This is my story of when I decided to stop drinking alcohol. I was never a heavy drinker at all, I actually hated the taste of wine and beer – and especially the taste of alcohol, it made me want to vomit, but I still drank because all of my friends did. So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in.
I know that is a sad excuse but that’s how it was for me, and it goes to show that my self-confidence wasn’t the greatest at the time. Drinking back then was the “social thing”, even though I now feel it’s the furtherest thing away from being social. We like to believe it’s social because we feel more confident speaking to people, but I’ve learnt it’s not a true confidence.
So back to my story…
In the beginning I must say I enjoyed the buzz – I thought I felt more confident but at the same time there was a stroke of arrogance about my behaviour. I was quite flirty and used my looks and charm to attract women, but it felt quite shallow and needy and I didn’t feel that I was being very respectful towards them, even though I was in no way rude. At least that is what I felt at the time.
It just felt like the whole situation around consuming alcohol seemed very superficial and fake and this is not what I truly wanted. I love being around people and I love the connection with them, but when alcohol was present that loving connection was out the door and that was also one of the reasons I quit drinking, side by side with the following incidents.
When I got to the point where I decided that enough was enough and I stopped drinking altogether, there had been a gradual process of realising how I felt after having alcohol.
I have been one of those guys that wanted to go out the door and play first thing in the morning but after a ‘night out’ my body just didn’t have the energy to do it and that bugged me quite a lot. So the okayness I felt about having alcohol slowly faded and ended entirely after what I can remember was a three-stage process.
The first time was at a party of one of my friends; I felt my lower back hurt when I started drinking and I couldn’t understand why. It just felt very uncomfortable, as if someone was holding and squeezing my kidney very hard. But at that point I still kept on drinking.
The second time, from what I remember, I started to feel something before I even opened the first bottle. Something in my lower back started to hurt the same way as the first time but I overrode this feeling yet again.
The third time however, something happened that made me realise what I was actually doing to my body. Same thing as before, I could feel something in my kidneys before I even started drinking but this time it felt as if someone literally put a knife straight into my physical kidney… and that was enough for me!
After that incident I never touched alcohol again and I haven’t regretted it for one second. It was actually great that my body told me that loud and clear what it truly preferred. Looking back I knew from the beginning that alcohol wasn’t my thing. When I was younger no one really questioned why you drank (except from my mum, bless her) but why you didn’t drink, as if drinking alcohol is normal.
For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.
Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, which is a bit more seldom than before, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people.
By Matts Josefsson, Support Person in Psychiatry, Student, Dalarna, Sweden
Further Reading:
Getting Honest about Alcohol
Drinking Alcohol – The True Picture, The True Damage
From wine to water: How I finally quit drinking alcohol with the help of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon
834 Comments
“So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in” – i used to drink for this reason too Matts, for the social aspect and also bonding with another person, getting close to them, to develop relationships, friendships… though in the absence of alcohol through no longer choosing to drink, and instead the presence of self-love, the illusion I was under was exposed for the evil it truly is — because when we drink, we change and alter as a person and no longer can we be truly genuine, open or true as we might think, and so everything under intoxication is a lie … that eventually collapses, or is shown to be flakey.
I will always remember how I used to feel after drinking alcohol and it is now over 9years ago. I would be so sick and totally not able to function. Towards the end where I had really started to cut back I would still notice how far off I felt. It is one of the best loving choices I have made for myself to stop drinking alcohol.
Great on you Natalie, not for quitting alcohol but for loving yourself enough to not wanting to have alcohol.
I was reading an article recently and there was an audio clip that went with it, adults were remembering what it was like to live as a child with one or two parents that were alcoholics. What I noticed is that nobody actually asked the question I was dying to have answered,why were the parents drinking to excess everyday? What was going on in their lives that they felt they were unable to deal with and so checked out by numbing themselves with alcohol to the point where they were unable to put food on the table because they needed to buy booze instead. Until we start to go deeper in questioning the why’s to me nothing will change.
Why is it we continue to skirt around issues such as alcoholism without going deeper and discussing the real problems that are lurking behind drinking to excess or even drinking at all.
Wow Matts, that is quite a strong signal your body was giving you. A knife in your kidney. I personally haven’t been aware of those signals at that time but clearly felt at one point in time that if I drank alcohol it is impossible to have a heart to heart connection with somebody. The alcohol literally breaks the connection and replaces it with some form of excitement that is not love.
Not only does it obliterate any possibility for a heartful connection Willem but it also opens us up for energies to play with us. That is why we can observe behaviours that is “not us”. And if it is not us then who is it behaving?
I remember back to all the times I sat in pubs pretending I liked beer. I never liked beer, or being in pubs for that matter, and looking back I find it crazy that I spent so long drinking something I didn’t like and that made me feel terrible.
