Relationships are precious. There is the potential in each relationship to reflect back to us an aspect of the puzzle we are all here on earth to piece together.
Life itself has taught me this. Every relationship I have had, and continue to have, has helped me go deeper into the most important of all relationships – the relationship with myself. And then in turn, this has had a very positive effect on all my other relationships as well.
What I have learnt is that when a relationship is based on a commitment to bringing love to it no matter what, it actually needs no passport! It needs no physical presence for the relationship to deepen and for the love to grow. We can be across the world, sometimes not even speak to each other for some time, and this will not matter if the love continues to be there. Love remains at work, holding the other, as we hold ourselves and in that holding, immense healing takes place.
Some 16 years ago I chose to move from the UK to Australia. The call to move was undeniable and the moment I set foot on Australian soil I knew I was home. It was that simple. I arrived here with my then partner – with all my family remaining on the other side of the world.
I kept regular contact with my family, as one would expect, and would take regular trips back to the UK to visit. A few years after I had made the move, one of my brothers became mentally ill and a likely danger to himself and others. What followed were some very distressing times for my brother and my mother in particular, who was at the forefront of the situation. There were regular phone calls and Skype conversations to try and support with what was happening – and when I say support, back then it was all about fixing this problem to make it go away.
Yes, I wanted to support my mother and absolutely I wanted to help my brother. But I also wanted the problem to go away because it was so awful to have hanging around. Underlying all my efforts and intentions, there was this unreconciled guilt that I wasn’t physically there to support them from close.
This guilt was foreboding – what was I to do? Was I to pack up and return to the UK and be physically there? Was that what was needed? Would it make all the difference?
I took this inner turmoil I was feeling to a healing session with a very wise esoteric practitioner, who lived a quality of relationships with others that I very much admired. I remember the session as clearly now as I did back then, and it is these words in particular that keep coming back:
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’
At the time I couldn’t really get this.
I got a sense of what the words were saying, but I couldn’t quite accept that what was being said was in fact a truth. How could this be relevant when my family was on the other side of the world, literally? But I decided to be open to what had been said at least, and to deepen my own commitment to healing all those unreconciled hidden pockets of pain within myself. I was curious to see what ripple effect this could potentially have on my relationship with my brother, and on my brother’s situation.
What unfolded over the years that followed was nothing less than a miracle. I watched from the other side of the world as my brother, who had become a recluse with a bleak future and nowhere to turn, took absolute hold of his life and turned it around. I watched him walk away from drugs and alcohol and from the party crowds he used to hang out with – even though this meant that he would feel even more lonely for a period of time.
I also watched him turn around from being staunchly against medical intervention to cooperating with the doctors fully, knowing that was an essential part of the responsibility he needed to take. I watched him make those steps to going back into the world again, to working, to being amongst people and developing a confidence within himself that he could now bring into social situations. This was a confidence he did not have before. And I watched the joy he would have as a little boy return to his face. His eyes once again saying, ‘I see you and I am here.’
I visited my brother just 3 or 4 times over this period – and this is in the course of approximately 5 years. Our relationship deepened with the physical distance being there, and it wasn’t about being on Skype or the phone every day. Sometimes we would not talk for days, even weeks. But what was always there was my resolute commitment to holding my brother and the situation in love, and addressing anything that would get in the way of this. This meant looking at any expectations or frustrations I might have had, any belief systems that I had taken on to consider the situation being under the banner of right and wrong.
Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are – and this was my vantage point. If I was not seeing in my brother the grandness that he is, lurking underneath the turmoil he was in, I would look back at myself first. What was in me that was covering up the truth that love will always let you see?
It wasn’t smooth sailing by any means – there were challenges and difficult times, particularly for my brother – but underlyingly it was clear that he was now feeling held by something bigger, something far stronger, than the seeming darkness of his immediate situation.
I did not want to accept those words that the esoteric practitioner had expressed to me back then, because in accepting them I would have needed to accept my power as well. The power each one of us has in that the quality we hold ourselves in, is the quality we hold all others in.
And herein is the responsibility that we often duck from in relationships.
