Recently an opportunity presented for me to take a deeper look at whether I was living gender equality in my day-to-day life as a woman.
As women, not only is it important for us to invite men to step up and look at these gender equality issues in a non-imposing, non-judgmental way, it is equally important for us to invite ourselves to step up to living this gender equality also.
Therefore I asked myself:
“Do I always live this gender equality that has been known in my heart as an irrefutable truth?”
The answer is “No”. So no matter what I see in the world today, and not depending on how the world responds back to me, can I commit to consistently live this truth, starting with myself?
I started to consider how I could truly live gender equality within myself:
- Even though I am equally committed and devoted to the work that I do as any male counterpart, I had been setting my prices well below what my male colleagues were charging. I have now revised my prices by feeling what I am truly worth. Honouring my true worth as a woman has completely changed how I feel about myself, and how I hold myself as a woman in the workplace and in life.
- I had believed that if I did not put in the same long hours as men do or approach a job competitively, then I could not reap the same results or be respected equally in my career. I now truly value what I bring, having a young son to look after and having a full-time career at the same time. Through being asked to be equally present and focussed with my work or at home in the kitchen with a very hungry child, I know that I am ready to engage with presence and focus in any new spontaneous situation.
- I realised that I was still holding myself back in how I was expressing with males at certain times – there was a reservation on my side. Holding back as a woman with men is holding myself back as a human being. Ultimately it is a holding back of all women and all men. For example, I now commit to looking men in their eyes equally to how I naturally hold my glance with a woman I meet on the street or in the elevator. I don’t dress differently when it is men I am meeting, no matter who they are, expressing what my heart feels exactly, in all vulnerability and power, in all silly-fullness and seriousness. The freedom experienced in not holding back is simply amazing.
- When I have been with men in friendly and professional settings I have had the expectation of being treated with more care and attention, like gentlemen treat women. But if I’m honest, I had not been consistently treating myself with deep care and love, so that lack of worth towards myself is what men have been reflecting back to me. When I stop expecting men to act in a certain way and then feel hurt when they don’t, I start living the preciousness of the woman and the human being I am. Responding to the preciousness I feel within me stops the need to be rewarded by something outside of myself. How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.
- As a woman I had accepted that in male/female relationships I had to give more, understand more, allow more and accept more compared to my male partner. When I stop hanging on to the belief that men cannot be as understanding, allowing, accepting, or giving because of their past hurts, what I allow is a much greater love to be expressed; and men meet me back with constant beautiful surprises confirming that they are everything I know them to be.
Having said all that, I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel. As women and as men our love can only be true when we begin to accept and live this knowing.
Indeed, if as women and as men we now take responsibility without delay and live and express the love that we are, then we are truly here for each other. Gender equality is what we know to be truly true between men and women: it is the true relationship between men and women that can be lived.
Living the truth of who I am is an ongoing inspiration received from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine — and its teachings and all the reflections from its students.
By Adele Leung, Image director, Hong Kong
Further Reading:
Gender Equality: How far have we come?
Equalness and Being a Man
The Truth of Love – Equally for All
The word ‘equality’ does not mean that we all have look or do the same but to feel the equalness of the love and connection to God that we all innately are.
I love what you have shared here Adele. We could take this teaching into anything we do ‘it is equally important for us to invite ourselves to step up to living’ that is as I have heard, before looking in and at and working with our back yard first rather than wanting changes everywhere around us. The beauty in this is that in your sharing the equality and love is clearly felt when you are reflecting on and exploring this, again a reminder of what is the quality we do things in, even when making changes.
Our differences change from lifetime to lifetime whereas the things that we share remain a constant from lifetime to lifetime. In fact we are the constantness of Life itself, it’s just that we have become temporarily bamboozled by the imagery of the spirit.
Self-worth and charging what we are worth comes up a lot and as we understand that we are able to set a price on what a person can afford as long as we are consistent with everyone this is a great reflection of treating everyone as equals.
We are all of the same quality in essence, and all ultimately want the same things: underneath everything and all the layers, we are all human beings. Inspiring to read how you’ve taken the microscope to look at your own relationship with gender equality and your responsibility to live this.
‘How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.’ One could equally say how a woman acts does not determine how precious I am. Allowing ourselves to feel our own preciousness and accepting that we are always that….whatever else is going on ….and really appreciating this quality in us makes our relationship with ourselves so much more honouring and our self love blossoms.
We are all precious and delicate beings in our essence, ‘that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are’.
Meeting someone for who they are and not their gender or what they do we realise that in essence we are all the same.
Love and truth are the foundation on which true relationships are built, ‘if as women and as men we now take responsibility without delay and live and express the love that we are, then we are truly here for each other.’
Thank you for exposing how as women we so often wait for others to value us before committing to presenting our true worth. I can still feel pockets of resistance for me in truly going there which are good to explore and recognise where I am still waiting to be confirmed by others before committing myself.
I love your honesty here Helen and can totally relate to this, in how many times I have waited for someone to confirm who I am without me first doing this myself! Crazy really. However the more people that do this within the world – claim who they truly are without needing recognition or confirmation from another, then the bigger the ripple affect and reflection will be for others to do the same easily so.
I love what you have written here Adele, in that it brings a real sense of empowerment into our lives when we know that we can not expect back to us anything less than the level of love, care, understanding, and appreciation that we provide for ourselves and others. It also shows how supported we are by God to have the constant reflection from other people, events, ‘accidents’, and relationships to help us see what areas we need to pay closer attention to in order to learn and evolve in life.
There are many ways we can hold back from the simple expression we on that instance felt.. But why? What does it give us when we hold back who we are? When we relate it to energy first, what energy do we choose on the moment we hold back our truth? And so, how does that feel inside our body afterwards? If know what is described, you know that our only way to truly heal any problem we have with expression is knowing and seeing (becoming aware again of energy and what it does).
‘How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.’ Yes, how anyone treats me is not a determination of my worth. Whenever I have not been honouring myself it’s no surprise I get a reminder through a reflection of another being dishonouring in some way.
Gender equality certainly starts with you that I have no doubt with. I am a man and I have honestly felt as sexy as a woman performing Sacred Movement – https://www.esotericwomenshealth.com/sacred-movement.html and its also discussed we are both male and female on Serge Benhayon tv – https://sergebenhayon.tv/episodes/episode-13-gender-toxic-masculinity-and-the-energetic-hermaphrodite/. Gender equality therefore is natural.. it probably explains why we adore both the opposite and same sex relationships.
There is a higher quality that goes beyond male and female genders and that is the soul. The soul knows we are equally male as we are equally female. When we know this divinity is seen first before gender.
Ah the last two points I can really relate to and also see the set up of discontent I’d been contributing to.
Expecting to be treated as the beautiful precious being that I am – and being recognised as such because I am female- is at odds with my expectation that I had to do more in a relationship – ‘give more’ whilst expecting less from men – tarnishing them with ‘they’re lazy and do nothing’ brush. All of this feels very conflicted and yucky – a no win for both sides, a recipe for resentment with both parties and no coming together in mutual respect of oneself and the other.
I loved what you have shared here Adele, your words bring a smile to my face, in the gorgeous acceptance of who you truly are. “I don’t dress differently when it is men I am meeting, no matter who they are, expressing what my heart feels exactly, in all vulnerability and power, in all silly-fullness and seriousness. The freedom experienced in not holding back is simply amazing. “
The point you made about being sympathetic to the hurts of a man and thinking he is not capable of expressing his love is one that I can relate too and in this am willing to accept a quality less than what we both deserve. In these situations I am learning to hold him in love but not accept less than the quality we both deserve.
It’s true it does start with us now. I think way too often we wait for someone else to make the first move or to take the first step – but your blog reminds me of the saying – be the change you want to see in the world. Imagine if we all did that – the world would correct itself pretty fast.
When we live as who we truly are, equality, true equality will be felt in everything, because it is within our very nature.
I agree with you Adele that we all feel equally the same amount i.e. we all know equally the same just that others have an expression that is more full in something; until we accept and understand we are all equal this will be our experience.
Adele, what you are sharing in this article about gender equality is really interesting, this stands out for me and is something that I will ponder on as I can feel that I do not fully value my worth as a woman and all that I bring to my work; ‘Honouring my true worth as a woman has completely changed how I feel about myself, and how I hold myself as a woman in the workplace and in life.’
To even consider a difference between men and women is already false. Because when we close our eyes — all we can do is feel, there is no difference by our essence, only by appearance. but we have created a reality, that is not actually real, that men and women are different in many ways. Cool to calll our what it is and how much lies we have created that push away the truth of that we are equal.
Meeting someone for who they are and not meeting them for the gender they are frees us to feel the equal love of all.
Removing filters from our eyes and beliefs that say men and women are different and separate is well overdue. We are in essence equal, one and the same.
There are some really great points here, thank you Adele. This line was highlighted to me “I know that I am ready to engage with presence and focus in any new spontaneous situation.” This is such a great way to be, connected to oneself and ready to bring that to whatever comes up. It is also a powerful point about the expectations we can place on others to deliver us care or love and how we might react if they do not – “How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.” We can definitely expand that to how others choose to act does not determine how precious we are
I’ve come to understand that what we perceive and see as problematic on a macro level (in the world) is more than likely something we need to examine for ourselves. We can point the finger ‘out there’ but let’s examine our own beliefs and behaviours first.
Gender equality has been nailed here Adele, you are absolutely right we are from the same essence and it is well past time that we all embraced this fact and dropped the false protected way we all parade around in, to bring that beauty of our essence to the surface for all to see and watch gender inequality fade into history books where people of the future will look back with disbelief at how we used to behave.
Kev in the future people may look back and see this time in human history as energetically primitive, if not barbaric.
Great for women to step up and take responsibility for how we are in life and not wait for society to change, men to make it better for us etc. How I am in every single interaction contributes to greater gender equality or not and I can feel how there needs to be some changes on my part i.e. valuing what I bring and how I relate to other women as well as men.
What can possibly change if we don’t? Nothing and no-thing because we are the very life that we want changed, we’re the substance of life, we are it’s very matter and so change doesn’t so much start with us, it IS us.
Gender equality starts and finishes with the truth that we are all equal in essence no matter the gender. There can be a great appreciation however of what men and women bring in their different expressions.
“As women, not only is it important for us to invite men to step up and look at these gender equality issues in a non-imposing, non-judgmental way, it is equally important for us to invite ourselves to step up to living this gender equality also” – totally Adele, because we can so often make it a ‘man issue, or man’s issue’ i.e. for them to step up to and almost relegate them in the process for not being or possessing gender equality. And it was only when i began to really deeply connect to myself through my female body that I felt my stillness quality which helped restore the internal balance to become how I felt my worth as a woman — and equal to not a ‘man’ but simply to another human being. When there is the quality of felt stillness, ‘gender’ becomes irrespective to make gender equality more about internal quality.
Equality starts with us, and I just love how you have explored what this means, and how this can be present in your life. It is a gift to hear how you have approached equality and claimed your equal worth, Adele.
The thing I like about this blog is that it’s asking us to take responsibility for ourselves as women and to not hold ourselves as victims of the social / cultural / energetic status quo first – whilst acknowledging the inequities that undoubtedly exist.
Gender equality deepens on the quality each Gender lives. Living one’s full qualities of their own gender will lead to gender equality naturally . This can be easily seen when very young children interact with each other.
Regardless of our gender, if we all appreciated within ourselves and others the qualities of what we bring as opposed to the productivity of what we do, true equality would be a natural expansion of this.
There is a role farmers’ wives have taken on where they place the work of the man above all else and the farmer holds his position with pride that he deserves his pedestal. If a farmers wife has fallen into this way of being knowing and have always known fully well that these roles were and are not true. I have felt reactions in my body from very young to the women around me for giving their power away and making themselves less yet what I have discovered and continue to explore is my lack of self worth and appreciation towards myself hence the reflections that have been on offer around me all along to support me to evolve and break this consciousness of women living a lie and choosing to live less than who we truly are within the farming community.
Well said Caroline. There are some deeply held ideals and beliefs that put the men first and their lives being more important relegating women to a lesser position and justifying male dominance. Women have accepted this role and have grown clever at manipulating and deception in order to get what they want or they have just succumbed and lived very subservient and much less than their true selves. It is awesome that you have the awareness that you do and the love of truth, yourself and people to turn this around.
Thank you Adele for presenting the opportunity for us to consider if we are living true gender equality. For amongst us all here in this world, we are the Sons of God, as such equal in light. Do we hold ourselves in this regard? It is the embrace of this equalness for ourselves through which we will then come to know and live in honor of this quality of equalness in all our relationship thereafter.
Adele, this is interesting; ‘When I stop expecting men to act in a certain way and then feel hurt when they don’t, I start living the preciousness of the woman and the human being I am. Responding to the preciousness I feel within me stops the need to be rewarded by something outside of myself.’ It feels important for us to love ourselves first and to treat ourselves with preciousness and adoration.
I had a meeting recently, men and women, with an absolute feeling of equality … no gender, with no agenda… it was priceless.
The imbalance within our selves is reflected through out the world… and as one person changes, so the world has the opportunity to evolve.
I am finding that the key is not to identify with gender but to honour it. We all have spent many, many lives as women and many, many lives as men, therefore it is futile to get caught up in the ill imposed idea that one gender can reign superior over another. The real task, and the one we are avoiding, is to deepen our expression of our maleness (motion) and our femaleness (stillness) so that we can balance the two expressions both within ourselves and then further afield in our society. This is the true meaning of gender equality.
So true. If we are not equally honouring both qualities our maleness (motion) and our femaleness (stillness) within ourselves, how are we expecting the world to reflect it externally?
“Having said all that, I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel. As women and as men our love can only be true when we begin to accept and live this knowing.” We are all human so have the same capacity for love, sensitivity and tenderness. To believe otherwise demonstrates how society has conditioned us to believe it so. But we are society, so need to take responsibility for changing this dynamic, by reflecting out what we know to be true.
A very timely read and a great reminder that regardless of gender we all have the same ability to feel and to be sensitive. I can’t say I was as sensitive and caring as I am now 10 years ago and if it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and many within the student body expressing their love would I have had the space to develop what I now live today. This space I now have the responsibility to provide for others to also grow. And rather than a big scary or heavy burden I feel settled within myself as such responsibility feels very natural and still requiring of me to live such rather than just sit with it. Thank you Adele
This is a very important blog for us all to read. I often find that I think I know or even that I am living something like equality and in essence we all do know equality inside out. But when we are not paying attention and simply feeling our connection, societal beliefs and values can creep in without us knowing it. Things like charging less than a man or feeling you have to be more accepting or understanding in a relationship reduce the level of love that can be there in ourselves and our relationships. As you have said this then perpetuates the inequality and the gap that exists between the genders.
I loved reading your blog Adele thank you, basically we all come from the same essence of divine love , what is equally in men is also in women just expressed in different flavours.
Your blog inspires me to look at my own part in the inequality we experience in the world. My holding back and blaming men in my life for not supporting me has been there from young. And am I living something different right now? Do I truly acknowledge and want to feel in my own body we are made of the same essence and sensitivity or am I holding on to a hurt? Do I let all men truly in?
This is such a beautiful realisation to come to that: “men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are”. Just imagine if we all lived with this knowing from young. I can feel that the life we have been living, often in separation to each other, would be replaced by a life of true equality.
I love your take on gender equality and how you carefully looked at how you are in the world, that is an honouring of oneself and each other in all aspects of life and that we all have a responsibility how we are with ourselves and others.
‘When I stop expecting men to act in a certain way and then feel hurt when they don’t, I start living the preciousness of the woman and the human being I am’. I can so relate to this sentence. Being in a new relationship I can feel the expectations I can have of how I expect a man to be with me and treat me with a certain level of care and tenderness that I may not necessarily treat myself.
This is such a powerful blog and holds so many keys for every woman to explore. It is so easy to look at what men are or are not doing in relating to women. But how often do we look at our part in it? This blog shows just how much we can undermine having an equal relationship by the way we choose to relate to men. Being like the men has been tried and just doesn’t work. It’s time for us to be ourselves, to appreciate all that we are as women and not needing any approval. This appreciation of our worth is gift enough in itself.
‘Honouring my true worth as a woman has completely changed how I feel about myself, and how I hold myself as a woman in the workplace and in life.’
One of the main reasons women rally as ‘feminists’ to equate to the right of men if due to this lack of value in who we are being enough. Women will no longer need to prove their worth through what they do when they acknowledge the power of their simple being-ness.
Equality begins with at the very least accepting we are completely equal in essence.
We have got so used to living with inequality in the world that for many we dont have a full awareness of what the world would be without inequality at all. Hence how important honesty is as this helps to unfold the real intentions behind our ingrained behaviours and patterns.
Before we lift a finger to blame others for any inequality we experience, it’s so vital as you’ve shared Adele to look at our own part to play… Belittling our own worth only gives others permission to do the same, but self-respect works in an identical manner.
“Having said all that, I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are.” I so agree – having two sensitive gentle adult sons – seeing them from when they were little boys one cannot fail to witness male’s sensitivity and gentleness. However – with both sexes – we are surrounded by advice to toughen up, be strong and not show our vulnerability. When inside we are all deeply loving sensitive beings, regardless.
On reflection I wonder if I hold myself as a woman as equal to a man. I think how I value myself and what I bring as a woman starts with my own self-appreciation and love.
Until we know ourselves from the inside out, connect to our inner heart, and stop being run by the movies and chatter in our heads, will be at the mercy of social archetypes that define us. This reconnection to wisdom is the beautiful and profound doorway that Universal Medicine presents for us… What an opportunity to start to know ourselves.
The beliefs that we hold can play out very subtly. It’s great to be a student of life and practice the art of observing our own behaviour in different situations. There is much to learn from the daily interactions we have with others.
Thank you Adele, I love that you simply look at where you can contribute to true equality instead of simply demanding it, or more so how you allow yourself to observe and be aware where you actually contribute to INequality to then being able to let go of these beliefs.
Gender equality is often seen as something for other people to get right, an expectation we have of partners, employers, families and communities. Brought closer to home, and as you have shared Adele, true gender equality is lived through every choice we make.
I think if we are trying to start to bring more equality to the relationship with men and women then to start at ‘gender equality’ already misses the mark. We would need to outline the value each have regardless of gender or race. Certain people, men or women bring a value that maybe specific to a gender but not from a gender. When I read this article I still see women pitted against men and so in that it brings nothing new. The awareness needs to come from an equality of expression, of quality and not saying women do things this way and or men do things this way. If we are looking at another gender and setting ourselves in comparison to that then we are locking into the ‘gender war’ which there is no winner to and no true equality in. This is about value and what value do you bring and in that appreciation and awareness you will start the see the same in others. The way back from gender equality is through you, how you are with yourself as a person.
“Do I always live this gender equality that has been known in my heart as an irrefutable truth?” Such a beautiful question and it feels to me like the only way to true gender equality, it is about living the quality we would like to have coming to us for and with ourselves first.
Living in equalness with all will inspire your young son to live in true equality with others.
I love the responsibility that you are calling for Adele and thus how it is in our own hands if we want to be treated as equal. Recognising the ways that I do not honour my equality and committing to changing these patterns has dramatically changed my experiences in all areas of my life but it is amazing how pockets of inequality in my thinking are constantly being exposed and so it is an ongoing process to root all these out and live from my deep sense of the equality of all men and women.
A very very important subject – as without equality there is no balance, and without balance there is no harmony or love-filled life. So , it is the key of all our problems, even so deeper than we can rightly think of. Do we live in a way that supports the whole (being it close family or a person from afar whom we don’t know) or are we basing our lives on ourselves, our individual lives (maybe a little around us)? Good question to ask..
Thank you Adele for being shameless honest and sharing were you were truly at in regards to gender equality. True change starts with honesty, as shown by you.. I am interested to know, how often we are lying to ourselves, that we are treating everyone equally, whilst actually we hold all those ideals, acceptions and thoughts in mind.. When we look from a honest angle we will know our truth and what to heal next. Are we living in true gender equality?
Thank you Adele for your sharing. I appreciate my equality with men more now than ever. The reason I can say that is by being part of the Student Body of Universal Medicine I have been fortunate enough to have access to the teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon of the Ancient Wisdom that shares the fact of the equality of Men and Women. How could we not be equal when we are all made from the same source of Love. We are not here for the pleasure of men, we are here for the Evolution back to Soul.
There is so much here to explore with the bucket loads of beliefs we can still carry about the words ‘gender equity’. Throughout history we have been bombarded with the media images of how we have not been treated equally from the outer always seeking blame and excuses for why we are not living our natural potential. Thank you Adele Leung for bringing the basics back and the responsibility that starts with us all.
I could not agree with you more Adele; our attitude to gender equality certainly does begin with me. Our choice to treat everybody with genuine equality is the key and the choice is ours.
Yes it is actually so simple and I love that simplicity.
‘Indeed, if as women and as men we now take responsibility without delay and live and express the love that we are, then we are truly here for each other.’ Well said and very true Adele, your blog is a gem and exposes the many different ways as women we can hold back around men or give our power away – claiming and living who we truly are is deeply healing and supports us to express our love to everyone equally.
What you share here is deeply beautiful, gender equality is the true way we know we can relate, it is the knowing we are equal in essence and can live from that.
