Having children, parenting, the whole family equation, was not something I had given a lot of thought to, so when we had our daughter it was very much foreign ground for me. I felt I was either flying blind or treading water, learning as I went along. I soon learned that nothing I read, watched or googled could support me as much as allowing myself to stop and feel what was needed in each moment.
Although being a new mum, stopping was not something that happened often. Life was busy, fitting in being a mum, working, looking after the household and of course taking care of myself. It was often the taking care of myself part that kept creeping up on me: I felt it was really important not to lose myself in being a mother, that I still mattered and was worth taking time for. It seemed to be a trap that I could so easily fall into if I allowed myself, putting everyone else first, leaving what little time that was left for myself to get dressed, shower or eat.
I very quickly realised setting a routine and rhythm for myself supported everyone and everything. That without it my life felt like one big blur, and that there was never enough time to get everything done.
So I kept it simple, picking a time to shower that allowed me the space to do so without rushing, whether that be with my daughter napping, playing quietly after a feed, or even set up on the bathroom floor watching me. It was amazing how much time there actually was if I stopped to feel what was needed, and included myself in the equation.
I learned to become more aware of the quality I was doing things in, not rushing, avoiding the overwhelm and exhaustion, and to observe: was I with myself in that moment as I was doing something or was I already living one step ahead of myself and had already moved onto the next… my mind always thinking, “What’s next?”
By bringing more focus to how I was, and how I was whilst doing things, I was able to see just how much my choices and the way I moved and lived affected our daughter. An “A-HA” moment you could say – that how I was with me impacted on everyone, and everything.
I saw that If I chose to take responsibility for how I moved and the way I did things, then I had the choice to create a day that flowed or not. I allowed myself the space to not always get it right, to be open to and aware of my quality, and if I was present or distracted: was I simply ticking the boxes, or was I feeling what was needed in each moment and moving from that space?
Parenting for me fast became about the quality I lived, how I was with myself, the level of love and care I had towards my body, the routines and rhythms I put in place to support me, and my openness and willingness to be responsible and build consistency with both myself and others.
Our daughter could feel the steadiness that was being lived, and the love and appreciation I was developing for myself supported her to feel held and truly loved. I took the time to stop and feel how I allowed myself the space to eat a meal, to choose clothes and shoes that supported me, and truly accepting and loving myself for the woman I am. Without needing anything from her, my daughter was left to be herself, not having to fulfil any of my expectations, ideals or images I may have had of how I needed her to be for me.
We can so easily get lost in what parenting ‘should’ look like, how our children should be, but we often avoid stopping to feel where we are at, how we are and the quality of ourselves in what we are doing.
We would be wise to remember that children are constantly watching, observing and feeling, even if we think they aren’t, and that no matter how young they may be, they are constantly feeling everything all the time. It is here where our responsibility as a parent begins: it begins with ourselves and self-care, and from this we create our own road map in how to truly parent and support our children.
We are the role models for our future generation, even if we are not parents. If we are not gentle, loving and accepting of ourselves, if we do not allow ourselves to feel how the choices we make impact on our body and everything around us, if we do not live without conditions, ideals, beliefs and images of how we should or our life should be, then how can our children or any child grow up and live who they truly are?
We will not always get it right, and we do not have to – we are human and make mistakes. Taking responsibility for the way we live and the quality in which we are with ourselves is the beginning.
By Nicole Serafin, 45, Woman, Self-employed Salon owner, wife and mother, Tintenbar, NSW
Further Reading:
From reactions and tensions, to harmony within the family
We are all role models
What is a Relationship with Myself?
364 Comments
Children love order so having rituals and rhythms really support them.
Like us it brings them the flow that we are all searching for.
We are the role models of the future germination – that is so correct. In a world of lies, corruption, violence, abuse and complete disrespect the need for role models who deeply care has never been greater.
I’ve just had my second child and I love how it feels like a whole new thing. The second is so different to the first and so needs to be cared for in a very different way. I have to appreciate the rawness I feel to just experiment and not get sucked into any methodologies.
When I see how little children react and behave there is absolutely no doubt for me that past lives are real, each child has their own personality and come already with so many traits. As a parent its important we read these traits and behaviours for what they are rather then writing them off and ignoring them.
