From the moment a baby boy is born he is only after one thing. Maybe his parents will cradle him in their arms and hold him to their chests, appreciating his delicateness and warmth. Maybe he will be safe and loved, honoured in his perfect imperfection, or perhaps he will be left to cry alone, born addicted to drugs or into a million other less than desirable scenarios: it won’t change what he is after though, because he’s only after one thing.
Within days he might be given his first football jersey, if not it’s almost certain that he will be dressed in blue. If he’s lucky it might be a year or two before someone tells him to ‘man up’ and stop crying. He will learn to wipe away his tears and soon enough he will learn to hold it all inside. He will do what he needs to do because he’s only after one thing.
He might hold on to his sensitivity for a while. You will see it when he caresses a newborn baby’s face, tenderly tucks his teddy bear in or cries when his favourite cartoon character faces a tough moment. If he does manage to hold onto his sensitivity it won’t be long before he starts being asked to change. He will hear the words ‘mummy’s boy,’ ‘baby,’ ‘soft’ and ‘sensitive,’ and because he is so sensitive he will know that none of these words is a compliment. He will look to the men in his life to find out how to be in this world because he only wants one thing.
When he goes to school he will learn to play the class clown, the good student, the sportsman or the troublemaker. When he shows his sensitive side he might hear new words; words like ‘gay,’ ‘sissy,’ ‘pussy,’ ‘wuss.’ He won’t even need his sensitivity to know that these words mean trouble this time. If he’s smart he will start calling other boys these names – the openly sensitive ones may even find their faces in contact with his fists. Either way, he will find a way through because he’s only after one thing.
Puberty arrives. His voice breaks, it is time to “be a man.” Girls are interesting again for a whole new host of reasons. Pornography is old news as it is more than likely that he has seen it all before. If he feels attracted to women he may find the world of sex and stimulation exciting and if he has already sensed that ‘gay’ is not a slur but a label for his natural way of expressing in relationship he may struggle to come to terms with it all. Either way he is only after one thing.
He or his partner might struggle with body image. He may look to sports’ stars or celebrities to inform him of his worth and standing. Life is a competition that he is subconsciously choosing to win or lose. He will stoically face the stresses of everyday life, arguments, jobs, money, family. If he cracks he will try to keep it on the down low. If things get really bad he will end it all rather than open up and talk about it. The world has already made it clear that his natural sensitivity is something to be ashamed of and after all, he’s only after one thing.
The more I get to know men and boys, the more I see how deeply tender and sensitive they are. I have spent much of my life despairing over the fact that men seemed to be “after only one thing”… until I began to realise that men are after the same thing that every woman is after.
I now have men in my life that have reconnected to their divine essence. These men respect their natural sensitivity; they cry when they feel sad and they express how they feel. They have shown me what a true man is.
The presence of these men in my life has been deeply healing and eye opening to say the least. As the realisation of the true sensitivity of men comes to light, the horror of the competition, war, greed and violence that is very much a part of our false construction of modern masculinity is exposed for the lie that it is. It is time we started to appreciate the true power of men who can express their great love and sensitivity because in truth, we all want only one thing.
To live truly free to express the love that we are.
By Leonne Sharkey, Melbourne
Further Reading:
Sensitive – We All Are It
Raising Boys
A letter to my Son
483 Comments
Men and women of whatever persuasion are indeed only ever after one thing – to be met for who they truly are and to love and be loved. Everything else is just an aberration, in the many guises and with the varying shades of ugliness and cruelty that they come with.
Leonne thank you for sharing, your experience, it is deeply healing and inspiring to hear it from both sides and views. To understand and appreciate the tenderness all men and boys is so important.
What everyone most wants is to be who they are, and to be loved for who they are, regardless of gender. Knowing that we can give this love to ourselves, first, and then learning to live that way, starts to slowly dissolve the need for it to be sought from anywhere outside of us.
Beautifully said. Yes if we deny men what they most want, it is not surprising that they look for something else as a substitute.
Awesome title to the blog Leonne – “Men are only after one thing” – with the conditioning in our society, the first thought that comes to our heads is often, ‘yes they are after sex’, but I love how you have given this a completely different spin, and shown how really that is not what they truly crave, that instead it is to be love and to be loved and allowed full expression.