“. . . I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel.” That is such a powerful statement Adele and I only can agree as it is also my personal experience. Since I have deeply understood this fact men are much more open with me and often they do not understand why.
‘…and men meet me back with constant beautiful surprises confirming that they are everything I know them to be.’
today I heard many men express how they adored women when women are being true to themselves, expressing their natural sexiness that comes through them in all they do. I got to see my relationships being ones where I’ve let my lack of self-worth run after men and allow abuse rather than saying no to abuse and giving the man the opportunity to join me in all I have to bring which is fun for us both. So it starts with me appreciating who I am as a woman and connecting with and allowing my true sexiness in all my expression.
This article is amazing. I’m getting how vital it is to honour myself as a woman and really live this in all my expressions. To not see how my putting myself down/my allowing of abuse feeds the energy that runs daily abuse against women, from the more extreme brutality to the discounting of women, is to be in denial of my responsibility in this. It’s so awesome to read how you’ve turned this around in your life by starting with your own treatment of yourself.
You provide some clear examples of how many women give their power away in the company of men, make ourselves lesser or don’t express fully. I like your definition of gender equality as not something to strive for, to equal in power or impact, but simply that it’s the knowing that our essence is the same, just that the expression of it is different.
Your comments about not waiting for someone else to value us before we value ourselves struck a chord with me. That was my younger years through and through. The freedom that comes from decision making when you stop looking outward for confirmation has to be appreciated in order to be sustained.
Thank you Adele, gender equality sits below the surface of polite and nice in ourselves and on others. There has to be a choice to look for it and to change it.
Polite and nice have no foundation whatsoever, they are veneered over the top of things and often over the top of some very ugly things. In truth they fool no one but because most of us are happy to go along with the majority and keep the illusion alive, we don’t call out these or any other false ways of being.
As a child and young person I knew this gender equality and felt the harm when it was not expressed however I can also see how I began to compromise myself when I went to boarding school and how I began to accept remarks and situations that upheld an underlying sexist belief. This must have taken it’s hold on me because a few years ago I was horrified to find what I was willing to put up with in this regard. It benefits us all to take a good look at what we are accepting as normal when in fact it is often separatist and even abusive and certainly harmful on all counts.
These words say it all Adele “Responding to the preciousness I feel within me stops the need to be rewarded by something outside of myself.” How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.” It is how I am with myself that determines this, it is our own responsibility.
There is no true reward that exists outside of us and if we are caught up in seeking reward from outside of us then the very fact that it is outside of us is an indication that it’s not a true reward.
It is very interesting to consider that if we want respect from anybody, we have to first have it for ourselves otherwise our lack of respect will be reflected back to us. The only way to have equality is to first have it for ourselves.
When we accept responsibility as a way of life we have to look at all the hidden ways in which we avoid responsibility.
“..men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are..” This is the summary and the solution to any gender differences.
I love the responsibility and honesty in which you write Adele, it gives much to think about.
Adele this is a great blog that is addressing some key factors that is stopping us both men andwWomen from being equal with each other. Accepting each other for who we are and what we each bring. This sentence jumped out at me – “When I stop expecting men to act in a certain way and then feel hurt when they don’t, I start living the preciousness of the woman and the human being I am. Responding to the preciousness I feel within me stops the need to be rewarded by something outside of myself.” This is GOLD.
I have so much awe and appreciation for men. There are many men in my life who have chosen to say yes and support the both of us in expressing back to our greatness—to not hold back honesty, truth, tenderness, equality, respect and love. I am also in deep appreciation and awe for myself in choosing to step out of the way, not perfect but always willing.
If I start talking to someone and I can’t feel their true essence, I know I haven’t opened myself up to them from my own equal loveliness first, because if I did, there is no way that they would be seen as less than me, and my expression to them would reflect that equality. So when I do that, my question to myself is, why am I holding love back here?
That is a beautiful observation Julie. I agree the responsibility always come back to us. Every reflection that we see means something, and to read it further brings understanding.
When I hold me in the beautiful essence of the women that I am, it has an impact onto men. It is beyond the sexual attraction and it offers a meeting point where we can explore more, that goes far deeper from where a honest conversations is possible. There is so much more to discover, and we women hold the key to our reunion in gender equalness.
This is such an interesting point you have made about charging that same amount of money for your services as men. I am aware there is a global problem of women not earning as much as men, and I know in this country there is the issue of women being on lower pay scales than men whilst doing the same job., and I love the way you have nominated this as a being partly our responsibility and something for us to act on to bring about gender equality. Normally the view is that it is a mans’ world and therefore their fault, however we are equal in the responsibility for this situation as we have allowed it to happen. The message is clear that women, as well as men, need to play their part in balancing this out by not giving their power away and truly valuing what they bring to a work place.
When we truly seek to know ourselves as we are in our essence we find many layers that have obscured the truth of who we are. I find it forever amazing how in the past I would have fooled myself into making excuses for not seeing the truth – when it was right in front of my eyes. As you say Lucy we take a choice to ‘look a little deeper to see what was there to be seen and felt’ and this is a choice that will never be regretted as we come to acquaint ourselves with our true selves and begin to unfold.
Your blog Adele would serve well as a new chapter for University courses in Women’s studies. From the repression of women, to the 1960’s movement of feminism, to now, the new era of women and gender equality. The understanding in your blog offers the way forward in gender equality for humanity.
Expressing our life back to truth is very humbling, the gloriousness and deep beauty that we all are in-truth is humbling to feel when lived, for we are here in commitment to this life, knowing we are not from here and life is not about encasing what is here.
How can I not have found this blog till now Adele?! I will have to come back to read more comments. Today I can feel how it will be interesting to peel a layer back off my eyes and see how I see myself and the world. If there is an equality in how I am with both men and women, with myself and with others. As you say right from the start of your blog, it took a choice by you to look a little deeper to see what was there to be seen and felt.
Reading your blog Adele invited me to ponder that although I consider myself to treat all equally whether I may have a level of preconceived ideas to do with how men or women should be treated differently. I realised that I am still learning to treat men with the same openness, love and appreciation that I have for women. I find you writing ‘live and express the love that we are, then we are truly here for each other.’ Inspiring in this regard. To work on expressing the love that I am to all and not stepping behind the protection of a role I have played before when with men or women, remaining tender, sensitive and open feels like true equality. Thank you.
Reading your blog Adele is really inspiring me to live what I know is true. It is sometimes too easy to know it all in my head but living it, claiming what I know is true, really brings joy to life.
“How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.”
These words Adele, are so true, as our deeply sacred and still essence remains untouched even when another treats us with disrespect. When we fully accept and claim this essence, men can’t help but feel and honour that choice.
This blog touches me deeply and inspires me to not let the reaction of people and the state the world is in be an excuse to not live my truth. Also I have been expecting certain behaviour and understanding from men without fully living what I am asking for. It is like I want everybody to make it easier for me to become me and stay me but that is not how it works. It is definitely the other way around, only then can they feel me and have the opportunity to be inspired or not whichever way they choose.
It is beautiful to have opportunities every day for us to live deeper of who we are, as this is our life, it is our choice what we want from it. What is not easy is another such opportunity to evolve, Ilja yes that is inspiration without even intending it to be.
Ilja I can relate to what you write here. I know I always want to live being me, but I still use other people’s behaviour as an excuse to hold back. This way everyone misses out. The absolute truth is not expressed and the loveless behaviours have yet another opportunity to lay dormant, unexposed.
Well said Jenny. I was amazed this morning when I realised how much I still hold back in my relationships, especially with men. I can also see how I am opening up and willing to be more open and trusting and this brings an expansive feeling where I can feel joy hovering round the edges and sometimes even bursting through.
There are a few men that come into my centre to drop off or pick up their children and when you really look at them and address them by their name, their whole body changes. Their eyes light up and they leave with a bounce in their step.
So simple, we are just walking breathing living magic, inspiring the same in everyone else.
This shows so obviously what a difference opening up to people without playing a role can make. We all want the same thing: a joyful and harmonious life. So why do we constantly mistrust each other and fight being the first one to change the game?
What an incredible blog. I must say that this blew my head off , a little, or maybe more, because it was quiet a painful reflection to read this blog, as this touches within me how I have lived in inequality , expecting the world to be different and in harmony. I can feel how much the ideals and beliefs I have held onto in my life have caused this disruption (disharmony, inequality). Thank you so incredibly much Adele for writing this. It truly moves me as I trust it does others. Making sure I look at my behaviors in life that actually cause this disharmony is the way for me now. Now I choose to look at all those areas in my life where I have not stood for equality. I make my living way now a way that is in equalness with all – no matter which gender!
This is another one of your inspiring blogs Adele, I too have been working on being with men the same as I do with women. I am now able to express openly how much I love my men friends, where as before I would hold this back for fear of being rejected or taken the wrong way. It has taken me a long time to break free of the ideals and beliefs that men are some how different to women when in fact we are all the same in essence.
Mary-Louise, the heart in its freedom simply encompasses all equally, when we choose to, our bodies can reflect the same in movement with everyone.
We use gender to create separation, constantly. The heterosexual ideology imposes on us that a relationship between men and women always has to have sexual connotation, being it attraction or non attraction. What you share here is super beautiful as it cuts the belief of being defined by our differences and shows clearly that it is our essence that matters and not our physical form.
Comfort is a big illusion in holding back the expression of truth. Niceness or harshness expressed between men and women is a cushion that prevents communication and connection to go deeper and it is extremely uncomfortable to feel, because there is no relationship in this. Relationship is not defined by our genders or sexual connotations but by whether we choose to deepen in our communication and expression or not.
Wow Adele. Your blog is super inspirational. Reading this bit it made me wonder about how I am around men as well – “I now commit to looking men in their eyes equally to how I naturally hold my glance with a woman I meet on the street or in the elevator. I don’t dress differently when it is men I am meeting, no matter who they are, expressing what my heart feels exactly, in all vulnerability and power, in all silly-fullness and seriousness. The freedom experienced in not holding back is simply amazing.” its something super great to note. That not just men have the responsibility for gender equality. But so to do women.
Emily I have come to realize that the true freedom in life begins first with the freedom in our body and its movements.
This is such a beautiful offering Adele, for each one of us to begin asking how we live gender equality in our day to day lives, with out a need for things to change or a fight against what we know is wrong. Naturally being responsible for this individually is such a simple way to make changes. I know that when I began looking at this myself, I was amazed at how different I acted around men compared to women, it was actually quite shocking and very uncomfortable to admit. Becoming aware of this has allowed me to make changes and actually develop greater relationships with men (and women) in all walks of life. I also relate to the expectation of wanting men to treat me a certain way, but again this needs to start with the way I treat myself. So anything we do not feel is right in the world, we can bring it back to us, and live the change we would like, and from there inspire others and show them another way…
Laura yesterday although my day did not seem particularly wrong, I had an interesting experience, as my body was not telling me the same thing. What I saw was the comfort which was accepted as normal, but the truth that my body told me was otherwise. What we do not see as challenging could simply be that our comfort is not allowing us to see it. When I went deeper with my encounters yesterday, there were 3 incidents when men spoke to me, they were extremely loud, and being aware of that, my response was to carry on speaking with my natural voice with them and what I felt then was coming back to the harmony of tenderness, 2 of the men immediately spoke more gently or stopped. This brought me to a deeper realization to be more gentle to myself and to not hold back in expressing this gentleness to others.
What came to me reading your Blog Adele, is the way, as a man, I treat men differently holding back the huge amount of love, warmth and affection that I have, and also the lovely, silly playfulness. Hmmm on reflection I also do that with certain women, but what I’m curious about is why men treat each other differently to when they are with women, there is a competiveness that is there, and also strongly held ideas and beliefs about what a man should be like in the world, when a man publicly shows the absolute tender, super sensitive and vulnerable being he is, it often makes other men feel very uncomfortable, as they feel that in themselves too. Its like the man showing his tenderness is giving the game away, exposing how men truly are, breaking down the false façade that we men project of being rough and tough.
Adele an awesome blog, and Thomas, I just love what your share here, great to break it down as you have done so very beautifully.
mmm true Thomas. I can see this also. But I can also note that women do that with other women as well. Most compare and judge so there is a lack of equality between women when they meet. Its interesting to note that equality should be with everyone- not necessarily the opposite sex.
When a man shows his tenderness he is not only giving the game away , exposing how men really are, he is also exposing many of the women and how they are not living the tenderness they innately are.
This is so true Mary-Louise. Sometimes the three men in our household hold more tenderness in their bodies than what I do and I feel so exposed. I can feel a real sadness within me as I share this.
So much to thank men and each other for—not holding back is the greatest gift we can offer each other in evolution.
I can imagine it can be very confusing for boys/men growing up and being aware of their own tenderness and believing they have to hold it back because they live in world where in some countries homosexuals are not safe and are in general met with ridicule and aggression, probably out of fear of being identified with them. True strength lies within embracing all that we are.
The tenderness in men is natural but it is not allowed to be expressed very outwardly without judgement in society. There needs to be a deeper awareness in even more tenderness when communicating with men, just as there needs to be a deeper awareness in appreciation and confirmation when communicating with women.
Men are so naturally tender and naturally this wants to be expressed, yet this is seldom reflected back from men in general; women are naturally delicate, but this is also seldom reflected back from the world, it is knowing everything we are but missing the reflection of truth in the world. Yet holding the world in ransom for the lack of reflection for something we know to be naturally true but have not lived, is the inequality we express and see expressed back.
The harmony, deep love and true support that’s available between women and men is a joy to behold, as we choose to let go of our strongly held ideas and hurts about the other. Men and women alike have used each other to fill the emptiness we felt inside, and or to fit into a picture of a happy life (i.e. having a family and children), or for sex and intimacy Etc. Then we blame the relationship and the other person when this happy picture does not work out, and yet do we stop and ponder, to look ourselves and what we were bringing to the relationship, were we full of self love and appreciation or simply looking to fill the disconnection and emptiness and hurts we felt?
“As a woman I had accepted that in male/female relationships I had to give more, understand more, allow more and accept more compared to my male partner. When I stop hanging on to the belief that men cannot be as understanding, allowing, accepting, or giving because of their past hurts, what I allow is a much greater love to be expressed; and men meet me back with constant beautiful surprises confirming that they are everything I know them to be.”
This is gorgeous Adele, when women and men let go of all the pictures, ideas that we hold the opposite sex in, also our past experiences and hurts, and truly meet and experience the other in all their tender beauty and rawness, this is a glorious moment, as both sex’s heal our hurts, this becomes more and more possible, this is equality.
For women to meet men looking them directly in the eyes is a huge healing for us men, growing up in the UK this was a very rare occurrence, and it felt like a rejection from women, when a women truly meets a man in this way, it is very difficult for the man to make the women less or objectify her in a sexual way.
I know that too Thomas, to experience being looked in my eyes by a woman is a great healing as when this happens I can feel the protection walls in me going down and through that I can feel the same sensitivity and tenderness in me and that in that I am equal to a woman. As you say this is not a common way of interacting with each other in our societies, as there is more the tendency to avoid looking and meeting each others with the eyes and it is also the way I have been grown up. By this way of interacting we avoid to come in contact with our true selves and to enjoy the deep intimacy that looking in each others eyes can bring.
hmh. Thanks for sharing Thomas. I had no idea… often I’ll glance a man in the eyes but then quickly look away when I notice that they have seen me. Not sure why I do this, but I have been playing with it more and more and noticing when I do to see what’s going on when it does happen.
Thank you for sharing this Thomas. Reading your comment made me realize how much I hold back when I pass men in the street projecting all my beliefs and hurts on them and how afraid I am that I myself or someone else might get the wrong idea. I understand now how important it is to stay present and make eye contact when I engage with men and how healing this will be for both of us.
When we truly look into another’s eyes, there is just family beyond gender, color, nationality, religion, we are simply family.
Adele thank you for your courageous and revealing blog, exposing how women can feel less or in competition with men, it is very helpful and educational as a man to read this, and helps me understand some of the power struggle’s and competitiveness that play out between men and women, and brings an awareness as to what’s beneath these dynamics.
Thank you Thomas, likewise it is truly helpful and educational for a woman to hear what you have shared from a man’s point of view. Only recently have the men in my close family began expressing more of how they feel, and it was truly eye opening, as it has hightlighted how different our ways of thinking and communicating are; what was the most eye opening in such experiences was none of this has been expressed before and so only now do we have clarity and a deeper understanding of each other. There is so much that men and women can express together to return to our innate equal greatness.
I love your blog Adele it clearly highlights the gender equality that still exists in society and the role I play with it all. I know there can be a holding back in me as well when I relate to men, I am not honouring my grace and beauty and holding men in the same way I do women – this is due to my past hurts and not wanting to give men the ‘wrong’ idea. This is something I am working on in my life of bringing the fullness of me to all situations and your blog is a great sharing that invites me to take this to a deeper level.
Anna, this is something that a lot of men and women do, holding back their grace and beauty so they don’t give anyone the wrong idea. It is crazy how we choose to hold back what we all crave the most, true connection.
This is a beautiful blog Adele, there are so many beliefs we hold about who is ‘stronger’ ‘better’ when in fact we all come from that same source and can all express the tenderness we truly are and acknowledge that tenderness in both the men and women in our lives as well as our own.
It is about acknowledging that we are already everything, not different to anyone in essence. With showing that in our everyday lives, we start to live it, which will inspire all to look at what true equality is.
Benkt, a Son of God on Earth—I like that, putting it on my next namecard.
Wonderful Adele I love your amazing blog because it so much needed to express what you shared. I love every single word you wrote and I hope that many men and women will read it because for me it is an absolute love letter to us all. “Indeed, if as women and as men we now take responsibility without delay and live and express the love that we are, then we are truly here for each other.” Is it not that what we are all looking for this deep inside of us? Therefore it is a choice each of us has to decide – will I live with more harmony or will I keep on with bashing myself and others.
It is easy to get caught into the gender divide and infer a whole series of reasonings about women, men and their relationships as if this were the truth about women and about men. We can stay at that level and work on it (without denying that there is a lot of things in the world of ours that denies the fact that genders are different expressions of the same source). Gender equality discussions are usually about solutions to what is felt and lived as unfair. Yet, the true equality knows no gender restrictions and can only be carried out if we accept and appreciate that we are all divine, equally so and what happens to you in one life has to be related to your experience in previous lives. The claiming of equality always starts with oneself.
Men and women each have their obvious differences, strengths and expressions, but really beyond this, it is love that is the same common denominator in both and this is what equalises both men and women.
Hear hear Johanne – love is the common denominator. It is up to us to live it.
Great blog Adele. I know that if I stop expressing from past hurts it allows me to feel equal not only with men but also women. Thank you for sharing.
In truth- in Soul we are genderless. We have created such separation amongst us where there need be none.
Once we have ironed most of the creases out of the gender that we live, it seems to me that there would be little difference between men and women. Understandably, our physical characteristics are different, but essentially our essence and ensemble of qualities would be very much soul determined. If the creases I mention are our ideals and beliefs that formulate our gender roles and differences, if they have, in most part, been healed or cleared then it would be soul relating to soul. This is where we are going and this is the relationship of the future for humanity and for a growing number of people, it is the relationship of today.
Yay ! Best way to be within relationship – soul relating to soul. Our physicality would be different yes, but we would all work in together.
‘If the creases I mention are our ideals and beliefs that formulate our gender roles and differences, if they have, in most part, been healed or cleared then it would be soul relating to soul. ‘ I love that Matthew. Whenever I am at one of the events in The Lighthouse I get to experience how things can be between men and women and it is so amazing and wonderful. I have come to understand how big my own role and responsibility is in leaving it the way it currently is or moving forth.
Matthew, relating to our own Soul and deepening this relationship, then naturally this Soul relationship is opened with another, there may be Soul to Soul meetings–what Joy, there may be Soul to non-Soul meetings–what evolution.
Adele I love what you have shared: ‘I realised that I was still holding myself back in how I was expressing with males’ and the points in the adjoining paragraph.
There are so many subtle ways this happens, I’m go to spend more time observing what they are for me. I can feel the joy and freedom when you say ‘expressing what my heart feels exactly, in all vulnerability and power, in all silly-fullness and seriousness. ‘ Yah to not censoring myself around different people – there is no play-fullness in that I know that from 50 years of lived experience and I’m done with that choice. I’m choosing all of my expression however that is in my heart in the moment.
Sandra I have recently started expressing exactly what I feel to my parents without holding back as well as without reaction and I have now experienced a freedom that I have not allowed myself to have for as long as I was born, but so true, we are now done with these choices which hold us back in living who we are truly.
You have shared some profound insights into gender equality here. Thank you.
Great blog Adele. Your line -‘ a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are’ really stood out for me. When we choose to live the truth of who we are and see that equally in another, male or female, then we come to know and live true equality.
As has your comment got me pondering, Eva. I would like to think that I respect gender equality but when it comes down to the fine detail I am not sure that, as yet I am not without some form of bias. When I am feeling insecure I am sure I may inadvertently lapse into an old pattern that has shades of feeling needy and it is then that I can be surprised by my own response to a situation. For me it is a process of refining and forever being aware that perfection is not our way of life on this planet. As I learn to be more gently with myself I let go of the need to use such forms of defence and reaction.