How ‘lucky’ you were that your body was speaking so loudly to you Matts, and that you were still able to listen. For many of us , the level of self abuse and consequent numbness has/had become so embedded that our bodies have had to yell ever so loudly for us to hear.
I would guess that it’s time here for some moments of appreciation of how connected I must have been already to my soul for my body to give me these very loving and noticeable messages.
When we drink alcohol it is very difficult to see just how harmful it is. However, it is those who don’t drink alcohol who are able to reflect a different state of being that can be experienced. While this may not be recognised with the eyes it is always subconsciously being felt.
When we stop drinking alcohol we start to see much more clear how we or other people are behaving when we drink alcohol. Some do iT sophisticated others get rude but in common we all show how we are completly disconnect from ourselves.
You have reminded me of my story with alcohol Matts. I would drink to be a part of the fun, to fit in…do not stand out under any circumstances! I hated the taste, my face would screw itself up in disgust, and I still didn’t fit in anyway. So there I was, still feeling like an awkward misfit, now completely “out of it”, with dulled down senses and lost to myself. This went on for years.
When I stopped the charade, it was the most wonderful feeling ever.
The next step for me was to embrace my quirkiness, the fact that I am an unusual person who does not fit convention. I cannot believe that I ever tried to abandon that part of myself and wash it away in alcohol.
The world needs us as who we are, in full, not a version obliterated by a substance.
In how many instances in our life we listen to others more than we listen to our own body and decide what we do based on that which we decided was worth listening?
Obviously, we expect to gain by listening to them, but are we really gaining? Is our gain a true one?
Alcohol is a medicine, unfortunately it is just not a medicine that will improve our health, but more a prescription we use to alleviate feelings we have. To get to the root cause of why we drink seems the most healthy choice we can make. Then it is not a case of having to give up drinking, but really just a choice we want to make. That was my experience, I grew awareness of what it was doing to me but also why I wanted it, and then I wanted it no more.
Your story reminded me of very severe lower back (right kidney) pains I used to get when driving home from where I used to spend weekends with a couple of friends, both heavy drinkers. I am not prone to back aches and the deep intense sensations never made sense, but now I understand – it was from being energetically drained by my own and their behaviour.
Ultimately our addiction to alcohol is not caused by the physical addiction that occurs in the body, but well before that is fed by our ultimate dissatisfaction with life and an inability to find resolution with the ongoing rest and tension that lies within every human being. As a race of beings, we are for the most part truly unsettled, and unable as a result to connect to the universal pulse that resides in all life.
Giving up alcohol can be one of the most challenging things one can do, that is if you try to it by discipline alone. If you do, it can be a tiresome and not very successful exercise. Success with giving up alcohol can really only come from building a love within that allows you to feel from the inside out that you no longer want to put poison in your body, no matter how ingrained it is on our society.
Alcohol is a powerful tool used in most social situations. Often seen as an extension of who we are or how we fit into a social setting. Being raised in a family that drank little to no alcohol I became aware at a very young age that alcohol was not for me having watched people change how they were with others after drinking. It is interesting to read in this blog the pressures that come with drinking alcohol can feel the same when you don’t. Over the years I have been ridiculed, bullied and made fun of when choosing not to drink yet continued trusting that my open and cheeky humour was a naturally way I connected to others was enough.
I know many people that have tried to quiet alcohol or have a break but for me when I stopped the thought that I was giving something up or I was missing out didn’t come into the equation. I got to point where I basically got put of from the consumption, mine and others actions and letting it be the one thing that you worked your life around. I could see it so strongly in myself but also clients as I work in hospitality. To stop a destructive drug which I would have debated till I was black and blue was harmless I came to see how it changed my life. When you feel life with out it you start to realise how much it really does effect you.
As i have built greater awareness and connection to myself: my sense of appreciation and confidence has completely changed and its clear to me now that self worth is not based on external verification or acceptance and that i no longer need props such as cigarettes and alcohol to prove myself.
It is really silly when you look at it that we need a substance like alcohol to feel like ourselves and have fun. Is it not wiser to look at why we can’t have fun and joy in every part of our lives without a stimulation and alteration of our awareness?
The energy that requires us to drink alcohol to ‘fit in’ is very strong and imposing. Can you imagine being a labourer who doesn’t have a few drinks at the end of the week with the boys or not drink after a competitive game to celebrate or commiserate? This energy doesn’t just let you decide what you would like to do. Instead there is pressure to conform, to enjoin with others. It’s ironic that of someone made us belong to a religion, we would argue and complain, but belonging to the alcohol religion we meekly accept and conform despite the objections from our body.