Yes and it shows how warped away from the truth we have strayed as men, as women, as a society. Give me a tender, sensitive man that expresses true love any day! I love it when a man expresses from his sensitivity…so so beautiful to feel…I simply melt inside and out.
OMG this is sooooo gorgeous and true – we are all only after one thing and it is so simple and yet so rarely lived. Yesterday I heard a snippet from parliament on the radio where one MP was repeatedly shouting at another ‘you are just a wuss’ – it was ugly and sad to hear this kind of expression and what we have allowed in our society and even consider “normal” these days.
Men are super sensitive, and they are super tender, deep within. Sadly though our world does not encourage this nor does it foster this in any way, and so it is for a boy to be born with this, then learn to be a different way in the world, to then one day perhaps un-learn this tough exterior and allow what always was within to be let out. And what a celebration when this does happen.
This is so true Leonne, it is the thing we all crave most, being either a man or a woman, as gender matters not to the Soul: “To live truly free to express the love that we are.”
Well said Leonne – great blog. I love what you say here “until I began to realise that men are after the same thing that every woman is after.” It reminds us all that we are the same.
Very true Jane and Leonne, and as we are all looking for Love then is it possible we are all facing the same situation because in our previous incarnation we were that woman who is now a man or vice versa?
That’s right Jane, we are all the same and we all want the same thing, to be love but so much in our world is trying to steer us the opposite way.
I think this is one of the many reasons people drink and smoke and eat bad food.. I have recently asked my mother for an old photo of me at 2-3 years old. Where has that true divine boy gone? I also asked for a letter about my upbringing and my mother’s past hurts .
I always had a sensitive side to me but like you said got shut down from a young age.
Now after level two healing that sensitive divine boy has been restored, being around other people’s openness, love and vulnerability has opened my heart up more and more..
This is beautiful, Paul, I am finding that being around tender and sensitive men helps me to feel more of the woman I am and I feel that I can trust and be more open in all my relationships.
Thank you for this sharing Leonne – it brings a very honest look at how we have pigeonholed men and we keep them in that place. I also now know men who show how they feel and talk about how they feel, and the relationship flourishes because of this. It is a hugely different experience for me to honour these men for their sensitivity and at the same time a massive reflection for me as a woman to go deeper with my sensitivity.
The sensitivity of men can be a slow dawning of realisation – even to men themselves it would seem, such is the horrendous imposition placed on boys to live to an image that possibly resembles nothing of their innate essence.
There is nothing more heart melting than a man who openly expresses his sensitivity.
I love how you break down the ideal that men are only after one thing… I also wonder isn’t it something we feel as women comfortable with so we don’t have to be more truly intimate together because we think every gesture of a man is to have sex with you when there was actually the intention to deeply love you?
When we are born we all just want one thing to be loved for who we are (not for what we do or don’t do!), no matter whether you are a boy or a girl.
My life story summed up in a beautifully written blog. Yes it is true for most men there is almost no way you can turn without feeling your sensitivity crushed by the world around you. That is until you start to realise you do not need to react to the world but rather observe its harmful wayward ways and then the sensitivity becomes something you no longer need to fight or hide but rather becomes your greatest asset to being aware of what is truly going on around you.
‘We all only want the same thing…… to live truly free to express the love that we are’. Right on the button Leonne. Thankyou forthis awesome blog.
Yes, men are only after one thing, but we have had no true role models to hang on to the thing we want most, to be accepted for what and who we are.
Deep down we know we are sensitive, incredibly loving beings. We just need someone to reflect that that is all we need to be in the world.
Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for presenting truth so that I can claim myself as the man I always knew I am.
Now it is my responsibility to bring that to the world, to support children to hold onto what they know is right, that all they need to do is be themselves.
Well said Ken. Serge Benhayon has been, and is, the most defining and inspiring role model to show the way of a true man for both men and women.
We should ask ourselves why the word sensitive is not a compliment for a man (and even for a women it is often used in the meaning of weak and soft ‘don’t be so sensitive’). Why is it not normal to be a sensitive and tender man. True Leonne, ‘It is time we started to appreciate the true power of men who can express their great love and sensitivity because in truth, we all want only one thing.’
Beautifully written – in a world with shockingly high levels of suicides in men, it is time we took a good long look at what we hold up to be a model of masculinity and how much this might be shutting men down to all that they really feel and would like to express.
