I sat on the train ride through the snowy mountains of eastern Switzerland, deeply occupied in my observation of all the curves that the snowfall had left, and how the trees stood so tall even with so much snow on top of them, when I suddenly felt a jarring and a cringing pain in my stomach area. Indigestion you may ask? Thankfully no; plus, rest assured, this piece is not a self-confessed-dear-diary-digestive-issue entry.
The sting occurred straight after I could not help but hear something from another fellow passenger. The conversation was a general small-talk chat between what I am guessing were 3 friends or work colleagues that blended into the background, however one sentence from one of the 30-something year old men stuck out like the sorest of thumbs:
“I will never cheat my goal of sleeping with a spouse.”
By way of a prelude: I’m 21 years old and I have experienced night club outings, getting drunk and the many twisted thoughts and activities that generally go with those environments and substances, so I have a pretty good understanding for how someone would find themselves in a position where they are just about to, or just have, slept with someone’s spouse. We know it happens, we have either seen cases, have heard of or have experienced scenarios where this sort of thing happens and deep down know that it should have not occurred.
The reason this statement jarred me so much was the calculated nature of it. The fact that this particular young man was not alluding to a possibility of a just one-night regret: no, by his own confirmation he has made sleeping with someone’s wife his life aim. Equally disturbing was that his female companion laughed out loud as if it were the sweetest and most amusing thing she had heard. This was an icing on the already spoilt cake.
I am a man. Like most men, I have grown into one from a boy, and I remember clearly being a boy with all my little friends too. Our life’s grandest ambitions were to be firemen or policemen or train conductors. We played together, both girls and boys, and we played very tenderly. I/we were not unique – visit any nursery around the world and you’d generally experience the same sight – little sweet, tender, caring, light and deeply loving angels.
So the question that was flashing in my head like a large neon billboard on this train ride was: what has happened to us – what do we experience in life that we go from being a sweet delicate boy with a heart of gold, to someone who makes their life goal to sexually objectify a woman as conquerable land AND potentially rip apart a marriage?
You may say, well if a woman wants to cheat on her husband then it’s obviously not working out so let that be the end of it, and to that my response would be, just because a country is having difficulties internally does not mean it deserves to have a nuclear bomb dropped on it.
Back to the point here though, and that is, what is it about the way we are raised as boys to young men that we end up with this type of mission as an end result? Somewhere on that ‘raising boy to a man’ trajectory something went horribly wrong and a serious derailment must have occurred.
Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?
I have experienced rejections during my 22 years here on Earth, all the way from a stranger ignoring a “hello,” to being held at arm’s distance by a crush, and in every instance there was a feeling in my body that is undeniably uncomfortable. In reaction and retaliation, I have done various things to ensure that I would not feel that throb again.
The conclusion I came to after talking with different people about the subject is that the feeling does not necessarily come from the rejection itself, but because there has to be something else at play that precedes the rejection torment. What is it?
From young we are shown what it means to be a man in many different shapes and colours: Strong and Provider, Romantic and Charming, Tough and Powerful, Great Lover and Money Maker etc. etc.
Even to pick just one of these imposed ‘requirements’ and expectations is difficult enough to live up to the idealised images fed back to us through parenting, media and advertising, but to play up to all of those is near impossible.
This need to be in a relationship has been with me for a while, and if I am to exercise honesty, there are still remnants of it today. As I walked home from work one evening I came to a revelation: I realised that I had spent so much time and energy searching for someone to be in a relationship with so that I could give them everything I have – someone to care for, look after, spend money on, treat like the last drop of water on a desert island, and more, all in order to distract myself from the fact that I was not treating myself with the same care and love I deserve. The realisation left me with a clear plan to move forward with: I am to treat myself with the level of care and regard that I have been far too quick to offer to others.
Since then, I have had the amazing opportunity to actually look at my qualities as a man; the fact that I am tender, delicate, loving, super patient, wise, a great cook, a lover of cleaning, ironing, and on the whole someone who brings a different perspective on situations, all with great ease too. From seeing these qualities in myself I began to notice more and more of the same in others, when being with close friends and family, or even just meeting a stranger in transit or at work.
And so I write these loving words to every man:
We no longer have to perform to the impossible standards we as a society have set.
We no longer need to prove that we are worthy of something through doing and achieving, instead we put focus on absolutely exquisite qualities we innately hold.
We no longer have to look at life through the lens of another person’s views and opinions.
We no longer have to be tough to feel strong.
We no longer have to tailor ourselves to attract women, for the woman that falls in love with our natural tender ways is the one that will be a friend for life.
We can show the world that there is space to be outside the confines of its playing ground.
We can be the Man that reflects tremendous power through fragility.
I have been discovering that living from these premises does not come with any pictures. It is not, and in fact cannot, be perfect. We are all here to learn and it is a process I am thoroughly enjoying going through.
The awareness and consideration I have given to this topic has sadly not been taught to me by the education system or any other facet of society. My development in this regard has been encouraged and supported by a very dear friend of mine, Serge Benhayon. His presentations and workshops run by Universal Medicine have provided me with a steady platform to look at these deviant societal constructs, and not only to look at them, but to allow myself to feel the level of corruption we have allowed and rather than entertaining any judgement or frustration, observe the reality of the predicament with a much deeper understanding and compassion and live in a way that I may be the reflection that says: “There IS another way, a truer way to be a man in the world today.”
By Michael Brown, Maths Student and Manager in Retail, UK
Further Reading:
True Role Models – From ‘Being a Good Man’ to Taking True Responsibility for My Choices
Bringing up boys to become glorious men
The lifestyle bubble and curse upon men
Dearest Michael, what a lovely, tender man you are. ❤️
I particularly love these words, as they are equally applicable to women too:
“This need to be in a relationship has been with me for a while, and if I am to exercise honesty, there are still remnants of it today. As I walked home from work one evening I came to a revelation: I realised that I had spent so much time and energy searching for someone to be in a relationship with so that I could give them everything I have – someone to care for, look after, spend money on, treat like the last drop of water on a desert island, and more, all in order to distract myself from the fact that I was not treating myself with the same care and love I deserve. The realisation left me with a clear plan to move forward with: I am to treat myself with the level of care and regard that I have been far too quick to offer to others.”
Thank you for sharing your innermost essence with us Michael, in this beautifully written article. I really get the sense of what a tender, sensitive man looks and feels like. Bring on your reflection!
I had supper with men recently and it was obvious to me that their behavior is not them they are a product of the society we have made for ourselves. We were staying in an international hotel where there are it seems a lot of prostitutes. And of course men are more aware of them then me or my female colleague. Men and women play games with each other and to me it is very ugly the way we behave we have reduced ourselves down to nothing more than a meat market a commodity. I feel that when we live in separation to God then we are totally lost and our behaviour is base. When we are in connection to God then we hold ourselves as precious beings and there would be no way we could reduce ourselves to base behaviour. This shows me that we are in disconnection to God and until we return back to him/her then how we beave towards each other is not going to change if anything it will get worse.
Hi Mary, I’ve been on the receiving end of feeling like I’m in a meat market (clubs, pubs etc) and it feels awful. My choice. yes, but usually fuelled by emptiness and copious amounts of alcohol. I would not put myself in this situation nowadays and it is not a judgement of men. They are a product of society and until men AND women begin to respect and honour each other this ugly behaviour will continue. Thank goodness for men such as Michael and Serge Benhayon who reflect that there is another way.
So much of what we see play out with men are behaviours we’ve adopted in reaction to other experiences which in themselves were probably triggered by other reactions too! So many steps away from the truth and a real domino effect. Trying to fix these issues just bogs is down – but seeing them for what they are (not us) is incredibly powerful way to go as you show Michael.
Hi Joseph, I really appreciate what you are sharing how we are bogged down by ideals and beliefs we have soaked up from our surroundings. I am just starting to understand that this is not who I am. That in its self is the starting point of not giving myself a hard time because I have accepted something that is not me.
Such a sweet photo at the end. Complementing the words above it brilliantly so. Tender men are really beautiful.
I will never cheat my goal of ‘NOT’ sleeping with a spouse, as they have made their choice so therefore in no way would it feel true in my body to sleep around in any situation where the female in question is married.
It is so the norm now a days for men to hold these conversations, it is all of our responsibility to live and move in a way that says this is unacceptable. In order to say such a thing this young man is hurting – we don’t want a society full of hurt men we want a society filled with loving tender gentle men who know who they are.
‘What Does it Mean to Be a Man?’ with the suicide rate increasing in men this is definitely a topic and discussion that is needed all around the world and for men to have a safe space to explore and express how they feel and what is going on for them. It is great to know on some level this has started but we have a long way to be with this.
Any man or lady who sits and speaks from their soul brings the heavens and beyond.
Living with four brothers and as the eldest witnessing the changes of most of them from sweetness to eventually denying their own sweetness and sensitivity, unless you were able to witness their inner feelings, felt very sad to me growing up.
Your question as to how sweet sensitive delicate boys turn into rough tough machismo men has often been an issue for me. And as to why women want to pursue a similar path away from our innate sensitivity too. It’s because it’s so ‘normal’ in our current society, trained as we are in home and school to ‘toughen up’ and not cry when hurt. When we all reclaim our sensitivity society will be the better for it.
The current culture we have is really not ok, yet it’s became the norm.
How lost are we when the woman in this discussion accepts the way men talk and in no way does she seem to put a stop to such absurdities. As in everything we do there is other people involved and they are our sons and daughters, parents and grandparents, etc, and thus the knock on effect can multiply out experientially.
True Greg. Whoever we are we can step up and call out such behaviour as being normal.
Love the photo of two super cool men reflecting back to humanity of what it is to be true gentle-men on this plane of life. You both ace it 🙂
Just like our dogmas about what it is to be a woman, we have dogmas of what it is to be a man… can we not give it a break and just cut each other some slack? Let ourselves feel who and what we really are before we place these labels on each other?
“We no longer have to look at life through the lens of another person’s views and opinions.” This is relevant for us all as we learn to live who we naturally are.
What a beautiful picture of you both, really very inspirational. Thank you for daring to step out of societies norms to claim the divinity you are.
Unfortunately, this is just one man or many who have lost their way and are acting out in a way that is so far removed from the truth of who they are. Thank God there are young men who can reflect a different way of being and living.
