I recently reflected on my experience of relationships and how in a couple, both people can feel if there is the ‘pull’ of infidelity, and how this can act as a distraction to an otherwise beautiful relationship we might already be in. However this also made me consider the opposite – what if we encounter another person and feel there is a connection with them that is not of a sexual kind; one that is possibly a deep old connection?
Years ago, my husband met a friend (a woman) to whom he had a strong connection. This could easily have been confused with attraction, but it felt like a strong and old connection, possibly older than this life.
At the time it was not clear to me if this was a connection or an attraction, so I opened up the conversation with my husband. I voiced my concerns in full honesty, but I also felt so deeply within me that I needed to give him the space to explore this connection. Even if this meant that he would choose to be with this other woman, I knew it was not about me ‘standing in his way’ – and I said this to him: I told him I loved him deeply, but that if he felt that this was the person he wanted to be with, I would not hold it against him.
Strangely, this was not that hard for me to do, even though it hurt to feel that I might be ‘left’ by my husband. The thought of no longer being with him hurt me, but more deeply still I knew that if this was his choice I would support him and this feeling was stronger than the hurt I felt within.
Further to this, I have always had an understanding deep within that there are certain relationships or connections with people that are very important to honour and we need to allow them the space to blossom.
But what I gained a greater understanding of, is that the deep and often old and familiar connections that we may come across with another help us grow and deepen our relationship with ourselves and hence each other. We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.
I do not mean we get to sleep around, but that we can honour the fact that there is a connection and a meaning to those particular relationships outside of our husband/wife relationship – ones that allow an honesty to unfold, a sharing with no holds barred, a sharing of the love that we are.
It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.
My husband felt that the relationship with this other woman was a dear friendship. He clearly expressed this to me but also felt deeply regarded in being given the space. By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.
Hence, I feel it is important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections we feel with others, always with absolute regard, whilst still holding an honesty in communication about any hurts that come up around this.
The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.
Published with the permission of my husband.
By Henrietta Chang
Further Reading:
The Simplicity of True Expression: Inspired by Serge Benhayon
Sexual Energy – What is it?
Infidelity a Distraction from our Pot of Gold
488 Comments
Great to read this again Henrietta and reflect on how important it is to honour people’s boundaries, to allow them the space to share their love with others without our own insecurities getting in the way, and how relationships are there for us all to grow from and learn from. Open and honest communication is always a great foundation!
Marriage is not ownership, it is the ever deepening of the love and connection between two people.
Great point Mary, there is a lot of ownership on other relationships too including in families.
Your blog confirms to me that there is more to us than meets the eye that we have many lives and so it is absolutely possible to meet someone from a previous life and that there may be un dealt issues that need closure so that both people can grow from the experience. To me reincarnation is a very beautiful deeply loving science.
We all expand when we are able to be open to every relationship and the level of trust we have is because of the absolute honesty we can live and share with each other. So transparent relationships are a great way to deepen and build upon the solid platform that we share as a couple or family as you have so Lovingly shared Henrietta.
The best gift we can give someone is to give them space and hold them in love without judgement.
This is a beautiful read, Henrietta. True love is a beholding, allowing another space without a drop of need. Love is also a grace that allows another to move on if needed.
As we deepen our connection and intimacy with ourselves we are then able to bring this to another, and then others, ‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’
When I offer space to my husband there is not one drop of jealousy or comparison towards another woman. The love for self and hence for all concerned is lived.
A deeply gorgeous blog Henrietta. I relate very much to what is being offered here in my own life. Allowing the space for our partners to deepen the intimacy (non sexual) with another offers evolution but not just for our partner but within us too. It is such a glorious and loving choice to make that supports the all.
When we are possessive in a relationship it is like trying to catch a bar of soap in the bath, it can slip between your fingers. Developing trust and honesty in a relationship allows us to deepen our relationships with others.
Beautifull what you have shared here Henrietta the love for your husband is clearly felt and for yourself in that you allowed yourself to feel any hurts that were coming up. Gosh if we all had this amount of love in our relationships just think how much respect, care and honouring there would be with zero judgment, comparison and jealousy. You have set a new marker for relationships here. Also what if we all felt the connections we made with people had a purpose and gave ourself the space to feel what that purpose was … that would be amazing!
Its so important to encourage and allow ourselves and our partners the space to explore the connections they feel with others if not we are stifling and shunting their evolution.
