In the world today there are many different ways people live; whether it be their financial, educational, religious or health choices that differ, for each individual how they choose to live their life can vary greatly.
Yet no matter how different that livingness may look, and regardless of colour, sex or race, within we are all the same. So how is it, what is it in us that makes us judge, compare ourselves to, or criticise another?
Do we even notice that we are doing this, even in the slightest way, at a level that can be so insidious that we do not even recognise or we are not even aware that we are in any form of comparison or judgement? It can be a simple glance, a split second where that thought of being greater than another creeps in.
We are living in a world that seems to be less tolerant and more judgemental of others and the choices they make for their own lives. Each individual is judged for the colour of their skin, the way they dress, or do not dress, the religion they choose and the way they live within and from those choices. We have many different religions, all praying to the one God, yet each religion is judged and compared to another – all thinking our way is the way, that our God is a greater God – when at the end of the day, there is only one Heaven and one God.
I was recently made aware of acid attacks in the UK – people being disfigured because of the country they were born into. Bomb attacks, stabbings and shootings have been occurring more and more regularly – at times so often it barely gets a mention in the news, becoming a way of life, accepted, if I may say so. I was not aware that we ‘owned’ our country, nor that we had a right to deliberately disfigure, maim or kill another in such terrible, shocking and painful ways.
These are, of course, all extreme forms of judgement, but for me, what I am now feeling is, is it any different from the way I judge others? That if I look at another, thinking even in the slightest of ways that I am greater, then really am I any better than anyone else committing such atrocious and heinous crimes?
What gives me the right to think I am greater because I have made different choices? I may appear more ‘well-off,’ have a ‘better’ lifestyle or health and vitality, but who am I to separate myself from, or see myself as greater than another? Yet at times I have found myself doing just this. I was shocked when I felt the severity of this in my body, the arrogance I have held over another. It feels insidious and unsettling as I try to ignore and avoid the awareness that I am judging and placing myself above another. Then came the realisation that by doing this, seeing myself as greater than, better than or in a greater/luckier situation than another, I was actually contributing to the atrocities of the world – the same atrocities that I so despised.
We are all individuals, offering and reflecting our uniqueness to the world, a uniqueness that gives us all an opportunity to grow, develop and expand our own awareness, as well as others.
What if we began to love and accept ourselves in full, dropped our own walls of protection that we have built and let people see our own vulnerabilities and imperfections? Are we willing to learn from and see others as an inspiration, rather than a threat to our own way of being?
For myself, I am only now seeing how deeply seeded these thoughts are and how we allow them to run us and just how much they keep us in the separation of life and the love we ultimately can have for each other.
When I stop, let myself be seen, allow myself to truly see another for who they are, with no judgement or comparison, I learn so much. I can feel how I expand; there is a joy I feel in my body as opposed to a hardening. And those I judge and compare myself to the most, more often than not are the ones I am able to learn the most from.
The atrocities of the world begin with us. It is a choice we need to make to be accepting of all others without judgement, to be loving, appreciating and gaining a greater understanding of what it is we are all here to do; to love unconditionally, not making life exclusively about us, but about everyone as a whole, equally so.
By Nicole Serafin, 45yrs, Tintenbar, NSW
Further Reading:
Freedom of religion – a token gesture?
Judgment, The Way of The Livingness and the Power of Letting Go
God doesn’t take sides
369 Comments
If we place conditions on love then it’s a sure sign that it’s not love.
We think of poison as purely the toxic substances in bottles and the like but truly the greatest poison we all know is overlooking our love in life. When this is what we do we splatter everyone else about with actions that aren’t true. It’s time we stayed connected and committed to who we are and stopped letting the poison through. Thanks Nicole.
We cannot ever heal the judgements, hate, anger and bitterness that fills those who act in these terrible ways by also judging them and finding ways of punishing them in return. We cannot heal abuse with further abuse – eventually people have to realise that often these acts of abuse are trying to incite hate and fear and separation – we need to unify and respond with love and absolute consequences.