So sad that this is actually someones goal!!!! “I will never cheat my goal of sleeping with a spouse.” Just proves there is sooooooo much work to do with relationships both with ourselves and with others.
True, and as the saying goes it takes two to tango. So we can’t just blame men, not that I’m wanting to blame men. It’s society that needs to be called to account. And we all make up society. Responsibility time…..
Very beautiful blog, it is very useful to read the words of a man who is not afraid to be himself & write from these observations.
Some young men, post puberty, still hold the natural beauty, tenderness and ‘ sweet delicacy’ they had as boys. Many lose it, but a joy to behold when young and adult men continue to deepen their innate and precious qualities and reflect to others what is possible.
“Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?” This sums up the dangers of a life lived through pictures, rather than in the here and now with what is. Many relationships fail because of pictures we hold.
So true Kehinde. Having pictures and expectations are a killer in any relationship. I say this from personal experience.
To re-discover, love and value ourselves as a women, is the gateway to seeing the true qualities of men.
“… what do we experience in life that we go from being a sweet delicate boy with a heart of gold, to someone who makes their life goal to sexually objectify a woman…” This line exposes how we have imposed so many toxic ideals and beliefs onto men, and that they have also chosen, because the gap between how men are born and who they are as adults is enormous.
We can all behave this way, regardless of gender and therefore there is no need for superiority simply understanding.
“Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?” I really feel this sentence in my body. It would explain so much of the behaviour I see and experience and therefore brings greater understanding on my part for how I deal with it.
It is really time to redefine what is means to be tough. In our current society being tough is often seen as having a body with strong muscles, including the attitude we don’t need somebody else and cool mottos like no pain no gain. That are just words. The reality is – underneath of every woman and man there is a tender, delicate and fragile being, which is waiting to be nurtured by us. The real meaning of tough is – to feel the depth of our being and to bring this to the world, no matter if this is joy or any other feeling.
“Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?” Such a wise way of looking at this Michael – in answer to your question, yes it sounds very likely to me.
I can feel while reading this just how much we have been corrupted, comparing the delicateness and sensitivity of living as a young boy to feeling as a man the need to fit in by molding oneself to what we think is necessary to be able to function in life.
Corruption is a good word to describe the way we bring up boys to bury their sensitivity and delicateness. It’s an innate quality that should be held in preciousness… if we did we would relate and communicate to each other on a whole other level.
Some good points Alison, support in understanding hurts and rejection, how to deal with this, and heal it if needed would benefit many.
Reading this I have come to understand a deeper level of corruption. It’s not confined to dodgy deals and corrupt police officers, no it’s every way a person is taught and encouraged to be anything but who they truly are. Though our essence can never be corrupted, the way we live can. This happens to all genders, living life not reflecting our innate beauty.
Rather than limiting ourselves to what we see in life, we have the opportunity to live life from the freedom of our own lived experiences.
There’s nothing more beautiful than a man caring and honouring another woman. Without the objectification, the need and/ or demand of her to be anything. That is true strength men can have.
And as the ideals and beliefs continue to spiral out of control, my role models move steadily forward inspiring many to take a stand for everything we know and love.
“Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?” I would say this is a common policy for both genders that we use to protect our selves from being hurt, but have not yet realised that what both genders feel deep inside is exactly the same. We are so precious, tender and beautiful, what immense damage we do to our selves when we cut off from these powerful qualities within our selves and deny that they even exist in other people.
Loved returning to read this blog again this morning Michael – interesting that even though I am aware of so much of this I can still take on the expectations of others even if subtlety – great to check in and be able to let it go.
This blog shows beautifully how when we are open to connecting to our heart and observing life around us, there is always an opportunity to deepen our awareness and understanding of ourselves as well as the world around us.
It’s not surprising young men have lost their way when there is a lack of true role models.
Pure gold Michael … there are so many ideals and beliefs that become a man’s identity and in this his gorgeous essence is suppressed – even from himself sometimes. Its time for the innate qualities within all men to be brought forth once again – the world so needs them.
There is no conquest required to be a man. I have the privilege to know quite a few men who are becoming stronger, greater, grander and more gorgeous as they give themselves permission to be the tenderness, care and sensitivity they naturally are.
What a gorgeousness it is to be around men who have given themselves permission to be in their tenderness, care and sensitivity. There is nothing weak about this.
I love the level of honesty you share in your blog Michael. It’s awesome that you are claiming that there is another way, a true way to express as a man without needing validation or identification, by connecting to your inner essence.
A great exploration of what is considered being a man here.
What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman, a child, an adult, or anything at all? More and more I am understanding that the only thing that matters and spans way beyond any such definitions is what, in any moment, feels true to my heart.
It takes a real man to get over his hurts and raise a boy in a way that doesn’t corrupt who he is.
Very true Michael and well said.
Gorgeouos loving words to men in this article. How awesome it would be to bring up boys knowing and cherishing their qualities as they go through life and realising that it is natural and welcome for them to express their love, tenderness and sensitivity.
It is very hard when I sit ponder on and ask myself what it is to be a man as immediately my head is filled with images and ideas that have come from outside of me. Whether it be tv, magazines, other men I have seen the 1st things do not come from what I feel within. But what if all these images I have seen are actually false because they are only focusing on one aspect and missing the whole. Sure men are naturally stronger than women but we are equally as sensitive and tender. For me if I focus on being a man or what a man is I go down a path which almost tries to compare and compete with what a women is, ie. we somehow have to be different so it reduces it down the physicality rather than seeing underneath our gender, the way the look etc.. we are all the same being just have a different body to express in but are not innately different so we share the same qualities but may express them slightly differently.
Being a man is very much about constantly asking what’s the next step.
It is a relief to let go of belief’s and ideals of what it means to be a man or a woman in the world and connect with our own sense of innate tenderness and beauty.
It can be amazing the behaviours we create to distract ourselves from that which truly supports us. I can very much relate to the giving to others before giving to self, a cunning way of being in the pretence that I was seen as doing good yet in truth living an empty way of being as there was no connection to love.
Yes, the more men stand up and claim their tenderness, the more they give permission for other men to do the same.
What a great message this is for other men to also feel that they can live the tenderness they know themselves to be.
Sometimes we just need to be told “it’s okay”.
Very true Michael, being told “it’s okay” can be so freeing and liberating as it means we are allowed to just be ourselves and can let go of the thoughts that we will be judged and/or rejected for being ourselves, after all we are deeply sensitive and tender so it makes no sense that we feel it is not ok to show this side of ourselves to the others, other than the messages we have had back then and the way we have been taught to be which does not compute with our innate sensitivity and tenderness.
‘…all in order to distract myself from the fact that I was not treating myself with the same care and love I deserve. ‘ I can relate! Yesterday, after a talk with a friend, I realised I’ve been accepting the crumbs off the table from someone else and not giving myself the whole bakery (maybe not the greatest analogy but you see what I mean). Part of this has been to realise that when I accepted the crumbs I told myself I felt grateful but really I felt angry, resentful and had a fury against myself for selling myself short.
It is not until we let ourselves feel to this depth that we can let go of the hurts and expose another level of honesty and live then free of the baggage we have been carrying, sometimes for years if not lifetimes.
We fill our world with a million goals when all we ever need to do is hold and cherish our true tenderness dear.
Being a man in the world today is so much more than what we have framed it to be.
Michael it’s a question that I think all men today ask as we grow up and then even as adults wondering is this surely what being a man is about? It’s great to perhaps look not at what society dipicts a man to be but to start to trust what each of us feels makes a true man and explore what that looks like.
Completely agree David, reshape what it means to us in every dimension.
And this truer way is the way.
A beautiful sharing and understanding for all men on being who you truly are and the tenderness and love this really is and can be lived.
Michael, it’s a shame that the man you have mentioned in your blog didn’t get a chance to read you, maybe that would have gave him a new perspective about life and inspired him to make different choices …
Most important is how we feel inside not how we look or if we are fitting in to a picture. That is all that is needed.
I can relate to this feeling of rejection you speak of Michael and also the range of tactics I have used to try and avoid or protect myself from it.
Me too Andrew, at times I have do anything and everything to not get rejected, yet by doing so rejected myself in the process.
Its an indictment of the world that we live in that to see a man simply being vulnerable and his tender self is shocking and unusual to feel.
If it is so truly normal, natural and glorious to be living as a man from our true expression of tenderness, care and love then there must be an enormous amount of force geared in society to surpressing it!
True Joshua, there are so many gorgeous men around that have been moulded and shaped to take them away from that natural state.
When we accept each other as being less then it really hurts to feel how much we abuse ourselves and each other.
Yep, even the ‘small’ things like accepting and endorsing someone being less than who they are registers as abuse.
Yes the impact and abuse on our body when we treat ourselves as being less really does hurt however when I sense the hurt/sadness and appreciate myself for feeling it, it supports me to do something about it.
Nothing – and I mean nothing – could take me back to being the competition-fuelled all-for-show man/boy I used to be. This life is just to good to give up.
I often think that it must be challenging to be a man, in a world where societal beliefs expect you to be a certain way, which is totally at odds with who you really are, i.e., the tough, macho guy who is naturally tender, sensitive and very sweet. It would be so very refreshing if boys were supported to retain their natural qualities as they grow into adulthood and I am sure that the world we live in would begin to slowly change; change which is desperately needed today.
I am enjoying more and more the power of tenderness in men and the more we embrace this the freer we will be from gender divisiveness.
There is much hurt and protection revealed in those goals to hurt another, unfortunately it does nothing in terms of healing our lack of love for ourselves.
Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Showing us how to live in this world as the tender, sensitive, divine beings that we are (and so much more).
Do we rely on society to dictate what it is to be a man, be a woman or anything else, or do we consult our inner heart and our innate essence which can be witnessed in young children before they are subjected to the expectations and pressures of society asking them to change. Looking at the state of the world and what dominates our newspapers and internet in itself shows how unwise it is to keep accepting the ‘norm’ we have been running with.
The gentleness and delicateness possible within men is superb. And yet we fix each other into boxes and drift away from who we are. When we build on who we really are then we have this as our foundation, less influenced by what we are not.
A beautiful understanding and sharing of the true fragility and tenderness of all boys and men and the reality of living this in the world as who we naturally are .
