I read an article recently where the writer spoke about how as teens, he and his mates viewed and judged women; either as a possible sexual conquest, or, on the other hand, as not being attractive enough to warrant their sexual attention, and so looked upon these women as not good enough and someone to tease. Therefore, in my experience, for many people, both men and women, sexual energy is being used as a way of connecting to a person – or a way of putting a person down.
From what he wrote I know that this writer no longer looks at women in this way. I can feel in his writing that he now sees us women for the beautiful and powerful people we truly are. He is now simply seeing us as people, not someone to look down upon, or think that we are in any way less than men. This is truly inspiring. Reading what he exposed about how this sexual energy was for him, has opened a wound of my own.
Sexual Tension: My Relationship with Men
You see, as a teenager I enjoyed male company, but I always felt that there was an element of sexual tension in any interaction and relationship with men; therefore I felt that I could not actually deepen any friendships with men, as to me that meant that you had to ‘go there’ (sexually) with them.
Now it would be easy to say that the sexual energy and tension was all coming from the males in my life, but it wasn’t. I can remember actively encouraging this attention from the males that I was interested in. And I can also remember ‘feeling good’ if they showed a sexual interest in me. However, I always ran a mile straight after feeling this. But what about in my relationships with men when I felt this attention from a male that I wasn’t interested in? Then it felt dirty, sleazy, imposing and made me feel in some way inferior. To be honest, I also felt this way even when I felt this sexual energy coming from a man I was interested in.
So I sat with this for a while and asked the question: why did I actively seek this attention? What is it about me that actually let this sexual energy into my body?
Sexual Imposition: Not Feeling Good Enough
The awareness that has come to me is that I didn’t feel I was good enough. I was looking for some sort of marker that I was good enough and yet the kicker… every time that I felt this type of attention for a split second I felt “yeah, I am good enough”, only to then have that energy inside of me making me feel dirty, sleazy and slutty, to then have myself believe that this is what I was (dirty, sleazy, slutty). It dropped me to a further depth in the belief that I was not good enough.
Wow!… as I write this I am beginning to realise just how much this has affected me in the way I have lived my life.
I can feel now that every time I found myself in a male’s company – whether it be friend, relative, acquaintance, essentially any male company – my body hardened into a protective, ‘ready to defend’ stance, and this is then how I interacted with the male. It hurts to say, but as a result of not feeling good enough I never actually saw any man as another human being, someone to simply love, but as someone who was going to in some way sexually impose on me.
I now take full responsibility for the sexual imposition that I placed on the men as well… because it was an imposition to actively seek sexual attention from them. I can now also see where this energy has played out with my female friends; how it has fostered competition and comparison in my interaction with women.
Taking Full Responsibility and Choosing Love
It is very humbling to watch this sexual energy play out in everyday life and to take full responsibility for having played into it. It is also very empowering to now be able to feel it, nominate it, and to choose to not be a part of it.
Now, as I reclaim the beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman that I am, I can feel that my relationships with men and my interaction with men and women is changing; it is becoming simple, accepting and honouring for both them and myself. I can now feel an equality and I no longer feel inferior to men. As I expose the ‘not good enough’ energy and now walk in my tenderness and love and deepen this tenderness and love in my life every day, I can now truly enjoy the company of people, both males and females.
If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and my choice to change the way I was living.
By Leigh Strack, Eungella, QLD
This blog originated as a comment inspired by the blog: To Be a True Man: My Journey of Choices, Responsibility & Freedom
872 Comments
Such truth in your blog about what lies behind sexual undertones. Not feeling good enough sure has a lot to answer for in the way we establish relationships – with both males and females. So it’s great to read how you now have more equality and true tenderness with people just from a position of accepting and honouring all you truly are. So powerful.
Thank you Cathy, I am beginning to truly see how important it is to claim where I am now and not let old behaviors or beliefs cloud this in any way. It is so beautiful to be fully accepting me.
Leigh, I absolutely felt all that same stuff only instead of running from men I tended to give up… give myself up to them, which perpetuated the feeling ‘not good enough’ cycle big time! I find it very healing to read your article because every time something helps me look deeper into my patterns with men I have been able to let go of more that kept that old way going. I am finding it much easier to feel that I am enough and I don’t need anyone to “prove” it to me.
How beautiful Jo. Something I felt recently for myself is how powerless I feel when I am constantly looking for confirmation outside of myself. A great awareness for me and very profound to feel. A very humbling experience, as it revealed to me how truly powerful I am. Something that I am beginning to tenderly and lovingly claim.
Leigh, I had the exact same realisation recently, when I discovered I was still looking outside of myself (needing approval/attention) and that it was crippling me and my relationship. Like you said, it was very humbling AND showed me the other choice I can make to be in my power and feel/claim the love I am. Just seeing my neediness with honesty, has lifted an all encompassing weight off that I have carried for 30 years!
Here here Jo. I know exactly what you mean.
Wow, what clarity. Mad how we seek something and then when we actually get it we run a mile. I feel this holds true for many situations, but this one’s a biggy and one which runs prevalent through so many of us until we really feel that we need not look for anything outside of ourselves.
Your blog has been a real expose for me and the way I have interacted with men and like others have commented I can feel that my interactions were all coming from a place of ‘not being good enough’ and not a place where I was expressing truly and allowing others to see and feel that.
I can remember being aware that I found it difficult to build a true friendship with a man and then accepted that as the way it was without feeling into whether I may be able to change that by my approach – I became a powerless victim of how I felt the world was set up to be – and yet, there was also a little glimmer within, that would tell me that it would be so simple to change all of this. It is so awesome to have now found a way to build on this little glimmer and to make it into something that is becoming grand and glorious.
Glimmer to full on fire – I love it. You so know that you are a beautiful, powerful woman. Don’t hold this back or hide it any more.
Wow Leigh, amazing article, thank you for writing this. I have felt this sexual energy with male friends too and it’s great that you write about this because it makes me aware that I thought that would always be there and that it wasn’t possible to have friendships with men without it. It’s great for me to take responsibility for my part in this, it feels very inspiring that ‘you now feel an equality’ and that you can now enjoy ‘the company of people, both males and females.’
Thanks Rebecca, it is certainly very freeing being able to be in a mans company and be my self. I am finding it much easier to communicate and I feel safe now to express more openly.
Thank you Ariana, it certainly does.
What a great blog about something we have all encountered in our lives both men and women. I agree with the other comments that this topic should be discussed more often and more widely. I love the way you described how sexual energy works both ways. Basically it feels like a battle for control and a game that we all play to pretend we are having relationships but really there is little true connection or equality. I also appreciated the simple way you have developed a way to end this game, by taking responsibility just to be yourself in all of your relationships.
