For most of my life I have bought into a myth of such magnitude that it is impossible to either calculate or fathom the sum total of its catastrophic effects. It is a myth that is held almost universally and one that is encouraged and perpetuated by both men and women equally. Popular culture coined the term for this myth, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:’ in a nutshell it describes the seemingly irrevocable differences between men and women. And up until very recently this is something that I simply took as gospel.
I felt that everywhere I looked there was evidence to support the myth. Growing up in the 70’s in England, the differences between what the two sexes actually did was stark.
Men almost exclusively held positions of power, not just as world leaders but leaders in religions worldwide, as well as in government, pretty much all businesses, schools, local authorities and indeed most organisations. Women on the other hand were generally always the ones who were at home with the kids and if they did work, then it tended to be as nurses, in the typing pool, as secretaries, in the school canteen etc. It was a given that women did the jobs that supported the men to be able to do their jobs.
The myth was mirrored in my own home. My dad was a manager in an insurance company. He often travelled a lot for work. My mum looked after my sister and I when we were smaller and then when she was able to return to work, my mum worked in secretarial and personal assistant roles. I never remember Mum working for a woman, only ever men. The other thing that mum did, which seemed to bolster my belief that men and women had very different qualities, was that she ‘helped out a lot.’ Mum did lots of charity work and she cared constantly for those around her. As a result, I grew up believing that women were naturally more caring than men.
Even though I grew up in a family where my parents shared the decision-making process and always showed one another the greatest respect, I was very aware that this was often not the norm. I knew just from being out in the world that men were by default the decision makers – they were the ones that said what was going to happen. I knew that they didn’t have to justify or reason why; they were able to have the last say based purely on the fact that they were men. I was also aware that violence towards women was an accepted part of our society and I saw what I deemed to be the ‘aggressive side of men’ as simply yet another glaringly obvious sign of the differences between men and women.
Growing up, the evidence was all around me: men and women were indeed a completely different species. As I became a teenager and started to go out with boys, the differences between the two sexes were further confirmed. I had boyfriends who drove cars in destruction derbies, boyfriends who volunteered to fight fires, boyfriends who were enthusiastic about cars and motorbikes, boyfriends who loved competitive sport and boyfriends who loved going to the pub with their mates. Basically, boyfriends who loved doing things that many girls didn’t.
Although my relationships always started off well, they also ended up full of struggle, a familiar pushing and pulling, a lack of understanding one another, an inability to see things in the same way – basically a breakdown in communication. I remember being in my mid-twenties and thinking to myself that although I was not attracted to women in a sexual way, I could see the benefits of being in a relationship with another woman – at least we would speak the same language!
So when in 1992, John Gray’s book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ was published, I thought, “How true that is – men and women are indeed a different species,” and I saw the prospect of spending my life in a relationship with a man from another planet as rather gloomy.
In the last several years, I have been involved in the process of healing: a process that has involved the stripping back of many layers. Layers of muck that I have accumulated not just from my current life, but from many lifetimes. These overlapping layers are multitudinous, made up from an array of different things; reactions to being hurt, beliefs that I have taken on, ideals that I have tried to live up to. They are many and varied but basically what they all have in common is that they are all not me.
When healing is true, then the false layers get stripped back and removed for good.
I have received true support for this healing process through Universal Medicine. There are many men and women who are on the return leg of the journey with me and as a result of being with, and feeling the quality of the men, who are also stripping back their layers, I have had a revelation of such magnitude that it has quite literally taken the top of my head off.
When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact. Ok sure, we have different bodies and yep, men can lift more weight than women, but in our essence, we are the same. The alarming thing is that I have had the living evidence with me my whole life: I have a dad who is the most tender of men and a partner who is a naturally gentle and caring man but the belief that men and women are different was so strong that it overrode the evidence that was right under my nose.
How destructive a force must beliefs be that they have the power to do this?
What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits. What’s worse is that we have lived with these introduced changes for such a long time that we have come to see them as normal but they are not – they are not normal at all.
So, something to ponder on is how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?
By Alexis Stewart, Disability support worker, yoga teacher, massage therapist, mother, partner, patch of God, Sydney, Australia
Equality – What Does it Mean?
Gender Equality – It Starts With Me Now
Love – the missing link in gender equality
Gender equality: how far have we come?