Our responsibility is to not judge or override what is life lessons for all. There is much power and support in connecting and offering bucket loads of understanding.
I have been around parents and looked after children from the two different approaches, one that is of what you ‘should be doing’ as a parent and one where the parents are connecting and feeling what is needed in the next moment. The stark difference in how you can bring up children is very interesting but also fundemental to how the child is building it’s life and the foundations that they will stand on.
“If we are not gentle, loving and accepting of ourselves, if we do not allow ourselves to feel how the choices we make impact on our body and everything around us, if we do not live without conditions, ideals, beliefs and images of how we should or our life should be, then how can our children or any child grow up and live who they truly are?”
Well said Nicole we need to be truly loving with ourselves to be a real and true inspiration for our children.
If only we knew truly clocked how much everything we did effected and impacted on everyone else, we wouldn’t move.
The more we open up to having relationships and people in our lives, the greater the reflection we get back about the way we are living. This may explain the way we see people withdraw and isolate today – just a way of hiding from the truth and pretending everything is ‘ok’.
When we don’t take care of ourselves we are literally at the mercy of the world and everything and anything that needs to be done. when we do take care of ourselves I found there is this observation created that helps to feel what is needed at what time and when to take a moment for ourselves and so on. It is not just because our body needs care – it also creates a space for us from where to make loving choices in life for ourself and everyone else in our life.
Parenting at times can be a bit overwhelming and distressing; I mean, how many parents would have wished for an instruction manual. But alas, we do not get the manual that says, one size fits all and rightly so. What I now know about parenting is that the quality of how we look after ourselves is just as important as wanting the best for our children but not at our expense.
We don’t often give enough attention, validity or acknowledgement to the inner-knowing we all have access to. In developing a relationship with our connection to our body and being we then can connect to others and can feel with greater awareness what is true and what is needed in any given situation. When we focus on what feels true for all, what is ‘right’ or what we ‘should be doing’ owns us less and less allowing the presence and power of love to be the leading intelligence.
Beautifully put Nicole, for it is so wise to live beyond images and actually see the truth, as any image we impose on others leaves one to be blind of the truth (even though they choose it themselves). Whilst if we don’t pose any images or ideals, we leave one to feel themselves with what they are feeling.
There are so many ideals and beliefs that we can get caught up in on the merry go round of looking the part of being the great parent. When we stop to recognise that it all starts from within and the choices we make to be loving with ourselves we are than offered choices that bring the same quality to our parenting with no levels of perfection.
There are always people who want to readily give us advice about what we should and shouldn’t do when it comes to bringing up our children. But there is no one who knows better what to do than the parents when they give themselves the space to connect to themselves, their child and then feel what is needed.
True parenting requires us to delicately nurture and mother every moment, with tender care and support that a father brings. And so whether we have kids or not we are always guiding, letting go and supporting love to grow. Thank you Nicole.
Each child is so different coming with their different behaviour, their different ways of seeing the world, its only by getting ourselves out of the way that we can read in detail the best way to parent them.
“It was amazing how much time there actually was if I stopped to feel what was needed, and included myself in the equation.”
Nothing can be more confirming than making the choice to nurture oneself and then sensing that space that opens up for this to be fulfilled.
This blog is quite revolutionary in what it offers. It has practical ways to care for yourself while you parent and breaks down a lot of the myths that surround being a mum. For instance, the idea of there being lots of space in your day is far from what most mums feel. I certainly felt like there was never any ‘me’ time, but I never made any time for me either, as I was caught in being the sacrificial 24/7 mum. The conscious choosing of a daily rhythm to include care for yourself feels key, as well as knowing you and your child deserve it.
“Our daughter could feel the steadiness that was being lived, and the love and appreciation I was developing for myself supported her to feel held and truly loved.” what a beautiful example of parenting and one that inspires me further to deepen my love not only for me but to support myself in raising our daughter to be the amazing person she is.
Seeing everything and creating our own road map.. because there is no formula to parenting.
What a pressure a child must feel, if mom or dad is actually stressed underneath the skin and in fact only functioning. You can easily get the feeling of being too much for the parent and that you are not worth to be treated from a quality of love. So great how you describe your changes and revelations, that it is never about the task itself but the quality we are responsible for.
