An interesting topic of conversation that affects everyone… gender equality.
At our 19-week scan during pregnancy, my partner and I found out that our first baby together was to be a boy. I’d always held a picture that I’d have a girl and this led me to feel curious as to why I had thought this: where had such a thought come from? I had also been told by a few people that they thought I’d have a boy and I instantly felt a reaction to the thought of this in my body, which again led me to observe myself and my beliefs more and delicately uncover what was really going on for me underneath them.
I discovered that I was reacting to a number of things:
Everywhere I looked, boys were being dressed in clothes that were of certain colours – blues, greens and black – and they were also surrounded by certain details, such as cars and trucks or super-heroes and crossbones.
This, I noticed, wasn’t just the case for boys however, as I observed the colour choices for girls; these were also grossly over-represented by pinks and frills. Did I really think that girls had more expression options than boys or was it perhaps a case that both sexes and their expression are quite stereotyped? With this came an understanding of the society in which we all live and thus the way in which our retail stores, ideals and beliefs are consequently set up to uphold and promote the gender stereotypes.
Boys are raised to be ‘tough,’ ‘rough’ and ‘tumble’; if they are hurt, they’re told to drink a cup of concrete and harden up and, quite frankly, to not be too sensitive.
I was sensing my reaction to this as well, as I know that when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t? And yet as boys and girls grow up, they are rarely cherished and supported from their families, schools and society for these same qualities. These qualities, that are an actual part of who they are for their entire lives, whether it is honoured by themselves and others or not, remain a fact.
Many people have shared their beliefs on raising boys, such as teaching them to handshake firmly to portray their strength or the advice that raising boys is actually easier and simpler than raising girls.
The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.
We each have our own unique way of expression and this is what needs to be fostered and connected to in our children. My partner and I aren’t raising our children to be like us or follow our traits, as they are their own people, with their own learning in life to come. We are also conscious of the fact that we are not raising children to ‘fit society,’ to improve on our own childhoods or parents, or even to replicate them.
As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. It is from this true understanding of self that gender equality is naturally felt, understood and lived. From this foundation a boy or girl, man or woman can express themselves and their gender to reflect the gorgeousness, preciousness and tenderness of who they simply are… and through whatever colours they choose!
By Cherise Holt, 32, Brisbane
Further Reading:
Gender Equality – It Starts With Me Now
Equality – What Does It Mean?
Love – the missing link in gender equality
572 Comments
We all come into the world equally delicate and tender and this feeling remains regardless of the external pressures and expectations. We all have a choice to stay aligned to truth and live our delicateness and tenderness, which is to live with the strength of knowing who we are.
I caught myself recently saying to a girlfriend that they could have a pink tea pot for their tea as they were a girl! It just came out this gender stereotype. I had to stop to consider where on earth did this comment come from? It’s when I stop to consider what has just left my mouth is not me that was not my thought but one that dropped into my mind. Which got me wondering what else drops in so that I then become a mouth piece and say anything that comes into my head? So who is actually thinking me or something else that is using me as their vehicle of expression?
Even before we are born we have this catalog of pictures, ideals and beliefs that come our way and follow throughout our lives. I still find myself being talked down to by mechanics who think women don’t know anything about cars. Both genders have their strengths and weaknesses and that’s beautiful because we can’t have one without the other.
As a society we all have a responsibility to see that we do not pander to children but to be Loving in every way and understand they are actually very aware of the energies that are around us all ,so in this awareness we can treat everyone the same even a baby, then we would never talk down to a child as we are all equal.
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’ When we strip everything back to essence, the human being becomes genderless. In essence we can see the different qualities our children naturally bring and is to this that we communicate. Our boys are just as delicate and tender and precious as our girls; to deny them this recognition and love is to reject them utterly, not just to their cost but to the cost of society.
What a difference to many children it would make to be brought up in connection with their essence and knowing and living their amazingness, ‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’
Challenging the current gender stereotypes is crucial if we are to enable future generations to grow up in true gender equality. The more we support our young people to connect to their unique essence the less they will feel forced into roles that do not fit.