Beautiful Alexis, beating the myth simply because it takes the truth away of how powerful women and men are and what our essence is truly.. No image. No ideals. Just a simple truth — we are equally tender.. we are Love.
Danna, I agree, the myth as to who we are as men and women reduces us to mere specs of our true selves .
Like detectives in a serial killer drama we are very proficient at examining the evidence. With a fine tooth comb we poor over every thing, and analyse to the last detail. But what if there was some bias at play? What if there was something in us that continually seeks to cover its tracks? What if the key criminal in all this is not the ‘other’ gender, but the aspect of human beings that harms ourselves? If we consider this based on what you present Alexis we would have to realise there is no difference with us, just unique expressions of God. Living any less is the true source of the inequality we believe we see.
It is quite ridiculous to think of men and women as so separate when we consider that in essence we are all the same… love is universal.
“Love is universal” and the universe is love .
Love the truth and reality you bring here Alexis… it brings energetic awareness to what we write and hence bring forth for humanity in all our writings – whether that be in books, online, media, anywhere and everywhere there is this responsibility.
The moment we get to see and meet the true man or woman freed from the impositions it is a revelation of the gorgeousness we are. We all long for knowing each other and living as the true man and woman.
” When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact. ”
This is so true , as we all come from the same source , and it can be easily seen in young children and babies until the imposted beliefs take hold of boy and girl.
We get raised from young on that women are different to men. It feels like something very pure gets a coat on, with a label that represents the way the woman or the man has to be in this world. Throughout the years more coats come on top and after a while, because we only meet people with similar coats, we don´t get the reflection, that we are actually wearing a coat. What a vicious circle to never see through the false behaviours we are tainted with.Fact is, that actually everyone deep down is looking for the essence to be met and to meet in another. Time to let go of all coats that might be still there and offer a mirror for truth and purity.
This is such a great analogy Stefanie… layers and layers of coats till we only see coats, and know nothing else but coats – when in truth we are pure gold within.
Doesn’t this article hit into a popular held bunch of beliefs, beliefs that we continue to hold even though and as is said there is evidence right under our nose that it’s not true. As they say if you do something enough times it becomes a habit, you will do it without even thinking about it. So what if this is true about how we see and treat men and women, do we truly see them for who they are or do we just follow something we have done over and over collectively so now it just looks as though this is how things are? There is certainly enough reflections around to show us that how we currently collectively see men and women is heading in a direction that doesn’t support us at all and yet we are still buying. Articles like this one support to ‘break the mould’ on how we see things and support us to bring clear what is true and for men and women this is a refreshing start.
“What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits. ” Under the skin we are all the same, regardless of sex, skin colour, race, culture etc.
The ideals and beliefs that we have imposed upon ourselves feel like the ultimate wedge we willingly drive between ourselves and everyone else to ensure we live in separation!
The ultimate wedge is the one that we have driven between us and ourselves .
I was totally bought into the Men are from Mars ideals, reading the book, listening to the tapes, and even meeting the author in presentations. The key for me is that the ideals I bought into from the book firstly did not enhance my relationships, nor offer me or my partner a deeper understanding of each other, but on the contrary confirmed we would never understand each other. Secondly the book offered a path away from true understanding of relationships which is they are based on the heart, and not on gender, colour of skin or any other divider of people.
‘How destructive a force must beliefs be that they have the power to do this?’ They along with ideals underpin everything that keep us held away from realising the truth.
Yes and lies create division amongst us.
Great conversation. Yes in essence we are equal and it is a falsity to believe that men and women are ‘from different planets’. The male and femaleness lives within the one body of God and when this expression is unified within, we will be unified in our true purpose.
The more I get to understand the ways girls and boys have been taught to be the women and men that they become, the more I feel enabled to see through the entanglements and miscommunication and sometimes I manage to undo the complication and experience the beautiful moment of simplicity and true encounter that is actually the natural way of being with each other.
That is a real gift indeed, to relate to one another with a simplicity and openness that invites the reconnection to and expression of our true essence.
