I thought I was in a great relationship with my mom until I was reading the blog by Caroline Raphael I Not Only Love My Mum, I adore her…What a Revelation!
As a kid, life was very challenging for me. Later in life I felt that I kept blaming my mom for things that happened, even though deep down I knew that it was because of choices I had made. I was always ‘nice’ to my mom but in truth I kept her at a distance even when I hugged her or when I saw her.
I tried with coaching and the support of friends to work on these issues, but deep down nothing changed. I was still often in reaction to my parents. It was like they always pressed the right buttons through their behaviour, which triggered old hurts within me. It was only when I started to do the workshops and healing modalities with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that true changes came in the relationship between me and my mom.
I healed some very deep hurts from the past, which have been held and hidden in my body. During one workshop of Serge Benhayon where we worked on childhood imprints/hurts, I was able to feel a lot of hurts and let them go. This had a direct effect on how I was with my mom. I was more loving and truly caring. Basically my heart was more open to her: so I was appreciating myself for that.
However, I could feel how much I was still holding back towards my mom. There was so much more to open up to her. If I was honest, I could always feel a certain distance between us in my body, for example when hugging her, or I would easily get irritated with her.
During the last few months, my mom and I have been in the right circumstances to spend a lot of time together to further deepen our relationship.
It has been amazing. Our relationship has come to a very different level. I decided to express about subjects that before I was shy to talk about as I was not sure if my mom wanted to talk about them. I spoke with a lot of openness in my heart; I could feel there was a holding of love. To my surprise we talked long about things relating to women and deepened our connection by expressing both how we saw life, and how we experienced life as women. I couldn’t wish for more. We always talked a lot about the important issues of life, but this was for sure even deeper.
As I shared ALL the stories I had been keeping from my mom I started to see much better how beautiful my mom truly is and that there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.
She is just very, very beautiful and sweet, has an enormous care for people, and she carries a lot of wisdom with her. Just like me she was hiding that in life a bit, but now I have started to see how great she is, she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves. I enjoy so very much loving her. I can feel she doesn’t need to protect herself from me anymore. Before I had an arrogance that she was less in a way. That came from judging her as I was judging myself. I can feel and experience now the qualities she brings which is so supporting to us both in life.
Recently we danced together to the music of Glorious Music, by Michael Benhayon. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. We were both initially shy, but we opened up to each other and looked each other in the eyes. I saw and felt how my mom was opening up to me and me to her, and felt the most beautiful and deep connection I could wish for with my mom.
We laugh from our stomach many times. We both see clearly the strange things about life. I give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself. One cannot exist without the other. And like Caroline wrote “What I have come to discover in my own healing is that my mother loves me dearly too.” And that is exactly what I feel now too.
I can feel she loves me deeply. It is such a healing to open up so much more with my mom. We are friends, we have become more and more intimate, and it is great to be with her. Hugging her now is hugging myself too. Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.
What a celebration, opening up to my mom.
There are many people who reflect to me how it is possible to live true love, especially Serge Benhayon and his family who are always inviting me to be more. I am also inspired by other Esoteric practitioners who deeply supported me to claim myself back as a woman.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Opening up to People – Letting True Love Flow
My Sister and I
What mothers teach daughters
619 Comments
It is beautiful when we open our hearts and our arms to each other.
The non-moving connection we have with Love leaves the door open to deepen every relationship we have especially with our family.
The more we deepen in the love we have for ourselves, get rid of hurts and any other nonsense the greater my relationship with myself, mum and everyone else becomes.
Mothers love was usually revolving around food, anyway my mother would smother me with food, and with the hand me down recipes that were all about sugar, so is it any wonder that my generation ended up being sugar-aholics.
Fast-forward to today and the Love I now hold my mother in even though she has passed over will deeply bring a wealth of Love in her next incarnation.
Greg, thank you for expressing that
‘the Love I now hold my mother in even though she has passed over will deeply bring a wealth of Love in her next incarnation.’
Even if we could not love our mother or anyone for that matter what you are sharing is that the more we return to that deep settlement in our bodies which is the love that holds us all as one then this is felt by the all, this is true healing.
I am realising more and more the great responsibility I have in ensuring the relationships I am in are amazing. Dullness and mundane will just not do anymore. Love is the foundation and nothing can go below that.
The relationship we have with our parents can be one of being open and trans-parent and this would open us up to responding to them rather than going into reactions.
‘She is just very, very beautiful and sweet, has an enormous care for people, and she carries a lot of wisdom with her.’ It is really lovely to read this, I can feel that we can either appreciate and see the qaulities in others or we can judge and be critical and not see the beauty that is there.
Anonymous, this is really helpful to read; ‘Before I had an arrogance that she was less in a way. That came from judging her as I was judging myself. I can feel and experience now the qualities she brings which is so supporting to us both in life.’ It is interesting how if we have judgments of ourselves that we judge others and that when we deal with our hurts and are more accepting and loving with ourselves that this naturally opens our hearts to others, this has very much been my experience.
