I recently reflected on my experience of relationships and how in a couple, both people can feel if there is the ‘pull’ of infidelity, and how this can act as a distraction to an otherwise beautiful relationship we might already be in. However this also made me consider the opposite – what if we encounter another person and feel there is a connection with them that is not of a sexual kind; one that is possibly a deep old connection?
Years ago, my husband met a friend (a woman) to whom he had a strong connection. This could easily have been confused with attraction, but it felt like a strong and old connection, possibly older than this life.
At the time it was not clear to me if this was a connection or an attraction, so I opened up the conversation with my husband. I voiced my concerns in full honesty, but I also felt so deeply within me that I needed to give him the space to explore this connection. Even if this meant that he would choose to be with this other woman, I knew it was not about me ‘standing in his way’ – and I said this to him: I told him I loved him deeply, but that if he felt that this was the person he wanted to be with, I would not hold it against him.
Strangely, this was not that hard for me to do, even though it hurt to feel that I might be ‘left’ by my husband. The thought of no longer being with him hurt me, but more deeply still I knew that if this was his choice I would support him and this feeling was stronger than the hurt I felt within.
Further to this, I have always had an understanding deep within that there are certain relationships or connections with people that are very important to honour and we need to allow them the space to blossom.
But what I gained a greater understanding of, is that the deep and often old and familiar connections that we may come across with another help us grow and deepen our relationship with ourselves and hence each other. We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.
I do not mean we get to sleep around, but that we can honour the fact that there is a connection and a meaning to those particular relationships outside of our husband/wife relationship – ones that allow an honesty to unfold, a sharing with no holds barred, a sharing of the love that we are.
It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.
My husband felt that the relationship with this other woman was a dear friendship. He clearly expressed this to me but also felt deeply regarded in being given the space. By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.
Hence, I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.
The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.
Published with the permission of my husband.
By Henrietta Chang
Further Reading:
The Simplicity of True Expression: Inspired by Serge Benhayon
Sexual Energy – What is it?
Infidelity a Distraction from our Pot of Gold
490 Comments
Great to read this again Henrietta and reflect on how important it is to honour people’s boundaries, to allow them the space to share their love with others without our own insecurities getting in the way, and how relationships are there for us all to grow from and learn from. Open and honest communication is always a great foundation!
Marriage is not ownership, it is the ever deepening of the love and connection between two people.
Great point Mary, there is a lot of ownership on other relationships too including in families.
Your blog confirms to me that there is more to us than meets the eye that we have many lives and so it is absolutely possible to meet someone from a previous life and that there may be un dealt issues that need closure so that both people can grow from the experience. To me reincarnation is a very beautiful deeply loving science.
We all expand when we are able to be open to every relationship and the level of trust we have is because of the absolute honesty we can live and share with each other. So transparent relationships are a great way to deepen and build upon the solid platform that we share as a couple or family as you have so Lovingly shared Henrietta.
The best gift we can give someone is to give them space and hold them in love without judgement.
This is a beautiful read, Henrietta. True love is a beholding, allowing another space without a drop of need. Love is also a grace that allows another to move on if needed.
As we deepen our connection and intimacy with ourselves we are then able to bring this to another, and then others, ‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’
When I offer space to my husband there is not one drop of jealousy or comparison towards another woman. The love for self and hence for all concerned is lived.
A deeply gorgeous blog Henrietta. I relate very much to what is being offered here in my own life. Allowing the space for our partners to deepen the intimacy (non sexual) with another offers evolution but not just for our partner but within us too. It is such a glorious and loving choice to make that supports the all.
When we are possessive in a relationship it is like trying to catch a bar of soap in the bath, it can slip between your fingers. Developing trust and honesty in a relationship allows us to deepen our relationships with others.
Beautifull what you have shared here Henrietta the love for your husband is clearly felt and for yourself in that you allowed yourself to feel any hurts that were coming up. Gosh if we all had this amount of love in our relationships just think how much respect, care and honouring there would be with zero judgment, comparison and jealousy. You have set a new marker for relationships here. Also what if we all felt the connections we made with people had a purpose and gave ourself the space to feel what that purpose was … that would be amazing!
Its so important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections they feel with others if not we are stifling and shunting their evolution.
Henrietta, this is a very beautiful testament to not only your own realithionship with your husband, but also to all those people who feel such a connection with another but dont always follow it through because of how their partner, or indeed others may react. I have alwasy felt this to be the case, but sadly it is not something that is widely accepted in our society. You are setting a new bar for us all to deepen those relationships that we feel are so strong but remain purely platonic, but also the trust and understanding we have with our partners.