As a young woman in the sixties I found it very difficult to cope with the apparent differences in the status of men and women. I didn’t want to sit and only talk about babies and cooking – I was passionate about what was taking place in the world and wanted to understand how we all ‘ticked’, and the consequence of this was that I became hard and abused my body to carry through this belief. Since finding Universal Medicine I realise that we don’t have to be hard to live in the world – that in fact as I become more tender and loving I also feel within a power and a substance. It is also very beautiful to see the men around me coming back to their tenderness – to be able to be sensitive and we can all then appreciate that in our essence we are all the same.
Yes Susan. We are all very loving, sensitive, caring and wise beings in essence. Both men and women have had their share of pressure in terms of expectations, ideals, beliefs and hurts. Both could do with open, supportive and loving conversations as we find here, to start healing the impact of such impositions, and as you have been starting to return to the truth of our expression.
When we are connected to the truth of who we are, impositions are not impositions. Impositions are only impositions when we are choosing not to be who we are in truth.
A beautiful reality brought to the book that has had such an impact on us that has hidden even more the falseness of the differences between men and women on an emotional scale when in essence we are all the same tender sensitive beings and the appreciation of this is a very needed commodity to be lived.
A woman connected to who she is, and a man connected to who he is.. are both genders connecting to the very one same place and source [that is their heart] irrespective of any perceived (or real) planet.
It is true that society has created marked differences between men and women, when in fact our essence is exactly the same. It is interesting as I have seen men behave more tenderly and gently than I do, and in that, I get a pretty real reflection of where I am at in relation to my tenderness, so by putting a label on men and women, we are saying we don’t want to take responsibility for how we naturally are.
Whilst it is important to cherish and appreciate what we bring in our different expressions as men and women it is even more important to behold the absoluteness of our essence which is the same.
There are so many lies which are told of both men and women, as if combating against each other and causing a belief that we are very different and therefore less, depending on which side of the fence you are standing. Often we hear and have conversations where we are putting the men or women down in our lives, and this, unfortunately, is considered normal and acceptable.
When we look at Men and Women we see that each is different in expression but unified in essence. We can see that each can compliment and support the other by the virtue of their own divine qualities.
Exactly, putting away all this gender stuff and meeting in this quality is true support and instant oneness, with no imposition or demand or pictures.
No theory that justifies disharmony and lack of honouring of one another can ever be true.
Well said Golnaz!
When any part of us that is not love comes between us and our interactions with another, we don’t get to fully be with the other or appreciate that with the false stuff taken away, we are all extraordinary human beings.
Our societies will make a huge shift when we realise that inside, men and women feel the same things, hurt in the same way, love in the same way and want to express all our tenderness in the same way. When this is felt it will enable us to drop the competition and appreciate the unique qualities within us that when integrated produce true intelligence and an unerring harmony.
I feel blessed to have had a big brother who always looked after me as a little girl, and was tender from day one. But it is only now that I am starting to feel my own preciousness that I can truly appreciate how exquisitely sweet and caring boys and men can also be.
I remember reading this book and thinking it was such a load of rubbish and contributed to widening the perceived gap that there is a difference between men and women. To me we are underneath the skin the same we are all extremely sensitive and if any evidence is needed to support this, just look at little boys and girls and observe how tender and delicate they are. We then as a society impose our demands and these sensitive children grow up to be hardened and tough which is a false way of living and very damaging to the body.
Is the championing of the difference between the sexes one of the biggest illusions to drive a wedge between us all?
The illusion of all illusions is the one that says that we are separate from God.
From the day we are born the sexes are treated so differently, so how are we expected to embrace all that is true for all of us? I would love to see how different we would still be if we were to be treated exactly the same from birth and all allowed to be what we feel without being imposed upon. We would then realise a lot of us are for Mars and a lot of us are from Venus but back then gender didn’t come into it at all.
Kev, in mentioning ‘that from the day we are born the sexes are treated so differently,’ you caused me to reflect on the abhorrent fact that female infanticide (the deliberate killing of female babies) is still a widespread practice in many parts of the world.
Shocking but true, how far we are removed from the true purpose of our lives and our intended incarnation. It really exposes as you present how damaging these lies of separation are when we continue to feed them, and the responsibility we all have in speaking the truth.
The Chinese one-child restriction that started in the 70s is a prime example; it has caused the ratio of men to women to become dangerously high, because of female infanticide.
If women honoured and lived the divinity that they innately are, men would feel more able to surrender and be held by the women as the tender men they innately are.