It is not simply to challenge stereotypes but to love our children to the bone for the essence and qualities they bring. When we do this, those stereotypes will fall away naturally – to love my son in all his gorgeous, round, cuddly, melty, delicate, sweet, spunky, funny, tender, wise and glorious essence is to communicate to him how his power lies in his sensitivity not through what he can do, and therefore he understands that he doesn’t need to perform a role to fit in, he is simply given permission to be himself and express himself in a way that is natural to him, with an ease and a confidence that pays no heed to whether he can wear pink or not, he shall simply wear it and carry it off with style if the impulse is there to wear it, inspiring everyone he meets, who will see his essence before they see the pink (although it will complement it beautifully).
It’s interesting how we so quickly lose the qualities of tenderness and deep respect for one another. It is almost like, as children, we understand that to survive and better still make our way in the world we have to become less than how we feel, and less than what we know is true. When we can raise our children to retain their own sense of self, having confidence in themselves because we allow them to express and live from their own heart and their own inner knowing, then we are giving them a chance to retain these qualities of tenderness and deep respect and to live their own way rather than sacrificing themselves to age old beliefs and ideals.
Gender equality does not mean we all express the same, it means in essence we are the same and in that essence we hold the tenderness, delicateness, beauty and power that we all are.
There is an enormous responsibility with parenting as often without realising we impose our ideals and beliefs of what we think it means to be a man or a woman or anything for that matter in life onto our children. It is these ideals and beliefs that cap someone from being who they truly are.
Recently we have been receiving all the “Father’s Day” catalogues and they are being offered alcohol, BBQ gear, sports stuff, tools and lots of food. Such stereo type to the pampering things that come out in “Mother’s Day” catalogues.
First and foremost we are all equally gorgeous, sensitive, divine beings and should be honoured as such regardless of gender, race, nationality etc etc. If we allowed our children to be and express who they naturally are the world would be a very different place.
Raising boys and honouring their natural tenderness they can still enjoy playing with cars and trucks – even when they are adults.
Yes, it is the quality they live with when taking part in these activities.
It may be harder for parents to resist the role pressure from others when their child is a boy than when it is a girl. It may therefore be easier to raise a girl as there are fewer stereotypes to resist in early childhood.
I am about to bring a boy into the world and reading this blog is very inspiring to read – as it shows how we do not need to see ourselves as different simply because of gender – and that the colour of clothing we wear can be a reflection of our expression and not just our gender.
absolutely, and it is not hard for the child to be themselves, it is hard for the parents to let go of all the ideals and beliefs and hopes and expectations they would project on the children.
‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful’. when these same qualities are honoured and nurtured without any imposing ideals and beliefs it allows both genders to develop and express the richness of both sexes, in either male or female bodies.
We certainly do need to break out of our pictures and ideals and beliefs with regards to having babies… So that everyone can be welcomed with the unique essence of who they are.
Raising a child to live with love, respect and decency has no gender. It is a basic standard that we reflect in our parenting and offer to all.
I am currently pregnant with a boy and as I look around me, I too see the way in which boys are raised to be tough and rough – when in fact they are at their core, gentle and sensitive. I can already feel the responsibility I have in honouring men and boys for who they are rather than the tough persona they put on.
“when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?” It is the responsibility of parents to raise and support children to be and know who they are and not fall victim of the perceived expectations of society to ‘fit in’. Fit in to what? A society that does not honour the natural sensitivity and tenderness of men and the precious delicacy of women.
well said Mary, we should know by now that what we have created does not work and so to want to mold a child to fit in to this is only perpetuating that which does not work. If we would let a whole generation of children be exactly who they are we would see massive change in the world from there on.
It’s interesting how many women hope to have a girl rather than a boy, could it be that our gender perception runs so deep it alters even how we see young babies and boys – and that we don’t properly see them for the amazing qualities they have?
A big issue can be that a man can be strong without at all compromising on sensitivity. The two actually work together. If they don’t, we have hardness which is brittle and or forceful, not strong.
I know children need to know about consequences, hence this I must have a full relationship with myself and be absolutely honest to be a reflection of truth that when I am providing discipline it is clearly felt and not just words to either of the genders equally so.
This sounds like you are allowing your son to be who he is – what a joy this is and something that should be deeply appreciated. I am having a baby boy – I am newly pregnant, and very open to what this means knowing full well that this is no different to raising our daughter in the sense that we are just allowing them to express who they are.
We are all equal with the same divine qualities, ‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful’.
When a child is allowed to be and doesn’t have pictures imposed onto them but is free to express, not just in terms of gender roles but to express everything, how they feel in each moment, what they observe, what’s going on etc it is very refreshing and we can learn a lot from them.
Yes, and the child is very powerful then.