The justification for the rules that men live under seems to be that men become emotional and unreliable, especially when there is a crisis, if they don’t follow those rules.
In other words you are supposed to contort yourself like a pretzel into something you are not in order to be effective?!
Just what happens when we refuse to put quality before function.
Yes Michael that is so true no need for men to tailor their ways and express their natural tender ways, that is exactly what women are truly looking for. Imagine that and then it would be interesting to see if women would also embrace these natural qualities within themselves also. True relationships would definitely be on the cards.
Thank you, Michael, for releasing men from the many impositions and rules we have created in society. The freer we all are to express ourselves, live and interact naturally and openly, the more likely we are to learn and grow.
It’s time for us to come out of the cage.
And on top of this we are also taught that rejection is a weakness, something to be ashamed of rather than read and understand why exactly has that situation occurred.
Very true Michael, as it can be so easy to ‘think’ immediately we have been rejected and react to the seeming fact when it may not be the case just our reinterpretation of the situation. Just like when someone walks past and ignores you it may not be because they are ignoring you but because they may be caught up in their head, in a rush or something else so it is not personal at all, but if we immediately jump to reacting to it then we only see what we want to and never the whole picture.
Video gaming and virtual reality are huge today – but perhaps this should not be surprising to see when we have effectively been playing a million psychological games of so many kinds all to avoid feeling and being the true man in life.
These are very involving ways to move away from reality. The trouble is they leave you feeling worse than before, even if there is a temporary elation.
Indeed how can someone go from being a sweet child to having a calculated goal of sleeping with someone’s spouse and how can someone go from being a sweet girl to enabling this energy and thinking it funny. We have so much to learn about the truth of energy and how this plays out in our lives from small to old. For example not living a life from hurts, anger, sadness, misery, frustration, regrets, bitterness or events and situations that have happened to us in our life but instead staying connected to the truth of who we are and living from this. Cue Universal Medicine who present the absolute truth on all of this and then some.
Your understanding of men is very refreshing Michael. There is undoubtedly nothing more gorgeous than feeling the love and tenderness you truly are within you. We have been sold a model of being a man from life that is based on bringing the world in to us to make us feel full. Identify by our doings in other words. Whereas there is so much more to bring and experience when we live from the inside out!
There is nothing more gorgeous than feeling the love and tenderness in all men. We just have to support young boys to honour this as they grow and the more men express from this place of tenderness the greater number of role models we will have.
I totally agree Joshua and Rachel, the more we ourselves foster and nurture the tenderness within and are not afraid to show this to the world the more other men and boys will grow up seeing that it is ok and accepted to be the natural tender men we are.
Yes I witness in me and many others the richness of our inner landscapes and that these make our common facades and the way we present ourselves publically look paltry.
Agreed Joshua, let’s bring in truth and true men instead of the way we have expected men to act and be today. No need to look any further than Serge but should you there are no many many others who live life full of joy and tenderness.
‘We can be the Man that reflects tremendous power through fragility’ – an absolutely gorgeous sentence Michael. A man expressing fragility is an example of divine, exquisite beauty and I as a woman no longer run away from this reflection as I learn to embrace and adore the fragility within me.
The femininity expressed in a man is endearing and touching to both genders if accepted.
I have often observed that in the case for some women, it is some men leading the way in expressing their delicateness, sensitivity and femininity. As women, in our fight to become equal, many of us have taken on a more aggressive and hard stance rather than remaining in our sensitivity and leading with that. Is it possible that generally men have become more lost in terms of relating to their feelings because women have also?
It’s brilliant that you are asking this question – because in our gender identities we are in some way set up to fail in life and/or deny the most natural parts of ourselves. For example, I’ve yet to meet a man who is not incredibly sweet and tender yet every aspect of society moulds them to become the exact opposite of who they naturally are.
Yep, it’s quite something to see that sweetness in every man.
It is so beautiful to read what you share Michael and from it I can see how much we as women can also take the time to stop and truly appreciate how precious and tender we are also and not go about trying to prove anything, just simply be and embrace how fragile and powerful we truly are.
A man that can hold onto his sensitivity and not be afraid to express it, is a great role model for others. There is nothing less male or strong about a man who can do this, rather the opposite in fact.
I agree Rachel. There is unfathomable strength in a man who is connected to his tenderness and sensitivity.
Yes, so true and being strong is not about physical strength but about being true to who you are from the inside out.
Michael, I agree; ‘Somewhere on that ‘raising boy to a man’ trajectory something went horribly wrong and a serious derailment must have occurred.’ I have observed the sweetness, openness and tenderness of young boys and have also observed how as boys grow up that these qualities become more hidden and I see boys trying to fit in and be hard and tough, which feels completely unnatural. It is beautiful to meet older boys and men who are still tender, sweet and sensitive but this seems to be the exception rather than the norm.
It is great the observation that you make, about the contrast between the delicate boys that begin life and the sexually conquering men that they become. It is observations like these that really help us all to see life for what it is and for what it has turned in to, which may not always be what was intended at the start.
I remember feeling devastated and bereft when ex-girlfriends split up with me, thinking how could they etc etc…but now I realise that the devastation was really the empty feeling returning of me not loving or accepting myself and I was expecting someone else to fill that void for me and when the distraction of the relationship was over I was left with the honesty of where I was at with my relationship with myself. This is still something I am working on to this day – the deepening of my relationship with myself and the more I do the more beautiful and rich my relationship with others becomes.
There sure is another way of how we can be the delicate, sensitive, tender loving men that we naturally are. We just have to look at young boys to see how we all once were and can return to once we let go of all the ideals and beliefs we think we need to fit in and simply be ourselves. The more men do this the more other men will see it is natural and the less boys will grow up thinking they need to be tough and hard.
When we take performance out of life (the need to live up to expectations, perceived, imposed or otherwise) we are at first free to explore who we really are, what makes us tick, what are our qualities and how we can express all of that in the world.
I agree when we can just be real, who we are without any pretence, we have the space to explore the qualities we have and bring and share through our expression.
‘We no longer have to be tough to feel strong.’ – How true, nothing is more powerful and inspiring than a tender man.
Such a misbelief that we have to be tough to be strong, we are absolutely strong in our tenderness and delicateness. The true strength is felt through these connections.
I agree Eva and the more tender I feel within myself the deeper strength I feel because it is coming form within and not something I am sourcing from outside of me to build me up.
‘…what is it about the way we are raised as boys to young men that we end up with this type of mission as an end result?’ A great question to ask, Michael. Clearly, we have to be lost to end up with this as being a goal even if this is said in jest and so called banter. If we can’t live with integrity, respect, love and the natural tenderness we are all from then we have definitely lost the mark.
Beautifully put Rachel.
In those moment when we hear, see or sense something that jars with our personal inner marker of love, care and decency, it is great to stop and reflect on what is going on and what it is we are sensing, as in this blog. Sometimes everything is ticking the boxes on the surface, but our feeling says otherwise.
Interestingly sometimes it is the opposite too, i.e. my ideals and beliefs state things ought to be different to what I am witnessing (e.g. there have been instances when someone has said ‘no’ when my ideas of correctness and good was all for dictating a ‘yes’) yet my body and inner awareness feels the ease and joy of knowing everyone is taken care of.
There are so many things that are set up to separate men and women and cause an unnatural divide. Growing up I had lots of different close friends who were girls and did at times get asked by them if I was gay because I was not sexually making a move on them. It is like if somehow things are not sexual then something is wrong. The more we can let go of the beliefs and pictures of how things could or should be the more we can just allow ourselves to be with each other and truly enjoy each other regardless of our gender.
A beautiful honest sharing and understanding of life and how we grow up and the pictures and conditions we take on from society .Being the true beautiful sensitive man with the wisdom you share is lovely and a great marker in the world.
It is what we see in front of us that we take on from others, so is it a possibility we can start to live in a way that is true and hence then the reflection we give to others is true?
And it is an utterly disgraceful way of sharing yourself also- where is your selfworth really, when you sleep with someone because of a list or to champion the type of partner you had. How empty do you need to be, that you give away your body and soul to just an ” act”, which excitement anyway fades in milliseconds after it was done.
Letting go of any pictures what a man or a woman need to fulfill will eventually support us to meet in true purity instead of belief meets need and the other way around. What if there are no rules, what men or women should do or how to behave and this got only introduced to create separation between the genders?!
Great point you make and worth pondering on what if these rules where just created to separate the two genders. In truth we are the same, the same blood running through us all, we may look different physically but that’s it.
Men and women are the warp and weft threads of life.
So inspiring to read Michael! I hope my grandchildren are inspired by someone as wise as yourself and are able to break the mould that we have accepted for men and women for so many centuries.
Thank you Roslyn, I certainly couldn’t do it on my own and am sure that your grandchildren will have the support to make the same steps whatever that looks like for them!
A wonderful reflection about the choices we make offered by this question: “Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection”. It is worth considering the fact that no man or woman is by nature unloving or harmful and that such behaviours are always only ever chosen in order to manage a deeper anguish and unrest. Such awareness opens the door to much greater care and understanding of ourselves and each other and places us in a much more wise and powerful place to deal with the issue.
I can totally see in my own life how I have used many ruses to protect myself including signing up to some of these pictures or models of manhood you describe here Michael so thanks for starting this much needed conversation.
We hear things everyday that people say with out really thinking through what they are saying. Often we are the ones who pop out this and that opinion and judgment without understanding the harm we do. As in there is very little responsibility for the impact on others or our own wellbeing.
How true – the everyday slander, thoughtless and seemingly innocent, is harming much more deeply than we are aware of.
Its very true what you say, we really have to start taking a deeper level of responsibility in what we express in every moment, the harm and the impact it may cause another if we are not connecting to our true essence.
To not be free to express who and what we are is a crime against humanity in the biggest sense.
I love that at 21 you share all the challenges and norms of a 21 year old but also the fact that it is always a choice. Thank you for posing the questions and helping us on our way to understanding why we behave the way we do and how we can build a roadmap for ourselves out of our own mess.
I love it too! And i’ve found that the more I share honestly the more others feel comfortable sharing their own story and what’s going on in their lives. Hearing so many different people’s stories I realised that we all have far more in common than not.