If we make relationships about “you do your bit, I do my bit and then our needs will meet in the middle”, we don’t need to consider the powerful ripple effect that is happening anyway between us. But when I say powerful – is it from a loving, healing quality if we are choosing to behave and relate in a way that is contra to this?
Whether we like it or not, we are always oozing something out of ourselves and whatever it is we are oozing is being latched on to by the other! So do we ooze love, joy and a commitment to letting go of our hurts, knowing there is a vastness of more love to connect to underneath them, or do we ooze the icky hurts themselves? Do we stand up the walls of protection where we allow some people to access some parts of us, but always with conditions and always with a get-out clause, which means we never let ourselves get too close?
A true relationship has no walls and no protection. We deepen constantly; we bear who we truly are constantly. We jump off the cliff knowing we will be held in God’s love, which is our love. And so we go for it in full.
I can even go as far to say that a true relationship is the communication of Heaven in physical form. What we exchange amongst each other is far from merely physical, emotional and spiritual – it is in fact, the exchange of the entire universe with the vastness of the stars coming through one divine spark to the other. Because it is through relationships that we remember the stupendous grandness we are from and that we are all, eventually, heading back to.
By Anonymous, Australia
Further Reading:
My Brother – Not an In-LAW
Making a relationship about true love
Constellations
389 Comments
A mastering aspect in relationships is in the letting go of the personal hurts that make us to build this wall of protection. Walls that not only shuts us off from the world and all people we are with but too 1) from expressing freely and unconditionally all the love that we are and 2) restrict other people we are with to express their love freely and unconditionally too.
“A true relationship has no walls and no protection. We deepen constantly; we bear who we truly are constantly.” I love this Anonymous it is so true – the more we open up and allow another in the more we grow and evolve. There is no stopping us when we get our hurts and head out of the way.
What a great question to ask of any relationship we have to anyone or aspect of life: what’s there that’s obscuring the truth that love will always let you see.
Asking the what questions is often needed as we can so comfortably sit in the what is okay for now. There is always room for more love and with this comes more understanding.
Yes we are lost in our assumptions and it is critical that we ask why and what about our life and not assume it always has to stay a certain way. Living with more love and responsibility offers clarity like nothing else I have experienced, this supports the quality of the answers and the questioning.
We are all born with a passport that gives us equal multidimensional access to the universe and beyond and God, and that passport is our Soul. And though our connection to our Soul we see and know that love is the quality we all equally are and are from. It is this quality that when lived and shared in our relationships heals all that is not of love, allowing the quality of love to be magnified.
And this passport is not to separate us into nations, cultures and religious belief systems, but instead gives us free access to the universal love we are all from and connected with.
When we stop worrying and trying to ‘fix’ people those ‘people’ realise they are perfectly capable of fixing themselves. It is our arrogance and need that tells us we need to fix them or we have all their answers.
Yes, and it also ignores the fact that they are making choices they are wanting on some level and capable to make other choices. So many solutions can be offered that would work but wouldn’t give them the payback they’re desiring. I know this is very true of me.
I remember my early understanding of love in a relationship, that two halves would perfectly fit together to create the perfect whole. This was a total misunderstanding on my part… why not two wholes that come together and support each other to grow and deepen… and that the purpose of that is to reflect more, offer more to the world?
Yes, even though we are a part of a whole we are whole in our part. So it is not about to find completion in a relationship but to expand and grow continuously.
The latter model no doubt brings in the richness that goes beyond the perfection that we so often seek but leads us to understand that no perfection but bucket loads of understanding and love is the way to go!
It is gorgeous how when we choose to be open, bring our all without holding back the love that we are without pictures and expectations, there is always so much for us to learn and deepen with. Plus we are often pleasantly surprised with far more than we had even imagined.
Thanks for the wonderful reminder
What beautiful words “As you heal those in close relationship with you also heal.” as we hold ourselves in love, that love holds those close to us also in love and with this love, healing is offered.
Such is the divine and beholding quality that love is… to all to be at one with the essence of it’s maker.
“As you heal those in close relationship with you also heal.” These wise words are beautiful and also true in my experience also.
I talked with a friend recently who’s father is dying – she lives in another county to him, when she was telling me I remembered your blog and we talked about how he would be receiving her love no matter where in the world he was.