Great insight Andrew that sexual energy affects everyone.
Well said Andrew.
Thank you Andrew, yes this subject should be discussed more. I guess that is up to all of us to not shy away when the moment is presented in our lives this will bring more love to all of our relationships. Not just our close intimate ones.
Taking responsibility and just being ourselves in all that we do is a great way to end any games we can be tempted to play. It also presents the opportunity for any one else around you to make the same choice.
What inspires me about this blog is the level of responsibility that you are taking (irrespective of whether it is to do with sexual energy or the zillion other things at play in our lives). The dedication and commitment to take your responsibility for your part in this is amazing. That is such a beacon for the whole of humanity.
Thank you Otto,
Absolutely agree Otto.
What a great article Leigh, what you are describing so clearly and honestly in your blog is something I can for sure relate to. Thank you for sharing.
What a blog, seriously. I have been waiting for one like this for a long time and you have really nailed it with this one. What a healing, I almost felt a sense of joy in reading this because it made me think well yeah you can be friends with males and not let it go any less than just love. You’ve really aced it with this one.
Hi Rhiannon, Thank you.
My feelings exactly Rhiannon!
Lovely blog Leigh and it’s very cool (by reading the comments) you have almost written a response to the other writers call…very beautiful. What stands out for me is how open you are and through your commitment have been able to achieve this level of awareness. It’s truly inspirational.
I agree Phil. It’s so stunning. And it’s amazing as a man to read this. The space and clarity and grace that this brings is very special. And what I can really feel is that by you (Leigh) taking full responsibility for your part it actually inspires the other to do the same. Because, in truth, we all want to, we all know the game we are playing and we are all desperate to take off these masks and reveal the true tenderness and gorgeousness that is innate in all of us. I know I am! And what I love about what you are doing is that I can actually feel the pull, I can feel the invitation, I can feel the open door and the ultra accepting “Welcome” mat on the threshold. So you are not just healing your own path, you are actively and very powerfully inviting others to do the same. Pretty cool.
Very true. An awesome beautiful and deep response Otto to Leigh’s truly amazing honest and open blog, on a topic which is so much needed to heal and be cleared so we can relate again in true and pure innocence like we did as little children. Where there was no notion of separation between boys and girls – just beautiFul beings meeting each other truly, playing together and enjoying each others company.
Sarah this is so true. You have expressed it so beautifully it brought a tear to my eyes.
Hear hear Sarah and Otto, very cool and beautifully expressed. Only yesterday I saw two little 3 year olds, a boy and girl naturally reaching for each other and holding hands as they played and the innocence, joy and connection they were emanating was gorgeous. By letting down any guard I’ve had or wanting anything from another and just being me in full and meeting another there, I have been experiencing natural and joyful connections with men for the first time and it’s beautiful. An inspiring read Leigh thank you.
Thank you Phil
Dear Otto, I deeply appreciate what you have written. Your words are very humbling and are also inviting me to be more of who I am. Thank you
Otto. Beautifully said.
This reads like poetry, Otto, you say it how it is, but with absolute warmth and power..
Thanks for sharing your story Leigh. It’s truly a special thing to experience relationships with those of the opposite gender free of undercurrents of sexual energy and emotional needs.
Definitely Ryan, it is beautiful to experience.
Yes Ryan it is.
Inspiring writing thank you Leigh. Lots to ponder on, very open honest and a great subject to bring up and learn from.
Hi Tricia, Thank you, it is inspiring for me too.
Thank you Leigh for the honesty with which you share and I can so relate to not feeling good enough and how that governed my behaviour. I have just come back from a singing and expression retreat run by Chris James from Sounds Wonderful where the equality between the male and female participants was so palpable and lovely to feel. The beauty of being with a group of men and women without comparison was so healing and supportive for me and has changed my outlook on all relationships.
Hi Helen, feeling the equality you describe certainly does reveal much about how many live today and don’t choose it. Having felt it and lived it, you can now bring it into your life. For me, the more I bring equality the more open I am and the more comfortable others are with me.
What a great article to share Leigh – so honest and much needed. I know this sexual energy so well. When I was young and became aware that guys where interested in me sexually it made me feel needed and wanted. It gave me a feeling of power albeit briefly. Of course the sad undercurrent of this was that I never felt good enough and this was a desperate way to gain some attention to fill the huge void I felt. When I realised I had something that guys wanted then I made full use of it. It saddens me still to feel the depth of my self loathing that I would treat myself and others in this way. In recent years I have felt my true Self-worth and am re-claiming the Love that I am which has brought awareness and healing. I know that this was/is a very manipulative energy that I let and I too take responsibility for that. For me, nominating this behaviour and how it’s affected me and others has been the way forward. I now choose appreciation which is totally awesome!
Dear Heather, It is a huge step going from what you experienced in your teens to living the beautiful woman you are now. Something that I know I don’t do enough for me, but I am today… is truly appreciating where I have come from and where I am today…. this is to be celebrated.
Heather this is what I did too. I made full use of this power to get what I needed. Recently I have allowed myself to nominate, feel and admit the extent of the manipulation. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted to admit this and it has opened the way for deeper levels of healing. It has been very freeing.
Such an honest article and it brings back a lot of what I felt as a man when I was a teenager. The debasing energy that you reveal is an issue that needs to be discussed more openly so that both males and females can understand what can lie in their relationships with others and “move to choose not to be part of it” as you so beautifully say.
Hi Michael, The more open we are with ourselves the more issues like this one will be revealed and talked about. It is up to us all to reveal them and discuss them when they arise. When we do this we offer an opportunity of healing for all.
Great blog Leigh, I agree with Kevin that the energies you mention are very prevalent in our society and on the most part quite insidious. Having articles like this one will bring this subject to the fore and present an opportunity for men and women to look at how they interact with each other.
Thank you for sharing Leigh. People often shy away from talking about this yet it is soo prevalent in society. The games men and women play with each other are abusive, even though many shrug them off as being ‘normal’ and ‘ok’, they should not be accepted.
Hi James,
Yes we do play an insidious game and yes it is an abuse. What I find inspiring is that there are now hundreds if not thousands of people that no longer say yes to this abuse, but are actively choosing a more loving way to interact and connect with people, you being one of these people.
Very true James.
Amazing Leigh, its so true, so many of our relationships are established on sexual energy and I know for one that throughout my 20’s and 30’s it formed a strong barometer in my friendships with men. I used it to give myself value and more disappointingly, to measure myself against other women. How amazing now to be seeing and recognising it for what it truly is, an imposing energy that turns people into objects and how with this awareness, we can alter the basis of our relationships. What a relief to no longer measure self worth, friendships and the value of another person through this insidious veil.
This is a great and honest exposure Leigh, thank you for sharing with such clarity.