Wonderful to read this. This last week I’ve been catching myself being judgemental and how quickly it seems to be happening. But rather than judge myself as bad, it’s another layer of observation to allow. I’m so used to trying to ignore the fact that I do judge, my allowing myself to observe it and call it out, does allow me to feel the loveliness of the person I have judged. Through observation I’ll have the chance to see what’s going on. I don’t have to be fearful of it. Even though it feels so ugly, by being honest about this I can start to feel how ugly judgement is and how it does not belong inside of us.
We need look no further than our own homes for abuse in this word of ours.
I’m sure at some stage we have lived the lives that we now judge in others. Reincarnation should help teach us that, in the greater scheme of things, we have no right whatsoever to judge another.
There is something very simple in this. When we judge others it is often a pattern we have not addressed in ourselves that is being exposed. We can either stay in the judgement and divisiveness of this or bring some honesty and understanding into our relationship with ourselves.
Nicole, as I let go of judgement of myself I am finding that I am also as a result much less judgmental of others and have found that the people I judged the most are just the same as me and as you say often are often the ones I can learn the most from; ‘those I judge and compare myself to the most, more often than not are the ones I am able to learn the most from.’ It feels very gorgeous to let people in instead of holding these judgments.
‘The atrocities of the world begin with us’ This is a strong and needed call to action for humanity to think about. If we judge someone, even slightly (and I would deny one person in this world to say that they don’t), is that not contributing to judgement in this world, and from this there are people who take this to the nth degree and the bigger atrocities occur. Great food for thought Nicole.
Our judgements hold an energy and have an effect whether we speak them or not.
‘I was shocked when I felt the severity of this in my body, the arrogance I have held over another.’ The insidiousness of wanting to hold on to our separateness can catch us unawares so many times. If I am aware of a contraction/hardening in myself in the presence of another I do stop and question if it comes from a judgment and what that source of the judgment may be. As mentioned above, quite often what is being reflected is something in myself I have avoided looking at.
Brilliant blog Nicole, thank you for exposing the many ways we can go into comparison, judgement and harm. How we are in our life does in fact impact on what is going on in our world. To bring awareness to how we contribute to the rest of humanity is a great start and also by embracing love and a greater level of responsibility is what our world is crying out for. I too have been aware of the subtle thoughts of comparison and judgement that creeps in. I used to not want to recognise it and at times have denied it by not allowing myself to feel but recently I have been allowing myself to fully feel comparison and judgement. I am then more able to study it and learn from what I am feeling. By being honest and open with myself about these thoughts it supports me to address what is going on, otherwise it will just reappear time and time again until I stop, take responsibility and clear what I am allowing through my body. The most supportive first step is to allow myself to feel everything without judging myself but with love and understanding.
Yes Nicole well said. If we don’t like what we see we change it in ourselves first. When we have taken responsibility for our contribution to the problem we become a living example of how to not have this infliction and this naturally inspires others without us even having to open our mouths.
And those I judge and compare myself to the most, more often than not are the ones I am able to learn the most
This is such a beautiful sentence. So true. Worth a Milion
I agree Sylvia, It is interesting how this works isn’t it? I also realised this recently and came to the same realisation that there are lessons to be learnt whenever I find a relationship challenging. Being open to understand why we push each other’s button so to say and to look at what we are actually avoiding? The answer always comes back to love.
And those I judge and compare myself to the most, more often than not are the ones I am able to learn the most
Thank you for writing this just the other day I felt this awful holier than thou attitude happening and it is so horrible to feel this.
“Then came the realisation that by doing this, seeing myself as greater than, better than or in a greater/luckier situation than another, I was actually contributing to the atrocities of the world – the same atrocities that I so despised.” The moment of awakening to the awareness that we are all responsible for every abuse that have ever occurred, and that we have a choice to change that.
Gill how great that we get to debase and debunk judgement, I know for myself its something that zaps my energy levels if I allow it to be part of my life.
‘The atrocities of the world begin with us’ – This puts it back into our court. It makes it a reality that when we judge others we are feeding the mass scale of separation. When we judge – people feel it. No words need to be spoken. so we have to ask ourselves what is it we contribute, and does the judgment start with ourselves first? I’ve often found that something I don’t accept within myself is what I don’t accept in others.