Yes Michael, I too have noticed that and what is absurd is that we push on through life believing that this protected way of being is what we need to do. So it is truly beautiful to be opening up and be sharing where we are and letting people in as it really does support others to do the same and we can all learn and evolve together, thanks for sharing.
Michael, your reflection of what it is to be a man are very touching, because it is so palpable how much you care and how committed you are to living in a way that is a true refection for others.
Beautifully said Janet, you can feel he is committed to live in his truth so he is able to provide a reflection to others.
Michael, this is a inspiring blog to read and you are living testimony to the fact that “There IS another way, a truer way to be a man in the world today.”
Since attending presentations of the Ancient Wisdom Teachings by Serge Benhayon over the past 10 years, I have been witness to both men and women changing beyond measure – not through following sets of rules, ideals or dictates, only by personal choices to be more observant and aware of their own body, progressing to re-connection with the innate essence within.
I agree an inspirational article from a man who is living what is true for him as a man. It is awesome that there are role models who lighting the way for others.
Yes I agree that this article is an inspiration for other men how it is possible to live in a way which is true for him as a man, with out an imposition.
There are so many ideals and images in society about what it is to be a man and a woman, and it is at times difficult to clarify what is true and what is not. What we can be certain of always, is that whenever there is any lack of love, care and honouring of ourselves or anyone else, then that is not it.
‘Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?’ – Thanks for opening this discussion Michael, our relationship with each other would look very different if both genders would be corageous enough to always show each other what they truly feel as opposed to putting on a protective facade.
With your question, Michael about what it means to be a man it got me to thinking about what it means to be a woman? All those ideals and beliefs about being great mothers, being over sexualised and having to stay looking young and beautiful to have any type of credibility is just hogwash. We too have lost touch with our sensitivity and delicacy to simply survive the onslaught that is life. Thank heavens I say, for the presentations and teachings of Universal Medicine that is showing us what it really is to be a true man and woman and how to live it.
There’s enough carnage out in the world as it is without the addition of not even being free to be ourselves without critique and discouragement.
Yes, Michael, thank you for sharing the fact that there IS another way, and being a wonderful example of a man who is not afraid to re-claim his truly loving and exquisite nature.
A very beautiful piece of writing Michael. Thank you.
Beautifully expressed Michael. To divide and conquer or to love and unify – this is the question we must all ask ourselves to ascertain what our purpose in life is. Love leads us back to who we truly are and conquest takes us further away from it. Creating division in whatever way we choose (and there is a plethora of ways on offer to us) is a great way to achieve distance between us and our Soul – the place where we meet our true self and all others as well.
It is so true that from a young age we are shown the many roles that we can choose to live in order to be a success and yet there is nothing more nourishing than living life from that sweet and tender essence that is within us all.
We are entering a new era of how to treat men, to allow them to truly express their sensitivity and grace and it is very heartening to feel and see it being so beautifully claimed Michael. What huge treasures there are to set free in this World.
Someone seeking sleeping with a woman/ man that is actually in a relationship, only shows that this persons does not want to accept intimacy and true love and might carry the believe that they don´t deserve love. As you will always know, that you don´t need to commit in full/ the other will never commit to you in full, because the other person is not “free”.
In todays society something must go very wrong, if a tender boy becomes such a hard driven, non expressing, competitive etc man. What if we would accept that men are equally sensitive and loving and fragile like women ?
How great would that be, but the reality today is far from this. Men are not allowed to be tender and as a boy I remember not wanting to grow up for that very reason, it is super empowering to know you can grow up tender and actually that is what society is needing.
You are a true role model for every man, Michael. Your wisdom, sensitivity and understanding shines through and we can all learn from your learning.
Ok so there may be a few, maybe even quite a few men who have seen through or have broken the images/ideals and beliefs of what it is to be a man and totally embraced that tenderness is a strength rather than a weakness, but it will take many to start living this before the tide turns on the age old way we all behave and the traps and pitfalls we fall into and the way society tries to mould us.
Yes, Kevin, but we must not underestimate the power of one man living from his true essence, as a tugging reminder and a reflection for everyone he passes and interacts with of the same tenderness within us all.
“all in order to distract myself from the fact that I was not treating myself with the same care and love I deserve.” This is a great thing for both men and women to question ‘What would happen if we would love ourselves the same as we do the people around us?’.
My body and the way I carry myself has changed drastically since I started to ask myself that question.
The saviour light lives within and if we wait for someone else to ‘do it for us’, we are not seeking true resurrection but a deep hiding that keeps us going around and around the same vicious cycle.
Yes indeed we cannot wait for another person to lead the way as we can only save ourselves.
I’ve literally just got of a train and a group of young men were in there own world, and the conversations were of the same quality you experienced. The egging each other on and group pack energy was absolutely so far gone from there true natural state of being, yet this has been considered normal. Everyone in the train were in tension because of the way they were acting.
Your way of addressing other men through your own experience, realisations and livingness is amazing, as only through living and sharing it this way you can inspire other man to resurrect to their true nature and quality. Thank you !
It does feel like a resurrection doesn’t it? a re-engagement with the little boy they once were. I know for myself as a female, I had to learn to re-connect to the playfulness of myself as a little girl to get below the sadness of what I saw in the world so I could see where so many of my patterns came from.
Talking simplicity from what we live holds more weight than any profound saying spoken by those who do not walk the steps.
Picture-busting and belief-dissolving to the max… thank you, Michael. I love, respect and honour more and more the strength of tenderness in a man.
Your loving words to every man could just as easily have been written for every woman….it takes a reconnection to our naturalness, to our inner knowing and to live by that, not afraid to go against the grain so to speak and stand up for what we know is true. The manipulation to take us away from this is huge. Deepening our awareness and discernment is vital if we are to make it in this tricky climate.
This is music to my ears, magic to my eyes and the biggest hug I can feel… soaking up everything you offer here Michael on all levels. Deep down this is what women truly want a man that honours himself to the max and open to be the deeply tender and caring man he is. There is much for both men and women to let go of and everything to be all that we are.
There is something in the way that you write this Natalie that makes me really feel how truthful this is; what a mutual invitation it is to both sexes to just let go and allow the love in and out.
I love that i’ve got such a clear definition of what being a man is for me, inspired by those who live it, not just talk about it.
Talking is great, but only connected with a body that lives it. Otherwise it more harms than inspires.
It is so important and beautiful, Michael, that you have written this blog, as a loving enquiry about what it truly means to be a man.
Loved reading this Michael, and what a shining reflection you offer for what it is to be a true man, an inspiring read thank you.
‘Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?’ If we really went this deep with honesty and truth to what is prevalent in society, took what is disrespectful and then retraced the steps to how did this happen? we would know how to return to our sensitive selves and love and nurture them rather than ignore and tell ourselves to toughen up.
“What does it mean to be a man”. In many journeys of discovery in my life, in my work, wherever, I often use what I know it isn’t to help discover the truth of what it is. I do this a lot and it has/is the same with discovering what it is to be a man. By saying no to the what it isn’t opens up space for the what it is.
I went to a very English funeral yesterday at which a Danish lady invited us all to do a very un-English thing. It was beautiful to watch the joy in all as they shook off the shackles of what we think we are meant to do or be.
So cute to hear a cute man be so cute to another cute man.
“We no longer have to be tough to feel strong.” Trying to feel tough, which is a try, and lie because I’m not, makes me feel so insecure. Being honest makes me feel super strong, because if I am not hiding anything, then there is nothing that I can be got with.
And you can always feel when someone plays being tough. There is just another layer on top of the insecurity, Like the phenomenon when someone who did have a face lift/ cosmetic surgery looking seemingly younger, but in fact you know and feel the actual age of that person – just with an added face lift. .
‘We no longer have to perform to the impossible standards we as a society have set.’ – These are wise words for all of us to reflect on, both men and women.
The freedom to feel that there are choices to live the true self – is the love that is offered by Serge Benhayon in breaking the mould and constructs and reflect the quality that men can truly live.
For men to let go of thinking that to be strong is to be tough is huge but more and more men are doing it now and that is a wonderful thing for all of society.
I really agree with this Elizabeth and am finding that more and more men are simply not buying into this charade anymore. There is much change afoot.
It is a significant point you make that the depth of awareness you have shared in this blog had “sadly not been taught to me by the education system or any other facet of society” and that it was Serge Benhayon and his workshops that have provided a steady platform for you to build and live with the depth of observation, understanding and responsibility you are choosing today, and “live in a way that I may be the reflection that says: There IS another way, a truer way to be a man in the world today.” There is no greater education than supporting someone in this way.
It is becoming so clear to me that the world is set up from the moment we, both men and women, arrive in this world as precious babies, so we don’t come to know the beautiful and wise beings we naturally are. The majority of boys have huge expectations placed on them as to the tough guy they are expected to grow up to be and the girls are raised with the belief that their beauty comes from the outside; two huge impediments in the way of discovering who they truly are. Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon who is exposing this evil setup which is based on the lies that we have been led to believe and in turn presenting the truth about the incredible beings we naturally are, from day one.
Until some one shows us another way to be, we are all lost to paradigms that do not truly represent who we are. Serge Benhayon through his living example shows us another way to be, one that truly honours our exquisite essence, powerful fragility and immense integrity, the depth of which is evident in the writing of this article.
‘We no longer have to look at life through the lens of another person’s views and opinions.’ This is huge, for how many times a day do we make decisions based on what the people might think and go completely against what we felt may have been a true action to simply fit in.
As a man we can be strong, powerful, delicate, tender, caring, doing what needs to be done. We can have it all and there is no contradiction.
Yes, and so beautiful to feel these qualities in a man.
Just wanted to say how beautiful it is to read the comments from the men on this blog, the openness and insight that is shared is touching and appreciated.
Yes. And to embrace all these qualities – tenderness, sensitivity, delicacy and all – is to offer true strength.
It’s a great marker to have, and something that gets louder and louder the more one is willing to listen.
I love the ‘loving words to every man’ included in this blog. They offer great markers for supporting a young boy as he grows up to be an adult.
Great point Doug. Women have been equally corrupted and misshaped by social influences as we grow up. We are affected by the social norm that says we are less and have to play small. I feel that anyone who has their true self rejected when they are young and loses their connection with their true self will be capable of such cold and selfish acts.