Thank you Leigh
Thank you for shining a light on the sexual nature of so many of the interactions between men and women. I can feel how in the past I have gone into many interactions with women bringing an undercurrent of sexual energy. I can recall having a bit of an ‘ah-ha!’ moment with a girlfriend when I realised that nearly every time I even touched her there was a sexual intent or expectation behind it, instead of a connection with someone I loved. We have at this point in time got some serious societal issues around the objectification of both men and women, and it would be easy to point the finger at television and advertising as being the culprits behind the over sexualisation of our interactions today. While they definitely do play a large part in how people see one another, it is too easy to just say that it is all the media’s fault or all pornography’s fault. These are just things, and as things can’t really take the blame or hold responsibility for the ways we choose to treat one another. The responsibility lies with us and how we choose to treat one another, whether we decide to see another as a person who is deserving of being treated with respect, care and love, or do we see them as something there for our own personal gratification, to own or ogle? What you have exposed here, Leigh, is huge. Awesome!
Great point Naren in terms of taking responsibility. We have indeed all created the hyper sexualised society that we live in.
Dear Naren, You have just taken my blog to another level, thank you, when you say that the responsibility lies with us and how we choose to live with love and respect for all (including ourselves) or not. This is so completely true, thank you for taking this conversation deeper and for outing again that we are all responsible for what we choose.
Great comments Naren, like most things in life its very easy to pass the blame, in this case TV, media, pornography etc, but it is still our choice how we treat another. As always it comes down to whether we are prepared to take full responsibility or making it someone else’s issue.
It’s true Naren, we know when we are manipulating someone for what ever reason and that we can choose to or not. There is also a point when the other person senses they are being used and decides to go along with it for their own reasons. The games we play!
This is an amazing article Leigh thank you – and I love what you have added Naren. This is a huge topic, and I feel that underneath almost all interactions between men and women is a sexual undertone, it is inspiring how clearly you have seen this and chosen something different for yourself. I agree that we have a responsibility to treat both ourselves and everyone else with love, respect, and care, rather than use them for personal gratification or to cover and fill holes in ourselves, because we have not first taken the responsibility to deeply care and honour ourselves and to take responsibility in our actions.
Well said Meg, with tenderness, love and a constant commitment to this responsibility there is a natural flow on effect.
So true Naran, we have chosen it for ourselves and it is not something that is forced upon us. It is everywhere around because we choose to not stop it. When we are able to become honest about the fact that we allow for it from our own emptiness, we can start to stop it by building on the fullness of ourselves.
Thanks Leigh, I can relate to everything you have written and it is great to shed some light on this often hidden topic. I remember for years having those same feelings but I was too ashamed to talk about it. I also had a mistrust of men and I feel this is due to spending a lot of time around my fathers drinking buddies when I was young; I remember feeling that sexual energy, comments and leering.
I can also relate to the being not worthy and using sexual energy to get what I want, but these days I am feeling more equal and enjoy a different relationship with men.
Dear Julie, What you have shared here has actually opened an old wound of mine and I didn’t realise until now, reading your comment how much of my experience has affected me. Especially the fact that it has been a trigger to put myself down, to believe that I am not good enough. I thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. Reading your comment has allowed a much deeper healing for me. Thank you.
You’re right Julie; consumption of alcohol or being ‘drunk’ can often go hand in hand with sexual energy, assault and leering. Studies show that in 1 in 3 sexual assault cases the perpetrator was intoxicated. ONE IN THREE. This is shocking.
Its very thought provoking Leigh. I remember as a teenager doing exactly what you describe – the judgement of women based on their attractiveness coupled with a deep insecurity about how I was being judged at the same time – which all meant that no one was really meeting anyone for real.
My defence mechanism for all of this was to establish long term relationships with women early on regardless of whether there was love there or not. It was effective as it took me out of the game and I found there was then less mistrust on both sides. However it did not truly resolve things as once the relationship ended the whole scenario would play out again.
Dear Simon, how wonderful that you can see your pattern so clearly. I am sure that simply seeing this has allowed you to create relationships now that are more loving and supportive for both you and the other people in your life.
The openness and honesty of this article is very refreshing. It encourages me to look at an aspect of myself, the not being good enough, and consider whether the sexual tension with men may have been a factor. I am aware that in my late teens and 20s it certainly was a factor, but in accepting myself as the woman I am now, I enjoy loving friendships with men and women. Life is much richer.
I am glad that what I have written has given you an opportunity to look at a part of your life. I myself am only just beginning to understand how important it is to love everything that I have lived, as it is only through love that I have been able to release what I had been using to hold myself back. If I let it I can use a multitude of experiences tell me that I am not good enough and continue to live believing this and so the whole insidious circle begins again. However If I feel something and am able not to react, but simply observe what I am feeling and hold strong to my love the feeling soon dissipates. If I react and think about it and allow my past way of living to be the gauge for the current experience I straight away feel myself judging myself as not being good enough. I am beginning to way prefer living with love and acceptance.
The point you make that you get the attention you want and then only to feel dirty etc because of the energy inside is really important. There are so many ways we are not supported as children to be in our glory and express from and in it but to cheapen or denigrate what is beautiful about us. What you express, Leigh, we can apply to all areas where we put ourselves down.
Hi Jonathan, that is a really valid point that this can be said in many different areas and aspects of our lives – how we are not clear with what is going on or even do not express if we dont like something or it does not feel right to another.
Hi Jonathan, thank you and yes we most definitely can apply this to all areas. It is truly surprising me, as I have said before just how insidious the not good enough energy is and it is most important to hold strong to our love as we go through the process of healing this energy,
Thank you, Leigh, your article has helped me to reflect on my own life and attitudes to men: I gave my power away to men, always feeling ‘not good enough’ and when a man found me sexually attractive, and I liked him, I would have no hesitation in allowing the relationship to move into a sexual one, and would enjoy those moment of power when I felt I was the one in charge. Conversely, if I didn’t like him, I would back away because it felt sleazy, but would blame myself for attracting that behaviour in the first place. Now, as I meet more and more truly gentle men, who appreciate me simply for being who I am, I am beginning, albeit slowly, to change my attitudes towards men and about myself, to accept that we are all equal, and that there is no need to judge, impose or try anything.
Hi Carmel,
I hear you, boy how much I have judged, simply because I felt uncomfortable or unsure. I know that I judged to stop myself from feeling these feelings and to make it out to be the other person with the problem, instead of simply feeling why I was feeling unsure. I am exploring this more and more and it is constantly surprising me as to how much I have given over to this, and now how much more I am able to lovingly express if I simply stay present.
It interesting how we can give our power away to not feel go enough and just as equally when we feel that they are not good enough.