Parenting can be one of intuition and what we innately know or one that is based on doubt and constant second guessing. I know from my own upbringing when my parents spoke from their own lived experience and confidence it felt to be a true sharing not one of emptiness, and one that made sense
What children want, what we all want is to feel loved.
And this comes from a quality of movement, an emanation that holds and is beholding.
‘Parenting for me fast became about the quality I lived, how I was with myself, the level of love and care I had towards my body, the routines and rhythms I put in place to support me, and my openness and willingness to be responsible and build consistency with both myself and others.’ When I feel I drop in consistency or feel that I need to deepen it there can be a tendency to hold on or go into protection – a sure indication that I need to up the level of care!
A beautiful sharing on parenting that allows us to feel and be in a flow with all that is presented to us” I learned to become more aware of the quality I was doing things in, not rushing, avoiding the overwhelm and exhaustion, and to observe: was I with myself in that moment as I was doing something “
That is quite a paradigm shift for the world: to see that parenting starts with self care for the parents. It makes so much sense.
What would happen if we treated our-self 24/7 like we were pregnant? Would our life change? What if this life was like an opening to bring a greater awareness so when we reincarnate we have gone through all the procedures needed for our next life in this life? Then are we not in the womb of God gestating away until we get enlightened by the truth of who we are.
The title of the blog brought me to a stop and caught my attention – ‘Parenting my First Child – Flying Blind or Creating my Own Road Map’. Although having no children, there was a familiar feeling of flying blind and always having to check with others to confirm that my choices were okay (ouch!) – there was no foundation of trust in my body to refer to at that time.
From participating in Esoteric Yoga sessions, and developing a strong and solid re-connection to my body and thus the innate stillness within was then possible. This re-connection re-built a deep awareness and trust of my body and the infinite inner wisdom therein. Our own road map, a blueprint of the truth of who we are energetically (multidimensional beings) is always there, to guide our way home to love and bring inner wisdom to all that we do in everyday life. Read more about Esoteric Yoga at http://www.unimedliving.com/yoga.
When our family feel our steadiness and consistency of connection to ourselves they can be supported and inspired to do the same.
By the blog you give today’s reminder to not focus on being perfect, doing it all, but be in a loving quality and let it all unfold and be held in a space.
What if it’s not just parenting that’s like this? What if our rhythm and the way that we move has the complete power to support all others too? And what if, we choose to rush and ignore, could that contribute to the mess that results in our world? It’s time we took stock and became willing to see that it’s our choice to embrace grace that effects everything. Thank you again Nicole.
Nicole – I just had a day with my daughter and nothing seemed to be easy. It didn’t flow, I got irritated, she was overtired. It was all too much. But reading your blog reminds me of the purpose of parenting and not getting in the way. Reflecting love back to children and knowing that they observe and feel so much.
Nicole; I have found from my experience that the most important thing for me about parenting is how I am – the quality in which I choose to live – am I being loving and caring of myself? If so then this is the quality in which I parent; ‘Parenting for me fast became about the quality I lived, how I was with myself, the level of love and care I had towards my body, the routines and rhythms I put in place to support me,’
I’m not a parent as such but I work with kids every day and I love it, but the last week it’s really dawned on me that how I treat myself, how I care for myself, how I respect myself at home is something that is directly reflected to the kids in my lessons. You are right in that we are always role modelling, and it’s not just what we do in front of people, but what we do when we are on our own too.
Knowing that we innately know how to be if we connect and listen to our inner wisdom is very supportive.
“By bringing more focus to how I was, and how I was whilst doing things, I was able to see just how much my choices and the way I moved and lived affected our daughter.” Children are always aware of what is going on, they are so connected to what is happening around them. It makes so much sense that your daughter is learning from your reflection – I don’t think as adults we quite comprehend how wise our little ones are.
To share that children are all knowing is often shunned upon but what if we made this the norm. Could this possibly change the way we parent that comes from an equlaness than from the current model of ‘parents know best’.
To allow ourselves the space to learn, follow what feels true to use and take all the expectations away of what we ‘should’ be doing as opposed to just being present to the young that they are extraordinary just the way they are too.
What a great point, its our choice how we allow ourselves to learn or not – when to learn and what to learn – but learn as part of from our own inner knowing versus the reading a book and trying to remember.
