the pain of not belonging. But reading these blogs open up a world of possibilities, one of expansiveness rather than contraction. A big thank you to all of you bloggers.
I love that Patricia, how reading for you has been a way to disconnect and escape from the world yet reading this and other blogs has been a way of opening up possibilities and questioning the way you have been living. Seeing areas where you can bring more love to. It goes to show that what we read and why we read things is important because it can either connect or disconnect us from both ourselves and the world. I love being inspired by the many changes people have made as a result of Universal Medicine and picking up lots of different tips and view points is especially helpful.
It is very inspiring and encouraging to hear James that those down times are no longer able to keep you down for too long. It’s beautiful that you have developed a measure of love in your body that you can come back to instead.
Thanks James for giving such insight into addictive behaviour. What you describe here could be applied to any addiction, that it is simply a way to numb and distract from a deeper uneasiness or pain that we don’t want to feel. Love what you said that the only way out of this is to be honest with ourselves about the pain that is there and to express it openly, which debases the need for the addiction.
Well said Andrew – it is great to see how building love in the body can be applied to any form of addictive behaviour, and can debase it rather then trying to face the addiction head on.
I agree Andrew – this is very true!
Hi James, thank you for sharing with us the key to healing addictive behaviour – being willing to be honest about what causes the unbearable tension inside us in the first place, that makes us want to take ourselves out. Understanding and coming into relationship with the emotions that create the pain can make all the difference.
Hi Janet,
Yes as you say it is important to be ‘willing to be honest about what causes the unbearable tension inside us in the first place’ before trying to heal / fix the addictive behaviour otherwise it is just like using a band aid temporarily stopping the pain only for it to come back. By addressing the cause it means there is then no need for the band aid.
Lovely blog James – I really feel how far you have come back to yourself 🙂 I can relate a lot to what you are saying regarding punishing yourself with more pain to distract yourself from the initial pain… I have witnessed this in action and it’s not pretty! You put it so simply and so true – how all you did was focus on building a foundation of love to slowly let the emotions go. It really is that simple… too simple for our minds to accept sometimes!
I know Rachael it is too simple at times for the mind to accept, grasp and understand. We think things have to be tough and hard when love is far from that. We think we deserve to punish ourselves but again love does not judge so how can it condemn or punish?
Hi James. Wow, the James that I know and love now is a far cry from the gambling James you have described. Your wisdom is expressed here beautifully, and the clarity you bring to the subject will inspire anyone with the same addiction who comes across your blog. A great contribution to humanity. Thank you.
…’the James that I know and love now is a far cry from the gambling James you have described’ – I agree Rebecca; what an incredible and inspiring transformation to go from heavy gambling to living joyfully – amazing James.
Thank you Rebecca and Susie – I agree I feel like a completely different person!
Thanks James I learnt a lot from your blog. Through Universal medicine and students like you I am less likely to judge what I don’t fully understand. I worked at a race course for a number of years and was put off gambling, I realised it was exciting but losing the cash, just wasn’t worth it.
Thats great Kevin, I too find it very easy to judge others when I dont fully allow myself to understand why they are doing something or being a certain way. I agree with you about the blogs from the Universal Medicine student body as each one gives me a deeper understanding of others.
It is what I love about what Universal Medicine presents, the not trying to rid yourself of an ill or fix an ill-behaviour, but rather to build more loving choices into your day, very practical choices like this one that I love to do – using a warm facecloth on my face at night where my whole body goes ‘ahhh that’s yummy’. Building these type of choices to love your body enables you to live more lovingly and the ill-choices become less and less. Amazingly simple!
Amazingly simple and well said Vanessa.
Love this Vanessa – “building these types of choices to love your body enables you to live more lovingly and the ill choices become less and less”. There’s an example that I have experienced of this, when I walk in the mornings consistently, and build my rhythm with this, then I find I am less and less likely to over-eat during the day or at dinner. In contrast, if I don’t do exercise because I’m ‘tired’ or ‘busy’, then I find I crave to eat more and more!
Profoundly simple Vanessa…to love ourselves more and take true care of ourselves, then the addictions and destructive behaviours have less of a hold on us until they just gently slip away.
Thank you, James, for blowing the lid off of what is really behind the compulsion to gamble. I, too, have close family members who have engaged in this very destructive habit and have been mystified by what could possibly be behind it. Your words will enable me to approach this sensitive subject with a great deal more understanding and compassion.
Thats great to hear Coleen that it has given you more understanding – gambling itself makes no sense to someone looking in from the outside, why would people risk everything for no real gain? People squander life savings, etc. all as a distraction to not feel what is going on for them. The buzz people get from it hooks them in – it is a little like the highs and lows of bi-polar with the highs being so extreme the lows can be written off and forgotten about. It is amazing how we can justify things in our minds!
Thank you James for such an honest account of gambling and any addictions, as simply destructive behaviours to oneself to avoid feeling the pain inside and one’s hurts.
Having seen you go through all this, how it had you trapped and the harming effect on yourself, it is really beautiful to feel the truth in you now, and strength from this healing with the help and support of Universal Medicine in our lives. Simply amazing.
Thank you – it was an extremely difficult time, in large because I did not choose to take responsibility for my life. The more I have allowed love into my life, the more I have embraced a sense of responsibility and purpose.
Gambling is accepted in society as being ok, thousands of people gamble everyday in the lottery, backing horses, roulette, fruit machines, in the pursuit and hope that the money will change their lives. Thank you James for exposing the insidiousness that lies behind gambling, and that whatever you won didn’t help you in any way because it came laced with an energy that said, “I own what I do with you”.