Amazing Leigh. I recognise every word. This has been my experience too. I used to think it was just men objectifying me, but I now realise I used to objectify them too. Awful! And yes it feels totally amazing to begin to experience relationships with men without this sexual energy present, relating as equals without all the pressure or expectation, and a wonderful sense of equality.
It certainly does feel wonderful Rebecca, something else that I am noticing that I am feeling when I am relating with my love is that I feel safe. I feel safe to express and this in itself is a miracle.
Great words of your journey to be yourself. On my morning commute on the train there is not a day that goes by that there is not a woman painting her face. When she is finished it looks nice but she has just covered up the beautiful person she started with. At times it feels like the flame and the moth.
Hi Steve,
How different it could feel if the woman putting make-up on her face actually loved who she was before she began, if the reason for putting on make up was not to cover up, but to support the love she feels inside. Then maybe it would feel like the flame and the butterfly.
Leigh what a beautiful insight into wearing make-up. thank you
Dear Kathie, thank you. It has certainly been my experience to go from the woman that Steve described to now being the woman I am today and honoring and loving me as I get ready each day.
Very beautiful. How awesome it would be if all of us did things, put on make up, put on our clothes, how we act, what we say, everything we engaged in was done “in love and celebration” of ourself and our relationship with one another, instead of it being part of the games we play.
Very true Steve. All beauty come from within.
Hi Leigh, what a great article! So open and honest. Everyone can learn a lot from your words. It is a subject that should be more out in the open and the energy behind sexual energy exposed. The scenarios that you talk about are so common place in our lives and they would be a lot easier to deal with if more people had the opportunity to read this blog. Thanks for this.
I agree Kevin, by Leigh writing so openly and honestly about sexual energy, it is exposing how we can fall for it if we feel we are not good enough, and then use it as a form of recognition that we are some how good enough. Sexual energy is everywhere, in magazines on billboards on TV ads, Films, giving the impression that sexual tension or even so called innocent flirting is ok and an acceptable form of behaviour. If we openly talk about how sexual energy really makes us feel, then we will see how imposing it really is and that it is not part of a true and loving relationship.
So true Alison and Kevin, it would really serve us all if this energy and its impact on us was more openly discussed, so we would all know its insedious nature and could choose whether we played the game or not, rather than it being just the expected ‘norm’ without anyone even questioning it. This blog and these comments and discussions are a great start.
Well said Golnaz.
Gosh… what you have shared is right Alison… Sexual energy is everywhere, in magazines, on billboards, on TV ads and films; giving the impression that sexual tension or even so called innocent flirting is ok and an acceptable form of behaviour. In my teens and in my twenties I thought that there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to flirt or feel comfortable flirting and I thought that must make me inadequate in some way. Actually I can now appreciate that I could feel the falseness in this way of communicating and didn’t want to share in it. We look at the greater portion of society and the way they behave as the given norm. It never occurred to me to question the behaviour of the majority, only that I didn’t fit in. But what if the majority haven’t quite got it right? This blog is great in exposing the games we all play.
Hi Kevin, thats a great point, Leigh is doing a great service in bringing this topic out into the open. My experience of relationships has always been as if two people are wearing masks and not revealing too much about themselves. It can feel more like a game than a true connection. I see my responsibility is to be more open and allow the other person to feel that openness. The more honesty I can bring, the less the possibility that harming sexual energy will be at play.
I agree Kevin, it is great that Leigh has opened up this debate. Her blog has certainly given me a lot to ponder on. It made me realise I haven’t really thought about this stuff before which makes me think that perhaps this topic is so closed that we don’t even ‘talk’ about it to ourselves.
Yes Kevin, I feel strongly that topic of sexual energy needs to become part of everyday conversation. I have already learned much about myself and felt my issues with this change just by reading different articles on it… and being able to say “I have felt that too” and “I have fallen into those choices also” and then feeling more clear to make a different choice going forward.
Hi Kevin, Writing this blog has certainly been a very healing experience for me and now as I see and feel the responses from others it is also very humbling. I am realising just how much I and all others have to share with the world and how much I have let the ‘not good enough’ energy hold me back from doing this more.
I agree Kevin, I don’t think there are many women that have not at some stage been aware of sexual energy even if not overtly displayed. It would be great to have more discussions openly talking about this.
There is a lot said in this article and so much I can relate to, especially “It hurts to say, but as a result of not feeling good enough I never actually saw any man as another human being, someone to simply love, but as someone who was going to in some way sexually impose on me.” I think for me it was always a longing just to be met, that was what I was craving, now I have a deeper understanding of this and in the process a deeper understanding and relationship with myself and no longer look on the outside for that love or to fill an emptiness. Sexual energy in a healthy relationship can be great, but I really like what you have done here and exposed the ill sexual energy that can pervade in our lives.
I agree Vicky, there is a lot to this article, and it is very relatable. I know I have only seen men, not as human beings but as someone to fill my longing to be met. And I know that has allowed me to put up with sexual energy, I know a lot of women do, because we feel it is the only way to get attention. But what is amazingly presented hear is another way – a way I am starting to discover, that we don’t have to put up with anything we don’t feel comfortable with to get attention, if we love ourselves first. Thank you for an awesome article.
In that past I also have only seen men, not as human beings but as someone to fill my longing to be met, but as I wasn’t prepared to put up with the sexual energy I shut down from being around men altogether. It is crazy the game both sides play and yet we just want to be met for who we are with an equality. When we let our protective guards down and do truly meet the opposite gender with an open heart there is a beauty in our communication.
Hi Rachel, yes there is absolute beauty when we truly connect with people. This is such a natural way to live. In nature the connection of a bee and a flower comes to mind. Neither can complete unless the other is fully being itself. the flower needs the bee to pollinate it and the bee needs the flower to make honey. So when we be ourselves in communication with others we feel the connection and completeness in our interaction.
That’s a lovely way of putting it.
Ah thank you Leigh and Rachel, through this blog I can really feel how I have wanted the men in my life to fulfil my longing to be met, and how this stops me from being me and equally relating with men and women. I can feel how when I am not feeling good enough that there is that energy waiting to enter. Thank you Leigh, your blog really does highlight how not feeling good enough allows energy that doesn’t belong to enter, that then clouds the real person and their expression of their beautiful essence.
Vicky and Rebecca it really is so clear to me now how I used men in a desperate attempt to feel good about myself. I had an inkling at the time that I was using men for this reason, I can even remember saying to one guy ‘does it matter that it’s me or would anyone do?’. Of course he replied that I was important and I ignored the nagging feeling that I had and accepted his answer, knowing deep down that we were both using each other.