First of all, how gorgeous is that photo of Michael Brown and Serge Benhayon? Two men not afraid to show how gorgeous they are. The web of social constructs that leads a boy to grow into a man with a life ambition to sleep with another man’s wife is a serious corruption of who he really is. This might seem like an extreme case but each man, even if he appears to tick all the successful boxes has been affected by societal norms that ask him to hide his tenderness and love of himself. This leaves women feeling the potential but living with something very different.
Yeah, what we are asked to be as men can vary a lot and look like a lot of different things but it will always be incongruent with who and what we are.
We have always defined being a man by things that do nothing but pressurise men to be a certain picture of manhood, rather than seeking to define being a man by qualities that reflect the true essence of men
Just the simple fact of the mindset that boys / men are not suppose to cry shows how stubbornly we hold onto societal norms that are simply not in line how we truly feel and thus who we truly are.
Michael – this is a brilliant piece of writing. “Strong and Provider, Romantic and Charming, Tough and Powerful, Great Lover and Money Maker etc. etc.” What I love about this list is that as you say to be all of them would be utterly impossible – and yet most men would look at this list and spot the things that they are NOT rather than those that they are. That’s what I have felt and I know others have felt and it’s huge – we need to seriously re-juice our powers of appreciation…..which, by the way, beautiful blogs like this do VERY well!!
We menfolk have such exquisite qualities and virtues that to not appreciate them is a crime against our own nature.
I agree. Normally my first impulse would be to see where I can do better or at least seen to be good enough. That doesn’t quite work as, even when we think it is good enough, the lack of appreciation leaves a niggle.
What a massive difference in perspective you demonstrate here Michael. When some people’s only goal is to fracture other people’s marriages, you are actively seeking to deepen yours with a beautiful intimacy and profound wisdom that is not only irresistible, but very inclusive of all, so that all our relationships may flourish equally so.
It is one thing to be aware that there is another way, and it is another thing altogether to actually live this, and it shows the true making of a man who chooses the latter.
Beautifully expressed and a call to be the kind of man that I am inspired to be – a far cry from the kind of man that much of society asks me to be.
Exquisite writing from an exquisite man. There is much to be learnt about life for both men and women from what is offered.
Michael, this is beautiful; ‘We no longer need to prove that we are worthy of something through doing and achieving, instead we put focus on absolutely exquisite qualities we innately hold.’
Interesting when you say that perhaps men put women down so they are one step ahead of rejection. It’s something we don’t talk about enough and yet it is a big deal and shows how we have not wanted to truly see how hurt plays out throughout our lives.
An interesting question and observation Michael. It brings another angle to understanding the objectification of women.
“Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?”
Stephanie that is exactly what I did as a young man, I wanted to be ahead of being rejected, being “dumped” or being hurt. My motto was hurt the other person first so then it is not so painful when I get hurt – a very odd way to live life when I look back.
Yes odd, but very common. We are so scared about being hurt that we are rejecting others just in case they were planning to reject us later.
Great sharing and openness for others to feel your reflection and truth in which you are allowing yourself to connect to
“What does it mean to be a man” a great question and one that I never knew the answer to, growing up I felt lost as what a man is – what they should do, provide, bring, be, look – there are very few true men in society. Serge is one such man that shows me true strength and true tenderness is possible and very much what we all naturally are.
A deeply sensitive real sharing on the state of the world for men and where and how they have come to live. Bringing appreciation and love back into our lives with responsibility is something that makes all the difference and allows the joy in life to be lived.
“We are all here to learn and it is a process I am thoroughly enjoying going through.” And one that completely transforms our lives, no matter what age we are, when we actually understand and embrace this truth. There is never a time in life when we can ever claim to know it all, as there is always more to learn that expands our awareness and keeps us growing from the inside out.
” There is never a time in life when we can ever claim to know it all, as there is always more to learn that expands our awareness and keeps us growing from the inside out.” This is a beautiful reminder we are always expanding our awareness a constant growth, this part of life.
If we make learning, expanding and evolving our purpose instead of having a ‘nice’ or easy time this changes our way of lliving life, totally.
Yeah agree Joseph, it’s really different. And doesn’t actually take much effort at all to do!
Speaking from someone who’s motivation in life was to have a ‘nice’, easy time because I couldn’t handle the stresses of life and wanted to hide from it, it has been revelatory to change my purpose and face all that I couldn’t handle by learning, expanding and evolving from the discomfort that life brings up. I have found a much greater depth and confirmation to be found in those ‘good’ moments and have been open to learning in those challenging times… all of which has led to a fuller rounded version of myself, much more able to handle and enjoy life.
Michael, it is beautiful to appreciate our qualities; ‘Since then, I have had the amazing opportunity to actually look at my qualities as a man; the fact that I am tender, delicate, loving, super patient, wise, a great cook, a lover of cleaning, ironing, and on the whole someone who brings a different perspective on situations.’ I have noticed that when I appreciate my natural qaulities I feel joyful, confident and connected.
To accept ourselves just the way we are and appreciate our own qualities, fosters confidence and trust and most of all, it confirms our feeling of self worth.
Dude i read your articles with pleasure and ease, this one’s no difference. Plenty of great material and observations to consider and apply.
As men we can be very abusive or very loving. The latter takes more courage.
So much of our media is about how to tailor ourselves to attract a mate and all the time we forget that there is nothing more attractive than living our innate tenderness and beauty.
There is nothing more exquisite than being in the company of a man (or woman) who is in their tenderness. It’s simply melting.
I love looking at this photo, Michael, of two men (in pink!) very much at ease and so tender with one another to be embracing cheek to cheek. This is beautiful to feel…
Feeling worth through another is a clear sign of feeling worth-less inside. And, that is the irony, men have to become a specific set of images built around the ideal of strength, with such a foundation and using the image so no one will ever notice, not even himself.
Every word of this article is gold and for every man and woman to read. If truly heard and felt we will understand what is needed to change the current deviation from the natural sweetness of a boy to the conquest-seeking destructive words of the young man on the train.
The other day I walked past two men who were talking about a girl named Carol and how one of them had slept with her. The way they spoke was very disrespectful and harmful to hear. Now I’d rather be around men who are respectful, gentle, tender and loving towards all women because they love themselves and hear what they have to say about women – I’m sure the conversation would be a whole lot different.
It is unpleasant hearing these conversations because of how it reflects the lack of care, appreciation and honouring we have in society about ourselves and each other, and also the lack of responsibility in how we communicate with one another. Conversations such as this blog and the comments are a great way of re-establishing a loving and honouring norm.
The other day I walked past two men who were talking about a girl named Carol and how one of them had slept with her. The way they spoke was very disrespectful and harmful to hear. Now I’d rather be around men who are respectful, gentle, tender and loving towards all women because they love themselves and hear what they have to say about women – I’m sure the conversation would be a whole lot different.
Michael as I read your ‘loving words to every man’, I felt a sense of relief and that’s as a woman! Women have their own list of societal requirements and what you shared helped me to feel that I can opt out of them at any time and just be me.
We all get distracted by the face of a behaviour but there is a motivating factor behind all behaviours and it would be helpful if we all investigated what is actually driving our behaviours. I, for example used to go for guys who had girlfriends, not because I truly fancied the guy so much that I was prepared to get him at all costs but because I got a boost for my incredibly low self esteem if I managed to snag a bloke who was already taken. Had I been able to identify the motivating force behind my actions then I would have had an insight into what was fuelling me, which would have afforded me the opportunity to do something about it. Helping each other to identify motivating factors is incredibly supportive, although I understand the hesitancy in most to do this. We are a very protective bunch.
“What do we experience in life that we go from being a sweet delicate boy with a heart of gold, to someone who makes their life goal to sexually objectify a woman as conquerable land AND potentially rip apart a marriage?”. Answer-pain, or rather what we perceive as pain. We perceive something as being either painful or potentially painful and it is then that we change how we’re being and in doing so change our beingness. Once we have made that initial change then it’s really anyone’s guess where we’ll end up and what we’ll end up doing. Once we abandon the real us, then we can morph into literally anything.
Without my role models i’d be lost in a world of ideals and pictures, and so I kind of understand why we are collectively in this mess.
It is testament to Serge Benhayon and his evident inspiration that such a young man can write so wisely about what it is to be a man and to be embodying these teachings into his everyday life. That is an awesome achievement of true parenting.
As a goal set to never sleeping with a married women, would be my motto. And lived up-to I have. As they had already made their choice and if she was to forgo that choice to sleep with me then there would always be the possibility to then move on to the next best so-called-relationship!
How ironic that as women we have for so long chosen to compete with an image of men that is not honouring of even a man’s true nature. We have a huge part to play in keeping men behaving in a manner that is so removed from their natural sensitivity, care and tenderness.
That is very true and beautifully said.
Life is amazing when we just see it as an amazing opportunity to unroll and discover who we actually are, rather than living every day from who or what we are told to be.
Our current ideal and picture of what it means to be a man is all upside down and back to front. Sensitivity and delicacy is all our inherent nature for both men and women and to deny this in expression is like throwing mud on pure white snow.
this is a beautiful expression of the natural qualities of every man. Every man should read the loving words that you wrote because they would know them to read them. With the impossible expectations that you have written about, is it any wonder that we start believing we don’t deserve love. It is a strong belief, drilled in since young and reinforced endlessly. But it is a belief and therefore completely untrue.
Living without pictures, without ideas of how things should be, so being able to meet everyday life without, clauses, have too’s or ‘needs to be that way’ ideas….amazing. How simply healthy and energetically supportive.
Thank you for exposing and explaining why we behave in opposition to our divinity but that it’s just a front and the beauty of delving deeper into seeing who a person truly is helps to arrest the imposter.
It’s gorgeous to hear you claim your tender, delicate, loving, patient and wise, (great cook, lover of cleaning and ironing, and the ability to bring a different perspective with ease) qualities – and therefore being able to appreciate and confirm the same in others.
Yes, it is incredibly dishonouring to impose ideals of what a young boy or man should live up to, as it denies opportunity for exploration and then free expression of his true nature.