I love how delicately you have exposed the pressure men experience to be anything other than their true sensitive, tender and loving essence. The love and honouring in the article is gorgeous. Hear hear.
A beautiful writing Leonne – yes it is, true men are deeply sensitive and hold an innate quality of tenderness that we all need to be aware of and then celebrate the great love in expression that is possible once more.
“It is time we started to appreciate the true power of men who can express their great love and sensitivity because in truth, we all want only one thing”.
Thank you for this Leonne – you are spot on. Sensitivity is a gift to be embraced and appreciated, not a weakness to be crushed and protected from. The connection to our senses and to our body as a whole, gives us access to wisdom that can change lives and worlds. Telling our young people to toughen up and become hard simply creates ‘insensitive’ beings. Is that what we really want?
Absolutely agree Richard that sensitivity is to be celebrated and nurtured as a great strength not something to be suppressed or hidden as a weakness.
It is so not funny how far away our image of a true sensitive man is. Lots of men do not want to show their sensitivity because of being called all those names you describe Leonne, but as a few men emerge as role models, men are starting to step out of the shadows and show their true tenderness. All we all want is to return to the connection to our inner selves.
This describes clearly how strong the ideals are that we have of a man (and woman), that we grow up to be someone that we are not.
What a great blog Leonne and what a huge responsibility we have to nurture the true essence of each and every child that comes into our life enabling them to live fully and to express the love that they truly are in all that they do.
Expressing who we truly are is the one thing we are all after. Teaching and reflecting this both at home and in our schools would, over time, go a long way towards reducing the stress and anxiety which many of us, especially men, live with in today’s world.
It is a crying shame that we have created a way of living that means men don’t feel safe to show sensitivity, as if we were to discuss it openly it would be obvious that being sensitive and staying respectful of this as a quality is quite a feat in a world that expects men to be anything but this.
This is true Stephen. I was brought up in a household with all girls except for my dad and I still reached adulthood with the beliefs that men should not cry or show their sensitivity. Which as women makes us very hard towards the men in our life. Is it any wonder men struggle to know how to be in this world.
So beautiful to read your expression here Leonne, and bringing honour to a man’s true self that we don’t often see because of all of those things you describe and more. There is so much that can come from a man in his natural tenderness and sensitivity and it’s about time that we encouraged this divine beauty within men to come out once again.
Wow, beautiful article Leonne which describes men in their true nature – caring, tender and beholding of their love.
Absolutely Harrison, to meet a man that allows himself to be like you describe: caring, tender and beholding of love is a healing for everyone, both men and women.
Thank you Leonne for this absolutely gorgeous blog. I agree, we are all after one thing (love) but I see so many people, including myself avoiding it. But it is time for us all ‘to live truly free to express the love that we are.’
I have found what you share is true Leonne, the more I get to know men who have re-connected to their essence, their absolute tender ways of being, the more the falsehood shows up of how we have asked men to be in the world.
The more a woman can return to her essence the more permission there is for men to do so too. I was at a sound workshop with Chris James not so long ago and the small group of men there inspired the women profoundly – raising the bar on where we can get to. They were wholly themselves – expressive, joyful, sensitive and tender – no shame, no hardness, no apology. To meet one man who is not afraid to show the world who he is, is gold. To meet a group of men all doing the same is simply healing.
I agree Michelle, being in the company of men who make no apologies for their sensitivity, tenderness and playfulness is incredibly touching and yes, healing too. They even show up, how we as women can harden with protection and there are greater layers of tenderness we too, can go to.
I know a lot of women think that men are only after one thing – I think it’s sad and I feel like we need to be asking as women if this is a situation we have equally contributed to. I am also quite sure there are men out there who say the same thing about women. But the fact is when we engage with each other on this level and we don’t endeavour to understand what’s really going on, we are missing out on the richness and the care and the potential of what’s possible in our relationships.
Well said Meg
I agree Meg it is time to stop the blame game and battle of the sexes and actually all take responsibility for the situation and work together to build the type of relationships we all want and desperately miss.
‘the blame game and battle of the sexes’ yes Andrew, why are we battling against each other when we are all the same in essence and all want the same, to be accepted and appreciated for sensitive beings we are and have relationships built on this.
I agree Meg and if we, as women, believe that men are only after one thing, then it has reduced the possibility of a true relationship to only this; a superficial one, one that will inevitably end up being about only one thing – and it won’t be Love.
