I love being held.
I have been single for the last four years and have chosen this period of grace to explore and understand more deeply what it means to hold myself.
To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.
Often we look for this feeling of being held from relationships, where we want and crave to be held, to once again feel this security that we know, a feeling where our hearts and bodies simply drop into and deepen, in connection to our Soul. I have looked for this feeling of security most of my life from relationships, but every time it has proved fleeting.
But there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it. And therefore when I chose to be single I committed to finding out ways that I could hold myself, much like being held by a person that I trusted.
It simply began with the most direct and physical experience of crisscrossing my hands to touch my two arms in the most delicate and gentle way… and my whole body instantly melted. With this I had the simple confirmation that I can hold myself, I can give this back to myself.
This practice gradually expanded into other ways and other areas in my life, such as consistently taking walks in the quiet mornings. When I walk with myself, a warmth circulates up my body with a very warm, robust, solid and yet tender support. I will also support myself by the quality, sound and tone of my own voice: for example, instead of sending a written message on my phone to someone, I would record audio messages with the added awareness to speak in truth, presence and letting the whole of me to be expressed. Another frequent method was to take a ‘selfie’ allowing all my love to be reflected back through my own eyes. The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.
I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.
I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.
Recently, I felt that my self-dating had come to an end – for now – and it is time to test what I have lived with others. And how joyful that feels!
In experiencing an intimate relationship with another, what I found was with the experience of holding myself, it is very natural to then hold another, both energetically and physically. But what I have also realised is, holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.
There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.
To me, holding hands is one of the most intimate feelings in the world, as we are exchanging from our hearts with each other in a very pure way: I love holding a partner’s hands. And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching. Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with? Sometimes I physically let go of another’s hand because I know love is being chosen and nothing can actually be lost.
And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me.
By Adele Leung, Fashion Stylist/Creative Director, Hong Kong
Further Reading:
Prince charming vs true love
What is a Relationship with Myself?
Unconditional Love
In Relationship with Myself – A Love of Being a Single Woman
816 Comments
We are never alone as we are all always held in the loving embrace of God.
Thank you for this blog Adele, these words have supported me to understand myself more
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.”
I feel I am with holding this communion with God so that I can confirm to myself that I am not worthy to be a son of God. I can sense and smell the corruption of certain religions in what has to be a false belief that I’m hanging onto, because deeper within me I know we are all the sons of God as we are made of the very same particles as God so how can I in truth say I’m different and so not worthy?
I love this ‘ I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.’ Something we all should do ❤️
What you described at the start of the blog I experienced very recently, to hold myself feels so beautiful.
“there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it.” I know and love this feeling. When we truly connect we know we have the magic in the stars in our hearts and the universal magic (God) is always there.
LE what you are expressing is that we have been totally crushed by life and it is now set up not to feel safe and held by God. This sets up an anxiety within our bodies, because deep within in we know there is more to life and we miss our connection to the universal magic that is God.
The absolute-ness of our Lived quality definitely is worth expanding and deepening so the Love we are becomes more of who we are and then this is the most Loving reflection is then able to be shared in our relationships.
Beautifully expressed Elizabeth.
‘…Every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself.’ I love this line – and it’s so true. An inspiring blog Adele.
A way that I hold myself is through my movements. I might sway my hips gently and rhythmically from side to side or do some delicate connective tissue movements. Sometimes I will place my hand lightly on my chest or caress my thighs. The movements feel like beautiful, loving gestures towards myself.
“I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others”. This is sublime, so, so beautiful. A love affair with yourself.
” I will also support myself by the quality, sound and tone of my own voice: for example, instead of sending a written message on my phone to someone, I would record audio messages with the added awareness to speak in truth, presence and letting the whole of me to be expressed”. Adele I remember reading this years ago and it struck me as an interesting idea. I didn’t consciously put it into practice but when I changed phones I started to dictate my messages whilst driving and through that process started to become acutely aware of the quality of my voice. It can at times feel and sound very beautiful, tender and loving, which in turn feels like it’s a confirmation that feeds me back.
Adele, it is a beautiful reminder that we can hold ourselves in love and that we need not be reliant on another for this.
Yes absolutely, surrendering to the love within ✨
This is really beautiful; ‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe.’ I love that we can hold ourselves and others in this way.