Henrietta, this is a very beautiful testament to not only your own realithionship with your husband, but also to all those people who feel such a connection with another but dont always follow it through because of how their partner, or indeed others may react. I have alwasy felt this to be the case, but sadly it is not something that is widely accepted in our society. You are setting a new bar for us all to deepen those relationships that we feel are so strong but remain purely platonic, but also the trust and understanding we have with our partners.
What a beautiful way of allowing anything to arise within a relationship. This is about seeing and feeling into the big picture, and not making it about our individual wishes first.
This an amazing inspiration to honour connections that feel true to explore rather than getting lost in ownership and jealousy within any relationship that we are currently in. Thank you Henrietta for sharing your commitment to honouring what you felt and your willingness to give your husband the space to explore this connection without having to compromise because of fear of how you might react.
It is a huge learning to give each other space, and a very beautiful, though not commonly thought of, expression of love.
We can be a bit possessive of others, not just husband/wife relationships, but friendships and family relationships too. It struck me reading that each relationship is a constellation to deepen love and other qualities, and then the natural expansion of what’s developed between two is then taken out to all. Possessively restricting that movement of our loved one to be in relationship with others is against this natural flow of developing each other in brotherhood.
Yes this can play out in many situations including work where a particular constellation may offer opportunities for expansion but we can be held back by others or not wanting to ‘rock the boat’ as it is our livelihood on the line if it does not work out.
A beautiful beholding love Henrietta, to hold that space without resentment or judgment allowing you husband to explore further what was being offered, and the outcome was that your love together depended greatly, so gorgeous and amazing is this beholding love of God towards all mankind.
Every relationship is our gateway to evolution. There is no better or more important relationship. Everything that is on offer for us, is perfectly designed to support us to grow and deepen our multidimensionality. The moment you believe there are more important relationships than others you are trapped in measurement.
What if we get confused in regard to what a connection to a certain person means, because we actually don‘t want to deepen in the ones we are already in?
Deepening the relationship means deepening our universality, which asks us to let go of individuality. Obviously something we deeply avoid as humanity.
What a great conversation to have with your husband. Many times these connections with people can get confusing if there is not the space to explore them and to see the potential as something bigger than our own needs and wants.
That is quiet a very encouraging thing to do Henrietta, as I can imagine if I were you that it takes a whole other depth of surrendering to you and letting go of possible hurts that arisen. And nothing is more greater than to actually breath, let others be – in full regard to you and your relationship of course. As truth is always in respect of both.
We deepen our relationship with each other when we share honestly what we are observing and feeling.
Well said Mary, We only stunt our evolution if we holdback or try to control and manipulate in any way shape or form.
This takes a lot of knowing of ourselves and trusting what we feel to not go into anything but to trust a feeling within and then to open up and allow other space without putting our needs and wants onto them.
Wow, that is not something I had considered but I could feel what you have shared here is important to consider. I have felt there are relationships in my life that are beyond this life, they are deep and illogically intimate in a way that is not related to the time we have known each other. I know these are friendships and they are with both genders – that has never been a consideration for me. Yet I can see that I had not considered this with my husband, and having a conversation about it would allow a deeper understanding of the connection we have as well.
“The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.” – This is such a wonderfully honouring message and this blog really helped me to not hold back expressing how important it is for me to explore other (non-physical) intimate relationships when it feels like there is much to learn and evolve through these interactions. Thank you for such a great example of how to truly support each other in relationships Henrietta.
Any connection outside of having a full commitment to true love with your partner is a confirmation of the depth of love you share with your partner ❤️
A deeply beautiful honouring of the truth and evolution that is on offer through every relationship we share with another. In being open to explore this through our connection, we open ourselves up to learning, healing and being inspired to live the greater love we are all here live together.
‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role. We may not always know how this will unfold but there is a divine design that is at play.’ True Henrietta and I appreciate you sharing your experience and it shows the depth of love that you hold for yourself and hold all others in equally.
We do not always know why we have a strong connection with another, this was a beautiful example of trust and true love that you have with your husband, ‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.’ Surrendering to the bigger plan.
This shows Henrietta what a beautiful open, loving and caring relationship you have, how awesome you were able to express everything and therefore evolution happened for all.
Understanding that our partners have relationships with others (not sexual) that also need the opportunity to deepen and expand is huge. We think often that we are to be all things at all times for our partners, but how could this ever be? Yes we have much to learn about ourselves and each other in relationship. But it was never to be about learning it all from one relationship. I remember when I first met my partner, he has some very close friendships with women and still does. Its been a wonderful learning for me that we are meant to have all sorts of relationships with others, for that in itself supports all other relationships.
