I’ve always been interested in food, in fact it has dominated my adult life.
In my 20’s I started overeating and as a result put on weight year on year. I never considered myself to have an eating disorder but I did – I was a binge eater.
I used food and alcohol to dull my feelings because a lot of things upset me and eating seemed to calm me down, so I did that a lot. Drinking helped me forget but I was always sick the next day so eventually I stopped.
I kept going with the food and when preparing a meal I used to nibble (I still do) almost a whole meal before eating the one I was actually cooking. Then eat more afterwards. It felt like an empty void I could never quite fill and at the end of each meal I would instantly be thinking about what I was going to eat for my next meal… and then snack some more in between.
I am still doing that but recently I have become more discerning in the foods I choose to snack on. I can walk around the supermarket looking at various foods and know exactly which ones I do or don’t want. I am choosing a particular vibration that is offered by the food. I know that when I am light and spacious I am able to read the energy of situations very clearly. I already have a good awareness of what is going on and sometimes find it uncomfortable to be this aware so I eat specific foods to dull this.
For example, the other day I was wandering round the supermarket looking for some gluten free fruit bread and they didn’t have any in. I’ve been feeling very tense and tired lately and I had the thought that I needed a sugar hit. I no longer eat refined sugar but dried fruit has a lot of sugar in it and I homed in on a packet of dates.
I have eaten dates before and I love them, but they are very full of sugar and when I eat too many I get a headache like a hangover. I was intrigued that I should choose dates, which I haven’t eaten for a long time, but the exact little hit of sugar did the trick and my body felt more relaxed as soon as I’d eaten a few.
Sugar in food is a stimulant so it is interesting that I felt relaxed by stimulating my body. Rather like many people settle with a cup of coffee, what are the stimulants doing that make us think we are relaxed?
Another example is when I once again looked for the gluten-free fruit loaf. There wasn’t one in the shop so this time I bought a gluten free seeded loaf and three bananas.
I was on my way to an event, it was early in the morning, and in the car I ate one of the bananas and some of the bread in a sandwich. It felt and tasted yummy but there was a definite addictive quality to the way I was eating it. I felt a bit guilty because part of me knew it was not a good choice for my body, but I was aware that another part of me was being belligerent and going to go ahead no matter what. This is what I call the addictive behaviour.
Interestingly the day was one about healthy living, but I observed that all through the day I was thinking about the bread and bananas I had left in the car and when I was going to have my next banana sandwich. Like a drug addict planning their next fix. Why do we do that?
The part of us that wants to dull our sensitivity is deliberately choosing to work against us and our connection to our inner self, the pathway to our soul. We find this tension hard to bear and distract ourselves at any cost.
The saga of the banana sandwich went on for three days. I had one for breakfast the next day and the day after and now the bread and bananas are no longer there in the house.
What has been the actual effect on me?
The course I attended on the second day was presenting information that could take us to a deeper understanding of ourselves. It was very interesting but I had difficulty understanding some of the concepts and embodying them. I recognised that eating the banana sandwich may have satisfied my comfort seeking taste buds and my need for that denser vibration, but I could feel how much it actually dulled my ability to focus, to live as a connected human being with all my senses working in their full glory.
I also had a slight headache which made me a bit grumpy. I know it’s the sugar in the banana and the yeast in the bread that had that effect on me.
Don’t get me wrong, a banana and gluten free bread may be healthy compared with other choices to eat – say beef burgers loaded with cheese and ketchup – but for my body as it is now, they are not. Our food needs are very individual and we have to discern for ourselves what nourishes and what doesn’t.
I can’t guarantee that I will never eat a banana sandwich again, but what is happening with each food I choose to eat that my body doesn’t actually need is that I develop a greater awareness of the harm it’s doing me and I know that in time I will only eat foods that my body needs and that truly nourish me.
