I have often avoided the thought of dying. There are so many beliefs of how one should approach the subject. I had always seen death and dying to be full of doom, gloom and drama, which is perhaps why I had previously avoided being around anybody who was close to dying.
The experience I had recently with my dear friend who was terminally ill and dying, was quite revolutionary for me. I was part of a group of people who all came together to support and help a friend during her last year of life. What was amazing was to listen to each person’s experience; how deeply touched they were with being able to know this woman and to be with her in the final stage of her life.
It was beautiful to be in the presence of this woman, who was very ill, but who was not fighting it, who was not holding onto life or in denial of what was happening to her body.
Up until her last breath she was supported and had full awareness of what was going on around her. She was able to stay at home and she never lost her dignity or ability to choose what was right for her. When she passed over she was not alone and had the company and support of friends. For her, there was no fear of death or dying and no giving up either – it was just an acceptance and surrender to the process and the cycle of life and death.
As a group of friends who shared this experience – before and after – we discussed death and dying and why this subject is often not spoken about. It’s as if we are afraid to upset another or offend.
We talked about coffins, we discussed the cultural beliefs and how we had not really known another way. I don’t think there really is a right or wrong way, but I do think that possibly we have never really stopped to consider what feels true for us, rather than what is socially accepted.
The other thing that just made me smile and even look forward to my dying day was that she chose to pass away at home. Her home was calm and she stayed in her own bed up until about 3 weeks before passing over, so she was able to feel comfortable in her surroundings. The view from her bedroom was beautiful and meant that while she could sit up, she could enjoy the birds and nature outside her window.
It was beautiful to feel the way we all worked together in supporting this process for our friend who was approaching death and dying.
I can only imagine how beautiful it must have felt for her to be supported by friends in this phase of life. For her it was a time of heightened awareness and openness and a deep surrendering to what was happening, with deep clarity and a depth of true connection.
Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over; but we often don’t, because so far it’s not the norm.
I have been inspired by Serge Benhayon and the many presentations of Universal Medicine that have increased my awareness on the subject of death and dying and my experience with supporting my friend through this process in her last year of life. I have been inspired to share my experience so that it too may inspire others to start to offer another way of support for their friends and family when they are terminally ill: to deeply appreciate and honour this special time and opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.
By Rosie Bason, Age 35, Massage therapist, Business owner, Parent, Goonellabah, NSW
Further Reading:
Death & Dying – A Taboo Topic or a Joyful, Normal Conversation?
Reincarnation: Does Everything Start and End?
The Kingly Body – Building a Connection With Your Soul
859 Comments
What an amazing example of passing over with dignity and grace. I have seen quite few elderly people die and there is a part of them that struggles to hang onto to life as they slowly fade way as they don’t eat or drink. I feel it can be really hard on the nursing staff as they do everything to make them as comfortable as possible and I have witnessed how loving and gentle they are. I am full of admiration of the nursing staff I have worked with they are truly amazing people.
I feel the key to approach death is found in the surrender in both the person who is in the dying process and the people around them. This is what allows to have a very enriching experience in those moments that goes beyond life and death, and remains endless within us.
At the other end of the cycle we have birth, and a week ago at a christenings the empowering words that were shared and the authority that they held us in was real and felt by young and old, “to deeply appreciate and honour this special time and opportunity to connect at a deeper level with each other.” What a great way to understand we are more than this simple human vessel, so as a community we can deepen every relationship in the most intimate (non sexual) way. Intimacy is letting people in and appreciation goes hand in hand with intimacy and to energetically appreciate is to understand first and for-most we are more than human and so are others equally so.
All the discussion around death we have makes the death phase of life become a passing-over because the process of dying is understood and confirmed as something not to be feared as we can all feel that we have completed our association at this point of time. And we are then all ready and open to re-connecting when we are back in a different vessel.
There are many societies that still celebrate birth and death equally. What would the world be like if we made this the norm?
We would definitely appreciate these cycles and reincarnation in its true form, and thus be more intimate by letting people in.
It will be wonderful to have this as the norm, ‘Just thinking about this amount of support and love makes me realise that we could be offering this to so many others who are passing over’.
The more we all share our experiences of death and dying the more we will realise and accept that it is a natural part of the cycle of life and rebirth. We all have something to learn from each other whether it is as a newborn or approaching death. and dying.