I like to float face down in the swimming pool and float on top of the water, as it feels as though I’m being held by the body of water which to me represents the universe. It has taken many years to be able to relax enough in the water that I feel safe and held by it, as I had an irrational fear that I could drown myself.
I take this experience out into the world with me so that wherever I am I feel held, this then brings a sense of settlement so that I do not feel overwhelmed by life because of the settlement that I can feel at the core of my body.
Sometimes I wonder how on earth am I going to master something that I know I am to master however it is not long before I get a sense that everything that comes my way is for a reason and that it wouldn’t come my way if there wasn’t something to learn. It is learning to let go and be open to the unfolding in whatever way and timing.
Yes, I have something to master at present, it feels very big, I am not sure how it will be etcetera, I guess I have to surrender along the way as I know it is imperative to master this particular thing.
What most of tend to do is to look at what we have yet to master as opposed to what we have already mastered and yet I think that it would actually be very supportive in mastering what’s in front of us if we acknowledged the colossal amount of things that we have already mastered. It’s just a case of systematically working through things one thing at a time.
Caroline thank you for your comment, I keep forgetting that
‘everything that comes my way is for a reason and that it wouldn’t come my way if there wasn’t something to learn.’
Instead I see it as a nuisance or why me, what have I done to deserve this? I’m hanging onto to right and wrong rather than just letting go as you say to the unfolding of what has been offered as a learning.
Being in a relationship is every day a learning to be deeper love with ourselves and each other. No moment can we cruise in comfort. It is truly worthwhile and this is the true definition of a relationship.
This was a great exercise to learn being deeper love with yourself every day, ‘ The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’
“I love being held” – I love being held in the quality of understanding.
I love the phrase holding someone does not necessarily mean holding onto them. I have on occasion been inspired when a couple lovingly separate with the deepest respect and beholding of the other and themselves, it is indeed a sight to behold!
We are only able to behold someone when we first hold ourselves without question. When we are able to walk away from someone or a situation which requires us to hold ourselves deeper, this choice reflects the commitment to return to true love, it is our natural direction to move into.
Adele there is something deeply meaningful in your words, to hold ourselves deeper, which to me means that there is always more of heaven to access than we could ever imagine and the only way to access heaven is to deepen our relationship with ourselves which automatically deepens our relationship with all others equally so.
“I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.” This is so cool – I’m going to experiment with this for a week and see how I feel at the end!
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” Allowing ourselves to surender to this feeling of being held when we are on our own is a great step towards deepening our understanding of our purpose on earth and equally supports us in our evolution.
“holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone” when we hold onto someone for security we fear the separation but when we hold someone in equal love there is nothing to lose as we know we are already love.
Mary and Elizabeth I understand what you both are saying that if we are empty of our own love then we are needy so that we have a tendency to hold on to someone and expect them to give us the love we refuse to give to ourselves. However when we can reconnect to the love that resides within all of us there is no need instead we come as you say Elizabeth from a place of fullness in the fullness there is no attachment to outcomes or expectations of another.
Such a beautiful experience for you to go through Adele and to now understand the difference between holding someone and holding onto someone. It is so easy to get attached to someone in a relationship based on what we need from them – but to let go of this and simply hold them in love takes it to a whole new depth.
There are so many different and subtle ways that we can hold ourselves tenderly, such as honouring what we feel, expressing what is there to be said and being honest and accepting of where we are at in any moment.
Holding one self, to find a holding in yourself is a great settlement that defies every search for the fake bastardization of it: comfort.
Nothing can replace or substitute the most precious and first and foremost relationship we have in our lives – the one we have with ourselves. When we work on that, it’s transferrable and expansive: all that love we connect to within is there for us to be expressed first of all with and to ourselves, and then from there, outwardly with others. Beautiful to feel and read this process of unfoldment, where there is no end, only deeper levels of love to feel and to express.
It such a beautiful and honouring reflection you share here Adele of what it truly means to live with our innate love, as such held in Gods inescapable love. As in developing and living in an intimate relationship with love for ourselves we then naturally offer this in all our relationships, as the degree of honouring we all rightfully deserve to live.
A beautifully inspiring story thank you Adele, I love how you shared the ways in which you learnt to hold yourself, and the beholding love of others, and in doing you developed trust within your self. “There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love. “
Trust can build in the body as we deepen and behold ourselves from that place that we are love.
If we want be held, we can hold ourselves, but ultimately the feeling of being held is the feeling of being held by the Universe, by God.