We can never eliminate our awareness, it is constantly evolving, but we can dull it and delay our own evolution. Conversely, we can choose to support our evolution by appreciating and honouring the sensitivity of our body.
By Carmel Reid, BEng DMS CertEd MCMI Personal Development Coach and Counsellor from the UK currently on a long term visit to Australia, Northern Rivers, Australia
Further Reading:
Misery, Sugar and Movement
Food Choices – From Eating for Taste to Eating to Nourish
My Body’s Reactions to Gluten, Dairy and Sugar
481 Comments
Simply connecting how and what we eat with how and what we want to see and feel is a great observation, even without making any changes. it exposes how we do know very well what is happening and we know very well how to judge how much awareness we want to have at any given time.
Stillness is key, we all have an innate stillness and I notice that while I am still eating fruit and carbohydrates, my body is restless, I find it hard to stay still. When I am still I can read situations and know what’s going on, so by eating sugar-producing foods, I am depriving my senses of valuable information.
More and more I am experiencing the power of self-honesty and how it frees us from the lies and illusion we have subscribed to in order to stunt our evolution through our attempt to abolish our responsibility. When we say ‘yes’ to truth we say ‘yes’ to living with responsibility, to evolution and the power of who we innately are.
It’s interesting to observe how one little area of life like food is, can have such influence in the other areas of our life, affecting them significantly and changing the experience and result of our whole living.
I hugely appreciate what it feels like to listen to my body and respond from what it presents. When I do this I know what is supportive for me to eat and what will fill me.
I appreciate this article about food because it cuts through the belief that there are rules we need to apply to the way we eat, that there is a right and wrong way that will solve everything. Food is an aspect of our lives, relatively small actually, that is part of what makes our relationship with ourselves and the world. My relationship with food and my body is going to be different to everyone else’s on the basis of what today holds, my age, level of physical activity etc. and most of all my connection and responsively to my body and the ample and clear signals it gives me.
Food may be a small part of our lives but it can be made into such a huge issue
And it seems that we have soooooo many rules about food/ If we were to pay as much attention to our innermost connection to our Soul as we do to food – the world would be a very different place.
“I used food and alcohol to dull” and fill an emptiness that is felt when we are not being focused on the Love we all are.
How much sugar does it take to fill our emptiness or how sick do we want to feel before we stop eating certain foods and is our lack of Love ever going to be filled by what we put into our mouth or the thoughts we have that try and justify a position that supports a position especially when it is obvious that it is not working?
Maybe it is time to allow the space for a more Loving approach to every aspect of our way of living including how our body feels and what is the underlying cause of our empty-ness?
“o” the pleasures of the mouth does it serve our body to eat any form of sugar I thinketh-not as when we feel our body even the minutest amount of syrup, carbohydrate, sugar, fruit cocktail, simple sugars and of course alcohol the king of all sugars, they all give us, me in particular a hang-over. Seeing I gave up most forms of sugar and alcohol 25 years ago, then fruits and honey etc. 5 years ago it has taken a lot of educating myself through what my body presents to totally illuminate my sweetest of sweet tooth. Now even the thought of eating a something that has its sweet reward and justification once won’t hurt you I get a hang-over, Hm maybe I should stop thinking about food all together and feel what is to serve the body for my next day to be of Service as a glorious reflection of the deep Love we all equally are.
This is a great example of listening to your body and the body being vey clear in its messages. Yes, the ‘Just once won’t hurt you’ approach is a lie so many of us succumb to.
There is more to it than our sugar seeking taste buds or comfort seeking spirit and it is an outside forces wanting to maintain control of as much energy as it can get its grubby little hands on.
Usually when we see the words ‘eating disorders’ I am sure that we automatically think of anorexia or bulimia but you have shown so clearly that there are many other forms of eating disorders, like binge eating, secretive eating and for me, eating to dull my emotions or feed my tiredness. In fact, I’d say that there are few people on this planet who don’t have, or haven’t had, an eating disorder, which beggars the question why? What is going on in our lives that we all use food to medicate ourselves?