Using another for our own gains is unfortunately what we are taught to do from a young age, it is quite revealing when we begin to feel the true harm of living this way. It takes a very true deep commitment to living from our own love to heal the many ways that we do this in our lives. Thank you for your comment, I have a day ahead where I have done this much with the people I will be spending the day with. To be able to step into today with the absolute commitment to live my love instead of the wanting to please to fit in is truly a gift of gigantic proportions.
I feel to add here that yesterday I was simply myself and tender and loving in the way I was with my body and I had a magnificent day. None of the old needs, wants, desires, control issues were present with my interactions with the people I was with. Yesterday has highlighted to me that to truly live love, loving self must be real and present first.
Thank you Vicky
This is an awesome article and a great expose on how insidious this sexual energy is both in the giver and the receiver. It certainly removes love from the situation and brings connection down to a very base level. I was fortunate to go through my teenage years with a great group of fellows. I never dated any of them and they always treated me with respect and would calm their antics down whenever I came near them. In fact, even though we only meet up occasionally, they feel like family to me. I realise how blessed I’ve been having this type of relationships with most males throughout my whole life. I see them as true friends and that’s the way they see me as well.
On the other hand, I felt a bit left out when my girlfriends started dating at an earlier age than me. This was the time in my life when I noticed other groups of girls at school became a bit boy crazy and, as a group, would be flirting and doing anything to get the boys’ attention. Some boys were never part of this either and I much preferred their company. Now I know why and understand the energy that was behind it all. It’s not harmless or people just having fun and it doesn’t need to be a part of growing up either, as many people describe it. These antics didn’t interest me and I must admit I did wonder if there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to join in, however, several years later, after a few false starts, I met a very tender and gentle man who treated me lovingly from the start and we married a few years later.
Recently I have seen the beautiful and caring relationships that young people enjoy develop into a deep and abiding love (without indulging in the behaviours the sexual energy described in this article) at Universal Medicine gatherings and seen how the joy that shines out is there for everyone they come in contact with to share. There definitely is a true way of relating with the opposite sex, both in friendship and in a life partnership, that is loving and has none of these overtones of the sexual energy this article exposes.
Yes Judith, there is another way and it is truly beautiful to live.
Such a beautifully articulated blog Leigh. I really appreciate every word you have written as it explains what is really going on and our responsibility in the whole awful game we play with each other that actually separates us from each other and the truly intimate and loving relationships we know we can deeply have with each other. Thank you.
This is so true Suzanne, I spent some time last week connecting to and feeling the fact that I had not ever truly allowed myself to connect deeply to anyone. I thought that I was, but I now know that I was always holding back in some way. Feeling this certainly humbled me deeply and has allowed for me to begin to have this connection in my life. What surprised me as I felt the truth of this is how lonely I felt, and how much I had told my self that that was not true.
Exactly Suzanne, a game where everyone loses…
I like how you have used the word “game” here Suzanne. It certainly is a trick and definitely a sneaky way we can keep ourselves isolated from other people by jeopardising our relationships in this way and, as you say, prevent ourselves from the deeply loving and truly intimate relationships that we can have. It is certainly powerful to know that these are games of choice – and once we become aware of them, we no longer have to keep playing.
I too have actively sought sexual attention from men, and I actually thought I enjoyed it, because it made me feel like I was worthy, attractive, sexy, and many other things that I didn’t feel for myself. I thought it was all about getting other people to like me. It feels really yucky looking back at the way I behaved, and even manipulated men to get attention. Sometimes, I can still feel a difference in the way that I am around men compared to women and I have to watch out to see if I’m flirting in the way I communicate. But, I am beginning to appreciate myself much more and there is less of a need for attention from others to make me feel good as I am naturally feeling beautiful, sexy and confident in myself. This appreciation for myself has been inspired and supported by Sara Williams, Natalie Benhayon and many other esoteric practitioners and students I have met through Universal Medicine.
Dear Laura, It is so lovely that you are appreciating you. Having the awareness of our patterns and choosing to love ourselves as we adjust our way of living is to be celebrated. I know for me that before I found Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, that I didn’t even know that there was a way to live that honored and respected myself and others equally. It truly is an amazing experience to now live this truth more and more each day.
I also love that you are appreciating you Laura. Great blog Leigh. Instead of playing games, all we need to be is ourselves, respecting others equally. Wish I had known this a long time ago but now I do, my life has changed, lightened up and is much more real, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Gorgeous Leigh, truly inspiring.
Thank you Natalie
Yes indeed, beautifully said and truly inspiring.
Wow, thank you for sharing Leigh – it is so revealing to hear that ‘it is an imposition to actively seek sexual attention from men’. I can relate to this, and in my experience I have become quite manipulative in the past when I have tried to get this type of attention.
Me too JW and I am sure that we are not alone in this behaviour. My learning through this is to not hold my actions against me, something that I have done in the past, but to simply reveal them for what they are and lovingly know that it is no longer my way of being.
Hi JW and Leigh, I feel inspired that I’m not alone in how I used to behave with men. I too used to want that type of sexual attention and then recoil when I used to get it, deeming myself as ‘not sexy enough for that kind of attention’ – which in itself sounds ridiculous! I either want it or I don’t some may say. I suppose as you started with, all I’ve really been after is a connection to other people, or perhaps just even a connection to myself…
Dear Cheryl,
I have come across your comment again today and I can feel that in reading it in the past I have skipped over it, because it was inviting me to look at the depth of connection that I have with myself and was inviting me to take this connection deeper. Thank you, I can feel in myself a new level of surrender to connecting deeper to me from re reading your comment today.
Yes JW, I have done this as well, seek sexual attention to fill the emptiness of not feeling good enough. When I realized what I am doing I started to withdraw trying to avoid to feel any kind of sexual tension – but that does not work either as I am cutting of a part of me that naturally wants to express itself – it just needs to be explored and all that is not true let go of.
Thank you Leigh for this great blog. You bring up such an important topic. I have always felt how limiting relationships were between men and women because as you describe there is always this sexual energy involved in terms of whether someone is sexually attractive or not. Always some kind of ulterior motive. How wonderful to let go and see each other simply as equal brothers and sisters and enjoy each other’s company with no expectation. This is something I am building in the relationships with both men and women in my life. It allows me to be myself and others to simply be themselves. How lovely.
I to am constantly working with this, for me the more I am with my body and present the simpler it gets each day.
I love this – “… see each other simply as equal brothers and sisters and enjoy each other’s company with no expectation.” So true and so freeing, what lighthearted and wonderful relationships and meetings then can take place. Thank you Anne-Marie, and Leigh for a great blog.
Yes, I can relate to this as well. However I realize I tried to become a neuter at some point to avoid all this tension. But that does not work either as we cannot cut of an essential part of us, it is a holding back of who we truly are and what I miss then is the intimacy with people as I keep them at a distance, men and women alike.
