I thought I was in a great relationship with my mom until I was reading the blog by Caroline Raphael I Not Only Love My Mum, I adore her…What a Revelation!
As a kid, life was very challenging for me. Later in life I felt that I kept blaming my mom for things that happened, even though deep down I knew that it was because of choices I had made. I was always ‘nice’ to my mom but in truth I kept her at a distance even when I hugged her or when I saw her.
I tried with coaching and the support of friends to work on these issues, but deep down nothing changed. I was still often in reaction to my parents. It was like they always pressed the right buttons through their behaviour, which triggered old hurts within me. It was only when I started to do the workshops and healing modalities with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that true changes came in the relationship between me and my mom.
I healed some very deep hurts from the past, which have been held and hidden in my body. During one workshop of Serge Benhayon where we worked on childhood imprints/hurts, I was able to feel a lot of hurts and let them go. This had a direct effect on how I was with my mom. I was more loving and truly caring. Basically my heart was more open to her: so I was appreciating myself for that.
However, I could feel how much I was still holding back towards my mom. There was so much more to open up to her. If I was honest, I could always feel a certain distance between us in my body, for example when hugging her, or I would easily get irritated with her.
During the last few months, my mom and I have been in the right circumstances to spend a lot of time together to further deepen our relationship.
It has been amazing. Our relationship has come to a very different level. I decided to express about subjects that before I was shy to talk about as I was not sure if my mom wanted to talk about them. I spoke with a lot of openness in my heart; I could feel there was a holding of love. To my surprise we talked long about things relating to women and deepened our connection by expressing both how we saw life, and how we experienced life as women. I couldn’t wish for more. We always talked a lot about the important issues of life, but this was for sure even deeper.
As I shared ALL the stories I had been keeping from my mom I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.
She is just very, very beautiful and sweet, has an enormous care for people, and she carries a lot of wisdom with her. Just like me she was hiding that in life a bit, but now I have started to see how great she is, she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves. I enjoy so very much loving her. I can feel she doesn’t need to protect herself from me anymore. Before I had an arrogance that she was less in a way. That came from judging her as I was judging myself. I can feel and experience now the qualities she brings which is so supporting to us both in life.
Recently we danced together to the music of Glorious Music, by Michael Benhayon. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. We were both initially shy, but we opened up to each other and looked each other in the eyes. I saw and felt how my mom was opening up to me and me to her, and felt the most beautiful and deep connection I could wish for with my mom.
We laugh from our stomach many times. We both see clearly the strange things about life. I give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself. One cannot exist without the other. And like Caroline wrote “What I have come to discover in my own healing is that my mother loves me dearly too.” And that is exactly what I feel now too.
I can feel she loves me deeply. It is such a healing to open up so much more with my mom. We are friends, we have become more and more intimate, and it is great to be with her. Hugging her now is hugging myself too. Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.
What a celebration, opening up to my mom.
There are many people who reflect to me how it is possible to live true love, especially Serge Benhayon and his family who are always inviting me to be more. I am also inspired by other Esoteric practitioners who deeply supported me to claim myself back as a woman.