I recently reflected on my experience of relationships and how in a couple, both people can feel if there is the ‘pull’ of infidelity, and how this can act as a distraction to an otherwise beautiful relationship we might already be in. However this also made me consider the opposite – what if we encounter another person and feel there is a connection with them that is not of a sexual kind; one that is possibly a deep old connection?
Years ago, my husband met a friend (a woman) to whom he had a strong connection. This could easily have been confused with attraction, but it felt like a strong and old connection, possibly older than this life.
At the time it was not clear to me if this was a connection or an attraction, so I opened up the conversation with my husband. I voiced my concerns in full honesty, but I also felt so deeply within me that I needed to give him the space to explore this connection. Even if this meant that he would choose to be with this other woman, I knew it was not about me ‘standing in his way’ – and I said this to him: I told him I loved him deeply, but that if he felt that this was the person he wanted to be with, I would not hold it against him.
Strangely, this was not that hard for me to do, even though it hurt to feel that I might be ‘left’ by my husband. The thought of no longer being with him hurt me, but more deeply still I knew that if this was his choice I would support him and this feeling was stronger than the hurt I felt within.
Further to this, I have always had an understanding deep within that there are certain relationships or connections with people that are very important to honour and we need to allow them the space to blossom.
But what I gained a greater understanding of, is that the deep and often old and familiar connections that we may come across with another help us grow and deepen our relationship with ourselves and hence each other. We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.
I do not mean we get to sleep around, but that we can honour the fact that there is a connection and a meaning to those particular relationships outside of our husband/wife relationship – ones that allow an honesty to unfold, a sharing with no holds barred, a sharing of the love that we are.
It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.
My husband felt that the relationship with this other woman was a dear friendship. He clearly expressed this to me but also felt deeply regarded in being given the space. By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.
Hence, I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.
The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.
Published with the permission of my husband.
By Henrietta Chang
Further Reading:
The Simplicity of True Expression: Inspired by Serge Benhayon
Sexual Energy – What is it?
Infidelity a Distraction from our Pot of Gold
505 Comments
The best gift we can give someone is to give them space and hold them in love without judgement.
This is a beautiful read, Henrietta. True love is a beholding, allowing another space without a drop of need. Love is also a grace that allows another to move on if needed.
As we deepen our connection and intimacy with ourselves we are then able to bring this to another, and then others, ‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’
When I offer space to my husband there is not one drop of jealousy or comparison towards another woman. The love for self and hence for all concerned is lived.
A deeply gorgeous blog Henrietta. I relate very much to what is being offered here in my own life. Allowing the space for our partners to deepen the intimacy (non sexual) with another offers evolution but not just for our partner but within us too. It is such a glorious and loving choice to make that supports the all.
When we are possessive in a relationship it is like trying to catch a bar of soap in the bath, it can slip between your fingers. Developing trust and honesty in a relationship allows us to deepen our relationships with others.
Beautifull what you have shared here Henrietta the love for your husband is clearly felt and for yourself in that you allowed yourself to feel any hurts that were coming up. Gosh if we all had this amount of love in our relationships just think how much respect, care and honouring there would be with zero judgment, comparison and jealousy. You have set a new marker for relationships here. Also what if we all felt the connections we made with people had a purpose and gave ourself the space to feel what that purpose was … that would be amazing!
Its so important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections they feel with others if not we are stifling and shunting their evolution.
Henrietta, this is a very beautiful testament to not only your own realithionship with your husband, but also to all those people who feel such a connection with another but dont always follow it through because of how their partner, or indeed others may react. I have alwasy felt this to be the case, but sadly it is not something that is widely accepted in our society. You are setting a new bar for us all to deepen those relationships that we feel are so strong but remain purely platonic, but also the trust and understanding we have with our partners.
What a beautiful way of allowing anything to arise within a relationship. This is about seeing and feeling into the big picture, and not making it about our individual wishes first.
This an amazing inspiration to honour connections that feel true to explore rather than getting lost in ownership and jealousy within any relationship that we are currently in. Thank you Henrietta for sharing your commitment to honouring what you felt and your willingness to give your husband the space to explore this connection without having to compromise because of fear of how you might react.
We can be a bit possessive of others, not just husband/wife relationships, but friendships and family relationships too. It struck me reading that each relationship is a constellation to deepen love and other qualities, and then the natural expansion of what’s developed between two is then taken out to all. Possessively restricting that movement of our loved one to be in relationship with others is against this natural flow of developing each other in brotherhood.
Yes this can play out in many situations including work where a particular constellation may offer opportunities for expansion but we can be held back by others or not wanting to ‘rock the boat’ as it is our livelihood on the line if it does not work out.
Such an amazing approach to a perhaps difficult situation where one’s partner feels a strong connection to another person of the opposite sex. But if you truly love them then realising that such a connection is for a purpose and allowing them to explore it without bringing in ownership or emotions, is the loving way to be with it. And having no investment in the outcome makes perfect sense. Having an agenda is going to taint everything.
It is a huge learning to give each other space, and a very beautiful, though not commonly thought of, expression of love.
A beautiful beholding love Henrietta, to hold that space without resentment or judgment allowing you husband to explore further what was being offered, and the outcome was that your love together depended greatly, so gorgeous and amazing is this beholding love of God towards all mankind.
Every relationship is our gateway to evolution. There is no better or more important relationship. Everything that is on offer for us, is perfectly designed to support us to grow and deepen our multidimensionality. The moment you believe there are more important relationships than others you are trapped in measurement.
What if we get confused in regard to what a connection to a certain person means, because we actually don‘t want to deepen in the ones we are already in?
Deepening the relationship means deepening our universality, which asks us to let go of individuality. Obviously something we deeply avoid as humanity.
A very honest and open approach to how we can be with each other in relationships, and how in honouring that all the connections we feel have purpose and staying open with that, we enrich all our relationships.
What a great conversation to have with your husband. Many times these connections with people can get confusing if there is not the space to explore them and to see the potential as something bigger than our own needs and wants.
That is quiet a very encouraging thing to do Henrietta, as I can imagine if I were you that it takes a whole other depth of surrendering to you and letting go of possible hurts that arisen. And nothing is more greater than to actually breath, let others be – in full regard to you and your relationship of course. As truth is always in respect of both.
We deepen our relationship with each other when we share honestly what we are observing and feeling.
Well said Mary, We only stunt our evolution if we holdback or try to control and manipulate in any way shape or form.
Wise wise words Mary. How many relationships don’t flourish because of holding back what we are feeling?
This takes a lot of knowing of ourselves and trusting what we feel to not go into anything but to trust a feeling within and then to open up and allow other space without putting our needs and wants onto them.
Wow, that is not something I had considered but I could feel what you have shared here is important to consider. I have felt there are relationships in my life that are beyond this life, they are deep and illogically intimate in a way that is not related to the time we have known each other. I know these are friendships and they are with both genders – that has never been a consideration for me. Yet I can see that I had not considered this with my husband, and having a conversation about it would allow a deeper understanding of the connection we have as well.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” – This is such a wonderfully honouring message and this blog really helped me to not hold back expressing how important it is for me to explore other (non-physical) intimate relationships when it feels like there is much to learn and evolve through these interactions. Thank you for such a great example of how to truly support each other in relationships Henrietta.
Any connection outside of having a full commitment to true love with your partner is a confirmation of the depth of love you share with your partner ❤️
A deeply beautiful honouring of the truth and evolution that is on offer through every relationship we share with another. In being open to explore this through our connection, we open ourselves up to learning, healing and being inspired to live the greater love we are all here live together.