Thank you Henrietta, it’s very true that an honesty in communication is vital for a loving relationship. We need that full transparency with each other. There is a richness in both genders that can open up our growth as human beings if we can let go of preconceived notions of how male/female relationships can be. I’ve also recently been unpacking this to allow my relationships with men to flow and develop, not as a woman with a man, but more two equal beings.
Henrietta, what is so amazing about this post is that it shows that the true success of your relationship is from the space you allowed for reflective observation to be present, because of the already deep trust and surrender within you. This the basis of true relationship and worth being in.
“Deep and familiar connections” something we all have as everyone will have experienced when we meet someone whom we find easy to be around and simple to chat with.
When you consider that every relationship we have has a purpose it brings in another dimension of the divine design and plan. Constellations in life are not random and when we say yes to them they can offer expansion for All.
Beautiful sharing Henrietta. So often ‘ownership’ can sneak into relationships. As you so truthfully share, “We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” Intimacy is often associated with a sexual experience and yet it can simply be a loving transparency and deep connection we share with another.
The word intimacy these days has a real sexual connotation to it but the reality we can have intimacy with anyone of any age for it is about us feeling so familiar and closely connected to someone we can care and share ourselves in true appreciation and grow each other equally.
“By my offering him space, it also allowed our trust with each other to deepen and it was a confirmation for us both about being together as a couple.” This feels amazing and heart-warming – to have such openess and trust with each other. Thankyou for sharing Henrietta.
It is important to bring the connection back to purpose – when we have a purpose – then it makes sense for there to be an evolving relationship. And what I appreciate about this sharing is that sometimes we can confuse a deep connection with an attraction – but is that because we have so little deep connections that we can only compare it to attraction when we see it?
Love is offering the space for more love to come.
How beautiful would it be if we could just bring all of our true selves to everyone that we meet in the way that young children do, totally unencumbered and with a natural curiosity to get to know you. They are just there, making a connection from their gorgeous sweetness and openness, not needing to hide or be a certain way. When we can be with someone and not bring anything except the love we are, the relationship you speak of here, is simply natural.
Henrietta, this is really interesting; ‘We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.’ I can feel that it is usual in society that we reserve the intimate and close relationships with our own families and that often this depth and intimacy does not extend beyond this.
‘The connections we feel with others are not random – they have a purpose, they play a role.’ We deny this if we feel we are not able to explore them because of fear of jealousy within our relationship. The knowing that you had and the space that you offered your husband is inspirational and something we can all learn from that it is only when we are willing to release another from any pictures of how relationships should be that we are given the grace to explore purposeful connections and their role in our lives.
Thank you Henrietta, I feel it is important in any relationships to have the space to raise any issues that might come up and feel ok about it, for there is no better way to build intimacy when we are transparent and honest with one another.
There is a real beauty in allowing both people in a relationship to be and express themselves in full. There is no need to be with each other when we are allowed to do this, just simply a deep knowing and pull to want to share all the love you are with the other in full knowing that in doing so you are also not holding it back from anyone else either. When we need another we are limiting our love to just them and this is not true love.
Infidelity is not in what you do, but the energy you do it with. We can even have this one call to a friend, that has the energy of infidelity, because we are seeking outside the relationship what we miss inside.
I love the transparency here with regards to openly having a conversation of this nature – most couples would avoid this subject, even though we all meet people who we feel a deep connection to, and yes sometimes this deep connection can be mistaken for attraction. So more reason to openly discuss.
It hasn’t been until recently that I have been exposed in the beliefs I have held around having connections with other men outside of the relationship with my partner. The fear and threatening pictures of jealousy and drama rising within me have been very strong, considering I didn’t even think they were a part of my life! I totally agree that all our relationships in life are there to learn and grow from and having transparency and an open communication between each other is vital for love to be in any relationship.
I love what you have expressed here. “We are actually divinely designed to be connected and enjoy intimate relationships with many others.” And that “It is not for us to hide this beauty from others and only save it for our family at home – it is about sharing this beauty that we are with all around us and honouring those particular relationships that we know have deeply established roots of trust and love.”
But also how delightful that your husband had the space to share with you about her deep friendship with his old female friend, and enriching for everyone. How often do we think we need to hide aspects of our life because of worrying about the response of those we care about, when this is not necessary and if we are open and committed to transparency, love and evolving for everyone as is reflected here.
I love what you share Henrietta, you have so much wisdom and understanding to share, especially on relationships. We are all one family and have been together over many many lives and in honouring these old connections we bring honour to us and the whole human family.