Its crazy this book is a best seller, millions of people brought into the lie that we are different.
Not so crazy when you consider that most of us are actively perpetuating the lie with our every breath. The lie is of such unfathomable magnitude that it needs pretty much all of us to work around the clock to sustain it. But there is now a crack in the lie, all be it a teeny tiny crack, there is a crack none the less. And that crack is the crack made by those of us who are now living from truth and that crack will continue to deepen until one day it actually threatens the structure of the lie, so much so, that the lie will start to shatter and lo and behold the truth will be revealed in all it’s original glory.
This is so awesome to read Alexis… your ponderings are so very inspiring. This really does expose the division created by beliefs, and specifically the belief men and women are different – a way to further separate each other, to increase the gap between the sexes so to speak… but so not true!
Both men and women struggle with the ideals and beliefs around their gender which creates (and are there to sustain) the inequality between the two which affect us all on many levels. What you say is true when we strip away the layers that we have put on top of who we are, you get to our essence, the same for all.
We get labelled with qualities that are not true, for example, women get labelled as emotional, men get labelled as hard, and we tend to act out those labels saying ‘that’s me’ but we equally feel feelings and are naturally sensitive so when we do that we are living a lie.
Labels also act like false ceilings. If we believe as the women that we are emotional by nature then when we are emotional, we just accept that this is the way that we are. The same with men, when they’re finding it hard to communicate or share their feelings, then they can also buy into the belief that it is simply who they are and are inclined to make less effort to change .
I have never given the phrase, Men are from Mars, Women from Venus much thought but now that I read your blog I can see how something so simple as a phrase can have such a big impact on society with so many people believing it when like you say, it is totally not the case.
I always find it amusing that men could not do what they do without the women doing what they do and yet it’s still been the norm to hold a woman less. It’s been a very clever ploy to hold back the true power in this world- femaleness. When I say this I mean in both males and female.
Thank you Alexis, great blog. Your blog got me to stop and ponder on whether I have taken on this myth about men and women being fundamentally different. I never read the book ever though it was the type of book I would normally have read at the time it was published. Something about it did not feel true to my experience of men and women. As a young nurse I very quickly worked out that people were just people, regardless of gender, when it came to being ill. What I can now see is that I have bought into the myth by not choosing to speak out enough about the ridiculous roles that we attribute to men and women, for example, that men should be tough and strong and not cry and that women deserved to be paid less than men even though they are doing the same job.
And as a nurse Elizabeth, you would be very aware that for a very long time it is the men that have held the senior positions of power within the medical professions and that it is the women who have made up the majority of the nursing staff.
Yes, Elizabeth. I too have found that people are just people in the counselling room, that men are just as sensitive and know love as well as women do.
The at times seemingly irreconcilable differences between women and men, the difficulties to talk the same language and the endless misinterpretations and misunderstandings could make one believe in such a tale as both genders coming from different planets. But that would be very ignorant of the real cause and purpose we are here to learn, heal and master. Starting with honouring each gender as being just the same in delicateness, tenderness, intelligence, wisdom… as we can see in young children exposes that the differences and conflicts are not innate but learned, ie imposed upon us from outside. The moment we relate to the inner nature of every person as being of the same quality and potential the differences of the body and thus the specific qualities and expressions are no longer separating but complementing us.
What you show here clearly is that we make ourselves into that what we think we have to be , so we are the product of the societal norms that too have been created by ourselves through our living ways. There is lots to be undone and the simplest way is to start step by step to listen to what we deep down know to be true and live by it.
Throughout my life I have come across many instances that have been put across as if we have no impact, say or recourse in the outcome.
Often this is put forward to explain and justify a pattern and suggests that we might as well not bother to even think about it. e.g. we have put a lot down to our genes (although this is shown to be erroneous through epigenetics studies of identical-twins), we have blamed skin cancer on the Sun (although many people living in very sunny climates are not riddled by skin cancer), we excuse the fact that many women experience PMS and pains during the monthly cycle as one of those things you get because of the cycle (although many women have found a change of life choices has alleviated these).
The promotion of such ideas and beliefs promotes us giving up our power and resigning ourself to the situation. In short it breeds a lack of responsibility.