Susan you are spot on in highlighting the word detail, that is exactly how I feel too in living what we know. In consistency we go deeper as when one detail presents itself and is met, another detail will come to meet us. We are refining ourselves and what a joy that is.
It is us who make the difference and by that we can invite others to do the same.
Yes Michael, it starts with one that then inspires change in many.
Pay equity is still an issue in many countries. Lobbying en masse is useful, but if that effort is not backed by truly empowered women claiming their worth in the manner you describe Adele, it will take a long time to get to where we need to be.
Yes, it takes every one of us to live this equality in ourselves first and expect no less in life.
We all have a responsibility very true Victoria, and the greatest responsibility and simplicity is to be who we truly are in this life.
So true Victoria. I feel that is what the world is missing – truly empowered women claiming their worth. Without that, people can get away with no gender equality as women don’t see the problem as they don’t know what they are actually worth.
Amazing blog Adele – debunking beliefs and ideals about genders. Your question
“Do I always live this gender equality that has been known in my heart as an irrefutable truth?” is an opportunity for us all to reflect on how we are in fact living and come to a deeper honesty about our own approach to this important subject. It certainly got me pondering – thank you.
Watching my son and daughter grow and learning more about my husband and myself I have a reflection everyday of the deep equality we all have. I see this reflected also in the world I live, any differences, be in culture, religion, race or politics go only so deep. True equality also honours that we all bring something precious to life, something unique that we can express and support humanity with, I can feel that men and women symbolise and express something that the other gender has something to learn and be supported by, this truth will never take away the fact that we are all truly equal.
All the politics that surrounds the whole issue of gender equality does not actually do anything to bring equality between the sexes. It actually makes the situation worse by polarising opinions, because at the end of the day, if we come at it to fix it with ideological solutions i.e. stuff from our heads, we inevitably always come to a maze of dead ends with people wanting one thing and another bunch of people saying no. As you say Adele, the only way to truly come to gender equality is to nurture and embrace the love inside us and once that is our living way, inequality will not even be an issue that needs fixing.
Inequality is never the issue, the resistance to our own love is. When we resist our love, separation is actually what we want, and that is why the tactics towards gender equality have no true solutions, come on world, let’s be honest, we deserve this. Thank you Jinya.
Adele, this is a conversation changer ‘Inequality is never the issue, the resistance to our own love is.’ It leads to questions and conversations about what is love, why do we resist it and how do we reconnect with it and live it.
What you say Jinya is so true – the politics are used as a device to engender separation and to see the differences, rather than realising that underneath the outer manifestation we are all the same tender and loving beings needing to express our innate qualities with the rest of the world. And as Adele has previously said when we approach gender equality from a place of self nurturing as our living way the need for differences is dissipated.
It’s so true Jinya. …inequality will not even be an issue that needs fixing if we acknowledge and nurture the love that is equally inside us all, whether we are male of female.
Beautifully written Adele When I stop expecting men to act in a certain way and then feel hurt when they don’t, I start living the preciousness of the woman and the human being I am. – I wholeheartedly relate to what you have written here. I could also feel how I would hold onto this hurt it would hang in between and not allow me to be open to connecting with anyone.
I grew up not knowing what connection was, not knowing what being a woman meant from the lack of connection with myself. I chose to be born in a place where connection is not even a valid word–what does it even mean?
I was told recently by a friend that in the city that I live, even going through social media and liking something would be a battle of the thoughts–if a man likes an Instagram post of another woman, how would that make his wife feel? Would she be jealous? So the man would be in turmoil. Another person in the same dilemma on Instagram, is wondering if he could like another’s post, because if he did it might give that person too much fame, so better to just hold back and not express.
Equality begins with feeling the essence and connection we have with ourselves. With a choice to shut down this connection with us, it is also a choice to live separated.
As 1 billion people in the world population to have chosen to be born in this part of the world and to have disconnection and inequality accepted as normal, how can we afford to not live deeply the equality that we know is natural and true within us?
Adele, you are a true journalist capturing the nuances and everyday reality that millions of people are bound by with understanding, love and responsibility.
Adele, this whole blog is heralding in a true way to live with equality in gender relations. Discussing this without being imposing or judgmental will bring much needed love and understanding it will expose the truth that some will not want to hear but they will be able to feel the benefits of a true relationships.
Exactly Bernard Cincotta, the benefits of being a part of a true relationship because we are all equally loving and tender in our own unique expression of that. Such is the beauty of everyone’s equal and amazing love.
True Bernard Cincotta, most people run a million miles when they hear truth. We need to understand that truth is not our enemy, on the contrary truth is the only thing that truly works.
Recently I have opened up honesty in communication with men—even men whom I do not know very well. Being open in expressing without a need to be nice has been very new, and when doubts come in to convince me to go back to my old ways of expression, I am being very gentle to allow my body to feel the old imprints of inequality lived, but being clear on what I now choose. I can feel the shock not only when truth is heard, but heard expressed from a woman whom the expection was to deliver only safe and protected forms of expression.
Adele, this is amazing. I can feel the Earth moving and shaking with relief as you break some strong cultural norms where you live paving the way for millions of other to bring truth.
I love reading what you share Adele – that yes there is a difference in the physicality but the essence within these bodies are of the same quality.
There is a freedom which is more and more deeply felt of an equality that I am with myself, this allows a solidness but also flexibility in movement when expressed outwardly. I am now understanding Matt what it truly means to live equality.
This is an awesome article Adele, I don’t recall ever reading an article from this perspective anywhere…it is very revealing and I can relate to much of what you have shared.
I love your statement: “…deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel”. If we all as men and women embraced this and understood this there would only be equality in truth.
Very powerful blog Adele! You shared some very interesting and true points here. I feel there are so many beliefs in gender differences and how we should act out as men or women, it is super important to talk about all this and heal what is mis-interpreted and lived. As women we thought we need to act out like man to get gender equality but indeed we “out maled” them . In effect men didn´t know anymore how it is to live truly tender and fragile as a man towards a woman because of their maleness and since then the interaction became disharmonious. True gender equality must start right at the beginning- women must find a way to their stillness and nurturing back and men need to accept their tenderness and sensitivity and live it without seeing it as a weakness in its expression.
Yes Steffi, we tried to ‘out male’ the men and it hasn’t worked!
Steffi, yes we are all the Sons of God.
Love to re-read this blog Adele, so many little nuggets of gold. This line stood out for me today;
‘As a woman I had accepted that in male/female relationships I had to give more’. I see that I have held this belief too, and so always give too much which never felt right, but was the habit and pattern I had developed. Thankfully, that has turned around and these days, I just love giving to myself and I love sharing with others.
Awesome jacqmcfadden04, I reflected more on what you have shared–giving to ourselves is a natural thing, how did it become that we have to do it on special occasions or as a reward? We breathe to give to ourselves, that is a part of our born awesome birth right. When we take care of just being ourselves, the world will be taken care of too. When there is so much disconnection in the world today, does it not tell us what level of care and connection we are living with ourselves?
It is very interesting when we start to look more closely at our beaviours, how many of us have had the same experience.
Adele, I relate so much to what you have written. When in relationship and friendship with another male I would always try to be more or better or what I thought they wanted. I played up to them and played down so as not to provoke any jealousy. So exposing of where I was at in my relationship with myself. I have found that the more I develop a truly loving relationship with myself the more I am able to just be true and equal with all.
Absolutely Kate, the relationship we build with ourselves affects everything and I am truly enjoying my relationship here with you and with all in our comments.
I am really starting to appreciate men more and allowing myself to really see those in my life and that I meet at the moment. It’s so very lovely for them and me as I feel such a letting go inside me and I can feel that they also feel more open and surrendered, and there’s a natural flow of appreciation that I feel that I am now expressing to them.
This is beautiful Julie and relates to what Bernard Cincotta wrote just above, there is a two way healing going on, when we have a sense of who we truly are it is possible to also see another for who they truly are, this reflects back to us who we are and the reflections continue so on and so forth….. As you say there is something lovely about men and women meeting each other with appreciation and allowing of their respective essences.
To live with true gender equality we must see ourselves in our true light first and to honour and hold this in the tenderness that it deserves. We will then naturally be who we are around all others regardless of gender, equally and without question.
Adele, how powerful it is to know that underlying a man’s tough exterior is a caring, sensitive, understanding, and tender man he normally would not dare to admit. It takes a woman who knows herself to treat a man how he really is underneath and despite his exterior, to melt, to drop the false behavior, and to come back to himself, what a blessing for those around you. What an inspiration for this to happen all over the world.
Beautifully said Bernard
Bernard I have been very blessed to have met many men who are willing to show me their tender sides in our work and in daily encounters, and also men who will run a mile within my radar, which is all cool and everyone has their right to choose, but I will now no longer settle for anything less than expressing Truth, which is actually how we are naturally designed to be, no matter what our genders are.
I can certainly relate, or rather react to, the expectation that as a woman I have to give more. I’ve certainly done a angry huffing and puffing of resentment in doing more (or trying to actively do less or manipulate compensation by doing something and expecting something in exchange) but not being open and communicative. But most importantly, not valuing myself as an equal who has every right to be open and honest about what I feel is appropriate in relationships and communicating from a foundation of equalness.
This is a great point Karin. Being open and communicative is where it all starts, especially with ourselves. How can we possibly expect anyone to understand and consider our feelings when we keep them tightly guarded behind locked doors?
Adele what an amazing consideration to inspire in me – do I treat myself as an equal with men? I know the answer’s no, given my history of hiding as a woman. But what a great way of listing exactly what do I do and what are my beliefs that I act out and have reflected back to me. The depth that you uncover is brilliant – time for me to shine a light on beliefs I carry on with and ignore.
I agree Karin – ‘do I treat myself as an equal with men?’ is a brilliant question. The only way to make a change is to start with ourselves.
And I love the truth you share “Having said all that, I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel. As women and as men our love can only be true when we begin to accept and live this knowing.”
Wow Adele – this has given a few of my ideals and beliefs around gender equality a big shake up! Thank you – I now have a much better understanding of what this truly means.
Thankyou for sharing your evolution Adele so I can move forward in this area with more awareness. I felt that I also lower my work worth based on gender, and I loved the topic of having different expectations of men because of their hurts or abilities to express, yet this isn’t equality. Great opportunity to examine the gender differences and let them go.
Equality is like Truth, it only exists and is true when it is true with all and in all circumstances.
Thank you never seems to quite cut it when it comes to what Serge Benhayon shares with us all. The magnitude and breadth of his work and service is beyond what I could imagine but I see his work bringing me back to me in thousands of ways every day including this blog by Adele and other blogs inspired by Serge Benhayon. It is thanks to Serge Benhayon that I can appreciate and understand what Adele has shared in this blog, its profundity and importance.
Yes, Deanne, Serge takes it to a deeper level – our connection with our inner, our essence, and how this is expressed in daily life…and Adele from the inspiration of Serge Benhayons’ work, has raised a significant article here on gender equality in a way that I have not read about this subject in such a way. This is about true equality, that we are all the same – we feel and we are sensitive…and when there is permission in our society to live this, things will truly change. First this permission needs to come from us.. each of us in our lives and then with each other.
One day I heard Serge Benhayon propose that one of the ways women can hurt men is by women not honouring their sacredness and not feeling worthy of lovingly taking care of themselves. When I explored this, being a women myself, I was quite shocked as not only did it resonate as true I could see it playing out and on occasions when I felt more irritable I noticed I would lift heavy objects myself that normally I would not attempt to, it was an ‘I’ll do it myself’ attitude but underneath it was intended to hurt another. What also strikes me in this dynamic is how beautifully sensitive men are to feel when a woman is not taking care of herself, how deeply men do know the true essence and sacredness a woman naturally is and how much this is what men want for women.
It is absolutely harming when we are taught in the world that we have to care about others before ourselves, a given that we will not be in our sacredness without honoring our bodies. What is the most harming is we falsely call this love, when it is a guarantee that we will never be love to ourselves or to each other. When someone truly lives love, it could be judged as a million different things from being selfish to being weird, but we will keep loving no matter what they say, for this is the only way we will one day all know what the truth of love is.
When we stop and give ourselves a moment to really see another, their true essence is right there for us to see/feel, only when we meet them with our guards up in some sort of protection do we miss the real them, then the meeting is far less without the both of us being the love that we naturally are.
Holding the expectation over another to bring us what we are not prepared to bring ourselves can taint any and every kind of relationship, it can be a pervasive attitude that changes from situation to situation. Failing to be respected by another can trigger a reaction in a lot of people, I know at times it can trigger me if someone is disrespectful however if I am respect-full of myself there is far less room to be paralyzed by the hurt and there is space to bring the disrespect into relationship, have a conversation, understand each other and express in a way that respects both people. It is simple, when we don’t respect ourselves we don’t respect others and we miss out on connection with each other. Thank you Adele for writing about bringing first to ourselves what we expect and want of another – it has so many applications and its importance has never felt clearer to me.
Adele, what a celebratory blog to explore and bring detail to the honouring of men and women as equals.
I love reading a blog that comes back to simplicity and this is such one. The simplicity in holding all, male and female as equal. What stuck out in this blog to mw is making sure we hold ourselves as equal, for if we do not then we in turn receive our own medicine back and hold another accountable. Thanks Adele, it’s a very empowering blog that allowed me to feel the strength in holding myself as equal.
It is our expectations in relationship that is often what creates the unnecessary tension. We expect our partner to behave a certain way, but never do we directly express the fact – at least not at first. For so invested are we in not rocking the boat. And so we enter relationships with a degree of dishonesty from the outset, prepared to compromise in many ways for the sake of being accepted. Better to be honest from the start, and that starts by revealing all of who we consider ourselves to be.
Thank you Adam, I can certainly relate to having expectations of others, expecting them to act a certain way or deliver things to me based on how I’ve labeled the relationship. A great opportunity to let go of all expectation and allow all my relationships be just that – relationships. Equal across the board with the responsibility for how I feel about myself resting with me. I have to ask myself, are my relationships about me getting something out of them personally or about evolution for all?
Great point Melinda, are true relationships really about us as individuals? Or us as humanity?
Adam, you bring me to ask myself further, why do we even have expectations in relationship to begin with? For me, it is because I seek something outside of myself without wanting to give it to myself. I am looking for a male counterpart to fulfill me, when the truth of a true relationship with myself is to live the harmony of female and male first within. I have to be honest that until I live that, there will always be tension felt.
That is absolutely right Adele and I like the honesty you are presenting your perceptions about you. If you are in a true relationship where it is about evolution it is great to trace back these patterns of looking outside for fulfillment. Announcing these patterns and needs is super important and for me the absolute purpose in a relationship to make it true. It is not about being ” perfect” and without tension when you enter a relationship- things you thought disappeared can be triggered in a different way very easily and you can be very surprised what still has power onto you unconsciously. To be aware of your own tension all the time is crucial and very much evolving if you accept it and look underneath what is hidden.
Great point Steffi – I notice that when I allow myself to have a scenario played out in my head I can get caught up in the story and I also realise that I’ve lost connection with the outside world, I’ve become distracted and not very present with what I’m doing. So when this happens I try to stay very present with what I’m doing and whatever tries to play itself out can do so but in the background and I let it until it’s done. Sometimes it takes longer for it to leave and it might come back but I at least know how to not get caught up in these destructive thoughts and stories.
Yes Adele, the idea that what we need or crave has to come from outside of us is deeply ingrained – I know for myself I have felt that whatever came from others had a different and higher value than whatever it was I gave/did for myself.
Yes of course Adam, the expectations we place on each other have been implied but not communicated. Often both people avoid talking about these expectations and live with all the misunderstandings it causes. It is never too late to talk about expectations, and let go of what is not true and real.
Absolutely, and that is the beginning of a true relationship when we continue to deepen in communication. Implication and expectations not communicated are deeply harming..
And the interesting thing Adam is what are we afraid of rocking…? I feel the tension is also there because we measure how much we are willing to let the other person in and let loose the love that is constantly there knocking on the door to be felt.
“Indeed, if as women and as men we now take responsibility without delay and live and express the love that we are, then we are truly here for each other. Gender equality is what we know to be truly true between men and women: it is the true relationship between men and women that can be lived.“ Yes Adele, time to start living that and letting go of ideals and believes which has stopped us to love and appreciate each other.
Great blog Adele, Gender equality can has the potential to revolutionise and bring “the true relationship between men and women”
Johanne, it is natural that equality is the foundation of any true relationship.
It’s interesting how because as women we may not choose to do the same things that men do to prove themselves in the work place and in life, we automatically hold ourselves as less to them. If we try to keep up we put ourselves under unnecessary strain and concrete this belief even further. It’s so important to honour ourselves as women and what is possible for us, which may be quite different but just as valuable as what men have to offer. The age old battle of the sexes could transform into a mutual appreciation of our differences and true value if we choose to see that our all equal and that our contributions to the world differ depending on who we are.
Agreed Rebecca. Competing is insidious, it festers when there is no foundation of self appreciation, or understanding of the big picture of how we each uniquely fit a grander overall purpose and contribute to true brotherhood just be fully being ourselves. Gender wars make no sense when we are both so beautifully designed. Appreciation and celebration of ourselves and each other brings harmony – then we can really work together.
Adele your perspective on Gender Equality takes the topic to a far deeper level that I had considered previously, it also makes me ask myself how I am with women do I expect different things, how do I dress etc.. There are many more hidden aspects surrounding gender equality than I had appreciated.
Gender equality has been portrayed for many years as meaning that women could DO anything that a man could do and this is where it has all gone pear shaped. True gender equality has nothing to do with doing and all to do with being. Being who we truly are and appreciating what each person brings.
Adele, I love what you have shared here. I too notice sometimes that I hold myself back when it comes to men in case of how they react. I find myself being more reserved when smiling at them and it doesn’t feel great. I appreciate your comment of the fact that when we do this we are holding back all woman and men.
Just be prepared to catch the men when they faint Heidi, your smile is beautiful. 🙂
I have the same experience that I hold back when I look in mens eyes because I am always afraid that they could think I want ” more” of them. It is very often layered with this men/ woman attraction thing, which I want to avoid- just a pure “hello”. It is pretty silly if you look at it, because you cut off connection in you, and in effect live and connect only conditioned with everybody.
I find that confusing sometimes even though I’m slowly opening up to not measure how much love I can be with everyone without having to think about whether they misinterpret it or not. Love is love and is always and forever there between everyone, partner or no partner. It’s a shame if we do not celebrate a gorgeous connection just because we’re afraid of what they or others might think. Great for children as well to see this in adults so they can feel free to be the love that they are and not hold that back in any way.
‘Responding to the preciousness I feel within me stops the need to be rewarded by something outside of myself. How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.’ Very important sharing for all women and men.
Absolutely Iljakleintjes, that also brought me to a moment, “….how a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am” – is profound, as a woman there is true appreciation and love in her relationship with her self, that she is not governed by outside to define who she is…I deeply love this as I too am building this quality of preciousness in me. Then I don’t react to men or expect them to be a certain way with me…however in my preciousness I also feel what is naturally not ok and that I would respond too.
There is so much inequality in the world, and this is one of the most wonderful things about what Serge Benhayon presents, that we are all truly and fundamentally equal, that everything that he presents, the amazing wisdom and profound philosophical truth that is always there when he talks, is actually the way we all can be… Is simply a matter of choices in our life… This is totally inspiring
It sure is Chris, totally agree!
Thank you Adele it seems to me the world has gone mad for ‘equality and diversity’, legislation on this topic is found everywhere in most workplaces, most schools etc. yet I find this only pays lip service to it and is in-fact not getting to the real issue. Your blog is a great starting point to look at gender equality honestly.
So true Samantha, I hadn’t felt into all the hype around gender equality that is happening at the moment. After reading this blog and then your comment, it really exposed how people are aiming for it on the outside but not on their inside. In doing this the equality will forever be empty and never truly exist.
Adele what you have so honesty shared has made me reflect if I hold men in the same openness and love that I can now hold women.
And the truth is that there are pockets that I am still holding back even though I changed this to a very large extent with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Thank you for shining the light on going deeper with true equality as as each of us truly lets everyone in no matter what their gender then the world can truly begin to change!
Dear Adele, this blog is super important, as I can relate to all you share, and observing women all around, holding themselves as lesser to men. It’s a true healing to bring this fact out into the open with such clarity. We have a long way to go, working and exploring true gender equality, without having to be men haters or feminists, but calling it as it is, and starting with ourselves, honestly exploring just like you did; how do we truly value ourselves as women?
I love what you have expressed here Michelle. It shows so well that when I hold back around men it creates exactly what I wish to avoid, a relationship that is not honouring and I feel less. When we express in full as an equal, and deliver that truth with love, tenderness and honouring, a completely different story unfolds.
So well said Golnaz and I have experienced this too: “…when I hold back around men it creates exactly what I wish to avoid, a relationship that is not honouring and I feel less. ” Not a nice feeling and so I am practising to expressing without attachment to outcome so that the honouring of self and others can be present at all times.
Adele- after reading your blog on gender equality I am pondering on the ideals and beliefs I still hold around men being more superior and how I may be holding myself back.