Your words here Cherise help us realise how ingrained these pictures of how boys and girls should be are in life. Even when we don’t conform so very often we are just acting out of reaction to these ideals and beliefs. A young baby can be a beautiful reminder that we are all designed to just be, with no further agenda or aim. There’s no need for us to choose to continue these stereotypes when we have our inner sense and connection to our light.
Not having a picture on someone how they should come out in the end lets magic truly play out. In other words, it gives them a chance to truly live their essence or re-discover it to nonrestricted be themselves to reflect that to others. What more love can you offer to someone, than this.
What I am also becoming aware as I parent my three children is what they are offering me in my evolution and to not avoid it, those moments of emptiness where I can feel that I need something from them to fulfil me from that which I am not choosing to see and heal within me.
Growing up in a family of 3 girls, we were raised like boys when we were children on the belief that we will be safer and will be able to protect ourselves. So in fact, in our growing up we are re-discovering what it means to be a woman and to understand deeper what it is to be a man, how blessed.
“It is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.” I would add we can all do this – not just leave it up to parents – or teachers for that matter.
Could true equality bless us with the opportunity to be, appreciate and express our unique combination of qualities and strengths in full and thus accept that we are not the same as everyone else.
The consciousness behind gender stereotyping is huge and is still very ingrained in our current society. With this the sensitivity and the richness of what each incarnation has to offer the world is greatly missed as such we live in the tension of not realising that power we each and together are here to bring. Our responsibility is to foster the true essence of our children so they grow up knowing and living with confidence the qualities who they really are.
There are so many paradigms in place in society that we automatically take on… It really is time for everyone to find their own place, their own connection, their own flow, and hence to find that they are in the same river flowing to the source.
It’s easy to think that this issue is specific to gender, but perhaps this is part of a bigger agenda? For it seems to me that we are extremely keen to label things, to define, and lock them down. To know what things are about and what they are, is something we spend a lot of time on. We enjoy pigeon holing life to feel nice and safe – so there are things we can ‘rely on’. But as you show so succinctly Cherise, this just cuts out all the beauty that’s actually there. It doesn’t allow for the wholeness of life and leaves us with just a small slice – this to me is a big price to pay. This blog is a great reminder not to box ourselves in with how we see the ourselves and the world everyday.
Great comment Joseph! It is superimportant to watch ourselves how quick we label and box things and people in. I do it myself. It definitely is a form of protection to judge a situation or a person like that. The effect it has is also, that the person does not get the allowing energetically to unfold who they truly are, because I limited this through my judgement . Reading where someone is at is one thing and very important, but not judging or labelling it and allowing them to choose every moment to change and being more. Great reminder.
Cherise, what you write is very true. Truth, beauty, love and more don’t have a gender. They have many expressions each but no gender.
Gender equality is an interesting topic, and not only in raising children. It is all around in our societies and gender equality is absolutely not there when I am honest. Just look to the difference in salary men and women are paid for the same job and how society is male oriented, that as a woman you are to become more male and to not show that femaleness to be valued as an ‘equal member’ of society. The women are in general valued less to men and that is actually a big loss for us all as a society. We have to make big steps to make this change and allow more femaleness being expressed in both men and women, as this imbalance, what we can experience as the gender inequality in our societies, is one of the root causes of all of the issues we have in our societies today.
Reading about raising children it occurred to me that our responsibility is not only in how we raise our children but also in being open to and allowing our children to raise us as well. Quite often we can be raised in awareness by our children as in their innocence they can observe things with more awareness – so it is a learning and developing for everyone at every stage and age.
This is true parenting Nicola, as parent being open to be raised as well. You are absolutely right, our children come with an openness and innocence we all know so well but through our upbringing sometimes have lost but can be reminded of by our young ones. Actually, besides gender equality we introduce here age equality too.
Yes, awareness and clairsentience are not at all age related, being young can be quite an advantage.
A way of avoiding the reflection and the raising you are talking about that a child can bring is indeed lacing them with beliefs and pictures or ideals to behave in a certain way. So that we don´t get pushed in our way of living, that we don´t feel how much we miss the untainted, unboxed way of life. It is like putting dust on a clean mirror to not really see and learn from the reflection it would otherwise reflect in the clear state.