Alison. So true in what you express about gambling on an everyday basis. There was a report on the radio today…
Betting shops have more business in towns where people do not have a lot to live on, yet those betting shops are busy all day, obviously with people trying to buy their way out of debt.
I agree Mike and Alison – gambling is becoming rampant amongst people. I keep seeing betting shops open on the high street and they would not be opening if there was not the demand for them. It is staggering Mike how people often gamble with what they cannot afford to lose all in the attempt to have the big win – when in reality that will never come. I have watched people bet the same amount continuously for hours expecting a different outcome, yet it is all stacked against you, but something allows them to ‘think’ it may be different it may be their day today. What is sad is the knock on effect gambling has on peoples families especially when the weekly or monthly food budget is blown at the bookies – thankfully I have not had to experience this but have heard many stories.
Thinking that winning money is going to change our lives and to make it better, as if by magic, is a huge illusion and it is rampant in society. In fact nothing changes because the energy we live in/with is still the same.
I agree, well said Maryline, no matter how much money we win, or even earn ‘nothing changes’ if the energy we live in/with remains the same.
The fact that you have shared here so openly is very refreshing, especially as you are sharing such intimate details of your life. Thank you James. I will take this openness into my day.
Thank you Shevon, before Universal Medicine I would have hidden what was going on as I felt a lot of shame and guilt around it but now I see it for what it truly was, a distraction to temporarily stop me feeling what was really going on, it is easy to express it now as it no longer has the hold it once had over me.
“Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to, to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” What a true statement, James. The addiction is never the problem, it is but the symptom for something deeper that is the cause.
I read this blog when it first came out, even before comments had been made. But it was one of those topics that was painful for me, not because I have ever gambled (although I have bought a lottery ticket a time or two) BUT because I am in a family that suffers from others addiction to gambling. Reading it today, James, I can feel all the light you bring to the subject without going into my own suffering. And the Comments are gold. There is as much wisdom in the comments as there is in the article. I can’t help but wonder if an article (and the comments) such as these could be shared with addition groups. Your experience and the re-telling of it here covers a lot of ground – from the understanding that the addiction is the cover up act all the way to the end result of not even considering yourself an ex-gambler because you are not carrying it. Well done James….and so well told. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing Gayle and I agree the comments are gold. Gambling is one of those topics that gets swept up the carpet, I know for me I carried shame and guilt over it around with me, so would keep it a hidden vice.
Amazing to read and understand that gambling is no different to any other activity, distraction or addictive behaviour we may turn to, to not feel our hurts and tension inside, but yet in society can carry a stigma. Thank you James, your openness and honesty on this subject is inspiring.
I agree Julie; gambling is just the same as any drug, alcohol or other type of addiction, the only difference being that it hasn’t been diagnosed by a doctor.
I agree Julie this is the answer to Gambling addiction and addiction in general. This would serve humanity truly not like all the AA, NA & GA where it leaves you laced with an energy that sets you up to fail. There is no honouring or love in that.
James, reading this amazes me. The thing that pops out the most is the fact that we as humans are so good at hiding what actually goes on from others. Whether that be what we are truly feeling, or what we are saying, doing, eating, smoking, etc in private, behind closed doors. I feel like I know you pretty well, yet I never knew this about you and what you have gone through. We are all pretty good at putting on a brave face or acting what we think should be played out – I know this all too well. That you honestly and openly share this now is testament to you and the love you continue to choose for yourself in each moment.
Hi Jenny, Yes we are so good at hiding things from others, what we are truly feeling and what is really going on for us. We are so good at putting on a mask showing to the world that we are ok, we are doing well, even when we may be struggling!
Admittedly, this all happened before I knew you – what is great about it is I no longer carry it with me. I do not identify with being an ex-gambler in any way, it is something I did to not feel my hurts. So when I dealt with those and built more love in my body, there was no need, pull or desire to gamble. Whereas most ex-alcoholics, gamblers etc.. especially if they have been to AA or such like will carry it with them, and it stunts their development because of the guilt they are carrying and the fact that they have not moved on from it in realising why they had the problem/issue in the first place.
I agree Fiona I have found what really helps is to “not be weighed down or back by it through guilt or identifying it as a part of us”. As soon as we bring a guilt or a shame to it, it makes it seem so bigger than us and thus to big to deal with. It also means it stops us from talking about it or seeking help for it.
Your honesty is incredibly inspiring.
Wow James, what a deeply honest and awesome blog. It’s so cool that you could feel that gambling was the end result, and when you address the past of your life that where out of rhythm, the gambling addressed itself. Very inspiring, thank you.
It is awesome Rebecca – when I would look at the gambling, or any ill destructive behaviour, I would then punish myself and beat myself for doing something harming, which is harming in itself! Then I would end up no better just more angry and frustrated with things. So by addressing the root ills and fundamentally building more love in my body, naturally there has been no pull back to the extreme destructive behaviours of the past. I am in the process of refining and letting go of other ones (not quite as extreme ones!), seeing that no longer are they part of my life.
We are all gambling when we don’t stop to feel the effect on our body with the activities and distractions we engage in. Great article James.
Well said Mary.
Brilliant! And so true, Mary. I love this – ‘we are all gambling’ – whether the activity we choose to distract and numb ourselves is actually gambling or a plethora of other addictions.
This is a very powerful expose of addictive behaviour, James. I really love how you so clearly identify that it is not the behaviour itself which is the issue, but that it is simply covering up the pain as a way to deal with it and hide the truth of what is actually going on. Once that is at the very least acknowledged, so much more can begin to open if it is chosen.