Willem we have been robbed of our sense of the universe which is a huge sadness because it is the universe as you say that holds us which is God. What I hate most about life is the lies we have been sold and swallowed that God is uncaring when actually she/he is love not the emotional love we have all got caught up in like rabbits in a net, but a beholding love which allows us to feel the deep stillness that the feeling of being held gives us.
If we don’t hold ourselves certainly no one else can
What an exquisite description of what it means to hold and behold oneself and then others, Adele! I can see very clearly how if we have not worked on what it means to truly hold ourselves with deep tenderness and connection, then we can’t offer that to anyone else, and this then may breed the needy attachment to another that you speak of, where we are looking for that connection outside of ourselves.
There is a surrender in what you describe, of knowing that love and breathing that love in and out, we know from this state that holding hands in fact are not needed to confirm that love. Even though holding hands can be a very great thing to do. So — we know love by our knowing and true movement first.
“Recently, I felt that my self-dating had come to an end – for now – and it is time to test what I have lived with others. And how joyful that feels!” – i love how you say “self-dating” Adele, it’s a great phrase, and how that self relationship has evolved with another to circulate even more fresh air into the already freshened and fragrant air/way you live life!
We are dating ourselves or someone all the time, or we can be in disconnection with ourselves and others also, it is only one or the other.
Thank you Adele, you sharing on the mechanics of how it is to hold yourself and to behold are inspiring straightaway.
Holding yourself and being connected to your fullness will automatically hold everyone else equally in it. Every person you meet, will get this unimposing love reflected- even without touch. It is like a wide open door, everyone can walk through, anytime, if they choose to.
It is very true Stefanie – we do not need to physical touch another to hold them as this is felt in the quality of our movement first, through the quality of love we align to, live and hold for ourselves first.
And it’s very possible to be physically held by another and to not feel held at all.
Yes, very true. Someone can be physically present but totally absent emotionally or energetically. This can feel more lonely than actually being alone. Holding ourselves in love at all times is key.
This is exactly the magic of work and of every relsyuonship. What I sometimes observe is it’s ok if there is reaction from this walking reflection, not everyone wants it but we can’t hold it back.
The consistency and commitment to hold yourself is very inspiring Adele. It is through consistency that we build trust with ourselves and others.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ I love this – that there we can deepen the relaionship with ourselves in every moment. Surrendering to love, really is key.
It is not difficult to give back to myself when I was single, but when in a relationship what gets exposed is the ideals and beliefs of being with someone, which is deeply inspiring to expose and move freer from.
When we get an inkling of the love that we are held in by God we are shown that we are all called to hold each other in equal love.
For me seeing and experiencing this in human life very tangibly through Serge Benhayon and his out of this world patience and love that he holds you in by accepting every choice you are making, but never reflecting less than the absolute truth, was a great way to rediscover that place in me also. Whenever I get impatient with someone or have an attachment for any outcome, I remind myself of the space that Serge offers me since many years. This space, this beholding love, that communicated to me from the start that I am never less than another, supported me to come back by my own love and power that I am today.
It is awesome you have this experience, what it shows me is the power of reflection and beholding. It inspires me to be the same just by reading it. How would this feel in my body and if it inspires me it must mean I have the capability to live this with consistency and commitment.
This is where the surrendering comes in..
“And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me.”
And support us the most possible by us choosing truth.
In order to be truly held we must first let go of all that holds us back from being able to see, feel, appreciate and breathe-in the grandness of such love. Therefore it can be said that our re-turn to love is a process of surrender and never is it a process of acquisition.
Let go, let go , let go and fall back into the love that we are. But having said that I do also acknowledge that it is easy to write and speak these words but when it comes to letting go of particular behaviours and ways of being, especially very ingrained ones, it is not so easy. Ultimately doable, yes but often not instantly so.
Adele, this is very gorgeous; ‘ The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’ I love what you are sharing here. This means that we can be held in love whether we are single or have a partner. And so we never need to feel unloved or uncared for.
This is one of my favourite blogs – it says everything about the world in which we live – for we are constantly held by God in pure love and all we need to do is feel that this is true, then hold ourselves and others this way too, just as God would do. Thank you Adele.
Such a great presentation of the practical aspects of what holding of self and another actually means. Thank you.