It is great to be discussing how true the belief is that men and women are wired completely different. These kinds of beliefs seem to me to create a barrier and separation between us. I also know that we are all the same in essence and focussing on this rather than the apparent differences will bring us together.
We have a great many ideals and beliefs to break down between our gender differences, a process that is made a whole lot easier when we connect to essence first and confirm our commonalities, which then enable us to appreciate the nuances that each gender contains and expresses.
It all comes back to the Truth Within, no longer does it work to look outside ourselves because our society is becoming very, very sick and we need to recognise that we are all essentially equal and we need to appreciate each other, working together in Brotherhood not separation. Confidence comes from appreciating within, not from comparison with what is outside of us.
When the book came out I was still quite young, but the idea of men being from Mars and women being from Venus did not make sense to me. I could not feel the vast differences being attributed to the genders, because even then I knew that we were all the same inside.
What is funny is that I never read the book but I did know about it and have a general idea of what the book was about. When I was younger it didn’t seem to matter who was who, it was always just someone to play with. As I grew the distinction grew stronger and stronger until you moved yourself into line with how everyone else was doing something and yet it didn’t make sense in a lot of ways but you would still do it? It was like there was a stronger need for me to be a part of the world because that’s what you did, rather then hold onto what it was like when you were younger. As has been the case with many things, when you are asked to stop and truly look at them you almost shake your head and wonder how it gets to where it has and then you see it. Collectively if we all are doing the same thing then this is what is adopted as a ‘norm’ and then it becomes life and yet we don’t put it through a quality test, only a quantity test. When you apply a quality test to many of the so called norms of today they don’t stack up and the gender one sits in that category.
An invitation and opportunity for all men to live with true tenderness and for all women to appreciate the power and strength of their preciousness.
It does seem that there are forces at play that go to every possible length to keep us as separated as possible by any means possible and this book is no exception, trying to cement the conclusion that we are so different and we should just accept it instead of feeling the truth that our essences are all the same.
Accepting how much the same we are and that in essence we are one, supports us to enjoy our unique expressions of this one essence without comparison or competition; we are inextricably connected, not the opposite.
Expressing from our Oneness is what we’re all on our way back to.
I used to love that much used quote, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’, because it gave me every excuse to have struggles in my relationships and issues with men. It also gave me the excuse not to live what I felt inside, that in essence we are all the same; the evidence for which was’ right under my nose’, but was the opposite to what we have set up in life and would have required some speaking up on my part, exposing the off-tracked-ness we have chosen.
This is so true – we are kept from the possibility of truly working together by these beliefs that we are somehow irrevocably different.
‘When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact.’ Growing up I hung out with lots of boys and our relationships felt really simple. When I read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ I felt sad as it seemed that we couldn’t know one another without complication of learning a new language on how to communicate rather than communicate naturally and with ease. Part of this extra communication that I brought into the equation was interpreting if there were any signs of attraction because that was how I felt validated as a women: being seen as attractive. This is such a barrier to the natural communication and intimacy that can exist between men and women without anything more being read into it.
Karin, I have put a very misguided and lopsided amount of emphasis on the possible attraction between men and women being the most significant thing in the relationship and in so doing have, for most of my life, reduced the potential in any relationship to almost nothing.
I am not sure that the book is one of the most damaging books. It may be wrong but it puts out the message that people can be understood if you work on it and that seems quite a supportive message.
How could you separate men and women more, than telling a tale that we are from two completely different planets?
Thank you Alexis, I always enjoy your writing and have some laugh out loud moments. You’re honesty and the way you express is simply gorgeous. The differences between men and women are an absolute lie, it’s a charade we are taught to live in the absence of a connection to our true essence. And this false perception comes a lot from focusing on what we do. When we truly connect to one another via our essence, and focus on who we are and not what we do, the equalness and similarities are beautiful.
and it is that one lie Ariana, (that we are separate from God), that gives birth to all other lies.
My inclination is to eradicate all beliefs entirely, as they serve no purpose whatsoever other than to distort the truth.
The popularity of the book shows that how we’re looking for answers by observing behaviours outside and not look within. Men or women, expressing in our true essence do not have gender. This is something confirmed by Universal Medicine and teachings of Serge Benhayon. We’re all from within, neither Mars nor Venus! Thank you for sharing!