I have heard this from many students of Universal Medicine, that true and lasting changes in themselves and their relationships only happened after attending workshops and modalities with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
It is beautiful to open our hearts and be ourselves. It should be an easy and natural thing to do but unfortunately in our society today it is more common to hide our expression of love then it is to openly share it. So, this is so gorgeous to read how you let your mom in, be open and loving.
It was my birthday last week and I practiced giving people the space to love me and letting that love in. It was a great experiment and one that opened me up.
‘I give her the space now to love me.’ What a gift for both of you and in sharing this gem you have offered others the opportunity to explore relationships where they too are holding back.
What a gift, a celebration, and a turn around of your relationship with your mum, ‘I can feel she loves me deeply. It is such a healing to open up so much more with my mom. We are friends, we have become more and more intimate, and it is great to be with her. Hugging her now is hugging myself too. Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.’
I do not react to my mother like I used to. I have understanding. I am learning to hold myself in the absolute love I am. Mothers sense the love and they align to it – immediately all because of the choice we make to love and adore ourselves.
It’s great to be so honest about this; ‘I could always feel a certain distance between us in my body, for example when hugging her, or I would easily get irritated with her.’ This makes me realise that I can also do this in some of my relationships; it inspires me to be open and loving with the people in my life and not to hold back with this.
Absolutely it has certainly inspired me to look at the relationships where I still hold back and the reasons why.
Opening up to our parents, ever deepening that love is so healing. Looking through some old diaries I realise how much I disliked my mum at times and so appreciate that we had time together in the years before she died to come to a place of loving acceptance of each other, of appreciation and some very tender, precious moments.
The thing is that when you do open up to people, no matter the circumstance or the argument or whatever you see an amazing person in front of you. When we shut down to people we also shut down to how sweet and how amazing they are.
Letting your love out is the most freeing and truly loving thing to do. For why hold back such love, when it is the one thing we truly want in life. That makes no sense, only to the mind of separation it does.
I agree Danna, it is so common to hold back our love but we crave love too. Also at the same time we have access to love each and every day. How much we choose to express love is up to us, the more we choose to access love the more joyful life becomes.
“Hugging her now is hugging myself too. Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.” A beautiful reflection of true sisterhood.
And it demonstrates how important it is we accept ourselves – because if we have a constant battle inside us then that is what we are going to outwardly see too.
So true Meg, I have seen this play out and it is not a pleasant experience. When we understand that the fight we have in life is a reflection of the fight we have within ourselves, this can support us to start looking at what it is about ourselves that we fight? It could be very supportive to reflect and be honest about how we treat ourselves. Is it with love or with abuse?
Holding back who we are From another because of what we perceive them to be is a pure judgement that harms both sides deeply so.
Judging others come very easily if we constantly judge ourselves and the same goes with loving others, it is such a natural flow of love, when we love ourselves as it simply flows out to others without trying. So, do we choose to love ourselves or judge ourselves? Because our choice impacts everything around us.
I can feel how things are shifting in relationships in my family too. As we allow more love in our bodies the way we express and the way others express towards us changes. There can be some awkward moments as we navigate our way through these changes. I am finding that as I nominate what is happening in the simplest way even if it is only to myself the energy changes and we find ourselves meeting and moving on.
Its interesting how if we are hiding things in a relationship – judgements, little sore subjects or things we are not so proud of, pockets of untruth if you like…. then that gives permission or allows it in the other person. If we are entirely open with another, they get that reflection and so it gives them permission to open up too. So simple, but a total revelation as well.
This is a beautiful sharing that highlights how healing and letting go of our hurts and as such our deepening relationship and connection to love for ourselves, allows us to feel where love is not being fully lived in our lives and our relationships, and so continuing to offer a greater healing on all levels so the ‘all’ of who we are is what we can share in all our relationships.
So gorgeous to read Anon, thank you for sharing, it brought back memories of my own mother, and I realised in her own way she did care, but because of her hurts she was not able to show it, so beautiful you were able to heal your hurts and open your heart to yourself and then also to your mum.
Reading this blog reminds me of my own mother who I absolute adore, mothers/ daughters fathers/ brothers – we have all so so much we can learn from one and other.
Loving ourselves intern allows us to love others more too.
The truth is that we offer each other all a reflection. That it is wise to allow each other to be that reflection and deal with our hurts, pain and uncomfortableness. As to complete our lessons and learnings what we receive by another. Sometimes we need to be more honest with ourselves and each other and let it be.
I agree Danna, being honest is key to all relationship. I realised when I have issues in any relationship, the first place to look for answers is within myself, to be open to seeing what these issues are telling me and being completely honest about why they are present.
Who thought that by loving ourselves – we actually love others naturally, without effort. This is what needs to be brought back into our lives. Lets experiment with the openness of loving again. This time for real.
Absolutely Danna – what is shared here offers us the way in which all our relationship can be honoring and evolving as is our natural way of being together, founded through our return to being the love we innately are first.
Beautiful Danna, this is an awesome invitation and inspiration to start loving ourselves and love will naturally flow out to everyone around us.