I agree with you Adele – I find holding another’s hand is intimate and a form of making love ❤️
We can only love another as much as we love ourselves – so I love this period of grace you share Adele – it is gorgeous to hear that there is no need in you to be with another and it is about supporting your body first.
If there were only 1 page on the internet tomorrow, I think I might make it this one. For it sums up so powerfully, how holding yourself and others in love is not a nice option to experiment with but a constant activity we are all here to go deeper with. Thank you Adele.
Love can not be lost when there is a beholding, if there is no beholding there is no love.
The quality of relationship you built with yourself was very beautiful, ‘The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’
Adele, this blog is exquisite. I have read this a few times and reading it again this morning has supported me hugely in seeing why I am struggling at times to allow myself to be held and be love.
We should absolutely give more space in our day to those moments of connection with ourselves, such as walking or even just taking a moment to breathe! This can change the quality of our work or activity thereafter and make a huge difference to our conversations and how we feel.
How often do we seek to be held by another when the quality in which we do this is reflected in how we hold ourselves?
Th art of beholding is a life long practise that can lead us all towards the stupendous glory and light that emanates from our soul, collectively as we embrace each other and all the qualities that we each bring, the soul in expression will always be beholding as it knows who you are.
The relationship we have with self is foundational, it is so worth building a loving relationship with ourselves, ‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself.’ So true.
I am in a period of really coming back to and learning to deeply love myself and from there bring my expression and love out to others. I have not yet been consistent with this, instead choosing to live from protection, waiting to be hurt by others. I need to learn to let go of this and operate differently, making it about bringing my love out for myself consistently and then bringing it to all others.
“Recently, I felt that my self-dating had come to an end – for now – and it is time to test what I have lived with others. And how joyful that feels!” – awesome Adele, loving the “test” …. to self-date with love is to date in love.. two huge amounts of love then to be enjoyed and deepened further with full relish (!)
‘..holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.’ – Huge Adele and so powerful what you share. To develop a relationship with ourselves that is true, supports us to have no need for another.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ So true Adele, when we live and move in a way that is forever deepening the relationship with ourselves the reflection we offer our relationships is a more true and loving connection.
Recently I’ve been looking at the relationship with myself, feeling that it needs to go deeper for all my other relationships to go deeper. But I cannot do this alone as through true role models such as yourself Adele I can reflect and see how I can be with myself.
It is very beautiful to read about how we can hold ourselves, physically and energetically and that we can feel secure and content in our own beholding love, this then makes for much more healthy and true relationships with others.
Self-love will always be the foundation of love and connection with ourselves and with everyone.
There is a big difference between holding another and holding on to another – the former is expansive and the latter constricts and diminishes, the other and ourselves. Holding another is based on love and holding on to another comes from a need and an emptiness inside.
It is the most beautiful gift to give ourselves – to hold ourselves so preciously, the way we would love another to hold us. It’s also something that never stands still – this beholding quality is forever calling us to deepen. And then this becomes part of our foundation – and something that we offer all our other relationships also, because there is no need in us, just the solidness of this quality that then has a ripple effect on others as well.
To hold ourselves as love and behold the sacredness that we each are in essence is the answer to all our woes. From this place our movements and actions can only be loving and self caring.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’ This is such a beautiful way to describe how it is to feel held, too often we wait for another to do this for us but it is incredibly powerful and loving when we bring this quality to our lives everyday.
Beautiful Adele. You make feeling held really tangible and practical. And the feeling that we are held by God, the Universe is absolutely irreplaceble.
Yes the tangibility is felt with each word and reminders are there that we don’t need to belong to anyone or anything but are already part of the whole that is held by God.
It is a great awareness you share here Adele about the two diferent ways we can hold the hand of the other. Needing the other or from a space in which we offer our own connection which the other feels as an invitation to connect in that beauty together.
“I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.” This is beautiful Adele. Loving ourselves deeply first – then we can love another….
Holding ourselves with grace amongst the stresses and unwavering intensity of the world around us is one of the healthiest choices we can make.
Beautiful to read this now at a time when I can so feel the pull to love myself more in this beholding way. Very inspiring, thank you Adele.
Being single doesn’t mean we are alone – quite the opposite really. There is instead an opportunity to develop and foster a very real relationship with oneself, which all other relationships will then stem from.
The more we open up to love the more we allow God in and through us.
Learning to let God in is the foundation of any true relationship.