‘We will not always get it right, and we do not have to – we are human and make mistakes. Taking responsibility for the way we live and the quality in which we are with ourselves is the beginning.’ We are not an ‘end result’ we are ”on our way’ – it is so important to cut the idea of ‘perfection’ and learn and live along the way according to the true impulses from our body. Taking responsibility is a great and empowering reflection for our kids.
‘…if we do not live without conditions, ideals, beliefs and images of how we should live or how our life should be, then how can our children or any child grow up and live who they truly are?’ yes, indeed. I’m seeing all the pictures I’ve subscribed to that I thought I would achieve that would make me happy and live a fulfilled life. Whilst watching a TV series and getting myself hooked this week I realise how deep these beliefs have run in my life.
Whilst feeling hurt as a child I craved company and looked to TV series where I liked the characters. They all seemed happy and got on so I thought if my life looked like theirs then my life would have love in it too. This completely ignored the fact that this was TV, it was actors with their own problems and unhappy families. But I clung to the stories and missed the gold that is always beneath our noses. What is in front of us is a perfect opportunity to evolve. So I’m going to feel all the seeming dullness I’ve tried to avoid through not just watching TV but trying to emulate what I’ve interpreted as successful on there and comparing my life in accordance to a vision that is false where the closest thing to this picture was what I considered success – as long as it looked good on the outside. This is where true appreciation restores us to ourselves and our truth.
A wonderful distinction that is made here – between ticking the boxes of parenting and actually sensing what there is next to be done, without self doubt or confusion – simply applying oneself to the task at hand with presence and commitment. This is beautiful parenting because it is fundamentally role-modelling how to be in this world without the drama of exhaustion dictating how life should or could be.
What don’t we know? Nothing.
Absolutely. But we have to be honest and say, that we often stick in the mud of pictures, ideals, recommendations from others, beliefs of how true parenting looks like. Pulling ourself peu a peu out of this mud and actually coming back to the authority of trusting in the universal knowing which gives you all the answers needed in every moment is a never ending process.
This responsibility for each and everyone of us is essential for us to support the next generation to be fully accepting and loving for who they are and not what they do or look like. I reflect back and can see how by not have those true reflections in my life the level of self-doubt and anxiousness was founded from that. Not feeling and know that I was totally amazing and everything that I ever needed to be.
There’s something to be said for the phrase ‘follow your nose’ in relation to parenting and creating our own road map. Trusting our senses is hugely important in developing a rhythm with our newly borns.
There is something about he nose that feels very intuitive, and it should be allowed to be developed, so it is not dismissed so easily.
When we are caring for others it can be tempting to forgo our own care and put the other first. When we do this though we lose some of our power and thus are not able to present them with the same quality of energy had we cared for ourselves first and allowed a continued deepening of care all round.
‘ I soon learned that nothing I read, watched or googled could support me as much as allowing myself to stop and feel what was needed in each moment.’ This is gold for all of us in life, something I’m doing more and more especially as there seem to be more things to do in the day. Responding to what is felt is really the only way, any other and I’m easily in overwhelm thinking about all there is to do or creating complication when what is needed is simplicity. Complication creates drama and takes up time. When I feel what there is to do then everything flows and completes.
As a father the way we parent comes loaded with the ideals of how to protect our kids, plus all the hurts of what did not work when we were raised. Through Universal Medicine and healing those hurts its great to experience how raising a child from one’s own inner knowing is both flying blind from society but being guided by the absolute truth.
The role of a parent offers much to a child, sometimes that is a great foundation, and sometimes no so great. The bottom line is when it is understanding of the child and the being that they are, there is a great foundation for that child on offer.
There was lots of advice given when I first had my children, I chose to listen to what felt true for me most of the time, ‘I soon learned that nothing I read, watched or googled could support me as much as allowing myself to stop and feel what was needed in each moment.’
It is far too easy to put ourselves last as mothers – but what is key here is the rhythm you established – setting up a foundation for how you are supporting your body. This is such a key ingredient in parenting as we are then a reflection of love to our family
Why is there this common instinct to leave ourselves at the bottom of the pile? As if somehow if everyone else is OK, then it does not matter the kind of abuse and disregard we have meted out on ourselves? And if our kids are not really listening to us per se, but more watching how we move and learning from that…. what role model are we presenting them with?