Thank you so much for writing this Leigh, I feel that you speak my language! I love what you have written here: “I can feel now that every time I found myself in a male’s company – whether it be friend, relative, acquaintance, essentially any male company – my body hardened into a protective, ‘ready to defend’ stance, and this is then how I interacted with the male. It hurts to say, but as a result of not feeling good enough I never actually saw any man as another human being, someone to simply love, but as someone who was going to in some way sexually impose on me.” I have only just started to realise that I too am different around men, and how I can have quite close relationships with women friends, but somehow keep the men at a distance, in my own protective ways. This is not only hurting myself but would affect them too.
So awesome Rosie that you are becoming aware of this. Enjoy exploring it more for your self, and maybe write a blog for us all in what you discover.
Me too Rosie, I also have noticed a pattern of keeping men/boys at a ‘safe’ distance to protect myself from the potential of being ‘hurt’, even though by not letting them in I am hurting me, as I am not allowing myself to express absolute love no matter who I am with.
What a great reminder Susie. Thank you.
This is a great insight you share Rosie. I recognise this in myself also and have only recently become aware of the harm this causes me and the impact it has on the men I interact with too. There’s so much for me to consider here about how and why I developed this way of being.
Rosie this is something I’ve realised too – I’ve always thought about how bad it is for me to get all this unwanted attention – not once did I think about how damaging it is to the unsuspecting men…. Very irresponsible!
What you have highlighted really hit me too Rosie. There are still elements of that behaviour in my interactions with some men today, a feeling that they will expose a truth in me that I don’t want to see. I have a couple of male friends that I am completely open with, so why not all men? I definitely need to work on this one
Well ladies I guarantee we do it to. I know for a fact that I get really flustered sometimes in communicating with a girl, sometimes even with another guy…do I flirt? Am I flirting and don’t realise it? Are they flirting? Judgment, judge,met, judgement, instant close down and let my mind take over…it’s crazy. The truth is all I want to do is have a lovely conversation and move on about my day/life…why does all the nonsense come pouring in. I do know it is my judgement that takes over, judgement of them and myself. I know judgement is something I don’t want to do in my life so why then do I choose to do it? Protection? Most likely, well I know it’s actively hurting me and them so what is it protecting? Gosh we are a funny bunch hey…
Wow Leigh this what you have exposed here with such clarity about a very confusing senario between men and women, you are so spot on “feeling the sexual energy and that taking ‘full responsibility’ and nominating that I felt it and choosing to stay with love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.” Thank you again for your clarity.
This is such a process of learning and it still is for me, every day I am confronted with scenarios where I have a choice and to be honest I don’t always choose love, however I am committed now to my love and I know that every day I do choose love more and more.
I can completely relate to this Leigh, everyday more growth more awareness or not, the choices are always ours!
Here, here Leigh & Vanessa.
So lovely Leigh. Taking this learning day by day, choice by choice building awareness and love and growth.
Leigh, what you expose about ‘not feeling good enough’ I realised is not limited to sexual energy and the interactions we have with others, nor with any one gender or age. ‘Not feeling good enough’ is endemic throughout society – young and old, male and female, and regardless of race, culture, religion or profession – and I feel underlies many behaviours in respect of how we feel about ourselves and then what we do to ‘make’ up for this, which then of course affects how we are with others – sexual tension and energy being just one of those behaviours that is played out. I feel you nailed it on the head when you shared about taking responsibility, and nominating how you had been feeling and why, with the awareness that this not feeling good enough and the subsequent behaviours is not in fact the natural you. In returning to the love we naturally are inside, and re-developing our connection to this, it becomes more and more obvious what does not belong, and as you express, allows us to truly begin to see people for who they are, not for what we think they need from us, or vice versa. A great sharing which is a sound platform from which to consider many aspects of our life, and how we live.
And how if we choose ‘not being good enough’, that self critic sabotages our ability to share ourselves truly and openly with others, leaving us at the mercy of what is going on around us (other people’s comments, looks, agendas etc). Taking responsibility for this is such a turning point, as Leigh has so clearly and sweetly written.
So true Matilda. Thank you Leigh for sharing this blog, it has certainly opened up a few doors for me too.
Great exposure of what plays out here. “I’m not good enough” thoughts most definitely lead into ‘not full of me’ actions, and so of course you’re going to look back to see and feel something that is not ‘good enough’, you can feel its empty of the completeness and fullness of you. A self fulfilling prophesy! And the cycle continues…
Well said Jenny, it is a self fulling prophecy one can get caught in and the cycle will continue until we are ready to make a change and accept our greatness.
For me the cycle continued until I realised that I had the power to stop listening to the voice telling me that I wasn’t good enough. After all, if we are all equal, I am no different to anyone else, we are ALL good enough and therefore I am good enough, just for being me, now all I have to do is work on accepting my Grandness!
Well said Amita- that feeling “not good enough” is a self fulfilling prophecy, so as to not accept our true greatness- who we truly are when connected to our inner heart.
That is part of the key isn’t it Amita to be willing to accept our grandness.
Really powerful to read how much we give away ourselves when we buy into the belief that we are not good enough. As you have shared Amita it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that cycles around until we call a stop to it. Leigh’s article is a beautiful reminder to come back to who we are, to call out what we are not and begin to reclaim the amazingness we all are.
Yes Jenny, and we can spend lifetimes going round and round in circles, or cycles, until we realise that there is a way out and begin to cut the ‘I’m not good enough’ syndrome, and start to re-connect to our fullness and not accepting less of ourselves anymore, because this is just a dishonouring of who we truly are.
I’ve found for me, that learning to love and care for myself and to begin to build true self worth from this platform, is the only thing that has enabled me to break free of the ‘not good enough’ never ending circle game that so many of us find ourselves in and feel trapped by.
Definitely Matilda, and yes Angela not feeling good enough is endemic in our society and great that Leigh as you said, “nailed it on the head when you shared about taking responsibility and nominating how you had been feeling and why, with the awareness that this not feeling good enough and the subsequent behaviours is not in fact the natural you.” Fantastic that you went on to choose love… who you truly are.
Yes what Leigh has shared here is so simple in terms of sharing that we can just choose love and not be at the mercy of sexual energy or any other energy we feel around us.
I agree Shevon. Choose love and not be at the mercy of sexual energy or any other energy we feel around us, such simple but profound truth. Great blog Leigh.
I am open to and would like to learn this. as sometimes those energies around us can feel overpowering.
Dear Shevon, I too know very well how the everything else seems to be so powerful. In fact I have just lived a day where I completely gave in to this. Today however is a new beginning if I choose it to be. With great tenderness and honor, without judgement I choose my love and I now go forward and live my day.