How many life-times have we repeated this pattern? Times they are a-changing, for all!
Love the expression Steve, but someone has already played that tune and it is time to revive our inner-heart!
Beautifully said Meg, how have we as women contributed to this. What have we asked of our fathers, sons, partners, friends? Who and what have we asked them to be? And, if we find ourselves saying ‘men are only after one thing’ then what have we offered them as a reflection… have we reminded them who they are by not playing into the limiting beliefs and ideals that are out there.
Really great points Aimee. Since reading this blog I have become much more aware of my relationship with men.
So beautifully said Meg. It is true of both sexes, we all play the same game. And it is exactly that – a game. We are indeed missing out on “the richness and the care and the potential of what’s possible in our relationships.”
Love your blog Leonne, it is true we are all after one thing, to freely express the love that we are., but over time we have accepted less than true love and have created a society we have now, which is no longer based on expressing love but our emotional neediness, and this has been the demise of both men and women by no longer honouring what we all do know deep within, that we come from love and love is our natural way
Brilliantly put Alison, we all do know deep within the essence that we are.
Beautifully shared – to be held in their innate tenderness and sensitivity is all that is asked and then what we are offered from men is beyond words to the levels of deep love and understanding they express naturally from within.
We are missing out on connection to ourselves and each other by living up to ideals and beliefs that have nothing to do with who we truly are.
Yes and the more we continue to make them part of our everyday expression the more we are offered the opportunity to truly connect and having loving and open conversations with each other that are not treasured rare moments but every movement in our lives.
There are so many imposed rules and restrictions on how young men are socialised growing up. On top of that there are cultural expectations too. The bottling up that happens rather than talking about what’s really going on is contributing directly to the alarming rise in male suicides. This is an issue we all need to talk about.
The false construction of masculinity has resulted in a world where violence, war and many other horrors are an everyday reality. It is in everyone’s best interest to support men to be who they truly are.
So true Leonne. What a dire insult it is to their immense fragility, forcing men to directly oppose the immense love inside them. No wonder so many soldiers, policemen and the like suffer from post-traumatic stress due to their jobs. The writing is on the wall in big capital letters and it is such an inspiration to personally know men who are not only reading the messages, but bringing this immense sensitivity and love back to life again.
When we have conversations that calls out their true expression there is often a silence and a deep knowing from all that is felt far deeper than before.
Beautiful Leonne, it is so powerful the forces that try to suppress this very simple and basic need to be ourselves.
This is beautiful – I was brought up with the ‘men are only after one thing’ approach but I like the twist ‘It is time we started to appreciate the true power of men who can express their great love and sensitivity because in truth, we all want only one thing.’
Yes and funnily enough we all already ARE the one thing we want!!!
So True Nicola, it is us who gets in the way of the one thing we all want!!!!
And we are absolute stubborn masters at getting in the way. I will see if this struggle accounts for the levels of exhaustion that plague our planet, it takes a lot of energy fighting what you already are.
Yes, it is time we truly started to honour the sensitivity of boys and men. The fact that we haven’t has meant a lot of contraction and abuse for us all, both for men and women. Having worked with so many boys in my teaching career I know to the bone how sensitive and gorgeous boys are in essence. When we don’t nurture seedlings they wither and die. It really is no wonder we are seeing the outplay of this lack of love in behaviours that are far from acceptable and yet in our denial of our innate sensitivity (both men and women) we have accepted loveless, abusive behaviour as the norm, so much so that we can dismiss an entire gender with all the awesome tenderness that they are and richness they bring, claiming that men only want one thing. Indeed have men been allowed to express in any other way and how can we judge, criticise, reject, condemn or dismiss men as a consequence? It is up to all of us to support our kids to know their essence, to appreciate it in full so that they can express naturally and with ease, unafraid of being who they are with no sense of shame or of having to keep parts of themselves hidden just in case those vulnerable bits get stomped on!
‘Men are after the same thing that every woman is after’ – love. Great call Leonne.
‘I have spent much of my life despairing over the fact that men seemed to be “after only one thing”… until I began to realise that men are after the same thing that every woman is after.’ – Yes, we all crave love and connection but get so ingrained in our protective behaviors that we forget we are innately love and are innately sensitive and that connection is very simple.