I find it interesting that we so often focus on what separates men and women however fundamentally underneath this the same thing separates us from ourselves.
Yes, we live in separate ways but underneath we are the same. Once we understand that our perspective is much broader and the differences become less important.
I love your sharing Alison – appreciation makes such a difference, and if we start with our selves first then it naturally flows over to others too and we can see them in their true light instead of what we chose to see before …
Hear hear – bringing it straight back to self-responsibility – exactly where it belongs.
Well said Fiona I fully agree. Living in connection with our selves first can only further and support that in another and when one comes together with the other, it can only be with the respect for the tenderness we all are equally so.
I love your blog Alexis, it is a great sharing for all that read it and opens the door to many conversations, thank you.
“Growing up in the 70’s in England, the differences between what the two sexes actually did was stark.” Yes no different anywhere else I would imagine, in Germany it would be the same. Maybe also one thing to remember is that we are still the post war generations and the women were at home while the men had to stuck it out at the front etc – and I guess they were expected to be hard and tough and not show their utter dismay and horror at what was asked of them and what they witnessed. So little was done to help these guys and mostly it was dealt with alcohol etc, and hence the next generation got the teaching that one had to be tough and so on and so forth. Time for change indeed, and it is absolutely awesome that these days and especially through the teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, there are ways and support for men to be fully supported in claiming their beautiful tender and gentle essence in full.
It is very inspiring to meet, get to know and walk alongside men who are living with their tenderness, sensitivity, openness and innate respect and care for women, knowing these to be strengths… and what it invites in me in terms of bringing my natural qualities as a woman to the fore… mutual qualities that we all express in unique ways but that ultimately offer us a return to the unity we are truly from.
All beliefs are purposefully set up to keep us from feeling our unity.
So, something to ponder on is how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?” – Our world as we know it would change as the interaction between all of humanity would be through tender and loving essence we all hold within and living this in full expression, things like war and violence will no longer have a place on this world…
What a comparison Alexis – “What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits. ” And you couldn’t have said it any clearer, as this paints quite a ‘picture’ ….
This is the epitome of healing: “When healing is true, then the false layers get stripped back and removed for good.” It is exactly so as I can also support this statement through my own experiences, because many of my issues have been healed over the last few decades and never have risen their faces again. In some the removal was so very obvious and instant – at times that left me astounded. These days, with my deeper understanding of our issues, the underlying causes, and the many layers that are to be unravelled, combined with acceptance of and full commitment to self-responsibility, true healing can and does occur instantly for people; no ‘healer’ ever has done the true healing so to speak but provided the space for it to occur naturally within ones self.
I love pulling out quotes from amazing blogs like this one and exploring deeper. My understanding of healing has deepened hugely since working with Universal Medicine and has come to be an ongoing unfolding that leads us beyond any physical symptoms to the patterns and choices that have led to imbalance in our lives; a forever relationship with life that takes us way beyond the alleviation of physical disease.
Yes, its like we just keep adding another belief to our pile, a pile that is smothering us and not letting us sense the truth and wisdom that is lying already within us and waiting to be connected to and lived.
When the science of reincarnation is able to be somehow proved to those who don’t feel it to be true, we will then all know we have been both man and woman over many life times proving the physical body is merely just that, physical.
Indeed Kev, our physical body is a carriage for the divine .
Believing that men and women are different is pronounced everywhere in society – which starts form a baby’s first days – in wearing certain colours for boys and others for girls. This gets perpetuated at home and more so in schools. Yet deep beneath our outward appearances we are all the same inside – tender, sensitive and loving souls.
Seeing that we are all equal from the essence that we each hold is a truly beautiful way to live. Thank you Alexis for this great and powerful writing.
There was also a fleeting moment in my life where I thought I would never be able to have a successful relationship with a man, but I did feel compelled to keep trying, and I did, but I would say after all of these years more of the true qualities of my husband are being revealed to me, of which I would never have attributed to a man. Things like tenderness, sensitivity, gentleness, generous and kind, loving, extremely playful – the list goes on. This I can attribute to him getting to know himself instead of what society says he should be and the appreciation we have for each other makes space for more true expression to emerge.