There is not one person in this world that could come close to giving us what is innately within us already. As it is only through our connection to our Soul, our surrender to the truth of who we are and all that we are connected to that we come to realise that we are a gift unto this world. We offer a powerful reflection when we allow ourselves to behold all that we are.
Some powerful tools here on beholding ourselves, thank you Adele. Feeling the difference between attachment and beholding now is a stark difference for both parties to do and receive. Has given me a lot to consider in my relationship with my partner, others and myself.
Adele what a beautiful sharing on true love and the beholding it allows us all to feel and be held in .Very magical and real and inspiring to build this for ourselves.
The quality of relationship we have with ourselves is the quality of all our relationships as everything is a reflection. Just recently I noticed a big shift in the relationship with myself and I could not help but observe how people at work were different with me, they were just so much warmer and there was more laughter.
The quality of our relationship with ourself is the quality of our relationship with everyone and everything else. You can’t be in a crap relationship with yourself and expect deep, respectful relationships with others, it’s just not possible. When our relationship with others is difficult this is a direct reflection of some aspect of our relationship with ourselves that is also difficult. Therefore a beautiful opportunity to change something in our relationship with ourselves.
When we are fully with ourselves and backing ourselves, support will always be there for us in whichever way it is needed.
I love, love, love this blog Adele, and was perfect timing to re-read. I can feel just how much you hold yourself and how this comes back to you in all your relationships, you are an inspiration.
The answer to our woes in relationships and the loneliness that is rife amongst so many today is found in this piece of writing. To deepen the relationship with ourselves, we then extend this quality and depth to all others. This is our responsibility – to cherish ourselves to the bone, so that this devotion and love is then shared with others.
to cherish ourselves to the bone – that feels yummy Katerina, and definitely something to put on today’s menu and everyday….
‘to cherish ourselves to the bone’ I love this Katerina and actually I am starting to have a relationship with my bones. I never did connect to the bone tissue and its quality, I guess there is a world to discover and to bring me back to truly hold myself.
The amazing thing to have developed a rhythm in beholding ourselves is that we can always come back to it in any situation. Whether we are alone, single, married, with or without people around, it would always serve us. In fact, with this foundation it builds on all our relationships, it is the fundamental quality to being loving in all our relationships.
The tiniest moment I say no to myself, it affects every relationship. Every person I meet then gets a lesser version of me. Tracking any kind of reactions in me, that make me hard or distant is my every day focus because I know people need the reflection of love in todays world. It is the only way we will reconnect to our origin to then realise, that this here on earth is not “it”.
The essence of this blog is felt in my body, allowing a bit more surrender now.
Thank you Adele
Adele, wow I love this; ‘I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.’ What a gorgeous way to be with ourselves; rather than waiting for someone to be this way with us it is lovely to read how you loved and adored and respected yourself.
It makes such a difference to how my day feels when I do go for a walk with myself in the morning for myself. Even if I do not feel it so much at that moment, just the intention that I deeply care and love myself and walk with that has a huge impact on how I feel and also on what choices I then make thereafter in my day. I am more present and more observing so less reacting and more loving. There is also a lot of playfulness and joy when I do this.
There is nothing more rewarding than developing our relationship with self, for it allows us to set a standard that we will not drop below in how we relate to others- naturally enjoying more intimacy and love with all.
I was for some years alone with the purpose to break a deep ingrained pattern that I always needed a man to fulfill my needs, my emptiness and to love me. Those years I used to start to re-connect with myself and to love myself first. I a am so happy that I did. Now I do not feel anymore that I need a man which doesn’t mean that I don’t want to have a great partner. Then I met a great man who was first for longer a friend and then became my partner I live now with.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe.’ While re reading this today I had to admit I do not allow myself to surrender to this depth, there is an element of holding back, a control to not fully go there. Feels good to renounce this and to make the choice to claim the communion with God and my body and to not seek security in my relationships with others.
This blog is pure gold to me. Reading it I am reminded of the many ways I can be there for myself which actually enhances all my relationships because it takes me away from need and able to see the beauty in them. I’m reminded of appreciating myself as I speak – something I can bring a real focus to and commit to doing each day consciously so that it becomes my normal, everyday way which builds and develops. Just like your ways have expanded your relationship with yourself.
This was also a great reminder for me Karin. I have times when I haven’t been giving to myself or holding myself with love and I am needy of my husband or children. It all dissipates as soon as I feel what I am actually looking for and why.