Not letting others in is a bigger barrier than any physical distance could ever be.
This is a beautiful blog for me to read as I have lived on the other side of the world from my family for nearly 25 years and I have often felt the guilt of not being there in times of need.
A passport to love! Or no passport needed to Love! I love the way you reflect here on a passport being similar to the barriers, expectations, ideals and beliefs we project onto relationships and when we take these away and make it truly about love, with anyone, magic happens.
‘There is the potential in each relationship to reflect back to us an aspect of the puzzle we are all here on earth to piece together.’ I used to be very insecure and wanted to rely on a core few for my needs and not venture out to having relationships with other people so much. Now I’m far more allowing of the awareness of where I need to be and who I am there to connect with. I smile inside when I bump into someone knowing the reflection of what is needed is being given to us through the other so that we may grow in some way. It’s fun no longer being possessive and controlling of people and relationships.
This understanding that what we reflect is of no lesser importance regardless of whether its a partner or child, or a long distant relative, acquaintance or work colleague. Everyone is watching all the time, studying the reflection of others and underneath it all… looking for and recognising Truth when it pops its head up.
As we go through customs what we truly ought to declare is our oneness with everyone else. If we got security scanned for illusion and documents stamped to certify our divinity – we wouldn’t have jet lag but landing with purpose.
They say the more countries you visit the more of a person you are… Well I say the more people you love the more of yourself you are 🙂
We have immense ripple effects through relationships.
Very true Michael. The quality of our movements with everyone and every thing reflect out to the wider world.
If you live away from someone, the moments that you DO spend time with each other in person are important as they set the foundation of communication and relationship for the next period apart. It’s a beautiful opportunity to connect and explore what the next phase of the relationship might have in store, and having these kind of conversations is ‘catching up’ but with purpose 🙂
Our families and friendships have tied us up in the idea that Love is an act, a task, a party or a gift. But when we connect to the fact that it’s a quality we emmanate, we’ll see it cannot be bound to one group or nationality – it’s as absurd as trying to tie up a cloud or lasso the air.
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ I have found this true for myself although sometimes their behaviours may be off the wall and then it is for me to stay steady and not let myself react to this or absorb any of the energy they are giving off is key.
To bring responsibility in to the discussion about ones own healing journey is very inspiring and interesting. I like it especially because it makes no one person isolated, it can never be just about ‘me’ and ‘my healing’ as it will always be about us and our healing, collectively and with grace and understanding.
What could be more inspiring than one human beings dedication to loving others? It’s been very powerful reading this again and understanding how we can reflect on what it is within that prevents us from holding every human being in our love. So beautiful, thank you.
On quite a simple and practical note, so many people say that they need to travel to different countries in order to experience different cultures and meet people who have grown up there, and although I absolutely love travelling and think you learn SO much from it, when it isn’t possible to travel across the world you can simply go out and make more connections in the community. With more and more people moving abroad and living, working and building families in other countries, there is a wealth of diversity, wisdom and experience in your back yard that is magic to explore.
‘We jump off the cliff knowing we will be held in God’s love, which is our love.’ It’s so much easier to stay on the cliff where it’s safe, plunging into the unknown seems very scary but is it the unknown if we are always held in God’s love and we know that?
Getting on with it is the true fearless. Knowing when we surrender back to love, Life unfolds.
The responsibility that we all know that how we live with ourselves is what all people around get from us.
Are we really supporting others by holding them in our love or are we more emotional pleasing others which is a pollution from our bodies.
When we realise everything is energy nothing we do is going unnoticed and all we do can be supportive or indeed not supportive of others in the world.
We are not as segregated as we like to think. The whole concept of nation states and borders are great big lies to amplify the idea that we are seperate, different and disconnected here. Nothing could be further from the truth. For when we live, everyone feels and receives our choices. The quality we live impacts every human being. Why stay living in these seperate cells when life is constantly telling us – it’s about the whole – everything?
‘ Love remains at work, holding the other, as we hold ourselves and in that holding, immense healing takes place.’ I love this especially that love remains at work. It shows the multidimensionality that is at hand and that there is a wisdom and intelligence far greater than I could ever comprehend – a tender humility to be lived.