Through your honest expression the true divinity and equality in all men and women and men can be felt “there is no difference in our ability to feel.” I agree the ability for all of us to feel and know, truth, love and responsibility is a choice away.
I agree Michelle, and very much relate and love the truth you deliver here.
Adele, I have never considered whether I hold men in equality. I’m looking forward to observing this in me tomorrow.
Adele, you have given us much to ponder. It was great reading the expectations you had around men and asking myself similar questions. I have come a long way in treating men equally as women, but there is always more to undo of the under the radar beliefs. I could relate to your belief that you have to do more than the man in a relationship. I have done this to death, so its great to see it clearly again.
What you have expressed Monica, is with everyone too, not just between genders—between parents and children, teachers and students, employers and employees etc. If we do not do what we say, can we truly ask another to follow suit—how true and equal are these relationships? Can we even call these relationships?
Thank you Adele, your blog is so honest and inspires me to be aware of how I interact with people. To be aware if I treat everyone equally or not, digging deeper and to observe the subtleties that may occur when I speak a man or a woman, a child or an adult, etc. It is when I am aware that I can then choose to correct what is not loving or encompassing equality. For me living in equality is about developing my awareness first and taking responsibility to live and express lovingly equally to all. This is a work in progress and your blog is super supportive and an awesome reminder for me to be develop true relationship with everyone I meet. To never put myself above or below another.
Thank you for the clarity of showing that the first step towards equality is within ourself. In fact by holding ourself unequal and in a caricature gender stereotype, we end up holding everyone else in a caricature stereotype as well. No one is untouched. We inadvertently impose this and encourage what we don’t want. I have found that whenever I make a move toward letting go of holding myself back and imposing on others, most people tend to respond in the same way in our interactions.
‘I know that I am ready to engage with presence and focus in any new spontaneous situation’. What a beautiful statement that shows your deep commitment Adele to love and to life no matter what comes your way. Your writing is inspiring as always. Leading the way.
A joy to read again Adele.
As you say ‘How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.’ – this is a great habit to break that many of us seem to take on as women. We are responsible for giving our power away or not. Your points on how you have started to look at your relationship and comparison to men is very honouring to you as a woman, and another big part of that is to stop thinking men play certain roles, but rather recognise them for the equal tenderness they are.
How absolutely amazing and needed in our society.
I love this line; ‘ ‘How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.’ When we women live from our sacredness, there is no giving our power away, but rather we see how every single person on this planet is sacred and divine.
I love this jacqmcfadden04, when we women live from our sacredness, there is no giving our power away, but rather we see how every single person on this planet is sacred and divine. Absolutely.
No man has ever acted in a way that has enabled me to feel either precious or my own preciousness. It has taken me until now to start to get a hint of my own preciousness and it has come about as a direct result of treating myself preciously. And having started to feel my own preciousness I now know that nobody else could ever conjure up this feeling in me, it is something that only I can go in towards and access.
Thank you Adele. ‘Holding back as a woman with men is holding myself back as a human being. Ultimately it is a holding back of all women and all men.’ Reading this stopped me in my tracks as I realised that holding back like this has been another way to play it small. I can see there are several ways I still do this – it is a game I have been playing that affects everyone. So great to see this for what it is now.
I do this also Jane and had not looked at it as playing small, thank you for bringing awareness to this.
It is a great list to ponder on to see if we as women have been treating ourselves with the respect and equality that we want. Thank you Adele.
‘Holding back as a woman with men is holding myself back as a human being. Ultimately it is a holding back of all women and all men.’ I agree Adele, and I can feel how I also still hold myself back at work and ask myself; why am I still falling for this old habit…..the belief that if I fully stand in my power as a women, I will be to much, really has to go….
Awesome blog on gender equality Adele. This sentence stood out for me today; ‘ Honouring my true worth as a woman has completely changed how I feel about myself, and how I hold myself as a woman in the workplace and in life’. I can see that I am not fully honouring or valuing what I bring as a women to my workplace….. and I can feel how that impacts the quality of what I do. This is a blog, I will be returning to, thank you so much Adele for sharing this wonderful blog.
Beautifully said Adele’ …. I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel. As women and as men our love can only be true when we begin to accept and live this knowing.’
Agreed Jenny, it is so lovely also to feel men expressing in the same tenderness, sometimes even more tender then other women. It is very very powerful and breaks down the stereotypes we have built up for both men and women – bringing us back to true equality, just different bodies/expression that can support and complement one another.
What a great question to ask, Adele. ‘Do I really live this gender equality that has been known in my heart as an irrefutable truth?’ Predominantly my past energy has been directed towards trying to change perceived unequal gender situations and expressing about perceived injustices, but not truly feeling all of me in my true essence first, to allow me to truly feel the equality of us all.
What you have written, Adele resonated with me. I feel that I have often been more concerned about being ‘in control’ of a situation, rather than detaching and bringing me in my gorgeous, playful fullness to that situation. How duped I have been. The truth is inside me all along. Just be the awesome love that I am and express from my true essence and the space is given to others to feel this amazing, loving equality we all share; male or female.
In connection to that essence we naturally feel our equality with others, and all illusion falls away.
Wow! you wrote a Gorgeous blog Adele. There is so much in this to read over and over.
I love how you are appreciating the essence of both women and men here as being one and the same.
“I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel. As women and as men our love can only be true when we begin to accept and live this knowing”.
Thank you Adele, this provides much food for thought about how we see and treat men and women differently in our own lives.
Yes Carmel, it is much ‘food for thought’ as just in treating each other differently is already the inequality, because behind that is all the beliefs/ideals/ even protective strategies that interfere in true equality. It is these beliefs etc that need to be challenged, so we can get to the truth – we are all equal within – we are sensitive and feeling.
”How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am”. This is something I use to get caught up in, I was always scaling myself down depending on how men acted. This is great for me to read, knowing that how a man chooses to behave with me, I know that I am enough being the woman that I am and I don’t need a man to confirm this.
I love the points you make about how as a woman you expected yourself to be more understanding, more accommodating, more accepting and more giving then men and in this how it didn’t give them the space to express their love, it also builds resentment. I think many women can relate to this and I love how you have shared it so that we can explore it further in our relationships.
Hi Adele
‘I realised that I was still holding myself back in how I was expressing with males at certain times – there was a reservation on my side. Holding back as a woman with men is holding myself back as a human being. Ultimately it is a holding back of all women and all men.’
This is something that I feel is very common. We hold back but why? What do we fear? Being truly scene or being truly responsible or being hurt?
There is a part of us that holds back because we create a story in our head based on the gender of the other. Then when we do this no one gets to feel who we truly are and we all play the same game…. what if we let go and just expressed love without measurement? Imagine that!
Another revealing and awesome blog, Adele, I enjoyed very much to read. “Gender equality is what we know to be truly true between men and women: it is the true relationship between men and women that can be lived.” It made me realize deeply, that gender equality in truth is the equality of reflecting the essence of another human being, and how I can align to this equality more than to the plays and deals and holding backs and expectations that are played out between men and women. Very beautiful to see/feel. Thank you.
A great blog Adele and it has left me pondering. I do not hold myself equally around men as I do women. I’m not sure why I see men as different from women as I know that we are all humans. The case of my inequality seems to be that I do not view men and women equally.
I rarely perceive men as anything other than loving, playful and tender people. Sometimes a man may not express in that way due to hurts and protection same as with women. Very often the bigger tougher and scarier appearing men and women are actually the most sensitive and hence feeling the need for that protection.
Exactly so Nicola – the harder and tougher the exterior the bigger the hurt and of course the protection too. When we feel beneath this, beautiful beings with big hearts often emerge.
I have never really had this man woman thing in the same way as I often read about from others. I have always simply felt I was a person with a heart the same as every other body and not a specific gender. Strangely enough I have had to go down a slightly different path to actually connect to the difference and that I am in a female body and what the means for my expression which has a different quality than the expression from a male body. However, it is always very clear to me that whilst there is a physical difference at essence we are all the same and from the one source.
You have broken this wide open so beautifully Adele, in essence we are all the same, it cant not be felt, we all feel and we all want to love and be loved.
I was initially feeling a sense of surprise when I connected to the depth and beauty within my male partner and this showed me just what a picture I held of how I thought men could and would express. The truth is that we are all completely equal, deeply loving and absolutely capable of communication and expression that is evolutionary for us all and when we receive this reflection we are touched most deeply as it is most profound and yet simply normal when we allow it to be our lived way.
Your words are so fresh and clear – it is a joy to read your blog Adele. Your honesty is beautiful as it allows us all the opportunity to allow the same honesty with ourselves and the way that in the past we may have used gender equality to suit our own agenda. As we learn to embrace gender equality from our truth we are building a world where comparison and jealousy will no longer be the way, and we will feel freer to express our innateness in the world and to be ourselves in our natural tenderness with both men and women.
A fabulous sharing Adele and very powerful. Many would feel inspired by reading this.
I can relate to how amazing it feels to look and engage wa quality and caringly with both men and women. This sentence stood out for me , ‘I now commit to looking men in their eyes equally to how I naturally hold my glance with a woman I meet on the street’
I use to shy away from looking at men and engaging but now I can feel how much all people appreciate being looked at in their eyes. A true blessing to be truly met.
Also I didn’t realise before that by not looking at men they were actually feeling rejected on some level- so it is far true to be standing as the true woman I am and engaging another for who the truly are rather than contracting myself out of fear incase if being hurt and then causing another to go into rejection.
We have an opportunity here to discover the magic of God in the bodies that we each have, the gender of our bodies gives us certain responsibilities towards our selves and the group of people in our lives, but it does not define the people that we are, as this comes from heaven, and so, we are naturally divine and our bodies are a gift.
I love that this is not all about women stepping up, but about both sexes being what they essentially, deep down already are. That is equality, as men have equally subjugated themselves to their roles (albeit that it looks like a more dominant one). This blog by Adele offers a healing to both genders, and clearly a step she is enjoying.
Enjoying alone and with others Simon with all its responsibility, vulnerability, joy and power—it is an invitation to all.
So true to share, as both men and women if we choose to hold back who we are for any reason, we do not stand equally together.
This is a great topic, Adele, thank you for this sharing. I have found it difficult to put out what I worth for myself in form of session prices or selling my products. This has challenged me very much in the past, and still does sometimes. As soon I am starting to questioning myself with thoughts like; Am I really worth that money ? With this I am questioning my own power that I am from birth on. I am that quality- without doing anything, because it is me. How can I make myself smaller than this power pack? I do notice these days when those thought wanting to get me that want to lower my self worth. This is the point where I just have to notice that this is the case, and to say NO this thoughts are not mine. They don’t match who I am, so I do not let them in. The connection to this power that I am is working for me and I do trust into it, no matter what happens.
Love the truth of this sentence Adele. “How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.”
Oh – awesome realisation – and I would say that goes both ways equally so, and yes one to remember.
Gender Equality is possible when men are willing to embrace their innate nature of tenderness and gentleness and for women to honour their bodies and the delicateness within them so there is no need to compete or to feel that one gender is better than the other as it is all about honouring each others individual qualities.
Well said Francisco we are all equal in essence and Im sure our individual qualities have been orchestrated that way so that we complement each other.
I love this Joe – “…our individual qualities have been orchestrated that way so that we complement each other.” So true and when this is in true expressson, what awesome connections can then be felt.
This is beautiful and simple Francisco, what you share here is that when we connect to the very essence of who we are which is love, we feel the qualities innate to us which naturally present and from here – how can there be anything other than equality between us all?
Yes Francisco I know what you mean.
The key is to deeply honour our own bodies first without competing or comparison based on gender and from there we can respect each other.
Beautifully expressed Francisco.
Brilliant comment Francisco, I say yes to that. By honouring and appreciating ourselves and each other this enables the development of a deeper connection and will bring equality into any relationship.
Responsibility of self and responsibility of group lived becomes responsibility in the world—The way to go is the way to return. Awesome Francisco.
Beautifully expressed Francisco, this is true equality.
Awesome Adele, what you have shared on gender equality …. “that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women..” is gold, its just that we have expressed this essence behind the veneer of expectations, norms and beliefs of what society constitutes a male or female to look like. Your blog is a great start to bringing truth to gender equality.
And to delve into the truth of our equal sensitivity being about our ability to read situations and be all-knowing when it comes to energy and life arms us with the tools of knowing we are all very wise. This understanding supports us to let go of the games, manipulation and control that can take place in relationships and workplaces as we have an integrity and sense of respect to uphold and present when engaging with anyone.
Great comment Johanna. I’d like to highlight the word ‘expectations’, this alone, creates a barrier in relationships, if there are barriers there is no equality. By creating expectations we are essentially feeding our hurts and from our hurts we then don’t have to feel who we truly are. It’s a harmful setup really and one that I am very familiar with but working on letting them go. To not create any barriers in any relationships in my life but to allow myself and others space to just be. To accept, value and appreciate myself and others.
Yes, I agree Johanne and it starts to shatter some of the false images of what men and women should look like.
Thank you Adele for your honesty and exposing how few are living in true gender equality and I am certainly not one of them but feel inspired by what you write to deeply examine the ongoing beliefs I have that stop me from truly being open to treating all other human beings in true equality.
So true Helen, i love your honesty and you have also said something very important deeply examine the ongoing beliefs I have that stop me from truly being open to treating all other human beings in true equality. We need to start with self responsibility first…
I appreciate much of this blog and in particular the following quote, ” How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.” I’m sure all men have experiences being pressured into acting a certain way and then really wanting to act the opposite way. The fact is men are equally as sensitive as women and this can work both, ways where we can be very reactive and stubborn and when a woman does not invest in how we behave or even what we think, there is such a great pressure release and it allows us to become very accountable for our own behaviour. Thank you for your leadership in claiming this Adele. Of course being a true man means being accountable no matter what pressures are acting on us. and this is certainly the work in progress.
Wow Adele this is so true and so needed in the world. Thank You for expressing this so clearly. With love Nadine
Great insights Adele, essentially-so highlighting the aspect of the worth of self as a woman through deep care and respect, and in this allowing this same quality to return back to you by those you meet including men. The way we hold ourselves, is the way we are held.
Very inspiring Adele. Gender equality starts with each of us and I love how you have broken it down to bring more understanding to how it all plays out, especially when we hold ourselves back, the full and true woman that we are.
Wow it is truly amazing that all we miss is ourselves! Thank you for sharing Amina, how we are each our own saviours!
Amina, one of the things I realized as a woman is I do not have to do it all by myself. Holding another responsible for their part and connecting no matter what, is a way to meet myself and another too. If another do not choose this responsibilty, so be it, but doing everything by myself is a given that I am not honoring me, and asking for support is very liberating and inspiring experience, we are powerful.
Adele – you bring up a very interesting perspective here – for decades women have fought the war of inequality – pay being one factor of this. And yet I can say the same as you that I have valued my rates as less than my male counterparts.
Your decision to stand firm and change your rates of pay to reflect your worth is huge – and perhaps if women claimed this in them selves in every area they work in, it would not feel like such a huge gap on inequality – because perhaps that gap is created from the self doubt a woman has to begin with.
So beautiful Adele, you have raised some very great ideals and beliefs that we can get caught up in, I know I had adopted some of what you have shared. But I also have been myth busting them a lot also. What I mean by that is bringing more awareness to how I am when around men, so to make different choices and to really back myself. This has been quite life changing, really appreciating what I bring and also what are the qualities men inherently bring, ie. they are not the stereo type male macho tough guys that society has told them they need to be, but so much more.
‘When I stop expecting men to act in a certain way and then feel hurt when they don’t, I start living the preciousness of the woman and the human being I am’. This is so true Adele, when we hold this expectation over men/others it is holding them as less and really saying, I hold myself as less than. I am learning that who I am does not ever depend on another’s ways or behaviours, they are their own and I can choose to stay steady. The way has always been open, for me to choose me and my sweet, sweet love, first and foremost, it is after all, who I am.
The awareness you offer here Adele is very beautiful and appreciated.
The question that came for me is “do I treat, honor and appreciate the equality in me that matches the divine I come from”? At every possible moment from here forward I know this is a glorious purpose and thank you for opening up the question.
This was a very revealing sentence Adele, “When I have been with men in friendly and professional settings I have had the expectation of being treated with more care and attention, like gentlemen treat women”. What I realised was that with the ‘good manners’ young boys are taught, and that the English have held as pretty sacrosanct until the last 40 years or so, this expectation we can set ourselves up for reaction when we don’t receive it. However, I still find it lovely to have the door held open for me, it can be an opportunity for an intimate moment, and even lovelier when it is from an honouring of the woman, rather than done only because it is the polite thing to do.
Rosanna, at times I find myself being surprised when men are true gentlemen, because in our culture it is so not expected! When I felt and accepted the truth of how truly precious we all are, it is no surprise at all to be well-treated, in fact, it is actually a surprise that the whole world is not living this way with each other in its true fullness.
Going deeper from the initial shock is the deep question of why not?
When we see ‘she’ and ‘he’ as equal then we know that there is neither ‘she’ nor ‘he’ but both as One, within us all. The genders exist to reflect the duality that arose when we chose to separate from our true selves, our Soul. When we are able to express each gender in perfect harmony within ourselves, then we will understand that androgyny is our true gender. Gender equality is our path back home to this. Thankyou Adele, for beginning this much needed and long awaited discussion.
Love what you share in your comment Liane, especially the delivery and truth of: ‘When we are able to express each gender in perfect harmony within ourselves, then we will understand that androgyny is our true gender. Gender equality is our path back home to this.’
Thank you Liane for expressing the absolute truth in such a clear and accessible way.
Liane, I love how you have succinctly expressed the natural felt movement. Thank you.
Thank you Liane for bringing light to this. I have always felt this to be true.
I agree Liane, there is a necessary step that is about claiming what we bring as a man or woman but then a step beyond that, where we claim that what we bring is because of our soul and is gender neutral.
Gorgeous Adele. ‘Holding back as a woman with men is holding myself back as a human being’ – this is an important point, because we need to understand that the way we are with anyone (of any gender, ethnicity, status etc.) is the way we are with everyone. Although our physicality may change, as in you may not ask a stranger on the street over for dinner, in essence you are presenting the same energy to everyone you meet.
Exactly Susie, when we see no difference in gender, status, ethnicity, nationality, culture (and so on) and that we are all the same (essence), we arrive at equalness. This is the energy and livingness of brotherhood.
I can feel my voice shift, go deeper and perhaps use language I wouldn’t normally use when speaking to some males. It feels like I deny my sacredness as a woman when I strive for equality or to fit in with some males, like my dad. I am learning that being equal to men is not about doing what they can do but being all of me, in my stillness as a woman so they can be in their natural and very caring tenderness as a man.
Interesting Rachael, I have noted my voice to become more shallow and girl-like in such situations when I have my natural power away to men and their authority. Making myself less in our interactions and relationships serves no one and only feels the energy of inequality; supporting ourselves (as men and women) to hold ourselves true to who we are and not back down or shy away from who we are is a win-win for all as we allow a platform for a true and evolutionary connection to take place.
Yes, I can also observe some changes within myself when there are men around, although it is changing a lot. For me the challenge is to really stay in my stillness, sweetness and tenderness and not go into some hardness and protection. Beautiful learning which I can practice with every day.
Exactly Rachael, when women honour their delicateness men cannot help but melt. This has been my experience, but I have also experienced the opposite, where it has been a tender act of a man that has allowed me to connect more deeply to my own sacredness as a woman.
Adele, you are making a lot of courageous and important points and if you are able to sustain even a quarter of what you have written about, you will have become an enormous role model for a lot of people.
I especially like your point about expecting to be treated better by men than you treat yourself.
For many men it is an absolute and rewarding pleasure to treat a woman well but it is hard to do so when it makes the woman uncomfortable and you may at any time get rejected because your caring behaviour becomes too confronting.
For clarity: Caring does not mean creepy – invading a woman’s space for ulterior motives is something completely different to simply being caring.
Christoph, the only purpose of words is to live them, without perfection, but in deep patience, understanding and commitment.
My son has very special ways to show his care for me, absolutely unconventional, and it wasn’t until I understood them to be his special ways to show affection that I began appreciating him so much deeper. I didn’t get this for a long time, as there was no verbal expression regarding it, but that was also because I held back my responsibility in awareness and connection.
So what this has brought up for me to learn is–connection and communication is everything. We all have a responsibility to express in equality. We cannot change another’s choice to express or not, to listen or not, but it is a responsibility.
Great points Christoph you make here, yes so many women do find it difficult to truly accept and embrace when a guy is truly caring for them (lovely to feel that you enjoy doing this yourself) … because they do not hold themselves in this caring way and so it becomes unusual, at times confronting, and sadly guarded as being that ulterior motive you speak of (‘what does he want from me’) (‘what do i need to do in exchange’). I certainly used to have this, and am still working on allowing anyone – male or female – to deeply care and hold, in other words allowing them totally in, as opposed to the door being a jar open (!)
Christoph you raise a very important point about being rejected because the care shown is too much for the woman. I have done exactly that, rejected men outright because they have shown me genuine care in a way where they are open and expressing their tenderness. What this has shown me was that I was not choosing this as a way to treat myself and because I wasn’t ready to see that, I turned them away. It can be challenging for a woman to be shown true care and tenderness from a man, when we think it is our natural ability and role. But the truth is it does not belong to anyone gender or even age group.