I love the point that drinking alcohol is considered a ‘social thing’ when it is actually the opposite. When I used to drink it would change who I was, how aware and considerate I was of others and supported me to make some of the most regrettable choices in my life. The crazy thing is that you only realise all this when you give it up. This allows you to see through the fog that the acceptance/promotion of drinking alcohol in society creates.
Yes it makes you wonder why we need alcohol in the first place to be social or able to normally communicate with others. Could it be that our normal as a society, like being tough and confident, is for many not normal but to be able to get to this required skills to be accepted and fit in we need alcohol? As you say Fiona, only taking a step back and observing the whole thing makes you aware of the silliness of it.
What I have noticed is how I used to love the social side of drinking and that it meant I was going to have a ‘fun’ night out with my friends. When I made that choice to stop drinking I still went out and socialised and what I noticed was the different quality of connection that we had was completely different.
We ignore our bodies like it’s what we’re supposed to do. It’s so insane how much we spend our lives seeking information to grow our brains from books and other sources of intelligence but completely ignore the one thing that has all the wisdom in the world. What an absolute mess we’re in to have stepped so far away from what is true.
I found drinking relatively easy to give up it was the cigarettes that were difficult for me to stop and this was even though I felt like a knife was being inserted into my lung when I would inhale the smoke. It was also then more difficult to eliminate the reasons why I had smoked in the first place I feel even more so than the actual physical giving up of smoking because I had buried my emptiness so deep it was not until I discovered Serge Benhayon I got to undo my patterns that caused me to smoke.
Learning to undo my emptiness has definitely taken some soul searching so that I feel that this way of looking at addictions should be studied and then programs set in place so all humanity can benefit.
For more on emptiness go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=EMPTINESS
I love what you share here Matts and what is interesting to read is that most people have been drinkers and then over time realised that the body didn’t enjoy it. For me when I stopped you would constantly have your peers trying to get you to have a drink. Staying strong and knowing that it was important for me not to continue this habit was so empowering.
I remember the taste of alcohol and cigarettes in my mouth the morning after a night out and just feeling like I wanted to hit the reset button on my body, yet I carried out the same actions over again until I really learnt that that road only got worse.
Giving up alcohol hasn’t meant i don’t enjoy socialising anymore. I really do enjoy it far more now feeling in control and not needing alcohol to make it so.
Removing alcohol from one’s life seems like such an arduous task at first – but I found once you do it it is actually not even that big a deal.
I recall taking up drinking to fit in and now that I have given up drinking, I don’t fit in! Despite this I have no regrets and if anything wished I had given up much earlier. My body has become so sensitive that even sugar in certain fruits was giving me a hangover type feeling!
I was recently asked how I enjoyed life with me giving up alcohol. It’s beyond me how alcohol and enjoyment of life is connected. If anything alcohol gives this false un-sustainable enjoyment and the following day you’re left with the repercussions and nursing a sore body part – no joy in that at all.
Given the harm that alcohol results in and the costs of alcohol abuse, it’s interesting that we continue to consume it and essentially ignore the warnings and even defend it’s usage.
Yes, the mass acceptance of alcohol is really signalling a deeper ill in our community – where we seek the numbing effects and false energy to shore us up in a world that we really don’t know how to be in. What if we were to get to understand and heal what is ill within ourselves and start to live the truth of who we are first – then the allure of alcohol and its illusion would be stripped bare allowing the harm and damage it causes to be clearly seen.
The drinking to fit into society is such a harmful pressure and given the abuse to others and ourselves from this it is so responsible to stop and not add to the industry any more. The responsibility of not drinking is an amazing choice and feels great and so much more loving for both ourselves and the world at large and overrides all the need and pressures out there.
So true Matts – how did we get to be a society that never questions why you drink alcohol, even binge drinking on a saturday night… but questions why you don’t. Some parents even pressure their kids into drinking with the line that they want their child to fit in/ to not be the odd ones out, but this exposes much more about where the parents are at – with their relationship to alcohol, to people, to themselves and the world.
Interesting isn’t it that alcohol is considered to be a ‘social’ thing to do and even an essential ingredient in any social gathering. So why do we need it so much to be social? What are we afraid of that would be there without a mind and body altering substance? Are we actually pretending to be social but really not being open to the depth of connection that is very possible when we are with other people in our natural state without anything to hide ourselves behind?
The impact of alcohol on society is regularly reported. It is a factor in road deaths, domestic violence, insufficient money for food, and even increases illness and disease. So why do we as a society allow alcohol?
When I started drinking at around 14 yrs, I just thought that’s what everyone did because everyone seemed to do it. Certainly all the adults around me – family and family friends all drank. When I met people in my adult years who didn’t drink, I thought they were boring….how arrogant of me! Now I don’t drink and maybe people think I’m boring but i feel far, far from boring.