Hi Naren,
It takes a lot of honesty to allow the truth about what is going on to come up, largely because of the amount of force I/we have used in the past to bury our hurts. This is where Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine trained practitioners have been extremely helpful in supporting my returning back to the love I am. It is far simpler now when I first feel hurt or something is not quite right to be honest and express it, at least to myself, so I see it for what it is, not take it on and not bury it!
I agree James and a large part of that allowing myself to ‘admit’ to the truth is knowing that there will be no judgement or criticism ensuing…just an acknowledgement that there is a chance to move on and make different choices
I have found the same Kathie, it has often been other people’s judgements or criticisms to what I have said in the past that has stopped me from expressing the truth. To feel the love that I am held in by Serge Benhayon has allowed me to begin to trust humanity and people again. It is not that anyone would naturally want to judge, criticise or bring me down rather they are simply avoiding dealing with their hurts, just like I know I have done!
You’ve pulled out the starting block Naren. As in most situations, AWARENESS and acknowledgement are the first steps.
Indeed Gayle, and it is a very simple and practical place to start from. We don’t have to have the answer or know exactly the route we are taking before we begin either as that is something which has stopped me in the past!
Hi James, thank you for your honesty in sharing this blog. With building a strong foundation of love you know that whatever life brings your way you will always have the strength to deal with it. And when you do have your little dips of ‘stuff’, because that foundation is there, you can rise out of the dip much quicker.
Tim, I fully agree, thank you for sharing.
A great blog James and one I can relate to, it is amazing how by building more loving choices in the body the pull towards toxic behaviour simply diminishes.
Thanks James for such an honest article. I find it very inspiring where you wrote “Before, I would keep things to myself, and be the polite boy. Whereas now, whilst still being respectful of others, I simply express what I am feeling (more and more) and do not keep thoughts bottled up inside.” Beautiful, this is also what I am learning to do.
Hi Rebecca, a great point to highlight – I always thought being polite and going along with what other people were saying was the best thing to do, it was a way I learnt to get through life. The problem was it meant that somewhere I would have to let all these bottled up feelings out – and it was usually my parents who would cop it as it was in the so called privacy of the home, so I could get away with it – horrible to reflect on now how by holding myself back with others I was then more abusive with my family.
Wow how many of us in our time have created more pain to not feel the pain!? I know I certainly have. There are thousands of distractions out there to take us away from not dealing with the root cause of a problem, which on the surface can seem fine but over the time we are not dealing with it, it festers and rots. We can chose to go deeper and deeper into the distraction causing more and more problems or we can like you deal with it and move on with clarity and grace. Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you – I agree, what’s interesting is that when we go deeper into the distractions to not feel the pain, we then feel the pain of the distraction and try to fix that, and so make that the issue which it isn’t and further ignore the real pain underneath it.
This is so true, then the fixation on the pain we have created can consume us. In my own experience the lie that I am not good enough was my hiding the simple fact that I didn’t love myself. Yet as I began my journey of healing the not good enough was so ingrained that I focused on this for quite some time before I realised that by focusing on it, I was not in any way loving myself. Instead I was in constant tension, simply because I had not looked underneath the lie to feel the root cause of it. So very powerful to connect to my love and truly live the process of loving me. In so doing the not good enough has lesser and lesser hold on me.
Thank you James it is beautiful to hear you say ‘By being open with myself and others, I have been able to deal with the pain and hurt that I had been carrying: along with making loving changes in my life, this has brought an end to my destructive episode with gambling.’ So often we focus on the unwanted behaviours and everyone battles to overcome them rather than being honest about what is really going on and having the courage to go deeper and address the hurts as you have done, so that you have no need to distract yourself. So inspirational and a reflection for how others could address their unwanted patterns of behaviour that are so damaging to relationships and society as a whole.
Helen I fully agree – whilst it may seem daunting at the time to look at and address harmful behaviours it is definitely worth it – there are now many Universal Medicine trained practitioners, members of the Esoteric Practitioners Association, that hold the same integrity and can support others too. It is also knowing that it is ok to ask for help and support and there is nothing to be ashamed of – otherwise we bury and try to hide what we are doing and everyone suffers as they do not get the fullness of the love that we innately are.
That feels like a key point for me. Knowing the truth that if I don’t address my stuff, all others suffer, because they don’t get the fullness of me. Thank you for expressing AND dealing with your stuff, that is very inspirational.
An amazing sharing James, gambling is definitely an addiction and one that many fall for or turn to, gambling itself needs to be stopped as this is an illness and is not ever a loving choice or activity. This artilce really shows us how we are able to truly overcome any form of addiction as long as we are willing to be honest about them, a moment of appreciation of you and your choices.
Thank you Amina for the moment of appreciation.
Absolutely, I complete agree with what you share.
Thank you for sharing this James, I love how you expose gambling being the end result and not the problem. I can relate in my way to what I often see as the problem I have to overcome, rather than the end result of the rhythm I’m living. Very inspiring.
Hi James thank you for expressing so clearly what gambling is truly about. It will support many who are caught in the cycle of gambling and don’t know how to stop. Gambling is accepted in our society but it is no different to alcohol or drugs. I love how you have expressed “Gambling was never the problem, rather the end result of living out of rhythm with myself. It was the mechanism I would turn to to numb and suppress what I was feeling.” When we are out of rhythm we turn to something familiar to counter what we are feeling, rather than stopping and listening to our hearts.