To my way of thinking Serge Benhayon is one of the few people in the world today who as you say Michael has proved a steady platform so that we can all look at the deviant way we are living. The level of corruption in our society is at an all time high, and the standards we live by are lowering every year. We do need to bring an understanding that the way we live is a mess and this is being shown to us by the ill health we live with and the climate change that we are all experiencing.
“His presentations and workshops run by Universal Medicine have provided me with a steady platform to look at these deviant societal constructs, and not only to look at them, but to allow myself to feel the level of corruption we have allowed…” – yes , the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have been the platform in my life for the past 10+ years to change it for the truer better, and I could not be more thankful and appreciative for this change where I today live with one thing I have always sought – understanding [of the world, of myself, of others].
Truly challenging the stereotypes and providing real role models.
I agree, which allows the space to come to what being a man or woman means for us, without the strangle hold of a created version that we often get caught in that society continually imposes and tell us is our reality. Men can be strong and powerful as woman can, but neither gender needs to do it with force, push or superiority, and we do not need to play a game of war with the other gender and try and out do each other or usurp each other. We are all born equal.
What does it mean to be a man? That depends on the experiences and choices of the man.
You have exposed Michael much of what society subtly grooms young boys to become and sadly to aspire too but you have also so beautifully confirmed that the body knows what is true if we choose to listen. The sudden jarring and cringing pain in your stomach area shows as with all of us that the body will keep reminding us of who we are, what we accept and whether this is true. You will be one of the men bringing a different way, a loving way for others to observe and the warmth of this will be felt. Thank you for the commitment to being all of the amazing man you are and strutting this in the world.
I love this Christine, truth in every word. As a society we throw away or disown what we have contributed to when it comes to a man acting wayward. As a whole we don’t say ‘wait a minute, I know the sensitivity, tender qualities and pure love of men, so what has happened that this is the end result?’ How do we contribute to this distortion in our own lives and thoughts every day. Our bodies are repulsed by what overshadows our divine nature when we are around abuse of any kind.
It is really inspiring, Michael, that you experienced the harshness of abusing yourself as a teenager but have made the decision as a young man to never let that happen again, because you treasure your sensitivity and honour your body way too much.
“Back to the point here though, and that is, what is it about the way we are raised as boys to young men that we end up with this type of mission as an end result?” Yes, if we honestly look at us, humanity, and how we behave and talk with each other we can see that the way life is at the moment is producing these kind of statements. Then we can ask ourselves what is going on? Because if we were a factory and this is the end product something has gone wrong. We have to be honest about that and it is not something to just be brushed off.
For some reason when men get together in groups they feel like they have to prop up this false stereotype and say degrading things about women that they don’t actually believe. I ask myself why is that? Michael points to the fear of rejection; are men so insecure and need to fit in they abandon their true nature and offer the group something they don’t believe but think might be accepted. When men join in with this the conversation quickly degrades much to the detriment of these men’s relationships.
If men look outside themselves to find who they are they only find the false pictures and destructive stereotypes. To look within is to find the true qualities of a man these are to be cherished appreciated and expanded on. Then he will be not so insecure or be in fear of rejection and will be able to speak from the heart like young Michael here.
You are absolutely one hundred percent correct when you say that ALL boys are by nature very sweet, tender and caring. It is the model life is based on that moulds them to be the monsters we then hate and run from.
It is a playful but profound practise to meet every man as the sweet, tender, caring heart they naturally are.
Beautiful and very wise blog Michael. Thank you.
What’s great is you don’t need to be a man to reflect to men what a true man is. I have women in my life who ask me to be every bit of man that I am… Give me this sort of woman over one that laughs at misogyny and outright abuse any day of the week.
Well said Michael – everyone, both genders, have equal responsibility to reflect our true nature.
To give ourself all that what we yearn to receive from another or want to give to another is the key, I so agree, because then there is no demand nor expectation but a steady loving way with ourself and this we bring then to every relationship we have. It is always the relationship with ourself and the deepening of it that serves us all.
That’s really interesting, Michelle. I also see more young people withdrawing into a virtual world and shutting down in protection, so it will be interesting to see what emerges from this latest government relationship tactic.
Love the sensitivity in which you wrote this piece – sharing your own journey and development. Inspiring.
In these moments, when a joke is made at the expense of another, or in a way that puts other people down or less, it is the responsibility of everyone in that conversation to step forward and say that it isn’t okay – it is when we just laugh and go along with it, or stay quiet and wait for the moment to pass, people are receiving the message that its okay. But those moments build, they create an environment where jokes can change into behaviours and into actions. I have heard countless stories where decent people have had friends make racist or sexist remarks and not said anything despite feeling that the comments are disrespectful – but in that moment we are no better than those making the comment is we stand by and say nothing.
“What Does it Mean to Be a Man?” – is the same as what it means to be a woman – to be one’s true loving self.
It is all about being who we truly are no matter what gender, that does not change our essence that flows through.
‘The awareness and consideration I have given to this topic has sadly not been taught to me by the education system or any other facet of society. My development in this regard has been encouraged and supported by a very dear friend of mine, Serge Benhayon. ‘ it is deeply appreciated by many that Serge has offered all of this to us all. This should therefore reflect as you offer here Michael that this should also be supported and offered in our own families and in schools but there is no point unless those offering it are also living it themselves as best they can just as Serge does with everything he presents and offers everyone.
A true man lives the truth of who he is whatever that is without pictures. Exactly the same applies to a true woman.
Living and expressing our truth all the time, no pictures or expectation, just truth.
When we find out what it truly means to be men and we can talk freely about it without bottling it up we will see suicide rates plummet.
A huge and important statement, Kev. Let’s make these conversations commonplace.
A topic truly to be explored, as what the world is reflecting at the moment with the level of male suicide should not be happening.
The example you give is so powerful Michael – so much of what we say we want as men is just a way to numb our pain – the true yearning lives underneath. Love how you suggest we get to that root cause.
Michael, what you are sharing here is really interesting; ‘I am to treat myself with the level of care and regard that I have been far too quick to offer to others.’ Reading this makes me aware that in the past I would always put the other person first in relationships and me and my self-care second. Nowadays I put myself first – this feels natural and allows space and true love to be in the relationship.
“There IS another way, a truer way to be a man in the world today.” Thank you Michael for showing all men and women that there is another way and that all the pictures around being a man is more an imprisonment than a healthy way of living.
A topic truly to be explored, as what the world is reflecting at the moment with the level of male suicide should not be happening.
I am sure most women would prefer the men to be tender and gentle. Their strength is much appreciated for jobs around the house but not the mean hardness.
You might enjoy this collection of quotes and audio about being a true man: http://www.unimedliving.com/voice/audio-by-category/men-audio.html
How tragic it is that men have been conditioned to be as far away from their natural tenderness as they can possibly be, to the detriment of every woman and man on this planet.
“We no longer have to tailor ourselves to attract women, for the woman that falls in love with our natural tender ways is the one that will be a friend for life”.
Thank you for exposing the corruption that allows such a twisted life goal to be voiced and not challenged and for reflecting how to live in a way that honours the truth of the beautiful tender man that you are.
You have raised a super important issue – why is it that men can go from being so super cute and adorable little children to having the highest suicide rates and yet also being statistically more likely to abuse or rape? What kind of upbringing does society provide them that men seem to live between two extremes of expressing the pain and anguish of not being able to be themselves, either taking their own life or harming another. Men are constantly bombarded with the notion that they are somehow better than women, and all too often this goes unchecked, unquestioned, unchallenged – but is this because there is something wrong with men? I personally think it is simply showing everything that is wrong with how we raise them.
Michael, this is a great question; ‘what do we experience in life that we go from being a sweet delicate boy with a heart of gold, to someone who makes their life goal to sexually objectify a woman as conquerable land AND potentially rip apart a marriage?’ There is clearly something going very wrong here. The high levels of male suicide also should ring alarm bells that we as a society we have got something very wrong with our attitudes and expectations of how men should be.
This is so true; ‘Our life’s grandest ambitions were to be firemen or policemen or train conductors. We played together, both girls and boys, and we played very tenderly.’ I love this when children are young how there is not a separation between boys and girls, there is a love and closeness with both genders. It seems that it is only when children grow up that this separation occurs, the separation feels very unnatural and seems to be an ideal and belief that is placed upon children rather than something that is natural for them.
A gorgeous reminder Michael, for when we embrace and appreciate our every step towards evolution the journey cannot be none other than joyful.
‘What does it mean to be a man? This is a topic I would say definitely needs to be given floor space to and discussed by men giving them the opportunity to express how they truly feel. Something Universal Medicine started to do many years ago.
I would also like to add Vicky that for those of us who have been attending the Universal Medicine presentations for some years it’s been an absolute pleasure to see the guys finding their voice and truly expressing how they feel. Once this becomes their norm they change so much – it’s awesome to see.
A true man is a man who lives from his heart and then deepens that livingness of love to a depth that is unforgettable and undeniably reflecting the truth of his gentle-manliness; that he is a true gentleman.
Michael, I love this; ‘We no longer need to prove that we are worthy of something through doing and achieving, instead we put focus on absolutely exquisite qualities we innately hold.’ Reading this I can feel that there is so little focus on the beautiful qualities that men hold and so much focus on what men achieve and have and do. So its gorgeous to come back to what is true and to support men to be the sensitive and tender souls that they naturally are.
Michael, it feels very true to me that boys and men are naturally sensitive and tender. It is a loss to us all when boys and men harden and do not live their natural tenderness and sweetness.
The young men I work with cannot hide their sensitivity no matter how butch they appear, and I can feel that they are crying out to be met with love.
I like to evoque those qualities one day we were, as they still remain within all of us, ready to be felt and expressed again… ‘sweet, tender, caring, light and deeply loving angels’
How often have I heard a comment on a train or in public that makes me cringe for humanity and where many of us are still at in society and wonder how long it will be until we drop all our nonsensical behaviours and start living for the good of all so we can evolve out of here.
That is an interesting point you raise Michael, that we can be so quick in treating others with care and regard but do not offer that same to ourselves first. It is like we are looking for a reward or for recognition, to be liked for what we bring. But that is then totally in disconnection with the love we carry within. Could it be that we have decided that we do not deserve this for ourselves?
In reading this blog I got the impression that we can either add to the issues that take place in peoples lives or we bring love to it. It is simply a matter of choice we all make in any moment of our lives.