I have definitely found that love can deepen without a physical contact in any relationship. In fact, without the physical presence of a person which can sometimes turn into filling your own needs and comfort, a distance friendship can be based on the qualities of each person and the depth of connection you feel.
Coming back to this article, this quote really stood out for me; ‘it is through relationships that we remember the stupendous grandness we are from and that we are all, eventually, heading back to’. Do we honour this potential and treat our relationships as an opportunity to connect to this, or make them menial, surface level and run by issues and dynamics?
What you’ve shared here is that how we are, the quality we are in and choose, does make a difference to others. When we sort out our own stuff and heal our own hurts, we show that it’s not that scary and it is totally possible to lead the lives we know we have the potential to lead.
I realise every time I take the responsibility to not hold back myself with others in what I am feeling—the vulnerability, the possible hurts, the loveliness without feeling less, the people close to me start to express more of themselves and their claiming of responsibility in life, it is really amazing.
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ This confirms that self love is the foundation of all other relationships.
This gives us a whole new perspective on connection, relationships, people, purpose and shows that the way we live life really does affect others in ways we often dont’ truly consider.
I love the way you present relationships as being universal and from the stars. If we open out our awareness to this bigger picture we can accept the grandness that we are and the way that we can communicate and relate in a divine way. No more playing small!
This is truly beautiful and very healing to read, often we have our own needs or pictures we want fulfilled from our relationships and then we end up having arrangements with others and wonder why we are not experiencing any deep connection or love with another. The way you held your brother with love without any attachment is very inspiring and shows us the power of love to transform not only our own life but also the lives of others around us, this is true responsibility and true love.
‘‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ I am getting an understanding that as I open myself up to love coming through me then those who are connected with me in some way also get this because love has no divide. Then it makes sense they feel this and make their own choices to allow greater love in their lives or not.
When things get hard and rough the best thing we can do is step up and embrace it in full rather than crouching down and waiting for it all to ‘blow over’.
I don’t like the idea of another holding me in an energy that is not loving yet they claim to love me. But focusing on trying to run away from that energetic hold is nigh impossible. My understanding brings it back to – If I change how I hold myself that in turn can inspire others to hold themselves and thus me and everyone else in more love. Focusing on others doesn’t work it comes back to how I am with myself.
I so so love this blog, it has everything in it that we need to know when missing someone due to distance.
Last week I sat on a plane with a lady who had travelled 20 hours on a plane to see her dad who was ill in hospital, I talked about this blog and how we are so connected no matter what the distance – she like me found this hugely comforting.
A commitment to bringing love to a relationship no matter what is totally where it is at. I can feel some relationships are offering me an opportunity to heal old hurts in what the person is reflecting to me; a chance to respond lovingly where neither party is right or wrong, better off or worse off
– love has no investment because it already is everything.
We are sp much more then the body, the limitations we see. The grandness is felt in the Connection so to is the healing.
Sylvia when I first felt that re-connection to the warmth in my heart and spine that I felt as a child I knew I was not only ‘home’ but that everything I felt as a kid about the world being more than adults made it was true.
I can also attest to the fact that love doesn’t need a physical presence. Last year I finally got to meet some ladies who I had been meeting online and working on projects with for some time. My mind couldn’t quite register that I hadn’t met them since there was so much love and intimacy between us. Meeting in person was really just a confirmation and the icing on the cake.
You’ve beautifully shared that sometimes our responsibility in a situation is to be open to support, surrendering and allowing things to be as they are. We often run to the hills when responsibility is brought to our attention, however it is so much more than having ‘roles’ or ‘chores’ to do.
Staying put and allowing the lessons to flow with the responsibilities is the biggest learning in any situation. Yes, we may feel to squirm but what we learn is invaluable!
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ – This has been evident in my life. There is a member of my family who has gone through an extraordinary transformation over the past couple of years and is now steaming ahead with the life that he wants rather than being in the depths of despair, depression and drug addiction. It has been amazing to watch.
Love is boundless.
The internet can be so supportive when we use it to connect to people and develop our relationships.
