I recently realised that I, along with most other members of the teaching and auxiliary staff at school, usually refer to the principal in conversations as ‘the boss’. I have found this to be the common, everyday practice for members of staff, no matter what their position, across the wide variety of schools I have had the pleasure of working in during my teaching career.
I also started listening to how people employed in other occupations referred to the people appointed in supervisory positions above them and realised using the word ‘boss’ in conversation with others, both at work and socially, is quite commonplace. In fact it’s very much the norm.
My referring to the principal as ‘the boss’ is something I have done for years without ever stopping and contemplating what was really going on behind the use of such a simple and seemingly harmless word.
If you had ever asked me why I referred to the many principals I have worked with over the years as ‘the boss,’ I would have said I did it playfully and with a touch of affection, but today I realised this, in truth, is not what is going on at all. I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.
I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male.
This moment was a huge wake-up call.
This really made me stop and consider what was truly happening around my use of the word ‘boss,’ but only when ‘the boss’ was male. It felt like a blind acceptance on my part of the status quo society has held for aeons because, traditionally, most supervisors were male. There was quite an OUCH in that realisation, I can tell you.
I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years. The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make. I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.
Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.
I have kept this awareness at the forefront of my awareness at work and in any conversation I’ve had about school since I arrived at this realisation. Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation. They say old habits die hard and, at this stage, I would say it is a work in progress.
I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. Thanks to the realisation I had about my usage of the very small word ‘boss,’ I am now on the lookout to see if any other undertones of deference or giving away of my power are present in any other situations in my life, as I know doing this is not at all supportive to my personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Sure has been a great lesson to learn.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Love in Business – Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships
A woman’s worth at work
Words: The power and the glory, or a death sentence?
574 Comments
‘The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.’ The word ‘boss’ can come so loaded. I much prefer your definition of principal above as it leaves much more room in the relationship for equality, for give and take.
I agree Michelle, the word boss does come loaded. For me the word mother was loaded when I had my first child with a whole consciousness of what that looked like. So too the person in the role of manager/supervisor would feel all the beliefs around that. I have seen people change, including myself, as soon as they go into a management position. Connecting to who we are and what we bring knocks out titles and instead focuses on our qualities.
Yes, the deference can be there without even knowing it, yet each person is where they are to do a job. I can see that fear comes into it – the boss has the power to hire and fire, yet having that separation also suggests you are not part of the decision to join a company or stay in a company. Great pick up on how one small word can have such a big subtext.
“Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.” This is so true, it is easy to think people in manager roles or other kind of leading/supervising roles are more than us when we are working under their supervision but in fact they are not better than us, they just have another role in their job. It is just like men and women are equal even though they have different expressions.
There is a belief that a ‘boss’ is better, more qualified who has the power to hire and fire. In this view, it’s easy to be deferrent and give our power away, but as you say, Lieke managers have a role to play so that others may carry out their job well. In the appreciation of each role at work, and the productivity of the team equal-ness can be felt.
There is a belief that a ‘boss’ is better, more qualified who has the power to hire and fire. In this view, it’s easier to be submissive and give our power away, but as you say, Lieke managers have a role to play so that others may carry out their job well. In the appreciation of each role at work, and the productivity of the team equal-ness can be felt.
Yes, Rachel. It is all in the beliefs that come with the words we use. May I be open to see more ways words I use are tainted. As Liane, expressed, Truth in Word, is what humanity needs so we can all be freed from the age-old consciousnesses that, at this point in time, cloak and warp our words and take us away from our true expression.
This is really interesting; ‘I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years’, reading this I can feel that there is so much that we accept as ‘normal’ without questioning it.
I think it’s really great to recognise things like this that are seemingly small but actually can be covering up something quite significant. It’s not necessarily that the word is ‘bad’ but how we are using it that makes a big difference…
Yes, and others will notice when we then start referring to them as people.
I agree Fiona it is a moment to stop and check in and say why are these words being used, what is it we don’t want to look at in ourselves, why are we giving our power away, exploring like this will allow us to go deeper within self and support self healing.