It is true we often play the ‘being nice’ role but still keep people at a distance who we perceive as having hurt us or have the ability to hurt us; so we protect ourselves. Looking back at the relationship I had with my mother, at the time it seemed fraught with all the things she did wrong but having had the chance to speak honestly to her during her last years, I started to understand how and why she behaved the way she did when we were growing up. We always see a relationship from our perspective and hurts but there is always a reason why people act the way they do, as they have their own hurts and protection to deal with.
Tears came to my eyes reading this today, especially this “she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves.” This is what we all dearly want, to be seen for being ourselves. We have it as a child, and then we lose it. Good on you for bringing it back.
“Loving her is Loving me.” The more we are open to love, the more love pours in.
I used to blame my parents for all sorts of things, now however I realise how I did this just to avoid responsibility of looking at what I was creating. Now my relationship with them could not be better, we openingly share our love for one and other and I feel super grateful and honoured to have the parents I have.
What a love story! “I give her the space now to love me.” Reading this I realised how little I do this, thank you.
Anonymous, it is interesting how we can think there is something wrong with others and hold much judgement against them, rather than looking at how we are being and whether we are being open, loving, understanding and accepting; ‘there is nothing wrong with her, NOTHING. It was all my issues and hurts I was projecting onto her.’
“.. she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves.” How much of an effect is it to meet another in all the love ❤️ you know yourself to be. It is an absolute confirmation of the love they are and you are.
Projecting our hurts onto people completely ruins any connection and true relationship from the beginning, it is so important to heal our hurts for many reasons, ‘now I have started to see how great she is, she opens up more and more because she has been seen for being herself, which she loves.’
Anonymous; this shows how judgement of ourselves and others stops us connecting with each other and stops us appreciating our own and others qualities. ‘Before I had an arrogance that she was less in a way. That came from judging her as I was judging myself. I can feel and experience now the qualities she brings which is so supporting to us both in life.’
We can heal so much given the opportunity…. and this is what Universal Medicine courses offer.
Here is a fact …One of the most powerful and awesome opportunities that Universal Medicine courses offer, with the profound healing that can take place with issues that dominate our life…we can heal so much given the opportunity….
You make me wonder – what really are we missing out on in our relationships if we don’t one billion percent go there and give it everything.
This is so true, ‘Accepting her as a very beautiful woman is at the same time accepting me as the very beautiful woman I am. Loving her is Loving me.’ Very beautiful to feel you’re growing love and acceptance.
I was in a situation recently where I was in a lot of hurt and reaction to someone. A close friend asked me to share what I appreciate about this person I was in conflict with. At first I didn’t want to and all I wanted to do was focus on what they weren’t living or how they had hurt me and trying to justify why I didn’t want the responsibility of fixing the relationship. Then I decided to let that go and share three things I appreciated about the person, when I did this and verbalised it, everything changed, there was no longer the tension in my body and the hurt and anger no longer owned me, I was able to open up again and not hold this person to the behaviours.
What a gorgeous blog that shows that we cant wait for the other person to open up if we truly want a deeper relationship. With parents I feel a lot of us still hold judgments towards them, which gets in the way of us being able to connect and get to know each other as equals.
” I decided to express about subjects that before I was shy to talk about as I was not sure if my mom wanted to talk about them. ” This is so wonderful and very loving on your part , everyone wants to know the truth that they know, is alive and been lived, this is where the livingness of reflection comes in.
‘I give her the space now to love me.’ This is so beautiful and increases my appreciation of how much more willing I am to open up to others particularly those closest to me whereas in the past I have used my hurts as an impenetrable barrier to allowing others to truly love me which is a very lonely place to exist in. Thank you for sharing and demonstrating the power of loving without conditions.
As I cleared my own hurts and resentments towards my mother – who died some eight years ago now – our relationship became much closer. Without attending Universal Medicine presentations and receiving healing from esoteric practitioners, I doubt this would have happened, as I had been seeking ‘healing’ from many spiritual modalities for over twenty years before this.
‘ I give her the space now to love me. In truly loving her, I find the truth of feeling at that moment, the exact same love towards myself. One cannot exist without the other. ‘ Making love a two way street becoming one.
When we consider how much our own unresolved hurts, issues and imperfections clash with the unresolved hurts, issues and imperfections of others, should we really wonder how and why this world is such a mess today?
Can you imagine what an effect it would have being that open with the same dedication towards everyone? What kind of evolution for oneself and the other would be on offer then ?!
Just reading this I feel a warmth and love for my Mum, and see her as a woman, as a gorgeous woman not just my Mum. We all miss out when we hold onto our hurts. Projecting our hurts on to others ensures we stay separate and distanced for longer.
It is beautiful how you could let go of the hurt and after that was totally free to be you with your mum. This shows how we can in life heal our hurts and don’t have to walk around with them, holding back our love.
It is very beautiful to feel that when we open ourselves to love, we open ourselves the love within all where we then can truly connect and deepen our relationship in honor of the truth of who we all equally are in essence. When we are willing take responsibility for how we feel we open up the space for love to be our governing light.