This is a very enlightening blog for me because as you say, anonymous, accepting the power that we hold within our bodies is the quality we hold ourselves in. And for me, to accept the power we have is to admit that we are very powerful and not the victims that we so often want to portray to the world. And there lies our irresponsibility to ourselves and others.
Yes relationships are very powerful and our relationships with others are very much related to our relationship with ourselves. Therefore when we have a commitment to love and responsibility with ourselves we bring that to all and everyone regardless of how they respond. Equally if we are abusive towards ourselves that is what others receive regardless of our words.
I love the line: As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal. It brings a simplicity to the relationship. As you wrote ‘if I do my bit…’ It does require a level of responsibility, that’s all, and a deepening love for ourselves. And indeed there are no borders, passports needed for being with the other, to hold the other. What this line shows me, that neither is there a limit, border or line of the depth of healing. So where I deepen, the relationship with the other does as well. It almost feels like an end of the so-called border between ‘You & me”.
No holding back Love! It can’t be stopped.. only delayed.
I love the opening lines and appreciating each one of us is a piece of the puzzle we all need to appreciate the bigger picture. It really puts my old belief -that we just have the one soul mate and that will complete us – to bed. How wonderful to give myself the joy of seeing the beauty in everyone.
This is very powerful. You remind me that I do know my responsibility in relationships. Incredible healing that can take place when we choose this.
‘Making relationships about love.’ This says it all; at first glance, we assume that is what we do make relationships about, but as the norm, I feel that we make most relationships about need first but call it love. Undoubtedly love is there but do we make it the norm to be love in expression? If we are not consistently love in expression then we are compromising that love, settling for less.
I totally agree Michelle, if we get relationships to be about Love then everything will make sense.
“The power each one of us has in that the quality we hold ourselves in, is the quality we hold all others in” – This is very beautiful and brings attention back to the fact that it is our QUALITY that makes who we are and supports others in our relationships, not what we do.
“A true relationship is the communication of Heaven in physical form. What we exchange amongst each other is far from merely physical, emotional and spiritual – it is in fact, the exchange of the entire universe ” Beautifully said and the real gift in our lives making love , healing and evolution what life is all about.
There is a cycle to life which I have observed, and this is relating to the fact that as we go deeper in our love for ourselves – paying astute attention to the quality of the movements and thoughts that we have, then our relationships with each other seem to become more respectful, intimate, playful and ultimately have the potential to be truly loving.
“If I was not seeing in my brother the grandness that he is, lurking underneath the turmoil he was in, I would look back at myself first” – the humility of this is love. Seeing someone not for the issue they’re in, but the essence of their truth… is not easy to see when one is in turmoil oneself, though in the presence of self-love, love is easier to spot. The more or deeper we self-love the more we’re able to behold in observation another in that quality [love] too.
When we drop the walls, protection and measurement, love can pour in.
‘Love remains at work, holding the other, as we hold ourselves and in that holding, immense healing takes place.’ This is so my experience. How open I am with people doesn’t stop when I am not physically in their company, it’s how I am with myself and how open I am to letting people in. I can feel what a difference it makes. It’s wonderful to feel this and no longer look for ‘proof’ that this is so – though people do say how warm they feel.
“A true relationship has no walls and no protection. We deepen constantly; we bear who we truly are constantly.” I love this it is so true, the more we drop our protection and the more we open up the more joy and love we say YES too.
When we make relationships about love we eliminate the need to be right or wrong.
” ‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ ”
This is so wonderful and what a support knowing the more one re-connects with themselves the greater the opportunity others have to do the same
I recognise this. Often in the past when I have had some difficulties with a relationship with a friend or colleague, when I have eventually turned it around in myself and claimed a little bit more of myself and let go of a belief system or past hurt, then without having spoken to them the next time we have met the relationship has become equal and the “air cleared”, and it is more than the air that has cleared.
A beautiful blog simply holding us all in the love we are “Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are”. Inspirational and simple and something to always remember when we get blinded by our stuff that gets in he way of deepening all that is on offer in our relationships.
‘…commitment to holding my brother and the situation in love’ this is beautiful and in living more and more love in our own lives so too does our responsibility to hold others increase all the more.