Absolutely gorgeous Michael, you are a role model for us all and you are not afraid to show the world who you are. I am sure you are inspiring more and more people everyday through the truth and love you live.
Michael, I hope this is not too superficial a response to such a gorgeous blog… but… if I was not already so joyfully married to the most gorgeous man ever and if I was 40 years younger you would be the man of my dreams!
Haha not superficial Nicola, and very beautiful at that. I’m becoming the life of my own dreams ?
The comment you made about the female colleague laughing at the statement you heard the man make got me thinking, how often have I laughed at something which is not actually funny, and indeed harming. Often I would say, it is far less these days but an interesting one to observe.
To here the tenderness expresses here is gorgeous. This is a man sharing from what he knows to be true – without the drive to change but the love to inspire.
It’s important to see that no matter the behaviour they have adopted, that all men are deeply sensitive and delicate inside. The world is crying out for someone to understand and hold them as that instead of condemning and perpetuating the cycle of blame.
Hear, hear Joseph.Going into blame doesn’t get us anywhere but holds us imprisoned in the past and not able to live the love that we are.
And when we will start to approach men from this angle, that they all are innately tender and caring men, and not the nations soldiers, not the breadwinners (while this can be their job), men will surrender to this fact and will change the way we live in our society forever.
Joseph society would be wise to keep this truth close to their hearts, doing so would transform how we interact and support all men to be who they truly are, the same as they were when they came into the world in their early months and years.
‘We no longer need to prove that we are worthy of something through doing and achieving, instead we put focus on absolutely exquisite qualities we innately hold.’ – this goes for us all, men and women. It’s up to all of us to drop the drive to achieve and start making our lives and our relationships about quality first, appreciating our own and one another’s unique qualities, and bringing a certain level of quality – let’s call it nothing less than absolute love – into everything that we do. Only then will we have the society we want and know is true.
Thank you for the gift of your loving words and also your inspiring reflection lighting the way for other men through the joy that is available when one is unafraid to explore all aspects of oneself as a man without pictures or fear of rejection.
If the world changed the same way my life has changed through these learnings and realisations it would be a spectacular place – but not in perfection, in a commitment to take the 100 steps backwards we need to, to put right what we have got so very wrong.
Michael you are a living reminder that wisdom that is ageless comes through us and not from us and that it is determined by the way that we choose to move and not from characteristics such as age.
I used to purposefully go for guys who had girlfriends. My self worth was so low that I used to get a rather shameful lift if I managed to get a guy who was already with someone.
Wow Alexis, I love your honesty and you’ve just exposed how having a lack of self-worth can drive us to make unloving choices that actually don’t support our self-worth at all.
The flip side of that bravado around bedding a woman is the equal and opposite rejection of her as an undesirable prospect. ‘Being ourselves’ for both women and men we would never invite or allow the objectification, nor need to dish it out.
A beautiful blog Michael, being lead through how it is for boys to men, and very touching to feel the way you have bucked the norm, the pictures and the hype.
I love the photo of the 2 men above who are obviously so tender and loving with and of each other.
Great sharing Michael m, I often ponder on what happens to our boys. It is so important that they have role models like yourself to see that there is a way to stay exactly as gorgeous, tender, playful as they are naturally as boys.
It is easy to judge a man that says such a thing and feel hurt by a person that then laughs it off but both behaviours are the result of a model that society has adopted that do not support anyone to be who they truly are. We try to then fit into this model and the unwanted behaviours we then exhibit are the results of such a choice.
ha ha very good Richard and love your previous comment too.
Having a son a couple of years younger than you, Michael has made reading this very inspiring indeed. There’s much for men to return to, yet when I read the depth of your understanding and delicateness, it makes me appreciate even more what it is about men I love so very dearly.
And the best thing is? It’s so much fun!!
So, so deeply beautiful Michael, you share the truth so wisely and so openly, very inspiring and moving to read. The photo of you and Serge is just so beautiful also, the truth of two tender, open, self loving men able to embrace the world with the love they live firstly for themselves. I really noticed your words about wanting to dote on a partner “in order to distract myself from the fact that I was not treating myself with the same care and love I deserve.” It’s a huge stop moment to realise the greatest love we can offer others begins with ourselves.
Over the last 40 odd years of my life I have kept asking myself this question – what does it mean to be a man?… and I have kept deepening and expanding on what I feel the answer is for me inspired by many beautiful people I have met in my life, and I love that you are wanting to explore this too Michael for the benefit of all men on the planet.
The derailment was not the train it was the conversation on it. It is sad when we hear these types of things and I agree why on earth would someone want to make that their mission or goal in life! One thing I am becoming increasingly aware of more and more is just how much our standards have dropped and where have our values gone!
absolutely awesome Blog Michael. It’s great that you commented on what is going on when men or young men are quick to jump at being “sexually aggressive or ambitious” and that in fact each man is simply seeking to not feel rejection even before it is potentially cast his way.
I too as a young man was in disillusion as to how my peers treated the young women around us especially in high school – and often withdrew from seeing the fact. It’s hard to believe that boisterousness and putting on a ‘tough’ exterior along with defining your worth by how many girls you can ‘score’ is so normal. When there are clear examples in the world (although not many by comparison) of something that is decent, tender and true like how you described yourself and your friends when you were young.
Although, i’d say that there are actually more examples of those who are decent, caring and genuinely feel the way they should treat any other human being let alone woman. The sad bit is that the few that are willing to override that and act out the aggressive or misogynistic behaviour are much louder than those who aren’t, so give the impression that this is the majority. From my experience, it really is the other way round.
It is so lovely to meet men like Michael who are living their tenderness and not afraid to be vulnerable
The joy, love and vibrancy of life in the photograph of Serge and Michael is exquisite.
Yes, Michael corruption is a suitable word to describe the denaturing of the pure and exquisite essence of a young boy by society’s crudely reductionist standards.
What we think we are meant to be is often so far from the truth of who we actually are meant to be. That’s why looking outside of ourselves for answers can lead us so far astray – pretty much everything points us in the wrong direction, whereas if we enquire internally who we naturally are begins to unfold.
The impact of infidelity on families is enormous and long lasting, the arrogance of this man not to see that is very disturbing.
But is it the arrogance of this man – or is it the arrogance that is fed to him and many others as a very competent method of covering up the hurt or rejection? If it is not there at birth, it cannot be one’s to own. We cannot buy emotions or behaviours to own, simply rent them periodically when we need to resort to them.
‘We can be the Man that reflects tremendous power through fragility.’ This point alone cuts through all the perceived ideals and beliefs about what it means to be a man. I have always known that a true man does not have to be ‘macho’ and in fact have always avoided being with such men. It is a strong trait for a man to not be afraid to show his true sensitivity and fragility .
You are right Michael it all starts with the way we treat ourselves, if we continue down the same old road as before we will never evolve but when we connect to our innate tenderness, love is there for all.
Not sure what I loved more – the article or your biography.
Hahah thanks, not sure which I loved writing more either Sarah ?
The woman laughing to that man’s pledge – I have often found women (and men) laugh at somebody else’s outrageous statement even if they completely agree with it. They give seeming assent without having to put it into words but can tell themselves that they still disagree with it.
Yes I have been aware of this playing out for me on more subtle levels too – do I put on a ‘nice’ face and smile or allow things go that are abusive or not true in my life? Even a polite smile if someone says something off is condoning it. We don’t have to argue or openly disagree or criticise another but it feels very important to me to hold my body steady and not give any energy to anything that does not feel true or love. Anything less is a compromise that actually hurts me and my body and the other person.
Awesome blog to read Michael and deeply inspiring to know that there are some debonair young men in this world who truly know how to treat themselves and hence how to treat everyone else with the deepest respect, dignity and love. It is so true – when you meet a man who loves himself he is irresistible. All those beautiful qualities we want in a relationship have to be fit, healthy and exercised daily if they are to perform well for another, so there is no better way to do that than to apply them all to our selves in all their glory while we wait to meet our future partners.
The care you have chosen to take of yourself Michael is beautiful and why wouldn’t we want to treat ourselves this way, it is crazy that we are so willing and eager to treat another with love and care whilst we gloss over the way we treat ourselves.
So very Beautiful Michael to hear a man speak this way. I love the question you ask about how do we go from being sweet delicate tender to somehow justifying thoughts and actions that couldn’t be more opposite to these qualities? We live in a world that seems to just settle for ‘the so much less than this’ .
These qualities we all naturally have within as you so beautifully describe is our god given right and responsibility to foster so we would not want to drop to anything less. And all men and woman are responsible for this.
My heart sings Michael as I read and will re-read your article. So exquisitely beautiful and wise. Beautifully claimed and a wonderful steady foundation to which one can live life from.
A reminder that the innate, loving, tender and sweet young boy has now become nothing short but the same qualities as a man – holds the marker of what we can live if we choose to make life about living levels of respect and decency.
Yesterday I looked at my 8 week old son as I was breast feeding him. Someone asked me the other day what does his success look like to me – and as a victim of sexual assault – I can say that if he grows up knowing the tenderness and delicatness he is, as well as the beauty and power all women hold – and if he honors himself and deeply respects women, then that is sucess.
Well said, Hm. To hold ourselves and another with a deep honouring brings true success and abundance to every aspect of life, as we are connecting to and interacting with the world from love.
I love what success means to you.
The list that men needn’t feel obliged to live by is equally relatable for me as a woman. Living by outside dictates and not who we truly are allows for lifetimes of abuse. So beautiful you have seen the lies and no longer live by them.
Your ‘loving words to every man’ are indeed the truth of how to be a true man and ones that I would not have easily connected with, if at all, before meeting Serge Benhayon.
It is so true we have been raised to give all our love and care to others and yet are we so committed to have that same quality of relationship with ourselves first.
Michael there is a completeness about you that energetically communicates volumes to both men and women.
Michael what you demonstrate so beautifully is the self assuredness that comes with being your true self. A breath of fresh air.
Michael I am loving reading your writing at the moment.. Your style is gently humouress, insightful, wise, evolutionary and very engaging. You’re on a roll, Keep it coming.
That is truly beautiful, Michael, thank you.
And so, quoting the sentence: “There IS another way, a truer way to be a man in the world today.”