It occurred to me that you could replace ‘Gambling’ in that sentence with any number of other addictions and lifestyle patterns as a means to stop feeling what was really going on. Beautiful to hear how addressing that tension inside stops the addiction – from the inside out.
Simon you sure can. We focus on the addiction, champion our ability to conquer it but do not address what led to us seeking the addiction in the 1st place and so we either fail and take it up again or take something else up in its place.
So simple yet so powerful James
Thank you for sharing your story, insight and wisdom
‘…addressing that tension inside…’ – yes, that’s the key!
Ahhh James this is brilliant! Thank you sharing. After years of curiosity and dipping my toe in and peeping my head round the corner re what Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon are about I can totally relate to what you have said here. Although gambling was not my thing there have been other destructive behaviour patterns I have employed particularly focusing on doing what is right and good as a way to avoid my inner pain and sadness. Through the consistent Love and non judgemental support of Universal Medicine practitioners particularly Sara Williams I am coming to see that this behaviour is hurting me more than anything else. What is amazing though is that I have not come to that understanding as you say by anyone telling me or instructing me, it is just through their unwavering Love and acceptance of me as I am with no expectation that I have been able to accept myself and see where I am at and what I am doing. This is a priceless gift for us all in having Serge Benhayon, these practitioners and your healing available. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Shevon, I love how you said ‘it is just through their unwavering Love and acceptance of me’ that you have been able to ‘accept myself and see where I am at and what I am doing’, it throws out all of the trying to help others, trying to say or do the ‘right’ things for others and shows that by being our naturally loving selves the rest is all taken care of, with those around us, potentially being inspired to be more loving.
Hey James, I really love reading your expressions and blogs. Natural… like the beach. 🙂
Thanks Phil – it is great being able to share some of my experiences and lessons I have learnt, since meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine courses, that have held me back most of my life from being and expressing all of who I am.
Cool 🙂
Thanks James for this beautifully expressed blog. I love how you have made it clear that the gambling itself was not the problem and how you were creating more pain not to feel the pain. This pattern where we do ‘painful’ things to numb ourselves is so clear, right down to ‘self-harming,’ as in ‘cutting’ – a condition that has come to light and been openly discussed in recent years. At first it was inexplicable to me that anyone could actually cut their own skin knowingly – but when the pattern was explained i.e. that it is creating physical pain so as to not feel the emotional pain it made perfect sense… and in fact we all create pain not to feel pain even if we are going into something that might seem ‘less harmful’ like taking something personally or creating/perpetuating a drama. We have all done it and are not done with it yet! As you say there is no perfection but our awareness of what is happening is pure gold. Thanks for this brilliant sharing James.
Thank you Lyndy for expanding on and highlighting how the gambling was not the problem, it was just the end result to alleviate the tension I was feeling. We are so quick to try to remedy the outward symptom, we then often miss the actual underlying cause and so the symptom or behaviour then just changes to something else which may look different but is still just alleviating the pain/tension, it all comes down to how can I best get this body to function. So many ‘healing’ modalities are based on the model of removing the symptom – It is where Universal Medicine differs in that it actively goes back to address why we are not being our naturally loving selves and does not settle for us being any less – it then up to us whether or not we choose the love on offer, the love we come from, with no judgement, or if we choose to hold onto our hurts.
Yes James Universal Medicine addresses the root cause of any “problem” within us, by showing us that our many ailments and addictions are but the result of our choices. We learn to feel and discern and it is up to us to take the responsible path. This awareness that we come to, some sooner than others, is one of the most valuable thing I have ever learned.
‘Our awareness of what is happening is pure gold’ – Spot on Lyndy, and it’s super important we act on this awareness.
Hi Lyndy, I love how you took this further, explaining that the unwanted behaviour, whatever it may be, from gambling to self-harming and cutting to taking drugs and so on, is actually not the real issue – it’s a symptom of a pain we have chosen not to feel and not to deal with. Numbing ourselves to the pain can take many forms, but the root cause, the pain we don’t want to feel could be very similar.
Spot on, ‘Numbing ourselves to the pain can take many forms, but the root cause, the pain we don’t want to feel could be very similar.’ We can focus on the out play of events but that does not really change anything just our outward expression. We can say no I am not going to do that but then do something else, whereas when we start with love then we use love as our basis and foundation and so can see any choice away from love as what we need to look at and not simply focus on our way off choices.
It is a revelation to hear that whatever you buy with money won by gambling still has that same stale, grey flavour as gambling itself. Like day-old cigarette smoke.
Hi Christoph, thanks for highlighting this. It’s something often not considered. It’s dirty money, it also draws you back wanting more so no matter how much you walk away with it’s never enough.
Hi James and Christoph
This is so true. I’ve noticed this with spending money on clothes/beauty products as a distraction. There’s never enough. I love your description Christoph “same stale, grey flavour as gambling itself. Like day-old cigarette smoke”.
It is fascinating Natalie, our relationship with money. I have always found it hard to spend money on myself like going out and buying clothes that I really like and that feel great on me. But the more I value and appreciate myself the more I buy clothes which really support and honour me rather than always looking at the price tags. We are also constantly changing and evolving so every now and again we do need to have a good clear out and get some new clothes, plus wearing old tatty clothes is not something that you can generally feel great about yourself in.
No matter what it is, it draws you back. Money/gambling/smoking/drugs/chocolate/corn chips/nuts-whatever your addiction is, if it has a hold on you, you will always want more. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly and you are so inspiring.