This is the kind of article I would love to see in the mainstream papers, you offer loads here, I learnt so much. If the world understood what you write here we would all be taking a deeper responsibility for ourselves and in doing so naturally for those close to us – either near or far. Beautiful article.
One of the most liberating facts about life is that as we heal, others around us have the opportunity to do so too. This makes life so simple and our responsibility so clear. We work on, care for, take responsibility for ourselves and the ripple effect is felt and assured.
‘We can be across the world, sometimes not even speak to each other for some time, and this will not matter if the love continues to be there.’ This is true anonymous . and in a similar way , we can feel complete connection with a stranger on the street when we are open and transparent with Love.
‘‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’’ I love reading this as I can feel the truth of it in my life. We are so connected and if one connection is expressing love then it can’t but be felt by everyone. Physical boundaries make no difference!
Yes agreed, energy is not contained within walls, it travels on the wings of love or all that is not. What a responsibility we have to each other as far as our input into the collective quality we are all living with.
Holding another consistently in love …and allowing space can be transformational.
A truly healing story. There is no doubt that our relationship with ourselves affects everyone around us. If there is willingness and we are open to it we can support each other greatly.
Starting with being honest with myself and building this openness into my relationship with me, has changed all my relationships completely. All those little, apparently insignificant lies and deceptions I lived with to cover up past unresolved hurts or how I was feeling, led to so much complication, confusion and disconnect in my relationships.
I can understand this ‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ It is important to understand that we can heal what is in the way for us and this offers a reflection to everyone around us. Those who have grown up with us will feel these changes. There is a beauty in appreciating this reflection regardless of the response or reactions or pictures of what the outcomes will be.
Holding on to our hurts stops love from being expressed and lived, and as a result of creating walls of protection, it shuts people out and our relationship suffers immensely. The crazy thing is, when we hold onto our hurts, they simply create more hurts. This is a vicious cycle, I have been in it myself and have also seen many people getting stuck in it too.
Love indeed does not have a right or wrong but holds another in a quality of equality and respect.
‘But what was always there was my resolute commitment to holding my brother and the situation in love, and addressing anything that would get in the way of this.’ – how beautiful for your brother to feel your absolute and unwavering commitment to holding him in your love. Allowing him the space to re-kindle his own commitment of love to himself.
Anonymous you have completely blown out of the water any possibility for us to ever doubt that we can do something when we are living remotely from someone who is needing our support.
‘What I have learnt is that when a relationship is based on a commitment to bringing love to it no matter what, it actually needs no passport!’ – so true, Anonymous. Building our relationships from a foundation of love is the key to dissolving barriers and boundaries.
I love what is shared here about the commitment in a relationship and how this sets the foundation. It is a different way to look at how we are in relationships and what the purpose is, and know that we have a responsibility to live who we are so this can be reflected to others.
‘Gosh they are annoying!’ ‘I wish they would stop that and go away’ – how many thoughts we get that all overlook the simple fact you present Anonymous – that our relationships are constellated in the most perfect way. We don’t have to fix them, just hold them in Love. Beautifully said.
Hear, hear Joseph. Relationships are actually very simple aren’t they? We just have to hold everyone in love, no need to fix anything or go into frustration. And, by simply holding ourselves and everyone in love, everything naturally is taken care of. This reminds me to never underestimate the power of love.
What a brilliant blog, offering a taste of the power we all hold within without saying anything, but by living, breathing and moving truth we create great change.
I love this article its wisdom has stayed with me since I first read it. What you offer Anon is a chance for us all to see first hand how energy actually works, we work on healing ourselves and give space for others to do the same and its a win win for all.
So interesting – that each relationship in our lives provides another angle of reflection so we can know ourselves even deeper in how we are in the world and with humanity.
‘ Every relationship I have had, and continue to have, has helped me go deeper into the most important of all relationships – the relationship with myself. ‘ This is how we evolve our relationships first and foremost.
From my understanding not all those in close relationships will heal as you heal. They are offered an opportunity to heal and some align and heal while others resist the pull up you are offering and no healing occurs.
As I build and deepen a loving and true relationship with myself the more I am letting go of an attachment to the people in my life. Where there is an attachment there is no love as the relationship can be based on needs, ideals, beliefs or conditions.