‘Our daughter could feel the steadiness that was being lived, and the love and appreciation I was developing for myself supported her to feel held and truly loved. ‘ This is just beautiful. Often we forget our inner knowing and hand over to experts and confusion rather than be responsible for our connection with the inner wisdom of our inner heart.
It’s interesting that we often think we don’t know something if we’ve not studied or learned it from a book or lecture, so in that way, I can say I’m working things out as I go. However what strikes me most is that I do actually know and that when I listen to my body it’s not that I’m making things up but I’m listening to the wisdom of the universe.
In every moment we are offered an opportunity to deepen and evolve and what I get more awareness of in this moment is the truly loving and accepting myself as a woman and the awareness of what is on offer to deepen this love towards myself. Do I resist or do I say yes to all that is on offer that supports me to return to the love I already am?
A peal of wisdom from this article – ‘We would be wise to remember that children are constantly watching, observing and feeling, even if we think they aren’t, and that no matter how young they may be, they are constantly feeling everything all the time. It is here where our responsibility as a parent begins: it begins with ourselves and self-care, and from this we create our own road map in how to truly parent and support our children.’
Sounds like some very cool advice to me!
Stunning Nicole – we spend so much of our lives pushing to get it ‘right’ – when all we ever need to do is surrender, accept and allow and live from what our body feels. All the self-help books in this world can’t communicate what our body knows.
A wise comment Joseph – ‘communicate what our body knows’.
This blog is relevant for everyone because whether we are parents or not we as adults are always reflecting something to the children around us that is either supportive or harming. The more of us who accept the responsibility we all have to raise children the easier it will be for the biological parents.
“Without needing anything from her, my daughter was left to be herself, not having to fulfil any of my expectations, ideals or images I may have had of how I needed her to be for me.” It is beautiful that when we actually do something that is often seen as ‘selfish’, we in truth give the other person space to just be themselves without expectations because we do not need anything from them to feel whole or content.
This has also been my experience myself of living more of myself in full, I am role modellling a woman open to learn and holding herself with more love….wow…”Our daughter could feel the steadiness that was being lived, and the love and appreciation I was developing for myself supported her to feel held and truly loved.” We are role models to everyone, everyone is watching….so what are we choosing.
“We would be wise to remember that children are constantly watching, observing and feeling” So true, it is not so much what we say, we have placed way too much importance on that, but what we do and what we say on the inside that oozes out for all to feel that we have to be aware of. Children are super sensitive to what they feel and will tailor what they do and what choices they make to avoid judgement and being excluded – from their family, their culture, their community as much as their friends.
It is so easy to give your power away when you are faced with a new situation.
It helps to remember that we have a wealth of wisdom in our bodies from all the lives we have lived.
We have parented many children and been parented. Just the fact that we are still here producing babies shows we are doing something right.
Where we have gone wrong is trusting the “experts” too much.
When we can connect to our inner knowing our children can feel that connection too. That connection is the greatest gift we can “give” to a child.
Nicole you bring a great bridge to true parenting. Offering small steps to start the journey back from a place many of us have slipped away to. A place where we have chosen to live in disregard of what impact our movements have on another, especially our children who observe and learn from our every move.
Our parenting need not look the same as another to be classed as effective, only the amount of love and presence that we bring to our children and how supportive we are in helping them to move through life holding onto the truth of themselves, will be everything.
Nicole, I have found this with my son too, he can be greatly affected by how I am, this can come out in many ways and I can see with children how it can be easy to pass their unexpected/disruptive behaviour off as something wrong with them – them being naughty for example, rather than being aware that it could be a reaction to how we as parents/adults are being and what we are choosing; ‘By bringing more focus to how I was, and how I was whilst doing things, I was able to see just how much my choices and the way I moved and lived affected our daughter.’
No matter what our roles in life, putting ‘routines and rhythms’ in place truly supports us. From a steady foundation we are more equipped to meet what is before us. Trusting our innate knowing as you say is the way to go.
With a newborn in front of you it can feel like you’re flying blind (I remember that well), but right there already between us both are the end destination and the sat nav! powered by our loving quality.