Great point, Christoph and Jennifer. Why do we think it is creepy and that there is an ulterior motive when a man is deeply caring? Why do we see that as the woman’s role? I love how this blog and comments are breaking through some fundamental beliefs that we have collectively adopted about gender roles.
Great point, just because we are led to believe it is the woman’s natural ability and role to caring and tender, it does not mean that we live it. Being an this level of care and tenderness from another is something to celebrate and something which can inspire too.
Very important sharing Christoph and Jennifer, what Adele has presented here is an opportunity for a truly evolutionary discussion about gender equality and opens up the window to see the many ideals and belief and hurts that we can all carry that get in the way of truly and loving relationships with each other (no matter if we know each other or are seeming strangers).
This also confirms that such change and choices always begin with our relationships with ourselves and building quality and consistency in our own self-worth, from here we naturally care for others and are able to know our own love and hold ourselves no matter of another’s reaction or own process.
Thank you Christoph, I feel the deep love and respect you have for women in your words “For many men it is an absolute and rewarding pleasure to treat a woman well”.
I agree Christoph, it might be difficult to care for a women who is in the believe that she does not deserve this care from a man. I used to protect myself of any man in the form of doing all myself, lifting and working hard as a man. To allow help from a man was like saying; I cannot do this and I am weak and need someone – but there is this sense that I might be hurt or have to pay out for any care and help with something that I cannot and don’t want to give. There is lots coming up with this blog, amazing opportunities already this morning:-) Thanks to all of you on this blog!
Yes, I can relate with what you say here Monika,’To allow help from a man was like saying; I cannot do this and I am weak and need someone – but there is this sense that I might be hurt or have to pay out for any care and help with something that I cannot and don’t want to give.’ I have now let go of these false old beliefs and have been learning to enjoy and graciously accept this support from men over the last few years.
Well expressed Christoph and thank you. As a woman I can relate to having in the past felt uncomfortable when being treated with care by a man. Since becoming more discerning between true care and ‘creepiness’ as you call it, I am able to now soak it up when it comes my way, though I can still feel a little taken aback as it is not the norm for many of us. Time for a new norm!!
Adele this is a great sharing. I hold back still from being all of who I am with men quite often, especially if I find the person attractive. Your sharing clearly shows the difference when we are expressing from the fullness of ourselves where we are not expecting someone else to fill us with their admiration and acceptance, but do it for ourselves. We are all equal therefor how can another build us up when we are ALL right now.
In my job as a beauty advisor most of my customers are women, but occasionally men appear. I am very aware of how uncomfortable they feel in an environment that is mainly female. Because I can feel their discomfort I can feel my temptation to treat them differently, to try to make them feel better or not approach them for fear of embarrassing them further. Ultimately they are not feeling equal in this situation and they simply need to be treated as such. When I treat them as equals it is beautiful to see how they open up and start to enjoy their experience.
Absolutely so Rebecca. I feel the same when I meet celebrities and socialites in my work, how simply we can just connect when it is equality that is expressed.
What a great experience for men to be treated equally and with you tender caring hands the same time.
I love this Adele, ‘I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel’, I have been aware of this recently, i can feel that there is such a stereotype of men; that they are not sensitive and feeling, but in truth as i have experienced with my partner and other men around me that this is not true, it feels beautiful to allow men to be sensitive and to encourage them to talk about what they feel, I have been blown away by son and partner and how sensitive they are .
With understanding, for both genders, comes equality. No more need to hide behind our fortress as men and when we drop that deeply held protection the tenderness comes flooding out!
And what joy that moment is for all women and men.
What we see in a person there is so much to feel in understanding them and their entire gender upbringing, we have so much to understand about each other as humanity, our depth and scope to deliver understanding to another is immense.
A beautiful blog Adele, and so relatable. One line that stood out for me was ….”How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am”. This is amazing and such a wake up for me knowing that however a man chooses to behave with me, I know that I am enough being the woman that I am and I don’t need a man to confirm this. This is BIG, and something that I am working on at the moment, not giving my power away to men because if I do this I am making myself less than I know I am. Thank Adele for another powerful blog.
Beautifully honest and uplifting Adele. If we are able to meet men for who they truly are, with all that we truly are, we find there absolutely is an understanding that we are all the same, that yes there are obvious differences physically, but we come from the one source of love. With this understanding we can be together in the grace that gender equality is the most natural thing in the world, it just needs to be lived in truth.
A beautiful reminder Adele of the need for both men and women to take responsibility to live and express the love they naturally are, in order for gender equality to be achieved.
Yes Peter, and this responsibility cannot be downplayed because it is our responsibility and purpose to ‘be responsible’ for ourselves, our choices and our reactions in this life and to learn and grow as the students of life that we can be.
Thank you Adele for bringing some deeper realisations around gender equality and like every area of our lives the changes begin with ourselves. it is a little muddling though as in essence we are all naturally the same , tender and sensitive, and what the struggle now can be is breaking through the barriers and roles we have created. If none of this was there we would be able to live in acceptance of ourselves and beauty and each other irrespective of gender but simply in Love.
It is great to have this discussion around gender equality. I used to think that by showing I was equal to men meant also lifting heavy objects and not asking for help! Now my understanding of this has changed completely since knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and also feeling just how tender and sweet men naturally are. An example of this is recently instead of carrying a massage table up some stairs myself I asked a male friend to help me with this as his physical build was stronger than mine, it felt lovely to honour myself in this way knowing it is had nothing to do with me being ‘weak’ but more not choosing to put my body under unnecessary strain.
I could so relate to thinking equality meant doing everything men can do. Asking for help was definitely not an option! And so if you are not comfortable with asking for support it is never there. It seems crazy now that we don’t appreciate the unique qualities men and women have and leave it at that. I am not a man so why should I be able to do or be like a man?
Honoring the delicateness that I am as a woman, in build as well as in feeling, I have also found that through the deep acceptance of myself there is no more need to do everything on my own and put my body through hard physical labor just to go through every day. Starting from self-love and self-care and going deeper with it allows me to feel how deeply precious I am as a woman, which is life-changing.
Whilst reading your blog Adele I could feel the claimed fullness of who you are and the decision you have made to not hold back or play less in any situation or with whoever you meet. Truly inspiring.
I agree nb- a joy to read.
Surrendering to the possibility that we all, men and women alike, have a tenderness and ability to feel that is true sweetness in relationship and that we can relinquish this almost secret habit to battle each other, would be completely, totally and utterly life changing for us all.
I agree Matilda. The sooner people can understand that gender equality as Adele has described it is not only possible, but is actually something that we have moved away from knowing, the quicker people have the opportunity to re-consider their own beliefs and behaviours. When I look at men as being from the same precious, tender essence as myself, I am finding that my communication with them changes accordingly. As you have said – it’s life changing for everyone.
Since reading your blog I have had the most wonderful interactions with men on the street. Yesterday I was waiting for my laundry and this beautiful young man sat down next to me and we started to talk. It felt so lovely to feel how open I was and how open he was, and it felt very equal, without any tension or needs, but just two people spending time. I did not change because he was a man, I was just being me. Your blog is a great inspiration, thank you.
It is great reading these blogs, for when we feel the truth it opens up within us and reminds us and inspires us to live in this connection with ourselves and with God, with mankind as one.
Very true Jenny. And this same opening and inspiration happens when we deeply meet and engage with another with our eyes, just as Adele shares. Blessings all round !
This is so true Jenny. Every time I read a blog like this I can feel my heart expand and the joy of feeling the truth and unlocking the old beliefs that weigh us down. Its like a wash of LOVE 🙂
That is so beautiful Mariette. What we have made out to be something so big and complicated, is in truth very simple when we just express as who we truly are. Equality is in our natural breath breathed forth by the Divine. We have wasted a lot of energy throughout history to try to come to Gender Equality—it has not taken us anywhere, because we have not come from the simple place from our innermost and from who we truly are, and that is Love.
The key is equality. Feeling yourself and the other person as equal immediately opens up the possibilities in the interaction. It brings fullness, no game playing and appreciation of self and others.
Mariette, this is such a lovely sharing of two people meeting equally and spending time together with no expectations or need for anything other than to enjoy each other’s company.
Mariette life is truly so beautiful, because we are so beautiful. Awareness opens up empowering experiences, for we are truly that powerful.
You have again nailed it to the point Adele: whatever we want the World or somebody to be like starts with ourselves. How we hold ourselves and how we live is what our live reflects back to us in everything and everybody we meet.
Life is always inspiring Michael for there is always more responsibility to go deeper with.
To know that men and women are equally divine and sensitive changes everything. Thank you for taking the time to draw our attention to really living this knowing.
Awesome and heartfelt reflections Adele. It is entirely our responsibility as women to hold ourselves in preciousness, to value ourselves as equals – no less and no more, and to not hold back our gorgeousness, no matter who we are with. It is so joyful to read your commentary, so obviously from your own experience, that is not fueled by the anger and reaction that has historically been the way women have treated this issue.
Well said Emma. It is absurd that we find ourselves waiting for permission from men to be ‘equal’. We can all feel that equality between the sexes is absolutely true and it is up to each and every one of us to claim this for ourselves.
Yes Emma, this blog is so refreshing in it’s honesty and love, no anger or blame needed, just saying it how it is for so many of us. The world is our mirror, and it shows us where we are at, if we like it or not.
Beautifully said Emma. You have inspired me to express my gorgeousness at all times, irrespective of who am with. Thank you.
Up until very recently I found it hard to sometimes look men in the eyes at all as I often felt scared. But this has been changing over the last year or too and when I look into men’s eyes now I can see just the absolute tenderness they hold. This is also a confirmation for my own tenderness too, because what we see in another is just a reflection of what we hold ourselves equally so. Thank you Adele for sharing this fantastic piece on gender equality.
So true Kelly. It’s so easy to be scared of men, but when we actually look into their eyes it’s possible to see past the things we are scared of and into their tender essence.
Growing up what I could constantly see around me was an inequality between men and women and my reaction to this was to compete with men in order to prove my equal worth. Well that didn’t work and was exhausting.
So even though we may see inequalities in the world, the answer is not to react, defend or blame…like all things, the answers lay within ourselves to take responsibility to change the relationship we have with life. And then once that re-configuration changes from within, we can enjoy the magic that unfolds in our everyday lives. Self-responsibility is a fun way to live.
Ditto, Marika. I thought the only way in life was to be as much of a man as possible…impossible and exhausting to be trying all the time. I am more and more aware that by bringing my true qualities as a woman to life, some of which are to nurture, honour and meet men in their tenderness is how to bring about true change and gender equality.
I love this Marika, I was reading your comment, and then I got to the end where you said self-responsibility is a fun way to live and I couldn’t agree more! Who would have thought? It seems like such a challenge, but in actual fact self responsibility simplifies life.
and no where near exhausting.
Me too Marika – constantly compete with men to feel equal. And so true- it did not work and was very exhausting indeed, as I was not being who I truly was. Thankfully these times are long gone now and through the work with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I have come to know my true self much much more and can live this without feeling the need to compete with anyone.
I agree marika, self responsibility is a fun way to live, even if we kick and scream at the start once we get used to it we get to feel and appreciate the beauty and love within ourselves and others.
Gender expression feels to be a perfect way to learn and integrate different aspects of our Soul. It seems like humanity has taken it on a rather superficial level, and so far used it as identification and separation, and forgot the very basic fact that we are equal to begin with.
I agree- it does feel very superficial and more of a comparison and competitive, tit for tat nature.
Equality does not mean that everyone receives the same but that everyone is valued equally for who they are and honoured. Eg we all have different roles and responsibilities in life do it is crazy that a woman who cares for a family and works is expected to work long and hard at achieving in her role of job as a single man for example. Equality is about valuing all equally and life is about living from a true quality.
Equality is an honoring of ourselves first and foremost, and living this honoring with everyone around us. It is simply our ignorance and arrogance when we hold onto that equality means everyone is treated the same way and receives the same things, that is for robots, not for human beings.
I so love the title – “Gender Equality — It Starts With Me Now”. I totally agree. True equality is not something that I have lived with. And the true change can only start with me, in me.
I agree Fumiyo; true change has to begin with us first. We have to look at our own attitudes and beliefs that keep us separate from others.
Yes Elizabeth I agree, but feel we actually need to look at the attitudes and beliefs that keep us separate from ourselves first and learning to deeply commit to ourselves before we are able to take it out to others.
I was struck by just how subtle some of those adjustments were – not blazing arguments, or standing on a soap box, but just subtle ways that Adele was treating herself that could easily go unnoticed…. its inspiring to read when someone makes the effort in themselves to change – and I know there will be a ripple outwards of those that Adele touches with her equal way of living.
What I enjoyed about your blog Adele is your approach to looking at gender issues by taking responsibility to look at your own. It is so easy to cast blame on others, but so much more powerful and true to first look in the mirror to see what part we are playing in it all and what beliefs we have taken on. And then to know that we have the power to change the relationship should we choose to.
I live in a country where men are used to being served upon by women and getting away with disrespectful attitudes towards women, and I can see how women have contributed to that dynamics by dishonouring their truth. It’s very frustrating, and infuriating at times, to be paid less respect because the gender (or any other reason for that matter actually), but we have had no other way for so long. Arguing about it and asking for a change while having no due respect or love for ourselves as women has never worked.
Adele another insightful article to promote much thought and discussion. I got a sense having read your blog that the clearly defined black and white perceptions of who men and women are will one day be far more blended and even interchangeable, as both sexes return to their true selves.
I like that alexis stewart, letting go of the lies we see in black and white differences between men and women; when the only way is to return to who we innately are, men and women equally, sharing the exact same qualities, just in a different expression, of which neither is more nor less.
I see that too Alexis. It has happened, we just have to allow it to come to us, it may take a while but time is with us always.
What really struck me most about this blog is that who we are should not change depending on who, or which sex, we are with. True gender equality comes when we are simply ourselves and in this, we also reflect that this same equality and quality is in all others.
Succinctly put, Angela. Staying true to who we are in every situation creates a foundation that allows us to honour and respect the essence of everyone equally, regardless of age, sex, class, race etc.
So true Angela and well said. Equality with how we treat people and not discriminate against some by holding ourselves back from shining all we are. Equality is not about lifting or pushing ourselves to do what men can do! I feel this is where society has gone astray with how we view equality. Making it about competition or need to prove strength or stamina.
This is so true Angela, I have spent my life being a chameleon changing how I am to who I am with. Now that I am starting to unravel that, I can feel how much I have changed around the company of men rather than just being myself.
Thank you Adele. You have opened my eyes to looking at gender equality in a new way and to see all the not so obvious ways that I subscribe to gender inequality.
True Elizabeth, Adele has given much food for thought in regards to gender equality and the obvious and not so obvious ways in which we subscribe to it.
I agree that men and women are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity. It’s just that it’s become deeply buried in amongst all the roles being played out on both sides. What particularly struck me in your blog was the self-responsibility women have for treating ourselves the way we would like to be treated by others – that deep care and love you describe, without which we merely get our own lack of self worth reflected back by men – and women. Simple, then: how we are with ourselves is reflected directly back to us in our lives by others. So we are our own salvation. As ever, the answer is within our own gift – our own responsibility for accepting our true worth.
‘Simple, then: how we are with ourselves is reflected directly back to us in our lives by others. So we are our own salvation. As ever, the answer is within our own gift – our own responsibility for accepting our true worth.’ So true self responsibility is key and can change the world.
Adele a beautiful piece that exposes the gender roles we play when we choose to not step into the fullness of who we truly are. Women and men equally have a part to play in not playing small but embracing all of who they are, as you so beautifully express in your articles title it starts with me now.
This blog very clearly shows as one having been written by a woman, who you so beautifully are Adele, yet all you have shared feels equally accessible and reflective for men as much as is for women, highlighting exactly the equality you speak of – it starts with us, man and woman equally so.
Adele, I love this topic and love what you have revealed from your own investigation. A beautiful support that has exposed for me that in not appreciating all of who I am as a woman, I am reflecting I am less and therefore not equal. To truly appreciate my Brothers as my equal I can only do so by first appreciating myself in that equality.
What I love about all these blogs is that so much of what we take for granted is brought to our awareness because so often, much of what is being discussed in this pages is simply not topic of everyday conversations.
I would have thought I lived with gender equality, treating men and women the same and not discriminating, but the truth is I don’t. It’s not until reading this post that I realise the way I go about certain things is not equal at all, I’ve just accepted it to be the norm, because that’s how I’ve been shown and learnt.
I do not bring the same amount of me to a woman than I do to a man, I do consider them differently in my approach, and for reasons that now I will absolutely reconsider.
To see and understand each other as beings equal in essence before being men or women already guarantees gender equality because there is equality as the foundation before there is gender.
I love how when you share about true gender equality it doesn’t come with hardness and divide. There is no ‘we must fight for women’s rights’ or ‘we aren’t equal, we are better’, etc. There is just the knowing that we are all equal in love and tenderness, and that we are each responsible for what we bring to every interaction. Thank you Adele
Yes I was struck by this too Carmin, Adele brings a tenderness, thoughtfullness and love to what she shares.
Well said Doug – true equality begins from within. As with embracing the Love we are within we then naturally have the capacity to embrace the love we all are.
You are spectacular Adele! I love the way you express – the joy you live with is palpable and the truth and wisdom in your words is inspirational. Thank you for embracing life with so much love.
They say it is ‘a man’s world’. When I see articles elsewhere on ‘gender equality’ this seems to mean measuring both men and women from the scale of what we think Men should be. But is this scale actually true? Is this who men even are? For me it is a big fat no. And so all of the ‘equality’ we seek is not equal at all. It is gorgeous then that you bring it back to the simple fact that it is our honour to care and cherish ourselves. From this place of being our own shining star, we start to feel the true equality we are. Thank you Adele.
So true Joseph, gender equality these days is about competing and outdoing with each other which only results in more complications and suffering for men and women, as you have said it is about simply learning to honour our own beauty and that of those around us regardless of gender.
Very beautiful Adele. What you write is so true. In love we are all equal as the love we are within knows no measure for it is the same equal tender love within us all. The only point of difference is, the choices we make with our vehicle (our bodies) of expression through which this love emanates. As it is through our distinctive vehicles that we offer the needed unique points of reflection of love for us all, in order to grow, develop and deepen our connection to the same equal tender love we are within, and live in celebration of this. Yet it is not the vehicle itself that determines the equal quality of love that is within us all. Thank you Adele for highlighting what gets in the way of claiming and deepening our appreciation of true gender equality.
Thank you Adele for another beautiful blog. You raise some great points here. We as women can no longer look to blame men for gender inequality. As you point out Adele, it is time for us as women to take responsibility for the part we have played in gender inequality and to make the changes by living as a true women without holding back, without trying to be the man as well as the woman, by being all of who we are as precious, tender women with no apologies. When we claim this for ourselves we will then begin to see the change ” true relationship between men and women that can be lived”.
“living as a true women without holding back, without trying to be the man as well as the woman, by being all of who we are as precious, tender women with no apologies” Here here Donna. No apologies ever needed for living all of who we are.
“Do I always live this gender equality that has been known in my heart as an irrefutable truth”? Whoa! There is a lot to ponder on in this question and it has left me feeling quite uncomfortable, for if I am honest with myself, I don’t always consider myself as an equal and hold myself back from expressing, because I don’t always feel as comfortable around men, or I’m scared of giving the wrong impression. How can I change this? I feel that by this being brought into my awareness, and by my being honest and delving deep within myself as I am at present after reading this blog, is the beginning of changing this ingrained behaviour. Thank-you Adele for this wake up call.
Adele, there is a lot in this blog, and I love the commitment in the title, Gender Equality-It Starts With Me-Now. Once you have made a strong commitment it is easy to seize the opportunities that come up and follow through.
Thank you Adele for a superb thought provoking article initiating me to go away with this and ponder where I do and do not live gender equality in my life, as I certainly do not. Your honesty is truly inspiring.
Very true Jonathan this article certainly does invite us to deepen our awareness as to where we are not living gender equality in our lives. A beautiful opportunity to surrender to living more of the love in our lives.
I agree Jonathan, this blog is a big eye-opener for many I’m sure. It offers a lot for me to ponder on and start observing myself with more awareness.
Adele, this is a beautiful sharing you have blessed us with. I can relate to much of what you have said here, especially “as a woman I had accepted that in male/female relationships I had to give more, understand more, allow more and accept more compared to my male partner.” That was how I was brought up to understand the relationship between a man and a woman, and how the women in my life when I was young showed me how they lived. The woman was subservient to the man and that was how society expected the woman to be back in my day. The man was always regarded, by the government and society, as head of the house, and everyone else was expected to abide, within reason of course, with his decisions. In effect, it depended on the participants in the relationship, as to how this played out. Of course, over time, this attitude has changed much, thank goodness, but still women are regarded as less than men in many situations. Your blog is such a refreshing alternative to how it has been, and reflects what I now understand as the way it should be in a relationship. I now regard myself as equal to any man, deep down in my essence, but it is taking time to truly live this and express this in all ways. I love how you share that you now express yourself completely as you feel yourself to be at any moment, with no holding back, as the beautiful woman that you are. What a role model you are, thank you so much.