So true, Fiona, it is not the word itself that is inappropriate but how it is used as you say, which confirms the significance and responsibility that we each and everyone have in our communication, physically as well as verbally.
I agree Fiona, it is not the word so much that matters but the way we use it and what it means to us.
I know for myself how easy it is to say “well that’s what the boss wants” or “oh that’s the bosses choice” in a way to remove responsibility from you in that circumstance. Yes the person in the position of “boss” does have a lot of say with decisions but when we do what we do “just because they said so” it does create a degree of separation and it means there is no true unification within our choices and decisions.
A true leader raises all in the team to be equal. The boss mentality is surely the antithesis of this.
Very true and well said Doug.
Way to boss that realisation 😉 I find it so cool when you have new awareness about something – that realisation allows for further change.
thank you for revealing the bastardization on the meaning of ‘boss’ we have created. And the attitude and behavior we have used around it.
When we come from our essence there is no way we would hold anyone as greater or lesser than us.
I agree Elizabeth and I have experienced being met in this quality and it is absolutely exquisite.
Yes, I know this one too. I have heard people introduce themselves as ‘just me’ or ‘just (their name)’, especially on a telephone call. It does feel quite belittling and in my experience, means the other person is less likely to listen.
Yes, me too, I used to tell people I am just a gardener until someone pointed out to me how important each and every job we do is on an energetic level.
I like the sense captured here that those in apparently ‘superior’ positions are in truth there to serve those they manage. Rather than hold any sense of greater importance, perhaps managers, supervisors and bosses need to realise that their true role is one of service.
Great point, Richard. Managers, supervisors and bosses are in truth there to serve those they manage. If they don’t provide this service, the ‘house of cards starts tumbling down’ so fine-tuned is the quality of equality required of any true working relationship. Everyone concerned holds the responsibility of maintaining true balance of their personal quality and bringing this to everything that unfolds in the work environment.
Even if our roles vary in jobs, family, or otherwise our equality is still the same.
Absolutely and that’s why using the name BOSS has been misuse as people feel that the BOSS is placed higher and has a different level of status.
oh I went through that with the word “just” some time ago – it felt awful. JUSTifying, unclaimed and disempowering.
Yes, it is fabulous to helm our own ship and not give our power away to others, no matter what the situation is. We are the masters of our own truth.
” I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.” Wow this is a huge learning calling a man your boss , thank you so much for sharing.
Who is the boss? And what kind of #relationship do we have with authority? Is it where we value someone’s skill but recognise their equality? Or do we set them apart from us and isolate them?
Deeply considering these questions has brought a deeper awareness to this writer and to myself from reading this blog – the power words to include and exclude are so important to observe and then to refuse to allow any such exclusion or separation, regardless of how small it seems.
Giving our power away can come in so many guises and our use of words like, ‘boss’ is one of them. To feel our equal-ness with others and our own inner authority changes the game of ‘giving our power away’ completely.
I agree Rachel, using words like boss, is a simple example of us giving our power away, so its great to stop and reflect where else are we doing this in life and what other words are we using.
Great blog, after reading this I am inspired to be more aware of the words I use in conversation and also be more aware of the energy behind them.
The details of daily life hold the key to our evolution. Overriding them, not paying attention, being on auto pilot takes us further away from truth.
It sure was a great lesson to realise I was on autopilot in my usage of the word ‘boss’, Jane. It serves no one if we stay unaware of what is actually going on around words currently in common usage and I’m sure there are many more lurking around waiting to be outed.
Thank you for this Anon. When being curious as to why things are they way they are – how are our conversations playing out in everyday life? One thing I’ve learned from Universal Medicine is that conversations can be hugely powerful and transformative or retarding and keeping us going in circles.
I am almost always the boss in things I do and businesses I run, but never let anyone call me that or refer to me in that manner with customers as we are all equal and using that word (unless playfully) creates separation.
Rumpole of The Bailey used to refer to his wife as “She Who Must be Obeyed” – I quite like that title – I think there is a longer history to it from before Rumpole time.