It took me years to stop drinking alcohol completely and one thing I don’t miss is the morning after, although I was one of those people that could function just fine and override the way I was feeling, but the question is why did I want to? Why would I want to put something in my body that was so obviously not right.
Giving up alcohol is in many ways futile if one does not address what the lure was in the first place. For then one is likely to substitute with something else that whilst may be healthier for the body, in itself serves to provide the same need for the relief that alcohol brought about in the first place. And so, playing a game of substitutions is a good short term management tool for helping one get out of a destructive pattern of addiction, or habit. However, it is not a strategy in itself that will ever address the root cause of the problem.
This afternoon I was in a small shop and this guy who had been drinking started to talk to me. After his first sentence I asked him if he had been drinking and he lifted up a 6 pack of take-home beer as his way of saying yes. He also said something to me that could have been perceived as a compliment. I couldn’t help but share with him that I didn’t think he would say that if he hadn’t have been drinking. It was a short, open, honest conversation and I walked away with the appreciation of having just met this man, knowing that I would have loved someone to be so honest with me when I used to drink. It only takes one person to initiate an open and real conversation and in doing so this can be a life-changing experience for everyone involved.
It’s been a long time since I gave up alcohol, yet I can still recall a time in my life when I thought I could ‘never’ give it up. I truly remember sitting in Amsterdam, sitting on a square, drink in hand, watching the world go by, being on holidays and just loving the taste of the alcohol and thinking ‘I just can’t imagine not drinking’!! Yet here I am living a fulfilling and loving life, that is not filled with alcohol.
Having stopped drinking alcohol some years ago I feel much better for it. This combined with stopping many other unhealthy addictions too has been life changing but there are still things I do which come from the same place that I did these things – it is the cause which we must heal and not just the symptoms.
Our bodies don’t lie, but we do attempt to ignore them. I recently said this week, I haven’t drunk for years and I feel amazing, this is absolutely true. Alcohol hindered my well-being, even what we call social drinking impacts on our bodies. It feels like a wonderful choice to stop and I will not return to it.
I used to know people who shared that they only drink alcohol to socialise and they don’t actually like the taste or the after effects. After reading your blog Matts, it makes me wonder how many people feel the same as you when it comes to consuming alcohol. Could it be that a majority of people actually dislike alcohol but chooses to drink to socialise and fit in?
“So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in.” I can put my hand up as having done this and I am sure a great percentage of drinkers would do the same. Now with the understanding of how alcohol affects the body I no longer drink and the fact that I used to at all staggers me as my body was endlessly letting me know very clearly that it didn’t want such a poison in it; it took me a long time to listen but I am glad that I finally did.
“Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, which is a bit more seldom than before, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people.” – Me too Matts, and it feels awesome doesn’t it? I have not drank any alcohol since early 2003 and am not missing it at all, the desire for it totally vanished after a particular healing process, in fact the smell became so sour – it has never even been a thought to drink alcohol again.
The reality of alcohol and why we drink shared here is a revelation and something that true responsibility for how we are living makes sense for us all. Peoples lives change dramatically from giving up alcohol and the awareness of this is great to publish and put out there and a real reflection for others to bring quality and true caring into their lives.
Having felt the two different qualities, being aware of my body and the choices I make can effect how I will feel in the long run.
When I drank I didn’t think twice about the effect this was having on me energetically let alone the effect this was having on others. While I didn’t think about this the effects in my body such as being sick, feeling awful and not being fully with it couldn’t have been louder messages that alcohol and I were not working. How quick are we to ignore the loudest and clearest messages when they are sent. This is one incredible feat, but certainly not one to be proud of as ultimately it is our own undoing.
Going through that process of stopping alcohol is very interesting and one I believe is very personal even though it maybe similar to others. It’s like anything you can be told that something is not good for you and to stop it but until you really feel it for yourself and you know that it really is not good for you from how you feel then it is a lot simpler and has longevity when you do stop it.
At an event recently, I noticed how in a room of 50+ people, I was the only non-drinker. I just observed and what I saw and felt, was a group of people who meet weekly, taking the edge of their lives. I saw the relief on their faces after the first few sips or glass and I saw what looked almost like a mask over their faces, voices became louder, and things that weren’t really very funny seemed humorous to them.
So true Richard. When someone ‘give something up’, it feels like they are missing out. I stopped smoking when I was 26…and I remember saying to myself ‘I’m stopping smoking’ because I could feel what it was doing to my body and was adamant that I wasn’t giving it up – it was a step towards listening and loving myself more.
This sharing reminds me Matts how so much in life, is not a case of instant download = you get it. The resistance in us is such that we often need to be shown things a few times. So the essential thing is not to get down or grumpy about a discretion or the disregarding things that we do, but just to see it as the latest installment in the beautiful education of you.