Our road map of parenting, in each unique way, is important to realize that we have. To not compare or seek ideals and beliefs outside, but to trust that all our qualities and capabilities are inside. We need to honor our each way of unique parenting.
In this living example you are sharing that as children we are not expected to be perfect, we are allowed to make mistakes, we learn from them and keep moving on. We are supported by rhythm and self-care, that is a go to we can use whenever we need. And we are also learning together, parents are not perfect and we learn from each other too.
You cannot fool a child with appearances as from a new born they feel everything.
If what they are feeling doesn’t match the love they are they don’t like it.
“I soon learned that nothing I read, watched or googled could support me as much as allowing myself to stop and feel what was needed in each moment.” This is the golden key. Looking outside of ourselves for the answers has never worked. Trying to live life by someone else’s map is very imposing to our natural inner knowing. We wouldn’t try telling an animal how to mother their young – they simply know how to do it instinctively. It’s the same for us. We just need to drop the doubt and trust what we feel.
Children are constantly watching us, I see it clearly in the games my children play, I hear what they say, how they are with the dog we have, they learn and mirror what they see reflected to them. It is an illusion to think that we do not impact on our children in this way, so what is the utility of life chosen?
Yes we need to not underestimate what we model. We see it as an endearing quality when our children are young and this blog is a reminder of the levels of responsibility we live daily is the marker of how our children develop their lives and contribute to others.
” I soon learned that nothing I read, watched or googled could support me as much as allowing myself to stop and feel what was needed in each moment.” So true and so supportive to simply listen to all we feel and innately can know and trust without the impositions and doubt of what we are projected and fed in the current trend of parenting views and restrictions . There is another way for us all and that is very beautiful and expansive to feel and our children are the ones who benefit from feeling who we are and being presented with our love and consistency and level of responsibility.
Childrens clairsentience makes them very aware of the energy around them and so as parents we need to take more responsibility for how we are and the quality we do things in as this can have a big impact on our children’s behaviour.
Yes indeed. I am finding that children make me accountable for my behaviour and as such I have to be so much more aware of how I do things as it has a much bigger ripple effect that I had chosen to acknowledge.
I’ve come to appreciate that its only when I fly from my inner knowing with parenting and don’t listen to what ideals say I should be doing that I truly fly and true parenting takes place. That said I do need a solid reflection of truth when I get stuck, not to tell me what to do but to help break down the ideals I may have picked up over lifetimes of what parenting is all about.
It is so true we can create our own maps for many roles and situations in life when we follow the innate wisdom of our sixth sense and the inner heart.
It is so true that we are feeling everything in our homes when we are children growing up, so how we hold ourselves as men and women can influence how they feel about themselves.
There is a huge pressure around parenting and a lot of ideals and beliefs that come with it. It can be hard to break out of these as they are quite thick across society as is the judgement that comes from others. But in essence we do know what is needed in each and every moment for our children, it is when we doubt this that we wobble and the knock on effect is that our children wobble too.
Nicole of all the parenting advice I’ve had this one is at the top of the list “We can so easily get lost in what parenting ‘should’ look like, how our children should be, but we often avoid stopping to feel where we are at, how we are and the quality of ourselves in what we are doing.” Something for every parent in the world.
I don’t think we can emphasise enough the importance of paying attention to the quality with which we do things and how we can either exacerbate raciness, rush and/or overwhelm or make space to enjoy so many moments in the day.
If we put ourselves in the shoes of the children being brought up and having parents that are there supporting them to be all of who they are by them honouring what they know is true from what they feel. Not by following the books that tell you how to parent then it will be a completely different experience. The parents are meeting themselves in what they feel and then they can meet the children with the same quality. How precious is that.
Well said Nicole. If one generation does not choose to start to make them change then who will? It is purely irresponsible to leave it up to the next generation to do so when the way we parent them now has a ginormous impact on how they will be in the future.
This article is so refreshing. I love your honesty and transparency. We can’t be perfect in any aspect of life, but we can hold an awareness that allows us to approach life in a certain way and in a certain quality. We are always learning and life is an unfolding.
What’s beautiful to know is even with big things like parenting we have all the skills and qualities we need to do a good job, it is just about embracing and embodying them.