I’m not to sure ‘She Who Must Be Obeyed’ or, conversely, ‘ He Who Must be Obeyed’ feel truly kosher to me, Nicola. They hold too much of the old ‘boss oneupmanship’ consciousness for me to be able to like them nowadays, no matter how seemingly jokingly Rumpole delivered this phrase in that old TV program.
Now imagine every word in the language we use and understand we’ve misinterpreted and laced each one in the same way. We have not been the boss of their meanings like we thought we were.
So true, Joseph, as we are gradually discovering.
Every word we use has a ripple effect. I know some men who ‘playfully’ call their wives the boss, but know they don’t mean it, and it undermines someone’s true authority.
Anything that holds another as greater or lesser encourages separation and inequality. Everyone within the work-place, within our homes and our relationships has a vital part to play and should be seen to be of equal value.
Super cool to call out when we give our power away and to bring that into our everyday. As you say old habits die hard but the more we are committted to being all of who we are then naturally they just start to fall away. Habits are not who we are; they are what we have taken on to avoid feeling something deeper underneath.
Wise words, Natalie. ‘Habits are not who we are; they are what we have taken on to avoid feeling something deeper underneath.’
The process of understanding the energetic impact of everything we do and say as presented by Universal Medicine is an unending exploration which brilliantly unpicks all that we have accepted without question, thank-you for sharing this seemingly small but equally impactful thread of our shared irresponsibility.
It is interesting how I have heard some men refer to their wives as the boss, but it appears to be said in an unloving derogatory way where a relationship is not equal, but one person has more say than the other, or one person makes all the decisions. We can understand how our language reveals a huge amount with how we feel in relationships at home and at work.
On reflection, I don’t seem to have had a male manager very often in my life but I have clocked that I generally respond better to men than women, and I have wondered why that is? My feeling is that sadly women have been hurt more by other women than men, outside of personal relationships, and that men can be more clear, direct and uncomplicated in their style as a whole, and that I like that. Either way, simply using their name should be the same, and whilst they may be a line manager, we are all equal human beings that deserve love and respect.
The widespread acceptance of gender inequality throughout the ages has held everyone back in their expression especially in work situations. I feel this possibly is behind the differences in management style you have outlined, Shirley-Ann. Until we are all able to approach everything with true equality, love and respect, free of past hurts and beliefs, our way of relating to people in any shape or form will be affected to some degree.
Ouch I can certainly relate to this in the past, and I can remember the process of returning to just using someone’s name even when others used other terms like “the big cheese” to refer to the manager. I also observed that at that times their name was said but in the most loaded way and persisting with saying it without even with others who did not. You can get a whole read out of someone else’s relationship with a manager/supervisor just from the way they use their name, it is very telling.
Wow, ‘the big cheese’ is not a term I have ever used but it sure goes in the derogatory word pile.
Great you have shared how the tone of voice used is something to keep are of as well when it comes to the reading of relationships between people, as the nuances in tone can often be extremely subtle.
Very interesting read Anonymous, and you are so right about usage of words that we use. Because of our own pictures, attachments, beliefs, ideals we have behind words (in your case here of “boss”, it could also be any other word too like “love” or “religion” for example], they can have a vastly different and mixed meaning. When we are clear of those attachments, the energy changes and we get to the true meaning or resonance behind each and every word.
Having my eyes opened to how I was using the word ‘boss’ was quite a watershed moment for me. As you have suggested, Zofia, there will be others I am still to discover. Having true meaning or resonance behind each and every word is definitely the way to go when it comes to communicating clearly and with energetic integrity.
Every word comes with an energy and this short word ‘boss’ is absolutely loaded. Not only does it carry a certain air of deference but I can also detect a bit of comparison and giving up in it.
Yes, Gabriele, when we use words such as ‘boss’ in this way we are subscribing to an unspoken agreement to lessen ourselves.
I picked up on that as well. I have also heard people enjoy that separation because it meant they didn’t have full responsibility for the company, they could be irresponsible in their decisions because the buck didn’t stop with them. I wonder what business would be like if we all committed to our jobs as if it were our business, not to control everything but to commit in full the responsibility of the work we are there to do.