What always amazes me is that when I look back at my live, at how I though I used to love alcohol and how challenging it was to give it up – today I would never touch it again. Not because I have a great discipline but because I treasure the feeling and clarity I have in my body and with that I don’t need something to give me the “false confidence” I used to demand.
Like any substance, grow the awareness of how it makes you feel, implement a self agreement to care for ourselves, and watch that behaviour melt away. Many people want to give up alcohol, many don’t and each needs to be respected. For me there would have been a time in my life where I would never have considered it, but as the feelings of how sick it made me and how much I was poisoning myself grew, alcohol because one of the easiest things I stopped having. Just like that, 5 years ago, never looked back.
Matts – thank you for sharing. You speak about registering how you felt after drinking – and I can say this is the one thing that allowed me
To know that alcohol was not supportive. I used to use drink to not feel – but when I asked myself what I was actually wanting to avoid it became very clear to me. I can’t apply the same to sugar. These days I’ll have sugar to feel good but actually when I say no to sugar because I can feel I don’t need it – the feeling that follows is so much more than how I would have felt if I had the sugar.
I had a similar experience of feeling a knife in my body but I didn’t drink alcohol but was approached by someone who did. This made me physically realize what it means that our body is divine, and that our particles do not want anything that is not divine in it. I did not speak up at that moment to this person who drank alcohol although I knew I would be affected, and this is another opportunity to learn to be more love.
Interesting Adele. It also shows that if we choose to not speak up when needed we get affected.
What is most astounding is what a big deal it is to give up something that is essentially a poison to the body, and a mind-altering drug. You would expect that to eliminate something like that from your life for good would elicit all sorts of good wishes, support, even envy and query over how you managed it. That would make sense to me. Interesting that what is usually elicited from such a self-loving choice is quite the opposite!
It is interesting to observe people when they start drinking. It doesn’t take long before I notice a change in them. The effect of the alcohol makes people speak and act differently, their mannerisms change and they say things they wouldn’t say without the alcohol. As an ex-drinker, I know that this was the case with me as I felt different after even a few sips of alcohol.
I think everyone that stops drinking alcohol never regrets it. When I look back on how much I used to abuse it, it makes me shudder. I mean I would go and see my favourite musician play and not remember it the next day. The clarity of life without alcohol is amazing. I remember going to a concert quite sometime after stopping drinking and getting that same stabbing feeling in my kidneys afterwards as if I had been drinking, which proves to me there is such a thing as passive drinking if we are unaware.
They say the truth comes out under the influence of alcohol, well yes, i guess it does in the sense of the great untruth [of being altered chemically] getting exposed by the out of character behaviour that so often ensues in contrast to states of sobriety. Mind you, even in sobriety/when sober — are we being true, and if not, is this why we have alcohol to hide this fact of not living this [true and naturally full] way. This is certainly why i used to drink alcohol…to escape situations, feelings, aspects of life/work, seemingly to take the edge of things, when in truth the edges only became rawer, and harsher… until the day i choose to stop hiding from myself, to choose the love i am, no longer consuming something that took me away from me.
When we give up or let go of a substance or behaviour that keeps us away from our truth then we are saying yes to having more love in our lives.
Matts one of the greatest lies I would tell myself is that when I drank, the “real” me came out. It was a substance I would rely on, one that meant I thought I was invincible and that the real me was out to play. On the surface the external confidence and sophistication showed itself yet the insecurity lurked deep within. Fast forward and when I look back I actually see I was far closer to being the true me when I was not “under the influence” than when I was. How back to front we can create our life to be..
Once I started to become honest about what it is that I was numbing myself with, a poison and that I was not going to accept it as a sociable drink but a tool to avoid the deep hurts and pains that I had been walking around with did it become clearer that I didn’t want to continue my life in such a way.
I started drinking alcohol at a young age at home as we were alowed to have a small taster with our meals on special occasions. This meant by the time I was a teenager I was desensitised to the taste and liked it. However I did not like how I felt during the time of drinking or the next day. And yet I continued, this shows how there must be something else at play. After the first Sacred Esoteric Healing session I had, wine tasted dusgusting and I never drank it again. A few weeks later I poured a glass of gin and tonic but then I immediately saw why I was wanting to be drinking it and threw it and the whole bottle down the sink and never drank any alcohol again. Now over 10 years later there is nothing about alcohol I find attractive at all. My body knew all along it does not suit us and I am glad I now listen.
So true Mary – if I would have been the boss I would have told the lady to go home and recover and I would deduct that day of her salary.
“So instead of listening to my body, I drank to fit in.” This is where it all begins because when you look into the eyes of a baby the last thing you can imagine is it choosing to drink alcohol, as there is so much joy, openness and divinity in their expression, just by being themselves. Something happens to us growing up, we feel empty and we then need to fill the empty void. If everyone else is doing it and we can be accepted by them when we drink, we somehow think that helps us to feel a false sense of belonging to a group. We also use it to mask our vulnerability. Heaven forbid we let people really see us truly. We feel like that would be devastating. Unfortunately for us, the choice to check-out on alcohol is exactly that-devastating.
