An interesting topic of conversation that affects everyone… gender equality.
At our 19-week scan during pregnancy, my partner and I found out that our first baby together was to be a boy. I’d always held a picture that I’d have a girl and this led me to feel curious as to why I had thought this: where had such a thought come from? I had also been told by a few people that they thought I’d have a boy and I instantly felt a reaction to the thought of this in my body, which again led me to observe myself and my beliefs more and delicately uncover what was really going on for me underneath them.
I discovered that I was reacting to a number of things:
Everywhere I looked, boys were being dressed in clothes that were of certain colours – blues, greens and black – and they were also surrounded by certain details, such as cars and trucks or super-heroes and crossbones.
This, I noticed, wasn’t just the case for boys however, as I observed the colour choices for girls; these were also grossly over-represented by pinks and frills. Did I really think that girls had more expression options than boys or was it perhaps a case that both sexes and their expression are quite stereotyped? With this came an understanding of the society in which we all live and thus the way in which our retail stores, ideals and beliefs are consequently set up to uphold and promote the gender stereotypes.
Boys are raised to be ‘tough,’ ‘rough’ and ‘tumble’; if they are hurt, they’re told to drink a cup of concrete and harden up and, quite frankly, to not be too sensitive.
I was sensing my reaction to this as well, as I know that when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t? And yet as boys and girls grow up, they are rarely cherished and supported from their families, schools and society for these same qualities. These qualities, that are an actual part of who they are for their entire lives, whether it is honoured by themselves and others or not, remain a fact.
Many people have shared their beliefs on raising boys, such as teaching them to handshake firmly to portray their strength or the advice that raising boys is actually easier and simpler than raising girls.
The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.
We each have our own unique way of expression and this is what needs to be fostered and connected to in our children. My partner and I aren’t raising our children to be like us or follow our traits, as they are their own people, with their own learning in life to come. We are also conscious of the fact that we are not raising children to ‘fit society,’ to improve on our own childhoods or parents, or even to replicate them.
As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. It is from this true understanding of self that gender equality is naturally felt, understood and lived. From this foundation a boy or girl, man or woman can express themselves and their gender to reflect the gorgeousness, preciousness and tenderness of who they simply are… and through whatever colours they choose!
By Cherise Holt, 32, Brisbane
Further Reading:
Gender Equality – It Starts With Me Now
Equality – What Does It Mean?
Love – the missing link in gender equality
593 Comments
Raising boys and honouring their natural tenderness they can still enjoy playing with cars and trucks – even when they are adults.
It may be harder for parents to resist the role pressure from others when their child is a boy than when it is a girl. It may therefore be easier to raise a girl as there are fewer stereotypes to resist in early childhood.
I am about to bring a boy into the world and reading this blog is very inspiring to read – as it shows how we do not need to see ourselves as different simply because of gender – and that the colour of clothing we wear can be a reflection of our expression and not just our gender.
‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful’. when these same qualities are honoured and nurtured without any imposing ideals and beliefs it allows both genders to develop and express the richness of both sexes, in either male or female bodies.
We certainly do need to break out of our pictures and ideals and beliefs with regards to having babies… So that everyone can be welcomed with the unique essence of who they are.
There are many ideals and pictures that can be imposed on babies and kids, telling them how they ‘should’ be as a boy or girl but as you share we can instead support them to know their innate worth as they are and for them to feel supported to find their true way of expressing in the world, unhindered by false expectations.
Raising a child to live with love, respect and decency has no gender. It is a basic standard that we reflect in our parenting and offer to all.
I am currently pregnant with a boy and as I look around me, I too see the way in which boys are raised to be tough and rough – when in fact they are at their core, gentle and sensitive. I can already feel the responsibility I have in honouring men and boys for who they are rather than the tough persona they put on.
“when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?” It is the responsibility of parents to raise and support children to be and know who they are and not fall victim of the perceived expectations of society to ‘fit in’. Fit in to what? A society that does not honour the natural sensitivity and tenderness of men and the precious delicacy of women.
It’s interesting how many women hope to have a girl rather than a boy, could it be that our gender perception runs so deep it alters even how we see young babies and boys – and that we don’t properly see them for the amazing qualities they have?
A big issue can be that a man can be strong without at all compromising on sensitivity. The two actually work together. If they don’t, we have hardness which is brittle and or forceful, not strong.
I know children need to know about consequences, hence this I must have a full relationship with myself and be absolutely honest to be a reflection of truth that when I am providing discipline it is clearly felt and not just words to either of the genders equally so.
This sounds like you are allowing your son to be who he is – what a joy this is and something that should be deeply appreciated. I am having a baby boy – I am newly pregnant, and very open to what this means knowing full well that this is no different to raising our daughter in the sense that we are just allowing them to express who they are.
We are all equal with the same divine qualities, ‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful’.
When a child is allowed to be and doesn’t have pictures imposed onto them but is free to express, not just in terms of gender roles but to express everything, how they feel in each moment, what they observe, what’s going on etc it is very refreshing and we can learn a lot from them.
Yes, and the child is very powerful then.
Your words here Cherise help us realise how ingrained these pictures of how boys and girls should be are in life. Even when we don’t conform so very often we are just acting out of reaction to these ideals and beliefs. A young baby can be a beautiful reminder that we are all designed to just be, with no further agenda or aim. There’s no need for us to choose to continue these stereotypes when we have our inner sense and connection to our light.
Not having a picture on someone how they should come out in the end lets magic truly play out. In other words, it gives them a chance to truly live their essence or re-discover it to nonrestricted be themselves to reflect that to others. What more love can you offer to someone, than this.
What I am also becoming aware as I parent my three children is what they are offering me in my evolution and to not avoid it, those moments of emptiness where I can feel that I need something from them to fulfil me from that which I am not choosing to see and heal within me.
Growing up in a family of 3 girls, we were raised like boys when we were children on the belief that we will be safer and will be able to protect ourselves. So in fact, in our growing up we are re-discovering what it means to be a woman and to understand deeper what it is to be a man, how blessed.
“It is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.” I would add we can all do this – not just leave it up to parents – or teachers for that matter.
Could true equality bless us with the opportunity to be, appreciate and express our unique combination of qualities and strengths in full and thus accept that we are not the same as everyone else.
The consciousness behind gender stereotyping is huge and is still very ingrained in our current society. With this the sensitivity and the richness of what each incarnation has to offer the world is greatly missed as such we live in the tension of not realising that power we each and together are here to bring. Our responsibility is to foster the true essence of our children so they grow up knowing and living with confidence the qualities who they really are.