There are many ‘legal’ ways we can medicate ourselves to avoid feeling the truth of what’s going on in our world: alcohol is probably the most physically damaging, but over work can also be damaging to our health, running on nervous energy, being stressed, over-emotional, anything that puts the body into dis-harmony stops our true senses working fully. Overeating does the same, stresses all our internal organs while they try to process food the body doesn’t need.
With support I am seeing how I choose food to dull myself and not feel what is going on around me. So it’s not about the food but about the underlying resistance to be aware of what I feel.
So many issues in life are not as powerful as we think but instead are cemented in place by the judgement we let in. It’s this harsh unloving critique that keeps poison in place and stops us learning.
We are masters of self judgement and also very good at judging others. We think it is a normal way to be but when we let go of judgement it can be very freeing, and allows everybody to be who they are and make evolutionary changes in their own time, i.e. when they are ready and not when we want them to.
Sometimes it is better to eat the sandwich than to fight the cravings. Because then, I find that I am just fighting myself. Whereas eventually the desire for the food will stop when the body has had enough, but a craving can go on for a very long time.
True, Shami, I am finding this right now: I have gone into rebellion, eating all sorts of things I wouldn’t normally have chosen, and now my body is screaming ‘Enough!’ I’ve put on weight, I feel bloated, my nose is stuffed up, my stomach hurts, I feel dizzy, these are individual symptoms I can ignore but collectively they are building a bigger picture so that I know something serious is going on that needs addressing. I’m finding life pretty challenging at the moment and avoiding being honest about how I truly feel, and I need to stop and talk about what’s going on. I’m in a new country, in a new relationship, everything is different and I need to decide how I am going to move forward. I’m missing my old life and all my friends but I have a new life and new friends, what is missing is my commitment to self love and commitment to my new life.
Very well said Shami. Its only by actually eating the food that we are craving that the body gets to feel the impact of how it is affected in a very physical way. And then it becomes a very clear choice to not have that food anymore.
I was just about to empty my partners muesli into a see through container when I realised that I was setting myself up to dive into it even more frequently than I do, simply because it would be more on display. I managed to stop myself in the nick of time. Amazing how we pave the way to our own demise.
You remind me of the joke about the See Food diet – see food and you have to eat it. It goes to show that our eyes can deceive us into thinking what we want instead of feeling from the body. My answer is not to buy it so it’s not in the house but it’s not easy when others have things we don’t eat ourselves. I always say i can resist anything except temptation. And temptation is all around us, advertising, smells of fast food places, everywhere.
And also amazing how our awareness can guide us away from these traps we set. It’s brilliant that you caught this one. Interesting too how some foods can dull the awareness and sometimes it is about the amount ..like our bodies are ok with X and yet we want to have X x 4 or 5. We know when we have had enough but its like a game of how much more we can get away with…we don’t feel great after even X x 1 or 2 but we can ignore the feeling from the body and just follow our own desire until it really feels uncomfortable.
Addictive behaviour is super intense, yet when we are in it we don’t want to know or admit that we are in it at all. But from my experience we can’t truly ignore it because as you say there is that guilty feeling because we know what ever the substance, food, shopping or addiction that it is we know it isn’t a true loving, appreciative and respectful choice for ourselves.
All the rules we have around food do not seem to be getting us anywhere – look at the sickness rates, nothing is working as we are told it should. It’s certainly time to throw away the rule book.
Wise words, Ariana, as you say, the rules are not working, the Australian Dietary Guidelines seem to be totally outdated. I recently came across a leaflet advising people with COPD (lung disease) to drink plenty of milk – I was horrified because I found less mucus in my system without milk than I ever did before when I drank plenty. I don’t have COPD but it makes sense to me to avoid milk.