I agree Sarah you always want more, more to try and satisfy your senses! I know for me it was only when I started to feel really content with myself and not needing anything or any stimulation from outside of me saying I am ok did the impulse or urge to gamble drop, the same was there for alcohol and before that marijuana. What is interesting is for me, apart from the stimulation I would get from gambling, there was always a sense of connection and community with others – even though it was based around winning money, because of the loneliness I felt at the time it seemed better than having to feel that and how I was living!
I really like this revelation too. It’s amazing to consider. Most would say that ££ is ££. It’s just numbers, paper, coins, whatever. But that is so not the case. The feeling that comes with it (or the flavour) is so powerful. A different example – but the same. I have always liked nice clothes. When I was a teenager, my Mum used to pay for them. When I got my first proper job, I saved up my money. I then spent it on a new suit. It was a fine suit. It was mint. I looked ace in it. And boy oh boy did it feel good. Because I had earnt it. The money had come from my commitment and effort and dedication and I could feel that each time I put it on. £££ is not just £££.
Great example Otto – there is a huge difference between buying something when you have put time and effort into earning the money to pay for it over winning the money for it or being given it. Not only can you feel the difference, I have also found, personally, I look after it more, instead of it simply being just another thing….
The saying ‘easy come, easy go’ comes to mind when I read Otto and James’ responses above. I know I value money more when I have worked hard for it, and will be more careful and thoughtful about how I spend it.
This has actually made me stop guys, thank you. I too know how much I value the money I earn, however , as I read this I can feel that I have not valued the money others close to me have earned, feeling that I have a right to spend it how I like, yet feeling guilty or justified when I do. Thank you something here to ponder deeply on and to begin to see this in a different, more loving and appreciative light.
This is a great conversation Otto and James! And I agree money comes laced with so many things, guilt, shame, arrogance, supremacy, victimhood… the list can go on. But what really comes across from you guys is how much you appreciate money, this is very inspiring!
Thank you Judith, it is amazing what money can do for people both in the ‘positive’ and the ‘negative’ sense. There is the saying that ‘money is the root of all evil’, but I would have to disagree and say it is the way we use, look outside of ourselves and abuse money that is the problem. We make it more important than ourselves and others and this is where the problem stems from. Appreciating what we can do with money is huge especially when we all work together and not try to out do or compete with each other.
Definitely, great example Otto.
I suppose money is essentially a form of energy, or can carry energy with it. So it makes sense that how it is earned or taken will affect how it feels to have it and what you do with it, and what is bought with it will take on the energy of the money. It’s great what is being discussed here by all.
Indeed Paul, money just like anything and everything else can carry an energy with it. The fascinating thing with money is that it is seen as the pinnacle of success yet when you look at those with more money then they know what to do with they are usually not that happy or satisfied with life. It holds us in a constant state of wanting more, more so we can buy a better life instead of stopping to feel that we have everything we could ever want already with us. Our richness is in our inner heart not in our bank accounts.
Awesome example Otto. When we value what we earn and spend it with the same integrity how can we not but value what we have spent our money on.
Great point Christoph. The cycle keeps perpetuating itself until a different way is chosen.
And the way to move forward is through movement. Establishing a rhythm and foundation of love in every movement means there is no entry for the self destructive thoughts to precipitate into the body. Give into ones thoughts and move without love and then quite literally anything is possible and the same goes for moving with love too – yet this one most of us have not fully tried out!!
Hi James, I love how you explained that with building the love for yourself the destructive behaviour patterns, whatever they may be, can naturally lessen and eventually fall away, loosing their grip on us.
Just the other day I was discussing with a friend how we start to use a behaviour – which can be anything from taking drugs to gambling to over eating – to not feel a pain. Then we start to believe that the behaviour is actually the issue (and it does become an issue), but all the while covering up the root issue we haven’t dealt with. We could spend decades feeling bad about ourselves, feeling that these addictions are who we are when in reality they are just coping mechanisms that start to look like they are our issues, while they are actually a smokescreen for the real issue – the lack of love we are feeling and allowing.
Exactly what Rod said, how awesome it is that you were able to let go of these addictions, simply by building the love for yourself. Thank you for sharing James.
Thank you Esther, I fully agree how easy it is to give time and focus to the ‘symptoms’ or ‘outward issues’ then have a mini-battle with them, eventually overcoming or suppressing them but not actually addressing the cause of why they came up in the first place. And then as I have done move my focus and attention onto something else, without changing the energy, the root cause. It’s like saying “I will do anything to avoid feeling the pain/hurt of not being love.”
Yes, absolutely, and that “anything to avoid feeling the pain/hurt of not being love” comes at our own expense… Another step away from the love we desperately long for…
However James, you have shared how simple it is to lovingly take the steps back to the great love you left behind…
What is amazing to feel Kylie and stop to appreciate is that no matter how many steps I have taken away from love, love has always been there and never gone, so much so that when I then take a step towards love it takes 2 steps towards me – now that’s extremely loving!
Yes James, love is there patiently waiting and I too have experienced that every step I take towards love, it takes two steps towards me. A good way of describing what is a very deeply touching experience as one feels held in the grace of love so intimate yet universal.
Yes, Esther and James, these are also my observations and experiences: there is creating more pain to not feel the pain and that behavior becomes the issue and the focus instead of the underlying cause. In making selfloving choices and building a foundation of love in yourself there comes a point where you don’t want to let this clarity and lovely feelings inside by choosing numbing behavior of any kind.
I agree Monika, there comes a point where the feeling of love and contentedness out weighs any possible momentary excitement or stimulation that something like gambling brings, it is not worth making the body suffer or putting it under any undue stress as it has big knock on effects.