Yes!! It feels almost too simple to raise our kids equally. We love to complicate, and segregate, and all for the sake of identity. But we are all different just as we are, but equally so, so there is no need to attempt to ‘mould’ our children into ‘something’, they already are everything, with either penis or vagina…
Thank you Cherise, its so great that you have been conscious of how this world have been imposing on you on how to be a mother and how your children should be. Its interesting to note that every young baby I have held ,has always been a ball of love in my arms and the gender of the baby was never a question and to think, that every person you meet was also a ball of love at that stage too.
Every person still is a ball (or sphere) of love at every stage and age – it is just that usually they have covered it up and hidden it – but still there.
Cherise, ‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t? And yet as boys and girls grow up, they are rarely cherished and supported from their families, schools and society for these same qualities.’ I agree Cherise, it is rare for a child to be encouraged to be sensitive and tender, particularly boys, boys from my experience are more likely to be encouraged to be tough, to not cry and to ‘get on with it’.
This article go straight to the core of what is a very long-running and emotive subject… And this is about raising our children without agenda but actually connecting with who they truly are, and of course connecting to who we truly are first.
Great point Chris, ‘connecting to who we truly are first’. This is essential for everything in life, and especially when it comes to raise children.
I have nannied and looked after boys many times and they are just as sensitive as girls if not more sometimes because they are encouraged to be not this at all. When you let the child be it boy or girl explore and be who they naturally are, the way they want to express it is so beautiful to watch.
Parents don’t deliberately toughen up their sons, it is done unconsiously based on their own upbringing and as a way to protect them in the world. What if the greatest protection for them is for them to stay in their tenderness?
I agree, love and tenderness are our greatest protections and bring true power. This applies to both boy and girls and men and women equally.
I watched a little boy the other day be so super tender with his sister and felt how utterly important it is to cherish boys for the tender beings that they are instead of letting them grow up to be hard and tough men. We all have a responsibility in this because the world we have today is the world that we have allowed and in fact chosen and it is up to us to change it if we know it is not working. It most definitely is not working to raise boys to be who they are not.
I am sure most would agree that a young child is beautiful regardless of their agenda, but somewhere along the way we lose that willingness to treasure the beauty of both men and women equally, and instead get consumed by gender politics. There is no doubt that it is still a mans world unfortunately, and that women get a hard time of things. However, the push to achieve equality by outmanning the man is to the demise of not just women, but men also. For what is truly missing is for the world to recognise the innate beauty of men, and for men to realise that they are equally as sensitive and as expressive as women, if they give themselves permission to be so.
Such a gorgeous sharing Cherise and makes me appreciate that there can be so many ways to raise kids., I have an 11month old and she is so clued up and aware and it is amazing to know that i am not raising her to be anything other than just who she is. Its great to understand parenting from a much deeper level and why kids do what they do. I feel so blessed to be able to raise a child celebrating their awareness rather than seeing it as a traditional ‘need to be a good parent’
“As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. ” Well said Cherise instead of having them to fill our own needs, wants or expectations as so much of parenting is involved in.
Cherise, thank you for writing this, I can feel how crazy it is that there are such stereotypes; boys wearing dark colours- blues, greens and browns and girls wearing pinks and purples, I have observed that with very young boys that they have often not yet taken on these ideas and that they love to wear fairy dresses, have painted nails, wear any colour they feel too if it has not been imposed upon them to wear certain colours by their parents.
“when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?” This says everything of the true equality of boys and girls, men and women.
We Can take the idea of getting Children as a personal gain, to deliver you your Needs.
Or we Can See iT as a oppertunity to serve. And that we Can trust that the gender of the body is decided from higher intelligents who knows what is purpsose for their soul, the evolution.
When just one more parent gets the foundation of equality that is talked about here, there is an opportunity for the ripple effect to be felt by so many more people, and for this very old paradigm to be let go of
Rather than having our gender defining us and then directing how we are to live we can choose to be known by felt qualities that are equal in both gemders. We will never have true gender equality if we focus on the physicality because in society we’ve tried that and it doesn’t work. We have differing outward expressions (men being stronger, women having children etc) but we can both express lovingly, tenderly and delicately. Equality is about quality rather than action.
The crazy thing is it doesn’t stop here with the definitions we have, of what is right for a boy or a girl, but flows on to women and men, how we should be in couples or at work, with our family or ourselves. To be frank, the list goes on of preconceived pictures we all have. They box us in to a vision of life that imprisons and tortures us, day and night. That might sound extreme but the fact is many of us pursue these ideals you mention here Cherise, and have them imposed right from our birth. That’s why it is so huge, when we see through them and no longer give them any power. Then we are free to truly be us, a gorgeous, divine human being.