Alcohol is one of those obvious ones that lots of people will readily admit they do to ‘fit in’. What most people choose to remain ignorant to is the fact that there are many other seemingly mundane choices that are also for that reason. And these are the real evils of life. The old saying “Better the devil you know” springs to mind.
I just re read my story here and I must add that I love cooking. There are so many things we could enjoy so much more if we skip the alcohol. We love to do things but we mistakenly think we need to add the alcohol to spice it up even more. Wrong! You dull it down. It’s like adding a bit of mould to the food or whatever we might be doing and think that it’s going to be better.
Since we are not ourselves when we drink then who is connecting with who?
We all know that we change when we drink. Most of us are at least that honest. Then the question is who are we when we drink? What personality has entered our body? If it’s not us then who is it? We think that it’s us just because it takes place in our bodies but we know that something else is with us. Possession is not something new and most might be a bit reluctant talking about these things but if you look at it it seems to be a great way to explain it. But then the question comes what is it that has entered us or what is it that affects me? Most of us are a little open I think that there are beings around us that are not in physical form. Wouldn’t it be possible for them to affect us? If most of us believe that there are things we cannot see that are all around us such as spirits or entities or perhaps ghosts, why wouldn’t they be able to affect us? And could it be that when we drink we are giving them room to affect us even more? Scary some might say but not very unlikely if you look at how people behave around and with alcohol and especially the energy that people go into when drinking and the energy you feel in pubs and where alcohol is served.
I used to think that I needed a drink as it gave me more confidence. What I realise now is that it simply disonnected me even more from who I am and that I was allowing something else to control me. What I was actually doing was laying myself open to abuse in its many different guises, as I became more and more disconnected from my body.
Scary stuff that is.
So much of what I used to call normal evolved around drinking and when I look back at best it gave me a headache.
People feel they connect more when they have been drinking, but they are far from the truth as you are more disconnected and numb when you drink. Drinking is a complete disconnection from your body.
We think connection is enhanced when we lubricate ourselves with alcohol and yet how can it be true connection when we are not ourselves and used a substance to alter our consciousness.
I hope and trust that science will prove this soon enough. That alcohol causes a dissociation with yourself. But that might require them to not be drinkers otherwise it might seem like they’re shooting themselves in the foot so to speak. Actually it just takes a heartful scientist to do it. Discover the harm that is.
Fact is that we are ‘externally controlled’ when we drink alcohol, we are simply not ourselves anymore and this applies to any amount that we take in, slowly with every sip we allow something else to take over. And we know it. We can feel the relaxation of its effect but it is in truth not relaxing but a numbing away of what is going on and particularly going on with ourselves.
True and this is a science that will one day be presented to us.
Matts I do enjoy reading your blog and connecting with what incredible changes you and so many others have made, what I love most is that its not about a big burdon to stop alcohol etc. but that through the natural choices of being more loving and caring the need to drink was not there. I feel deeply blessed by having done the same in my life as how I live today is so very different to the dysfunctional wreck that appeared to have it all together in the past.
Thanks MA, and I would say that being sober is approximately around one trillion times more rewarding than being intoxicated, so what to choose was a no brainer for me.
I too used alcohol as a way to fit in and be a part of a group, even though I too was not all that interested in drinking. And it didn’t take much for me to get tipsy, half a glass and I would start to feel light headed. Confidence was also part of my reason for drinking and not wanting to be seen as different or out of the group. When I remember what I and others were like when we did drink, there was definitely not true interactions going on, just talking lots of rubbish and trying to look cool.
Too true Julie, but if you ask the person drinking they can say they are totally with it. People need people that can be firm with what they believe in, such as not drinking. It’s easy to fall for group pressure but it’s not an excuse really. If you don’t feel like drinking with friends then it’s great to say that and it feels so good standing up for what is true and you get rewarded a trillion times.
Giving up alcohol or giving up anything that harms the body becomes really easy, as soon as we make the decision to do so and being really honest about the immediate effects it has on us and the long lasting effects – kidney damage.
“For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day – it doesn’t make any sense, so giving up alcohol for me was a no brainer.” – Would it not be wise to apply this to all things in life that make us feel unwell – foods that do not agree with us, activities that do not support us etc etc…
Most definitely, I sign up for food… Another one is holding back our natural way to be with people. I find that one being more and more in my face. If I hold back I feel uncomfortable and very unnatural.
A beautiful sharing on the alcohol question and the reasons why we drink and how our body is communicating to us all the time. I have found it the most lovely thing to start listening to my body and honouring it more and more and what an amazing body it is and the support and love communication with it offers us.