Yes, I agree Michael, letting ourselves realise the quiet inner knowing we have that has us more than equipped for whatever it is we are doing is very confirming and confidence building.
When we trust ourselves and let our bodies lead the way (as opposed to the mind) everything is quite simple.
Amazing to hear how you parent and how this unfolded for you and so good that you looked after you and gave yourself space to be when needed, as you say when we truly look after ourselves this immediately supports the all.
Our children watch what we do much more then listen to what we say. This means that our own way of life is what will educate them most. Would we not want our children to love, cherish and nurture themselves deeply?
What a beautiful role model adults give to children when they are nurturing of themselves. The child learns we are all worth taking deep care of and that care of another is not at the expense of oneself because that impedes the care of all concerned.
” An “A-HA” moment you could say – that how I was with me impacted on everyone, and everything. ” This is a beautiful A-HA for the way we express affects everyone . The way we walk ,the way we breath , the way we talk, the way we sing, the way we eat and so on, all rubs off on everyone else, as all the way we are, is the livingness we present to everyone in the world.
We often look for the guide book or the advice of experts when rearing children and don’t stop to make note that the body of intelligence is there to guide and support us along the way.
The choice to bringing this without perfection and judgement is the sure way of riding the road of parenthood.
I could read this again and again, Nicole, as a model of how to remain true and honour the woman rather than reduce ourselves to only becoming the mother.
I am constantly aware that how I am with myself is reflected back to me through my children. They may not be aware of it, but I do know when they bicker quite often it is because I am unsettled or out of sorts. When I am myself in full there is much more harmony in the house and everyone is more open and loving. Nothing needs to be said in words about this. It is just an energy communicated that gets picked up and reflected back.
I love this Fiona… being open to gathering information but never losing connection with our innate knowing and never making decisions or choices in absence from the latter.
‘Parenting for me fast became about the quality I lived…’ this is a brilliant point of inspiration, in that if we are not actively, lovingly and responsibly parenting ourselves we are ill equipped to parent anyone else.
I was told when I had my first child to look at all these books, I don’t know how I was supposed to read them with a new baby…but that is not the point here. I did take a glimpse inside some of those books, and they all said something different, but much of it was the suggestion to get your baby to fit into a routine, not their rhythm, or yours but the books…a big clue there…the truth is we know, you, the baby connect and you develop a plan together, if we stay responsive to what is being shared by each other.
We really do ourselves and others a disservice when we go through life on autopilot or locked into a role that we say is us and then don’t bother to check in with ourselves and how we are travelling because we place the role as way more important than us.
There are so many roles and events we can loose ourselves in – by no means just being. a Mum, although this is one. Like a train that takes off without us realising, suddenly we can find ourselves stranded going ‘how did I get here?’ ‘ how did I forget to take care of me?’. What you share Nicole is a great reminder that our consistent destination needs to be ‘Nurturing Central’. For with this support whatever comes is sure to be solid and healthy.
Gosh, Nicole, revisiting this blog reminds me how important it is for this wisdom to be accessible to all, as it would have made the world of difference to me if I had understood the importance of caring for myself as a young mother.
I have found it incredible in the past when nannying and how the parents have totally dis-empowered themselves by what they doctors said, what the boos said or what their parents said. They all knew that they had a knowing of what was needed to be done in a certain moment but overrode this because they doubted themselves. We are taught from a young age not to honour what we feel so it is no coincidence that when you are older we can only follow what you are told.
I don’t have children, but I love watching children and love how curious they are of life. Stand next to adults talking with a child present and you’ll see that they are looking around, interested in the world, taking it all in, seeing and feeling everything. In these moments we hear the wisdom of what they have to say – “Out of the mouths of Babes”
My experience has taught me that we know the truth of how to parent, of how to raise and support out children its just the society beliefs and pressures that mean we don’t listen to and respond to what is really needed for our kids.
I love how you’ve nurtured your daughter’s sense of who she is and the responsibility and joy of this. How you are with you reflecting love and care of oneself, that she will see and experience and, by not imposing any needs you have of her, she gets the freedom to feel who she is unimposed upon by another. This allows her a greater opportunity to know a relationship by its quality and know what it feels like when many relationships in life don’t have this quality but come with a demand. Very beautiful.