So simple Shevon, to choose love over sexual energy. But first we have to recognise the difference, once we have the awareness to feel what is going on, we can make the choice. I feel that many people are under the illusion that sexual energy IS love.
Yes, it is a simple choice that is made not so simple when we make being liked or needing to be seen more important than loving ourselves. Sexual energy is very thick and very imposing. I have used it in the past, and I have seen others use it both men and women. And it is all around us. But if we put it in its place and recognise it for what it is, that is, a need for attention to make up for a feeling of a lack of worth. It loses its power, and then we can approach another with true tenderness, compassion and love. Which is much sexier!
I agree with you Naren, true tenderness and love are so much sexier. Only love and stillness allow us to really connect.
I love what you’ve said Matilda. I know well the damage that the self critic of ‘not being good enough’ can do with how open or not I am with my self and with others. And how when I take responsibility for that I am no longer at the ‘mercy’ of what’s around me.
A lovely blog Leigh one which has certainly given me a nudge to feel into. I can certainly relate to the ‘not being good enough’ so many times in relationships be they with men or friends/family etc I used to go into comparison – I now know this was holding me back in so many ways. Your words Mary about “steadily building a foundation of appreciating yourself and it feels good in your body” that’s where I am at. It has certainly changed the responses that I get now when connecting to those that I meet in my everyday.
This feels great Mary, building a true foundation of love of self through appreciation and confirmation and not allowing the space for the ‘not good enough’ belief to play makes so much sense. It is something I feel I need to incorporate big time in my life.
Great point Matilda. It seems that we learn to put our selves down, be self critical, modest etc, because this is what we think is the ‘nice’ way to be, as if this in some way serves others, or is most considerate of them, and yet, as you point out, the exact opposite is true. I for one once believed this great big lie. I love how you say that the ‘self critic sabotages our ability to share ourselves truly and openly with others’.
Thank you Leigh for you blog.
Yes Mary I have spent many years trying to be better and better so I could fit in and be accepted. What I ended up with was exhaustion an empty life and empty self. I’ve found appreciating myself, those around me and my life have made a big difference and led me off the ‘hamster on the wheel’ life of never being good enough.
This is a great blog and the many comments. As you say, Alison, appreciation is such a powerful tool to get off “the ‘hamster on the wheel’ life of never being good enough”. Trying to be something just does not work, while acknowledging and appreciating what is already there steadily builds a true, solid foundation that develops self-confidence and love.
“Trying to be something just does not work, while acknowledging and appreciating what is already there steadily builds a true, solid foundation that develops self-confidence and love”, this is so spot on Jonathan, I shall make it my mantra of the day!
I agree wholeheartedly with what you have expressed Alison. I have found appreciating myself and my life to be a fundamental key to kicking the ” I’m not good enough,” monster to the curb.
So true Alison; feeling as though I’m never being good enough, apologising excessively and generally trying to be or do continuously is the most exhausting way to live. I’ve done this and as it’s pulling-up, I’m gaining greater energy levels back. it’s a matter of accepting ourselves to the bone and appreciating ourselves.
Oliver, I love how you say here ‘Accepting ourselves to the bone’. I am beginning to feel just how powerful it is in living this way. I had many moments at work today where things that normally take me of on the not good enough hamster wheel (Alison :-)) yet each time I continued to allow my love to be present in my body. The way I responded was tender and in full support for myself and others. I can truly say love is the key here, love for myself and equally so for others. I felt so joyful and light.
This is true Matilda and shows the depth that this article holds, many discussions I feel can be had here.
Yes indeed Matilda we have the power to say NO to ‘not-enough-ness’ and choose simply Love for ourselves and others. And taking responsibility is the key.
Exactly, responsibility is the key as it is in all other things too. And when the realisation comes that we indulge in things other than love, we then can take that responsibility and choose anew.
Wunderbare Leigh, Angela and Mathilda you nailed it!!!! Wow, that feels so powerful – thank you so much for your inspirational sharings about how wonderful it is to take our responsibility.
The self saboteur can run riot if we give it permission and stamp our card with ‘not good enough’ – the constant degradation of our worth and the resulting emptiness seeks to fill itself with any thing but the agony and the roundabout ride begins. We are amazing we just need to remind ourselves of that fact always.
Dear Lee, it is one thing to remind ourselves that we are amazing (this is something that I had been doing for some time) however I have discovered for myself to truly defeat the not good enough takes a commitment to continually surrender to my inner heart, my soul, as when I am connected to the truth of who I am, there is not the slightest bit of not good enough present in my body.
Thank you Leigh. Yes indeed we can tell ourselves that we are amazing in the way of a daily affirmation but this can only truly be lived when we connect within as you say to our inner-heart and feel the absolute truth of this.
Surrender is the key indeed Leigh. Love your blog – second one i have read in 10 minutes – I am having a Leigh-blog-love-fest!
So true Matilda. Allowing the energy of not good enough leaves us at the mercy of every insecurity and self bashing critique. As you say we then go out into the world feeling so much less and this is what the world gets. A protected, held back version of ourselves. Realising that this is a choice is a huge and empowering learning.
Insightful comment Matilda, buying into the not feeling good enough number does leave us at the mercy of others also by the way we can then need/want the reassurance from the outside, yet which never fulfils because all the while we are undermining ourselves. So even if someone told you that you were the most amazing creature in the universe and meant it, it wouldn’t really assuage the emptiness, for that, as has been said we have to learn to fill ourselves.
Angela what you share about the not being good enough being endemic in society across all genders and ages is so true. I myself am just beginning to realise the insidiousness of this energy and how if we let it, it completely clouds the love that we are. A very deep learning that I am experiencing now is that letting the not good enough be the platform for my life has led to me only wanting to better myself, not actually truly wanting to be love, even though I thought that I was doing this. I can now truly say that it is only through connecting to my love I am beginning to expose this energy, and might I say I am shocked at how deep and far reaching the tentacles of it are, how much of my life that it has affected.
Thank you for taking my blog to the next level of understanding for all of us.
Leigh I am deeply touched by the openness of your article and love your last line ” ….. I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.” – there is no ‘ not good enough in that! I feel you have spoken for myself too in your comment here about how this energy completely clouds who we really are which I too have experienced and am beginning to discard the wanting to be better, just allowing all that I am. Thank you for starting this conversation for us all.
I agree Leigh, not only does believing we are not good enough cloud the love that we are, it also blinds us from seeing or accepting our own love. Would this not therefore impact our ability to appreciate our loveliness (in all the many ways others can clearly see it!)? I know that I have also fallen for the ‘not good enough’ myself and I can feel how it reduces ones way of experiencing life and relationships.
Definitely Rosanna, likewise I had also fallen for the ‘not good enough’, and it negatively impacts on our entire life and relationships.