Alcohol used to (and still is) being sold as one of the major if not the only social activity one can do with friends, work colleges or a potential or current partner. As if being sober is boring and yet the most enjoyable and light-hearted connections I have had have been over a cup of tea with my boyfriend or a morning walk in the park with a dear friend. That excitement and stimulation and the picture of ‘party times’ feels very over the top, trying to over compensate for what it’s harms when simply connecting to one another can bring so much joy to our relationships and social life that doesn’t result in a hang over the next day!
I think that is the crux, we are wary to be sober with friends because there is the potential to be more with them. They can see deeper aspects of us and we find that scary.
Thank you Matts, for showing us that alcohol has a big effect not only on our physical body and health, but overal being (energetic state). Thank you for making it al so clear for us.
I so agree with you, Matts, how alcohol consumption seems to put a superficiality and fakeness to people, – and how that leaves a true, loving connection out. I love connecting to people without substance abuse – so we can be real together.
Totally agree with you Nathalie.
Matts i grew up around a generation that believed alcohol and fun were synonymous.
Letting go of alcohol was easy from the physical point of view as i had never enjoyed how it tasted, however being comfortable with not drinking socially I found more of a struggle and thats understandable. For if you have used this as you confidence crutch for so long then it can feel like your being left naked.
Universal medicine has helped me see that true grounded confidence comes from my relationship with myself first and foremost and for this i am entirely responsible. Re-binded to myself though my choices and way of life requires no props only the outward expression of the inward love that i live – true natural confidence.
I shared this feeling of being left naked when socialising around my friends who were drinking but I came to realise just how much of our culture revolves around the alcohol and not the socialising and connecting with people.
Giving up alcohol has allowed me to deepen my relationship with myself and appreciate what an amazingly gorgeous woman I am. Something I treasure enormously.
Matts I would say that the period of giving up alcohol for me was deeply symbolic it was a time when I went from needing to be liked, to please others and to be seen for something to letting go of that and starting to value and deepen the level of care for myself, it was not the dropping alcohol that I appreciated most but my choice and care in willing to love myself for me.
I agree, it’s not about quitting things really. All the bad stuff will fall away as we get more loving with ourselves.
Alcohol is the end result of a way of living that doesn’t honour the natural joy and harmony available to us all.
“Now when I go out to restaurants or clubs, I have a glass of water and enjoy the food and the people” – Very interesting point Matts. If and when we drink, do we really get to enjoy the company of others, or do we get distracted and taken over by the alcohol, music, drugs etc. that it becomes a distracting, disregarding get together rather than a night out to connect?
Yes – Let the connecting-with-people-for-real be the new “in” thing. Which it has always been but we might have forgotten about it.
There is no doubt, for me, that we do not connect with each other in the same way when alcohol is involved. We ‘think’ we’re having more fun, being more social, but in truth, alcohol takes us away from who we truly are. People say and do things they would not normally do and say, some even become violent. We loose the connection with ourselves first and allow the energy around us to influence how we are and how we behave.
To abuse our bodies is a choice and one that reflects that we are also choosing not to feel and appreciate the amazing and sacred vehicles of expression that they are.
Of course, we need to care for our bodies as we would with our other vehicles we use in our lives, otherwise they will eventually break down, we all know that. We just need to be reminded that our bodies are equally important as our car, if not a thousand times more. The difference is that our bodies have an innermost essence that can fuel itself if we care for it and ourselves, the car doesn’t really have that, sorry car, but it can support us supporting ourselves.
Although I have never drank alcohol, something a friend shared with me in a conversation was what if we didn’t need to take the edge of life? What if we lived a life so full and vital that at the end of the day there was no need for reward or relief – not just from acohol but anything we can use to pick us up
So true Gill, everything about my life has improved through me giving up all forms of drugs and their replacements that were mainly the sugary substitutes and carbohydrates that turned into sugar.
Drugs and alcohol were so simple for me to give up as I started to feel the imposition they were having on my body. It has been more difficult to get to the replacements, as I can at times still feel the same imposition on my body as the drugs were having. As I feel deeper into what is the root cause of me wanting to check out with a variety of substances I can feel that I need to have a greater responsibility and awareness about when and why I started to feel being rejected in such a way that I felt to do drugs or the replacement drugs. Feeling rejection so that I can evolve past the numbing effects of the replacement for drugs is changing everything I do and how I am when I do them.
Life for me is a million times more enjoyable and real since I stopped drinking alcohol, there is always a falseness surrounding it. I must have lost count of the time I professed my love for people whilst under the influence only to cringe about it the next day. Now when I tell someone I love them I truly do.
