I met ‘Toby’ (name changed) at an Art Exhibition about 10 years ago. I was immediately drawn to his warmth and open-heartedness: he was a caretaker at a disused church that had been turned into an Arts Centre. Toby suffered from a number of physical complaints, as well as mental health disorders, that impacted his life daily.
As I got to know Toby I would often pop in to the centre to see him for a chat, say hello and have a cup of tea with him.
Over the years that I got to know him, I witnessed him have highs and lows and it was here that I really started to notice how little support there is available for people with mental health issues.
I had been travelling for a while and, on my return, wanted to give Toby a card I had been carrying around to give to him. I remember going past where he lived, thinking to pop by and say hello and give him the card, yet was feeling busy that day and left it.
The following day I heard Toby had committed suicide. He was found hanging from the roof in the church.
- “Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” (1)
- Over 800,000 people die due to suicide every year and there are many more who attempt suicide. (2)
- Of the total number of suicides registered in 2014 in the UK, 76% were males and 24% were females. (3)
- More than 55,000 suicides occur in the European Union each year, including more than 6,000 in the UK and Ireland. (4)
These statistics are indeed telling us that we, as a society, have got it very very wrong. Every one of these men is someone’s friend, brother, son or dad. Beautiful men, like Toby, each have so much to give, and are cutting their lives short though sheer desperation.
Is it not time as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?
And whilst we commendably see high-profile campaigns on driving safely, and testicular cancer, suicide – the biggest killer of men under 50 – is not discussed and highlighted as it needs to be. What are we doing as a society to have such high rates of suicide?
Unfortunately, from personal observation and from having worked in mental health, I can only see these statistics getting worse. Why? Because we are not addressing the root causes; we are still accepting the stereotypical images of what a man should be and not allowing and accepting men as they are, for themselves.
We all need to be starting the conversation and asking why are these suicide numbers so high? What can we do about it as a society to ensure people feel heard and then to ensure that there is enough true support? And why does this affect three times more men than women?
Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?
“Men are just as sensitive as women. If we keep expecting them to be hard and tough, they will continue to override their delicate nature.“
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As a society, and in truth as a worldwide family, we are all longing for deeper connection with ourselves and those around us, and the simple act of listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone who is struggling with their mental health.
We can no longer leave any stone unturned when it comes to looking at the root causes of these statistics. Just for starters, we need to look at all the systems we have in place – the education system, the legal system, the healthcare system – and look to why there is not a fundamental level of deep compassionate care at the very heart of their strategies, policies and procedures. No longer can we give up and brush statistics like these aside, as these men are our brothers, fathers, sons. They are our community.
Many men like Toby have ended their lives too soon, leaving family and friends devastated. To me this highlights the responsibility we all have for our mental well-being, but also the lack of support and connection we have with each other in society. We can no longer keep suicide isolated.
We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be. How many more men need to die? How many more have committed suicide in the time you have read this blog?
We are in desperate times and unless we fully acknowledge the problem and no longer distract ourselves away from it, then the number of suicides will increase. Let’s not allow that to happen, by starting to change the way we relate to each other now, and no longer accepting the imposition society imposes on men.
“What do men want most?
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By Samantha, UK
References:
- http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/aug/15/suicide-silence-depressed-men, UK Office for National Statistics, Statistical Bulletin
- http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/
- http://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2014registrations
- https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/s/suicide
- Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, Serge Benhayon, page 555
- Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, Serge Benhayon, page 560
| If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call:
Australia: United Kingdom: In other countries: |
Further Reading:
Is the Internet the Answer to Loneliness?
Haunted by the Desire to not Live: Finding my Way back to My True Self
Bullying and suicide in construction – Does building culture need to change?
686 Comments
It is difficult to fathom what must be happening for someone who is wanting to take their own life, but as hard as this is, I know that judgement will not help the situation.
I love returning to your blog Samantha because it reminds me to never discount anyone, we have no idea what people are going through so every moment with every person is enormously precious.
You are giving us back the responsibility we all have in our lives to deeply care for one another’. to not close the door but to feel and see what is happening in our society, how we are choosing to support some but not all, we are a worldwide family as you have shared and it is time to embrace everything that comes with it.
I saw a Facebook post where a friend talked about holding men (energetically) in the true sensitivity in which they are and I was really touched by that. And have been practising that in the presence of men, allowing myself to feel their sensitivity and to hold them in that space as well.
I feel we often become stunned and saddened by the ever-increasing suicide statistics but at the same time feel a little helpless as to what we can do, so we do nothing. But there is always something we can do, as you have done, and that is to consistently bring people’s attention to what is taking place within our society. Just sharing with one person may make a difference that may not be obvious at that moment in time. And it is important to remember that it is not just about the people who are choosing to take their lives but also about those left behind who are grieving, feeling guilty and angry and who for the rest of their lives will wonder if there was anything they could have done. The ripple affect of one death, in this way, is huge.
It is very telling of where we are at as a society, that with these disturbing statistics which represent what is happening to us as humanity, we are not concerned and worse that we have accepted these alarmingly increasing rates of suicide to be normalised. How numb have we become to be so disconnected to the anguish, suffering and pain our brothers are experiencing to feel that there is no other option but to end their life? This is disturbing, that we have normalised this way of life. What reflection are we offering our children when these are the accepted options for addressing challenges in life and furthermore why are we not considering that our current societal standards, ideal and beliefs are simply not working? We are sentient beings first and we do feel everything and to be continually dishonoring who we are in essence is what is making us ill, discontent and living so disconnected from ourselves and each other.
The statistic that over 800,000 die every year is shocking. There are so many people suffering in silence, people who outwardly maybe seen to be having a good time but inwardly are not. My friend was seemingly ok but wasn’t. We need to look at what we consider a good time to be because partying wasn’t a party. If drinking and other stuff meant to make us feel better are the resources we most turn to, but don’t actually support, then isn’t it worth a look at what’s with us as a society as a whole?
The fact that we have such high suicide rates in doctors shows unfortunately the very big mess we are currently in. We live in a harsh world that does not honour one’s sensitivity,
When our natural sensitivity is bludgeoned and not allowed to be expressed openingly horrendous consequences occur.
‘Is it not time as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?’ It can be so easy for us to ‘get on with our busy lives’ and not take the time and care needed for others. To look at and listen to what is really going on, would mean we would have to fundamentally shift the way we are choosing to live on-mass and changing this would take a tremendous commitment from us individually.
There are two great evils that plague our world today. 1) the fact that we are never truly honoured and cherished for who we truly are. And 2) the fact that we don’t cherish and adore ourselves for the love we truly are and because of that accept all the loveless abuse society offers when it does not honour who you truly are.
“listening without judgment can be such a huge support” not just for those with a mental health concern or condition but everyone.
When women meet men as the sensitive beings they are then men will feel and honour the sensitivity they know they are.
Serge Benhayon sums it up so clearly in the first quote – “men are just as sensitive as women” – and I feel so strongly that if we allowed them to retain this natural sensitivity from the day they are born that we would have a world full of men who know who they truly are. A man who knows who he is in his inner essence, one who doesn’t need to conform to what society expects of him, is a man who will honour and appreciate the life he is here to live.
This is a real wakeup call for everyone to see these statistics about male suicide. And the questions that these figures raise are worthy of stopping everything until we have something sorted to support these men.