Esther this is a really important point. So often the addiction becomes the focus, and yet isn’t this another attempt at avoiding the truth, just as the addiction is used for in the first place. And it doesn’t really matter what the addiction is, how it looks, how extreme or not so extreme it appears to be, for it all comes back to missing who we are. This strips away all the judgement on whatever addictions we may have ever used to avoid feeling how much we are missing real love and how we all deep down know that we are living far less than we are.
I fully agree Vicky, ‘it all comes back to missing who we are’. We constantly seek things outside of ourselves to fill this void we feel, we get so used to doing this and filling ourselves up with other things that the love we all innately are gets pushed to one-side into a small bundle that we can’t see it anymore and so forget about it. It is still there though and the more we come back to it and appreciate we already are and started with love the more we see it and get to know it as who we are. At first everything we have invested in to not be love comes up and can seem monumental but slowly as the layers we have brought in are released love is given back the freedom in our bodies and we see that it never left us we just choose to bury it. The great thing is we can now bring up the next generation with this knowing that they are already love and so they do not need to let it go and thus grow up be imprisoned by their ill choices as so many of us have been and are. This is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
Great point Monica, ‘So many addictions and behaviours come from a reaction to life and not wanting to feel and deal with it’. It is so easy to let things build up in our bodies that we then find ourselves overwhelmed and not being able to cope so then turn to any form of distraction to take us away from what we are feeling. Something I have found really helps is to express what I am feeling and how I am feeling as much as possible even if it is just to myself. It then allows me to process and understand what is going on and then I do not take it on and am not left with lingering thoughts about it and so find myself reacting a lot less to situations.
James this is a wonderful exposing of the power of our addictions – they do own us and push and shove us through life making everything complicated and dramatic – feeding back the need for the addiction again and again.
I thoroughly enjoy your writing and the fact that your love for you has brought back amazing clarity and grace.
Thank you Lee.
Yes – the clarity I now have has come about by building more love for myself rather than trying to conquer or get over any of the drugs, alcohol, or gambling, etc. so instead of fighting them, and seeing them as ‘bad’ things, naturally when I have become more loving with and for myself – they lose their pull or desire and so are no longer a part of my life.
Hi James. This is powerful stuff. I have seen the hold gambling can have on people first hand having worked in a casino for almost two years. The addiction does own you. Patrons urinating in the poker machines was a common occurrence, simply because they didn’t want to leave there machines. The gambling was being used to override our most basic bodily functions – we were always waking people up too. It makes sense that caring for your self, supports you through this.
Hi Abby, that is extreme behaviour but I know what lengths I went to and people go to simply to not feel what is going on for them. We make our issues into such big deals, we try to hide them and become ashamed of them – we lose all sense of focus and then as you have shown anything is possible, however ridiculous it may seem to someone observing.
Absolutely James. All these behaviours detach us from feeling the simple reality of the lives we have created for ourselves.
‘We make our issues into such big deals, we try to hide them and become ashamed of them – we lose all sense of focus……..’ What an enormously effective TRAP!
Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
This is a really potent description of being owned Abby.
I read recently of several people who’s addiction to video games rendered them unable to leave the games they were playing and due to trying to get to the next level, played to their deaths. These are a very extreme example of addiction,losing a sense ourselves and life, of “being owned”.
What James has shown here is that with the power of making choices that built more love and respect for himself, letting go the feelings of shame and looking at the root cause of his need, it is so entirely possible to no longer be held or owned in such a way.
And this shows how powerful Love is. Thank you James.
Indeed Shevon – Love is extremely powerful!
So it seems that we all concur, love is the key to everything.
True Love, the fiery love of the Soul is indeed the answer to all our problems and hurts.
Wel said James, this too is my experience.
Extraordinary James how by opening up to love and discarding what was not love in your life you were able to overcome self damaging behaviours. Could the healing of addictions be so fundamentally simple?
Hi Rod, yes I fully agree. It’s easy to get caught up identifying the ill behaviour and trying to rectify it. But by building a more harmonious and loving way of being there is no space or need for such damaging behaviour.
Hi James, this is so true. I have spent my whole life trying to fix and change things and myself, but what I am learning for myself through attending Universal Medicine courses/workshops and presentations is that there is no true change in this way of life, that it is futile and that real change comes from me deciding to live harmoniously and lovingly with myself and everyone else.
So well said Shevon. I can try to fix and change things from where there are and how they are but this always comes from a reaction to something I do not like. I know the only true way for change to happen is when I start with love and then say anythign less does not fit in. So the basis and foundation is love not need, regret or trying to get anywhere.
James it’s so true how it’s easy to get caught up in identifying the ill behaviour and trying to fix it and then being in the spin of it. But like you say when we build the loving way of being there is no space or need to bring in behaviours that are damaging. It really is about working on the self love first and creating that loving way.
I feel so inspired by all your comments and am reminded of the simplicity of self love.
That is great to hear Michelle – I love how people have taken and expanded what I wrote and made it applicable to so many other areas in their lives.
I agree with you
Me too, it really is so simple.
Thank you James for writing your story. When you say that the money you won came laced with “an I own you feel” I began to feel into why gambling is so addictive. A late family member was a prolific better on the horses, and even though I don’t remember very much around this as they died when I was a child, I can though remember that it felt quite tense being around them on Saturdays, especially if we spoke too loud and the radio became difficult to hear. I am glad that I read your blog this morning James, it has allowed me to feel the truth of gambling and the effects this has on family members of gamblers.