Well said Joseph, the ideals and beliefs we are privy to when growing up can shape our relationships for the rest of our lives, and determine how we will be in those relationships. The thing is very rarely do we question the beliefs that we run with, as we just think we are right and everyone else is mis-guided.
“The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.” This is so true, as I found out by having a daughter and a son. Both children were so very different, yet in their sensitivity and expression no different from each other, and it never crossed my mind that my son had to be tough or my daughter ‘frilly’. 🙂
The nurturing of a child that raised them to know, respect and honour who they are is a great gift we can offer as parents, grand-parents, aunts, uncles and friends.
Comparison, expectations, ideals and ‘hardening up’ are so debilitating; forever putting people into boxes instead of supporting them to be themselves, and it’s so important to talk about and address how we feed these behaviours even in how we dress our kids, talk, address others and live.
I saw a small boy walking today in a pink mega mandy suit in fullness of what he liked to express in and his mother walking beside him with absolute surrender and trust to whatever he felt to express in , being it a pink suit or not.. I found that this was so amazing and cool to see a boy express himself in whatever he chooses to wear!
What’s amazing is that the kids will, if allowed the opportunity, be the first to break down these constructs of certain genders do/wear/be certain things!
Finding the correct balance in life so that we are teaching and not preaching, sharing and not imposing, using discipline or boundaries without controlling rules, love without the emotional attachment, sharing responsibility then true purpose can be understood so no different to how we treat any one else and is a great start to any relationship.
For more on true purpose go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=TRUE+PURPOSE
I love how you stopped when you felt your reaction towards having a boy and looked at what beliefs you had picked up along the way about raising a boy. It is easy to identify ourselves with our reactions and think it is just us and how we are but giving ourselves space, like you did, to see what had come in that made us react and that that is actually not US is very powerful. Thank you for sharing.
It is so limiting, that boys and girls are ‘assigned’, through our ideals and beliefs, a limited range of colours. And that’s only the beginning. Boys and men are allowed one set of emotions – anger, and girls another set of emotions. No wonder, growing up conditioned to be so different, when in fact we as boys and girls, so too as men and women, are totally the same in tenderness and sensitivity, no wonder our intimate relationships can seem so difficult. Thank you Cherise for bringing this ill condition we all now suffer from up to discussion. This is a start in raising our awareness and can start us making different choices, honouring who we are, boy or girl, doesn’t matter, and yes Cherise, I look forward to a time when boys are raised as you describe; what a blessing for the girls who can meet them!
The insidious thing about concepts like this, is that even if we think we have seen them for what they are, if we still make choices based on these boundaries – we are still trapped. Your words here remind me Cherise, just how much I still choose to buy into the ideals of what it means to be a man, and how I adopt the bits that suit me like a kid at a sweet pick and mix. The thing is it doesn’t actually work that way – when you subscribe to one part you get caught by the whole system that just isn’t true. Thank you for your words here and support to break through all these beliefs we have that just are not true.
Thank you Cherise – as a new mum I deeply feel the responsibility I have to see both boys and girls as equal. Often I am asked if my daughter is a girl because I don’t dress her in dresses – and so it is apparent how we’ve relied on clothing to tell us boy or girl -but really what is the importance of gender? The fact is babies are tender no matter what their sex and it is our responsibility to raise them honouring this.
As a young girl, I reacted to the ‘gender stereotypes’ by refusing to wear frilly dresses and being a tom boy. I felt restricted by being a girl as boys seemed to have more freedom. However, I hardened myself to do this and I didn’t realize that I was not really free just playing the game from the other side of the coin.
Great observation – I also was not the ‘frilly’ kind and used to much prefer hanging out with the boys as I also perceived them to have more freedom and flexibility in what they could do and how they would be – so although not quite a tomboy, definitely a bit more on the ‘tough’ side then.
Once we start to look at ‘gender equality’ we see that we are riddled with ideals and beliefs ‘set up to uphold and promote the gender stereotypes’. We are not free at all while we are bound by this consciousness and movements such as Women’s Lib are not bringing freedom but a reaction to the status quo. We have to bust this consciousness altogether and a great way to do this is by being responsible for raising our children as you are Cherise, ‘to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’
This reminds me that gender inequality starts well before we have time to even understand it. Equality is something we each have to choose, otherwise we subscribe to a way of thinking that makes us think that we are not equal within.