It is interesting to note that when a woman begins to express herself with equality to a man or to a culture where men are expected to be superior—the authority, the mentor, the wise one, and what it brings up for everyone. It is interesting to note that when Love is expressed as a Livingness, it can be judged as not loving, for the love that we have held onto for such a long time is emotional. It is interesting to also note that there is a period of grace when equality is expressed which may feel confrontational, but so worthwhile to commit too for nothing is more precious than being the Love that we know we are.
Beverley, I too could relate very much to this line “as a woman I had accepted that in male/female relationships I had to give more, understand more, allow more and accept more compared to my male partner.” It is like the pictures that i have held around male/female relationships have been that the women does need to work harder, that there needs to be a struggle, it needs to be hard work. I have not known it to be anything else, so never truly feeling like i could make a different decision around such relationships. I was always able to express very clearly what I wanted and needed from a relationship, but never fully back myself in making the break from the pattern or moment set up, because of these pictures.
Adele your insightful blog has given me much to ponder, as I read your question” how I could truly live gender equality within myself “I realise there are so many patterns and beliefs that can be uncovered.” I also love the realisation you came to “I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel”. That just feels so lovely and of course there is no difference we are all equally divine.
A very insightful blog Adele of how the perception of inequality can play out in day to day life when we don’t feel the equalise we have with everyone from within.
You are a master of writing about life Adele, with such exquisite attention to the details we so easily overlook.
This blog has touched so many incredible points that have sat me back. I have undervalued what I bring to my work. I am the lowest paid of my colleagues, yet very busy. Isn’t that strange. They do the “high end” work, but they are very technical in their approach – skilled for sure, but there is no connection to the human being they are treating. What I brings presence and connection to the human being. I have not valued that, but yours words are calling me to reconsider.
Rachel, I was writing about the work that I bring in fashion yesterday and have realized how absolutely revolutionary this work is, but yet, have I valued myself so deeply to express this and allow the whole world to see and know? Our worth does not depend on whether the world can see it (yet) or not, but by not holding ourselves less, this is exactly the love the world is thirsting to see the reflection of. Valuing myself is going to be my next scientific experiment to live.
Rachel, you are the bomb! You are the real deal and I can just feel it in your words “presence and connection”. This is what needs to be the highest paid job in the world (!)- when you actually make it about people, not money or business. It is a rarity, a delicacy and a preciousness, that seeks to meet everyone as an equal. You are inspiring me to take another look at the power and simplicity of these two words lived.
“I have undervalued what I bring to my work”. Rachel this phrase made me stop because I can feel that I do the same and it makes me wonder if as women this is part of not seeing ourselves in true equality with men, but also other women. It matters not whether it be at work, home, or our with friends, if we do not value who we are and what we bring then we are not considering ourselves as equals and opening ourselves up to comparison and the destructive force of jealousy. The quality of our connection is everything and needs to be valued equally as our technical abilities, in fact it only enhances the technical abilities we have.
That is beautiful Rachel. It is a common trip to fall into with the “they have more skills than me” or “they are more trained than me”. Yet, when we take a look at what we each bring, it is a different way of valuing ourselves.
That is so beautiful what you bring Rachel and with your expression of it, the world has already felt it, valuing ourselves for what we bring, the world cannot but join in. Some may choose to know better and not join, it is their right to but also their responsibility to take. Bring it on.
The barriers of gender inequality feel so subtle and ingrained deep within our society that thinking of men as different to woman beyond just the obvious physical differences is so normal. But it need not be. It feels like the push over recent years for equality in our genders, particularly allowing woman to be equal to men, has not truly changed the deep ingrained differences we still hold for if it did, would not men realise how much responsibility they hold in honouring a woman for her sacredness and power?
Beautiful observation Joshua, but again, it’s us women who need to wake up and claim that sacredness and power we all are; when we do not do that, then the men will find it difficult to recognise this.
This is gorgeous Adele. You raised great points, I realised how in a way I do treat men differently than women. Especially your last point made something shift in me, I could feel how I still felt men in a way less capable of understanding and being sensitive wow! Great to see and let go off as I know it is not true. Gender equality starts indeed with ourselves.
Yes Lieke, we can do it so subtly — treat men different to women and have an expectation that we ought to be treated equally in our workplaces etc because of laws and regulations regarding gender equality. And it’s important that we have these laws but what is even more important yet often not even considered is that we have to feel equal first, and not treat ourselves or others differently because of gender (or anything else.) Until such time that we do, gender inequality will be around regardless of any laws because this is what we put out by not feeling the equalness to everyone from within.
Very true Katerina we need to feel and live the equality within ourself and within our own life before expecting laws and regulations. Otherwise the rules and regulations become a tick box farce which in no shape or form represent the actual essence of what was intended. Real change comes from us as individuals choosing it and living it. And through inspiration it will be communicated and grow.
“I could feel how I still felt men in a way less capable of understanding and being sensitive wow!” I can relate to that, Lieke. But the more that I am with some of the beautiful male fellow students of the work of Universal Medicine, I can see just how sensitive and understanding men can truly be. These men are wonderful role models for other men to let themselves be who they truly are, just as raw and sensitive on the inside as women are. It will surely be wonderful when all men and women live as the beings that they truly are.
It is very much looked outside to make others get gender equality without living equality and therefore being a true role model others can be inspired by. It is like teaching an ideal but not living it and wonder how for generations we don´t get it right. True equality can only start with self and is naturally inclusive of everyone else, that is the nature of equality.
Yes Alex inequality has gone on for to long and has been passed down generation after generation, how awesome that we are now starting to say NO to this refusing to pass it on to yet another generation. For sure it will take time but with blogs like this inspire us to take responsibility and see the bigger picture.
I like what you share Adele about not holding back. It is so freeing when we let ourselves be seen and we let other people in – from the heart and with our eyes. Sometimes we can feel silly, vulnerable, and raw but at least we are being real this way. People only get to know who we are, when we don’t hold back.
I agree with all you have expressed here, Shevon, love it. And I so agree with this – “people only get to know who we are, when we don’t hold back.”I am gradually learning to not hold back, still a work in progress, but it feels so freeing to be living more and more this way. And yes, I can still be feeling “silly, vulnerable and raw, but at least we are being real this way”.
Absolutely Shevon. I am finding more and more that when I allow myself to be tender and vulnerable with people, I often feel that it’s like they feel that they have ‘permission’ to feel the same within themselves and express this. The facade drops and a heartfelt moment is shared where there is no sense of gender, and a simply loving connection between two Souls is truly enjoyed.
This is so lovingly said, Carola. What really counts is the connection between people and the gender is not important nor the skin color. It is our Soul Connection that is the most beautiful thing when two people meet with an open heart.
Sometimes we can feel silly, vulnerable, and raw but at least we are being real this way, so true Shevon, and I totally agree “People only get to know who we are, when we don’t hold back.”
Absolutely, Shevon. People do not get to know us if we hold back ourselves from being seen. Even when we are done something that was not so good, but to be honest and taking responsibility for it and communicating with another not from a guilty space but from equalness, means that I do accept that I am not perfect but how I deal with the situation and taking responsibility is making the difference.
Yes absolutely Shevon and breaking down the self made barriers we create leads us to honest and real connections. That’s where the real magic lives.
Again a precious sharing Adele! Yes we all are equal – but the gender difference has always been breeding ground for “rules” and “images” of how we are to be, what is male and female etc. And being raised under the flag of “women: the second best gender” leaves behind things like the normal of gender pay-gap, women have to be more sensitive in relationships, men always have to be strong, men don’t cry etc. Opening up to what we have in common, what unites us all is opening us all up to truly meet each other. Great point!
So true Christina, and the more we all keep playing the game, the longer it goes on for. I am so grateful for the men and women who I have met who are not playing any more, they provide a model for how life can be.
I love this Adele, the more you claim your equality in a true way, the freer we all are… equal in gender, equal in race, equal in soul.
There is actually only one equality otherwise it is not equality, although in the process of learning and becoming aware we may need to nominate the areas of inequality to identify and change them.
That is a process that is uncomfortable sometimes but necessary, a re-correction to return to what is deeply natural to us all.
When we hold ourselves as equal we give the space for another to respond as an equal. If we hold another to something, for instance using the example of Adele’s of expecting a man to be a gentleman, the expectations are very imposing which mens less room for that person to be and act in a way that is truly who they are.
We have made it complicated—how we separate ourselves with gender, race, culture, all sorts of ideals, beliefs, judgements, when in simplicity we are all equal, and it is the most natural to be ourselves no matter with who.
This is a beautiful blog, Adele. This line stuck out to me especially: “if as women and as men we now take responsibility without delay and live and express the love that we are, then we are truly here for each other”. We have such a deep responsibility to be here for one another providing a balance and reflection to each of our expressions with each other. As a man, a woman who is being herself allows me the opportunity to explore my tender and caring side, which is something that we are so often told to suppress and is worthless or weak. When both men and women express themselves as full men and women, with all the aspects that come from the expression of their gender, there is no “battle of the sexes”, but rather a deep harmony which brings out the most of each of us.
So true Naren, this is a beautiful blog. When we live the love that we are there is no need for competition, jealousy, or anyone to behave superior, or lesser.
Well said Bernard. Love holds all equal. So if it isn’t equal, then it isn’t love. Ouch.
Naren what you have expressed feels true to also be the responsibility we have within ourselves to provide a balance and reflection of our female and male qualities that are both a part of us, and that when expressed in harmony it is deep equality that we truly know and reflect.
I met a very gorgeous and sensitive man on the street yesterday—him and his 5 doggie family members. He had so much awareness in life and have so much to express about the injustices in life and cruelty felt in human relations—as I stopped to chat with him I realized—that used to be me, 15 years ago—we are no different, we are all feeling human beings, we all want to connect no matter how we show ourselves, it is that simple.
I love what you write:
“I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel. As women and as men our love can only be true when we begin to accept and live this knowing.”
I agree there is no difference between men and women and also not amongst men and women in our ability to feel. We all feel all the time. Allowing this to be the truth is the foundation for true love.
And this is so honouring of men, to be held in that same tenderness and sensitivity that we hold ourselves as women. To see men as less than that is absolutely to hold then as less equal than us.
Adele I simply loved this blog. It was beautiful to read you re-imprinting what gender equality actually means. I could certainly relate to the quote ‘When I stop hanging on to the belief that men cannot be as understanding, allowing, accepting, or giving because of their past hurts, what I allow is a much greater love to be expressed’. I have been feeling recently the expectation I have had of men is to be less tender than women, and so surprised when I experienced it in them. I know the truth is that we all have this tenderness and love innately, and many men are in fact more allowing of expressing it than women. Therefore there is no difference or barrier to the amount of love, or expression of our tenderness, that we can have as men and women.
I am openly blown away constantly Amelia, by how men are when this equality is lived deeper within myself and with the outside world. It brings such newness that has none of the preconceived ideas of how men and women are like in the past has any place in. A new definition of genders is in store when we experience ourselves truly, and it is very inspiring.
Gender is simply an expression, we are innately equal, and have nothing to compare about. Its interesting then that we may “hold back’ with women or men, because one may have hurt us in the past. A very great blog Adele thanks for bringing it up!
Thanks Harrison, for reminding us that so much of the inequality comes down to a past hurt. If only we were taught that a hurt does not define us, and that the more we allow it to own us, the more open we are to having history repeat itself while our bodies get harder and more protected.
Great point Harrison gender is just that an expression and it does not have to be something that defines us when we begin to recognise and live the truth that in essence we are all innately equal. A great article that makes us consider more deeply the choices we make and why we choose to play less when in fact we are all equal.
Inequality is rife through all sections of our world based on many different external characteristics between people individually and collectively. It feels beautiful that you write ‘Having said all that, I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are’ as from this deep knowing or connection to ourselves we know that we are all equal regardless of any outside differences. It is separation to our deep knowing of ourselves which allows this between us and another and for inequality to exist.
That is so true Michael Chater, for only in separation to ourselves are we able to see another as separate. When we are with ourselves we cannot see another as anything other then equal as we ultimately know we are all from the same place.
Gender equality is something I have not given much thought about, however I have noticed I do tend to feel less than in the presence of some men. Something I need to observe now more deeply since reading this awesome blog.
Adele, another great blog. I feel when you write “I realised that I was still holding myself back in how I was expressing with males at certain times” that this holds true for many of us, both men and women. We are taught, and actively encouraged, to be wary and cautious of the opposite sex, because of incidents of rape and abuse. What we are not taught is to honour what we feel and to discern what is presented before us. This is key.
Mistrust between humanity has become a common accepted normality in the world, how did we get here? How did we end up feeling so alienated and cautious with each other? Do we feel we cannot trust ourselves to begin with? Have our choices consistently confirmed to ourselves this fact? Thank you Jenny, your comment allowed me to go deeper into understanding that energetic discernment and building a steady foundation with the body has been my support in re-building a feeling of solid trust within myself.
Wow Adele you’ve made so many poignant observations here of just how we as women can be when relating to men. I particularly like this point: “When I stop hanging on to the belief that men cannot be as understanding, allowing, accepting, or giving because of their past hurts, what I allow is a much greater love to be expressed; and men meet me back with constant beautiful surprises confirming that they are everything I know them to be.” And to see everyone as a member of humanity first, gender second.
Deb, recently I got a new job in a little men’s boutique and it was gold to observe myself how I feel when different men come into the shop and how my responses are when I meet certain men. Do I hold myself as the woman that I know myself to be with everyone? If I don’t why not? If I do, what are the reflections from the men who come in? Am I as present to every man that come in? Some men do not say anything and leave quickly, some are very comfortable and stay to chat, some want to show me they know better, some do not feel comfortable but are willing to engage. It is a beautiful learning every day to know we are absolutely equal and have the opportunity to live that.
It actually feels absurd how I have placed men in a ‘men box’ rather than seeing their sensitivity and tenderness. There is no difference or distinction between men or women in our human being-ness and innermost qualities. We are all gorgeous love bombs learning to express that love and to let that love in.
Love it marcia owen, “we are all gorgeous love bombs, learning to express that love and let that love in”. Imagine the atomic explosion when love and respect is fully expressed by men and women equally!
As soon as men realise that we are all from the same stuff it won’t be just down to women to fight for something that just should be a natural way of living anyway. The times they are a changing but just not fast enough and it is up to both sexes to settle for nothing less than true gender equality.
Settle for nothing less than true love—well said Kevin.
Dear Adele, your blog can be used as an everyday check-list for everyone, man or woman. Your loving approach is essential part of our life in every single area-relationships, work, health etc. I am going read and re-read your heart-opening writing and look at my life to make necessary changes.
The first one was obvious while I was reading-“I now commit to looking men in their eyes equally to how I naturally hold my glance with a woman I meet on the street or in the elevator.” Starting with me. I can see how even small changes can become huge in future. Thank you, Adele, for not holding back your awesomeness.
Thanks Adele this blog for me sums up gender equality perfectly. Historically gender equality has been all about feeling victimised, blaming the other sex or society, asking or demanding that society change its narrow reduced perceptions of us as women and men. But have we truly taken our personal responsibility for creating and contributing to the society we have? Have we really honestly stopped and realised that if what we truly want is to be treated and respected as an equal human being, then we also must treat everyone we meet, with that same love, respect and equality. In simple terms, we reap what we sow.
Hi John O Connell here from Ireland ,
Thank you for sharing, some lovely insights for me here ,
with thanks,
John
I appreciate you too John.
This is so beautifully expressed Adele – “I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel.” With this truth so clearly expressed, it will allow us to view men and women not differently any more but from that deep sensitivity that we all are the same, and within that – allowing this gorgeous sensitivity to be expressed more and more, be it from a woman or a man.
For a long time I had the belief that If I am too loving with men, too open, or when I look them in the eyes too long, or when I am just playful and all of me, that they probably want something (sex) from me or think I want something from them. Yesterday I was walking through Amsterdam, feeling gorgeous and all of me, and I had the most lovely connections and an awesome chat with men on the street. I realized that it was just my projection but also my protection, thinking that men just want something from me. We are like you say all equal and we all want to be met and to be loved. Being equally open with men and woman is an absolute joy and for me one big playful adventure.
I feel this too Mariette, the steadiness of true love and connection only offers that—true love and connection, there is no room for anything else no matter how another chooses.
Adele, thank you for sharing your insight in what it means to live equally as men and women and how we are all part of living this equality. The five aspects of holding back I can very much relate to, it is very revealing and inspires me to be more aware of how this is for me in my daily life.
Great blog Adele and it exposes how I know I can expect from others more than I am prepared to give to myself. Bizarre yet true. What pressure we put on others, without looking at ourselves and what we can do first. I loved this line – “How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.” So true, and also true for how anyone treats us, be it our family, friends or work colleagues.
Giving ourselves back what we expect from others is the start of self-love, living this consistently, it is only love then that we can be to others.
Beautiful article Adele, it is a great reminder that in essence men and women are equally the same and should we want true equality in the world out there, it starts from our own home which the world then reflect back to us.
Alexander, everything does start in our own home, in our bodies—do our bodies reflect Truth, and how are we choosing to express it?
“When I stop hanging on to the belief that men cannot be as understanding, allowing, accepting, or giving…”. Great point Adele, this attitude already holds the other less, thinking they are not as capable as we are and that certainly is not equality.
I agree Judith, thinking that men are not capable of understanding, allowing or giving as women are is judging them to be less and stunts them in their expression when they are with us. How freeing to know that men are very capable to be all that a woman can be and vice versa. Love does not divide.
It is funny how we do not see ourselves as equal, regardless of gender in many things such as pay. Women are still seen as less then men in many parts of the world.
And it is indeed up to both genders to change and overcome inequality just like Adele is presenting as both hold hurts, behaviours, ideals and beliefs that contribute to inequality, some more obvious than others but nevertheless inequality can only be continued as long as men and women feed them to each other by expectation and reaction. The moment one gender or person claims equality for themselves they also recognize the other to be equal, hence the dynamic stops and the one holding on to inequality is no longer confirmed.
And it may be a while for re-correction to happen in the world, Vicky the point for me is not to starve and not get work if I am not paid equally as men, but to live this equality with everyone is to express when inequality is felt and seen in the details of daily life and not leave it ignored, we are all here to reflect and inspire each other in Brotherhood.
This is a great sharing to reflect on Adele. To be able to appreciate the sensitivity that men also naturally hold within helps eradicate some of the ideals and beliefs which are held about men in our society. Thank you.
It’s so true Adele that we cannot expect to be treated as equals to men if we do not value ourselves and hold ourselves as such. The way we are treated reflects the way that we treat ourselves.
We can only be true to ourselves and when we are, we can only be true to another. How anyone chooses is their choice and their right. Equality is not something we can force upon anyone, we can only live it and allow another to choose how they wish to express.
So simple and so true Rebecca. We choose exactly how we are going to be treated. And that doesn’t mean we are at the mercy of others, we are the one’s choosing how we are going to treat or hold ourselves in every situation.
It is so easy to complain about inequality without looking at how we have contributed to and even perpetuated the issue. For any true change to take place, we need to get very honest about the part we have played and take responsibility for living and expressing all that we are without holding back, so that this can be truly felt in its authority and then never allowed to be diminished by ourselves or others.
It is a hard pill to swallow Samantha, but I agree. We each have a responsibility through our choices in each moment. Are we choosing equality to “look good” or be seen to do the right thing? Or are we truly meeting each other as equals by holding ourselves in all that we know we are?
“How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.” Thank you Adele. I so know this to be true but let it slip time and time again, giving my power away . This very statement, being so true and coming in your amazing and brilliant blog supports me in the strength and power of my preciousness.
Elaine, I live in a culture where closeness is not shown especially not from men. I have been despaired for a long time until now I have come to the conclusion, that just means they do not choose to be close, that’s all—it is everyone’s right to choose. Is that normal? Definitely not, and that has to be expressed, but it does not diminish my preciousness whether closeness is something reflected outwardly in our culture or not.
I also love this Elaine, how a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am! So very true, I know for me I have given my power away to men, thinking that their view of me should feed in some way the make up of who i am. I have allowed that, but over time and the assistance and love from Universal Medicine practitioners and workshops, I have a very different view of myself and what does make up me, which is not to look outside of myself for anything, least of all acceptance and love from someone else.
A new beginning to live true brotherhood. To let go of capping our expression is so freeing. When we allow ourselves to feel the essence instead of feeling the differences, connection just flows.
If equality is our foundation, we would be feeling our essence over differences, and truth would be simply expressed without investment of how it is received or responded, for inequality simply does not feel true in brotherhood.
Felix so well expressed, Gender Equality is a return to true Brotherhood, which gender is not the focus, but the Love of human beings are.
Thats pretty cool how you have managed to see past so many images of how each gender should be and get right down to the fact that we are the same by essence. Male or Female we are both human beings – so why do we treat each other as if we were different species? Most if not all of these ‘gender gap’ arguments blanket blame the other gender but if everyone is holding back then if someone doesn’t start then who will? for their current gender and the other.
Leigh it is pretty cool when we realize the only true truth in human interactions is Brotherhood and start living as such.