I say absolutely 100% yes that is TRUE. Men and women lets go for that truly. Lets truly honor what we are here for – together.
Thank you for looking at life with such love, compassion and wisdom Michael, and for sharing your insights. Beautiful to read. I am deeply touched.
It can indeed be easy to look at all the problems in life and get weighed down by them, but then what will change that? It can also be easy to avoid or escape the reality of life but then who will help change that. So my seeing the world with such love we have that opportunity to transform society from the reflection of how we choose to live. The sharing Michael confirms there is a different way to go about life and one that deeply touches so many people.
I find it very sad and disturbing when a woman laughs at a man who makes a statement about his goal to sleep with a married woman. What has happened to us as women to react in this way? Where is the respect, decency and regard for ourselves so that we do not stand by something that is far removed from the inner essence of who we are.
The tender loving living way you have built for your self Michael oozes through every word. It is a living example of the future man, a man who is living from his essence and a man who is living true health and well being.
I like the example of the ‘future man’ Joshua, but could it be possible that when men return to their true nature, they will be returning to the essence of their original divine spark, thus returning to who they truly are.
I love this Michael. It is not a piece of writing to get off on the guy or vend your frustrations but it is about looking at our own part in it and what we are reflecting to the world so things will in time change.
It’s up to us all to change, men AND women, and then we can return to a balance of the divine masculine and feminine, something that in our modern day society is completely out of kilter.
Very true: ‘ just because a country is having difficulties internally does not mean it deserves to have a nuclear bomb dropped on it.’ There is never an excuse for an action that is not loving and not evolving.
Judgement and frustration don’t change the world, but living and reflecting that there is another way does.
Agreed Monika. Judgement and frustration don’t change the world but they do add to the chaos. To live in a different way means we have to wake up to what’s not true, so what will it take to wake us up! Does the world have to fall to it’s knee to come to this realisation… possibly so.
As a man, it can feel to be stripped naked when shedding off the layers of expectations and requirements; as much as they cripple us they also have become the protection from the underlying hurt and rawness. The willingness to feel vulnerable and at times raw when we learn to become the real you, the natural man, is inevitable, and we need some support as well in identifying who we are without the roles we are used to playing. This is only possible with someone who has already made some steps in this direction, so that we get to see the ‘real’ deal, the lived and embodied realness as otherwise, it may appear to be impossible or impalpable. Men like Serge Benhayon and you, Michael Brown, young but wise beyond age are a gift for everyone, men and women alike, shining the way.
So blessed to have those footsteps to walk in.
I was just pondering this morning, imagine walking through our local communities, and re-imprinting each others footsteps!
A very sensitive piece of writing Alex. May all men one day return to their delicate, sensitive nature, but not without support and reflection of women as they too, have strayed far away from their sacredness and true femaleness.
Hi Michael, you are soon becoming one of my favourite writers.. It is real and a joy to read someone writing from their body and natural expression. You offer a great script and deep profound message to ponder deeply.
What has life offered us if we were to take another partner and if we did have this happen what would stop them also turning the tables on you seeing they have already jumped-ship once? So introducing True Love and the deep Tenderness that is then available will bring a Way of living that allows us to accept responsibility for our relationships and how we can evolve together.
‘I am to treat myself with the level of care and regard that I have been far too quick to offer to others.’ This is sound advice for all of us, basic self care as a foundation to care for others.
I’m so fortunate to have men in my life that have smashed the smorgasbord of ideals of what being a man is, and have left the slate clean for me to discover it for myself.
We do indeed reject ourselves, both men and women and then we either seek to reject others first or attempt to be desperately needing attention and acknowledgement from other people. I love how you are exposing so much that we think is normal in society and how honest you are from your body, your body knew that what was said on the train was a divergence form the truth of that young man and how relationships can be. And yes to explore in honesty what is not working and choose different is profound and yes I have also been supported deeply by Serge Benhayon and his unending commitment to truth and love.
There is a way of being that is true to us, not as an ideal, and it gets tarnished and eroded when not chosen to be activated and lived, and that act of choosing is a constant alignment. I remember saying and laughing at most derogatory things imaginable, and it is only now that it makes me cringe feeling the emptiness I was in and have lived most of my life in. In my chosen ignorance, I was saying yes to something that was most tasteless, abusive, heinous and despicable, without registering them for what they were. No excuse, I know. And once we have regained awareness, it becomes our responsibility to reflect what is true.
If only we all questioned the status quo the way you do Michael we might realise we are the complete opposite of what we have been told and give ourselves full permission to be divine ~ for that we truly are.
‘Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?’ this is huge Michael and shows that much of what we call ‘natural behavior’ in men is not natural at all but a consequence of the protection we are living in.
Beautiful, Michael…I love how you offer these sweet and tender words to all men, having opened your heart to the true reflections of what it means to be a man through your relationships with the Benhayon family.
Thank you Michael for your open sharing and on that being a role model for all other men, who innately are as delicate, sweet, sensitive and tender as you and Serge are. The more men like yourself are willing and daring to live this and show it openly in all you do the more reflections men will get that this is indeed possible.
Michael, only a man having come back to his truth can express as you have. You are a true man indeed and a fantastic role model for all men everywhere… (and I will add, a true role model for women too!)
Just looking at the picture Michael of you and Serge Benhayon , you get to feel the beauty of two men in absolute equality no matter age difference or different roles in life, and to see the openness, love and tenderness shared is deeply beautiful.
As you so eloquently express, Michael, of the loving support and guidance from Serge Benhayon and his presentations run by Universal Medicine to express the wisdom you do, so too have thousands of others been blessed in their own way from that love and guidance from Serge.
Living without pictures is the way to go. Whether we are a man or a woman having expectations can be a killer. We are all one, yet have individual unique qualities that make up the whole. As I listen to my body more and more it feels easier to live more from my heart, rather than the how it ‘should be’ of my mind.
We have encased men, women and kids in layers and layers of images, ideals, pictures, expectations and rules and, as a society, we are choking on the stuff and making ourselves thoroughly miserable.
Michael, there is so much in what you have shared but it shows just how the normality we have in society is so far from the truth, from love and from the potential we have. That conversation on the train would have been a normal one in my past and yet today it shows just how hurt myself and my friends were to even entertain that sort of thing and yet we never thought we were hurt even though we were trying to survive in each moment.
Also as you wisely point out here in your blog, rather than trying to find ways to avoid or dodge the rejection, perhaps it would be far wiser for us men to really connect and honour who we feel we are truly and celebrate and appreciate that through self-love and in that build a strength and foundation that no longer fears rejection in the first place. Then the whole game would be changed forever.
“The realisation left me with a clear plan to move forward with: I am to treat myself with the level of care and regard that I have been far too quick to offer to others.”
Beautiful Michael, be it woman or man, with dedication this will one day be a world changing plan, a Universal Medicine, made available, accessible, practical by you, by the pure inspiration that is Serge Benhayon.
Thank you Michael for writing these very loving words to all men on the planet. I can definitely relate to what you say here of feeling the harshness of the world and the rejection of who I am and devising strategies some obvious some not so obvious to supposedly protect myself from this rejection but also discovering that these strategies have never worked, despite what I have told myself over the years. I think this is really important that we honestly admit as men that these tactics we employ are not working and then look at why we fear the rejection so much?
This is a really beautiful article Michael. Thank you for sharing this.
Beautiful, Michael, the world needs more of you. I love your openness, tenderness, your love and understanding. That kind of strength and steadiness is the true power that men can give to this world, to inspire and support everybody else.
Lucky for them there is so much more of me to come ?
“There IS another way, a truer way to be a man in the world today.” Thank you Michael. By writing, sharing and living the tender man you are is a powerful inspiration for others to find their way to this truer way to live in the world today.
I agree it leads the way, to choose to be honest and open and committed to be all that you are, as man you walk the path of return and inspire others. This is how we can all choose to live, to lead the way in our areas of life, we cannot keep looking out and blaming and feeling like we cannot do anything to change life, we can choose to be ourselves and responsible in life and thIs will offers ripples of change across our lives.
Brilliant Michael – we can spend a lifetime looking for that person to cherish and adore, missing the opportunity to simply do that for ourselves first… and when we do we pretty much become irresistible!
Wow Michael, what a wonderful blog. I love your words, “Could it be that as young men we put women down or objectify them so that we can be one step ahead of any potential rejection?”.
As a young girl, I found objectification frightening; and did my best to keep such boys and young men at a distance. I realise now, on reading your words, that this is one of the reasons why I never dated at school: I was frightened of them, because I felt that I could not trust them.
Thank you Michael. ❤
I had met an American in Korea years ago who was in his mid-twenties, that was on a quest. He wanted to sleep with, 1000 different women before he was 30. He had his little black book (one of many) with names in it. He was well past halfway to his goal. What kind of rejection or deep hurt would have caused this? Could it be as you have said, was it his plan to sexually objectify women and make them paper towels; something used once and then disposed of? How many world problems are caused by men being hurt?
When a man is on a quest and from my experience they will try it on even when their partner is there! It has absolutely amazed me the extremes a man will go to, to fulfill their goal.
Since when has it become a thing to have a goal of sleeping with someone’s spouse just because they can and use it to glorify themselves. This surely just highlights that we will do anything when we are in separation from our soul and that the next best thing is getting recognition in other ways to shield the emptiness we feel.
It is a strong stimulus to ‘go against conventions’ or ‘the rules of good behaviour” and can give us a buzz when we are exhausted. Once we stop being exhausted, such an ambition feels either silly or pernicious.
Your loving words to every man need to be also read to all young boys, often, so they are supported to retain the natural qualities they were born with; tenderness, sensitivity, gentleness and more. The process of growing up can be challenging for boys when that involves being conditioned to believe that you need to harden up to be a man, because that is what society expects a man to be. But to be someone that you’re not is an exhausting and very painful process as it goes against everything you feel naturally in your body.
I love this photo of Michael Brown with Serge Benhayon – a powerful reflection of the joy of true brotherhood.
A deeply enriching, tender and sensitive blog. Serge Benhayon continues to bring so much to so many people. Michael Brown – you are a living testimony of the changes that are possible for all.
Absolutely gorgeous Michael, the spark you have feels alive and well and incredibly nurtured, absolutely beautiful.