To separate from one another to which we naturally are connected to, we need to use a force.
And comparison and judgement are two of these forces we use to keep this separation alive. The more separation we live the more comparison and judgement is entering into our lives and societies as a result.
Nicole, I love how you bring it back to our own contribution to the lovelessness in the world today. My comparison adds to what is happening in the world. I love observing where I make myself bigger or smaller than another as an indication on which aspect of myself I can learn. All we want deep down inside is working together with purpose, true brotherhood.
Man, when I really feel the extent to how deeply entrenched judgement is, it is huge! Like MASSIVE! But then if we are all grander than judgement then how Gigantically huge must we all be inside? And if we are all playing small in life we must be playing really small, like really really small because we do come from a dude by the name of God who is even more Massively Gigantic than we could even imagine
Love this comment Joshua, the magic and glory of who we are reinstated, reconfirmed.
When I feel the love for myself, I cannot judge no matter what is placed in front of me. I feel the connection to myself so strongly that nothing can get in the way of this connection. I see things for what they are with no reaction but an absolute love. If I wobble which is likely I have a choice to either stay with me or lose myself and feed the judgement. Do I have enough love for me to hold myself is the question?
I find it interesting how it is the same people in my life that I tend to judge and have always judged in some way, shape or form which I am increasingly becoming more aware… the tension that is there and has always been there between us to be accepted, appreciated and learnt from to evolve.
Recently at a local primary school, it was harmony day and you had to dress up as your culture. What was so incredibly beautiful was that most of the kids just picked a culture they wanted to dress up as. There was no “my culture”, it was just culture. It was a beautiful way of celebrating harmony day as the kids reflected true harmony – we live in a world where we might look different and come from different places but that’s not important, let’s just have fun.
That’s amazing Nikki – I find children at a young age really do know naturally how to live in harmony with each other.
Thank you Nicole for highlighting how whenever I judge another I am contributing to the poisonous atmosphere that allows crimes such as acid attacks to occur in our society. I am aware that I judge others multiple times every day and whilst these fleeting thoughts may seem innocuous compared to acid attacks they are still a damaging way of keeping myself separate from others and not appreciating what the other person may be reflecting to me.
Great blog Nicole, offering a very powerful reflection of how deeply rooted the insidious and arrogant nature of judgement over others is and how it divides and separates rather unifying us in true brotherhood.
“For myself, I am only now seeing how deeply seeded these thoughts are and how we allow them to run us and just how much they keep us in the separation of life and the love we ultimately can have for each other”.
I must admit this blog has put me to shame a bit as here I am living in London where bombs, acid attacks and stabbings have taken place – reading an article in the news today it said that in this year alone in London 26 young people have been killed! 26!!! Yet I have not put pen to paper to ask why as you have done. The thing is it doesn’t matter where we live in the world everything that is going on within it affects us and how we live contributes to what is going on in the world. Do we ignore it, deny it, tolerate it, accept it, demand it or supply it. And how we view others is a big contribution to this. Ultimately, when we judge or compare it is not even truly us it is an energy coming through us that we have not discerned or are 100% aware of.
This is a great exposure of judgement. Judgement is judgement in a lesser or more extreme version, it is the same thing. You have invited me, Nicole through this blog to look at where in my life I judge and hold an arrogance of superiority… this can be in the subtlest of forms. Whilst I hold this, there is no space to hold others and myself with a full and complete deep understanding and acceptance.
“those I judge and compare myself to the most, more often than not are the ones I am able to learn the most from.” I’ve experienced this and goes to show that we do know where and from who our next lesson is coming from.
Great blog and I can feel how insidious this judgement and comparison thing is and how most people are doing it all the time and what’s more the recipients of this can feel that it is happening and how it hurts them.
Judgement and comparison pave the way for the force of jealousy to enter and decimate our expression of the truth, love and wisdom we would otherwise live.