What is fascinating is that true gender equality has in fact not a focus on gender but on the equal-honouring that holds both man and woman with the same love. Therefore, gender equality as we have grown up to think of it is a misnomer, it’s not about trying to make man and woman equal, we are already equal! True gender equality comes instead from honouring each equally.
Equality is simply living who we are, no matter our gender. And we inspire each other while doing so. Very simple.
Rosanna, this is a gold nugget…
‘it’s not about trying to make man and woman equal, we are already equal! True gender equality comes instead from honouring each equally.’
Well said Rosanna, we are already equal and because we focus on the differences we created unequalness which we now try to undo by applying gender equality. Gender inequality has been created by deciding to individualize and to prioritize the performance of one over another. Gender inequality has been created by focusing on the doing and not on the being. If we connect to our beingness we can all feel the equalness we are in our essence. The problem with gender equality is that we are trying to address the ill of inequalities from the same source and quality we created it and this never works. Living only a tiny aspect of individualism and with this the comparison and recognition that individualism needs we will never live our true equalness. Only by honoring the qualities each of us brings and the commitment to true brotherhood will be the path to true equality.
I agree Rosanna. As a woman, if I meet a man and see him as different to me in essence then I am already in separation. If I meet a man as equal in essence but with his own physical expression then we are already equal.
That is a beautiful point rosanna, true equality comes from honouring each equally. This also means honouring children and the elderly equally no matter whether male or female. If we start with ourselves and include that same love and respect equally with children how can they help but grow up knowing the truth of it.
Very well said Rosanna. And thus instead of trying to ‘fix’ the problem and develop equality – we should be RETURNING to an individual expression where we can love all equally.
This is an awesome point Rosanna. We are all responsible for the gap between the genders because we have made it about the genders opposed to feeling and expressing from the equalness in us all.
Equality starts from within.
I know I have been caught playing the blame game to justify my behaviour.
Whenever things are going south I would blame another or a situation to why it was so difficult to stand tall and solid in how I would like to act and be.
This was the trap!
Even though I accepted some responsibility that I have a part to play. I blamed others for making it harder for me to play my part.
Imagine running a cross country that was only 1 km, completely flat and my only task was to reach the finish line. Essential what I was doing was blaming others for changing the terrain. I blamed them for changing the rules from running 1km to 50km and saying I had to climb mountains, swim across rivers and wrestle tigers.
You feel less stressed Luke – not being the victim any longer. It is so easy to blame others and there is always a story waiting from the head that makes the show go on in the never-ending blaming game. You have made the step out of it and that is so profound and inspiring for the young man you are. The world needs more young people taking responsibility and true leadership, this is awesome Luke!
Luke, the Truth of Equality does start with this Truth being felt and consolidated within our bodies, then it is simply Truth that wishes to be expressed.
Luke you are writing about psychology and something I know I can be tripped up by too – holding a picture of how I expect something and/or others to be and not wanting to play ball anymore if what I expect and what is actual are not matching up. Your line ‘ I blamed others for making it harder for me to play my part.’ encapsulates this exactly.
“It starts with me” – so true Adele. Everything we observe as not being right in this world will only change if WE start to make a difference first, not by putting a grand show, but by choosing to address this issue in our own lives and live differently, so that we can be an inspiration to others. Nothing is more convincing than walking your talk.
Very pregnant sentence: ‘It starts with me’ – gender equality starts with me (or as Luke said ‘within’ me). If I do not put myself above or below someone but feel my value and self worth in equality to everyone else, then gender somehow ceases to exist – at least in the meaning of discrimination.
“As a woman I had accepted that in male/female relationships I had to give more,”… this is the belief I had too Adele that I was not enough just being me, and that I had to somehow prove that I was worthy to be in their company let alone accept that I could possibly be equal to them
When we are true to ourselves it is easier to see everyone as equal, as soon as we start to look outside for recognition or we want to put men or women on a pedestal as being better than us then there is immediately an in-equality.
Alison, being true to ourselves consistently in life consolidates Truth within our bodies, and this is the Truth that our bodies will move and express in, very simply so.
Adele, I feel that when I don’t treat myself with tenderness and care consistently and to the depth and precision required then I feel more needy of the attention or love from the man/men outside. While it is always lovely and confirming to be treated in a gentlemanly way if that doesn’t happen I am more easily the observer of the behaviour if I have sufficiently cared for myself.
Hear hear, well said Josephine Bell. Precisely true for me too.
Very true Josephine. How we treat ourselves and others will be enough of a reflection to the men around us and will show what we will accept or not accept from them in terms of treatment.
Thank you Josephine- I can feel the accountability your comment comes from and also the potential power we have to observe when we have sufficiently cared for ourselves.
That is so very true what you have shared in your amazing comment Josephine and I can only agree because this is also my own experience – by the way to be not treated in a gentlemanly way is the best marker for me to know what I have to do!
Great to read that you have placed a value on yourself Adele, we need to value ourselves first and foremost before we look out expecting others to do likewise. It is great to read of your experiences and allied to your own role there is certainly a lot we as men should be doing to value all woman with the equality and respect that should be a given.
Men and women are here to reflect to each other and inspire each other to be more, and this is a relationship that can only go deeper. True confirmation, is always what we give to ourselves, it can’t be given to us, any confirmation from the outside is already felt and lived within ourselves.
Hello Stephen G and I agree. A key to this value is possibly appreciating the value others bring as well. The moment you lock into any perceptions, man or woman, age etc you don’t see the value. We all have value and in any moment appreciating that value, no matter how small it may appear changes the nature of the relationship. If you are having difficulty seeing your value, look around and appreciate what you see in others. The moment you see this and build on it you will have the awareness that you can only ‘see’ this in others because it has a spark within you first.
Great question to ponder Adele. On first reading this stood out: ‘When I stop expecting men to act in a certain way and then feel hurt when they don’t, I start living the preciousness of the woman and the human being I am. Responding to the preciousness I feel within me stops the need to be rewarded by something outside of myself.’ We must treat ourselves with the greatest honour and equalness rather than seek it from others. I have work to do!
I can really relate to what you have written Adele, ‘As a woman I had accepted that in male/female relationships I had to give more, understand more, allow more and accept more compared to my male partner.’ There seems to be an expectation that this is what women do in relationships, that men are insensitive, that feelings are what women not men have and that men earn money, have hobbies, don’t really like to talk about things and are less understanding, i can feel how if we as women accept this to be true and so do not ask men to be more, to be the truly sensitive, expressive, understanding, caring beings that they are then we all loose out.
Knowing the essence of men, we know the essence of ourselves, expressing this for both women and men without the investment of how anyone chooses, we take the responsibility of simply being who we are. The inspiration is in our every breath, the choice to be inspired is always with the other. And we constantly go deeper with this, and how beautiful it is the relationship with life.
Gender equality is an interesting topic Adele, so often its women’s rights which touted and men are slain for their ill behaviours and not truly understand. Women go into competing against men for dominance rather than equalness. In essence we are all the same man or women yet in physicality we have differences and for me it is key that we honour our strengths and build on our weaknesses. But not in a way of out doing or competing with another. Women have a lot to show and inspire men when they live from who they truly are and do not try to compete as a man, similarly when men let go of trying compete and be the top dog they can show women quite how tender and sensitive they are. So we can learn and be inspired by each other, but to compare is deadly and certainly does not breed any sense of equality.
Comparison simply keeps both genders locked in a false version of themselves, it is so exhausting and uninspiring, for we all know we are so much more. In equality and true brotherhood, we inspire one another to be more.
Yes and playing the comparison game just keeps us floating around the top of a shallow puddle rather than diving deeply into the ocean of brotherhood and enjoying true relationships with everyone regardless of gender.
Absolutely James Nicholson, enter comparison and any potential of living in Brotherhood is extinguished, and competition reigns supreme. Enter self acceptance and self appreciation, and stand we will with our equal Brothers in the body of Gods love.
I love what you say James, that we can learn from and being inspired by each other instead of comparing and competing. when we are willing and open to go there, we will come to the understanding that we are here to learn from each other instead of outdoing one another in competition. We will appreciate one another for that and celebrate the physical differences and the equality in essence we have to share and this will bring to us the beauty of a united humanity in which there is the appreciation of the multitude in physical expression in that.
Very well said James. In the fight for equality it has become just that – a fight – when as you say we could be approaching the disharmony between the genders by appreciating and honouring our strengths, and building on our weaknesses. There are naturally qualities that both genders bring, and only one gender brings, and this is something we have to accept, because otherwise we will be forever striving to attain attributes our body is simply not designed to have, e.g. men are naturally physically stronger than women – yet many women make it their life goal to ‘bulk up’ and compete with them, denying their true shape and physique.
Hello Susie Williams I agree. I see that through “appreciating and honouring our strengths” or values the perceived ‘weaknesses’ will be non existent. The ‘building’ should be on the value we are rather then attempting to be on something we are not. We aren’t built to do things on our own and so through appreciating and honouring everything around us, the everything will support us. This also takes care of the gender because as is being said we are truly all equal but for me if we appreciate the value someone brings then it doesn’t matter who or what they are, this is the part we are ‘working’ with. The moment we see a divide and then try to bring that divide together, it is still divided but if we appreciate the value of what we feel then you are less attached to where and from whom it comes from.
I like this point James – men and women are equal but have some differences that are to be acknowledged and honoured. In so doing they nourish and support the other rather than denigrate and compete against each other.
It can be so subtle, the imbalance and what we allow or not. This is a big one for me to ponder. As l can oscillate between both, depending on the person and how l feel about them and myself.
Feeling the subtlies of imbalance—that awareness is gold Irena.
‘When I stop hanging on to the belief that men cannot be as understanding, allowing, accepting, or giving because of their past hurts, what I allow is a much greater love to be expressed; and men meet me back with constant beautiful surprises confirming that they are everything I know them to be.” This is interesting Adele, because it could look like the other way round, that it is more loving for women to understand any of men’s less than loving behaviour as being because of their past hurts and rejection issues. What I am hearing you say is the next level which is holding them in equality asks them to be all they are equally to what you are presenting. To do this a women has to be steady in her own connection and being of love, without perfection.
The steadiness lies in having no investment in how anyone chooses, for the connection with oneself is enough. Thank you Josephine for bringing this deeper.
Holding each other in equality Josephine I find is to never treat anyone less or more but being in deep understanding to all concerned. Not everyone chooses to be treated in equality, but this does not change how we choose, no matter the choices of another. It is definitely not easy at times, but there we go, another opportunity to go deeper in connection with ourselves.
I have always felt that women give more, and lead the way in relationships. Men seem to be a bit awkward and not know how to be, while women seem to be more confident in knowing what to do, and men take the approach if its ok with her its ok with me. I feel that men step back and do not take as much responsibility or commitment to the relationship as their women leaving them to take the initiative when something needs to be addressed. This is not true or fair, as you have shared Josephine and I agree. I feel us men could use some encouragement in this regard.
Thank you, Adele. Developing a deeper relationship with yourself allows you to feel that every man and woman on the planet have the same sensitivity and tenderness. We just don’t always show it and have different ways of protecting ourselves, rather than trusting each other and the exquisiteness of what lies within.
Yes Janet, that’s it. and perhaps because gender inequality has been so rife in workplaces and in life in general and we have all been hurt by this, we put up the walls pf protection and close ourselves down from bringing all of us, openly to day to day life. When we don;t bring all of who we are, we are bringing a lesser part of us — and so equality is questioned — by ourselves , knowing we are bringing less than we are, and by others who pick up on this even without realising. Equality comes with the responsibility to open up and be ourselves in full. When we let all of us come out we absolutely know we are al equal in the divinity of essence each and everyone of us has.
Beautifully said Janet – I agree. There IS so much exquisiteness to appreciate within, within others and through our togetherness, when we choose to let go of protecting our hurts and trust in the love we all equally are within.
Janet, a few days ago I went to swim and all the lanes were occupied, so I chose a lane to share with another swimmer, he was male. When I first went in, he was swimming almost in the middle of the lane, so I had to swim near to the next lane just to not be hit by his forceful strokes. I swam two lanes, and he was still swimming like this. Then I decided I am not going to swim timid, and will just swim with my full presence and when I did that, he started to open up space (and respect) between us and when I observed how he swam, his movements became much more gentle. When I finished swimming and was waiting in the bus stop for the bus, a man came over and said “hi” to me, although I could not see the face of the man swimming in the lane because he had big goggles on, nor could he see me for the same reason, I have a feeling this man was the same man I shared the swimming lanes with.
Adele, I appreciate you sharing this example – this is the kind of thing I have known myself to do whether it has been a man or a woman – to take up less space to make myself as inconsequential as possible as a way to placate and avoid dealing with whatever my presence might trigger in another. I much prefer your way, ‘being in full presence’. That has more integrity and honouring for ourselves and others and this example suggests to me it can also be powerfully healing.
With gender equality the emphasis is often on men, their attitudes and treatment of women. Adele, your gentle reflection of you revealed the subtle and not so subtle ways women buy into gender inequality, in the way they relate to and treat men. Thank you for sharing your growing awareness of you and your commitment to claim your innate power as a woman where-ever you are. When this comes with equal appreciation of men as tender and sensitive beings, the potential to heal humanity is huge.
There is indeed a great potential to heal in humanity when we look at the gender inequality that is so predominantly present in our societies. Imagine when humanity will start to understand that in fact women and men are in essence all equal, how will the world then transform to?
When we focus on genders, we are already in separation. When we focus on genders and blaming, we are in deep separation. In Love, there is only unity.
Well said Adele, love the simple truth of it. Gender is already the separation and it is important to understand that it is about not looking at what separates us, but at what unites us and that is love and our divine origins. Life is about living in harmony with the diversity offered to us, but never hold any of the separating components of human life for more than our divine origins and the knowing that we are all one.
In love there is only unity: so simple and so true.
I agree Kehinde, emphasizing the blame on any one gender, there is already no equality to begin with, how will we reach equality from a foundation in which it is lacking?
This is a brilliant article so clearly bringing to our attention the myriad of ways we play the gender inequality game. What an inspiration to say no to the perpetuation of this and yes to holding my precious-ness alongside the precious-ness of men in all my interactions, big and small.
That is the way to pull each other up out of the self-created illusion of inequality: to appreciate each other deeply and know oneself and another as equal beyond any differences.
Yesterday Monica I called a male family relative and he was upset at something when I called and before I finished asking a question on the phone he hung up on me. I called back and said you hung up on me, and he did it again. It was hurtful for these situations to even be happening within humanity, and I allowed myself to feel that hurt and let it go. A while later, he called me back and all the frustration and anger he was in earlier was not there anymore, and he apologised.
Well said Matilda, there really are so many ways in which gender inequality plays out. So often it is over complicated and Adele really has brought so many great points to attention. Definitely inspiring to say yes to holding our preciousness, for us as women and also equally for men.
This is the challenge, and I am aware that this is a big thing still for me, too. Allowing me to show my preciousness in all my interactions – my challenge for this life, when I look back and notice that I have pretty much lived in reaction to the weakness of my mother – becoming strong and self independent was my goal- I never wanted to be weak and needing help from another and rather keeping control of everything. What a lie that I had allowed to live, but not any longer, thanks to my own commitment to make a change and to live my own truth.
“I realised that I was still holding myself back in how I was expressing with males at certain times – there was a reservation on my side.” I can relate to this Adele and am familiar with the feeling. Holding self-worth, appreciation and understanding for myself I can feel subtle shifts occurring my ability to feel equality to men and other women too.
Adele I really appreciate your clarity with regard to old and new ways of thinking about the opposite sex. It is amazing how when we change our behaviour to reflect what feels true for us, honouring and respecting who we are, the responses from others reflect that level of confidence back to us. Thank you.
Absolutely Bernadette. And through honouring, respecting and appreciating who WE are – we can then do the same for others; men, women, children, the elderly, teachers, nurses, cashiers and the list can very well be endless!
An endless list indeed Susie – all for one and one for all!
true gender equality is dependant on everyone, it is choosing for ourselves to be love and all that we are. When we choose this there will be a mutual love between everyone. Than we can truly honour all our beautiful qualities.
Beautifully said Benkt, it is that simple. When we choose love we choose equality as love cannot be anything else than the equal expression from our Soul. When we choose love we know that our physical differences in gender, age, nationality, socio-economically, ethnic or racial origins, etc. are just a different expression of the same which one day decided to separate from the whole. With love we know that unity is not altered by diversity, as unity is who we are. Then love becomes the quality we live and diversity is not our main focus anymore, but the true quality of being the love we are.
“With love we know that unity is not altered by diversity, as unity is who we are. Then love becomes the quality we live and diversity is not our main focus anymore, but the true quality of being the love we are” – GREAT truth Rachel, as so often we get hung up on ‘diversity’ especially in the workplace, when in fact …. shouldn’t we all be hung up about equalness??? – i.e. the fact that we hold ourselves measured and not equal to another human being, and in comparison, end up with superiority or inferiority complexes that lend itself towards the ‘diversity game’ where tolerance of others is what’s advocated. Being an advocate of equalness is key, because with this all difference dissolves and humanity proceeds towards being restored — no matter the number of nationalities, colours, genders, races. For we are unity. We are brotherhood.
The problem with diversity is that there is an individual attachment to it and a massive identification. That’s why tolerance is preached as it lets the individuality in charge and gives people their identity. Only when we detach from being identified through our origins, nationality, gender, etc can we embrace true equality and live as equal Son’s of God on earth.
We are getting more and more of those people who are living in this equality offering truth to different nations as living marker for truth. We are setting different standards in the way we treat ourselves and all others in our lives. This to me is true brotherhood and true support, and knowing that we all are equal sons of god – with this power we can build great monuments that can clear the earth – such as the pyramids. We all have inbuilt all that is needed to be aligned with another on a very divine level, knowing of the constellations of the stars and moon phases, the science of the angles and the old wisdom to live in true brotherhood. What about we all commit to this again, the world can be a totally better place to live together in equalness and love with another.
Absolutely so Benkt and Rachel. Gender equality is actually not about men and women, but about love. With equality between human beings, naturally there is equality between genders. How are we loving ourselves?
Yes you express this beautifully Benkt. It is true empowerment to take responsibility for bringing this equality to our everyday relationships rather than blaming society as we play an equal part in the whole.
Beautifully said Benkt. Gorgeous to feel the quality in your expression.
Hi Benkt, beautifully, simply and powerfully expressed. “true gender equality is dependent on everyone, it is choosing for ourselves to be love and all that we are.” It certainly is.
And then there is no need for gender equality anymore.
Very true Esther – in fact the term gender equality in itself is ridiculous as there is no such thing. We are all one at essence so how can we be equally one???
Absolutely agree Esther, we strive only for gender equality, because we have chosen separation as our way to live. When we start to live from our divine essence we all know that we are all equal and just different in expression and that it is not about human assimilation, but about divine oneness.
Esther, Nicola, Rachel it is true, it is absurd to become what we already are—equality is in our breath as breathed forth by the Divine. But as a whole, we have diverted far from the truth, we are learning to breathe true once again, and if we have to learn with each other even from the most basic birthright to live, we will. Mouth closed, gently breathing through the nose, let’s go.
Gender equality is indeed not the end goal, as that still holds a separation of the sexes. But as we start to feel our own love, we can start to see that it is in everyone. Not just in men or women, but equal in all, all with a different expression helping us to evolve.
So true Adele and what a beautiful expression on the gender equality discussion that plays out and the games we all play in it. Starting with ourselves first and how we treat and love ourself is as important as how we see and allow others to treat us. Honouring and living the love we truly are on a daily moment by moment basis in presence and fullness where ever we are is a beautiful and responsible way to bring equality to both men and women in true relationship with each other and all humanity.
Your revelations are deeply touching – they basically pull the rug out from underneath any blame and irresponsibility. I especially love when you write, “Responding to the preciousness I feel within me stops the need to be rewarded by something outside of myself. How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.” Thank you so very much, one awesome and very honest and truthful expression.
Yes I agree Gabriele…when we realise it is our relationship with gender equality that sets the stage we then know that the power lies within ourselves to claim back that equality that we have given away or not!
When we realise that we have given away ourselves, we have the opportunity to rebuild the relationship with ourselves. This opens the door to our home that is inside of ourselves. Our power lays in the relationship with ourselves and the self worth we hold. It needs a lot of appreciation and honouring for self and for where we have come to and where we are at now. This confirmation is needed before we can evolve any further.
So true…how others act is not a true reflection on how precious we are, in fact there are times their reaction confirm the preciousness
And that Joel is a precious learning for the world to hear, a learning which begins with knowing our true self worth.
Gabriele and Adele that’s the key in knowing I am not at the mercy of external approval ” How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am” is an awareness we gain only when we know the preciousness within.
Beautifully said Gabriele and I totally agree – Adele’s expression is awesome, very honest and truthful.
Gender equality does start with us, thank you for sharing your deeper considerations Adele. I will be reflecting on these more deeply myself. One can ‘believe’ gender equality is a given, but as you explore are we living in a way the honours that equal-ness with ourselves and others
Agree Victoria, the issue is more, and all about equalness. For equalness arises and restores naturally the natural balance and order ‘of both’ to ‘one’. We are one.