Yes what are we actually saying when we are under the influence of alcohol? Who is saying all those things we say when we the next day can say why did I say that, or why did I do that? I know the answer, and we all do, but I think it will take a while to admit that we are not really ourselves when we do all those things we so regret having done and said the day after, it’s way more rewarding to be our true selves.
Agree Gill and the responsibility factor is important here as well. You might say that you feel “fine” or “good” when you’ve had a drink but that “fine” and “good” is you not wanting to feel the tension pretty much all of us feel in life. When I say you I don’t mean you Gill but in general.
“For me it seems very strange to put something into our bodies that makes us ill, flat and tired the next day…” I agree it is strange that we do this. But on considering further it may not just be alcohol; it could be over eating, staying up later when our body is crying out to go to sleep, or even indulging in over emotion. There is much we do and live that is draining, makes us feel flat and tired the next day. But is it possible that underlying all of theses choices is our deepest desire to seek relief from the intensity of what we are feeling and not knowing what do to with these feelings?
3rd times the charm, as this blog so greatly puts it.
However, the question is why does it take more than once for us to kick a habit that clearly doesn’t support?
This is where our relationships with behaviour need to change as not the make it or break it but rather the compensatory mechanism used to bury another non-physical event.
I think awareness is the key here Luke. There are many things that are affecting us yet we have no clue that they do because we are not aware of it. One example I could give that I recently have discovered is how I can use exercise to keep myself hard. Now hard is relative here, I’m not the typical hard and blokey kind of guy but I’ve realised that I can go into robot mode with the having to exercise rather than listening if this is what my body is up for right now or if it’s more up for having some self time with my how water bottle on my couch.
This article is bringing common sense to the madness of how expected it is that we drink alcohol; that it is a social right we earn at an arbitrary age. Not only do our bodies clearly show us that it is really bad for us but science is catching up and loathe though we are to admit it – the writing is on the wall, and we have to accept that we simply do not want to see it, hear it or feel it, so comfy are we with our dependence on alcohol.
In Sweden alcohol consumption is estimated to cost around 50-60 Billion SEK. That figure is probably a lot higher but the real damage is the loss of life quality. We sometimes think that we get some kind of “life quality” when we have that sip of our “favourite” wine or beer but we forget that we are actually taking the edge of life when we do that.
It is interesting how we can lie to ourselves by justifying our behaviours even though we know they are abusive to our body. Drinking to be social is very common, but it is none other than an excuse to justify that it is good to drink but how can anything be good for us at the expense of our body? Drinking to be social has not been my thing but it does make me ponder on behaviours that I can justify but really are abusing my body.
Well if the want to not feel how amazing we are then we can use a lot of things. Heroin and all sorts of drugs including alcohol works very well. I feel that the bigger problem is not the drugs in itself but why do we not want to shine? Our bodies are what we have to be who we are and trash the body and the light within will stay there until we are ready to let it out.
I was a committed drinker, ‘social’, weekend, home parties…you name the excuse I would find it and yet I gave up with ease…little did I know that it would be the ‘social’ pressure I perceived that would have a grasp on me much longer than the actual alcohol…the pressure to drink is huge in society, I definitely do not get invited out as much since I stopped drinking…I am still me, in fact I am a fancy shiny version of my self, since I left the booze behind and even more fun than I was and yet….the discomfort people feel from my choice to drinking is strong that I am now perceived as strange (by some)….make a different choice and it send ripples out, this is what I am learning to stand with, it feels awesome.
Yeah but it’s ok to be considered strange we know that. People like people that are a bit different than the rest of the crowd.
What i noted about alcohol in not drinking it now for more than 10 years, is the effect it has on a body even when the person doesn’t drink the liquid — because, like passive smoking, there’s also passive drinking too, and, as i’ve experienced myself, it’s because our body digests the energy of drink (and can get just as affected) from those who are drinking it around us, or even in a bar/restaurant that stocks closed bottles of alcohol, there’s still an effect.
That’s the next step Zofia and I agree. The way I get affected is that I take on how others are so when they are drinking I sort of accommodate to their way and that’s one of the things I don’t like when hanging around people that choose to drink. Also something for me to learn, not to take stuff on. The other is that it’s not very easy to connect with someone that has been drinking. When you are under influence you might think that you are “straight” but for someone not drinking watching you it’s quite obvious that you are far away in some other dimension.
So true Zofia, I have had similar effect when eating in a pub, the energy I would take on felt the same as a hangover.
Our bodies really are giving us a very true and honest feedback and response to everything that we ingest and do… The thing is to open up ourselves again so that we can actually listen, learn, respond, and start to heal.
The hardest part I thought I would find difficult to give up alcohol was the time that I spent with my friends. This changed slightly as I would go hang out with them still but realised how much of it was not true relationships. I now see them in different settings and the quality that I have with them is without a doubt much more enriching.