In reading this article I realised that I often had the opposite reaction to this- when my aunties or other families members were having babies I wanted them to have boys. I had this underlying belief that boys were easier and more important. It really is fascinating the beliefs we hold that can influence us in so many ways.
What is the true difference between the genders, we know that there are differing qualities in men and women, but also what we currently have depicted for boys and girls is not a true reflection of each gender. Boys are steered towards things that make them toughen and harden to the world, while girls are dismissed as being only homebirds, interested in the pink and fluffy. Perhaps this description doesn’t fully represent the difference, instead what is more important to note is that each individual person is unique, and that it is more about letting them blossom in whichever way they feel. as an adult this is about forgetting the gender, and listening to and appreciating the beautiful soul that is walking, living, learning and making choices for themselves, with the support of everyone they encounter.
It is a great point to start to notice the insidious and innocuous images we hold that shape and inform every second of our day and interactions should we let them. First step is to become aware of what those are.
It is interesting to notice how our pictures and images in life when not matched with reality can cause us to react rather than being open to what is.
Being open to what is and observing is such a great way of learning and moving in directions that we may not have previously even seen or been aware of.
This is true that as parents…. “it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality.” However, if we as parents, and society in general, are not truly living this then there will be no true equality. Children especially, and also adults, know and feel when the truth that is shared is being lived or not. It is the livingness of that truth that truly and deeply inspires others to also choose it.
Maybe all the stereotyping that goes on in our society is one of the reasons we can find ourselves being very judgmental, we have been conditioned to have all these expectations around how people ‘should be’, we find it confronting when they are not like that at all. How much simpler to know and embrace that we have all been cut from the same blanket of love, we may look very different on the outside, but inside we are the same. The more we allow ourselves to appreciate this, the more we will once again live in harmonious brotherhood.
Yes, and to celebrate any true variations rather than imposed variations. Great point.
And it is not just other people that we impose upon and are judgemental about but ourselves first. In fact it always starts with us for it we didn’t judge ourselves we wouldn’t judge others and so it goes round and round.
The way society stereotypes boys and girls and treats them quite differently is very harmful. The innate tenderness in boys gets buried behind a facade of ‘toughness’, a presumption that girls are more sensitive is equally disempowering and may encourage them to exploit this and use their emotions to be quite manipulative. In both scenarios, by not meeting boys and girls for who they truly are, it’s a rejection, to then ask them to be something they are not, to fit the model society has created for them, is soul destroying. No wonder there has been, and continues to be, such a huge increase in mental health issues.
I have to confess, I was a little surprised when a young male in my family took one of my old coats, which I admit was way too big for me, very warm possibly trendy about 40 years ago and took it overseas to wear while on holiday in Canada. I love that it’s was of no consequence to him that the coat belongs to a woman, if he likes something, he’ll be very happy to wear it and isn’t the slightest bit concerned what other people may ‘think’!
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’ – very well said, Cherise – and this starts with us claiming this truth for ourselves first.
Yes it is beautifully said and it is our responsibility to connect to this truth and living it so it can emanate out and just be the ‘norm’.
Beautiful honesty you have shared here Cherise.
Yes Cherise, it is profound to realise the ‘funnelling’ process we go through, which seems to start as you show from even before we are born. We are boxed and placed into categories, sections, behaviours and patterns we are expected to play out in life. Yet none of these descriptions of what it is to be a boy or girl, actually include the divine multi-dimensional beauty we are, none of them are built on the wisdom and delicate senses we share. So it makes sense as you show that without this, these labels just reduce us down. Whatever our stage in living life, the more we bring back our true understanding of who we actually are, the more we can reinvigorate and revitalise being a woman and being a man.
For us as adults the way to go is to start loving ourselves again and to accept all of us. To feel again that we are absolutely beautiful no matter how our past was. If we open up in this way to ourselves we open the doorway for children to stay in the acceptance of the true beauty and tenderness in them.
i love how non- automatic is your acceptance of how things currently are for boys and girls- especially in the clothes and toy departments. i do feel boys want just as much if not more tenderness around them especially when they are growing up and being given so many ideas about who they are and how they must be in the world from people around them who have grown up with all the same conditioning. We need to keep questioning why thing are and the way they are if we want to bring about true change.