Zofia yes it is all about equalness and the natural balance. That has been unclear for me in life and have always oscillated with feeling myself or lesser than. Now I feel in my body the acceptance of myself and the balance I bring as a female, and in relating to men I feel my responsibility as the sacred women I am to not waver.
To allow ourselves to be all that we are, with no holding back of the amazing beings we are, is a vital stepping stone to a foundation of equalness between us all. As you write so eloquently Adele: “I’m coming back to a deep knowing that men are made of the absolute same essence and sensitivity as women are, and that there is no difference in our ability to feel”. To honour these qualities in each other is to also add another essential building block to this foundation of unification that is desperately needed in the world.
Adele this is a great blog deeply considering how we as woman can bring that sense of equalness to our own lives first, in that we are never any less than anyone else regardless of who they are and the responsibility we also hold to be that for ourselves.
Adele, a beautiful expose of gender beliefs that are not true. The only truth is that we are all equally of the same essence and so have available to us the qualities of love, harmony, stillness, joy and truth to express with, thank you.
That’s it, spot on and wise words. In my next life I will not give away this connection with my truth and the love that I am. No way I give this what I have found back, away again.
Thank you Adele, for leading the way to having a much deeper conversation about gender equality. I can feel how when I hold back from living and expressing the essence of the woman that I truly am, I do not expect the men in my life to do so either. It is almost like I give permission to myself and others not to step up.
I so agree Jenny and see this play out in my own life. When we choose not to see ourselves in our fullness we absolutely play less, not seeing that we are all equals. It feels timely we all begin to step into all of who we are.
One of the best things I have experienced is when a woman claims herself – in full. Everything is so much clearer and simpler. It is just wonderful.
That is absolutely one of the best things for a woman too, a strength is felt within that allows the world to be themselves. For a woman iving this strength, the joy felt and lived with everyone simply cannot be denied. We are all a step closer to the unity that our bodies know. Thank you Christoph for sharing how it feels from a man’s point of view.
When we are not ourselves, it is so confusing for everyone, you can see how men and women get in such a pickle with each other with all the mis communications going on.
Men are not from Mars and Women are not from Venus, we are from the same source, we just keep acting like we’re on different planets.
That is the set up – that we think we are different then men. This separation we give power to as soon as we allow to treat ourselves lesser or different and comparing ourselves with another, the jealousy does its poisoning. Key is to not judge another and to hold us equally in love and understanding for each other.
This is a great point – it’s interesting how the way we are and the way we behave towards others sets the standard of what we expect or what is ok from another person. We all have such a big responsibility.
“How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.” How true this sentence is. Sure it is lovely to be treated with the tenderness we all deserve (a tenderness that men have at their very core) however, if I man chooses not to express their tenderness this does not make me less in any way. When a man does treat me as the precious being I am it is truly beautiful, yet this does not leave me feeling more, it is simply a confirmation of the beauty within us all.
This sentence stood out for me too Leonne. There is something about feeling our preciousness as women that is so beautiful and it negates the need for recognition from a man.
What you say is very true Leonne and applies to all of us. I am precious and tender regardless of how I treat myself, how another woman treats me and how a man treats me. Why do we get so hung up in particular about men when so very often the one who is not respecting us is ourselves!?
Very true Nicola, if we focused on treating ourselves with the tenderness, grace and love we all are regardless of anyone or anything else then we would all be relating very differently to each other anyway.
As if Nicola that blaming between the sexes is already so ingrained within us—that equality is not in our foundation to begin with. If we did not hold ourselves first in true love, we would not know that in our bodies to do so with another. But when love is what we hold ourselves with, any situation less than love would be intensely felt and expressed as truth and not blame.
Hi Nicola, what you are saying is very true as everything starts with the relationship we are having with our self. Treating our selves as precious and tender is a great starting place
Great point Nicola, the not respecting is first of all done to ourselves, only then is there a fertile ground for others to not respect us.
This is very true Nicola – I find that the more that I value, respect and appreciate myself and am gentler in my approach to life, my relationships and interactions with men really do change. They are much more open, engaging, intimate, loving and less defensive.
So true Nicola, we get our backs up far more over feeling mistreated by another than we do when we have mistreated ourselves. Sometimes we even get upset by another’s mistreatment of us but have actually contributed to it or do not take the opportunity when it presents to talk about it so that it may not occur again.
In honesty Dean, any reaction expressed to another comes from a reaction first felt with oneself that was not dealt with.
Wow Nicola that is so true what you share here – I wonder why we did not learn about this important fact in our families?
Oh yes I do know this lesson, I used to blame men for not respecting me. I always wanted respect from a men instead respecting myself first. The need to be confirmed from outside has lessened my confidence and self worth. But this set up no longer works because I am holding myself in a very loving way and would not allow any disregard any longer. Truth and love belonging together and I cannot imagine a lesser way of life.
Great point Monica – I can totally relate to still getting sucked into holding back and waiting to be confirmed by another instead of confidently living the love that I am.
I can also relate to this Monica. My body is always there to remind me if I have gone into protection when I am in the company of a man- whether I become less open, more excitable, start expressing in a different way than I would with women. This article reminds me that there are many more joyful steps to take towards living equality with men, and it starts with trusting, loving and appreciating me.
“How a man chooses to act does not determine how precious I am.” this stand out line from Adele’s blog has been deepened and strengthened here by Leonne and others, thank you all from the depth of my heart, these conversations will bring much needed harmony to gender relationships.
Leonne, treating each other with the deep preciousness and tenderness that we all are, is Normal.
Spot on Monica, we cannot wait for others to confirm us who we are. We have to do our homework and holding ourselves in self worth and being in our livingness as good as possible. This to me is true and makes sense – giving back the responsibility – to be the love you are.
Beautiful said Adele. In fact deep inside we all know that this is the way we want to live – in connection with the love of our soul – and express this connection to the best of our ability in all that we are and do. And in this there is no difference in men and women, there is only a physical difference we have to appreciate but on the inside we come from the same place where there is not gender but only equal soul.
Nico well said. Whilst reading ‘ but on the inside we come from the same place where there is not gender but only equal soul’ I felt a deep pinch of pain at the thought of the millions of men that have been conditioned to hold themselves in such tension and hardness believing that these are the qualities of being a man.
Alexis, one day while walking along the subway here in Hong Kong, I saw big wall sized bill boards, a few of them advertising a new blockbuster coming out. In the picture there was a man as the main character who was supposed to be tough, manly, sleek, well-dressed, supported by a woman who is flawless and perfect in her appearance. I looked at this personification of this model of a man dressed in expensive black tie attire, some would say looking handsome and successful, but he felt so exhausted in his hardness. The woman had outward beauty, but her role is always a step behind the man, only in support but never equal. My heart cried—wall to wall bill boards reinforcing these to be successful stereotypes of men and women.
We ache to be seen for who we are – yet we are sold cool looking suits, shiny hair and flawless complexions that don’t actually exist.
One day though Adele we will stop buying, when we get tired enough of propping up the myth.
Rachel, perfection is a consciousness that will only keep us in comfort until our bodies force us to wake up from this harm.
“As a woman I had accepted that in male/female relationships I had to give more”. Although this was not explicitly said to me, my upbringing and my subsequent marriage to someone from the Middle East confirmed it. For most of my life I conformed to the various expectations that being a woman entailed. Being a ‘good wife and mother’ was my birth duty, I was an adjunct to someone’s else life. Finding Universal Medicine so late in life is a true blessing leading me back to the woman I am meant to be.
It is never too late to come back home, our home inside ourselves. Ironically we have never lost it, because this home is always there – we have just followed many delays and detours on the way back. But finally everyone will find this sacred place within, in their own time. It feels so much easier this way to let everyone come to their truth in their own time, and my responsibility is to not judge others but to live a life of true reflection.
I could so feel that too Alexis. We have been set up in such a sophisticated way and play a game that our bodies tell us in not true!
I agree Nico, is honouring our individual expressions regardless of gender.
Absolutely Nico and what this reveals is that we are all equally the sons of God.
Well said Nico. Where did we decide along the line to not know we have a Soul? Where are we as a society when we do not even consider what is driving our bodies? We have just accepted this ‘form’ of living. Additionally it is absurd what the education system does not teach us. We do not learn about spirit or Soul, we do not learn about the importance of self-love, of equality, of working together, and in how to ‘be’ in life, and not get caught up in an outer identity. There is such a struggle to go against all of this now – to be in a world of doing…however we have all created what is ‘out there’. It is almost like we now can’t/don’t want to see it all, so we just stay insula. At some point though we will need to expose it all, to sweep it all clean. Maybe we can then learn the true meaning of life on a global scale? And re-write certain systems.
“Maybe we can then learn the true meaning of life on a global scale? And re-write certain systems.” Sounds like a plan to me Arianne !
I love that Nico—Equal Soul, absolutely so.
Gorgeous Nico. Yes absolutely one soul and expressed with our own unique flavour with equal amounts of awesome.
Gorgeously expressed Nico. Yes we are all equal soul.
Gender equality to me is all about knowing deeply that a man and a woman are from the same source and therefore any differences that there are (and there are a lot!) are because of the human body differences. The essence of a man and a woman are the same, they simply have differing ways of expressing themselves, differing capabilities, as do the capabilities between men also differ. I don’t know how it ever got to some (read billions in fact) believing men are ‘better than’ women, but it’s definitely time this belief was de-bunked. Thank you Adele for living gender equality in a location where historically it hasn’t been the case.
Such a powerful and true statement Suzanne, “The essence of a man and a woman are the same, they simply have differing ways of expressing themselves, differing capabilities, as do the capabilities between men also differ.” Reading Adele’s blog I can see where I have this false notion in certain situations with men of being better than, knowing more and able to see what is truly going on… awful to feel but a great healing opportunity. The ‘better than’ game between the sexes is often encouraged from when we are young, and it is an enormous pressure on our innate knowing that we are one and the same. I remember being friends with a boy around 5, that was so gorgeous, warm and playful, and there was never any difference (other than how we physically looked) in how we expressed our love to each other. It is sad, how this often changes as stereotypes seep in and taint our view of one another. But we can change this at any time we choose.
Thank you for nominating this better than game Aimee. I have often observed in myself and other women, a subtle arrogance that we have it together more than men. I see this most often in intimate relationships. Little ‘digs’ about partners may seem like an innocent joke, but they carry this arrogant, ‘I know better’ energy.
Great expose Toni, a belief that has been fostered for centuries and is still very much carried on in our society. Awesome to be breaking it down here.
Men know this game too.
Yes we have been hurt, even hurt badly. But we are not going to express from this hurt anymore. It may take some time to get used to feeling the hurt we have put ourselves through from previously not expressing, everytime we now express in love and inequality, but we take the responsibility to live again who we truly are as women. Thank you men, for without the support from you we can hang onto being a fake version of ourselves for much longer. For what we all yearn the deepest as human beings is to return to the relationship with Soul, a coming together in harmony of both our maleness and femaleness.
Well said Adele. It takes both genders to support each other to honour the truth and essence of each equally and express that lovingly.
This is something that I have noticed recently and I find it quite uncomfortable to watch, it is almost as if some women take pride in publicly dressing down their husbands. Yet in truth if we saw ourselves as equal and had expressed how we felt along the way the communication would not look like this.
Yes well said Nicole if we make it about love and thus equality first there would not be any of this.
I can completely relate to this. Thinking about it now, the way we talked about men in my family was so disrespectful and belittling of them, as if they were the lesser species. Now I can see how damaging that kind of mindset can be, and how it brought about more division between the sexes. Now I know that we are a one glorious people, equal in our hearts and what we have to bring to the world.
I count myself in here as well Toni – for a long time having a ‘better than’ attitude towards men (particularly when I was in intimate relationships). Thank goodness to have exposed that one and to realise this came from a lack of self worth and as I’ve worked on that, to feel the arrogance being replaced by appreciation, understanding and acceptance.
That’s true Aimee, why are we not expressing to everyone with the openness and warmth like when we were young children? Do we grow up to be less natural? I have since recently started doing that with more people, even in situations where it felt difficult and so true that there was only honesty and no holding back in expressing, you would always feel the other person, and even when there is disagreement we naturally come back to harmony very soon, and play again.
The awesome reflection of this is how much and for how long I have withheld this natural love in expression with people, and how much it is what I long to be, and the awareness and commitment to this responsibility is a gift.
So beautifully expressed Adele – and also very confirming. Like you I have withheld ‘this natural love in expression with people, and how much it is what I long to be, and the awareness and commitment to this responsibility is a gift’. It is such a joy-full expression of the love we share for humanity and to feel this joy is us truly coming home to our innate expression and to know that we are all one with God in this blessing.
It is astounding Mary how we have become so locked into guarding ourselves and not sharing our natural expression. It’s totally ridiculous when we daily have the opportunity to share a smile or a few words with a stranger in the street and how different we feel afterwards. We feel more alive and more connected and yet at other times we can stubbornly hold onto our guard and miss these amazing moments to be connected to the world and the Universe. ‘When we express love naturally with other people around us they feel it and they become more open’ – this too is my experience and consequently that of others as we are innately all the same in our essence.
Such words of wisdom Suzanne – you say it exactly as it is with – ‘Gender equality to me is all about knowing deeply that a man and a woman are from the same source and therefore any differences that there are (and there are a lot!) are because of the human body differences … ‘
This really puts EVERYTHING IN PERSPECTIVE. The same gem applies to skin colour, race, nationality, religion and any other ways that we appear to be different.
Equality is only true if when is true in all circumstances., well put Shevon. We still have a long way to go, but it is only comfort that prevents us from starting right now with ourselves in taking responsibiity for it, it is also comfort that will numb us from feeling the harm that any inequality lived and accepted will be a consequence we have to account for in our bodies.
Interestingly enough…when we call them out as not being equal there is often a look of disbelief or an ill ease as to why we would question this.
It certainly does put everything into perspective Shevon. The trouble is that we have been so short sighted for so long that we can no longer see the wood for the trees – that is until a stop moment forces us to look at these issues. When we are willing to see the world with new eyes we can see that all the confusion was merely a smoke screen to make us feel different from one another and not embrace our divine essence. True equality is about letting go of the self and allowing others to be and not giving up on ourselves as a one humanity, that which we truly are.
I absolutely agree Suzanne we all come from the same source, just have different expressions.
Suzanne, it feels seemingly more difficult for equality between men and women to be expressed in certain parts of the world and cultures, but the truth is all men and women are equal. And if this truth can be expressed in the parts of the world where it is still unknown and unheard of because of our resistance to truth, then it is all the more necessary for truth to be expressed here, as every act of equality expressed is building on the equality to be expressed in the whole world.
Great point Adele, the gender equality expressed (in some parts of the world more in others less) is not true and therefore there may not be necessarily an advantage of the supposed equality we gained in most Western countries as it may keep us away from feeling that we are really not getting it. We may be hazed by the illusion of being equal when in truth we are just assimilating to male energy and motion and not living our true expression as women and men in their very own quality.
Beautifully expressed Rachel. Until we know the truth of equality in our bodies, no amount of gender equality propaganda will make the slightest difference – it will just be buried more deeply in our bodies. I see the gender inequality game play our in feminist organisations! It is extraordinary how feminist groups end up in power battles in the name of equality.
Agree Bernadette there is so much struggle going on in the fight for equality and this struggle is rooted in everybody acting out of a hurt and therefore from self and in absolute motion. Most are trying to change the eggs without realizing that the basket was wrong in the first place and everything that is put into this basket is not true. Feminism is lived from the mind and has no connection to the body, in most cases it is even strongly disregarding the body and therefore our divine expression.
‘We may be hazed by the illusion of being equal when in truth we are just assimilating to male energy and motion and not living our true expression as women and men in their very own quality’ – this is a show-stopper. Superbly expressed, Rachel.
Comfort is the biggest illusion of all and its only goal is to distract us from seeing truth. It is of mayor importance that we gained rights, but we have to be careful to not be blinded by the temporal good if it is not a step to truth. Temporal achievements can be the illusion that keep us from claiming our divine origins.
This is beautiful Rachel … “We may be hazed by the illusion of being equal when in truth we are just assimilating to male energy and motion and not living our true expression as women and men in their very own quality”… and so true. The way men and women are living is not of our true quality, and it was only through the teachings of Universal Medicine that I became aware of the true quality of men and women. It is only through observing Natalie Benhayon moving in her true quality as a woman, and Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon as true men that I appreciate what it feels like to be connected to our true essence, anything less is a reduction of ourselves.
I agree it is only by observing and feeling such true role models as in the Benhayon family that I now am starting to fully understand what it is to be a true woman and a true man. As you say Sandra, ‘ I appreciate what it feels like to be connected to our true essence, anything less is a reduction of ourselves.’
The expression on the outside may be different but they are, we are, equal in essence. For me that the moment this looks like that no matter when I hug someone if we are coming from our essence there is a warmth that is equal. Even just writing this I felt to pause and ask – if this essence is equally felt regardless of gender..then am I living in that essence as a woman or preforming behaviours and movements that appear male to achieve a sense of equalness?
Leigh what I have observed throughout my life and as my work is in fashion, is that there is an oscillation of how I present myself in qualities of female as well as male. It feels true that our true essence we are both, and life is simply for us to come back to harmony with our femaleness and maleness in energy until we are One.
When felt, we cannot be fooled. Equality is not an appearance we put on, it is in our every breath. Equality is the choice to breathe the quality of harmony of both the male and female as One in the Soul.
Great point Monica, we have a distorted vision of what equalness is as we have put value to a certain male expression and take this as the norm were everybody has to align too. That is not equality. Because of this reductionism we experience the massive violence against women and belief it is men’s behavior and disrespect towards women and a general societal stand of holding women less. But we have to look at the bigger picture and understand what we are truly doing here. We are capping our absoluteness of divine expression by reducing ourselves to the lesser expression of male and female and in this game putting the male expression higher than the female and starting a struggle about getting them equal. This keeps us busy trying to get something right that has been wrong from the word go. If we live by the knowing that we are equal Son’s of God we will understand that gender inequality is a man made struggle to distract us from living our truth.
Adele, this is such an expansive comment about where we express truth as well as how needed it is to express the truth wherever we are. When the truth is expressed on one side of the world it frees up the possibility of it also being heard in other places as well. I was also this morning reading about how much bullying can go on between staff in our hospitals and how difficult the politics can be when someone comes forward to speak truth and I could feel a sense of wanting to avoid such a situation but when I put it in the context of your comment here “… if this truth can be expressed in the parts of the world where it is still unknown and unheard of because of our resistance to truth, then it is all the more necessary for truth to be expressed here” then it was easier to take a step back and consider hospitals are places for people to heal – so perhaps this is a place for truth to be heard and not avoided.
It’s become so easy to avoid speaking Truth, but the fact is that it is not so easy as the increasing toll of illness, disease and relationship problems ravaging our bodies, our homes, works places and relationships in general is telling us. Yes we may want to shirk away (and I have felt this many times and still do) but increasingly there is more awareness of what you say here Deanne in that:
” … When the truth is expressed on one side of the world it frees up the possibility of it also being heard in other places as well …”
And that gets me to move off my bottom and do what needs to be done – knowing that if I don’t step up to the equality that is needed in every situation, I am shutting off that opportunity for others. Our lives are not just about us and there is much that we allow others to experience just by the way that we live. This I find is something to take serious note of.
There is only one truth, one world, one love–we all are the ones, there is but the One.
Deanne – what I can feel is so needed in hospitals is a call for everyone in them to be responsible. The staff in terms of their choices and how they choose to live to support those who are sick, and the patients in terms of the choices they have to support themselves to heal and look beyond the ailment but also what was the cause of the ailment.
If we are honest about our choices, this can be a huge step forward in allowing us to be more open and aware of the fact that our bodies are communicating with us all of the time.
When there is no honesty there cannot be truth, our resistance before it is to truth is actually to love, our own love.
Some important points you raise Adele – In essence both men and women are equal.
And “if this truth can be expressed in the parts of the world where it is still unknown and unheard of because of our resistance to truth, then it is all the more necessary for truth to be expressed here.”
We are then a point of reflection and truth, so that others may become inspired to do so also.
Superb Suzanne.
This puts the need to be equals in what we do or say out the window and brings in the understanding that we are equal in our holding, connection and expression first which to me feels much much deeper than simply saying we are equal in our rights, what we do and what we can say because even then we can still hold another as being less than you simply by not meeting them in their essence first.
We have made a great error in the wild oscillations from men ‘better’ to and attempt to make women ‘better’, trampling the truth of our equalness. Gender supremacy serves no one. It makes a joke of our beautiful vulnerabilities and turns our strengths into weapons we hold over those “others”.
True equality embraces both – it takes in the differences but also observes and acknowledges the sameness of essence that is our source.
To truly know and embrace both men and women, as women we take the responsibility to express all that we are as women, and allow men the spaciousness to come to their own conclusion and expression.
Very wise words Adele and so needed, too. This is absolutely amazing to feel the freedom experienced in not holding back our preciousness and delicateness from being a women, what is in the same time the true essence and power we are. Allowing ourselves to live like this and holding us in tenderness and true understanding for ourselves and for men the same is offering the space for true connections. This should be taught at the workplaces and in schools the same, as a offer for true communications within men and women.