This is interesting Gabriele, the word ‘boss’ does feel loaded and I hear what you are saying about comparison and giving up in it too. I wonder if this could be shifted if we use this word with a loving intention instead of in its usual manner. I reckon it is possible.
Interestingly I don’t have the same view about the word boss, The VP of sales retired recently and we worked together for 17 years and he was my boss but he would always say that really I was his boss, so I guess we had a relationship where there was no boss just two people working together to support the customers and the company.
Beautiful Mary, it feels that for the formality, the outside world, there needed to be a ‘boss’ but in reality this was not as it was not in your relationship, there it was equality instead.
Yes Mary that is interesting and it shows that it is not the word itself but the use of it and the energetic quality in which it is said. We can use the worlds ‘could you please grab that folder for me’ and be imposing and disrespectful in our quality while ‘grab that folder for me will you’ can be very respectful and non-demanding simply by the quality it is spoken in.
What a great revelation to have; one that has revealed so much for you, and for me. And I had a laugh when I read “I am the boss of me”, something I have heard so many children say, with those around them laughing too while at the same time probably saying to themselves – ‘no you’re not, I am”. But you are so right, we are actually our own boss, the one responsible for making every single decision in our lives but at the same time being responsible for every single consequence, unlike many of the ‘bosses’ I have had.
I have also noticed this pattern of using certain seemingly small words automatically in my every day conversation that have a big effect on how I view the world. Every word matters in our conversations.
I’ve been exploring the word ‘Good’ it can hide so much and yet it is deeply accepted. If a situation or person is ‘Good’ then we look no further or deeper. Good seems to keep us on the surface. And how and where do I use it? Trying to not use the word good requires almost a language restructure.
Yes, I agree Andrew, everything matters because when we express we choose a certain vibration to express in and depending on what we choose, it can either heal or harm.
It also comes down to how a word is used and the energy it is said in. Two people can say the same word and one will lift up and one will put down. Of course some words have become so misused they can’t be lifted up.
Long before the word is shaped by our mouth, it is sounded forth by the way that we move, well before the ear can hear it.
“Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. ” thats so true and yet how often do we act in a way to give that control to another, to not stand in our truth so to speak.
My Manager is female and previously male colleagues have called her boss, if anything this felt from a place of respect for her. But I get what you are saying about how we can use phrases or words most of our life without even thinking, reflecting or realising we are saying them and the affect this expression has on our whole being .. after all everything is energy. It is always good to be aware if and when we are giving our power away to another as then we can ask where is this pattern, ideal or belief coming from and change it.
I have never really liked the word boss, either being called it or using it to refer to another as it does take away from us all being equal.
Same here Kev and I feel anything that creates separation we naturally can register tension in our body. So, when the word ‘boss’ is used to separate people, I can feel the harm due to the intention of separation.
I’ve heard the term boss used in many relationships and marriages and in these cases boss is used to describe the woman. I’ve seen men hand over responsibility for most household and family decisions to women and in so doing, deny themselves the opportunity to participate as equals in the home. I’ve seen women delight in being the boss in the home, deftly controlling men and children instead of sharing responsibility. This imbalance does not support woman, man or child. The way is not to lead others, but support others to lead themselves and work with each other.
I love the distinction you have made here Kehinde between taking sole charge of leadership as if ruling over others and in contrast supporting everyone to work with one other and also lead the way. There is a world of difference between how empowered and valued every single person feels, as well as the overall outcome.
This is such a powerful comment, Kehinde, and so shows the loving way to be, no matter where we are or who we are with, is to ‘support others to lead themselves and work with each other.’
Thankyou for sharing your lesson with us all and after reading this blog, I too will become more aware of the words I use in conversation, as everything counts and has a ripple effect.
The consequences of we giving our power away to the one who employs us or holds the purse strings is we de-value ourselves, believing the so called ‘boss’ is better or more worthy than we are. Appreciating ourselves as equal to everyone we work with regardless of where they sit in the organisation is fundamental to building true relationship.
Absolutely, well said Kehinde and something to be aware of 24/7 not just at work but in all situations where we might meet some form of control, manipulation, supremacy or we might fall into this way of behaving ourselves however subtle