What I’m recently experiencing is the joy of sharing with men knowing (because I feel it) that we are the same, of course not physically, but yes in our quality. We all have been influenced by many external gender pictures, and maybe from our hurts we have developed some similar patterns, whether we as men or women. But when we go deeper and let our essence be seen and shared, the differences are really minimal, and we can find true equalness between us.
It’s so interesting, I bought this book, it sat on my shelves for years and I never read it, and a few years ago I just threw it away. Something just made me feel something is not true before my true understanding and connection that men and women are equal, they share the same qualities and tenderness.
I never read this book either, although I was very aware of its existence. It’s true, the title just didn’t make sense, and seemed to complicate things beyond what was needed. It seemed to create a problem. I was never drawn to read it.
Today working at the check out I noticed how many men are actually much more tender with themselves than the women are. We are always saying men are though and rough but women can be worse at times and not see the tenderness in men because as you said the belief is so strong but also because if men get tender where do the women have to go to, and what is the potential of love in the relationships we have? Massive! Maybe a tiny bit scary so we keep up the games but it is not worth it.
We have to ask ourselves why is it that we want to perpetuate these myths, when in truth we know we are all equal.
When we are connected we feel that the sensitivities that we share far outweigh any differences we may have.
It is crazy to think we have fallen for a myth such as this, but when we look back at history on a temporal level there is much to back it up. It is beautiful to know that this is not the case and the choice is ours not to run with it any more.
I remember reading this book when it came out too. I remember being fascinated by the apparent accuracy of its content. However, this was a book very much from the head and didn’t support a connection to my body. If it had it wouldn’t have made sense and would, therefore, have been obsolete. When we connect deeply to our innate stillness from the body we understand that there is no separation between each of us regardless of gender, race or religion. It simply isn’t possible to delineate between us in this way.
We try to separate the sexes with all of these pictures and ‘should’s, when actually we share so many qualities and we can all love the same.
What a disservice we do each other when we focus on gender and ignore the Being within, and then write books that cement the differences. When we learn to connect to and appreciate the essence of each other, we resurrect our genuinely complementary qualities and restore harmony to the world once more, as we each learn to express our deeply loving qualities appropriate to our gender, not in conflict with it.
Brilliantly said Ariana.
As I strip back the layers that are not true there has to be a knock on effect on those around me whether they are men or women. I begin to get to see the ‘real’ me and the what is true in another, that men and women are equal on the inside, no difference between us and this is a fact to embrace and live bringing men and women closer together and living the truth of who we are.
Beautiful, Alexis. Connecting to one other in our soulful essence gets rid of any notion of separation or difference.
These beliefs that are portrayed throughout society are so damaging to us all in perpetuating gender stereotypes, All many living anything other than the deep sensitivity and tenderness that they truly are, are also deeply hurt by the choices they have made to not be this in reaction to a world which rejected their true nature.
“So, something to ponder on is how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?” – agree.. and a planet or star in the cosmos would not differentiate from another planet or star in its majesty, so why would we as human beings reduce it to create a separation from what we can see clearly up there in the sky shining so very beautifully is part of the ultimate ‘one’.
It’s not just what is written on gender in self-help books, but the whole way we have of thinking who we are, as women and men is a huge deception that has smashed human kind through all our history. At moments we have come close to glimpsing and realising the knowing that we are not animals or the physical humans we think ourselves to be – but sparks of light all from the same source, multi dimensional beings designed to walk the earth and reimprint it with love, to spread our wings and go to the next star along, to heal and no longer require physical form, to live the love we are from. You don’t see this in any ‘life for dummies’ book but it’s what Universal Medicine and Serge Behayon consistently present and it feels true and makes complete sense to me. Thank you Alexis for seeing through these gender lies to encompass our original beauty.
The only true difference between males and females is the way we express our gender, in essence we are the same spark of light and sacredness.
Beautiful Harrison you have put it so simply ‘in essence we are the same spark of light and sacredness’.
Oh this is such a lovely way to describe all of us – “… in essence we are the same spark of light and sacredness.” I am deeply moved …
Love can dissolve all ideals and beliefs. There is no need to and in fact we cannot strip anyone’s ideals that we have chosen to believe, but when we express from love and as the loving beings that we are, and that we all are, then this “essence” so to speak will touch another because we all have them. Women do not need to and cannot change the ideas of men that we are equal to them by action, but when we simply be ourselves not holding back and not pushing, then men simply feel a respect to us, which in truth they are also feeling the respect to themselves.