The Loving-support and non-imposing dedication shown obviously allowed a deepening awareness for everyone involved so there was no regrets held about a life that was full until the end.
I can only imagine what a beautiful experience it would be, to be so lovingly supported by friends and the community on passing over like your friend was.
Yes, it does sound a beautiful experience to have so much love and support at this time in your life, I welcome the day this is the norm for everyone.
It seems to me like death is a great opportunity to learn that all the things we hold onto in life – all the grudges, problems, things we don’t like, stresses and even all the things we love or need are simply not worth hanging onto, it’s almost like in dying we get a new lesson in how to live.
It is so true Rosie that our openness to talking about death and dying is virtually non-existent and as a result we are allowing the ‘taboo’ that has been imposed around this cycle of life, one we all will be met with, to undermine the deepening of love, power, wisdom and grace that is actually on offer to all of us through this phase. Thank you for sharing how there is another way on that is beautifully beholding, honouring and deeply caring and supportive it can be when we are open to being present and sharing ourselves honestly through this cycle of life. In fact, the more talk about it more now in our everyday lives the more we break down the taboo, the mystery around death and dying and bring to light the truth of what this cycle represents and offers all of us, so then it is with preparedness we all know what is needed to support each other to maximise what is on offer.
Acceptance of death and death cycle heals friends, family and person who is passing over into their next life. The dying person’s gracious acceptance of their own passing over inspired those around her and many more who will read this blog.
Conversations about death and dying before, during and after is an essential part of preparing for and accepting it.
Death can be healing: we don’t have to be left bereft and devastated when a loved one dies. We can instead and regardless of their own view of death or nature of it walk alongside a dying person, support them, be a holding presence, work as a team with doctors, nurses other practitioners, friends and relatives. Being in the presence of a dying person is about the quality we bring to them, not just being in attendance.
Our quality, that we live in and bring to all we meet is super important, and has an effect on everyone.
What I loved from your sharing is the feeling of everyone being together going through the experience and it struck me that I have heard it said that it takes a community to raise a child but never about a community coming together to support someone to pass over. This has to be the blueprint for the future.
I love feeling the community in your sharing Rosie. The passing over was not just about this person passing over, but an evolutionary process for all involved. I can feel the joy in naturally supporting her till her last breath and how everyone was truly supported with supporting her. True community that will one day be the common way on earth
Absolutely embracing the evolution on offer to all concerned through the passing over process.
I too Rosie was part of the group that supported our dear friend, the reflections in how she approached death and passing over were so inspiring for us who were able to witness this. How beautiful the process can be when a person opens up deepening their own love to accept what is on offer during these times, preparing them to enter the next phase in the cycle of life and death.
Passing-over is a natural cycle, as is us re-turning or reincarnating and this should be a part of any discussion we are going to have around birth and end of life. How we live to our last breath from the day we are born all is a part of what should be our understanding of what we have lived we come back to, so can you imagine saying to a grumpy controlling 2 or 3 year old this is exactly how you were when you passed-over in your last incarnation. This is something that we need to share with our children from day one in the most Loving way so they grow up understanding what responsibility is all about and then we will start to go to our last breath with no regrets.
And passing with no regrets so that we feel complete with every relationship with nothing left unsaid and all that is said is based on decency with respect, which is coming from Love.
The way I have come to understand death and dying is that it’s not to be feared or fought but can be accepted as a part of life. However I understand this is not everyone’s relationship with it but the more normal we talk about it the more it gets accepted.
Absolutely, and the more we talk about it and support people this way the more normal it can become. Although I think it is more normal in a lot of countries, but perhaps just not spoken about.
To be surrounded with this level of love in your final days is very beautiful and something that many would want but simply don’t experience. Our life is often lived in a way today where the depth and quality we seek is absent in our connections with others.
And even when we get a taste of that connection and quality, we resist it as we are afraid that we may like it too much and then it will be gone!
In our society it is natural to celebrate birth and being young. Getting older, ageing is already one step further away, we know we all do but the emphasis is on staying young and then death and dying is generally speaking something we avoid as much as we can to not be confronted by the fact that our live on earth has an end. We have left the natural cycle we live in far behind us and try to live a superficial life until eventually death catches up with us. In this case it was different and inspiring as it was a beautiful completion of her life.
Yes imagine what it would look like in society if we gave as much energy and effort to death and dying as we do to birth and staying young!