Thank you Nicole, if we live on the surface of life then we may only see the physical differences, but when we live from our inner heart and soul we know we are all the same, all equal, and that it’s not just possible but actually very natural to live in unity and brotherhood. Because we have stepped away from this part of ourselves that loves equally, articles such as yours are so important because we need to see how everyone contributes to judgement and inequality, energies that contribute to the divisiveness that is the foundation for more obvious abuses and atrocities against others.
‘ The atrocities of the world begin with us.’ I agree, so if we want the world to change we need to start with ourselves. By learning to love me I can love others. More understanding and less judgement of where others are at. We can always learn something from those who are different to ourselves.
If I look at how I am as honestly as you have here Nicole, I can see how vigilant I have to be with myself to not slip into judgement or comparison of another. It is as though they are still there waiting to pounce if I let down my guard or lose myself for a moment. Now if I could truly accept myself for just being me and accept all others as total equals, none above or below, as I have seen others master, then and only then this would no longer be a problem and others would feel this and be inspired just like I have been when I have seen others master it.
Being a student of mastering equality… I am super keen to learn here.
Judgement comes in many guises; it can be when we think ourselves lesser than another and when we see ourselves as lesser than the image we have of how we think we should be. The moment we don’t appreciate the natural equal beingness of everyone we can be in judgement and comparison.
In response to your article Nicole, I would say that there are many who do not believe that we are all the same on the inside, that there are fundamental differences and in these there is a sense of ‘right and wrong’. I understand that what you are presenting is about truth, but much of the world views truth as personal and not with a universal view that holds everyone equally. So, it can be challenging to be in the world, knowing that we are all equal and yet watching acts and behaviours which are nothing to do with this. But, as you say, change starts with love and this is in everyone, this is unifying, even if beliefs are in the way – love is the substantial marker of truth.
Feeling judged is a very horrible experience as you can feel it without someone pouring acid over you or shouting at you and often I find it more challenging when people are nice to you but still you can feel that they judge you.
Well spotted, Lieke, for when someone is being ‘nice’ when they do not really mean can feel worse than the overt judgment.
Do not our judgements of others, leave scars inside of us that are not seen but felt by others?
Perhaps those scars are not too dissimilar to the acid burns.
True. That is always felt. When we come with openness and love and true intent then that is also felt too.
When I judge another I bring it back to myself and see where I have a similar judgement about myself, or the person is triggering something in me. It is not really about the other, they are just a reflection for me to bring greater understanding, love and healing to an aspect of myself.
Such a great sharing Mary-Louise. And very true. I have also done and realised this – that any judgement or the like I place on others I am first doing to myself rather than just letting myself be me and at ease and content with that. When we allow ourselves we allow others to just be and are accepting of all.
That is so true Mary-Louise about how judgement of others starts with self-judgement, even though it may be really difficult to admit it sometimes (I can vouch for that one!). But I have also noticed that when I looked inside to see what the reflection was for me with my relationships that were at times difficult or challenging it has resulted in me deepening my understanding of others. When I stopped to read what is going on for them and opened my heart up a little more by dropping the protection I had built up with them after feeling hurt by their actions and judging them to be lesser than me.
Some of my greatest self-realisations and healings have come from acknowledging that a judgment of another is triggering something in me and addressing what has been triggered.
We have to ask ourselves what has happened to the world and ourselves that drives us to carry out willful acts of terror and violence. It is an indictment of our times and reflects how far we’ve become disconnected from our true essence and separate from other human beings. Deep wounds carried within, left unresolved become a vengeful weapon intent on causing maximum damage by wounding, scarring or killing another. This is a consequence of forgetting we are in essence love and equal to every other human being.
There are so many subtle ways that we can separate and compare ourselves to another. I see the inequality a lot when it comes to workplaces and where job titles are seen as better than or less than. The thing is, the ones that are putting themselves better than don’t think that the ones they look down on even know how they feel… but they do.
If every time a judgment runs through me I call it out and pay 10 cents, wonder how much money will be collected at the end of a day?
The price would go up with awareness because the more aware we become the more aware we become of how much we judge under the guise of other names even good names such as acceptance!