Yes, self-love the place to start with everything it seems and as you say James, self-expression and not holding it all inside is very much a part of self-love.
It is indeed Josephine, for me expressing what I feel inside means that I do not keep a secret or hidden part of me where things I do not like can linger. I used to keep a lot of these things to myself as I was ashamed of many of them but all that ends up happens is that overtime they build up and become seemingly way bigger than they actually are into something overwhelming that dare not be addressed just in case I get swallowed up by it again or I talk to someone about it and then get thought of as crazy!
Its so great that we are understanding how important that it is to express our love to each other, when we remove the blocks and let our love out there is a river and an endless expression of love that will never cease, unless of course if we choose to hold it back again. Holding back love – makes no sense at all, and hurts us all deeply.
This is so the case Josephine, when we hold back our expression there is so much of ourselves that we can’t feel creating a sense of emptiness, we then seek stimulation or vices such as gambling to distract us from this feeling.
Good question Rod and good observation James about identifying with the ill behaviour and trying to rectify it. I have often wondered if, in trying to give up an addiction, those who rely on a support group for people with the same addiction don’t end up substituting one addiction, say drugs or alcohol, with another – the group and its way of life. Although you could argue the latter is better for them than the former, it still doesn’t feel like the answer. There is a simpler way.
I agree Victoria. We can unconsciously swap one addiction for another. The word here is unconsciously. But if we are living in our essence every moment of the day this will not happen and life is much simpler and enjoyable.
So in truth it’s not about the gambling, food, smoking etc, etc. it’s about continuing to deepen our relationship with ourselves and returning to the harmony within.
I agree Victoria and Patricia, it is so easy to jump from one thing to another without stopping to address the 1st thing. It is quite common, for example for people to stop smoking and then put on weight because they eat more – they substitute eating for the smoking. Neither is good or healthy yet they are championed for giving up smoking. It is quite crazy how we can allow our mind to fool us.
We tend to give focus a people’s behaviours, whether it be gambling, excessive spending, not cleaning your house or a child having a tantrum. But the behaviours are never the problem only the symptom. Dealing with the reason you gamble, the reason you take drugs, the reason you eat sugar or the reason behind any behaviour that isn’t truly representative of you is the only way to truly leave that behaviour behind.
I agree Kate, it harder to admit at the time as it can seem like a massive dark cloud hanging over you but as soon as you see it simply for what it is it dissipates. It is then your responsibility to continue to make loving choices so the thought then have no room to take hold as they once did before.
Very beautiful said James, and yes Kate Maroney, it is never the behavior that makes the person. Understanding of what is really happening is important, not judging or wanting people to stop certain behavior while not looking at the roots. It is best to heal the roots so the issue/hurt behind it gets not a different flavor in result, but is actually released and let go off.. That would be awesome!
We sure do Kate, however, this is just a decoy – another form of distraction.
Yes Kate, its like addressing the situation from the inside out.
Thank you for this reminder this morning. I stopped in my tracks and allowed my breathing to deepen and become very tender and I could feel in my body so clearly what was happening, This re-connecting to and deepening of my awareness supports me big time and I realise I need to check in more often. Thank you Kate Moroney.
I agree Victoria, it feels like a substitution rather than an actual healing of the issue. I find it is easy to talk about things and issues but actually dealing with them is something different. By dealing with them I do not mean blaming yourself or anybody else. But rather living in a way that says no to that ill behaviour. By living lovingly with yourself naturally those ill patterns will not arise. And the only way I have found to do this is to not leave any stone unturned – for even one can bubble up to the surface and hook you back in. Honesty, truth and transparency is very much needed.
Yes, it just goes away.
So the issue was never to stop the gambling.
The issue was to be more harmonious and caring towards yourself, so the gaming was no longer apart of your life…
Beautifully said Luke, and so applicable to many other areas of our lives. When we find that place of harmony within ourselves and we live from that place, anything that is not harmonious definitely feels like it does not belong in our lives anymore.
And then it is easy to let it go, it just happens naturally. So simple.
A deeper understanding Luke that goes beyond the idea that gambling is the main problem at play.
Really great point Luke and applies to probably every issue there is.
It’s no suprise we have it all upside down. Most of the time the focus is placed on the addiction and yet again, the most important aspect, our relationship with ourself, is left out of the picture.
It is no surprise Vicky and so it is great to expose the flaws with many of the ‘addiction’ clinics and ways we go about trying to help people. For example, I am now not a recovered gambling addict, rather a person who delved into gambling when I was not feeling great, and now no longer need the misery and destruction it brought to my life!
Well said Luke and so simply put.
Yes Luke because once you allow more love and harmony in your heart the simplicity of that expands you in so many more ways. The addictions can no longer live in a full house.
It is then a full house all round Kelly, no need to wait for the cards as we already have everything we could possibly need and more within us!
Great Comment Kelly Zarb! Once we are full of our love again there is no turning back to a life of addictions to fill the love that we had chosen to disconnect from.
So true Luke . Whatever our chosen ‘poison’ James article is a wonderful confirmation that self love and self care allows our hurts to dissipate so that they no longer take hold of us.
Spot on Luke, perfectly and simply summed up.
Great point Luke, I know I have focused on the symptom in the past, whether it was my weight or smoking. It has become clearer to me over time that if you just deal with the symptom, the underlying cause does not go away. If what is causing the behaviour is healed, the symptom, be it gambling, over eating or what ever, will naturally not be a needed part of your life any more.