Agreed Ariana. There are too many should and shouldn’ts around food, just listening to our body will give us the truth as to what works and doesn’t work…and we tend to break rules anyway.
A brilliant blog sharing our eating habits and how these effect us in so many ways in our life and how we feel about ourselves. it seems obvious that ultimately it comes down to loving ourselves and feeling the fullness of who we are and living from this and the food choices and ways of eating that can come from here makes all the difference and is a beautiful journey with ourselves.
One way to get ourselves down with the best, most nutritious, most lovingly cooked food is to simply eat too much.
Our bodies respond with loud signals when we eat too much – feeling bloated, tired, indigestion, heartburn. The trouble is, we forget and overeat again the next day.
When I find myself craving to some food or another at the moment I am on a self-programme to ask myself to recognise the amazing feeling and therefore the tension that I am seeking to avoid, and why. If I can appreciate and accept this wonderful fire within me then I can start to choose to overcome these forces that seek to dull them down, for what? A moment’s pleasure in my mouth? Or Joy in every moment.
‘A moment’s pleasure in my mouth? Or Joy in every moment.’ Put like that the choice appears easy, but we still override and go for the pleasure in the mouth, we think it is a ‘reward’ but it is actually punishing our body.
For quite some time I have been eating an entree of peanuts in olive oil before dinner. I knew that it wasn’t really a very supportive food but did not go into any struggle with myself to try and not eat them, I simply accepted that I was eating this food and if anything actually enjoyed eating the nuts. Recently I have stepped up into a temporary managerial role, having avoided responsibility at work for 25 years. What’s been fascinating is that my eating habits have changed in the two weeks since I have been doing the job. I have started to eat breakfast which I hadn’t been doing previously and the desire to eat nuts in oil has vanished completely. My body feels amazing and I am allowing it to lead the way.
‘My body feels amazing and I am allowing it to lead the way.’ This is key, to allow everything to unfold in its own time. I sometimes find myself overeating before a major event occurs, as if my body knows what’s coming.
From my observations with food I have realised it is a very personal thing. There are no ‘one diet fits all’ solutions or following a diet from a book, fad, celebrity or copying others. It really is a matter of feeling for yourself which foods support you and which do not and discerning your own menu based on this awareness.
Great point Andrew. I know I have strayed further from what is really needed when I have not listened and responded to my body, adopting a particular diet based on rules, ideals and or beliefs.
This is a brilliant blog to read because it shows quite clearly that what we eat not only affects how we respond to life but actually how self loving we are towards ourselves. For example if we eat to fill up the feeling of emptiness within us then surely the first step would be to work out what is it about the way we live and interact with life that gives us this empty feeling?
I enjoyed half a banana a couple of days ago, not having had one for a long time -my body was very quick in its response with my eyes beginning to itch badly along with sinus congestion a few minutes later – letting me know, that this is no longer a food that supports it. Too uncomfortable to want to repeat the experience.
I find it interesting how sometimes we do ‘get away with it’ but that could be because despite our bodies shouting at us we are not listening. I can eat a banana and not feel the effect, but when I truly stop and feel there is always something I can pay attention to. Sometimes if I’ve eaten too much sugar-producing food I feel as if I’m a bit drunk but it’s not enough to make me stop. As I develop more self love and better body-listening skills then it becomes easier to stop eating foods that I no longer need.
It is interesting how one food which once was supportive becomes a food that no longer suits us. It shows how sensitive our bodies are and a marker of truth.
Our bodies are so very sensitive, yet we seem to push the boundaries all the time, even if the boundaries have changed. Our ill health statistics are not a great indicator that we are listening to our body.
In the past I found that if i find myself stuck in a grove eating the same things, knowing that this is to alter or avoid the way I feel I will take it to an excess so that it is without doubt evident that this is not healthy and needs to change. Now I have learned that I can be aware of how my body feels at the end of and throughout each day around eating and make more refined choices without it needing to get to the same point of excess.