It feels to me that buying into the idea that ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ fosters a sense of contracting into those games that are played between men and women of “You just don’t understand me” or “Why aren’t you getting what I’m saying?…We are worlds apart ” (pun intended). This is a way to shrug the responsibility we have in relationships to take the time and energy to really connect with people and honour them deeply instead and its a way of staying with these antics of blaming the opposite sex as if they are aliens or something, when in truth we are more like two sides of the same coin.
Such great insight Michael.
Very true Michael. Such stories justify and engrain the various gender games played, and excuse us from the care required in observing, assessing the harm and doing something about it.
Spot on Michael -and these games just further the separation. I like it how you describe men and women are just two sides of the same coin – it brings it home clearly that a coin is a coin, and essence is essence and there is no difference, and everything else is just like you say, shifting responsibility and creating hurtful games that serve no one.
It seems that we have used criticism of each other to make ourselves feel more confident, and when we can appreciate each other as equals we can let go of competition and comparison and allow space for the natural harmony that is always there.
Beliefs are hugely powerful in the moulding of our lives, most of what we see in the outside world is run by beliefs, which has nothing to do with who we truly are, but to our detriment we believe this is who we are. Our healing process is lifting off these layers one by one so that our real true essence can be revealed.
When we open up to the fact of reincarnation we realise then that we have been both men and women throughout our many, many lives. This removes the mystique and separation between the sexes for we understand that we are all the same in our essence and that we simply express different qualities depending on which gender we have incarnated into. Our Soul is genderless.
It is very inspiring to look beyond this realm of life and understand the cycle of reincarnation… it inspires me to see our similarities and togetherness, rather than our differences.
John Gray’s book flew off the bookshelves left right and centre, there was clearly a demand for a story that supported what we wanted confirmed; that we are different, that we have to work at understanding these differences. Yet the truth is we are, and always will be, the same in essence – and can understand and relate to one another from this unifying understanding.
Our essence never changes and this is what we truly need to understand, doesn’t matter how we look, what gender we have our essence is there, all loving and tender.
This is a great blog Alexis, one that I feel all men and women would be well advised to read! You have opened up my eyes and I am sure many others will feel the same. It has never made sense that we all come from the same species yet we’re as alike as chalk and cheese! How could this be. Serge Benhayon’s presentations of the Ageless Wisdom helps us see the truth.
Alexis, I agree; ‘any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits.’ introducing toughness and hardness to tender boys is pure poison.
I remember reading this book in 1992 and being so depressed and a little confused as inside I’d felt men and women, in their essence were no different, I didn’t, as a woman have to relate to a man as if he were from another plant. I so appreciate meeting men and women who have begun healing themselves and letting go of the false layers through Universal Medicine presentation as these men and women have restored my trust as to what we are all about. I don’t assume it’s natural for women to inflict jealousy on each other or men to only relate to women from sexual energy. And because I have experienced loving relationships between the two genders outside of any intimate relationship I now see how this is possible and often happens with anyone I meet.
It is always damaging and belittling to put anyone in a pigeon hole. We are all immensely aware, sensitive, loving and multi-dimensional beings, who at times have chosen to act out of character to our true essence. To give justification to these wayward adopted traits and treat them as conditions out of our control with whatever outlandish story whether it is this Mars & Venus story and other claims is simply irresponsible and damaging.
The book was a huge best-seller which (excuse me for stating the obvious) means that millions of people bought it. Why? Is it possible that it is far less challenging to align to the belief that men and women are irreconcilably different, rather than having the honesty and fragility to open ourselves up to the divine essence of each sex which we all carry and all need to support our full evolution?
The distance between Venus and Mars is 74,402,987 miles and yet I feel the essence of a man and a woman inside my own body; the ‘distance’ between them is zero miles – fact.
Awesome fact! Puts it right on the spot and shows clearly there is no difference in our essence.
It is such a damaging belief, it gives permission for the lack of understanding and the acceptance and justification of a myth that we are so different when we are not! Your blog has struck so many chords with me and how I saw the world, what a waste all that time feeling less and resentful has been.
It is interesting how the grandness and the truth of the universe with all it’s stars and suns is bastardized by the title of this book.