It is fascinating Debra how so many of the give-up or self help things focus on the symptom/issue and not the fact that we are love and so anything less than love we are not being our true selves. It means in most cases the behaviour is simply substituted with a seemingly lesser, less harmful one but really nothing has changed.
And that could be said for so many ‘addictions’.
Love it Luke – simple, straight to the point, and powerfully true.
So often the focus is on trying to overside the desire of the habit, controlling the behaviour and in this often comes a struggle versus bringing the understanding to the hurt and unresolved issue that is underpinning the behaviour.
Thank you Mary, life is all about choices, we can either stay in our hurts and play the victim or we can let go of our hurts and simply be the love that we all naturally are. Quite simple really- it just takes a continual series of choices saying yes to love and no to everything which is not. The beauty is that there is no end goal as we can continuously deepen and develop our level of love, even when we ‘think’ how can life get any better or more loving!
This is so true and simple , stop feeding the need that needs the distraction.
We can be our own worst judge and critic at many times and so it is great to hear James that you were supported without judgement to overcome this addiction. Your story is relatable to any form of addictive behaviour, of which most of us have had some vice or go to, it is an interesting question Rod posed, might we not be as helpless to our addictions as has been made out? Our willingness to fully appreciate and understand why we are doing what we do might be an important first step to stopping the ill behaviour.
Absolutely Stephen.
I’ve found because I’ve been ashamed of my destructive behaviour of, like James said, creating more pain to hide the pain that I have tried to hide with all my destructive behaviour and bury it beneath even more destructive behaviour!
To be offered the opportunity, like you say Stephen, to ‘fully appreciate and understand why we are doing what we do ‘by talking with a Universal Medicine practitioner who doesn’t judge me but sees me for the amazing person that I am’, has definitely been such a fundamentally important first step in my being able to see why I do what I do and how I can bring a different way of living to usurp those destructive ways so that I choose to no longer let them rule me.
“I’ve found because I’ve been ashamed of my destructive behaviour of, like James said, creating more pain to hide the pain that I have tried to hide with all my destructive behaviour and bury it beneath even more destructive behaviour!” – I know, I have done the same Karin and it’s great to be able to talk to someone who “doesn’t judge me but sees me for the amazing person that I am”. This is my experience of having sessions with Universal Medicine Practitioners.
I agree Natalie and Karin, it is amazing being able to talk to people openly about anything and feeling no judgement from them.
Ladies I agree. It is so healing to be listened to without judgement and often in the talking the understanding starts to unravel and be seen.
Natalie, I agree, that is so amazing; having any sort of Esoteric Healing session with a qualified practitioner where I never feel judged for any of the destructive behaviours. That is an invaluable support to actually turning things around and being able to understand at a deeper level what is going on, and to start healing the pain underneath.
Yes Natalie & Karin I always feel held with love and support whenever I have attended a session with a Universal Medicine Practitioner. It always opens up a deeper understanding and awareness of my own patterns and behaviours which I may not have seen.
So true Stephen, “We can be our own worst judge and critic at many times”. Being supported by people “without judgement” is quite phenomenal and a real game changer for me. I would always feel incredibly guilty and self- judgmental yet all I would get when I would see a Universal Medicine trained practitioner was love. Quite amazing really how we are our own worst enemies!
We can be our harshest of critics when it comes to judgement, so beautiful that all you received from others was love and support.
I agree Stephen, we can create the picture that we are helpless but really in every instance we have a choice and it is whether or not we choose to fully take responsibility for our actions or not.
Yes Stephen, it would be hard to find one human being who is free of any addictive behaviour be it food, watching TV, exercising, shopping, gambling, computer games, shopping and the list goes on. One can be quick to judge one behaviour against the other as not being as bad but all in all its the same things all that is happening is different vices are being used.
I agree, appreciation is a big factor. The problem is when we get caught up in something it is often hard to see the light for the trees, it is as if we can become so entangled in it we lose all sense of reality. And then judge and condemn ourselves instead of simply returning to the love we are. We are not designed to be perfect and the more we see each moment and what is before as an opportunity to learn the less we will turn to outside sources to fill us up.
What a great question to raise and explore Rod – “Could the healing of addictions be so fundamentally simple?”. Considering the current way of addressing addictions and unwanted behaviour often at best only produces temporary results, and for many requires a constant trying or pressure to resist the original behaviour, it certainly is an avenue that at minimum, deserves further conversation.
Well said Angela, this is a whole new approach to dealing with addictions – realising the behaviour is not who we are. Therefore it can be changed if we get the loving support to find out what is underneath, while at the same time learning how to love ourselves without any judgement.
I agree Angela and Esther, it is a fundamental change and shift in the way we need to look at addressing and dealing with both our own addictions and those of others. Then there is no regret and the temptation to re-create the situation is massively weakened. It is also not then substituted with something else as is so easy to do.
Yes, I definitely agree that how we treat addictions has to change, it is so disempowering to be told you will always be an addict, for that is so untrue with any addiction, it is always linked to our willingness to heal and discard our experiences of hurt. If we get the right support and have the willingness then there is no addiction we cannot let go of.
The constant trying to not do something I find either leads me to do something different for the same effect or means I say well I am going to do it at some point so might as well do it now. It negates the real reason why we want or wanted to do it in the 1st place. The moment we see and heal this then the urge goes.
Now there is a question very worth asking Rod. And I feel you may be on to something as opening up to love has so many beautiful and life changing opportunities. I feel sure the list is endless on what this way of being brings to us as individuals and to all we meet.
Great question Rod, and to me the answer to this is ‘yes’…