I agree Rosanna, falling for the ‘not good enough’ scenario really is a dampening down of our expression when we actually know we are so much more.
Absolutely Beverley, not-enough-ness is not our true expression and keeps us small. We are so much more. We are divine.
Divinely enough, Maryline and Beverley!
Definitely it does blind us from seeing the love that we are and therefore holds us back from our true expression.
Agreed Rosanna this ‘not good enough’ impacts and plays out in our lives in so many ways. Hugely lessening our relationship and connection to ourselves and others.
Yes, so true what you all say about ‘not being good enough’. For me I have realised the irony that I, myself, have created this belief from attempting to fulfil expectations that I do not achieve which I again have created.
Absolutely Jonathan. So true.
Jonathan. I know that feeling, as I have been down the same road as your good self.
Wow Leigh, thank you for another powerful sharing
Yes it’s so true Leigh. I am pondering your article again and remembered that I was very extremely critical of myself and lacking in confidence in my late teens and twenties. I would use sexual energy as a means to bolster my confidence, creating a yo yo effect. If I found someone I could flirt with I would feel great about myself for a short while but the doldrums were never very far away and something I would always slip back into when the flirting stopped.
Taking responsibility for my self has changed all of that. No highs or lows any more just a consistent sense of being and the self critic although still there is getting much, much weaker. Consequently flirting is no longer necessary, phew no more imposing myself, as I feel complete just being me.
Yes I totally get the no highs or lows but just being myself around men. Such an ease rather than a mess. I do sometimes feel myself getting caught up in a does he find me attractive but it is so rare now that when it does happen it’s a great point for me to remind myself of my beauty and not look for recognition. I also have a little chuckle to myself as, at the moment, I am so working on building a loving relationship with myself and that’s an interesting challenge at times.
I can definitely relate to this. This article was awesome to read as it nominated several things I have felt throughout my life but had not put words to.
That feeling of the ‘yo yo’ effect is all too familiar – seeking acceptance or recognition outside of myself as I did not feel full being me, and then feeling gross afterwards but not really knowing why. My understanding now allows me to see that if I am indeed seeking anything outside of myself for confirmation, then there is something not right. The next step is taking responsibility and making sure whatever action I do take confirms the awesomeness I am right back to me, instead of the unfulfilling cycle I have previously lived. Knowing the power to change this is in my hands has been life changing.
I totally get that Rowena, the sexual energy can be addictive as it attracts others to you but once you feel that back from them you realise its not what you want. But we don’t learn we try it again in case something better comes along, its a cycle that consumes you until you start to truly self love and express that love, then the sexual energy has no part in your life.
This is all so well observed and shared Andrew. Great points how you highlight the “addictive” aspect of sexual energy, how it never feeds back what one is actually after when engaging with such energy ( I.e self-love/love, whether this is conscious or not, which one can only unfold for themselves, others and in their lives from within), and how sexual energy can ” consume” us until we break the cycle. I can personally share too that once you start building up the love from within, nourish this love by the way you live for it to grow, the hook offered by sexual energy is absolutely tasteless (no interest whatsoever) and from there it becomes gradually easier to be aware and cut this energy altogether as soon as it may arise.
Dear Mary, I am beginning to feel that by simply living, being present with my body and being myself, that when an aspect of the not good enough appears I can feel it. I feel to say that it doesn’t need to be a long process. As I feel that we tend to give ourselves over to it and continue to believe this insidious lie, believing it will be long. EVERYTIME I choose to stop and connect to myself I don’t feel a spec of not good enough, so where am I when this energy has a hold of me? The choice is absolutely ours, keep believing it or simply feel it nominate it and hold strong to our love.
Beautifully put, Leigh. I too am just beginning to be aware of how deep and far reaching the tentacles of ‘not good enough’ have been. It has created a false reality that I have played out rather than choosing nothing but love for myself and in my relationships. Thank you for sharing the truth with us, that if we keep connecting back to love we will expose this insidious energy.
Dear Janet, yes we will. and while we are exposing it we will also be living our love. How beautiful.
Mary, what a great analogy. I’m realising that not living up to what I know is potentially there for me, that’s what lets the ‘poison’ in, and the rot begins. I’ve found that loving myself – even if only a little bit – is the world’s greatest medicine.
I really enjoy reading this blog and as Amina has shared there are many discussions that can be had from it. Leigh is not writing as someone condemning sexual energy but from the openness to see what’s behind it and why we choose it. It is only through connecting to the real Love within ourselves that we can cleary see what is not from that love. The ongoing conversation on this blog from the comments show that there are many who have experienced this lack of self-worth in the form of ‘not being good enough’, me included.
When I don’t let others in, guards in my body go up like a fortress and I am hard to connect with and to understand. But this is a two way street. So important to let everyone in because then we get to see and to live the love and joy we truly are.
“Wanting to better myself” rather than being love because I never felt good enough, is the story of my life. But I am learning to trust myself and it is very liberating to live a simple and truthful life. Thank you Leigh.
There have been many great points raised, but you are so correct Leigh, what Angela shared about the ‘not being good enough’ being endemic in society is so very true. How ‘not being good enough’ manifests for us all in many different ways, I can honestly say it has filtered into my experiences with men, what I would accept or not. The tentacles do reach far and wide, it is only beginning to be more aware of myself, the quality I live in and the relationship with myself that I deepen each and every day, that helps to shift that consciousness of ‘not good enough’!!
Great comment Angela, I can feel so much love and understanding in your words.
Well said Angela – not being good enough is the seed that fuels so many behaviours that are just not true… such a shame, however, beautiful that we are beginning to come around and become wise to it. So we can call it out as not being the real us and focus on what is true and nurture it and as such, feel more than good enough!
Well said Angela.
Yes, great Angela. I love how you point out that the outplay of sexual tension is but one symptom of lack of self worth and that the key is developing self love and self awareness so that anything which does not stem from this, stands out and can be addressed.
One thing I am learning through the support of esoteric healing sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners is that the more I connect to me and express Love naturally, a Love that I know and that feels true to me, there is less allegiance with what is not loving.
Absolutely Angela not feeling enough can play out in every aspect of your lives.
Yes and not feeling good enough can also tip over into being too good. It is really an issue of comparison – with expectations, with others, any excuse to keep ourselves living a life with little highs and lows and not with the enormous potential joy and harmony we can otherwise choose.
You are absolutely right Simon, we then find ourselves on a never ending Merry-go-round. Constantly oscillating between the not good enough and the better than. Yet all of this is such a trick as it keeps us in constant comparison and doesn’t allow for us to feel how beautiful we are in our stillness. It also constantly undermines our ability to feel the quiet firm confidence that comes with allowing ourselves to be still with who we really are.