Never hold back an ounce of heaven, an ounce of divine responsibility that we all know equally, for that is the reflection and true love we are desperately asking for.
‘A true relationship has no walls and no protection. We deepen constantly; we bear who we truly are constantly. ‘ So this is with EVERYONE! It doesn’t matter that I’ve been brought up by society to differentiate who I am close with and who I am not, who I should care about and who doesn’t matter. I remember telling someone about having this one off interaction with a woman that would have been viewed like we were old friends and the person calling me weird. Usually I would have retreated inward but I know it’s so lovely when I’m not holding back because people do feel it.
I love what has been shared here. We do think we need to be physically present or at least in contact for a relationship to grow. But we can develop the relationship from our side without needing to be with the other person. Love doesn’t have any boundaries or rules and this blog shows that clearly. What it does is hold us and everyone else, offering a light to lead us back to our essence.
What an incredibly beautiful, powerful and inspiring blog, Anonymous. ‘ ….. it is through relationships that we remember the stupendous grandness we are from and that we are all, eventually, heading back to.’ – you have certainly reflected this in your relationship with your brother and his incredible turn around. You confirm the amazing power that we all have when we are committed to holding each other in love, unreservedly so. Inviting the other person to re-connect with their own divinity, supporting them to make loving choices that re-affirm the truth of who they are.
Guilt and regret are purely harmful and serve no one.
“Relationships are precious. There is the potential in each relationship to reflect back to us an aspect of the puzzle we are all here on earth to piece together.” I love this sharing and the beauty and love it is offering us all to see and remember for ourselves and to live this love in our daily moments and meetings with everyone coming from ourselves.
“What I have learnt is that when a relationship is based on a commitment to bringing love to it no matter what, it actually needs no passport!” – or anything else either… just love’s continuation through expansion of the very same to grow deeper, richer, grander, bolder.
Anon – Do you feel that by not pandering to the guilt and moving back to the UK, this meant that your brother had to take his own responsibility for where he was at? If you had moved back, would that perhaps have indulged and enabled his choices? I ask without any knowledge of the situation, but am very interested in this because so often the ‘loving’ thing to do is wrapped up with so much poison of emotions and guilt that everyone just gets further infected by whatever is going on. By offering and allowing space, the invitation is then there for the other to step into the truth of themselves.
Thank you for sharing this story. An amazing and humbling testimonial, that makes our responsibility undeniable.
The quality we connect to, and move and live is way more powerful than any words or gifts we can give. Holding another in the beauty they are – energetically offers them the chance to remember they are Love. Thank you Anonymous.
“Whether we like it or not, we are always oozing something out of ourselves and whatever it is we are oozing is being latched on to by the other!” You really highlight the responsibility we all have here Anonymous to choose to live a life of responsibility in order that other people are not affected by our individual choices.
Yesterday I was presented with an opportunity to hold myself and another in the grandness that we truly are, rather than going into reaction and getting hooked into the drama loaded with expectations or fear of outcomes.
The relationship with myself is being called to surrender to a deeper level, even though it is being challenged by others around me.
I can relate to this Stephanie. I’m realizing at a whole other level how imposing we can be with our errant thoughts, anything that ‘leaks’ off us undesirably! Which brings home the responsibility to bring deep settlement within us, to have a solidness within that does not leave us as we move about our day. When that is there we emanate grace, and the spaciousness that lets the other be.
Something I am very much working on.
There was a period in my life when I had a lot of doubt as a mother and a parent. I always felt I did not measure up and felt I couldn’t handle everything. Secretly I wanted the support from others and was not getting it, because I was trying to escape my responsibility. Deep down I knew I had to face this, but I didn’t know how. During this period of time my son reflected many mental illness traits that were not present when he was younger and I felt seriously burdened. I was on guard and nervous every day as I did not know what would come next for me to face. Eventually I worked on my own guilt of being a single mom, I no longer felt that I owed my son, I was able to stand up to him with less attachment, our communication went from non-existent to existent to sharing our feelings and enjoying each other’s touch and company. Today my son has recovered from many of the anti-social traits with family and still progressing steadily in his commitment slowly back into society. And we both appreciate the support between us that has allowed us to heal many ingrained patterns.